All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia s09e05 Mac Day.eng

A reading from the Holy
Bible.

Genesis, chapter one.
"God created the heaven and the

earth, and the earth was without
form and void, and darkness was

- upon the face of the deep..."
- Hey, buddy, do we

have to be kneeling this entire
time?

Yeah, this is not
comfortable.

I mean, it's gonna get
uncomfortable.

Yes, you need to be kneeling.
It's 11:58, and Mac Day's about

to officially start.
I want there to be ceremony.

Are we gonna be in the
dark the whole time?

My goodness, this is a lot of
complaining.

Charlie, can you please remind
everyone of the rules?

We are about to
officially begin Mac Day.

For the entirety of this day, we
will forced to do everything Mac

wants us to do.
And if anyone is caught

complaining?
An extra day is added to Mac

Day.
If you cannot resist the urge to

complain, you are allowed one
scream a day to the ceremonial

screaming pillow.
That's right.

Charlie, when it was your day,
did I complain about searching

for goblins for ten hours
straight?

Well, ghouls, and, no, they
didn't complain, 'cause we found

three. It was pretty sweet.
We found none.

Yeah?
We found no ghouls, we found

no goblins, we found no gremlins,
because they don't exist. Well...

Guys, this whole thing was
meant to bring us closer

together, and by the end of it,
you're gonna feel a little bit

closer to me, and if I've done my job
right, a little bit closer to God. Yes.

Because I've modeled my day
after the seven days of God's

creation, making my one day feel
like an entire week.

Oh!
Come on, man. Really?

Oh, come on, will you?
For crying out loud, my knees

are...

Three, two, one, begin! On the first
day, God said, "Let there be...

Mac."

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Seven straight hours
of lecturing?

Yeah, and five hours alone dedicated to
the evils of homosexuality... from him?

Did anyone else notice that he
had an erection the entire time?

Of course.

How could you miss it?

I mean, it was, like, shooting...
It was right there.

Shh, shh, shh-- here he comes.

Okay, guys, I want to introduce
a new theme to the day.

So I'd like to infuse the religious
angle with the theme of badass.

And I quote once
again from Genesis.

"And God said, 'Let there be a
firmament in the midst of the

waters, and let it divide the
waters from the waters.'

And God made the firmament and
divided the waters which were

under the firmament from the
waters which were above the

firmament.
And it was so."

There you have it.
There we have what?

Uh, the what...?
What are you saying?

It's water.
I'm saying "water," 'cause it

said water, like, eight times.
So, it's water.

That's what the whole thing is--
water.

Water what? Water and badass,
badass and water. Ah.

Yes!
We're doing a Project Badass

video over the Schuylkill River.
Yes! Yes!

Ah!
Yes!

Ah.
All right! Hey!

Do you guys hear the
motorcycle?

I have another special surprise.
We will be joined by my cousin

all day!
Your cousin?

Yeah, my cousin from the
country.

I haven't seen him in, like,
forever, but, guys, trust me.

He's, like, the second biggest
badass I know, so it's gonna

be awesome.
Country Mac coming to the big

city.

- Country Mac!
- Hey, City Mac!

Holy shit, there's two of them.

Okay, I think I like this
framing.

I don't even know what it is
you want us to do.

Well, I'm gonna jump from the
Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

What?!
Yes!

Holy shit!
What do you mean, from it?

To the water?
What?!

Yeah, I'm gonna jump from the
top of the bridge to the water.

Okay, I need you to act like
concerned citizens, but I need

this to feel real, okay, guys?
So, I need you to be neutral

about the jumper prior to the
jump, 'cause you don't know me.

You don't know this man.
But I need you to react at the

same time because I need to draw
the jump in later to match your

reaction.
You lost me there.

What do you mean, "Draw the
jump?"

You're not jumping?
No, I'm not gonna jump.

Of course I wouldn't jump.
I draw it in later because it's

like a post effect.
Well, what's badass about

that?
Your reaction is badass, you

know?
I want you to scream, "Badass!

You know, that dude is badass!
I've never seen anything as

badass as that." You know?
Oh...

But don't say my name, 'cause
you don't know this man.

That's why it feels real, you
know?

Now, later, if you want to do,
like, a Rudy-type situation

where you carry me through the
streets of Philadelphia, you

know, that's cool.
We won't.

I can put that in the schedule.

It's not a post effect?
No, that's a practical

fect, that would happen real,
but only if it's organic, you

know?
This is a goddamn mess, this

whole thing's a goddamn mess.
I'm lost, I'm lost.

You guys lost?
You're not gonna be badass,

but you're gonna...
And we're not gonna react?

This is all sounding a little
bit like a complaint from you

guys.
Who's complaining?!

We don't know what's going on!
We don't know you.

Mac! Mac! Mac!
Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!

- Badass! Badass! Badass!
- Badass! Badass!

All right, Country Mac, let's
do...

Keep it going. Keep it going.
All right.

Let's do this! Let's do this!
Badass.

Badass.

It's pretty high, it's good.
It's excellent, it's gonna be

great.
You better jump quick before

somebody tries to stop you.
Trust me, no one's gonna try

and stop me.
Jump, asshole!

Yep. See, in the big city,
nobody cares whether you live or

die.
Jump, you pussy!

All right, have a nice day.
Okay, so, I'm gonna run to the

end, book as fast as I can to
the fence, climb up to the top,

stop, climb back down to safety.
That's it.

So, you're not gonna jump?
I don't jump, okay?

Why does everybody think I jump?
Nobody jumps.

Evel Knievel didn't jump.
Johnny Knoxville doesn't jump.

Okay, this is big Hollywood
stuff, okay? Just stand back.

I don't want you to get hurt.
Let me handle it.

Oh, wow! Oh, there's a man
standing on the bridge.

What?!
Yes, he looks like...

Look at that.
His name is Mac.

No, we don't know his name.
We don't know it.

Oh.
His name is Rudy, I believe,

you guys.
That's what it was-- Rudy.

We don't know what his
name is, and that's okay, but we

don't know each other. Hi.
How are you?

Nice to meet you.
Oh, hi, hi, but it looks like

he may commit suicide.
Ah!

Oh!
Suicide is badass.

Right!
No, no, no, no, Rudy's not

trying to kill himself.
We don't know his name.

He just likes to jump, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Mac is the one who's the

badass, remember that.
Badass.

No, we don't... Will you
stop, stop, stop?

Everybody stop. Come on, guys.
What are we doing?

I don't know what we're doing.

We got to get on the same page.

It's so unclear.
He gave us, like...

Don't know what we're doing.
Maybe just you talk.

Well, whatever it is, we got
to get on the same page.

Otherwise, we're gonna have to
do it over and over and over...

Did someone just go plop?

Looked like it.
Someone just jumped.

Someone jumped.
He jumped! That's it!

He jumped, guys! He jumped!
The day's over, the day's over.

Country Mac is gone, he's dead.
Let's get out of here.

Look! Look, look, look!
What? What? Oh.

Whoa!
Oh, holy shit! Oh, my God!

Oh, wow! Wow!
Whoa!

Well, how'd that look?
Oh, amazing! All right!

How did it look?
How'd it look? Badass!

It looked badass, dude.
I cannot believe you jumped.

Whoa!
No, that's not really

badass, guys. That's dangerous.
Um, can we put him on our

shoulders and parade him around
like Rudy?

I'm feeling that now.
I want to do that.

I'm feeling that now.
Yeah, yeah...

No, no, no, no, no, I don't

think that's gonna work anymore.
That's not gonna fit into our

schedule, you know? I mean...
I mean, it was your idea...

No, we're very full.

We're very full now.
This is not gonna play.

We're gonna move on to day four
now.

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You skipped day three.

Uh, day three is when God
created trees and grass and

nature.
You know, kind of a bullshit

day, so we're gonna move on to
day four where God created the

stars.

If you look at the Orion
constellation and then track

across to the Big Dipper, you'll
see a gaseous, cloud-like area.

Okay, I'm gonna
need you guys to go ahead and

ignore everything that this
clown is saying.

God created the stars 5,000
years ago.

Uh, who has the pillow?
I need a pillow.

I think I thought of a way

that we can work day three into
this experience.

No, we're on day four.
And, besides, there's no trees

or herbs in the planetarium.
But there's herb.

Hmm?
Who wants to smoke a "J"?

Oh, shit. You brought weed?
No, no, no, we're not smoking

weed, okay?
It's still illegal in the state

of Pennsylvania.
Puff, puff, pass, bitches.

Yeah.
Yeah, come on, Mac, shut up.

I thought you were a badass.
There's nothing

badass about breaking the law,
Charlie.

This is gonna make
it way more fun, dude.

This isn't about fun.
It's about fearing God, okay?

I'm trying to convert you guys.
Oh, my God, is that what this

is about?
You're not gonna convert me in

one day.
I don't believe in God.

Well, you should.
Because if you don't, God will

make a flood or a famine, okay?
He will destroy you with

tornadoes and earthquakes and
AIDS.

Where do you think AIDS came
from?

Uh, hello, God's gift to the
gays.

Oh...
Oh, my God.

You're gonna ruin this high,
dude.

Mac, I think you're a little
confused there.

I mean, yeah, sure, bad things
do happen.

But what about sunsets? Oh...
French kisses. Oh...

The smell of rain.
Yeah.

That's why I believe in God.
Yeah.

Not because of the things
that he takes away from us but

because of the things that he
gives to us.

Oh... dude.
Shit, dude.

You just ripped a hole in my
mind.

See, that's the God I l...
I like that.

I'm choosing that one.
Excuse me, who's talking back

there?
Shut up, science bitch.

Yeah. Yeah, shut up, science

bitch!
Aw, dude, dude, dude.

Come on, man.
He just said it.

He just said it.
He just did it.

Oh. What the hell?

Carbs-wise, this is gonna set

me back, but I don't even give a
shit.

Yes.

Country Mac's awesome.
Yes.

Yeah.
This weed that he gave us is

awesome. It's... Yes. Yeah.

All these years I've been
feeling like I hate karate.

And, like, I hate Project
Badass and, like... I hate God.

Yes. But, like... I realize... you
know what I really hate... is Mac.

Yes. Like, he's made all those cool things suck.
Not only is he, like,

rui... ning my life...
but with all this God shit that

he's into... he could be
ruining my afterlife. Yes.

I thought that
one was gonna... Let me try.

So...
Yeah, I get that.

Okay, I feel like we got a
little bit off the rails back

there, but I'm ready to get back
on.

Dude, did you guys see the
way Country Mac was riding his

motorcycle?
Badass, dude!

No, it was reckless once again.

I thought it was awesome!
He was like Batman, just

zipping through the cars.
He beat us here by, like, an

hour. Oh, I want to get a motorcycle, man.
Dude, we should all get

motorcycles!
Okay, that's enough! Okay?

Enough about Country Mac.
It's still my day.

Yeah.
Thank you.

On the fifth day, God made fish,
so we'll just skip right past

that.
Yeah, we'll skip that.

You're skipping a lot of days,
dude.

Well, you can't fit it all
into one day.

That's preposterous.
You're the one who came up

with the structure, so... that's
preposterous.

All right, on the sixth day,
God created the beasts of the

earth and he made man in his own
image.

And beholdeth... the image of
God.

Oh, shit.

Okay, everybody grab some
grease.

Why? Because we're gonna grease up these beefcakes.
No! No! Come on! No!

Easy, Frank.
Frank, you better take it easy!

Listen! These guys work off
their beautiful glutes for our

enjoyment, okay?
The least we can do is pay them

back in tan and grease.
Greasing dudes.

Yep.
That's why we're here today.

I ain't doing this!
About time you guys got here.

Hey, there you are.
Country Mac, man. Hey, bro.

Listen, dude, can you get us out
of here?

Yeah, you got to get us out
of here, man.

Get out of here?
I'm lovin' it.

I've been gettin' phone numbers
left and right.

Oh, sweet, there's chicks here?

Chicks? No.
Dudes.

I'm into dudes.
Oh... you're gay.

Loud and proud, brother.
Loud and proud.

Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with
that.

There's nothing wrong with
that.

Honestly, it's, like, refreshing
to hear.

You know what, happy hunting,
bro, get after it.

Cool, cool, cool. I'll see you all
in a little bit. Cool, yeah, yeah.

See, he doesn't want us to
grease them, you know?

God, that's awesome.
Because he wants them.

It doe... Right.
He wants them for himself.

It's so much more comfortable
when someone's gay and open

about it.
And, like, I know we've never

said this as a group, but...
Mac's gay.

Yeah, Mac's gay.
He's gay.

He's gay.
I mean... okay... smiles.

Hey! Hey!
What's with all the chitchat?

Legs and hammies are drying up
by the second.

We got stoned and we're
uncomfortable.

We're trying to deal with the
whole thing.

You guys need to start
greasing some dudes or I'm gonna

freak out, all right?
I'm gonna freak out, and I'm

gonna add another day!
No, no, no. We'll grease,

we'll grease, we'll grease.
We're ready to grease.

Give me the grease.
We'll grease the dudes and...

Okay, that's what I like to
hear.

But don't blow your wads on
these guys, okay?

I mean... We still have the karate tournament.
We're gonna watch you fight?

Fight? No.
No, day seven is God's day of

rest and judgment.
So I'm gonna sit back and watch

and judge everybody else in the
tournament.

Hey, Mac.
I'm drying up over here.

Sorry, Big Moe.
Sorry about that.

I'll be right there.
Get to work. Get to work.

Grease 'em up, come on.
Yeah, okay.

All right.
Yeah.

All right, bud.
He's got the boner again.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, at least this
time it makes sense, huh? Hmm.

All right, listen.
I got an idea.

Ooh, I don't know about this.
This doesn't feel right.

No, this is good.
This is gonna be good for him.

I promise. This is the only way.
Oh! Hey.

I got you guys all notebooks
and pens.

We're gonna start with the
yellow belts 'cause it's an

inferior class.
Actually, we've got a

surprise for you, Mac.
Yeah. We signed you up.

You're competing.
Huh?

You're gonna go fight a guy.
A black belt actually.

You're in the tournament.
No, no, I-I don't think

that's a good idea.
Mostly because I don't have the

right gear, and I'm not...
You're wearing a gi.

You are wearing a gi.
Yeah, that is the gear.

That's the only gear.
I notice you're also wearing

a black belt.
Now, you are a black belt,

correct?
Um, not technicaly.

Um, only because I haven't
subscribed to one... discipline.

But you are good enough to
fight in a black belt

tournament.
'Cause you're wearing a black

belt.
Of course.

Shit, Mac, you can do it.
Just go right for the guy's

throat.
I know I can do it.

That's not the... I feel like
you're talking a lot throughout

the day.
I know I can do it.

So if you can do it, then do
it.

I'll sign up if Mac doesn't
want to.

I'm gonna do it. I said I was... I was
never not gonna do it. I'm excited.

Yeah. I-I'm really excited to see this, man.
You are gonna kick that guy's

ass, whoever he is.

This is cruel.
Oof.

I can't watch it, you know?
Trust me, this is for his own

good. If he doesn't face this now, he never will.
Yeah, it's too bad, but he's

got to get his ass kicked. Yep.
It's time for this to end. Hi.

Okay, now bow.
Not to me, Karate Kid, to him.

Oh.
Bow.

Bow.
Ready. Fight!

Block, point, Mac!

Shit.
Guys, did you see that?

I got a point! I got a point!

Oh!
Hell, no.

Oh!

That was badass!

He kicked the shit out of
that guy!

Well, I got the actual point.
Who cares? You lost.

Country Mac won. Yeah, but it's
about the art, okay? Oh, the art.

You got your ass kicked--
that's what happened.

I scored an actual point in
an actual karate tournament and

against an actual black belt.
Country Mac beat the shit out

of that guy with a beer and his
T-shirt.

Yeah, and where is he always
getting those beers, man?

That's the most badass thing
I've ever seen.

Out of the blue, he gets a
beer.

No, it's years of training
finally paying off, and an

uncontested black belt point is
the most badass...

Oh, my God, we're never gonna
hear the end of this.

Stop, stop!
Hold on a second, Mac.

No, no. Listen, you got your ass
kicked today-- that's what

happened, plain and simple.
So I want you to admit it.

Dennis, don't.
The day's almost over.

We only have a couple of hours.
No, n-n-n-no, Dee, we have a

lifetime of this to look forward
to, and I for one can't stand

it.
You are not a badass, pal.

Admit it to us right now.
Get on your knees!

You are not a badass!
Oh, my God!

Hey, what's wrong with you,
guy?

You got a problem?
You got the problem, asshole.

Look out!

Shit.
You bring a knife to a fight,

you better be ready to use it,
you jabroni.

Just... don't come back here,
you punks.

Aw, you made him look like a
bitch!

Holy shit.
Nice... very nice.

Oh, you are badass, dude.
How'd you know he had a knife

on him?
I gave him an ocular patdown.

Assessed the threat level.
Clocked a knife in his boot.

Huh! Holy shit.

Guys, I may have had a little
bit of an accident in my pants,

so I think I got to change out
of this gi.

He just gave that guy an
ocular patdown, and it actually

worked.
It worked.

He made a lucky guess, and he
put us all in danger.

You made a poopy in your pants!

Did anybody else do a poopoo in
their pants?

No.
Of course not.

This is our head of security!
I don't need to listen to

this, okay?
I'm gonna change out of this gi

and then we're gonna keep going
with the day, okay?

I have a series of lectures that
we're gonna get to.

Go get the poop out of your
pants.

I can't wait for the lectures.

Goddamn, man.
The guy is in complete denial

about absolutely every aspect of
his life.

And there is nothing we can do
about it.

I say we switch him out.
Huh?

Country Mac for Paddy's Mac.
We send Mac to the country,

bring Country Mac here.
Yeah, to the bar.

That's not a bad idea.
I mean, look, we'd be safer with

an actual badass in the bar.
We might actually become a

little bit more badass
ourselves.

We would become more like
Country Mac, which'd be great.

We have a lot to learn from
him.

We should all get motorcycles.
And drink much more beer.

And smoke more weed, you guys.

And get in fights and do all
those things.

Can we make this happen
before he comes back out...?

Let's talk to him, let's talk
to him.

Hey, um... hey, Country Mac, can
we just talk to you for one

quick second, buddy?
Um, listen, we were just talking

and, man, we sure would like for
you to stay with us.

I mean, like-like, stay with us
forever.

Will you be part of our gang?
Yep.

Uh... just "yep"?
Just, like... That's it?

You're not gonna give a speech
or lecture us or anything like

that?
No bossiness?

No pontificating?
It's not my style.

I just go with the flow.
Let the wind blow through my

hair.
Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, wow.
I love that guy.

Aw, look at him go.
Where's he even going?

I mean, the fact that we
don't know where he's going

makes him all the more badass.
Uh-oh. Whoops.

Whoopsie.
He fell, huh?

Tipped over a little bit.
Ooh.

He's probably okay, though,
right?

Well, yeah, he just... popped
over.

A little-little bump.
He's fine. He's good, he's good,

he's good, he's good.

Country Mac lived a reckless
life.

He wasn't the kind of guy that
could score a point in a black

belt karate contest.
And it turns out, he was totally

queer.
Which, as we all know, is a sin.

And that, coupled with his
radical religious beliefs, has

most likely landed him in Hell,
where he will burn for all

eternity.
So I will ask for a moment of

silence, in which I will beg
God's forgiveness for Country

Mac's evil, homo ways, while
simultaneously doing a series of

karate moves that I know Country
Mac would've enjoyed so much.

Well, guys, I think the real

lesson here is that there's
nothing badass about riding a

motorcycle without a helmet.
Right.

Plus, he was drunk all the
time.

Yeah.
You know what's badass?

Being alive.
Yeah.

So, uh, what do we do about this
guy?

>> Namaste. Namaste.

Okay, we will now pile into the
car, where we will go to the

countryside to leave Country
Mac's ashes in a place that he

loved so well.
Actually, we won't.

Because it's officially Frank
Day, so...

All right, Pee Country Mac.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0