Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,599
What do you think?
2
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,919
Well, go on, say it,
3
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,920
"I'm glad you've got time on your
hands to waste, you silly old lady."
4
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,079
It looks great, Mum.
5
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:24,399
Well, I think
a real tree makes Christmas.
6
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,199
Yeah.
7
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,559
It's really nice.
8
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,560
Aww.
9
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,600
Aah!
10
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,679
Daniel!
11
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,680
Daniel! What have you done?!
12
00:00:52,705 --> 00:01:16,885
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
13
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,319
Oh, Santa's been early.
14
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,719
Are you joking? They've been
bringing this shit in since October.
15
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,359
It's sweet they buy you
presents, Dan.
16
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,199
Oh, really? Look at this,
from Dennis!
17
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,439
I've told the little fuckers,
club together, buy me some booze.
18
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,599
Ooh, look though -
you can relax later with some
19
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,639
Lovely Mountain Bubble Bath.
20
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,479
Yes, thank you. I've got four bottles
of this Pound Shop shit at home,
21
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,439
it burns your flesh, Emma, it burns.
22
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,479
You could do with a wash,
23
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,159
you appear to be
covered in pine needles.
24
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,639
What? Oh, f...
25
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,719
It's the
"twelve scares of Christmas".
26
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,720
The twelve... My dad's tedious
tradition. just leave it.
27
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,639
Here you go.
28
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,199
One day you'll realise just how
29
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:04,200
lucky you are. Scrooge.
30
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,639
Have you tried the Toy Depot, Brian?
31
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,839
I've tried every bloody shop
in a 20-mile radius.
32
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,199
Julia's not going to forgive me
if I can't find these things. The girls are obsessed.
33
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,919
Who are The Freaky Farm Folk anyway?
34
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,599
A collection of toy animals
with glow-in-the-dark hooves
35
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,599
that can communicate
telepathically.
36
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,119
Bizarre idea! Probably dreamt
up in some non-member state.
37
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,759
All the convenience of Europe,
none of the restrictions.
38
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,599
You've forgotten what
it's like to be a kid.
39
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,319
What was your best ever present?
40
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,039
There was one year
when the girls had mumps.
41
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,479
I was allowed to watch
the Queen's Speech.
42
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,239
Tell me what you make of that.
43
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,239
Aah, Shakira.
44
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,799
I shall have a chocolate milkshake
and The Eggsmass Special.
45
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,239
Very funny by the way.
46
00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:00,240
Get fucked.
47
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,199
She totally... likes you. Right.
48
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,519
Oh, hold your horses.
49
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,679
"To my favourite troublesome
teacher." Super flirty.
50
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,679
Or damning with
the faintest of praise,
51
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,399
depending on which way
you look at it.
52
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,479
"All my love". "ALL my love".
53
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,879
Exactly. It's a figure of speech!
You should ask her out.
54
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,479
Shall I bring her down here?
Tomorrow lunchtime.
55
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,119
No, no, go posh. Go Nando's.
56
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,479
I fucking love chicken.
57
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,959
Mm, nice chicken dinner!
58
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,759
Or, over a period of years you could
convince her that you
59
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,279
care about your job.
You're motivated, thoughtful.
60
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,279
The last time I saw you speaking
to her, you asked her to go into
61
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,639
a boiler room to go
halves on a bastard!
62
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,079
Yeah, I was flirting.
There's no quick fix, Dan.
63
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,039
Yes, there is.
I know what I'm gonna do.
64
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,039
What?
65
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,599
The thing that I have successfully
avoided for my whole career.
66
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,600
But I'll do one and she will be
enchanted and she shall be mine!
67
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,599
I'm gonna do a school play.
68
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:57,639
Yay!
69
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,039
I'll get my eggs to
celebrate my genius.
70
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,759
I'm gonna be in Dan's school play.
71
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,599
You should do all the nerdy
tech stuff.
72
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,919
I'm not getting involved.
73
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,279
Are those er, my eggs, Shakira?
74
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,239
Aargh!
75
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:14,240
Argh! No!
76
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,360
I love the twelve
scares of Christmas.
77
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,599
Can't we just do a space
mission, sir?
78
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,159
Yeah!
79
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,879
Dennis, being in a school
production will be very
80
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,119
good for your character.
81
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,639
You're just trying to impress Miss
Lipsey. Shut it!
82
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,039
Everyone's guessed.
83
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,679
Do people get killed in it, sir?
84
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:42,879
No! There's no killing.
85
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,319
It sounds rubbish!
86
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:48,320
It's not rubbish, you'll like
it because, ooh, it's set in space!
87
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,480
Scrooge In Space? Bit random, sir.
Can't we do Bugsy Malone?
88
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,479
Cos that's not random, is it?
89
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,599
Loads of kids getting
killed by custard. Wake up!
90
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,839
This Scrooge bloke
sounds like a paedo.
91
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,239
He's not! Right, so, parts.
92
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,559
Sir. Huh, Maurice?
93
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,439
I had a go on a paedo once.
94
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,599
What?!
95
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,919
When we went to Bournemouth. Maurice!
96
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,479
We had to give the man
an extra ?5 cos
97
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,319
we were late coming back in,
the tide had gone out.
98
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,759
OK, that would have been a pedalo,
Maurice. Right, parts.
99
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,279
Dennis? Emperor Scrooge.
Maurice, you can be Xob Scratchett.
100
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,479
Obviously, Maureen,
you'll be the Narrator.
101
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,479
What's a paedo then?
It doesn't matter what a paedo is!
102
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,479
It definitely matters. I'm trying
to crack on with play here.
103
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,839
But sir, if I might be so bold,
who will arrange the music?
104
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,439
What music?
105
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,440
Surely you've ascertained by now,
Scrooge 3000 is a musical.
106
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,400
Oh, shit!
107
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,239
Mr Field-Williams.
108
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,280
A moment, please.
109
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,279
Lovely, my dear, just lovely.
110
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,519
And such a lightness of touch,
don't you think, Mr Davies?
111
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,959
Oh yes! It's like Wagner
was reborn as a child.
112
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,960
Praise indeed.
Now, how can I help you?
113
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,799
I'm doing a school production.
114
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,199
I was hoping you'd take
care of the music for me.
115
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,879
Oh, dear.
116
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:17,879
That sounds a little bit too hectic
for me these days, I fear.
117
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,399
I see, let me re-phrase it.
118
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,919
Please help me,
119
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,799
my life is dreadful,
120
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:25,879
I beg you.
121
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,199
Goodness me!
122
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,399
Well, in that case,
123
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,400
I'll just pop in to the office
and er, look at my diary.
124
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,839
What are you doing here,
Bride of Chucky?
125
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,479
You're supposed to be in my lesson.
126
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,479
Not anymore, you loser. I'm getting
real lessons from an actual teacher.
127
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,999
Good. You'll miss out on being
in the school play.
128
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,000
Scrooge 3000?
It's going to be awful.
129
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,559
Yeah, awful like your life.
130
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,119
You're a cat lady waiting to happen.
131
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,039
"Hello, I'm Mr Davies,
I live with my mum and my dad
132
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,879
"and I'm about 50."
133
00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:01,880
You little rat.
134
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,519
Frank?
135
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,719
Oh, hello, hello, er,
136
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,720
sorry, dear boy, I, huh...
I nodded off.
137
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,039
Is that you, Frank?
138
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:21,879
Uh, ah... yes. Berlin, 1956.
139
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,559
Heady days with the Philharmonic.
140
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,560
If I remember, that night ended with
me dancing naked in the fountain.
141
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,479
Oh, my God! Oliver Reed!
142
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,399
Yes. Oh, that was a session.
143
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,159
I managed to kick the booze
before darling Ollie.
144
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,719
There but for the grace of God. Hm.
145
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,119
Yeah. So, what do you say, Frank?
146
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:47,120
Fancy reliving the glory days
with a bit of Scrooge 3000?
147
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,119
Ah, now I've er, checked the diary...
148
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,120
And you're in luck.
I've nothing on for one year.
149
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,639
Aah, wonderful!
150
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:57,846
Oh, no.
151
00:08:00,426 --> 00:08:02,326
Who's Emma? Just a friend.
152
00:08:02,365 --> 00:08:04,844
I'm just doing my Christmas cards.
On the computer?
153
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:08,084
Yes! No post office, no stamps!
154
00:08:08,085 --> 00:08:11,004
Pow! That's blown her little old lady
mind, hasn't it?
155
00:08:11,005 --> 00:08:14,364
A lady friend! Oh, I am pleased.
156
00:08:14,365 --> 00:08:18,365
Your dad and I were worried, you know,
the first Christmas without Naomi and..
157
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,884
God, I'd forgotten
about him. Where is he?
158
00:08:20,885 --> 00:08:24,885
Oh, he's putting a box of mince pies in
the car, for you to take in for the staff.
159
00:08:25,965 --> 00:08:28,884
Bastard! What have you
done to my car, you monster?
160
00:08:28,885 --> 00:08:30,764
Nothing, Daniel!
161
00:08:30,765 --> 00:08:34,765
I thought it needed a bit of a clean.
It was covered with pine needles.
162
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:37,924
What is it?
163
00:08:37,925 --> 00:08:41,925
Mousetrap on the clutch, is it?
Very clever, old man.
164
00:08:45,645 --> 00:08:48,564
I wonder if he should be doing
this school play.
165
00:08:48,565 --> 00:08:51,364
It's making him very paranoid.
166
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:55,365
Yes, yes. Silly lad.
167
00:08:56,365 --> 00:09:00,365
Darling... who's Emma?
168
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:40,285
Aargh!
169
00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:42,925
Aargh...
170
00:09:44,325 --> 00:09:48,325
Aargh!
171
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:53,965
Aagh!
172
00:10:00,445 --> 00:10:03,244
Sir,
is this the entire production team?
173
00:10:03,245 --> 00:10:05,884
I'm a little concerned
about Mr Field-Williams.
174
00:10:05,885 --> 00:10:08,124
He smells like my hamster's cage.
175
00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:11,444
Recognise... Oh, God.
176
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,484
You all right? What's that?
177
00:10:13,485 --> 00:10:17,284
It's a seagull bite.
What are you wearing?
178
00:10:17,285 --> 00:10:20,764
I got them all. The deer,
the mole and the owl.
179
00:10:20,765 --> 00:10:23,004
Now, where's my tech crew?
180
00:10:23,005 --> 00:10:27,005
Alan.
181
00:10:27,925 --> 00:10:30,484
Are you a... pedalo?
182
00:10:30,485 --> 00:10:34,485
He's a futuristic miser
and his heart is black as coal
183
00:10:35,285 --> 00:10:39,285
Commiseration fossil fuel
used many years ago
184
00:10:40,245 --> 00:10:42,844
He says he'll dock
my plasma pay
185
00:10:42,845 --> 00:10:45,244
If I don't work on Christmas Day
186
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:49,245
O-oh Scrooge is the meanest
of them all, of them all
187
00:10:50,005 --> 00:10:53,284
Emperor Scrooge
is the meanest of them all
188
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:54,644
Fire lasers!
189
00:10:54,645 --> 00:10:57,644
Oh... Not bad!
190
00:10:57,645 --> 00:11:01,444
Not bad. I mean - needs some work,
but we've got two weeks.
191
00:11:01,445 --> 00:11:05,445
How hard can this be?
192
00:11:07,925 --> 00:11:11,925
A-ha, Xob Scratchett! I won't buy
you and your family a futuristic goose.
193
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:16,084
Sir, he's smiling again and he keeps
mouthing my lines!
194
00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:18,564
Sir, I wasn't. Just carry on.
195
00:11:18,565 --> 00:11:21,764
Goose song. Goose song!
196
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:24,484
Look at the tasty futuristic geese
197
00:11:24,485 --> 00:11:27,924
You can't afford
a goose to eat...
198
00:11:27,925 --> 00:11:31,324
Shake those arses, girls!
Really grind it.
199
00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:32,684
..You can't afford a goose...
200
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:36,685
It's no use, Dan.
I'm going to have to lead them.
201
00:11:37,325 --> 00:11:40,884
..You can't afford
a goose to eat...
202
00:11:40,885 --> 00:11:44,164
Oh... Look at the tasty
futuristic geese
203
00:11:44,165 --> 00:11:47,244
You can't afford
a goose to eat...
204
00:11:47,245 --> 00:11:49,404
Right - stop, stop!
205
00:11:49,405 --> 00:11:53,405
Stop, get the geese off.
206
00:11:54,725 --> 00:11:57,684
No, Alan, not now.
207
00:11:57,685 --> 00:11:59,124
I'm well sad we're so poor.
208
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,524
Maurice! You're still smiling.
209
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:06,525
No, Alan - not now!
210
00:12:06,885 --> 00:12:09,524
Oi! Stop! What's that?
211
00:12:09,525 --> 00:12:10,884
He's got bionic legs.
212
00:12:10,885 --> 00:12:13,884
Yeah. He's not a fucking Nazi
though, is he?
213
00:12:13,885 --> 00:12:15,684
Maurice! You're still smiling!
214
00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:18,244
Oof! Not smiling now, is he, sir?
215
00:12:18,245 --> 00:12:20,124
Oh...
216
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:21,804
Alan! No!
217
00:12:21,805 --> 00:12:25,484
Dan - these girls really need me to lead
them. They're just not qualified.
218
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:26,804
Oh, Christ!
219
00:12:26,805 --> 00:12:30,805
What is wrong with you all?
It's a bloody shambles!
220
00:12:31,165 --> 00:12:35,165
We are performing this tonight.
Do you understand? Tonight!
221
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:37,764
Look at my nose!
222
00:12:37,765 --> 00:12:41,765
Look at my fucking nose!
223
00:12:43,085 --> 00:12:47,085
Pick that goose up.
224
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:49,164
Hey, Frank.
225
00:12:49,165 --> 00:12:52,084
Gifts?
The kids got me loads of stuff.
226
00:12:52,085 --> 00:12:55,204
Lovely Mountain bath foam,
toffee whisky,
227
00:12:55,205 --> 00:12:57,404
loads of chocolates.
228
00:12:57,405 --> 00:13:01,405
Do you want one? Why not?
229
00:13:04,005 --> 00:13:07,084
That's weird. I didn't
know Taboo DID liqueurs.
230
00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:11,085
Jo, come here!
231
00:13:17,885 --> 00:13:19,364
Your nose looks sore.
232
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:22,524
I think it's infected.
233
00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:26,525
I'm not sleeping,
my... my immunity's right down.
234
00:13:26,885 --> 00:13:29,524
And then I'm coming in
to this... piss parade.
235
00:13:29,525 --> 00:13:32,724
It's coming together. It's fucked!
236
00:13:32,725 --> 00:13:36,725
If Emma sees this,
that'll be the end of it.
237
00:13:36,845 --> 00:13:40,564
We got the snow machine, sir!
Oh, my God...
238
00:13:40,565 --> 00:13:42,964
Seems like Nobby came up
with the goods.
239
00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:46,164
Jesus Christ, where did
he get it? Stalingrad?
240
00:13:46,165 --> 00:13:48,364
Something tells me
we should not use this.
241
00:13:48,365 --> 00:13:51,044
I think this'll make things worse.
What? Shut up, Dan!
242
00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:55,045
It's a Christmas play,
you got to have a snow machine. Fire it up, Dennis!
243
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:05,525
Well... It would appear
my instincts were correct.
244
00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:07,685
Aaaagh...
245
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:14,644
Frank? Who wrote this shit?!
246
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,084
Scrooge In Space
247
00:14:17,085 --> 00:14:18,404
Are you all right, Frank?
248
00:14:18,405 --> 00:14:22,405
I played
in the fucking Berlin Philharmonic,
249
00:14:23,525 --> 00:14:25,684
you pricks!
250
00:14:25,685 --> 00:14:28,724
Mr Field-Williams, could
I ask you to wait outside, please?
251
00:14:28,725 --> 00:14:32,044
Shut it! Rrrrrr-Rudolph.
252
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:34,244
It's a seagull bite!
253
00:14:34,245 --> 00:14:37,765
W-What sort of queer gets
bitten by a seagull?!
254
00:14:40,165 --> 00:14:43,964
Guys... I think Frank might
be allergic to chocolate.
255
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:47,364
Be quiet! Right, think, think, think.
256
00:14:47,365 --> 00:14:49,844
Brian - please go and get him
some coffee, sober him up.
257
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:50,964
I think we'll be OK.
258
00:14:50,965 --> 00:14:54,044
As long as Emma doesn't see any
of this I think we'll be all right.
259
00:14:54,045 --> 00:14:57,724
If we can just bring him round...
this is saveable, right? Yeah.
260
00:14:57,725 --> 00:15:01,644
Dan! He's hot-wired the Scenic.
What?
261
00:15:01,645 --> 00:15:05,645
The Freaky Farm Folk are in the
boot! If we hurry we might catch him.
262
00:15:10,965 --> 00:15:13,764
See? You ridiculed me for having
a tracker fitted to the Scenic -
263
00:15:13,765 --> 00:15:15,484
not so silly now, is it?
264
00:15:15,485 --> 00:15:17,684
Now is not the time for
your smuggery. Where is he?
265
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:21,204
According to the GPS, he's at
The Rose and Crown on Wimpole.
266
00:15:21,205 --> 00:15:24,284
Worst case scenario -
I'll dance a cappella.
267
00:15:24,285 --> 00:15:26,164
My moves don't need tunes.
268
00:15:26,165 --> 00:15:27,684
Shut up, Jo!
269
00:15:27,685 --> 00:15:30,484
Did you do that side of the bar?
It's not my job, I'm not doing it...
270
00:15:30,485 --> 00:15:33,684
If you want a drink, you'll
have to go somewhere else. We've closed early.
271
00:15:33,685 --> 00:15:36,164
We're looking for an old man,
smells like a hamster cage.
272
00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:38,364
He just left, the disgusting
old bastard!
273
00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:39,804
I'll thank you to calm down.
274
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:42,324
Did he mention toys -
or a nicely maintained Scenic?
275
00:15:42,325 --> 00:15:46,325
He had a weird bag of animals, he
kept trying to swap them for drink. He's found them!
276
00:15:46,565 --> 00:15:49,644
Never mind that. Did he look like
he was up to playing the piano?
277
00:15:49,645 --> 00:15:53,765
He didn't look up to anything. He
lost it when I caught him trying to drink beer straight fromthe taps...
278
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,964
Paul, I'm telling you,
I'm not cleaning that up.
279
00:15:57,965 --> 00:16:01,684
Ohh... Oh, God.
Yeah, that's human.
280
00:16:01,685 --> 00:16:05,324
He must be more allergic
than we thought.
281
00:16:05,325 --> 00:16:08,044
I'm sorry about that. Do you know
where he may have gone?
282
00:16:08,045 --> 00:16:10,524
For food, I would have thought.
283
00:16:10,525 --> 00:16:14,525
Yeah, he's going to be peckish.
284
00:16:14,845 --> 00:16:18,845
Right. So where does a man with
no money go for food?
285
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:28,524
Yes. He has been here.
He drunk far more than his fair
286
00:16:28,525 --> 00:16:31,964
share of soup, then attempted
to sell me a toy deer.
287
00:16:31,965 --> 00:16:34,244
Bastard! Sorry, vicar.
He's out of control!
288
00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:36,884
That's not the worst of it,
I'm afraid.
289
00:16:36,885 --> 00:16:40,884
When I declined,
he took out his frustrations on one of our pastoral paintings.
290
00:16:40,885 --> 00:16:43,924
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - it's all about
you, isn't it? Where is he?
291
00:16:43,925 --> 00:16:47,084
He said he was going to have it
with a hooker three times wrong.
292
00:16:47,085 --> 00:16:49,644
Stanley, please!
Sorry, vicar.
293
00:16:49,645 --> 00:16:52,684
He said he was going to have it
with a hooker three times wrong.
294
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:56,164
Right, there's only one place in town
he can get that. Sapphire's Sauna.
295
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:57,964
Guys? This cow's got a big old dick.
296
00:16:57,965 --> 00:16:59,724
Thanks for your help, Reverend.
297
00:16:59,725 --> 00:17:03,725
I'm sorry. I cannot permit you to leave
until this painting has been cleaned.
298
00:17:04,045 --> 00:17:08,004
With respect - we're in a rush.
I haven't got time to wash a cock and balls off a cow.
299
00:17:08,005 --> 00:17:10,884
I'm afraid I cannot permit you
to leave until this is settled.
300
00:17:10,885 --> 00:17:14,885
Oh, God... Stand aside, vicar.
I shall not.
301
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:17,244
Brian...?
302
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:20,484
Reverend... we have a play to
put on,
303
00:17:20,485 --> 00:17:24,485
and that man has stolen
my Renault Scenic and this year's must-have toys. Move!
304
00:17:26,325 --> 00:17:27,364
No!
305
00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:29,324
Brian?
306
00:17:29,325 --> 00:17:31,644
Right...!
307
00:17:31,645 --> 00:17:35,645
Brian, what are you doing?
She's winning!
308
00:17:36,165 --> 00:17:37,724
Smack her in the windpipe, Brian.
309
00:17:37,725 --> 00:17:40,205
Oh, my God, she's...
She's going for a Tyson!
310
00:17:42,285 --> 00:17:44,245
Go!
311
00:17:49,245 --> 00:17:52,804
I'm sorry, vicar. You backed us
into a corner, like rats.
312
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,324
He had no choice but to take you out.
313
00:17:54,325 --> 00:17:57,484
Come on, Dan!
314
00:17:57,485 --> 00:18:01,485
In case you're wondering,
this is a seagull bite. Dan!
315
00:18:01,885 --> 00:18:05,885
Why would a drunk man
want a massage?
316
00:18:10,845 --> 00:18:14,845
That is a weird place.
There's no actual sauna, and the woman offered me a job.
317
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:18,084
Massage is one of the few things
I'm not actually qualified for...
318
00:18:18,085 --> 00:18:20,204
Jo! Has he been there?
319
00:18:20,205 --> 00:18:23,924
Yeah, sounds like he had a great time. Your
car's fine, Brian, it's round the corner.
320
00:18:23,925 --> 00:18:26,044
Good old Frank!
321
00:18:26,045 --> 00:18:28,284
Yeah, woman said
he had a lovely massage.
322
00:18:28,285 --> 00:18:29,684
How did he pay for a massage?
323
00:18:29,685 --> 00:18:31,884
He swapped a massage... for an owl.
324
00:18:31,885 --> 00:18:34,084
Motherfucker!
325
00:18:34,085 --> 00:18:35,324
Where is he now?
326
00:18:35,325 --> 00:18:39,325
Hospital, he got overexcited.
Hospital...? Shit!
327
00:18:43,045 --> 00:18:46,364
I'm sorry, my dears.
328
00:18:46,365 --> 00:18:50,365
I've been such a nuisance.
Please excuse me.
329
00:18:50,805 --> 00:18:52,684
Never mind, Frank.
330
00:18:52,685 --> 00:18:56,004
20 years I've been off the booze -
331
00:18:56,005 --> 00:19:00,005
and I got a bit carried away.
332
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:03,364
I think this is yours.
333
00:19:03,365 --> 00:19:04,924
You keep it, Frank.
334
00:19:04,925 --> 00:19:06,284
Ha.
335
00:19:06,285 --> 00:19:10,285
Today... was the most defouled,
336
00:19:11,205 --> 00:19:15,205
debauched and hedonistic day
I've had in years.
337
00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:19,204
It was marvellous!
338
00:19:19,205 --> 00:19:23,205
There is just one thing
I can't believe.
339
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:30,125
I can't believe I...
340
00:19:30,925 --> 00:19:34,804
I can't believe I... Frank - what
is it, what are you trying to say?
341
00:19:34,805 --> 00:19:37,404
I can't believe I...
342
00:19:37,405 --> 00:19:39,845
I did a shit behind the bar.
343
00:19:55,245 --> 00:19:57,524
Oh, great.
344
00:19:57,525 --> 00:20:01,525
Happy fucking Christmas!
345
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,884
Are you sure we can't do it?
346
00:20:07,885 --> 00:20:11,885
It's a musical Jo. Our piano player
is dead. So, no.
347
00:20:13,365 --> 00:20:17,365
Well, I'll go and tell the
robot Christmas geese then.
348
00:20:20,565 --> 00:20:24,565
Never mind, Dan. You tried.
349
00:20:25,085 --> 00:20:29,085
I'll go and speak to Alan. Yeah.
350
00:20:36,245 --> 00:20:40,164
What's this I hear, you're
giving up? Your mother and I were looking forward to the play.
351
00:20:40,165 --> 00:20:42,124
What the hell can I do?
352
00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:44,204
Daniel, life isn't easy.
353
00:20:44,205 --> 00:20:47,124
Give me the musical score. What?!
354
00:20:47,125 --> 00:20:51,125
Give me the music.
355
00:20:54,765 --> 00:20:56,564
Easy. Let's go.
356
00:20:56,565 --> 00:21:00,565
But... Don't question it.
I'm doing it for Mr Field-Williams.
357
00:21:00,645 --> 00:21:04,645
You can be my page turner.
358
00:21:09,765 --> 00:21:12,724
Get all your foil back on.
It's happening!
359
00:21:12,725 --> 00:21:16,725
Yeah!
360
00:21:17,085 --> 00:21:19,644
Ding dong! merrily on high
361
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:23,004
In heav'n the bells are ringing
362
00:21:23,005 --> 00:21:25,364
Ding dong! verily the sky
363
00:21:25,365 --> 00:21:28,524
Is riv'n with angel singing
364
00:21:28,525 --> 00:21:32,525
Gloria
365
00:21:36,805 --> 00:21:40,124
Hosanna in excelsis!
366
00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:44,125
Gloria
367
00:21:48,565 --> 00:21:50,084
Hosanna in excelsis!
368
00:21:50,085 --> 00:21:51,204
And go Maureen.
369
00:21:51,205 --> 00:21:53,445
Happy futuristic Christmas,
everyone.
370
00:22:07,405 --> 00:22:10,444
That way. That way.
371
00:22:10,445 --> 00:22:13,644
That...
372
00:22:13,645 --> 00:22:16,964
was...
373
00:22:16,965 --> 00:22:18,204
really good.
374
00:22:18,205 --> 00:22:21,124
It was messy, but it was all right.
375
00:22:21,125 --> 00:22:22,764
I think Frank would have liked it.
376
00:22:22,765 --> 00:22:24,844
Yeah. He would.
377
00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:28,845
Thanks for my Moonpig card,
by the way. What?
378
00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:35,164
Fucker!
379
00:22:35,165 --> 00:22:36,364
After everything I've...
380
00:22:36,365 --> 00:22:40,365
Don't worry, I guessed it was
one of your dad's scares. Aah.
381
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:44,844
You do like the kids, don't you?
382
00:22:44,845 --> 00:22:47,284
Admit it!
383
00:22:47,285 --> 00:22:51,285
You are a strangely likeable idiot,
Dan Davies.
384
00:22:52,525 --> 00:22:54,004
Am I?
385
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:56,924
Let's go for a drink, then.
I know a pub that's...
386
00:22:56,925 --> 00:22:59,084
Yep, I can pretty much guarantee
it's empty.
387
00:22:59,085 --> 00:23:03,085
Maybe another time.
But Happy Christmas, eh?
388
00:23:03,525 --> 00:23:07,525
Happy Christmas.
389
00:23:15,205 --> 00:23:17,244
Alan, for fuck's sake!
390
00:23:17,245 --> 00:23:42,040
391
00:23:42,090 --> 00:23:46,640
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
29807
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
