Original subtitles

Liv, it's Halloween week.

Let's stay up all night and watch "Kill It So It Dies 3".

Are you asleep?

[Screaming]

Ah!

Both: Gotcha!

Boy, did you jump, Maddie.

So sorry. Didn't meant to make you go...

[Mimics screams, laughs]

Ha ha, real mature.

Aren't you guys a little old for Halloween pranks?

Help me up.

- Come on. - [Cracks]

[Girls scream]

Mm! Put that in your pumpkin and carve it!

[Theme music plays]

Better in stereo.

B... b... better in stereo.

- I'm up with the sunshine. - Let's go.

- I lace up my high tops. - Oh no.

- Slam dunk. - Ready or not.

Yeah, show me what you got.

- I'm under the spotlight. - Holler.

I dare you, come on and follow.

You dance to your own beat. I'll sing the melody.

When you say yea-ah-ah.

I say no-oh-oh.

When you say stop.

All I want to do is go, go, go.

You, you, the other half of me, me.

The half I'll never be.

The half that drives me crazy.

You, you, the better half of me, me.

The half I'll always need.

But we both know.

We're better in stereo...

[Music]

I keep seeing all these signs for Scream Fest.

- Mm hmm. - Is that a contest?

Because I do the absolutely best horror movie scream.

[Screams in horror]

Yeah, it's...

It's not quite like that.

They'll turn the whole place into a haunted carnival.

It's my favorite day of the school year.

Except all the days I get to come here and learn.

Ocean, don't repeat that.

Other people don't get you in the way that I barely do.

Noted.

So you only have three days to get ready. Do you want me to help you find a costume?

Nope. I already know exactly what I'm going to be.

And I'm not telling anyone.

Oh, you're not gonna fool me, sista.

I am good.

You're talking to a girl who once found a needle in a haystack.

Literally. It hurt.

- What's up, Rooney? - What's up, Diggie?

- Got your costume ready for Scream Fest? - You know I do.

I got this really cool Knight costume and it is going to melt your face off.

Sweet.

Hey, I'll go as that too, then.

Maybe we can win the couples' costume contest.

Yeah...

Okay.

He said "couple".

Couple!

Do I want that? Should I want that?

Whatever. [Snorts]

I'm sure it's not a big deal.

It's a big deal!

Uh, and you know when I say "couple,"

I mean like...

- For the contest category, and... - [Both awkwardly laugh]

Well, you get it.

What's not to get?

Okay.

I didn't get any of it.

Oh, excuse me. I'm new.

Do you know where the Principal's office is?

Yeah, it's just down the hall and to the right.

- I'm Skyler. - Maddie.

Welcome to Ridgewood.

[Laughs]

Who was that?

That was Skyler. She's new.

New?

New as in she has no idea who I am and doesn't know me as the stink ninja?

Yeah, you should go talk to her.

No can do. When I talk to girls, I tend to...

Mm, how should I say this?

Fail.

Joey, I'm sure it's not that bad.

- Mm... - Here.

Talk to her.

Hey, girl.

If you were a laser, you'd be set on stunning.

[Clicks tongue]

[Clicks tongue]

Wow. You were not kidding.

Hm yeah, but do not worry.

I plan on blossoming my sophomore year...

Of college.

- [Evil laugh] - [Screams]

Ha ha! Gotcha!

Peppino the pumpkin clown is back!

I'm just an innocent Halloween pumpkin...

Then pow!

Bloody hatchet in your face.

What is Peppino doing back here?

We just found him.

I still can't believe some jerk stole him off our porch last year.

There are disgusting, degenerate lowlifes out there, son.

I stole Peppino. I am the disgusting, degenerate lowlife.

I took Karen to a fair for our first date.

I won her Peppino at the ring toss.

The lady was quite impressed.

I hate it.

Can you believe it? He was just sitting there at the church swap meet.

Apparently, whoever took him was riddled with guilt, turned him him in.

Hmm.

Not a shred of guilt.

I threw it in the dumpster behind the church.

I should have remembered that Father Gary's a dumpster diver.

[Door closes]

You're going down, clown.

Joey needs help.

You're just realizing this now?

No, I mean help with girls.

Ahem, I say again, you're just realizing this now?

We have to teach him how to talk to girls before Scream Fest.

There's this new girl that he really likes and...

Hold on.

Scream Fest is this weekend.

Joey's not the kind of project that you just

put a new coat of paint on and he's fixed.

He's a tear down and rebuild.

Okay, well, I at least have to try.

Okay, well... [chuckles]

If you ask me, you really shouldn't get involved

in other family members' love lives.

Are you kidding?

Liv, you do that all the time.

Oh, I know.

I said "you" shouldn't get involved.

All I know is that, if we don't help him now,

in 20 years he's going to be living in one of our basements.

Seriously, you're just realizing all of this right now?

Joey needed advice from a guy.

And I could have asked Dad, but he's been out of the game for at least...

60 years.

Besides, I knew someone cuter.

Wow, you're really good at "Tongue Of The Phantom".

You know, playing video games actually requires more skill than...

Talking to girls.

Diggie, if you came here for me to teach you how to talk to girls,

I think you're gonna be disappointed.

Uh, dude to bro, Maddie wants me to help you with your Chick Chat.

But it's not that hard.

You just got to practice your jump shot

if you want to make it in the big leagues, you know.

Yeah, I don't really do sports talk.

If you could put that in like a zombie related or dragon slaying metaphor...

Hm, I also speak checkers if that is any easier.

Okay.

Zombies have taken over the world.

There are two humans left on Earth... you and a really cute girl named Skyler.

The whole future of humanity depends on you hitting it off with her.

So what are you going to say?

[Screams] Oh! Eat Skyler first!

Okay, let's try a different approach.

Um, Scream Fest is this weekend.

What you need is a great costume that's a conversation starter.

Okay, yeah, no. I was thinking of going as Stav.

The android from my self-published graphic novel...

"Android In Da House".

Check it.

[Mimics machine whirring]

[Robotically] Android In Da House.

Really cool Knight outfit, Liv!

Told you I'd figure out your costume.

Sorry, Ocean. It's just me, Maddie.

The quest continues.

Happy Scream Fest.

Both: What are you wearing!

Uh, I'm a Knight.

We said we were gonna be Knights.

Oh, I thought you meant like...

The night.

Are you kidding?

We're never gonna be able to enter the couples' contest now.

No, sure we can. We're a couple of Knights.

Yup. [Chuckles] That is us... a couple... of Knights.

Yeah.

If there were one more of us, we'd be a few,

but there's not because we're a couple of Knights.

[ As Elvis ] Hey, little mama!

You ready for a hunka hunka burning Joey?

Wow, you actually look kind of cool.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Joey: Okay, there's Skyler.

- I'm going in. - Ah, hold on.

You're not ready for the championship game, okay?

You need to just warm up on some practice girls first.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, smart.

Time for me to work my...

Memphis magic.

Because Elvis lived in Memphis.

Come on people, rock and roll existed before Maroon 5.

Sure hope this works.

Yeah, me too.

Otherwise this is going to be a very long night.

Oh, and this time I do mean the night.

I know you get confused.

Hey, little mummy.

Are you from Tennessee?

Because you're the only ten I see.

Wow!

He literally struck out with an inanimate object.

[Crickets chirping]

- [Evil laugh] - [Screaming]

[Laughs]

I see you've met Peppino.

Sorry about the flaxseed bars, everybody. Wife's idea.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Happy Halloween!

Never gets old, my friend.

Never gets old.

[Sirens wail]

I got him! I got him. I got him! I got the thief!

Dad?

Parker, why am I in a net?

I was worried someone might try and steal Peppino again while we're out

trick-or-treating, so Joey helped me set up this net and motion cameras.

That's very impressive.

But as I've said many times, don't set traps without telling me.

Are you a thirsty witch?

Allow me, witch...

Way did she go?

There's no way he's ready to talk to Skyler.

Yeah, you're right.

I need to find him a sure thing to practice on.

[With aussie accent] G'day, mate.

Can I borrow your sword to skewer my shrimp for the barbie?

Not now, so hop along.

Hop, hop, hop.

Maddie, it's me. Liv.

Halloween surprisies.

Liv, I had no idea that was you.

Crazy, right? Okay, but don't tell anyone because Ocean's looking for me.

Wait a minute. If I didn't recognize you, then neither will Joey.

This is perfect. He's been striking out all night and he really needs

a win before he can go in and talk to Skyler.

I need you to go flirt with our brother.

Well, I lived in Hollywood for four years.

This is by far the weirdest party I have ever been to.

Yeah, you're right.

You probably couldn't handle an acting job this challenging.

I know what you're doing and I accept your challenge.

Lights, camera, dingoes!

G'day, mate.

Got to respect a bloke who's not afraid to dance solo...

In the hallway...

In a jumpsuit.

Ahem, I uh...

I hope this isn't kanga-rude,

but I can't help wondering if trapped inside that kangaroo,

is a stone-cold fox.

Trapped inside that kangaroo is a girl who almost threw up in her mouth.

I'm Sandy the foreign exchange student from Australia.

Joey... dark, mysterious with just a touch of whimsy.

And not one cavity.

Well, Joey, you are quite the catch.

No kangaroo has ever said that to me before.

I'm gonna leave this conversation on a high note.

[High-pitched vocalizing]

They had upped their game.

I was going to have to up mine.

[Evil laugh]

[Siren wails]

[Evil laugh]

[Laugh dies]

Who's laughing now, clown?

[Sinister laugh]

Mad Dog Rooney needs a strike for the win.

Can she do it?

Oh, in your face, Diggles. Bam! What?!

The only reason I lost was because I have stars in my eyes.

No, seriously, this pointy one almost took my eye out.

[Snorts] This is fun.

Yeah, we may not have won the couples' costume contest,

but we still make a great couple.

[Stammers] You know, by couple...

You get I mean?

I have no idea what he means, but I like that he's saying it.

Are we a couple? Are we not a couple? Give me a sign, woman!

Oh, great news. I can talk to girls now.

- Awesome. You talked to Skyler? - Nope!

I figured, why am I chasing after Skyler?

I already talked to a really cool girl. And I'm gonna ask her out.

Wait, what girl?

An Australian lady kangaroo foreign exchange student.

Oh, wow.

Thanks, Maddie. You fixed me.

Everything that happens from this point forward is because of you.

The first time I play matchmaker and my brother wants to ask out our sister.

Bam! What have I done?

[Music]

Having a good time tonight, sunflower?

Of course I am. It's Scream Fest.

And I just won best homemade costume.

And I'm about to find my friend Liv Rooney.

She's very close. I can feel it.

She might be closer than you think.

You're right. Werewolf dead ahead. I bet that's her.

Liv Rooney. Liv Rooney, Rooney. Liv Rooney.

Uh, I have been looking for you everywhere.

Major disaster.

Joey digs the kangaroo lady.

Wow, a little coincidoodle that someone else showed up in a lady kangaroo outfit.

Nope, just you.

[Retches, gulps]

[Coughs]

You were supposed to let him practice talking to girls,

not get him crushing on you.

I didn't do it. The kangaroo did.

Bad kangaroo!

[With aussie accent] G'day, Sandy.

- Um, Joey, you should... - Maddie...

You taught me well, but I am standing on the cliff of romance ready to fly.

I had a great time tonight.

What do you say? You, me, fro-yo?

Anything you want for under $7.

I feel like we have a...

[Whispers] A special connection.

[Screams]

Oh my, look at the time.

Got to go.

So what do you think?

Mom is going to love her.

Trick-or-treating is not what it used to be.

Erasers...

Apples...

Magic markers?

Anything not covered in chocolate is a rip.

Where's Peppino?

Peppino's gone? How'd those creeps get past my traps?

Honey, somebody stole Peppino again.

What? No. [Gasps]

They took my baby again!

Oh, Peppino!

Peppino!

Okay, you win. You're a master of disguise.

What were you dressed as?

Okay, I'm gonna give you a hint, but don't tell anyone.

[With aussie accent] This Marsupial had a nice walkabout with a perky sunflower.

Liv Rooney, you were the kangaroo!

Shh!

It was you?!

You were the kangaroo?

Don't feel bad. I didn't know it was her either.

- [Evil laughter] - [Screams]

Busted.

We watched the security video and noticed a Grim Reaper was wearing a bracelet.

Pete: A bracelet that I got my wife for our 10th anniversary.

Maybe he stole it.

But ultimately felt guilty and returned it.

I thought you loved Peppino.

Sweetheart, I despise Peppino.

You know, I'm not scared by zombies, skeletons, Vampires, not even your parents.

But...

I can't help it. I am creeped out by clowns.

So that's why you never took me to the circus.

How deep does this lie go?

Babe, you should have said something.

But it reminds you of our first date.

I don't need Peppino for that. I have you.

Oh.

If you're that scared of clowns, consider him gone.

Or...

We could keep Peppino and get rid of Mom.

Consider him gone.

You are so sweet.

Thank you for understanding.

Now chop that monster into bits and feed him to pigs.

Just don't bring the pigs around here because I'm... I'm also afraid of pigs.

Joey, can I try saying sorry again?

Will you at least talk to me?

You know what bothers me the most?

I was fine just doing my thing, but that wasn't good enough for you.

So you had to come in and mess with it.

No, no, no.

The fact that I asked out my sister, that is definitely what bothers me the most.

You're right.

I shouldn't have tried to change you because you're an amazing guy.

And this beat that you skip to is really special.

And you are going to find someone amazing without me butting in.

Whatever. It's too little, too late.

I'm gonna leave this conversation on a low note.

[In a deep pitch] Low...

Whoa, is that the cyborg spy from "Tongue Of The Phantom"?

That's my favorite video game.

Your favorite game?

You play multiple video games?

When I'm not reading graphic novels.

I'm Skyler.

I'm speechless.

And also, my name is Joey. Just...

Just give me one second.

Skyler is talking to regular old video-game-playing

Joey who was just being himself.

Booyah!

So, hey, girl.

Any interest in joining Robotics Club?

We could use more female members...

Or one.

Oh, is it done?

Yes, we took Peppino to the lumber yard, put him in a wood chipper.

[Sighs]

Oh that must have been hard for you, Parker, you really loved him.

Are you kidding me? He came flying out. Green hair and clown chunks everywhere.

So awesome.

Come on. Let's watch the movie.

[Evil laugh]

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