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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,306 --> 00:00:03,750 Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Greenberg. 2 00:00:04,109 --> 00:00:06,943 [applause] 3 00:00:13,085 --> 00:00:14,084 Masturbation. 4 00:00:16,288 --> 00:00:19,339 We all do it, but what if I told you, 5 00:00:19,424 --> 00:00:22,626 you've been doing it all wrong? 6 00:00:23,795 --> 00:00:26,630 In his 2008 book "Outliers," 7 00:00:26,715 --> 00:00:30,717 Malcolm Gladwell argues that any expert in any given field 8 00:00:30,802 --> 00:00:33,520 must accumulate over 10,000 hours 9 00:00:33,605 --> 00:00:35,939 in his or her own craft. 10 00:00:35,974 --> 00:00:39,276 He calls this the "10,000 Hour Rule." 11 00:00:39,311 --> 00:00:42,775 Well, folks, what about a 10 million hour rule? 12 00:00:44,449 --> 00:00:47,284 By noon of most days, I've become desensitized 13 00:00:47,319 --> 00:00:49,736 to even the most outlandish forms of pornography. 14 00:00:49,821 --> 00:00:53,123 I am just a joyless husk of a man. 15 00:00:53,158 --> 00:00:55,575 So how do I push through it? Hmm? 16 00:00:55,661 --> 00:01:00,380 How do I make myself continue? 17 00:01:00,465 --> 00:01:02,465 Ingenuity. 18 00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:05,969 Say you want to masturbate to an ex-girlfriend, 19 00:01:06,004 --> 00:01:08,388 or a high school crush but she's never done porn. 20 00:01:08,473 --> 00:01:11,174 Well, guess you can't masturbate to her, right? 21 00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:12,926 Wrong! 22 00:01:13,011 --> 00:01:15,345 Take the audio from a porn vid, 23 00:01:15,397 --> 00:01:18,014 and play it under her most skin-revealing Facebook photos. 24 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,650 Now she's in the action. 25 00:01:20,686 --> 00:01:23,270 [applause] 26 00:01:27,693 --> 00:01:30,026 Um... 27 00:01:30,112 --> 00:01:33,363 Unfortunately, I have to go take care of something. 28 00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:35,031 [audience murmurs agreement] 29 00:01:35,117 --> 00:01:36,366 Wish me luck. [applause] 30 00:01:36,451 --> 00:01:37,450 Whoo! [applause] 31 00:01:59,055 --> 00:02:03,828 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com 32 00:02:05,030 --> 00:02:07,564 I'm not even eating it for the marshmallows anymore. 33 00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:11,067 I actually look forward to the oat pieces. 34 00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:13,653 Guess I'm getting older. 35 00:02:13,739 --> 00:02:15,405 Josh? 36 00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:16,406 Are you even listening to me? 37 00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:18,074 No, no. Sorry. 38 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,243 What, I'm just kind of in the middle of a thing 39 00:02:20,329 --> 00:02:22,128 with the girl across the bar. 40 00:02:22,214 --> 00:02:23,797 - Ooh, which one? - Don't... don't look, don't look. 41 00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,749 I'm trying to take a long game approach. 42 00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:28,051 Step one: facial recognition. 43 00:02:28,086 --> 00:02:31,388 Just want to plant the seed. That way maybe sometime 44 00:02:31,423 --> 00:02:33,840 weeks from now I bump into her and she goes, 45 00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:36,176 "Hey, don't I recognize you from someplace?" 46 00:02:36,261 --> 00:02:39,262 And I'll be like, "Huh. I don't know. 47 00:02:39,348 --> 00:02:40,897 Do you? Maybe?" 48 00:02:40,932 --> 00:02:42,649 That sounds like a really long game. 49 00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,851 Ah, I figure what's the hurry, right? 50 00:02:44,936 --> 00:02:46,770 [indistinct whispering] 51 00:02:55,447 --> 00:02:58,415 H-Hello? 52 00:03:05,290 --> 00:03:08,124 Aah! Aah! Aah! 53 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,042 Aah! 54 00:03:13,131 --> 00:03:14,130 Aah! 55 00:03:14,182 --> 00:03:16,549 [screams] 56 00:03:16,635 --> 00:03:20,186 [screaming] 57 00:03:20,272 --> 00:03:23,306 Oh, God. 58 00:03:23,392 --> 00:03:25,308 Are you here to kill me? 59 00:03:28,146 --> 00:03:29,479 No, no? So then, what, what? 60 00:03:29,564 --> 00:03:31,648 What? What do you want? 61 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:35,318 My teeth? My mouth? My face. My... 62 00:03:35,404 --> 00:03:36,786 My hair? 63 00:03:41,326 --> 00:03:43,827 Oh, God, it's gonna look that bad? 64 00:03:43,912 --> 00:03:45,412 Ah, oh! No! 65 00:03:45,497 --> 00:03:47,714 But I'm only 28. I'm too young to go bald! 66 00:03:47,799 --> 00:03:50,633 No, okay! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 67 00:03:50,669 --> 00:03:52,168 Okay, what can I do? What can I... 68 00:03:52,254 --> 00:03:54,087 Rogaine! I'll start doing Rogaine, right? 69 00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:55,755 That can buy me some time, if I start using 70 00:03:55,841 --> 00:03:57,974 the creams and the gels, right? 71 00:03:58,009 --> 00:04:00,343 No. Okay, so, 72 00:04:00,429 --> 00:04:02,679 So no hair. Guys look good without hair. 73 00:04:02,731 --> 00:04:04,514 Like Jason Statham. 74 00:04:06,101 --> 00:04:09,269 Yeah, I know, okay, I'm not Jason Statham. 75 00:04:09,354 --> 00:04:11,654 Man, I feel like... black guys. If I were black, like... 76 00:04:11,690 --> 00:04:14,908 'Cause black guys can pull off the bald look, I think, right? 77 00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,359 Like... 78 00:04:16,445 --> 00:04:18,862 I suppose they have it bad in other ways, 79 00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:21,448 like oppression. 80 00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:25,034 I mean, I mean, would you... would you make that trade? 81 00:04:27,672 --> 00:04:31,257 Yeah, it is interesting. It is interesting. 82 00:04:31,343 --> 00:04:32,709 No! 83 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,377 Oh! Oh! Oh! 84 00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:41,017 So, it's like a gradual process. 85 00:04:41,052 --> 00:04:45,688 Okay, so, ballpark, how much time we looking at here? 86 00:04:48,527 --> 00:04:51,394 No! 87 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,063 I've got to hurry. 88 00:04:54,149 --> 00:04:56,983 [laughing maniacally] 89 00:05:03,785 --> 00:05:04,985 Man. 90 00:05:06,062 --> 00:05:07,478 God damn it. 91 00:05:09,232 --> 00:05:10,531 Oh, my God. 92 00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:13,150 [knocking on front door] 93 00:05:13,236 --> 00:05:15,569 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold one second. 94 00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:19,907 Both: Hey! 95 00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:23,544 Hey. What's... what's with the hat? 96 00:05:23,579 --> 00:05:25,162 You know, I'm just trying a new look. 97 00:05:25,248 --> 00:05:27,381 It's, uh, business on the bottom, 98 00:05:27,417 --> 00:05:30,000 party atop my head. 99 00:05:30,086 --> 00:05:32,336 - What would you like for dinner? - Give me that hat, all right? 100 00:05:32,422 --> 00:05:33,921 - You look so ridiculous. - No, no! 101 00:05:33,973 --> 00:05:35,056 What? It looks ridiculous. 102 00:05:35,091 --> 00:05:37,091 I'm... I got a... I got a... 103 00:05:37,176 --> 00:05:40,561 - What? - I'm going bald, Liz. 104 00:05:40,596 --> 00:05:43,180 I don't see it. Where? 105 00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:44,098 I can't see it. There's a spot. 106 00:05:44,183 --> 00:05:45,766 There's a spot. 107 00:05:45,818 --> 00:05:48,853 - Right here, there's like a... - Right there? 108 00:05:48,938 --> 00:05:51,072 I think you're overreacting, there. 109 00:05:51,107 --> 00:05:52,857 I'm not over... you don't know what this is like. 110 00:05:52,942 --> 00:05:55,776 Imagine just trying to date, and there's this one part 111 00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:58,245 of your body that you have no control over, 112 00:05:58,281 --> 00:06:00,948 that has, like, a ticking clock to it. 113 00:06:03,286 --> 00:06:04,952 Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. 114 00:06:05,004 --> 00:06:07,788 My point is, I need to lock something down now. 115 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,090 I need to get in there. 116 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:11,125 I need to lock something down yesterday, 117 00:06:11,177 --> 00:06:15,463 and I'm not above lowering my expectations to do that. 118 00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:18,132 Wait, what? Why? What does that mean? 119 00:06:18,184 --> 00:06:20,351 I don't need someone with all the bells and whistles. 120 00:06:20,436 --> 00:06:25,139 I just need someone safe. Reliable, you know. 121 00:06:25,224 --> 00:06:26,941 Sounds like you're talking about a car. 122 00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:31,445 Maybe I am. 123 00:06:31,481 --> 00:06:33,147 Maybe I am. 124 00:06:35,401 --> 00:06:38,152 Mike, Liz, I want you to meet my new girlfriend. 125 00:06:38,237 --> 00:06:40,287 She's a 1998 Saturn. 126 00:06:41,791 --> 00:06:43,657 Hi... hi. 127 00:06:43,743 --> 00:06:45,493 What's up? I'm Mike. 128 00:06:45,578 --> 00:06:46,794 [horn honks] 129 00:06:46,829 --> 00:06:48,712 - [laughs] - Hey, man. 130 00:06:48,798 --> 00:06:50,247 You want to come hit up the buffet with me? 131 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:52,166 - Oh, yeah, you got it. - Cool. 132 00:06:52,251 --> 00:06:53,134 All right, I'll see you in a bit. 133 00:06:53,169 --> 00:06:55,669 Mwah! 134 00:06:55,721 --> 00:06:58,672 Uh, don't listen to anything this one says about me. 135 00:06:58,758 --> 00:07:00,474 - Oh, gosh. - Nice to meet you. 136 00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:01,592 [bells ring] 137 00:07:01,677 --> 00:07:03,427 Well, I love your hubcaps. 138 00:07:03,513 --> 00:07:05,312 [horn honks] 139 00:07:05,348 --> 00:07:07,982 - So you're attracted to her? - Yeah, yeah. 140 00:07:08,017 --> 00:07:10,234 I'm not blind... I know she doesn't have the kind of body 141 00:07:10,319 --> 00:07:14,071 you'd see on the cover of "Penthouse" or "Car and Driver" 142 00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:16,190 or something, but... 143 00:07:16,242 --> 00:07:18,025 We... we make it work. 144 00:07:20,196 --> 00:07:21,745 How, exactly? 145 00:07:21,831 --> 00:07:23,247 Ah, that's pretty personal. 146 00:07:23,332 --> 00:07:27,368 Would you say that you... put it in her gas hole? 147 00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:29,954 - Mike! - Well, do you? I don't know. 148 00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:37,378 [laughs nervously] 149 00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:42,716 Yes. 150 00:07:42,768 --> 00:07:44,969 God, um, and... and... and... 151 00:07:47,139 --> 00:07:50,357 Do you, uh, complete the act? 152 00:07:53,229 --> 00:07:56,313 - Yes. - My God. 153 00:07:56,399 --> 00:08:00,367 Well, look, is it the best sex I've ever had? No. 154 00:08:00,403 --> 00:08:03,487 Does it get the job done? Sort of. 155 00:08:03,573 --> 00:08:06,323 Does it hurt? Well, I'm sticking my cock into a gas tank, 156 00:08:06,409 --> 00:08:09,326 so yes, but I'm just happy to have a girlfriend. 157 00:08:09,412 --> 00:08:11,412 Well, as long as you're happy, man. 158 00:08:11,464 --> 00:08:13,998 Michael, I couldn't be happier. 159 00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:17,668 F-F-Fun on the sun 160 00:08:17,753 --> 00:08:20,971 F-F-Fun on the sun 161 00:08:21,057 --> 00:08:24,258 F-F-Fun on the sun 162 00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:27,478 Everyone loves the sun 163 00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:30,598 F-F-Fun on the sun 164 00:08:30,683 --> 00:08:33,817 F-F-Fun on the sun 165 00:08:33,903 --> 00:08:36,737 Everyone loves the sun 166 00:08:36,772 --> 00:08:38,105 [horn honks] 167 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,324 Everyone loves the sun 168 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:42,443 Everyone loves the sun 169 00:08:42,495 --> 00:08:44,411 [romantic jazz music] 170 00:08:44,447 --> 00:08:45,412 Hey, hey. 171 00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:46,780 [horn honks] 172 00:08:46,866 --> 00:08:50,618 Yeah. 173 00:08:50,670 --> 00:08:53,671 [singer vocalizing] 174 00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:57,124 175 00:08:57,176 --> 00:09:01,962 We take it slow 176 00:09:02,048 --> 00:09:04,465 177 00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:08,519 We take it slow 178 00:09:08,604 --> 00:09:10,220 We take it slow 179 00:09:10,306 --> 00:09:13,724 No need to hurry 180 00:09:13,809 --> 00:09:15,643 [shooting star twinkling] 181 00:09:15,695 --> 00:09:17,645 We take it slow 182 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:20,981 [grunting] Ouch. 183 00:09:21,033 --> 00:09:23,484 Oh! Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. 184 00:09:23,536 --> 00:09:24,818 Ow! Ow! 185 00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:28,372 Josh doesn't bring a lot of ladies home, 186 00:09:28,457 --> 00:09:30,791 so this is a real treat. 187 00:09:35,665 --> 00:09:38,716 Uh, are you sure I can't get you a glass of wine? 188 00:09:38,801 --> 00:09:42,419 Oh, well, actually, she doesn't drink. 189 00:09:42,505 --> 00:09:43,837 How about some brisket? 190 00:09:43,889 --> 00:09:46,924 She doesn't eat meat. 191 00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:49,510 Just gas, usually. 192 00:09:49,595 --> 00:09:52,313 No only, she... all she eats is gas. 193 00:09:52,348 --> 00:09:53,764 Neato. 194 00:09:57,987 --> 00:10:02,406 Well, I think I'll clear some plates. 195 00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:04,742 Josh, would you mind helping me? 196 00:10:04,827 --> 00:10:06,327 Oh, yeah, not at all. 197 00:10:06,362 --> 00:10:10,414 So, thank you, uh, for having us over. 198 00:10:10,499 --> 00:10:11,865 Mmm. 199 00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:13,834 And I can tell she really likes you. 200 00:10:13,869 --> 00:10:18,539 Josh, you know that Tom and I love you very much, 201 00:10:18,591 --> 00:10:22,009 and you know that we will always support you. 202 00:10:22,044 --> 00:10:25,262 - Mm-hmm. - Having said that, 203 00:10:25,348 --> 00:10:27,181 this is a tough one. 204 00:10:27,216 --> 00:10:29,433 What do you mean? 205 00:10:29,518 --> 00:10:33,937 I think you're settling, Josh, and I don't want you to settle! 206 00:10:34,023 --> 00:10:38,108 I want you to be with the person, or the car, 207 00:10:38,194 --> 00:10:41,395 or the boat, or whatever you think 208 00:10:41,447 --> 00:10:43,063 is the absolute best. 209 00:10:43,115 --> 00:10:46,817 Why? Why? It's not like I'm the absolute best. 210 00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:51,789 - Oh, Joshy! - Seriously, Mom, I'm a... 211 00:10:51,874 --> 00:10:54,575 balding 28-year-old temp. 212 00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:58,579 I think this midsize sedan is about the best I'll ever do, 213 00:10:58,664 --> 00:11:03,834 which... which is why I'm gonna ask her to marry me. 214 00:11:06,138 --> 00:11:08,922 Oh. 215 00:11:08,974 --> 00:11:10,140 Well. 216 00:11:11,811 --> 00:11:13,811 This is a tough one. 217 00:11:18,984 --> 00:11:21,151 Would you do me the honor 218 00:11:21,237 --> 00:11:24,405 of taking me as I am on bended knee? 219 00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:27,991 Oh, shit. The ring. 220 00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:30,611 The ring, the ring, the ring. 221 00:11:30,696 --> 00:11:32,413 Very important. 222 00:11:32,448 --> 00:11:34,665 Oh, right, yeah. 223 00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:36,166 [exhales] 224 00:11:36,252 --> 00:11:38,252 Yeah. 225 00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:40,621 - Saturn, I'm home. - Ah, you're dirty. 226 00:11:40,706 --> 00:11:42,506 - You are dirty! - What the hell? 227 00:11:42,591 --> 00:11:44,541 - Ah, Jesus! - Oh, my God! 228 00:11:44,627 --> 00:11:46,293 - Oh... - Aah! 229 00:11:46,378 --> 00:11:48,378 Hey, hey, it's not what it looks like, I'm sorry. 230 00:11:48,464 --> 00:11:50,848 - Get out of my house! - Can I finish? 231 00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:52,633 No, you can't finish! Get out of here! 232 00:11:52,685 --> 00:11:53,851 Sorry, sorry. 233 00:11:56,639 --> 00:11:58,806 You too! 234 00:11:58,891 --> 00:11:59,773 Sorry. 235 00:12:05,314 --> 00:12:06,213 [horn honks] Yes, ma'am. 236 00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:18,718 [dance music] 237 00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,720 Hey, buddy. 238 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,889 What are you doing all alone in the corner? 239 00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:25,392 Mike, I've been doing 240 00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:28,311 some thinking about life, 241 00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:30,981 and I've come to the conclusion 242 00:12:31,066 --> 00:12:32,782 I'm the most pathetic piece of shit on the planet. 243 00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:34,401 Ah, don't say that. 244 00:12:34,486 --> 00:12:36,369 It's true, though. It's true. 245 00:12:36,405 --> 00:12:39,573 I just keep getting rejected. 246 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,575 And even when I settle, 247 00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,743 I still get cheated on with three other guys. 248 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,712 - Thought it was two guys. - No, no. 249 00:12:45,747 --> 00:12:47,497 A third was discovered. 250 00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:52,135 Let's face it: I'm a miserable bald piece of shit 251 00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:54,254 in a stupid beanie. 252 00:12:54,339 --> 00:12:57,307 You know what, I don't think... I don't care anymore. 253 00:12:57,392 --> 00:12:59,426 I don't even care anymore. That's it. 254 00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:02,345 Take a look, everybody. Take a look at the freak! 255 00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:03,847 Shut up, shut up. 256 00:13:03,932 --> 00:13:05,815 There's a crazy hot girl over there. 257 00:13:05,901 --> 00:13:09,486 All right, don't look, don't look, don't look. 258 00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:10,570 Hey, what are you doing? 259 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:14,441 I'm gonna ask her out. 260 00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:16,159 How are you so confident all of a sudden? 261 00:13:16,245 --> 00:13:17,444 You were just talking about what a loser you are. 262 00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:19,279 That's just it. 263 00:13:19,348 --> 00:13:23,783 I'm such a loser, I gots nothing left to lose. 264 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:26,036 Staring at the red sky 265 00:13:26,121 --> 00:13:29,456 Trying not to run away 266 00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:31,291 You think you need to save me 267 00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:36,763 Sell yourself another lie 268 00:13:36,798 --> 00:13:38,465 Staring at the ground again 269 00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:40,634 Trying not to wonder why... 270 00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:43,553 Hey, you want to date, like, a creepy bald guy? 271 00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:45,522 - No. - Cool. 272 00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:49,059 Dude, that was crazy. Sorry. 273 00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:49,976 - Want to date? - Go away. 274 00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:51,978 Yep. 275 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,446 - I'm Josh, you want to party? - No. 276 00:13:53,482 --> 00:13:56,032 Makes sense. 277 00:13:56,118 --> 00:13:57,867 - Should we do this? - Gross. 278 00:13:57,953 --> 00:14:00,987 - All right. - Dude, that was insane. 279 00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:03,490 I've never seen somebody get rejected so many times in a row. 280 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,241 How are you still alive? 281 00:14:05,327 --> 00:14:06,826 Because I use my secret weapon: 282 00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:08,712 not giving a shit. 283 00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:10,497 Yeah, well, you know who will give a shit. 284 00:14:10,582 --> 00:14:13,750 Greenberg! 285 00:14:13,835 --> 00:14:15,385 You're a loose cannon! 286 00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:17,554 You can't walk straight up to girls! 287 00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,389 It's too direct. 288 00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,725 You got to be cool. 289 00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:23,593 You got to make small talk. 290 00:14:23,679 --> 00:14:25,929 Talk about the "Game of Thrones." 291 00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:30,317 At least play the college name game, for Christ's sake! 292 00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:35,855 God damn it, Greenberg. 293 00:14:35,907 --> 00:14:37,407 Put that out! 294 00:14:40,996 --> 00:14:43,863 Holy shit! 295 00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,166 That's unnecessary, man. 296 00:14:46,201 --> 00:14:47,701 Get out! 297 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,035 [spits] 298 00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:52,372 [siren whirring] 299 00:14:52,457 --> 00:14:53,923 Wait, whoa, whoa. What's going on? 300 00:14:54,009 --> 00:14:55,342 There's a real hot girl at Flanagan's. 301 00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:56,876 She's been there two hours now 302 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:57,877 and everyone's too afraid to hit on her. 303 00:14:57,929 --> 00:14:59,879 Let's roll. 304 00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,297 Now, Josh, wait. 305 00:15:01,383 --> 00:15:02,766 It sounds like she's really hot, man. 306 00:15:02,851 --> 00:15:05,802 We got to think this through. Josh! Ugh! 307 00:15:05,887 --> 00:15:07,387 I'm getting too old for this shit. 308 00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:10,974 [upbeat dramatic music] 309 00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:12,776 Get this shit out of my face. 310 00:15:17,199 --> 00:15:19,899 - What's the sitch? - It's worse than we thought. 311 00:15:19,951 --> 00:15:21,534 That super-hot woman is in there with her friends, 312 00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:23,570 and they're really hot too. 313 00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:25,572 The guys inside are scared, all right? 314 00:15:25,657 --> 00:15:27,073 There's no way anyone's gonna hit on her. 315 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,992 Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me! 316 00:15:29,077 --> 00:15:32,245 Hi, sorry. 317 00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,297 Why does someone have to hit on her? 318 00:15:34,383 --> 00:15:36,249 Well, because she's hot. 319 00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:37,801 Okay, but, so what? 320 00:15:37,886 --> 00:15:42,005 Why does an attractive woman have to be hit on? 321 00:15:42,090 --> 00:15:43,723 It just doesn't make sense. 322 00:15:46,228 --> 00:15:48,344 - Somebody get her out of here! - Good. All right. 323 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,430 What's the game plan? 324 00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:52,315 Well, we need a guy on the inside, 325 00:15:52,401 --> 00:15:53,566 talking close to her about something 326 00:15:53,602 --> 00:15:54,984 she can kind of latch on to. 327 00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:56,853 The latest episode of "Empire." 328 00:15:56,938 --> 00:15:58,321 Then maybe, hopefully, she can say something like, 329 00:15:58,407 --> 00:15:59,823 "Hey, you guys talking about 'Empire'?" 330 00:15:59,908 --> 00:16:02,659 - And then we can say... - No, no. Screw that. 331 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,360 I'm going in. Hey, hey, hey, hey! 332 00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:05,779 You can't go straight up to her, man. 333 00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:06,780 It's a suicide mission. 334 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,782 You think I care? 335 00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,500 I'm loco. 336 00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:25,215 [women speaking indistinctly] 337 00:16:27,969 --> 00:16:30,053 Excuse me, I need to talk to your friend for a second. 338 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,063 Hi, I'm Josh. You want to go on a date? 339 00:16:40,148 --> 00:16:42,482 You want to reject me? You want to reject me? 340 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,318 You want to reject me? Go on, reject me, reject me. 341 00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:48,621 I live for this shit. Just do me a favor, babe. 342 00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:50,824 Do it right to my face. 343 00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,243 - I'll go out with you. - What? 344 00:16:53,328 --> 00:16:55,462 I'll go on a date with you. 345 00:16:55,497 --> 00:16:57,247 Well, so, when? When should we do this? 346 00:16:57,332 --> 00:16:59,749 When's good for you? I'm available, always. 347 00:16:59,835 --> 00:17:01,551 I mean, you know what? Let's just... 348 00:17:01,636 --> 00:17:04,554 Let's just... let's just give each other... exchange info, 349 00:17:04,639 --> 00:17:08,725 like we're in a car accident, and we will figure out 350 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,478 the logistics of everything later on. 351 00:17:11,513 --> 00:17:12,929 Okay. 352 00:17:13,014 --> 00:17:14,931 [triumphant music] 353 00:17:15,016 --> 00:17:17,851 [cheers and applause] 354 00:17:20,522 --> 00:17:24,824 He may be crazy, but god damn it, he gets the job done. 355 00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:26,326 Occasionally. 356 00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:27,994 Hey, you better not say "I told you so." 357 00:17:28,029 --> 00:17:29,445 Okay. 358 00:17:29,531 --> 00:17:31,414 - But I told you so. - both: Hey! 359 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,299 [upbeat rock music] 360 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,222 I want to know how the date went. 361 00:17:37,342 --> 00:17:38,149 Terrible. 362 00:17:38,477 --> 00:17:40,598 I got nervous and went on a rant 363 00:17:40,683 --> 00:17:42,850 about the plot holes in "Prometheus." 364 00:17:42,935 --> 00:17:44,735 - How long? - Pretty long. 365 00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:47,405 I mean, it's a long movie. It's rife with plot holes. 366 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,490 Did you use the word "rife"? 367 00:17:49,575 --> 00:17:51,442 - Several times. - Yeah. 368 00:17:51,527 --> 00:17:54,161 Anyway, at least I went for it, right? 369 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,113 And just 'cause it didn't work out this time, 370 00:17:56,199 --> 00:17:58,582 doesn't mean I won't try again. 371 00:17:58,618 --> 00:18:00,201 Good. 372 00:18:00,286 --> 00:18:01,836 I'm just glad you got rid of that stupid hat. 373 00:18:01,921 --> 00:18:03,371 Yeah, me too. 374 00:18:21,474 --> 00:18:22,973 [car motor running, wheels squealing] 375 00:18:23,059 --> 00:18:24,358 Man: Watch out! 376 00:18:24,444 --> 00:18:26,143 [dog barking] 377 00:18:32,869 --> 00:18:35,236 Saturn, what the hell are you doing here? 378 00:18:35,321 --> 00:18:37,822 [distorted horn honking] 379 00:18:37,874 --> 00:18:39,240 How much have you had to drink? 380 00:18:39,325 --> 00:18:41,292 [horn honking] 381 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,910 Really? That doesn't sound like two beers. 382 00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,929 [distorted horn honking] 383 00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:51,335 No, no, no, no. 384 00:18:51,387 --> 00:18:53,337 [honking continues] 385 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,005 Why do you think? Because you treated me like crap, 386 00:18:55,091 --> 00:18:56,507 all right, and I moved on. 387 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,427 So please do me a favor, vacate the premises. 388 00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:01,645 [horn honking] 389 00:19:01,681 --> 00:19:02,847 Reverse. 390 00:19:02,899 --> 00:19:03,931 [distorted horn honk] 391 00:19:04,016 --> 00:19:06,350 Hey, reverse! 392 00:19:08,324 --> 00:19:11,415 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com 393 00:19:11,465 --> 00:19:16,015 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 27511

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