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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,286
If we just put a pin
in that for a second...
2
00:00:02,789 --> 00:00:04,996
Dude, you been talking
to that girl all night.
3
00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:05,858
How's it been going?
4
00:00:06,024 --> 00:00:08,677
Ah, dare I say amazing?
5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,708
Uh, killin' it, bro.
6
00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:13,181
So, as I was saying,
7
00:00:13,382 --> 00:00:14,605
"Super Mario Brothers 2"
has actually made
8
00:00:14,735 --> 00:00:16,501
some pretty serious
contributions
9
00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:18,420
to the visual vocabulary
of the game as a whole.
10
00:00:18,421 --> 00:00:21,672
This, despite being the
quote-unquote "least canonical"
11
00:00:22,068 --> 00:00:23,851
of the franchise... more on that later.
12
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:27,738
But for now, let us consider
the case of the POW block.
13
00:00:27,773 --> 00:00:30,241
[gurgling]
14
00:00:30,276 --> 00:00:31,826
Whoa, uh, help! Help!
15
00:00:31,911 --> 00:00:33,194
Out of my way. Out of my way.
16
00:00:33,279 --> 00:00:34,578
I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor.
17
00:00:39,085 --> 00:00:40,584
- She's dead.
- What? What?
18
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,620
Oh, my God.
19
00:00:42,705 --> 00:00:44,922
Was that, like, a sort
of a heart attack?
20
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,842
- This woman died of boredom.
- What? That's impossible.
21
00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:50,177
A person can't die from being bored.
22
00:00:50,263 --> 00:00:52,012
It can happen in rare instances...
23
00:00:52,098 --> 00:00:54,381
when a person hears something
completely devoid of interest,
24
00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:56,133
the brain becomes
starved for stimulation,
25
00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:57,852
and it begins to eat itself.
26
00:00:57,937 --> 00:01:00,471
The pain is indescribable.
27
00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:02,890
And when death comes,
it is a sweet release.
28
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,725
Okay, but she was interested, right?
29
00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:07,194
'Cause she was nodding along.
She kept going, "Mm-hmm."
30
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,813
Those were vocal cord spasms
cause by pre-death rigor mortis.
31
00:01:09,866 --> 00:01:11,398
She was trying to cry out,
32
00:01:11,484 --> 00:01:13,817
but, alas, she was too
far gone to scream.
33
00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:16,453
I was... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
34
00:01:16,489 --> 00:01:17,738
Know what? Don't blame yourself.
35
00:01:17,823 --> 00:01:19,073
Just stop.
36
00:01:19,158 --> 00:01:20,574
I thought I was being
pretty interesting.
37
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,326
So did I.
38
00:01:22,378 --> 00:01:23,994
- You did?
- Yeah.
39
00:01:24,046 --> 00:01:26,747
Except Mario 2 didn't
invent the POW block.
40
00:01:26,832 --> 00:01:28,165
It was in Mario 1, but you couldn't...
41
00:01:28,217 --> 00:01:30,000
Both: Pick it up.
42
00:01:30,052 --> 00:01:32,386
You couldn't pick it up. Yeah. I'm Josh.
43
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:33,637
- Claire.
- Hi.
44
00:01:33,673 --> 00:01:34,889
And, of course, you were talking
45
00:01:34,974 --> 00:01:36,557
about the U.S. Mario 2...
46
00:01:36,642 --> 00:01:39,560
Not the so-called true sequel.
47
00:01:39,645 --> 00:01:40,561
- Look at you.
- Out of my way!
48
00:01:40,646 --> 00:01:42,680
This is just incredible.
49
00:01:42,765 --> 00:01:45,766
[downtempo electronic music]
50
00:01:45,851 --> 00:01:48,093
51
00:02:04,359 --> 00:02:08,833
Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
- www.addic7ed.com -
52
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:11,041
All right, so I'll meet you
at the theater.
53
00:02:11,127 --> 00:02:12,259
Like, 7:00?
54
00:02:12,345 --> 00:02:13,377
All right. Can't wait.
55
00:02:13,462 --> 00:02:15,429
'Kay, bye.
56
00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:18,515
Claire and I are going
to a '50s sci-fi movie festival
57
00:02:18,551 --> 00:02:20,884
at that theater where
they sell old-timey sodas.
58
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,219
Uh-huh. What date is this?
59
00:02:22,271 --> 00:02:24,555
- Uh, fifth.
- Whoa.
60
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,440
- You know what that means.
- Uh.
61
00:02:26,525 --> 00:02:28,275
- Butt sex, dude.
- What?
62
00:02:28,361 --> 00:02:29,977
I don't... I don't think
that's standard.
63
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,362
What? Sure it is, dude.
64
00:02:31,397 --> 00:02:32,730
- First three dates are sex.
- Okay.
65
00:02:32,782 --> 00:02:34,531
Fourth date is butt stuff.
66
00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:36,900
Then, fifth date is formal butt sex.
67
00:02:36,986 --> 00:02:38,652
Oh.
68
00:02:38,738 --> 00:02:41,572
I mean, well, we... we haven't
had any kind of sex yet.
69
00:02:41,624 --> 00:02:42,625
What?
70
00:02:42,708 --> 00:02:44,074
Well, no, I mean,
71
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,377
stuff has been going
really well between us.
72
00:02:46,412 --> 00:02:48,162
We gel. We read the same comics.
73
00:02:48,247 --> 00:02:49,964
We like the same video games.
74
00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:53,000
I don't want to ruin it
by rushing sex into it too soon.
75
00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:54,668
But aren't you going crazy?
76
00:02:54,754 --> 00:02:56,170
You haven't had sex in forever.
77
00:02:56,255 --> 00:02:58,088
Eh. It hasn't been that long.
78
00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:00,424
[coughing]
79
00:03:00,509 --> 00:03:01,925
Did you hear something?
80
00:03:01,978 --> 00:03:03,811
No.
81
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,145
- Oh.
- [both gasp]
82
00:03:05,231 --> 00:03:06,313
- Ew.
- Yuck.
83
00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,765
How long have you had that condom?
84
00:03:07,817 --> 00:03:08,850
I... I don't... I don't know.
85
00:03:08,851 --> 00:03:09,933
I forgot it was in there.
86
00:03:10,019 --> 00:03:12,102
Hello, Josh.
87
00:03:12,188 --> 00:03:13,437
You can talk!
88
00:03:13,522 --> 00:03:15,656
I can talk, sing...
89
00:03:15,741 --> 00:03:17,241
dream, even.
90
00:03:17,276 --> 00:03:18,993
Used to do a little soft-shoe
91
00:03:19,078 --> 00:03:22,029
before my lubrication
dried out on me.
92
00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:25,499
But that'll all be over soon.
93
00:03:25,584 --> 00:03:27,117
For, you see, Josh,
94
00:03:27,203 --> 00:03:28,203
I'm dying.
95
00:03:28,204 --> 00:03:29,536
You're dying?
96
00:03:29,622 --> 00:03:31,839
Go on. Turn me over.
97
00:03:31,924 --> 00:03:34,208
Read my expiration date.
98
00:03:34,293 --> 00:03:35,793
That's... that's today.
99
00:03:35,878 --> 00:03:39,296
I was put on this earth
to do one simple thing,
100
00:03:39,382 --> 00:03:42,599
and I'll be dead before
I get the chance.
101
00:03:42,635 --> 00:03:45,469
Oh. [crying]
102
00:03:45,521 --> 00:03:48,188
Don't worry, little guy.
Tonight's the night.
103
00:03:48,274 --> 00:03:49,807
I'm gonna make a move on Claire.
104
00:03:49,892 --> 00:03:52,059
Oh, thank you, Josh.
105
00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:53,310
Thank you.
106
00:03:53,362 --> 00:03:55,779
You make an old condom smile.
107
00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:58,365
Nice.
108
00:04:01,737 --> 00:04:03,370
What was your favorite part?
109
00:04:03,456 --> 00:04:06,323
Oh, uh, probably the bit
where the rocket died
110
00:04:06,409 --> 00:04:07,825
and it needed moon rocks...
111
00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:09,993
To get energy? Yeah, me too.
112
00:04:10,079 --> 00:04:11,129
Oh, Lord.
113
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,663
We wasted three hours in there,
114
00:04:12,748 --> 00:04:14,581
and now we're talking about moon rocks?
115
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,418
Get to the sex, Josh.
Please, get to the sex.
116
00:04:17,503 --> 00:04:19,053
Shh! Stay down.
117
00:04:19,138 --> 00:04:20,338
- What was that?
- What? What?
118
00:04:20,339 --> 00:04:22,306
Um, nothin. Nothin.
119
00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:23,808
So, we're still on
for a hike next Saturday?
120
00:04:23,809 --> 00:04:24,842
Mm-hmm, yes.
121
00:04:24,927 --> 00:04:26,643
Uh, I would hike that very much.
122
00:04:26,679 --> 00:04:28,095
Oh, Lord.
123
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,431
Well, thanks for another nice night.
124
00:04:30,516 --> 00:04:33,183
Yes, yes, of course. Thank you also.
125
00:04:40,493 --> 00:04:41,608
Moop.
126
00:04:41,694 --> 00:04:44,361
[laughs]
127
00:04:44,413 --> 00:04:46,280
Okay. Bye.
128
00:04:46,365 --> 00:04:47,581
Man, what happened?
129
00:04:47,666 --> 00:04:48,916
- I...
- She was into it!
130
00:04:49,001 --> 00:04:50,367
I'm aware.
131
00:04:50,419 --> 00:04:53,036
I was just waiting for a clear signal.
132
00:04:53,122 --> 00:04:54,872
How much clearer do you want?
133
00:04:54,924 --> 00:04:57,291
You expect her to bend over
and present like a monkey?
134
00:04:57,376 --> 00:04:58,377
No.
135
00:04:58,378 --> 00:05:00,594
And what in the sweet
dancing Christ was "moop"?
136
00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:02,463
Yeah, I-I-I don't know.
137
00:05:02,548 --> 00:05:04,098
Do me a favor, son.
138
00:05:04,183 --> 00:05:06,350
If you can't use me the way God intended,
139
00:05:06,385 --> 00:05:10,053
at least fill me up with water
and throw me off an overpass
140
00:05:10,139 --> 00:05:12,473
so I can say I've done
something in this world.
141
00:05:12,558 --> 00:05:13,974
Yeah, okay. Yeah, Claire!
142
00:05:15,945 --> 00:05:17,728
- What is it?
- Uh...
143
00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:27,738
- Do you have a condom?
- I-I do, in fact.
144
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,410
All right.
145
00:05:33,496 --> 00:05:34,745
Let's do this, little buddy.
146
00:05:34,797 --> 00:05:36,912
Quit yappin' and slap me on.
147
00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:41,301
Okay.
148
00:05:41,387 --> 00:05:43,587
Okay, go slow! Go slow!
149
00:05:43,639 --> 00:05:46,089
[sighs] Okay. Here we go.
150
00:05:46,142 --> 00:05:47,925
I think...
151
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:49,843
structural integrity is intact.
152
00:05:49,929 --> 00:05:51,645
- [laughs]
- All right.
153
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:55,098
- Ah!
- Oh, damn.
154
00:05:55,184 --> 00:05:56,850
[moans]
155
00:05:56,936 --> 00:05:58,268
Oy.
156
00:06:00,189 --> 00:06:01,572
Thank you, Josh.
157
00:06:01,607 --> 00:06:02,940
I won't forget you.
158
00:06:03,025 --> 00:06:05,359
Loretta, I'm coming home.
159
00:06:05,444 --> 00:06:07,528
We... we should have been
doing that a long time ago.
160
00:06:07,613 --> 00:06:10,224
That was amazing.
161
00:06:11,784 --> 00:06:13,116
Yeah.
162
00:06:13,202 --> 00:06:14,535
Amazing.
163
00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:24,530
Hey.
164
00:06:26,215 --> 00:06:28,048
We've, uh...
165
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:31,051
we've been on a real sexual
hot streak lately, huh?
166
00:06:31,103 --> 00:06:33,387
Yep.
167
00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:35,472
What? What's, uh...
168
00:06:35,558 --> 00:06:37,224
what's wrong?
169
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,942
Nothing's wrong.
170
00:06:39,028 --> 00:06:41,445
You... um.
171
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:44,231
Was it okay for you, or...
172
00:06:44,283 --> 00:06:46,900
Yeah, it was great.
173
00:06:46,986 --> 00:06:50,037
So, did you...
174
00:06:50,072 --> 00:06:52,239
[squawks]
175
00:06:52,291 --> 00:06:54,241
Um, not exactly, but...
176
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,994
It's fine. I liked it.
177
00:06:57,079 --> 00:06:59,713
No, but... because I can do some work
178
00:06:59,748 --> 00:07:01,799
on your... down... down...
179
00:07:01,884 --> 00:07:04,084
Honestly, no, it's fine.
180
00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:05,586
No, you were great.
181
00:07:08,924 --> 00:07:10,090
[keyboard clicking]
182
00:07:10,176 --> 00:07:13,177
[dramatic music]
183
00:07:13,262 --> 00:07:15,418
184
00:07:20,769 --> 00:07:22,603
Ugh.
185
00:07:26,442 --> 00:07:28,158
Huh.
186
00:07:28,244 --> 00:07:30,611
And ta-da.
187
00:07:30,663 --> 00:07:32,329
- Den of Bliss.
- Yep.
188
00:07:32,414 --> 00:07:35,365
I thought, you know, that
could be a cute new thing.
189
00:07:35,451 --> 00:07:36,867
We go in there, peruse their merch,
190
00:07:36,952 --> 00:07:38,919
find something for the old boudoir.
191
00:07:38,954 --> 00:07:41,004
I don't know, I've never
been to one of these places.
192
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,706
No, no, no, neither have I.
193
00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:44,458
That's why I thought it
could be kind of fun...
194
00:07:44,543 --> 00:07:47,177
maybe be a bit adventurous, like...
195
00:07:47,263 --> 00:07:48,679
worst case scenario,
196
00:07:48,764 --> 00:07:51,048
we walk out of there
with a hilarious story.
197
00:07:53,302 --> 00:07:55,135
Okay, I guess.
198
00:07:55,221 --> 00:07:57,804
Attagirl.
199
00:07:57,890 --> 00:08:00,474
Wow, look at the handcuffs.
200
00:08:00,559 --> 00:08:01,975
Feathers, ooh.
201
00:08:02,061 --> 00:08:04,778
That could be pretty, uh... pretty freaky.
202
00:08:04,813 --> 00:08:05,696
- Maybe.
- Hey.
203
00:08:05,781 --> 00:08:08,482
- Can I help you find anything?
- You may!
204
00:08:08,567 --> 00:08:10,200
I don't know why I said
it like... you... you may.
205
00:08:10,286 --> 00:08:12,819
We are looking for a sexual toy.
206
00:08:12,905 --> 00:08:14,238
What kind of stuff are you into?
207
00:08:14,323 --> 00:08:17,457
Like, sex... um...
208
00:08:17,493 --> 00:08:19,877
Yeah, well, that's... I'd say we're both
209
00:08:19,962 --> 00:08:22,296
pretty highly evolved lovers.
210
00:08:22,331 --> 00:08:24,464
I think we're up for just about anything.
211
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:28,051
- Do you have any dildos?
- Yeah, right this way.
212
00:08:28,137 --> 00:08:30,254
So, these are our dildos and vibrators.
213
00:08:30,339 --> 00:08:31,755
They come in all
different shapes and sizes,
214
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,557
so just feel free to browse around.
215
00:08:33,642 --> 00:08:37,010
Yeah, I mean, a dildo feels
a bit superfluous, right?
216
00:08:37,062 --> 00:08:39,263
'Cause, like, you've
already got a Josh-do.
217
00:08:39,348 --> 00:08:41,565
- What's this one?
- This guy here is fully loaded.
218
00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:43,267
It's curved to hit your G-spot,
219
00:08:43,352 --> 00:08:45,485
and then it has a mini-vibe
for your clit or your ass.
220
00:08:45,521 --> 00:08:47,404
[laughs] It's pretty rad.
221
00:08:47,489 --> 00:08:49,690
Hey, by the way, if you're
getting at all uncomfortable,
222
00:08:49,775 --> 00:08:51,191
we can... we can leave.
223
00:08:51,277 --> 00:08:53,110
I would totally understand it.
224
00:08:53,195 --> 00:08:54,995
- What's that?
- That's...
225
00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,530
Oh, great choice.
226
00:08:56,615 --> 00:08:58,031
That's the Kyle.
227
00:08:58,117 --> 00:09:00,534
Yeah, the Kyle pretty much does it all...
228
00:09:00,619 --> 00:09:01,919
deep penetration,
229
00:09:02,004 --> 00:09:03,453
variable speed action,
230
00:09:03,539 --> 00:09:05,172
gives great backrubs.
231
00:09:05,207 --> 00:09:06,873
It's actually our best seller in the store.
232
00:09:06,959 --> 00:09:08,542
I've got two of them at home.
233
00:09:08,594 --> 00:09:11,178
So, what am I looking at here?
234
00:09:11,213 --> 00:09:14,598
The Kyle is some sort of high-tech doll?
235
00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:16,016
It's more like just a big jacked dude
236
00:09:16,051 --> 00:09:17,050
that [peep] your girlfriend.
237
00:09:17,136 --> 00:09:18,518
Oh, yeah.
238
00:09:18,554 --> 00:09:20,804
Um, I think... I think the Kyle might be
239
00:09:20,889 --> 00:09:22,889
a bit too advanced for our tastes.
240
00:09:22,942 --> 00:09:24,057
Like, maybe we should just, like,
241
00:09:24,109 --> 00:09:25,726
test drive the feather, I think...
242
00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:28,061
- The Kyle looks kind of fun.
- No.
243
00:09:28,113 --> 00:09:29,563
Hmm.
244
00:09:29,648 --> 00:09:31,231
I don't know.
245
00:09:31,283 --> 00:09:34,618
I thought you said you
were an evolved lover.
246
00:09:34,703 --> 00:09:37,654
[lively music]
247
00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:40,047
248
00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:49,166
It's nice kind of nice, right?
249
00:09:49,251 --> 00:09:50,251
How's that... how's that...
250
00:09:50,252 --> 00:09:52,336
is it doing anything for you?
251
00:09:52,421 --> 00:09:54,588
Um, it tickles.
252
00:09:54,673 --> 00:09:56,506
Cool.
253
00:09:56,592 --> 00:09:58,425
Maybe we should try the Kyle.
254
00:09:58,477 --> 00:09:59,977
Oh.
255
00:10:00,062 --> 00:10:02,596
Maybe we save the Kyle for,
like, a special occasion,
256
00:10:02,681 --> 00:10:03,687
like, uh,
257
00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:05,432
Hanukkah.
258
00:10:05,484 --> 00:10:07,934
- Let's try it now.
- Okay. Yep.
259
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,102
[sighs]
260
00:10:11,106 --> 00:10:13,156
Oh, my...
261
00:10:13,242 --> 00:10:14,247
Wow, okay.
262
00:10:14,276 --> 00:10:16,326
Oh, he's got instructions.
263
00:10:16,412 --> 00:10:17,494
Let's read those,
264
00:10:17,579 --> 00:10:19,913
make sure we do this all correctly.
265
00:10:19,948 --> 00:10:21,615
Step one: open the box. Okay.
266
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,950
Step two: the Kyle does his thing.
267
00:10:24,036 --> 00:10:24,986
So...
268
00:10:25,037 --> 00:10:26,453
Oh, okay. Yeah.
269
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,171
So he does.
270
00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:30,007
[moaning]
271
00:10:30,092 --> 00:10:31,458
Oh, this feels incredible.
272
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,959
Am I doing it right?
273
00:10:33,012 --> 00:10:34,678
[moaning]
274
00:10:34,763 --> 00:10:38,131
Try holding the Kyle a little lower.
275
00:10:38,183 --> 00:10:39,466
Like... like this?
276
00:10:39,518 --> 00:10:41,301
[moaning]
277
00:10:41,387 --> 00:10:43,136
Even lower.
278
00:10:43,188 --> 00:10:45,022
Like... like this?
279
00:10:45,107 --> 00:10:46,857
Lower.
280
00:10:46,942 --> 00:10:49,693
So, like, how about... How about like this?
281
00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:51,311
Oh, that's perfect.
282
00:10:51,397 --> 00:10:53,313
[moaning] Yeah!
283
00:10:57,119 --> 00:10:59,202
[machine gun firing]
284
00:10:59,288 --> 00:11:00,487
[shrieks]
285
00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:02,205
[sighs]
286
00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,877
[panting]
287
00:11:18,424 --> 00:11:19,840
Hey there, mate.
288
00:11:19,892 --> 00:11:22,008
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
289
00:11:22,094 --> 00:11:23,343
[groans]
290
00:11:23,395 --> 00:11:24,728
Right.
291
00:11:24,813 --> 00:11:26,179
Cool.
292
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:29,850
[sexy saxophone music]
293
00:11:29,902 --> 00:11:32,269
Wow.
294
00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:34,855
We should have done that a long time ago.
295
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:36,690
That was amazing.
296
00:11:36,742 --> 00:11:37,774
[laughs]
297
00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:39,693
Yeah.
298
00:11:39,745 --> 00:11:40,861
Amazing.
299
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:56,566
Mm. That was delicious.
300
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,485
You put together such a romantic evening.
301
00:11:58,570 --> 00:12:02,655
Well, it's actually not done just yet.
302
00:12:02,741 --> 00:12:04,607
- What?
-
Dun da-da dun
303
00:12:04,659 --> 00:12:07,360
- Sci-fi themed cookies.
- Ohh.
304
00:12:07,446 --> 00:12:11,247
Wow, you made aliens and rocket ships.
305
00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:13,616
What did I do to get
such an amazing boyfriend?
306
00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:15,752
Eh.
307
00:12:15,787 --> 00:12:17,120
Mm.
308
00:12:17,172 --> 00:12:18,705
One sec. I'm just gonna grab the Kyle.
309
00:12:18,790 --> 00:12:19,815
Oh, actually,
310
00:12:19,841 --> 00:12:22,175
I thought maybe
311
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:25,211
tonight could just be about you and me.
312
00:12:25,297 --> 00:12:27,714
- Tonight is about you and me.
- Right. Okay.
313
00:12:27,799 --> 00:12:29,845
So, then, why do we need that thing?
314
00:12:29,846 --> 00:12:30,800
Mm, it just helps me.
315
00:12:30,852 --> 00:12:33,937
Uh, can't you just get
off like a normal person,
316
00:12:33,972 --> 00:12:36,389
just once?
317
00:12:36,475 --> 00:12:37,557
Like a normal person?
318
00:12:37,642 --> 00:12:39,859
No, that's... ohh.
319
00:12:39,945 --> 00:12:41,478
Thanks.
320
00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:42,645
I'm sorry. I...
321
00:12:50,072 --> 00:12:51,404
Oh.
322
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:53,289
So, what brings you in to therapy?
323
00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:56,999
Claire and I have, uh, ehh...
324
00:12:57,045 --> 00:12:58,661
Sex problems.
325
00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:00,463
There's no such thing as a sex problem...
326
00:13:00,499 --> 00:13:02,465
Only sex opportunities.
327
00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:05,418
Okay, well, we have a
pretty bad sex opportunity.
328
00:13:05,504 --> 00:13:09,672
She is less than satisfied
by our lovemaking,
329
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:12,258
and I was hoping, like, you could help her.
330
00:13:12,344 --> 00:13:16,596
Like, recommend some
exercises for her to do.
331
00:13:16,681 --> 00:13:18,598
They're called, uh, Kangols.
332
00:13:18,683 --> 00:13:20,266
Kangols are a type of hat.
333
00:13:20,352 --> 00:13:22,235
Okay. See? This is...
334
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,770
If it's all right with you,
I'd like to talk to Claire
335
00:13:23,855 --> 00:13:25,188
privately for a few minutes.
336
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,856
Oh, yeah, a bit... a bit of girl chat.
337
00:13:26,908 --> 00:13:28,358
Yeah, love it. All right.
338
00:13:28,410 --> 00:13:31,361
Uh, don't... don't say
anything bad about me.
339
00:13:31,446 --> 00:13:32,695
[both laugh]
340
00:13:32,747 --> 00:13:36,332
- Okay. Bye now.
- Yeah. Okay. Okay.
341
00:13:36,368 --> 00:13:38,041
But seriously, don't.
342
00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:41,704
Josh? We're ready for you.
343
00:13:41,756 --> 00:13:43,623
Okay.
344
00:13:43,708 --> 00:13:45,125
Hello.
345
00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:46,709
Are you okay?
346
00:13:46,761 --> 00:13:47,877
I'm great.
347
00:13:47,963 --> 00:13:50,380
Dr. Evans has helped me realize
348
00:13:50,465 --> 00:13:53,349
that all the problems we were
having in our relationship
349
00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:56,052
are entirely my fault.
350
00:13:56,104 --> 00:13:57,303
[whispers] Thank you.
351
00:13:57,389 --> 00:13:58,888
I have been living a lie,
352
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,941
and it's time I finally admit it.
353
00:14:02,027 --> 00:14:04,777
Admit what?
354
00:14:04,863 --> 00:14:07,697
You're safe. You're safe.
355
00:14:07,732 --> 00:14:08,982
You can do it.
356
00:14:09,067 --> 00:14:11,534
[exhales]
357
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,653
I'm a not-Joshero-sexual.
358
00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:14,737
I'm sorry, what?
359
00:14:14,789 --> 00:14:16,739
I'm a not-Joshero-sexual.
360
00:14:16,825 --> 00:14:18,992
It means I'm sexually attracted
to people who aren't you.
361
00:14:19,077 --> 00:14:20,910
So... so you're gay.
362
00:14:20,962 --> 00:14:23,963
No. Not-Joshero means just not you.
363
00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:27,500
But... but that's so mean.
364
00:14:27,586 --> 00:14:29,002
But this has nothing to do with you, Josh.
365
00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:32,088
This is about Claire and
her sexual orientation.
366
00:14:32,174 --> 00:14:33,339
I think I have a book.
367
00:14:33,425 --> 00:14:35,475
There's... there's books?
368
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,595
People have been unattracted
to you for thousands of years.
369
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,347
- Thousands?
- Since the dawn of mankind.
370
00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:42,932
In ancient Greece,
371
00:14:43,018 --> 00:14:45,818
not-Joshero love
was considered quite normal.
372
00:14:45,904 --> 00:14:48,855
Plato called it the cornerstone
of a modern democracy.
373
00:14:48,940 --> 00:14:50,361
It... what?
374
00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:52,492
How many... how... How
many people have this?
375
00:14:52,577 --> 00:14:54,277
Some people put the number at 10%.
376
00:14:54,329 --> 00:14:56,446
You know, others say it
could be as high as 100%.
377
00:14:56,498 --> 00:14:57,947
What?
378
00:14:57,999 --> 00:14:59,282
Some of your favorite celebrities
379
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:00,450
are not-Josheros.
380
00:15:00,502 --> 00:15:01,784
Carmelo Anthony.
381
00:15:01,836 --> 00:15:03,953
Recording artist Pink.
382
00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:05,955
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
383
00:15:06,007 --> 00:15:07,423
They got The Rock?
384
00:15:07,459 --> 00:15:09,292
Okay. You know what? That's it.
385
00:15:09,344 --> 00:15:10,460
Let's go, Claire.
386
00:15:10,512 --> 00:15:12,295
Thank you very much.
387
00:15:12,347 --> 00:15:14,430
For nothing, really.
388
00:15:14,466 --> 00:15:15,765
Claire, this is just ridiculous.
389
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,051
You are not a not-Joshero-sexual.
390
00:15:18,136 --> 00:15:19,602
We've had sex.
391
00:15:19,638 --> 00:15:21,187
I was trying to make it work,
392
00:15:21,273 --> 00:15:24,307
but now I realize it's just not who I am.
393
00:15:24,359 --> 00:15:26,809
You... you... you like me, don't you?
394
00:15:26,895 --> 00:15:28,811
Yes. I like you so much.
395
00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:30,146
Okay, so that's all that matters.
396
00:15:30,232 --> 00:15:31,781
Like, we... we love hanging out.
397
00:15:31,816 --> 00:15:33,650
We enjoy each other's company. Right?
398
00:15:33,702 --> 00:15:38,655
So... so maybe this "you not
being remotely attracted to me
399
00:15:38,707 --> 00:15:41,207
at all" thing is something
that we can, like, work on.
400
00:15:41,293 --> 00:15:43,209
Together, like...
401
00:15:43,295 --> 00:15:45,211
I'm saying let's... let's try.
402
00:15:47,916 --> 00:15:49,415
Yeah. Okay.
403
00:15:49,501 --> 00:15:50,583
Let's try.
404
00:15:54,723 --> 00:15:57,140
Can you check on my computer to
see how much marjoram we need?
405
00:15:57,175 --> 00:15:58,424
Sure thing, honey.
406
00:16:04,065 --> 00:16:06,341
All right, half a teaspoon of marjoram...
407
00:16:06,426 --> 00:16:07,650
dear.
408
00:16:07,686 --> 00:16:10,511
Thank you.
409
00:16:10,597 --> 00:16:13,264
[mouse button clicks]
410
00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:14,399
Oh.
411
00:16:19,572 --> 00:16:22,523
[suspenseful music]
412
00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:30,415
I'm not Josh.
413
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:31,950
Me neither.
414
00:16:32,035 --> 00:16:33,201
- I'm not Josh.
- You are so not Josh.
415
00:16:33,286 --> 00:16:34,669
I'm not Josh.
416
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:36,087
- Not Josh!
- I'm not Josh!
417
00:16:36,172 --> 00:16:37,255
- Not Josh.
- Not Josh!
418
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:39,707
Josh.
419
00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:41,542
I'm so sorry.
420
00:16:41,594 --> 00:16:44,212
I-I-I thought you said you'd changed.
421
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,713
I tried, but I can't.
422
00:16:45,765 --> 00:16:48,216
Not being attracted to you is who I am.
423
00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:49,717
Yup.
424
00:16:49,769 --> 00:16:51,185
- I'm gonna go...
- [whispers] No.
425
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:52,553
Bicycle or something.
426
00:16:52,639 --> 00:16:53,888
- I'm sorry!
- [shrieks]
427
00:16:53,974 --> 00:16:56,941
[fast punk music]
428
00:16:57,027 --> 00:16:59,811
429
00:16:59,896 --> 00:17:01,062
[clattering]
430
00:17:01,114 --> 00:17:02,447
Augh!
431
00:17:02,532 --> 00:17:03,731
Oh, God.
432
00:17:03,783 --> 00:17:04,866
What the...
433
00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:06,951
[gasps] Are you okay?
434
00:17:07,037 --> 00:17:08,903
- Whoa.
- Watch yourself now.
435
00:17:08,955 --> 00:17:10,371
Let's get you up slowly.
436
00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:12,240
That was quite a spill you took.
437
00:17:12,325 --> 00:17:13,741
Are... are you sure you're okay?
438
00:17:13,827 --> 00:17:15,076
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm good.
439
00:17:15,161 --> 00:17:17,045
I've [slurring]... thank you.
440
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,379
Thank you for helping me up.
441
00:17:18,415 --> 00:17:19,714
Was, uh, very nice of you.
442
00:17:19,749 --> 00:17:21,466
It's a good thing we saw you.
443
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:23,551
We're just headed over to
the not-Joshero pride parade.
444
00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:24,752
Wait, what?
445
00:17:24,838 --> 00:17:27,388
- You're not-Josheros?
- Yeah.
446
00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:30,308
Then why did you help me? I
thought you didn't like me.
447
00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:31,843
Oh, heck no. We like you fine.
448
00:17:31,928 --> 00:17:33,261
We're just not sexually attracted to you.
449
00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:35,146
Yeah, you seem like a nice fella.
450
00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:36,431
We're just not interested in
playing with your ding-dong.
451
00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:38,316
- No.
- You take care of yourself, okay?
452
00:17:38,401 --> 00:17:39,267
- Yeah.
- You have a good day now.
453
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,518
Yeah.
454
00:17:42,939 --> 00:17:44,697
[bell rings]
455
00:17:47,277 --> 00:17:49,077
Josh, I told you. This isn't gonna work.
456
00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:50,028
No, no. I know that.
457
00:17:50,113 --> 00:17:51,362
I just...
458
00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:52,780
There's something I want to show you.
459
00:17:52,832 --> 00:17:54,115
Trust me.
460
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,450
[cheering]
461
00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:57,869
[upbeat polka music]
462
00:17:57,954 --> 00:17:59,287
What is this?
463
00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:02,590
It's the annual not-Joshero pride parade.
464
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:05,877
Couple friends told me about it.
465
00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:08,379
I'm sorry I tried to change you.
466
00:18:08,465 --> 00:18:11,766
I-I think the truth is we're
just not right for each other.
467
00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:14,302
We are right for each other.
468
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:15,970
Just not in that way.
469
00:18:16,056 --> 00:18:18,306
Well...
470
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:21,142
So long, Claire.
471
00:18:21,194 --> 00:18:22,693
Hey, wait.
472
00:18:22,779 --> 00:18:24,979
Um, what are you doing next weekend?
473
00:18:25,065 --> 00:18:26,948
Probably nothing. Why?
474
00:18:26,983 --> 00:18:28,566
There's a horror movie festival.
475
00:18:28,651 --> 00:18:31,319
I've been looking for
a friend to go with me.
476
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:32,620
Count me in.
477
00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:35,656
[upbeat music]
478
00:18:35,742 --> 00:18:37,291
479
00:18:37,327 --> 00:18:41,963
[cheers and applause]
480
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:44,549
Whoo!
481
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:46,885
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
482
00:18:53,312 --> 00:18:54,978
[sputtering]
483
00:18:58,066 --> 00:18:59,983
[sighs]
484
00:19:00,068 --> 00:19:03,486
[moaning]
485
00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:07,073
Oh, my God.
486
00:19:07,159 --> 00:19:08,491
- [moans]
- Jesus.
487
00:19:08,543 --> 00:19:09,826
Ugh.
488
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:11,328
Josh?
489
00:19:11,380 --> 00:19:12,662
Josh, is that you?
490
00:19:12,748 --> 00:19:14,080
I've been in this closet for so long
491
00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:15,415
I think I've gone blind.
492
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,167
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
493
00:19:17,219 --> 00:19:20,170
I'm so... I completely
forgot that you were in here.
494
00:19:20,255 --> 00:19:22,255
- Why didn't you just leave?
- I can't leave.
495
00:19:22,341 --> 00:19:24,674
I'm your sex toy, to
do with as you see fit.
496
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,009
Yeah, right.
497
00:19:26,061 --> 00:19:28,178
Um, well, Claire and I broke up,
498
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:30,764
so you don't have to be my sex toy anymore.
499
00:19:30,849 --> 00:19:31,932
What?
500
00:19:32,017 --> 00:19:33,817
Yeah, go. Just... hydrate.
501
00:19:33,852 --> 00:19:35,685
Or eat something. Yeah.
502
00:19:35,737 --> 00:19:36,853
You're giving me my freedom?
503
00:19:36,939 --> 00:19:38,405
- Yeah.
- Crikey!
504
00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:39,856
Yeah. There you go.
505
00:19:39,908 --> 00:19:41,191
- Thank you!
- Yeah.
506
00:19:41,276 --> 00:19:42,609
- Thanks, mate.
- Yep. It's all good.
507
00:19:42,694 --> 00:19:44,194
It's all good. Yeah.
508
00:19:44,279 --> 00:19:46,913
Would you like me to
[peep] you before I go?
509
00:19:46,999 --> 00:19:48,164
No, thank you.
510
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,449
You sure?
511
00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:50,700
'Cause I can do that. I can [peep] you.
512
00:19:50,786 --> 00:19:52,502
No, I know. I know you can.
513
00:19:52,537 --> 00:19:53,974
Okay.
514
00:19:54,790 --> 00:19:55,872
Good-bye, Josh.
515
00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:56,873
I'll never forget you.
516
00:19:56,925 --> 00:19:58,208
I... yeah.
517
00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:01,711
Um, so, what are you gonna do?
518
00:20:01,763 --> 00:20:03,213
Maybe I'll go back to Sydney
519
00:20:03,298 --> 00:20:05,048
and finish my degree
in applied mathematics.
520
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:06,130
Huh.
521
00:20:06,134 --> 00:20:08,051
I don't know.
522
00:20:08,136 --> 00:20:10,470
The world is wide-open.
523
00:20:10,555 --> 00:20:13,023
Yeah.
524
00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:16,059
[upbeat music]
525
00:20:16,111 --> 00:20:17,729
526
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,325
[bell dings]
527
00:20:32,711 --> 00:20:34,744
- I'm not Josh.
- Me neither.
528
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:39,198
Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
- www.addic7ed.com -
529
00:20:39,248 --> 00:20:43,798
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