Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,084 --> 00:00:08,284
You're welcome.
2
00:00:12,856 --> 00:00:15,024
(money rustling)
3
00:00:24,831 --> 00:00:26,365
Hey, Jamie.
4
00:00:30,871 --> 00:00:32,772
Hey, how's it going?
5
00:00:32,839 --> 00:00:33,973
It's going okay.
6
00:00:36,176 --> 00:00:37,143
Hey, uh--
7
00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:38,644
Please don't.
8
00:00:38,712 --> 00:00:39,845
Please don't do it.
9
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:41,414
Just...
10
00:00:41,481 --> 00:00:44,116
please don't make me say
no to you all nice and--
11
00:00:44,184 --> 00:00:46,018
Just don't ask, okay?
12
00:00:46,086 --> 00:00:48,687
I just don't--
I don't wanna...
13
00:00:48,755 --> 00:00:50,856
live that right now.
14
00:00:50,924 --> 00:00:54,093
Okay, I--
15
00:00:54,161 --> 00:00:55,127
I--
16
00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:59,965
Dude, you gotta stop
asking everybody out.
17
00:01:00,033 --> 00:01:02,401
Can't ask everybody.
18
00:01:02,469 --> 00:01:05,271
You think people like saying no?
19
00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:07,139
Takes its toll.
20
00:01:07,207 --> 00:01:08,808
Sorry.
21
00:01:10,811 --> 00:01:11,944
Louie?
22
00:01:12,012 --> 00:01:13,145
Hey, Jerry, what's up?
23
00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:14,814
Hey, what are you
doing tomorrow night?
24
00:01:14,881 --> 00:01:16,115
Tomorrow night?
25
00:01:16,183 --> 00:01:19,351
Yeah, I'm doing a benefit
out in East Hampton.
26
00:01:19,419 --> 00:01:20,319
You know, Long Island?
27
00:01:20,387 --> 00:01:21,954
Yeah, no, I--
28
00:01:22,022 --> 00:01:23,322
Yeah, see Tom Papa was
supposed to do it,
29
00:01:23,390 --> 00:01:25,057
but he got sick, he can't do it.
30
00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:26,425
Could you do it?
31
00:01:26,493 --> 00:01:27,660
You just gotta do like ten
minutes in front of me.
32
00:01:27,727 --> 00:01:29,195
Yeah, sure, yes.
33
00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:30,663
Really?
34
00:01:30,730 --> 00:01:34,333
It's at 5:00, a place called
The Carlyle in East Hampton.
35
00:01:34,401 --> 00:01:35,568
Can you get yourself there?
36
00:01:35,635 --> 00:01:37,369
Yes, I can do that, sure.
37
00:01:37,437 --> 00:01:38,704
Really, can--
Yeah.
38
00:01:38,772 --> 00:01:40,139
Can you work clean?
39
00:01:40,207 --> 00:01:41,340
Clean?
40
00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:43,476
Yeah, can you not
curse, can you not...
41
00:01:43,543 --> 00:01:45,911
say dirty, sex,
42
00:01:45,979 --> 00:01:51,784
poop, dogs having
sex with vagina dirt?
43
00:01:51,852 --> 00:01:54,353
Yeah, I can avoid
that stuff, yes.
44
00:01:54,421 --> 00:01:56,422
Okay.
45
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,157
All right.
46
00:01:58,225 --> 00:01:59,625
This'll be good,
this'll be good.
47
00:01:59,693 --> 00:02:01,460
There's no money,
it's a benefit.
48
00:02:01,528 --> 00:02:03,095
But, you know, these--
these things can be good.
49
00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:04,063
I think it'll be good for you.
50
00:02:04,131 --> 00:02:05,898
Okay, I'm in, sure.
51
00:02:05,966 --> 00:02:07,099
Okay, 5:00 showtime.
52
00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:08,567
All right, 5:00.
Carlyle.
53
00:02:08,635 --> 00:02:10,336
East Hampton.
54
00:02:10,403 --> 00:02:11,570
Show starts at 5:00.
Yeah.
55
00:02:11,638 --> 00:02:12,705
Okay, yeah.
Okay.
56
00:02:12,772 --> 00:02:14,540
What's it, uh,
what's-- who are the...
57
00:02:14,608 --> 00:02:15,608
It's, uh...
58
00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:16,575
The benefit?
Uh.
59
00:02:16,643 --> 00:02:17,643
It's heart disease.
60
00:02:17,711 --> 00:02:18,911
Ah, okay, good.
Yeah.
61
00:02:18,979 --> 00:02:19,912
It's good.
62
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:21,847
You know, wanna...
not have that.
63
00:02:25,018 --> 00:02:26,619
Clean jokes.
64
00:02:31,391 --> 00:02:33,592
Chickens...
65
00:02:35,295 --> 00:02:37,062
are...
66
00:02:38,198 --> 00:02:39,598
Chickens are dumb.
67
00:02:41,201 --> 00:02:42,902
Chickens are stupid.
68
00:02:48,608 --> 00:02:58,861
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
69
00:03:08,061 --> 00:03:10,629
Oh, shit.
70
00:03:22,709 --> 00:03:26,178
(woman singing in French)
71
00:03:31,518 --> 00:03:34,320
(cameras clicking)
72
00:03:43,496 --> 00:03:44,663
Excuse me.
73
00:03:44,731 --> 00:03:45,831
This is a private affair.
74
00:03:45,899 --> 00:03:47,132
I'm, uh, entertaining,
75
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,669
I'm a performer
on the sh-- show.
76
00:03:50,737 --> 00:03:52,371
Are you the drummer?
77
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:53,572
No, I'm a comedian.
78
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,941
I'm opening for Jerry.
79
00:03:56,009 --> 00:03:58,777
You're opening for Mr. Seinfeld?
Yeah, I'm on first, I'm the--
80
00:03:58,845 --> 00:04:00,145
Oh.
81
00:04:00,213 --> 00:04:03,682
Oh, God, Louie,
what the--
82
00:04:05,485 --> 00:04:07,486
I didn't know, I didn't know.
83
00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:10,055
Benefit, Hamptons.
84
00:04:10,123 --> 00:04:13,692
Come on, Louie, it's in
the manual, and you're late.
85
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,628
No, it's 5:00.
86
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:21,967
Five--
87
00:04:22,035 --> 00:04:23,836
Come on.
88
00:04:23,903 --> 00:04:25,137
You said 5:00.
89
00:04:27,741 --> 00:04:28,907
Who are all these people?
90
00:04:28,975 --> 00:04:30,376
I don't-- they
look like celebrities
91
00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:32,911
but I don't recognize
any of them.
92
00:04:32,979 --> 00:04:34,113
These are the billionaires
93
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:36,248
and trillionaires
of Hampton Beach.
94
00:04:37,851 --> 00:04:40,085
There are trillionaires now?
95
00:04:40,153 --> 00:04:41,086
Yeah.
96
00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:47,393
Hey, can you help me out?
97
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:48,460
What do you need?
98
00:04:48,528 --> 00:04:50,429
Get-- let me
have your jacket.
99
00:04:53,199 --> 00:04:54,300
Here you go.
Thank you.
100
00:04:54,367 --> 00:04:55,968
Here, put this on.
101
00:04:56,036 --> 00:04:57,603
It's got badges on it and stuff.
102
00:04:57,671 --> 00:04:59,738
You're fine, just put it on.
103
00:04:59,806 --> 00:05:02,107
It's a security--
104
00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:03,409
Start the show.
105
00:05:07,347 --> 00:05:09,782
(distant chatter)
106
00:05:13,353 --> 00:05:15,187
Are you gonna introduce me?
107
00:05:16,723 --> 00:05:18,924
No, you're gonna introduce me.
108
00:05:18,992 --> 00:05:22,061
That is why you're here, okay?
109
00:05:22,128 --> 00:05:25,898
You go on, just do a few
minutes and bring me up.
110
00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:27,633
Sorry, uh...
111
00:05:27,701 --> 00:05:29,268
It's pretty simple.
112
00:05:31,304 --> 00:05:34,039
All right, hit
the lights, let's get started.
113
00:05:34,107 --> 00:05:36,608
What's even the name of the charity--
It doesn't matter.
114
00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:40,112
I don't know what
the charity is, is--
115
00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:42,815
Mhm.
116
00:05:42,882 --> 00:05:44,450
Just go out there, Louie.
117
00:05:49,856 --> 00:05:52,257
(silverware clanking)
118
00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,630
(scattered applause)
119
00:05:58,698 --> 00:06:00,165
Good evening, uh--
120
00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:03,569
Uh, hi, there, good-- thank you
very much, thank you, uh...
121
00:06:05,205 --> 00:06:06,505
Give yourselves, uh,
122
00:06:06,573 --> 00:06:08,741
a great time for
coming out, um--
123
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:10,042
Give yourselves a round--
124
00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:11,977
(scattered applause)
125
00:06:12,045 --> 00:06:14,913
Coming out,
good job for you guys.
126
00:06:16,649 --> 00:06:19,385
Uh, hey, it's cold outside.
127
00:06:19,452 --> 00:06:22,154
I mean, it wasn't--
I mean, it was, uh, pretty warm.
128
00:06:22,222 --> 00:06:24,022
I don't know.
129
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:25,791
It's crazy.
130
00:06:25,859 --> 00:06:26,992
(woman laughing)
131
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:28,494
Uh...
132
00:06:29,829 --> 00:06:31,029
Do you ever--
(clearing throat)
133
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:34,266
Chickens are dumb, right?
134
00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:36,001
(woman giggling)
135
00:06:36,069 --> 00:06:38,470
They don't even... how long have
we been eating chickens
136
00:06:38,538 --> 00:06:39,671
and they don't get--
137
00:06:39,739 --> 00:06:41,573
they're not
a little wary at this point,
138
00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:43,942
they don't-- haven't risen up.
139
00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:47,012
There's been no
Martin Luther Chicken?
140
00:06:48,248 --> 00:06:50,115
(woman laughing)
141
00:06:50,183 --> 00:06:51,817
If there was one of those...
142
00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:55,454
Um, you know, you know when you
go to the, uh, supermarket?
143
00:06:55,522 --> 00:06:57,222
Not that any of you would ever
144
00:06:57,290 --> 00:07:00,192
do your own shopping, uh...
145
00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:03,295
I know you guys don't shop
for yourselves...
146
00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:06,732
(woman laughing)
Of course, um...
147
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,735
Because you all have,
um, slaves somehow still.
148
00:07:09,803 --> 00:07:11,403
(woman laughing)
149
00:07:11,471 --> 00:07:15,240
Uh, no, I mean, uh, you know,
peop-- I just mean,
150
00:07:15,308 --> 00:07:18,977
people that work for you
who, duh, you all don't pay.
151
00:07:19,045 --> 00:07:19,978
(woman laughing)
152
00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:22,881
Um... you came-- this is your...
153
00:07:24,284 --> 00:07:27,085
Your soul laundering service.
154
00:07:27,153 --> 00:07:29,388
(woman laughing)
155
00:07:29,456 --> 00:07:30,989
Great, huh?
156
00:07:31,057 --> 00:07:33,926
Great to--
thank you for, um...
157
00:07:33,993 --> 00:07:36,628
It's good that you guys
came out for the...
158
00:07:36,696 --> 00:07:37,896
(people whistling)
159
00:07:37,964 --> 00:07:40,032
Great, all right.
160
00:07:40,099 --> 00:07:41,433
All right, I'm gonna go ahead--
161
00:07:41,501 --> 00:07:44,002
I am gonna go ahead
and bring on your headliner.
162
00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,437
This is a great, uh, man,
163
00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:47,539
we're all very
excited to see him.
164
00:07:47,607 --> 00:07:49,641
Please, a nice, warm welcome for
the great Jerry Seinfeld,
165
00:07:49,709 --> 00:07:50,642
Ladies and gentlemen.
166
00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:53,078
(cheering and applause)
167
00:07:58,651 --> 00:08:01,153
Thank you.
168
00:08:01,221 --> 00:08:03,622
Thank you, Louie.
169
00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:06,058
That was pretty much a total
disaster, wasn't it?
170
00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:09,761
I don't think I've ever seen
anybody do worse than that.
171
00:08:09,829 --> 00:08:11,630
But, uh, we
thank you for coming.
172
00:08:11,698 --> 00:08:14,399
Especially since
we're here to raise money for
173
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:15,734
the World Heart Alliance.
174
00:08:15,802 --> 00:08:18,070
(applause)
175
00:08:24,544 --> 00:08:26,378
I think if we had the choice of
heart disease
176
00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:28,614
or watching any more of Louie,
177
00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:30,449
we might pick the disease.
178
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:31,917
(crowd laughing)
179
00:08:31,985 --> 00:08:34,152
Anyway, he did a pretty good
job, certainly dressed well.
180
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:37,122
I really liked his jacket,
he certainly, uh...
181
00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:39,358
seems ready for his
next line of employment,
182
00:08:39,425 --> 00:08:41,660
it looked like to me.
183
00:08:41,728 --> 00:08:46,532
Some sort of minimum wage
security work, anyway...
184
00:08:46,599 --> 00:08:50,669
Um, I have a lot of, uh...
185
00:08:50,737 --> 00:08:51,770
I have a lot of friends that
play golf.
186
00:08:51,838 --> 00:08:54,106
They like golf,
I don't play golf.
187
00:08:54,173 --> 00:08:57,276
Um, golfers will tell you that
it's a very challenging game.
188
00:08:57,343 --> 00:08:58,710
That's the one thing
that they can tell you.
189
00:08:58,778 --> 00:09:01,113
It's very challenging.
190
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:02,660
I'm quite sure that it
is challenging.
191
00:09:02,715 --> 00:09:04,483
It's also challenging
trying to throw a Tic Tac
192
00:09:04,551 --> 00:09:07,819
100 yards into a shoebox,
that's also challenging.
193
00:09:07,887 --> 00:09:09,421
But we don't do it.
194
00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:18,436
(sighing)
195
00:09:18,504 --> 00:09:19,704
(yelling) Shit!
196
00:09:24,743 --> 00:09:26,144
Chickens are--
197
00:09:26,211 --> 00:09:27,545
(paper crumpling)
198
00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:31,849
(woman) Hey!
199
00:09:31,917 --> 00:09:33,484
You were just up there!
200
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,621
What's that?!
201
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,222
You were just up there!
202
00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:42,060
(laughing) Oh, my God.
203
00:09:42,127 --> 00:09:44,095
That was hysterical!
204
00:09:45,364 --> 00:09:47,031
You--
205
00:09:47,099 --> 00:09:49,233
You must've be the one
that was laughing.
206
00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:51,269
Yes, I was dying.
207
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:55,506
I'm glad I was, uh,
good for somebody.
208
00:09:55,574 --> 00:09:57,542
No, you were awful.
209
00:09:57,609 --> 00:10:00,278
That's why it was so funny.
210
00:10:00,346 --> 00:10:01,746
Sorry?
211
00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:04,782
(screaming) You were awful!
212
00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:07,251
Thank you.
213
00:10:07,319 --> 00:10:08,820
No, I mean, you were just wrong.
214
00:10:08,887 --> 00:10:10,788
You were very wrong
for this crowd.
215
00:10:10,856 --> 00:10:11,723
I could see it the second
216
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:13,591
that you walked out, I mean...
217
00:10:13,659 --> 00:10:14,759
(laughing)
218
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,428
The whole thing was
just such a train wreck.
219
00:10:17,496 --> 00:10:18,496
(chuckling)
220
00:10:18,564 --> 00:10:19,864
It made my week.
221
00:10:19,932 --> 00:10:21,032
I mean, if you only knew
222
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,967
what assholes these
people really are
223
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:24,936
and the fact that
they all hated you
224
00:10:25,004 --> 00:10:27,438
makes you my hero.
225
00:10:28,807 --> 00:10:29,874
I-- I can't really,
226
00:10:29,942 --> 00:10:30,908
I can't really hear
anything you're saying.
227
00:10:30,976 --> 00:10:31,976
What?!
228
00:10:32,044 --> 00:10:33,144
I can't really hear
what you're saying,
229
00:10:33,212 --> 00:10:34,612
but thank-- thank you.
230
00:10:39,351 --> 00:10:40,952
Nice to meet you.
231
00:10:44,823 --> 00:10:47,625
(car starting)
232
00:10:47,693 --> 00:10:49,093
(engine revving)
233
00:10:52,531 --> 00:10:54,799
(horn honking)
234
00:10:54,867 --> 00:10:57,068
Come on.
235
00:10:57,136 --> 00:10:59,704
Excuse me?
236
00:10:59,772 --> 00:11:01,506
Come on.
237
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:05,209
238
00:11:11,550 --> 00:11:13,985
(engine revving)
239
00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:19,690
(woman singing in French)
240
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:29,767
(engine revving)
241
00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:37,708
What's your name?
242
00:11:37,776 --> 00:11:38,810
What?!
243
00:11:39,945 --> 00:11:42,180
What's your name?!
244
00:11:46,985 --> 00:11:49,020
I like your hair!
245
00:11:50,422 --> 00:11:51,689
Thank you, thanks.
246
00:11:54,593 --> 00:11:55,893
Thank you.
247
00:11:55,961 --> 00:11:57,261
(imitating Elvis)
Thank you very much, thank you.
248
00:11:57,329 --> 00:11:59,831
(laughing)
249
00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:06,170
(engine revving)
250
00:12:06,238 --> 00:12:08,673
(man and woman
singing in French)
251
00:12:23,989 --> 00:12:25,490
Is this your house?
252
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,228
(Louie)
Should I--
253
00:12:30,295 --> 00:12:32,396
Excuse me?
254
00:12:32,464 --> 00:12:33,831
Excuse--
255
00:12:38,704 --> 00:12:40,838
Oh, my God, what
a beautiful night!
256
00:12:42,441 --> 00:12:44,809
(Louie) Isn't it
always beautiful here?
257
00:12:45,887 --> 00:12:49,589
Yes, but I never notice,
I hate it here.
258
00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:51,591
Tonight, I love it!
259
00:12:51,659 --> 00:12:53,426
Because I'm laughing.
260
00:12:57,698 --> 00:12:59,933
Whoo!
261
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,034
Wait, don't--
262
00:13:02,670 --> 00:13:03,770
Whoo!
263
00:13:22,423 --> 00:13:23,857
(exhaling)
264
00:13:23,925 --> 00:13:26,326
Come on, let's go inside.
265
00:13:43,851 --> 00:13:44,984
(exhaling)
266
00:13:45,052 --> 00:13:46,285
Ah.
267
00:13:46,353 --> 00:13:47,387
(shoes squeeking)
268
00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:53,725
Is this your house?
269
00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:55,494
This is cra--
this is crazy.
270
00:13:55,561 --> 00:13:57,329
I know. (chuckling)
271
00:13:58,731 --> 00:14:00,432
(exhaling)
272
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,401
Is that your father?
273
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:03,735
Yeah... (chuckling)
274
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:06,338
He walked on the moon.
275
00:14:06,406 --> 00:14:07,639
(clearing throat)
276
00:14:07,707 --> 00:14:12,010
(deep voice) He, uh, he walked on the moon.
Oh.
277
00:14:12,078 --> 00:14:13,111
(chuckling)
278
00:14:13,179 --> 00:14:14,846
Well, so what--
then what did he do?
279
00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:17,249
(laughing)
280
00:14:17,317 --> 00:14:18,717
Exactly.
281
00:14:18,785 --> 00:14:21,186
(laughing)
282
00:14:21,254 --> 00:14:22,387
(exhaling)
283
00:14:25,358 --> 00:14:27,626
(nervous cough)
284
00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,629
You're, uh,
just wearing underwear.
285
00:14:30,697 --> 00:14:32,197
I mean, you don't
have any--
286
00:14:32,265 --> 00:14:33,532
Can you tell me
where the towels are
287
00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:35,867
so I could get you--
288
00:14:35,935 --> 00:14:36,835
A towel?
289
00:14:36,903 --> 00:14:38,437
Mm.
290
00:14:40,173 --> 00:14:41,673
Do you want me to--
291
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:46,978
Um...
292
00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,814
Just--
293
00:14:48,881 --> 00:14:50,315
I think you should--
you could put some...
294
00:14:50,383 --> 00:14:54,186
You could just...
please let me...
295
00:14:54,253 --> 00:14:56,388
Just-- okay, I...
296
00:14:58,925 --> 00:15:01,426
I'm just surprised.
297
00:15:01,494 --> 00:15:05,130
298
00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:15,474
Are you okay?
299
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:16,975
Yeah.
300
00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:19,978
Yeah, no,
I guess-- yes.
301
00:15:20,046 --> 00:15:21,380
Very okay.
302
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:23,582
This is, okay-- yes.
303
00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:24,950
(chuckling)
304
00:15:25,017 --> 00:15:26,585
I just don't--
you know, the thing is,
305
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:29,688
I don't generally...
306
00:15:29,756 --> 00:15:33,091
do the whole--
I mean, it's not--
307
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,961
(chuckling)
308
00:15:36,028 --> 00:15:40,298
Just like a very beautiful
astronaut's daughter...
309
00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:41,633
Model.
310
00:15:41,701 --> 00:15:44,569
Model, okay, let's
throw that in there.
311
00:15:44,637 --> 00:15:47,539
Model...
312
00:15:47,607 --> 00:15:50,542
Kind of people, type of person,
313
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:55,480
doesn't usually take me
home and have sex with me.
314
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:58,283
It's not my usual--
it's not how I roll.
315
00:15:58,351 --> 00:16:00,452
Um-hmm.
316
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,722
Well, maybe it's
not really happening.
317
00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:05,857
(chuckling)
318
00:16:05,925 --> 00:16:08,493
You're very weird,
you're very weird.
319
00:16:08,561 --> 00:16:09,561
What, you make me laugh.
320
00:16:09,629 --> 00:16:10,495
I don't think you appreciate
321
00:16:10,563 --> 00:16:12,731
how gold that is.
322
00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:14,900
Well, if everybody
I made laughed at this,
323
00:16:14,967 --> 00:16:16,568
then my penis would
be sore all the time.
324
00:16:16,636 --> 00:16:17,769
(laughing)
325
00:16:17,837 --> 00:16:20,138
I would have-- I would need
skrin-- skin grafts.
326
00:16:20,206 --> 00:16:21,139
(laughing)
327
00:16:21,207 --> 00:16:25,243
I would need to
exfoliate... often.
328
00:16:25,311 --> 00:16:26,778
(laughing)
329
00:16:26,846 --> 00:16:32,517
And I'd need a whole regimen of
penis overuse, um, therapy.
330
00:16:32,585 --> 00:16:34,686
(laughing)
331
00:16:34,754 --> 00:16:36,488
What makes you laugh?
332
00:16:36,556 --> 00:16:39,191
Me, what makes me laugh?
333
00:16:39,258 --> 00:16:41,159
Um...
334
00:16:41,227 --> 00:16:42,828
I can't remember.
335
00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:44,796
You don't look like
you laugh a lot.
336
00:16:44,864 --> 00:16:46,898
I don't?
337
00:16:46,966 --> 00:16:47,899
I wonder if I could
make you laugh
338
00:16:47,967 --> 00:16:49,634
the way that you do for me.
339
00:16:49,702 --> 00:16:52,170
That would be nice.
340
00:16:52,238 --> 00:16:54,573
What if I...
341
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,607
tickle you.
342
00:16:55,675 --> 00:16:56,708
Don't-don't-
don't-don't.
343
00:16:56,776 --> 00:16:58,109
Don't, don't.
Oh, someone's ticklish.
344
00:16:58,177 --> 00:16:59,711
Stop it, please stop it.
Oh, you're gonna get it.
345
00:16:59,779 --> 00:17:00,679
Please, stop it, please, stop it.
Oh, you're gonna get it.
346
00:17:00,746 --> 00:17:01,947
Please, stop it,
I'm being serious.
347
00:17:02,014 --> 00:17:03,248
I'm being really serious.
348
00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:04,483
Please, stop it.
349
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:07,185
Please don't do that,
that's upsetting, I'm not--
350
00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:08,253
(woman laughing)
351
00:17:08,321 --> 00:17:09,688
Don't!
(loud thwack)
352
00:17:16,295 --> 00:17:18,763
(siren blaring)
353
00:17:25,781 --> 00:17:26,948
Can you help me?
354
00:17:27,016 --> 00:17:28,850
So you went home with a girl
from the benefit.
355
00:17:28,918 --> 00:17:30,619
You had sex with her.
356
00:17:30,686 --> 00:17:33,955
You punched her in the face
357
00:17:34,023 --> 00:17:36,458
and now she's in the hospital.
358
00:17:36,526 --> 00:17:38,393
Yeah, now the police are here.
359
00:17:39,662 --> 00:17:41,830
And now you're calling me.
360
00:17:41,898 --> 00:17:44,466
Well, I thought, maybe
you could come by because, uh,
361
00:17:44,534 --> 00:17:47,502
I know that you're...
you're here.
362
00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:49,804
Can you come, can you come here?
363
00:17:49,872 --> 00:17:51,640
Louie, tell yourself the story
where I come down there
364
00:17:51,707 --> 00:17:53,074
and get in the middle of that.
365
00:17:53,142 --> 00:17:55,210
Where I show my face
366
00:17:55,278 --> 00:17:57,445
and say, "Hey, you know
the guy who punched the girl,
367
00:17:57,513 --> 00:17:58,580
"who's now in
critical condition,
368
00:17:58,648 --> 00:18:01,149
he's with me, just so
you know."
369
00:18:01,217 --> 00:18:02,884
Is that story working?
370
00:18:02,952 --> 00:18:04,486
No.
371
00:18:04,554 --> 00:18:06,655
Oh, Louie, why--
why did you hit her?
372
00:18:06,722 --> 00:18:08,623
She was tickling me.
373
00:18:08,691 --> 00:18:09,991
Oh, right.
374
00:18:10,059 --> 00:18:11,092
Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.
375
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,794
I'm gonna give you
a phone number.
376
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:14,763
Call this guy,
don't talk to me, Louie
377
00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:15,797
'cause I can't hear you.
378
00:18:15,865 --> 00:18:17,399
He's a lawyer.
379
00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:19,067
Talk to him.
380
00:18:19,135 --> 00:18:20,569
Okay.
381
00:18:20,636 --> 00:18:22,804
Where is this guy?
382
00:18:22,872 --> 00:18:23,838
That guy?
383
00:18:23,906 --> 00:18:25,240
Oh, shit.
384
00:18:27,977 --> 00:18:28,944
Hey, listen, I didn't--
385
00:18:29,011 --> 00:18:30,412
Son of a--
386
00:18:30,479 --> 00:18:31,713
(man) Hey, hey, take it easy.
(man) Don't do it.
387
00:18:31,781 --> 00:18:33,782
Don't do it, don't do it.
388
00:18:33,849 --> 00:18:34,916
Cuff him.
389
00:18:34,984 --> 00:18:36,484
Put your hands on my daughter.
390
00:18:36,552 --> 00:18:38,253
Take it easy, relax already.
391
00:18:38,321 --> 00:18:40,922
(man) You're cuffing me,
cuff him!
392
00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:42,657
Ah.
393
00:18:42,725 --> 00:18:43,725
Let's go.
394
00:18:49,498 --> 00:18:50,899
(door opening)
395
00:18:55,371 --> 00:18:56,771
Okay.
396
00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,107
Here's where we are.
397
00:18:59,175 --> 00:19:01,643
First, can I-- can
I just ask you,
398
00:19:01,711 --> 00:19:04,279
um, how is she,
I mean, is she okay?
399
00:19:04,347 --> 00:19:05,780
Nobody will tell me.
400
00:19:05,848 --> 00:19:06,848
The girl, I don't
know how--
401
00:19:06,916 --> 00:19:08,416
Blake?
402
00:19:08,484 --> 00:19:11,786
Yeah.
She's gonna be okay.
403
00:19:11,854 --> 00:19:14,522
Generally, uh, I mean,
404
00:19:14,590 --> 00:19:16,791
she has some serious
damage to her eye.
405
00:19:16,859 --> 00:19:17,792
Oh, Jesus.
406
00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:20,395
Like some permanent
to her vision.
407
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,397
Oh, God.
408
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:25,000
And her pupil is paralyzed.
409
00:19:26,869 --> 00:19:28,637
Oh, my God.
410
00:19:28,704 --> 00:19:29,604
And she's a
professional model so,
411
00:19:29,672 --> 00:19:30,872
that's not good.
412
00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:33,208
Oh, my God.
413
00:19:33,276 --> 00:19:35,377
Okay. (clearing throat)
414
00:19:35,444 --> 00:19:36,565
Okay, well, here's the deal.
415
00:19:36,579 --> 00:19:40,315
Her family, they're
very upset, and...
416
00:19:40,383 --> 00:19:42,717
These are not
people you wanna upset.
417
00:19:42,785 --> 00:19:44,185
Yeah, I know.
418
00:19:44,253 --> 00:19:46,154
Oh, your nose is nothing.
419
00:19:46,222 --> 00:19:52,927
These people are very, um,
let me put it this way.
420
00:19:52,995 --> 00:19:54,596
Nobody knows
you're here right now
421
00:19:54,664 --> 00:19:55,597
and nobody knows what happened,
422
00:19:55,665 --> 00:19:58,967
and they wanna keep it that way.
423
00:19:59,035 --> 00:20:03,305
Okay.
So you're not, at this time, being charged.
424
00:20:03,372 --> 00:20:06,608
Okay.
But that's up to them to keep it that way.
425
00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:10,545
They're not gonna let you walk
out of here without some...
426
00:20:10,613 --> 00:20:14,249
they want compensation
for damages.
427
00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:16,985
They-- they wanna sue me?
428
00:20:17,053 --> 00:20:19,821
They want compensation.
429
00:20:19,889 --> 00:20:22,424
Well, they're-- I mean,
they're rich
430
00:20:22,491 --> 00:20:25,827
and I don't have
anything so what...
431
00:20:25,895 --> 00:20:27,195
It's not that simple.
432
00:20:27,263 --> 00:20:29,397
See, people are under
the misconception
433
00:20:29,465 --> 00:20:31,933
that the rich
can't sue the poor.
434
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:35,403
They can, they want you to pay.
435
00:20:35,471 --> 00:20:36,371
How much?
436
00:20:36,439 --> 00:20:37,806
They're asking for ten.
437
00:20:37,873 --> 00:20:39,574
I think we can get them to five.
438
00:20:39,642 --> 00:20:40,642
Five?
439
00:20:40,710 --> 00:20:42,210
Million.
440
00:20:45,247 --> 00:20:48,717
I-- I don't have that,
I don't have--
441
00:20:48,784 --> 00:20:52,220
I'll never have that so...
442
00:20:52,288 --> 00:20:54,689
You're gonna be
making payments to them.
443
00:20:54,757 --> 00:20:55,990
Payments?
444
00:20:56,058 --> 00:20:59,294
I believe I can get them to
agree to 5,000 per month.
445
00:20:59,362 --> 00:21:01,329
5,000?
446
00:21:01,397 --> 00:21:03,264
But how is this--
how is this possible?
447
00:21:03,332 --> 00:21:04,599
This was an accident.
448
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:07,469
If we took this to
trial with the lawyers
449
00:21:07,536 --> 00:21:08,816
and the influence
that they have,
450
00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:10,138
it would be easy to imagine
451
00:21:10,206 --> 00:21:12,307
a case of criminal negligence.
452
00:21:12,375 --> 00:21:13,508
How?
453
00:21:13,576 --> 00:21:15,810
You were naked in a bed
with a stranger.
454
00:21:15,878 --> 00:21:17,779
You took that responsibility.
455
00:21:17,847 --> 00:21:19,114
People do that.
456
00:21:19,181 --> 00:21:20,682
You didn't know this person
and yet you were
457
00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:23,518
as intimate with her
as if she was your wife.
458
00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:24,786
And you didn't know her name,
459
00:21:24,854 --> 00:21:27,856
and she didn't know that you
were violently ticklish.
460
00:21:27,923 --> 00:21:30,725
I'm just telling you
where this is headed.
461
00:21:30,793 --> 00:21:32,193
Wait a minute,
because this is--
462
00:21:32,261 --> 00:21:34,095
she was there, too.
463
00:21:34,163 --> 00:21:38,032
I mean, she did-- she made
the same choice to do it so
464
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:40,702
she's at least 50
percent responsible.
465
00:21:40,770 --> 00:21:43,271
Which is why I think I can get
it to five million.
466
00:21:47,743 --> 00:21:51,379
467
00:21:55,184 --> 00:21:56,217
That is the worst story
468
00:21:56,285 --> 00:21:58,987
I've ever heard
in my entire life.
469
00:21:59,054 --> 00:22:01,289
Oh, my God.
470
00:22:01,357 --> 00:22:03,057
Oh, my God.
471
00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:05,627
(laughing) Oh, my God!
472
00:22:11,133 --> 00:22:14,269
So you have to pay her--
you have to pay them $5,000
473
00:22:14,336 --> 00:22:17,071
for the rest of your life?
474
00:22:17,139 --> 00:22:19,307
(laughing)
475
00:22:24,847 --> 00:22:25,780
Oh, my God.
476
00:22:25,848 --> 00:22:28,116
(clearing throat)
477
00:22:28,184 --> 00:22:29,784
Do you want a drink?
478
00:22:29,852 --> 00:22:31,586
Yeah, sure.
479
00:22:31,654 --> 00:22:32,587
All right, don't go anywhere,
480
00:22:32,655 --> 00:22:34,456
I'm gonna get us a drink, okay?
481
00:22:34,523 --> 00:22:35,924
Okay.
All right.
482
00:22:35,991 --> 00:22:36,858
I'll be right back, okay.
483
00:22:36,926 --> 00:22:39,227
Okay.
484
00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:40,996
(woman singing in French)
485
00:23:03,123 --> 00:23:13,776
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
WEB DL sync by VeRdiKT www.addic7ed.com
486
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:18,376
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31814
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