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1
00:00:35,196 --> 00:00:36,721
The ten-year-old
is more complicated.
2
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:38,123
She asks me a lot of questions,
3
00:00:38,236 --> 00:00:40,358
I have to sort of
be ready for them.
4
00:00:40,471 --> 00:00:43,181
She asked me,
what is prejudice?
5
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,938
They told her in school
to ask me.
6
00:00:45,051 --> 00:00:47,194
Well, they said
ask somebody in your life.
7
00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:48,413
And so she asked me.
8
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:49,803
She said, what's--
What is prejudice?
9
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,465
And I was like, "Well..."
10
00:00:51,578 --> 00:00:52,772
And she's like, ugh,
why did I ask you?
11
00:00:52,885 --> 00:00:54,167
Jesus Christ.
12
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,600
This is gonna be a nightmare.
13
00:00:55,713 --> 00:01:00,344
So I told her prejudice is
that you judge before,
14
00:01:00,457 --> 00:01:02,654
Pre-ju-dice.
15
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:05,851
Pre-judge-sadiz.
16
00:01:05,964 --> 00:01:07,595
You judge before--
That's what prejudice is.
17
00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:09,273
You judged before
you knew any--
18
00:01:09,386 --> 00:01:12,637
You say,
ah, he's gonna--
19
00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:15,075
'Cause he's one of those,
so he's gonna...
20
00:01:15,188 --> 00:01:17,391
That's prejudice.
21
00:01:18,158 --> 00:01:20,410
And she asked me,
have you ever been prejudiced?
22
00:01:20,523 --> 00:01:22,082
And I was like, oh.
23
00:01:22,195 --> 00:01:24,584
Oh, oh my.
24
00:01:24,697 --> 00:01:28,613
Oh, well, I wasn't prepared
for such questions.
25
00:01:28,726 --> 00:01:31,041
I said--
26
00:01:31,154 --> 00:01:33,094
You've got to examine
yourself once in awhile.
27
00:01:33,207 --> 00:01:34,308
You can't just-- just--
28
00:01:34,421 --> 00:01:35,789
You can't just go,
"I voted for Obama,
29
00:01:35,902 --> 00:01:37,748
I can't be prejudiced,
it's impossible."
30
00:01:37,861 --> 00:01:39,672
You have to
still check yourself.
31
00:01:39,785 --> 00:01:42,375
What have I done lately?
32
00:01:42,488 --> 00:01:45,224
And I-- well, I've had
prejudice, like, that's diff--
33
00:01:45,337 --> 00:01:48,307
Like, I want to fuck
Scarlett Johansson.
34
00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:50,743
I don't know her, but I--
35
00:01:50,856 --> 00:01:53,331
I never met her
or saw her in person,
36
00:01:53,444 --> 00:01:56,185
but I-- I just know.
37
00:01:56,298 --> 00:01:57,989
Come on.
38
00:01:58,102 --> 00:01:59,860
I just know that that would be
the greatest thing
39
00:01:59,973 --> 00:02:02,460
that ever happened to me...
40
00:02:02,573 --> 00:02:05,050
and the worst thing that ever
happened to her, but...
41
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:11,315
I don't even jerk off to her,
that's how much I like her.
42
00:02:17,187 --> 00:02:18,915
I still just jerk off
to that wedding album
43
00:02:19,028 --> 00:02:21,369
I found in the garbage, but...
44
00:02:32,311 --> 00:02:33,803
So what is it, then?
45
00:02:33,916 --> 00:02:35,624
It's a ty-ranny.
46
00:02:35,737 --> 00:02:37,366
It's-- It is a tyranny.
47
00:02:37,479 --> 00:02:39,480
Whoops, tyranny.
48
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,792
You can say ty-ranny--
49
00:02:40,905 --> 00:02:42,116
I didn't mean to correct you,
I just said it
50
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:43,796
differently than you--
you can say ty-ranny.
51
00:02:43,909 --> 00:02:45,321
Okay, so I want to say that.
52
00:02:45,434 --> 00:02:46,667
But most people say tyranny.
53
00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:48,815
Tyrant, tyranny.
54
00:02:48,928 --> 00:02:50,206
- Tyrannical.
- That's why--
55
00:02:50,319 --> 00:02:53,168
That's why I say "ty-ranny,"
'cause it's "tyrant."
56
00:02:53,281 --> 00:02:54,544
Tyrant, ty-rannical.
57
00:02:54,657 --> 00:02:56,268
I think there's a good argument
for that,
58
00:02:56,381 --> 00:02:58,049
- for just matching them up.
- Yeah.
59
00:02:58,162 --> 00:02:59,563
Why are you changing the vowel,
60
00:02:59,676 --> 00:03:01,100
- just 'cause you're using different--
- Yeah.
61
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,978
I'm not sure why they do that.
62
00:03:06,091 --> 00:03:07,906
Just want to make it
more confusing.
63
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,926
Hey, what's that for?
64
00:03:12,039 --> 00:03:13,807
'Cause it's tax.
65
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,725
Why do I need to pay you tax?
66
00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:17,117
Because.
67
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,500
Because without me, you wouldn't
be able to have it.
68
00:03:18,613 --> 00:03:19,759
See, I'm taking ten percent.
69
00:03:19,872 --> 00:03:21,050
That's what you're paying.
70
00:03:21,163 --> 00:03:22,299
It's pretty good, by the way.
71
00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:24,123
Don't take my
ten percent of my food.
72
00:03:24,236 --> 00:03:25,735
Then you get the rest.
73
00:03:25,848 --> 00:03:27,089
You can eat--
You're fine on that.
74
00:03:27,202 --> 00:03:29,587
Daddy, what's a blimp?
75
00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:32,094
It's like a big balloon.
76
00:03:32,207 --> 00:03:35,864
Mommy's friend, Patrick,
said he was on a blimp once.
77
00:03:35,977 --> 00:03:39,262
Yeah, he said it was scary.
78
00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:40,800
Mommy's friend, Patrick?
79
00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:43,966
Yeah.
80
00:03:44,079 --> 00:03:45,079
He's pretty funny.
81
00:03:48,976 --> 00:03:51,323
Daddy, when are you
gonna have a girlfriend?
82
00:03:53,036 --> 00:03:54,438
Yeah.
83
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:57,395
When are you gonna
have a girlfriend?
84
00:03:59,668 --> 00:04:02,208
Come on, get yourself
a girlfriend.
85
00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:03,661
You could date a veterinarian.
86
00:04:03,774 --> 00:04:05,000
We could play animals all day.
87
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,787
I think he just needs
to find the right person.
88
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,258
Exactly.
89
00:04:14,034 --> 00:04:15,850
Okay.
90
00:04:18,104 --> 00:04:19,378
So I know--
91
00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:21,038
I hope nobody here
is deeply religious.
92
00:04:21,151 --> 00:04:22,959
If you are, please just rest
in the glory
93
00:04:23,072 --> 00:04:24,646
that I am wrong.
94
00:04:24,759 --> 00:04:27,326
I, uh...
95
00:04:27,592 --> 00:04:30,590
My mom is very religious
and I like to leave her messages
96
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:34,890
on her voicemail from
the Baby Jesus.
97
00:04:35,003 --> 00:04:38,102
Hi Mommy, this is Baby Jesus.
98
00:04:38,215 --> 00:04:40,843
Jingo, jingo...
99
00:04:40,956 --> 00:04:44,319
"Maria, will you stop leaving me
those messages?"
100
00:04:44,432 --> 00:04:45,814
"What messages?"
101
00:04:45,927 --> 00:04:48,265
"The ones from
the Baby Jesus."
102
00:04:48,378 --> 00:04:51,291
"Baby Jesus is leaving you
messages?
103
00:04:51,404 --> 00:04:53,234
Better call him back."
104
00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:57,846
Single lady,
and I do believe in love.
105
00:04:57,959 --> 00:04:59,573
I love love songs.
106
00:04:59,686 --> 00:05:02,629
I do listen to "Love Songs on
the Coast with Delilah."
107
00:05:02,742 --> 00:05:04,334
Where you calling from tonight?
108
00:05:04,802 --> 00:05:06,419
With requests and dedications.
109
00:05:06,532 --> 00:05:08,326
What's your name?
Where are you calling from?
110
00:05:13,144 --> 00:05:16,122
Hi, Amy, calling in from Tucson,
Arizona.
111
00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:18,099
What's going on
with you tonight, Amy?
112
00:05:22,764 --> 00:05:25,733
So you and Matt broke up,
that's hard, that's tough.
113
00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:28,114
Sweetie, what do you want to say
to Matt tonight?
114
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:35,859
We'll play that for you, that's
"Penny Lover" by Lionel Richie.
115
00:05:38,197 --> 00:05:39,487
Thank you so much.
116
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:40,835
Enjoy the rest of the show!
117
00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:48,563
- Hey.
- Hey!
118
00:05:48,676 --> 00:05:49,897
Hey, great job, really funny.
119
00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:52,141
Thanks, thanks.
120
00:05:52,254 --> 00:05:53,255
- How are you?
- Thanks.
121
00:05:53,368 --> 00:05:54,732
Good, good.
122
00:05:54,845 --> 00:05:55,966
How are you?
123
00:05:56,079 --> 00:05:58,268
I'm good as well.
124
00:05:58,381 --> 00:06:00,536
You want to--
You want to hang out?
125
00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:02,439
Hang out where?
126
00:06:02,552 --> 00:06:04,814
Uh, we could--
127
00:06:04,927 --> 00:06:06,349
Oh, you just want to come over?
128
00:06:06,462 --> 00:06:07,683
Yeah, sure.
129
00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:08,985
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
130
00:06:09,098 --> 00:06:10,789
I'll get my stuff,
I'll-- I'll see you outside.
131
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:12,056
- All right.
- Okay.
132
00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:13,923
- Okay.
- You know what?
133
00:06:14,036 --> 00:06:15,158
I'll meet you at the corner,
I'll get--
134
00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:16,625
- Yeah, okay.
- I just don't need--
135
00:06:16,738 --> 00:06:17,993
Yeah, right--
yeah, I gotcha.
136
00:06:18,106 --> 00:06:19,273
Okay.
137
00:06:27,116 --> 00:06:29,173
I'm not really good atconfronting people.
138
00:06:29,286 --> 00:06:31,343
Can I sit there?
139
00:06:31,456 --> 00:06:33,115
I'm sitting here.
140
00:06:33,228 --> 00:06:34,518
Okay, you're a piggy bitch.
141
00:06:34,631 --> 00:06:36,086
That's my magazine.
142
00:06:36,199 --> 00:06:37,853
So do you likeworking out a lot?
143
00:06:37,966 --> 00:06:39,521
Yeah, I like working out.
144
00:06:39,634 --> 00:06:41,455
That's cool.
145
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,756
Both my parents diedwhen I was a baby,
146
00:06:43,869 --> 00:06:45,568
so I never knew my parents.
147
00:06:48,037 --> 00:06:50,664
Can we have sex again
in a few minutes?
148
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:53,905
Yeah, you like to?
149
00:06:54,018 --> 00:06:57,109
Not as much as I--
150
00:06:57,222 --> 00:06:59,610
That's why I wanted
to try again.
151
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,712
Okay.
152
00:07:01,825 --> 00:07:04,180
Just give me
a little time, okay?
153
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,360
Don't worry, I'll blow you
so you get hard again.
154
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,122
I am just so sick of Ellen.
155
00:07:13,235 --> 00:07:14,956
She makes mefeel bad about myself
156
00:07:15,069 --> 00:07:16,635
and I have been trying to be,like, more assertive.
157
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,874
- Ellen.- What?
158
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,237
You fucking bitch!
159
00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:25,942
I am sick of you!
160
00:07:26,055 --> 00:07:28,654
I am sick of you!
161
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:30,390
Get away now!
162
00:07:30,503 --> 00:07:32,038
I can't believe it!
163
00:07:34,582 --> 00:07:36,375
- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Uh-huh.
164
00:07:36,488 --> 00:07:39,045
Do you want to come over
sometime and have dinner?
165
00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:41,881
Like, we'd have dinner?
166
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,817
Are you asking me out
on a date?
167
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,020
No, like if you
came to my place and had--
168
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,225
I would make you dinner
at my place,
169
00:07:48,338 --> 00:07:50,108
and then with
my kids there and...
170
00:07:51,919 --> 00:07:54,146
Go and have dinner with
you and your kids?
171
00:07:54,259 --> 00:07:55,622
Yeah.
172
00:07:55,735 --> 00:07:57,263
Oh.
173
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:59,012
That's nice.
174
00:08:01,817 --> 00:08:06,243
Why do you want me to do that?
175
00:08:06,356 --> 00:08:08,881
Because I just thought it--
I thought it'd be nice.
176
00:08:08,994 --> 00:08:10,587
You don't want to?
177
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,860
No, I really
don't want to do that.
178
00:08:12,973 --> 00:08:14,565
I do not want to
meet your kids.
179
00:08:14,678 --> 00:08:16,569
- Ugh.
- "Ugh"?
180
00:08:16,682 --> 00:08:18,505
Why do you have to say "Ugh"?
181
00:08:18,618 --> 00:08:20,875
What do you think this is,
like, I'm your girlfriend?
182
00:08:20,988 --> 00:08:22,421
No, I'm--
183
00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:25,859
Just forget it, I'm sorry.
184
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,493
Jesus, now I'm all
dicked up in the head
185
00:08:32,606 --> 00:08:34,233
and it was so simple with you.
186
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:35,403
I'm sorry.
187
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,938
I'm sorry I brought it up,
188
00:08:37,051 --> 00:08:39,983
I'm sorry I dicked you up
in the head.
189
00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:43,522
I'm here for that, and...
190
00:08:43,635 --> 00:08:46,959
and now you're trying to add
features to this thing.
191
00:08:47,072 --> 00:08:48,573
I'm not trying to add--
I'm trying to--
192
00:08:50,343 --> 00:08:51,501
You know what?
193
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,504
- Really forget it.
- Wow.
194
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,241
Really forget it, I'm so sorry.
195
00:08:56,354 --> 00:08:58,722
You really ruined my night,
two ways now.
196
00:09:03,427 --> 00:09:04,982
- You're bad at sex.
- Okay.
197
00:09:05,095 --> 00:09:06,617
You're bad at it,
you're bad at it.
198
00:09:06,730 --> 00:09:08,052
Okay.
199
00:09:08,165 --> 00:09:10,199
- No, it's one thing you're
not good at, Louie. - Okay.
200
00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:17,258
It's like they're sticks
except they've got legs,
201
00:09:17,371 --> 00:09:19,023
so they move and stuff.
202
00:09:19,136 --> 00:09:20,821
- That's so weird.
- Yeah.
203
00:09:21,029 --> 00:09:22,683
I'll see you later, okay?
204
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,827
- Have a great day.
- Bye.
205
00:09:51,871 --> 00:09:53,101
Bye.
206
00:11:12,710 --> 00:11:14,429
I only like it this way.
207
00:11:14,542 --> 00:11:15,840
Is that okay?
208
00:12:11,585 --> 00:12:13,174
Can I help you?
209
00:12:13,287 --> 00:12:14,754
Uh, no, no.
210
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:27,458
Hey, can I--
211
00:12:27,571 --> 00:12:29,996
- Can I help you?
- Yeah, thank you.
212
00:12:30,109 --> 00:12:32,966
I'm looking for a book
about, uh...
213
00:12:33,079 --> 00:12:35,302
flowers.
214
00:12:35,415 --> 00:12:36,849
Flowers?
215
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:39,739
You mean, like, information
about flowers or--
216
00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:41,008
Yeah, that's great.
217
00:12:41,121 --> 00:12:42,376
I mean, I--
218
00:12:42,489 --> 00:12:44,045
I need a book about my--
219
00:12:44,158 --> 00:12:46,180
For my kid about flowers,
for a child?
220
00:12:46,293 --> 00:12:47,448
Oh, okay.
221
00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:48,717
I love the kids' books.
222
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:50,697
- You do?
- Yeah, come on.
223
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,721
How old's your daughter?
224
00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,423
She's ten years old.
225
00:12:55,536 --> 00:12:56,891
She's a fifth-grader.
226
00:12:57,004 --> 00:12:59,760
Hmm, flowers, fifth grade.
227
00:12:59,873 --> 00:13:02,229
Is she a serious kid
or does she like a funny book?
228
00:13:02,342 --> 00:13:03,597
Is there a funny book
about flowers?
229
00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:05,199
- Yeah.
- Really?
230
00:13:05,312 --> 00:13:06,734
This one's great.
231
00:13:06,847 --> 00:13:08,337
- It's got this really funny character.
- Yeah?
232
00:13:08,450 --> 00:13:09,972
He grows flowers
in his apartment.
233
00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:11,774
- He has soil all over the floor.
- Mm-hmm.
234
00:13:11,887 --> 00:13:13,876
But inside his home
is a garden.
235
00:13:13,989 --> 00:13:16,245
That's perfect.
236
00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:18,047
That's perfect.
237
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,581
Thank you, thank you very much.
238
00:13:19,694 --> 00:13:20,995
- You're welcome.
- That's great.
239
00:13:23,098 --> 00:13:24,353
I still get nervous, it's fun.
240
00:13:24,466 --> 00:13:25,788
That's the fun part
of dating, is you still--
241
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:28,824
You ask somebody out and then if
she says yes, you go--
242
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:31,427
You do that--
243
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,175
That tennis-player thing.
244
00:13:35,411 --> 00:13:39,436
Only tennis and golf players
do that fist pump, the--
245
00:13:39,549 --> 00:13:41,672
And it's because they're alone.
246
00:13:41,785 --> 00:13:45,143
It's 'cause
they're by themselves.
247
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:46,845
If you're a baseball player,
you go to your teammate
248
00:13:46,958 --> 00:13:50,082
and you go
boom-boom-boom, or what--
249
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:52,117
High-five, all those things.
250
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,786
Hug.
251
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,733
By yourself on a tennis court,
you just--
252
00:14:02,974 --> 00:14:04,575
Louis C.K.!
253
00:14:24,092 --> 00:14:25,447
- Hi.
- Hey.
254
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,849
How you doing?
255
00:14:26,962 --> 00:14:28,450
Did your daughter
like the book?
256
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:29,952
You know what?
257
00:14:30,065 --> 00:14:31,687
It was kind of little for her.
258
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,088
Really?
259
00:14:33,201 --> 00:14:35,423
Yeah, she's really into kind of
heavy novels right now.
260
00:14:35,536 --> 00:14:36,724
Wow.
261
00:14:36,837 --> 00:14:39,760
Yeah, just really
mysterious and serious.
262
00:14:39,873 --> 00:14:42,830
Just depressing stuff,
man, yeah.
263
00:14:42,943 --> 00:14:44,565
But her sister loved it.
264
00:14:44,678 --> 00:14:46,200
Oh, there's another one.
265
00:14:46,313 --> 00:14:48,235
Yeah, I guess they
keep multiplying.
266
00:14:48,348 --> 00:14:49,670
- How many do you have?
- Two.
267
00:14:49,783 --> 00:14:51,338
I have a six and
a ten-year-old,
268
00:14:51,451 --> 00:14:53,608
both girls, and I'm divorced.
269
00:14:53,721 --> 00:14:56,144
Oh, I think it's great that
you pay so much attention
270
00:14:56,257 --> 00:14:57,712
to what they read
271
00:14:57,825 --> 00:14:59,614
and I think it's great that
you come into a real bookstore
272
00:14:59,727 --> 00:15:02,083
instead of just
perusing Amazon.
273
00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:03,885
Bravo.
274
00:15:10,503 --> 00:15:12,026
Thank you.
275
00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:14,295
That's-- that'll get me
through the day.
276
00:15:14,408 --> 00:15:16,096
Do you want to get something
for your ten-year-old?
277
00:15:16,209 --> 00:15:17,431
That-- Yes, please.
278
00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:19,433
Do you have
any depressing novels
279
00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,368
about people's heads
falling off?
280
00:15:21,481 --> 00:15:23,204
Terrible things happening?
281
00:15:23,317 --> 00:15:26,307
- Yeah, yeah, come over here for a second.
- Okay.
282
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:29,143
If you just push this
really hard,
283
00:15:29,256 --> 00:15:30,945
it'll turn into another room.
284
00:15:31,058 --> 00:15:33,181
Really? You're--
285
00:15:33,294 --> 00:15:35,751
No, I think I know
what she likes.
286
00:15:35,864 --> 00:15:37,446
She sounds like me at her age.
287
00:15:37,559 --> 00:15:38,559
- She does?
- Yeah.
288
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:39,788
You were like--
289
00:15:39,901 --> 00:15:41,857
What's going on with her,
since you--
290
00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:44,993
Well, I don't want to break
the covenant of what it is
291
00:15:45,106 --> 00:15:47,396
to be a little girl,
292
00:15:47,509 --> 00:15:49,298
the kind of things you want
to keep from your parents--
293
00:15:49,411 --> 00:15:50,866
- Oh yeah, sure.
- --And everyone else in the world.
294
00:15:50,979 --> 00:15:52,234
But I will say this.
295
00:15:52,347 --> 00:15:55,204
There are things about being
female that at that age,
296
00:15:55,317 --> 00:15:57,740
it starts coming online.
297
00:15:57,853 --> 00:16:00,442
And so some of these books
take these feelings,
298
00:16:00,555 --> 00:16:02,578
these big emotions,
299
00:16:02,691 --> 00:16:06,549
they let you take them out for
a safe kind of spin, you know.
300
00:16:06,662 --> 00:16:08,017
That's--
301
00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:10,053
That's massively helpful to me
302
00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:12,221
and very terrifying.
303
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:14,257
Like, deep fear.
304
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,426
Yeah, well, just keep
bringing her the books.
305
00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:17,839
- She'll be fine.
- Okay.
306
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,903
- Has she read this?
- I don't think so.
307
00:16:27,016 --> 00:16:29,573
Okay, give hers, this, but tell
her not to read it at night
308
00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,341
because it's too scary.
309
00:16:31,454 --> 00:16:32,843
Oh, well, maybe--
310
00:16:32,956 --> 00:16:34,878
The idea is that she will
read it at night.
311
00:16:34,991 --> 00:16:38,783
It will be like a little
wrongful thrill for her.
312
00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:40,985
That's great.
313
00:16:41,098 --> 00:16:43,955
You are helping me
so much right now.
314
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:45,824
Wow.
315
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:48,159
Thank you.
316
00:16:48,272 --> 00:16:49,494
Sure.
317
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:51,329
Do you need anything else?
318
00:16:51,442 --> 00:16:53,297
No, no, thanks a lot.
319
00:16:53,410 --> 00:16:55,065
This is great, thank you.
320
00:16:55,178 --> 00:16:56,234
You're welcome.
321
00:17:29,446 --> 00:17:30,668
Hi.
322
00:17:30,781 --> 00:17:33,236
I'm sorry, I'm a monster.
323
00:17:33,349 --> 00:17:35,506
Sorry about that, I--
324
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,775
- Did Lilly like the book?
- You know what?
325
00:17:37,888 --> 00:17:40,043
I didn't give it to her yet
'cause she's on another one,
326
00:17:40,156 --> 00:17:43,580
so it's next up,
but thank you, I--
327
00:17:43,693 --> 00:17:45,883
Can I talk to you for a minute?
328
00:17:45,996 --> 00:17:47,518
- Uh--
- It's--
329
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,520
- Okay.
- Okay?
330
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,667
Um, let's--
331
00:17:54,771 --> 00:17:56,560
Thanks, I--
332
00:17:56,673 --> 00:17:59,296
I, um... Uh, okay.
333
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:02,133
You know, the--
334
00:18:02,246 --> 00:18:04,402
This kind of thing is
so awkward and horrible
335
00:18:04,515 --> 00:18:06,805
that, you know,
from your end, it must--
336
00:18:06,918 --> 00:18:09,435
Okay, I'm gonna come out and
tell you, I'm asking you out.
337
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:10,548
That's what I'm doing.
338
00:18:10,661 --> 00:18:11,844
And please don't answer yet,
339
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,179
because I know you
might have a "no"
340
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,981
cued up in your
head already and I--
341
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,182
But I please--
342
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:18,317
Will you let me say
a few things?
343
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,153
I...
344
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,523
I know that being a woman
in New York must be hard
345
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,292
because it's basically
disappointing maybe
346
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,895
that you try to be
nice to men as human beings,
347
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,664
and then they respond
348
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,901
by just torpedoing towards
your vagina.
349
00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:36,704
I want you to know
that I'm aware
350
00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:38,706
that you're young and beautiful
351
00:18:38,819 --> 00:18:41,409
and I'm not either of those
things and I--
352
00:18:41,522 --> 00:18:43,644
Part of me knows that as
soon as my lips stop moving,
353
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:45,279
you're gonna say no,
but I--
354
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:49,183
Please think of the fact that
it's low-risk, what I'm asking.
355
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,419
You just come out
with me for a drink,
356
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:52,887
and even if you got up and left
357
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,655
in the middle of the one
drink, I wouldn't--
358
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,524
I wouldn't hold it against you.
359
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:59,160
So just make a judgment
based on that
360
00:18:59,273 --> 00:19:02,664
nothing horrible would happen
if you came out with me.
361
00:19:02,777 --> 00:19:05,834
I think you're so attractive,
I'm attracted to you
362
00:19:05,947 --> 00:19:09,537
because you're nice
and you're a decent person,
363
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:10,772
and those are--
364
00:19:10,885 --> 00:19:12,340
And other reasons
you probably want people
365
00:19:12,453 --> 00:19:13,575
to be attracted to you.
366
00:19:13,688 --> 00:19:15,510
And also, you're all
horribly cute.
367
00:19:15,623 --> 00:19:17,946
I mean, you're
cute as hell and I--
368
00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:20,482
I grow on people, women,
when they-- You get--
369
00:19:20,595 --> 00:19:23,418
Some time goes by, you get
past the bald head and the--
370
00:19:23,531 --> 00:19:26,421
I sweat a lot and I'm lumpy.
371
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:28,422
I've run out of things to say.
372
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,758
Can you just say--
Tell me now, if it's--
373
00:19:30,871 --> 00:19:32,171
Did this work, are you gonna?
374
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,206
I don't date guys,
I'm a lesbian.
375
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,630
I'm just kidding.
376
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,999
Of course I'll have a drink
with you, why not?
377
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,268
Oh, my God, really?
378
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,214
Yes.
379
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,273
I don't choose guys
based on looks.
380
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:49,074
Made for a really
shitty life for me.
381
00:19:49,187 --> 00:19:50,810
And you're not a troll,
for Christ's sake.
382
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,445
Get some confidence.
383
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,013
I'll have it up and running.
384
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,514
You want to pick me up tonight?
385
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:56,749
Tonight?
386
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:57,884
- Yeah.
- At 8:00?
387
00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,218
- Yes, please.
- When I get off?
388
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,453
- That'd be great.
- Okay.
389
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:02,121
Nice job on the asking out.
390
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,889
- Thank you.
- I liked it.
391
00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,369
A-plus.
392
00:20:29,072 --> 00:20:30,461
So where are you from?
393
00:20:30,574 --> 00:20:32,863
- California.- Oh, are you really?
394
00:20:32,976 --> 00:20:35,065
Yes, I am really.
395
00:20:35,178 --> 00:20:37,334
Of course you are.
396
00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:39,470
Yeah, of course I am.
397
00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:41,872
So I'm sitting on the couchbetween Kayla and Kendra.
398
00:20:41,985 --> 00:20:44,441
I ask Kayla where she's from,she says California.
399
00:20:44,554 --> 00:20:46,544
Kendra's like,oh, yeah, I bet you are.
400
00:20:46,657 --> 00:20:48,779
Kayla was like, yeah,yeah, I am.
401
00:20:48,892 --> 00:20:50,981
Kendra's like,yeah, I bet you are.
402
00:20:51,094 --> 00:20:52,916
And Kayla said, yeah, I am.
403
00:20:53,029 --> 00:20:54,518
I like Albert.
404
00:20:54,631 --> 00:20:56,987
The others are okay.
405
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,000
But I really want to go home.
406
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:03,600
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