Original subtitles

[George sighs]

Good morning, George.

Good morning? Tti's not a good morning.

It's a great morning.

Last night, Lori and I... Look it...

I don't even chew gum, that's hers.

And sexually, I almost went twice.

I tried to go.

Airplane looked like it was gonna get up.

And then she wanted to go brush her teeth

and it went... shhk! Let's just say the airplane

had a little mechanical difficulties.

But listen, Lori and I are back...

[muffled whistle] On track.

Look how in love he is.

Yes, and in the same clothes

he wore last night when he left.

George, it's the walk of shame.

- You're a whore. - That's right, I am a whore.

[sniffs] And you know what? I smell like one too.

Phew, man, let me tell you something.

We went to dinner, and then she

took me shopping on Rodeo Drive.

I didn't have to pay for nothing.

So you... you got yourself a little sugar mama, huh?

I hope so.

[Hector] Baby, I'll see what I can do.

Your Uber's out front.

Hector had a little play date, huh?

No breakfast?

No "I'll call you tomorrow", nothing.

You just got it all figured out, don't you?

Gotta take control with your ladies, right?

Can't be a cuck.

Yeah, that's a good attitude for summer of 1951.

Look, what goes around comes around.

Men are back to being men.

They are, really? Since when?

I don't know what that means.

Oh, jefe, Wendy asked me to give you this.

I was hoping it was a love note.

This a note for a parent-teacher conference.

I'm not doing very well in school.

Yeah, but why would I go?

Why wouldn't you give this to your mom?

I didn't wanna get in trouble,

so I put you down as my responsible adult.

Right above my parole officer.

All right, I'll tell you what, I'm a do it.

Like I don't have enough things to do with your mom suing me

over that stupid ass grill with her Latino lawyer.

I'll handle this.

Don't worry, Manolo, I got it.

Thanks, jefe.

And tell her I might be late for dinner.

So, new?

Well, my magency's really picking up.

And the network's about to greenlight my show "Valleys."

So, fingers crossed.

We're smoking it.

Oh, and I'm seeing Jason. And Rachel.

Having much fun.

Still so popular.

Mom, Jason and Rachel

are the execs on my show "Valleys."

- And Jason's married. - So?

So... I don't want your "love life" to screw up my show.

Negative much?

I'm very proud of you for getting your life together.

I got her life together.

Be happy for your sister.

She's dating many people and you're not dating anyone.

[withering chuckle]

So, you don't deny that you saw my client

wheel her sausages grill inside the comedy club?

Yes... I mean, no.

I was already working on, uh, projects

because I had a meeting with my friend, Jake.

Mm-hmm.

And he had asked me to, you know,

prepare some things for GVN, uh, and...

You know, like, what George Foreman did

with the George Foreman Grill.

Uh-huh.

Your friend told you to, to come up with something

like the George Foreman Grill.

So, you rack your brain for days,

then came up with the George Lopez Grill?

Wait, um... Wait a minute, my...

My, mine's different, you know, it's Mexican style.

And you can grill indoors.

Indoors, where my client was trying to move her grill.

[clears throat] It's hot in here.

_

_

Okay, I'd like to have that stricken from the record.

What do we gotta pay to make this thing go away?

Why don't we all relax,

and perhaps the counselor and I could go and discuss this.

Vamos, se?orita.

[speaking Spanish]

I'm concerned for Manolo.

His grades have been taking a real nosedive lately.

Has anything changed at home that I should know about?

Uh, let me think, well...

His girlfriend dumped him, you.

The main reason I called this meeting

is that Manolo has stopped wearing his glasses!

I know, I think that's great, don't you?

He looks pompous in those things.

Like, you just wanna punch him in the face.

No, I think he looks handsome.

Very distinguished.

You don't see him like I do rubbing his chin all day

like he's deep in thought, like he's gonna become

some professor of Chicano studies.

Well, you know, he is one of my best students.

And he works really hard.

And he will move on.

Probably leave me one day for an exciting career

in data entry or refrigerator repair or something like that.

No, come on, he's crazy about you, head over heels.

Matter of fact, I'm a little concerned

that he might hurt himself, actually

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

[chuckling]

Well, as nice as that is to hear,

the point is... he can't see.

And if he can't see,

he won't pass his final exam and graduate.

He must wear his glasses.

How about this?

How about laser surgery on his eyes?

That's a remedy right there.

He won't even need glasses.

Oh, yeah, I mentioned that to him,

and he just burst out crying.

He is petrified of that procedure.

Laser surgery. Your know what I'll do?

I'll make an appointment for him.

I'll go with him, hold his hand through

the whole procedure, make sure he's all right.

Well, if you go with him...

Yes.

Gonna hold his hand?

Yeah, I'll do... Mm-hmm.

Yeah, be very gentle with him 'cause...

Mm-hmm.

[whispers] He likes that.

Is this still a parent-teacher conference?

To frivolous lawsuits.

May they all be disposed of for five grand.

Wait a minute, I gotta pay Manolo's mom $5,000?

Apparently, she wants a taco truck, so, yes.

Oh, and an apology.

But it's not exactly an apology.

More like an endorsement for her truck.

And then everything goes away.

- All right. - Mm-hmm.

Mmm, oh, I got you something.

- You did? - Yup.

Hm, what's this?

Some new chic, casual clothes

for our trip to Costa Rica.

I didn't know we were going to Costa Rica?

Yup, this weekend. We're taking my plane.

Oh, well, I didn't know, I...

Well, now you do know.

- Oh, Costa Rica. - Hmm.

- All right, yeah, sure, why not? - Great.

Why not? [chuckling]

Well, aren't you gonna try them on?

Unh-unh, I'll try 'em on later.

Why don't you help me get out of these clothes?

Oh, okay, you can try them on later.

- How'd it go with Wendy? - Great.

You know, I think she's still sweet on you.

The thing is, she's worried about her job,

you know, being a professional and stuff.

So, if I could give you some advice.

I would say wait till you pass the test,

and then go for it.

Oh, and she wants you to have laser eye surgery.

Well, wait, I'm scared of that shit.

I'd rather to go back to wearing my glasses.

Well, you can't.

Okay, I probably shouldn't tell you this

but Wendy hates you in glasses.

- She does? - Yup, she said that you look pompous

and that she wanted to punch right in the middle of your face.

- She said it like that? - Like that.

But you know, I can't probably say more because

of the sanctity of the parent-teacher conference.

But remember, it's for Wendy.

So that's the apartment I was thinking about getting.

Oh, that's nice.

- [George clears throat] - Yo, what the...

What the hell are you wearing?!

Lori bought this for me.

We're going to Costa Rica this weekend.

You look like something from "Caddyshack II."

Yo, hold up, this weekend? It's Laker-Cavs.

You have courtside tickets.

I can watch it over there,

somewhere in a bar, somewhere.

But you've been looking forward to that game.

Yeah, well, you know, slightly.

But this is the weekend she wanted to go and, you know,

she got the plane and everything.

Without telling you?

No, come on, she told me last night.

- What? - She told you last night.

After she saved your ass at the deposition.

[Hector] And bought you another outfit.

I mean, Lori got it all covered, doesn't she?

Business and pleasure. Damn, George, you a cuck.

[both] Cuck, cuck-cuck, cuck, cuck.

[clucking]

[both clucking]

Okay, okay, first of all, you guys are clucking

like, roosters, "cluck"!

It's cuck.

Okay, cuck.

And I'm a man, I'm an individual.

And I'm not one of those.

Um, yeah, I think you are.

Uh, you sleep at her house all the time.

And she's always picking the restaurant.

And she's always picking up the tab.

And she got you dressed like some type

of boy toy Mexican Ken doll.

Wow, that... that hurts.

Listen, she's 200 times richer than I am.

So, when I'm the wealthy one in the relationship,

then I'll pay for everything.

Jefe's right.

Wendy's a powerful woman of authority, too.

So, when she would tell me to do something, I did it.

- Cuck. - Cuck.

So, okay, you know what? I handle my business.

I'ma tell her I had already made other plans.

And that we'll have to go another time.

She gonna have to be fine with that.

She'll have to be

because you're the man.

Now, I'm gonna go find me an apartment for me and Chandra

because I'm picking it out and I'm paying for it

because that's what men do.

Men do, do. Okay, leave me hanging.

Shit, Triumph Seekers!

I told those fools to come back another time.

Shit, Manolo, damn!

Listen, I'm not living in fear of these guys anymore.

I'ma go talk to them.

Dressed like a guy that sells paletas in the park.

We need to speak with Manolo.

Manolo's not here.

That's funny because we just saw him go into this house.

Which means the Lord saw him go into this house.

But, you know, he's not here, okay.

I'm telling you he's not here.

So, I'd appreciate it if both of you would just,

you know, move it along.

Yeah, we'll move it along to salvation and peace.

Wouldn't that feel good?

Joy instead of pain?

Love instead of doubt?

All your burdens lifted?

Yeah, I mean, come on, of course.

George Lopez, let Jesus Christ into your heart.

How'd he know my name?

Because you're famous.

But that doesn't lift the burden.

It only makes it heavier.

That's true, it does.

On a daily basis, bro, it is so...

You guys don't blink.

Oh! I always heard that you guys didn't blink.

And you don't, that's... damn.

How would you like to not have to worry about anything again?

The Lord can take care of everything.

Take care of everything?

Everything, wow...

Ev...

[laughing] You guys almost got me!

Wow! Man!

Come back at Halloween.

I give out full-size candies.

Thank you, Olly, so much for coming with me.

Like, I really need a woman's point of view.

Chandra will be here in a couple of days,

and I want to have a place locked down by then, okay?

- [phone ringing] - What is this?

Oh, Pfeiffer!

I really need to find my own place, too.

But that's not why I brought you to...

You'll love this apartment.

The floors actually have radiant heat.

I don't know what that means

but it sounds like something I must have.

Dammit, Pfeiffer, I told you

Rachel and Jason would find out about each other.

It's cool, sis, I already have a prob solve.

A "prob solve". What does that even mean?

It means that Rachel, Jason and I

are going to Palm Springs for the weekend.

[Olly] Wait, the three of you are going away for the weekend?

- Mm-hmm. - Well, what about Jason's wife?

She'd never go for it.

Apparently, that's part of the problem.

What? No!

No three-ways, no two-ways, no anal.

I swear, Pfeiffer, if you screw up my show...

Oh! It's all good, bye!

Ugh!

Oh, you heard that?

Living with my sister, you know, at home.

- You have no idea. - I live with my sister.

Yeah, but I'm sure she's lovely.

You know, not off having sex weekends in the desert.

She has cerebral palsy.

Mmm. Of course she does.

Good morning.

Good morning.

It's a great morning.

Yeah.

Oh, I got you... this.

Ah, because you have been spending

so much time here.

You're dressing me up again.

Yeah.

Wow, that's... beautiful.

Uh, Lori, listen.

I... I know that we talked about

going to Costa Rica this weekend.

Mm-hmm, oh, you are gonna love it down there.

And I booked you a mani-pedi on the beach.

It sounds amazing but, you know, this Saturday,

the Lakers and Cavs are playing at Staples Center.

You like LeBron James, don't you?

Oh, I love LeBron.

He bought 200 of our cordless facial toners

as Christmas gifts for the whole Cavaliers organization.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, you can caress his cheeks Saturday

because I got courtside seats.

And, I thought maybe we could have dinner afterwards.

And I booked us a suite at the Ritz-Carlton.

George, you are so thoughtful.

But we can watch the game on the beach

at my villa in Papagayo.

Yeah, okay, but don't you wanna

feel the joy of seeing LeBron in person?

Uh, I get that you do.

Mmm.

Let go of your burden.

Open your heart and open your soul

to steaks after the game

and a suite at the Ritz-Carlton.

Say this with me, Lori.

- Okay. - I wanna go

to the Lakers and the Cavs game on Saturday.

Uh, um... I wanna go

see the Lakers and the Cavs game on Saturday.

Yeah.

So, Lori is coming to the game with me, no problem.

I knew you weren't a cuck, jefe.

So where to?

Uh, where to? Let's see, oh...

You know, I was thinking about trying that new ice cream place.

- You like ice cream, right? - Yeah.

Yeah, uh, you know what, let me drive.

Huh? Try something new.

You can't see, blind bat.

Yeah, they got a lot of

assorted, uh, colors and flavors.

Where is it?

Uh, right there on Southern, like, 1161...

- Laser surgery! - [screeches]

Why can't I just wear glasses?

Okay, first of all, lower your voice.

Your in a professional medical building.

And secondly, I told you, every time Wendy sees you in glasses,

she wants to strangle you, okay?

Now just relax. Lean back.

There you go, one down.

Piece of cake, right?

Yeah, that wasn't too bad. The Valium helps.

Before you know it, we'll have you with 20/20 vision.

Onto to eye numero dos.

You hear that, Manolo? No more glasses.

Okay, this'll take just a few seconds.

Uh-oh, abort. Abort!

Ow! Manolo... ow!

Yeah, the doctor cut the flap too thin.

But he said in a week or ten days, he'll be 20/20.

- Poor guy, hmm. - Who said that?

All right, take it easy.

That's... that's Maronzio, all right?

Here, drink your... Drink your juice

right there in front of you, good.

Why does he have bandages on both eyes?

The doctor decided to cover both eyes

or it could cause too much strain or imbalance.

[whispers] George...

What about his final exam?

He won't be able to graduate.

Yeah, I... I know, we gotta figure something out.

Who said that?

Oh, that's... That's us.

All right, here, give me that juice.

You're good, don't worry about it, relax.

Hey, but on the Lori front, check this out, good news.

We're going to the Laker game so no more cucky.

There you go, George, huh?

- You the man. - That's right.

- You take charge. - That's right.

Yeah, dude.

Hell, yeah!

Oh.

Welcome, those are for you.

- Thank you. Oh. - Hug.

Can't believe you sent a limo for me.

Very different from the two times

you forgot to even pick me up.

Times are changing, my dear.

Check this out.

Oh, what... stepping up your game a little.

Hey! Nice, open entrance.

What do you think?

- Amazing, right? - Hmm.

- Right? - It's beautiful.

I'm so happy you're doing well, Maronzio.

No, we are doing well.

I got this apartment for the two of us.

- What? - Yeah!

I've thought about it. This is what I want.

For you and me to be together again.

To start fresh!

Maronzio, I can't remember

when we were last in the same time zone.

But we are now.

Really? Now you're doing all this?

All these years you won't there for me.

You weren't there for the kids' birthdays, graduations...

But I'm here now!

Like, look at this apartment!

The floors have radiant heat.

It's radiant heat!

You got an apartment without talking to me!

- And? - Selfish.

I have a job and a life 3,000 miles away.

Maronzio, when we first got together,

you managed a rental car agency.

I could wrap my mind around that.

Then you had your dream and I supported you.

But what became clear was that you cared more

about your dream than you did about me.

I've done some things I regret.

You just said some things you regret.

But now we can move on.

We can find a new apartment together.

Maronzio, I came out here to tell you in person.

I'm getting married.

Yeah, to me!

Mm-mmh.

[Lori] Hey, honey.

I was gonna pick you up.

Look, I got you your own Lakers jersey.

Change of plans. We're going to Costa Rica.

Wait a minute, we talked about this.

George, I have a private beach.

I flew down our favorite chef.

And my plane is waiting in Van Nuys.

So, we should get going.

No, I don't wanna do that.

Because, look, we're always doing things your way.

That German concert, Disney Hall,

the restaurants you pick.

Hell, you own 'em.

Tonight, I wanna do something my way.

This is Richard Branson all over again.

Everything is going great.

I feel like I'm connecting.

And then he can't handle the fact that I'm who I am.

Richard Branson, the guy with the airplanes

and rockets and stuff?

And the inability to let a woman be in charge.

You know, I work harder and make more than anyone I date.

But at the end of the day,

a guy can't feel like a real man

if a woman is calling the shots?

I don't think it's about being a real man.

I think it's just he doesn't wanna be a cuck.

A... a... a... A what?

I don't know, it's nothing. Don't, it's...

I really care about you, George.

Yes, Lori, and I care about you.

I can't do this anymore.

I'm... I'm sorry this isn't working out.

What do you mean, that's it?

You're just... you just quit?

Enjoy the game, George.

[car door closes]

[car starts]

[driving away]

Wow. Ahem.

Sorry about your girlfriend, jefe.

Yeah, thanks, Manolo.

I'm so depressed, I don't even feel like drinking.

That's a first.

I shoulda took you to the game.

No, you know what, it would've been like rubbing salt in the wound.

I thought you were supposed to pour salt in the wound.

That's lucky, right?

Yeah, sure.

Hmm, you couldn't go to the game

because you have to prepare for your final.

But I can't even see.

Mm-hmm, I know.

That's why I got a surprise for you.

- I got you a tutor. - Hello, Manolo.

- Miss Wendy! - [chuckling]

- Let's get to work. - [doorbell chimes]

- Let's get to work, baby. - [knocking on door]

I'll get that.

It's good to see you.

I'm coming.

Hey, if these are Triumph Seekers, I'm in no mood!

What's going on? What are you doing here?

[clears throat]

Trouble, George.

You know Jason Turner, our network exec on "Valleys"?

Yeah, the skinny dude.

Well, his wife discovered

that he was cheating on her

with my sister and our creative exec, Rachel.

Wait a minute, all three of them?

Well, technically, he was only

cheating with Pfeiffer.

But because Pfeiffer was having sex with Rachel

at the exact same time, the distinction was lost on Jason's wife.

I don't care about that.

What does that have to do with "Valleys"?

Everything.

The network shit-canned him.

They fired him for having an affair?

For having an affair that went very bad,

very publicly, and involved employees.

ABC has very clear codes of conduct about this kind of thing.

Well... what does that mean?

Like, that it could be over?

Who knows?

I don't even know if there still is a "Valleys".

Okay, wait... Now you're talking crazy.

I need a drink.

Well, yeah.

The whole world's crumbling.

Hey, Manolo, make her a drink!

[Manolo] Can't see!

Feel around for the ice.

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