Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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You nervous? I got you surrounded.
3
00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:13,656
If I roll a nine or a six, it's over.
4
00:00:13,657 --> 00:00:19,342
Do you need some tissue in case
you start crying when you lose?!
5
00:00:19,343 --> 00:00:21,860
You gonna bark all day, little doggy?
6
00:00:21,861 --> 00:00:23,796
Or are you gonna bite?
7
00:00:23,797 --> 00:00:24,863
[Rattling]
8
00:00:24,864 --> 00:00:28,177
When I first moved to Hollywood,
my little brother Parker was six.
9
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:30,869
And still wore footsie
choo-choo train pajamas.
10
00:00:30,870 --> 00:00:32,333
[Chuckles]
11
00:00:32,334 --> 00:00:36,234
He's grown up a lot since then.
12
00:00:36,976 --> 00:00:39,436
Yes! A five!
13
00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:42,948
Monkey bubble time!
Ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh!
14
00:00:42,949 --> 00:00:44,983
[Mimics explosion]
15
00:00:44,984 --> 00:00:48,134
My sister Maddie... not so much.
16
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,889
We're playing a board game we
invented while you were in Hollywood.
17
00:00:50,890 --> 00:00:54,278
It's a mash-up between "I Rule The
World" and "Stack It and Smack It".
18
00:00:54,279 --> 00:00:57,896
We call it "I Smack Your World".
19
00:00:57,897 --> 00:00:59,190
Both: Two, four, six...
20
00:00:59,191 --> 00:01:00,732
[Both holler]
21
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Smack it!
22
00:01:04,125 --> 00:01:06,578
I mean, the two of them
have had four years together
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00:01:06,579 --> 00:01:11,399
to make up games, build
forts, and play in dirt.
24
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,876
But now it is time for me to
do all those things with Parker.
25
00:01:13,877 --> 00:01:14,813
[Squeals]
26
00:01:14,814 --> 00:01:17,649
You know, minus the
games, forts and dirt part.
27
00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:19,071
You wanna play?
28
00:01:19,072 --> 00:01:23,010
Sure, yeah. Um, do I require a helmet?
29
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A helmet?
30
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:26,801
Come on, Hollywood, join
us in the real world...
31
00:01:26,802 --> 00:01:30,629
Where we like a little
smack in the head.
32
00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,631
Yeah, this game actually
gets really intense.
33
00:01:32,632 --> 00:01:35,932
Mom banned us from playing in the living
room because one time Parker rolled a 10,
34
00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:40,939
and on his ninth cartwheel,
knocked over Great Gram's urn.
35
00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:43,346
But her memory still lives on...
36
00:01:43,347 --> 00:01:45,428
In the dirt vac.
37
00:01:45,429 --> 00:01:46,470
Huh.
38
00:01:46,471 --> 00:01:52,263
So I missed out on getting to know Parker
and I think I might have missed a funeral.
39
00:01:52,264 --> 00:01:53,819
[Giggles]
40
00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:56,708
I thought Great Gram was still with us.
41
00:01:56,709 --> 00:01:58,629
Oops.
42
00:01:58,791 --> 00:02:00,819
[Theme music plays]
43
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,271
Better in stereo.
44
00:02:02,272 --> 00:02:04,353
B... b... better in stereo.
45
00:02:04,354 --> 00:02:06,465
-
I'm up with the sunshine.
- Let's go.
46
00:02:06,466 --> 00:02:08,540
-
I lace up my high tops.
- Oh no.
47
00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:10,906
-
Slam dunk.
- Ready or not.
48
00:02:10,907 --> 00:02:13,078
Yeah, show me what you got.
49
00:02:13,079 --> 00:02:15,222
-
I'm under the spotlight.
- Holler.
50
00:02:15,223 --> 00:02:17,512
I dare you, come on and follow.
51
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:21,186
You dance to your own
beat. I'll sing the melody.
52
00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:23,727
When you say yea-ah-ah.
53
00:02:23,728 --> 00:02:25,640
I say no-oh-oh.
54
00:02:25,641 --> 00:02:28,340
When you say stop.
55
00:02:28,341 --> 00:02:30,404
All I want to do is go, go, go.
56
00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:33,410
You, you, the other half of me, me.
57
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The half I'll never be.
58
00:02:35,586 --> 00:02:39,156
The half that drives me crazy.
59
00:02:39,157 --> 00:02:42,356
You, you, the better half of me, me.
60
00:02:42,357 --> 00:02:44,853
The half I'll always need.
61
00:02:44,854 --> 00:02:46,608
But we both know.
62
00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:49,336
We're better in stereo...
63
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,259
[Music]
64
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:57,160
All right, Karen, tonight's the last night
The Pastrami Palace is open. You ready...
65
00:02:58,822 --> 00:03:01,342
What's wrong?
66
00:03:01,626 --> 00:03:04,523
[Nasally] Hi, honey.
67
00:03:04,524 --> 00:03:08,854
I'm trying to loosen my phlegm
so we can go, but I am so sick.
68
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,868
[Normal voice] Oh, I was sick...
sick of that pastrami palace.
69
00:03:11,869 --> 00:03:14,828
We've been there four times
since he found out it was closing.
70
00:03:14,829 --> 00:03:17,297
So I faked a little
flu to get out of going.
71
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:21,633
See, a big part of a healthy
marriage is strategic lying.
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00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:27,039
[Nasally] I'd suck it up, but I'd
hate to ruin your night of pastrami.
73
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,994
[Normal voice] And I'd hate to ruin my
night of six episodes of "Downton Abbey".
74
00:03:30,995 --> 00:03:32,177
[Sharply inhales]
75
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:35,959
[British accent] But
I love you, Mr. Bates.
76
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,027
Hey, Liv.
77
00:03:37,028 --> 00:03:39,996
Wanna come with me and eat
your weight in pastrami?
78
00:03:39,997 --> 00:03:44,299
Oh, ha ha. I would love to, but I
just had pastrami like three years ago.
79
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:49,088
All right, I guess I'll just
have to eat enough for everybody.
80
00:03:49,089 --> 00:03:54,249
Um, use the downstairs
bathroom when you get home.
81
00:03:54,979 --> 00:03:56,086
[Siren wailing on tv]
82
00:03:56,087 --> 00:03:59,202
Joey, it's Friday night. What
are you doing sitting around?
83
00:03:59,203 --> 00:04:02,354
- You should be out with your friends.
- [Tires screeching on tv]
84
00:04:02,355 --> 00:04:07,095
Dad, I am with 12 of
my friends right now.
85
00:04:07,992 --> 00:04:10,660
Playing "Wheels of Anger Six;
86
00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:13,901
I just stole your car".
87
00:04:13,998 --> 00:04:16,155
No, yeah... one second, Harold.
88
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,634
I got a P.O.S...
89
00:04:18,635 --> 00:04:21,755
"Parent over shoulder".
90
00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:23,829
- [Tires screech]
- [Clicks off]
91
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,709
Oh, Dad!
92
00:04:25,710 --> 00:04:28,064
Listen, Joey, when I was your age,
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00:04:28,065 --> 00:04:31,948
there was no way you would have
caught me at home on a Friday night.
94
00:04:31,949 --> 00:04:35,669
I'd have been out having fun.
95
00:04:36,238 --> 00:04:38,458
I'm fun.
96
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:40,369
Sure you are, Dad.
97
00:04:40,370 --> 00:04:45,929
And I'm super athletic and
super smooth with the ladies.
98
00:04:45,930 --> 00:04:48,655
Listen, I'm headed out to
my old high school hangout...
99
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,295
The Pastrami Palace.
100
00:04:50,296 --> 00:04:55,765
Why don't you come with me,
and I'll show you some real fun?
101
00:04:55,766 --> 00:04:57,535
[Doorbell rings]
102
00:04:57,536 --> 00:05:03,436
Dad, there is absolutely nothing that
could happen to make me want to do that.
103
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:05,473
Hi, Joey.
104
00:05:05,474 --> 00:05:07,683
[Screams, clears throat]
105
00:05:07,684 --> 00:05:12,048
I'm here to study with Maddie, but I
wore new body spray in case I saw you.
106
00:05:12,049 --> 00:05:14,366
Take a whiff!
107
00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:16,742
It's okay, Willow, I
can smell it from here.
108
00:05:16,743 --> 00:05:18,693
I'm just... gotta bolt, though.
109
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,865
I have a date with my Dad and fun.
110
00:05:21,866 --> 00:05:22,966
[Laughs]
111
00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:25,427
So much fun.
112
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,910
I think I'm too shy.
113
00:05:32,196 --> 00:05:34,940
Sorry about that cold, Mom.
114
00:05:34,941 --> 00:05:40,356
You know, you need some chicken
soup and, uh, acting lessons.
115
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:45,641
Dad might believe you're really sick, but,
one actress to another, you are no actress.
116
00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:47,115
I'm so relieved.
117
00:05:47,116 --> 00:05:51,828
I didn't wanna have to
pretend to be sick all night.
118
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:55,999
Your Dad's out, Parker's leaving for
a sleepover with his karate buddies.
119
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,584
That means I've got a date with...
120
00:05:57,585 --> 00:05:59,879
[English accent] "Downton Abbey".
121
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,173
[Normal voice] Do not
interrupt unless there's a fire.
122
00:06:03,174 --> 00:06:05,574
Parker: Mom!
123
00:06:06,508 --> 00:06:07,948
Ready for the sleepover?
124
00:06:07,949 --> 00:06:10,713
[Nasally] Yup, I got you all
packed up and ready to go.
125
00:06:10,714 --> 00:06:13,716
Uh, go where? The sleepover's here.
126
00:06:13,717 --> 00:06:16,431
Oh, no no no, Parker. I've
got it marked on the calendar.
127
00:06:16,432 --> 00:06:19,689
Your sleepover is... at our house.
128
00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:21,074
You forgot?!
129
00:06:21,075 --> 00:06:23,731
My dojo bros are coming any minute.
130
00:06:23,732 --> 00:06:27,997
This party has to be epic. I
need playground buzz at school.
131
00:06:27,998 --> 00:06:29,399
"Playground buzz"?
132
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,867
Look, I need kids to be
talking about this at recess so
133
00:06:31,868 --> 00:06:35,648
I get invited to other parties.
134
00:06:35,706 --> 00:06:36,873
Parker...
135
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,741
I'm gonna chaperone your party!
136
00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:41,624
- You are?
- You are?
137
00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:44,324
Yeah. I mean, Mom is
way too sick to do it.
138
00:06:44,325 --> 00:06:48,421
[Coughs] I am, I am
so sick. I am so sick.
139
00:06:48,422 --> 00:06:50,431
- Thanks, Liv.
- Yeah. Oh! Wait, Mom.
140
00:06:50,432 --> 00:06:51,688
Don't forget this.
141
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:56,163
And remember, do not use these tissues too
quickly, or else you'll get a brain freeze.
142
00:06:56,164 --> 00:06:58,173
[Chuckles]
143
00:06:58,174 --> 00:07:00,934
[Squeals, giggles]
144
00:07:02,699 --> 00:07:08,386
Just remember, the entire future of
my social life is riding on this night.
145
00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:09,289
[Doorbell rings]
146
00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:11,810
They're here!
147
00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:13,741
[Cheering]
148
00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:15,887
Come on in, guys.
149
00:07:15,888 --> 00:07:17,262
This is my sister Liv.
150
00:07:17,263 --> 00:07:21,274
Liv, this is Cooper, Isaac,
Kalden, Jack, Richie and Steve.
151
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:25,545
Oh, and that's Evan. He's a
year younger, but he's cool.
152
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,857
Come on, guys. Party starts upstairs.
153
00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:30,039
[Boys whooping, cheering]
154
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,649
Have fun. [Giggles]
155
00:07:32,650 --> 00:07:34,253
Hi, I'm Evan!
156
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,866
My Mom wants proof
that I was well-behaved.
157
00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:42,767
Can you initial the box that says
"greeted the host of party politely"?
158
00:07:43,184 --> 00:07:46,277
Evan. [Chuckles] You just said hi.
It's not like you brought me flowers.
159
00:07:46,278 --> 00:07:48,378
[Laughs]
160
00:07:48,913 --> 00:07:52,451
I'm messing with you. Ha
ha ha. Of course I'll sign.
161
00:07:52,452 --> 00:07:54,721
Is this your first time at a sleepover?
162
00:07:54,722 --> 00:07:57,204
Because I am sure you will do great.
163
00:07:57,205 --> 00:07:58,112
Me too!
164
00:07:58,113 --> 00:08:03,995
I have tons of self-confidence because
that's an important part of character.
165
00:08:03,996 --> 00:08:06,038
Well, you certainly are a character.
166
00:08:06,039 --> 00:08:07,018
Thanks.
167
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:10,860
Mind putting that in the
additional comment section?
168
00:08:10,861 --> 00:08:15,354
Oh, and this is my Mom's phone number.
In case there's any kind of emergency.
169
00:08:15,355 --> 00:08:17,155
I really don't think
that's gonna happen.
170
00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:22,912
Really? I was kinda hoping things would get
nuts and I'd end up in a cast or something.
171
00:08:22,913 --> 00:08:24,513
Evan, you don't get out much, do you?
172
00:08:24,514 --> 00:08:26,494
Never.
173
00:08:26,516 --> 00:08:28,707
[Boys hollering]
174
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,247
What was that?
175
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:31,887
Is that what fun sounds like?
176
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:33,205
[Laughs]
177
00:08:33,206 --> 00:08:34,256
I don't know.
178
00:08:34,257 --> 00:08:37,471
[Chanting] Do it, do it, do it!
179
00:08:37,472 --> 00:08:40,712
- [Crashing]
- [Cheering]
180
00:08:47,215 --> 00:08:51,235
And that's how you start a party.
181
00:08:51,343 --> 00:08:53,443
[Laughs]
182
00:08:56,613 --> 00:08:58,116
Hey.
183
00:08:58,117 --> 00:09:00,278
Seriously? Books already?
184
00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:02,952
How about a quick game of
one-on-one before we start?
185
00:09:02,953 --> 00:09:06,183
Maddie, we got to get this history
assignment done, it's half our grade.
186
00:09:06,184 --> 00:09:09,424
And Willow don't flunk!
187
00:09:09,614 --> 00:09:10,924
Willow, relax.
188
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,738
You know I work best when I put
everything off until the last minute.
189
00:09:13,739 --> 00:09:19,391
I mean, how bad can this be? It's the
French Revolution. I saw "Les mis".
190
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:23,240
- Did you even look at the assignment?
- Yeah. [Clears throat]
191
00:09:23,241 --> 00:09:28,450
"I heart Joey. Mrs. Willow
Rooney. Willow Rooney"...
192
00:09:28,451 --> 00:09:31,031
Wrong notebook.
193
00:09:32,087 --> 00:09:34,192
"Write a 20 page report".
194
00:09:34,193 --> 00:09:37,027
What?! Willow, we can't
do this all in one night.
195
00:09:37,028 --> 00:09:41,875
Why would you put this off until the last
second, you know this is half our grade.
196
00:09:41,876 --> 00:09:46,996
"Or you may submit a visual
representation of the era".
197
00:09:46,997 --> 00:09:50,696
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Oh yeah. We build a giant...
198
00:09:50,697 --> 00:09:53,937
- Guillotine.
- Baguette.
199
00:09:54,475 --> 00:09:55,928
Guillotine's better.
200
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,393
We'll use it to slice our baguette.
201
00:09:57,394 --> 00:10:00,154
- Yes.
- [Grunts]
202
00:10:00,272 --> 00:10:01,633
So, uh...
203
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,299
Quick game of one-on-one
before we start?
204
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,120
- Madison!
- Fine.
205
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,100
[Clicking]
206
00:10:11,602 --> 00:10:13,244
Oh come on!
207
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,765
We're hanging and having fun.
208
00:10:15,766 --> 00:10:19,028
Life doesn't happen on a video screen.
209
00:10:19,029 --> 00:10:20,985
[Siren blares]
210
00:10:20,986 --> 00:10:23,086
Oh man!
211
00:10:24,299 --> 00:10:26,123
Any chance I can get my phone back?
212
00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:29,347
I would like to post a picture of you
getting a ticket for texting while driving.
213
00:10:29,348 --> 00:10:31,388
[Sighs]
214
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:35,332
Say "pastrami". [Camera clicks]
215
00:10:36,688 --> 00:10:39,268
[Boys shouting]
216
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,256
Cease fire!
217
00:10:51,257 --> 00:10:53,033
Cease fire.
218
00:10:53,034 --> 00:10:55,510
- Everyone having fun?
- All: Yeah.
219
00:10:55,511 --> 00:10:57,907
We're definitely gonna be
talking about this on Monday.
220
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,607
Remember your favorite anecdotes.
221
00:11:00,608 --> 00:11:02,723
Are you kidding? This party rocks.
222
00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:04,471
I never get to do this.
223
00:11:04,472 --> 00:11:06,115
Use Fun Blasters inside?
224
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:09,356
No, stay up past 7:30!
225
00:11:09,546 --> 00:11:13,063
Oh Mom, you made snacks for us?
226
00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:14,323
Oh.
227
00:11:14,324 --> 00:11:16,484
For you.
228
00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:18,621
I thought you were too sick.
229
00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:20,782
[Sneezes]
230
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:23,019
Oh no. It's all contaminated.
231
00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:27,796
I'll have to throw this out
in the garbage can in my room.
232
00:11:27,797 --> 00:11:30,737
Liv, where are you?
233
00:11:30,801 --> 00:11:33,264
My sister says she
has a surprise for us.
234
00:11:33,265 --> 00:11:38,684
No spoilers from me, but let's just
say she's friends with The Rock.
235
00:11:38,685 --> 00:11:43,192
His movies are not
age-appropriate for me.
236
00:11:43,193 --> 00:11:45,799
Okay, I have got something totally...
237
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,636
Coolsies for you guys.
238
00:11:47,637 --> 00:11:51,515
Everyone get in a circle and
sit criss cross applesauce.
239
00:11:51,516 --> 00:11:56,845
Tell me she did not just
say, "criss cross applesauce".
240
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:59,101
You're all going to
love this and I know that
241
00:11:59,102 --> 00:12:02,572
because dinosaurs have
always been Parker's favorite.
242
00:12:02,573 --> 00:12:04,553
[Caws]
243
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:08,094
She's choking! My Mom
prepared me for this.
244
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:11,175
- I'll give her the Heimlich.
- Oh.
245
00:12:11,176 --> 00:12:13,058
Evan, honey, I'm not choking.
246
00:12:13,059 --> 00:12:15,797
That is just my pterodactyl impression.
247
00:12:15,798 --> 00:12:19,882
It would have been
better if she was choking.
248
00:12:19,883 --> 00:12:23,803
Who is ready for some duck, duck...
249
00:12:23,804 --> 00:12:26,144
Dinosaur!
250
00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:29,408
Duck.
251
00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,627
Duck.
252
00:12:31,628 --> 00:12:33,548
Duck.
253
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:38,597
Dinosaur! Woo! [Laughing]
254
00:12:38,598 --> 00:12:40,272
Yes!
255
00:12:40,273 --> 00:12:43,010
Woo. Come on. Get up and chase me.
256
00:12:43,011 --> 00:12:44,213
[Chuckles]
257
00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:45,767
Catch me!
258
00:12:45,768 --> 00:12:47,628
Woo!
259
00:12:48,316 --> 00:12:52,690
Dude, even my Mom would
think this was lame.
260
00:12:52,691 --> 00:12:58,591
Come on, guys. Let's go eat
something without washing our hands.
261
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,247
Where are you going?
262
00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:02,256
- Duck, duck, dinosaur?
- Yeah.
263
00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:04,140
Liv, what were you thinking?
264
00:13:04,141 --> 00:13:08,931
- I thought you loved this game.
- When I was six!
265
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:11,701
Way to embarrass me in
front of my karate buddies.
266
00:13:11,702 --> 00:13:14,704
You're killing my playground buzz.
267
00:13:14,705 --> 00:13:16,865
Parker...
268
00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:20,576
[Horn honks]
269
00:13:20,577 --> 00:13:23,120
Beat it, Terry. It's not happening.
270
00:13:23,121 --> 00:13:26,061
[Horn honks, whines]
271
00:13:27,003 --> 00:13:28,873
[Music]
272
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,542
[Both laugh]
273
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,255
We rocked this guillotine!
274
00:13:32,256 --> 00:13:35,781
Who knew carpentry camp
would pay off, right?
275
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,323
You ready to get your slice on?
276
00:13:38,324 --> 00:13:40,786
Bring out the prisoner!
277
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:44,106
[French accent] Baguette, for
crimes against the state...
278
00:13:44,107 --> 00:13:48,593
Having too many carbs, and
fraternizing with the American cheese...
279
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:51,174
I condemn you!
280
00:13:57,215 --> 00:13:58,069
Oh!
281
00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,604
[Laughs]
282
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,907
Maddie, I need your help...
283
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:05,644
So how's the sleepover going?
Are you and Parker buds yet?
284
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:06,678
Hardly.
285
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:11,214
I tried playing duck, duck, dinosaur, and
it was a disaster of Jurassic proportions.
286
00:14:11,215 --> 00:14:15,073
Yeah Liv, he kind of grew out
of dinosaurs in the first grade.
287
00:14:15,074 --> 00:14:16,487
That's interesting.
288
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:19,978
What was Joey like in the first grade?
289
00:14:19,979 --> 00:14:23,044
Smaller head, same glasses.
290
00:14:23,045 --> 00:14:24,852
So then I made fish
sticks for them, you know,
291
00:14:24,853 --> 00:14:26,898
the really cool ones that
are shaped like race cars?
292
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,933
I even made ketchup headlights.
293
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,969
He used to love ketchup art.
294
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:34,352
Uh, Liv, those have been sitting in
the freezer since he was in third grade.
295
00:14:34,353 --> 00:14:36,012
Well, now they're sitting in my stomach.
296
00:14:36,013 --> 00:14:39,028
I ate one to show them that they were
good and then I ate the rest because,
297
00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:40,746
they are so good.
298
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,529
Maddie, cool if I
guillotine your math book?
299
00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:44,849
Yeah, sure Willow, whatever.
300
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:48,253
Liv, why are you doing all these little
kid things this is a 10-year-old sleepover.
301
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,900
Well because those are the
things that Parker and I
302
00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:51,956
liked to do together
before I left for Hollywood.
303
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,759
That was a really long time ago.
304
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,276
You just need to find
things he likes doing now.
305
00:14:56,277 --> 00:14:58,997
Okay, well then what do
10-year-old boys like to do?
306
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:02,667
Uh, they like to smash things.
They're incredibly immature.
307
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,588
Yeah!
308
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,211
What's the cosine of that, trigonometry?
309
00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:10,312
[Laughs]
310
00:15:10,863 --> 00:15:14,883
Just like some
16-year-old girls.
311
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,430
Let me do the talking.
312
00:15:17,431 --> 00:15:22,352
Ooh, here's a tip, if he's carrying
a boom box, he's not a real cop.
313
00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:25,953
I learned that the hard way.
314
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:29,723
Sir, it's illegal to text and drive.
315
00:15:29,724 --> 00:15:31,382
I wasn't texting.
316
00:15:31,383 --> 00:15:35,523
My son was texting, officer Clarkson.
317
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,953
Mike Clarkson?
318
00:15:37,954 --> 00:15:40,739
Pete Rooney, is that you?
319
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,173
What is happening?
320
00:15:43,174 --> 00:15:45,564
Mike and I were buddies in high school.
321
00:15:45,565 --> 00:15:48,713
When he wasn't off winning state
championships in basketball.
322
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:51,917
Your Dad... one of the
coolest guys in high school.
323
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:55,963
How many guys were in this high school?
324
00:15:55,964 --> 00:15:58,149
I'm not gonna write you up, Pete.
325
00:15:58,150 --> 00:15:59,867
I believe you weren't
texting and driving,
326
00:15:59,868 --> 00:16:02,211
because you never could do
two things at once, right?
327
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,795
[Both laugh]
328
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:04,794
Thanks, pal.
329
00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:07,632
Hey, you know what? We're headed
out to The Pastrami Palace.
330
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,364
The palace? No way!
331
00:16:09,365 --> 00:16:13,389
Hey, let me clock out for dinner
early. I'll drive you over there myself.
332
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:16,608
How would you like to ride in a
real cop car there, little buddy?
333
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:22,509
Little buddy? I will have you
know I have three chest hairs, Sir.
334
00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:25,115
Did you ever get dragged
to a party you didn't
335
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:28,135
want to go to then ended
up having a great time?
336
00:16:28,136 --> 00:16:32,336
This was not one of those situations.
337
00:16:32,373 --> 00:16:35,894
Come on, Joey. Lighten up. This is fun.
338
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:40,510
Attention, Car 591, I'd like to report a
teenage boy having the night of his life.
339
00:16:40,511 --> 00:16:41,633
Over.
340
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,754
I wish this was over.
341
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:47,879
Woman on radio: Car 591, dispatch.
We have a 1099 in progress.
342
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,041
Red sedan headed west on Route 20.
343
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,568
Whoa. 1099.
344
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:53,771
That means a stolen car.
345
00:16:53,772 --> 00:16:54,893
How do you know that?
346
00:16:54,894 --> 00:16:58,890
Oh, I play a lot of "Wheels of Anger".
347
00:16:58,891 --> 00:17:00,486
I hate that game.
348
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,402
Why, because it glorifies crime?
349
00:17:02,403 --> 00:17:06,358
Nope. Because I can't
get past level three.
350
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,224
[Tires screeching]
351
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:11,284
Oh! Oh! That's a red sedan. That's our
perp light 'em up, Mike. Light 'em up!
352
00:17:11,285 --> 00:17:12,597
[Siren blares]
353
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,828
Car 591, dispatch.
Air support's en Route.
354
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:17,727
He's evading. He's evading.
Oh yeah, he's evading.
355
00:17:17,728 --> 00:17:20,382
That is 12,000 bonus points.
356
00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:24,223
Car 591, we are in hot pursuit.
357
00:17:25,381 --> 00:17:27,746
I told you we'd have fun!
358
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,915
This is awesome!
359
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,650
Oh, turning left. He's turning left.
360
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,118
[Grunts]
361
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,642
Oh, air support is closing in.
362
00:17:35,643 --> 00:17:37,856
Run, buddy, run!
363
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,200
Hey.
364
00:17:39,201 --> 00:17:45,101
I'm sorry. I have never played
this game as the cop before.
365
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:49,901
Come on, guys. We can still have fun.
366
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,590
Pizza and orange juice.
367
00:17:51,591 --> 00:17:53,352
Delicious separately.
368
00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:57,599
But who wants to see
how they taste together?
369
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,844
[Kids booing]
370
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:03,073
Okay, I know we weren't all
fans of duck, duck, dinosaur.
371
00:18:03,074 --> 00:18:05,034
But there is something
waiting for you outside
372
00:18:05,035 --> 00:18:07,624
that is going to blow
your 10-year-old minds.
373
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,905
I'm nine.
374
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,920
Just come outside.
375
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:19,726
Okay, but if there's someone out there
in an Elmo suit, I'm gonna lose it.
376
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,861
[Squeals]
377
00:18:24,197 --> 00:18:26,520
Terry, cue my jam.
378
00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:29,521
[Dance music playing]
379
00:18:31,529 --> 00:18:33,283
Whoa, what did you do?
380
00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:35,698
It's Liv Rooney's karate watermelon...
381
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,399
Smash a thon!
382
00:18:39,407 --> 00:18:42,074
Dojo bros, attack.
383
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:44,415
Go, Parker!
384
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,924
[Cheering]
385
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,805
Come on, smash it!
386
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:52,115
[Cheering]
387
00:18:58,374 --> 00:19:00,234
Woo!
388
00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:06,236
Hiya!
389
00:19:06,237 --> 00:19:09,177
This is so awesome!
390
00:19:09,184 --> 00:19:11,322
Do you hear that, Liv?
391
00:19:11,323 --> 00:19:14,519
That's what playground buzz sounds like.
392
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:15,754
[Squeals]
393
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:19,691
What I heard was a big sister finally
bonding with her little brother.
394
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:23,170
I also heard Terry the clown
laying down some sick beats.
395
00:19:23,171 --> 00:19:25,631
[Beat boxing]
396
00:19:27,111 --> 00:19:29,931
Kids: Woo! Parker!
397
00:19:31,261 --> 00:19:33,661
[Kids groan]
398
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:38,596
And that's when those race car
fish sticks roared right out of me.
399
00:19:38,597 --> 00:19:40,049
[Retches]
400
00:19:40,050 --> 00:19:42,270
All: Ewe.
401
00:19:43,219 --> 00:19:46,339
[Dance music continues]
402
00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:54,199
We've been chasing this
dirt bag for like 50 miles.
403
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,668
How often does this happen?
404
00:19:56,669 --> 00:19:59,590
Just another day in the life of a cop.
405
00:19:59,591 --> 00:20:02,235
You've never done this
before, have you, Mike?
406
00:20:02,236 --> 00:20:04,036
No.
407
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,444
This is so awesome!
408
00:20:06,445 --> 00:20:09,025
Oh, he's stopping. Oh, you got him.
409
00:20:09,026 --> 00:20:12,806
Box him in, Mikey. Box him in.
410
00:20:13,017 --> 00:20:15,210
You guys stay in here
while I track him down.
411
00:20:15,211 --> 00:20:18,024
But... take some
pictures of me in action?
412
00:20:18,025 --> 00:20:20,409
This never happens.
413
00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:21,955
[Camera clicks]
414
00:20:21,956 --> 00:20:25,591
Sorry, buddy. Looks like we're not
gonna make it to The Pastrami Palace.
415
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,459
Sorry? Are you kidding me?
416
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,288
This is the greatest night of my life.
417
00:20:29,289 --> 00:20:33,840
Dad, you are so right. Life
doesn't happen on a video screen.
418
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:38,274
I got my boy off the couch and showed
him that life could be pretty exciting.
419
00:20:38,275 --> 00:20:41,335
It was a good night.
420
00:20:41,858 --> 00:20:46,012
This is not the kind of
sandwich I had in mind.
421
00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:47,914
Sorry, Pete.
422
00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:51,338
But I gotta take these dirt bags
back to the station for processing.
423
00:20:51,339 --> 00:20:55,659
Officer Mike, how slowly can you drive?
424
00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:02,929
You really need to hydrate,
honey. You lost a lot of fluid...
425
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:05,270
And solids.
426
00:21:05,701 --> 00:21:08,727
Mom, I'm fine. I just...
427
00:21:08,728 --> 00:21:10,603
Tonight was a complete disaster.
428
00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:13,338
Oh no, Sweetie. I got to
watch four episodes of...
429
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:15,799
Oh, for you.
430
00:21:15,994 --> 00:21:18,497
I mean, that's what I get
for being away for so long.
431
00:21:18,498 --> 00:21:22,724
I just really wanted Parker to
see me as his cool older sister,
432
00:21:22,725 --> 00:21:28,425
and instead I am a girl who
can't hold her fish sticks.
433
00:21:28,447 --> 00:21:29,856
Hey, guys.
434
00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:30,991
Hey.
435
00:21:30,992 --> 00:21:33,693
Parker, I'm really sorry
I ruined your party.
436
00:21:33,694 --> 00:21:36,633
Are you kidding? Between
blasting watermelons,
437
00:21:36,634 --> 00:21:42,394
you spewing like a volcano
and that clown's sweet tunes...
438
00:21:42,870 --> 00:21:46,706
I'm gonna have more playground buzz
than Stevie Hudacky's sleepover.
439
00:21:46,707 --> 00:21:48,775
Wait, so the boys like the party?
440
00:21:48,776 --> 00:21:49,910
Check it out.
441
00:21:49,911 --> 00:21:52,491
[Kids laughing]
442
00:21:54,391 --> 00:21:58,351
Ooh, I'm a big Hollywood actress.
443
00:21:59,053 --> 00:22:02,889
Oh! You hit me in the
belly with the melon.
444
00:22:02,890 --> 00:22:05,631
I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
445
00:22:05,632 --> 00:22:07,792
[Retches]
446
00:22:07,858 --> 00:22:10,078
[Chuckles]
447
00:22:11,238 --> 00:22:13,533
I'll never forget this night.
448
00:22:13,534 --> 00:22:18,394
Thanks, Liv. It's so
great to have you back.
449
00:22:18,973 --> 00:22:20,521
Hey.
450
00:22:20,522 --> 00:22:21,941
If you really want playground buzz,
451
00:22:21,942 --> 00:22:25,979
I am pretty sure I saw a possum eating
my puddle of barf in the backyard.
452
00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:28,080
[Laughs]
453
00:22:28,140 --> 00:22:30,489
Come on, boys, the show's not over.
454
00:22:30,490 --> 00:22:32,710
[Cheering]
455
00:22:40,894 --> 00:22:43,203
Willow, this is gonna work great.
456
00:22:43,204 --> 00:22:45,665
I'm so glad we found this
in the Halloween stuff.
457
00:22:45,666 --> 00:22:48,846
I also found this gem.
458
00:22:50,253 --> 00:22:52,029
Oh!
459
00:22:52,030 --> 00:22:55,510
Let them eat cake! [Laughs]
460
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:58,811
You ready to do this?
461
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:02,715
Let's crank it to its highest notch
and see what this baby can really do.
462
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:07,996
- Drop it like it's hot.
- Drop it like it's hot!
463
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:12,456
[Laughs]
464
00:23:12,495 --> 00:23:14,660
[Screaming]
465
00:23:14,661 --> 00:23:16,929
Zee head! I want zee head!
466
00:23:16,930 --> 00:23:19,870
[Screaming continues]
467
00:23:22,113 --> 00:23:24,182
I love your family, Mrs. Rooney.
468
00:23:24,183 --> 00:23:26,387
Oh, thank you Evan that is so sweet.
469
00:23:26,388 --> 00:23:30,997
I don't care what my mom says,
the bad parents are the fun ones.
470
00:23:30,998 --> 00:23:36,898
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471
00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:41,498
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