Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com

Um... ahem!

Hey, Willow.

You, uh, catching butterflies?

Nope. Catching Joeys.

And when I nab him, I'm asking him to prom.

Okay, but if you catch him in a net, isn't that really, like, not asking him?

We have a complicated relationship.

So, uh, who are you going with?

My microphone.

I'm performing a song at prom, so...

No way! That's so cool!

Thank you. Yeah. I'm still writing it, though,

so I just feel like having a date would be a distraction.

I got you, Joey!

Sorry, Jeffrey.

Move along. Move along.

Okay, Willow... Willow. Will... You can't just throw a net around

and expect to catch a guy you like.

Nice welcome for the new kid.

Holden!

Holden Dippledorf is my super-cute neighbor who goes to a different school.

Because if I didn't, you should know that he's super cute.

(Laughs nervously) I'm sorry.

Um, Willow, this is my neighbor Holden.

He is super cu... cool.

Nice to meet you, super cu... ool Holden.

Um, so, what are you doing at Ridgewood?

Oh, well, my boarding school was built over an old copper mine,

which is now a new sinkhole.

With a boarding school in it.

Ah, you're going to... you're going to Ridgewood now!

Ha ha! You're gonna be with me every... you're gonna be with us every day.

(Laughs nervously) Well... Yeah, so, um...

I have to check in at the office, which is...

- Oh, it's that way. - This way.

- This way - That way.

- It's this way. - Okay.

Bye!

(Sighs)

What?

You like him!

No, I don't.

Whoa, is that Joey?

He's mine!

Better in stereo

B-b-better in stereo

I'm up with the sunshine

I lace up my high-tops

Slam dunk, ready or not

Yeah, show me what you got

I'm under the spotlight

I dare you, come on and follow

You dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

When you say yeah, I'll say no

When you say stop

All I do is go, go, go

You, you, the other half of me, me

The half I'll never be-e

The half that drives me crazy

You, you, the better half of me, me

The half I'll always need

And we both know

We're better in stereo

Hey, Joey, I have an idea I think you gonna like.

It's about our swan boat.

I have no interest in that worthless piece of whimsical pine.

Last new year's, Parker and I got our very own swan boat.

But it was winter,

so instead of this...

We got this.

Lost a toe that night.

Down to ten, just like everybody else.

No, hear me out.

We soup-up Swanny with tires and an engine,

and we'll have an amphibious swan boat for all seasons.

Honk if you love swan boats.

Honk! Honk!

Did you just leave me hanging with a solo honk?

I'm sorry, Parker.

I just can't look at the swan boat anymore.

The day the pedals broke off and we had to use my underpants as a sail,

the dream died.

I'm just not a honk man anymore, Bud.

Mark my words, you will honk again!

Mom, Joey won't honk with me!

I am helping Maddie pick out her prom dress.

Mom, I'm not going to prom.

I mean, you can't go without a date,

and it's not like I'm gonna go with anyone else at our school.

Well...

Momma found a way for you to go.

I get it.

Time to lint-roll my tux.

Actually, I invited cousin Craig to be your date.

You did what?

Okay, no.

Mom, there is no way that I'm going to the prom with crusty Craig.

Why do you call him crusty Craig?

Do you think there's a good reason to be called crusty?

That I am letting my daughter miss her prom.

Crusty... Craig is coming all the way from Muncie, Indiana.

I am your mother, you are going, and that is that!

Now, let's talk about these dresses.

Well, the blue works with her skin tone, but I'd wear a wrap with it.

Something understated.

I live with too many girls.

Hey, Liv.

Thanks for showing me around yesterday.

Oh. Yeah. (Chuckles)

I mean, once you know which water fountains spray up your nose,

Ridgewood's pretty much a cakewalk.

A friendly face doesn't hurt, either.

(Grunting)

Art sculpture coming through!

(Grunting)

Hey!

Andie, this is Holden. He is super cu...

he's new. He's super new here.

Your art project reminds me of a Sebastian Oliver sculpture.

Thanks! Oliver's my favorite.

Seriously? Mine, too.

Hey, you should help us out on the prom decorating committee.

Come on, Holden.

Get involved with your new school.

Come on, Holden. Get involved with me.

(Laughs)

I don't know. Uh, let me check my schedule.

Yep, that's what I thought. Completely empty,

since I know absolutely nobody else.

(Giggles)

Cool.

Lonely boy is in.

Great. Well, we meet after school tomorrow.

And, hey, if you don't show up, I know where you live. Ha ha.

Move it or lose it, people!

Joey!

So, Craig should be here any minute.

I made some "momma's sorry" cookies to apologize.

Um, by "made" did you mean "opened the bag?"

You know, aunt Melanie said

that Craig sort of reinvented himself this summer.

(Doorbell rings)

- Oh. - Oh. Yeah.

You're probably right.

I mean, how bad could Craig possibly be?

Behold my arrival!

(Clears throat) Craig.

I haven't been Craig since I went to magic camp.

Now I am known as krahgg the insidious.

With my trusty companion Manolo the crow.

Illusion!

Where's my crow?

(Crow cawing)

(Gasps) Manolo!

This is a strange neighborhood!

And it just got stranger.

Well, this is awkward.

Or is it...

Amazing?

Nope, it's awkward.

Krahgg the insidious will break free and blow your minds!

In just one more minute.

Craig, it's been, like, 15 minutes.

It's krahgg.

All right, I've had just about enough of this.

(Clears throat)

Illusion!

Hey, what are the rules?

Can you punch a cousin or is it just brothers and evil clowns?

I have your "baaahg," krahgg.

Do not peek!

It holds the tools of my trade.

The dark art of magic!

Ha ha ha ha!

I am levitating as we speak!

It's just you're not, though.

Really?

What if I'm levitating the house and all it contains with me

so you just can't tell?

With crazy Craig by Maddie's side at the prom,

no other boy's gonna want to get near her.

Craig's my boy.

It's pronounced Kra... (Coughs)

Sorry, it's just too much smoke.

(Coughs) It's krahgg...

(Coughs) The insidious.

Greetings, cousins!

Which one of you has the courage to step into my box and disappear...

Into the great beyond?

Sounds dumb.

I just came to get grapes.

(Gasps) Joey! There you are!

Krahgg, make me disappear!

Aw, come on!

Joey, quit goofing around.

Illusion!

Illusion!

Joey!

(Sing-song) Uh, hey, Willow. What's happening?

Um, I was wondering if you'd accompany me to the prom?

I got the tickets, the dress and enough love in my heart for us both.

Uh... Uh...

This tension is insidious.

Like I, krahgg...

oh, stuff it, creep boy!

I'm waiting, Joey.

Sorry, Willow, Joey's already got plans.

- Aw, he does? - I does?

- You doos. - I doos.

He promised he'd help me soup up our swan boat,

and the only night we can do it is prom night.

Darn our busy social schedules.

Wait, you're fixing up a swan boat?

Yeah, yeah.

That's what we're doing.

'Cause we love swan boats so much, right, bro?

- Honk! Honk! Honk! - Honk! Honk! Honk!

Called it.

Once a honker, always a honker.

Hmm!

Hey!

Thank you so much for helping out.

They say you don't really, like, know someone

until you've decorated a magical kingdom together.

My pleasure.

Hey, I hear you're singing a song at prom.

Yeah. Yes, I am.

Um, I'm actually still in the process of writing it,

but I think I know what I want it to be about.

It's not about a new guy at school you can't stop thinking about, is it?

(Laughs) No!

(Laughs) Yes.

Yo, tape me.

Whoa!

Nice catch.

When you have five brothers who throw things at you,

it's not really a catch as much as a defense mechanism.

(Both laugh)

What?

Why are there chandeliers where my basketball hoop used to be?

I need to shoot this ball!

(Clears throat) Maddie, are you okay?

Yeah. No, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to blow off some...

"Diggie's in the arctic circle, so I have to go to the prom

with my cousin and the crow who lives in his coat" steam.

(Chuckles)

Hey, Maddie... excuse me for a minute.

Liv, we have to trim the curtain by the entrance.

- Scissor me? - Oh. Yeah. Yes.

Here you go.

Okay, bye! (Laughs nervously)

(Sing-song) Livy's got a boyfriend!

And laugh like I just said something really funny.

(Both laugh)

Do you think he likes me?

I think you like him or else I wouldn't have said

(Sing-song) "Livy's got a boyfriend!"

Stop it!

Okay, so what's the plan?

Are you gonna, like, ask him to prom and junk?

What? No. Maddie, that's a terrible plan.

No, my plan is already set in motion.

I've introduced him to Andie.

Next, I will ask her to fish around and see if he digs me,

and if he does, she will tell him that the digging is mutual,

and then boom, prom! It's really quite simple.

Okay. Or, you know, you could just seize the moment and go ask him yourself.

I mean, isn't that always what you tell me to do?

Well, yeah, I know, but this is different.

I mean, these are my feelings. It's, like, way scarier.

(Snorts) Okay, Liv, there is nothing to be scared of.

Believe me it's quite obvious that he's really into you.

Just go tell him you want to go to prom.

Okay, yeah, I know, you're right.

I don't know why I'm being so silly.

I'm just gonna go ask him.

I'm going to the prom with Holden!

(Squealing)

(Clears throat)

What was that?

I'm trying to do the "excited girl" squeal, but I've never done it before.

Sorry.

Wow.

Wow. Andie.

Oh, this is so big.

You're going to the prom with Holden.

Wow. How did that... how did that happen?

I just asked him, you know?

I like him, so I seized the moment.

Just like you always say.

Yes! That's me! I'm a moment seizer!

Thank you for introducing me, Liv.

I'm going to the prom with Holden!

(Sing-song) Andie's got a boyfriend!

(Laughs)

Ha ha.

(Sad sing-song) Andie's got a boyfriend!

There's my beautiful girl.

Oh! We can't wait to see you perform at the prom tonight.

Are you excited?

Yes, I am, yes I am, yes, I am

No, I'm not, no, I'm not, no, I'm not

(Doorbell rings)

- (Gasps) - Liv, help!

My brother styled me for the prom.

Wow. You look so, um...

What did he do to your hair?

We didn't have a flat iron, so they used a waffle iron.

Uh, yes. Yeah, there's a...

Little piece of waffle right there.

Honest answer.

Do you think Holden's gonna hate this?

Well...

Stop looking at me like that!

Of course I'm gonna fix her.

Don't worry. You are in the hands of a master.

You know, I actually fixed my mom,

and she used to match her lipstick to her purse.

The purse was blue. It was a bad time.

Aw, there's my beaut...

- stop. - Uh-huh.

Come on, krahgg!

Press "play!"

(Dramatic music playing)

Feast your eyes upon my dark essence!

(Liv laughs)

Wow. Craig, that's...

oh, no, it's krahgg now.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not doing it.

That's a really unique look for, uh, for the prom.

Looks like, ooh, something out of a nightmare.

As a practitioner of the fantastical, I take that as high praise.

All right.

Uh, come on. Let's go get you fixed up for prom.

What... really?

I think she looks great.

Liv, fix me!

Now, let's be off!

Shall we go by car...

Or by illusion?

Watch as I disappear!

Krahgg, honey, we can still see you.

You see nothing!

Next we welcome Holden and Andie!

(Applause)

Holden's the new kid, and Andie's a world-class spot welder.

Wow! Andie, you look great!

Thanks. It was Liv's idea to fix the dress

and get the waffle gunk out of my hair.

She has great fashion sense.

And now let's welcome Maddie and krahgg the insidious!

(Applause)

She's my daughter.

He's... Related only by marriage.

All right, so we are here now.

Let's just try and keep a low profile.

Attention, Ridgewood!

I am going to levitate my body in the air by mystical means!

What? Okay, no!

Okay, krahgg, please do not do this.

You really don't want everyone making fun of you.

The doubters always doubt.

Okay.

(Exhales)

Illusion!

Ha ha ha ha!

(Crowd gasps, applause)

Oh, you're doing it!

You did it!

That's my cousin!

Bam! What the what?

Remember my name!

I am krahgg...

ow!

Avert your eyes or feel my wrath!

Hey! Hey! Come on! Stop recording!

That guy's recording!

That's not cool, guy.

You know, I know I only said I would do this

to get out of going to prom with Willow, but I'm actually having fun.

There's my little man!

Willow, what are you doing here?

I figured if we can't go to the prom together, we could "not" go together.

So...

I'm here to help fix Swanny.

Well, you good with a wrench?

Nothing fits better in my hand...

Except Joey's hand.

Oh, no.

(Wrench clicking)

Have fun, kids!

Willow, don't keep him out too late.

Once upon a time, our daughter Liv wrote a song called "true love."

(Applause)

(Song playing)

If I could do it all over

maybe I'd do it different

maybe I wouldn't be here in this position

I found you and I lost you

looking back is torture

and it hurts to know I let you go

you live right around the corner

and I could have had it all, could have had it all

true love, I know I had it

true love was so hard to find

true love, if I could get it back

I'd never let it go this time

if I knew then what I do now

I'd be with you tonight

if I knew then what I do now

we'd be all right

I could have had it all, could have had it all

could have had it all, could have had it all

true love

I know I had it

true love was so hard to find

I could have had it all

if I could get it back, I'd never let it go this time

I'd never let it go

true love is an inspiration

true love, it was mine all mine

true love, yeah

if I could get it back, I'd never let it go this time

I'd never let it go

this time

true love

(Applause)

Thank you.

Whoo!

Thank you, Liv.

And a special thank you to the Ridgewood ballroom dancing club

for making the rest of us look bad.

I packed you some snacks and crow food for the bus.

Krahgg the insidious would like to thank you for a magical three days.

Yeah. No problem.

It was definitely...

An interesting experience for us as well.

And auntie Karen says you're super excited

to escort me to my prom in two weeks.

You... to your prom? Mom?

Uh...

Well...

Mom?

You see...

Illusion!

(Coughs)

Wha...

(Laughs)

Now that's insidious.

Parker and Joey: Honk! Honk!

(Boing)

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