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00:00:02,390 --> 00:00:04,091
( woman on TV )
The State Senate met today
2
00:00:04,159 --> 00:00:05,926
to discuss the appointment
of a new federal judge
3
00:00:05,994 --> 00:00:08,629
to fill the seat
vacated by Gerald Thompson,
4
00:00:08,697 --> 00:00:10,431
who died in November.
5
00:00:10,498 --> 00:00:12,666
The city comptroller commented
that no statistics released
6
00:00:12,734 --> 00:00:14,468
by the oversight committee
7
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,737
reflect a need for change
in the budget plan.
8
00:00:16,805 --> 00:00:19,006
The mayor has scheduled a news
conference for 2:00 p.m. today
9
00:00:19,074 --> 00:00:20,641
where he is expected to smear
his shit
10
00:00:20,709 --> 00:00:22,976
all over my fat natural boobs.
11
00:00:23,044 --> 00:00:24,478
Channel 4 will carry
the mayor's news conference
12
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:25,946
live tomorrow at...
13
00:00:27,282 --> 00:00:29,483
( rewinding )
14
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,385
... for a change
in the budget plan.
15
00:00:31,453 --> 00:00:33,420
The mayor has scheduled a news
conference for 2:00 p.m. today
16
00:00:33,488 --> 00:00:35,356
where he is expected
to address concerns
17
00:00:35,423 --> 00:00:37,257
that his office
gave unfair advantage
18
00:00:37,325 --> 00:00:39,727
to private contractors
who shaved his balls
19
00:00:39,794 --> 00:00:42,496
and peed in his mother's mouth,
because she likes that.
20
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:44,031
She's a whore.
21
00:00:44,099 --> 00:00:45,532
Channel 4 will carry
the mayor's news conference
22
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,101
live tomorrow...
23
00:00:47,168 --> 00:00:48,869
( rewinding )
24
00:00:48,937 --> 00:00:50,804
... my vagina is three feet
away from my face.
25
00:00:50,872 --> 00:00:52,072
( rewinding )
26
00:00:54,609 --> 00:00:56,110
The mayor's mom
drinks pee,
27
00:00:56,177 --> 00:00:57,911
and Jews are dirty.
28
00:00:57,979 --> 00:00:59,905
We'll be right back
with the sports and weather.
29
00:01:31,446 --> 00:01:33,337
Hello.
Hi.
30
00:01:37,352 --> 00:01:39,052
Oh.
31
00:01:41,055 --> 00:01:42,523
Ugh.
32
00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:43,757
( phone ringing )
33
00:01:43,825 --> 00:01:45,058
Hello?
34
00:01:47,095 --> 00:01:48,796
You mean Liz Ciani?
35
00:01:48,863 --> 00:01:50,330
On Channel 4?
36
00:01:50,398 --> 00:01:52,032
Did you bang her?
37
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,668
No.
What's wrong with you?
38
00:01:54,736 --> 00:01:56,703
It was a dream.
39
00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:58,572
Idiot, go back to sleep
right now.
40
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,974
Get back there
and bang the hell out of her.
41
00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:02,810
Go back to sleep now!
42
00:02:20,728 --> 00:02:22,529
Oh, oh, good, you're here.
43
00:02:22,597 --> 00:02:24,631
Hi.
Hi.
44
00:02:24,699 --> 00:02:27,100
Do you want
to have sex with me?
45
00:02:27,168 --> 00:02:28,569
What?
46
00:02:28,636 --> 00:02:30,504
But you're just a little boy.
47
00:02:30,572 --> 00:02:33,307
What?
48
00:02:33,374 --> 00:02:34,641
Daddy?
49
00:02:34,709 --> 00:02:35,909
Daddy?
50
00:02:35,977 --> 00:02:37,211
Daddy!
51
00:02:37,278 --> 00:02:38,445
Daddy!
52
00:02:38,513 --> 00:02:40,113
Daddy!
53
00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:41,648
Daddy!
54
00:02:41,716 --> 00:02:43,617
Daddy!
55
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,086
I can't sleep.
56
00:02:46,154 --> 00:02:47,754
What?
57
00:02:47,822 --> 00:02:50,724
Can I have some ice cream?
58
00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:52,593
No.
59
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:55,382
How come you get to have
ice cream and I don't?
60
00:02:57,632 --> 00:02:59,299
Just... here.
61
00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:15,949
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
62
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,888
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa ♪
63
00:03:22,524 --> 00:03:29,930
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
64
00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:34,601
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
65
00:03:36,571 --> 00:03:39,640
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa ♪
66
00:03:41,175 --> 00:03:44,411
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
67
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,615
♪ Louie, Louie
you're gonna die ♪
68
00:03:50,518 --> 00:03:53,654
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie
Louie... ♪
69
00:03:53,655 --> 00:04:03,655
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
70
00:04:09,737 --> 00:04:11,805
I so don't want
to be here right now.
71
00:04:11,873 --> 00:04:13,740
Where do you want to be?
72
00:04:13,808 --> 00:04:15,342
I don't know.
73
00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:18,616
25 years old and all
my mistakes ahead of me.
74
00:04:21,249 --> 00:04:22,583
Hey, what are you doing
this summer?
75
00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:24,751
You going anywhere?
76
00:04:24,819 --> 00:04:26,453
I was thinking about
taking Serge
77
00:04:26,521 --> 00:04:28,655
to visit some
friends in Nantucket.
78
00:04:28,723 --> 00:04:30,891
Whose dick was so long
he could suck it?
79
00:04:30,959 --> 00:04:32,492
What?
80
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,127
"There was a man from Nantucket
81
00:04:34,195 --> 00:04:36,496
whose dick was
so long he could suck it."
82
00:04:36,564 --> 00:04:38,332
Really, what happened to him?
83
00:04:38,399 --> 00:04:39,933
I don't know.
84
00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:41,935
He's probably dead by now...
it's a pretty old limerick.
85
00:04:44,405 --> 00:04:45,839
Look at that kid.
86
00:04:48,643 --> 00:04:50,644
Oh, Jesus, whose kid is that?
87
00:04:50,712 --> 00:04:51,912
I don't know.
88
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,747
Somebody's got to get
that stick away from him.
89
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,751
Yeah, and he's heading
towards your Lilly.
90
00:05:01,022 --> 00:05:02,623
Hey!
91
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:03,924
Hey!
92
00:05:03,992 --> 00:05:05,158
Give me that back!
93
00:05:05,226 --> 00:05:07,294
Give me that back!
94
00:05:10,479 --> 00:05:12,332
Little douche bag.
95
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,500
That was awesome.
96
00:05:13,568 --> 00:05:15,302
Thank you very much.
97
00:05:19,474 --> 00:05:21,708
Hey, listen...
98
00:05:21,776 --> 00:05:23,944
Uh-oh.
What?
99
00:05:24,012 --> 00:05:26,480
Nothing, go ahead.
100
00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:28,982
Look, I just...
101
00:05:29,050 --> 00:05:31,451
I don't know what your situation
is with your kid's dad,
102
00:05:31,519 --> 00:05:33,153
and while I...
103
00:05:33,221 --> 00:05:35,155
You know, we're friends
and I value that,
104
00:05:35,223 --> 00:05:37,991
but I just was
thinking that maybe...
105
00:05:38,059 --> 00:05:41,029
Yeah, like I said,
"Uh-oh."
106
00:05:41,149 --> 00:05:44,178
Why?
Cause... You wanna sleep with me.
107
00:05:44,565 --> 00:05:46,333
♪♪♪
108
00:05:46,401 --> 00:05:48,846
Have dinner or something,
I don't know.
109
00:05:49,504 --> 00:05:51,605
Let me ask you a question.
110
00:05:51,673 --> 00:05:53,106
What?
111
00:05:53,174 --> 00:05:55,275
Why would I sleep with you?
112
00:05:55,343 --> 00:05:57,077
Why?
113
00:05:57,145 --> 00:06:00,617
Why would I get into
a bed with you?
114
00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:04,618
Because you're very tired.
115
00:06:04,686 --> 00:06:06,186
Long day and...
116
00:06:07,955 --> 00:06:09,790
I don't know why.
117
00:06:09,857 --> 00:06:11,591
Maybe 'cause you're very
attracted to me.
118
00:06:11,659 --> 00:06:12,893
Oh, really?
119
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,861
Yeah, you are dying
to sleep with me
120
00:06:14,929 --> 00:06:16,730
and you've been praying
to Jesus every night
121
00:06:16,798 --> 00:06:18,398
that I would ask you.
122
00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:20,734
"Please,
let him ask me."
123
00:06:20,802 --> 00:06:21,935
Really?
124
00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:24,705
You really think that?
No, I don't.
125
00:06:24,772 --> 00:06:27,426
Then why?
Why would I do it?
126
00:06:28,242 --> 00:06:30,277
I don't think you would.
127
00:06:30,344 --> 00:06:33,213
I just want to,
128
00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:35,916
and I was hoping
that you would let me.
129
00:06:35,983 --> 00:06:37,664
Mm-hmm.
130
00:06:39,754 --> 00:06:43,690
That's the greatest line
ever told.
131
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:45,726
Well, so...
132
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:47,327
It's never gonna happen, pal.
133
00:06:47,395 --> 00:06:48,795
All right.
134
00:06:48,863 --> 00:06:50,564
Why don't you try hitting
one of these other moms?
135
00:06:50,631 --> 00:06:52,199
Oh, God.
136
00:06:52,266 --> 00:06:53,467
Look at her.
137
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:55,068
I bet she'd suck your dick
138
00:06:55,136 --> 00:06:57,204
just to break the awful
pattern of her life.
139
00:06:57,271 --> 00:06:58,672
Maybe.
140
00:06:58,740 --> 00:07:00,073
How about her?
141
00:07:00,141 --> 00:07:01,942
I bet if you ripped off
that puffy coat,
142
00:07:02,009 --> 00:07:03,610
she'd let you rub
your smelly little cock
143
00:07:03,678 --> 00:07:05,846
all over her depressing tits.
144
00:07:05,913 --> 00:07:08,248
I could see that.
145
00:07:08,316 --> 00:07:10,350
Hey, how about that guy?
146
00:07:10,418 --> 00:07:12,185
Wouldn't you like to
climb on his head
147
00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:14,354
and rub your dirty bush
all over his glasses?
148
00:07:14,422 --> 00:07:16,022
I already did...
it was good.
149
00:07:16,090 --> 00:07:17,657
Nice.
150
00:07:17,725 --> 00:07:19,159
See that guy?
151
00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:22,462
I bet he'd be happy to cram his
balls right in your puss-hole.
152
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,397
Oh, my God, his balls?
153
00:07:24,465 --> 00:07:26,199
Yeah, like if he just
gathered them up
154
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:28,368
and just crammed
'em in your puss.
155
00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,237
Daddy, could I have
some carrots?
156
00:07:30,304 --> 00:07:32,205
Yeah, sweetie.
157
00:07:32,273 --> 00:07:34,174
Here's... share these
with Serge, okay?
158
00:07:34,242 --> 00:07:35,609
Okay.
All right.
159
00:07:37,945 --> 00:07:41,381
But how does he get his balls
into my pussy?
160
00:07:41,449 --> 00:07:43,583
Like...
it's like packing a pipe.
161
00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:46,820
Like, he just packs it in
with his thumb, like this.
162
00:07:46,888 --> 00:07:49,122
See, I gotta admit, I
don't hate that. Right?
163
00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:50,857
I was at the airport
with my kids, I was at JFK,
164
00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:52,859
and they had to go
to the bathroom
165
00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:54,261
and I had
to go to the bathroom.
166
00:07:54,328 --> 00:07:55,729
So take yourself through
that logically.
167
00:07:55,797 --> 00:07:56,797
Where do I...
What do I do?
168
00:07:57,256 --> 00:07:58,383
What do I do?
169
00:07:58,503 --> 00:08:00,770
I can't take them to the ladies room.
I can't just...
170
00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:02,693
"Go on in there, girls...
171
00:08:02,813 --> 00:08:06,207
Into the public restroom
of an international airport."
172
00:08:07,224 --> 00:08:12,112
Just release my custody of them
to whoever's in there.
173
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:14,915
"Go ahead, good luck to you.
174
00:08:14,982 --> 00:08:18,037
Maybe I'll see you later."
175
00:08:20,354 --> 00:08:22,222
So I gotta take them into
the men's room,
176
00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:24,057
that's what I have
to do, is take them into
177
00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:26,560
the John F. Kennedy Airport
men's room.
178
00:08:26,627 --> 00:08:28,228
Look here, girls!
179
00:08:28,296 --> 00:08:30,197
Nine penises!
180
00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:34,768
Nine penises that are all peeing
at the same time.
181
00:08:34,836 --> 00:08:38,104
Nine farting men
from all over the world,
182
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:40,740
with their dicks out,
183
00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:45,779
shaking off droplets of pee from
their syphilitic penises.
184
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:48,281
Look, three of them
have foreskins.
185
00:08:48,349 --> 00:08:50,150
You can see the difference now.
186
00:08:54,288 --> 00:08:56,590
What am I gonna do?
187
00:08:56,657 --> 00:09:00,060
So I usher them past the parade
of penises
188
00:09:00,127 --> 00:09:03,964
into a stall,
the Shangri-La of a stall that...
189
00:09:04,031 --> 00:09:06,748
The sanctity of...
190
00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:09,336
of an airport-bathroom
stall,
191
00:09:09,403 --> 00:09:11,338
number five out of ten,
192
00:09:11,405 --> 00:09:13,440
and we're in there like this...
193
00:09:13,507 --> 00:09:15,842
And there's a guy shitting
and there's a guy...
194
00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:17,410
Right here, there's...
195
00:09:17,478 --> 00:09:21,314
I'm looking at the foot
of a shitting man.
196
00:09:21,382 --> 00:09:24,050
This foot,
he's trying to get leverage
197
00:09:24,118 --> 00:09:27,020
so he can shit harder
198
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:30,291
and he is shitting like...
Oh, my God.
199
00:09:30,411 --> 00:09:32,192
Just...
plop, plop, plop.
200
00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:35,544
It sounded like soup cans
and pennies
201
00:09:35,664 --> 00:09:37,918
just tumbling into the water.
202
00:09:39,734 --> 00:09:42,836
Like his asshole dilated
like this
203
00:09:42,904 --> 00:09:47,173
and the world fell
out of it into the toilet.
204
00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:48,808
And he's going...
( grunting ).
205
00:09:48,876 --> 00:09:50,043
( blowing raspberry )
206
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,376
And then I hear him go...
207
00:09:51,496 --> 00:09:52,279
( hocking )
208
00:09:52,346 --> 00:09:54,247
So now I know...
209
00:09:54,315 --> 00:09:56,816
that he's spitting
past his dick
210
00:09:56,884 --> 00:09:59,774
into his own shit and piss.
211
00:10:01,722 --> 00:10:03,757
And he's
literally 14 inches away
212
00:10:03,824 --> 00:10:06,487
from my daughter's little face,
213
00:10:07,428 --> 00:10:10,119
and I get to know that that's
what's going on in there.
214
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,755
( Lilly ) Wow!
215
00:10:17,875 --> 00:10:19,412
Little thingy!
216
00:10:19,532 --> 00:10:21,203
Girls, let's go.
217
00:10:21,323 --> 00:10:23,059
Let's go, now!
218
00:10:23,179 --> 00:10:24,915
Please.
219
00:10:25,035 --> 00:10:27,484
Come on, Lilly, we're late.
220
00:10:27,604 --> 00:10:29,639
I'm sorry for yelling,
but we're very late.
221
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,946
I don't...
Come on, please...
222
00:10:32,013 --> 00:10:34,582
Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane!
223
00:10:34,649 --> 00:10:35,883
Jane, put it down.
224
00:10:35,951 --> 00:10:37,551
Put it down, put it down.
225
00:10:37,619 --> 00:10:40,521
Just come on.
226
00:10:40,589 --> 00:10:42,056
( Louie ) Yeah.
227
00:10:42,124 --> 00:10:43,624
Yeah, okay.
228
00:10:43,692 --> 00:10:45,493
Bye, honey, see you later.
229
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,528
Hey!
All right.
230
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,214
Come on, come on, come on.
231
00:10:49,334 --> 00:10:51,298
Let's go, honey, please.
232
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:52,566
Let's go.
233
00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:59,432
Daddy, in school we're reading
out loud... Up, honey, go up, up.
234
00:10:59,552 --> 00:11:02,276
I love you, I'm sorry,
let's just go.
235
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:04,926
( Lilly )
There's a story about this...
236
00:11:05,046 --> 00:11:07,348
Get it... get it.
237
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,912
- Hey.
- How you been, man?
238
00:11:13,309 --> 00:11:15,166
I can't do it anymore, man.
239
00:11:15,286 --> 00:11:16,404
I just, I...
seriously, I can't do it.
240
00:11:16,524 --> 00:11:17,571
Do what?
241
00:11:17,691 --> 00:11:20,835
It's just... it's 8:30
in the morning, I'm done.
242
00:11:20,955 --> 00:11:24,298
I barely got them to school
on time, and now what?
243
00:11:24,366 --> 00:11:25,681
I'm just gonna go home,
244
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:28,300
eat something bad
and jack off and pass out,
245
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:29,659
then it's time to
pick them up again.
246
00:11:29,779 --> 00:11:31,058
Yeah, the grind.
247
00:11:31,178 --> 00:11:33,712
Yeah, man, I can't do it.
I feel like shit all the time.
248
00:11:33,832 --> 00:11:37,392
Well, look at yourself, man.
You gotta get into shape.
249
00:11:37,512 --> 00:11:40,567
Seriously, being a parent is
like being an athlete, right?
250
00:11:40,687 --> 00:11:43,050
Gotta train for it
so it's not so hard.
251
00:11:43,118 --> 00:11:44,819
Ugh.
252
00:11:44,886 --> 00:11:46,301
You ever work with a trainer?
253
00:11:46,421 --> 00:11:47,387
No.
254
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,680
Dude, you should do that.
Seriously, it'll change your life.
255
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,404
I could train you.
256
00:11:51,524 --> 00:11:53,522
You're a trainer?
I do a lot of things.
257
00:11:53,642 --> 00:11:55,596
Listen, this is what we do.
We go down to your gym,
258
00:11:55,664 --> 00:11:56,946
right, bring me in there,
259
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:59,167
you let me give you a session,
if you like it...
260
00:12:01,315 --> 00:12:03,097
You know what?
That'd be good.
261
00:12:03,217 --> 00:12:04,378
Yeah?
That'd be good, yeah.
262
00:12:04,498 --> 00:12:06,085
When... when's good
for you?
263
00:12:06,153 --> 00:12:07,287
When can you do it?
How about now?
264
00:12:07,332 --> 00:12:08,733
I'm not busy.
Yeah, no, I... I gotta...
265
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,634
You gotta go home
and take a nap,
266
00:12:10,702 --> 00:12:12,103
eat some bad food, jack off?
267
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,738
That sounds really busy.
Yeah.
268
00:12:13,805 --> 00:12:16,140
No, you're right, you're right.
269
00:12:16,208 --> 00:12:17,742
Yeah, let's do it,
man, let's do it.
270
00:12:17,809 --> 00:12:19,043
All right.
Okay.
271
00:12:19,111 --> 00:12:20,289
Let's go.
Let's go.
272
00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:24,925
( beeping )
273
00:12:24,993 --> 00:12:26,827
We're gonna start out
with a little jog.
274
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:28,462
Okay.
275
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,164
Okay.
276
00:12:30,232 --> 00:12:31,532
You okay?
277
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,600
Totally.
278
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:33,601
Okay.
279
00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:34,969
It's good, no, it's good.
280
00:12:35,036 --> 00:12:36,403
Good... keep going?
Yeah, yeah, totally.
281
00:12:36,471 --> 00:12:37,738
All right, Rocky.
282
00:12:37,806 --> 00:12:38,939
I'm good, no,
I'm good, I'm good.
283
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:40,608
Feelin' it?
Yeah, I can do that.
284
00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:43,077
( huffing )
285
00:12:43,144 --> 00:12:44,478
How you doing?
You okay?
286
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,248
Yeah, no, I'm okay,
I'm okay, I'm okay.
287
00:12:47,315 --> 00:12:49,917
I gotta stop, I gotta stop,
I gotta stop.
288
00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:51,919
No, no, no, pain is a door,
walk through it.
289
00:12:51,987 --> 00:12:53,454
No, I gotta stop,
I really gotta stop.
290
00:12:53,521 --> 00:12:55,089
All right, okay, okay.
I'm serious!
291
00:12:55,156 --> 00:12:56,957
I'm sorry.
292
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,576
One... two...
293
00:12:58,696 --> 00:12:59,997
three... four...
294
00:13:00,064 --> 00:13:01,231
five...
295
00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:03,367
Okay, here you go.
Thanks.
296
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:04,501
All right, one, two...
297
00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:07,070
( exhaling )
298
00:13:07,138 --> 00:13:09,273
Squat.
299
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,440
Pick 'em up.
300
00:13:10,508 --> 00:13:11,675
Curl.
301
00:13:11,743 --> 00:13:12,843
Press.
302
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,444
Above your head.
303
00:13:14,512 --> 00:13:16,313
Shoot your feet back.
304
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:17,848
Push-up.
305
00:13:17,915 --> 00:13:19,149
Let's do it.
306
00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:20,284
Up, you're an animal.
307
00:13:20,351 --> 00:13:21,918
Let's go.
308
00:13:21,986 --> 00:13:23,954
All right, okay.
309
00:13:24,022 --> 00:13:26,023
Good, try to stand straight.
310
00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:27,721
Okay.
Good.
311
00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:30,991
( grunting )
312
00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:32,693
Feel it, buddy, feel the burn.
313
00:13:32,761 --> 00:13:34,561
Come on.
I can't.
314
00:13:34,629 --> 00:13:36,530
You can't... what do you mean, you can't?
I'm too fat.
315
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,132
Push it out.
316
00:13:38,199 --> 00:13:40,034
Suck it, suck that dick.
317
00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:41,435
Let's go.
318
00:13:41,503 --> 00:13:43,971
Eat it up.
Okay, okay, okay...
319
00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:46,473
Breathe and push it out!
320
00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:47,808
Yeah, baby!
321
00:13:47,876 --> 00:13:49,341
Yeah!
322
00:13:50,302 --> 00:13:54,280
Alright? yeah?
45 more.
323
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,317
Shit.
324
00:13:56,384 --> 00:13:57,785
Okay. Break yourself,
do it!
325
00:13:57,852 --> 00:13:59,920
Good, good, good.
( grunting )
326
00:14:02,223 --> 00:14:03,791
Nice, nice.
327
00:14:03,858 --> 00:14:05,492
Yeah, baby, yeah!
328
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,928
Louie, looking good.
( grunting )
329
00:14:10,031 --> 00:14:11,498
Yes!
330
00:14:11,566 --> 00:14:13,233
All in the mind, baby.
331
00:14:13,301 --> 00:14:14,601
( grunting )
332
00:14:16,504 --> 00:14:18,138
( moaning ) Okay.
333
00:14:21,343 --> 00:14:22,977
Come on, Louie.
334
00:14:23,044 --> 00:14:25,112
Hey, come on.
335
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:26,513
( moaning )
336
00:14:26,581 --> 00:14:27,815
Can you try?
337
00:14:27,882 --> 00:14:29,216
Come on, buddy, try and...
338
00:14:29,284 --> 00:14:31,018
No!
No?
339
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,479
( moaning )
340
00:14:32,599 --> 00:14:34,488
Okay.
341
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,959
Uh... Louie?
342
00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:45,766
( beeping ) ( siren blaring )
343
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:17,943
( coughing ) Louie, Louie.
Hi, you're in hospital.
344
00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:19,945
It's Ben, it's Ben.
345
00:15:20,012 --> 00:15:22,113
Hey, hey, hey, no,
leave that, leave that.
346
00:15:22,181 --> 00:15:25,083
Right, how you feeling?
( moaning )
347
00:15:25,151 --> 00:15:27,419
Well, yeah.
348
00:15:27,486 --> 00:15:29,788
I told you, you've got to
start taking care of yourself.
349
00:15:29,856 --> 00:15:32,023
What happened?
350
00:15:32,091 --> 00:15:35,204
No, leave that, it's important.
351
00:15:35,962 --> 00:15:37,562
So you've got to tell us
all the details.
352
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:39,130
We've got
nothing to go on here.
353
00:15:39,198 --> 00:15:40,198
We don't... We're in the...
354
00:15:40,266 --> 00:15:41,366
What?
( mumbling )
355
00:15:41,434 --> 00:15:42,567
"Awanga ow"?
356
00:15:42,635 --> 00:15:44,402
I don't know what that is.
357
00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,638
( mumbling ) "A safim"?
What is that?
358
00:15:46,706 --> 00:15:49,708
I can't... I can't understand
what you're saying.
359
00:15:49,775 --> 00:15:51,276
Well, take that
shit out of your mouth.
360
00:15:51,344 --> 00:15:52,477
It's not doing
anything, anyway.
361
00:15:52,545 --> 00:15:53,645
What's the matter with you?
Oh, Jesus, man!
362
00:15:53,713 --> 00:15:55,881
( cackling )
363
00:15:55,948 --> 00:15:58,083
Damn it... asshole.
364
00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:00,085
What are you
doing here, anyway?
365
00:16:00,152 --> 00:16:02,287
You put me as one of your
emergency contacts, you idiot.
366
00:16:02,355 --> 00:16:04,022
That was a mistake.
367
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:05,357
Wait 'til you see my bill
for a hospital visit.
368
00:16:05,424 --> 00:16:06,825
( whistling )
369
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:08,193
Great, thank you.
370
00:16:08,261 --> 00:16:10,262
So what happened?
371
00:16:10,329 --> 00:16:11,730
I was at the gym.
372
00:16:11,797 --> 00:16:12,998
Don't do that.
Yeah.
373
00:16:13,065 --> 00:16:14,599
You've got to realize,
374
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,268
you can't do normal
things anymore.
375
00:16:16,335 --> 00:16:17,669
You haven't got a body as such.
376
00:16:17,737 --> 00:16:20,605
You've just got a collection
of broken, mushed-up organs
377
00:16:20,673 --> 00:16:23,775
in a big, ginger,
sweaty skin sack.
378
00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:26,678
I get it, okay...
Not today.
379
00:16:26,746 --> 00:16:28,980
So go on, you were
working out, yeah, and?
380
00:16:29,048 --> 00:16:31,116
I just... I got into this
really bad place,
381
00:16:31,183 --> 00:16:34,185
I felt really, really bad,
and then I just passed out.
382
00:16:34,253 --> 00:16:36,021
A lesson learned.
383
00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:39,090
The lesson being, you're
gonna die very soon from...
384
00:16:39,158 --> 00:16:40,859
( laughing )
385
00:16:40,927 --> 00:16:43,128
I'd like to die
right now, please,
386
00:16:43,195 --> 00:16:45,363
so I don't have to listen
to this shit from you.
387
00:16:45,431 --> 00:16:47,432
How we doing today?
Hi.
388
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,034
Louie, I'm Dr. Drake.
389
00:16:49,101 --> 00:16:50,268
Hello.
390
00:16:50,336 --> 00:16:51,870
I'm Ben, I'm Louie's doctor.
391
00:16:51,938 --> 00:16:53,238
I just came in to see
how he's doing.
392
00:16:53,306 --> 00:16:54,973
Oh, no, that's fine.
393
00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:56,274
How is he?
394
00:16:56,342 --> 00:16:57,976
Well, it was a pretty
serious episode.
395
00:16:58,044 --> 00:16:59,978
Really?
396
00:17:00,046 --> 00:17:02,180
Listen, normally, I like
to have a kind of wind-up
397
00:17:02,248 --> 00:17:05,150
to this kind of news,
but we need to act fast here.
398
00:17:05,217 --> 00:17:09,255
Your heart suffered a minor trauma last night
and you're very lucky that you did.
399
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:11,277
Because when we did your chest X-Ray
400
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:14,558
it revealed a massive mio-cardial
defalcation.
401
00:17:16,362 --> 00:17:18,229
What is that?
402
00:17:18,297 --> 00:17:20,031
Well, it's...
403
00:17:20,099 --> 00:17:22,600
It's very dangerous, very rare
404
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:25,547
and fatal in most cases.
405
00:17:26,439 --> 00:17:29,693
What it is is a giant pile
of feces or shit
406
00:17:29,813 --> 00:17:31,710
that is sitting
right on top of your heart.
407
00:17:31,777 --> 00:17:34,913
Usually, this is caused
by a bad marriage.
408
00:17:36,482 --> 00:17:38,249
( snickering )
409
00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:40,051
Jesus!
Amazing!
410
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:41,486
That was absolutely perfect.
411
00:17:41,554 --> 00:17:43,154
No problem, I'll see
you... Cheers, man.
412
00:17:43,222 --> 00:17:44,556
Nice to have met you.
Asshole... yeah, thank you, prick.
413
00:17:44,623 --> 00:17:46,257
Big fan.
Terrific.
414
00:17:46,325 --> 00:17:48,059
That's the best thing
I've ever done.
415
00:17:48,127 --> 00:17:49,761
That's the best
thing I've ever done.
416
00:17:49,829 --> 00:17:51,896
A sweet old man coming in here
and making you shit yourself.
417
00:17:51,964 --> 00:17:53,465
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
418
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,567
I'm proud of myself, that's...
that's the weird thing.
419
00:17:55,634 --> 00:17:57,035
You're an asshole.
420
00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:58,970
I'm more proud of that
than saving lives.
421
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:01,339
Yeah, and also, you don't want
to spend your spare time
422
00:18:01,407 --> 00:18:03,875
transplanting a face
on a burn victim that's...
423
00:18:03,943 --> 00:18:05,243
No.
424
00:18:05,311 --> 00:18:07,178
I'd rather transplant
a burned victim's face,
425
00:18:07,246 --> 00:18:08,913
get his burned face,
take that off,
426
00:18:08,981 --> 00:18:11,082
and put it on your face,
427
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,550
even though you didn't need,
428
00:18:12,618 --> 00:18:14,152
and your face, I'd take off,
but he wouldn't want it.
429
00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:15,353
I'd go... He'd go,
430
00:18:15,421 --> 00:18:17,789
"No, I'd rather
go around screaming in agony
431
00:18:17,857 --> 00:18:19,924
"as a skull, than have that
fat, freckly,
432
00:18:19,992 --> 00:18:22,027
ginger moron's face."
433
00:18:22,094 --> 00:18:23,561
And he went, "I'll tell you
where you can put it."
434
00:18:23,629 --> 00:18:24,896
I go, "Where ?"
435
00:18:24,964 --> 00:18:26,564
He goes, "Well, I also burnt
my genitals and my anus.
436
00:18:26,632 --> 00:18:28,166
"Put that face there.
437
00:18:28,234 --> 00:18:29,534
That's where I'd
rather have... "
438
00:18:29,602 --> 00:18:32,103
That's it... "That's the only
way I'm taking that face,
439
00:18:32,171 --> 00:18:34,706
is if it's instead of
genitals and anal material."
440
00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,441
Okay?
441
00:18:36,509 --> 00:18:38,710
But I'm here to tell you,
442
00:18:38,778 --> 00:18:40,979
you're not gonna die,
immediately.
443
00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:42,213
Fine.
444
00:18:42,281 --> 00:18:44,249
You're just as unhealthy...
445
00:18:44,316 --> 00:18:45,683
I know, I gotta get in shape.
446
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:47,185
No... no, the opposite.
447
00:18:47,253 --> 00:18:48,820
You're so far gone,
448
00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:51,222
you're such a pointless
sort of creature now,
449
00:18:51,290 --> 00:18:53,024
that to try and get fit,
450
00:18:53,092 --> 00:18:54,692
this'll always happen, you'll
always hit that ceiling.
451
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,362
You're... just don't
try and get healthy,
452
00:18:57,430 --> 00:19:01,466
eat what you want
and die early.
453
00:19:01,534 --> 00:19:03,535
( Louie ) I think about
killing myself sometimes,
454
00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:05,236
I'll be honest with you.
455
00:19:05,304 --> 00:19:06,871
And it's not from depression.
456
00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:08,973
It's not one of those, you know,
pathetic, kind of like,
457
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:13,766
"I hate my life, I want to
kill myself and end the pain."
458
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,613
It's not like that,
it's like a fantasy.
459
00:19:15,681 --> 00:19:17,382
I'm like, oh, what if I died?
460
00:19:17,502 --> 00:19:20,304
That would be awesome.
461
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,221
I just look at the river
and I'm like,
462
00:19:23,289 --> 00:19:25,725
I just want to get in there.
463
00:19:26,222 --> 00:19:29,570
And just get all snuggly
in the river and die in it.
464
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,044
Three people were
severely injured today
465
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:42,782
when somebody put baby diarrhea
on a Mexican pizza.
466
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,184
Police commissioner
Richard Lampley
467
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,986
farted into a box today
468
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,822
and gave it to some douche bag
who lives downstairs.
469
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,525
The mayor has scheduled a news
conference for 2:00 p.m. today
470
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:56,795
where he is expected to
fart all over my tits 48 times.
471
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,830
Channel 4 will carry
the news... nah.
472
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,065
( Louie ) All right.
473
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,533
You added "all over,"
which is...
474
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,967
I did?
Yeah.
475
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,335
What was I... wait.
476
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:05,670
Fart on my tits.
"Fart on my tits," okay.
477
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,576
And, y'know, really enunciate
that so we don't miss it.
478
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,711
( whispering ) The mayor is expected
to fart on my tits 48 times.
479
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,921
Yep.
Okay.
480
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:28,452
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
481
00:20:28,502 --> 00:20:33,052
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