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(Deeply inhales)

Oh! (Coughs)

That's dirty.

(Sniffs, coughs)

I can wear that one more day.

- Maddie. - Hey, Liv.

Okay, so...

You know how I'm receiving the porcupine of the year award at school?

Yeah, you're up-cycling club raised so much money for charity.

- I'm so proud of you, Liv. - Thank you.

Well, guess who's presenting the award to me.

Hmm, channel four meteorologist Johnny Nimbus.

Grandma Janice.

What? No! Grandma Janice is coming?

Grandma Janice is the coolest woman I know.

Get this. She was an olympic diver.

Ugh! I named my first basketball after her.

(Chuckles)

Hey, Janice. What's up, girl? (Laughs)

Now grandma's a globe-trotting wildlife photographer.

Ha! Pretty much every single rhino photo

that you've probably ever seen has been taken by her,

except for, you know, those extreme close-ups

'cause those people didn't make it. (Hisses)

The girls have always had a special bond with my mom

because she's also an identical twin.

I, on the other hand, had to go out in the world and make friends.

Wow, wow.

That is just so nice of her.

You know, I mean, especially considering that I'm...

I mean... (Stutters) You know.

Um, no, I don't know, Maddie.

- Why don't you tell me? - All right, fine.

I mean, I guess especially considering that I've always been her favorite.

(Laughs) Hey. Okay.

Just because you are both athletic-y,

and adventurous, and you both wear glasses

does not automatically mean...

Okay, so it automatically means that you're her favorite.

But I'm Johnny Nimbus's favorite... (Laughs) So...

- Oh, wait, Liv! - Yeah.

Smell this. Can I wear this one more day?

- (Squeals) - (Theme music plays)

Better in stereo, b-b-better in stereo

- I'm up with the sunshine

- Let's go

- I lace up my high tops

- Oh, no

slam dunk, ready or not

yeah, show me what you got

- I'm under the spotlight

- Holler

I dare you come on and follow

you dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

when you say yea-ah-ah, I say no-oh-oh

when you say stop...

All I want to do is go, go, go

you, you, the other half of me, me

the half I'll never be-e

the half that drives me crazy

you, you, the better half of me, me

the half I'll always need

but we both know we're better in stereo.

(Gasps) Minions!

(Growls) He's near!

Oh.

I'm always closer than you think, Joseph.

- So perhaps too close. - Pretty close.

Yo, man, if this is about watching

the McGilroy-Mmien JK113 comet with my sweet telescope,

wish upon another star.

The McGilroy-Mmien JK113 comet is called the lovers' comet.

They say whomever you're with when it reaches its apex

is destined to be your true love.

Last time it came around I was seven and eating fruit peelers.

You still got it, baby.

Joseph, we'd be fools not to capitalize on this comet

by throwing a party and packing it with women, so we can meet our soul mates.

So why would I want to throw a party with you?

Hmm, how do I put this tactfully?

(Sighs) When it comes to women, the two of us fish from the same stream.

This lovers' comet is a chance for us

to plunge our hands in the water like powerful grizzly bears

and pull out the salmon of our dreams.

Not gonna lie, I've lost the metaphor.

The girls are the salmon. We're the bears.

The stream is your backyard.

Just say it that way next time.

Oh, I cannot wait to see grandma Janice.

I love her so much.

I love that every time I see her, she gives me 20 bucks.

What? Grandma knows the going rate for adorableness.

(Gasps) She's here! She's here!

Quick, everyone put on one of grandma's hideous crocheted gifts!

Grandma travels a lot, which means a lot of long plane rides.

And to pass the time she crochets badly, very badly.

Actually, I don't know, this could be great crochet.

Three continents, two trains, four airplanes and over 8,000 miles...

We bring you one amazing grandma!

You forgot the elephant ride.

Here comes the huggin' fest.

- Grandma! - Liv!

- Hi! - (Laughs)

Thank you so much for coming to present my award.

Are you kidding? I just had to be here

- for my granddaughter. - (Maddie coughs)

Oh, hi, Maddie.

Joey, you got so tall and handsome.

You have a girlfriend yet?

Oh, well, as fate would have it,

- there's a comet passing... - I got my answer.

Okay.

Make way, people.

Adorable baby of the family coming through.

Parker, you got tall too, but you'll always be grandma's little mini-muffin.

(Sighs) Can you stand it?

I see you got the dress I crocheted for you.

Yeah, I love it.

- It fits to a tee. - Liv: Thank you.

No 20 bucks? What's going on?!

(Gasps) Have I aged out of my cuteness?

Guys, is it just me or is grandma acting, like, a little strange?

Oh, ho ho, is someone not grandma's favorite anymore?

(Scoffs)

It's cold over here in the shadows, isn't it?

Scarf? Here.

Thanks for letting me have my comet party tomorrow, mom.

"You sure you wouldn't want to come to the ceremony

honoring your sister," she said pointedly,

- hoping for the right answer. - (Chuckles)

"No," he said honestly,

having gotten used to his mother's disapproving stare.

All right, the table is all set.

Now, where's grandma?

I really want to play our traditional game of horse.

(Chuckles) I love her, but I am taking that tiny lady down.

She's at the mall with Liv, shopping for an outfit

for the "porcupine of the year" award ceremony.

- Seriously? - Mm-hmm.

Grandma hates shopping.

Is it just me or does grandma Janice seem kind of like

not grandma Janice to you?

What do you mean, Maddie?

Well, I don't know. It's just usually when she shows up,

I'm her... I don't want to go ahead and just say "favorite,"

but, I mean, no, let's be honest. I'm her favorite.

And she just... she seems like a completely different person.

Oh.

(Gasps)

What if she's a completely different person?

Yeah, no, what if grandma and great aunt Hilary pulled a switcheroo?

Okay, Maddie, honey.

I know it's weird that Liv is getting the majority of the attention this trip,

but you sound a little crazy-pants right now.

(Gasps) You're in on it.

You want me to think that I'm crazy-pants,

but really I'm righty-pants and you're wrongy-pants!

Okay, so I sound a little bit crazy-pants.

All right, I'm going for maximum-grandson adorableness.

Are bunny slippers with the duckie pajamas too much?

You're right. Go big or go home.

So what girls should we invite to the party of the century?

Whoa, wow. What about her?

Two-handed reader.

I'm guessing she doesn't have plans.

That's Alex. She's in my robotics class.

We have a bit of a flirtationship.

(Laughs) Lock it down, son.

(Nervous chuckle) Hey, Alex.

I was wondering if you, uh, wanted to come as my date

to my comet party tonight?

That doesn't sound unpleasant.

(Squeaks)

I can come by after my social interaction class.

I will now tap you on the shoulder

to show connection and acknowledge your kind offer.

Yay.

(Laughs) Oh, hell yeah!

This is the perfect plan!

Now go get another.

What? No, dude. I just got a date.

One date? Come on, this is you, Joey.

I mean, how do you even know if she's gonna show up?

You need to get as many as you can and let the comet decide your love.

Ooh, uh, what about her?

I don't know her name, but I know she drinks two chocolate milks at lunch.

That is Samantha. She's in the drama club.

She's, like, super into Shakespeare.

Well, go get her super into you.

(Snaps)

(Coughs nervously)

- Milady. - Oh, good sir.

Wouldeth thou care to accompany me to a celestial event at casa Rooney

come evening tide?

Oh, and be at thy side as the heavens swoon and decide our fates?

Grantest thee this boon I shall, kind sir.

- Is that a yes? - Oh.

- Yeah. - (Dramatic laugh)

(Giggles)

(Giggles)

(Chuckles) Brother, they should call you "butter,"

because you are on a roll!

Both: Holla!

(Deep robotic voice) I hear you're having a party tonight.

(Both shriek)

Sorry, um...

(Normal voice) I hear you're having a party tonight.

She's heard. We have party buzz.

Yeah, I was hoping you could come as my date.

Great, I'll see you there.

I'll make sure I get there before the apex.

Could you...

(Deep robotic voice) Before the apex.

(Both giggle)

Dude, I have three dates for my party.

So far. To the band room.

The clarinet section is ripe for the picking.

(Laughing, mimics clarinets)

Wow, Maddie.

A tea party. Looks like royalty's paying a visit.

Yes, well, there really is only one grandma Janice,

so... (Chuckles)

Unless there are two!

Yeah, see, the more I thought about it,

the more I realized that I was not crazy-pants.

Yeah. I am grandma's favorite.

And that woman was not giving me a whiff of the favorite vibe.

That was not my grandmother. That was my great-aunt Hilary,

and I was gonna prove it.

What's under the fancy serving dome?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

Ha ha, I have a little bit of a surprise.

Um, last time grandma came to visit

she and I went out for tea, you know, just the two of us.

And we shared something really special

that, uh, really only she would know what that is.

So, um, what might that be, grandma?

Oh, Maddie, did you make me crepe suzette?

No! I made you... (Trails off)

Crepe suzette.

Nana.

Have you seen my stuffed elephie?

I can't take my nap without it.

I'm just so tir... (Yawns)

No? Nothing?

Did you see the slippers? Fine!

(Telescope in female voice): McGilroy-Mmien JK113 approaching.

Comet apex occurring in 15 minutes.

(Telescope beeps)

Oh, your telescope speaks.

(Chuckles) Please introduce me.

For once in our lives, Artie, we are surrounded by real girls.

We do not have to talk to the telescope tonight, all right?

You're right. (Chuckles)

Minions, go warm up the girls for me.

I'll re-scrunch my bangs and be on my way.

Oh, Alex, what a lovely surprise.

How is this a surprise?

I was invited. There's a comet.

You have the best telescope.

Probability of my presence was 99.99999999%.

Well, you didn't let me finish.

I'm 0.000000001% surprised.

Huh, I will now turn up the corners of my lips

to signify that this was amusing.

Well, see you outside for the apex.

(Both nervously giggle)

Hark, do my eyes see it's Samantha?

The first of two heavenly bodies we shall gaze upon tonight.

Indeed, kind sir. Whilst thou shareth a crab nebula cake?

With you'th, I will... ith.

See you under the stars when perchance our fates are sealed.

(Both giggle)

And that means?

I'll catch you come comet time.

I was hoping that's what that meant.

(Both giggle)

Hahaha, brie, welcome.

Hi, Joey. Or tonight should I call you commander comet, agent of the galaxy?

Commander? That means you outrank me, admiral foxy.

(Both growl)

(Both giggle)

Three girls, one Joey, and a comet to decide it all.

What could possibly go wrong?

- Hey, Joey. - (High-pitched shriek)

Willow, what are you doing here?

I was invited.

What? Who invited yo... (Gasps)

Artie!

Present.

What did you do?

Oh, was I not supposed to invite Willow,

thus ruining any chance you have with any of the other girls,

and leaving them all for me?

Oops, my bad.

Minions, "operation: Joey's cast-offs" is a go.

Hey, uh, grandma.

(Chuckles) This is a really big event.

Um, wow, you know what?

We should do our pre-game warm-up ritual that we always do before big events

that you should totally know by heart, because we do it all the time.

Okay, Maddie, honey. Grandma's tired.

- She's been traveling a long... - It's fine, Karen.

Both: Ready, set... (Grunts)

Glub, glub... (Warbles gibberish)

She dribbles, she shoots.

Both: She scores!

Bam! What?!

That proves nothing.

Maddie, you are being very rude to aunt Hilary.

(Gasps)

Oh, dear.

Seriously, Karen?

I spent an hour face-gabbing with Janice just to get that routine down.

I knew it!

I was right!

Who's crazy-pants?! Not me!

Hahaha! I'm righty-pants!

Aunt Hilary, why would you pretend to be grandma Janice?

Bad weather kept my sister from being able to fly out of Africa.

When she realized she wouldn't be at the ceremony in time,

she sent me in her place.

See, grandma was so honored to present the award

and we knew Liv would be devastated,

- so I helped aunt Hilary... - Pull a switcheroo?

- Mom, you hate switcheroos. - I do. I do, it's true.

But when it's for a good cause I can make an exception.

You know? Who am I kidding? I do whatever my mother tells me to do.

I'm weak! I don't have a twin to keep me strong!

You know, I'm gonna call this charade off right now, right now.

No, no, mom, mom, mom, mom.

We are not saying a word to Liv.

We're not gonna just ruin her big night.

I mean, she's way too excited to have grandma here.

Grandma!

You look lovely tonight.

Can I offer you some pretzel bread?

You are so adorable.

Here, sweetheart, I have something for you.

It's a mint.

Your breath is a little n...

(Snorts, laughs) Plus, I mean, there's no way

we can pull the plug on that whole show.

Oh.

- Let's go mingle. - No, or we can stay right here.

Okay, Joey, I get it. You threw a party and you didn't invite me,

but I'll forgive you.

Par... a party?

What are you talking about?

I don't know these people.

They all broke in.

You know what? If you can't see that we're meant to be together,

then I give up. Good-bye, Joey.

Wh...

(Guests chattering)

(Sighs) Tsk.

Checking for guilt: No, I'm good.

(Happy humming)

Telescope: Comet apex in 5 minutes.

So, Alex, who were you with the last time M.M. JK113 came around?

My home chemistry set.

I still have a special thing for boron.

Oh, my favorite element is fluoride.

Perhaps we should form a covalent bond, ba!

No offense, Artie, but I was invited here to share the apex with Joey.

And I despise fluoride, and you.

Wait, wait a second. I was invited to share the apex with Joey.

(Robotic voice) No, I'm spending the apex with Joey.

Sorry.

(Normal voice, whining) I'm spending the apex with Joey!

Oh, wow.

Did that scoundrel invite three soul mates to the apex?

(Gasps) You must be crushed.

My arms are open to comfort any or all of you.

(Humming happily)

Hey.

Girls.

Did you invite all three of us to watch the lovers' comet with you?

(Stutters) Maybe.

It turns out that commander comet is just a three-timing jerk!

- (Sighs) - Statistically, a good play, but hurtful.

(In robotic voice) Ladies, let's bounce!

And so without further ado,

I present to you the porcupine of the year, my granddaughter,

- Liv Rooney! - (Applause)

(Maddie cheers)

Thank you, grandma Janice.

Friends, family,

fellow porcupines... (Laughs)

It is with great honor that I accept...

woman: Hold on!

Liv, grandma's here!

Liv: Wait, uh, grandma?

Ha, wait, but no you're...

(Liv gasps) Aunt Hilary?!

You guys pulled a twin switcheroo on another twin?

That's low.

Okay, honey, I know this looks bad.

Mom, you knew about this?!

- Maddie did too! - Mom!

Well, you did.

Uh, well, Liv, um... Grandma was worried that she wouldn't get here on time,

so she had aunt Hilary pretend to be her.

And it was going very well until Janice barged in here

and messed the whole thing up.

Maddie: Yeah, seriously, g-ma,

you couldn't of just, like, texted aunt Hilary

that it was time to switch back?

Because that is switcheroo 101.

Hey, give me a break!

I just spent 11 hours in a gutted 747 with a quart of water

that I had to share with a monkey.

Ah, now that's grandma Janice.

Liv, I'm sorry.

I know this is a big night for you and I really wanted to be here...

Even if I wasn't here.

Well, I mean, you know, if you did all this for me and not for Maddie,

I guess there really is just one conclusion to come to.

I'm grandma's favorite! (Chuckles)

Girls, I don't have favorites.

They sound like us. Remember, Hilary?

You always thought you were grandma's favorite.

- I was. - No, I was.

- (Liv giggles) - (Maddie snorts)

What a crazy pair.

Hey, um, grandma, now that you are really here,

do you think that you could present my award to me?, aww, I would love to.

Hold the phone!

I've got some business with this one.

I think I'm the one who suffered the most in this ordeal.

Someone needs to pay up.

Hilary, I told you to give him 20 bucks.

I was going to, but then I spent it on scratchers.

Respect.

Well, this backyard smells of failure and solitude.

Minions...

(Snaps) Let's be off.

Telescope: Comet apex in 10 seconds.

- Hey, Joey. - Of course.

I forgot my jacket.

Yeah, well, you may as well come take a look.

Come on.

Telescope: Comet apex is occurring.

I didn't even wear a jacket.

Come on, it's the lovers' comet.

We're back. Look at you two.

Aren't you an adorable couple?

(Whispers) Grandma, help me.

What do you mean? This comet is how I landed your grandfather.

- (Gasps) - (Hyperventilates)

Maddie: What a crazy pair.

(Boings)

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