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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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Brian!
3
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I've done it!
4
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Oh, my God!
5
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You almost look normal!
6
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I know, right? I reverse Pretty
Womaned myself, just like you said.
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Big day, then.
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Excited?
9
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It's bittersweet.
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They wouldn't hire Mickey. Big mistake.
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Huge.
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So what's he doing?
13
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I don't know.
14
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Had to let him go.
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Let him go?
16
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Drive. What, love?
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Just drive!
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Poor Mickey. Lonely warrior.
19
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You're smart.
20
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Got another date?
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No. Modern dating's too feral for me.
I've got an appointment
22
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at the County Court.
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About the girls? Time to make it legal.
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They have to come and see me
whether they want to or not.
25
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I can't keep going to Scotland.
26
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You don't like it up there?
27
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Don't get me wrong.
The Scots are a noble people.
28
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I just find them a little...
29
00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:14,780
raw.
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FOOTSTEPS All right?
31
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Ta-da.
32
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You got it?! Yeah.
One new flat to live in on my own.
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I can't wait to piss myself on my birthday.
34
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Yay!
35
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I'm sure Emma'll get in touch again soon.
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You'll see the boy again in no time.
37
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Yeah! You've done nothing wrong.
38
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No. I mean, because of me he did
suckle on another woman's teat,
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and ride across the park
on the back of a dog,
40
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and at his christening I
got an exhausting boner.
41
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Oh, yeah. Yeah.
42
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Oh, God, life is long.
43
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Sorry about the gloves. I've got the shits.
44
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:05,580
Are you sure you're ready
to live on your own, Daniel?
45
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:09,580
I'm 48, you rubber-faced dwarf!
Look, it's only down the road.
46
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:13,380
So you'll be able to pop
in for breakfast each day.
47
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:16,060
No, Mum.
I'm not having breakfast at 5am any more.
48
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,300
I'm not a cockerel.
49
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:21,300
I so wanted you to move
in with Emma and Simon.
50
00:02:21,780 --> 00:02:24,140
You need looking after.
51
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His name is Richard.
52
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We called him Richard.
Do you remember your own husband?
53
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Yes. Lovely.
54
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Much better.
55
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Oh, come on, Polly! Pull yourself together!
56
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All birds have to fly the nest
57
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and your young one is overdue.
He's a nippy-eyed puffin.
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Barely the energy to stand on a cliff.
59
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But still he has to spread his wings.
Yes, all right!
60
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So come on, hug the boy and
let's go off to the county fair.
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00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:53,980
Are you sure you won't come with us?
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They've got caber cutting, a hog roast,
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splat the rat, and-and Tammy Flees and Rocky
64
00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:03,300
are doing a monster truck display.
65
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:06,980
You love monster trucks!
66
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No, you go. I'm going to move my stuff.
67
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He won't survive!
68
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He's the runt of the litter
69
00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:18,100
and I only had him!
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Enjoying this, you goon?
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You love monster trucks, Daniel!
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PHONE RINGS
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Strath Carter and Clyne, good afternoon.
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Just putting you through.
75
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OK. That was great, except it's morning,
not afternoon. Cool.
76
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So, what else do we do?
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Else?
78
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Yeah. What else?
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What...else?
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PHONE RINGS
81
00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:53,860
Oh, hello!
82
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It's Brian, isn't it?
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Yes. Yes, it is.
84
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Um...
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Patty. Your health visitor.
86
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:04,380
You had...two little girls?
87
00:04:04,380 --> 00:04:06,180
Patty, of course!
88
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Well remembered!
You're the only daddy I ever met
89
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:12,220
to chart his children's
bowel movements on a graph.
90
00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:15,060
The frequency polygon, yes!
I've still got it.
91
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:16,940
Sadly, not the children.
92
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Ah. Hence my presence here.
93
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Ah.
94
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:23,260
Same sort of thing for you, or...?
95
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,620
Oh, no! Just a witness.
96
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:29,620
So you're a sole custody application?
97
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:33,660
These things are never pleasant,
but sometimes necessary, I'm afraid.
98
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,860
Not all daddies can be trusted.
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Right. Sure.
100
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Would you excuse me a minute?
101
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Shit!
102
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Problems?
103
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:00,900
Ooh, Carol, you made me jump! Two flats!
104
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,900
Can you believe it? Oh, dear!
However will you move your things?
105
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:08,260
My father's here to pick me up.
He could give you a lift.
106
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,660
No, it's fine, thanks.
107
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:12,180
It's no bother and I'd really
like to see your new place.
108
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PHONE RINGS Sorry.
109
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Yeah?
110
00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:16,820
Listen, it's Brian.
111
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,260
Emma's applying for sole custody.
112
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What? Yes!
113
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You should have got a letter about it.
114
00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:23,820
Surely? No, I did not get a letter.
115
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,580
Well, you need to come down here fast. Yeah,
all right.
116
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Yeah, I think I can get there, yeah.
117
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What is it, Dan?
118
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It's Emma. I've got to talk to her.
I need to get to the court.
119
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Oh, I'll ask my father. He'll take you.
Actually, do you think he'd mind? No!
120
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This is really good of you.
121
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Thanks so much.
122
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,380
Do you think we'll make it?
123
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Father's happy to help.
124
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I can't believe she's doing it to you.
125
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,060
Stopping you from seeing your own child!
126
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She must be rotten to the core,
rotten insides!
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I know I've got my faults, but court?
Making it legal?!
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It's not right.
129
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,260
You're so kind.
130
00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:07,260
PHONE RINGS
131
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HE TUTS
132
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Oh, kept moving day quiet,
didn't you, dickhead!
133
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:17,220
Yet again,
I'm giving up a free lesson to cover for you.
134
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,660
Well, I'll tell you this -
135
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:22,660
I'm eating your fucking Twix.
136
00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:27,300
I always think you've got to look after
your man, always put his needs first.
137
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,620
He can't be expected to
do every little thing.
138
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:33,620
He's a man!
He just needs space to be big and strong.
139
00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:37,820
I'm sorry - is this the way? I...
140
00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:41,340
No, I...
I think that was the turning for the court.
141
00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:42,780
Hello?
142
00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:44,620
Sorry, can you hear me, sir?
143
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Sir! Sir! You're so sweet!
You don't have to call him sir!
144
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No! Most people call me...
145
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:53,380
Daddy!
146
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MANIC LAUGHTER
147
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Arrrgh!
148
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Mm!
149
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Oh, my God!
150
00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:15,020
Oh! Um...
151
00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:23,540
Where are you taking me, you twisted pig?
152
00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:26,820
Just far enough away for thee
to miss a court hearing, lad.
153
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Shit! Why?!
154
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:31,220
I want you to see my home.
155
00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:35,220
See what I've been reduced to
since they interfered with my life.
156
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:38,260
Forced to live in squalor
with a cretinous child
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rather than living in comfort
with thy gullible mother.
158
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Oh, serendipity!
159
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Justice! HOOTS HORN
160
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You're welcome to walk home
when we get there, lad.
161
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,460
Should only take a couple of hours.
162
00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:56,460
But, Father, you said I could have him.
You said he'd be mine!
163
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,980
What?! You've to live with me and Father.
164
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:01,180
I'll treat you so nice.
I'll hold you so tight!
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What?!
166
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PHONE RINGS
167
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Brian! It's me, you've got to help me,
it's all gone wrong!
168
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,860
Arrrgh! Hey!
169
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:23,860
Shut it, Carol!
170
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:28,940
No! Help!
171
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:32,940
Hello? Dan?
172
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PHONE RINGS
173
00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:40,740
Strath, Carter and Clyne. Good...morning?
174
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:43,100
Jo, listen, it's me.
Something strange is happening.
175
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,660
OK. Now we take his name.
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00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:47,500
Can I take your name, please, Brian?
177
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,700
Jo, Dan's in trouble.
I think it's got something to do with Carol.
178
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,340
Ah, I'm glad this came up.
179
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:56,100
What we do when we get a personal
call is we end it immediately. Jo?
180
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,780
I won't be a minute.
We end it immediately. Jo!
181
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:01,780
Yeah, but...
We end it if we want to keep our job.
182
00:09:01,780 --> 00:09:05,220
Jo?
You've got to get to the retirement village.
183
00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:09,220
Jo, we've got to find Dan.
We need to find out where she's taken him.
184
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:13,860
Jo! Jo! Jo!
185
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,660
No way, baby.
186
00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:17,780
I'm a peacock, not a sparrow.
187
00:09:17,780 --> 00:09:19,940
I'm a blue sky thinker, I can't be caged.
188
00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:22,900
And when the bell tolls,
I shoot for the stars and I punch low.
189
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,300
You're a sweet lady.
190
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,780
My friend's in trouble.
191
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:27,380
I'm putting the team back together.
192
00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:28,740
Brian?
193
00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:31,660
Thunderbirds are go.
194
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:34,620
What?
195
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:37,100
And I'll cook you a nice roast every day
196
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,140
and we can go for walks! Carol!
197
00:09:39,140 --> 00:09:41,020
This is insane!
198
00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:45,020
No, you're just nervous cos it's new!
I'll make you so happy.
199
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:49,100
You won't.
200
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:53,100
You won't because it's
time for me to man up.
201
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:57,220
Hasta la vista, Daddy!
202
00:09:57,780 --> 00:09:59,740
And Carol.
203
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:03,740
Aaaargh! Dan, wait!
204
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:11,900
You left that act of bravery a bit late,
lad.
205
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:15,900
We're here!
206
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,980
Ah, fuck it!
207
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:28,380
SQUAWKING
208
00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:30,900
Argh!
209
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:34,900
Ah!
210
00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:39,580
Away to me, Hunker.
211
00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:42,900
There's a good girl.
212
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:44,860
Come to the caravan, darling.
213
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:48,860
I've got a surprise by you.
214
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:53,946
Jesus!
215
00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:55,306
OK, Brian.
216
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:59,306
Yeah. I'll see what I can do.
217
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,186
OK, kids.
218
00:11:01,186 --> 00:11:02,546
Listen up.
219
00:11:02,546 --> 00:11:04,946
Mr Davies needs our help.
220
00:11:04,946 --> 00:11:08,946
Who's in?
221
00:11:09,106 --> 00:11:10,826
Who's in if I pay?
222
00:11:10,826 --> 00:11:12,746
Disappointing, but OK.
223
00:11:12,746 --> 00:11:16,746
Let's go, kids.
224
00:11:18,706 --> 00:11:22,706
Sorry - let's go, kids, and Dilal.
225
00:11:26,346 --> 00:11:30,346
Come on, Mickey. We're back in the game!
226
00:11:32,906 --> 00:11:35,546
Surprise! What the f...
227
00:11:35,546 --> 00:11:37,666
It's our very own game, Dan!
228
00:11:37,666 --> 00:11:39,146
Our very own game of Twister.
229
00:11:39,146 --> 00:11:40,986
Just like a happy family plays.
230
00:11:40,986 --> 00:11:42,586
Come on, join in.
231
00:11:42,586 --> 00:11:44,506
No! Not in the mood?
232
00:11:44,506 --> 00:11:47,386
You just relax, and I'll play by myself.
233
00:11:47,386 --> 00:11:48,666
Oh!
234
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,866
Right foot, yellow.
235
00:11:50,866 --> 00:11:53,186
It's going to be tricky!
236
00:11:53,186 --> 00:11:55,866
Carol! This is madness.
237
00:11:55,866 --> 00:11:57,106
Right hand, red.
238
00:11:57,106 --> 00:11:58,386
Can't be done, Carol.
239
00:11:58,386 --> 00:12:00,946
Carol,
you've got to help me get out of here.
240
00:12:00,946 --> 00:12:03,586
Oh, what a mess I'm in!
All good fun, though.
241
00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:05,266
Well, let's have a nice game
242
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,386
and then I'll make you your favourite tea.
243
00:12:07,386 --> 00:12:09,786
I don't know what your favourite is.
Is it pie?
244
00:12:09,786 --> 00:12:12,626
I bet it's pie.
Everybody loves pie, don't they?
245
00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:15,146
That's it, Carol, you carry on your game.
246
00:12:15,146 --> 00:12:17,346
I'm just going to pop to the toilet.
247
00:12:17,346 --> 00:12:21,026
Oh, yes,
you must. Empty yourself before pie.
248
00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:25,026
I will!
249
00:12:28,826 --> 00:12:31,106
What are you playing at, you clumsy heifer?
250
00:12:31,106 --> 00:12:32,666
Where's that streak of piss?
251
00:12:32,666 --> 00:12:35,106
He's just popped in there
to drop dirt and make water.
252
00:12:35,106 --> 00:12:38,186
We're happy now.
I'm making him a special pie.
253
00:12:38,186 --> 00:12:41,786
There's a window in there,
you turgid pancake!
254
00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:43,786
Any bugger could slip through.
255
00:12:43,786 --> 00:12:47,786
I will not have him make that hearing!
256
00:12:49,626 --> 00:12:51,866
Well, well, well.
257
00:12:51,866 --> 00:12:55,466
Thinking of thieving my car, were you,
258
00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:58,306
you fat scaffold pole?
259
00:12:58,306 --> 00:13:01,466
Carol, fetch the chain and the padlock.
260
00:13:01,466 --> 00:13:03,066
Which one, Father?
261
00:13:03,066 --> 00:13:05,306
The one we use
262
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,506
for the big suitcase.
263
00:13:07,506 --> 00:13:12,946
Oh!
264
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,800
OK. This is it.
Anyone comes, you know what to do.
265
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:27,960
Everything OK?
266
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,320
Now, Mickey.
267
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:33,320
FARTING NOISES
268
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,560
As you may have heard, my father's
had an accident so I'm going to need
269
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:43,560
to clean him up.
270
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,280
You didn't have to actually shit yourself!
271
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:53,280
All those years I've had to listen to...
Damn it!
272
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,520
Oh, my God!
273
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,800
RINGING
274
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,880
What?
275
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,600
Calm down, dear.
276
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,040
I can't hear you very well
277
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,840
because of the tug-of-war.
278
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,400
What?
279
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,200
Carol is whose child?
280
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,280
Right.
281
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,280
Polly. That awful boyfriend of yours, he
used to own a small patch of land, didn't he?
282
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,160
Daddy, yes.
283
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,960
The truck display will
start in five minutes.
284
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,600
Where was it?
285
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,960
Look, I know he's not perfect,
but court, really? I don't know.
286
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,720
I just don't know.
Come on, love, we've been through this.
287
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,560
Well, hardly. You ambushed me with it.
288
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,760
It's what's best for the baby, Emma.
289
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,920
That's what counts.
290
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,920
Come on, hurry up. Yeah, all right!
291
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,720
Jeff!
292
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,840
Oh, my God! You killed him!
Well, I didn't touch him!
293
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,160
Why are you shouting at me?
294
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,080
Well, why are you so defensive?
295
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,640
Why are you calling me defensive?
296
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,880
Clean your window for you?
No, no, no. Thank you.
297
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,080
No, thank you.
298
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,160
Jesus!
299
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,920
What the hell? Sorry, just had a Twix.
300
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,240
What the hell is going on?!
301
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,800
Oh, that's revolting!
302
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,000
I think I might have an idea.
303
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,920
He's dead. He's definitely dead.
304
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,920
He just moved, I saw him!
305
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,080
Brian? I'm not sure how much
longer we can hold them here. OK.
306
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,880
I'm on my way but you've got to do
something to delay that hearing.
307
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:47,880
Let me see what I can do.
308
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,640
I suppose they can't start without you?
No, they need my report.
309
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,240
Patty?
310
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,560
Yes?
311
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,280
Do you ever feel like...
312
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:10,280
..doing something crazy?
313
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,440
Right foot, green.
314
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,440
GROANING
315
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,800
Right foot, yellow.
316
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,400
GROANING
317
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,760
Carol!
318
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,920
You don't really think I'm going to stay,
do you?
319
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,280
I hope I don't get a right foot, blue,
because I really just don't see how!
320
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,600
I don't think of you in that way, Carol.
321
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,600
You're really sweet but I just don't.
322
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,640
I used to watch you sleeping, you know.
323
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,440
I know I shouldn't have.
324
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:52,440
Took me ages to get a camera into
that cross-eyed Christ statue.
325
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,800
Just always looked so peaceful.
326
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,960
Couldn't help mesen.
327
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,480
Come on.
328
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,480
One, eight, zero, five.
329
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,400
What?
330
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,680
It's the combination for t'padlock.
331
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,680
And my birthday.
332
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Oh, Carol!
333
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,880
Thank you.
334
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,720
You going somewhere?
335
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,400
You sick bastard!
336
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,760
Ah!
337
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,360
Ah! Hunker!
338
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:04,360
Hunker! Your daddy's under attack!
339
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:09,000
SHOUTING AND SQUAWKING
340
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,240
Bastard!
341
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,240
No!
342
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,080
Bring him down.
343
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,280
Ah! Ah!
344
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:30,280
SQUAWKING
345
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,760
Aaaah!
346
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,160
HE LAUGHS
347
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:43,160
Leave him alone!
348
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,560
ENGINE REVS
349
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:57,520
HE MOUTHS
350
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,800
Oh, shit!
351
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:26,960
Don't tempt me.
352
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,960
I've wrung the neck of
a thousand of your kind.
353
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,720
Polly!
354
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,000
Ooh!
355
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,920
Stay away from my fucking family.
356
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,280
Bitch!
357
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:49,280
Come on, Daniel. You've a hearing to attend.
358
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,880
Sorry, Carol. It's OK.
359
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,880
I've got another lad tied up to
that tree over there, anyway.
360
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:03,040
Bye. Bye.
361
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:10,800
HE YELLS
362
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,840
We've been broken down
363
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,480
The lowest rung
364
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,400
Being on the bottom line
365
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,720
Sure ain't no fun
366
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,720
But if we should be evicted
367
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,880
From our homes
368
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,920
We'll just move somewhere else
369
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:45,560
And still carry on
370
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,400
If we hold on Hold on
371
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,840
Hold on Hold on
372
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,120
Hm mm-mm-mm
373
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,120
If we hold on Hold on
374
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:02,120
Hold on Won't be long now
375
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,400
The only way is up
376
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,120
Baby
377
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:12,400
For you and me now
378
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,440
The only way is up
379
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,360
Baby.
380
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,800
LAUGHTER
381
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,800
FOOTSTEPS RUNNING
382
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,680
What on Earth is going on?
383
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:36,680
Hear me out.
384
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,240
When I was a kid...
385
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,120
..my dad used to just laugh at me.
386
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:46,120
He called me "motor moron"
because I couldn't catch.
387
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,520
And "the king of the silver sleeve"
because I would wipe my...
388
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,360
..nose on it and leave a trail.
389
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,840
And once I thought my testicles
were moving on their own.
390
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,600
It took me ages to pluck
up the courage to tell him.
391
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,320
When I did, he just smiled at me.
392
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,240
For five years, he...
393
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,840
..he called me...
394
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,160
Alien bollocks.
395
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,520
I know. You told me.
396
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,400
Oh!
397
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,760
Well, then.
398
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,760
Sorry - am I missing something?
399
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,320
Think about it.
400
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,320
Well, I don't know what he's talking about.
401
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,560
Well, you say that, but...
402
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,240
Oh, Daniel,
of all the stories you could've picked!
403
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,360
I don't get it.
404
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:33,480
There's nothing to get. He was trying to
make a point and he picked a bad story.
405
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,680
What's the message?
406
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,920
I'm talking about me and my dad!
407
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,680
ALL TALK
408
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,400
OVERLAPPING SPEECH
409
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,400
Look!
410
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,800
Can I have access to him or not?
411
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,440
What are those on your face?
412
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,160
It's grazes from when I jumped out of a car,
and...
413
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,160
..the rest are bites.
414
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,280
Course they are!
415
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:16,280
OK, Daddy.
416
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,440
Give me a ring.
417
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:24,960
We'll work out when you have him.
418
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:28,960
Thank you.
419
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,680
MUSIC PLAYS
420
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,680
Cough up, then.
421
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,480
Do you want to go for a curry?
422
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:12,640
If I get asked.
423
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,880
Don't be a dick!
424
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,880
I'd be delighted, Daniel.
425
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,440
The only way is up
426
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,480
Baby
427
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,840
For you and me now
428
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,760
The only way is up
429
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,040
Baby
430
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,040
For you and me now.
431
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,560
Look, it's OK.
432
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,120
I'm going to go and see a friend
who might be able to help.
433
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:59,120
Oh, Daniel!
434
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,000
You've got to get me out of here!
435
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:12,000
Honestly, you are a dickhead.
436
00:25:12,050 --> 00:25:16,600
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