All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S05E14 Stress Relief Part 1 Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

(pattering footsteps)

(phone rings)
(drawer swishes)

(items clatter)

(door rattles)

(key clicking)

Last week, I gave
a fire safety talk--

(hammer thumps)
(Dwight clears throat)

And nobody paid any attention.

(torch hissing)
It's my own fault

for using PowerPoint.

PowerPoint is boring.

People learn in lots
of different ways,

but experience is
the best teacher.

(torch hisses)
(lighter fluid swishes)

(lighter clicks)

Today, smoking is
gonna save lives.

(fire whooshes)
(crackling)

(can clatters)

(door squeaks)
(clatters)

(phone rings)

Does anyone smell
anything smokey?

Did you bring
your jerky in again?

(Dwight clears
throat, theatrically)

Oh my God, uh, oh my God!

- Fire!
- Oh, fire,

oh my goodness,
what's the procedure?

What do we do, people?

The phones are dead!

Oh, how did that happen?

- It's out in the hall.
- No, we don't know that,

the smoke could be coming
through an air duct.

Oh my God, okay,
it's happening.

- Everybody stay calm.
- What's the procedure,

everyone, what's the procedure?

Stay (bleep) calm!

- Wait wait wait!
- Everybody, just (bleep) calm down!

No, no Michael, no!

Touch the handle, if it's hot,

there could be a
fire in the hallway.

- What does warm mean?
- Oh my Gosh.

(everybody chattering)

Not a viable
option, what next?

(everybody chattering)
Oh, here's a door,

check that one out,
how's the handle?

- It's warm.
- Okay, go to the backdoor.

Well, another option.
(everyone panicking)

- I forgot my purse!
- Leave it, woman!

[Michael] Get out
of the way, go go go!

Things can be
replaced, Phyllis,

people, human
lives, however, can,

(door thuds)
(Oscar muttering)

Ah, my hand, that's hot!

Eh, this one's hot too!

Okay, we're trapped,
everyone for himself!

(everyone panicking)

Have you ever
seen a burn victim?

Okay, procedure, procedure.

Exit options, where
do we go, folks?

Use a what to cover
the mouth, a what?

A rag, a damp rag, perhaps.

Let's remember those procedures.

(everyone panicking)

That's the wrong way,
we've already tried that.

Remember your exit points,
exit points, people--

- Oscar--
- What's next?

- Oscar!
- Huh?

Stay alive, I'm getting help!

Pull me up!

You're too heavy.

I only weight 82 pounds!

(cat meowing)
Save Bandit!

(cat meows)
(crashes)

How about 911, anyone, 911.

(shades rattle)
(chair clattering)

(glass crashes)
(chair clatters)

(Kevin clattering)
(everyone panicking)

What do we do?
(Jim coughing)

Use the surge of
fear and adrenaline

to sharpen your decision-making.

Okay, I am not
dying here, come on.

(firework crackling)
(people coughing)

(firework popping)

[Woman] Oh, what is
that, what is that?

The fire is shooting at us!

What in the name
of God is going on?!

(fire alarm ringing)
(people panicking)

(ceiling crashes)
(people scream)

(alarm ringing)
(people panicking)

(copy machine crashes)
(people panicking)

(alarm ringing)
(equipment crashing)

[Michael] Help!

- Help!
- Oh my God!

(equipment crashing)
(everyone panicking)

(blow horn wails)

Attention!

Employees of Dunder Mifflin,

this has been a test of
our Emergency Preparedness.

There is no fire, it
was only a simulation.

What?

Fire not real, this was
merely a training exercise.

(ceiling clatters)

So, what have we learned?

(alarm ringing)
(Stanley thuds)

Oh come on, it's
not real, Stanley,

- don't have a heart attack.
- Oh no no no no, no no,

you will not die!

Stanley, Stanley,
you will not die!

Stanley, Stanley,
Barack is president!

You are black, Stanley!

I'm gonna give him
mouth to mouth.

No no no, don't give him
mouth to mouth for this.

He's gonna swallow his tongue,
I'm gonna give him mouth--

- Michael--
- Swallow, don't swallow!

(everyone panicking)
I'm fine, leave me alone--

(everyone yelling)

(bright upbeat music)

How could you possibly
think this is a good idea?

A lot of ideas were not
appreciated in their time.

- Electricity.
- Shampoo.

You could have burned
down the whole building.

David, you seem agitated.

How about some water?

Kenley, wanna get
him some water?

I'll take one too, thanks.

I just wanna say for the
record, I did not kill anyone.

Stanley was attacked
by his own heart

and he should be released
from the hospital

and back in the office
in a couple days.

Did you shout,
"Fire," causing a panic?

Yes, I shouted, "Fire,"
I shouted many things.

I also shouted instructions

on how to get out
of the building.

So you can imagine my
frustration, as safety officer,

when nobody would
heed of, heeded of--

Head, head, headed--

- When no one headed--
- Take headed of--

When no one would take
headed of my instructions--

- Heed.
- So--

- Heed, take heed of--
- I don't see my co-workers--

- Take heed of.
- Heeding this, right now.

Wait, what?

(knocks table) Okay.

(Michael sighs)

(sighs) This city.

Dwight,

we are not mad, we
are just disappointed.

No, we are mad.

Yes, we are, we are livid,

but we are going to
let this one slide--

- Thank you.
- No, we're not.

I am not a mind reader, David.

Look, this is a
very serious offense.

We have cause to fire you.

(whispers) Can you shove down?

Instead,

shove down please.

Instead, what I
think we should do

is strip you of your
title of Safety Officer.

- No.
- And we should take a part

of his pay and donate it to
the charity of your choice,

something that
Dwight doesn't like.

PETA.

Not enough.

And the CR Club.

That's better.

Michael, you have to
take responsibility here.

One of your employees
had a heart attack.

He could have died
because of the way

you're allowing
your office to run.

Do you want that
on your conscience?

Do you?

- Michael?
- You're talking to me?

[David] Yeah.

What?

Well, guess we papered
over that pretty nicely.

(chuckles) It always amuses me

when corporate thinks they
can make some big change

with a 20 minutes meeting
and some fancy high rise.

What's the matter, you hungry?

(sighs) No Dwight,
I am worried.

Man's life is in my hands.

Don't you worry about
that, I got it covered, okay?

I am planning a bomb scare

that should really
get the blood pumping.

That's not gonna happen.

I'm taking over as safety man.

What, you?

- Yes.
- Come on.

- I'm a smart guy.
- That's preposterous,

- no.
- No, I will.

Nobody should have to
go to work, thinking,

"Oh, this is the place
that I might die today."

That's what a hospital is for.

An office is for not dying.

An office is a place to
live life to the fullest,

to the max, to,

an office is a place
where dreams come true.

Shh,

don't excite him,

don't make him excitable.

Welcome back, Stanley.

Thank you, Michael.

It's true, around this
office, in the past,

I have been a little
abrupt with people.

Not maybe, yes or no.

No way, uh uh, are you
from another planet?

Boy, have you lost your mind,
'cause I'll help you find it.

Did I stutter?

I'm done, goodbye.

But the doctor said if
I can't find a new way

to relate more positively
to my surroundings,

I'm going to die.

Well Stanley, we
have turned this office

into an intensive care unit.

You have no idea how
intensively we care.

And today, your only
job is to get better.

(Angela clears throat)

Oh, and also,

expense reports are
apparently due from last week.

So, if you wanna be reimbursed.

Welcome back.

Welcome back, Stanley.

Nice and gentle.

- Hi Stanley.
- Hi Phyllis, it's--

(muffled grunting)

Come on, you're
crushing his heart.

You're gonna kill him,
you're gonna kill him.

Andy.

A throne for Your Highness.

I'm not sitting
in a wheelchair.

No no no, no debate,

you are going to sit
in that wheelchair

until you are back on your feet.

I want to die.

So Stanley Dog,
I have made for you

a mix of all my favorite
Indi songs, sung by me.

That is lovely.

Wait'll you hear it.

Welcome back.

Hey Stanley,

let me know when you need
to go to the bathroom.

What?

Michael made me
your bathroom buddy

so that you don't have
a heart attack on the,

the, like, crapper.

I can go to the
bathroom by myself.

Oh well, great, right?

Well then maybe I'll
just go with you

so we can talk about stuff.

Thank you, Kevin.

Are you gonna smile all day?

Mmhmm.

Everyone is being
so nice to me.

So why do I find it so annoying?

I've known Stanley
for a very long time now

and when he was at the
hospital, it was hard for me.

His heavy breathing
is comforting,

like the sound of the ocean.

Stanley,

I have a big surprise for you.

Michael, I don't
think surprises

are what Stanley
needs right now.

It's okay, what's
the surprise, Michael?

I have for you a
portable defibrillator.

Shocking, huh?

You should be very careful
with that defibrillator.

It is a dif-rib-u-lator,
I watch ER.

Well, according to the
Oxford English Dictionary,

the preferable pronunciation
is de-bif-ro-later.

Actually, it's
de-frib-u-lator, D-E-F-I-B,

I came in 17th in the Script's
National Spelling Bee.

I got out on the word wizzywig,

and then I gained 40 pounds.

I am the defibrillator.

It's defibrillator.

I'll be Barack.

Obama joke, racism is dead.

Okay so, how do we, okay,
we turn it on like that.

You don't wanna--

See, oh, here we go--

(people protesting)
here we go.

Who's my first victim?

Oh, clear!

It's very dangerous.
(Michael laughs)

That's very dangerous,
that's a lot of voltage--

Oh, a lot of voltage, a lot
of voltage, a laaa, (laughs)

oh, oh, oh, ha. (laughs)

Michael is totally unsuited
to be safety officer.

During Stanley's heart attack,

he sat on his chest and
shoved things in his mouth.

We'll probably lose
one employee a month.

(laughing) I cannot wait
to shake somebody's hand

and dif-ri-du-late
them. (laughs)

I even have a catch phrase,

you've been
dif-ri-du-lated. (laughing)

- Hey Toby.
- Hey.

- Put her there.
- What?

Put her there.

Let's just let
bygones be bygones.

Why are you smiling,
laughing weird?

I'm just excited
about shake, be friends.

Okay.

What was that?

Oh come on.

A-B-C, okay?

And that stands for airway,
breathing and circulation.

Okay, you know what,

that could be a little
confusing because in sales,

A-B-C means always be closing.

Well, try not to close a
sale when administering CPR.

- (group chuckles)
- Okay well, Rose is it?

This is serious and you're

sort of making a mockery of it.

We almost lost one
of our employees

and I feel like you're
being a little jerky

and a little condescending
and sort of a tool.

Okay, I'm here to do a job

and you cannot talk
to me that way.

Well, honestly, the only
reason that you are here, Rose,

is because I couldn't
get a CPR dummy.

So if you wanna wander
around for an hour, that's--

This is a farce.

I should be teaching
this course.

Shut it, shut it.

We found ourselves on the
less prepared side of things

when Stanley had his, when
his heart went berserk.

And I knew exactly what to do,

but in a much more real sense,
I had no idea what to do.

So I thought we should
have a CPR training class

and, of course, you can't
get the practice dummy

unless the instructor
comes along with it,

Red Cross and their racket,

I tried practicing on
a ventriloquist dummy,

but the smile weirded me out,

like, you've had a heart
attack, why the smile?

Rose, I am sorry.

It is just that Stanley
Hudson here almost died.

We almost lost him
and we need you

to take this very seriously.

I am taking this seriously.

Okay, well then no
more jokes, please.

Anyway, the first
thing you need to do

is assess the situation.

You can ask, "Are you okay?"

(laughs) Really?

He's had a heart attack

and you're gonna
make idle chit chat?

Are you even certified?

[Michael] Shut
it, Dwight, okay.

(Kevin breathing heavy)
(dummy thumping)

I can't keep
doing this forever.

It's been 20 seconds.

Call it.

Would you like to try next?

Absolutely I would not.

How about you,
try to resuscitate.

I will not put my
mouth on that dummy.

Who knows who else's
mouth has been on it.

Angela, if someone
were really dying,

you'd have to touch them
with all their germs.

Of course.

You know who I
really think should go?

Stanley.

Oh, I don't know.

It's not a good idea,
Michael, he needs to rest.

No rest for the sick.

We are not always
going to be there

to coddle your heart back

when it disappears
to be working.

What are you gonna do
if you're by yourself

and your heart stops?

I would die.

And you're okay with that?

I'm okay with the logic of it.

Uh uh, no no no,
come on, get up.

Let's do this.

Yes, I had a heart attack.

I would quit, but I'm too
old to find another job,

and I don't have
enough saved to retire.

I feel like I'm working
at my own casket.

Come on, Stanley, you're
losing you, you're losing you!

- Do it!
- Michael--

[Michael] This is you
we're talking about.

- Michael.
- Okay, okay,

I'll show them.

Here we go, there
we go, Stanley.

- All right.
- So, assessing the situation,

are they breathing?

No, Rose, they
are not breathing,

and they have no arms or legs.

No, that's not part of it.

Where are they?

You know what,

if we come across somebody
with no arms or legs,

do we bother resuscitating them?

I mean, what kind of quality
of life do we have there?

I would wanna
live with no legs.

How about no arms?

No arms or legs is basically
how you exist right now, Kevin.

You don't do anything.

Here's another question,
was he born this way,

with no arms or legs,
or, were they blown off?

If that's the case,

should we use a tourniquet
to tie off the bloody stumps?

Okay, we're not gonna be
covering tourniquets today

just because that rarely
happens in an office place.

Not covering tourniquets?

That should be the
first thing we cover.

Otherwise the blood will just
go oozing out of the stumps.

I think Dwight is right.

Okay, this is the scenario,
this is a battlefield

and there are bodies
all over the place

and some have had heart attacks

and other people
are just resting.

So I think, in that case,
to go up to someone and say,

"Are you okay," that
makes sense to me.

Okay, for the
sake of argument,

we are now at a battlefield

and I think it's
okay to ask somebody,

if that's okay,
even in an office,

and now who would
like to come up and--

I would, you know what,
I'm already here, I'll do it.

[Rose] Okay.

So I'm walking
across the battlefield,

there's someone,
do they, are they

are they a heart attack
victim or are they resting?

Are you okay?

Oh my God, your arms and
legs have been blown off!

All right, well
let's get back to it

'cause you're losing him.

Okay, too fast.

Everyone, we need to pump at a
pace of 100 beats per minute.

Okay, that's
hard to keep track.

How many is that per hour?

How is that gonna help you?

I will divide and
then count to it.

Right.

Okay well,

a good trick is to pump to
the tune of "Staying Alive,"

by the Bee Gees.

Do you know that song?

Yes yes, I do,
I love that song.

(clears throat)
♪ First I was afraid ♪

♪ I was petrified ♪

No, it's,

♪ Ah ah ah ah, staying
alive, staying alive-- ♪

- Okay, yeah--
- You were

in the parking lot earlier,
that's how I know know you.

♪ Ah ah ah ah, staying
alive, staying alive ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah, staying
alive, staying alive ♪

♪ You can tell by the
way I use my walk ♪

♪ I'm a woman's man,
no time to talk ♪

♪ (mutters) women wore blue,
kicked around since I was born ♪

♪ We're so right, it's okay ♪

♪ You can look the other way ♪

(Andy sings nonsensical lyrics)

(groups singing
nonsensical lyrics)

Okay, you didn't maintain
100 beats per minute

and the ambulance didn't arrive

because nobody called 911.

So you lost him.

- Hm.
- Okay, he's dead.

(claps hands) Anyone
know what we do next?

Anybody?

Rose?

I have no idea.

- Anyone else?
- We bury him.

Wrong, (honks) check
for an organ donor card.

If he has one, we only
have minutes to harvest.

He has no wallet, I checked.

He is an organ donor.

- He is.
- Yeah.

Give me some ice in
a styrofoam bucket.

Here we go. (grunts)

(group protesting)

- What are you doing?
- We search for the organs.

Where's the heart,
the precious heart?

I'm not feeling well,
I need to sit down.

(group muttering support)

Are you okay?

(Dwight ticking like a madman)

- Oh my God!
- Why would you?

- Dwight!
- Clarice.

- (group expressing disgust)
- Oh my God.

Tell me why you had to
cut the face off the dummy.

I didn't think it was
very realistic in the movie,

and it turns out,
it's pretty realistic.

We had to pay for it.

It cost us 35 hundred dollars.

- $5,300 for a dummy?
- Wow.

Okay, look,

David, this is why
we have training.

We start with the dummy

and we learn from our mistakes

and now Dwight knows not to
cut the face off a real person.

(microwave clanking)
(popcorn kernels rattle)

(door clatters)

Hope you brought your
appetitos, ma' lady, ma' Tuna.

Little movie popcorn.

(kernels tinkling)

Eh, damn it.

This movie, a lot of buzz,

not coming out for
another six months.

"Mrs. Albert Hanaday."

So, friendship with the
Nard-dog has its privileges.

We don't normally
download films illegally

because we're honest,
hardworking people.

And we don't know how.

But Andy does, so we
have to watch it with him.

Punishment fits the crime.

I want you to meet my nana.

- Nana?
- Mmhmm.

This is Sam.

Hi, nice to meet
you, Mrs. Hanaday.

Please, call me Lily. (laughs)

(upbeat, pop music)

Let's play bridge.

You can be my partner.

All right, Lily.

♪ What I want, you've got, and
it might be hard to handle ♪

♪ But like a flame
that burns the candle ♪

(phone ringing)
♪ The candle feeds the flame ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, what
I've got, full stock ♪

What's going on?

Uh, no one really knows,

but Pam's parents
are going through

a little bit of a rough
patch in their marriage

and she's trying to
put on a brave face,

but I know she's upset.

So, I am trying to distract her
by watching a movie at work.

And if it means that I have
to watch the movie too,

well, eh, that's the price
of not doing business.

My dad spent the night
at our place last night.

My parents have been fighting
for weeks and it kinds sucks.

Jim's been great.

But I'm gonna need
to buy my dad a robe.

He's not saying what
he needs to say.

Hm?

Who, Jack Black?

Yeah.

I mean, they just need
to communicate, you know?

If they said to each other

what they're saying to
every one else, then--

♪ Good thinks come and go ♪

Hm.

Jim and Pam are
like movie geniuses.

They're catching things that
are totally going over my head.

Hi everyone.

Corporate has given
Dwight two strikes.

They are very, very
upset with him.

First, for almost
murdering Stanley,

and then for the psychopath
thing with the face.

Stanley, how are you feeling?

I'm a little cold.

Phyllis, give
him your sweater.

So, as a disciplinary measure,

he is going to have to
issue a formal apology.

Dwight, have you prepared
your Statement of Regret?

I have.

Let's hear it.

(paper rustles)
(Dwight clears throat)

I state my regret.
(paper rustles)

You couldn't have
memorized that?

I could not because
I did not feel it.

Okay everyone,

I am gonna need you to sign
this Statement of Regret

as an acknowledgment
that you heard it.

Okay, everyone come on up
here, it's not a big deal.

It is a big deal. You almost
killed Stanley.

Yeah right, I filled him
full of butter and sugar

for 50 years and forced
him not to exercise.

Now take a lesson from Stanley

and jog on up here
and sign this, okay?

Make a line.

Form a line right here.

(gasps) Oh my God!

Oh my God.

Stanley,

Stanley!

Stanley!
(Stanley screams)

- Oh my God!
- Damn it, Michael.

- Oh.
- I was sleeping.

Oh, wow. (laughs)

Wow,

wow, you look like you're
dead when you sleep.

Oh. (laughs)

Okay, wow.

Oh, (chuckling) glad to
have you back. (laughs)

Okay.

Okay, we're all right.

We're all right.

Woo!

(phone rings)

Hi dad.

Yeah, Jim has shaving cream.

Check our bathroom.

[Jack Black] Lily?

I'm in here.

I uh, I'm sorry, I didn't uh,

realize you were in the bath.

Do you want me to go?

I want you to stay.

(gentle, piano music)

♪ When the road gets dark ♪

Oh boy.

Oh man.

You know, Lily was supposed
to be Nicole Kidman,

um, and it was gonna be
Sophie's mom, not grandmother,

but then Nicole
Kidman dropped out

so they went with Doris
Leachman, with a small rewrite.

Let's get your hand,
get that in there.

- (Doris mutters)
- Oh yeah.

I know, but if I get it deeper--

What is?

[Jack Black] Oops, okay.

He was pretty
talkative at breakfast.

(Andy muttering)

At breakfast?

You mean when they
were eating soup?

I don't think that
was breakfast.

Unless soup, does soup
symbolize breakfast?

So he doesn't share
it with his daughter,

but he shares with
his daughter's fiance.

Okay you guys,
they're making out.

I take film extremely seriously.

I have over 3,000 films
in my Netflix queue.

How many does Martin
Scorsese have?

I bet it's not 3,000.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Um, did my dad say
anything about my mom?

Mm, nope, we mostly
just talked about cereal.

What?

I don't know, I mean,

maybe he'll talk to you
about some of that stuff,

'cause he can't really
talk to me about it.

- Mm.
- You're good to talk to.

(chuckles) I'm okay,
I'm not great, and um,

What?

If I work from home,
I'll be just as efficient.

I can make my calls,
I'll work online,

just to keep my
blood pressure down.

But then you'd be at home.

Yeah, but Michael,

I can email my orders
right into the warehouse.

I don't care
about stupid work,

this is where I see you, here.

- I'm--
- it is not good for my heart.

This place is
extremely stressful.

Well, home can be stressful.

You know, your family
and your daughter,

she's a weirdo and
all of her friends--

But not like this.

I'll make you a deal.

I promise I will
make this office

the least stressful
place you have ever been.

(sighs) Okay everybody,

Stanley has informed me

that he would like
to work at home.

That's how screwed
up his heart is.

This man is holding
on by a thread.

So I thought we
should get together

and we should discuss ways

to make the office
less stressful for him.

So what are the main reasons
for stress in this office?

Too much work.

[Michael] Good, more.

Baseball?

Good, yes.

Why?

I don't know,
that makes no sense.

Why did you say, "Good?"

Uh, office politics.

- Yes, yes--
- Can be stressful.

Yes, we should not discuss
politics here in the office.

We'll be like a polling place.

Medical conditions
can be very stressful.

That is not helpful.

That's like saying
stress is stressful.

Anxiety.

Good, yes.

I like to walk.

I like to bake.

You like to eat, baking
is just a preamble.

We could reduce stress
with better planning

and a slightly
smaller department.

We could squeeze stress balls.

[Group] That's what she said.

Amazing.

Okay, to sum up,

we have

(whispers) Stanley,

any of those helpful?

Okay, I will take
that as a maybe.

I am going to look on Wikipedia,

find some more ideas,
and we'll be back in 10.

When slaughtering pigs,

it is advisable to slaughter
the biggest pig first,

when you have the most energy.

Everything you need
to know in life

can be learned in
the slaughterhouse.

Stanley,

have you lost weight?

Listen, I know

that we had a little
misunderstanding earlier--

You almost killed him.

Trust me, if I wanted
him dead, he'd be dead.

Anyways, I think
we can both admit

that neither of us
acted admirably,

and I'm sure we
both regret that.

So, consider yourself
apologized to.

Please sign here.

- Stanley--
- It's okay, Phyllis.

They say letting go of your
anger is good for your heart.

So signing that stupid form

just bought me
this wheel of Brie.

I'm not signing.

What is your attitude?

I didn't do anything to you.

I don't believe
that you're sorry.

Correct.

And I don't think you have
any intentions of changing.

We're getting off topic,

should I come back when
you're less hysterical?

What?

♪ Om ♪

♪ Om, everybody sit on the
floor Indian style like me ♪

♪ Om my God ♪

♪ If you're wearing
a dress, please keep your knees together ♪

♪ Nobody wants to see that, om ♪

♪ Om ♪

My goal is to make this office

as peaceful a place for
Stanley Hudson as I can,

and I think sounds have
a lot to do with that.

Here are some downloaded,
peaceful sounds.

(gentle, meditative music)

That one makes me
think of death.

It's kind of nice.

♪ Om ♪

- ♪ Om *
- You look really nice today.

Hey, in exchange for your
signature on this petition,

I'll make love to
you like I used to do

or you can make love
to me, if you'd like.

Welcome to the Michael Scott,

daily Wash Your
Stress Away Seminar.

Did you say, "Daily?"

Yes, we will be doing
this daily, if necessary,

for the health and well being
of our friend, Stanley.

You people have put him
through an awful lot of stress

and not to divulge any
private, medical records,

but he is at the brink of death.

So I want you all
to close your eyes,

and I want you to
relax your feet,

and relax your knees,
relax your elbows,

relax your ears--
(phone rings)

Breath through the pours--

Oh wow, the Albany
branch is closing.

(everyone responding)

Dwight, Dwight, you know what?

I had everybody relaxed and,

okay, all right, I
want everybody's cell phones right now.

Throw 'em in the bucket.

(phones patter)
Throw 'em in the bucket.

- Do I have to--
- Eh eh eh eh, come on.

Let's go.
(phones clatter)

Here we go.
(phones clattering)

(bag rustling)

Like kittens into a river.

It is a beautiful, sunny day,

as we walk through the meadow,

that is very
spiritual and relaxing

and there are flowers and
it is sunny and beautiful.

Now, up ahead, a
castle, in the distance.

Don't open your eyes.

What?

- Oh.
- And you walk up

toward the castle, and inside
the castle are four men,

and each of them, none
of them have shoes,

and they give you
a funny cigarette,

and you feel even more relaxed.

And then you want ice cream,

you want a big
bowl of ice cream.

So what kind of ice
cream do you want?

Yell it out.

Chunky Monkey.

Too expensive.

Chocolate.

Racism is dead, Stanley.

You can have any kind
of ice cream you want.

What do you want?

(rhythmic beeping)
What is that?

People, please, I told you to
get rid of the cell phones.

(phones buzzing)

(phones clatter)

It's my biofeedback machine.

Oh, okay.

What is that, like a video game?

It alerts me when my
stress level goes up,

so I can try to calm down.

You have stress?

Yes.

During our
relaxation exercise?

[Phyllis] Let me
get you some water.

[Michael] No, no,
I'll help ya up.

I'll help you up, here
we go, here we go.

No, Michael, would
you step back, please.

Okay, all right.

Please, a little further.

[Michael] Okay.

- (machine beeping)
- That's better.

(Stanley sighs)

(machine beeping)

Okay.

I think that thing
is on the fritz.

Ah, Oscar, would you reach
over and touch his thing?

That's what he said.

Right guys, 'cause of gay?

Let's give this a shot.

Hello--
(machine beeping)

Michael, I think you're
what's stressing everybody out.

(machine beeping)

So, it wasn't
Dwight after all.

Looks like I am the killer.

You never expect that
you're the killer.

It's a great twist, great twist.

(phone rings)

Oh my God. (laughs)

(bright upbeat music)