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1
00:00:03,546 --> 00:00:10,011
♪♪
2
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:46,672
[wind blowing, waves lapping]
3
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:15,993
[voice-over]
So, this is for, uh,
4
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,244
"New York Times Magazine"?
5
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,455
No. I'm sorry, that...
6
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:21,040
there...
7
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,375
mm... no, I freelance.
8
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I write for
different magazines,
9
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,504
but this is a personal matter.
10
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,838
A personal matter?
11
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,673
Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay?
12
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,258
No, it's absolutely okay.
13
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,260
May I ask what-what this
is regarding and...?
14
00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:36,013
Uh, it's about my son.
15
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:39,225
Okay. How can I help?
16
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,603
[exhales]
- He...
17
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:48,859
There are moments
that I look at him,
18
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:51,529
this kid that I raised,
19
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,698
who I thought I knew
inside and out,
20
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,451
and I wonder who he is.
21
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,373
He's been doing all
sorts of drugs,
22
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,458
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,
23
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:09,338
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of 'em.
24
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,383
And I guess I'm here
25
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:16,554
because I just want to know...
26
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,390
all that I can about...
27
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,225
all of it.
28
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,102
Know your enemies, right?
29
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:25,354
So...
30
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,565
[sighs]
31
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,025
My two big questions are,
32
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:32,653
wh-what is it doing to him,
33
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:36,031
and what can I do to help him?
34
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,076
[crickets chirping]
35
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:44,165
[shoes wiping on mat]
36
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:46,625
[footsteps approaching]
37
00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:47,793
[door opens]
38
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,753
[light switch clicks]
39
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,214
[David sighs]
40
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,146
[crickets chirping]
41
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,832
[crickets chirping]
42
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,797
[line ringing]
43
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,801
[Man] Marin General
Hospital. How may I help you?
44
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:39,136
[David] Hi.
My son has gone missing,
45
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:41,889
and I wanted to check
to see if he had...
46
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,515
uh, maybe had been brought in
47
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:46,852
or-or if-if there'd
been an accident.
48
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,647
Can I have name and
description, sir?
49
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,190
Nicolas Sheff.
50
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,609
S-H-E-F-F.
51
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,152
He is...
52
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,904
18 years old.
53
00:03:56,987 --> 00:04:00,115
He is just over six feet tall.
54
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,867
About 130 pounds.
55
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:05,079
Maybe less. I-I
don't know. Um...
56
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,581
He has shoulder-length
brown hair
57
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,750
and green eyes.
58
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,502
[Man] Thank you.
Please hold.
59
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,587
[David]
Okay.
60
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,839
- Mr. Sheff?
- Yes.
61
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,008
Uh, there's no one
by that name, sir.
62
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,678
Okay. Thank you.
63
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,346
[beep]
64
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,434
[crickets chirping]
65
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,536
[crickets chirping]
66
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,096
[David] He's
been gone for two days.
67
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,723
[Vicky] What
do you mean he's gone?
68
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,683
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
69
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,059
- I don't know.
- Two days?
70
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,561
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
71
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,479
Uh, I didn't want to
worry you, I guess.
72
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,982
- I just...
- I'm his mother, David.
73
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,900
Didn't you see this coming?
74
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,068
Uh, no.
75
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,320
[Vicky] What?
76
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,155
No, no, I didn't see it coming.
77
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,240
If I'd seen it coming, I
would've done something.
78
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,576
[Vicky] It was just a
question, David. Jesus.
79
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,828
I haven't been talking
with him a lot lately.
80
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,056
Well, maybe that's why you
shouldn't be giving me advice
81
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,373
in parenting, right?
82
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,417
Fuck, Vicki.
83
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,878
Can we just not blame each
other right now? That's...
84
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,838
[Vicky] Who's blaming who here?
85
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,049
If I hardly ever see him,
it's because he's supposed
86
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,717
to come to L.A.
for the holidays
87
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,802
but always finds a
reason not to come.
88
00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:46,930
Well, that's not
my fault, is it?
89
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,308
[birds chirping]
90
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,494
♪♪
91
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,468
[David] Nic.
92
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,719
[baby fussing]
93
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,888
Here's your little brother.
94
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,182
Tight.
95
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,600
Just support his head.
96
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,602
[whispering]
97
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,854
[crying]
98
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,774
[Nic and David laugh]
99
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,776
Hi, Jasper.
100
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,404
Hi, little boy.
[fussing]
101
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,492
This is amazing.
102
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,453
♪♪
103
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,539
[laughs] He's sticking
his tongue out.
104
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,707
[laughing]
105
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,920
Hi. Nice to meet you.
106
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,922
- Bye.
- Bye.
107
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,757
- I'll miss you this summer.
- Me, too.
108
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,843
- Okay, write me.
- Write me back.
109
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,177
Work on your French.
110
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,554
Oui, madame.
[chuckles]
111
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:09,805
Have a great summer.
112
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,807
And say hi to your mom.
113
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,937
- Everything.
- Everything.
114
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,612
[engine whirring]
115
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,614
♪♪
116
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:51,180
♪♪
117
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,330
[Daisy squealing]
118
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,712
[dog barking]
119
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,589
[Jasper] Ya!
120
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,424
Come on.
121
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,430
[Daisy and Jasper
chattering in distance]
122
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,355
[indistinct chatter and
laughter in distance]
123
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,656
[quietly] Hey.
124
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,366
Where have you been?
125
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,636
Yeah, I just need to sleep,
all right?
126
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:55,827
What have you been doing?
127
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,791
I just need to sleep, all
right? Leave me alone.
128
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:01,166
Guys, go downstairs.
129
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,835
I'll be there in a minute.
130
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,923
[birds chirping]
131
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,649
[retching]
132
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,026
[coughing]
133
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,035
Ow.
134
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,840
Look, Man, I'm-I'm, uh...
[sighs]
135
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:54,261
I'm really sorry, all
right? And-and I, uh...
136
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,471
I fucked up, and it
was a mistake, but...
137
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,849
it was a one-time mistake, all
right? I learned my lesson.
138
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,269
I don't want to go through this
shit again, all right? So...
139
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,472
- Let's just go inside.
- No.
140
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,688
They're professionals.
141
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,607
Let's just listen to
what they have to say.
142
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,483
Look, I'm 18, all right?!
You can't force me!
143
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,485
Hey.
144
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,865
This got out of hand, right?
145
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,575
Don't you think?
146
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,289
Come on.
147
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:24,833
All right.
148
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:28,629
Okay. Okay.
149
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,259
I'm doing it for you.
150
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:45,270
[indistinct chatter]
151
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,066
[siren wailing in distance]
152
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,873
He needs treatment. And fast.
153
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:07,584
There's still a lot of
drugs in his system.
154
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,754
And, worst of all,
he's in denial.
155
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,299
Um, can you help him?
156
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,510
[Therapist] Oh, yeah. I mean,
157
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,513
a lot of the people here
are not here by choice.
158
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,890
And they have just as
much chance as anybody.
159
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,892
Okay. [clears throat]
160
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,103
So, we have a free bed.
161
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,897
So, if you want, we can check
him in for a 28-day treatment
162
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,732
and then we evaluate.
163
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,696
Um... what is your success rate?
164
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,948
On the high end, 80%.
165
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,910
On the low end, 25%.
166
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:44,871
Look, he will have
daily consultations
167
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:47,124
with a staff psychiatrist
and physician.
168
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:51,086
We have daily N.A.
and A.A. meetings.
169
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,505
He'll be monitored
very closely.
170
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,134
Thank you.
171
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,345
And last page.
172
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,598
Everything.
173
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,395
[whispers]:
Everything.
174
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,536
[indistinct chatter]
175
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,684
♪♪
176
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,693
[David] Why are
you always in this room?
177
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,904
You hardly ever
come out of here.
178
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,655
It's like you're a vampire.
179
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,785
I read.
180
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,370
I draw.
181
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,956
You know what we should do?
182
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,000
We should go surfing.
183
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,794
Yeah.
184
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,670
That sound good?
185
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,381
I'm kind of into other
things now, you know?
186
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:22,135
Reading misanthropes and
seriously depressed writers.
187
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,678
Oh, come on, they're...
188
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,472
they're kind of
great, though, right?
189
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:26,555
I get it.
190
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:31,019
It'll pass, though.
191
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,979
It always does.
192
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,940
What does?
193
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:39,236
The feeling of being
alienated and isolated.
194
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,154
Huh, that really helps.
195
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,198
Thanks for the advice, Dad.
196
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,243
Okay.
197
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,704
All right. That was...
198
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,248
That came out wrong. I'm sorry.
199
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,667
Mm-mm.
200
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,053
NIC: All right.
Your-your idea.
201
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,138
Hey.
202
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,101
[whispers]
Hey, Dad.
203
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,271
[Man] So, we feel
he's made great progress.
204
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,481
- Right, Nic?
- Hi. - Hey.
205
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:18,275
[Karen] That's great.
[David] That's great.
206
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,378
So we should maybe talk
about the coming weeks, Nic.
207
00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,863
Mm. I think I need
to... I think I need
208
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,031
a little bit more time
in rehab. So if it's...
209
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,367
if it's all right with
you guys, I was wondering
210
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,053
if I could stay in the
halfway house here.
211
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:33,498
The halfway house is
an open living facility
212
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,500
with follow-up every night,
213
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:38,962
and we would help
him find a job.
214
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,089
Right. I don't want to...
215
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:46,177
go to college... right now.
216
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:49,139
Oh? Okay. Uh,
um, and do what?
217
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,684
I think I need to
be independent.
218
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,772
Dad, I'm telling
you, this is...
219
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,986
It's gonna be good.
220
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:03,987
[David] What is he gonna do,
221
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,947
make coffee for the
rest of his life?
222
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,383
[Karen] You know
what, Frederick told me
223
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,843
that they have friends
that had a son
224
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,845
that did a four-week program
and that wasn't enough
225
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,746
and now he's doing
a year program.
226
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,669
I wish you wouldn't talk
to everybody about it.
227
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,711
What does that got
to do with anything?
228
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,338
To protect Nic. I
mean, at some point,
229
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,214
he's gonna want to
get on with his life.
230
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,192
And maybe it's best that not
everybody knows about this.
231
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,509
Okay.
232
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,972
Can we not make this about me?
233
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:32,474
Uh... [sighs]
All right.
234
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:33,743
Look, Nic needs some more time.
235
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:37,854
And that's fine.
236
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:38,855
- Okay?
- Okay.
237
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:39,814
Okay?
238
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,775
Yeah, okay.
239
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:46,446
[children shouting indistinctly]
240
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,615
[phone ringing]
[dog barking]
241
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:49,866
Shh.
242
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,410
[dog continues barking]
243
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,164
David Sheff.
244
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,308
[Woman on phone]
Hi, Mr. Sheff.
245
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,626
This is Annie Goldblum
from the Ohlhoff Center.
246
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,378
Oh, yes. Hi. Hello.
247
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,129
[Annie] Listen, I am
sorry to disturb you,
248
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,299
but I need to inform
you about Nic.
249
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,551
Okay.
250
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,137
He left the facility
today during free time,
251
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,932
and he hasn't returned since.
252
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,308
[sighs]
253
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,643
I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff,
254
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,228
but please don't despair.
255
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,397
This happens.
256
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,731
[sighs]
257
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:25,318
But I... I thought you said
he was doing so well.
258
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:28,989
You should think of this
as part of the process.
259
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:31,700
Relapse is a part of recovery.
260
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,535
Relapse is part of recovery?
261
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,954
Yeah. It-it's a part of
Nic's learning process.
262
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,331
Well, uh, that's...
263
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:41,918
that's like saying crashing
is part of pilot training.
264
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:45,088
Look, he'll be back, and
probably really quick.
265
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,899
[scoffs] Do you have somebody
out looking for him?
266
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,258
It is not our
responsibility
267
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,884
once he leaves the facility.
268
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,720
- Okay.
- But he is welcome to...
269
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:53,513
[phone beeps]
270
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,558
["Territorial Pissings"
by Nirvana playing]
271
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,402
♪ When I was ♪
272
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:10,405
[young Nic singing along]
♪ An alien ♪
273
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:15,660
♪ Cultures weren't opinions ♪
274
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:17,954
♪ Gotta find a way,
to find a way ♪
275
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,540
♪ When I'm there ♪
276
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:23,209
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪
277
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,046
♪ I'd better wait ♪
278
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,006
♪♪
279
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,966
Excuse me.
280
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,427
Have you seen a kid
hanging out around here?
281
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,304
- No.
- No?
282
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,639
Okay, thank you.
283
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:41,519
♪ Just because
you're paranoid ♪
284
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:46,149
♪ Don't mean they're
not after you ♪
285
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,151
[music stops]
286
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:54,824
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪
287
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,535
♪ When I'm there ♪
288
00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,746
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪
289
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:02,582
♪ I'd better wait ♪
[thunder rumbles]
290
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,585
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪
291
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:08,338
♪ I'd better wait ♪
292
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,840
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪
293
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,468
♪ When I'm there ♪
294
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,053
♪ Gotta find a way ♪
295
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,806
♪ Aah, aah! ♪
296
00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,849
♪ Aah! ♪
297
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,310
[song ends]
[Nic retching]
298
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,270
Wow. They don't want
to deal with that.
299
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,414
Hey, Dad, you want
to smoke this?
300
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,439
Hey, whoa.
[Nic chuckling]
301
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:27,941
Wait. What...? Stop.
302
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,376
- Put that away.
- We'll smoke this together.
303
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,361
No, no, no. No.
Are you cra...
304
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,838
- That's crazy.
- Well, I know you smoke.
305
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,822
- Y... Well, yeah. I...
- So let's smoke together.
306
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,324
No, no, no.
Occasionally, like...
307
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,593
Look, let's smoke to...
let's smoke together.
308
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,535
- Listen.
- Or I could just...
309
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,678
You know what?
- No, stop it, stop it.
310
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,496
- Stop. Stop.
- I'll just light it here a...
311
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,349
You know what? You're right.
I'll just light it here alone.
312
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,749
[Nic laughs]
- Don't.
313
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:45,542
Occasionally, from
time to time...
314
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,543
Yeah?
315
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,104
I will have a hit
or two at a party,
316
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,963
but it's been a
while, so just...
317
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,297
Oh, okay, so then just smoke...
318
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:54,008
have-have a celebratory
joint with your son.
319
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,886
N-No. God, come
on. [chuckles]
320
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,596
No. No, you're amazing.
321
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,223
You got... you applied
to six colleges,
322
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,349
you got into all of them?
323
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,725
Yeah.
324
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,644
Stop doubting yourself.
325
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,354
Look at you.
326
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,065
Give me that. Give me that.
327
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,446
[laughing]
- What? [laughs]
328
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,282
Nice-nice hit. That
was a good hit.
329
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,200
[both laughing]
330
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,327
- What?
- Well...
331
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:27,167
Thank you. This is a nice...
332
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,335
thing to do.
333
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,171
[muttering]
334
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,214
You did a lot of drugs, right?
335
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,175
I, uh...
336
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,343
Yeah, I did my share.
337
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,095
I experimented
with some drugs.
338
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,181
[laughs] I did.
339
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:42,515
[both laugh]
340
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,225
- But not harmless.
- What, is this...?
341
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:45,727
There was a guy,
and... No, no.
342
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,020
This is the lecture part?
343
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,813
- Right?
- [sighs] Yes.
344
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,257
Dad, you worry too
much, all right?
345
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,066
- Everyone does it.
- Just be careful.
346
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,235
It's just a little pot.
I'm just partying a little.
347
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,821
It's just... you know,
it's just once in a while.
348
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,156
Mm-hmm.
349
00:19:58,239 --> 00:19:59,782
I deserve to party
a little now.
350
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,743
- "Deserve to party."
- I do.
351
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,787
Look, it just... it takes
the edge off things.
352
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:08,333
It-it... it-it takes the edge
off of stupid all-day reality.
353
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,752
♪♪
354
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,670
Hmm.
355
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:16,257
What is stupid about reality?
356
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:17,842
You know, just like...
357
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:22,263
like daily, stupid things
that don't matter.
358
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:23,973
- Okay.
- [sighs]
359
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,516
You cannot say dumb
shit like that,
360
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,976
or you're gonna
start believing it.
361
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,895
Right.
362
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,022
["Sound and Vision" by
David Bowie playing]
363
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,568
♪ Blue, blue, electric blue ♪
364
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:36,444
♪ That's the color ♪
365
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,946
♪ Of my room ♪
366
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,364
♪ Where I will live ♪
367
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,618
♪ Blue, blue ♪
368
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,165
♪ Pale blinds drawn all day ♪
369
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,876
♪ Nothing to do,
nothing to say. ♪
370
00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,093
Thanks for bringing
that, Karen.
371
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,721
[sighs]
372
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,600
This is my home.
373
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,521
[David] A couple
of weeks ago, you told me
374
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:15,066
that you had only done
crystal meth once.
375
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:18,027
And the story has to be
bigger than that, right?
376
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,238
- Mm-hmm.
- There's more to it.
377
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,531
Yeah?
378
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,782
David.
379
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:23,908
[David] We
need to know.
380
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,869
We need to know.
381
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,792
I think I always liked it.
382
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,794
What?
383
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:39,173
Anything. Pot, alcohol,
384
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:42,343
Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD.
385
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:43,845
[Nic sighs]
386
00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:46,222
And you've been
doing all of that
387
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:48,266
for what... years?
388
00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:50,268
A couple years, yeah.
389
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:52,937
And crystal meth?
390
00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:56,357
Just a couple months.
391
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,110
Wh-Why?
392
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:02,821
I don't know.
393
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:04,782
Um...
394
00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:12,457
When I tried it, I felt...
395
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:21,299
I felt better than
I ever had, so...
396
00:22:21,382 --> 00:22:23,718
I just kept on doing it.
397
00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:26,971
I was worried that you
were smoking too much pot.
398
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:31,517
Meanwhile, you're out doing
every drug on the planet?
399
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:36,814
And hiding it and lying? Why?
400
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:40,275
I don't know. Um...
401
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:42,028
Why Nic, tell me why?
402
00:22:42,111 --> 00:22:43,154
[Karen] Ease up.
403
00:22:43,237 --> 00:22:44,947
- I don't know.
- I thought we were close.
404
00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:47,051
I thought we were closer
than most fathers and sons.
405
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:49,452
Yeah, I feel like you're
always disappointed in me.
406
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:50,596
You're disappointed I
didn't go to college.
407
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:51,871
Can you blame me?!
408
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:53,539
Just, uh, not too long ago,
409
00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:55,267
you were reading and you
were writing, and you were on
410
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,460
the water polo team.
411
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:58,920
And look at us now.
412
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:00,064
- Dad...
- Can you please stop?
413
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:01,440
This isn't us. This
is not who we are.
414
00:23:01,464 --> 00:23:03,758
[Karen] Just, please,
both of you, stop.
415
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:05,593
Dad, I'm really sorry
about everything.
416
00:23:08,388 --> 00:23:10,139
Dad, I'm so...
417
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:14,769
I'm really sorry, Dad.
418
00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:19,440
[David sighs]
419
00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:20,775
Nic, what you have...
420
00:23:22,777 --> 00:23:24,445
...you're gonna find it again.
421
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:28,366
[exhales]
422
00:23:28,449 --> 00:23:29,909
And you're gonna get it back.
423
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:32,537
♪ Long afloat on ♪
424
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,122
Ow, ow, ow.
425
00:23:34,205 --> 00:23:35,998
- Ow. There you go.
- ♪ Shipless oceans ♪
426
00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:37,667
[dog barking]
427
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:41,295
♪ I did all my best ♪
428
00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:43,172
♪ To smile ♪
429
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,718
♪ Till your singing ♪
430
00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:50,221
♪ Eyes and fingers ♪
431
00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:55,184
♪ Drew me loving ♪
432
00:23:55,268 --> 00:23:58,521
♪ To your isle ♪
433
00:23:58,604 --> 00:23:59,981
♪ And you sang ♪
434
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:03,818
♪ Sail to me ♪
435
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:06,863
♪ Sail to me ♪
436
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:10,366
♪ Let me enfold you. ♪
437
00:24:11,576 --> 00:24:13,369
[David]
Nic!
438
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:25,214
Nic!
439
00:24:26,591 --> 00:24:27,884
Nic!
440
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,387
Nic!
441
00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:43,774
Nic!
442
00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:47,445
[seagulls squawking]
443
00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:52,950
[whooping]
444
00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:54,535
[laughing]
445
00:24:58,539 --> 00:24:59,916
[Nic] Hey, Dad.
446
00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:01,667
[David on phone]Hey.
447
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:03,211
How's New York?
448
00:25:03,294 --> 00:25:04,504
Fine. Good.
449
00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:05,880
Good interview today.
450
00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:07,298
- Nice.
- How are you?
451
00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:09,926
Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah.
452
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,552
Yeah? You sure?
453
00:25:11,636 --> 00:25:13,387
Yeah. I don't... well...
454
00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:15,181
What?
455
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:16,766
It's, uh...
456
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:18,267
What's going on?
457
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:21,187
Uh, we had this
great group session,
458
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,814
and one of the guys here was
saying he would do anything
459
00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:25,942
for a chance to go to
college, but he can't.
460
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,945
Okay.
- And when we were talking later, he said,
461
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:30,196
"You could still go to
college. Don't be an idiot.
462
00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:32,156
Go to college."
463
00:25:33,449 --> 00:25:34,992
I don't know, it's just crazy.
464
00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:38,037
I realized I don't think
I should stay behind.
465
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,247
I love writing.
466
00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:41,791
And I feel like I'm good at it,
467
00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:44,627
and I do it a lot, but...
468
00:25:44,710 --> 00:25:47,463
obviously, there's still a lot
469
00:25:47,547 --> 00:25:49,799
for-for me to learn and...
470
00:25:51,467 --> 00:25:53,678
Anyway, um...
471
00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:56,514
I'd love to give it a go, if...
472
00:25:56,597 --> 00:25:59,308
you know, if it's all
right with you guys.
473
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:05,690
Yeah. I'll talk to
Karen and to your mom.
474
00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:08,568
Back here.
475
00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:10,570
[quiet, indistinct
conversation]
476
00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:16,075
[indistinct conversation]
477
00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:28,588
[indistinct talking,
laughing nearby]
478
00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:33,384
Have you met your roommate yet?
479
00:26:33,467 --> 00:26:34,635
Yeah, he seems nice.
480
00:26:34,719 --> 00:26:36,679
He's just in the hall.
481
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:37,972
I feel for you, though.
482
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,432
[Nic laughs]
483
00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:40,766
Ouch.
484
00:26:40,850 --> 00:26:42,351
No worries. I'll educate him.
485
00:26:42,435 --> 00:26:44,145
[David laughs]
486
00:26:44,228 --> 00:26:46,355
Before you know it, he'll
be listening to John Zorn.
487
00:26:46,439 --> 00:26:48,232
Ah.
488
00:26:50,568 --> 00:26:52,486
[sighs]
489
00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:58,784
Well, I better get going.
490
00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:00,369
All right.
491
00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:16,093
- Everything.
- Everything.
492
00:27:16,177 --> 00:27:18,095
[indistinct chatter]
[wheels rattling]
493
00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,235
[Nic] So, this is a poem
by Charles Bukowski.
494
00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:40,785
Uh, this man saved my life
multiple times, so...
495
00:27:40,868 --> 00:27:43,496
I changed jobs and cities,
496
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:45,331
I hated holidays,
497
00:27:45,414 --> 00:27:46,707
babies, history,
498
00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:51,671
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
499
00:27:51,754 --> 00:27:54,882
marriage, movies, spiders...
500
00:27:54,965 --> 00:27:56,565
I want to see it, I
want to see it! Oh!
501
00:27:56,634 --> 00:27:57,551
...garbage men,
502
00:27:57,635 --> 00:27:59,428
- English accents...
- Nice. Go, go, go!
503
00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,889
...Spain, France,
504
00:28:01,972 --> 00:28:06,686
Italy, walnuts and
the color orange.
505
00:28:06,769 --> 00:28:11,232
Algebra angered me,
opera sickened me,
506
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:12,942
Charlie Chaplin was a fake
507
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:15,111
and flowers were for pansies.
508
00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:21,951
Thanks.
509
00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:28,082
[conversing indistinctly]
510
00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:32,878
["Svefn-g-englar" by
Sigur Rós playing]
511
00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:40,594
[laughs]
- Come here.
512
00:28:40,678 --> 00:28:42,596
♪♪
513
00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:48,269
Mm.
514
00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:50,896
Hi. [laughs]
515
00:28:57,903 --> 00:29:00,197
[giggles]
516
00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:02,533
["Svefn-g-englar" continues,
with singing in Icelandic]
517
00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:05,494
[indistinct chatter]
518
00:29:05,578 --> 00:29:08,247
♪♪
519
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:10,249
[indistinct chatter]
520
00:29:12,668 --> 00:29:14,336
Where's your bathroom?
521
00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:15,647
Hey, is there a
bathroom I can use?
522
00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:16,922
[Woman] Sure, honey.
523
00:29:17,006 --> 00:29:19,046
I'll show you where it is.
Go right up, to the left.
524
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:21,594
♪♪
525
00:29:33,606 --> 00:29:35,524
♪♪
526
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,199
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
527
00:29:50,748 --> 00:29:52,333
♪♪
528
00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:07,348
[laughs]
529
00:30:13,854 --> 00:30:15,773
[indistinct chatter continues]
530
00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:21,237
♪♪
531
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,280
[phone ringing]
532
00:30:23,364 --> 00:30:25,282
♪♪
533
00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:27,284
[phone ringing]
534
00:30:31,622 --> 00:30:33,958
- Hey, Dad.
- [David on phone] Hey, Nic.
535
00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:35,709
How you doing?
What's going on?
536
00:30:35,793 --> 00:30:37,229
Oh, no, everything's
going great here, yeah.
537
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:38,647
Oh, hey, thanks for
sending the money.
538
00:30:38,671 --> 00:30:39,755
I really appreciate that.
539
00:30:39,839 --> 00:30:41,757
♪♪
540
00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:55,187
♪♪
541
00:31:09,618 --> 00:31:11,996
♪♪
542
00:31:26,093 --> 00:31:28,012
♪♪
543
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:45,571
[laughter nearby]
544
00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:49,033
[indistinct chatter]
545
00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:51,035
♪♪
546
00:31:59,335 --> 00:32:01,420
[chiming quietly]
547
00:32:06,425 --> 00:32:08,969
[David] [chuckles] Yeah,
you always hog the fondue.
548
00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:11,472
Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil
are going hiking tomorrow,
549
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:14,558
so they'd like us to join them.
550
00:32:14,642 --> 00:32:16,560
♪♪
551
00:32:16,644 --> 00:32:18,896
[mouthing]
552
00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:21,523
Are Jasper and Daisy
here, by any...?
553
00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:22,775
- They're not here.
- No?
554
00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:24,336
- No.
- Oh, they didn't want to see me?
555
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,545
No, they didn't
want to see you.
556
00:32:25,569 --> 00:32:26,649
Oh, that's tough to hear.
557
00:32:26,695 --> 00:32:30,157
Uh, well, I'm gonna just
have a seat on this couch
558
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:31,116
and think about that, huh?
559
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,118
- Oh!
- Whoa! Whoa!
560
00:32:33,202 --> 00:32:35,829
Oh, my God! Oh, my
God, it's Daisy!
561
00:32:35,913 --> 00:32:37,623
Oh, Jasper!
562
00:32:37,706 --> 00:32:40,501
Oh, my God, you guys have
gotten so much bigger!
563
00:32:40,584 --> 00:32:43,253
Oh! Oh, my God,
you're so...! [yells]
564
00:32:45,089 --> 00:32:47,091
- [David] Okay.
- Denmark, 1632.
565
00:32:47,174 --> 00:32:48,884
- Oh, no.
- We...
566
00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:52,805
Like to look back at the
history of Hula-Hoops.
567
00:32:52,888 --> 00:32:55,641
[Nic] So important
to, uh,
568
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,518
the culture of
peace and wisdom.
569
00:32:57,601 --> 00:33:01,355
[David] Um, a man named
George... Hoopulu.
570
00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:04,441
[laughter]
- Was, uh... was, uh...
571
00:33:04,525 --> 00:33:06,151
And he thought...
572
00:33:06,235 --> 00:33:08,696
[mock Danish accent]
"Well, I'm going to
573
00:33:08,779 --> 00:33:10,280
develop something that I..."
574
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,413
Hey.
575
00:33:17,496 --> 00:33:20,332
Hey. Uh...
[sighs]
576
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:23,877
Hey. Um...
577
00:33:23,961 --> 00:33:26,147
I was wondering, do you think
I could use your car tonight?
578
00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:28,382
'Cause I just... I want
to go to a meeting.
579
00:33:28,465 --> 00:33:30,300
Oh. You got a meeting tonight?
580
00:33:30,384 --> 00:33:32,219
Yeah, sure.
581
00:33:36,390 --> 00:33:37,641
Y-You good?
582
00:33:37,725 --> 00:33:40,060
[chuckles softly]
Yeah. I just...
583
00:33:40,728 --> 00:33:41,603
- They're crazy.
- Yeah.
584
00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:43,188
They're really
excited you're home.
585
00:33:46,233 --> 00:33:47,836
I mean, I'll see you
in the morning, I guess.
586
00:33:47,860 --> 00:33:49,737
Okay.
587
00:33:51,113 --> 00:33:53,115
All right.
588
00:34:05,711 --> 00:34:07,671
[rock instrumental playing]
589
00:34:15,137 --> 00:34:16,930
Yep! Mm!
590
00:34:17,014 --> 00:34:20,517
[mumbling incoherently]
591
00:34:25,522 --> 00:34:28,567
♪♪
592
00:34:30,986 --> 00:34:32,863
[distorted whirr
of passing car]
593
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,951
[inhales]
594
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,288
[Jasper] Where is it?!
595
00:34:41,371 --> 00:34:42,873
[Daisy] I don't have it!
596
00:34:42,956 --> 00:34:44,416
[Jasper] Where is it?!
597
00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:45,918
[Daisy] I don't have it!
598
00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:48,462
[David] Guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys.
599
00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:50,172
[Jasper] Where is it?!
600
00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:51,357
[David] Guys, guys, stop it.
601
00:34:51,381 --> 00:34:52,508
[Daisy] I don't know!
602
00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:53,651
[David] Stop. Calm down.
What's going on in here?
603
00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:55,052
[Jasper] She
took my money!
604
00:34:55,135 --> 00:34:56,261
[Daisy] [sobbing] I didn't.
605
00:34:56,345 --> 00:34:58,472
[David] Okay, all right.
Come on, go downstairs
606
00:34:58,555 --> 00:35:00,241
- and see Mommy, all right?
- You took them!
607
00:35:00,265 --> 00:35:02,184
[sobbing]Don't, don't,
don't. Stop, stop.
608
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:05,229
- I didn't take it, Daddy.
- I know you didn't. All right.
609
00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:07,940
Just go downstairs and
have some breakfast.
610
00:35:08,023 --> 00:35:09,108
Hey, what happened?
611
00:35:09,191 --> 00:35:10,776
[Jasper shuddering]
612
00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:12,152
They're gone.
613
00:35:12,236 --> 00:35:14,696
Okay. Are you sure
you had it in there?
614
00:35:14,780 --> 00:35:17,449
- Yeah. I had them yesterday.
- Okay.
615
00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:27,251
Jasper's savings disappeared.
616
00:35:29,378 --> 00:35:30,838
Yeah? That's weird.
617
00:35:36,927 --> 00:35:38,637
Did you take his eight dollars?
618
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:42,724
[laughs] What?
619
00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:43,851
You heard me.
620
00:35:44,434 --> 00:35:46,687
Why would I?
621
00:35:46,770 --> 00:35:48,856
It disappeared, and somebody
has to have done it.
622
00:35:48,939 --> 00:35:51,066
Right, so it's me.
623
00:35:51,150 --> 00:35:53,735
This is fucking ridiculous.
624
00:35:53,819 --> 00:35:56,697
[stammers, sighs]
Are you using again?
625
00:35:56,780 --> 00:35:59,825
Am I using again? No.
626
00:36:01,410 --> 00:36:04,121
Are you high right now?
627
00:36:04,204 --> 00:36:05,789
What the f...? No.
628
00:36:05,873 --> 00:36:07,875
- Fuck you.
- "Fuck you"?
629
00:36:07,958 --> 00:36:09,376
Don't talk to me that way.
630
00:36:09,459 --> 00:36:11,003
Are you high right now?
631
00:36:11,086 --> 00:36:12,379
No.
632
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:14,006
You're not using right now?
633
00:36:14,089 --> 00:36:15,382
Are you using?
634
00:36:15,465 --> 00:36:19,136
No, Dad, I'm not
fucking high right now!
635
00:36:19,219 --> 00:36:21,096
Okay.
636
00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:27,769
Listen, it was a gamble
to send you to college.
637
00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:30,564
Everybody supported it.
638
00:36:30,647 --> 00:36:32,524
I'm glad that you went.
639
00:36:33,775 --> 00:36:36,236
Relapse is a part of rec...
640
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,197
Relapse is part of recovery.
641
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,117
- So we're gonna get...
- I better leave.
642
00:36:50,626 --> 00:36:53,086
- David?
- Hey.
643
00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:55,964
Just... where-where
are you gonna go?
644
00:36:56,048 --> 00:36:58,383
You can't just leave.
This is ridiculous.
645
00:36:58,467 --> 00:36:59,801
- Come on.
- Will you talk to us?
646
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:01,487
I mean, really... we just
want to talk to you.
647
00:37:01,511 --> 00:37:04,056
Why don't... Try to
help us understand.
648
00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:05,575
- Or just let us help you.
- All right?
649
00:37:05,599 --> 00:37:07,076
I don't want your fucking help.
Don't you understand that?
650
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,602
- No.
- No, you don't. Jesus Christ,
651
00:37:08,685 --> 00:37:10,330
then what the fuck is
wrong with you, then, huh?
652
00:37:10,354 --> 00:37:11,664
What the hell is wrong
with you people?
653
00:37:11,688 --> 00:37:12,731
Nic.
654
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:13,917
- No! You fucking suffocate me.
- Hey.
655
00:37:13,941 --> 00:37:14,733
- Oh...
- You fucking suffocate me!
656
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:17,236
Whoa, it's us?
We're the problem?
657
00:37:17,319 --> 00:37:19,005
No. You know what, you're
the one who's doing it!
658
00:37:19,029 --> 00:37:21,156
You're the one
who's causing it!
659
00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:23,867
And you're the only
one who can stop it!
660
00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:25,035
Fucking solve it!
661
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:48,809
[grunts]
662
00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:54,730
Fuck!
663
00:37:55,816 --> 00:37:57,234
Fuck!
664
00:37:59,152 --> 00:38:00,237
[sniffs]
665
00:38:19,923 --> 00:38:21,842
♪♪
666
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:33,770
[David sighs]
667
00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:40,819
[turns page]
668
00:38:54,124 --> 00:38:56,043
♪♪
669
00:39:14,895 --> 00:39:17,606
♪♪
670
00:39:38,835 --> 00:39:40,754
♪♪
671
00:39:50,305 --> 00:39:52,724
DR. BROWN:
So, this is for the, uh,
672
00:39:52,808 --> 00:39:54,393
"New York Times Magazine"?
673
00:39:54,476 --> 00:39:56,186
Oh, no.
674
00:39:56,269 --> 00:39:57,562
I'm a... I-I write.
675
00:39:57,646 --> 00:39:59,106
I freelance for
different magazines,
676
00:39:59,189 --> 00:40:02,192
but this is... this
is a personal matter.
677
00:40:02,275 --> 00:40:04,403
- A personal matter?
- Yes. I'm sorry.
678
00:40:04,486 --> 00:40:06,738
Is that okay?
- Uh, no, it's absolutely okay.
679
00:40:06,822 --> 00:40:08,615
May I ask what-what
this is regarding?
680
00:40:08,698 --> 00:40:11,118
Uh, it's about my son.
681
00:40:11,201 --> 00:40:13,120
Okay.
682
00:40:16,206 --> 00:40:19,334
[David] He's been
doing all sorts of drugs,
683
00:40:19,418 --> 00:40:21,253
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,
684
00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:25,090
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of them.
685
00:40:25,173 --> 00:40:27,384
And I guess I'm here
686
00:40:27,467 --> 00:40:31,138
because I just want to
know all that I can
687
00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:34,141
about all of it.
688
00:40:34,224 --> 00:40:36,726
So, uh, crystal meth, uh,
689
00:40:36,810 --> 00:40:38,650
gives the user a feeling
of instant euphoria...
690
00:40:38,728 --> 00:40:41,231
at least, when he takes it.
691
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,500
You know, but when
it wears off,
692
00:40:42,524 --> 00:40:44,276
with a depletion
of as much as 60%
693
00:40:44,359 --> 00:40:47,237
of the dopamine, the user
has to up the doses.
694
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:51,283
He has to double it, triple
it just to feel something,
695
00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:53,493
causing even more nerve damage,
696
00:40:53,577 --> 00:40:57,372
which, uh, increases
the compulsion to use.
697
00:40:57,456 --> 00:40:58,957
Horrible cycle.
698
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,959
[typing]
699
00:41:01,042 --> 00:41:03,170
- What's up?
- Hey.
700
00:41:03,253 --> 00:41:05,881
Just doing some research.
701
00:41:23,356 --> 00:41:25,275
♪♪
702
00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:35,076
Hi.
703
00:41:41,208 --> 00:41:43,251
Are you hungry?
704
00:41:43,335 --> 00:41:46,421
You want to get something?
705
00:41:46,505 --> 00:41:49,090
Most guys just ask me for
a blow job. [chuckles]
706
00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:52,677
Oh, no. No, I'm just
offering something to eat.
707
00:41:52,761 --> 00:41:55,096
Maybe talk a little,
if you're up to it.
708
00:41:55,180 --> 00:41:58,517
[Dr. Brown] Meth
changes the brain physically.
709
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,936
Here we see the loss
of dopamine receptors
710
00:42:01,019 --> 00:42:02,979
in a meth user's brain.
711
00:42:03,063 --> 00:42:05,524
Now, I'm gonna show you
something else here.
712
00:42:05,607 --> 00:42:09,319
Do you see, uh, right here
there are these two red, uh...
713
00:42:09,402 --> 00:42:10,946
- large, red spots right here?
- Yeah.
714
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:13,740
Okay, what that shows is
hyperactivity in the amygdala.
715
00:42:13,823 --> 00:42:15,700
And the amygdala is a
region of the brain
716
00:42:15,784 --> 00:42:18,203
that is linked with
anxiety and fear.
717
00:42:18,286 --> 00:42:20,330
Here the amygdala is screaming.
718
00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:26,169
What this shows us
719
00:42:26,253 --> 00:42:28,547
is that there is a
biological basis,
720
00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:32,342
uh, that meth users
may be unable...
721
00:42:32,425 --> 00:42:34,469
not unwilling, but unable...
722
00:42:34,553 --> 00:42:37,764
to participate in normal
treatment programs.
723
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,266
[Girl] I was in rehab, too.
724
00:42:40,475 --> 00:42:41,935
Three times.
725
00:42:42,018 --> 00:42:44,437
Ran away every time. [chuckles]
726
00:42:44,521 --> 00:42:46,940
Why?
727
00:42:47,023 --> 00:42:49,150
It was hell.
728
00:42:49,234 --> 00:42:51,570
Wanted to die.
729
00:42:51,653 --> 00:42:53,572
Why was it hell?
730
00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:56,449
All that God shit.
731
00:42:56,533 --> 00:42:58,451
Also, you just don't
know how good it gets
732
00:42:58,535 --> 00:43:00,453
when it gets good.
733
00:43:00,537 --> 00:43:02,581
It's hard to explain.
734
00:43:02,664 --> 00:43:04,499
Feels like cocaine
735
00:43:04,583 --> 00:43:06,084
but multiplied by,
like, a thousand.
736
00:43:06,167 --> 00:43:07,836
Or, like, a million.
737
00:43:07,919 --> 00:43:10,463
[David] What does
this mean for Nic?
738
00:43:10,547 --> 00:43:12,465
Look, Mr. Sheff, I...
739
00:43:12,549 --> 00:43:15,427
I don't know who
promised you what,
740
00:43:15,510 --> 00:43:19,431
but the success percentage
is in the single digits.
741
00:43:19,514 --> 00:43:21,349
[exhales, chuckles]
742
00:43:21,433 --> 00:43:22,726
Okay.
743
00:43:24,853 --> 00:43:27,606
What about your parents?
744
00:43:27,689 --> 00:43:29,816
What about them?
745
00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:32,652
Don't you think they're
worried about you?
746
00:43:32,736 --> 00:43:35,155
Shouldn't you...
747
00:43:35,238 --> 00:43:37,490
let them know that...
748
00:43:37,574 --> 00:43:39,826
They don't care.
749
00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:43,163
Well, I think they do.
750
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:47,208
What the fuck do you know?
751
00:43:54,090 --> 00:43:56,009
I gotta go.
752
00:43:56,092 --> 00:43:59,179
Oh. Okay.
753
00:44:02,557 --> 00:44:05,060
Thanks.
754
00:44:10,190 --> 00:44:12,108
[indistinct chatter]
755
00:44:22,744 --> 00:44:25,497
- Hey!
- Hey! Hey, now!
756
00:44:25,580 --> 00:44:27,999
[indistinct chatter continues]
757
00:44:34,297 --> 00:44:36,257
[indistinct chatter]
758
00:44:46,434 --> 00:44:48,728
[crickets chirping]
759
00:45:06,371 --> 00:45:08,289
[sighs]
760
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:18,466
[sniffs]
761
00:45:18,550 --> 00:45:20,885
[grunting]
762
00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,013
God.
763
00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:43,700
[jazz playing]
764
00:45:56,129 --> 00:45:57,464
[computer chimes]
765
00:45:57,547 --> 00:45:59,132
[sighs]
766
00:46:00,216 --> 00:46:02,135
[computer chimes]
767
00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:08,933
♪♪
768
00:46:30,246 --> 00:46:33,124
[takes deep breath]
769
00:46:45,261 --> 00:46:47,138
[indistinct chatter]
770
00:46:52,852 --> 00:46:54,729
[David] I'm gonna
try some Klingon on you.
771
00:46:54,813 --> 00:46:55,855
Ready?
772
00:46:57,148 --> 00:47:00,443
[speaking mock Klingon]
773
00:47:04,531 --> 00:47:06,658
- You know what I said?
- May I have a Coca-Cola?
774
00:47:06,741 --> 00:47:08,326
Exactly.
[both laugh]
775
00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:10,203
[David chuckling]
That's it.
776
00:47:10,286 --> 00:47:12,205
That's exactly what I asked.
777
00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:13,665
Can I have a Coca-Cola?
778
00:47:13,748 --> 00:47:15,583
All right. If you
ask me in Klingon,
779
00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:17,585
maybe I'll get you a Coke.
780
00:47:18,753 --> 00:47:20,672
[speaking mock Klingon]
781
00:47:35,228 --> 00:47:37,272
Hey.
782
00:47:49,868 --> 00:47:51,744
Oh, wow.
783
00:47:53,288 --> 00:47:55,456
[chuckles] This hasn't
changed at all.
784
00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:58,543
[laughs] This place.
785
00:47:59,919 --> 00:48:01,588
- Hey.
- So, how you doing?
786
00:48:01,671 --> 00:48:03,006
I'm doing great.
787
00:48:03,089 --> 00:48:05,216
You know, just, um...
788
00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:07,051
um...
789
00:48:07,135 --> 00:48:09,012
just doing what
needs to be done.
790
00:48:10,096 --> 00:48:11,890
What does that mean?
791
00:48:11,973 --> 00:48:15,685
Just being responsible
for myself and...
792
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:17,896
I've quit on my own,
you know, so...
793
00:48:17,979 --> 00:48:20,064
I got five days now.
794
00:48:21,774 --> 00:48:23,943
I feel like I'm doing well,
but I just need, um...
795
00:48:24,027 --> 00:48:27,155
I just need a few
hundred bucks, though.
796
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,865
Nic, I can't give
you any money.
797
00:48:30,950 --> 00:48:32,869
Yeah.
798
00:48:32,952 --> 00:48:35,121
Okay.
799
00:48:35,204 --> 00:48:36,873
It's just 200 bucks.
I just need, um...
800
00:48:36,956 --> 00:48:38,458
I just need to get
some shit together.
801
00:48:38,541 --> 00:48:39,751
I want to go to New York.
802
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:42,045
- New York?
- Yeah.
803
00:48:42,128 --> 00:48:43,922
I need to get out
of San Francisco.
804
00:48:44,005 --> 00:48:45,632
There's too Many...
805
00:48:45,715 --> 00:48:47,508
[laughing] All these
fucking bad vibes here
806
00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:50,470
all the time.
807
00:48:50,553 --> 00:48:52,388
Yeah, I just need a
few hundred bucks.
808
00:48:52,472 --> 00:48:54,766
Why don't we just
have lunch and talk?
809
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,352
- We can do that, right?
- Mm. Hmm.
810
00:49:03,399 --> 00:49:06,027
How... how's Karen and,
uh... and the kids?
811
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:09,489
Okay. They ask about you.
812
00:49:09,572 --> 00:49:12,408
It's their step-up next week,
and I know they'd love you...
813
00:49:12,492 --> 00:49:14,386
Dad, you're, uh... you're
guilt-tripping me, all right?
814
00:49:14,410 --> 00:49:15,787
No, I'm just saying...
815
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:18,081
I should feel horrible
about myself.
816
00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:24,128
I know they wanted you
to be there, that's all.
817
00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:25,797
I'm sorry, Dad.
818
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:29,342
Um... I just need some
fucking money, all right?
819
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:30,819
So please just give me
some fucking money.
820
00:49:30,843 --> 00:49:32,196
And then what?
Where does this end?
821
00:49:32,220 --> 00:49:33,697
This is... I got to
see this one through.
822
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,407
This is kind of working
out for me right now.
823
00:49:35,431 --> 00:49:36,617
- I got five days sober.
- It doesn't look
824
00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:37,721
like it's working out, Nic.
825
00:49:37,767 --> 00:49:38,953
Oh, it doesn't look
like it's working out?
826
00:49:38,977 --> 00:49:39,894
So what, then, therapy? Huh?
- No.
827
00:49:39,978 --> 00:49:41,312
- You can come home.
- No.
828
00:49:41,396 --> 00:49:43,082
- That wouldn't...
- We'll make it work. Please.
829
00:49:43,106 --> 00:49:44,232
Nic.
830
00:49:46,109 --> 00:49:47,193
Please.
831
00:49:54,534 --> 00:49:56,762
- I've been doing some research.
- Been doing fucking research?
832
00:49:56,786 --> 00:49:59,247
- You got to be kidding me, Dad.
- No...
833
00:49:59,330 --> 00:50:01,332
You think that you have
this under control.
834
00:50:01,416 --> 00:50:04,085
Mm-hmm.
- And I understand how scared you are.
835
00:50:04,168 --> 00:50:06,128
I understand why I do
things... it doesn't make me
836
00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:08,256
any different, all right?
I'm attracted to craziness.
837
00:50:08,339 --> 00:50:11,092
And you're just embarrassed,
'cause I was, like, you know...
838
00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:12,403
I was, like, this
amazing thing,
839
00:50:12,427 --> 00:50:13,821
like, your special
creation or something,
840
00:50:13,845 --> 00:50:16,055
- and you don't like who I am now.
- Yeah?
841
00:50:16,139 --> 00:50:17,324
- Who are you, Nic?
- This is me, Dad.
842
00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:19,767
Here. This is who I am.
843
00:50:27,108 --> 00:50:29,152
You don't like what you see?
844
00:50:35,658 --> 00:50:39,871
You know, the more
I think about it...
845
00:50:39,954 --> 00:50:42,165
Mom should've gotten custody.
846
00:50:42,248 --> 00:50:44,709
Because you always
gotta be fucking
847
00:50:44,792 --> 00:50:46,586
controlling everything
all the time.
848
00:50:46,669 --> 00:50:49,172
You're allowed to be mad at
me, Nic. I made mistakes.
849
00:50:49,255 --> 00:50:52,050
I understand that. I wish
that I hadn't, but I did.
850
00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:54,844
But, God, what you're
saying right now
851
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:57,889
- doesn't make any sense.
- You're doing this right now!
852
00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,366
You're fucking controlling
me right now!
853
00:50:59,390 --> 00:51:02,268
It's not you. It is not you,
Nic. It is the drugs talking.
854
00:51:02,351 --> 00:51:03,620
What does that even
fucking mean, huh?
855
00:51:03,644 --> 00:51:04,644
Psychological terror.
856
00:51:04,687 --> 00:51:05,813
It's what addicts do.
857
00:51:05,897 --> 00:51:07,332
What the fuck are you doing
right now, huh?
858
00:51:07,356 --> 00:51:09,859
What is this? What
are you doing, huh?
859
00:51:17,992 --> 00:51:19,911
[sighs]
Oh, [Man].
860
00:51:23,081 --> 00:51:26,000
I didn't want it to go
like this. [smacks lips]
861
00:51:27,919 --> 00:51:29,712
[chuckles]
862
00:51:29,796 --> 00:51:31,339
All right.
863
00:51:31,422 --> 00:51:33,007
I should go, Dad.
864
00:51:33,091 --> 00:51:35,093
[Nic sighs heavily]
865
00:51:37,804 --> 00:51:39,889
Let me... let me book
you a room.
866
00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:40,807
No, Dad.
867
00:51:40,890 --> 00:51:42,117
At a hotel for a couple
of nights.
868
00:51:42,141 --> 00:51:43,643
No. Dad...
869
00:51:43,726 --> 00:51:45,120
Why don't we just go get
some food?
870
00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:47,271
Dad, I should go.
871
00:51:48,648 --> 00:51:49,888
Can you say good-bye, at least?
872
00:51:49,941 --> 00:51:50,941
Bye, Dad.
873
00:51:53,736 --> 00:51:55,279
[door opens]
874
00:51:58,032 --> 00:51:59,200
[door closes]
875
00:52:02,537 --> 00:52:04,497
[Jasper]
Where does he sleep?
876
00:52:04,580 --> 00:52:07,083
[David] Um, don't
worry about that, sweetie.
877
00:52:07,166 --> 00:52:08,209
He's fine.
878
00:52:13,339 --> 00:52:15,675
Um...
879
00:52:15,758 --> 00:52:18,469
maybe he has a friend
and he sleeps there.
880
00:52:18,553 --> 00:52:22,223
[David] Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe.
[Daisy] Dolphin.
881
00:52:22,306 --> 00:52:23,975
[David] Hope so.
[Daisy] Need "E."
882
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:25,434
Elephant.
883
00:52:25,518 --> 00:52:27,562
- Can I call him?
- Hmm.
884
00:52:27,645 --> 00:52:29,355
No. I tried.
[Daisy speaks indistinctly]
885
00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:32,400
- His phone's disconnected.
- Can I send him a message?
886
00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:36,779
Maybe he'll get lonely and
turn his phone back on?
887
00:52:36,863 --> 00:52:39,198
That's a good idea.
888
00:52:39,282 --> 00:52:41,242
Yeah. Let's try that.
889
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,995
[Daisy speaks indistinctly]
890
00:52:44,078 --> 00:52:46,414
[crickets chirping softly]
891
00:53:04,765 --> 00:53:07,101
♪♪
[typing]
892
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:28,331
[vehicle passing by]
893
00:53:35,379 --> 00:53:37,006
[Karen calls out]
Dave.
894
00:53:37,089 --> 00:53:39,342
Yeah?
[quietly] - Okay. Let's go.
895
00:53:40,676 --> 00:53:43,262
[footsteps approaching]
896
00:53:43,346 --> 00:53:45,264
Hey, Dave, close your eyes.
897
00:53:45,348 --> 00:53:46,807
Okay.
898
00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:52,271
And... open 'em!
899
00:53:53,648 --> 00:53:55,316
[whispers]
Oh. Wow.
900
00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:56,776
Wow!
901
00:53:56,859 --> 00:53:59,403
[faint, distorted voices
of children singing]
902
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:04,200
[waves lapping gently]
[faint singing continues]
903
00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:20,800
[voices fade]
904
00:54:23,803 --> 00:54:26,722
[waves continue lapping]
905
00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:36,065
[phone ringing]
906
00:54:46,075 --> 00:54:48,411
[phone continues ringing]
907
00:54:55,251 --> 00:54:56,919
Hello?
908
00:54:57,003 --> 00:54:59,755
This is Julie Ford at the
Bellevue Hospital in New York.
909
00:54:59,839 --> 00:55:01,590
Is Nic Sheff your son?
910
00:55:05,219 --> 00:55:06,721
[Male voice]
Uh, Mr. Sheff,
911
00:55:06,804 --> 00:55:09,181
I'm sorry we missed
each other earlier.
912
00:55:09,265 --> 00:55:12,351
So, Nic is still experiencing
some respiratory depression,
913
00:55:12,435 --> 00:55:14,270
but his vital signs
are returning.
914
00:55:14,353 --> 00:55:16,689
Sir, we're ready for departure.
915
00:55:16,772 --> 00:55:18,190
Okay, okay.
916
00:55:18,274 --> 00:55:20,776
Um... may I talk to him?
917
00:55:20,860 --> 00:55:22,570
No, that won't be possible.
918
00:55:22,653 --> 00:55:24,047
Sir, I need you to
turn off the phone.
919
00:55:24,071 --> 00:55:25,132
Believe me, we
shouldn't wake him up.
920
00:55:25,156 --> 00:55:26,157
Mm-hmm.
921
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:27,158
Try again in a few
hours, though, okay?
922
00:55:27,241 --> 00:55:29,452
Okay. Uh, would you let
him know that...
923
00:55:29,535 --> 00:55:31,245
Sir. Sir. Please.
924
00:55:31,329 --> 00:55:33,265
Would you please let
him know that I'm on my way?
925
00:55:33,289 --> 00:55:34,665
[ding]
926
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:36,876
[beep]
927
00:55:36,959 --> 00:55:38,711
[indistinct
announcement over P.A.]
928
00:55:38,794 --> 00:55:41,589
♪♪
929
00:55:41,672 --> 00:55:42,840
[Woman] He checked out.
930
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:44,050
[David]What?
931
00:55:44,133 --> 00:55:45,551
Against doctor's orders.
932
00:55:45,634 --> 00:55:47,678
- No, no, he O.D.'d.
- I'm sorry, sir.
933
00:55:47,762 --> 00:55:50,014
He pulled out the I.V.
and catheter, and left.
934
00:55:50,097 --> 00:55:51,432
How long ago?
935
00:55:51,515 --> 00:55:53,934
Ten to 15 minutes.
936
00:55:54,018 --> 00:55:56,354
I'm sorry, sir.
937
00:55:56,437 --> 00:55:58,731
♪♪
938
00:56:02,526 --> 00:56:04,820
["Darling" by the
Chips playing]
939
00:56:07,615 --> 00:56:10,201
♪ Darling, I need
your love... ♪
940
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:15,206
[sighs]
941
00:56:15,289 --> 00:56:17,625
[phone ringing]
942
00:56:20,044 --> 00:56:21,921
[beep]
Yes.
943
00:56:22,004 --> 00:56:24,173
[Nic crying]
944
00:56:24,256 --> 00:56:26,384
[bell jingling]
♪ Your love ♪
945
00:56:26,467 --> 00:56:29,637
♪ Darling, I need your love ♪
946
00:56:29,720 --> 00:56:31,847
♪ Darling ♪
947
00:56:31,931 --> 00:56:35,851
♪ I love you so ♪
948
00:56:35,935 --> 00:56:39,855
♪ And I want the
whole world to know ♪
949
00:56:39,939 --> 00:56:42,858
♪ I'll never let you go... ♪
950
00:56:42,942 --> 00:56:44,944
[Nic] Look,
I've thought about it,
951
00:56:45,027 --> 00:56:46,862
and I'm done with drugs.
952
00:56:46,946 --> 00:56:48,948
This is it.
953
00:56:51,367 --> 00:56:53,744
I'm telling you, Dad.
954
00:56:53,828 --> 00:56:55,746
I'm done.
955
00:56:55,830 --> 00:56:59,750
♪ You're all I ever dream of ♪
956
00:57:01,377 --> 00:57:04,713
♪ Never leave me... ♪
957
00:57:05,965 --> 00:57:08,300
And how would that work?
958
00:57:08,384 --> 00:57:11,846
I mean, after what
just happened.
959
00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:15,683
♪ Oh... Stay with me ♪
960
00:57:15,766 --> 00:57:19,687
♪ Oh, stay with
me, oh, darling ♪
961
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:23,107
♪ Darling, I need your kiss ♪
[crying]
962
00:57:23,190 --> 00:57:25,568
♪ Your love I can't resist... ♪
963
00:57:27,069 --> 00:57:29,196
[Reporter] Now, if
you're in the area,
964
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:30,781
evacuation orders and details,
965
00:57:30,865 --> 00:57:33,117
including relocation
centers, can be found on...
966
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,494
[David] So, at
3:00, we have a conference call
967
00:57:35,578 --> 00:57:37,121
with the intake people
in Mississippi.
968
00:57:37,204 --> 00:57:38,456
[Reporter] That's
all for now.
969
00:57:38,539 --> 00:57:40,124
[David] 3:30, the
one in New Mexico.
970
00:57:40,207 --> 00:57:42,084
And 4:00, the one in Oregon.
971
00:57:42,168 --> 00:57:44,795
[Vicki] I did some research
on the one in New Mexico.
972
00:57:44,879 --> 00:57:48,174
[David] Mm-hmm.
- They charge $40,000 a month.
973
00:57:48,257 --> 00:57:49,776
You know, it's not
even that well rated.
974
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:51,886
We'll just skip that one.
975
00:57:51,969 --> 00:57:54,638
[Vicki] Listen, if a spot
opens up here in Los Angeles,
976
00:57:54,722 --> 00:57:56,891
Maybe that's the best
solution for now.
977
00:57:56,974 --> 00:57:59,852
I'll hear back from
them in an hour.
978
00:57:59,935 --> 00:58:01,103
Mm.
979
00:58:01,187 --> 00:58:03,105
Give it a rest, David.
980
00:58:03,189 --> 00:58:05,232
Why don't you let me
take over for now?
981
00:58:10,654 --> 00:58:12,156
Mm.
982
00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:13,991
[Young Nic] Dad?
983
00:58:14,074 --> 00:58:15,576
[David] Yeah.
984
00:58:15,659 --> 00:58:19,705
[Young Nic] Will you check
on me every 15 minutes?
985
00:58:19,788 --> 00:58:22,082
[David] Yes.
986
00:58:28,130 --> 00:58:31,383
♪ Close your eyes ♪
987
00:58:31,467 --> 00:58:34,845
♪ Have no fear ♪
988
00:58:34,929 --> 00:58:37,014
♪ The monster's gone ♪
989
00:58:37,097 --> 00:58:38,974
♪ He's on the run ♪
990
00:58:39,058 --> 00:58:42,561
♪ And your daddy's here ♪
991
00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:45,981
♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪
992
00:58:46,065 --> 00:58:47,358
♪ Beautiful ♪
993
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:50,361
♪ Beautiful boy ♪
994
00:58:53,531 --> 00:58:55,574
♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪
995
00:58:55,658 --> 00:58:57,117
♪ Beautiful ♪
996
00:58:57,201 --> 00:58:59,620
[David sings with radio]
♪ Beautiful boy ♪
997
00:58:59,703 --> 00:59:01,956
Do you want to bring one
of your dinosaurs, too?
998
00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:05,000
♪ Before you cross the street ♪
999
00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:06,835
How about a book?
1000
00:59:06,919 --> 00:59:08,462
♪ Take my hand ♪
1001
00:59:08,546 --> 00:59:11,048
No? Okay.
1002
00:59:11,131 --> 00:59:13,384
♪ Life is what happens to you ♪
1003
00:59:13,467 --> 00:59:15,261
♪ While you're busy ♪
1004
00:59:15,344 --> 00:59:18,514
- ♪ Making other plans ♪
- You ready?
1005
00:59:18,597 --> 00:59:20,266
[whispers]
Hey. Hey.
1006
00:59:20,349 --> 00:59:22,518
♪ Darling, darling... ♪
1007
00:59:22,601 --> 00:59:24,645
Can I have a hug?
1008
00:59:24,728 --> 00:59:25,729
No?
1009
00:59:25,813 --> 00:59:27,314
Why not?
1010
00:59:27,398 --> 00:59:29,775
Are you mad at me?
1011
00:59:29,858 --> 00:59:31,986
'Cause you have to go?
1012
00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:34,655
Okay.
1013
00:59:34,738 --> 00:59:38,492
Well... you'll be happy to
see Mommy, though, right?
1014
00:59:40,619 --> 00:59:42,496
I want you to know something.
1015
00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:44,957
When you come back,
I'm gonna be here...
1016
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:48,085
right... I'm gonna be
right here for you.
1017
00:59:48,168 --> 00:59:49,878
Okay?
1018
00:59:49,962 --> 00:59:53,048
And call me when you miss
me, and I'll call you.
1019
00:59:54,383 --> 00:59:56,719
Do you know how
much I love you?
1020
01:00:03,767 --> 01:00:07,896
If you could take all the
words in the language,
1021
01:00:07,980 --> 01:00:11,066
it still wouldn't describe
how much I love you.
1022
01:00:11,150 --> 01:00:14,278
And if you could gather
all those words together,
1023
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:17,114
it still wouldn't describe
what I feel for you.
1024
01:00:17,197 --> 01:00:20,075
What I feel for
you is everything.
1025
01:00:21,952 --> 01:00:23,954
I love you more
than everything.
1026
01:00:26,498 --> 01:00:28,834
Everything?
1027
01:00:28,917 --> 01:00:30,461
Yeah, everything.
1028
01:00:39,178 --> 01:00:42,514
[jet engines roaring]
1029
01:00:49,897 --> 01:00:52,191
[indistinct chatter]
1030
01:01:02,660 --> 01:01:04,662
Hey.
1031
01:01:04,745 --> 01:01:06,914
That's my mom.
1032
01:01:06,997 --> 01:01:10,042
I'm really glad
you came to L.A.
1033
01:01:10,125 --> 01:01:11,752
You know that, right?
1034
01:01:18,926 --> 01:01:20,612
[crying] You just don't
know what it is to be...
1035
01:01:20,636 --> 01:01:23,514
- Please don't do this, Mom.
- Okay.
1036
01:01:23,597 --> 01:01:25,432
[whispers] I'm
sorry. Okay.
1037
01:01:28,477 --> 01:01:30,604
[Vicki groans]
1038
01:01:30,688 --> 01:01:33,273
All I could think
about was you.
1039
01:01:38,362 --> 01:01:41,615
I know this must sound
meaningless, but I'm sorry.
1040
01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:47,371
[softly]
I'm-I'm sorry.
1041
01:01:48,914 --> 01:01:50,457
Oh, Nicky.
1042
01:01:50,541 --> 01:01:52,626
[Vicki sighs]
1043
01:01:52,710 --> 01:01:54,628
[Vicki mutters quietly]
1044
01:01:56,296 --> 01:01:58,757
You are such a darling.
1045
01:01:58,841 --> 01:02:00,718
You know that, right?
1046
01:02:01,885 --> 01:02:03,679
[kiss]
1047
01:02:05,180 --> 01:02:07,224
[sighs]
Whew.
1048
01:02:13,230 --> 01:02:14,898
[exhales]
1049
01:02:14,982 --> 01:02:16,900
♪♪
1050
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,282
Hey, come on, old [Man]!
1051
01:02:23,365 --> 01:02:25,593
- You're being so disrespectful.
- I'm not being disrespectful.
1052
01:02:25,617 --> 01:02:27,828
You're being so disrespectful.
1053
01:02:27,911 --> 01:02:29,872
[both grunting]
1054
01:02:29,955 --> 01:02:31,516
- I'm coming for you!
- Oh, motherfucker!
1055
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:34,418
Uh-huh. You about to
look at my ass, baby!
1056
01:02:34,501 --> 01:02:36,712
You about to look at my ass!
[laughing]
1057
01:02:36,795 --> 01:02:39,798
[grunting, indistinct talking]
1058
01:02:39,882 --> 01:02:43,302
♪♪
1059
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:47,097
[panting]
Fuck.
1060
01:02:57,065 --> 01:02:59,234
[objects in box clatter]
1061
01:02:59,318 --> 01:03:00,778
[chuckles]
1062
01:03:00,861 --> 01:03:02,362
♪♪
1063
01:03:08,035 --> 01:03:10,204
[indistinct chatter]
1064
01:03:10,287 --> 01:03:11,622
That's what I get for helping.
1065
01:03:11,705 --> 01:03:13,499
[grunting]
- Why'd you pull that hard?
1066
01:03:13,582 --> 01:03:15,876
- [laughing] I'm sorry.
- Why do you hate me?
1067
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,879
♪♪
1068
01:03:31,642 --> 01:03:33,560
How does this feel?
1069
01:03:37,940 --> 01:03:41,109
Like I'm a real human being.
1070
01:03:42,402 --> 01:03:45,864
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
1071
01:03:45,948 --> 01:03:49,076
[Spencer coughs, whoops]
1072
01:03:49,159 --> 01:03:52,663
[Nic] One day,
I tried methamphetamine...
1073
01:03:52,746 --> 01:03:55,123
Yeah. That felt good.
1074
01:03:55,207 --> 01:03:57,626
...and I thought,
1075
01:03:57,709 --> 01:04:00,087
"This is what's been missing."
1076
01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:02,714
I felt complete.
1077
01:04:02,798 --> 01:04:04,800
[Spencer] Today's
a good day.
1078
01:04:04,883 --> 01:04:07,678
[Nic] Yeah, I've been
chasing that high
1079
01:04:07,761 --> 01:04:09,680
ever since.
1080
01:04:09,763 --> 01:04:11,682
No matter...
1081
01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:13,684
how much meth...
1082
01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:17,646
or whatever else I can find
to shoot up into my body...
1083
01:04:17,729 --> 01:04:20,148
I do, it's never enough.
1084
01:04:20,232 --> 01:04:21,942
[others murmuring quietly]
1085
01:04:23,735 --> 01:04:27,114
And I went to a
couple of rehabs,
1086
01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:28,699
I detoxed,
1087
01:04:28,782 --> 01:04:31,493
they would talk
about disease, sure,
1088
01:04:31,577 --> 01:04:33,120
but...
1089
01:04:33,203 --> 01:04:34,788
it never clicked.
1090
01:04:37,749 --> 01:04:41,879
Until one day I woke
up in a hospital
1091
01:04:41,962 --> 01:04:45,215
and someone asked me,
1092
01:04:45,299 --> 01:04:47,634
"What's your problem?"
1093
01:04:50,554 --> 01:04:53,724
And I said, "I'm an
alcoholic and an addict."
1094
01:04:53,807 --> 01:04:55,559
And he said...
1095
01:04:55,642 --> 01:04:58,770
"No, that's how you've been
treating your problem."
1096
01:04:58,854 --> 01:05:00,772
[Others] Mm-hmm.
- That's right.
1097
01:05:00,856 --> 01:05:04,234
I know now I need to find a way
1098
01:05:04,318 --> 01:05:07,529
to fill this...
1099
01:05:07,613 --> 01:05:09,656
big...
1100
01:05:09,740 --> 01:05:11,909
black hole in me.
1101
01:05:16,288 --> 01:05:17,956
Anyway, so...
1102
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:21,126
I'm 14 months clean.
[others murmuring quietly]
1103
01:05:21,209 --> 01:05:23,337
I have a job at a rehab.
1104
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:27,174
It's fulfilling to help
other people get sober.
1105
01:05:27,257 --> 01:05:29,635
[others murmuring]
1106
01:05:29,718 --> 01:05:32,846
I have a sponsor, Spencer.
1107
01:05:32,930 --> 01:05:35,682
Shows me how great
my life can be sober.
1108
01:05:37,184 --> 01:05:39,519
And, um, I still have family.
1109
01:05:41,563 --> 01:05:44,358
My mom's been amazing.
1110
01:05:44,441 --> 01:05:47,194
My dad's been amazing, too.
1111
01:05:47,277 --> 01:05:50,530
["Heart of Gold" by
Neil Young playing]
1112
01:05:50,614 --> 01:05:53,033
[sighs, smacks lips]
1113
01:05:53,116 --> 01:05:55,369
I want them to be proud of me.
1114
01:05:58,246 --> 01:06:00,582
♪♪
1115
01:06:16,390 --> 01:06:18,976
♪ I want to live ♪
1116
01:06:20,102 --> 01:06:22,646
♪ I want to give ♪
1117
01:06:22,729 --> 01:06:24,773
♪ I've been a miner ♪
1118
01:06:24,856 --> 01:06:28,402
♪ For a heart of gold ♪
1119
01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:31,530
♪ It's these expressions ♪
1120
01:06:31,613 --> 01:06:34,616
♪ I never give that
keep me searching... ♪
1121
01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:37,327
[David]
You all right?
1122
01:06:37,411 --> 01:06:39,496
What's wrong? You nervous?
1123
01:06:39,579 --> 01:06:40,789
Yeah.
1124
01:06:40,872 --> 01:06:42,582
♪ And I'm getting old ♪
1125
01:06:45,419 --> 01:06:47,379
♪ Keep me searching for a... ♪
1126
01:06:47,462 --> 01:06:49,631
[Karen] Thank you
for marrying me.
1127
01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:53,051
Thank you for being
a perfect partner
1128
01:06:53,135 --> 01:06:55,095
in an imperfect world.
1129
01:06:56,888 --> 01:06:59,599
Thank you for introducing
me to your amazing son.
1130
01:06:59,683 --> 01:07:01,685
♪♪
1131
01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:03,687
[Karen]
Uh, I'm here for you,
1132
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:05,022
and I'm here to stay.
1133
01:07:05,105 --> 01:07:07,107
[David] Karen,
thank you...
1134
01:07:07,190 --> 01:07:09,151
for loving me.
1135
01:07:10,527 --> 01:07:12,195
And thank you for loving him.
1136
01:07:12,279 --> 01:07:13,864
[applause]
1137
01:07:13,947 --> 01:07:15,627
♪ Keep me searching ♪
[whistling, cheering]
1138
01:07:15,699 --> 01:07:18,410
♪ For a heart of gold ♪
1139
01:07:18,493 --> 01:07:20,412
♪ You keep me searching ♪
1140
01:07:20,495 --> 01:07:22,205
♪ And I'm growing old ♪
1141
01:07:22,289 --> 01:07:24,708
Looks him square in the eye,
and he says, "Superman..."
1142
01:07:24,791 --> 01:07:28,170
♪ Keep me searching
for a heart of gold ♪
1143
01:07:28,253 --> 01:07:29,713
[Karen laughs]
[David] Perfect.
1144
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:31,548
♪ I've been a miner ♪
1145
01:07:31,631 --> 01:07:35,177
[indistinct chatter]
♪ For a heart of gold ♪
1146
01:07:36,553 --> 01:07:38,221
♪ Ah ♪
1147
01:07:38,305 --> 01:07:39,681
♪ Mm. ♪
1148
01:07:42,309 --> 01:07:44,644
[dogs barking]
1149
01:07:49,691 --> 01:07:51,610
- Hey, good to see you.
- Good to see you.
1150
01:07:51,693 --> 01:07:54,071
Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!
1151
01:07:57,449 --> 01:07:59,159
Hey, Jazzy Jeff.
1152
01:07:59,242 --> 01:08:01,203
What's going on, [Man]?
1153
01:08:01,286 --> 01:08:02,788
Hey, [Man], I miss you more
1154
01:08:02,871 --> 01:08:05,749
than the sun misses
the moon at night.
1155
01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:07,751
Mm. [kiss]
1156
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:11,129
- Hey, Karen.
- Hey.
1157
01:08:16,510 --> 01:08:18,595
Thank you for inviting me.
1158
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:20,222
Seriously.
1159
01:08:26,144 --> 01:08:28,146
[Daisy laughing in distance]
1160
01:08:34,319 --> 01:08:35,737
♪ Can't steal the way ♪
1161
01:08:35,821 --> 01:08:38,073
♪ I fuckin' felt
when I got up today ♪
1162
01:08:38,156 --> 01:08:39,866
♪ Well, I guess
you're the judge ♪
1163
01:08:39,950 --> 01:08:41,493
♪ I guess you're the king ♪
1164
01:08:41,576 --> 01:08:44,371
♪ Of the forever beauty
pageant I'm always... ♪
1165
01:08:47,874 --> 01:08:50,252
[indistinct chatter nearby]
1166
01:08:50,335 --> 01:08:52,462
[Nic] Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
1167
01:08:52,546 --> 01:08:53,964
[Jasper]
Go, Daisy!
1168
01:08:54,047 --> 01:08:55,549
[David]
Hey, honey.
1169
01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:56,967
[Daisy laughing]
1170
01:08:59,302 --> 01:09:01,138
[Nic] Go, Daisy, go!
1171
01:09:01,221 --> 01:09:03,140
[kids laughing]
1172
01:09:05,267 --> 01:09:07,060
[David laughing]
1173
01:09:07,144 --> 01:09:09,312
[Daisy laughing]
[Jasper grunts]
1174
01:09:10,856 --> 01:09:13,150
[David] Nice.
[playful grunting and yelling]
1175
01:09:14,568 --> 01:09:15,819
[Daisy squealing]
1176
01:09:15,902 --> 01:09:18,530
Oh! Ah, you!
1177
01:09:18,613 --> 01:09:20,365
It's Daisy!
1178
01:09:20,448 --> 01:09:23,034
[David laughs]
[Nic yelling]
1179
01:09:23,118 --> 01:09:24,661
[David]
Whoa!
1180
01:09:24,744 --> 01:09:27,247
[laughter]
1181
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:28,874
[playful shouts]
1182
01:09:28,957 --> 01:09:30,709
[David chuckling]
1183
01:09:32,919 --> 01:09:34,838
[David] "If
the marker is depleted
1184
01:09:34,921 --> 01:09:36,798
"in meth addicts' brains,
1185
01:09:36,882 --> 01:09:39,509
"it's likely there is a
loss of nerve terminals
1186
01:09:39,593 --> 01:09:42,053
"and the brain damage
is irreversible.
1187
01:09:42,137 --> 01:09:44,556
"However, when I
tested for VMAT2,
1188
01:09:44,639 --> 01:09:47,601
- I found normal levels."
- So that's optimistic.
1189
01:09:47,684 --> 01:09:49,561
Normal levels
is optimistic, yeah.
1190
01:09:49,644 --> 01:09:51,271
It's...
1191
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:52,397
- It is.
- Okay.
1192
01:09:52,480 --> 01:09:53,958
- No. I'm not...
- I was just checking.
1193
01:09:53,982 --> 01:09:54,649
- No, no, that's good.
- Okay.
1194
01:09:54,733 --> 01:09:55,901
Basically...
1195
01:09:55,984 --> 01:09:57,277
the fried...
1196
01:09:57,360 --> 01:09:59,362
Nic's fried nerve endings
1197
01:09:59,446 --> 01:10:01,823
can grow back.
1198
01:10:01,907 --> 01:10:04,034
They say it can take
two years, but...
1199
01:10:04,117 --> 01:10:06,244
- Two years?
- Yeah.
1200
01:10:06,328 --> 01:10:08,788
But that's great, David.
1201
01:10:10,665 --> 01:10:12,459
[car door closes]
1202
01:10:14,377 --> 01:10:16,504
[footsteps approaching]
1203
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:21,009
- Hey.
- Hey.
1204
01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:24,137
- You're kind of late.
- Yeah. It was a great meeting,
1205
01:10:24,221 --> 01:10:26,348
and after, we went to
the speaker's house
1206
01:10:26,431 --> 01:10:28,308
and watched a video and...
1207
01:10:28,391 --> 01:10:32,312
saw my sober sponsee
bros earlier, so...
1208
01:10:32,395 --> 01:10:34,356
No phone?
1209
01:10:34,439 --> 01:10:36,358
Oh, my cell was dead.
1210
01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:42,447
Would you be okay
to do a drug test?
1211
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:45,742
Yeah, I mean, sure.
1212
01:10:45,825 --> 01:10:47,285
Okay.
1213
01:11:04,719 --> 01:11:07,264
You understand why, right?
1214
01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:11,643
Yeah. I mean, I should've
called to let you know, so...
1215
01:11:11,726 --> 01:11:15,522
I trust you... we just need
to have some sort of proof.
1216
01:11:19,359 --> 01:11:21,903
That's about as
contradictory as it gets.
1217
01:11:21,987 --> 01:11:24,197
- But...
- I know. I know.
1218
01:11:26,366 --> 01:11:28,535
I'll do it. No worries.
1219
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,870
Nothing to hide.
1220
01:11:31,997 --> 01:11:33,373
Okay.
1221
01:11:35,709 --> 01:11:38,211
Hey, you're doing great.
1222
01:11:39,754 --> 01:11:41,548
You really are.
1223
01:11:41,631 --> 01:11:44,551
By my count, 485 days clean.
1224
01:11:44,634 --> 01:11:46,678
Wow. Come on, that's...
1225
01:11:50,682 --> 01:11:53,393
I'll just leave it in the
bathroom, right? Okay.
1226
01:11:54,519 --> 01:11:56,021
All right.
1227
01:11:56,104 --> 01:11:58,023
- Good night, Dad.
- Good night.
1228
01:11:58,106 --> 01:12:00,108
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
1229
01:12:24,007 --> 01:12:26,301
[gulls calling]
1230
01:12:31,556 --> 01:12:33,475
[Nic] All right, Jasper,
you ready?
1231
01:12:33,558 --> 01:12:35,643
Yep. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
1232
01:12:35,727 --> 01:12:37,854
Hey. No, no, no, wait.
1233
01:12:37,937 --> 01:12:40,982
Jasper, I don't want you
to go out there.
1234
01:12:41,066 --> 01:12:42,776
What? Mom, we
won't go far, I swear!
1235
01:12:42,859 --> 01:12:44,712
[Karen] The waves are too
big. It's too dangerous.
1236
01:12:44,736 --> 01:12:45,816
But I am a great swimmer.
1237
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,173
I've been in waves
way bigger than this.
1238
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:49,783
Yes, I know that, but
I don't want you to...
1239
01:12:49,866 --> 01:12:51,344
- Yeah, I'll stay close.
- Nic will stay close,
1240
01:12:51,368 --> 01:12:53,244
you see?
1241
01:12:53,328 --> 01:12:54,913
[Nic] Karen, I'm
gonna stay...
1242
01:12:54,996 --> 01:12:56,873
I'll stay close.
[Karen] Nic can go in.
1243
01:12:56,956 --> 01:12:58,041
That's fine. You, no.
1244
01:12:58,124 --> 01:13:00,001
And that is final.
1245
01:13:00,085 --> 01:13:01,461
[Jasper] We'll
see about that.
1246
01:13:01,544 --> 01:13:04,172
[Karen] Hey!
[Nic] Okay. It's fine.
1247
01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:06,466
It's fine.
1248
01:13:15,392 --> 01:13:17,310
Should we just play
a game instead?
1249
01:13:17,394 --> 01:13:19,521
- Uh...
- Yeah?
1250
01:13:22,023 --> 01:13:24,234
[Nic] Are you a hurfboard?
1251
01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:26,653
- [chuckles] No.
- No?
1252
01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:28,655
Are you a hicycle?
1253
01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:30,490
- [chuckles] No.
- No?
1254
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:33,201
Okay. Uh, are you edible?
1255
01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:34,577
Not really.
1256
01:13:34,661 --> 01:13:36,663
- Not really?
- Not really.
1257
01:13:36,746 --> 01:13:38,206
So, sort of.
1258
01:13:38,289 --> 01:13:40,834
So, um...
1259
01:13:40,917 --> 01:13:42,252
are you a house?
1260
01:13:42,335 --> 01:13:45,839
Yes. How did you know?
[chuckling]
1261
01:13:45,922 --> 01:13:47,632
You know,
1262
01:13:47,715 --> 01:13:50,260
I can read your mind.
1263
01:13:50,343 --> 01:13:52,929
- [spookily] Ooh...
- Ooh...
1264
01:13:53,012 --> 01:13:54,264
[Jasper grunts]
1265
01:13:54,347 --> 01:13:55,765
I know you're a great swimmer.
1266
01:13:55,849 --> 01:13:57,576
I'm gonna be there to cheer
for you at your next swim meet.
1267
01:13:57,600 --> 01:13:58,435
How does that sound?
1268
01:13:58,518 --> 01:14:00,061
Yeah?
1269
01:14:00,145 --> 01:14:02,814
Okay.
1270
01:14:02,897 --> 01:14:05,150
Hey, is it weird to see
me after all this time?
1271
01:14:05,233 --> 01:14:06,234
Or no?
1272
01:14:06,317 --> 01:14:08,653
- I guess it was, at first.
- Okay
1273
01:14:08,736 --> 01:14:10,947
I thought you might be
different.
1274
01:14:11,030 --> 01:14:13,575
But you're just
the same old Nic.
1275
01:14:15,285 --> 01:14:17,203
[Nic chuckles]
1276
01:14:18,621 --> 01:14:20,957
["Wiseblood" by
Zola Jesus playing]
1277
01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:25,962
♪ This'll be ♪
1278
01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:29,966
♪ My last home ♪
1279
01:14:30,049 --> 01:14:32,385
♪ But this stream ♪
[Nic] All right. Thanks.
1280
01:14:32,469 --> 01:14:36,389
♪ Will carry me through ♪
1281
01:14:36,473 --> 01:14:39,601
- That was a great weekend.
- Mm-hmm.
1282
01:14:39,684 --> 01:14:42,312
- ♪ But this stream ♪
- Bye, Nic!
1283
01:14:42,395 --> 01:14:47,066
♪ Isn't home no more ♪
1284
01:14:47,150 --> 01:14:49,277
♪ And truth can ♪
1285
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:53,907
♪ Make immune ♪
1286
01:14:53,990 --> 01:14:56,784
♪ If it doesn't
make you wiser ♪
1287
01:14:56,868 --> 01:14:58,536
♪ Doesn't make you stronger ♪
1288
01:14:58,620 --> 01:15:02,874
♪ Doesn't make you
live a little bit ♪
1289
01:15:02,957 --> 01:15:07,837
♪ What are you doing? ♪
1290
01:15:07,921 --> 01:15:10,507
[cheering and applause]
1291
01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:13,176
♪ If it doesn't
make you wiser ♪
1292
01:15:13,259 --> 01:15:15,678
♪ Doesn't make you stronger ♪
1293
01:15:15,762 --> 01:15:19,432
♪ Doesn't make you
live a little bit ♪
1294
01:15:19,516 --> 01:15:26,481
♪ What are you doing? ♪
1295
01:15:26,564 --> 01:15:28,900
[cheering, chatter]
1296
01:15:32,779 --> 01:15:35,573
Go, Nic!
[cheering]
1297
01:15:35,657 --> 01:15:37,951
[cheering and applause]
1298
01:15:42,455 --> 01:15:43,790
♪♪
1299
01:15:43,873 --> 01:15:47,418
♪ In these parting days ♪
1300
01:15:47,502 --> 01:15:52,298
♪ I am losing all my senses ♪
1301
01:15:52,382 --> 01:15:55,260
♪ In these timeless days ♪
1302
01:15:55,343 --> 01:16:01,474
♪ I can barely see through. ♪
1303
01:16:02,976 --> 01:16:05,520
Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic!
1304
01:16:05,603 --> 01:16:07,730
Bye, Nic!
1305
01:16:12,569 --> 01:16:14,904
♪♪
1306
01:16:30,295 --> 01:16:32,839
[Spencer over phone]
One day at a time, Man.
1307
01:16:32,922 --> 01:16:34,191
Congratulations. Welcome
to the real world.
1308
01:16:34,215 --> 01:16:36,110
[Nic] Oh, I don't want to
live in the real world.
1309
01:16:36,134 --> 01:16:37,677
I'm so sick of living in it.
1310
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:39,238
That's your disease
talking to you, Man.
1311
01:16:39,262 --> 01:16:40,823
- Oh, I'm trying.
- By trying to isolate you.
1312
01:16:40,847 --> 01:16:42,367
Trying to kill you.
You know this, Man.
1313
01:16:42,432 --> 01:16:44,183
I don't feel like I have
a disease, Spencer.
1314
01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:46,060
I feel like...
1315
01:16:46,144 --> 01:16:49,105
- Well, you got to.
- This isn't like fucking cancer.
1316
01:16:49,188 --> 01:16:52,442
This is my fucking choice.
I put myself here.
1317
01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,165
Yeah, you did. You did
put yourself there.
1318
01:16:54,193 --> 01:16:55,862
Are you gonna let
me talk or what?
1319
01:16:55,945 --> 01:16:58,865
Okay? Like, you're a
writer, right? So write.
1320
01:16:58,948 --> 01:17:01,200
You're good at it. This is
your day. This is a choice.
1321
01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:03,012
- What do you want to do now?
- [whispers] Fucking...
1322
01:17:03,036 --> 01:17:04,763
Once you get high, you
lose all your choices.
1323
01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:06,515
- If you get high, you lose everything.
- Right.
1324
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:09,292
All right, so you got to
keep choosing the right way.
1325
01:17:11,961 --> 01:17:13,880
- Right.
- That's right.
1326
01:17:13,963 --> 01:17:15,715
You choose the right way.
1327
01:17:15,798 --> 01:17:17,216
Right. All right, hey, listen,
1328
01:17:17,300 --> 01:17:18,819
I'm gonna give you a
call later, all right?
1329
01:17:18,843 --> 01:17:20,279
Uh, I-I feel like I'm
gonna do all right.
1330
01:17:20,303 --> 01:17:21,596
You blowing me off now?
1331
01:17:21,679 --> 01:17:23,222
You gonna call me
and waste my time?
1332
01:17:23,306 --> 01:17:25,016
Don't waste my time.
I'm here for you, Man.
1333
01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:26,660
You know what, look, I'm
having some steaks tonight.
1334
01:17:26,684 --> 01:17:27,828
Why don't you come
over for dinner.
1335
01:17:27,852 --> 01:17:29,038
- All right, I'll see you then.
- You...
1336
01:17:29,062 --> 01:17:30,456
That sounds great.
I'll see you then.
1337
01:17:30,480 --> 01:17:31,915
- Yo, Nic, Nic.
- Yes, sir. I'll see you then.
1338
01:17:31,939 --> 01:17:33,983
- Nic...
- All right, bye-bye.
1339
01:17:50,875 --> 01:17:52,794
[sighs]
1340
01:17:52,877 --> 01:17:55,171
[crying]
1341
01:18:15,775 --> 01:18:18,111
[muffled music playing]
1342
01:18:18,194 --> 01:18:20,530
[indistinct chatter]
1343
01:18:31,624 --> 01:18:33,626
[Woman]
Nic Sheff.
1344
01:18:33,710 --> 01:18:35,628
Lauren. What?
1345
01:18:35,712 --> 01:18:37,880
What are you...
[chuckles]
1346
01:18:37,964 --> 01:18:39,716
[chuckles]
1347
01:18:39,799 --> 01:18:41,467
Wow, it's been a long time.
1348
01:18:41,551 --> 01:18:42,927
What-what are you doing here?
1349
01:18:43,010 --> 01:18:45,555
[chuckles] Just, uh...
1350
01:18:45,638 --> 01:18:47,390
[chuckles]
1351
01:18:47,473 --> 01:18:49,684
What?
1352
01:18:52,895 --> 01:18:54,480
I've been sober for a while,
1353
01:18:54,564 --> 01:18:57,483
but I'm seriously looking
to party right now.
1354
01:18:57,567 --> 01:19:00,737
[both chuckle]
1355
01:19:05,283 --> 01:19:07,410
[indistinct chatter]
1356
01:19:07,493 --> 01:19:09,746
[siren wailing in distance]
1357
01:19:19,005 --> 01:19:20,798
[laughter]
1358
01:19:20,882 --> 01:19:23,509
I got what you need. We
have E, we have pills, Man.
1359
01:19:23,593 --> 01:19:25,636
We have E. I told
you, I told you.
1360
01:19:25,720 --> 01:19:27,638
[light switch clicks]
1361
01:19:27,722 --> 01:19:29,849
[door shuts]
1362
01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:36,355
[Nic] Can you get me a cup
of water and a spoon?
1363
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:37,774
Mm-hmm.
1364
01:19:37,857 --> 01:19:40,151
All right.
1365
01:19:46,032 --> 01:19:47,950
♪♪
1366
01:19:53,831 --> 01:19:56,501
[footsteps approaching]
1367
01:19:56,584 --> 01:19:58,920
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
1368
01:19:59,003 --> 01:20:01,547
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
1369
01:20:02,632 --> 01:20:04,759
Cotton and a spoon.
1370
01:20:16,896 --> 01:20:19,774
[chuckling softly]
1371
01:20:23,820 --> 01:20:25,154
[clears throat]
1372
01:20:25,238 --> 01:20:27,490
[coughs]
1373
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:30,326
Mmm.
1374
01:20:30,409 --> 01:20:32,745
[laughing]
1375
01:20:41,087 --> 01:20:43,256
[Nic] All right, that's it.
[exhales]
1376
01:20:43,339 --> 01:20:45,258
That's it.
1377
01:20:45,341 --> 01:20:47,927
[groans]
1378
01:20:48,010 --> 01:20:49,595
[coughs, gasps]
1379
01:20:49,679 --> 01:20:51,764
[exhales]
1380
01:20:51,848 --> 01:20:53,182
[chuckles]
1381
01:20:53,266 --> 01:20:54,934
[inhales deeply]
1382
01:20:55,017 --> 01:20:56,936
[exhales] Wow.
1383
01:20:57,019 --> 01:20:58,896
[sniffs]
1384
01:20:58,980 --> 01:21:01,899
[sighs]
1385
01:21:21,878 --> 01:21:24,213
[panting]
1386
01:21:39,687 --> 01:21:41,981
[panting]
1387
01:21:49,614 --> 01:21:51,908
[panting]
1388
01:21:55,494 --> 01:21:57,371
[grunts]
1389
01:21:59,832 --> 01:22:02,168
[panting]
1390
01:22:14,680 --> 01:22:17,850
[panting]
1391
01:22:17,934 --> 01:22:19,685
[panting]
[groans]
1392
01:22:19,769 --> 01:22:22,021
[panting]
1393
01:22:27,234 --> 01:22:30,780
[panting]
[groans, panting]
1394
01:22:30,863 --> 01:22:33,199
[panting]
1395
01:22:35,868 --> 01:22:38,204
[moaning, panting deeply]
1396
01:22:46,796 --> 01:22:48,756
[birds chirping]
1397
01:22:48,839 --> 01:22:51,175
[children laughing and
shouting in distance]
1398
01:23:09,819 --> 01:23:12,154
[inhales]
1399
01:23:16,325 --> 01:23:18,369
[Answering machine]
Your call has been forwarded
1400
01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:20,371
to an automated voice
messaging system.
1401
01:23:20,454 --> 01:23:22,248
At the tone, please
record your message.
1402
01:23:22,331 --> 01:23:23,582
[beep]
1403
01:23:23,666 --> 01:23:25,001
[David]
It's Dad again.
1404
01:23:25,084 --> 01:23:27,253
I feel like you might
have been a little down
1405
01:23:27,336 --> 01:23:30,172
when you left, Nic, so I'm
here to talk if you need to.
1406
01:23:30,256 --> 01:23:32,842
[sniffles]
All right.
1407
01:23:36,637 --> 01:23:38,973
[sighs]
1408
01:23:44,937 --> 01:23:47,356
So you have no
idea where he is?
1409
01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:49,900
[Vicki] Uh, Spencer told
me he heard from him.
1410
01:23:49,984 --> 01:23:52,862
He was having a difficult time,
but he was pulling through.
1411
01:23:52,945 --> 01:23:56,657
But, yeah, he's not at
work, he's not at home.
1412
01:23:56,741 --> 01:23:59,035
- He's unreachable on his cell.
- Damn it. Damn it. Vicki,
1413
01:23:59,118 --> 01:24:02,038
he left here two days ago.
Why didn't you check on him?
1414
01:24:02,121 --> 01:24:04,415
You're supposed to be taking
care of this kid, right?
1415
01:24:04,498 --> 01:24:06,042
What the fuck, David?
1416
01:24:06,125 --> 01:24:08,335
Who's been taking care
of him the last year?
1417
01:24:08,419 --> 01:24:09,962
Well, you could've
checked on him.
1418
01:24:10,046 --> 01:24:11,714
I mean, what the fuck
is your problem?
1419
01:24:11,797 --> 01:24:14,216
What do you think I do all day?
1420
01:24:14,300 --> 01:24:17,678
Besides, we can't run
surveillance on him 24/7.
1421
01:24:17,762 --> 01:24:20,639
I think you need to go
to the police right now
1422
01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:22,683
and file a missing
persons report, okay?
1423
01:24:22,767 --> 01:24:24,643
- Stop yelling at me!
- No, I'm not gonna stop
1424
01:24:24,727 --> 01:24:26,896
- yelling at you, Vicki.
- I hate it when you do that.
1425
01:24:26,979 --> 01:24:28,415
- Because you're just...
- You're totally crazy.
1426
01:24:28,439 --> 01:24:29,732
What are you even doing there?!
1427
01:24:29,815 --> 01:24:31,695
- Fucking unfair, David!
- No, no! Listen to me!
1428
01:24:31,734 --> 01:24:33,652
What are...
[beeping]
1429
01:24:34,737 --> 01:24:36,989
[exhales] Damn.
1430
01:24:37,073 --> 01:24:39,492
Fuck!
1431
01:24:46,123 --> 01:24:47,792
Dave?
1432
01:24:47,875 --> 01:24:50,544
Could you call my
phone, please?
1433
01:24:53,589 --> 01:24:55,424
What's going on?
1434
01:24:55,508 --> 01:24:57,301
He's gone.
1435
01:24:58,761 --> 01:25:01,764
How do we even
know he's in L.A.?
1436
01:25:01,847 --> 01:25:04,391
I mean, he could be in San
Francisco. He could be...
1437
01:25:04,475 --> 01:25:06,852
he could be in fucking
Mexico, for all we know.
1438
01:25:06,936 --> 01:25:08,395
I need to go.
1439
01:25:08,479 --> 01:25:11,107
Yeah, but I need you to stay.
1440
01:25:11,190 --> 01:25:12,983
Well, Vicki can't
handle it like I...
1441
01:25:13,067 --> 01:25:15,319
I don't care about Vicki.
This isn't about Vicki.
1442
01:25:15,402 --> 01:25:18,989
Okay, why don't you just relax
and try to be reasonable.
1443
01:25:19,073 --> 01:25:21,242
- What? You be reasonable.
- I am being reasonable.
1444
01:25:21,325 --> 01:25:22,325
Is this reasonable?!
1445
01:25:22,368 --> 01:25:24,870
No! It's not!
1446
01:25:24,954 --> 01:25:26,288
How can I be?!
1447
01:25:26,372 --> 01:25:27,915
My son is out there somewhere,
1448
01:25:27,998 --> 01:25:29,583
and I don't know
what he's doing!
1449
01:25:29,667 --> 01:25:31,127
I don't know how to help him!
1450
01:25:31,210 --> 01:25:33,629
You can't!
1451
01:25:44,223 --> 01:25:45,891
[Daisy]
I can't sleep.
1452
01:25:45,975 --> 01:25:48,310
[sniffles]
1453
01:25:50,020 --> 01:25:50,896
You can't sleep?
1454
01:25:50,980 --> 01:25:52,439
I can't sleep.
1455
01:25:52,523 --> 01:25:53,691
Okay.
1456
01:25:53,774 --> 01:25:55,484
[Daisy whimpers]
1457
01:25:57,903 --> 01:25:59,822
Good night, Daddy.
1458
01:26:00,906 --> 01:26:02,408
Good night.
1459
01:26:02,491 --> 01:26:04,285
♪ Sunrise ♪
1460
01:26:04,368 --> 01:26:06,871
♪ Sunset ♪
1461
01:26:06,954 --> 01:26:09,290
♪♪
1462
01:26:27,349 --> 01:26:30,019
♪ Is this the little girl ♪
1463
01:26:30,102 --> 01:26:32,855
♪ I carried? ♪
1464
01:26:34,815 --> 01:26:37,776
♪ Is this the little boy ♪
1465
01:26:37,860 --> 01:26:39,778
♪ At play? ♪
1466
01:26:39,862 --> 01:26:41,530
Let go!
1467
01:26:41,614 --> 01:26:43,199
Airplane flying!
1468
01:26:43,282 --> 01:26:44,783
♪ I don't remember ♪
[whooping]
1469
01:26:44,867 --> 01:26:48,245
♪ Growing older ♪
Airplane!
1470
01:26:48,329 --> 01:26:50,247
Fly away! Fly!
1471
01:26:50,331 --> 01:26:51,999
[whoops]
1472
01:26:52,082 --> 01:26:55,711
♪ When did they? ♪
Airplane! Push!
1473
01:26:58,923 --> 01:27:01,926
♪ When did she get to be ♪
1474
01:27:02,009 --> 01:27:04,303
♪ A beauty? ♪
1475
01:27:04,386 --> 01:27:06,639
[typing]
1476
01:27:06,722 --> 01:27:09,308
♪ When did he grow to be ♪
1477
01:27:09,391 --> 01:27:12,102
♪ So tall? ♪
1478
01:27:12,186 --> 01:27:14,772
♪ Ooh... ♪
1479
01:27:14,855 --> 01:27:17,066
♪ Wasn't it yesterday ♪
1480
01:27:17,149 --> 01:27:19,735
♪ That they ♪
1481
01:27:19,818 --> 01:27:24,615
♪ Were small? ♪
1482
01:27:24,698 --> 01:27:26,992
♪♪
1483
01:27:29,495 --> 01:27:31,789
♪ Sunrise ♪
1484
01:27:31,872 --> 01:27:34,166
♪ Sunset ♪
1485
01:27:34,250 --> 01:27:36,210
♪ Sunrise ♪
1486
01:27:36,293 --> 01:27:37,836
♪ Sunset ♪
1487
01:27:37,920 --> 01:27:40,506
♪ Swiftly ♪
[indistinct chatter]
1488
01:27:40,589 --> 01:27:46,262
♪ Fly the years ♪
1489
01:27:46,345 --> 01:27:48,264
♪ One season ♪
1490
01:27:48,347 --> 01:27:54,853
♪ Following another ♪
1491
01:27:54,937 --> 01:27:58,274
♪ Laden with happiness... ♪
1492
01:27:58,357 --> 01:27:59,709
[Karen] No. Uh-uh. Come on, not
you. Come on.
1493
01:27:59,733 --> 01:28:00,985
[David] Hold on.
1494
01:28:01,068 --> 01:28:02,337
- Get back in. Guys, come on.
- Hold on. Hold on, honey.
1495
01:28:02,361 --> 01:28:03,404
- Wait.
- Good dog.
1496
01:28:03,487 --> 01:28:05,239
- ♪ One season... ♪
- What's up?
1497
01:28:05,322 --> 01:28:08,534
I thought Nic was
gonna be here today.
1498
01:28:08,617 --> 01:28:10,828
Uh, no. Something came up.
1499
01:28:11,912 --> 01:28:13,998
Can I call him?
1500
01:28:14,081 --> 01:28:16,000
No, no. You can't.
1501
01:28:16,083 --> 01:28:17,584
It's not gonna be possible.
1502
01:28:17,668 --> 01:28:18,669
Why not?
1503
01:28:18,752 --> 01:28:20,671
Because it's not.
1504
01:28:20,754 --> 01:28:23,507
Is Nic back on drugs again?
1505
01:28:23,590 --> 01:28:25,634
♪ Sunrise ♪
1506
01:28:25,718 --> 01:28:27,594
♪ Sunset ♪
1507
01:28:27,678 --> 01:28:30,347
- ♪ Sunrise ♪
- We don't know, honey.
1508
01:28:30,431 --> 01:28:32,891
♪ Sunset. ♪
1509
01:28:43,402 --> 01:28:45,738
[chiming quietly]
1510
01:28:46,905 --> 01:28:50,159
[phone ringing]
1511
01:28:58,500 --> 01:29:00,836
[phone ringing in distance]
1512
01:29:04,256 --> 01:29:06,550
[phone ringing]
1513
01:29:08,260 --> 01:29:10,596
[wind chimes tinkling]
1514
01:29:27,112 --> 01:29:29,490
[rattling]
1515
01:29:41,585 --> 01:29:43,253
[mutters]
1516
01:29:59,686 --> 01:30:01,230
[clattering]
1517
01:30:02,439 --> 01:30:04,108
[rattling]
1518
01:30:06,568 --> 01:30:08,404
All right.
1519
01:30:39,852 --> 01:30:41,603
[inhales deeply]
1520
01:30:41,687 --> 01:30:43,981
[exhales]
1521
01:30:55,909 --> 01:30:58,245
[birds chirping]
1522
01:31:23,896 --> 01:31:26,148
[clicks tongue]
1523
01:31:39,578 --> 01:31:42,164
[applause and cheering]
1524
01:31:42,247 --> 01:31:43,832
[whooping, indistinct shouting]
1525
01:31:43,916 --> 01:31:45,667
[buzzer sounds]
1526
01:31:45,751 --> 01:31:47,127
[whoops]
1527
01:31:47,211 --> 01:31:48,545
[applause and cheering]
1528
01:31:48,629 --> 01:31:50,923
Come on,
Jasper! Whup.
1529
01:31:55,802 --> 01:31:57,971
[whistling, whooping,
shouting, cheering continue]
1530
01:32:03,685 --> 01:32:05,604
Yup.
1531
01:32:09,441 --> 01:32:11,485
[cheering]
1532
01:32:14,238 --> 01:32:16,532
[applause, cheering, whistling
continue in distance]
1533
01:32:24,081 --> 01:32:27,084
[vehicle approaching]
1534
01:32:27,167 --> 01:32:29,086
[quiet beeping]
1535
01:32:29,169 --> 01:32:30,212
[David]
You got it?
1536
01:32:30,295 --> 01:32:32,297
Oh, fuck. Okay.
Hey, Lauren.
1537
01:32:33,590 --> 01:32:35,300
- Lauren, let's go.
- What?
1538
01:32:35,384 --> 01:32:36,927
We got to go.
1539
01:32:37,010 --> 01:32:38,554
[dog barking]
1540
01:32:38,637 --> 01:32:40,472
- What's going on?
- Here.
1541
01:32:40,556 --> 01:32:43,183
We got to go.
1542
01:32:43,267 --> 01:32:45,185
Fine.
1543
01:32:59,533 --> 01:33:02,077
[Jasper]
I think I just saw Nic.
1544
01:33:02,160 --> 01:33:03,870
[Karen]
What?
1545
01:33:03,954 --> 01:33:07,040
I think I just saw Nic
and a girl running away.
1546
01:33:07,124 --> 01:33:09,042
[panting]
1547
01:33:13,839 --> 01:33:15,299
[Daisy]
Nic.
1548
01:33:15,382 --> 01:33:16,842
[Karen] Uh, no.
Stay inside.
1549
01:33:16,925 --> 01:33:18,677
- Okay.
- No.
1550
01:33:18,760 --> 01:33:22,556
All right, no. Stay inside!
I am not kidding, all right?
1551
01:33:22,639 --> 01:33:24,308
Stay there.
1552
01:33:24,391 --> 01:33:25,976
[door opens]
1553
01:33:26,059 --> 01:33:27,436
[Lauren grunts softly]
1554
01:33:27,519 --> 01:33:29,438
Okay.
[car door closes]
1555
01:33:29,521 --> 01:33:32,065
[whispering]
Shit. Never again.
1556
01:33:32,149 --> 01:33:34,359
- It's okay. Hey.
- What do we do? What do we do?
1557
01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:35,819
It's all right.
1558
01:33:35,902 --> 01:33:37,821
[birds singing]
1559
01:33:40,824 --> 01:33:42,951
That was so terrible.
1560
01:33:43,035 --> 01:33:46,163
Oh, fuck!
1561
01:33:46,246 --> 01:33:49,041
[engine starts]
1562
01:33:49,124 --> 01:33:50,542
[engine revving]
1563
01:33:50,626 --> 01:33:52,961
Nic? Nic? Nic!
1564
01:33:54,755 --> 01:33:56,048
Oh...
1565
01:33:56,757 --> 01:33:59,593
♪ All the ladies of court ♪
1566
01:33:59,676 --> 01:34:01,428
♪ Gather round ♪
1567
01:34:02,846 --> 01:34:05,182
♪ Joining in heavenly fare ♪
1568
01:34:05,265 --> 01:34:07,309
[engine revving]
1569
01:34:07,392 --> 01:34:09,311
Oh. No. No. No.
1570
01:34:09,394 --> 01:34:11,855
[sighs]
♪ Gathering promises ♪
1571
01:34:11,938 --> 01:34:13,940
♪ Of future heroes ♪
1572
01:34:14,024 --> 01:34:16,401
♪ Showing faith ♪
1573
01:34:16,485 --> 01:34:19,071
♪ It is all as you go ♪
1574
01:34:21,865 --> 01:34:27,079
♪ Red light and green light
and men in their armor ♪
1575
01:34:27,162 --> 01:34:32,209
♪ And fight for the
queen if you dare ♪
1576
01:34:33,835 --> 01:34:37,255
♪ It's a long way to go ♪
1577
01:34:37,339 --> 01:34:40,467
♪ To test out your mettle ♪
1578
01:34:40,550 --> 01:34:43,595
♪ Well, a long way to go ♪
1579
01:34:43,679 --> 01:34:47,683
♪ To go down ♪
1580
01:34:51,978 --> 01:34:54,231
♪ And I'll write
them a letter ♪
1581
01:34:56,316 --> 01:34:59,778
♪ I said forgive
all we've done ♪
1582
01:35:01,488 --> 01:35:06,618
♪ Please first grant
this favor, sir ♪
1583
01:35:06,702 --> 01:35:09,162
♪ Forgive us quick
or we'll run ♪
1584
01:35:13,250 --> 01:35:15,168
♪ Or we'll run ♪
1585
01:35:18,296 --> 01:35:19,965
♪ Or we'll run ♪
1586
01:35:20,048 --> 01:35:22,843
[sighs]
1587
01:35:22,926 --> 01:35:25,345
♪ Or we'll run ♪
1588
01:35:25,429 --> 01:35:28,140
Come on!
1589
01:35:28,223 --> 01:35:30,767
♪ Or... ♪
1590
01:35:30,851 --> 01:35:36,064
♪ We'll run... ♪
1591
01:35:51,496 --> 01:35:53,623
[crying]
1592
01:35:55,625 --> 01:35:58,795
[crying]
- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
1593
01:36:02,799 --> 01:36:04,718
[birds singing]
1594
01:36:05,927 --> 01:36:07,554
[crying]
1595
01:36:07,637 --> 01:36:09,514
[distant horns honk]
1596
01:36:13,727 --> 01:36:16,062
[panting]
1597
01:36:19,024 --> 01:36:21,735
[Nic clears throat]
1598
01:36:22,903 --> 01:36:24,613
Okay. Okay.
1599
01:36:24,696 --> 01:36:26,782
[line ringing]
1600
01:36:26,865 --> 01:36:29,409
[Woman over phone]
911. What is your emergency?
1601
01:36:29,493 --> 01:36:31,453
Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f...
I'm-I'm with a friend.
1602
01:36:31,536 --> 01:36:32,788
She just O.D.'d, and, uh,
1603
01:36:32,871 --> 01:36:34,414
I need an ambulance,
I need some help.
1604
01:36:34,498 --> 01:36:35,832
Sir, do you know CPR?
1605
01:36:35,916 --> 01:36:37,435
Yeah, I'm doing it
right now. I just...
1606
01:36:37,459 --> 01:36:39,539
Uh, we... You-you guys, you
got to send an ambulance,
1607
01:36:39,586 --> 01:36:41,755
- too, all right?
- What is your location?
1608
01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:43,799
Yeah, I don't know.
1609
01:36:43,882 --> 01:36:45,485
Y-You-you guys are gonna
have to trace the call.
1610
01:36:45,509 --> 01:36:47,219
[Woman]
Hello?
1611
01:36:47,302 --> 01:36:50,639
Hello? Sir, are
you still there?
1612
01:36:50,722 --> 01:36:52,974
[Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks]
- Sir?
1613
01:36:53,058 --> 01:36:55,811
[Lauren coughs]
[operator speaks indistinctly]
1614
01:36:55,894 --> 01:36:57,437
[Woman]
Sir? Sir?
1615
01:36:57,521 --> 01:37:01,316
[coughing, gasping]
1616
01:37:01,399 --> 01:37:03,819
[Lauren gasping, coughing]
[operator speaks indistinctly]
1617
01:37:06,363 --> 01:37:09,282
[Lauren sighs] - Look up.
[garbled radio transmission]
1618
01:37:09,366 --> 01:37:10,992
Honey, look up for me.
1619
01:37:12,619 --> 01:37:15,914
Can you look up
this way over here?
1620
01:37:15,997 --> 01:37:17,999
Hey, look, we're gonna need
to take you to the ER.
1621
01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:19,501
I-I don't... I don't
want to. I-I...
1622
01:37:19,584 --> 01:37:21,145
- We need to take you to the ER.
- I'm fine.
1623
01:37:21,169 --> 01:37:22,647
She doesn't want to go
to the ER. She's...
1624
01:37:22,671 --> 01:37:24,148
She's... No, she's not
okay. We need to take her
1625
01:37:24,172 --> 01:37:25,566
- to the ER.
- But she doesn't want to go.
1626
01:37:25,590 --> 01:37:27,217
No, sir, she needs to go!
1627
01:37:27,300 --> 01:37:28,927
[Lauren whimpers]
- Okay?
1628
01:37:29,010 --> 01:37:31,471
You have a problem with that,
I can inform the police.
1629
01:37:31,555 --> 01:37:33,181
Goddamn it.
[Lauren whimpers]
1630
01:37:33,265 --> 01:37:36,685
You're gonna come
and meet me, right?
1631
01:37:36,768 --> 01:37:38,144
- Yes. Yes!
- You promise?
1632
01:37:38,228 --> 01:37:40,605
[crying]
I love you.
1633
01:37:40,689 --> 01:37:43,066
I love you, too.
[garbled radio transmission]
1634
01:37:43,149 --> 01:37:44,693
You promise you're
gonna meet me?
1635
01:37:44,776 --> 01:37:46,170
Yes, Lauren. I'll
come fucking meet you.
1636
01:37:46,194 --> 01:37:47,070
What do you want from me?
1637
01:37:47,153 --> 01:37:50,115
- Okay, okay.
- Jesus fucking Christ.
1638
01:37:55,745 --> 01:37:58,540
[breathing loudly]
1639
01:38:03,628 --> 01:38:05,046
[breathing loudly]
1640
01:38:05,130 --> 01:38:07,215
[dialing phone]
1641
01:38:10,093 --> 01:38:13,555
[line ringing]
1642
01:38:16,516 --> 01:38:18,852
[David over phone]
David Sheff.
1643
01:38:18,935 --> 01:38:20,645
Hey, Dad. It's me.
1644
01:38:20,729 --> 01:38:23,273
[panting]
1645
01:38:23,356 --> 01:38:25,817
- Nic?
- Yeah.
1646
01:38:25,901 --> 01:38:28,194
[panting]
1647
01:38:34,284 --> 01:38:36,244
Please don't hate me, Dad.
1648
01:38:37,871 --> 01:38:39,789
I know I did wrong.
1649
01:38:41,583 --> 01:38:43,585
I want to stop, but
please, please, please,
1650
01:38:43,668 --> 01:38:45,462
please, please, please
no rehab, all right?
1651
01:38:45,545 --> 01:38:48,298
Just let me come
home. You know what?
1652
01:38:48,381 --> 01:38:52,135
I realize it's actually
I... I-I need to be home.
1653
01:38:52,218 --> 01:38:56,932
You guys, you guys are gonna
give me the strength to stop.
1654
01:38:57,015 --> 01:38:58,975
All right?
1655
01:38:59,059 --> 01:39:01,811
[panting]
1656
01:39:01,895 --> 01:39:03,813
That's not going to happen.
1657
01:39:13,156 --> 01:39:16,201
I wish that I could help you,
1658
01:39:16,284 --> 01:39:18,203
but I can't do that.
1659
01:39:18,286 --> 01:39:19,996
I c... I can't.
1660
01:39:20,080 --> 01:39:22,082
Oh, please help me, Dad.
1661
01:39:23,625 --> 01:39:25,794
[Nic over the phone] No, Dad.
I just need a little bit
1662
01:39:25,877 --> 01:39:27,837
of help.
1663
01:39:27,921 --> 01:39:29,965
Please help me. I
want to come home.
1664
01:39:30,048 --> 01:39:32,717
All I can tell you is
what you already know.
1665
01:39:32,801 --> 01:39:35,470
Dad, why aren't you
fucking listening to me?
1666
01:39:35,553 --> 01:39:37,180
Call your sponsor.
1667
01:39:37,263 --> 01:39:38,783
[crying] I don't want
to talk to my sponsor now.
1668
01:39:38,807 --> 01:39:40,809
- I want to talk toy you.
- Get help.
1669
01:39:40,892 --> 01:39:43,144
- I love you.
- Dad, what...
1670
01:39:43,228 --> 01:39:45,563
And I hope that you get
your life together.
1671
01:39:45,647 --> 01:39:47,148
I love you, too.
1672
01:39:47,232 --> 01:39:49,693
I love you.
1673
01:39:49,776 --> 01:39:51,695
[phone beeps off]
1674
01:39:51,778 --> 01:39:53,697
[insects chirping]
1675
01:40:03,540 --> 01:40:06,418
[sighs]
1676
01:40:06,501 --> 01:40:08,753
[jagged breathing]
1677
01:40:08,837 --> 01:40:11,423
[crying]
1678
01:40:23,393 --> 01:40:27,147
[waves lapping]
1679
01:40:35,530 --> 01:40:37,490
[waves lapping]
1680
01:40:49,627 --> 01:40:51,629
[crickets chirping]
1681
01:41:09,981 --> 01:41:11,900
♪♪
1682
01:41:18,990 --> 01:41:21,326
[sighs]
1683
01:41:30,460 --> 01:41:32,378
[insects chirping]
1684
01:41:52,482 --> 01:41:54,818
[seagull squawking]
1685
01:42:11,668 --> 01:42:14,254
[sniffles]
[line ringing]
1686
01:42:17,632 --> 01:42:19,008
[David] Hello.
1687
01:42:19,092 --> 01:42:21,553
Nicolas called.
1688
01:42:21,636 --> 01:42:23,138
He sounds desperate.
1689
01:42:23,221 --> 01:42:25,056
Gonna die if we
don't do anything.
1690
01:42:25,140 --> 01:42:27,100
Well...
1691
01:42:27,183 --> 01:42:30,061
he's gonna die even if we do.
1692
01:42:30,145 --> 01:42:32,772
Nothing we do has
any effect on him.
1693
01:42:32,856 --> 01:42:36,025
[Henryk Górecki's Symphony No.
3 plays, singing in Polish]
1694
01:42:39,737 --> 01:42:41,447
I failed.
1695
01:42:41,531 --> 01:42:42,925
[Vicki] I know you
feel ashamed, okay?
1696
01:42:42,949 --> 01:42:45,451
So do I.
1697
01:42:45,535 --> 01:42:47,787
But you have done great, David.
1698
01:42:47,871 --> 01:42:50,748
And Karen, too, so
thank you for that.
1699
01:42:50,832 --> 01:42:52,667
You were up for
it when I wasn't,
1700
01:42:52,750 --> 01:42:54,544
and I'm not giving up now.
1701
01:42:55,670 --> 01:42:57,422
Never.
1702
01:42:59,132 --> 01:43:01,843
But I can't do it alone.
1703
01:43:04,929 --> 01:43:07,640
I need your help.
1704
01:43:07,724 --> 01:43:09,809
[Vicki cries]
1705
01:43:09,893 --> 01:43:12,854
I don't think you can
save people, Vicki.
1706
01:43:12,937 --> 01:43:14,731
[sighs]
1707
01:43:14,814 --> 01:43:18,109
[crying] You can be there
for them, can't you?
1708
01:43:22,030 --> 01:43:24,115
[Jasper]
Look at this.
1709
01:43:29,287 --> 01:43:31,206
[David]
I'm done.
1710
01:43:31,289 --> 01:43:33,458
- Oh.
- Okay? I...
1711
01:43:33,541 --> 01:43:36,461
[sniffles]
Okay.
1712
01:43:49,682 --> 01:43:52,018
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]
1713
01:44:10,119 --> 01:44:12,080
[Man]
Hey, everybody.
1714
01:44:12,163 --> 01:44:14,832
Time to get together.
1715
01:44:14,916 --> 01:44:17,210
[crowd chatter]
1716
01:44:25,343 --> 01:44:31,391
[Woman] I... I had a rough week.
1717
01:44:33,893 --> 01:44:35,603
Some of you know,
some of you don't.
1718
01:44:35,687 --> 01:44:37,272
I, um...
1719
01:44:37,355 --> 01:44:39,399
I lost my Frances this week.
1720
01:44:39,482 --> 01:44:42,568
She died of an
overdose on Sunday.
1721
01:44:42,652 --> 01:44:44,696
So...
1722
01:44:44,779 --> 01:44:48,700
I guess I'm in
mourning, but I-I...
1723
01:44:48,783 --> 01:44:51,119
I realized something else.
1724
01:44:51,202 --> 01:44:55,164
I've actually been in
mourning for years.
1725
01:44:57,333 --> 01:44:59,544
'Cause even when she
was alive, she...
1726
01:44:59,627 --> 01:45:02,088
she wasn't there.
1727
01:45:02,171 --> 01:45:06,384
When you mourn the living,
1728
01:45:06,467 --> 01:45:09,262
that's a hard way to live.
1729
01:45:11,306 --> 01:45:13,766
And so, in...
1730
01:45:13,850 --> 01:45:16,019
in a way, it's-it's...
1731
01:45:16,102 --> 01:45:18,104
it's better, I guess.
1732
01:45:22,358 --> 01:45:27,864
[crying] She was a
dear, dear young woman.
1733
01:45:29,907 --> 01:45:31,993
I always felt...
1734
01:45:32,076 --> 01:45:34,662
I needed to... to stay strong,
1735
01:45:34,746 --> 01:45:38,082
that there'd be
some future event,
1736
01:45:38,166 --> 01:45:40,710
and I'd... I'd need
all my strength for it.
1737
01:45:44,380 --> 01:45:46,841
But there are no
events after this one.
1738
01:45:46,924 --> 01:45:50,386
I hope she's not in pain now.
1739
01:45:52,513 --> 01:45:54,599
[Woman whimpers]
1740
01:45:57,101 --> 01:45:59,020
Bye, Frances.
1741
01:46:03,066 --> 01:46:05,318
[Karen sniffles]
1742
01:46:29,926 --> 01:46:31,844
♪♪
1743
01:46:43,648 --> 01:46:45,566
[grunts]
1744
01:46:59,789 --> 01:47:02,083
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]
1745
01:47:21,185 --> 01:47:23,438
♪♪
1746
01:47:43,374 --> 01:47:46,043
♪♪
1747
01:47:56,137 --> 01:47:58,306
[David]
Hey.
1748
01:47:58,389 --> 01:48:00,558
Hi.
1749
01:48:00,641 --> 01:48:02,643
[Vicki sighs]
1750
01:48:09,901 --> 01:48:11,360
How's he doing?
1751
01:48:11,444 --> 01:48:13,613
The doctor's with him now.
1752
01:48:15,281 --> 01:48:17,033
He said it's close to a miracle
1753
01:48:17,116 --> 01:48:19,994
Nic survived with all
the drugs in his body.
1754
01:48:21,120 --> 01:48:22,872
[Vicki chuckles]
1755
01:48:29,962 --> 01:48:31,380
[David grunts softly]
1756
01:48:51,108 --> 01:48:53,236
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]
1757
01:49:13,130 --> 01:49:15,383
♪♪
1758
01:49:35,152 --> 01:49:37,446
♪♪
1759
01:49:49,125 --> 01:49:51,460
[Nic cries]
1760
01:49:57,216 --> 01:49:59,552
[Nic sniffles]
1761
01:49:59,635 --> 01:50:02,597
[Nic cries]
1762
01:50:17,111 --> 01:50:19,030
[sobbing]
1763
01:50:23,868 --> 01:50:25,995
[Nic sniffles]
1764
01:51:02,865 --> 01:51:04,784
♪♪
1765
01:51:10,247 --> 01:51:12,166
♪ Ah ♪
1766
01:51:28,057 --> 01:51:31,227
♪ I was somewhere
2000 in a daydream ♪
1767
01:51:33,020 --> 01:51:37,191
♪ I was hiding, I
couldn't face it ♪
1768
01:51:37,274 --> 01:51:40,569
♪ I used to live my
life in the wind... ♪
1769
01:51:40,653 --> 01:51:44,949
♪ I felt out of sync,
audio phasing ♪
1770
01:51:45,032 --> 01:51:48,911
♪ Felt like I couldn't
find my place in ♪
1771
01:51:54,083 --> 01:51:57,253
♪ Sky shivers, they,
they turn to rain ♪
1772
01:51:57,336 --> 01:51:59,213
♪ I turn again ♪
1773
01:51:59,296 --> 01:52:02,299
♪ I wish we could heal ♪
1774
01:52:06,887 --> 01:52:10,850
♪ I'll take you home,
I'll make you whole ♪
1775
01:52:10,933 --> 01:52:15,730
♪ You make me wish
that this wasn't real ♪
1776
01:52:20,359 --> 01:52:22,820
♪ Because you're ♪
1777
01:52:22,903 --> 01:52:24,822
♪ Oh ♪
1778
01:52:24,905 --> 01:52:29,660
♪ You're my treasure ♪
1779
01:52:32,997 --> 01:52:35,708
♪ Because you're ♪
1780
01:52:35,791 --> 01:52:37,626
♪ Oh ♪
1781
01:52:37,710 --> 01:52:42,465
♪ You're my treasure ♪
1782
01:52:45,009 --> 01:52:49,722
♪ I used to live my
life in the wind ♪
1783
01:52:54,685 --> 01:52:56,270
♪ And I would fly ♪
1784
01:52:56,353 --> 01:52:59,356
♪ Wherever you would swim ♪
1785
01:53:04,195 --> 01:53:09,033
♪ I couldn't stand
by you or anything ♪
1786
01:53:11,243 --> 01:53:14,413
♪ Sky shivers, they,
they turn to rain ♪
1787
01:53:14,497 --> 01:53:16,207
♪ I turn again ♪
1788
01:53:16,290 --> 01:53:19,543
♪ I wish we could heal ♪
1789
01:53:24,381 --> 01:53:27,468
♪ I'll take you home,
I'll make you whole ♪
1790
01:53:27,551 --> 01:53:32,223
♪ You make me wish
that this wasn't real ♪
1791
01:53:36,894 --> 01:53:39,605
♪ Because you're ♪
1792
01:53:39,688 --> 01:53:41,357
♪ Oh ♪
1793
01:53:41,440 --> 01:53:46,362
♪ You're my treasure ♪
1794
01:53:49,698 --> 01:53:52,326
♪ Because you're ♪
1795
01:53:52,409 --> 01:53:54,119
♪ Oh ♪
1796
01:53:54,203 --> 01:53:58,749
♪ You're my treasure ♪
1797
01:54:02,127 --> 01:54:03,504
♪ Bad habits ♪
1798
01:54:03,587 --> 01:54:05,214
♪ And good times ♪
1799
01:54:05,297 --> 01:54:06,674
♪ Let's take a risk ♪
1800
01:54:06,757 --> 01:54:08,300
♪ On our lives ♪
1801
01:54:08,384 --> 01:54:10,094
♪ Don't smile ♪
1802
01:54:10,177 --> 01:54:11,762
♪ Just might cry ♪
1803
01:54:11,846 --> 01:54:13,180
♪ Go around the roundabout ♪
1804
01:54:13,264 --> 01:54:14,765
♪ Like five times ♪
1805
01:54:14,849 --> 01:54:16,559
♪ With two scratches ♪
1806
01:54:16,642 --> 01:54:17,810
♪ Hard drive ♪
1807
01:54:17,893 --> 01:54:19,061
♪ Open up to it ♪
1808
01:54:19,144 --> 01:54:20,312
♪ Get me three times ♪
1809
01:54:20,396 --> 01:54:21,272
♪ Not lying ♪
1810
01:54:21,355 --> 01:54:22,273
♪ Watch the heavens ♪
1811
01:54:22,356 --> 01:54:23,356
♪ Goes up ♪
1812
01:54:23,399 --> 01:54:24,525
♪ Three times ♪
1813
01:54:24,608 --> 01:54:25,985
♪ Watch the heavens ♪
1814
01:54:26,068 --> 01:54:30,197
♪ As the sun dies ♪
1815
01:54:34,118 --> 01:54:37,830
♪ When breathing
even is a challenge ♪
1816
01:54:37,913 --> 01:54:41,041
♪ I don't want
to lose control ♪
1817
01:54:41,125 --> 01:54:44,503
♪ I need it, gotta have it ♪
1818
01:54:44,587 --> 01:54:47,590
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪
1819
01:54:47,673 --> 01:54:49,008
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪
1820
01:54:49,091 --> 01:54:50,801
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪
1821
01:54:50,885 --> 01:54:53,804
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪
1822
01:54:53,888 --> 01:54:55,514
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪
1823
01:54:55,598 --> 01:54:57,391
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪
1824
01:54:57,474 --> 01:55:00,185
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪
1825
01:55:00,269 --> 01:55:01,812
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪
1826
01:55:01,896 --> 01:55:03,564
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪
1827
01:55:03,647 --> 01:55:06,567
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪
1828
01:55:06,650 --> 01:55:08,360
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪
1829
01:55:08,444 --> 01:55:09,653
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪
1830
01:55:09,737 --> 01:55:11,488
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪
1831
01:55:11,572 --> 01:55:13,365
♪ Don't stop clinging
♪ Still alive ♪
1832
01:55:13,449 --> 01:55:15,159
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪
1833
01:55:15,242 --> 01:55:17,953
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪
1834
01:55:18,037 --> 01:55:19,914
♪ Don't stop clinging...
Still alive... ♪
1835
01:55:19,997 --> 01:55:21,790
[Nic] Either peace
or happiness,
1836
01:55:21,874 --> 01:55:23,667
let it enfold you.
1837
01:55:23,751 --> 01:55:26,670
When I was a young man,
I felt that these things
1838
01:55:26,754 --> 01:55:29,173
were dumb, unsophisticated.
1839
01:55:29,256 --> 01:55:31,425
I had bad blood,
a twisted mind,
1840
01:55:31,508 --> 01:55:33,552
a precarious upbringing.
1841
01:55:33,636 --> 01:55:35,220
I was hard as granite.
1842
01:55:35,304 --> 01:55:37,139
I leered at the sun.
1843
01:55:37,222 --> 01:55:40,559
I trusted no man and
especially no woman.
1844
01:55:40,643 --> 01:55:42,937
I was living a hell
in small rooms.
1845
01:55:43,020 --> 01:55:44,688
I broke things,
smashed things,
1846
01:55:44,772 --> 01:55:47,316
walked through glass, cursed.
1847
01:55:47,399 --> 01:55:48,943
I challenged everything,
1848
01:55:49,026 --> 01:55:51,195
was continually being
evicted, jailed,
1849
01:55:51,278 --> 01:55:53,489
in and out of fights,
in and out of my mind.
1850
01:55:53,572 --> 01:55:56,408
Women were something
to screw and rail at.
1851
01:55:56,492 --> 01:55:58,535
I had no male friends.
1852
01:55:58,619 --> 01:56:00,663
I changed jobs and cities.
1853
01:56:00,746 --> 01:56:03,374
I hated holidays,
babies, history,
1854
01:56:03,457 --> 01:56:05,960
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
1855
01:56:06,043 --> 01:56:09,088
marriage, movies,
spiders, garbagemen,
1856
01:56:09,171 --> 01:56:12,967
English accents,
Spain, France, Italy,
1857
01:56:13,050 --> 01:56:15,719
walnuts and the color orange.
1858
01:56:15,803 --> 01:56:17,596
Algebra angered me.
1859
01:56:17,680 --> 01:56:19,515
Opera sickened me.
1860
01:56:19,598 --> 01:56:21,600
Charlie Chaplin was a fake.
1861
01:56:21,684 --> 01:56:23,727
And flowers were for pansies.
1862
01:56:23,811 --> 01:56:27,189
Peace and happiness were
to me signs of inferiority,
1863
01:56:27,272 --> 01:56:29,984
tenants of the weak
and addled mind.
1864
01:56:30,067 --> 01:56:32,611
But as I went on
with my alley fights,
1865
01:56:32,695 --> 01:56:34,029
my suicidal years,
1866
01:56:34,113 --> 01:56:36,031
my passage through
any number of women,
1867
01:56:36,115 --> 01:56:39,660
it gradually began to occur
to me that I wasn't different
1868
01:56:39,743 --> 01:56:41,745
from the others,
I was the same.
1869
01:56:41,829 --> 01:56:43,706
They were all
fulsome with hatred,
1870
01:56:43,789 --> 01:56:46,125
glossed over with
petty grievances.
1871
01:56:46,208 --> 01:56:48,752
The men I fought in alleys
had hearts of stone.
1872
01:56:48,836 --> 01:56:50,713
Everybody was
nudging, inching,
1873
01:56:50,796 --> 01:56:53,632
cheating for some
insignificant advantage.
1874
01:56:53,716 --> 01:56:56,802
The lie was the weapon,
and the plot was empty.
1875
01:56:56,885 --> 01:56:59,096
Darkness was the dictator.
1876
01:56:59,179 --> 01:57:02,474
Cautiously, I allowed myself
to feel good at times.
1877
01:57:02,558 --> 01:57:04,435
I found moments of
peace in cheap rooms
1878
01:57:04,518 --> 01:57:07,479
just staring at the
knobs of some dresser
1879
01:57:07,563 --> 01:57:09,815
or listening to the
rain in the dark.
1880
01:57:09,898 --> 01:57:12,818
The less I needed,
the better I felt.
1881
01:57:12,901 --> 01:57:14,737
Maybe the other life
had worn me down.
1882
01:57:14,820 --> 01:57:16,447
I no longer found glamour
1883
01:57:16,530 --> 01:57:18,782
in topping somebody
in conversation
1884
01:57:18,866 --> 01:57:22,077
or in mounting the body of
some poor, drunken female
1885
01:57:22,161 --> 01:57:24,621
whose life had slipped
away into sorrow.
1886
01:57:24,705 --> 01:57:26,582
I could never accept
life as it was.
1887
01:57:26,665 --> 01:57:29,418
I could never gobble
down all its poisons.
1888
01:57:29,501 --> 01:57:31,712
But there were parts,
tenuous magic parts,
1889
01:57:31,795 --> 01:57:33,714
open for the asking.
1890
01:57:33,797 --> 01:57:35,299
I reformulated.
1891
01:57:35,382 --> 01:57:37,342
I don't know when...
date, time, all that...
1892
01:57:37,426 --> 01:57:38,927
but the change occurred.
1893
01:57:39,011 --> 01:57:42,306
Something in me
relaxed, smoothed out.
1894
01:57:42,389 --> 01:57:44,600
I no longer had to
prove that I was a man.
1895
01:57:44,683 --> 01:57:46,351
I didn't have to
prove anything.
1896
01:57:46,435 --> 01:57:47,936
I began to see things.
1897
01:57:48,020 --> 01:57:50,647
Coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a cafe.
1898
01:57:50,731 --> 01:57:53,358
Or a dog walking
along a sidewalk.
1899
01:57:53,442 --> 01:57:55,319
Or the way the mouse
on my dresser top
1900
01:57:55,402 --> 01:57:57,362
stopped there,
really stopped there,
1901
01:57:57,446 --> 01:57:59,448
with its body,
its ears, its nose.
1902
01:57:59,531 --> 01:58:03,368
It was fixed, a bit of
life caught within itself,
1903
01:58:03,452 --> 01:58:07,206
and its eyes looked at me,
and they were beautiful.
1904
01:58:07,289 --> 01:58:09,291
Then it was gone.
1905
01:58:09,374 --> 01:58:11,168
I began to feel good.
1906
01:58:11,251 --> 01:58:13,629
I began to feel good
in the worst situations,
1907
01:58:13,712 --> 01:58:15,422
and there were
plenty of those.
1908
01:58:15,506 --> 01:58:18,509
Like, say, the boss
behind his desk.
1909
01:58:18,592 --> 01:58:20,594
He is going to
have to fire me.
1910
01:58:20,677 --> 01:58:22,346
I've missed too many days.
1911
01:58:22,429 --> 01:58:25,682
He's dressed in a
suit, necktie, glasses.
1912
01:58:25,766 --> 01:58:28,435
He says, 'I am going
to have to let you go.'
1913
01:58:28,519 --> 01:58:30,229
'It's all right, '
I tell him.
1914
01:58:30,312 --> 01:58:31,647
He must do what he must do.
1915
01:58:31,730 --> 01:58:33,607
He has a wife, a
house, children,
1916
01:58:33,690 --> 01:58:36,860
expenses, most
probably a girlfriend.
1917
01:58:36,944 --> 01:58:38,320
I'm sorry for him.
1918
01:58:38,403 --> 01:58:39,613
He's caught.
1919
01:58:39,696 --> 01:58:41,657
I walk out into the
blazing sunshine.
1920
01:58:41,740 --> 01:58:44,451
The whole day is mine,
temporarily anyhow.
1921
01:58:44,535 --> 01:58:47,079
The whole world is at
the throat of the world.
1922
01:58:47,162 --> 01:58:50,040
Everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated.
1923
01:58:50,124 --> 01:58:52,751
Everybody is despondent,
disillusioned.
1924
01:58:52,835 --> 01:58:55,921
I welcomed shots of peace,
tattered shards of happiness.
1925
01:58:56,004 --> 01:58:58,340
I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,
1926
01:58:58,423 --> 01:59:01,260
like high heels, breasts,
singing, the works.
1927
01:59:01,343 --> 01:59:02,719
Don't get me wrong,
1928
01:59:02,803 --> 01:59:04,555
there is such a thing
as cockeyed optimism
1929
01:59:04,638 --> 01:59:05,931
that overlooks
all basic problems
1930
01:59:06,014 --> 01:59:07,391
just for the sake of itself.
1931
01:59:07,474 --> 01:59:09,685
This is a shield
and a sickness.
1932
01:59:09,768 --> 01:59:11,728
The knife got near
my throat again.
1933
01:59:11,812 --> 01:59:13,647
I almost turned
on the gas again.
1934
01:59:13,730 --> 01:59:15,649
But when the good
moments arrived again,
1935
01:59:15,732 --> 01:59:17,776
I didn't fight them off
like an alley adversary.
1936
01:59:17,860 --> 01:59:20,737
I let them take me.
I luxuriated in them.
1937
01:59:20,821 --> 01:59:22,614
I bade them welcome home.
1938
01:59:22,698 --> 01:59:24,241
I even looked into
the mirror once
1939
01:59:24,324 --> 01:59:27,244
having thought
myself to be ugly.
1940
01:59:27,327 --> 01:59:29,329
I now liked what I saw.
1941
01:59:29,413 --> 01:59:30,998
Almost handsome.
1942
01:59:31,081 --> 01:59:33,208
Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.
1943
01:59:33,292 --> 01:59:35,419
Scars, lumps, odd turns.
1944
01:59:35,502 --> 01:59:37,546
But all in all, not too bad.
1945
01:59:37,629 --> 01:59:39,298
Almost handsome.
1946
01:59:39,381 --> 01:59:41,383
Better at least than some
of those movie star faces
1947
01:59:41,466 --> 01:59:43,218
like the cheeks
of a baby's butt.
1948
01:59:43,302 --> 01:59:44,761
And finally I discovered
1949
01:59:44,845 --> 01:59:47,181
real feelings for
others, unheralded.
1950
01:59:47,264 --> 01:59:48,932
Like lately,
like this morning,
1951
01:59:49,016 --> 01:59:52,436
as I was leaving for the
track, I saw my wife in bed,
1952
01:59:52,519 --> 01:59:54,229
just the shape
of her head there,
1953
01:59:54,313 --> 01:59:57,900
covers pulled high, just
the shape of her head there.
1954
01:59:57,983 --> 02:00:00,402
Not forgetting centuries
of the living and the dead
1955
02:00:00,485 --> 02:00:01,987
and the dying, the pyramids,
1956
02:00:02,070 --> 02:00:04,740
Mozart dead, but his music
still there in the room,
1957
02:00:04,823 --> 02:00:06,491
weeds growing,
the Earth turning,
1958
02:00:06,575 --> 02:00:08,660
the tote board waiting for me.
1959
02:00:08,744 --> 02:00:10,412
I saw the shape
of my wife's head,
1960
02:00:10,495 --> 02:00:11,872
she so still.
1961
02:00:11,955 --> 02:00:13,207
I ached for her life,
1962
02:00:13,290 --> 02:00:15,042
just being there
under the covers.
1963
02:00:15,125 --> 02:00:16,668
I kissed her on the forehead,
1964
02:00:16,752 --> 02:00:18,212
got down the
stairway, got outside,
1965
02:00:18,295 --> 02:00:20,923
got into my marvelous
car, fixed the seat belt,
1966
02:00:21,006 --> 02:00:22,382
backed out the drive.
1967
02:00:22,466 --> 02:00:24,218
Feeling warm to
the fingertips,
1968
02:00:24,301 --> 02:00:27,054
down to my foot
on the gas pedal,
1969
02:00:27,137 --> 02:00:29,014
I entered the world once more,
1970
02:00:29,097 --> 02:00:31,099
drove down the hill
past the houses
1971
02:00:31,183 --> 02:00:32,893
full and empty of people.
1972
02:00:32,976 --> 02:00:35,354
I saw the mailman, honked.
1973
02:00:35,437 --> 02:00:37,773
He waved back at me.
133755
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