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1
00:00:07,058 --> 00:00:09,024
So I was playing Monopoly
with Vince and Leslie, right?
2
00:00:09,026 --> 00:00:10,059
I was the thimble.
3
00:00:10,061 --> 00:00:11,827
Anyway, they started
calling me names like
4
00:00:11,829 --> 00:00:14,997
"Jack Be Thimble" and
"Justin Thimble-lake"
5
00:00:15,468 --> 00:00:16,811
and "Thim Belushi."
6
00:00:17,535 --> 00:00:20,330
- Chip. Fast-forward, buddy.
- Okay.
7
00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:24,262
They just made me so mad
that I needed to beat them,
8
00:00:24,287 --> 00:00:26,200
so... I cheated.
9
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,508
Say a Hail Mary and do not pass "Go"
10
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,188
You okay?
11
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:33,813
You seem upset.
12
00:00:35,186 --> 00:00:36,526
Is this 'cause I just tooted?
13
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:38,697
It's not.
14
00:00:39,023 --> 00:00:40,957
Though I'm sure it will
be once it hits my side.
15
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,426
And there it is.
16
00:00:46,997 --> 00:00:48,964
You know what? Say two Hail Marys.
17
00:00:51,112 --> 00:00:53,569
It's just that I've been guiding
you pretty much full-time
18
00:00:53,571 --> 00:00:56,847
on your living-by-the-Bible journey
and, frankly, I'm not getting
19
00:00:56,872 --> 00:00:58,714
- a lot of respect in return.
- What?
20
00:00:59,223 --> 00:01:01,269
You were asleep during
my sermon on Sunday.
21
00:01:01,412 --> 00:01:02,678
You noticed that, huh?
22
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,214
Yeah. You came for the 9:30 Mass
23
00:01:05,216 --> 00:01:07,675
and were passed out through
the 10:45 and the noon.
24
00:01:08,742 --> 00:01:10,941
So, I was at three Masses
and I'm still in trouble?
25
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,360
Sorry, Gene. It's just that it's
the same every week, you know?
26
00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:17,468
Stand, sit, kneel. Stand, sit, kneel.
27
00:01:17,493 --> 00:01:19,071
"Peace be with you."
"Father, Son, Holy Spirit."
28
00:01:19,095 --> 00:01:20,095
Cracker, wine, out.
29
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,415
I-I hope you're not
taking it personally.
30
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:24,953
Gene?
31
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:27,400
Gene?
32
00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:30,676
Doesn't feel great, does it?
33
00:01:32,042 --> 00:01:34,309
? ?
34
00:01:40,937 --> 00:01:41,958
VINCE: Chip.
35
00:01:42,626 --> 00:01:43,677
Leslie.
36
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:47,031
LESLIE: Love the hat, Vince.
37
00:01:47,158 --> 00:01:49,160
Guess we can call off that
search for Carmen Sandiego.
38
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,083
(LAUGHS)
39
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,573
CHIP: What are you wearing that for?
40
00:01:53,598 --> 00:01:56,558
Did Bruno Mars have a garage sale?
(LAUGHS)
41
00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:58,867
No, my Aunt Estelle has been begging me
42
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,762
to get my ass to church,
so I'm going Sunday.
43
00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:02,653
I got this hat 'cause I got to look fly.
44
00:02:03,941 --> 00:02:06,061
I'm trying to walk in there
looking like Steve Harvey.
45
00:02:06,776 --> 00:02:08,615
Survey says: sexy.
46
00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:10,746
(LAUGHS, SIGHS)
47
00:02:10,748 --> 00:02:13,648
Wh-What's with all the frills?
Is it so God notices you?
48
00:02:14,186 --> 00:02:15,518
God? (CHUCKLES)
49
00:02:15,786 --> 00:02:18,046
No, I'm trying to get
noticed by the church cuties.
50
00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:20,750
Those are the best kind, man.
51
00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:22,653
You got to put in some
time, a lot of time.
52
00:02:23,028 --> 00:02:24,074
But they're worth it.
53
00:02:24,099 --> 00:02:25,765
They're not so churchy
when you get them home.
54
00:02:25,789 --> 00:02:29,391
(LAUGHS): Oh. I got you. I got you.
55
00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:31,006
"Babe in the streets",
56
00:02:31,158 --> 00:02:33,969
Babe 2: Pig in the City in
the sheets, huh? (LAUGHS)
57
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,867
What about me made you think
I would get that reference?
58
00:02:38,562 --> 00:02:39,664
Hey, you know what?
59
00:02:40,538 --> 00:02:42,776
My Bible journey's been pretty
one-note Catholic thus far.
60
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,613
You think it'd be cool if I came
to check out your aunt's church?
61
00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:45,858
- Sure, love to have you.
- All right.
62
00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:47,882
Ooh. Does your church
have a gospel choir?
63
00:02:48,094 --> 00:02:49,817
Does this hat make me look super cool?
64
00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:54,034
The answer's yes.
65
00:02:55,292 --> 00:02:56,391
Then I am in.
66
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,934
What? You never come with
me to Gene's church.
67
00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:00,786
Gene's church doesn't
have a gospel choir.
68
00:03:00,908 --> 00:03:02,741
It's all organ, all the time.
69
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:04,647
It's, like, who does the music there?
70
00:03:04,835 --> 00:03:05,874
The Phantom of the Opera?
71
00:03:05,899 --> 00:03:09,548
Okay, hey, hey, hey, look,
Mrs. Hooper's face-lift
72
00:03:09,573 --> 00:03:12,860
might have gone horribly wrong,
but she can still rock those keys.
73
00:03:14,164 --> 00:03:15,211
We will be there.
74
00:03:15,245 --> 00:03:16,686
- Love it. It's gonna be fun.
- Yeah.
75
00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:19,592
Okay, with that hat, you got to show us
76
00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:20,723
a little of your Michael Jackson.
77
00:03:20,747 --> 00:03:23,440
(CHUCKLES) No. I'm not in
the mood to dance like...
78
00:03:24,533 --> 00:03:26,700
(CHIP LAUGHING)
79
00:03:37,533 --> 00:03:39,509
Ah, there's the gospel choir.
80
00:03:39,821 --> 00:03:40,968
Think they take requests?
81
00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:42,600
Only from God.
82
00:03:43,454 --> 00:03:45,954
But don't worry, he's an excellent DJ.
83
00:03:47,805 --> 00:03:49,620
Who are these beautiful
new faces, Vince?
84
00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:51,432
Wow. Beautiful, huh?
85
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,426
Gene never calls me beautiful.
86
00:03:54,349 --> 00:03:56,609
Chip, Leslie, this is Pastor Berry.
He is the man.
87
00:03:56,763 --> 00:03:58,523
- Welcome, Sister Leslie.
- (GIGGLES)
88
00:03:58,974 --> 00:04:00,930
- How you doing? Nice to meet you.
- A handshake?
89
00:04:01,832 --> 00:04:03,609
Why don't you just slap me in the face?
90
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:07,378
This is hug country. Welcome, brother.
91
00:04:07,403 --> 00:04:08,702
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
92
00:04:08,868 --> 00:04:10,835
Hey-hey, all right. You hear that?
93
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,342
- I'm a brother.
- Take it easy.
94
00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:16,046
Vincent! Baby! Oh!
95
00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:19,196
I am so happy to see you.
96
00:04:19,221 --> 00:04:21,611
How long has it been
since you came to church?
97
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,220
I don't know, Aunt Estelle.
Who keeps track?
98
00:04:23,244 --> 00:04:25,283
I'll tell you exactly
how long it's been.
99
00:04:25,338 --> 00:04:28,239
Nine months, three weeks and six days.
100
00:04:29,725 --> 00:04:31,358
Oh, nice hat.
101
00:04:31,454 --> 00:04:33,928
- May I see it for a moment?
- Yeah, look at that.
102
00:04:34,384 --> 00:04:37,285
No nephew of mine is gonna
be wearing a hat in church!
103
00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:39,218
You look like a pimp.
104
00:04:40,259 --> 00:04:41,752
That's the look I was going for.
105
00:04:43,085 --> 00:04:44,686
Chip, Leslie, this is my Aunt Estelle.
106
00:04:44,711 --> 00:04:45,771
She basically raised me.
107
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:47,529
And more importantly, she keeps mints
108
00:04:47,577 --> 00:04:49,177
from the Chinese
restaurant in her purse.
109
00:04:49,321 --> 00:04:51,576
- Ah!
- Oh, Leslie.
110
00:04:51,601 --> 00:04:54,596
Help me go set up the bake sale table,
111
00:04:54,659 --> 00:04:57,193
so we can push a couple
of snickerdoodles.
112
00:04:57,226 --> 00:04:58,229
(CHUCKLES)
113
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,373
You better eat a couple, too.
114
00:05:00,745 --> 00:05:04,246
Put a little jiggle in
your wiggle. (LAUGHS)
115
00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:05,748
Chip won't mind.
116
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,477
(CLEARS THROAT) So, if
I want full immersion
117
00:05:10,502 --> 00:05:12,728
in the Baptist church experience,
where should we sit?
118
00:05:13,255 --> 00:05:15,755
Uh, wherever she's sitting.
119
00:05:20,548 --> 00:05:23,001
You better warn Leslie.
My aunt's gonna try to convert her.
120
00:05:23,095 --> 00:05:24,657
Starts with a bake sale,
ends with a baptism.
121
00:05:24,681 --> 00:05:25,771
That's how she does it.
122
00:05:27,518 --> 00:05:30,018
Vincent told me about
Chip's Bible column.
123
00:05:30,269 --> 00:05:32,903
- What church do you go to?
- Oh, I don't go to church.
124
00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:34,386
(GASPS)
125
00:05:35,444 --> 00:05:37,774
It's not a big deal;
I just didn't grow up religious.
126
00:05:37,799 --> 00:05:39,501
(GASPS)
127
00:05:40,255 --> 00:05:43,490
Leslie, honey, who were your parents?
128
00:05:43,492 --> 00:05:45,263
You need to find Jesus.
129
00:05:45,694 --> 00:05:47,894
Oh. I didn't know he was lost.
130
00:05:50,237 --> 00:05:53,090
Was that a joke? Because
it wasn't funny.
131
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:58,003
Hey, um, do you know
when the choir starts?
132
00:05:58,407 --> 00:06:01,041
Oh, so you like the choir?
133
00:06:01,043 --> 00:06:02,371
Well, I am in the choir.
134
00:06:02,565 --> 00:06:05,613
Perhaps I can introduce
you to our director.
135
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,441
You know what his name is?
136
00:06:07,978 --> 00:06:08,995
Jesus.
137
00:06:12,967 --> 00:06:14,790
There are some new faces here today.
138
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,650
And they're some good faces.
139
00:06:17,192 --> 00:06:18,875
- Amen!
- ALL: Amen.
140
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:21,246
Everyone, please give a warm welcome
141
00:06:21,271 --> 00:06:23,204
to Sister Leslie and Brother Chip.
142
00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:25,365
Oh. That's really nice.
143
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:26,992
Thank you. All right.
144
00:06:27,436 --> 00:06:29,703
Hey, uh, can I get an amen?
145
00:06:29,705 --> 00:06:30,858
ALL: Amen.
146
00:06:31,827 --> 00:06:33,507
I said, can I get an amen?!
147
00:06:33,509 --> 00:06:35,038
ALL: Amen.
148
00:06:35,811 --> 00:06:37,210
Can I get a sit down?
149
00:06:37,212 --> 00:06:38,645
ALL: Sit down.
150
00:06:39,949 --> 00:06:42,149
(PIANO PLAYING GENTLE MUSIC)
151
00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:48,411
Hi, I'm Vince.
152
00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:50,278
Nice to meet you, Vince.
153
00:06:51,961 --> 00:06:53,074
You hear what she said?
154
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,567
Ah, you mean, "Nice to meet you"?
155
00:06:56,381 --> 00:06:57,396
Yup.
156
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,500
For a church cutie,
that's like third base.
157
00:07:00,502 --> 00:07:01,511
(CHUCKLES)
158
00:07:01,536 --> 00:07:03,369
(MUSIC CONTINUES FASTER, LOUDER)
159
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:05,339
(CONGREGATION WHOOPING)
160
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,842
? Stand up, stand up for Jesus ?
161
00:07:08,844 --> 00:07:11,755
? Ye soldiers of the cross ?
162
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:15,571
- Amen!
- ? Lift high his royal banner ?
163
00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:19,086
- ? It must not suffer loss ?
- (WHOOPS)
164
00:07:19,088 --> 00:07:22,622
- ? From victory unto victory... ?
- Vince! (LAUGHS)
165
00:07:22,796 --> 00:07:24,424
I'm whoo-ing in church.
166
00:07:24,426 --> 00:07:25,773
(CHUCKLES)
167
00:07:26,061 --> 00:07:27,561
Now, if the Holy Spirit
168
00:07:27,563 --> 00:07:29,009
is putting twitches in your britches
169
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:33,017
and ants in your pants,
get up and dance!
170
00:07:33,402 --> 00:07:34,735
What?
171
00:07:34,737 --> 00:07:37,072
We can dance, too? (LAUGHS)
172
00:07:37,096 --> 00:07:38,306
I was happy just whoo-ing.
173
00:07:38,438 --> 00:07:39,570
(LAUGHS) Okay!
174
00:07:39,908 --> 00:07:42,404
? Lift high his royal banner ?
175
00:07:42,611 --> 00:07:45,442
? It must not suffer loss... ?
176
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,012
Amen! (LAUGHS)
177
00:07:48,484 --> 00:07:49,567
Uh-oh.
178
00:07:49,683 --> 00:07:52,217
Vince, I think the Spirit's
moving me to do the robot.
179
00:07:52,454 --> 00:07:55,276
(GRUNTING)
180
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:59,593
? And Christ is Lord indeed ?
181
00:07:59,595 --> 00:08:02,891
- ? Stand up, stand up for Jesus ?
- Amen!
182
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,449
? Ye soldiers of the... ?
183
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:07,107
(LAUGHS) I'm telling you, Gil,
184
00:08:07,336 --> 00:08:09,032
Vince's church was so much fun.
185
00:08:09,057 --> 00:08:10,189
I'm going again next Sunday.
186
00:08:10,472 --> 00:08:12,536
Well, that sure does sound like fun.
187
00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:15,130
I wouldn't know,
as I haven't yet been asked to attend.
188
00:08:16,505 --> 00:08:17,700
Well, come on down.
189
00:08:17,794 --> 00:08:19,074
You're not gonna dance, are you?
190
00:08:19,171 --> 00:08:20,380
What? You don't want to see,
191
00:08:20,382 --> 00:08:21,882
uh, any of my sweet moves, huh?
192
00:08:24,853 --> 00:08:26,347
No, you're right. I shouldn't dance.
193
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,297
But you're a rabbi. Won't you...?
194
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,266
Burst into flames as I walk in?
195
00:08:33,629 --> 00:08:35,219
No, I was gonna say feel awkward.
196
00:08:35,312 --> 00:08:37,228
No, I feel awkward everywhere.
197
00:08:38,205 --> 00:08:39,833
Remember the dance I did a second ago?
198
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,416
Yeah.
199
00:08:41,441 --> 00:08:43,642
No, I-I'm a scholar of all religions.
I'll be there.
200
00:08:43,846 --> 00:08:45,512
Well, I'm definitely
going back next week.
201
00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:47,574
I'm gonna ask that
church cutie to dinner.
202
00:08:47,576 --> 00:08:49,451
Then six or seven short months later,
203
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,340
church cutie sleepover at Vince's place.
204
00:08:53,336 --> 00:08:54,426
Hey, guys!
205
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:55,833
- Hey, hey.
- Hey.
206
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:59,029
Ah, Chip. Missed you at
church this morning.
207
00:08:59,269 --> 00:09:00,730
- Where were you?
- Yeah.
208
00:09:00,755 --> 00:09:02,555
I, uh, I went to Vince's church.
209
00:09:02,925 --> 00:09:03,956
Oh.
210
00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:06,534
Oh.
211
00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:09,054
Oh.
212
00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:12,343
Gene, what's up? You
run out of batteries?
213
00:09:14,568 --> 00:09:15,779
Another church, huh?
214
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:18,716
Yeah. Um, is that cool?
215
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:21,370
- Yeah. Of course it's cool.
- (SIGHS)
216
00:09:21,676 --> 00:09:24,083
Yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
217
00:09:24,179 --> 00:09:25,373
- Cool, cool, cool.
- Yeah.
218
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,521
Oh, cool. All right, well,
219
00:09:26,546 --> 00:09:28,728
'cause I-I'm going back
next Sunday. (CHUCKLES)
220
00:09:29,875 --> 00:09:31,001
Kewl.
221
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:40,223
I shouldn't care that Chip
is going back to that church.
222
00:09:40,864 --> 00:09:43,575
I'm not supposed to feel
jealousy; I'm a priest.
223
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,547
You're also human
and this is normal. I mean, uh,
224
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,945
you've been with Chip
since he started doing
225
00:09:48,970 --> 00:09:50,895
this whole thing,
and a lot's changed since then.
226
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,777
I've lost, like, 50 pounds,
not that anyone ever mentions it.
227
00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,961
When I do tell you you've
lost weight, you say,
228
00:09:57,986 --> 00:09:59,375
"What, I was fat before?"
229
00:10:00,742 --> 00:10:01,996
Can't win with you.
230
00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:04,316
So I was fat before,
is that what you're saying?
231
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,150
I guess I'm just a little insecure.
232
00:10:08,185 --> 00:10:10,174
Yeah, I'm a lot insecure.
You just called me fat.
233
00:10:11,727 --> 00:10:14,930
I mean, Catholic Mass has
largely been the same
234
00:10:14,991 --> 00:10:16,250
for hundreds of years.
235
00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:18,742
Do you know how many people I've
lost to more modern churches?
236
00:10:19,063 --> 00:10:21,174
Some of them give away swag bags.
237
00:10:21,608 --> 00:10:23,576
You're going to church, not the Oscars.
238
00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:26,606
It's disgraceful.
239
00:10:28,469 --> 00:10:30,310
What's in the bags, like,
little chocolates?
240
00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:32,450
It's disgraceful.
241
00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:37,900
I'm turning bread and wine into
the body and blood of Christ.
242
00:10:37,925 --> 00:10:39,524
I'm doing a magic show up there.
243
00:10:42,101 --> 00:10:44,606
Look, he'll come back
to you, man, you know.
244
00:10:44,631 --> 00:10:46,318
He's like a golden retriever.
245
00:10:47,302 --> 00:10:50,022
He's loyal, he's got a gorgeous head
of hair, and he's a little dumb.
246
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,552
Hey,
247
00:10:54,664 --> 00:10:56,661
don't worry about being
like any other church.
248
00:10:56,686 --> 00:10:57,747
Just be you.
249
00:10:59,881 --> 00:11:01,381
Not sure that's gonna be enough.
250
00:11:06,643 --> 00:11:09,712
This is where you're supposed to say,
"It is gonna be enough"
251
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,938
Oh, all right, I'm sorry. Yes, you're...
252
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,263
Uh, it is gonna be... What?
253
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,475
- What did you want me to say?
- Enough!
254
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,178
All right, I'm just trying to help.
255
00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:25,622
Vincent! Two weeks in a row!
256
00:11:25,854 --> 00:11:28,279
Oh, you get yourself a purse mint, baby.
257
00:11:28,309 --> 00:11:29,379
(LAUGHS)
258
00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:33,265
And, Leslie, dear.
I am so glad you came back.
259
00:11:33,349 --> 00:11:35,316
You know who else came back?
260
00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:37,409
Jesus.
261
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,093
You are relentless, Estelle.
262
00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:42,902
Can I help you set up
the bake sale table?
263
00:11:42,926 --> 00:11:46,349
Do you know who else was
good at setting up tables?
264
00:11:46,616 --> 00:11:48,349
Let me guess: Jesus?
265
00:11:48,982 --> 00:11:51,060
No. My Uncle Ned.
266
00:11:51,197 --> 00:11:53,530
But since you bring up Jesus...
(CHUCKLES)
267
00:11:57,260 --> 00:12:00,228
- Oh, oh. Thank you.
- Whoa. Oh, all right.
268
00:12:00,230 --> 00:12:01,615
Hey. Good morning. All right.
269
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,108
What a very welcoming church.
270
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:05,813
That was a better hug than I got
from my wife at our wedding. Folks.
271
00:12:09,652 --> 00:12:11,827
Gil, you talk to Gene Machine today?
272
00:12:11,908 --> 00:12:13,528
He seemed a little weird
about me coming here.
273
00:12:13,552 --> 00:12:15,786
Ah. You picked up on that.
Well, look-look.
274
00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:18,329
It's a delicate situation,
but he'll be fine, trust me.
275
00:12:18,391 --> 00:12:19,603
I've known Gene a long time.
276
00:12:19,628 --> 00:12:21,551
Put it this way, we met
at a barbershop. Folks.
277
00:12:23,598 --> 00:12:26,059
Yeah, you're allowed to see
other churches. You're Gucci.
278
00:12:28,358 --> 00:12:29,924
"Gucci" means good, Chip.
279
00:12:29,926 --> 00:12:32,494
Oh. Thank you. (CHUCKLES)
280
00:12:33,029 --> 00:12:35,716
Yeah, you're right, I got to stop
feeling guilty and just enjoy myself.
281
00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:37,108
I'm gonna ask the pastor
if I can do another,
282
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,420
"Can I get an amen?" (CHUCKLES)
283
00:12:38,445 --> 00:12:39,974
Oh, have you tried one of these?
284
00:12:40,154 --> 00:12:42,574
(CHUCKLES) It is very Gucci.
285
00:12:46,173 --> 00:12:48,707
Vince, this is a beautiful
place of worship.
286
00:12:48,732 --> 00:12:50,732
A lot less Jews than I'm used to, but...
287
00:12:51,159 --> 00:12:53,049
(CHUCKLES) I can work with it.
288
00:12:53,868 --> 00:12:55,617
Leslie said the music's dynamite.
289
00:12:55,751 --> 00:12:56,884
Any favorite hymns?
290
00:12:57,087 --> 00:12:59,454
I'm not here for hymns.
I'm here for hers.
291
00:13:01,522 --> 00:13:03,595
Specifically, that her.
292
00:13:04,735 --> 00:13:07,342
You know, uh, I'm newly single myself.
293
00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:09,577
I'm a bit rusty. What's
your opening line?
294
00:13:10,194 --> 00:13:11,299
Hi, I'm Vince.
295
00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:13,434
Nice. Direct.
296
00:13:14,134 --> 00:13:15,747
That might really work for me.
297
00:13:17,747 --> 00:13:18,833
Hi, I'm Vince.
298
00:13:21,678 --> 00:13:24,074
I'm having a lovely
time hanging out here
299
00:13:24,099 --> 00:13:25,666
on Earth with you, Leslie.
300
00:13:26,817 --> 00:13:30,369
Be a shame if I couldn't hang
out with you in heaven, too.
301
00:13:31,994 --> 00:13:34,330
Oh, no. You're not gonna
kill me, are you?
302
00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:35,714
No!
303
00:13:36,296 --> 00:13:38,003
But someday God will.
304
00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:43,517
I just want you to end up
playing harp with the angels,
305
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:48,078
and not sizzling on Lucifer's
eternal barbecue pit.
306
00:13:49,299 --> 00:13:51,361
Estelle, you are the best,
307
00:13:51,474 --> 00:13:53,314
but don't waste your time
trying to convert me.
308
00:13:53,526 --> 00:13:55,355
I'm just never gonna get there.
309
00:13:55,941 --> 00:13:57,379
Okay, honey.
310
00:13:58,281 --> 00:13:59,755
One never knows.
311
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,888
God works in mysterious ways.
312
00:14:04,637 --> 00:14:06,170
And so does Aunt Estelle.
313
00:14:06,257 --> 00:14:07,265
What?
314
00:14:07,695 --> 00:14:08,742
Huh?
315
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:12,415
I'm a crime reporter.
316
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,072
You read about the guy
that stabbed three people
317
00:14:14,096 --> 00:14:15,782
at the party in Bayside? That was me.
318
00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:19,487
No, no, no. I mean, I wrote it.
I didn't stab 'em.
319
00:14:19,679 --> 00:14:23,414
(BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)
320
00:14:24,188 --> 00:14:26,374
Well, it was a swing and a miss for me
321
00:14:26,376 --> 00:14:27,735
with the young lady over yonder.
322
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,359
It's like no one's ever seen a rabbi
323
00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:30,546
in a Baptist church before.
324
00:14:32,211 --> 00:14:33,390
How's it going with this one?
325
00:14:35,777 --> 00:14:36,988
Gil, seriously?
326
00:14:37,574 --> 00:14:39,793
I-I'm sorry, I don't mean to blow up,
327
00:14:39,818 --> 00:14:42,933
uh, anybody's, uh, spot. (CHUCKLES)
328
00:14:42,958 --> 00:14:43,995
No, Vince is great.
329
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:46,058
Uh, you know,
I'm-I'm going through a divorce,
330
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,706
and he's helping me get back on my feet.
331
00:14:47,895 --> 00:14:51,664
Aw, Vince, that's so nice.
I like nice guys.
332
00:14:52,002 --> 00:14:53,451
Do you, now?
333
00:14:55,432 --> 00:14:57,071
Well, then it might also
interest you to know
334
00:14:57,073 --> 00:14:58,612
that I'm teaching Gil how to read.
335
00:14:59,684 --> 00:15:02,036
That's right. I'm quite illiterate.
336
00:15:03,481 --> 00:15:04,923
And I'm also blind.
337
00:15:09,653 --> 00:15:11,420
Sweet man. Sweet, sweet man.
338
00:15:12,355 --> 00:15:13,827
BERRY: Good morning,
brothers and sisters.
339
00:15:13,851 --> 00:15:16,820
Take your seats,
and make sure your cell phones are off,
340
00:15:16,845 --> 00:15:19,625
because God is not calling you here.
341
00:15:20,985 --> 00:15:22,777
He's calling you right here.
342
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,879
Guys! Come on, it's starting!
343
00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:31,950
God's cell phone plan
has unlimited minutes.
344
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:36,512
Can he hear you now? You bet he can!
345
00:15:38,088 --> 00:15:39,287
Can I get a amen?
346
00:15:39,407 --> 00:15:40,718
ALL: Amen!
347
00:15:40,743 --> 00:15:43,085
Yes. I just love it, every time.
348
00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:46,340
Any new faces with us today?
349
00:15:47,915 --> 00:15:49,152
How about you in the back?
350
00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:51,668
Stand up and be recognized, brother.
351
00:15:56,673 --> 00:15:57,747
No, thank you.
352
00:15:59,231 --> 00:16:01,343
Please, stand up. We're a family here.
353
00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:05,023
(SIGHS) Hello.
354
00:16:06,727 --> 00:16:09,461
Father Gene? What are you doing here?
355
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,892
I don't want to talk about
this right now, Chip.
356
00:16:13,857 --> 00:16:16,958
Well, I-I think we should
talk about this right now.
357
00:16:17,187 --> 00:16:20,069
- Can I get an amen?
- Oh, no, you cannot.
358
00:16:21,346 --> 00:16:23,446
Only I ask for the amens.
359
00:16:23,605 --> 00:16:25,831
- Can I get a amen?
- ALL: Amen!
360
00:16:27,869 --> 00:16:28,925
See?
361
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,100
What are you doing here?
362
00:16:35,338 --> 00:16:37,053
I thought you said
everything was "kewl."
363
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:40,709
I wanted to see what you thought
was so great about this place.
364
00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:43,170
Now I get it. It's fun, exciting.
365
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,428
Oh...
366
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,605
I mean, that's hard to argue with.
367
00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:51,808
And I'm happy you're-you're
growing in your faith
368
00:16:51,833 --> 00:16:54,210
and getting some different perspectives.
369
00:16:54,277 --> 00:16:57,842
But I got to admit, I was...
a little jealous.
370
00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:00,428
You were? About me?
371
00:17:02,044 --> 00:17:03,068
Well, I'm flattered.
372
00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:05,530
I always thought you just
thought of me as a nuisance.
373
00:17:05,811 --> 00:17:07,577
- Oh, I do.
- Oh.
374
00:17:08,507 --> 00:17:10,059
- Huge nuisance.
- (CHUCKLES)
375
00:17:10,284 --> 00:17:12,208
But a lot of my friends are nuisances.
376
00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:13,907
You've met Gil.
377
00:17:15,407 --> 00:17:16,807
Did you just say I was your friend?
378
00:17:17,235 --> 00:17:18,428
Well, yeah, of course.
379
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,467
I didn't realize I had to say it.
380
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:23,576
Wow. You're my friend, too, Gene.
381
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,172
I know. You don't have to say it.
382
00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:28,891
Look, this church is great, okay?
383
00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:32,133
But it is missing the most
important thing, and that's you.
384
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:33,500
All right?
385
00:17:33,813 --> 00:17:35,747
And you coming down
here all stalker style
386
00:17:35,843 --> 00:17:37,175
really reminded me of that.
387
00:17:38,143 --> 00:17:40,869
I appreciate that,
but I wasn't stalking you.
388
00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:43,864
I just followed you,
hid, and watched you.
389
00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:50,694
That's stalking, Gene.
390
00:17:52,889 --> 00:17:55,044
I'm glad we met. I moved here last year,
391
00:17:55,069 --> 00:17:57,435
and it's been impossible
to meet nice guys.
392
00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:00,544
Want to get lunch after this?
393
00:18:00,895 --> 00:18:03,193
That'd be nice. Like me.
394
00:18:04,027 --> 00:18:05,057
ESTELLE: Vincent!
395
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:07,557
Nice to see you catching up with Tracy.
396
00:18:07,721 --> 00:18:08,825
Hi, Aunt Estelle.
397
00:18:09,428 --> 00:18:11,628
Why you call her "Aunt Estelle"?
That's my Aunt Estelle.
398
00:18:12,203 --> 00:18:13,726
I'm both your Aunt Estelle.
399
00:18:17,774 --> 00:18:18,790
What?
400
00:18:18,815 --> 00:18:20,415
Y'all are second cousins.
401
00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:21,665
BOTH: What?!
402
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,673
You'd know that if you came to church
403
00:18:26,698 --> 00:18:30,204
more than every nine months,
three weeks and six days.
404
00:18:33,757 --> 00:18:36,610
You're my cousin? Ugh.
405
00:18:37,353 --> 00:18:39,235
I don't think a "ugh" is necessary.
406
00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:41,764
But yeah, ugh.
407
00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:44,905
Tracy.
408
00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:49,028
Might I throw my hat in the ring?
409
00:18:49,053 --> 00:18:50,208
I mean, I can't offer much,
410
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:52,233
but I can virtually
guarantee we're not related.
411
00:18:53,721 --> 00:18:55,784
- Stay away from my cousin, Gil.
- All right.
412
00:18:57,180 --> 00:18:59,162
Hey. You seen Leslie?
I can't find her anywhere.
413
00:18:59,541 --> 00:19:00,678
Aunt Estelle figured out a way
414
00:19:00,702 --> 00:19:02,102
to keep her around a little longer.
415
00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:04,155
(PIANO PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)
416
00:19:05,684 --> 00:19:09,252
? Every time I feel the spirit ?
417
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:11,265
? Moving in my heart ?
418
00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:13,156
? I will pray ?
419
00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:16,361
? Every time I feel the spirit ?
420
00:19:16,581 --> 00:19:18,081
? Moving in my heart ?
421
00:19:18,341 --> 00:19:20,072
? I will pray ?
422
00:19:20,187 --> 00:19:23,666
? Yes, every time I feel the spirit ?
423
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:25,533
? Moving in my heart ?
424
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,853
? I will pray ?
425
00:19:28,048 --> 00:19:31,236
? Yes, every time I feel the spirit ?
426
00:19:31,264 --> 00:19:33,364
? Moving in my heart ?
427
00:19:33,490 --> 00:19:38,727
? I will pray. ?
428
00:19:40,758 --> 00:19:43,156
? Ay... ?
429
00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:45,455
(CHEERING)
430
00:19:54,085 --> 00:19:56,453
As Matthew tells us in his Gospel,
431
00:19:56,549 --> 00:20:00,345
it is a foolish man who
builds his house on sand,
432
00:20:01,178 --> 00:20:04,726
but it is the wise man who builds it...
433
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,738
on rock!
434
00:20:07,953 --> 00:20:09,699
(PLAYING HEAVY METAL GUITAR SOLO)
435
00:20:09,857 --> 00:20:12,340
Yeah! I'm wide-awake now, baby!
436
00:20:15,478 --> 00:20:17,885
Father Hendrix, ladies and gentlemen!
437
00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:21,143
? ?
438
00:20:28,028 --> 00:20:29,264
You know what? This doesn't feel right.
439
00:20:29,288 --> 00:20:30,521
Open your hymnals.
440
00:20:33,349 --> 00:20:38,349
Synced and corrected by Pisuly
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441
00:20:38,399 --> 00:20:42,949
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