Original subtitles

2x19 - The Secret Museum of Kung Fu

Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!

Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!

Raised in a noodle shop

never seeking glory or fame

he climbed the mountain top

and earned the Dragon Warrior name.

Hu! Ah! Ya!

Kung Fu Panda!

Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!

Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom

and master the skills of bodacious and awesome

Kung Fu Panda.

Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom!

He lives, he trains

and he fights with the Furious Five

protect the Valley somethin' somethin'

somethin' somethin' alive

Oh! Ah! Uh!

Kung Fu Panda

Legends of awesomeness.

Sweet!

[music]

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~

[whimpers]

- H-help! - You can't stay under there forever.

Go away! Why am I always getting robbed?

[growls] Howdy, fellas.

Bring on the "Panda-monium"!

- Po! - Ow!

I wanted to talk first this time. I had a line all worked out.

Prepare to be Fived!

"Prepare to be fived"? Really? What does that even mean?

Get them! [both growling]

Way to go, Po. Now Monkey's gonna be all sulky.

It's so annoying. [grunts]

- You're one to talk. - Eeh!

Will you clucking hens give it a rest? I'm trying to focus on my work!

Maybe you should focus on not shouting every time you talk.

Ooh!

Maybe if we all just take a deep breath and...

Both: Stay out of it!

Um, can we get back to the issue here,

the excellence of "bring on the 'Panda-monium'"?

It narrowly beat out, "welcome to the Po-house."

Maybe if you spent less time working on catchphrases...

Ow! Ugh!

you could spend more time doing your own dishes.

Uh, I do like 80% of the cooking at the...

Yeah, and 90% of the eating.

[all arguing, shouting]

Stop!

Who let those bandits get away?

[sputters]

[all shouting]

How could you let your petty squabbles

get in the way of protecting the Valley of Peace?

[grunting]

[punching, slapping] Ooh, ow!

Ooh, ooh, ow. [clears throat]

[sighs]

We've been under a lot of stress lately. Perhaps we all need a break.

So we're all going to take a vacation.

All: Huh?

Together.

- What? - Together?

You want us to spend more time with each other?

We're already at each other's throats.

Who can even find your throat beneath all that cheek fat?

This is not open to discussion.

[all grumbling]

We are all going to...

the Secret Museum of Kung Fu.

[squeals]

I don't know what it is, but I love it!

Centuries ago, our country was in grave danger.

Great Kung Fu masters were on the run,

the forces of evil following closely on their heels.

[growling]

Desperate to keep China's most powerful weapons...

[shimmering] and Kung Fu artifacts safe,

the masters built a secret structure to hide them.

[shimmering]

Their work barely complete, the forces of evil closed in on them.

The artifacts were saved.

But sadly... the great masters perished.

Lost for centuries,

there was only one key to the Secret Museum,

and one map to reveal its hidden location.

And I bought both last week from Chow the root farmer.

I've always wanted to see the Secret Museum.

- Now we can! - Oh-ho-oh-ho-oh!

I've always wanted to see it too! I just didn't know about it till now.

It's like I've spent my whole life waiting for you to tell me

about the Secret Museum of Kung Fu, so I could start

having wanted to see it forever!

- Aren't you excited? - All: No.

- Me too! - Hmm. It's important no one see

a group of Kung Fu masters traveling to the museum.

That might give away its location.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

We can take my dad's noodle-mobile and go in disguise!

- A noodle-mobile? - That is the dumbest idea you've...

Excellent!

It'll give me an excuse to wear the false beard

I won in that mahjong tournament.

Perhaps it seems incongruous with my usual temperament,

but I'm excited! Road trip! Start packing!

Woo-hoo!

[growls]

Be careful with my noodle-mobile.

Yeah!

[all grumbling]

[squeaking]

It's so... solid.

You bet your unflattering moustache it is.

Be careful with it. It's one-of-a-kind.

Master Shifu, we're all packed and loaded.

Excellent! I've got my disguise,

- and we're ready to go. - Dibs on the backseat!

- I'm already in the backseat. - But you didn't call dibs.

I'm sitting here. That's automatic dibs.

There's no automatic dibs!

- Are too! - Are not!

- Are too! - Are noooot!

Don't make me come back there!

Both: Okay.

[squeaking]

Wait, how are we gonna get down the...

[all screaming]

All: Ow! Oh! Ow!

[all shouting] Look out, Dad!

Oh!

A-a-are you crazy?

You can't drive this thing down the stairs!

Nothing to worry about, Mr. Ping. Everything's under control.

Ooh!

[all shouting]

[shouting stops]

[shouting resumes]

I'm a good driver.

I spy with my little eye something... green!

We're in the forest. Everything is green!

Give up? It was a leaf.

Okay, I spy with my little eye something...

- Oh, boy. - Green!

- Okay, pick a tile. Any tile. - Not again, Po.

Come on, come on! I just got a new

"how to do magic tricks" mail-order scroll.

I said no!

Okay, the handcuffs escape, then.

One, two, three. Behold!

Uh, hang on a second.

Behold! Uh, behold. Behold...

- Great trick, Po. - Behold, behold, behold, behold, aah!

Okay, can someone dig the key out of my back pocket?

All: No!

There.

The map to the Secret Museum of Kung Fu.

Gather the others. Once we have the map,

the Phantom crystal will be ours.

No one will be safe from us. No one!

- Magic tricks are an ancient... - Enough with the tricks, Po.

[all talking at once] I spy with my little eye...

So help me with... [all talking at once]

- Ancient tricks are... - Or is it "nauseated"?

Who thought this trip was a good idea?

I'm done! Slow death. [overlapping arguing]

Hwah!

Lin Quay!

All: Ha!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Yow!

Aah! Ooh!

Ooh... unh!

Could you just reach around and dig the key

out of my back pocket, by any chance? I...

You could've just said "no".

[grunting]

- Ah! - Ooh! Hey!

Would you... ooh!

Ha! Wha!

Huh? Whoa!

- Ooh! Look out. - You look out.

Hwah!

Are you all fighting the Lin Quay or each other?

Huh... whoa... huh...

[speaking gibberish]

Ooh.

[chuckles]

- What was that about? - I don't know.

Why did they leave? We weren't exactly kicking their butts.

- Clearly, I intimidated them. - Yeah, the handcuffed chunky guy.

With all of your childish bickering, we were an easy target.

- Let's get moving. - Great, I can't wait to get home.

We're not going home. We are continuing to the Secret Museum.

Maybe it will remind you of how real Kung Fu masters should behave.

What? But with the Lin Quay around...

We'll take 'em out again. Or maybe they'll run away again.

We can't turn back when we're this close... again!

It was... Shifu wants to... come on!

[all groan]

Do you think my Dad will notice this damage to his cart?

There is that possibility.

- So did the Lin Quay steal anything? - Nothing of consequence.

At last, we have the location of the Secret Museum.

It is... blank.

It's blank! Ugh!

We have to pick up their trail again.

- And destroy them? - No. We'll follow them.

I may not have gotten the museum map, but I did get the museum key.

[all snicker]

Stealth, everyone.

They must not see or hear us until they arrive at the museum.

Then we will destroy them!

Nope, no sign of the Lin Quay. Hey, great trip, huh?

I'm not saying top ten of all time, but... right.

How 'bout you guys? Road triptastic or what?

Oh, Tigress. You've got something in your ear.

Ha ha!

Oh, look, wait. There's more!

Huh? Huh? And...

You pull one more thing out of my ear,

- and I will shove it into your... - Ugh! Ugh... I'm cart sick.

Is this a trick to get me to give up my seat?

Uh... [vomits]

- Eww, not a trick. - Did you say "trick"?

How did... that was in my pocket.

It's magic! And now... [Crane vomits]

- The handcuffs escape! - Po, we just got those off you.

It's cool. This time I got it. Behold!

Uh... behold, behold, behold, behold, behold, behold!

- I spy with my little eye... - Okay, I have had it!

I didn't need a vacation from the Jade Palace.

I needed a vacation from all of you!

Oh, really? 'Cause it's so much fun for us to hang

out with a tiger with zero warmth, and even less charm!

- Preach, brother, preach! - Don't gang up on Tigress.

You guys are being so immature.

I don't need your help, mary sunshine.

Yeah, drop the nice snake routine, it's so fake.

Stop it! I can't listen to you squabbling for another minute.

I tried to bring you all together,

and you do nothing but fight like children!

Well, I'd like to know...

why we're still moving.

Bad.

[all shouting]

Hyah!

Aah! [grunts]

[grunting]

Yaah! [all shouting]

[pained grunts]

[crash in distance]

Well, that's that. Now can we go home?

Go home? We've got a museum to find.

He's right, Po. It's over.

You too? Don't say that.

Just because the cart is a little obliterated doesn't mean...

No one knows where the museum is, including me.

- But you had a map. - No, I didn't.

The real map was lost centuries ago.

What? Huh? Then... then why?

I thought the journey would help you bond.

But since you don't want to be a team, there's nothing I can do.

You're all on your own.

- Shifu, wait. - No.

I would prefer to be alone.

Guys, we gotta go after him.

Let him go, Po. I think we'd all prefer to be alone.

Hey, come on, guys! We're a team.

And teams stick together.

[sighs]

Some vacation.

Huh?

[gasps]

It... it can't be.

It can't be.

It is!

I found it! I found the Secret Museum.

There should be...

- Yes, the keyhole. - Looking for this?

[growls]

What is "dibs" anyway? Does anyone know what "dibs" is?

[growling]

What's wrong with "I spy"? Everybody loves "I spy." [growling]

That was incredibly unprofessional.

Did I get a single word of sympathy when I was sick? No.

Who thought this trip was a good idea?

[growling]

You came back! Waa!

Hey! You're... not... Shifu.

[groans] What?

I was... I... oh, man!

These cuffs must be from the advanced magic kit.

[grunts]

Hey... hey! We found the museum!

[groans]

[clatter]

Or they found the museum.

[growls] [growls]

There! The Phantom crystal!

Uh, guessing we don't want them to have that.

[growls]

[laughs]

[all gasp]

With the Phantom crystal, no walls can stop me.

No weapon can harm me.

All the riches of the world will be mine!

And we'll start by looting the Valley of Peace,

after which, we'll burn it to the ground.

And to make sure everyone knows who's in charge now,

we'll burn Shifu with it.

You can't! [laughs]

Oh, but I can, Dragon Warrior.

But he's the lucky one.

His end will be quick, unlike yours.

[laughs]

Ooh!

I hope you like the museum,

because you're all going to be permanent exhibits.

[rumbling]

[all straining]

Oh!

If you're lucky, maybe in a few years you'll be mummies. [laughs]

Worst vacation ever.

[shackles rattling]

Who wants to see a magic trick?

No one! No one wants to see a magic trick!

No one wanted to go on this stupid vacation in the first place!

Wow, you know things are bad

when miss Goody No-shoes loses her cool.

[all arguing at once]

Guys? Hey!

Behold!

Listen up. We can split up again, if you want.

But none of us can take on the Lin Quay and rescue Shifu alone.

So we could work as a team to save Shifu, who, by the way, wouldn't

be in trouble if we hadn't all been acting like selfish jerks.

- I'm in. - Me too.

- Go, team! - Awesome!

Now, come on. We can get out of here if we just use our heads.

Ow!

How was that for "Panda-monium"?

Let's go. We've gotta save Shifu.

Oh, and guys...

Yeah, we're all sorry too.

[groans] I've been Fived.

Ooh! Whoa!

- This thing is amazing. - It does look pretty cool.

Huh? [growls]

Destroy them!

[all grunting]

[martial arts cries, shouts]

Ha!

Wa-ta!

[both grunt]

[grunts] Ooh!

[laughs] Quit it!

Buddy, we are never gonna have a fair fight like this.

Good.

Ow! Cut it out.

What are you going to do, panda? You can't touch me.

[martial arts cries, shouts]

[laughs]

Time to end you, Dragon Warrior, once and for all!

Po!

Aah!

No! [grunts]

- Any parting words? - Yes...

Behold! [laughs]

What?

Get... ready... [grunts]

- For... - Ow!

[groans]

Oh, man! I didn't get to the "Panda-monium."

- Nice one. - Good job.

Ha ha. You guys totally thought I was dying, didn't you?

Best trick ever.

Now, pick a tile. Any tile.

[all groan] No.

So you see, working together, there's nothing we can't do.

Absolutely. All in all, that was a pretty good trip.

- Yes. - Definitely.

Worth a million yuan.

And we should never ever, ever do it again.

- Yes. - Definitely.

- Not for a million yuan. - Now you sound like a team.

[lighting humming] Oh!

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0