All language subtitles for Living Biblically s01e13 David and Goliath.eng

(SNIFFING)

Why are you smelling my drink?

Got to tell you, love being pregnant,
getting real sick of water.

Know what I read today?

Raising a kid in New York costs
twice the national average.

CHIP: Wow.

Well, hey, on the bright side,

at least it always smells
like pee here. (LAUGHS)

New York's expensive.

My haircut today cost $40 for this!

I think they...
they took too much off the top.

I hear you, guys.

It is so hard to stay
afloat in this town.

That'll be $90 for the drinks.

Apparently, raising a kid in
New York costs $30,000 a year.

So, from birth to adulthood,
that is half a million dollars.

Then college on top of that.

Huh.

Wow, so having a kid is kind of like
a life sentence type of deal, huh?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

That was cute; you both looked
incredibly terrified at the same time.

Well, hey, look, maybe it'll
get a scholarship, you know?

Leslie's smart.

- What about me?
- You married someone smart.

Oh, we find out on Friday

- if we're having a boy or a girl.
- Oh.

Oh, honey, I got to tell you, you know,

from the first time you
told me you were pregnant,

I always really felt like it was a boy.

Yeah, you also really felt

that Justin Timberlake was
the weakest member of NSYNC.

Well...

when he was with Britney, he was.

I am telling you, honey, it is a girl.

She's putting in nine months,
you put in two minutes.

If she says it's a girl, it's a girl.

? ?

Morning, Cheryl.

Have you seen Ms. Meadows?

She got here at 8:52,
had a cup of coffee and did time sheets,

had a second cup of coffee,
went to the bathroom.

Second cup of coffee probably
played a hand in that.

Where is she now?

I don't know, Chip. I'm not her keeper.

She's been in her office all morning
talking to Mitch from corporate.

Probably more cost-cutting.

I hope it's not cost cutting,
'cause I'm about to ask Meadows

for that raise she promised
when I started my Bible column.

(SNAPS FINGERS) Hey, Curry, right?

- Yeah.
- Great work on your Bible column.

It's the only thing doing well for us.

- (LAUGHS) Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

Oh, uh, you guys are great, too.

All the crap you write is...
really solid.

Carol.

Vonce.

Vonce? That's not my name.

That's not even a name.

(CHUCKLES)

Ms. Meadows.

(SIGHS)

I wanted to talk to you about
that raise you promised.

I'd love to help you, but I can't.

Ms. Meadows, you gave me your word.

Chip, I can't help you
because I just got fired.

What?

Are you serious?

They need to cut costs.

My 25 years with the company makes
me a lot pricier than all of you.

(CHUCKLES)

They'll just get some
kid out of Syracuse

to do my job for half the money.

(YELLS): No!

Cheryl!

Dramatically swipe
everything off your own desk!

Anyway,

Mitch will be interviewing
for my replacement all week,

so, uh... yeah. (SNAPS FINGERS)

I can't believe this.

You're a legend. You're like my mom.

My mean, white mom.

Let's not get mushy. (SCOFFS)

Man, I could really use a drink.

Really? And I'm the one being fired?

$500 sunglasses,
and I'm leaving 'em every place I go.

I should buy an expensive pair
so I actually care about 'em.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, being rich is tough.

Hey, Mitch,
just real quick before you go.

(SIGHS)

Listen, I really think you're
making a huge mistake here.

You know, me living my life by
the Bible was my decision, yes,

but I never would've thought
to turn it into a column

if it wasn't for Ms. Meadows.
She's got great instincts.

Oh, yeah? Cool.

She can use those instincts
to find another job.

(LAUGHS)

With time, you're gonna find this funny.

She really cares, though, Mitch.

She pushes us.

Sometimes literally.

She's the heart of this place.

Sorry, Vonce.

I was just straight-up
not listening to you.

(LAUGHS)

Ah, don't worry, fam.

We're gonna get somebody
real nice up in here.

I don't want somebody real nice.

I want Ms. Meadows!

25 years, and they just dump Ms.
Meadows?

What is happening to America?

You know, there's-there's no
more middle class anymore.

That is just gone.

The rich get richer,

and I don't know how I'm
gonna afford my damn kid.

Oh, don't worry, though.

Old Man Government's got
a nice tax cut for you.

Yeah. Too bad it's a complete lie.

Oh, and don't get me
started on net neutrality.

I mean, I don't know what it means,

but I am fired up!

Chip, pick a rant, buddy.

You have every right to be angry.

It's a dark time. Lots
of people are angry.

Can't believe they fired Ms. Meadows,
you know?

She-she is her job.

I can't bear the thought of
her sitting in some park,

like, ordering ducks to
get to work on time.

So, in your mind,

she goes insane, like, day one?

I just feel powerless, you know?

What can the little guy do?

Well, there are many Bible
verses that might apply here,

but I keep going back to the
story of David and Goliath.

Ooh, good one, Gene!

Why, that's the perfect example, Chip.

You're David.

You're weak, you're small, you're, uh...
unimpressive.

I got it.

You're petulant, um, somewhat primitive.

- You smell.
- I got it!

And this corporate stooge is Goliath.

Now, the odds are very much against you,

but the little guy can
make a difference.

How? The Goliaths have all the power.

Have you even read the story?

Murder his ass.

No.

No, no.

David beat Goliath 'cause he was
great with a slingshot, right?

Well, everyone has their slingshot,
their special skill.

Martin Luther King's
slingshot was his speeches.

Taylor Swift's slingshot is her songs.

? Hey there, Mister Cute Boy ?

? Ya got to stop being
so, uh, mean to me. ?

Or whatever. I... You know.

I'm not familiar with her music,

so I should have picked someone else.

Well, hey, look, that's cool for them,

but I-I don't know what my slingshot is.

It's your writing, Jughead! Damn!

He never gets it!

Now, guys, this is just a rough draft,
okay, so go easy on me,

but I really think that it articulates

how I feel about Meadows being fired.

I am loving it, babe.

"What's happening at this paper
is happening in every industry.

"The modern Goliaths
squeeze out the Davids

in pursuit of the almighty..."

Whoa. Strong language.

Oh, no. It's supposed to say "buck."

The almighty buck.

"We are all Davids. We all feel small.

But our power comes when we unite

and stand up against the Goliaths."

Damn straight. It's awesome, Chip.

(SIGHS)

My cousin Goliath is not
gonna like this article.

There's no chance corporate's
gonna publish this.

It makes them sound like monsters,
especially the line,

"These monsters are monstrous monsters."

Look, this is exactly why
I asked you guys to come over here,

because I need you to
help me sneak this article

into tomorrow's paper.

Huh? Now, it might not fix anything,

but at least we'll have taken a stand.

Ah, you're saying you
want us Davids to unite?

Whoa! You guys, that is so weird!

This is just like what it
says in Chip's article.

Yes. It's perfect.

We're gonna use their own
newspaper to take 'em down.

Honey, I know that your heart
is in the right place,

but you could lose your job.

Me and this half-a-million-dollar baby
need you to have a job.

Look, honey, without Meadows,
there won't even be a paper in a year,

and then none of us will have jobs.

And the article is
anonymous, by the way.

Nobody's gonna know that I wrote it.

It says, "Written by Chip Curry."

Again, it's a rough draft.

Now, look, I'm gonna upload
the article onto a flash drive,

but then we'll need to transfer
it to Meadows' computer

after Mitch signs off
on tomorrow's edition and heads home.

But before midnight,
which is when the printing begins.

That's when we can hack
into the mainframe.

When you say "hack into the mainframe,"

you just mean get on
Meadows' computer, right?

So, where are you gonna
put it in the paper?

Oh, I'm thinking big, you know.
Front page.

Are you okay with this?

I trust you, and honestly,

this whole criminal hero thing is...
is kind of sexy.

Hmm. Thank you, Leslie,

but can anyone just see me as a person?

All right, come on, Davids.

Let's bring it in.

Come on.

Let's slay this Goliath.

All right? Ready?

One, two...

(WHOOPS)

Why would we go on two?

(QUIETLY): Come on, come on.

Got to be quick, okay?

Luckily, the security
guard's distracted,

thanks to Cheryl's brilliant idea
to pull that fire alarm on 18.

Oh, I didn't pull the alarm.
I actually set a fire.

What? Why would you do that?

Don't worry. It's contained, Mom.

Okay, Team David. Masks on.

- There could be cameras up there.
- Right.

There's no eye holes, Cheryl.

These are just hats.

Ugh. I'm going upstairs.

You can't just go upstairs, hotshot.

What if you activate the lasers?

Cheryl, this place doesn't
even have paper towels.

I highly doubt there's lasers.

Ah, how are you gonna
get into her office?

Open the door?

Oh, then I suppose you're
just gonna walk in?

BOTH: Yes.

I know we'll get into huge trouble

if we get caught in here,
but somehow this is the least scared

I've ever been walking
into Meadows' office.

All right, come on.
Where the hell is Cheryl?

She's supposed to guess the password.

(COUGHING)

Okay. Let's start with
the most obvious guess.

- C-H-E-R-Y-L.
- (COMPUTER BUZZES)

Huh, nothing.

Kinda reeling here.

Cheryl-one. (COMPUTER BUZZES)

Nope.

- Cheryl-two.
- (COMPUTER BUZZES)

It's not Cheryl!

- Security's coming!
- Shoot.

Should I start another fire?

How would that help?

Wait a minute.

What's on this Post-it?

Looks like a password to me.

- (COMPUTER CHIMES)
- Yes! It worked.

We're in. Okay.

Let's celebrate quickly and quietly.

I can't believe we got
it on the front page.

Anybody see Mitch?

No, no. Oh, man.

I would've loved to have seen
his face when he read it, huh?

(CHUCKLES) He's gonna probably
be pretty mad, right?

You don't think we made
a huge mistake, do you?

I mean, should I go buy
up all the copies?

I'm gonna go buy up all the copies.

Who did it?

The fire on the 18th floor? What fire?

Who wrote the article?

It's trending all over social media.

Somebody tweeted out
my cell phone number.

People are protesting outside
our corporate headquarters.

(CHUCKLES): They are?

That is terrible.

And none of you know who wrote it.

Wait a minute.

You're Mr. Bible, so you can't lie.

God doesn't like a liar, does he?

No, sir, he doesn't.

Then tell me, honestly,
who wrote the article?

- Me.
- You're fired.

You can't fire him.

- Yeah, he can.
- Oh, right.

You're really gonna fire me?

I mean, do you even care that
I have a baby on the way?

(INHALES SHARPLY) No. (CLEARS THROAT)

I'm just gonna call my boss

and tell him Anonymous is a-gone-ymous.

Hi, Dad.

I got him. It's Curry.

Yeah, the Bible guy.

Looks like Mr. Anonymous is a...

What's that?

Oh, come on!

But I just took care of it.

You know how that's gonna
make me look? Fine.

Fine-uh!

Love you.

Please say it back.

(INHALES DEEPLY) Well,
I've made a decision.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Us higher-ups don't want to deal
with any more bad press, so...

you can keep your job.

Hmm.

Oh, wait.

You fired me.

- Uh, yeah, I did.
- Right.

Which means that my
contract is null and void.

I'm a free agent with a
hot column under my belt.

I mean, maybe I don't
want to keep my job here.

Ah, funny you should bring that up.
(LAUGHS)

'Cause I, me, Mitch,

also decided that Dad will give
you a small raise if you stay.

Oh.

Hmm. That's tempting.

But I am a package
deal with Ms. Meadows.

Ah, she's back, too!

(LAUGHS)

Isn't that great?

Ah, I can't wait till
they shut this dump down.

Ugh.

Bye-bye, Goliath.

- (LAUGHS)
- We did it, Davids!

- Yeah.
- Yes!

Ms. Meadows! Speech!

- Yes. Yes!
- Speech!

- Speech! Speech!
- Yes, come on.

All right!

I know this is a big night
because Cheryl's wearing makeup.

And you guys having my back
after what a tough ol' beeyotch

I've been to all of you, it...

it's really something.

It means a lot.

(VOICE BREAKS): It means everything.

That's it. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT)

- GENE: Yay!
- (WHOOPING)

Does this mean you're gonna stop being
a tough ol' beeyotch to us?

What'd you just call me, butthead?

(LAUGHS)

My mean white mom is back!

(LAUGHS)

Geez, Cheryl, I didn't die.

This is why I don't wear makeup.

Oh, thanks.

As someone who can see your face,

you're gonna need the whole box.

Hey. I knew right away it was
you who wrote that article.

Oh, yeah? How'd you know that?

David and Goliath? (SCOFFS)

You're the only one who writes
about the Bible, dumbass.

Also, the writing was really lovely.

I mean, these guys are good,
but they're not that good.

(CHUCKLES)

I can hear you.

How was your baby appointment?
You guys find out what you're having?

Oh, well, I got there too late

'cause I was using my, uh, slingshot.
(CHUCKLES)

And by slingshot, of
course, I mean the...

Boy or girl?

I didn't want to look without Chip,

so they put the ultrasound
in this envelope.

And now that we're here,

and surrounded by
friends, let's find out.

- Really?
- (CHUCKLES)

H-Holy cow. Okay.

(SIGHS) I love you.

I love you so much.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Okay. Uh, excuse me, friends.

Can I have your attention
for just a second, please?

Leslie and I are about to find out

whether we are having a boy,

which we most definitely are, or...

Or a girl, which we most definitely are.

Uh, Gene, you know what?

Your guidance has been getting
me ready to be a dad, you know?

So, uh, would you?

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'd be honored.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Guess I'll just stand here
and do nothing, then.

Oh... my gosh.

You're gonna be really happy here, Chip.

- It's a boy!
- (LAUGHS LOUDLY)

Yeah! We're having a son!

(LAUGHS)

Wait. Uh...

Oh, Gil, come on. I know you're mad
I let Gene read the thing,

- but come on.
- No!

It's a boy...

and, uh...

it's a girl.

You're having twins.

(CROWD GASPING, CHEERING)

(CROWD WHOOPING)

(LAUGHS): Oh!

We're gonna be broke forever!

Thanks to your Bible journey,
you are ready to be a dad.

Uh, no, I am not. (LAUGHS)

I-I was only preparing for one baby.

We're gonna have two babies.
That means I got to double down

on the Bible thing,
baby, for the babies!

- (LAUGHING): No. No.
- (LAUGHING)

- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes!

You guys ready for
twice as much me, huh?

Twice the questions.

Twice the confessions.

Twice the pop-ins. Huh?

This is gonna be great!

Oh.

That's cute.

You both look equally
terrified at the same time.

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