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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,075 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 2 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,362 - Thought about renting? - I think this just makes more sense. 3 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,610 - Milk? - Got any soya? 4 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,404 - No, we don't. - Oh, okay. 5 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,491 - Do you want me to start buying soya milk? - No, it's all right. 6 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,494 - I can make it. - Oh, okay. 7 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,357 So just some yellow organic soya beans 8 00:00:39,359 --> 00:00:40,680 and some vanilla extract, please. 9 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,665 And a small muslin cheesecloth. 10 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,429 So, um... 11 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,596 they give you a kid at this panel? 12 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,480 - No. - Oh, it's a shame. 13 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:08,358 Yeah, no. They have to approve us before we can start looking. 14 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,034 - How long does it take? - A while. 15 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,452 So, you won't be needing your spare room super soon then? 16 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,213 Well, I told you. 17 00:01:27,215 --> 00:01:29,462 You shouldn't get involved in other people's relationships. 18 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,132 - Jason, I had no choice. - You've gotta fight the urge, man. 19 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,617 It's like if, um, uh, 20 00:01:33,619 --> 00:01:36,344 Attenborough sees an elephant who's hurt or dying or whatever, 21 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,263 he cannot intervene. 22 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,640 No matter how much he wants to, he's gotta leave it. 23 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:43,018 - He doesn't leave it. - Oh, yeah, he does. 24 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,353 - No, I don't believe that. You're lying. - I'm not. 25 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:49,482 You're telling me that if he sees an elephant and it's hurt, 26 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,744 - he doesn't help it? - No. 27 00:01:53,849 --> 00:01:56,239 - All right. What about a baby elephant? - Definitely not. 28 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,742 - He just... He ignores a baby elephant? - He has to. 29 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,202 - No. You're winding me up. - I'm not. 30 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:02,454 - A baby elephant? - Yes. 31 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,540 Well, that's really upset me. 32 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,792 Oh, oi, oi. Have you done your panel prep? 33 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,961 Yeah, yeah. More or less, yeah. 34 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,214 Jase, I don't like having him here. 35 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,634 - He's a bad influence on you. - I'll do it later, all right? 36 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,801 - Jason! - Yeah? 37 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,096 - Fi-Fi-Fi-Fi-Fifa! - Bruv, I'm not being Chelsea. 38 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,778 That's why I already put you in as Bolton. 39 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,420 Lauren, you have got that all over your face. 40 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,172 - Can you pass me the... - Yeah. This? 41 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,092 Yeah. Thank you. Give this to you. 42 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,719 - Did you give him that? - No. 43 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,513 Great, so he's just picked that up off the... 44 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,724 Fantastic, my six-month-old is self-medicating. 45 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,396 Here, darling. Here. 46 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,609 - How's Freddy? - Says he misses you. 47 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,449 - What are you gonna do? - I don't know. 48 00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:21,324 Right now I've only got the energy to be a parent to two children, 49 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,618 so he's gonna have to sort himself out. 50 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,120 He wants to see the kids. 51 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,249 - When? - Weekends and two weekday nights. 52 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,251 Okay. So more than when he lived with us then? 53 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,797 - Anyway, how are you? - Yeah, I'm fine. 54 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:39,520 Oh, say if no, but, um, would I be able to borrow your dress, 55 00:03:39,522 --> 00:03:41,261 the one that you bought a couple of weeks ago? 56 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,889 - Oh, yeah. Why? - No, no reason. 57 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,183 No, it's... We've got the panel. 58 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,810 - Oh, God, Nikki. I completely forgot. - Oh, no, it's okay. 59 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,062 Sorry, I just keep going on about... Shit, sorry, yeah. 60 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,732 No, of course you can. Um, how do you feel about it? 61 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,401 Yeah, I mean, it's basically just a job interview. 62 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,237 But instead of a job, it's for everything I've ever wanted, so yeah. 63 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,659 Oh, look, fudge. Let me just... Yeah. 64 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,330 Okay. We ready? 65 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:11,791 Yeah. I think so. 66 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,043 Oh. 67 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,629 You set an alarm just in case we forgot the... 68 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:17,796 - Just in case. - Right. Right, okay. 69 00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:18,882 Oh. 70 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,175 Oh, my God. 71 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,931 What? My phone could've died, couldn't it? 72 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,983 Come on. 73 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,438 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 74 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,592 Can we go through what we're gonna say? 75 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,261 Okay, but I don't want it to sound rehearsed. 76 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,929 I just wanna make sure that we're on the same page. 77 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,639 All right. 78 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,559 All right, I'm gonna try and connect with Melanie. 79 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:13,270 - All right. - She's from child services. 80 00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,106 - She goes kayaking and she likes crafting. - How'd you know that? 81 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:19,818 Doesn't matter. I'm gonna tell her I make my own candles. 82 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,862 It's crafting, but it's not too on the nose. 83 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,853 - But you don't make your own candles. - See, Jason. 84 00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:25,011 This is one of the many things 85 00:05:25,013 --> 00:05:26,700 that we need to be on the same page about. 86 00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:27,951 Right. 87 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:33,498 What? 88 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,085 - You have thought about your answers? - Oh, yeah. 89 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,253 It's just that I know you. 90 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,839 And when you make mistakes, you panic and you do your jokes. 91 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,114 Yeah, but I'm better if I'm loose. 92 00:05:42,116 --> 00:05:43,712 I want them to like you as much as I do. 93 00:05:43,714 --> 00:05:47,429 Hey. Don't worry about me, all right? I'll be fine. Okay? 94 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,431 Okay. 95 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,726 Whatever happens, don't get angry, 'cause anger won't help. 96 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:56,354 Right, okay. "Don't shout at the people". 97 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,607 Right, I'll try and remember that, yeah. 98 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,028 Oh, you're already here. How annoying. 99 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,654 I'm so sorry I'm late. 100 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,741 The bus timetable is largely a work of fiction at this point. 101 00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:08,905 Bloody stairs! 102 00:06:08,907 --> 00:06:11,286 At least we're not the Benefit Office. They're on the top floor. 103 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,663 No wonder they're all in tracksuits. 104 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,207 Ah, no, I need the... Um... 105 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,563 - Right, can you read that? - Um... 106 00:06:17,565 --> 00:06:18,670 - No. - No. 107 00:06:18,672 --> 00:06:20,506 Oh, don't... No, it's okay. Okay. It's probably fine. 108 00:06:20,508 --> 00:06:23,131 It's probably fine. Right, okay. Now, first thing, 109 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,092 the Melanie woman from child services isn't here, 110 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,720 so we've got a Michael Grafton. 111 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:33,808 And he is a local councillor and chair of the finance subcommittee. 112 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,478 - How terribly dull. - Okay, why isn't she here? 113 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,064 Maternity leave. Salt in the wounds, I know, but there we go. 114 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:43,151 Uh, second thing. Do you have a... Oh, crap. 115 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:47,364 What's the thing? What is... 116 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,950 - Social media presence? - Why? 117 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:53,922 Deep dive. They would shove a probe up your bottom if they could. 118 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,166 - All right? - Yeah. 119 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,507 - Did you delete everything? - Yeah. 120 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,593 - Your whole account? - All of it, yeah. 121 00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,219 Gone dark. North Korea'd the lot. 122 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,721 - Yeah. - Oh, goodness. 123 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:57,142 All right? 124 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,351 - Got bit of a cramp actually. - Oh. 125 00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,603 Oh, yeah. 126 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:01,313 - Jason, Nikki? - Yes. 127 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,105 - Would you like to come through? - Oh, yes. 128 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,568 Thank you, Your Honor. 129 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,945 - It's okay. It's not a court. - Oh, okay. Sorry. 130 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,117 It's okay. 131 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,617 - Is it the door on the right? Okay. - Yes, that's... 132 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,456 Okay, so welcome. 133 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:22,501 This is the panel review for Nikki Newman and Jason Ross, 134 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,879 who are seeking approval as prospective adopters. 135 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,632 So, I'm Sam. I'll be chairing today. 136 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,759 And just to let you know a little bit about me, 137 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:34,095 I've spent around 13 years working in social care, 138 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,097 mainly with children in the care system. 139 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,519 - Oh, well done. - Oh, thank you. 140 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,768 - Sorry. - So before we begin, 141 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,760 I'm just gonna let everyone introduce themselves. 142 00:08:42,762 --> 00:08:44,356 So, can we? Yes. 143 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:48,485 Hi, I'm Simon Davis. I work in adolescent mental health services. 144 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,736 - Hi, Simon. - Hi, Simon. 145 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,864 Julie Okolo, educational professional and play therapist. 146 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,282 - Hi, Julie. - Hello, Julie. 147 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:58,370 Another Julie. Julie Farnby. I'm an adoptive parent of two. 148 00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,955 - Hi, Julie. - Hello, another Julie. 149 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:02,053 Michael Grafton, member of the council 150 00:09:02,055 --> 00:09:04,459 and chairman of the finance subcommittee. 151 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,002 - Hello, Michael. - Hi, Michael. 152 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,296 Nina Malik, lawyer in family court. 153 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,422 - Hi, Nina. - Hi, Nina. 154 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:12,884 Jeanette Hale. My background is in children and family social work. 155 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,177 - Hi, Jeanette. - Hi, Jeanette. 156 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,429 Caoimhín Óg Ó hEachthighearna, social worker in youth welfare. 157 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,059 - Hi. - Hi. 158 00:09:21,397 --> 00:09:23,478 Okay, well, that's our hour. Thanks for coming in. 159 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,200 That went well. Did we... 160 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,568 I should say that Nikki is very nervous. 161 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,778 So I've assured her you're all going to be lovely to her. 162 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,240 It's all right, I'm just imagining you all naked, so... 163 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,577 Yeah. I enjoy a bit of that, even when I'm not nervous. 164 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:43,495 Okay, well, let's start by summarizing the report. 165 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,664 I think we'd really love it 166 00:10:01,666 --> 00:10:03,727 if you could tell us a little bit about yourselves. 167 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:04,811 - Yeah, um... - Okay, great. 168 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:08,773 Well, we've been together for three blissfully happy years, 169 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,175 two average ones. 170 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:18,043 And, uh, in terms of hobbies, we like, uh, TV, talking... 171 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,494 seeing people that we like. 172 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:25,916 You know, um, we're both white, obviously... 173 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,292 I don't know what... Yeah, go on. 174 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,085 - We like keeping active. - Yeah. 175 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,963 - I do yoga. Jason's a keen runner. - Yeah. I love running. 176 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,341 - We're both really into our cooking. - Oh, lovely. 177 00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,803 - Badminton. Both big badminton fans. - What? 178 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,554 Oh. Where do you play? 179 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,599 Oh, anywhere. We just love the game. 180 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:46,102 - It's addictive, isn't it? - Yes. He has to drag me off the pitch. 181 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,484 - Court. - Court. 182 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,566 Um, we just both like generally keeping ourselves busy. 183 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,568 Mm. 184 00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:56,106 So, Jason... 185 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,785 - you teach English to foreign students. - I do, Michael, yes. 186 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,787 - And how long you been doing that? - Oh, too long. 187 00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:06,206 - Oh, you don't like it? - No, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 188 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,292 - It can be frustrating at times, but... - Do you get frustrated a lot? 189 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,844 With younger people? 190 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,420 - Oh, no. God, no. No, no, no, I don't. - No. 191 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,144 Okay. 192 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:22,472 And, Nikki, you work at a car rental firm. How's that? 193 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,641 Oh, it's really great. I really love it. 194 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:29,729 It's really satisfying matching people to... cars. So, yeah. 195 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,107 It's fair to say that these are not highly paid jobs. 196 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,525 - Well... - Yeah, that's fair. 197 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,609 - Yeah. - Yeah. 198 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,654 - So, where does that leave you? - Scruffy end of Camden. 199 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,823 Nothing wrong with that. 200 00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,825 The last thing we need is rich people's kids. 201 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,786 That's why the country's in a mess, isn't it? Rich people's kids. 202 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,416 But if your child needed extra care or tuition, 203 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:54,713 or, I don't know, a disability ramp, you could manage that? 204 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,586 - Yeah. I think we'd cope. - Mm. 205 00:11:56,588 --> 00:11:57,788 But it might be a struggle? 206 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,859 Well, I've actually just taken a promotion at work, 207 00:12:01,861 --> 00:12:03,763 uh, to be a manager. 208 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,175 So I'll be a lot more... 209 00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:09,019 managerial, which will involve some extra cash. 210 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,187 There you go. 211 00:12:10,189 --> 00:12:12,480 Ramps for everyone! 212 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,024 And you're not married? 213 00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:17,569 No, no. We've never really felt the need, have we? 214 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,113 - No. - There's not an issue with commitment? 215 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,740 No, no issue with commitment. 216 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:25,571 I think we just feel that a bit of paper from the government 217 00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:27,419 doesn't prove anything. 218 00:12:27,421 --> 00:12:30,821 I mean, your one does. We do need that, obviously. 219 00:12:30,823 --> 00:12:32,554 - We're totally committed. - Yeah. 220 00:12:32,556 --> 00:12:35,079 Um, we know a lot of married couples, 221 00:12:35,081 --> 00:12:37,506 and it's no guarantee that a relationship will last. 222 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,174 Exhibit A. 223 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,941 Yeah, but no... Obviously honesty is important. 224 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,360 But it sort of goes into, again, 225 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,654 what I was saying earlier about communication, right? 226 00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,323 So if you've got like a, um... 227 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,658 - What's those? - Pyramid. 228 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,118 Pyramid or tri... Then communication will be at the top, right? 229 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,620 Then you've got honesty underneath there. 230 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:11,456 But the communication sort of encompasses both of them. 231 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,000 So, if what you're... 232 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,257 I've... been talking so long now, 233 00:13:16,259 --> 00:13:17,620 I've forgotten what your question was. 234 00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,673 What do you think a child would mean to you? 235 00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:21,215 Exactly, right. Okay. 236 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,220 Communication. Below that, honesty, and below that... 237 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:26,972 - What would you... Yeah, yeah. - Sorry, Jase. 238 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,482 I think that we started this process 239 00:13:29,484 --> 00:13:32,519 thinking about what a child could give us, 240 00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:35,394 but now, honestly, 241 00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:39,734 we're just so excited about what we can give a child. 242 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,066 - Well said that, woman. - Yeah, man. 243 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:47,576 I want to ask about something in the medical report. 244 00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:50,245 If it's about his smoking, he's quitting. 245 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:53,321 - He's doing really well actually. - I've not had one in ages now, Michael. 246 00:13:53,323 --> 00:13:55,709 Actually, it's your report. 247 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:56,881 Oh, okay. 248 00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:01,756 So, I see you're taking Citalopram. 249 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,338 Oh, okay. Yeah. 250 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,218 And that's for? 251 00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:13,185 It's, uh, it's anxiety. It's not the highest dose though. 252 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,728 I see. 253 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:18,273 And why do you think you have anxiety? 254 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,192 Don't you watch the news? 255 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:23,364 Well, it's hard to say, um... 256 00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,025 I don't know. 257 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,829 And how do you think parenting might affect it? 258 00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:35,874 Well, I-I think that everyone has to work hard at being a parent... 259 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,209 - Mm. - ... irregardless of anxi... 260 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,002 - regardless of anxiety. - Mm. Mm. 261 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:42,474 You started taking it around a year ago. 262 00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:45,428 Why was that? 263 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:56,770 So, this was one round of IVF and then you stopped. 264 00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:58,480 Is that correct? 265 00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:01,650 Well, we-we were told, um, it was very unlikely to work. 266 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:03,944 And they only fund one round, don't they? 267 00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,238 So quite recently then that you stopped trying? 268 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,115 Well, uh, no, not that recent. 269 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,993 We tend to advise people to wait a little longer. 270 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,329 It just... it really feels right now. 271 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,789 It absolutely does, yeah. 272 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:18,291 I think what my colleagues are getting at is, 273 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:21,461 adoption can't be seen as a replacement for a birth child. 274 00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:25,131 - These kids are no one's plan B. - Oh, no. Yeah, no. We know. 275 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,467 People are reluctant to put all their eggs in one basket 276 00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,262 and often try and pursue pregnancy at the same time. 277 00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,180 She hasn't got any eggs. I mean, that's why we're here. 278 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,140 We're not even thinking about getting pregnant now. 279 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,434 Quite right. Why would you? Awful business. 280 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,936 Thirty-two hours, my first one. 281 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,313 They had to prize that boy out of me with a hot spoon. 282 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:42,065 I said, "Listen, you have got half an hour, 283 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,216 and whatever's not out of me by then, 284 00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:44,818 you can bloody well push back in". 285 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:47,279 I think it's fair to say that there are concerns here. 286 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:51,116 In our experience, it takes time to deal with a failure to conceive. 287 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,431 Yeah, we've all got something 288 00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:53,535 that we're dealing with though, haven't we? 289 00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,078 I mean, God, no one's perfect. 290 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,089 But for you to be good adoptive parents... 291 00:15:57,091 --> 00:15:58,540 Sorry to interrupt you, Julie, 292 00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,959 but no one knows who's going to be good parents, do they? 293 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,170 I mean, look at, um, uh... 294 00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,337 Hitler, right? 295 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,882 Hitler's son ran a medical supply business. 296 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:09,176 He was a nice fellow, apparently. 297 00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:11,136 - And he had Hitler as a dad. - Can you stop talking? 298 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,570 I'm not comparing us to Hitler, obviously. 299 00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,974 I'm just saying it's basically random. 300 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,306 - Could you please stop? - Okay. 301 00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:22,689 - We do have a responsi... - Actually, I think it was his nephew... 302 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,066 that did the medical... Sorry, go on. 303 00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,819 We do have a responsibility to the children and to you 304 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,988 to make sure that you're in a position that you can cope 305 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,490 with what could be a challenging situation. 306 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,795 And for someone like yourself 307 00:16:33,797 --> 00:16:35,572 with a history of anxiety and depression... 308 00:16:35,574 --> 00:16:37,704 I think you're making this sound much worse than it actually is. 309 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:38,975 My experience with mental health 310 00:16:38,977 --> 00:16:40,957 is it's the ones who don't ask for help 311 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,959 you got to worry about. 312 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:45,837 They are the ones you see in the post office in their pants 313 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,672 trying to post their hair to Elton John. 314 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,091 We know how hard a transition this must be. 315 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,594 You're bound to still be feeling a degree of pain. 316 00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,971 Can people please stop telling me how I feel? 317 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,143 I know how I feel because I'm the one feeling it. 318 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,732 I am absolutely ready for this. 319 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,653 And I can't prove it to you because how could I? 320 00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:11,947 But I just... I-I know. 321 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:18,874 Sorry. 322 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:25,251 - I actually just feel a bit sick. - Would you like some water? 323 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,303 Yeah. Yeah. 324 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,591 Okay, let's take a short break. Shall we, yeah? 325 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,013 - Yes. - Sorry. Thanks. 326 00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:54,239 - You okay? - Yep. 327 00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:58,407 - You sure? - Yeah, I'm fine. Just leave me. 328 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:03,748 We're doing our job. 329 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,251 Isn't this what we need? Good, committed people? 330 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,837 Look, concerns were raised. It's due diligence. 331 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,714 Bloody balls to that. I've got kids who need homes. 332 00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:13,175 - Suitable homes. - They are sui... 333 00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:14,301 They are suitable. 334 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:15,387 Christ, if they're not suitable, 335 00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,179 we may as well all pack up and go home. 336 00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:19,389 I've got kids in bloody war zones out there. 337 00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:22,517 Kids half starved to death two miles from where we are standing. 338 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,480 Kids whose muscles are wasting away 339 00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:26,313 because no one ever lifts them out of bed. 340 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,940 And in this city, that is happening. 341 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,402 Look, we're all aware it's a challenging environment. 342 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,862 I vouch for them. 343 00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:35,970 I've been doing this for 30 years, 344 00:18:35,972 --> 00:18:38,148 and I am vouching for them. 345 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,463 People really need to stop telling me that I can't have children 346 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,090 'cause it is seriously just starting to piss me off. 347 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,467 Okay. They are being beastly to you. 348 00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:57,469 And if it carries on, I'm gonna climb over that table 349 00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:59,346 and hit them about the head ever such a lot of times. 350 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:01,932 I know, I know, I know, I know I'm supposed to just take it, 351 00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:04,976 but all I've had is doctors, consultants, 352 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,377 and now local bloody councillors 353 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,105 looking over their glasses at me going, 354 00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:11,483 "Nope, not quite good enough. Sorry". 355 00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:14,027 Yeah, it's not fair. None of it is fair. 356 00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:18,156 I do feel over it. I do feel ready. I want this. 357 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,991 But then as soon as I want something, 358 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,244 - I just... - Okay, just listen to me. 359 00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,441 You are neither a dog with wheels for back legs, 360 00:19:24,443 --> 00:19:26,446 nor married to my sister, so I have no pity for you. 361 00:19:26,448 --> 00:19:28,888 So, you pick yourself up and slap on a smile, 362 00:19:28,890 --> 00:19:31,288 because it is not over until it is over. 363 00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:34,800 - Okay? - Yeah. 364 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,384 Right. Come on. 365 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:48,477 It's all right. 366 00:19:49,549 --> 00:19:51,690 - Hitler? - Badminton? 367 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:52,822 Thank you. 368 00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:02,909 So, Julie, I think you wanted to pursue this idea of loss. 369 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,871 I'm sorry. Can we stop, plea... Objection. I have an objection. 370 00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:08,540 - Again, not a court. - Okay, sorry. I just, um... 371 00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,585 Before we carry on, there's just something I have to say. 372 00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:13,837 - I can't let you talk about her like this. - Jase. 373 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:16,214 - No, it's fine. - No, I'm sorry, I can't. 374 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,033 I cannot. Because if they knew you, 375 00:20:18,035 --> 00:20:19,820 they would not speak to you like this. 376 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,353 - Do you know how amazing she is? - Jason. 377 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,857 Do you know how much of a better person I am since I met her? 378 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,942 It's not even like she really does anything. 379 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,614 It's just being near her. 380 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:43,742 You sort of get cured in it, like bacon. 381 00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,868 Seriously. 382 00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:49,372 Okay, so, um, a while ago we hired a car, right? 383 00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:52,959 And she cleaned it before she gave it back 384 00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:56,551 because she wanted it to be nice for the next people. 385 00:20:58,217 --> 00:20:59,427 I mean, who does that? 386 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,310 Who cleans a rental car? 387 00:21:08,185 --> 00:21:10,744 So for you to say that we're not the kind of people 388 00:21:10,746 --> 00:21:11,962 who should be doing this 389 00:21:11,964 --> 00:21:14,814 because of what we've been through, that's not true. 390 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:15,976 Because, uh... 391 00:21:17,434 --> 00:21:19,373 we keep hearing that these children's journeys 392 00:21:19,375 --> 00:21:22,739 have started with trauma... and loss. 393 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,121 Well, so did ours. 394 00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:31,710 So we are the kind of people that you need because... 395 00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:37,132 we know pain. 396 00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,930 'Cause we've been through it. 397 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,545 And we know the way out. 398 00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:51,345 That's it. 399 00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:59,072 Okay. Shall we move to the home study report? 400 00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:23,934 You know I cleaned that car 401 00:22:23,936 --> 00:22:26,261 'cause I borrowed it from work without asking? 402 00:22:26,263 --> 00:22:28,763 Oh, shit. I better go and tell them then, hey? 403 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,305 Oh, stop it. 404 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:37,895 I'm really sorry. 405 00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:41,902 - What do you mean? For what? - Ju... 406 00:22:41,904 --> 00:22:44,487 For everything, for all the trouble I cause you. 407 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,198 What are you talking about? 408 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,839 Well, if you were with someone else, 409 00:22:47,841 --> 00:22:49,665 you wouldn't be having to do this, would you? 410 00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:51,203 Don't wanna be with someone else. 411 00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:53,246 - Yeah. - I wanna be with you. 412 00:22:53,248 --> 00:22:56,500 Say that now 'cause you're with me and you love me. 413 00:22:56,502 --> 00:22:57,834 But if you were with someone else, 414 00:22:57,836 --> 00:23:00,166 you'd love them and that love would be easier. 415 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:03,382 Nikki. 416 00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:08,100 I feel sorry for anyone not going out with you. 417 00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:12,975 Honestly. 418 00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:16,941 I don't know how they get up in the morning. 419 00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:28,907 I'm not saying that they won't approve us, 420 00:23:28,909 --> 00:23:31,378 but, you know, I almost burst into tears 421 00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:32,873 and you compared us to Hitler, so... 422 00:23:35,207 --> 00:23:39,877 I just want you to know that, if this doesn't happen... 423 00:23:42,548 --> 00:23:43,758 you're enough. 424 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,470 Okay. 425 00:23:52,307 --> 00:23:55,225 So, they want you to do some counseling 426 00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:59,017 just because it's not been long since you stopped trying, but... 427 00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:01,732 But? 428 00:24:02,986 --> 00:24:04,116 You've been approved. 429 00:24:13,287 --> 00:24:15,207 - We're getting a baby. - Yeah. 430 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,082 - I mean, at some point. - Not now. 431 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:20,580 No, and not a baby necessarily. 432 00:24:20,582 --> 00:24:22,335 Not necessarily a baby, but, I mean... 433 00:24:40,397 --> 00:24:42,689 Sorry. 434 00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:53,834 Yay! 435 00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:56,995 So, what happens now then? 436 00:24:56,997 --> 00:24:59,457 Well, now is the fun part. Now we meet some kids. 437 00:25:00,501 --> 00:25:02,751 - Just ideally not... - Not a Chelsea fan. 438 00:25:02,753 --> 00:25:04,252 I know that's a redline for you. 439 00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:05,934 That's a bit more of a blue line, isn't it? 440 00:25:13,639 --> 00:25:14,849 That's a nice jumper. 441 00:25:16,517 --> 00:25:17,557 Oh, thank you. 442 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,060 I just tell it like it is. 443 00:25:21,769 --> 00:25:25,044 You, uh, much of a football man yourself, Vic? 444 00:25:25,046 --> 00:25:26,836 No, not really. I watch it on the telly. 445 00:25:26,838 --> 00:25:28,027 Do you know how to play golf? 446 00:25:28,029 --> 00:25:29,319 - Oh, golf. No. - Karen. 447 00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:32,526 - Karen, hello! - Hey. 448 00:25:34,842 --> 00:25:35,989 - I'm really sorry. - I'm really sorry. 449 00:25:35,991 --> 00:25:38,951 - I don't know why I said that. - I know you don't like him. I've chosen... 450 00:25:47,756 --> 00:25:52,342 Oh, my God. Karen, that's huge. That must have cost a fortune. 451 00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:54,224 Yeah. That's what Scott said. 452 00:25:55,639 --> 00:25:58,889 Come on. What are you having then? 453 00:26:02,479 --> 00:26:05,480 So you just swipe right if you like him, like that. 454 00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:08,650 Okay. Oh, this is a game changer for me. 455 00:26:08,652 --> 00:26:12,737 Yeah. I was single last weekend. It was tough. 456 00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:15,740 - How long has it been for you? - Um, I had a bloke a while back, 457 00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:18,692 but the dog took against him and he's right more times than he's not. 458 00:26:18,694 --> 00:26:20,120 Oh, he's nice. 459 00:26:20,122 --> 00:26:21,997 - Oh. Do you want to have a go? - What do you mean? 460 00:26:21,999 --> 00:26:23,373 - Just swipe right. - Shall I? 461 00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:24,624 - Yeah, do it. Right. - Okay. 462 00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:26,543 Ooh, I like him too. 463 00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:28,003 - Get me another one. - Okay. 464 00:26:28,005 --> 00:26:29,045 Just get me another one. 465 00:26:30,215 --> 00:26:32,465 I know he's not Brad Pitt, but... 466 00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:35,510 You know, you start off dreaming of this perfect love 467 00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:36,987 that's gonna lift you up 468 00:26:36,989 --> 00:26:38,763 and make your heart beat and your head hurt. 469 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:40,015 And then... 470 00:26:41,226 --> 00:26:44,096 you end up just wanting someone to go to lunch with. 471 00:26:45,856 --> 00:26:47,647 It's compromise. 472 00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:50,775 And at this stage, it's either him, 473 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:53,817 a handsome racist or someone amazing in a coma. 474 00:26:57,326 --> 00:26:59,284 I didn't realize you were so lonely. 475 00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:01,494 I used to send you texts at 2:00 a.m. 476 00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:03,788 Yeah. I thought you were just being annoying, Karen. 477 00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:05,790 Yeah, well, that too. 478 00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:06,792 Mate. 479 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,920 Stuff can still be good, you know? 480 00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:13,800 Even when it's not planned. 481 00:27:21,183 --> 00:27:22,183 Yeah. 482 00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:40,825 So, you're a manager now? 483 00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:43,453 - Yeah. - When were you gonna tell me that? 484 00:27:43,455 --> 00:27:44,829 I should probably tell someone at work first, 485 00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:46,541 to be fair. 486 00:27:48,836 --> 00:27:52,796 We have to grow up now. For real. No excuses. 487 00:27:52,798 --> 00:27:55,507 - We'll have to start saving. - And get a pension. 488 00:27:55,509 --> 00:27:56,716 And eat pâté. 489 00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:59,594 And read proper books, not ones from supermarkets. 490 00:27:59,596 --> 00:28:02,164 And I'm gonna tell my dad to stop sending me money on my birthday. 491 00:28:02,166 --> 00:28:03,966 All right? I'm gonna do it. 492 00:28:05,167 --> 00:28:08,316 Oh, we should get place mats and special cutlery. 493 00:28:08,318 --> 00:28:10,858 - And guest towels. - And an ironing board. 494 00:28:11,882 --> 00:28:13,432 - And an iron. - And an iron. 495 00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:16,778 You know, we should probably knock through. 496 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,280 God, yeah. Definitely knock through. 497 00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:20,615 An excellent way to maximize space in your property. 498 00:28:20,617 --> 00:28:23,037 And we're going to need the extra space. 39192

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