Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:18,893
Hey, everyone! I'm your host, Vince Vitale,
and welcome to Chips and Chuckles!
3
00:00:20,662 --> 00:00:22,897
It's an honor to perform
here at Quesadilla Joe's,
4
00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:26,033
where Chris Rock got his start.
5
00:00:26,035 --> 00:00:29,103
(Imitates Chris Rock) Actually,
I got my start in New York City.
6
00:00:30,272 --> 00:00:34,441
But I love comedy night
at Quesadilla Joe's,
7
00:00:34,443 --> 00:00:38,345
where you come for the chips,
but you stay for the chuckles.
8
00:00:38,347 --> 00:00:39,613
(Laughter)
9
00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:42,182
Maddie, that's our old pal Vince.
10
00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:44,785
Vince was the helpful
airline ticket agent we met
11
00:00:44,787 --> 00:00:47,454
when Maddie tried to
chase Diggie to Australia.
12
00:00:47,456 --> 00:00:48,856
He was no help at all.
13
00:00:48,858 --> 00:00:50,958
No, no, he told me where the bathroom was.
14
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,294
That was super helpful.
15
00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:56,563
(In normal voice) Tonight's vegan
enchilada night here at Quesadilla Joe's,
16
00:00:56,565 --> 00:01:00,067
which to Vince, oh, that sounds so good.
17
00:01:00,069 --> 00:01:02,369
But to Morgan Freeman...
18
00:01:02,371 --> 00:01:04,605
(Imitates Morgan Freeman)
That sounds like an invitation
19
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:07,474
to a long night of thunder Down Under.
20
00:01:07,476 --> 00:01:09,810
- (Laughter)
- Good night...
21
00:01:09,812 --> 00:01:11,378
and good luck.
22
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:13,314
(Cheers and applause)
23
00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:15,649
Hey! Vince!
24
00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:17,251
Vince, do you remember us?
25
00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:20,054
Joey! Maddie! Flight...
26
00:01:20,056 --> 00:01:21,221
241 to Milwaukee.
27
00:01:21,223 --> 00:01:23,324
- (Gasps)
- Vince never forgets a face...
28
00:01:23,326 --> 00:01:24,158
(Makes whooshing sound)
29
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,193
or a flight. (Makes whooshing sound)
30
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,630
You were amazing up there.
31
00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:30,764
Thanks.
32
00:01:30,766 --> 00:01:32,933
You were amazing sitting in that chair.
33
00:01:32,935 --> 00:01:35,302
Thanks. (Chuckles)
34
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,338
It must feel so good to be in
such command of the audience.
35
00:01:37,340 --> 00:01:39,139
How do you comedians do it?
36
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,342
Well, we take everything
weird about ourselves
37
00:01:41,344 --> 00:01:43,444
and (Whooshes) toss it out there.
38
00:01:43,446 --> 00:01:45,646
For Vince, it's funny voices.
39
00:01:46,748 --> 00:01:48,816
But everybody's got
their own kind of weird.
40
00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:50,784
Oh, hey, Joey, you have so much weird.
41
00:01:50,786 --> 00:01:52,019
You could totally do that.
42
00:01:53,254 --> 00:01:57,958
Using my weirdness to work for
me instead of against me? Huh.
43
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,293
I've never really thought of that.
44
00:01:59,295 --> 00:02:00,069
Hm.
45
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:03,163
Could my greatest weakness
be my greatest strength?
46
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:06,033
Am I some kind of comedy superhero?
47
00:02:06,035 --> 00:02:09,536
(Gasps) Oh, is this my origin story?
48
00:02:10,438 --> 00:02:12,940
Me? (Chuckles) Do stand-up? No.
49
00:02:12,942 --> 00:02:15,376
G... guys, no. What would I even say?
50
00:02:15,378 --> 00:02:17,711
Just talk about your life.
51
00:02:17,713 --> 00:02:19,820
You probably have more
to say than you realize.
52
00:02:19,851 --> 00:02:20,347
(Sighs)
53
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:27,554
I mean... the ladies in Cat Appreciation
Club do find me fascinatin'.
54
00:02:28,957 --> 00:02:31,725
See? You're a complete mess.
55
00:02:33,895 --> 00:02:35,396
You're gonna be great at this.
56
00:02:35,398 --> 00:02:37,398
(Laughs)
57
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,199
(Theme music playing)
58
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,068
Better in stereo
59
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:42,903
Bet-bet-better
in stereo
60
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:44,905
-
I'm up with the sunshine
-
Let's go
61
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:47,408
-
I lace up my high-tops
-
Oh no
62
00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:49,209
Slam dunk, ready or not
63
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:51,412
Yeah, show me what you got
64
00:02:51,414 --> 00:02:53,814
-
I'm under the spotlight
-
Holler
65
00:02:53,816 --> 00:02:56,183
I dare you, come on and follow
66
00:02:56,185 --> 00:02:58,218
You dance to your own beat
67
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,054
I'll sing the melody
68
00:03:00,056 --> 00:03:02,389
When you
say yea-ah-ah
69
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,224
I say
no-oh-oh
70
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,326
When you say stop
71
00:03:06,328 --> 00:03:09,029
All I want to do is go, go, go
72
00:03:09,031 --> 00:03:12,032
You, you, the other half of me, me
73
00:03:12,034 --> 00:03:14,034
The half I'll never be-e
74
00:03:14,036 --> 00:03:17,571
The half that drives me crazy
75
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:20,607
You, you, the better half of me, me
76
00:03:20,609 --> 00:03:23,210
The half I'll always need
77
00:03:23,212 --> 00:03:25,245
But we both know
78
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,314
We're better in stereo
79
00:03:33,054 --> 00:03:35,789
"Boom or Doom Chemistry Challenge."
80
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,359
Did you say "challenge," flyer?
81
00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:42,729
Challenge accepted!
82
00:03:42,731 --> 00:03:46,467
Boom or Doom is a
two-person biochem challenge.
83
00:03:46,469 --> 00:03:49,903
The winning team gets embroidered
patches for its lab coats.
84
00:03:49,905 --> 00:03:51,371
We're scientists.
85
00:03:51,373 --> 00:03:55,676
We take flair on our
lab coats very seriously.
86
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,278
Oh, hey, Val.
87
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,613
What's in the beakers?
88
00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:02,816
One's concentrated fox
urine for enzyme analysis.
89
00:04:02,818 --> 00:04:04,451
The other one's apple juice.
90
00:04:05,553 --> 00:04:08,388
Shoot. I forgot which is which.
91
00:04:10,225 --> 00:04:12,459
Lunch is gonna be exciting!
92
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:17,698
If Val's my partner for the Boom or
Doom, there's no way we'll lose.
93
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:23,770
So this is how it feels
to have intellectual peers!
94
00:04:23,772 --> 00:04:25,405
What do you say?
95
00:04:25,407 --> 00:04:27,174
Me and you? Friday night?
96
00:04:28,343 --> 00:04:29,977
Seriously?
97
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:31,445
You and me?
98
00:04:31,447 --> 00:04:34,148
I can't think of a better pair.
99
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:35,582
Um, yes.
100
00:04:35,584 --> 00:04:37,251
I'd like that.
101
00:04:37,253 --> 00:04:38,385
See you later.
102
00:04:39,954 --> 00:04:43,323
Well, well, well.
103
00:04:45,593 --> 00:04:52,366
I had no idea that my
brother was such a playa!
104
00:04:53,968 --> 00:04:55,702
What are you talking about, Munch?
105
00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,538
You just asked Val to the dance.
106
00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:00,207
Hence the "playa"!
107
00:05:00,209 --> 00:05:01,642
What?
108
00:05:01,644 --> 00:05:04,278
No, I asked her to do Boom or Doom with me.
109
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:09,550
No, you said, "Me and you? Friday night?"
110
00:05:10,718 --> 00:05:12,352
And then you went like this.
111
00:05:13,821 --> 00:05:15,389
Kapow!
112
00:05:17,325 --> 00:05:20,294
You asked her to the Boom-Shaboom Dance.
113
00:05:20,296 --> 00:05:22,563
You said you couldn't
think of a better pair.
114
00:05:22,565 --> 00:05:24,565
Parky, that is so romantic.
115
00:05:24,567 --> 00:05:26,200
No!
116
00:05:26,202 --> 00:05:29,002
I meant Boom or Doom, not Boom-Shaboom!
117
00:05:29,004 --> 00:05:30,904
She knows which Boom I meant, right?
118
00:05:30,906 --> 00:05:33,140
Why are there so many Booms?
119
00:05:33,142 --> 00:05:34,841
Well, they're both Friday night,
120
00:05:34,843 --> 00:05:37,010
so you better tell her that you
meant the chemistry challenge.
121
00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:38,845
Joey, I can't do that.
122
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:40,581
If she thinks I asked her to the dance
123
00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:43,183
and I tell her I didn't,
she's gonna be crushed.
124
00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:47,554
Yeah, well... then ya
better clarify, playa!
125
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,555
Stop!
126
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:56,496
Hey, Val...
127
00:05:56,498 --> 00:05:57,864
Hey, Parker.
128
00:05:57,866 --> 00:05:59,933
I figured out which one's apple juice.
129
00:06:01,002 --> 00:06:03,637
I'm not gonna tell you how.
130
00:06:05,873 --> 00:06:07,374
So...
131
00:06:07,376 --> 00:06:09,376
about Friday night...
132
00:06:09,378 --> 00:06:12,412
what... where do... what
are you gonna wear to...
133
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,181
that thing...
134
00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:17,284
that we're doing...
135
00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:19,586
together...
136
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:21,788
with us?
137
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:24,258
The suggested dress code is on the flyer.
138
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:29,563
One says "lab coat" and the other says
"smart, festive, dressy, casual."
139
00:06:29,565 --> 00:06:30,998
What does that even mean?
140
00:06:33,368 --> 00:06:36,937
You guys will never
believe what just happened.
141
00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,005
Tell them, Ruby.
142
00:06:39,073 --> 00:06:40,540
I got all A's on my report card!
143
00:06:40,542 --> 00:06:42,776
- Oh, that's wonderful!
- Fantastic.
144
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,813
I mean, I just personally
think that that deserves
145
00:06:46,815 --> 00:06:49,049
some kind of reward, right, Aunt Dena?
146
00:06:49,051 --> 00:06:51,151
It sure does.
147
00:06:51,153 --> 00:06:52,552
What would you like, Ruby?
148
00:06:52,554 --> 00:06:56,456
Gosh, I hadn't really thought about it.
149
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,724
I want to get my ears pierced.
150
00:06:57,726 --> 00:06:59,626
- Oh.
- Ooh.
151
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:04,498
Well, it is a perfect time
for physical transformation.
152
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:07,734
Mars is in retrograde and the mall
is having a sale on dolphin earrings.
153
00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:12,105
Dena, this is a major bonding experience.
154
00:07:12,107 --> 00:07:14,308
There's nothing like
watching your little girl
155
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:16,977
march towards adulthood by
watching a complete stranger
156
00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,645
jam a pin through her ear. Mm-mm.
157
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,683
Yeah, and you know what, you really
are in such great hands, Ruby.
158
00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:27,321
I mean, when I was here before and
I was shooting
Sing it Loud!
159
00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:29,656
Your mom actually took
me to get my ears pierced.
160
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,525
No, no, no, no, Liv.
161
00:07:31,527 --> 00:07:33,493
Actually, I took you
to get your ears pierced
162
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,662
when you were home in Wisconsin on hiatus.
163
00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:40,033
- Liv?
- Maddie?
164
00:07:40,035 --> 00:07:41,301
- Dena?
- Dinner?
165
00:07:41,303 --> 00:07:42,536
Spill.
166
00:07:42,538 --> 00:07:49,543
Um... Okay, so... Mom, you didn't
really take me to get my ears pierced.
167
00:07:50,712 --> 00:07:52,713
You took me.
168
00:07:52,715 --> 00:07:55,282
But that was weeks before I took Liv.
169
00:07:55,284 --> 00:07:56,983
Yeah, it was.
170
00:07:56,985 --> 00:07:59,553
But I wore a headband over my ears
171
00:07:59,555 --> 00:08:04,291
until the holes closed and
then you took me again as Liv.
172
00:08:04,293 --> 00:08:06,226
Karen: Now wait a minute,
let me get this straight.
173
00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:08,395
You two pulled a
switch-a-Rooney on me
174
00:08:08,397 --> 00:08:11,131
for one of the pinnacle
moments of a mother's life?
175
00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,699
And her daughter's.
176
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,535
Whatever.
177
00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:18,538
I just, I... I couldn't wait, Mom,
so I convinced Aunt Dena to take me.
178
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:19,740
(Gasps)
179
00:08:19,742 --> 00:08:21,375
I'm weak, Karen.
180
00:08:22,677 --> 00:08:26,580
Don't let this tip your
scale into anger and darkness.
181
00:08:26,582 --> 00:08:28,682
Oh, I will show you anger and darkness.
182
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:31,585
In high school, Mom took me
to see Duran Duran without you.
183
00:08:31,587 --> 00:08:32,853
(Gasps)
184
00:08:32,855 --> 00:08:34,554
Duran Duran was my band!
185
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,423
Not that night they weren't.
186
00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:37,958
Oh!
187
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,763
What's Duran Duran?
188
00:08:42,765 --> 00:08:45,732
Oh, um, it's sort of like One
Direction but for old ladies.
189
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:51,212
Hey, Joe.
190
00:08:51,243 --> 00:08:54,441
- Ready for your big stand-up debut?
- Oh, you know it.
191
00:08:54,443 --> 00:08:55,776
I've been writin' material.
192
00:08:55,778 --> 00:08:58,345
Maddie, I'm startin' to
think that this is my thang.
193
00:08:58,347 --> 00:09:00,080
(Chuckles) Yeah, that's right.
194
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,282
Joey Rooney got a thang.
195
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:07,421
Here to introduce our next act,
Matthew McConaughey, George W. Bush,
196
00:09:07,423 --> 00:09:10,957
Charles Barkley, and Adam Sandler.
197
00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:13,960
(Imitates Matthew McConaughey)
I believe it's gonna be
198
00:09:13,962 --> 00:09:16,797
all right, all right, all right.
199
00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:19,599
(Imitates George W. Bush) Looking
forward to some sweet jokification.
200
00:09:21,869 --> 00:09:25,205
(Imitates Charles Barkley) I just
hope this knucklehead isn't terrible.
201
00:09:25,207 --> 00:09:27,774
(Imitates Adam Sandler) Ladies
and gentlemen, please welcome
202
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,610
Mr. Joey Rooney! (Mumbles)
203
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,845
(Cheers and applause)
204
00:09:34,148 --> 00:09:35,315
Joey!
205
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,956
Um... so...
206
00:09:44,158 --> 00:09:46,827
Um... hi.
207
00:09:50,665 --> 00:09:52,566
My heart was beating so loud,
208
00:09:52,568 --> 00:09:55,735
I could barely hear the
vomit coming up in my throat.
209
00:09:57,104 --> 00:09:58,305
Uh...
210
00:09:59,173 --> 00:10:00,807
I... I can't do this.
211
00:10:06,614 --> 00:10:11,585
I'm finding my peace...
finding my center.
212
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,956
It's not working!
213
00:10:15,958 --> 00:10:19,259
My conflict with Karen has
ravaged my inner tranquility.
214
00:10:20,795 --> 00:10:23,730
Do you know what would cheer you up?
215
00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:28,602
Taking me to the mall
to get my ears pierced.
216
00:10:29,804 --> 00:10:32,506
Ruby, I don't feel comfortable doing that
217
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,775
until I have healed things with my sister.
218
00:10:35,777 --> 00:10:38,378
Putting a hole in your ear
won't fix the hole in her heart.
219
00:10:39,547 --> 00:10:40,881
(Gasps) Wait.
220
00:10:40,883 --> 00:10:42,516
I think I know a way to make things better.
221
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:46,152
A little something I like to
call "the empty gesture."
222
00:10:46,154 --> 00:10:48,955
That sounds underhanded.
223
00:10:48,957 --> 00:10:50,223
Go on.
224
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:52,959
Okay, so Aunt Dena,
225
00:10:52,961 --> 00:10:55,829
you tell my mom that she can
take Ruby to get her ears pierced.
226
00:10:55,831 --> 00:10:57,898
My mom will appreciate the gesture,
227
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:00,133
but she knows what a big
bonding experience this is
228
00:11:00,135 --> 00:11:02,335
for a mother and a daughter,
she'll insist that you take her.
229
00:11:02,337 --> 00:11:05,205
Boom! Hearts healed, ears pierced.
230
00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:08,842
Hi, girls. Oh, you're here.
231
00:11:08,844 --> 00:11:11,578
Thought you'd be out with Liv
picking out her wedding dress.
232
00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:17,217
- Karen?
- Hm?
233
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:20,854
I'm going to make an appointment to take
Ruby to get her ears pierced tomorrow,
234
00:11:20,856 --> 00:11:23,123
but I think you should take her.
235
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,727
It's only fair.
236
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:31,197
Well, that is a very generous gesture.
237
00:11:31,199 --> 00:11:34,868
Oh, please. I know an
empty gesture when I see it.
238
00:11:34,870 --> 00:11:37,704
I would love to take Ruby.
239
00:11:37,706 --> 00:11:39,806
Oh, thanks, Dena. You're a peach.
240
00:11:52,219 --> 00:11:54,254
Joey?
241
00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:55,422
What are you doin'?
242
00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,857
I'm jumping my sadness away.
243
00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:02,281
Why don't you come out here and talk to me?
244
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,535
Hey.
245
00:12:08,537 --> 00:12:09,869
So what happened?
246
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:11,204
(Sighs)
247
00:12:14,308 --> 00:12:15,976
Maddie, I choked.
248
00:12:15,978 --> 00:12:19,112
I had no idea it would be that hard.
249
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:20,947
I mean, all those people looking at me.
250
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:24,150
I mean, I just kept thinking, "What
if they don't think I'm funny?"
251
00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:26,653
But, Joey, you're a really funny guy.
252
00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:31,291
Yeah, maybe when I'm clowning around,
but stand-up is so different.
253
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,861
I mean, I gotta really
put myself out there.
254
00:12:35,997 --> 00:12:38,732
- (Sighs)
- It sounds to me like you're kind of scared.
255
00:12:38,734 --> 00:12:41,214
Yeah, well, I didn't vomit in
my mouth because I was confident.
256
00:12:44,939 --> 00:12:48,108
All right, well, um... maybe I can help.
257
00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:51,945
What's the thing that scares you the
most about being up on that stage?
258
00:12:51,947 --> 00:12:53,913
Um...
259
00:12:53,915 --> 00:12:56,783
I guess that people will
boo and throw stuff at me
260
00:12:56,785 --> 00:12:58,351
while I'm feeling naked and vulnerable.
261
00:13:03,858 --> 00:13:05,158
Well done.
262
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,827
I am definitely feeling
naked and vulnerable.
263
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,197
Well, good, 'cause it is, uh,
time that you face your fears.
264
00:13:11,199 --> 00:13:14,200
So... tell me a joke, funny boy.
265
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,003
Okay. Um...
266
00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:19,773
Knock-knock...
267
00:13:19,775 --> 00:13:21,675
- Boo!
- What are you...
268
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:23,043
No!
269
00:13:23,045 --> 00:13:25,011
You're supposed to say, "Who's there?"
270
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,312
You stink!
271
00:13:26,314 --> 00:13:27,947
Ow!
272
00:13:27,949 --> 00:13:29,849
No! Why can't you throw like a girl?
273
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,951
Like a what?
274
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:33,153
Sorry! I'm sorry...
275
00:13:33,155 --> 00:13:34,521
I'm sorry!
276
00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,289
Maddie, I'm sorry!
277
00:13:37,992 --> 00:13:42,629
Liv, I've got a story idea for
an episode of... you know.
278
00:13:42,631 --> 00:13:47,233
Sing it Louder!
279
00:13:47,235 --> 00:13:49,869
- Uh... yeah.
- Yeah.
280
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,738
- Sure, that's the one. Okay.
- Yeah.
281
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:54,374
So this really cool guy asks Sasha to do
282
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,976
a chemistry challenge with
him by gesturing to a flyer,
283
00:13:56,978 --> 00:13:59,813
but the flyer is right next to
a banner for the school dance,
284
00:13:59,815 --> 00:14:04,517
and he's not sure if she said yes
to the challenge or to the dance.
285
00:14:04,519 --> 00:14:08,722
So, what do you think
the cool guy should do?
286
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,957
I need to know ASAP.
287
00:14:11,992 --> 00:14:15,161
Hmm... Wait a second.
288
00:14:16,363 --> 00:14:18,932
You just said "I" as in you!
289
00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:23,503
This isn't a story idea, you're
coming to me for girl advice!
290
00:14:23,505 --> 00:14:27,240
I'm gonna go make a pot of tea and
I'm gonna get my pan flute CD.
291
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:30,076
Come on. Liv, don't be Mom.
292
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,946
I guess I do kind of
sound like Mom. (Chuckles)
293
00:14:32,948 --> 00:14:35,615
I totally get her now!
294
00:14:35,617 --> 00:14:38,017
She just wants to be in our lives!
295
00:14:38,019 --> 00:14:39,252
Liv talked about me?
296
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:40,954
What did she say? Tell me anything!
297
00:14:40,956 --> 00:14:43,022
I just want to be in her life! (Chuckles)
298
00:14:43,024 --> 00:14:44,924
What if she wants to go to the dance?
299
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,126
I don't want to hurt her feelings.
300
00:14:46,128 --> 00:14:48,895
Okay, okay, uh, okay,
so you do not want to go
301
00:14:48,897 --> 00:14:50,297
to the dance with this girl, right?
302
00:14:52,066 --> 00:14:53,099
Right.
303
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,821
Why did you just pause
before you said that?
304
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,438
I... I didn't pause.
305
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,672
You totally paused.
306
00:15:01,408 --> 00:15:03,209
Wait a second.
307
00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:06,980
Did you ask this girl to the science thing,
308
00:15:06,982 --> 00:15:10,717
and now you've thought about it, and
now you want to take her to the dance?
309
00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,620
- No?
- That was another pause!
310
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,588
It was a confusing question.
311
00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:17,123
Admit it.
312
00:15:19,894 --> 00:15:21,227
Okay, fine.
313
00:15:21,229 --> 00:15:24,397
I didn't realize it at first, but
yes, I want to take her to the dance.
314
00:15:24,399 --> 00:15:27,167
(Squeals) Okay, then you have to let
her know, you gotta put on a suit,
315
00:15:27,169 --> 00:15:32,272
you gotta show up, and you gotta hope
that that's the way that she feels too.
316
00:15:32,274 --> 00:15:34,574
You know what? You're right.
317
00:15:34,576 --> 00:15:36,009
- Go big or go home.
- Yes!
318
00:15:36,011 --> 00:15:39,646
(Squeals)
319
00:15:41,749 --> 00:15:43,483
This is very exciting.
320
00:15:44,919 --> 00:15:46,186
Please don't do the whoo.
321
00:15:46,188 --> 00:15:47,821
I'm sorry, it's mandatory.
322
00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:49,989
Whoo!
323
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,058
Parker's got a girlfriend
324
00:15:55,629 --> 00:15:57,864
Are you sure that you want
to go through with this, Mom?
325
00:15:57,866 --> 00:16:00,333
I mean, wouldn't it be
better to invite Aunt Dena
326
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,202
to go with you to get Ruby's ears pierced?
327
00:16:02,204 --> 00:16:03,469
No, it wouldn't, Maddie.
328
00:16:03,471 --> 00:16:04,771
I'm Liv.
329
00:16:04,773 --> 00:16:06,206
Are you?
330
00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:07,774
Are you?
331
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,678
Come on, Ruby. Let's go.
332
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,847
You know what, Aunt Karen?
333
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,116
I don't want to get my
ears pierced anymore.
334
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:22,455
It's gonna hurt you and my mom,
and that'll make me feel bad.
335
00:16:23,657 --> 00:16:28,461
Sweetie, I was trying to make
your mom feel bad, not you.
336
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,664
Oh... Dena!
337
00:16:31,666 --> 00:16:33,199
Yes?
338
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,236
Did you get my silent messages
through the spirit transom?
339
00:16:37,905 --> 00:16:40,240
Take Ruby to get her ears pierced.
340
00:16:40,242 --> 00:16:44,177
This is something that a mother and
daughter should experience together.
341
00:16:44,179 --> 00:16:45,211
I'm sorry.
342
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,213
No, I'm sorry.
343
00:16:48,182 --> 00:16:50,183
Oh, would you join us?
344
00:16:50,185 --> 00:16:52,385
Well, I would be honored.
345
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,519
Oh!
346
00:16:53,521 --> 00:16:55,021
Both: Sis!
347
00:16:55,023 --> 00:16:57,290
Sisters healed, hearts mended. Let's go.
348
00:17:00,861 --> 00:17:02,195
(Sighs)
349
00:17:02,197 --> 00:17:04,130
Hold it, Straight A's.
350
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,367
Did you just bluff my mother?
351
00:17:07,369 --> 00:17:10,570
Hey, if I'm old enough
to get my ears pierced,
352
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,672
I'm old enough to manipulate grown-ups.
353
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,614
Hey.
354
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:26,619
If Val shows up in a lab coat,
I'm gonna look like a doofus.
355
00:17:26,621 --> 00:17:32,158
But at least I'll be
one fine-looking doofus.
356
00:17:41,035 --> 00:17:42,368
Hey, Val.
357
00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:50,109
Look at you... dressed for
the biochem challenge.
358
00:17:51,478 --> 00:17:53,146
Ouch.
359
00:17:53,148 --> 00:17:54,380
Oh no.
360
00:17:54,382 --> 00:17:57,817
(Laughs)
361
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,620
So...
362
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,622
um...
363
00:18:04,224 --> 00:18:06,359
that's a really nice lab coat.
364
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,262
Thanks.
365
00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:11,130
Nice suit.
366
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:17,136
Did you think you asked me to the dance?
367
00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,343
Yeah.
368
00:18:23,345 --> 00:18:25,778
I was... kind of hoping.
369
00:18:25,780 --> 00:18:31,217
Actually... I was kind of hoping too.
370
00:18:33,354 --> 00:18:35,021
What do you think?
371
00:18:35,023 --> 00:18:37,523
I don't usually do smart,
festive, dressy, casual.
372
00:18:40,361 --> 00:18:42,895
You couldn't look more perfect.
373
00:18:44,264 --> 00:18:45,598
(Squeals)
374
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,200
Whoo!
375
00:18:47,202 --> 00:18:49,335
Playa!
376
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,504
Everybody just cork it!
377
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,308
Shall we Shaboom?
378
00:18:55,310 --> 00:18:57,377
We shall.
379
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:04,617
Glad you came back, buddy.
380
00:19:04,619 --> 00:19:06,686
Look, everyone bombs their first time.
381
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,888
Just remember, if a joke doesn't go well,
382
00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:10,356
hit 'em with your Morgan Freeman voice.
383
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,992
No, Vince, I don't have
a Morgan Freeman voice.
384
00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:15,361
(Imitates Morgan Freeman)
Well, you best get one, sonny.
385
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,163
(Laughs)
386
00:19:17,165 --> 00:19:20,800
Because Morgan Freeman will save you...
every time.
387
00:19:20,802 --> 00:19:23,202
(Laughs)
388
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,372
(Imitates Morgan Freeman)
Maddie, I'm nervous...
389
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,141
(In normal voice) Maddie, I'm nervous.
390
00:19:28,143 --> 00:19:30,810
You know what? You got this, bro.
391
00:19:31,912 --> 00:19:34,847
Ladies and gentlemen, Joey Rooney!
392
00:19:34,849 --> 00:19:37,050
(Cheers and applause)
393
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,251
Joey!
394
00:19:42,322 --> 00:19:43,423
(Exhales)
395
00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:51,425
So, um... so I... I peaked physically...
very early, like ridiculously early,
396
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,534
like when I was two.
397
00:19:54,536 --> 00:19:56,035
(Laughter)
398
00:19:56,037 --> 00:19:58,037
- I, uh...
- (Laughter continues)
399
00:19:58,039 --> 00:20:02,375
Like seriously. Like, when I was
two, I got these glasses, right?
400
00:20:02,377 --> 00:20:03,776
And I've had these lips since I was born.
401
00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:05,912
I looked like a cartoon character, guys.
402
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:09,715
- (Laughter)
- I was adorable, the epitome of cute.
403
00:20:09,717 --> 00:20:14,087
And then from about three years old to now,
404
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:17,957
I've kind of coasted at
middle-aged female librarian.
405
00:20:17,959 --> 00:20:20,460
- (Laughter)
- Which is fine. It's fine.
406
00:20:20,462 --> 00:20:22,028
I just have, like, this kind of face.
407
00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:24,397
You know, like, I have the glasses.
Like, I'm stereotyped a lot.
408
00:20:24,399 --> 00:20:27,400
I was in my counselor's office and
we were setting up my schedule
409
00:20:27,402 --> 00:20:31,437
and, um... and I was like, "I'd
like to be in Advanced Robotics,"
410
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:34,474
and she goes, "Mm, actually, I
wouldn't recommend Advanced Robotics
411
00:20:34,476 --> 00:20:38,077
'cause the schedule conflicts
with the marching band."
412
00:20:38,079 --> 00:20:39,912
And I was like...
413
00:20:39,914 --> 00:20:42,482
"I'm in the marching band?"
414
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:49,455
And my counselor was like, "(Scoffs)
You're not in the marching band?"
415
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,424
(Laughter)
416
00:20:51,426 --> 00:20:54,494
I moved to LA, uh, about four months ago.
417
00:20:54,496 --> 00:20:56,395
I've lived here for like
four months. It's different.
418
00:20:56,397 --> 00:20:59,432
Like, I'm from Wisconsin. Back in
Wisconsin, I'm a senior in high school.
419
00:20:59,434 --> 00:21:00,800
I'm a senior in high school here.
420
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,902
I was really looking forward to
being like... It's how it works.
421
00:21:02,904 --> 00:21:04,403
You know, I get downgraded.
422
00:21:04,405 --> 00:21:05,571
Now I'm in seventh grade now.
423
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:09,509
But in California, like, I... I wanted...
424
00:21:09,511 --> 00:21:12,145
I was looking forward to being, like,
the senior and getting the, like,
425
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:16,415
Most Likely to Succeed or whatever,
like, in the back of the yearbook,
426
00:21:16,417 --> 00:21:19,685
and then I moved to California and they are
much different than they were in Wisconsin.
427
00:21:19,687 --> 00:21:22,822
I get to California and
it's like Best Vibes.
428
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,490
(Laughter)
429
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:27,894
And like Most Likely to
Stick to a Juice Cleanse.
430
00:21:29,796 --> 00:21:33,132
When I first got here, I saw a lot
of girls walking around school
431
00:21:33,134 --> 00:21:35,134
with like "I Heart Nerds" shirts.
432
00:21:35,136 --> 00:21:37,203
Or like "I'm Gonna Marry a Nerd."
433
00:21:37,205 --> 00:21:40,306
And I was like, "I have
come to my paradise.
434
00:21:40,308 --> 00:21:42,375
"This is it.
435
00:21:42,377 --> 00:21:44,210
LA is where I belong!"
436
00:21:44,212 --> 00:21:48,514
And then I found out these
girls don't actually like nerds.
437
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:53,186
These girls like hot, muscular
guys that sometimes wear glasses.
438
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:55,721
(Laughter)
439
00:21:55,723 --> 00:21:57,356
And that is not the same.
440
00:21:57,358 --> 00:21:58,891
Guys, not the same.
441
00:21:58,893 --> 00:22:03,362
I, uh... I'm turning 18 soon.
It's exciting.
442
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:05,798
A lot of new things become
available to me when I turn 18.
443
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:10,536
Like, I can buy a lottery ticket,
like, I can go to real person prison,
444
00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,971
(Laughter)
445
00:22:11,973 --> 00:22:14,340
That's exciting. The stakes are high.
446
00:22:14,342 --> 00:22:15,474
(Laughter)
447
00:22:15,476 --> 00:22:17,176
I can get a tattoo.
448
00:22:17,178 --> 00:22:18,511
Yeah, I can get a tattoo.
449
00:22:18,513 --> 00:22:22,415
A friend of mine just got a tattoo
and got, um, "To the moon and back"
450
00:22:22,417 --> 00:22:25,651
in his mom's handwriting 'cause that's
something his mom said to him a lot.
451
00:22:25,653 --> 00:22:29,522
And then in his dad's
handwriting, he got "Carpe diem."
452
00:22:29,524 --> 00:22:31,090
And I was like, "I love that idea.
453
00:22:31,092 --> 00:22:32,325
I can do the same thing."
454
00:22:32,327 --> 00:22:34,026
In my mom's handwriting, I could get
455
00:22:34,028 --> 00:22:36,762
"I love you like fire" 'cause that's
something my mom says to me a lot,
456
00:22:36,764 --> 00:22:38,898
and then in my dad's
handwriting I could get
457
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:41,033
"Why can't you be more like your sisters?"
458
00:22:41,035 --> 00:22:42,101
(Laughter)
459
00:22:42,103 --> 00:22:43,569
Thank you guys so much.
460
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:45,104
I'm Joey Rooney. You were awesome.
461
00:22:45,106 --> 00:22:47,406
- Whoo!
- (Cheers and applause)
462
00:22:47,408 --> 00:22:48,941
Joey: Thank you.
463
00:22:56,049 --> 00:23:00,186
Thanks for kind of asking me
to the dance tonight, Parker.
464
00:23:00,188 --> 00:23:02,922
Thanks for kind of saying yes.
465
00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:06,192
By the way, you're not a
bad dancer for a scientist.
466
00:23:06,194 --> 00:23:08,227
Thanks. You know, I was gonna invent
467
00:23:08,229 --> 00:23:12,031
a robot that dances for me,
but that just seemed rude.
468
00:23:16,470 --> 00:23:20,473
So is there anything else
that you want to do tonight?
469
00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:24,143
There is something.
470
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:28,147
We go in that Boom or
Doom Chemistry Challenge?
471
00:23:28,149 --> 00:23:30,483
Challenge accepted!
472
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,687
Oh, now I get why you say that!
473
00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:38,991
Vince: (Imitates Morgan
Freeman) You best get one, sonny.
474
00:23:39,041 --> 00:23:43,591
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35067
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
