Original subtitles

Synced and corrected By Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com

(Gasps)

What on earth?

Is that Joey's wallet?

- Joey! - (Vocalizing tune)

You bellowed, mother?

Why did you put your wallet in the toaster?

Because I dropped it in the toilet.

(Chuckles) How else am I supposed to dry it?

Oh.

Joey is very intelligent, he's acing college-level math,

but he has some blind spots...

cooking, cleaning and any basic life skill.

I mean, this is his toothbrush.

I buy him a new one every week.

What does he do?

Yes! It came!

The information packet I requested from California university of Los Gatos.

California? Well, I know you're starting to look at colleges,

but that's so far away.

Yeah, but they have one of the best video game design programs in the nation.

Hmm.

And also, Los Gatos is espanol for "the kitties."

Joey, do you think you're gonna be ready to just...

Go off on your own?

Mom, are you kidding?

I'm ready now.

- (Sizzling) - Oh! Ow! Ooh, my hand! My hand! My hand!

Ah! My heinie! My heinie! My heinie!

(Theme music plays)

Better in stereo

b... b... better in stereo

- I'm up with the sunshine

- Let's go

- I lace up my high tops

- Oh no

- slam dunk

- Ready or not

yeah, show me what you got

- I'm under the spotlight

- Holler

I dare you, come on and follow

you dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

when you say yea-ah-ah

I say no-oh-oh

when you say stop

all I want to do is go, go, go

you, you, the other half of me, me

the half I'll never be-e

the half that drives me crazy

you, you, the better half of me, me

the half I'll always need

but we both know

we're better in stereo

(Rock music plays)

- (Laughter) - Yay!

Okay. Yay! Yay!

What do we all think of our new song?

And before any of you answer, know that I totally think we crushed it,

and I will very much judge you harshly for not loving it equally.

I love it, and not just because you threatened me.

(Laughs) Okay.

I love it, too.

Oh, and Andie's bass, when she was like...

(Mimics bass playing)

Holden, you're a weirdo, but you're my weirdo.

Oh.

(Mimicking jet, gunfire)

Red team leader! Red team leader!

Stay on target! Stay on target!

Uh... I'm filming a movie here, people.

Move it or lose it!

Whoa. What's with the super cool camera?

Oh, the student film club is making a movie about evil robots,

and I happen to have recently built six.

So, I let them borrow my robots,

and they let me borrow a camera and this super cool steadicam vest.

I feel like mini iron man.

(Laughs) Whoa!

I just had a brain...

(Mimics explosion) ...Splosion.

We should use Parker and his new super cool camera

to help us shoot a music video for our new song!

No!

A multi-media music film experience.

Uhh...

Or we could also just do the first thing.

Let's just make a music video! Yay!

(Laughs) We can shoot it in my Uncle's old chalk factory.

He went belly up, but there was a time when,

if you played hopscotch in Wisconsin, you used my Uncle's chalk.

You know what? It's rude to brag.

Parker, will you film it for us?

I'll do it if Andie rebuilds my bike.

Sure, but what happened to it?

Oh, one of my robots tore it apart.

In hindsight, I probably should not have made all my robots evil.

Let's review the rules of engagement for the battle of space station X.

Aubrey, strike Artie in the neck.

What? Ow!

That is not a legal hit.

Then why'd you make her do it?

Because I hate your stupid neck.

Aubrey, strike him in his stupid kneecap.

Ow!

Also not a legal hit!

You know those really cool kids you see in the park, dressed up,

swinging foam swords at each other, looking awesome?

That's us, the Intergalactic Council of Ridgewood high.

You better recognize!

Oh. (Chuckles)

Hey, Intergalactic Council, looks like you are working up quite an appetite

with your dress-up games.

I know Liv and Maddie are gonna leave home before Joey,

but he isn't prepared for the world.

If I don't get him ready, he'll never survive on his own.

Do you know how long it took me

to get him to stop eating the wrapper on cheese?

You know what might be fun?

Learning how to boil water and make noodles!

No thanks, mom.

Tomorrow we're going up against the Intercosmic Federation of mid-city high...

And the fate of space station X hangs in the balance.

Artie, stop completing my sentences.

We don't want to make noodles...

- We want to make war! - Stop it!

Hey, Ro-bat, is it legal to poke someone in the eye?

Demonstrate and we'll see.

No. No. No. No. (Screams)

- What's up, little man? - Hey, Diggie.

Whoa. You finally cut your weird Tundrabanian hair-braidy thing.

It's called a Harskabuben...

And no, it got caught in a car door.

Oh, that's hilar-skabuben.

Hey, I know you broke up with Maddie,

but we can still do stuff together, right?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So do you want to help me make a video for...

no.

She's better off without you!

Hey. Who's better off without who?

Uh, I'm definitely not better off without you

helping me make a music video for your dear twin Liv.

What do you say? A little brother-sister time?

I have no one else. Please say yes.

(Laughs) Yeah, I'd love to.

Yes! Welcome aboard!

Hey, if you get bossy, I walk.

So, who wants to make a movie...

I do! I do! (Clears throat)

I do. Sign me up, little man.

Seriously? Why the change of heart?

(Scoffs) 'Cause you're my boy.

That seemed suspicious,

but I needed to move lighting equipment, and he had a car,

so one tall, mysterious doofus... check.

So, who else is signing up?

Let's see, we got you, me...

(Laughs) Maddie!

Look at that, Maddie signed up.

Wow. Cool. Totally unexpected.

So why don't we all get burritos and make a game plan.

I'll tell you what, I'll get my coat, you get Maddie. All right!

Harska-bingo! Mystery solved.

Diggie misses Maddie and wants to use

my film crew as an excuse to hang out with her.

Oh! Good! Hi. You're still here.

Um, I can't help you with your video.

I just remembered that I committed to teach

kindergarteners how to play basketball,

and I think I technically could've gotten out of it,

but if you ditch little kids, people judge you.

Do I tell Diggie Maddie was out?

Come on. You know me better than that.

All right, let's do this.

- Where's Maddie? - Oh, Maddie can't, uh...

Make it to burritos,

but she'll totally catch up with us later.

Really? You sure?

Trust me, I'm your boy.

(Squeals)

Oh, your Uncle's factory is so awesome.

Let's start talking video ideas.

Ready, set, brainstorm.

Okay, I have the perfect idea for our video.

Extreme water sports.

It's the dream to extreme!

How am I supposed to play the bass on a jet ski?

To the extreme!

Is that gonna be your answer for everything?

To the extreme!

Okay, you went first, so that's hard.

How about this? In outer space, the only sound is rock 'n' roll.

We hook ourselves to wires

and do the entire video like we're in zero gravity.

Sweet, huh?

(Chuckles)

Yeah, so see, as a former space werewolf,

I think space is a little been there, orbited that. You know?

But here is an idea that never goes out of style.

Dang it! Wrong one.

May I present to you...

Love.

May I present to you...

Hate.

(Chuckles) Okay.

I thought this was an open forum for ideas.

It is, it is, except when the ideas are terrible!

Unlike mine...

The power of music.

That looks like an ad for a dentist's office.

(Both laughing)

Why? Because it's not...

(Mockingly) To the extreme!

(Laughs)

Are you making fun of me? 'Cause that'd be the biggest mistake you ever made.

Oh. Okay. Guys, guys, guys.

Calm down, all right? Both of your terrible ideas

are still better than Liv's.

- Yeah. - (Gasps)

I will erase your giant mouth!

Whoa, hold on! No, you won't.

(Chattering)

Okay, guys, the Intercosmic Federation will attack at any moment.

Intergalactic Council...

Prepare for war!

Stop doing that.

- Should I hit him in the neck? - I won't stop you.

Ow!

Never fear, Tristan Lycanth is here.

I realized that the only way to teach Joey the life skills he needs

was to do it in a language he could understand.

And let's be honest, my boy speaks fluent geek.

Mom, what are you doing?

Joining you in your fight for space station X!

- (Giggles) - Uh, that's great,

but this battle takes place in the Nebulon galaxy where...

- Nothing over 40 lives. - (Scoffs)

Well, you know what does live?

Pesky body odor in a polyester space outfit.

It's a good thing I brought my stain stick. Arms up.

Let's learn how to pretreat these pits.

Mom, quit it!

- Hm-mmm. - (Fanfare)

Aubrey: The Intercosmic Federation approaches!

Ready your weapons.

Could you...?

- (Beeps) - (Distorted) Ready your weapons.

(Giggles)

No, no. No, no, no. You just stay back here where you'll be safe

and where I will be less embarrassed.

- Die, Intercosmic scum! - (Yelling)

- (Screaming) - Karen: Wait!

Karen: Wait! Wait!

- Wait! - (Continues screaming)

(Chuckles, growls)

Wouldn't it be better to settle this disagreement

by talking it out like mature adults?

(Whining) Mom, you're ruining our battle.

Oh, I don't think so. I don't think so. No.

We are gonna use our words.

Ro-bat, what do you have to say to...

To sky zombie?

- Sky zombie, you're not my enemy. - Karen: Yes.

- I don't want to fight you. - That's a real good start, Joey.

- I want to fight her. - What?

- Attack! - No!

- (Kids yelling) - Always clean behind your ears! No!

Wait!

Don't you dare erase my giant mouth!

- I forbid it. - (Guffaws) You forbid it?

Okay, you are about one foot too short to be my dad, Dippledorf.

Liv, if you touch his board, I'll erase Willow's.

- (Gasps) Mine? Why? - Because it's so dumb, it makes me mad.

- My mom says that I'm still growing, - (Scoffs)

Nobody cares, Holden. Nobody cares.

(All shouting)

(Screeching)

You all know me.

I can help you make this video, but...

You're rowing one boat

(Emphatically) In four different directions.

Get your band in order.

In the meantime, Diggie and I are going for pancakes!

(Grunts)

'Cause Maddie's gonna be there too, right?

Yeah. She'll meet us there... probably.

- Bring your wallet, kid. - Okay.

You know what? Making a video was a bad idea.

Yeah. Maybe we aren't meant to be in a band if we can't work together.

Let's face it: The dream is dead.

Okay, wait. (Chuckles)

You guys don't really think that we're

better off apart than we are together, right?

Yup. I'm going home to play the drums by myself.

Really? Do you wanna know what that sounds like?

(Clears throat) This is just Willow.

(Drums playing)

Here is just... Andie.

(Bass playing)

And this is just Holden.

I love froyo, oh, oh, oh

- I love froyo

- (Nervous laughter)

(Clears throat)

It's the wrong song.

This is just Holden.

- (Guitar playing) - (Sighs)

And here is all of us... together.

Say hey, hey, hey

we're gonna make a change tonight

just dance your fears away

say hey, hey, hey

who cares if we are wrong or right?

- We're living for...

- (Chuckles)

You're right, Liv. We're better together.

And we're gonna stay together.

- (Chuckles) - Yeah. I mean, all we need to do

is come up with a new idea that we all love.

(Clapping)

And the baby takes its first steps.

Now get to work!

- (Screeches) - Oh God!

Ooh!

Hey, mom.

Look, things got carried away in the heat of the battle today,

and I am sorry for space-slaughtering you.

Mmm. That's okay. I had it coming.

I should've known you didn't need any help.

So, as it turns out, I destroyed my mother's soul.

Ro-bat is the savior of souls, not the destroyer.

That is captain soul destroyer.

Look, mom, I wanna say something,

but I do not want you to take it the wrong way,

so I'm gonna say it while hugging.

Come here. (Sighs)

Oh. This is nice.

Good. I'm gonna need you in a place where you can hear me.

You are driving me crazy.

Back up off my grill, you helicopter hovering whackadoo.

I'm sorry.

I've just been worried about you going off to college.

I haven't prepared you for the world!

Mom, you don't have to worry about preparing me for the world.

You have to worry about preparing the world for me.

I'm an unstoppable force.

You are, and I love you for it.

(Chuckles) But your shirt is on inside out.

Dang it!

Hey, what do we have this green wall for?

Hey, you guys came up with the plan for the video.

If you want special effects, you need a green screen.

Now march down to the car and help Liv and Willow get the rest of it!

(Amplified) I need it here yesterday!

You're kind of a... frosty little dude, aren't ya?

You're not the first person to say that.

(Grunts) Hey, I'm so glad you guys are here.

Do you just mind helping me with one or two of these...

Of these...

That's fine. I got it.

Whoo!

Okay. (Exasperated sigh)

Do we really need all this gear?

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Do you know why?

(Amplified) Because someone hasn't set up the speakers yet!

Usually, I'd be nervous about yelling at someone that big,

but Diggie's got it pretty bad for Maddie, so I will treat him as I choose.

Okay, where are the speakers?

Probably next to the giant speakers right behind you.

(Amplified) Chop-chop!

(Phone rings)

Hey, 'sup, lil bro?

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry

that I couldn't help you with your video.

What? I mean... I mean, bye, ma...

I mean mark, my friend mark with the girl voice.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, what are the odds that you bought that?

Probably about the same as you not getting a wedgie right now.

No, okay, just hear me out. I...

Parker!

Ladies and gentlemen, in my hand,

- I hold... - It's the music video!

- I am so excited! - Hey!

I had a whole speech prepared about my cinematic influences...

shh, shh, shh! Parker, it's starting.

(Rock music playing)

I tried on my own

I thought I'd get there

around and round

but I was only getting nowhere

then you came along

and gave me something

something that I could believe in, trust in

and I won't go back again

as long as I have you

I can live like there's nothing left to lose

you unbreak every fracture in my heart

nothing in this world could ever tear this love apart

they say you gotta take the good with the bad

I'll take it all as long as I have

you...

As long as I have you...

And I realize now

I'm better with you

you got here right on time

yeah, you were my breakthrough

you are my breakthrough

as long as I have you

I can live like there's nothing left to lose

you unbreak every fracture in my heart

nothing in this world could ever tear this love apart

whoa, they say you've gotta take the good with the bad

I'll take it all as long as I have

you...

As long as I have you...

- Yes! - (Laughs)

- That was awesome! - Thank you, Parker.

So... (Clears throat) As I was saying, my earliest cinematic influences were...

You wanna watch it again?

- Yeah! - Yes!

(Knocks on door)

- Hey, Diggie. - Parker.

- I got your apology text. - Good. I feel terrible.

I see you also got the text I sent

about how Maddie wants you to come to the back door with a pizza.

- Yeah, so where is she? - Oh, here's the thing:

She just left for a run.

But if you hurry, you can catch her.

- Really? Wow. Okay, thank you. - Oh, wait.

Do you want me to hold the pizza so it doesn't slow you down?

You really are my boy.

Ah, poor, lovesick doofus.

- Hey, do I smell pizza? - Yeah, you do.

I got it for you. You want a slice?

(Sighs) You know what, Parker?

Who needs a boyfriend when I got a brother like you?

(Laughs) Aw.

Willow: To the extreme!

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