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1
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:06,920
I mean, it would be amazing,
wouldn't it? If it was possible.
2
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:10,840
I mean, just, I'm talking five feet
off the ground. You know, just...
3
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:14,840
HE BLOWS RASPBERRIES
4
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:19,760
Oi, are you listening to me,
Naomi? This is serious.
5
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,920
This idea could change lives.
6
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,800
Please, just let me
wake up normally for once.
7
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,920
Oh, she hasn't been listening to
a word, has she?
8
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,000
Selfish girl. I have.
9
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,160
What have I been saying then?
10
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:36,280
You've been wondering about whether
a man will ever be able
11
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,000
to fart himself into the air.
Thank you.
12
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,960
I mean,
obviously, it's not that simple.
13
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,920
We have to modify the bowel but...
yes,
14
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,040
I'm talking about
a human hovercraft.
15
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,600
I think it is possible.
16
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,840
HE FARTS
Yeah!
17
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,840
I got some lift from that.
That's just from one apple.
18
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,480
Still no bulb.
19
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,480
Oh, my God,
I could guff aid to Africa.
20
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,280
Oh, dear...
21
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,680
look who's here.
22
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,320
You've got to believe
that a hoverman could save a child
23
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,480
That's all
24
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,760
Hop upon my back
Little African boy
25
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,080
We'll hover to
the watering hole...
26
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:26,560
A song, of course.
Up above the trees we fly
27
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,520
Mkuku holds on tight... Dan.
28
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,160
Dan!
29
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:36,160
The little African boy's all right
30
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,240
The little African boy's
been saved...
31
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,920
Hilarious!
By the power of my fart, he flies
32
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,920
Oh, where you going, Naomi?
33
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,600
Oh, good. Well, this is a first.
34
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,880
I've lost my trousers.
35
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,240
Who loses the trousers
they were actually wearing?
36
00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:58,440
How's it even possible?
37
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,520
I am actually going to
work in a shirt, tie
38
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,040
and fucking jogging bottoms.
39
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,240
I look like that lad Toby from the
supermarket. Dan.
40
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:08,120
Oh, here we go. Tell me how
it's weird I've only got one pair.
41
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,040
I'm sorry I'm not a trouser tycoon
with a yacht made out of trousers.
42
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,360
Dan, my cab's here.
43
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,720
At some point today, get a new bulb.
44
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,120
Yes, do you listen to me?
45
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,760
I've told you, I've ordered
a special one on the internet -
46
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,400
an environmentally friendly one.
47
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,960
Be patient, it's coming from Korea.
48
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,960
Dan, just buy one from a shop. Oh...
49
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,040
Oh, well, I am sorry I don't hate
the planet
50
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,240
as much as you clearly do.
51
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,040
I'll chuck our fridge
in a canal, shall I?
52
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,640
Shall we get a couple of golf clubs,
go over to the Galapagos
53
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,800
and fuck a few puffins up?
54
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,000
Oh, my...
55
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,720
You're never going to move out
of this flat, are you?
56
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,280
What's wrong with this flat?
57
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,240
It's attached to your parents' house.
58
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,320
And?
59
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,680
And your mum lets herself in
and washes your underpants.
60
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,360
You're a grown man.
61
00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,200
Do you want me
to wear mucky pants?
62
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,200
Filling... You're just filling time.
63
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,880
Not with me, you're not.
64
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,760
I'm leaving.
65
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,640
Not LEAVING leaving?
66
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,680
It's not normal.
67
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,120
I'm sorry.
68
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,480
Goodbye. Wait, I'll get a mortgage.
We can both leave!
69
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,440
I can get a bulb today
but I can get trousers.
70
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,160
I'll get...
71
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,160
I'll get trousers.
72
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,280
It's OK, I am normal.
73
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,120
I am normal.
74
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,480
THE BEAR SNARLS
75
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:13,480
DAN SCREAMS
76
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,680
DAN STUTTERS
77
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,400
You!
78
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,640
Oh...
79
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,640
THE MAN-BEAR SNARLS
80
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:49,480
HE STARTS SNARLING AGAIN
81
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:59,280
THEY BOTH YELL
82
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,360
You absolute dick!
83
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:11,680
Oh, that's nice!
84
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,160
To his own father?
85
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,120
You've broken my bloody car seat.
You have got to stop attacking me.
86
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,520
They are not attacks.
87
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,000
They are expressions of love
for his little boy.
88
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,720
Well, take me fishing.
89
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,680
Teach me how to smoke a pipe.
Don't attack me dressed as a bear.
90
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:31,680
I've had a bad morning.
Has he had a little row?
91
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,360
Well, yes.
92
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,880
It's Naomi.
93
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,560
Does he need a hug from the bear?
94
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,760
Come and have a hug from the bear.
No!
95
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,760
Get off!
96
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,800
This is not normal.
This is NOT normal.
97
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,440
Oi.
98
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,200
Oi!
99
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,680
I was just coming to see you.
100
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,560
I can't talk now, Dan,
I'm on the wrong heels.
101
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,280
Where are you going?
I've got a new job.
102
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,440
Oh, fuck off.
103
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,400
I have actually.
104
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,960
I'm doing a business relaunch.
It's my new business.
105
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,680
I help people relaunch
their business.
106
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,000
Get in.
107
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,960
No, I'm going to work.
Please get in.
108
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,440
I need to talk to you.
109
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,440
I'm not dressed for advice.
110
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:47,440
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
111
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,200
Are you upset?
112
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,480
Well done, Taggart.
It's Naomi.
113
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,640
Who?
114
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,240
My girlfriend. Oh, what's her name,
that girl?
115
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,440
Naomi. No, the one you were seeing.
116
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,040
Bloody hell, Jo,
you must remember her.
117
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,080
I've been seeing her for six years.
118
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,120
Oh, yeah.
119
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,440
The baldy one.
120
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,880
What? She's not bald.
121
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,440
She looked pretty bald to me,
Daniel. Sorry.
122
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,680
She's not bald, Jo.
123
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,760
She's left me.
124
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,760
Oh, well. Get another.
125
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,400
That simple, yeah?
126
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,400
Or darts. You see, why did I
come to you for emotional advice?
127
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,920
I may as well have held
a meowing cat up to my balls.
128
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:27,520
Oh, I see. Looks like we're going
to have to sing this one out.
129
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,320
I don't think it'll help this time.
130
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,320
What's love got to do,
got to do with it?
131
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,560
Come on...
132
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,880
What's love but
a second hand emotion?
133
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,880
I'm your Private dancer,
a dancer for money
134
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,480
I'll do what you want me to do
Who needs a heart...
135
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,960
Oi! Can I get the five egg omelette?
136
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,960
WAIT!
137
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,680
We could sing Chiquitita.
138
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,200
I'm not Chiquitita sad.
139
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,880
Good.
140
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,440
Because you'll meet someone else,
Dan. There's someone for everyone.
141
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,720
Look at me.
142
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,280
You've been single since college.
143
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,680
Have I? Yeah.
144
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,960
I'm late for my new job.
Hang on, I'll give you a lift.
145
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,000
I've got to see my accountant
anyway, I'm getting a mortgage.
146
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:22,000
Who's giving you a mortgage?
Who's given you a fucking job?
147
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,760
Erm...
148
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,120
why are you getting out?
149
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,360
THIS is where my new job is. Eh?
150
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,160
And here's my new boss now.
151
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:43,560
Brian? God.
152
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,720
My new boss. Oh, I see.
153
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,120
I'm not really your boss.
154
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,880
I knew you wouldn't have a real job.
I have. Tell him, Brian.
155
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:53,120
I can't cope with both of you, not this early.
I've had some amazing ideas.
156
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,880
What for? The relaunch. I need
to speak to you. I'm really sad.
157
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,920
Hang on, relaunch? You're the only one qualified to
help me, you're the only one who passed his degree.
158
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:04,040
What? That bald girl dumped him. Please don't
start saying weird stuff, OK, I need to go in.
159
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,640
I'm serious. I need to talk to you.
160
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,360
Last time you said that,
you asked me
161
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,560
which one of the Muppets my wife's
vagina most looked like. I know.
162
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,560
And you said, "Gonzo, all purple,
all messy thick..." I did not.
163
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,640
Gonzo's blue. Please.
Is he blue? Danny!
164
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,920
Mate, it's an emergency,
your mate needs you.
165
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,920
Brian, you're not going to regret this. The rebrand
starts right now, I could treble your clients.
166
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,520
We'll talk about this when she's doing you're relaunch.
She's not doing a relaunch!
167
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,440
I am. You're not. I said I would pay
you to do some tidying.
168
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,160
It's kind of a relaunch though.
169
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,720
Erm... Hello?
170
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,480
Naomi's left me.
I need your help here.
171
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,320
What's this? My accounts,
I need a mortgage today.
172
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,520
A mortgage, why? Can I have it by
the end of the day?
173
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,600
Brian, we need to talk colours.
Colours?
174
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,680
I could sign for it in the pub later,
because if I don't get it today.
175
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,480
Red or green. Shut up!
176
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,040
You, get in, get the vacuum
out of the cupboard.
177
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:54,040
You, give me that.
I'll look at it later.
178
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,760
JO SIGHS
179
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,160
Well, thanks for the compassion,
Chemical Ali!
180
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,360
Right, you've met Barbara.
181
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,800
Oh, yeah.
182
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,320
I think Barbara
and I are on the same page.
183
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,200
Well, the hoover's in the cupboard.
If you need anything else,
184
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,200
Barbara's got some petty cash.
I'll be in my office.
185
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,960
Right! Barbara...
186
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,240
SHE WHISPERS: Let's tear this place
a new arsehole.
187
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,760
Ah, Mr Davis, you've arrived.
188
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,560
Emma..
189
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:09,680
You look nice.
190
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,680
You don't. Are they having
a sale on at Sports Direct?
191
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,840
Yes, well.
192
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,000
There's no easy way of me saying
this. I've...
193
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,840
I've lost my trousers and, as you'll
appreciate,
194
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,720
getting a replacement
is a little difficult
195
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,200
when you're of this height.
Get some new trousers, Dan.
196
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,480
Right. So, work experience visits.
197
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,120
Oh, God. No, I can't do any.
198
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,840
Why not?
199
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,120
Big drug problem.
200
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,400
You're doing one.
You can choose who.
201
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,960
Peter Bell at the prepacked sandwich factory.
No, I'm allergic to wheat.
202
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,960
Martha Page at Laser Quest.
I've been barred.
203
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,640
Jason Morrison at the tailors.
I hate him.
204
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,120
Olivia Williams at the...
205
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,680
Ah, for fu... Hang on a minute.
Jason Morrison?
206
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,760
Ginger boy, bit of a stoop.
This, this...
207
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:54,160
Got a mole on his face like a rice crispy.
Not who is he, where is he?
208
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,400
Haringey's, tailor in town.
209
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,400
The tailors...
210
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,320
Yes, I'll do that boy,
can I do him at lunchtime for you?
211
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,040
Great, I'll drop the details off.
212
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,840
Great. How's, erm, Naomi?
213
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,400
She's gone.
214
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,080
Oh, Mr Davis.
215
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,240
What are we going to do with you?
216
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:16,720
You could take me in this cupboard
217
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,560
and we could have a go on each other
like coked-up gay teenagers.
218
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,320
Yes, it's strange she left you.
Big shock.
219
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,720
Hmm. Big shock.
220
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,720
Right, coffee time I would say. I'd
say it's teach your class time.
221
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,120
I know. I know that.
222
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:35,120
Are you sure about this? Just go.
223
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,280
NOISY CHATTER
224
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:45,280
ALL AT ONCE: Please, sir!
225
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,440
Quiet! Sir, why are you wearing
jogging bottoms?
226
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:57,360
Right, that's better.
227
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,960
Right, we're not doing
space mission today. ALL GROAN
228
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,080
And while we're on the subject,
stop painting Maurice's face green,
229
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,080
it's bullying. I don't mind, sir.
230
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,160
Shut up, you dweeb. Right...
231
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,760
quiet reading for you today.
232
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:10,920
So here's what happening.
233
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,960
ALL TALK AT ONCE
234
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,360
All right, get into your space
shuttles.
235
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,360
Yes! I love space mission!
236
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:25,320
All right, where were we?
You were about to make up
237
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,480
a pointless lesson off the top of
your head, as usual.
238
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,680
Shut up, Karen!
239
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,960
ALL TALK AT ONCE
240
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,680
We were on the mysterious planet
about to butcher some alien scum!
241
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,640
All right, try and stay calm today,
all right, Dennis?
242
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:40,880
What planet were we on?
243
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,840
Toddcartey.
244
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,480
We were on Toddcartey, yes.
245
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,320
That is a very dangerous planet.
246
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,560
Right, we'd better take off.
247
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,320
Oh, so we no longer need
fuel from the mine?
248
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,040
What mine?
249
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,840
ALL: The lizard mine!
250
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,480
Oh, Christ!
251
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,000
All right, we'll go to the fucking
lizard mine,
252
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,000
don't blame me
if you all get eaten.
253
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:09,040
Ah. Yes...
254
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,040
Toddcartey.
255
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,400
CHILDREN SQUEAL
256
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,360
Roar!
257
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,600
ALL SQUEAL
258
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,680
What is it, sir?
259
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,840
It's an invisibat.
260
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,160
A what? They're the bats that guard
the lizard mine.
261
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,640
It's it like a bat that's invisible.
262
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,240
That's right, Bergerac.
263
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,080
And it's bitten me...
THEY GASP
264
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:36,120
...on the face.
265
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,840
ALL SCREAM
Sir, can we save you?
266
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,840
Right, you'll have
to boil my blood, guys.
267
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,760
Oh, my God. With a laser!
268
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,640
THEY GASP
Up my nose!
269
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,000
THEY SCREAM
270
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,240
That's sick.
271
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,960
I'll do it, sir.
272
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,360
You do it, Dennis.
273
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,800
I trust you.
274
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,600
Ah!
ALL SCREAM
275
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,880
What on earth is going on
in here?
276
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,200
Where is Mr Davis?
277
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,600
It's all right, Miss Lipsey,
I'm... I'm here.
278
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,080
He's been bitten
by an invisibat, miss. Has he?
279
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,520
I'm rather afraid I have.
280
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,160
Yes, and against all odds,
281
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:17,160
only a laser fired up his nose
can save him, miss.
282
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,560
Well, they do say that's how you
neutralise invisibats' venom.
283
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,920
Thank you.
284
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,840
If you recover, Mr Davis,
285
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,840
here are the details of your work
experience visit. Great.
286
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,800
Ah.
ALL SCREAM
287
00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:42,780
Ta-da.
288
00:15:42,780 --> 00:15:46,780
Oh, my God.
Yeah, boy, welcome to the re-launch.
289
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,340
Why have you written
that on my wall?
290
00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:51,980
It's a statement.
291
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,660
I told you to hoover.
292
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:57,580
Well, then you should have hired a
cleaner cos I am an events manager.
293
00:15:57,580 --> 00:16:00,620
This is insane. You're insane.
294
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:03,580
It tells people the moment
they walk in the door, I'm a lawyer,
295
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:05,540
I'm a lawyer for the tough
urban streets.
296
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:07,780
It tells people, no matter what
you've done,
297
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:10,220
I'm going to get you off.
298
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,980
I'm not a lawyer.
299
00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:14,260
You are. I'm not.
300
00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:18,260
I'm a financial adviser and you are
fucking mental.
301
00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:21,020
I'm the future.
I want that taken off.
302
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,700
You just have to get used to it,
303
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:24,980
it's going to turn the whole
business around.
304
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,540
Hello. Oh, no, Mr Ba...
Oh, God.
305
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:30,580
Terribly sorry, Mr Powell, we've
had vandals, please, why don't
306
00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:34,260
you just come through to my office
and I'll be right with you.
307
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:37,740
That's teenagers.
308
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:41,100
It's so lovely to have a
member of the teaching
309
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:44,180
profession in my humble shop.
310
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:47,620
You know, I've often dreamed of
being an educator myself. Really?
311
00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:51,620
Sadly, I've the reading
age of a three-year-old child. Oh.
312
00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:55,780
I expect you want to know how the
lad's settling in. Yeah?
313
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:58,500
He's a wonderful boy, Mr Davis.
314
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,300
I mean, he's useless work wise,
he's thick
315
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:05,300
and he's got what my old mum would
call spastic hands.
316
00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:13,380
Do you make trousers?
Oh, we do it all.
317
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:16,660
Your trousers, your shirts,
your suits, your cummerbunds.
318
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:20,660
And, well, how much would
trousers be?
319
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:24,860
For yourself, oh the cost of the
material alone, sir.
320
00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:27,620
Jason, go and get me a tape measure.
321
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:31,020
It's the long yellow thing with
the marks on it.
322
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:34,540
Oh, he's a good boy. He's normal.
323
00:17:34,540 --> 00:17:37,540
He's not into your rubber shorts,
your plastic fist,
324
00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:40,500
your glory holes,
you know what I mean.
325
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:44,500
Sort of. Not really.
326
00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:50,020
The world is full of perverts
and I really hate them.
327
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:58,700
We'll have you sorted in no
time, Mr Davis.
328
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:06,260
You said I was about as much
use as a crow.
329
00:18:06,260 --> 00:18:10,260
A trained crow.
A brilliant, trained crow.
330
00:18:11,740 --> 00:18:12,980
SHE SOBS
331
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:16,660
Please don't cry.
332
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,020
What are you doing here?
333
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:21,380
I've just been to your office
to sort this mortgage nonsense out.
334
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:24,100
Pubs aren't for mortgages.
Brian sacked me.
335
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,340
I did not. Really?
336
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:29,420
Thank you so much, Brian,
you're not going to regret this.
337
00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:33,180
I want to go to the bar.
Please, Jo, Jo, wait. Oh, God.
338
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,980
You should never have given
that a job. Now, my mortgage.
339
00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:37,780
No, I need to tell her.
340
00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:41,140
Mate, I need to sort this, I'm on
the verge of losing everything here.
341
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,140
Well let me spell this
out for you in clear terms.
342
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:46,020
Just tell me what I've got to do.
343
00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:50,020
You need to not spend one penny,
344
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:53,900
not one single penny
for...12 years.
345
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,260
After which time, you might,
346
00:18:56,260 --> 00:19:00,260
depending on fluctuations in the
market, be able to afford a house.
347
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:05,380
But...
348
00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:09,380
But I need to start looking today,
it's on my plan.
349
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,100
I'll start looking at lenders
tomorrow. I got these.
350
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:21,100
Didn't even have to pay for them.
A man did.
351
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:26,380
Let's go. Let's get these slammers
down, cheers, cheers.
352
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,540
Slammers, I've got to
be up at 5.00 with the kids.
353
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:30,380
I'm not doing getting drunk.
354
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:34,380
New York City!
355
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,500
PHONE RINGS.
356
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,300
Oh, God.
357
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:49,300
I know, I know, shhh, I know,
but listen,
358
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:54,020
Emma, I don't have any lessons, all
morning I don't have any lessons.
359
00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:57,660
I'll be there by 10.00, I swear it.
360
00:19:57,660 --> 00:20:01,140
I swear it. Thank you.
361
00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:05,140
Oh.
362
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:15,340
Sir. Not now Paul, I'm hung-over.
It's Jason.
363
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:19,340
Yes. Mr Haringey, any joy?
364
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:23,540
Mr Davis, three pairs already. Just
pop through to the dressing room.
365
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:26,180
Sir, Sir. What?
366
00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:28,140
I've been here all night,
shall we call my mum?
367
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:31,060
Well she hasn't phoned us, son.
Hasn't she?
368
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:35,060
Go get the man his trousers, son!
Come on, chop, chop,
369
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:39,180
we haven't got all day.
370
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:48,420
What the fuck?!
371
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:51,580
Is everything all right, Mr Davis?
372
00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:54,220
It's fine. Don't come in.
373
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:58,060
Don't, don't come in.
374
00:20:58,060 --> 00:21:00,780
Oh, my good God.
No, seriously.
375
00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:03,220
I should have known. A nonce.
376
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:07,220
What? Oh, no, they're my mum's,
they're my mum's.
377
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:11,500
I bet they're your mum's,
you stinking tranny.
378
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:17,500
Lock the shop, Jason.
379
00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:37,060
You filthy nancy boy.
380
00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:41,060
HE GRUNTS
381
00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:12,460
THEY SING
382
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:16,460
In your eyes
383
00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:21,780
There is no...
384
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:37,100
I've... Morning, Dan.
385
00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:38,940
I've got trousers.
386
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:42,020
They're just at the shop and Brian
says the mortgage will be fine.
387
00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:46,020
He thinks it'll be fine. I just
need to get hold of a light bulb.
388
00:22:46,070 --> 00:22:50,620
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