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1
00:00:02,747 --> 00:00:03,545
- Hey, babe.
- Hmm?
2
00:00:03,607 --> 00:00:04,863
Coming to bed soon?
3
00:00:04,915 --> 00:00:07,032
As soon as I'm done making
Shannon's lunch for tomorrow.
4
00:00:07,084 --> 00:00:08,867
It's kind of like we're parents, huh?
5
00:00:08,952 --> 00:00:11,703
- Sending our kid off to school for the first time.
- Mm.
6
00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:14,039
Yeah, but instead of a cute
little kid with pigtails,
7
00:00:14,124 --> 00:00:17,259
it's your 16-year-old terrifying
sister with a Hello Kitty bong.
8
00:00:18,629 --> 00:00:20,512
Which I threw away.
9
00:00:20,547 --> 00:00:23,215
Look at us. Making lunches,
10
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:25,217
confiscating drug paraphernalia.
11
00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:26,801
We are nailing parenting.
12
00:00:26,887 --> 00:00:28,019
Yeah, we are.
13
00:00:29,106 --> 00:00:31,223
All right, catch you fools later.
14
00:00:31,308 --> 00:00:32,557
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
15
00:00:32,643 --> 00:00:33,975
Where are you going?
16
00:00:34,061 --> 00:00:35,310
Meeting some friends at a club.
17
00:00:35,395 --> 00:00:36,611
And before you get all concerned,
18
00:00:36,697 --> 00:00:38,230
yes, I have my fake ID.
19
00:00:39,931 --> 00:00:40,899
Shannon, it's 10:30,
20
00:00:40,951 --> 00:00:43,702
and tomorrow is your
first day at a new school.
21
00:00:43,737 --> 00:00:45,403
10:30? Good point. Club'll be empty.
22
00:00:45,455 --> 00:00:46,872
I'll leave in an hour. (clicks tongue)
23
00:00:48,596 --> 00:00:49,908
You're not going anywhere.
24
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,210
School starts earlier than
you're used to getting up.
25
00:00:52,246 --> 00:00:54,129
Yes. It's a time called...
26
00:00:54,214 --> 00:00:55,463
morning.
27
00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,500
The sun is out. The air is crisp.
28
00:00:58,585 --> 00:00:59,751
Birds are tweeting.
29
00:00:59,803 --> 00:01:02,837
(scoffs) Birds can't tweet.
30
00:01:03,309 --> 00:01:04,923
Sorry, you're staying in.
31
00:01:05,008 --> 00:01:06,758
But I don't even want to
go to this stupid school.
32
00:01:06,843 --> 00:01:07,976
Okay, first of all,
33
00:01:08,061 --> 00:01:10,183
Theodore Roosevelt High
School is not stupid.
34
00:01:10,218 --> 00:01:12,063
They have some of the
finest teachers in the city.
35
00:01:12,099 --> 00:01:14,099
(laughs) You know what they
say about teachers, right?
36
00:01:14,151 --> 00:01:15,684
Okay. Those who can't...
37
00:01:15,769 --> 00:01:17,269
I'm a teacher.
38
00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,405
Let me finish my sentence.
39
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,941
Those who can't do anything else...
40
00:01:22,993 --> 00:01:24,409
teach.
41
00:01:25,779 --> 00:01:27,245
Uh, Shannon,
42
00:01:27,281 --> 00:01:30,081
you may not be into the ancient
Greeks or anything pre-Snapchat...
43
00:01:30,117 --> 00:01:31,783
(laughs)
44
00:01:31,868 --> 00:01:33,952
...but Aristotle said,
"The roots of education
45
00:01:34,004 --> 00:01:35,620
are bitter, but the..."
46
00:01:35,672 --> 00:01:37,372
Shannon, what are you doing?
47
00:01:37,457 --> 00:01:39,791
(laughs):
I'm sending a snap of this to Janelle.
48
00:01:39,843 --> 00:01:41,793
She's been having trouble
falling asleep recently.
49
00:01:41,845 --> 00:01:43,428
I thought this might help.
50
00:01:44,226 --> 00:01:45,297
Why do I even try?
51
00:01:45,382 --> 00:01:47,465
I don't know.
52
00:01:47,517 --> 00:01:48,883
All right, I'm going in my room.
53
00:01:48,969 --> 00:01:51,970
Oh, has anybody seen a
little Hello Kitty, uh...
54
00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:53,939
statue that I left out?
55
00:01:54,526 --> 00:01:55,951
A statue, huh?
56
00:01:55,986 --> 00:01:57,551
- Hmm.
- Didn't know you were into those.
57
00:01:57,586 --> 00:01:58,443
What does it look like?
58
00:01:58,478 --> 00:02:01,896
Well, it's got a couple,
um, statue holes and...
59
00:02:01,982 --> 00:02:04,316
it's got some weed in it.
60
00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:06,651
I threw your bong away, Shannon.
61
00:02:06,737 --> 00:02:10,155
And you let him, Clem? You used to
smoke all the time when you were my age.
62
00:02:10,207 --> 00:02:11,906
Yes, but I'm older now,
63
00:02:11,992 --> 00:02:14,326
and I'm telling you to do the opposite.
64
00:02:14,411 --> 00:02:17,545
Which is the funnest part of growing up.
65
00:02:19,383 --> 00:02:21,333
(groans softly)
66
00:02:21,334 --> 00:02:25,754
Right about now,
I could use that Hello Kitty statue.
67
00:02:25,839 --> 00:02:28,673
♪ ♪
68
00:02:32,846 --> 00:02:34,846
Hey, Nick, do you think
Shannon's gonna be okay
69
00:02:34,898 --> 00:02:37,182
- at her new school?
- I'll tell you what I think.
70
00:02:37,234 --> 00:02:39,317
I think all we ever talk
about now is Shannon.
71
00:02:39,353 --> 00:02:40,986
Oh, God, you're right.
72
00:02:41,021 --> 00:02:42,654
We're like those annoying parents
73
00:02:42,689 --> 00:02:45,440
who can't stop talking about
how great their kids are.
74
00:02:45,525 --> 00:02:49,244
Except we're not parents
and our kid sucks.
75
00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:52,113
You know what makes us different
than those parents? We're young,
76
00:02:52,199 --> 00:02:53,365
we're hot,
77
00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:55,617
and we do it all the time.
78
00:02:55,702 --> 00:02:57,452
Mmm...
79
00:02:57,537 --> 00:03:00,205
Do we do it all the time?
80
00:03:00,257 --> 00:03:02,173
We did do it all the time...
81
00:03:02,209 --> 00:03:05,093
till Shannon moved in.
82
00:03:06,057 --> 00:03:07,962
Maybe that's why we've been at
each other's throats lately.
83
00:03:08,048 --> 00:03:09,180
Have we?
84
00:03:09,216 --> 00:03:10,882
Yeah, like the other day,
you got mad at me
85
00:03:10,934 --> 00:03:12,050
when I accidentally broke the blender.
86
00:03:12,102 --> 00:03:14,552
Who puts frozen mango in
a blender with no water?
87
00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:16,721
That's how you make a mango shake!
88
00:03:17,941 --> 00:03:20,025
Look at us. We're doing it again.
89
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:22,560
Yeah, 'cause, again, we're not doing it.
90
00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:23,862
(sighs)
91
00:03:23,897 --> 00:03:26,197
It's hard having Shannon in our space.
92
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:27,699
But tomorrow, once school starts,
93
00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:30,368
we're gonna get a lot of
structure back into our lives,
94
00:03:30,404 --> 00:03:32,037
and maybe we can...
95
00:03:32,072 --> 00:03:34,289
get back into our routine.
96
00:03:34,374 --> 00:03:36,124
Wait, you think our sex is routine?
97
00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:37,992
I mean, maybe steps one through four,
98
00:03:38,078 --> 00:03:40,161
but, I mean, come on, five through 11?
99
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,082
How about we cut to step nine right now?
100
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:46,384
Ooh. It is on.
101
00:03:47,225 --> 00:03:48,887
And it's gonna be the
opposite of routine.
102
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:52,257
But don't worry, Daddy's still
gonna throw in the greatest hits
103
00:03:52,342 --> 00:03:54,392
- and give Mama what she wants.
- (laughs)
104
00:03:55,479 --> 00:03:56,478
Hey, guys.
105
00:03:56,563 --> 00:03:57,562
- Oh! Uh...
- Oh.
106
00:03:57,597 --> 00:03:59,097
Get a room.
107
00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:00,432
We're in our room.
108
00:04:00,484 --> 00:04:01,733
Don't you knock?
109
00:04:01,768 --> 00:04:02,901
I try not to.
110
00:04:02,936 --> 00:04:04,652
My knuckles are a little sensy.
111
00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:07,605
Anyway, we got any apples?
112
00:04:07,657 --> 00:04:10,108
Do you need an apple so that
you can make a pipe out of it?
113
00:04:10,193 --> 00:04:12,026
(scoffs) No!
114
00:04:12,112 --> 00:04:14,863
I need an apple
'cause you threw away my bong.
115
00:04:15,912 --> 00:04:16,781
Hey, Shannon...
116
00:04:16,833 --> 00:04:18,283
get out.
117
00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:21,920
- Oh, I'll just use a potato.
- Shannon...
118
00:04:21,955 --> 00:04:23,705
Why haven't we put a lock on this door?
119
00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:26,341
'Cause we've never had a Shannon before.
120
00:04:27,056 --> 00:04:27,842
You know what?
121
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:31,131
Tomorrow morning Shannon
has to leave at 7:30.
122
00:04:31,166 --> 00:04:32,714
We don't have to leave until 8:00.
123
00:04:32,799 --> 00:04:35,967
That gives us a full 30-minute
window of opportunity.
124
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,102
Mmm...
125
00:04:37,137 --> 00:04:39,104
I like what you're suggesting.
126
00:04:39,139 --> 00:04:40,722
A good old-fashioned...
127
00:04:40,807 --> 00:04:42,557
smash-and-dash.
128
00:04:46,196 --> 00:04:47,696
_
129
00:04:47,697 --> 00:04:49,481
Okay, I just saw Shannon.
130
00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:51,316
She's dressed for
school and ready to go.
131
00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:53,952
Any second now,
she'll be walking out of that room,
132
00:04:53,987 --> 00:04:56,454
and we will be walking into ours.
133
00:04:56,490 --> 00:05:01,326
Great. I got her lunch, packed her bag,
and manscaped all my business.
134
00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:03,328
Okay, let's separate those thoughts,
135
00:05:03,413 --> 00:05:05,747
- but you know what I'm saying.
- Mm-hmm.
136
00:05:05,832 --> 00:05:07,749
(takes deep breath)
137
00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:09,217
Shannon?
138
00:05:12,506 --> 00:05:13,755
Shannon!
139
00:05:14,841 --> 00:05:16,174
(groans)
140
00:05:22,182 --> 00:05:23,481
She fell back asleep.
141
00:05:23,517 --> 00:05:25,665
Brushing her teeth. Standing up.
142
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,684
You've got to see this.
143
00:05:29,331 --> 00:05:32,106
- _
- Shannon, what is going on?
144
00:05:32,192 --> 00:05:36,110
I'll tell you what's going on...
She's eating up half our time.
145
00:05:36,196 --> 00:05:37,278
You know what that means.
146
00:05:37,364 --> 00:05:38,530
No back tickles?
147
00:05:38,615 --> 00:05:40,865
No back tickles.
148
00:05:40,951 --> 00:05:42,700
Oh, Shannon, I swear to God...
149
00:05:42,786 --> 00:05:44,202
Should I wear the flannel?
150
00:05:44,287 --> 00:05:46,087
I'm not so sure about the flannel.
151
00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:47,872
- You're wearing the flannel.
- Yes, yes.
152
00:05:47,958 --> 00:05:49,507
Okay, what about breakfast?
153
00:05:49,543 --> 00:05:51,960
- What about it?
- You told me not to leave without eating it.
154
00:05:52,045 --> 00:05:54,345
Since when do you listen to us?
Don't listen to us.
155
00:05:57,632 --> 00:06:00,518
Oh, man, I got OJ on my shirt.
156
00:06:00,554 --> 00:06:01,970
- Orange goes with gray.
- Mm-hmm.
157
00:06:02,055 --> 00:06:03,188
It's like tie-dye.
158
00:06:04,068 --> 00:06:04,939
It brings the whole outfit together.
159
00:06:05,025 --> 00:06:06,391
The whole thing together.
160
00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:08,226
(groans)
161
00:06:09,779 --> 00:06:10,779
_
162
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:13,398
If she leaves in 30 seconds, one of us
163
00:06:13,483 --> 00:06:15,366
can still have a positive experience.
164
00:06:16,736 --> 00:06:19,037
What? I'm just trying to
salvage something here.
165
00:06:19,372 --> 00:06:20,238
Shannon!
166
00:06:20,323 --> 00:06:22,907
All right, I am good to go.
167
00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:24,576
Now I just need shoes.
168
00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:26,911
Oh, now she needs shoes.
Okay, well, other people
169
00:06:26,963 --> 00:06:28,580
in this house have needs, too.
170
00:06:28,632 --> 00:06:31,082
Now I'm late for work!
Just... "I need shoes."
171
00:06:31,134 --> 00:06:32,060
You know, there's plenty
of shoes around this house.
172
00:06:32,136 --> 00:06:34,935
I've bought many shoes.
There's just pairs all in the closet.
173
00:06:34,989 --> 00:06:37,889
Now you can't find a pair.
This is crazy!
174
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,758
That dude needs to get laid.
175
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,421
Hey, hey, now,
this is what I like to see.
176
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:53,890
First day of school and already
digging into the homework.
177
00:06:53,926 --> 00:06:56,259
You bet I am!
178
00:06:57,139 --> 00:06:58,845
See, I thought that I
wasn't gonna like school,
179
00:06:58,931 --> 00:07:01,598
but it turns out I really hate it.
180
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:03,316
What you got there?
181
00:07:03,402 --> 00:07:05,868
Ooh, The Great Gatsby.
182
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:08,271
You know, I discover something
new every time I read this book.
183
00:07:08,357 --> 00:07:10,357
Yeah, our homework assignment
was to read the first chapter,
184
00:07:10,442 --> 00:07:12,275
and I just have, like,
one question about it.
185
00:07:12,361 --> 00:07:16,079
- Yeah, hit me.
- What exactly happens in the first chapter?
186
00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:20,617
So, Rose, you're picturing our
whole wedding on the beach?
187
00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:21,952
She's not only picturing it,
188
00:07:22,037 --> 00:07:26,089
she's been going up and down Long
Island looking at sand samples.
189
00:07:27,192 --> 00:07:29,175
And the best part is,
190
00:07:29,261 --> 00:07:31,810
when the string quartet starts to play,
191
00:07:31,845 --> 00:07:36,433
Nick and his groomsmen will
come galloping in on horses.
192
00:07:39,145 --> 00:07:41,054
Whoa, Ma, don't you think you're
getting a little carried away?
193
00:07:41,139 --> 00:07:42,305
I mean, horses?
194
00:07:42,357 --> 00:07:44,808
Oh, you don't know
what "carried away" is.
195
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:48,945
My mother took over every
detail of my wedding.
196
00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:51,481
I didn't have a say in anything.
197
00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:53,783
Hmm. I wonder what that's like.
198
00:07:55,537 --> 00:07:57,237
Oh, God, I'm sorry. That was rude.
199
00:07:57,322 --> 00:07:59,873
I've just been a little on edge lately.
200
00:08:00,572 --> 00:08:03,960
Gentlemen, would you let us ladies
have a moment alone, please?
201
00:08:03,996 --> 00:08:06,880
Of course, sweetheart. Come on, Nick.
202
00:08:06,965 --> 00:08:08,164
Hey, Dad, uh...
203
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:11,384
you can talk her
out of the horses, right?
204
00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:13,219
That's cute, son.
205
00:08:15,307 --> 00:08:17,173
So, what's going on, baby?
206
00:08:17,225 --> 00:08:20,343
Tell Mama Rose all about it.
207
00:08:20,429 --> 00:08:21,928
Look, it's hard.
208
00:08:24,010 --> 00:08:26,016
The day after we got engaged,
Shannon moved in,
209
00:08:26,068 --> 00:08:28,151
and it's put a little bit of
stress on our relationship.
210
00:08:28,186 --> 00:08:29,436
I get it.
211
00:08:29,521 --> 00:08:31,855
Not long after Walt and I were married,
212
00:08:31,907 --> 00:08:36,743
I found the cutest little
stray cat and brought her home.
213
00:08:36,828 --> 00:08:38,778
Well, let me tell you,
214
00:08:38,864 --> 00:08:41,531
that cat got a lot of "D."
215
00:08:41,617 --> 00:08:43,366
You know what I mean.
216
00:08:43,452 --> 00:08:45,619
I really hope I don't.
217
00:08:46,095 --> 00:08:47,704
Diarrhea.
218
00:08:48,713 --> 00:08:49,706
Oh, thank God.
219
00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:52,258
But we got through it, together,
220
00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:55,211
and our relationship
was stronger for it.
221
00:08:55,297 --> 00:08:57,714
So, what are you trying to say?
222
00:08:57,799 --> 00:09:00,600
Shannon is your diarrhea cat.
223
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,470
Ah...
224
00:09:09,945 --> 00:09:13,196
Look, I know having anyone new
living in your house is a challenge.
225
00:09:13,231 --> 00:09:14,731
Shannon's a great kid, but she...
226
00:09:14,783 --> 00:09:17,117
Dresses like a homeless pirate?
227
00:09:17,202 --> 00:09:21,071
No. I mean, well, yes,
yes, she does, but...
228
00:09:21,156 --> 00:09:23,957
It's just she... she's always around.
229
00:09:24,042 --> 00:09:25,291
I understand, son.
230
00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:26,409
Figured you would, Dad.
231
00:09:26,495 --> 00:09:28,662
- You're not getting any.
- Oh!
232
00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,248
I... don't really want to
have that conversation.
233
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,217
I mean, you got a teenager living there,
234
00:09:34,252 --> 00:09:35,919
and you got some thin walls.
235
00:09:35,971 --> 00:09:37,137
Please, can we stop?
236
00:09:37,222 --> 00:09:38,922
I mean, it's fine when they're babies...
237
00:09:38,974 --> 00:09:41,558
They don't know what the hell's
going on in the other room.
238
00:09:41,593 --> 00:09:44,511
They probably think you're
fighting a bear or something.
239
00:09:44,596 --> 00:09:46,312
Please make it stop.
240
00:09:46,398 --> 00:09:49,683
You know, when you were 16,
I was starring on Broadway
241
00:09:49,768 --> 00:09:51,351
as the Wizard in Wicked.
242
00:09:51,436 --> 00:09:52,435
Remember?
243
00:09:52,521 --> 00:09:55,772
The Times called my performance
"a haunting tour de force."
244
00:09:55,857 --> 00:09:57,991
I don't think they said that, Dad.
245
00:09:58,076 --> 00:10:00,694
It was in the subtext. Anyway...
246
00:10:00,779 --> 00:10:03,246
your mother used to sneak
away from work at lunch
247
00:10:03,281 --> 00:10:04,914
and meet me in my dressing room.
248
00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:07,283
- You want to know why?
- No, I don't.
249
00:10:08,954 --> 00:10:10,704
- For a nooner.
- Oh! Okay.
250
00:10:10,789 --> 00:10:11,955
All right, all right.
251
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,623
Conversation over. The subtext is...
252
00:10:13,709 --> 00:10:15,759
(shudders loudly)
253
00:10:17,179 --> 00:10:18,428
(grunts)
254
00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:24,100
(grunts)
255
00:10:24,136 --> 00:10:25,468
(sighs)
256
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,188
Hey, Clem.
257
00:10:28,273 --> 00:10:32,142
Am I about to be murdered?
258
00:10:32,194 --> 00:10:35,729
Nope. Just trying
to keep out the diarrhea cat.
259
00:10:35,814 --> 00:10:37,313
- Excuse me?
- We can't just let
260
00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:39,449
some teenager ruin our sex life.
261
00:10:39,484 --> 00:10:42,652
I say we do it right now
and just get it over with.
262
00:10:44,206 --> 00:10:45,488
Get it over with?
263
00:10:45,574 --> 00:10:46,823
Yep.
264
00:10:46,908 --> 00:10:49,159
Just plow right through.
265
00:10:49,244 --> 00:10:50,326
Okay.
266
00:10:50,412 --> 00:10:51,377
I mean, it's been a while.
267
00:10:51,463 --> 00:10:54,464
I was hoping for a little more romance,
but, you know, beggars.
268
00:10:54,499 --> 00:10:56,716
(knocking on door)
269
00:10:56,802 --> 00:10:59,469
- Do you hear that?
- Not if you didn't.
270
00:10:59,504 --> 00:11:01,671
SHANNON: Guys!
I'm knocking like you said,
271
00:11:01,757 --> 00:11:05,341
even though it's hurting
my sensy knuckles.
272
00:11:05,393 --> 00:11:07,343
(Nick sighs)
273
00:11:11,683 --> 00:11:14,017
- May we help you?
- Yep.
274
00:11:14,069 --> 00:11:15,852
The school gave me this form
that needs your signature.
275
00:11:15,904 --> 00:11:19,322
Don't read it, just sign,
and I'll be on my merry way.
276
00:11:19,357 --> 00:11:21,191
"Disciplinary notice.
277
00:11:21,276 --> 00:11:23,193
Shannon Barnes fell
asleep in history..."
278
00:11:23,245 --> 00:11:24,861
You fell asleep in history?
279
00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:28,498
"...English and math."
280
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,583
- You fell asleep in three classes?
- Hey.
281
00:11:30,669 --> 00:11:32,786
It doesn't mention that
I stayed awake in bio.
282
00:11:32,871 --> 00:11:34,287
That's the real triumph here.
283
00:11:36,477 --> 00:11:38,675
Yes, congratulations for staying awake
284
00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:41,511
in one out of the five hours
that you were in class today.
285
00:11:41,546 --> 00:11:43,763
Hey, that's like 50%.
286
00:11:43,849 --> 00:11:45,515
No, it's not, and you would know that
287
00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:47,300
if you stayed awake in math.
288
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,304
Well, great job on your first day,
Shannon.
289
00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:52,889
What do you have planned for day two?
290
00:11:52,974 --> 00:11:54,357
Vape in the girls' bathroom?
291
00:11:54,392 --> 00:11:56,109
Trash the teachers' lounge?
292
00:11:56,194 --> 00:11:58,444
Why the hell am I giving you ideas?
293
00:11:58,530 --> 00:12:00,730
It wasn't that bad.
294
00:12:00,816 --> 00:12:03,233
Dude, I stayed in school all day.
I'm trying, okay?
295
00:12:03,285 --> 00:12:06,119
For once in your life,
would it kill you to be on my side?
296
00:12:06,204 --> 00:12:07,570
(sighs)
297
00:12:12,577 --> 00:12:17,213
So... I guess
we're putting away the plow?
298
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,801
I can't believe she got in
trouble on the first day.
299
00:12:21,887 --> 00:12:23,920
I'm sorry, sweetie.
300
00:12:23,972 --> 00:12:26,089
If you want,
we can fight about the blender.
301
00:12:26,141 --> 00:12:28,641
Babe, there's no fight there.
302
00:12:28,727 --> 00:12:32,061
That's how you make a mango shake.
303
00:12:35,085 --> 00:12:36,733
Look, I got an idea.
304
00:12:36,768 --> 00:12:38,935
Tomorrow, while Shannon's at school,
305
00:12:38,987 --> 00:12:40,603
we'll skip out of work at lunchtime,
306
00:12:40,689 --> 00:12:43,573
come home, we'll have a nooner.
307
00:12:44,336 --> 00:12:45,775
A nooner?
308
00:12:45,827 --> 00:12:47,277
That's kinda hot.
309
00:12:47,329 --> 00:12:49,112
It was my dad's idea.
310
00:12:50,198 --> 00:12:52,615
That detail's not helping.
311
00:12:53,141 --> 00:12:54,417
But I'm down.
312
00:12:54,452 --> 00:12:56,419
It's just, I've been trying
to get a raise at work,
313
00:12:56,454 --> 00:12:58,955
and I'd hate for my boss to
see me taking a long lunch.
314
00:12:59,007 --> 00:13:00,590
Trust me, it won't take long.
315
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:01,925
Nick.
316
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,593
I'm just saying...
317
00:13:03,628 --> 00:13:05,128
it's been a while.
318
00:13:09,601 --> 00:13:10,800
Hey, John.
319
00:13:10,886 --> 00:13:12,101
Here are the invitations
320
00:13:12,137 --> 00:13:14,304
to the opening night of
the Rembrandt Exhibit.
321
00:13:14,389 --> 00:13:15,972
Oh, wow! These look great.
322
00:13:16,024 --> 00:13:17,140
Thank you, Clem.
323
00:13:17,225 --> 00:13:18,558
You got it.
324
00:13:18,643 --> 00:13:20,193
Oh, is it okay
325
00:13:20,278 --> 00:13:22,061
if I'm a little late
coming back from lunch?
326
00:13:22,147 --> 00:13:23,479
I've got a doctor's appointment.
327
00:13:23,531 --> 00:13:24,614
Of course.
328
00:13:24,649 --> 00:13:26,282
Nothing serious, I hope.
329
00:13:26,318 --> 00:13:29,485
Nah. Just a little, um...
330
00:13:29,571 --> 00:13:31,371
ear infection.
331
00:13:31,456 --> 00:13:33,823
Oh! There's nothing little
about an ear infection.
332
00:13:33,909 --> 00:13:36,042
My aunt was in London,
she went to cross the street,
333
00:13:36,127 --> 00:13:37,827
somebody yelled, "Look out, trolley!"
334
00:13:37,913 --> 00:13:39,245
But she couldn't hear it.
335
00:13:39,331 --> 00:13:40,797
And then, bam!
336
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:44,717
Killed by an ear infection.
337
00:13:44,803 --> 00:13:47,637
Look, John, the truth is, my ear's fine.
338
00:13:47,672 --> 00:13:50,807
I've just got a personal thing.
339
00:13:50,842 --> 00:13:52,912
You've got an interview with
another museum, don't you?
340
00:13:52,947 --> 00:13:54,310
What? (laughs) No.
341
00:13:54,346 --> 00:13:55,993
- I...
- I cannot lose you, Clem.
342
00:13:56,031 --> 00:13:57,847
You're the best event planner I've got.
343
00:13:57,933 --> 00:13:59,899
Who is it? The Whitney?
344
00:13:59,985 --> 00:14:01,017
The Guggenheim?
345
00:14:01,102 --> 00:14:03,686
- The Frick?
- John...
346
00:14:03,772 --> 00:14:06,155
It is the Frick, isn't it?
347
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:09,158
Yes, John. It's the Frick.
348
00:14:09,194 --> 00:14:10,493
You don't want to work there.
349
00:14:10,528 --> 00:14:13,413
Let me call Katherine,
see if we can get you a raise.
350
00:14:13,498 --> 00:14:17,533
What? (laughs): Wow. Thank you.
351
00:14:17,619 --> 00:14:21,838
I... still think
I need to take the interview.
352
00:14:21,873 --> 00:14:23,589
Ah, playing hardball.
353
00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:25,124
I respect that,
354
00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:27,877
but I think you're gonna be
very happy when you get back.
355
00:14:27,963 --> 00:14:30,964
Oh, you can't even imagine.
356
00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:37,387
(exhales)
357
00:14:37,439 --> 00:14:41,391
All right, how you feeling, boys?
358
00:14:41,443 --> 00:14:44,694
You ready for some back tickling?
359
00:14:46,614 --> 00:14:49,399
Oh, dope.
360
00:14:49,484 --> 00:14:50,633
Hey, baby.
361
00:14:50,785 --> 00:14:51,901
Hey, baby.
362
00:14:51,987 --> 00:14:53,619
Oh!
363
00:14:53,705 --> 00:14:54,988
Shannon, what are you doing here?
364
00:14:55,073 --> 00:14:56,239
It is the middle of the day.
365
00:14:56,324 --> 00:14:57,824
I could ask you the same question,
366
00:14:57,909 --> 00:14:59,659
but I think it's pretty
obvious what you're doing here,
367
00:14:59,744 --> 00:15:01,627
you dirty dog.
368
00:15:01,713 --> 00:15:03,413
(door opens)
369
00:15:03,465 --> 00:15:04,664
All right.
370
00:15:04,749 --> 00:15:08,418
Who's ready to rip and dip?
371
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,752
Shannon.
372
00:15:09,838 --> 00:15:10,803
Shannon?
373
00:15:10,889 --> 00:15:11,921
Shannon.
374
00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:13,723
Sh... (screams)
375
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:15,258
So this is why you're so obsessed
376
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:16,726
with me going to school,
so you can come home
377
00:15:16,761 --> 00:15:18,394
and smash during the day, huh?
378
00:15:21,182 --> 00:15:22,732
Why aren't you in school?
379
00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:24,650
I got sent to the principal's
office for no reason,
380
00:15:24,736 --> 00:15:27,937
so I stood up for myself and
I got a five-day suspension.
381
00:15:28,023 --> 00:15:30,490
- Five days?
- Yeah.
382
00:15:30,575 --> 00:15:35,111
She's gonna be in this
house for five days.
383
00:15:36,827 --> 00:15:38,581
You got suspended already?
384
00:15:38,616 --> 00:15:39,999
What is wrong with you?
385
00:15:40,085 --> 00:15:41,451
Oh, sure. Take the school's side.
386
00:15:41,536 --> 00:15:42,952
Dude, you don't even know what happened.
387
00:15:43,004 --> 00:15:44,537
Yes, that's exactly what I'm gonna do,
388
00:15:44,622 --> 00:15:47,707
because they're the school,
and you're the...
389
00:15:47,792 --> 00:15:50,793
reason we're not allowed
in Walgreens anymore.
390
00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:53,796
Whatevs.
391
00:15:53,848 --> 00:15:55,631
Five days?
392
00:15:55,683 --> 00:15:57,633
Five days, that's 120 hou...
393
00:15:57,685 --> 00:15:59,218
You know,
I might as well get a part-time job.
394
00:15:59,304 --> 00:16:01,220
You know what? I could watch
every episode of Shameless,
395
00:16:01,306 --> 00:16:03,272
still have time, she'd still be here.
396
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,685
Come in, come in. I'm Principal Kersey.
397
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,069
Have a seat.
398
00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:13,138
I'd offer you coffee,
but we don't have any coffee,
399
00:16:13,207 --> 00:16:17,109
because somebody forgot to buy coffee.
400
00:16:17,161 --> 00:16:20,245
Principal Kersey, before we begin,
I'd like to apologize
401
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,581
for whatever my sister
said to get her suspended.
402
00:16:22,616 --> 00:16:24,333
She called me an ass.
403
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:26,335
No, I didn't.
404
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:27,953
I called him a dumbass.
405
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,455
I'm so sorry.
406
00:16:30,541 --> 00:16:31,757
And so is my sister.
407
00:16:31,792 --> 00:16:34,926
Look, I know some students may
not agree with the dress code,
408
00:16:34,962 --> 00:16:39,297
but they cannot react disrespectfully
when they're called out for a violation.
409
00:16:39,383 --> 00:16:40,766
We totally agree.
410
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:43,518
I didn't realize this was
over a dress code violation.
411
00:16:43,604 --> 00:16:46,271
Oh, yes. The code clearly
states that undergarments,
412
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:50,308
such as bra straps,
must not be visible at any time.
413
00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:51,693
Wait. Really?
414
00:16:51,779 --> 00:16:55,480
However, since Shannon is new and
you all have come here to apologize,
415
00:16:55,532 --> 00:16:57,699
I would be willing to
waive the suspension.
416
00:16:57,785 --> 00:16:59,534
That means Shannon's gonna be
in school during lunchtime.
417
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,286
Thank you, Principal Kersey.
It's been a pleasure.
418
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,288
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
419
00:17:05,376 --> 00:17:07,125
- Um, quick question.
- Question? What kind of question?
420
00:17:07,161 --> 00:17:09,211
I thought we were done
with the questions.
421
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,296
What harm does a bra strap do?
422
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,298
Well, it's important that
girls not wear clothes
423
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,666
that distract the boys from learning.
424
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:15,884
You understand.
425
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,722
Yes, we sure do understand. See ya.
426
00:17:17,738 --> 00:17:21,306
How is it a girl's problem
that a boy is distracted?
427
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,641
Doesn't that seem a little sexist?
428
00:17:22,676 --> 00:17:25,644
Dude, it is on.
429
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:28,013
I didn't write the dress code,
Ms. Barnes.
430
00:17:28,065 --> 00:17:29,514
I just enforce it.
431
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,849
Let me see this.
432
00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:34,069
Oh, one, two, three pages for girls,
433
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,071
and only one paragraph for boys?
434
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,656
Why is no one worried that maybe
435
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:39,357
the girls might be
distracted by the boys?
436
00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:42,577
If you saw the dudes here,
you'd understand.
437
00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:46,081
Ms. Barnes,
male students are very distractible.
438
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,365
Yeah, well, so are girls.
439
00:17:47,418 --> 00:17:48,700
We think about sex, too.
440
00:17:48,786 --> 00:17:50,368
Yeah, we do. A lot.
441
00:17:50,454 --> 00:17:52,504
Especially when we're not getting any.
442
00:17:54,091 --> 00:17:57,709
There's been a lot of
distractions at home.
443
00:17:57,795 --> 00:18:00,345
We live in a different time, Mr. Kersey.
444
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,880
I don't care what your code says.
445
00:18:01,965 --> 00:18:04,216
You can't treat boys and
girls differently anymore.
446
00:18:04,268 --> 00:18:06,435
Except for ladies' night,
when we drink for free.
447
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,686
That's cool.
448
00:18:08,232 --> 00:18:10,722
I think the way my
sister dresses is fine.
449
00:18:10,774 --> 00:18:13,141
And with all the problems
you've got going on in schools,
450
00:18:13,227 --> 00:18:16,895
you're gonna focus on whether or
not someone's bra strap is showing?
451
00:18:16,947 --> 00:18:20,065
That, sir,
is the definition of dumbass-ery.
452
00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:24,402
I'm sure you realize the
suspension is back on.
453
00:18:24,488 --> 00:18:25,904
Yes, I do.
454
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:29,407
Boom! (laughs)
455
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,079
Whoa. Shannon.
456
00:18:34,164 --> 00:18:36,631
What I'm about to tell you might confuse
457
00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:38,583
or maybe even scare you.
458
00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:41,670
But that thing in your hand,
459
00:18:41,755 --> 00:18:43,088
it's not a phone.
460
00:18:45,726 --> 00:18:47,592
It's a book.
461
00:18:47,644 --> 00:18:51,897
I know. Every time I swipe left,
it just takes you to another page.
462
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,267
I'm proud of you, Shannon.
463
00:18:55,319 --> 00:18:56,902
Really, I'm impressed.
464
00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:59,437
Well, I really appreciate it
that you had my back today,
465
00:18:59,523 --> 00:19:01,273
so I decided, what the hell?
466
00:19:01,325 --> 00:19:05,076
Why not give this whole tedious,
soul-crushing school thing a shot?
467
00:19:05,794 --> 00:19:07,112
That's the spirit.
468
00:19:07,197 --> 00:19:08,780
(phone chimes)
469
00:19:08,832 --> 00:19:11,116
Oh, cool. Janelle's having people over.
470
00:19:11,688 --> 00:19:12,784
Tonight?
471
00:19:14,338 --> 00:19:16,121
That's, uh, that-that's great,
right, Nick?
472
00:19:16,173 --> 00:19:18,039
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
473
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:19,875
Yes. Definitely.
474
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,960
You should go out.
475
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,513
No.
476
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:26,765
I'm staying in and reading my book.
477
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,600
Well, don't feel like you have to.
478
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,719
I mean, y-you got five days.
479
00:19:30,804 --> 00:19:33,138
Yeah, I mean, look, I mean,
you're already on page six.
480
00:19:33,223 --> 00:19:34,222
- Six!
- I mean, you are flying!
481
00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:35,473
- That's a lot.
- That's... six!
482
00:19:39,756 --> 00:19:42,063
Okay, uh...
483
00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:44,316
I just realized I'm,
like, really hungry,
484
00:19:44,368 --> 00:19:47,652
so I'm gonna go get a burger,
finish my book.
485
00:19:47,738 --> 00:19:48,870
Thank God.
486
00:19:48,956 --> 00:19:51,489
I mean, thank you. I mean, good for you.
487
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,992
I'm gonna need 50 bucks.
488
00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:55,243
50 dollars for a burger?
489
00:19:55,329 --> 00:19:57,546
- Just give it to her.
- All right. Okay.
490
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,047
No pr... Just take the whole wallet.
491
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:00,832
That's fine, don't worry about it.
492
00:20:00,884 --> 00:20:03,335
Bye.
493
00:20:03,387 --> 00:20:05,337
(moaning)
494
00:20:10,235 --> 00:20:11,451
More wine?
495
00:20:11,536 --> 00:20:13,570
Baby, what's gotten into you?
496
00:20:13,655 --> 00:20:15,155
I don't know.
497
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:20,710
I was just thinking about
when I was starring in Wicked,
498
00:20:20,745 --> 00:20:22,712
and you used to come visit me.
499
00:20:22,747 --> 00:20:26,082
Oh, I'll never forget.
500
00:20:27,279 --> 00:20:29,335
It may be 10:00 p.m. here.
501
00:20:29,421 --> 00:20:31,304
Mm-hmm.
502
00:20:31,389 --> 00:20:33,223
But it's noon somewhere.
503
00:20:33,258 --> 00:20:35,391
Oh.
504
00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:38,094
Ah, great, you guys are home.
505
00:20:39,764 --> 00:20:40,980
Clem and Nick kicked me out.
506
00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:43,566
What you guys doing?
507
00:20:45,259 --> 00:20:48,071
Remember that cat we used to have?
508
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,465
Indeed, I do.
509
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,509
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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