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1
00:00:01,140 --> 00:00:04,043
[upbeat music]
2
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Hey, George.
3
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- George!
- Hey.
4
00:00:19,959 --> 00:00:22,028
Hey, I have to say, I'm
a little disappointed.
5
00:00:22,128 --> 00:00:23,463
Disappointed in what, Stephen?
6
00:00:23,563 --> 00:00:24,796
We talked about you
7
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trimming back these trees a little more.
8
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You know, I was telling
Bobbie and Joelle...
9
00:00:27,832 --> 00:00:29,168
- Come on out.
- Well, not really.
10
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Listen, man, you talked,
11
00:00:30,903 --> 00:00:32,972
and I told you I wasn't gonna trim them,
12
00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:34,339
because I like the privacy.
13
00:00:34,439 --> 00:00:36,909
Look if you're worried about paparazzi,
14
00:00:37,009 --> 00:00:37,876
don't be.
15
00:00:37,976 --> 00:00:39,311
And as far as your fans, I mean,
16
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we're way off the bus line, right?
17
00:00:41,948 --> 00:00:44,450
I mean, I bet you could
18
00:00:44,549 --> 00:00:46,753
trim these up really nice right now
19
00:00:46,853 --> 00:00:49,221
You know, you wouldn't even
have been able to afford
20
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,457
to move into the neighborhood
if I hadn't have moved in first
21
00:00:51,556 --> 00:00:53,158
and lowered the property values.
22
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That's racist.
23
00:00:54,427 --> 00:00:55,561
Wait a minute, how's that racist?
24
00:00:55,661 --> 00:00:57,096
I mean, you people, everything is racist.
25
00:00:57,195 --> 00:00:58,297
Whoa, "you people."
26
00:00:58,396 --> 00:00:59,497
All right, all right, all right.
27
00:00:59,598 --> 00:01:01,133
The issue is not George's racism.
28
00:01:01,232 --> 00:01:04,270
It's just, you know,
maintaining community standards.
29
00:01:04,369 --> 00:01:05,972
- [cell phone rings]
- Hang on a second.
30
00:01:06,071 --> 00:01:07,573
Snoop Dogg. [Chuckles]
31
00:01:07,672 --> 00:01:08,841
Getting a call from Snoop.
32
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,576
- Hello?
- It's Snoop.
33
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:12,043
You think you can come
by my house for a minute
34
00:01:12,145 --> 00:01:13,813
and hang out and come
in the green room?
35
00:01:13,913 --> 00:01:16,416
All right, cool. Listen, I got
to go to my daughter's school
36
00:01:16,515 --> 00:01:17,684
and meet with the headmaster,
37
00:01:17,784 --> 00:01:18,784
but after that, I'll shoot over, man.
38
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Just text me your address.
39
00:01:20,252 --> 00:01:21,387
Um, we're gonna have to
40
00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:22,988
continue this conversation later,
41
00:01:23,088 --> 00:01:24,956
'cause I'm going over
to Snoop Dogg's house.
42
00:01:25,056 --> 00:01:26,591
Snoop.
43
00:01:26,692 --> 00:01:29,494
Oh, the... the dope guy?
44
00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:31,029
That's not near here, is it?
45
00:01:33,098 --> 00:01:34,166
[car engine revs]
46
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[car horn trumpeting]
47
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
48
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[hip-hop music]
49
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:16,968
Wow, nice Bentley.
50
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,136
- George Lopez.
- Hey.
51
00:02:18,236 --> 00:02:19,570
I heard you were at this school.
52
00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:20,372
I'm Javier.
53
00:02:20,472 --> 00:02:22,006
- Mucho gusto.
- Hey.
54
00:02:22,106 --> 00:02:24,708
Yeah, my daughter,
Erica, is in tenth grade.
55
00:02:24,909 --> 00:02:26,645
- She'll be turning 16.
- She'll be driving soon.
56
00:02:27,084 --> 00:02:27,986
Ay, lo siento, man.
57
00:02:28,086 --> 00:02:28,987
[chuckles] Thanks.
58
00:02:29,087 --> 00:02:30,554
So how do you like it here at Bragmoor
59
00:02:30,654 --> 00:02:31,789
with all the Anglos?
60
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:34,092
Yeah, it's pretty good so far.
61
00:02:34,191 --> 00:02:35,193
How old are your kids?
62
00:02:35,292 --> 00:02:36,894
Oh, man, let's see.
63
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The girls are 26 and 25.
64
00:02:39,363 --> 00:02:40,265
[horn honks]
65
00:02:40,364 --> 00:02:42,100
Well, back to work.
66
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,101
Back to work.
67
00:02:43,201 --> 00:02:44,102
Here you go.
68
00:02:44,201 --> 00:02:47,104
[upbeat music]
69
00:02:47,205 --> 00:02:48,373
70
00:02:48,473 --> 00:02:49,641
What you guys got?
71
00:02:49,741 --> 00:02:50,774
Valet at a high school?
72
00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:52,142
Yeah, just started yesterday.
73
00:02:52,243 --> 00:02:55,547
It's been all right, but the tips suck.
74
00:02:55,647 --> 00:02:58,550
[school bell ringing]
75
00:02:58,649 --> 00:03:00,551
[knocking at door]
76
00:03:00,652 --> 00:03:01,887
So am I in trouble?
77
00:03:01,987 --> 00:03:03,488
- George, come on in.
- Thanks.
78
00:03:03,588 --> 00:03:05,422
Sit down.
79
00:03:05,523 --> 00:03:06,992
- So, George.
- Yeah.
80
00:03:07,091 --> 00:03:07,925
As you probably know,
81
00:03:08,024 --> 00:03:11,629
tuition only covers a fraction of the cost
82
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:14,266
of running a school like Bragmoor.
83
00:03:14,366 --> 00:03:16,068
So the 30K a year, what...
84
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:17,267
Drop in the bucket, George.
85
00:03:17,368 --> 00:03:18,302
[chuckling] Wow, that must be
86
00:03:18,402 --> 00:03:19,303
a pretty damn big bucket.
87
00:03:19,484 --> 00:03:20,752
Well put.
88
00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:25,256
And it's difficult to
keep that bucket full,
89
00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:26,657
which is why, George,
90
00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:30,794
fundraising is such an
important part of our mission.
91
00:03:30,894 --> 00:03:32,496
You ever thought of
getting a smaller bucket?
92
00:03:32,597 --> 00:03:34,532
[laughs] You... you're funny.
93
00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:35,766
Thanks.
94
00:03:35,866 --> 00:03:38,603
So at this year's fundraising ball,
95
00:03:38,704 --> 00:03:42,073
we want to auction you off
as our celebrity assistant.
96
00:03:42,173 --> 00:03:44,442
The highest bidder gets to have you
97
00:03:44,542 --> 00:03:46,578
do whatever they want for a day.
98
00:03:46,678 --> 00:03:47,946
Slave for a day.
99
00:03:48,045 --> 00:03:50,514
No, George, we don't call it that anymore.
100
00:03:50,615 --> 00:03:51,783
Can I be honest with you?
101
00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:52,950
You haven't been?
102
00:03:53,050 --> 00:03:55,185
When you took your wife's kidney
103
00:03:55,286 --> 00:03:57,021
and then divorced her,
104
00:03:57,121 --> 00:04:01,024
it didn't really help you
with the Bragmoor community.
105
00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:05,663
And just think how proud
your daughter... Erica
106
00:04:05,763 --> 00:04:09,333
will be of you and your
selfless generosity.
107
00:04:09,434 --> 00:04:12,269
What, do you think I'd go for a lot, or...
108
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:13,672
Oh, yes.
109
00:04:13,771 --> 00:04:15,906
Our consultants have a very robust
110
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:17,942
projection for you, George.
111
00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:20,211
Erica, guess who's a person
112
00:04:20,312 --> 00:04:22,614
they're gonna auction off at your school.
113
00:04:22,714 --> 00:04:24,750
When you get this message, give me a call.
114
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:29,621
Okay, I love you.
115
00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:39,697
- Hey.
- Just waiting on the valet.
116
00:04:39,796 --> 00:04:41,031
- Hey, valet.
- Watch out for that guy.
117
00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:42,634
He thinks we're all the same person.
118
00:04:42,733 --> 00:04:45,336
Okay, have a good one.
119
00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:47,939
Why did I think that
you lived in Las Vegas?
120
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,507
That's just my pied-?-terre.
121
00:04:50,608 --> 00:04:51,643
You know what I'm saying?
122
00:04:51,742 --> 00:04:53,077
- Your pied-?-terre.
- Yeah.
123
00:04:53,178 --> 00:04:54,512
This is my woo wop to the boo bop.
124
00:04:54,612 --> 00:04:55,580
This is how I get down.
125
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:56,980
Oh, all right.
126
00:04:57,081 --> 00:04:58,682
Yeah, but I got to get to
this little get-together.
127
00:04:58,783 --> 00:05:01,286
You know, Dr. Dre, Brandy, Helen Mirren.
128
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:02,753
Wow, that sounds great.
129
00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:04,187
We don't want to keep them
waiting, man, you know.
130
00:05:04,288 --> 00:05:07,692
Thing is, uh, they there, and I'm here,
131
00:05:07,791 --> 00:05:09,059
so I got to shake, rattle, and roll,
132
00:05:09,161 --> 00:05:12,295
and we got to take Al
to the David Mamet play.
133
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,364
He's opening up.
134
00:05:13,464 --> 00:05:14,699
Yeah, at the Geffen, man.
135
00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:15,899
At... Pacino, right?
136
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:16,701
Al Pacino?
137
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,301
Yeah, but the thing is...
138
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,072
you know, what's so crazy
is that he's nervous.
139
00:05:20,171 --> 00:05:21,705
I'm like, "What are you
doing being nervous for?"
140
00:05:21,805 --> 00:05:23,007
We gonna do it.
141
00:05:23,106 --> 00:05:24,341
We're gonna take him out for some drinks,
142
00:05:24,442 --> 00:05:25,776
relax him a little bit and get him right
143
00:05:25,877 --> 00:05:27,144
before he do his thing.
144
00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:28,745
Right, right, right. Yeah,
well... let's go, man,
145
00:05:28,846 --> 00:05:30,081
'cause we don't want to keep him waiting.
146
00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:32,048
Yeah, but look, I need you to kick it
147
00:05:32,149 --> 00:05:33,683
and chill here till I get back.
148
00:05:33,783 --> 00:05:34,952
You want me to hang here?
149
00:05:35,053 --> 00:05:38,355
15, 20, 25, 30, at the most.
150
00:05:38,456 --> 00:05:42,759
And Sonia, she gonna
flip when she meets you.
151
00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:44,428
[chuckles] Who's Sonia?
152
00:05:44,529 --> 00:05:46,096
My maid.
153
00:05:46,197 --> 00:05:47,732
You ain't even got to do the whole show.
154
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:48,899
Just hit her with a couple of jokes.
155
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,435
She'll be just fine.
156
00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:52,569
Yabba dabba doo.
157
00:05:52,670 --> 00:05:54,806
Do what you do.
158
00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:57,728
You stood up Snoop's maid?
159
00:05:57,828 --> 00:05:59,297
I mean, I know he's a stoner, George,
160
00:05:59,396 --> 00:06:00,331
but he's gonna be pissed.
161
00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:01,465
I don't care what you say.
162
00:06:01,566 --> 00:06:02,700
No, man, he called me to hang out.
163
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:03,869
I went to his house.
164
00:06:03,968 --> 00:06:05,437
He wanted me to kick it with his maid.
165
00:06:05,537 --> 00:06:06,971
After two hours, I left.
166
00:06:07,071 --> 00:06:09,373
For some reason, you have
a way of pissing people off.
167
00:06:09,473 --> 00:06:10,508
You pissed off your ex-wife.
168
00:06:10,607 --> 00:06:12,076
You pissed off ex-manager.
169
00:06:12,175 --> 00:06:14,045
And that's why I'm glad I open for you
170
00:06:14,145 --> 00:06:15,747
and don't have to follow you,
'cause your life is a mess.
171
00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:16,881
I don't like it.
172
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,169
My neighbor, this rich white lady,
173
00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,169
she called me a racist today.
174
00:06:19,270 --> 00:06:20,472
You see?
175
00:06:20,571 --> 00:06:22,572
Everything is racist
nowadays, except them.
176
00:06:22,672 --> 00:06:23,974
- Right.
- They getting all uppity.
177
00:06:24,075 --> 00:06:25,176
But they're not racist. Never.
178
00:06:25,275 --> 00:06:26,343
White people never...
179
00:06:26,445 --> 00:06:27,779
Oh, that's my dude right there.
180
00:06:27,878 --> 00:06:28,980
Antonio!
181
00:06:31,383 --> 00:06:33,251
What's up with the half wave?
182
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:34,685
You see what you just did?
183
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,353
Even though he's no longer mayor,
184
00:06:36,453 --> 00:06:39,623
you still have to refer to him
as Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.
185
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:40,625
How do you not know these things?
186
00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,092
My life is crumbling.
187
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,695
Are you still doing the
slave for a day thing?
188
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:44,929
Hey, man, they don't
call it slave for a day.
189
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,464
At the school, it's a fundraiser.
190
00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:49,066
All the money goes to the
kids, and it's fun and games.
191
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,835
You know what? I bet the confederates
192
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:52,603
thought that slave auctions were a blast
193
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:55,639
and for a very good cause: picking cotton.
194
00:06:55,739 --> 00:06:57,641
Okay, look, I got to do it for Erica.
195
00:06:57,741 --> 00:07:00,443
Since the divorce,
we're not getting along.
196
00:07:00,464 --> 00:07:02,233
She's still at that school.
197
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,334
All the parents are against me.
198
00:07:03,435 --> 00:07:05,070
Nobody honks and waves at carpools.
199
00:07:05,169 --> 00:07:06,804
So let me get this straight.
200
00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:09,373
You have problems at your
expensive private school,
201
00:07:09,474 --> 00:07:11,709
you're having a gardening
dispute with your neighbor,
202
00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,844
and you were called a racist!
203
00:07:13,945 --> 00:07:16,081
George Lopez, you have white man problems.
204
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:16,914
No, come on, dude.
205
00:07:17,015 --> 00:07:17,882
I got brown man problems too.
206
00:07:17,983 --> 00:07:19,384
At valet, one of the parents
207
00:07:19,483 --> 00:07:20,851
tried to hand me the ticket to their car.
208
00:07:20,952 --> 00:07:22,120
- [laughs]
- What's that?
209
00:07:22,219 --> 00:07:23,587
- That's not funny.
- A little bit.
210
00:07:23,688 --> 00:07:24,889
Listen, as a Latino, it's humiliating.
211
00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:26,657
Oh, like what being auctioned off
212
00:07:26,757 --> 00:07:28,894
would be like in the black community?
213
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,428
[cell phone ringing]
214
00:07:31,529 --> 00:07:32,863
Are you gonna answer that?
215
00:07:32,964 --> 00:07:34,065
No, man, it's just Snoop.
216
00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:35,899
He wants me to perform for his maid.
217
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,703
Hey, did you know Snoop
has his own brand of weed?
218
00:07:38,712 --> 00:07:40,023
- Yes.
- Can you get me some samples?
219
00:07:40,032 --> 00:07:41,334
Come on, man. What's
with you and the samples?
220
00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:42,300
Because they're free!
221
00:07:42,488 --> 00:07:43,623
You should see me at the farmer's market.
222
00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,292
Oh, this dude is blowing up my phone.
223
00:07:45,392 --> 00:07:46,659
I'm ignoring a rap
icon because he wants me
224
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,659
to perform for his maid.
225
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:48,661
Where's my car?
226
00:07:48,762 --> 00:07:49,696
Hey, vamanos vato.
227
00:07:49,796 --> 00:07:50,697
What are you doing?
228
00:07:50,796 --> 00:07:51,731
I'm getting my car.
229
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:52,765
Vamanos. Let's go.
230
00:07:52,865 --> 00:07:54,067
Time is money. Vamanos.
231
00:07:54,166 --> 00:07:55,234
- [laughs]
- What are you laughing at?
232
00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:56,602
Dude, everything you ever do is laugh.
233
00:07:56,702 --> 00:07:58,572
Because you just gave Mayor Villaraigosa
234
00:07:58,671 --> 00:07:59,405
your valet ticket.
235
00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:01,940
Vamanos vato? Really?
236
00:08:02,041 --> 00:08:03,375
- Bandejo.
- That means stupid.
237
00:08:03,476 --> 00:08:06,178
I know, I can't believe
it either, sir. I don't...
238
00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:07,947
Why'd you post that on Twitter, fool?
239
00:08:08,048 --> 00:08:09,815
Oh, look at the hashtags.
240
00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:11,418
[laughs]
241
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:12,452
[sighs]
242
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:19,192
[upbeat music]
243
00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:22,829
[tires screeching]
244
00:08:26,865 --> 00:08:29,102
[cell phone ringing]
245
00:08:29,202 --> 00:08:31,471
Man, doesn't anybody work?
246
00:08:31,571 --> 00:08:32,505
[sighs]
247
00:08:36,109 --> 00:08:37,678
Ah, buenos dias.
248
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:38,678
[indistinct conversation]
249
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:39,712
Hey, Juan.
250
00:08:39,813 --> 00:08:42,915
[speaking Spanish]
251
00:08:43,015 --> 00:08:44,284
Ah, it's good to be home.
252
00:08:44,384 --> 00:08:46,519
It smells so good in here.
253
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,327
Donde, jefe.
254
00:08:55,428 --> 00:08:57,130
We only see you when
something's gone really good
255
00:08:57,230 --> 00:08:58,264
or really bad.
256
00:08:58,365 --> 00:08:59,265
What's up with that?
257
00:08:59,365 --> 00:09:02,568
Menudo, cabeza, criadillas.
258
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,136
You only eat that stuff when it's bad.
259
00:09:04,236 --> 00:09:05,704
No, I just came to get some good food
260
00:09:05,804 --> 00:09:07,006
visit the hold neighborhood,
261
00:09:07,106 --> 00:09:08,040
spend time with my friends.
262
00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:09,275
Why don't you move back?
263
00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:10,276
You could build a house anywhere.
264
00:09:10,376 --> 00:09:11,477
That's right.
265
00:09:11,577 --> 00:09:12,545
I've thought about it, but I think
266
00:09:12,645 --> 00:09:13,733
it's too much of a temptation.
267
00:09:13,778 --> 00:09:15,147
You guys would know where
I live, try to sneak in.
268
00:09:15,247 --> 00:09:17,349
I'd have to shoot you, make
it look like an accident.
269
00:09:17,450 --> 00:09:18,749
I don't need the aggravation.
270
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,318
Hey, so I heard you gave your valet ticket
271
00:09:20,419 --> 00:09:21,687
to Antonio Villaraigosa.
272
00:09:21,786 --> 00:09:22,988
- Is this true?
- Man, you heard about that?
273
00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:24,390
- Yeah.
- I wasn't paying attention.
274
00:09:24,489 --> 00:09:25,556
I had the ticket and the money.
275
00:09:25,656 --> 00:09:26,559
I put it out there...
276
00:09:26,658 --> 00:09:27,992
And he was Mexicano.
277
00:09:28,094 --> 00:09:29,862
You gave the keys to
the former mayor of LA.
278
00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:31,829
Damn, he may be governor someday.
279
00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:34,032
Well, if he runs, now
I got to vote for him.
280
00:09:34,132 --> 00:09:36,067
I almost gave the keys
to my brother-in-law once.
281
00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:37,368
Thought he was gonna blast me.
282
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:38,369
- For that?
- Yeah.
283
00:09:38,469 --> 00:09:39,504
That's gacho.
284
00:09:39,604 --> 00:09:41,206
Look, you just need to lay low
285
00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:43,308
and let this disaster blow over,
286
00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,010
like when you got drunk
and fell asleep in public.
287
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:46,811
- Remember that?
- Or "Saint George."
288
00:09:46,911 --> 00:09:49,281
Two things I would like to forget.
289
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,284
You know what? I think you guys are right.
290
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:52,084
I got to lay low.
291
00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:53,419
I don't even want to drive.
292
00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:54,552
You know what I should do
293
00:09:54,652 --> 00:09:55,988
is hire one of you guys to drive me.
294
00:09:56,088 --> 00:09:59,025
Who's not on parole?
295
00:09:59,124 --> 00:10:01,626
Who doesn't have any warrants?
296
00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:02,862
All right, you win.
297
00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:04,796
Come on. Let's go.
298
00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:12,204
[hip-hop music]
299
00:10:16,943 --> 00:10:18,043
You got some big shoes to fill.
300
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:20,378
Can you park better than that?
301
00:10:20,478 --> 00:10:21,479
So where we going, boss?
302
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,614
We're going to 4Arts.
303
00:10:22,714 --> 00:10:23,815
I got a meeting with my manager.
304
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:24,816
All right, all right.
305
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,252
Hey, hold on, jefe.
306
00:10:26,352 --> 00:10:28,688
We gonna do this, we're
gonna do this right, man.
307
00:10:28,787 --> 00:10:30,688
[speaking Spanish]
308
00:10:30,788 --> 00:10:32,457
All right. Big time.
309
00:10:32,557 --> 00:10:35,126
That's right.
310
00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:36,362
Son of a...
311
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:37,829
What's up, boss?
312
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:39,998
Somebody posted a
picture of me and Antonio
313
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:44,302
with a hashtag that
says, "#Valet-araigosa."
314
00:10:44,402 --> 00:10:45,937
- Thanks for coming in.
- Yeah, uh...
315
00:10:46,037 --> 00:10:47,038
This is fantastic.
316
00:10:47,138 --> 00:10:48,707
- You talking to me?
- Yes.
317
00:10:48,807 --> 00:10:51,009
Okay, well, I look at people
when I'm talking to them.
318
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,445
Oh, I love that.
319
00:10:53,546 --> 00:10:54,747
Where's... where's Danny?
320
00:10:54,847 --> 00:10:55,914
Shouldn't I be meeting with Danny?
321
00:10:56,014 --> 00:10:57,783
- Oh, Danny is in Dubai.
- Dubai.
322
00:10:57,883 --> 00:10:58,917
Working for you.
323
00:10:59,017 --> 00:11:00,118
But I'm in here working for you.
324
00:11:00,219 --> 00:11:02,655
Come on in.
325
00:11:02,754 --> 00:11:03,821
Come on.
326
00:11:03,921 --> 00:11:04,923
Hey, man, what are we? Los Lobos?
327
00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:06,124
Stand right there.
328
00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:07,859
[BEEP]
329
00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:10,428
All these swipes and clicks, George,
330
00:11:10,528 --> 00:11:11,730
these are all for you.
331
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:12,897
I'm on top of everything all the time.
332
00:11:12,998 --> 00:11:13,898
This is my life.
333
00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:15,100
I don't go to the bathroom.
334
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,301
I don't get a sandwich,
335
00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:17,102
because I might miss
336
00:11:17,201 --> 00:11:18,769
something important for you,
337
00:11:18,869 --> 00:11:20,238
like this valet thing.
338
00:11:20,339 --> 00:11:23,007
Oh, yeah, listen, about that...
339
00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,309
- Blowing up!
- Blowing up?
340
00:11:24,408 --> 00:11:25,743
- Is that good?
- Who knows?
341
00:11:25,844 --> 00:11:27,146
The rules these days are very blurry,
342
00:11:27,246 --> 00:11:30,849
so let's treat this new media
exposure as an opportunity.
343
00:11:30,949 --> 00:11:33,185
I represent TiddlyPie.
344
00:11:33,286 --> 00:11:34,518
TiddlyPie!
345
00:11:34,619 --> 00:11:35,586
What's that?
346
00:11:35,687 --> 00:11:37,055
- Is he a rapper?
- Who knows?
347
00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:39,191
Right now, he's a major Vine star.
348
00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:40,625
Yeah, he's that little white kid
349
00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:41,659
that sits in a wagon and says,
350
00:11:41,759 --> 00:11:42,760
"You want fries with that?"
351
00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:44,462
My mom thinks he's hilarious.
352
00:11:44,562 --> 00:11:46,464
You mom still wears her
"Where's the Beef?" nightgown.
353
00:11:46,565 --> 00:11:48,867
She thinks everything is hilarious.
354
00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:50,970
He gets 3 million revines a day, George.
355
00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:53,104
He could be a great way
to build awareness of you
356
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:54,805
with a younger, hipper audience.
357
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:57,008
Plus, I think he can make
the leap from 6 to 15.
358
00:11:57,108 --> 00:11:58,477
I don't know 6 to 15 means.
359
00:11:58,576 --> 00:12:00,178
Oh, Vines are 6 seconds,
360
00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,813
and Instagrams can go as long as 15.
361
00:12:02,915 --> 00:12:04,617
I think he can hold an audience.
362
00:12:04,717 --> 00:12:06,618
For 15 seconds? Come on.
363
00:12:06,718 --> 00:12:08,921
Maybe you're right.
364
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,354
TiddlyPie. New line.
365
00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:13,825
Maybe take him to 10
seconds with Snapchat first?
366
00:12:13,926 --> 00:12:15,393
Look, when I signed with Danny,
367
00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:17,662
he promised me there'd
be big projects coming up.
368
00:12:17,762 --> 00:12:18,663
That's 'cause there are.
369
00:12:18,763 --> 00:12:19,964
Today I spoke on the phone
370
00:12:20,065 --> 00:12:21,233
with promoters from Caesar's Palace.
371
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:22,902
They want to give you a residency show.
372
00:12:23,002 --> 00:12:24,737
Okay, residency?
373
00:12:24,836 --> 00:12:26,504
No, that's... that's what
all comedians dream about,
374
00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:28,072
having a resi... that's great.
375
00:12:28,172 --> 00:12:30,375
Their research told me
I already know about you,
376
00:12:30,475 --> 00:12:32,410
which is that you have
a very loyal fan base
377
00:12:32,511 --> 00:12:36,014
that would definitely make it
a "priority" to see your show.
378
00:12:36,113 --> 00:12:37,682
Yeah, hey, I have a loyal fan base.
379
00:12:37,782 --> 00:12:39,183
You have an 80% positive rating
380
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:40,986
among blacks and Hispanics.
381
00:12:41,086 --> 00:12:42,086
- Yay.
- Okay.
382
00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,822
But not as high among other...
383
00:12:44,922 --> 00:12:46,325
- Whites?
- And Asians.
384
00:12:46,425 --> 00:12:49,428
Only 30% of those groups
found you relatable
385
00:12:49,527 --> 00:12:51,729
and would definitely come see your show.
386
00:12:51,829 --> 00:12:53,998
Well, George thinks all
Latinos are valet parkers.
387
00:12:54,099 --> 00:12:55,434
White people should be
able to relate to that.
388
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:57,503
So you're telling me that I'm a draw,
389
00:12:57,603 --> 00:12:59,872
but that could be a problem
because my audience is brown.
390
00:12:59,972 --> 00:13:01,906
No, I specifically made
sure not to say that.
391
00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:04,709
[scoffs]
392
00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:06,978
All righty, well, will
you be by your phone later?
393
00:13:07,079 --> 00:13:08,380
- No.
- Okay.
394
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,280
Come on.
395
00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:12,351
Hey, man, that Vegas residency,
396
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,118
that could be the answer
to all my problems,
397
00:13:14,219 --> 00:13:15,554
at least the financial ones.
398
00:13:15,653 --> 00:13:17,856
[cell phone chimes]
399
00:13:17,956 --> 00:13:19,124
Hey, yo, check it out.
400
00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:20,926
Carlos Mencia just tweeted,
401
00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:22,728
"Lopez needs to learn some respect.
402
00:13:22,828 --> 00:13:24,430
#WashVillaraigosa'sCar."
403
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:25,397
I hate that dude, man.
404
00:13:25,498 --> 00:13:26,998
He's just trying to embarrass me.
405
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:28,434
Maybe because you said
he stole your material.
406
00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:31,335
- [cell phone chimes]
- Oh, man... come on.
407
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,238
And now Antonio retweeted it and says,
408
00:13:33,338 --> 00:13:35,174
"If Georgie leaves any streaks, no tip."
409
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,374
[laughs] That's kind of funny, yo.
410
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:38,744
You know what, dude? It's not funny.
411
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,112
These guys are trying to humiliate me.
412
00:13:40,212 --> 00:13:41,113
Incoming call.
413
00:13:41,213 --> 00:13:42,146
[phone vibrating]
414
00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:43,648
Hey, it's Snoop Dogg calling.
415
00:13:43,749 --> 00:13:45,017
Oh, man, I don't want to talk to him.
416
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,551
He just wants me to meet his maid.
417
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,886
[chuckling] Why?
418
00:13:47,986 --> 00:13:49,054
Oh, my God, now he's texting me.
419
00:13:49,154 --> 00:13:51,722
"What it do? Jizzle my nizzle."
420
00:13:51,823 --> 00:13:52,824
[laughs]
421
00:13:52,924 --> 00:13:54,226
Hey, you heard about them
422
00:13:54,326 --> 00:13:55,695
auctioning me off at your school?
423
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:56,861
That's pretty cool, huh?
424
00:13:56,962 --> 00:14:00,299
[sighs] Dad, it seems needy.
425
00:14:00,303 --> 00:14:02,271
- Needy?
- What if nobody bids on you?
426
00:14:02,461 --> 00:14:03,629
Why can't we donate a ch?teau
427
00:14:03,728 --> 00:14:05,330
or a private chef like everybody else?
428
00:14:05,432 --> 00:14:08,967
- Your grandma's in the ch?teau.
- Good luck.
429
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:10,502
You think somebody would bid on me, huh?
430
00:14:10,602 --> 00:14:11,736
- I don't know, maybe.
- Man, what are you doing
431
00:14:11,837 --> 00:14:13,271
- with all those donuts?
- You want one?
432
00:14:13,371 --> 00:14:14,774
You know what? Don't cry in the summer
433
00:14:14,874 --> 00:14:16,308
when you can't you
can't take your shirt off
434
00:14:16,409 --> 00:14:19,979
at the pool, all right?
Here, give me these.
435
00:14:20,078 --> 00:14:22,981
[upbeat music]
436
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,266
Hey, so what table are we at, boss?
437
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:27,534
You know, I think you might be
438
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:28,702
a bit much for these people,
439
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:29,902
so kick back out here behind the wheel
440
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,137
in case I need to get away fast.
441
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,473
Oh, but if there's any spa treatments
442
00:14:32,573 --> 00:14:34,475
in the goodie baskets, they're all yours.
443
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:42,583
[jazzy piano playing]
444
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:46,552
445
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:47,887
Hi, George.
446
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,489
- Hi, ladies, how are you?
- Great.
447
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,059
So it looks like we're both
gonna be bidding on you.
448
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,260
I want to take you to
my high school reunion.
449
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,996
- I brought my Black Card.
- Oh, all right.
450
00:14:57,098 --> 00:14:58,397
- Your ten year reunion?
- Aw!
451
00:14:58,498 --> 00:14:59,632
[laughter]
452
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,468
I don't want to be accused
of robbing the cradle.
453
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,669
Oh, you're so sweet.
454
00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:04,204
Yeah, well, in the beginning, and then...
455
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,273
[laughter] Excuse me.
456
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,641
Hey, Erica.
457
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,076
Erica!
458
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,578
You see those two ladies right there?
459
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,345
They're gonna bid on me.
460
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,047
I guess that's good in a creepy way.
461
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,181
Why is that creepy?
462
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,416
That they think your dad is hot?
463
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:17,618
I'm just glad Mom's not coming.
464
00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:18,719
Oh, she's not here?
465
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:19,920
You think she wanted to see you
466
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,088
being the center of attention?
467
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,188
Oh, okay, that's right.
468
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:23,223
She probably got enough of that
469
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:26,560
when we were married, huh?
470
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,495
Georgie, let me holler at you.
471
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,132
Snoop, you got kids at this school?
472
00:15:31,232 --> 00:15:35,603
No, but Sonia here, she
follows you on Twitter.
473
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:36,804
- Hey.
- Hi.
474
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,272
And I told her I would buy you for her.
475
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,274
And when she found out you was single,
476
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,175
whoo, boy, you got to go.
477
00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:44,445
- Mucho gusto.
- Mucho gusto.
478
00:15:44,545 --> 00:15:46,646
- Love connection.
- Yeah, all right.
479
00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:48,181
Love you.
480
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,716
Sharpen up your shears, George.
481
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,652
You're gonna be doing some tree trimming.
482
00:15:51,752 --> 00:15:53,853
[laughs]
483
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,457
- Yo, George.
- Antonio!
484
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,325
Looks like I found my assistant.
485
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,993
Hey, when I win you at the auction,
486
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,695
you gonna bring your bucket and your rags?
487
00:16:01,796 --> 00:16:03,363
I've seen your tweets.
488
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,665
Very humorous.
489
00:16:04,765 --> 00:16:07,401
- Good luck.
- Bendejo.
490
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:11,036
You will be flying on a
Global Bombardier 8000.
491
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,540
And did I mention it
has the lowest emissions
492
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,942
of any private jet?
493
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,176
Hey, Maronzio, listen to me.
494
00:16:16,277 --> 00:16:17,610
I'm at my daughter's school.
495
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,212
They're about to start this auction, man.
496
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,147
I need you to come
down here and bid on me.
497
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,749
I am not comfortable with this, George.
498
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,152
A black guy buying a brown guy?
499
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,122
It's kind of like when
Goofy had that pet dog.
500
00:16:28,222 --> 00:16:29,223
What was that dog's name?
501
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:31,024
- Pluto!
- Yeah.
502
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,259
All right, the car for a week.
503
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,329
- Which car?
- You know which car I like.
504
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,430
- All right.
- And I bid with your money?
505
00:16:37,531 --> 00:16:38,964
Yeah, am I gonna pay your rent too?
506
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,633
- Hurry up!
- Coming to buy the brown guy.
507
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,201
And sold!
508
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:44,772
Good luck getting the kids
going back to first class.
509
00:16:44,872 --> 00:16:47,674
All right, now it's time for
one of the most fun moments
510
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:50,277
of all Bragmoor Academy fundraising balls:
511
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,414
the celebrity assistant auction.
512
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,415
This year we are honored to
have to have as our volunteer
513
00:16:56,516 --> 00:17:00,187
Mr. George Lopez, star of "Lopez Tonight,"
514
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,855
"The George Lopez Show," "Saint George"...
515
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,190
hey, wait a minute.
516
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,158
Do you ever do anything
without your name on it?
517
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:09,095
Hola, Jorge. Como estas?
518
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,597
All right, let's get to the auction.
519
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,666
Thank you.
520
00:17:11,766 --> 00:17:14,067
Oh, all right, so you're ready to go.
521
00:17:14,168 --> 00:17:15,736
We will start the bidding at $500...
522
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,470
oh, and we're off!
523
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:19,040
$600!
524
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:21,041
Oh, $800. $1,000!
525
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,308
$1,100!
526
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,745
Oh, Mayor Villaraigosa, $2,000!
527
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,579
He's bringing it up there, isn't he?
528
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,614
$8,000. $22,000!
529
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,884
And we're up to... what... $33,000!
530
00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:32,453
Snoop Doggy Dogg, all right!
531
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:35,122
$35,000, thank you very much.
532
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,956
Do I hear $40,000?
533
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,224
$42,000!
534
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,294
Mayor, where did you get that money?
535
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:44,731
$45,000... $45,000, ladies and gentlemen.
536
00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:47,700
We are up to $45,000!
537
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,101
Do I hear $50,000?
538
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,070
$50,000 for George Lopez?
539
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:52,840
Anybody?
540
00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:55,075
$50,000 right there.
541
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,243
$50,000 going once.
542
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:00,346
$50,000 going twice.
543
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,516
All right, sold to the black...
544
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,152
to the man standing right there.
545
00:18:06,494 --> 00:18:07,661
I own you.
546
00:18:07,761 --> 00:18:09,462
And it only cost you $50,000.
547
00:18:09,563 --> 00:18:10,764
Still got my health.
548
00:18:10,863 --> 00:18:12,065
I know, but I have your car.
549
00:18:12,164 --> 00:18:13,334
[chuckles] Oh, come...
550
00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:15,067
George, that was off the charts...
551
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:16,637
- Oh, thanks.
- And we have a lot of charts.
552
00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:17,970
I'm sure you do.
553
00:18:18,072 --> 00:18:19,774
- How's the bucket?
- It's good.
554
00:18:19,873 --> 00:18:21,174
That fool loves money.
555
00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:24,978
- Oh, no...
- I'm not giving up, cuz.
556
00:18:25,078 --> 00:18:27,480
Boo bop to the woo wop.
557
00:18:27,582 --> 00:18:30,485
We knew it was you
really doing the bidding.
558
00:18:30,584 --> 00:18:32,085
That's why we drove it up so high.
559
00:18:32,186 --> 00:18:34,287
- Oh...
- Go Team Lopez.
560
00:18:34,388 --> 00:18:36,724
[chuckles]
561
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:40,661
This isn't over.
562
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:41,795
Okay, bad news.
563
00:18:41,895 --> 00:18:43,029
TiddlyPie passed.
564
00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:44,497
How did you piss off TiddlyPie?
565
00:18:44,597 --> 00:18:47,467
Oh, no, he loves you, but
his people, not so much.
566
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:49,202
Well, wait a minute, you're his people.
567
00:18:49,303 --> 00:18:51,772
The good news is, our friends in Vegas
568
00:18:51,872 --> 00:18:53,407
are still our friends in Vegas.
569
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,674
Oh, the residency show?
570
00:18:54,775 --> 00:18:56,177
They want to take our
talks to the next level.
571
00:18:56,276 --> 00:18:57,577
Oh, he's gonna need it after tonight.
572
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,281
Excuse me, I am avoiding Snoop Dogg.
573
00:19:05,292 --> 00:19:06,227
Oh, look, there he is. There he is.
574
00:19:06,328 --> 00:19:07,561
There it is right there.
575
00:19:07,662 --> 00:19:10,465
Oh, man, what's up with this fool?
576
00:19:10,564 --> 00:19:11,832
Eyes on the prize. Thank you.
577
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,268
- Thank you so much.
- What's happening?
578
00:19:13,368 --> 00:19:14,502
Oh, hey, wow.
579
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:15,970
Look at all these people supporting me.
580
00:19:16,070 --> 00:19:17,504
I mean, I don't want you
to cut down your trees,
581
00:19:17,605 --> 00:19:18,907
but the people feel strongly.
582
00:19:19,006 --> 00:19:20,708
Well, you got a petition,
so I get it, all right?
583
00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:22,910
Um, you know, talk to my
new gardener about the trees.
584
00:19:23,011 --> 00:19:24,078
- Manolo!
- New gardener, man?
585
00:19:24,178 --> 00:19:27,214
- That's great.
- What happened?
586
00:19:27,314 --> 00:19:29,417
- Hey, how you doing?
- What's up?
587
00:19:31,818 --> 00:19:34,273
You're not... you're
not a gardener, are you?
588
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:36,889
- No.
- All right, we're good.
589
00:19:36,989 --> 00:19:38,024
All good. It's all good.
590
00:19:38,123 --> 00:19:39,091
- [cell phone rings]
- Hello?
591
00:19:39,191 --> 00:19:40,625
George, I have great news.
592
00:19:40,726 --> 00:19:42,495
TiddlyPie's click-throughs
are through the roof.
593
00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:43,829
Okay, what does that mean for me?
594
00:19:43,929 --> 00:19:44,830
It means opportunity.
595
00:19:44,929 --> 00:19:46,166
It means staying relevant.
596
00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:47,800
- Are you in?
- Okay, I thought I was out.
597
00:19:47,899 --> 00:19:49,636
Well, they'll have Stamos
on the other line so fast,
598
00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:50,969
your head will spin, so in or out?
599
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:53,206
- Am... am I in...
- In or out?
600
00:19:53,305 --> 00:19:55,040
- I'm not sure what I'm in.
- In or out?
601
00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,308
Yeah, okay, I'm in.
602
00:19:56,408 --> 00:19:57,843
Okay, I'm putting you down for in.
603
00:19:57,944 --> 00:20:00,346
What am I in? Hello?
604
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,800
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- www.addic7ed.com -
605
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:12,400
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