All language subtitles for Loaded s01e07 The Expo.eng

Watto, shouldn't you be
getting ready for the ex...

Oh.

It's... beautiful.

Naomi...

... would you like to come
to the bank with me?

I come and visit every two weeks just

- to try and get my head around it.
- Can I just, like,

throw it all up in the air
for a bit and run around?

You can, but they make you tidy it

up afterwards and it takes ages.

Sometimes I sit and talk to it.

Hello, Money.

Why are you so weird?

I read it a story once, my money.

Lemony Snicket, but it didn't
really get me anywhere.

I swear it's growing.

There's definitely more
than there was last time.

That'll be the interest,
the interest rates.

I know, but I definitely asked
them not to give me any.

It creeps me out.

Interest, it's like mould growing
in a jar of peanut butter.

It's what killed Digby.

If I didn't have the money,

I wouldn't have had the house,

I wouldn't have had the pool

and he wouldn't be dead.

I'm making a withdrawal.

How much?

As much as we can carry.

_

- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

How are you feeling about the big expo?

- I feel good, like a predator.
- Like an offender?

Not a sexual predator. Like an animal.

- You're clear in what you're doing?
- Yeah, I think so.

Leon, it's simple. There are two games

the new game, the sequel.
You made the new game,

I made the sequel. The boys, they
know about the new game,

but not about the sequel. You know
about the new game and the sequel

and today you're announcing both,

but I want you to prioritise the sequel

because the new game,
it's fine, but it's a gamble.

The sequel is a perpetual money machine.

Now, do we need to write this shit down?

No, no, it's cool, I just... I don't
think I want to be on the stage

for the Cat Factory 2 announcement.

Oh, Leon. Let me tell you about

the greatest band in the
world, The Counting Crows.

They could all go off and
repair photocopiers, right?

You just need one. One member from

the original line-up and
you still have the band.

You, I need you up on that stage, Leon,

so that they know you're behind

it because you are behind it.

I'm going to have to
tell the boys first.

Josh is going to be heartbroken.

You know how he feels about the sequel.

Leon, here's the thing.

You can either be a nice
person or good at your job.

What's it going to be?

I have a message from the Emperor.

This'll do.

[MUSIC: Love Rollercoaster
by Ohio Players]

He wants you to borrow
it for the weekend.

Serious?

- Can I sit with the pilot?
- You can be the fucking pilot, Leon.

You take care of business at the expo,

you can fly this bitch to the
Caymans in a Chewbacca onesie.

Car: got, chopper: got, yacht: got,

jet: need!

You feel that, Leon?
That's just the tip.

That's the Emperor
giving you just the tip.

You keep it up, he'll
give you the full dong.

Get to the expo, get up on that
stage and announce the sequel.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

What do you think?

- Do you think I'll get too sweaty?
- You'll be great.

It's all about the new game
and I love the new game.

Yeah, I know. I'm really happy with it.

There is a lot riding on it

and it was my call not to
do a sequel. What if it fails?

What if we make zero money and
we don't get our earn-outs

and I end up broke and
jerking off businessmen?

Why is jerking off businessmen

always the only other career option?

What if we lose everything?

What will happen to us?

Wait, you think I'm just
with you for your money?

- I didn't mean it like that.
- Cos I'm not with you just for your

money, Josh. No way, not totally.

I'm, like, 3% with you for
your money. 3% and that's it.

- Sorry, what?
- It's like if you

had nice eyes, I'd be 3%
with you for your eyes.

- So if I had nice eyes...
- Or nice teeth.

- What's wrong with my teeth?
- We have more fun now.

We do better stuff. The money's

part of you and I like that part
of you, but, no, I'm not 100%

with you for your money,
not by a very long way.

Great. Great.

3% it is. Glad we cleared that up.

Morning, fans.

Ewan,

you seem different. Taller.

Oh, I think it's just
morning height, my bearing.

Also I'm wearing a very slight heel.

That is quite a severe heel, Ewan.

Yeah, I've been thinking about
everything Callum said.

Maybe I have been letting
myself hide in the shadows,

never take any risks. You've seen
me play Grand Theft Auto,

always obey the rule of the road.

Stop at every red light, never
killed a prozzie. Never would.

But...

Maybe it's time.

- To kill a prosty?
- What? No.

No, to stop hiding behind my laptop.

OK, I'm going to go get a coffee.
Does anyone want one?

Yeah, actually. Yeah, please.

I'm 93% thirsty.

- Do you want some money?
- Josh,

- I have money, remember?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, your money!
- She still doesn't know so just

- shut up, all right?
- Just tell her.

It's sweet! You've secretly
invested in her company

to save her from
potential sexual assault.

Yeah, well, she might not think so!

You see, there are two Abis.

There is normal Abi and there
is Newport Abi, Welsh Abi,

and you do not want to
fuck with Welsh Abi.

- Testing, one, two...
- Oh, they're setting up.

One, two...

Er, where's my stool?

OK, we're going to need
another stool for me.

- Josh, have you got a second?
- Ah, Leon.

I want to be on stage to announce
the new game because it's my code.

- Yeah, Ewan, not now.
- No, no, no, it'll be good.

The three of us on stage
together, vibing...

'Vibing'? What are we, Boyz II Men?

Leon, I won't be fobbed off on this one.

Do you remember when we
talked about your aura?

Hmm, my deadening brown aura...

No, l have no recollection
of that conversation.

OK, man, we'll think about it, OK?

Thank you. That's all that I ask.

[WHISPERS]: What's going
on with him lately?

- He's wearing platform shoes.
- All right, I'll sort it.

Listen, mate, I need to
talk to you about the game.

We did it, man.

We did it our way, yeah?
Hats off to you, man.

You protected us against Casey,

you gave us the space we needed
to make an original game.

You landed us on the
Hudson, Captain Sully.

Josh, there's something you need
to know. About today, erm...

- Who wants to see a magic trick?
- Me, I do.

- Ta-da!
- [HE LAUGHS]

Are you not going to
put it back together?

Er, no, I lied.

It's not really a magic trick.
It's an act of nihilism.

- Are those bags full of money?
- Yeah,

I am quite literally Mr. Moneybags.

He's quite tired.

- Like Mariah Carey tired.
- Great.

Why don't you head off home? We've
got this on lockdown, right, Leon?

Josh, you don't need to worry about it.

We're launching the game
today. This is like D-Day,

- only marginally more important.
- No, you don't need

- to worry about it. I leaked it.
- Leaked what?

The new game. Jet Spray Island

I put it online this morning.

I released it. I released us.

What's he talking about? Did
you know anything about this?

This is the first I'm hearing
about this and I'm, like...

- You gave away the game?
- We're free!

We can all just walk out of here.

He's not joshing. It's
online. He's leaked it.

OK, wait a minute...

- Oh, God.
- Shit!

Shit, this is not good.

Oh, my God!

Uh...

Aaaaargh!

You stupid fucking idiot!
Why did you do that?

Get off him!

- [PHONE RINGS]
- Can we not do this here?

- Boys? Boys?
- Casey's calling.

Don't tell her. Stall her.

Hi, Casey.

Sorry, I was just running
some errands for the boys.

Yeah, no, everything's fine.

- Let me at him!
- No, no!

I thought you'd be happy.
I did this for all of us.

I don't know if I can cope with this.

My roll neck's closing in on me.
Why did I wear this vest?!

You leaked the old version with the
glitchy water rendering engines

and now I'm going to look
like a total shithead.

Wait, I'm leaking the new one.
No, I'm sorry, but I am.

Can we just stop leaking
things like a shit WikiLeaks?

That was our game, Watto.
The hours we spent on that...

My game. My neck on the line.

Look at us! Look what
the money's done to us!

We're acting like monsters.

Why is Ewan so tall?

They're Italian, Watto,

and it's only a slight heel.

You've sunk us. We'll never get
our earn-outs how, no way.

Who cares about the earn-outs?
When did it become all about that?

Abi will leave me if the money goes,

Watto! Why wouldn't she?

I'm going to get to my mid 50s

and eventually the money's going
to run out cos I've done the maths

and then I'm going to be
bald, broke and then what?

She's just going to hang around, is she?

Just going to drive the bald
man to the dole office?

Josh, calm down.

Oh, hello!

Hi, everyone. It's the
ineffectual John McClane.

We're going to have
to tell Casey something.

- She's going to murder us.
- Why don't we just all

fall on our swords? Say bollocks to it.

Who's with me?

Or, erm,

I could

just fall on my sword.

Josh?

I don't know.

Leon, what do you think?

Mate, the truth is I'm going
to have to speak to Casey.

- I don't know what she's going to say.
- Sure.

I see.

It was pretty reckless,
to be honest, mate,

leaking the game on the day of the expo.

It's our futures, Watto.

Financially.

- We have to think about that.
- Well,

you guys keep an eye on the numbers.

Numbers, numbers, numbers.

Here's a number for you.

How do you like that?

Tell Casey I quit.

Ta-da!

The thing is, Casey,

we have a problem with the game.

- Which one?
- The game.

Jet Spray Island. The game.

Oh, OK. Well, throw some coders at it.

There's a proverb I like,

can't build a pyramid
without some slaves.

- Never heard that one before.
- It's one of mine.

I write proverbs.

It leaked. It's out there, Casey.

They call it Release It Now. It's gone.

The new game is gone?

You're telling me the new game is gone?

How?!

Huh? How?!

How did this happen, Leon?

You've made me look like an asshole!

Because this was on your watch.

- It was Watto.
- Oh, big surprise!

Watto! Puff the Magic
Fuck Wit strikes again.

Shit!

He's been a bit confused

recently. He's going
through a tough time.

- Had a rough couple of months.
- Why?

Why, Leon? Why?

Please, tell me why we still

employ a junkie man baby who

breaks everything he touches?

It's OK, it's dealt with.

You fired him?

I sorted it.

Mary-Kate and Ashley, get out.

Now!

OK, let's talk.

We get rid of Watto,

he doesn't get his earnout,
that's ?294 million

we just saved the company,

which offset any loss of
earnings from the new game

pretty fucking handsomely.

Plus, now we can do
full bore on Car Factory 2.

Oh, yeah, that... Um...

In a wider view, it's all good.

This could actually really work out.

Forget the new game.

You announce the sequel
and nothing else.

You did good, Leon.

Did I?

You fired your friend.

At long last...

... looks like old Casey Renard's
finally rubbing off on you.

So, tell me about the Cat
Factory 2 announcement.

Yeah, I was thinking about

- maybe getting a tiger.
- Tiger?

We need eyeballs, Casey. They've

got dancers out there...
Apparently, there's a new game,

they've got a guy in a jet
pack landing on the stage.

Tiger...

Yeah, great. I mean, I'd
say, "Don't get mauled."

But, you know, maulings do
play well on social media.

Hm.

- Go on, just take it. It's not a flyer.
- What are you doing?

Trying to give my money away.

And you're going to help me.

- No way, I can't let you do that.
- Why not?

I mean, what about him?
He's got nice hair.

You cannot give someone
money just for having good hair.

- Sure I can. Here you go.
- What, for me?

Yeah, why not? I mean, how
much is Casey paying you?

- I can't tell you that.
- Why, Naomi? I mean,

I don't know you that well,
but I'm pretty sure if I asked you

- how you lost your virginity...
- First channel ferry, 14.

See? And that's a grim story!

But the minute I ask you
how much money you earn,

all of the sudden it's like,
"Oh, no, it's a big secret."

- 26,000, and a bit.
- See?

That wasn't so hard. And this, I mean...

I don't really understand it, but

I know it changes your life.

You said it made you sad.

Well, the key is, it's like heroine.

You've just got to take
a very small amount.

A small bit takes the
edges off, it's great,

cos I've never known happiness
like when my Nana one half a side

of ham at the meat raffle.

But if she'd won all the meat in
the world, if she was drowning in

meat, then that would have been a
very different Christmas altogether.

And you are absolutely sure that

it's fine to take care
heroin in small doses?

Thank you.

That's OK, you deserve it.

And you are serious about this?

You really want to get rid of it?

I have never been more serious

about anything in my entire life,

and I have had periods of

intense seriousness over the years.

All right, but not like this.

I've got a better idea.

- So, what happens to Watto?
- I don't know.

He's out. He quit.

- What, you just let him?
- He leaked the game, Abby!

People are playing it
now. They love it.

Exactly! It still exists, Josh.
What part are you upset about?

The part he gave it away,
or the part that you won't

- make any money out of it?
- I don't know, Abby.

I suppose I'm 3% annoyed that I
won't make any money out of it.

- I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
- Well, I'm 3% glad you did.

Do you know what? It
just went up. Ding! 4%.

I'm now 4% with you for your money.

- You need to make it better with Watto.
- All right, I will.

- Sorry.
- Right, I sorted it with Casey,

but she wants us to go ahead
with the announcement.

- And announce what?
- I don't know, we

- [PHONE RINGS]
- need to think of something.

All right, empty the
file, what have we got?

- What about the sequel?
- No! No, no, no.

We take the existing Cat Factory
logo, we stick a 2 behind it.

It'd make sense given we've got,
like, three hours till showtime.

We can't just throw our
principles under the bus.

They're not our principles, though,
are they, Josh? They're yours.

Yeah, I'd feel pretty comfortable
throwing your principles

- under the bus.
- It's just a sequel, mate.

And you said it yourself, what
happens when the money goes?

Huh?

Oh, God.

I'm basically Hitler's
tennis coach, aren't I?

Just stood there,
watching it all happen.

'Nice backhand, mein Fuehrer.'

[HE SIGHS]

We'll do the sequel.

Yes! You know it makes sense, bruv.

I'll start cobbling something together.

So it's settled, we are announcing
the sequel, the three of us.

Actually, Ewan, you won't
be up on stage with us,

because I've got you your own slot.

- Really?
- You're going to be doing a tech demo

of your water rendering
engine. Just you.

Big crowd.

Oh, that is brilliant news.

Sorry, I just got very
mild vertigo. Excuse me.

Leon Harper?

You wanted a quote for tiger hire?

Oh, yeah. Now...

I'm pretty sure I know
the answer to this one,

but can I ride onto the stage
on the back of the tiger?

Right, you know He-Man?

- Yeah, it's not a documentary.
- Yeah, no, that's what I thought.

I can get you a tiger on the
stage in a holding pen,

16ft with an overhang. We'll need
four trainers and a marksman,

cos you wouldn't want a tiger
running loose around here,

all these gamers about, puny
arms, slow-running nerds.

I mean, for any kind of jungle cat,

it's basically the
equivalent to a lottery win.

- When do you need it by?
- This afternoon.

Today?

You want it for today? I can't
just get a tiger today.

It's not like Amazon Prime.

That's cool, I got a chopper.
We'll just chopper it in.

No, absolutely not.

You put a tiger in a helicopter
and lock the doors, well,

it's going to eat the pilot.

What if you put a tiger in, like, a

horse box and, say, just winch it?

We're not winching a live
tiger across London.

Let me make a call. All
right? See what I can do.

Yeah, I need the tiger.

Josh and Ewan are onboard.
Bring out the promo materials.

[MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]

Sorry, um, I think I'm
in the wrong place.

I'm looking for the Tech
Stage, sponsored by Intel.

OK. I can see what's happening here.

Right, well, you're here now, so...

Hello, you and indeed you.

[HE SIGHS]

Are these...?

Are these all for us? These cut-outs?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
just sent out for them.

Wow, that was quick. That's impressive.

- OK, I've got you one.
- Oh, mate!

I knew you'd come through.

He's on his way from Kettering.
I've worked with him before.

I just need a couple of hours to
get him here, get the cage ready.

- What cage?
- I've hired a tiger

- for the announcement.
- What tiger?

- What tiger? Brutus from Kettering.
- Brutus.

- You've hired a tiger?
- Yeah, a bit of showbiz, Josh!

You want to put a live tiger on stage?

What is this, Uday Hussein's TED Talk?

We need to make some noise, Josh.

I'm going to be on stage, in a
roll neck, with a live tiger?

I'm David Copperfield. No!

- We're not doing that.
- Oh, there you are.

Just wanted to wish you both luck.

Apparently, there's a dangerous
animal on the loose,

ready to tear your throats out.
Also, Leon's rented a tiger.

Hm?

Made a joke.

- The initial dangerous animal was me.
- Right, yeah, I get it.

And I've vetoed the tiger.

He's right, you don't need tigers.

This is what you live for.

Yeah, forget the tiger, I got this.

Game on. Don't let me down.

I see you listen when she tells you.

Woo-hoo-hoo! Guess this is it!

Yeah, guess so.

People are playing the
game, and they like it.

Especially this guy from
Holland, and they are

- famously discerning gamers.
- [PHONE BEEPS]

I spread some actual joy.

Shit a brick! They are
announcing the sequel.

- What sequel?
- They're going ahead

with the announcement, and
they're doing Cat Factory 2.

What is wrong with them?!

I mean, this addiction to
money, don't they get it?

The more they make, the worse
it is going to be for them.

I think we're going to need
to stage an intervention.

It's not just water. No, far from it.

It also renders incredibly
lifelike blood spatter.

So...

[HE CLEARS THROAT]

You can shoot this man in
the head from any angle.

He looks like Leon
Harper from Idle Hands.

Oh, yeah! Never noticed that before.

So, anyway, you just
shoot him in the head...

[HE CLEARS THROAT]
... and look at the wall behind him.

I mean, it is just blood spatting.

- You get that in The Call Of Duty.
- [HE CHUCKLES]

Hold your spec there, Martin,
that is being rendered in

real-time dependant on over
300,000 unique variables.

The calibre of the bullet,

whether the surface is curved or flat.

This is actually more advanced
than the software used

by the Forensic Services
agency, but the point is,

you can just shoot Leon in the head

again and again and again

and again and again and again

and again and again

and again...

And it is different every time.
It literally never gets tired.

So, who wants a go?

Everyone wants to shoot
Leon in the head.

[HE LAUGHS] Of course you do!

Who wouldn't? Oh, one in the mouth!

This is genius. How are you
not famous or something?

Great question, you should
probably ask my colleagues that.

Oh, no, you can't because
they're on an actual stage

- announcing an actual game.
- Oh, is that now, is it?

OK.

And you're going too now,
that's just perfect.

Well, bollocks, because this
fox is coming out of his hole.

[MUSIC: Also Sprach Zarathustra]

[CROWD ROAR]

- How's everyone doing?
- [CROWD CHEER]

Thank you all for coming. All right!

We've got some really
exciting news for you all.

It is my great pleasure
to present to you...

Cat Factory 2.

Cat Factory 2.

Yes! That is right, it is
overtime in the factory.

We're talking more
levels, more characters,

more mice and a brand-new weapon.

The steam hammer!

[CHEERING]

Pummelling mice with a steam hammer?

Who wants a piece of that?

I'll tell you who. Everyone!

Behold,

- Cat Factory 2...
- 2.

... Overtime!

[STUTTERS]: Overtime.

- Cat Factory 2: Overtime?
- Yeah, just made it up backstage.

You know how I feel about
titles with exclamation marks.

All right, we'll lose it. Ewan,
what the fuck are you doing?

I'm taking what is rightfully
mine, a place on this stage.

That's a whole new character.
I didn't sign off on that.

Ewan, can you leave the stage,
please? It's going to look weird.

No. I refuse to be airbrushed from
history like some stray pube.

This hasn't been going on here.
That is pre-rendered video.

This doesn't just happen.
That's two weeks' work.

Can we not do this here, please?

No. OK, I'm going to find
out what is going on here.

Josh, where are you going?

Guys, guys, do you know where
this is running from? Anyone?

How is this possible?

We only came up with this
idea, like, three hours ago.

Just, please, let's
just get back on stage.

Who is that guy?

Josh!

'Meow. Splat! Raaawr!'

Excuse me, please. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Builder of the game. It's on here.
She's made the game without us.

Just calm down, Josh.
Come back on stage.

- 'Bang! Meow!'
- [CHEERING]

Hello, everyone.

Hello. Hello.

Sorry.

Hello.

- You wouldn't have heard of me...
- What the fuck?

My name is Ewan, Ewan
Fox, and I essentially,

single-handedly, coded the
original Cat Factory.

But no-one knows that because I'm
not allowed to do interviews

because I am essentially
the man in the iron mask.

Well, guess what,

I'm taking off that mask today

and I'm saying hello.

Hello. Hello again.

Get back on the stage, Josh.
Ewan's out there, and he keeps

- saying hello!
- She lied to us, Leon!

She just gave us the game
to keep us out of the way,

when all the time she was
going behind our backs!

I need to stop this.

I'm also pretty sure I helped
popularise the term earworm.

I'm sorry, everyone,
there's been a mistake

We will not be announcing
Cat Factory 2 today.

- [LEON LAUGHS]
- [CROWD MURMUR]

He's funny, Josh.

- Yes, we will.
- Excuse me,

- I'm in the middle of something.
- There will be no sequel, OK?

See, this is what I'm talking about.

- The moment I get in the spotlight...
- Would you just shut the

- fuck up, please, Ewan?
- [CROWD GASP]

- Mate, I'm sorry, look...
- No, too far. Too far.

Um...

Cat Factory 2 will be
released, all right, folks?

OK, guys, we are not here
to cause any trouble,

there is just something
I need to dispose of.

Lock and load, Naomi.

[CROWD CHEER]

Be happy!

Fuck!

Do something, Leon.

- It is a shit show out there.
- You lied to us. You made the

- sequel behind our backs.
- Leon, you promised me

- you'd handle him.
- OK, I'm dealing with it.

What do you mean you're dealing with it?

Did you...?

Did you know about the sequel

- the whole time?
- No, I didn't.

A week, less.

I've been trying to find the
right time to tell you.

Who the fuck are you, Leon?

No, Josh. Come on, man. Josh!

[ANGRY YELLING]

What are you doing?

[YELLING AND GRUNTING]

No! What are you doing?!

- Ow!
- What are you doing to each other?

[SCREAMING]

- Stop it!
- Aaah!

No! No, stop it!

[TIGER ROARS]

[SHE SCREAMS]

[SHE BREATHES DEEPLY]

Because

I have seen some bad
shit in my time, hm?

I once saw the body of a hobo
dragged out of plunge pool,

but I have never seen anything

as fucked as the
nightmare that just unfolded.

You lied to me about
the sequel. You both did.

Yeah. And thank God we did, too.

Eh? Because if it weren't for
me, we wouldn't even have a

- game to announce today.
- Josh, I promise you,

I only found out about it last Thursday.

Leon, don't be a weasel. You
gave it your full blessing.

Do you know what? Forget it.

I've already sacrificed too
much for this company.

I quit.

Great. Great!

Huge savings for me.

- Fuck you.
- Josh...

Hm.

You know what?

Now that Josh is out of our hair,

we need to have a little talk,

because this...

Is an embarrassment.

You think you're a Bentley, Leon.

You're a clown car.

Sooner or later, there's a
big honking noise and all

the doors fall off and
somebody's pants fall down.

I've done everything you asked
of me. I crossed the line for you.

- I thought we were friends.
- [SHE LAUGHS]

Oh, my God,

you're not joking.

OK.

Do you know what I choose, Leon?

I choose to be good at my job.

Lucky for you, I still happen
to have a use for you.

Because do you know what
every good team needs?

A captain.

Yes. Also a mascot.

Because you can't have a
good baseball team without

a guy dressed up as a
turkey in a cowboy hat.

Do you know what, Casey?
How about fuck off?

[SHE CHUCKLES] You want to quit?

Go for it. But what's your next move?

Because Josh, I mean, he can

just go make another game, but you?

- I'll go work at Spotify.
- [SHE LAUGHS]

That's a good one. OK,
here's your choice.

You can quick right now or

you can stick it out for two years,

put on a cowboy hat and
wave when I tell you,

and then take your
check for ?29 million.

Thought so.

Now go.

Leon.

No need to hurry back.

[DIALLING]

Leslie, look,

the Cat Factory 2
announcement went south.

But I'm sure that I can
turn it all around.

This game that got leaked,

I'm hearing something about
a water rendering engine.

Tell me everything you
know about Ewan Fox.

[DOOR OPENS]

Casey, I'm really
sorry, I had absolutely

no place being on that stage.

Ewan, found you at last.

I would very much like to buy you...

A drink.

Josh, what the fuck just happened?

- That was carnage.
- I know.

What about Watto, is he OK? He
just got bundled up by security.

Let's move away, all right?
Just me and you, together.

Let's just get our stuff and just leave.

- Whoa, Josh, hang on a sec.
- I just quit.

OK? I'm leaving Idle Hands.

What? What about the earnout?

I don't care. OK? I just want
to be with you, all right?

That's all I want.

Where?

Somewhere hot. San Francisco?

I could work on my game, you
could do your startups.

I could get a surfboard
and never use it.

[SHE LAUGHS]

I could hire a gardener
for me to have sex with.

Yeah, so long as I can
screw my tennis coach.

Hm. Or you could do the garden,

I could teach you to play tennis,
and we could just fuck each other.

I could live with that.

- [PHONE RINGS]
- [HE GRUNTS ANGRILY]

Hello.

They're calling the police.
On a disturbance.

Guys, there's no need to do that.

- They are already on their way, mate.
- Look, do you have their bags?

All right, what don't we all
close our eyes for a second,

you dip your hands in and
we promise not to look?

Right, see, I guess you're

just going to take me
home, then, are you?

And give me the third degree?

I should have told you
all about the sequel.

- Do you think so?
- Well, hang on,

- you knew about it?
- Yeah.

He was in on it. With Casey.

- A special relationship.
- I can't believe it.

You were making a sequel
and you didn't even tell us.

She was already working on it,
I just went along with it.

Do you want to know something?

I tried to save you, but it's too late.

I have got the Emperor's jet for
the weekend, why don't we all

just fly off, just the four of us,
take off for a couple of days?

I'm moving to San Francisco, OK?

With Abby. I quit. I'm
moving out of the house.

- Wha...? Hang on, what?!
- Where has this come from?

- Hang on, come on, mate.
- I'm not your mate.

I'm just a tool, aren't I?
An instrument. We all are.

He's a piccalo, I'm a trombone,

- and Ewan's a fucking French horn.
- Why am I the French horn?

You just pick us up an you
blow on us when we're useful,

- and then you just put us down again.
- Should I go?

- Because this feels a bit private.
- He's right, though, Leon.

You railroaded me, shunted
me down to the dungeon.

- Yeah, because he asked me to.
- Who did?

Josh! He didn't want you on stage,

but he didn't have the
balls to say anything.

It was a big day, mate. I didn't
think you'd like it up there.

- OK?
- Yeah, so I had to do it.

- The nasty bit, like always.
- Oh, guess what?

- Casey just gave me a promotion.
- You got a promotion?

She gave me an office. She
gave me your office, Leon.

- No way.
- Oh, she values me,

more than any of you ever have.

So...

Looks like I'm the daddy now.

Don't you see what you did, Leon?

You betrayed us all, and now she
is picking us off one by one.

I didn't betray anyone.

- You fired me.
- You fired him.

- He fell on his sword.
- OK, OK, well,

you didn't try and stop me,
did you? None of you did.

- Josh?
- I tried to talk him out of it.

No, you didn't! You didn't even care!

You just let me scatter to the wind.

"Unhook the safety line,
toss him into the ravine!"

Everything I've done, I've done for us.

- For you! Everything was for you.
- I didn't hear you complaining

- when the money was rolling in.
- What are you talking about?

- I'm always complaining!
- He is always complaining.

Yeah, but you didn't do
anything, did you, Josh?

You just sat down there
and moaned and got rich.

- All this, it's holding me back.
- Ho-ho! Holding you back?

You have no idea what I've done for you!

- What you've done for me?
- You said it yourself, you wouldn't

have anything if it wasn't
for me. The money I raised to

keep the lights on,
the deals I've cut to

- keep the service up.
- You are a bullshitter, Leon!

All right? That's all you are.

You weave these ornate webs of bullshit,

and we all get caught in it. Right?
Well, not any more, I'm out.

I'm the bullshitter? That's rich
considering everything with her.

Her?

I've got a name, Leon. And
what is that supposed to mean?

- Abby, just leave it.
- No, I'm going Welsh on his ass.

Why don't you ask your
boyfriend? Mr. Clean and Honest!

What is he talking about?

Josh!

I put the money into your company.

But only because I didn't
want you to have to deal with

creepy side boob Graham, OK?

Abby, please, I was just
trying to protect you.

Abby!

Abby...

[HE SIGHS]

So, Leon, hm!

There's been a change of
plan RE the Emperor's jet.

- Holy Moley!
- When you get back from Monaco,

or wherever, let's grab dinner.
Talk about that little water

- rendering engine of yours.
- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Just pop on my trouble band.
- Hm.

[MUSIC: Love Rollercoaster
by Ohio Players]

Oh!

Excuse me, just how fast
does this thing go?

I don't want it.

But if I give it away, it just
makes people into animals.

I can't destroy it.

I can't burn 5 million
quid, that's just wrong.

So I guess I've just got to bear it,

carry the burden, absorb the pain.

My best hope is that

I manage to burn through
it all before it kills me.

I've been thinking, and
it was really kind of you,

but I don't think I want it.

As bad as it sounds.

It all just feels a bit
tainted, somehow.

Actually, yeah, I will keep it.

Sorry. Sorry.

Unemployed, got no job.

Seven days a week, no structure,

that is a lot of time to fill.

Maybe you just need to fill
it with something else.

Maybe you're right.

So, should we go and
get something to eat?

[MUSIC: Rags to Riches by Tony Bennett]

Maybe some other time.

Top shelf.

Let's take it...

Left to right.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

My coat matches the seats!

Is that him?

Yeah.

I didn't get the call
until it was too late.

We're just letting him rest
before we travel him back.

Look at you, all banged up.

Did they take your fangs out as well?

Cos that's what they did to me.

Do you fancy a job? Cos there's
a vacancy just opened up.

How do you feel about being the

new mascot for Idle Hands Games?

[HE YELLS]

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