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1
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,593
[Pam] Yeah, that's no problem.
2
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:12,721
- Pam?
- Sure. Uh-huh.
3
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:13,930
[Michael] Pam. Knock, knock.
4
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,056
- I'm on the phone.
- I know you are.
5
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,224
Knock, knock.
6
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:19,561
[Pam] You can fax
it over. Yeah, 570,
7
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,646
- 555-
- 491-
8
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,439
- 01-
- 74-
9
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,066
- 75.
- 59.
10
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,860
0175.
(Michael laughing)
11
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,028
Thank you. Bye-bye.
12
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:31,906
That really makes us
look unprofessional.
13
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:32,907
They would never know
it was me doing it.
14
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,492
Here we go. Knock, knock.
15
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,870
(sighs) Who's there?
16
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,080
- Buddha.
- Buddha who?
17
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,415
Buddha this bread
for me, won't you?
18
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,002
(Michael and Dwight laughing)
(Dwight clapping)
19
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,128
Great.
20
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,755
I need something
to wipe my hand.
21
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,839
- Now there's butter-
- That was melting.
22
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,757
on my desk.
23
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:49,758
It was a classic.
24
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:50,884
I got a knock-knock joke.
25
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,218
- No, god.
- Okay. Michael,
26
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:54,721
please, please, please,
please, please let me.
27
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:55,930
All right.
28
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:56,765
(throat clearing)
Knock, knock.
29
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:57,682
Who's there.
30
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,767
- KGB.
- KGB-
31
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,185
(Dwight slaps)
32
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,895
- We will ask the questions!
- What the hell was that!
33
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,105
- What are you doing!
- What are you doing?
34
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,024
- Hey, hey! Stop it! Stop it!
- You like that?
35
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,525
Come on. What are you doing?
36
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:08,818
Mine was a part of
my hilarious joke.
37
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,153
Mine was retribution.
What are you doing?
38
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,530
No more knock-knock
jokes. That's it.
39
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,615
Ding dong.
40
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,200
Who's there?
41
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,701
KGB.
42
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,911
Dwight, get the door.
43
00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:18,620
- I'm not answering it.
- Answer the door.
44
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:19,579
Ding dong.
45
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:20,872
[Dwight] No way, it's the KGB.
46
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:21,998
- Ding dong.
- I'm not answering that.
47
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:22,916
- Yes, you're going to.
- You answer it.
48
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,125
I'm not gonna answer it.
49
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,043
I'm not gonna answer
it, it's the KGB.
50
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,253
The KGB will wait for no one!
51
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:30,382
(Michael laughing)
52
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,383
It's true.
53
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,095
(bright upbeat music)
54
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,742
{\an8}Hey Kevin, how was weekend.
55
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,413
{\an8}Good. I watched
TV for 14 hours.
56
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,747
{\an8}(elevator dings)
57
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,291
{\an8}[Lynn] Hold the door please.
58
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:07,794
{\an8}Hi Kevin.
59
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:08,920
{\an8}Hey Lynn.
60
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:09,713
{\an8}[Interviewer] Lynn?
61
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:10,547
{\an8}Yeah.
62
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,968
{\an8}She's cool.
63
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,261
{\an8}Did you get my message?
64
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,595
{\an8}(elevator dings)
65
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,223
{\an8}Yeah, I've been really busy.
66
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,810
{\an8}Oh, it's okay.
67
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,521
{\an8}Yeah. I'm probably
gonna be busy
68
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,690
{\an8}for the next 20 days or so.
69
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,568
{\an8}(elevator dings)
70
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,153
So, yeah.
71
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:35,572
{\an8}Bye.
72
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,617
(elevator dings)
73
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,163
{\an8}You're going to be busy
for the next 20 days or so.
74
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,831
{\an8}I thought you liked Lynn.
75
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,043
{\an8}I do like Lynn. That's
what Andy told me to say.
76
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,128
{\an8}Andy offered to help me.
77
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,881
{\an8}And I said yes, absolutely.
78
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,675
{\an8}Because other than getting laid,
79
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,385
{\an8}I don't know that
much about women.
80
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,598
{\an8}(latch rattling)
81
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,640
(door slams)
82
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,142
Good morning, Michael.
83
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,520
Oh, no, no, no,
no. I am not Michael.
84
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,481
I am Willy Wonka.
85
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,860
{\an8}Good morning, Mr. Wonka.
Here are your messages.
86
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,236
{\an8}Why thank you
very much. (gasps)
87
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,488
{\an8}What are those? What are those?
88
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,655
Tell me, please!
89
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,282
- Jelly beans.
- No, no, no.
90
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,077
They are not just ordinary
jelly beans, little girl.
91
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:27,165
These are extraordinary
jelly beans!
92
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,960
Mmm! It tastes like
a three course meal.
93
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:36,049
Delicious! Roast beef,
mashed potatoes,
94
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,550
and salmon.
95
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,802
Really? A second entree?
96
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,513
Yes, they are very
incredible little beans.
97
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,515
What do we got for dessert.
98
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,933
Jelly beans.
99
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,685
(umbrella thumps)
100
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,938
♪ I've got a golden ticket ♪
101
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:53,525
(Michael humming)
102
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,276
♪ I've got a golden ticket ♪
103
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,363
The Willy Wonka Golden
Ticket promotional idea
104
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,782
is probably the best
idea I have ever had.
105
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,325
(hands pounding)
106
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,993
It's probably the best
idea anybody has ever had.
107
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,245
Three days ago,
108
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,831
I slipped five
pieces of gold paper
109
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,457
into random paper shipments.
110
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:13,211
This entitles the customer to
10% off of their total order.
111
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,590
It will be a day for them
that is full of whimsy,
112
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,092
and full of excitement,
113
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,553
and full of fantasy.
114
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,929
(umbrella smacks)
115
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,931
Why? Why did I
write these things?
116
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,599
They all start
with the letter M.
117
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,353
(sighs) No.
118
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,647
I've written these things
because it is my responsibility
119
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,190
as manager of this branch,
120
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,901
to fulfill a gate, great ideas.
121
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,029
And I think I have done my part
122
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,739
with the golden
ticket promotion.
123
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,323
Now it is your turn.
124
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,784
I want to hear some
great ideas from you
125
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,286
that are just as good as mine.
126
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,164
Mm-hmm.
127
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,081
We own our own
delivery trucks.
128
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,416
[Michael] Mm-hmm.
129
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,792
We could lease them
out on the weekends...
130
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:53,877
Too many words.
Good ideas are simple.
131
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,420
Golden ticket.
132
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,338
Free paper.
133
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,840
No, Jim. We're a business.
134
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,468
Post-its. That is a
golden ticket idea.
135
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,929
NASA took five or six
golden ticket ideas
136
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,431
to get men on the moon.
137
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:10,143
Golden Girls. That's a
golden ticket idea, right?
138
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,936
I mean, how great was that show?
139
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,689
Golden Grahams. Another, is it?
140
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,776
I don't get this.
141
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,321
No, you don't.
No, it... (sighs)
142
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:24,699
What will be the
state of this company
143
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,620
if I am the only one coming up
with the great ideas, right?
144
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,831
- Yeah.
- Cloning. We can clone you.
145
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:35,168
That is a golden
ticket idea. God!
146
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,837
I'm also gonna need
a chunk of your skin.
147
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,297
I think I should call her.
148
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,427
No, no, no.
149
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,638
Why is it so
bad for me to call
150
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,932
and ask her to lunch today?
151
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,266
(Andy sighs)
152
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,060
I was raised to be a
gentleman around women,
153
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:55,313
but when your fiance is
Satan, that doesn't work.
154
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,942
So I have some new
ideas and new techniques
155
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,276
and I'm trying them out.
156
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,737
Kevin Malone is my guinea pig.
157
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,656
You're making it
too easy for her.
158
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,324
You're just conveying,
159
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,451
"Oh, I like you just
the way you are."
160
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,495
But I do like her
just the way she is.
161
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,497
[Andy] Well, that's
not what we agreed on.
162
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,998
- [Jim] What are you doing?
- Huh?
163
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,667
Why don't you just
go on a date with her?
164
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,712
Try to spark up an ongoing joke
and then in a month or two,
165
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,296
if it feels right, you'll know.
166
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,381
No.
167
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,841
You don't have
to wait that long.
168
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,843
I mean, you don't have to
wait a month to ask her out.
169
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,302
Just ask her out.
170
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,430
You're asking him to
give up all of his power.
171
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,556
What power?
172
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:34,019
Andy, Pam, and Jim
are all telling me
173
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,813
how to deal with this
girl that I like. Lynn.
174
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,483
I don't like getting advice
175
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,777
from more than one
person at a time
176
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:47,157
because it activates too many
different parts of my brain.
177
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,744
I'm a textbook over-thinker.
178
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,706
You can't let a girl
feel good about herself.
179
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,207
It will backfire on you.
180
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,043
Every compliment has
to be backhanded.
181
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,502
"Oh, I like your dress,
182
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,379
but I'd like it more if
you had prettier hair."
183
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,549
That's psychotic. Do
you guys actually do that?
184
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,885
Well guys with
girlfriends don't.
185
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:07,802
That's low, Tuna.
186
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,889
Hey, Tom. What's that?
187
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,223
Oh, you found a golden ticket.
188
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,725
One of my clients
found a golden ticket.
189
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,060
Woo hoo hoo!
190
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,561
Yep.
(Michael singing)
191
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,520
No, congratulations.
192
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,689
Oh! Woo hoo hoo!
193
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,567
- I'll take that down-
- Tell me.
194
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,818
right now.
195
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,112
Was it a spoiled little
girl with big lips-
196
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,405
I'm on the phone.
197
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,699
or an odd little boy
with a cowboy obsession.
198
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,076
- Hold on one second.
- Invite them on the tour.
199
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,243
Hold on one sec.
200
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,662
It's actually Blue
Cross from Pennsylvania.
201
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,081
- Really?
- Yep.
202
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,665
That's kind of a big client.
203
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:40,460
Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo.
204
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,132
How much of a hit is 10%
of our Blue Cross account?
205
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,384
- 10%?
- Yeah.
206
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,593
- They're our largest client.
- Yeah.
207
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,761
That's gonna hurt.
208
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,262
Hold on one sec.
Hold on one sec, Tom.
209
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,891
What's that? You found
five golden tickets.
210
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,603
And does it say limit
one per customer?
211
00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,604
(Michael pants)
212
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:00,689
Nope. It doesn't.
213
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,109
How do you not spread
out the tickets
214
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,235
into different shipments?
215
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,112
I thought I did, so-
216
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,655
- Okay, well-
- no harm, no foul.
217
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,281
I'm gonna go call corporate
to make sure that they know
218
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,825
I didn't lose half my sales.
219
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:15,120
You didn't, but it'll be fine.
220
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:15,954
(latch rattles)
221
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,622
It'll be good.
222
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,498
(door slams)
223
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,291
Hey, hey!
224
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,628
Hey, you idiot.
225
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,462
Start over.
226
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,172
(sighs) Sir,
227
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,343
I placed a bunch of golden
tickets into five separate boxes
228
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,971
and somehow they all
ended up with Blue Cross.
229
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,264
How does this happen?
230
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,682
Were the boxes
near each other?
231
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,183
Irrelevant.
232
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,978
I put three pallets on a
truck to Blue Cross once a week.
233
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,813
They use a lot of paper.
234
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,398
Okay.
235
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,275
I'm going to ask you something
and I want you to be honest.
236
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,526
What is a pallet?
237
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,196
My golden ticket idea? Okay.
238
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:55,243
Why would anyone think that
this is my golden ticket idea?
239
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,245
There's a one in 13 chance
240
00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,165
that this could be anybody's
golden ticket idea.
241
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,917
That... (sighs)
242
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,419
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
243
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,755
Oh, hi David.
244
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,257
No, I'm sorry.
245
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,218
He's not back from the
civil rights rally.
246
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,013
I'll have him call you
the minute he gets back
247
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,598
from the Lincoln Memorial.
248
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,682
(door slams)
249
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,850
When Michael's
skirting a phone call,
250
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,186
he gave me a list of
places to say he is.
251
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,063
"Stopping a fight
in the parking lot",
252
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:27,275
"An Obama fashion
show", whatever that is.
253
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,319
Or "Trapped in oil painting".
254
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,571
I'm gonna save that one.
255
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,619
Get in here, please.
Right now. Get in.
256
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,787
Thank you.
257
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,538
Hey, we doing a
workout infomercial or?
258
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,625
Okay. Sit down.
Andy, support code.
259
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:44,417
Okay.
260
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,586
Hurry up please.
261
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:47,671
Yes, yes.
262
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,380
Thank you. I don't
need your help.
263
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,756
I am not a child.
264
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,258
- Looks good on you.
- Thanks, thanks a lot. Okay.
265
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,552
Nobody panic.
266
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:58,223
The good news is, they
can't fire all of us, right?
267
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,432
- They can.
- No, they can't.
268
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:00,517
Yes they can.
269
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:01,935
Oscar.
270
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,478
You don't know what the
hell you were talking about.
271
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,522
Michael, what do you think
shutting down a branch is?
272
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,273
All right, then we're screwed.
273
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,902
I am just a net
274
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:14,948
that traps all of your
crappy subconscious ideas
275
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,827
and adds a little bit of
my own childhood memories
276
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,120
and whimsy. So...
277
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,705
Okay.
278
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,998
Well I lost a ton of money
today and I have a mortgage.
279
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:24,958
So I'm a little pissed too.
280
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,167
Thank you, Jim is with me.
281
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,128
Absolutely not.
I'm mad at you.
282
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,671
Well, you know what, Jim?
283
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,215
It is not my fault that you
bought a house to impress Pam.
284
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,967
That is why carnations exist.
285
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:34,884
That's not why.
286
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,511
Okay.
287
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,597
We need a gold ticket idea to
get us out of this mess. Yes.
288
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,058
Does that mean an idea that
blows up in our faces later?
289
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,101
[Jim] Good one.
290
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,353
Okay. Don't get that, please?
291
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,814
I've got a golden ticket idea.
292
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,483
Why don't you skip on up
to the roof and jump off?
293
00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:52,569
That is not constructive.
294
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,070
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
295
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,031
Oh, hi David.
296
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,534
He's having a colonoscopy.
297
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,496
All right. I'll find
out if he's out yet.
298
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,332
Hello, David.
299
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,876
I just got back from
my procedure, so...
300
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,544
[David] Michael, what
the hell is going on here?
301
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:10,920
How are you doing?
302
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,465
- Fine. What is going on?
- "My colonoscopy was
303
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,550
an examination of my large colon
304
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,887
and the distal part of my
small bowel with a camera."
305
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:22,474
[David] Why did you okay
this golden ticket idea?
306
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,184
we're going to lose
a fortune, Michael.
307
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,435
How could you let this happen?
308
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,645
Well, there is an explanation
309
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,066
that involves me not
letting it happen,
310
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,861
and I just don't, I don't know.
311
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,154
[David] How could
you not know, Michael?
312
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,657
I think we might have hired
313
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,535
an outside marketing consultant.
314
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:46,164
[David] You might have
hired. Okay, what firm?
315
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,374
You're breaking up.
316
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,667
[David] Michael?
317
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,126
Okay.
318
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:53,755
I think I'm, it might have
been an inside consultant.
319
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,590
[David] Was it the
sales department?
320
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,009
Yes.
321
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:58,927
[David] Was it Jim?
322
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:00,762
No.
323
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,431
[David] Okay. Was it Dwight?
324
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:13,650
Come on in.
325
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,027
Good to see you. Have a seat.
326
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,365
I just wanted to
congratulate you
327
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,409
on that great
golden ticket idea.
328
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,326
That was your idea.
329
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,328
Whoa, wow. Who told you that?
330
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,496
- You did. Several times.
- No,
331
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,288
- I don't think-
- Over and over again.
332
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,665
I ever did.
333
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:29,833
- That was your idea, Dwight.
- You were dressed
334
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,084
- as Willy Wonka.
- I'm not taking-
335
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,168
- So-
- I'm not taking-
336
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,336
- wasn't my idea. Loved-
- Wait a second.
337
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,629
- but I can't.
- Wait a second.
338
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,464
Wait a second. I wrote
it down in my diary.
339
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,632
You don't keep a diary.
340
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,134
Yes I do. You've
just never seen it.
341
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,635
"March 4th.
342
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,013
Dwight came up with
the best idea today
343
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,723
about golden tickets."
344
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:49,853
Hold that thought.
345
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,440
(door slams)
346
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,274
March 4th.
347
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,652
"Michael Scott came up
with golden ticket idea
348
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,572
to give five customers
10% off for one year."
349
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,865
Why do you have a diary?
350
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,658
To keep secrets
from my computer.
351
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,243
Okay, you know what? You
came up with this idea.
352
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:09,539
I remember you told me that
you loved the Willy Wonka movie
353
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,166
- when you were growing up.
- Impossible.
354
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,001
- Yes, you did.
- I wasn't given candy
355
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,419
as a child.
356
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,505
So a movie that
fetish-ized it that much,
357
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,007
would've made no sense to me.
358
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:23,053
Plus, we weren't allowed to
see movies. So, do the math.
359
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,348
(Dwight sighs)
360
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,724
What are you writing.
361
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,225
"Had conversation with
Michael about taking credit
362
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,353
for an idea that wasn't mine.
363
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,979
Discussed movies."
364
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,565
You guys are
throwing a lot at me.
365
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,900
All I'm saying is
it's the first date.
366
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,693
So just keep her
respectful distance.
367
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:39,944
[Kevin] Right.
368
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,112
I don't think Jim
means to say that
369
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:41,905
you shouldn't touch her.
370
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,448
No, that is what I mean.
371
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,242
Shush. Kevin, a playful touch
on the arm or on the back.
372
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:50,038
It can show your interests.
And it's really romantic.
373
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:50,705
Like that?
374
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:51,748
No, stop it.
375
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,292
Some girls like a
guy who takes charge.
376
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,379
And if, it just depends on
what kind of girl she is.
377
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,715
I'm sorry, but if you don't
agree with me on my advice to
378
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,133
Kevin, then we can no longer date.
379
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,720
That's what I'm talking
about. That's hot.
380
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,639
- That's hot.
- I'm dead serious.
381
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,683
It's me or Kevin.
382
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,311
How long do I have to decide?
383
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,771
Looks like you already did.
384
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,608
Don't touch her.
385
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,652
Don't talk to her.
386
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,779
Don't look at her.
387
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,239
Put your heart up like that.
388
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,490
(chaotic crosstalk)
389
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,200
Just turn into this
black and carbon brick.
390
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,911
Where it has barbecue
sauce of shame and rage,
391
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,831
and two hot people with
a perfect relationship
392
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,332
would not understand that.
393
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,918
- (Pam knocking)
- Buried it in a ditch.
394
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,877
- (latch rattling)
- Yeah.
395
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,587
Put lye all over the area.
396
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,047
David Wallace is on the phone.
397
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,591
Did you tell him that
I'm doing equestrian.
398
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,843
Wants to talk to him.
399
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,137
No, he cannot
come to the phone.
400
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,263
Sure. I can.
401
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,848
- No, you can't.
- Just pass it through.
402
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,182
We're at a very important
meeting. Very private, Pam.
403
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,183
- We are?
- Get out.
404
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,853
(latch rattles)
405
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,273
Would you like to go to lunch
with me? Just the two of us.
406
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,151
With all my heart.
407
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:03,987
I've already eaten lunch.
408
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,114
It's 11:00 AM.
409
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:06,865
I'm a farmer.
410
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,408
I have breakfast at 4:30.
411
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,493
By the time 10:00 AM rolls
around, I'm famished for lunch.
412
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,453
- Okay.
- Let's wait three hours
413
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,537
and have some supper.
414
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,371
No.
415
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,584
Are you still taking those
strolls that you like to take.
416
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,793
Thrice weekly.
417
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,171
Okay. Let's go take
a stroll together.
418
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,630
I thought you said
my strolls are silly.
419
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,300
No, just 'cause you
can't call them walks.
420
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,926
You really want a stroll?
421
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,219
Yes.
422
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,055
You wanna power stroll
or just regular stroll?
423
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,348
You call it.
424
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,223
Power stroll.
425
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,476
Okay.
426
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,602
- You wearing sunblock?
- Yes.
427
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,644
What SPF?
428
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:37,854
One.
429
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,606
That's like water. (scoffs)
430
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,191
- I'll grab my tube.
- Okay.
431
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,114
Got a friend for your
stroll there, Dwight?
432
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,325
Yes.
433
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,452
That's nice.
434
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,163
Ready?
435
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,499
(latch rattling)
436
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,875
We think a lot alike.
437
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,003
Sometimes you will
think something
438
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,172
and I will say what
you're thinking.
439
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,799
Okay, what am I
thinking right now?
440
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,387
- Nacho chips.
- No. (chuckles)
441
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,554
Thinking about how the skin is
442
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,847
the largest organ of the body.
443
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,058
Okay. Let me just cut
to the chase, Dwight.
444
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,812
I want you to fall
on your sword for me.
445
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,647
Oh, not gonna happen.
446
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,190
I did fall on my sword once.
447
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:25,860
I was running with it in my
belt. It won't happen again.
448
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,529
Imagine you're a
secret service agent
449
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,988
and I'm the president.
450
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,699
Would you take a bullet for me?
451
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:31,866
Wouldn't get to that point.
452
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,284
Not if I could
hire my own people.
453
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,536
You're too low level.
454
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:35,370
I'd get promoted.
455
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,163
Yes you will.
456
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,624
I will promote you after
you take the bullet for me.
457
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,209
I'd be dead.
458
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,628
No you're wearing a vest.
So it only hurts a little bit.
459
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,631
And then you're a hero and
you can open your own business
460
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:47,507
and you're happy.
461
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,176
That sounds great.
462
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,889
But I'm not lying
for you, Michael.
463
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:58,101
I'm sorry, but I
love this fantasy.
464
00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,644
What kind of president
would you be?
465
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,479
I'll give you Jan.
466
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,064
I wish she was yours to give.
467
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,109
So Lynn.
468
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:11,114
Do you know any good?
Like inside jokes?
469
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:14,909
Yeah, but they're
kind of hard to explain.
470
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,787
- Yeah.
- Yeah. (chuckles)
471
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:29,007
(Kevin grunting)
472
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,346
I like your top.
473
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,848
Thank you.
474
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,017
(Andy throat-clearing)
475
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,019
The color, but not the cut.
476
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,438
Oh.
477
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,985
Why do you even wanna
stay at Dunder Mifflin.
478
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:52,489
I mean, what's the point? You're
cooped up in there all day.
479
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,574
You don't get to
do your farming.
480
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:55,992
You're not dating
Angela anymore.
481
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:59,371
It doesn't matter if you
get fired for taking credit
482
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,789
for the gold ticket idea.
483
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,332
It doesn't matter.
484
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,584
Me on the other hand, I would
be lost without this place.
485
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,461
You, way too manly.
486
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,004
What about Shoe La La?
487
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,215
(sighs) It's not ready yet.
488
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:13,635
I have an idea for a
fancy men's shoe store
489
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,178
called Shoe La La.
490
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:19,599
And it's just men's shoes
for the special occasions
491
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,101
in a man's life.
492
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,894
Like the day that
you get married,
493
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:26,147
or the day your wife has a baby,
494
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,192
or for just lounging
around the house.
495
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,694
(door slams)
496
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,862
May I have your attention
please? I have an announcement.
497
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,198
Mr. Dwight Schrute
and I just returned
498
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,577
from a wonderful
stroll together.
499
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,872
And although I probably will
never do it again, I had fun.
500
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,543
I really had fun with
my best friend, Dwight.
501
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:47,669
These aren't announcements.
502
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,004
Yes they are.
503
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,380
You just don't care
about the information.
504
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,967
I love working here
and I do not wanna leave.
505
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:56,011
He doesn't love it that much.
506
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,054
Wouldn't be such a bad
thing for him to be fired.
507
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,181
- Well...
- I mean,
508
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:02,017
like we were talking about
509
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:05,020
that is why he has come
to the conclusion...
510
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,023
We discussed the fact
that I'm cooped up here
511
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:10,150
instead of experiencing
the whole wide world.
512
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,026
Right.
513
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,736
No plowing my own acres,
514
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:15,572
going around shirtless all day,
515
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,532
you know, experiencing freedom.
516
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:19,034
That's it.
517
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,703
That's it. You can't
put a price on freedom.
518
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:22,704
- Try me.
- That's why
519
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:23,705
you've made the decision.
520
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,206
That's why you've made...
521
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,417
- I haven't made a decision yet.
- You kind of have.
522
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,543
- No.
- Yes.
523
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,344
You cannot take
the fall for him.
524
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,762
He said he would
do the same for me.
525
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,055
He can do the same for you.
526
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,140
Right now. By getting
fired instead of you.
527
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,228
So what are you gonna do?
528
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:49,564
I'm gonna go back to work.
529
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,693
After I write you up
for insubordination.
530
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:54,486
There he is.
531
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:56,946
Ladies.
532
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:58,907
Really? It's...
533
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,450
I hope Dwight gets fired
534
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:02,327
and we get a hot new
guy to replace him.
535
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,287
- Seriously.
- What if it's a hot new girl?
536
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,997
Am I gotta not
thought of that?
537
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,833
I think it's horrible.
What Michael is doing.
538
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,585
Really. I mean, this
is unacceptable.
539
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,336
(indistinct chattering)
540
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,588
[Michael] Hello gang?
541
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,424
(door creaks)
542
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,509
- He is-
- Hey,
543
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,135
did you ever notice
that our bathroom
544
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,471
is right next to our kitchen?
545
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:22,639
How's that up to code?
546
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:25,600
I don't know.
547
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,106
This is not fair. What
he's doing to Dwight.
548
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,066
Of course you'd think that,
you used to bone the guy.
549
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:34,317
I think men bone women.
550
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,777
I hate that I'm correcting that.
551
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,028
All I'm saying is,
552
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,655
is that Dwight can't
take the blame for this.
553
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,658
It has to land on Michael.
It's time for a reckoning.
554
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,785
- It's true.
- Yeah.
555
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,787
I have an
announcement to make.
556
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,288
Wow. This is a new record.
557
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,457
That's because I have a
lot to say today, James.
558
00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,711
I just want to posit this.
559
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,255
Have you ever wondered what
this place would be like
560
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:58,550
if I was fired? No, no, no, no!
561
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,094
I didn't ask for show
of hands. Damn it!
562
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:07,642
If I was fired and corporate
brought in new management,
563
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:10,353
anyone could come
in to replace me.
564
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,189
It could be some older.
565
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,358
Who hates minorities?
566
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,487
"Oh no, no. I don't like
Oscar. He is far too Hispanic."
567
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:23,116
Or some cold guy,
568
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:27,829
some weird guy, who doesn't
want us to be a family.
569
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:31,541
"Just do your work, have
private lives and go home."
570
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:32,417
I like that guy.
571
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:36,087
Maybe it is some guy who knows
572
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:38,340
that we don't actually
need three accountants
573
00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:43,470
or somebody who doesn't
dispense vacation time
574
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,598
for 20 day African
safaris, Phyllis.
575
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:49,225
How about this?
576
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:52,020
Maybe it's somebody who
doesn't like the fact that
577
00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:55,482
a couple is romantically
involved in the workplace
578
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:59,527
and decides to transfer those
people to other branches.
579
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:02,697
Ever think about that?
580
00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:08,787
Well maybe next time, you
should bite your tongue.
581
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:12,665
Before you say something
mean about me behind my back
582
00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:15,794
while I am hiding
in the bathroom, pretending to be pooping.
583
00:22:19,923 --> 00:22:22,175
(latch rattling)
584
00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:24,678
Oh my God. Dwight, Dwight!
585
00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:27,514
Get in! What's it gonna
be? What are you gonna do?
586
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:29,933
(door slams)
587
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:32,560
What's it gonna be? Are you
gonna do this thing for me?
588
00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:34,020
Dwight?
589
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:35,146
(David knocking)
590
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,357
Hey David, how are you?
591
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,442
Good to see you. Nice surprise.
592
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,069
Yeah.
593
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:43,154
Dwight and I were just having
a very unfortunate conversation.
594
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,073
Huh? That's too bad.
595
00:22:45,115 --> 00:22:46,741
Yes it is. But
it had to be done.
596
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,118
Didn't it?
597
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:50,120
Hopefully, nothing
that can't be undone
598
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:53,081
because Dwight, I
owe you an apology.
599
00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:55,542
The head of Blue
Cross just called.
600
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,961
They were so excited by
the golden ticket discount
601
00:22:58,003 --> 00:22:59,421
that they have decided to make
602
00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:01,923
Dunder Mifflin their
exclusive provider
603
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:03,550
of all office supplies.
604
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,430
Congratulations, Dwight.
605
00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:10,223
Mmm.
606
00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:12,308
David,
607
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,105
you're welcome.
608
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:20,775
(David and Dwight laughing)
609
00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:26,406
Hey everyone. I just, I
wanna make an announcement.
610
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:30,118
We've had a lot of
announcements today,
611
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,078
so people are kind
of desensitized.
612
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,122
All right, well,
hey. Hello everyone.
613
00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:35,915
Hey! Please. Just
one minute, please.
614
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,042
[Dwight] Listen up!
615
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:38,376
Dwight, thank you.
616
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:40,378
I just wanna say that
this golden ticket idea
617
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:42,213
is one of the most brilliant
signs of initiative
618
00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:43,548
I've ever seen at this company.
619
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,467
And how about a big
round of applause
620
00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:47,802
for Mr. Dwight Schrute? (claps)
621
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:50,889
(everyone clapping)
622
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:51,681
All right, Dwight.
623
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,059
This is huge.
624
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:55,935
That's what she said.
625
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,187
(David laughs)
(Creed laughing)
626
00:23:57,228 --> 00:23:59,105
Hey Dwight, great idea.
627
00:23:59,147 --> 00:24:00,899
Dwight, Dwight. Great idea.
628
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:03,818
How'd you come up
with that idea?
629
00:24:05,904 --> 00:24:07,405
- Inspiration.
- Really?
630
00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:08,823
How did, how are you inspired.
631
00:24:08,865 --> 00:24:10,241
You never know when
it's gonna strike.
632
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:11,951
How did it pop into
your head, Dwight?
633
00:24:11,993 --> 00:24:13,161
- Just boom.
- Just gimme
634
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:14,287
the details of
how that happened.
635
00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:15,538
You're talking
about Dwight Schrute.
636
00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:17,040
The biggest Wonka fan I know.
637
00:24:17,082 --> 00:24:18,291
I mean, you've been talking
about that movie for years.
638
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,210
What?
639
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:21,753
You know what?
640
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:22,837
I even made fun of you when
you dressed up as Willy Wonka
641
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:24,339
to pitch this idea.
642
00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:25,173
And for that, I apologize.
643
00:24:25,215 --> 00:24:27,342
Apology rejected.
644
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:29,886
Thanks so much for
helping the company, Dwight.
645
00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:30,929
Oh, Pam.
646
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:32,263
Good work kid.
647
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:33,932
[Dwight] Thanks
old man. (laughs)
648
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,350
This is great. Oh, okay, look.
649
00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:36,601
I wanna get you on the horn
650
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:37,811
with the marketing
people in New York.
651
00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:38,478
They should meet you.
652
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,021
- Yeah.
- Pam,
653
00:24:40,063 --> 00:24:42,273
could you set up a call in there
in about 15 minutes please?
654
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:43,692
Sure.
655
00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:45,318
- David. David.
- 'Cause I have this idea-
656
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,569
- David?
- Yeah.
657
00:24:46,611 --> 00:24:47,904
Could I be part
of the meeting also?
658
00:24:47,946 --> 00:24:49,447
You probably have too
much to do around here.
659
00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:51,533
I don't wanna take up your
time with another meeting.
660
00:24:51,574 --> 00:24:52,826
Yeah. Let's face it.
661
00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:54,285
This meeting sounds like
it's Wonka fans only.
662
00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:55,704
He's never seen the movie.
663
00:24:55,745 --> 00:24:56,955
[David] Never seen the movie?
664
00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:58,206
No.
665
00:24:58,248 --> 00:24:59,791
What? Ah, okay.
666
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:01,960
See the movie, but I think
we're gonna keep it small.
667
00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:03,211
[Dwight] Yeah.
668
00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:04,379
Keeping it small.
669
00:25:04,421 --> 00:25:05,505
(laughs) That's what she said.
670
00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:08,675
(everyone laughing)
671
00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:11,970
[Dwight] All right.
672
00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:13,304
So? How'd it go?
673
00:25:13,346 --> 00:25:15,265
Did you do what I said to do?
674
00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:16,266
Kinda.
675
00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:17,517
Well when the date ended,
676
00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:19,978
did you say, "I'll be in
touch, maybe with you,
677
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:21,980
maybe with all the
other girls I'm dating"?
678
00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:23,023
Yes.
679
00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:23,732
Okay. That's just horrible.
680
00:25:23,773 --> 00:25:24,441
What?
681
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:25,316
No. Okay guys, stop.
682
00:25:25,358 --> 00:25:27,402
Everybody, just stop.
683
00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:30,864
You want me to be a jerk.
You want me to grope her.
684
00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:34,492
And you want me to
be like Tom Cavanagh?
685
00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:37,328
None of this is
remotely helpful.
686
00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:38,997
Wait a minute. Dating advice?
687
00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:39,914
(soda can clicks)
688
00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:41,166
Why didn't you ask me?
689
00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:42,709
I should have.
690
00:25:42,751 --> 00:25:45,837
These guys made me basically
blow my chances with Lynn.
691
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:47,797
Wait. The girl from
the Valentine's party?
692
00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:48,882
[Kevin] Yeah.
693
00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,258
You don't need
dating advice for her.
694
00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:52,552
You just need to be
alive and near her.
695
00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:53,887
You think so?
696
00:25:53,928 --> 00:25:55,680
Yeah. You guys are
an excellent match.
697
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,724
You could almost be
brother and sister.
698
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,144
- Thanks Dwight.
- Okay.
699
00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:10,195
Hey guys. I have
with me Dwight Schrute.
700
00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:11,404
Dwight, take it away.
701
00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:12,614
Okay guys, listen
up. Here's the deal.
702
00:26:12,655 --> 00:26:15,533
I love candy.
Sweet sugary candy.
703
00:26:15,575 --> 00:26:16,951
From the second it
touches my tongue
704
00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:19,371
to the moment it's metabolized
by my stomach acid.
705
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:22,415
So naturally I
liked Willy Wonka.
706
00:26:22,457 --> 00:26:24,584
[Man] Wait, do
you guys hear that?
707
00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:27,921
It's not a dog listening in,
is there? I hear panting.
708
00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:29,964
No, no dogs.
709
00:26:30,006 --> 00:26:33,093
So I love Willy Wonka.
710
00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:37,389
The golden ticket scene
is so inspiring to me that
711
00:26:37,430 --> 00:26:38,932
that's where I came
up with that idea.
712
00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:40,934
There is no movie called
"Willy Wonka".
713
00:26:40,975 --> 00:26:42,519
(door slams)
714
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:43,687
It's called, "Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory".
715
00:26:43,728 --> 00:26:44,771
It's actually based
on a book called,
716
00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:46,147
"Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory".
717
00:26:46,189 --> 00:26:49,234
I can't vouch for
that, but I do know this.
718
00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:51,569
He is a liar. He
has taken my idea.
719
00:26:51,611 --> 00:26:52,779
That is my idea.
720
00:26:52,821 --> 00:26:53,613
We're gonna call
you back guys.
721
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:54,781
What is going on here?
722
00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:56,991
Okay. Here's what
happened, David.
723
00:26:57,033 --> 00:26:58,576
It was all my idea.
724
00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:01,579
You called me and you
were really angry at me
725
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:03,998
and I got scared, so I
had Dwight take the fall,
726
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,418
but now it turns out
that it's a great idea,
727
00:27:06,459 --> 00:27:08,253
and Dwight will not confess.
728
00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:09,504
Can you believe that?
729
00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:11,006
- No, no.
- It is my idea.
730
00:27:11,047 --> 00:27:13,508
- Oh, how dare you.
- It is my idea.
731
00:27:13,550 --> 00:27:15,385
I'm filled with good ideas.
Thousands of good ideas.
732
00:27:15,427 --> 00:27:16,219
- You are?
- Yeah.
733
00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,470
Good ideas, huh?
734
00:27:17,512 --> 00:27:19,097
Hey, did you come up
with toilet buddy?
735
00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:20,598
It's a net, a circular net.
736
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,393
You put inside the toilet
to catch all of your change
737
00:27:23,435 --> 00:27:25,729
and your wallet and
falling into the toilet.
738
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,397
Formally known as toilet guard.
739
00:27:27,439 --> 00:27:28,606
- Horse boat.
- Oh please.
740
00:27:28,648 --> 00:27:30,859
A canoe built
around your horse,
741
00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:32,986
so you can go from
riding to water travel
742
00:27:33,028 --> 00:27:34,195
without slowing down.
743
00:27:34,237 --> 00:27:35,613
- Horse Boat!
- Toilet sponge.
744
00:27:35,655 --> 00:27:36,656
It's a hollowed out sponge-
745
00:27:36,698 --> 00:27:38,158
[Dwight] Give me a break.
746
00:27:38,199 --> 00:27:41,703
that is more absorbent and
softer than toilet paper.
747
00:27:41,745 --> 00:27:44,539
- I have a lot of toilet ideas.
- That's 'cause they're easy.
748
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:45,707
[Michael They're not easy.
749
00:27:45,749 --> 00:27:46,833
- Toilet piano beds.
- Everybody...
750
00:27:46,875 --> 00:27:48,960
- Women's urine.
- Everybody has to go
751
00:27:49,002 --> 00:27:51,046
- to the bathroom!
- Piano to the chain.
752
00:27:51,087 --> 00:27:53,173
Enough. Please, enough.
753
00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:54,799
What, is this true? Dwight?
754
00:27:55,592 --> 00:27:56,718
I mean, is this true?
755
00:27:58,053 --> 00:28:01,139
Yes, it's Michael's
idea that he forced on me
756
00:28:01,181 --> 00:28:02,557
on threat of death.
757
00:28:02,599 --> 00:28:03,516
(hand slams)
758
00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:04,559
Thank you!
759
00:28:05,852 --> 00:28:07,020
I don't know, what do
you want me to do now?
760
00:28:07,062 --> 00:28:09,814
Michael? What am I
supposed to do now?
761
00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:11,649
Well, David, I will
be honest with you.
762
00:28:11,691 --> 00:28:14,527
I do want the credit
without any of the blame.
763
00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:19,282
Okay. I am going
back to New York.
764
00:28:21,493 --> 00:28:23,161
Pam, do me a favor.
765
00:28:23,203 --> 00:28:24,829
Don't send me those notes.
766
00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:25,705
Okay.
767
00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:28,166
I am gone.
768
00:28:30,418 --> 00:28:33,838
(latch rattles)
(door thuds)
769
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,424
When they look back on this
day in the history books,
770
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:40,011
all that will be remembered
is that I had a good idea.
771
00:28:40,053 --> 00:28:42,972
And that's what I'm going
to write down in my diary.
772
00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:44,933
And that is what I want
you to write down in yours.
773
00:28:44,974 --> 00:28:48,103
Oh, I am. In my own words.
774
00:28:49,229 --> 00:28:50,355
- I wanna see it.
- No.
775
00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:51,398
- I wanna see that.
- Oh my god.
776
00:28:51,439 --> 00:28:53,650
- Give the diary.
- No, no!
777
00:28:57,737 --> 00:28:59,197
(Dwight yelling)
778
00:28:59,239 --> 00:29:00,407
[Lynn] Hi.
779
00:29:00,448 --> 00:29:01,991
Lynn.
780
00:29:02,033 --> 00:29:04,411
I'm just gonna say to you
everything that I'm thinking.
781
00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:05,704
Okay.
782
00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:08,081
I think you have
the best smile.
783
00:29:09,582 --> 00:29:12,168
I'd like to take you out
to dinner and a movie.
784
00:29:13,545 --> 00:29:14,337
Okay.
785
00:29:15,505 --> 00:29:16,506
Nice.
786
00:29:16,548 --> 00:29:18,216
(both chuckling)
787
00:29:18,258 --> 00:29:19,050
Boobs.
788
00:29:27,976 --> 00:29:30,687
Well, it's his funeral. So...
789
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:36,026
Ding dong.
790
00:29:36,067 --> 00:29:37,152
Who is it?
791
00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:38,153
KGB.
792
00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:39,487
All right.
793
00:29:39,529 --> 00:29:41,156
I just got outta the
shower. I'll be one second.
794
00:29:41,197 --> 00:29:43,158
When you are
done, open the door.
795
00:29:47,537 --> 00:29:48,955
Hello in there?
796
00:29:48,997 --> 00:29:50,373
Yeah, I'm late for work.
797
00:29:50,415 --> 00:29:52,000
So I have to brush my
teeth. It's a whole routine.
798
00:29:52,042 --> 00:29:54,210
We have other houses to visit.
799
00:29:54,252 --> 00:29:56,379
If you wanna come back,
then that'll be fine.
800
00:29:57,839 --> 00:30:01,843
We will come back
at, how is 4:45.
801
00:30:01,885 --> 00:30:03,470
I get home from
work around six.
802
00:30:05,805 --> 00:30:07,724
How about 5:15?
803
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:11,102
You can try it.
That might work.
804
00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:13,355
Very well, we will
come back at 5:15.
805
00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:14,230
All right.
806
00:30:15,398 --> 00:30:17,942
(bright upbeat music)
56632
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