Original subtitles

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And turn. And turn.

- And turn. And turn. - And stop.

Liv, I'm not your personal supermodel.

Oh, Maddie, I never said you were.

You are my 3-d mirror.

(Scoffs) Okay.

Well, your 3D mirror is about to quit.

I have a big game against the grizzlies this week

and these feet need to be on a basketball court.

- So... - Ah! Need I remind you

that this little fashion sesh is payback

for you tossing my favorite cashmere sweater in the laundry.

(Chuckles) Okay.

Why do girls get so excited about shoes?

I mean, they're just things to put on your feet

so that if you step in dog poop you don't get hookworm.

(Both gasp)

Maddie, the right pair of heels can make a girl feel magical.

And her mother when she borrows them.

Stop.

Why are you dragging tree branches through the house?

Going through the house instead of around

gets us to the wood chipper 27 steps faster.

Plus we can stop in the kitchen for a nice, cold glass of lemonade.

Right. It also creates a trail of leaves for someone to clean up later.

Both: Oh.

(Clears throat) Okay, well, let's... let's wrap this up.

Come on, Maddie, there's not even a little part of you that's enjoying this?

Oh, hold on, Liv. Let me check real quick.

Um... no.

Seriously?

Okay, you can't wear sneakers for the rest of your life, Maddie.

You know what... you need to tap into your inner sparkle.

Feast your four eyes... on these! - (Hyperventilating)

(Exhales) I have found the perfect pumps.

Oh! It's as if you were walking around in a bowl of high-fashion pudding.

Okay, okay, enough.

I will try them on.

(Clears throat)

Okay, just be careful, 'cause if you stretch 'em I can't wear 'em.

You guys have ten seconds.

Look quick.

10, 9, 8...

(twinkling)

(Sighs)

Whoa, mama.

Hello, inner sparkle.

I love these shoes. (Laughs)

I hate these shoes.

Well, you can lead a tomboy to designer shoes but you can't make her shimmer.

(Theme music plays)

Better in stereo

b... b... better in stereo

- I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go

- I lace up my high tops - Oh no

- slam dunk - Ready or not

yeah, show me what you got

- I'm under the spotlight - Holler

I dare you, come on and follow

you dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

when you say yea-ah-ah

I say no-oh-oh

when you say stop

all I want to do is go, go, go

you, you, the other half of me, me

the half I'll never be-e

the half that drives me crazy

you, you, the better half of me, me

the half I'll always need

but we both know

we're better in stereo.

Here you go, Mrs. Rooney.

I baked fresh muffins.

My buddy Evan is the perfect houseguest.

He makes his bed. He gets the paper.

He bakes fresh muffins.

He's just so thoughtful,

and does it all with a smile on that sweet, freckly face.

He's really making me look bad.

Well, thank you, Evan.

I am not used to all this attention.

Ahem.

Bless you?

I really appreciate you letting me stay here while my mom's at a convention.

Why don't you take a few minutes for yourself and I'll clean up here?

You are like a dream.

Parker, you could learn a little something from your friend.

Dude, we gotta talk.

Great! My mom says talking is the best way to unburden your soul.

I totally get you're trying to be helpful, but the more you do for my mom,

the more she'll expect from me.

I got a good thing going here.

And I don't need you waltzing in and ruining it!

My mom says being helpful is a ray of light

I can just shine on our happy home.

Not true.

The goal is to get out of chores.

Pfft.

Parker, you're hilarious.

Oh, wait, you're serious?

If your parents think that you're not capable of doing anything,

you'll never have to do another chore again.

(Gasps)

Does such a world exist?!

It does.

Let me show you a way.

A better way.

The Parker way.

C-plus?

In gym?

Dad.

Ha! Loving father man who wears the whistle.

If I don't keep my perfect G.P.A., I will never be valedictorian.

And I have been talking a lot of smack in robotics club.

So has the smack-talking robot I built.

Sorry, son, but I had to mark you down

because you didn't finish your shuttle run in under 35 seconds.

35 seconds? Daddy, that's impossible.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Diggie.

We're go for shuttle run.

Timer starts now.

If you want, I can give you a retest,

but you're only going to get one shot at it.

Joey: You're telling me the only way I'm going to be valedictorian

is if I scurry across the gym floor like a jock-roach.

I don't make the rules, son.

I just blow the whistle.

Also, I teach health class.

So if you have any questions about your changing body,

my door is always open.

Yeah, let's keep that door closed.

Done!

Nice shuttle run, Diggie.

28.7 seconds.

I don't think any less of you, son.

Hey!

Diggie.

My favorite varsity athlete

and the only one who has never purpled my nurples.

I need a favor.

I need to do the shuttle run in under 35 seconds.

Oh, so you want me to train you?

- I'd be happy to. - Actually, I was thinking you'd do it for me.

I'd give you some glasses.

Some fancy tube socks.

Joey, no offense, but no one's going to believe that I'm you.

You know what... you're right.

Why did I have to be born so handsome?

Oh, hey.

Heard you weren't feeling very well.

Oh, yeah. Must be a bug or something.

Mm, well, I hope you'll be okay for the game against the grizzlies tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure I'll be fine after a good night's sleep.

Mm-hmm. Can I get you some ginger ale?

Or some crackers?

Um, no, I'm... I'm fine.

I'm also over here.

What are you looking for?

Oh! (Chuckles)

A fever.

Aww!

Hey, mom. Mom.

Hmm?

You're looking for Liv's perfect pumps, aren't you?

What? No.

No, I... I can't stop thinking about them.

I want to slip 'em on.

Even just a toe. I just need a taste.

Mm, yeah, well, they're actually not in here.

I just saw Liv coming and looking for them.

So if I see them, I will let you know.

But... hey, mom. In the meantime,

you might want to slip on a size 10 dose of dignity.

You're right.

I don't know what's gotten into me.

If you tell Liv I was here, and you will be...

what's wrong with me?

Hi, girls.

I just lied to my mom.

About shoes.

(Twinkling)

Ha! And I don't even care.

And this is my locker.

(Gasps) Hide, girls.

Oh, hi, Maddie.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

What? Oh. Yeah. (Coughs)

Way better.

Um... Oh, wow. You know what... I hear two students

trying to work through an emotional issue around the corner.

I'm coming. Make way.

Therapist coming through!

Rooney.

What happened to you yesterday?

We were supposed to meet for fro-yo.

You didn't show-yo.

Had to get it to go-yo.

Uh, yeah. Didn't you get my text?

Well, yeah, but... "can't come. Got a thing."

Is not all that informative.

Did you get taller?

No. Yes. Maybe.

(Stammers) Maybe you're taller.

Hey, guys.

Maddie, you look different.

Maybe you're taller!

Okay...

Okay, that was weird, right?

I know weird, and that was it.

But she's been acting weird all day.

She even skipped her morning workout.

That's so not like her.

Wait, how would you know? She works out at 5:00 A.M.

I was up doing the drills you taught me for my shuttle run retest. Ally?

Nope. I was up reading a book about dragons.

- Hey, Joey. - Willow!

(Screams)

Wow. I've never seen him run before.

That's weird. I only see him run.

Okay, when my mom comes in, what are we going to do?

Lower her expectations.

Exactly.

Get ready to experience the Parker way in action.

- Hey, Mrs. Rooney. - Oh.

I know you have a lot to do around here.

So I unloaded the dishwasher for you.

Well, thank you, Evan.

Oh, but those dishes were dirty.

They seemed a little crusty.

But I'm not here to judge how you keep house, ma'am.

Sorry, Mrs. Rooney.

Let me help you.

(Gasps)

Oops.

Come on, Evan.

Be a little more careful.

Oops.

Looks like I caught the clumsies from Evan.

Boys, please stop.

I feel terrible, Mrs. Rooney.

Let me get the broom and help clean up.

No no no. Do not help.

I will take care of this myself.

(Sighs)

What's the way?

The Parker way.

Has anybody seen Maddie?

Our game starts in two minutes.

Maddie's not here?

She's never missed a game.

Wait, if Maddie doesn't show, that means I have to play.

That can't happen, man.

During the game is when I get my homework done.

Maddie was acting really weird today.

And did she get taller?

Taller? (Laughs)

Like how much taller? Like 2 1/2 inches taller?

Yeah, something like that.

She just seemed different.

She giggled. Maddie doesn't giggle.

She snorts.

It's like she had some kind of inner sparkle, man.

(Gasps)

The shoes.

Um, I think I know where she might be.

So I will just go get her.

Yeah. (Laughs)

See if you can get them to hold curtain.

Wow, that girl really doesn't get sports.

All right, stains. You're in.

Fine.

I didn't think I was going to play today.

Maddie.

(Thumping dance music playing)

(Gasps)

Hey, Liv. (Laughs)

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm here to take you back to the game.

But what is all of this?

Oh, you were so right.

I love these shoes! (Imitates explosion)

Oh! (Laughs)

Well, okay, we can talk about that later.

Just kick those off and we will get you back to the game.

Pfft. I'm not going back to that game.

(Gasps)

Who are you?

I am a shoe-loving sparkly girl.

(Mouths)

Do you want to play supermodel with me?

Yeah.

Of course I do.

(Both murmuring, humming tune)

No no no no.

This... this is wrong.

Maddie was out of control.

Whew, this was a much bigger job than I thought it was going to be.

And I was definitely going to need backup.

But first...

Okay, one minute.

Yes.

(Singing indistinctly)

Are you sure we can't help you with something, mom?

Oh, no. You boys just sit here and do not lift a finger.

You might break one of them too.

I am going to do some yard work.

You're the boss.

Mission accomplished.

The Parker way.

(Both gasp)

(Chine starts)

It's beautiful.

Um, what are you doing, Mrs. Rooney?

Oh, you know, just jamming these big branches

into this hundred-horsepower monster

with 40 razor-sharp stainless steel teeth.

(Grinding, loud boom)

Both: Whoa!

(Machine shuts off)

No way. Can we help?

Oh, sweetie, if I can't trust you to carry your plate to the sink,

then I sure can't trust you around this bad boy.

Seriously?

But there is nothing I've ever wanted to do more.

You know, now that I think about it, I'm pulling you out of karate

and I'm putting the training wheels back on your bike.

But the good news is... bought you some crayons and safety scissors.

They're inside. You want uppy?

Nice work, Parker.

We got ourselves out of that one.

(Gasps) Sweet!

It's the 64 pack.

It has a sharpener built into the box.

Oh, wait. Your mom took that out.

(Grinding, loud boom)

Karen: Yeah, baby!

Man, that sounds like fun.

More fun than all this?

(Gasps)

Burnt sienna.

(Grinding, loud boom) - Whoo-hoo!

I can't believe she's not letting us help.

Exactly.

Thanks to you, she'll never let us do stuff like that again.

Can a brother get a fist bump?

So if I don't ever do anything, I don't ever get to do anything?

It was my understanding that was the primary message of the Parker way.

Well, perhaps the Parker way is misguided.

Would fresh-baked muffins make this better?

Certainly couldn't hurt.

All right, Joey. You got this.

Inside this scrawny, un-athletic, muscle-free sack of bones

is a natural-born shuttle runner.

That means a lot coming from you.

But it's useless.

There is no way I can do this in 35 seconds.

I can kiss valedictorian a good-bye.

Dude, it's going to be okay.

Just trust your instincts.

And know that the dig-man still has a couple tricks up his sleeve.

Also, you might want to tie your shoe.

Ah, pfft. Yeah. (Chuckles)

All right, Joey.

You get one last shot to pass your shuttle run.

Okay.

But before we do this... question.

- Go! - Okay.

- (Screams) - No!

- (Screams) - Gross!

Run, Joey, run!

Joey, you want to go to prom?

No no no no no!

(Beeps)

25.4. That's a new school record.

My son's a jock.

My son's a jock!

Yeah.

Thanks, Diggie. Couldn't have done it without you.

Congratulations, little man.

Thanks.

I'm too tired to run away.

I know.

Okay, so we are all here for Maddie's intervention.

- (Crunching loudly) - It is very important that we make her feel

like she's walking into a room that is safe,

and loving, and supportive and... stains!

I am going to slap that bag out of your hands.

Why did you put them out if you don't want anyone to eat them?

All: Hey...!

(High-pitched) Hey.

Hey.

What are you guys doing here?

And why are you all staring at me?

And why did willow just lock the front door?

Yeah, why did she?

It's making me nervous.

Maddie, we are all here to talk to you about your problem.

(Scoffs) What pro... I don't have a problem.

Yeah, you do.

You're obsessed with those shoes.

I am not obsessed.

They're just my new best friends

and the only things in the world that matter.

You used to tell me how you hated high heels.

Have our Sunday afternoon empowerment walk means nothing?!

Okay.

So I used to not like them and now I do.

I mean, a girl has the right to change her mind

and also tell her friends and family

that they are annoying and should stop bothering her.

I mean, Liv, you were the one who told me to embrace my inner sparkle.

I did, but I was wrong.

I mean, Maddie, now your priorities are all out of whack.

You missed a game.

Yeah, man. I had to play.

I made a basket... for the other team.

And what about our fro-yo date?

Mads, it was two-for-one toppings night.

And I hate that you're taller than me.

There. I said it.

And I passed the shuttle run.

Not relevant to what we're talking about, but I'm just so proud of myself.

Okay, guys, it's just a pair of... wait, hold on. You passed?

You know what? I can take these off whenever I want to.

Ha!

Okay, then do it.

Well, I said that I can take them off whenever I want to,

and I just don't want to right now.

So... (Clears throat)

Deal with it.

Oh, we will. Now!

- (Stammering) - Diggie, grab her legs.

Oh!

Put me down!

Wha... my shoes!

(Grumbles)

Liv, give me back my shoes.

Ooh! Muffins.

Don't mind if I do.

- Liv, no! - (Machine starts)

Don't punish the pumps.

Oh, believe me, Maddie.

This is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you.

Oh... (Scoffs) Wait, what am I saying?

Like there's any way in the universe

that Liv Rooney would destroy the perfect pair of...

(grinding, loud boom)

No!

(Shuts off machine)

It's over now.

- (Gasps) - It's going to start to get better.

But this is so hard.

And my feet are... So cold.

I have a couple of old friends who want to say hi.

Oh.

Thank you.

(Chuckles) Wow.

I don't know what came over me.

Well, Maddie, you tapped into your inner sparkle.

Yeah, man. It happens to all of us.

Luckily, you have a sister to guide you through all things sparkly.

So we will start slow.

Okay, this is strawberry lip gloss.

Don't eat it.

(Mouths)

Here you go, mom.

Florida oranges, freshly squeezed, chilled glass.

I'll go start on the croissants.

Thank you, sweetie.

I don't know what's gotten into you, but I like it.

Well, I'm on my way home, Mrs. Rooney.

Evan... I cannot thank you enough.

Our plan worked perfectly.

You did a brilliant job of helping me reprogram Parker.

Mrs. Rooney had a problem.

Parker was using the Parker way to get out of all of his chores.

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