All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s01e18 Beauty Knows No Pain.eng

I am not in training
to enter the Iron Man contest.

A guy'd have to be crazy
to do that.

[ Cheering ]

I have enough cash
to pay your salary for one day,

so I gotta have results
in 2 4 hours.

- Wah!
- [ T.C.] Come on.! Come on.!

- T.M., I gotta get you dry, man.
- T.C., you're killing me.

[ Woman ]
Come on, Magnum.!

Who's he?
Oh, this is a private investigator--

- A cop?
- I'm making a citizen's arrest.

[ Yells ]
Magnum!

Magnum.!

[ Magnum Narrating ]
Hawaii is like every sensual woman I've ever known.

She can have raging,
violent bursts of temper,

followed by incredible calm
and peacefulness.

Today was one of those days
of true serenity...

when even the great tourist wave
seems to recede.

I mean,
I couldn't believe the stillness.

Man, business stinks.
Hi, guys.

Hi.

Rick, what's the exact time
right now?

You know,
everybody's on the mainland.

Nobody even cares
if my chopper's sittin' there gettin' rusty, just eatin' money.

Rick, the time! Right now!
Geez. It's 11:29 at the tone. Bing!

That's 56 minutes.
That's my best time yet.

And I know I could do better
on the road, because this last stretch of beach is all soft sand.

What do you think this is,
a gymnasium?

Hey, man, you stay
in pretty good shape, huh?

About how many miles
do you jog a day? Only eight.

Eight. Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Uh, you swim a lot too, huh?

Now and then.

I bet you can ride a bike pretty good.
Bicycle?

T.C.,

I am not in training
to enter the Iron Man contest.

Honest. A guy'd have to be
crazy to do that.

First you swim five miles,
then you marathon 26 miles,

then ride a bike a hundred miles
all in the same day. [ Buzzing ]

Yeah, this is Rick.
I bet you could do it.

No bet.
Okay.

Thomas, that was Jimmy at the gate.
There's a woman here to see you. This has gotta stop.

I mean, as Higgins would say,
this is a private club, not an office. Not an office.

[ Laughing ]

Magnum, P.I.?
I'm Barbara Terranova from Bayonne, New Jersey.

Your answering machine
said I could find you here, so I came right over.

Hi, Barbara Terranova.
I'm Rick. I, uh, manage this club.

This is T.C. The fella you're looking for
is standing right behind you with the baseball hat on.

Figures. I've only been here two days,
but already I know everything in Hawaii is a little cuckoo.

Oh-- Maybe you'd like to
step out on the beach where we can talk more privately.

Magnum, I'm gonna be up front.
I have enough cash to pay your salary for one day-- exactly one day.

So I gotta have results in 2 4 hours.
What do you say?

I'm sorry, Miss Terranova,
but no respectable private investigator...

can guarantee a one-day result.

Well, almost none.

I know.
That's what they all said.

All?
I phoned every investigator in the phone book.

Oh. Well, alphabetically, of course.

[ T.C. And Rick Laughing ]

Thomas, we gotta
do something with your listing. We gotta move it up or somethin'.

I just figured I could
count on you somehow.

I mean, your voice
on your answering machine was so sympathetic.

I quit my job back in Bayonne
at the Firmer Body in Ten Days Exercise Salon...

and I spent all my savings on new outfits
and a plane ticket one way.

I just don't know what I'm gonna do.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
Once I said yes, it was like punching a clock.

Barbara barely gave me time
to shower and change into some gear I kept at the club.

I wanted to grab a cab back
to the estate and pick up the Ferrari,

but she said that would be
a waste of her time and money.

So we headed downtown.

On a bus.
Almost fresh.

I got 'em on the plane yesterday.

Thank goodness I saved 'em, huh?

Barbara.
Mm-hmm?

I understand about Roger
being a great pool player--

Fantastic player!

His life's dream
is to play competition on TV.

But what I don't understand
is the part about the gold teeth.

Ah. Well, um,
his gardening truck.

Did I mention that Roger is terrific
with tropical flowers?

And therefore I know he's gonna be
doin' real well over here.

Anyway, his gardening truck
was rear-ended, and his mouth--

[ Squishes ]
Steering wheel.

So, he had this friend
whose cousin was a dentist--

Some friend, right?

And he gave him a deal
on these new front teeth.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
The problem with tailing a bus is that it can be pretty humiliating.

See, a bus creeps along while
the rest of the traffic moves around it.

Well, all the, uh, enamel fell off,
leaving just the gold casings.

Yeah. So that's why
you don't have a photo of Roger.

He's embarrassed
to get his picture taken.

[ Magnum ]
Come on. The next pool hall is right up the street.

[ Barbara ]
Okay. Barbara,

does anyone know
that you've come here looking for Roger?

Ha.! Only half of Bayonne.

I tried to stop my mother,
but she insisted on giving an elopement party.

Which is a first
for New Jersey.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
I would be paranoid to assume the blue sedan was following Barbara and me.

There were plenty
of other people on the bus.

But private investigators
are paid to be paranoid.

So I made a mental note
to check for the car when we came out.

I wonder if Barbara realized
just how careful I was being on her behalf.

[ Beeping ]

[ Higgins ] Yes, Mr. Masters?
[ Magnum ] Hi, Higgins. It's me.

Magnum, why must you always call me
on Robin Masters's private line...

when there are four other
perfectly good phone lines into the estate?

Well, it's the only number
that I can remember.

Um, Higgins, can I have the Ferrari?

- You're asking?
- Of course I'm asking.

This isn't like you, Magnum.
Not like you at all.

Well, I-- I need it delivered.

Delivered?
Look, Higgins, I only have 2 4--

23 hours to solve this case
that I'm on, and I can't do it riding around on a bus.

A bus? You're on a case
and you're riding on a bus?

[ Laughing ]

Don't laugh, Higgins.
Some of your best investigators use buses.

Buses can't be tailed.
You can always spot a tail when you're riding on a bus.

Oh, Magnum!
This is too, too much.

just get me the Ferrari, Higgins.

I'm at--

Honolulu Lulu's.

Honolulu Lulu's Pool Hall.

Honolulu Lulu's!
I don't believe it.

Corner of Kaula and--
and Hannaliki.

I'll send one of the gardeners
round with it. Oh, and, Magnum,

don't forget to tell him
which bus to take back.

I wouldn't want him
to make the wrong transfer or whatever it is one does on a bus.

[ Laughing ]
[ Chuckles Sarcastically ]

Nobody here ever saw Roger.
Let's hit the next one.

I've got my car coming.
We went all through that.

I got no time to wait around
while you wait for a car coming from-- Barbara,

we can cover the pool halls faster
from my car than we can in the back of a bus.

Besides, how do you know
Roger won't come through that door any second?

Look, I'll tell you what.

My car will be here within the hour.
I'll play you for that hour.

If you win, I still owe you
23 hours of investigative time.

If I win, 22. But either way,
we'll have my car and we'll move faster.

What do you say?
You a hustler?

Do I look like a pool hustler?

No. Rack 'em up.

Uh, no. They're, uh--
They're still in Lulu's.

No. They haven't spotted us yet.

All right. Right.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
Maybe I didn't have a fluorescent suntan,

but I'd spent my share of time
in pool halls as a kid.

Of course,

that was a long time ago.

- Straight pool?
- Mm-hmm.

Gee, I haven't played
since I learned for Roger.

In Bayonne,
girls in their late 20s,

or early 30s,

still do that for their men.

Roger and I met playing pool.

I felt this... attraction to him
and asked him to teach me.

When someone's
showing you the game, there's a lot of...

touching and being close.

[ Clears Throat ]
Well, by the end of the evening, he'd asked me out.

It was just like in the movies.
You know what I mean? I think I can guess.

Excuse me.

Well, just when I know
he's about ready to pop the question,

he disappears.

- Ah.
- Almost a year later, I get this postcard from him...

with this P.O. box
postmark, you know?

Once the writing started again,
we burned up the post office.

I mean torrid, you know?

And then,

bam!

A marriage proposal.

Excuse me.

Well, I was so excited
I couldn't sleep for two nights. And then I telegraphed.

"Yes. '"

And then yesterday,
when I got off the plane--

No Roger.

That's 2 4 hours you owe me.

Rack 'em up.

Well?
Well, we do what we have to do.

[ Magnum Narrating ] We visited
so many pool halls that day and night, I couldn't begin to remember them all.

Barbara's 2 4 hours were about up--

that is...
until your figured our pool bets.

According to my calculations,
you owe me through dinnertime,

which is 6:00 p.m. in Bayonne.

Right.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
My paranoia was in full bloom.

Every time we came out of
one of those pool halls, the blue sedan was cruising by.

Even after we switched
from the bus to the car, his tailing didn't improve.

It was almost like
he wanted to be spotted.

Barbara?
Hmm?

Are you a girl
who gets nervous in a car? Never.

- [ Engine Revs ]
- Wah!

Barbara,

I'm going to the bathroom.

In two minutes,
you go to the bathroom.

But I don't have to
go to the bathroom.

Please, go to the bathroom.

But I-- I don't have to
go to the bathroom.

Please.
Okay.

But I don't have to.

[ Engine Starts ]

[ Engine Revs ]

[ Magnum Narrating ]
When somebody drives a car that tries too hard to be average...

and sports a haircut
with white sidewalls,

it usually adds up to one thing:
government.

But why would the government
care about Barbara's missing fiancé?

That's funny. Higgins usually
has the dogs greet me. Yeah, me too.

Except today he was
in a really, really good mood.

Kept laughing
and saying something about busing.

Why don't you
make yourself at home, T.C.?

Yeah, that's what I'm doin'.
Uh, where's the powder room?

He ain't got one of them.
My bathroom is right through there.

Thanks.

Rick, I want you to check
a-- a light blue sedan for me.

License number 5 567 A.

It's a-- a government
vehicle or a rental.

And the driver,
well, he's, uh, early 20s, blond-- Yeah, government type.

Yeah. Uh, thanks.

What are you doing?

The Iron Man contest.
Oh, no, T.C.

No way. I told you.
I am not entering that.

Don't start again.
Not even to save Island Hoppers?

I mean, I figure what I need
is better promotion, better advertising.

What could be better
than to have the company name...

in front of the public
in a big, fancy--

Oh, I see.
You're entering the race.

Did I hear somebody
mention a race? Oh, yeah. It's the Iron Man.

It's a big event with
men and women if you're into competitive suicide.

See, first you swim
five miles in rough water.

Then you run a complete
26 mile marathon.

Then, finally, the people
who are still alive, they bicycle a hundred miles.

[ Laughing ]
T.C. here is gonna enter.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Not me. You.

Island Hoppers is going to
sponsor you in the Iron Man.

Oh, no. No way.

A person's gotta be crazy
to enter that event.

Mm-hmm. That makes you
the perfect candidate.

Besides, look at the difference
in our bodies.

I mean, I'm all shiny,
muscle and power.

But you--
you got the legs to win it.

That's right!
And I intend to keep them.

I mean, think about this, T.C.

Swimming, running a marathon
and then bicycling a hundred miles.

All right.
What-What-What about all this ""I owe you one, T.C.''?

When does that get paid?
Well, that's different.

I mean, that's entirely different.

Vouchers. What about vouchers?

Vouchers for-- for gas,
vouchers for air time, vouchers for this, vouchers for that.

When are you gonna take care of that?
I'd do it, T.C. I really would,

but, see, I'm on a case
with Barbara here.

Ah.

Now, I've had occasion
during the past 2 4 hours to scrutinize the body in question.

- My analysis: mediocre reflexes--
- Mediocre?

average motor skills--
Average?

and speed and endurance
of a questionable nature.

Shoot!
Now there's no way this specimen could complete,

let alone compete in,
the Iron Man competition...

unless--

Let me guess.

Well, unless what?

Your boy gets a first-class,

knowledgeable, certified trainer
to guide him to a winning body.

Yeah, but where do I get that?

I mean, a dude like that's
gotta cost big bucks.

Not a dude, T.C.

A "dudette."
Am I right, Barbara?

Modestly, yes.

The pride of Bayonne.

The top instructor
at the Firmer Body in Ten Days Figure Salon.

And in return for my services,
Magnum continues to search for Roger...

and then runs the Iron Man
to pay his debts to you. Deal?

You got it.
No!

[ Barbara ]
And a one and a two...

and a three and a four.

And a one and a two...

and a three and a four.

And breathe.
[ Huffing ]

And a one and a two
and a breathe.

[ Huffing ]
Good morning, Barbara.

Very subtle.
You're wasting your time.

I don't want to play.
Oh, now, Magnum.

Now, the secret here,
you see, is knees to chest.

Knees to chest.
Try it. Now--

I am heading for a swim,
and when I get back, Barbara--

Babs. Call me Babs. Or Coach.
Or whatever makes you feel comfortable. Never.

I will never call you Coach
because I promise you I am never going to enter that contest.

Well, what about T.C.
and saving the Island Hoppers?

What about Roger and me?
I mean, this whole deal depends on your entering this contest.

- I mean--
- Good morning.

I am sorry about all that,
believe me,

and I'd do anything for T.C.--
anything else, I mean. Oh.

And maybe we can
work something out about finding Roger.

Oh, no, I could never accept charity.
Well, then pay me later,

but just don't talk to me
about this contest.

Ah, the contest.
The excitement, the anticipation,

the agony.

Now, here are
the items you requested, courtesy of the household account.

Protein powder,
vitamins with an emphasis on ""B'' complex,

tuna for tuna shakes.

It sounds positively revolting,
but I'm sure it's quite nourishing.

Higgins, what is this?
Paying out of the household account?

You never pay for anything
for me out of--

Wait. How'd you find out about this?

T.C. told me his plans
when I let him in last night.

For once I agreed with him,
and so does Mr. Masters.

It's a capital idea.
Robin? You talked to Robin?

By happy coincidence,
he phoned last night from Venice.

I took the liberty
of informing him of the race.

And you let him think I was entering?

Higgins, how could you?
That's a lie.! A deliberate lie.!

I must say, he was
simply wildly enthusiastic.

Well, he'd been drinking.
He'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and won't remember a thing.

What better way to ensure the security
of the estate than for our resident investigator to be in top shape?

But I've saved
the really thrilling news for last.

There's more?
To signal his support of your effort,

Robin's sending you something
from Italy, air express.

A World Cup racing bicycle
from Milan.

I understand it cost
2,7 00 American.

Terrific! Do you know a bike like that
only weighs seven pounds?

You know what an edge
that's gonna give us?

$2,7 00 for a bicycle.

[ Higgins ]
I knew you'd be thrilled.

Let me know if there's
anything else I can provide.

By the by, do you have
someplace to stay?

A small hotel
on the other side of the island. I'll make one of the guest rooms available.

So much more convenient
for your training purposes. Thanks!

[ Higgins ]
And, Magnum,

best of luck.

I know training
can be bloody hell.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
I was prepared to go along with it,

at least until I had the business
of Roger figured out.

After all, I was in top shape.

Maybe we should take a break.
Nonsense. Whatever you do, don't stop.

just remember my motto
at the exercise salon.

Beauty Knows No Pain.
just try it. It's gotten more ladies through my class--

Please! No philosophy.

We've barely come 1 0 miles.
Now, I want to see you sprint from here to the estate. Go.

Beauty Knows No Pain. Go!

Go, or it's an extra 200 sit-ups.

Hi. Miss Terranova?
We'd like to talk to you.

[ Grunts ]
Magnum!

Magnum.!

Magnum.!

Beauty Knows No Pain!

Take it easy now. Okay?

I'm making a citizen's arrest.

Oh, come on, lady.
Come on.

Hey!

- Stop it. Get your hands off me.
- Gold teeth!

[ Grunts ]

Don't make this any harder
than it has to be. [ Yelling ]

Oh, let her go. Let her go.
Let's get out of here. We're gonna draw a crowd.

just don't lie there.
Get 'em!

[ Magnum ]
Wait. Higgins. Wait. Easy.

[ Yells ]
[ Bone Clicks ]

Better?

[ Groans ]
A little trick I learned in Shanghai just after the war...

from a sturdy little Oriental chap
who demonstrated using dogs.

Actually, it's still pretty bad.
I think I may be out of action for several days.

- No swimming with this.
- Perhaps a little acupuncture.

Let me just get my needles
and we'll try some simple muscle testing.

On the other hand,
activity could be good for circulation. [ Groaning ]

Let's go back to the guesthouse.
I'll give you hot packs, alternating with cold packs.

No. Not so fast.
Aren't you forgetting something?

- You mean?
- Yes, as a matter of fact.

The Hardy Boys out there.

Especially the one with Roger's teeth.

I was just gonna tell you about that.

You were just so busy
with beauty and pain that it slipped your mind.

Roger doesn't have any gold teeth.

Well, these two guys
came to see me in Bayonne about six weeks ago.

Looking for Roger.

What story did they give you?

Even at the exercise salon
it sounded phony.

They knew I was his girlfriend,
and if I saw him, they wanted me to give him some money--

a check for a couple of thousand
they said he loaned them.

Well, I returned it, naturally.

Naturally.

I'm scared of those guys.
They want to hurt Roger, and I don't know why. We gotta find him first.

So you made up...

the whole story
about the gold teeth...

to find them while we were
looking for Roger.

Do you have a photograph of him?

Oh, in-- in my bag.

You lied to me about that!
You said you didn't have one!

I know.
Hmm.

[ Higgins ]
Fine figure of a man.

Honolulu's a big place,
Thomas.

[ Bottle Cap Rattles On Floor ]

I'll check it out
and see what I can turn up.

[ Blender Whirring ]

Come on, T.C.
just one beer.

You're in training.
I'm not going to have my contestant...

barfing his guts all over the race
from guzzling beer.

Okay. Okay.
Have it your way.

just because I thought
it would help me forget how...

sore my shoulder really is.

Aw. Well, Beauty Knows No Pain.

And I should know.
Cut that out!

- You really believe everything
she's telling you about Roger, huh? - Yeah. Sure.

Well, 65% I believe.

Hey, what about that, uh,
government guy in the sedan?

Why is he nosin' around?
Oh, great. Goons and government.

That's big time.
That's mob, Thomas.

Rick, I am not
jumping to any conclusions. just 'cause it looks like--

just cause it looks like
he is a government witness.

Whoa. Roger's a mob stool pigeon?

Bullets flyin' all over the place,
and you got a race?

You really believe her, huh?
Rick!

Okay, okay.
I told you I'd check it out, and, Thomas, I will check it out.

Um, Thomas, listen.

I thought after the race
I'd throw a little celebration.

Like a congratulation gesture.
Yeah, yeah. Just us guys.

Yeah. And maybe
a couple of TV reporters.

[ Rick ]
You know, a human interest story. Get a little publicity for T.C.

You know,
war buddy helps pal. Yeah.

TV reporters.

And how about
some wire service stringers,

Rick and a couple of photographers,
Life Maga--

Thomas? Thomas.

[ Both Laughing ]

Magnum, it's here. Ta-da!

It's glorious, isn't it?

[ Higgins ]
I'm surprised that it arrived so soon. Yea. Terrific.

I'll just have a go at the gears.
Then you can take her out for a spin.

Double-time it, Magnum.
Swimsuit on.

Mr. Higgins, if you could have it ready
by the time Magnum finishes his swim, that would be perfect.

No problem. Actually, Magnum,
I quite envy you the bike race...

because the course cuts through
the Austin Memorial Gardens,

which are normally
off-limits to visitors.

I've been there.
You have?

Yeah. Well, Roger wrote about
the Austin Gardens a lot,

so it was the first place
I went when I landed.

He worked there
when he first came to the Islands.

Why didn't you tell me this?
I'm your investigator.

I don't know.

Well, he wasn't there.
They didn't know where he'd gone.

But they said he was wonderful
with tropical flowers.

We have got to talk.

When you've had your swim,
then we'll try out the new bike.

Barbara, I have the feeling
you're stringing me along,

and it's going to stop now.

What?

You don't think Roger proposed to me?

Oh.! Or-- Or you think
I'm the kind of girl that never gets proposed to.

- No, that's not what I mean.
- Well, I'll have you know...

that in high school I was voted
queen of the Friday night dance... twice.

And I was head cheerleader
my junior year. Barbara!

Now, look, what other places
did he write to you about?

None.

Unless you count the place
on the card he sent me to propose.

""Dear Babs,
This is where all our dreams will come true.''

""The Old Hawaiian
Aloha Wedding Chapel.''

That's a proposal?
[ Chuckles ]

Well, wouldn't any reasonable girl
take that as a proposal?

- Did you go there?
- Without Roger?

For heaven sakes, why?

??[ Organ ]

??[ Continues ]

Excuse me.

Excuse me.
Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo.

[ Chuckling ]
You can't go in there right now.

I-- I'm very sorry.

You can't go in there right now.
There's a ceremony in progress.

That's all right.
We're just looking for a friend.

You mean you're, uh,

not the future
Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd Brockman?

Do we look like a bridal couple?
Uh--

Don't you wish to be married here?

Yes.
No.

Oh, I see. Uh--

I wonder if it'd be possible
if we could see your gardens?

Oh, yes.

Even in Hawaii
we're famous for our gardens.

It's right around there.

And for our weddings too,
of course. [ Chuckling ]

Thank you very much.
You're welcome.

That was a fast answer.
Have you ever been married? No.

Engaged?
No.

How about
heavy fooling around?

Never on the first date,
and then only if the girl is sincere and will respect me.

[ Laughs ]
??[ Wedding March: Recessional ]

All right, everyone.
Picture time.

Now, you come over here,
Mrs., um--

And-- And over here
for you, Mr.--

[ Barbara ]
Roger?

Babs?

Roger?

Babs!

Oh!

What are you doing here?
Didn't you get my telegram?

Roger, what did you do
to your hair?

Roger, where's your mustache?
Who's he?

Oh, this is a private investigator.
A cop?

Wait, no.
Uh, a private investigator. See--

You don't understand.

Roger, wait!
I love you, Roger!

[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Crowd Gasps ]

Get in the car.

Oh!
Hold it!

U.S. Treasury Department.

You two are in big trouble.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
It was a double blow to my ego.

The good guys were bad guys,
and vice versa.

The dumb kid in the blue sedan
turned out to be a mafia hit man,

while gold teeth and his partner
were really treasury agents.

And all of them,
including Barbara and I, were hunting for Roger.

For different reasons, of course.

It seems the love of Barbara's life
used to be Godfather Bracito's gardener.

One day while tending the roses,
he dug up two million from an armored car robbery...

that had been cooling
until the statute of limitations had run out.

Roger dropped it into a fertilizer bag
and walked away.

In a funny way I had to admire him.

Walking out of a don's estate
with two million in a bag of bat guano.

Barbara.

Barbara.

I can't believe it.
Why didn't he tell me?

Well, maybe he loved you
too much to involve you. Oh.

You think so?

Well, he wrote you
all those letters after he already had the two million dollars.

How many guys do you know
who would do that if they didn't love you?

We gotta find him.
Oh, don't worry, Babs.

This guy with the gun
won't harm him until he has the money,

and Roger's not dumb enough
to tell him where it is. Well--

We won't give up.
We'll just keep looking.

Today, tomorrow--
Oh, not tomorrow. The race is tomorrow.

Well, Roger's more important
than the race.

Oh, Thomas, you know,
I get this feeling down deep in my solar plexus...

that if you really try--
I mean really try real hard-- you can win this race.

And if you win,
everything will be okay for Roger and me.

I mean, the police
will find him and--

and he'll give back the money
and we'll get married.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know.
Beauty Knows No Pain.

Yeah.

? Beyond the reef?

? Where the sea is dark and cold ?

? My love has gone ?

? And our dreams grow old ?

?Someday I'll know?

?She'll come back??

Remember, this is your best event.
So don't go saving your energy for the other events. Got it?

Yeah.
Don't forget.

Hey, man,
I don't want to put any kind of pressure on you, but...

I bet every dime I got on you.

You what?
I guess I got carried away.

No pressure?
You call that no pressure?

Trainer coming through.
Excuse me.

[ Rick ]
just take it easy. Come on.

All right. Has anyone given him
a salt tablet?

No.

Okay. I've got your glucose,
your dry socks, liniment, bandages.

Bandages? Bandages?

-Just relax, okay? Relax.
- Come on, Magnum. Warm up.

Warm up.
Yeah, get them legs goin'.

- Get them legs in shape.
-[ Man On P.A.] Two minutes, swimmers. Two minutes.

- Oh, no.
- [ T.C. ] Don't use them too much on the swim--

What? What do you think
you're doing.

I'm sorry. No one informed me
of the dress code. However-- Knees to chest. Knees to chest.

You received this cablegram
from Robin Masters.

[ Man On P.A.]
One minute. Swimmers, to your mark. One minute.

Since your hands
appear to be a bit shaky, I'll take the liberty.

[ Grumbling ]
Knees to chest. Knees to chest.

Now bend over.
Bend down.

Take a deep breath.
And up.

""All best wishes and good luck.

""Everyone here expecting news
of your great victory.

Warmest regards, Robin Masters.''

Not that he wants you
to feel obligated to win, I'm sure.

[ Man On P.A.]
Thirty seconds. Trainers, leave your contestants, please.

Relax.
Don't worry, Thomas. You'll do it.

Good luck, old chap.

just be cool. Just be cool.
I only bet the farm.

[ Sighs ]

[ Man On P.A.]
On your mark,

[ Man ]
All right.! Come on.!

get set--

[ Gunshot ]

[ Cheering ]

Come on! Let's go!

Come on.!

He's lookin'great, huh?

I don't know.
Did he seem a trifle tense to you? Higgins, let's go.!

Well, just take all day, Higgy baby.

[ Cheering ]

[ Horn Honks ]

[ Magnum Narrating ]
Maybe beauty knows no pain, but I knew I did.

I figured the only way I could
get through the day was to put my body on automatic pilot...

and concentrate
on something else.

The trouble was
all I could think about was Roger.

If Gold Teeth was right,
he wasn't in a hell of a lot of trouble-- not with the feds anyway.

He'd stolen money,
but he'd stolen it from a thief.

If Roger turned it in
before the statute of limitations on the crime ran out next week,

he'd probably get a reward.

[ Barbara ]
Hurry up. They're due here any minute. All right, all right.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
Which brought me to Barbara.

Why didn't he meet her at the airport?

Did he have cold feet
about marrying her, or...

couldn't he show up
because he knew someone was following her?

But if he knew,
why didn't he just take the money and run?

Call her in a couple of weeks
from Tahiti or wherever?

Now remember the drill.
T.C., you towel him dry, Right.

get him into
the running shorts. Running shorts.

Okay, Rick, shoes and socks.
Shoes and socks.

And don't forget
the foot powder. Foot powder.

I myself have exactly...
four ounces of glucose.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Come on, Magnum!
Come on, Thomas! Move it!

Come on, Magnum!
Which one is he?

[ Rick ]
He's right there. Can't you see?

Come on!
Yeah! Come on!

Come on!
Come over this way!

[ Chattering ]

- [ Barbara ]
Come on, Magnum.! - Come on!

??[ Men Singing In Hawaiian ]

Come on.

[ Rick ]
Hurry up! [ T.C.] This way.! Over this way.!

Over this way.!

Come on.! Over this way.!
Come on, ya big lug.

Come on.! Come on.!
??[ Continues ]

How am I doing?
This is your best event?

just great. A champ.
In contention all the way.

T.C., you're killing me.
T.M., I gotta get you dry, man.

Here, take off your trunks.
Hold this. Okay.

And then put on
these jogging shorts. People are watching!

Oh!

Here. Come on.
Come on. Drink this very slowly.

Slowly.
Babs, damn it, turn around.

- I'm your trainer.
- I don't suppose anyone here knows the origin of the marathon.

The Greeks met
the Persians in battle... Sit down.

on a great plain
called Marathon.

The Greeks were victorious
and sent a runner back to the city with the glorious news.

The distance was that
of the modern marathon.

- Rick, what are you doing?
- We need another sock, Coach. One more sock.

Lacing up shoes.
The young man ran at top speed--

Shoes, please.
That's too tight!

It's too tight!
T.C., I'm dry! I'm dry!

He stumbled through
the gates of the city,

cried out ""Rejoice, rejoice,''

and fell dead.

There's a lesson there.

Come on, Magnum.
Go, Magnum, go.!

Hit it!

Remember.! Knees to chest.!

[ Crowd Cheering ]
??[ Continues ]

Chop-chop, chaps.
To the van.

[ Chattering ]

Come on.

[ Magnum Narrating ]
I was dying. Everything confirmed it--

my lungs, my head,
my aching muscles.

So, I concentrated on Roger.

I tried to think of all the reasons
Roger didn't leave the island...

when he knew the mafia
and the feds were on his tail.

It came down to either
a great love for Babs...

or he couldn't get his hands
on the money.

Yeah. I settled on the money too.

I thought of all the ways
it might be tied up-- investments, stocks, gold, land--

ways that would take
a while to liquidate.

After 26 miles...

I decided it was none of the above.

He'd hidden it somewhere,
and he couldn't put his hands on it immediately.

By the time I got on the bicycle,
I was ready to fall over dead.

I'd never make a hundred miles.
There was no way.

Not even if I concentrated
on Roger and his problem.

Impossible.

But I had to try.
Beauty Knows No Pain.

He'd hidden the money.
He had to.

The statute of limitations was almost up,
but he couldn't get it because...

it was inaccessible.

I had it.
I had the answer.

Only I was so damn tired,
I couldn't pull it out of my brain.

[ Applause ]
[ Woman ] All right. Here they come.

All right.
Come on, come on, come on.

[ Applause, Chattering ]

[ Woman ]
Come on.! Come on.! Come on, Island Hoppers.! Let's go.!

[ Cheering, Chattering ]

[ Woman ]
Come on, Island Hoppers.! Let's go.!

Let's go.! Let's go.! Let's go.!

[ Cheering Continues ]

I'm telling you,
I don't know where it is.

I buried it
under a Bougainvillea Priscilla.

But that was a year ago.
The whole garden's changed since then.

Ain't buyin' it, Roger.
The sun's almost gone down and the race is over.

If you don't get that money
before they close this place, there's gonna be something else planted here.

What's with the tender loving care?
Pull it up!

[ T.C. ]
Nine, 1 0,

11 , 12--

Thirteen!
There's 1 3 riders ahead of him!

This is ridiculous!
It's okay. He can still win.

There's still 60 miles to go.
Tom!

Come on, Magnum!

- Come on!
- Did you enjoy the flowers?

[ Magnum Narrating ]
That was it. The flowers. It had to be.

Roger had hidden the money
here in the gardens where he used to work.

- [ Barbara ]
Magnum! - What are you tryin' to do? Ruin me?

Turn around!
Turn around!

It must be the ruddy heat.
I saw it happen several times in India.

I remember once
when the raja of Punjab was racing elephants...

in July on the Tigris Plain.

There was this rogue bull.

Come on, will ya, Higgins?
He got behind the raja's elephant and tried to mount him.

Uh, the elephant,
not the raja.

Extraordinary.

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Groans ]

[ Rick ]
Hold it. Hold it, T.C. There's his bike.

Magnum!
Let's split up.

I'm gonna go this way.
Okay.

Heliconia caribaea.

Fascinating.

In the north it's commonly
now called lobster claw.

Alpinia. Indigenous to
New Guinea. Marvelous.

Ah. Alpinia oceanica. Splendid.

[ Man ] Your time's running out.
[ Roger ] Uh, I think it was closer to the waterfall.

You see, I buried it at night,
and I--

Find it!
Yes.

- Roger!
- Babs.!

Why didn't you tell me?
I couldn't.

It was too dangerous.
You might get hurt. Oh.

Terrific idea.
Now, look, you better find it or--

You buried the money here?
A year ago. Only everything's changed so much I haven't been able to find it.

I'm not a thief, Babs.
Well--

Really I'm not.
It was just so tempting.

But I decided to turn it in
for the reward money.

Only I had to find it first.
And today's the only day I could get in here without making everyone suspicious.

It's okay. It's okay.
Even if you wanted to keep the money and be a thief.

just tell me
you wanted to marry me. Of course.

Didn't you get my proposal?

The postcard.
With the wedding chapel on it.

Would you guys find it!

I love you, Roger.
I love you, Babs.

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans ]

Barbara!
You creep!

Babs! Coach!

Enough!

Ah, Magnum. There you are.

You realize, of course,
you have no chance of winning.

Well, Buddy's not saying a word.
Catching him with a gun is enough.

The guy's a three-time loser.
[ Woman On TV, Indistinct ]

You know they're gonna put him
away for life-- probably 300 years.

And the money,
they still haven't found it?

Roger didn't exactly give them
a pinpoint location.

They're liable to be
digging up that place till the next Iron Man race.

[ Higgins ]
He seemed sure it was in the Bougainvillea Priscilla.

They'll find it.
And then we'll get married and go back to Bayonne.

And I'll open
an exercise school, and he'll open a little tropical flower shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And everybody will
come out of this pile of bat guano smelling like a rose except me.

just think, man,
I'm the one that put up the money to sponsor you.

You forget, Robin Masters
made a sizable contribution without expecting any publicity for it.

Robin? What about me?
I put up the food, the booze, the potato chips.

Stop it, all of you.
Tom did his best.

He-- He saved Roger, didn't he?

[ Rick ]
Hey. Hey, the race is on.

Oh, hey, man. Spare me.
I don't want to look at no race.

I don't want to
know nothing about no race. Shh.

[ Man On TV]
Today's running of the famed Iron Man Classic drew a record number of competitors.

The big surprise of the event
came in the last leg, the 1 00-mile bicycle portion,

when a rider
sponsored by Island Hoppers...

suddenly reversed field as he exited
the famed Austin Memorial Gardens.

[ Chuckles ]

We've got some footage
of that Island Hoppers biker, who certainly lived up to his sponsor's name.

Whoever you are, Island Hopper,
we admire your style.

Yeeha! Look at--

[ Woman On TV]
And that's the news from all of us to all of you.

Good night.

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