All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S04E16 Did I Stutter Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,385 Everybody? 2 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,887 Everybody, listen up, I need your ideas now. 3 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,180 Ideas please, right now. 4 00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:15,807 Go, go, come on. 5 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,142 Michael, we don't know what you're talking about. 6 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,644 Wet cement outside, it's drying fast come on. 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,146 This is a lifelong dream. 8 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,939 What do I write? What do I write? 9 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,649 Michael, you can put your initials in it. 10 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,817 M-G-S, no. 11 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,696 Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik 12 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,281 will claim credit for it, don't know... 13 00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:32,407 That is true. 14 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,324 Once a lifetime opportunity people. 15 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,409 Come on here we go. 16 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:35,201 - [Phyllis] Well but- - Here we go. 17 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,453 - Well- - [Michael] Yes? 18 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:37,829 When I was a little girl. 19 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,205 [Michael] Okay. 20 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,081 (Phyllis giggles) 21 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:40,915 Okay, tell us. 22 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:41,958 Go on great, let's hear it. 23 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,335 We found some wet cement 24 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,003 - It's drying, it's drying, - in the park 25 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,212 at our neighborhood and... 26 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:47,255 All right! 27 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,798 - Come on Phyll! - What did we write? 28 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:49,632 (Michael shouting) 29 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:50,675 Come on! 30 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,718 Here it is, you draw a picture. 31 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,677 No. 32 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,762 - Cause that's says- - No! 33 00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:54,512 That says so much more than words. 34 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:55,555 - No! - The picture. 35 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,306 Come on, give me something good! 36 00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:57,640 Okay, I was watching E! 37 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,267 and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater 38 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,186 and oh my God, he looked so good. 39 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,270 Pam translate? 40 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,355 She's talking about the hand prints 41 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,647 that celebrities make in the cement. 42 00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,024 I love it! 43 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,317 If you were a real star you'd put your face in it. 44 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,360 I love it more! 45 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,861 Michael that doesn't seem safe. 46 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:11,988 I love it! 47 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,617 - Come on, lets go. - [Dwight] Come on! 48 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,203 (Dwight laughing) (running) 49 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,373 We are here today not to immortalize a man 50 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:22,248 but an idea. 51 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,626 Maybe the idea of a man, 52 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,002 Hurry please. 53 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,254 Greatness is only skin deep some people say- 54 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:29,547 - Can you breathe? - Well that's not true. 55 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,674 Other people believe it's deeper outside. 56 00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,549 Hold your breath. 57 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,509 - In this case- - Ready? 58 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,220 - That's also not true. - And, 59 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,096 Go. 60 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,931 Force in as deep as you can. 61 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,724 (mumbling) That's what she said. 62 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,143 Today's a very special day for me, 63 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,603 and it's really not about me 64 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:47,273 it's about my grandkids, it's about my great grandkids. 65 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:50,068 I can come back here when I'm 100 66 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,780 and I can find that piece of cement and say, 67 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,073 "That's me. 68 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,951 "Look kids, your daddy left that face hole." 69 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,954 I don't know, it's a good feeling. 70 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,916 Whoa! 71 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,585 (trash can falling) (Meredith sighs) 72 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:11,131 Upbeat theme song 73 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,400 Okay. 74 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,276 Adjective. 75 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,279 Tall. 76 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,238 No, no. 77 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,698 Nice. 78 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:37,782 Good one. 79 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,742 Okay. 80 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:39,617 You ready? 81 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:40,952 {\an8}Mm-hmm. 82 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,040 {\an8}The tall man entered the nice building 83 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:49,878 {\an8}to visit a very nice man. 84 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,088 {\an8}Sit down Mr. Smith, 85 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:56,301 {\an8}could I interest you in any good cat food? 86 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,177 {\an8}(Angela laughs) 87 00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,138 {\an8}It's a man eating cat food. 88 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,307 {\an8}How about a cat eating man food? 89 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,017 {\an8}(Andy meows) 90 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,103 {\an8}(Andy pretend-chewing) 91 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,689 {\an8}This hamburger's delicious. 92 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,982 {\an8}(Angela laughs) 93 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,651 {\an8}A cat eating a hamburger sandwich? 94 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:14,611 That's impossible. 95 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,112 I know. 96 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,864 Where do you think of these things? 97 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,199 Honestly, I don't know. 98 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,326 {\an8}Andy and Andrew seem very happy. 99 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,536 {\an8}I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them. 100 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:35,799 {\an8}Yeah, I slept over at a friend's house and 101 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,176 {\an8}I forgot my contact solution so, 102 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,053 {\an8}I had to wear my backup glasses. 103 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,807 {\an8}Shut up. 104 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,684 {\an8}Alright, everybody. 105 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,519 Oh my God, Pam. 106 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,063 Those make you look so ugly. 107 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:53,108 {\an8}Pam, in order to get hotter, you take glasses off. 108 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,110 {\an8}You're moving in the wrong direction. 109 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,444 I don't have my contacts. 110 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,905 (babbling) I can't even hear you. 111 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:02,117 It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. 112 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,285 Everybody, we're going to have a little, 113 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,746 a brainstorming session in the conference room. 114 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,457 Energize. 115 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,251 You know what would energizes me? 116 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,713 If you Pamela Morgan Beesly- 117 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,006 - Don't you dare. - Would take- 118 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,632 If you propose to me during the micro meeting, 119 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,883 I will say, no. 120 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,969 Well, it's too late because I'm proposing 121 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,470 that you get me a cup of coffee, 122 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,222 which would energize me and greatly 123 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,765 and make me the happiest man in the world. 124 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,143 Everybody, so how are we going to 125 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,478 energize our office? 126 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,189 I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. 127 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,735 Pam clearly has just given up trying. 128 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:37,569 Pam stand up. 129 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:41,906 Hi everyone. 130 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,242 My name is Pam and I wear glasses. 131 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,035 Hi Pam. 132 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,036 Pretty disgusting. 133 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:46,995 So what we need to do (Jim claps) 134 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,204 is we need to get things going. 135 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,581 We need to get percolating a little bit. 136 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,584 Anybody have any ideas what we could do? 137 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,835 Any suggestions? 138 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,920 Oscar start us off, what do we got? 139 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:56,838 I don't know. 140 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,423 Every idea is a good idea. 141 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,091 A new color scheme for the entire office. 142 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,052 Bad idea, I mean, 143 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,346 no, you know what? 144 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,306 That's a good idea but it would be bad if we did it. 145 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,182 Yes, Andy. 146 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,183 We've changed our 147 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,977 outgoing answering machine message. 148 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,771 So it just had a little more 149 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,898 zing and a little more pep. 150 00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,232 Zing and pep. 151 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,484 See those are the kinds of words we're looking for. 152 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,902 Yes, Jim? 153 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,237 What about it we did an even newer voicemail message 154 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,198 that had even more zing and pep. 155 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,491 Now we're cooking. 156 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,700 I like this. 157 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,827 Maybe a whole theme, like a rap, a rap rhyme. 158 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,120 An urban thing. 159 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,831 Yeah Stanley, you wanna help us out with that? 160 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,416 Stanley, earth to Stanley. 161 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,125 Not me. 162 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:34,959 Yes, you. 163 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,169 Come on, Stanley. 164 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,588 Put your little game down and join the group. 165 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,464 No. 166 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,840 Stanley, 167 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,133 Leave me alone, damn it. 168 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,760 we're having a brainstorm session. 169 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,178 Did I stutter? 170 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,604 Good, this is good, I'm going to grab a glass of water. 171 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,488 It looks like somebody's got a case of man-apause. 172 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,700 It's like menopause, but for men. 173 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,285 What? 174 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,704 Then I could just say menopause. 175 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,123 Wait... 176 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,207 you know what I mean? 177 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,501 Michael versus Stanley. 178 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,794 Oh please. 179 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,671 The only battle worth watching in this office 180 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,047 is me versus me. 181 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,091 Oh, that'd be a good one. 182 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,551 Evenly matched. 183 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,512 But I can take on anyone, even myself. 184 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,555 (sighs) 185 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,390 We would fight, it would be intense. 186 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,727 But in the end there'd only be one winner, 187 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:34,561 Dwight Schrute. 188 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,563 The loser? 189 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:53,371 (Stanley coughs) 190 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,127 Can I talk to you a second? 191 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,588 (groans) What? 192 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,507 I really think that you need to address 193 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,260 what happened with Stanley this morning. 194 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,511 What are you blabbering about? 195 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,846 Nothing happened. 196 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,891 Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate. 197 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,142 That in the conference room? 198 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,477 [Toby] Yeah. 199 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,146 We were Josh and around the two of us 200 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,065 and he said, "Did I stutter?" 201 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,984 And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what dog? 202 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,570 He was joking, Toby alright? 203 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,031 He didn't seem like he was joking. 204 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,784 Well, you don't get it because Stanley is a beautiful, 205 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,119 sassy, powerful black man. 206 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,372 And you're you. 207 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,041 If you had any friends you would understand 208 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,584 friends joke with one another. 209 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,836 "Hey, you're poor." 210 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,047 "Well, hey, your mama's dead." 211 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,174 That's what friends do. 212 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,092 It's... 213 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,927 you're so white. 214 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,804 By talking back to me, 215 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,264 Stanley was really saying 216 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,809 you're not paying attention to me, dad. 217 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,227 I want to act out. 218 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,770 I understand this because 219 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,231 that's exactly what I did when I was a kid. 220 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,608 Did it make my dad leave? 221 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,693 Maybe. 222 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,320 But Stanley can never make me leave 223 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,280 because I have a contract. 224 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,782 Alright. 225 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:15,704 Well, if you really believe that Stanley was joking, 226 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,206 why don't we go ask him them? 227 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,499 Okay I will. 228 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,335 I'm not feeling very well right now though. 229 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,380 My stomach hurts so I may be going home early today, but... 230 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,757 You know Michael, 231 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,259 sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts 232 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,760 when there's a mean girl at school. 233 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,012 Well, sometimes 234 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,432 my stomach hurts when you come into my office. 235 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,351 So it's probably psychological. 236 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:41,229 (phone ringing) 237 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,692 Stanley is one of my oldest friends in this office. 238 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:49,404 He outweighs me by a hundred pounds. 239 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:53,324 He's the type of friend that I could not see for 50 years 240 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,368 and the second I saw him, 241 00:08:55,410 --> 00:09:00,373 I could make an insult about his mama and he would laugh 242 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,834 and I would laugh, 243 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,755 and I'd say, "You're one of my oldest friends." 244 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,341 And I think he gets choked up inside 245 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,010 because he'd want to say, 246 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,012 "Hey, Michael, I love you, man. 247 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,889 "You're one of my oldest friends. 248 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:19,100 "And did you hear Jim died?" 249 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:19,976 And I'd be like, "What? 250 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,353 "How?" 251 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:25,690 "Of a broken heart because did you hear Pam died?" 252 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,193 That's the kind of friends we are. 253 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:32,405 50 years from now, we'll still be talking about this office. 254 00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,157 We'll still be laughing. 255 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,575 We'll still be crying. 256 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,578 We'll still be enjoying 257 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:44,125 and not enjoying all of the things that happened here 258 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,335 and all the deaths. 259 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:49,881 It's nice. 260 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,385 I like your frames. 261 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,804 Thanks Phyllis, yours too. 262 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,888 I'm already married. 263 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,850 Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. 264 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,730 Ignore her those glasses are so cool. 265 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,191 Really? 266 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,651 Yeah, you look like Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey or someone. 267 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,736 You should definitely wear them all the time. 268 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,404 Oh. 269 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,571 Maybe I will. 270 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,451 Guess who just became the cutest girl in the office? 271 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,707 You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra 272 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,292 because you pull up to a stoplight and look over 273 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,211 and there's an Xterra next to you, 274 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,255 they're always driven by chicks. 275 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,090 So there's your icebreaker. 276 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,633 (kicks) 277 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:34,926 Scratch. 278 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,928 That's a racing stripe. 279 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,388 Bumper sagging. 280 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,514 I doubt that very much. 281 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,890 (side windows flapping) 282 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,936 Very astute of you, the mirrors are hinge jointed. 283 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,854 Yeah, I know. 284 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:46,938 I'm not an okie off the street. 285 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,815 I know how mirrors work. 286 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,233 Well, I'm just saying. 287 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,985 She's a very good in a crash. 288 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,237 I've been in four major accidents, no injuries, 289 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,822 at least to my body. 290 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,658 Alright, start her up. 291 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,493 Let's see what you got under here. 292 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:05,749 Yeah well, 350 CCs of screaming power. 293 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,460 Pos-attraction belt drive, turbo. 294 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,961 Four on the floor, three on the tree. 295 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,796 That doesn't make any sense. 296 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,631 I'm gonna be honest with you Dwight. 297 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,760 I don't know diddly about cars. 298 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,762 Well thank you for telling me that. 299 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:22,182 I will try and forget it when I negotiate with you. 300 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,516 That's very decent of you. 301 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:24,809 This car is crap. 302 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,853 I will buy it for next to nothing. 303 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:27,729 How next to? 304 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,189 Well, here are your options. 305 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,232 You can sell it for parts, 306 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,068 drive it off a cliff. 307 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,527 You can donate it 308 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,321 to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, 309 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,782 or you can sell it to me 310 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,159 and I'll use it as I would have wagon on my farm. 311 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,660 It'll be towed by a donkey. 312 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,329 I have to pick one of those? 313 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,497 Yes. 314 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,414 Can you go over those options again? 315 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:47,665 Yeah you know what? 316 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,418 You knock $1,500 off the price right now 317 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,128 and I will take it off your hands. 318 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,004 It's gotta be now. 319 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:53,880 Well, I have- 320 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,006 Seal the deal. 321 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:55,674 - The Blue Book Value's - Let's do it. 322 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,966 Let's do this thing. 323 00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,968 Three, two, one. 324 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,930 - Can I think about it? - Five, four, three two, now. 325 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:02,847 Now! 326 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:03,848 Now, say it, 327 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,891 do it now. 328 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,059 Do it now. 329 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:06,976 Do it. 330 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:07,769 Shake my hand. 331 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:08,520 You will sell me this car. 332 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,396 Shake my hand. 333 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,188 Yeah! 334 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,398 Alright. 335 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,656 I was just checking the weather. 336 00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:25,370 What? 337 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,081 I see that you gave me that form 338 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:31,334 that I asked you to give me Stanley the manly. 339 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,044 So thank you for that. 340 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,671 I guess we are back to normal. 341 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,381 What are you talking about? 342 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,549 Well, 343 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,384 you know the thing that you said earlier 344 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,761 that you didn't mean, 345 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,556 and that I forgive you for. 346 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,099 The whole thing is silly, isn't it? 347 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,935 Friends don't need to apologize to friends 348 00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:49,936 as far as I'm concerned. 349 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:50,979 So we are cool. 350 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,565 I am not going to apologize to you. 351 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,859 It's like I used to tell my wife, 352 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,695 I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. 353 00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,613 And if you don't like it, you're going to leave. 354 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,241 And I say at the same thing to my current wife. 355 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,702 And I'll say it to my next one too. 356 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,495 By the way, you didn't stutter. 357 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:08,621 So don't feel bad. 358 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,998 You sounded very powerful. 359 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,125 Go back to your office and leave me alone. 360 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,628 Well, thanks for the form. 361 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,841 Man my stomach is killing me. 362 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,970 You know, I don't ask very much of my employees. 363 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,555 I let 'em goof off. 364 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,515 I let 'em come in late. 365 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,517 I never put my foot down. 366 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,811 I let them walk all over me. 367 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,356 And what do I ask in return? 368 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,775 Nothing but their respect. 369 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,653 (Dwight scatting) 370 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,364 Oh, what's Dwight up to? 371 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,532 Oh, probably nothing. 372 00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,242 (Dwight scatting) 373 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:49,037 (Dwight exclaims) 374 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,830 The hell is this all about? 375 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,709 You're flipping my car for profit. 376 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,628 It's my car now. 377 00:13:56,670 --> 00:14:01,174 I gave you a deal based on what you said to me. 378 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:04,427 Yeah well, seller beware. 379 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,637 Now if you'll excuse me, 380 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,180 I've got a monitor a three-way bidding war 381 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,723 for my car on eBay. 382 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,519 I've got a Mad Lib for you. 383 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:18,316 A stupid idiotic numbskull named Andy Bernard 384 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:24,197 sold his Xterra to a smart and capable man named Dwight. 385 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:29,577 This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight. 386 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,665 You know, I don't care what he did to me. 387 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,709 He's mean to other people that's what gets me it's just- 388 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,919 Who else does he mean to? 389 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:38,670 Everybody. 390 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,130 He's just, he's always, 391 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:43,341 he's always talking about people behind their backs to me. 392 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,884 What kind of stuff does Stanley say? 393 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,678 Like the people are stupid 394 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,181 and that they're idiots and that they're sluts. 395 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,516 Why would he say that? 396 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,684 Because he's mean. 397 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,645 He's like a really mean spirited guy. 398 00:14:55,687 --> 00:15:00,150 He talks about how gay Oscar is 399 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:05,155 and that Angela's a midget and that your chin is too big. 400 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,115 Hey- 401 00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,199 I know, I know. 402 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,159 I think it's tiny. 403 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,661 I think it's too small of anything 404 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,080 and that your glasses make you look ugly. 405 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,666 She's never worn these glasses before. 406 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:18,168 Well, he's just mean. 407 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,087 Michael, I think that what Stanley did to you was rude. 408 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,672 Maybe you should just get them aside 409 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,258 and tell him that he was behaving badly. 410 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,217 It's complicated, Pam. 411 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,386 I mean, world looks a lot easier 412 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,555 from behind your reception desk. 413 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,431 Well, actually I agree with her. 414 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,891 I think you should talk to him 415 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,601 and you also might want to explain to Andy 416 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:35,852 that no one wants to help him decide 417 00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,562 whether or not he has a rash. 418 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,855 Oh yeah. 419 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:39,856 And then yell at Creed because you know what? 420 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,483 Looking can be as bad as touching. 421 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:46,446 Okay. (Michael sighs) 422 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:51,368 What Stanley is doing right now is called displacement. 423 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,829 Basically, Jan taught me this. 424 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,832 Displacement is when someone is 425 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,753 very, very angry about something in their life, 426 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,922 but they take it out on me. 427 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,258 And so they're, 428 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,259 that's displacement. 429 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,262 Do you need me to go over this org chart again? 430 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,097 No. 431 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,264 Yes. 432 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,057 So Stanley reports to Jim. 433 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,183 Yes. 434 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,477 The people in this office crave order, 435 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:21,356 otherwise nothing gets done or worse yet, they'll revolt. 436 00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:24,776 The last thing I need is Michael's head on a spike. 437 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,946 The last thing I'd want is to have to put it there. 438 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,323 And Jim is in charge of disciplining Stanley. 439 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,908 No. 440 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,786 Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales related matters. 441 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:35,620 Hence the green line. 442 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,496 Green for money. 443 00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:37,664 Sales, get it. 444 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,249 There is this yellow zigzag 445 00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,960 that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley. 446 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,294 Great. 447 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,797 However, in so doing, it zigs past your name, 448 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,425 hence zagging, you and making you appear weak. 449 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,884 That's the yellow color. 450 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,511 Yellow for cowardly. 451 00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:52,345 What's the pink? 452 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,681 Menstrual cycles. 453 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,224 Okay. 454 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,642 Is there anybody up here, 455 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,228 anybody at all that can deal with this? 456 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,313 - You. - Other than me. 457 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:06,276 Well, there is the emergency disaster mode 458 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,819 for the org chart. 459 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,905 This gives me full authority 460 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,658 over every single person in the office. 461 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,659 I never said you could do that. 462 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,744 All you have to do is say it. 463 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:16,661 Just say it. 464 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,579 Okay I'll think about it. 465 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,330 Say it, just do it. 466 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,707 Don't think, say it. 467 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:21,666 Do it. 468 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,502 Five, four, three, two. 469 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,462 Do it. 470 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:28,214 It give me control, Michael. 471 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,345 I promise to give authority back to you 472 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,471 when this crisis is over. 473 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:36,890 Do it, Michael. 474 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,809 Do it. 475 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,937 Hey, this office needs a strong man. 476 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,440 Say it. 477 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,234 No. 478 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,404 Alright well, 479 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,741 you're going to have to deal with this yourself. 480 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,583 Hi Pam. 481 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,585 I really like your glasses. 482 00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:07,170 Oh, thanks. 483 00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,255 All the girlfriends that I've ever had 484 00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,840 have a worn glasses. 485 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,676 Oh, okay. 486 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,594 It's kind of a turn on for me actually- 487 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:15,720 I should probably get back to- 488 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,888 Like librarians. 489 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,264 Entering the- 490 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,183 Could you just say, 491 00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,851 "These are due back Thursday?" 492 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:22,686 No. 493 00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:32,904 (phone rings) 494 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,615 (phone lifting) 495 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,325 Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. 496 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:39,661 Okay, go ahead. 497 00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:44,666 A lot of jazz cats are blind, 498 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,502 but they can play the piano like nobody's business. 499 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,714 I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam 500 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,841 without her glasses and see what happens. 501 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,427 I'd also like to see her topless. 502 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,638 Stanley, when you said that mean thing to me 503 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,141 about you not stuttering, it hurt my feelings. 504 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,642 And then when you would not apologize, 505 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,060 it hurt my feelings as well. 506 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,479 So I am asking you as a buddy 507 00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:08,606 to just say that you did not mean it. 508 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,651 Did you hear me? 509 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,485 Yes. 510 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,239 This is a letter of reprimand. 511 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,824 This is a terrible, terrible thing. 512 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:20,910 And it pains me to have even written this 513 00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:25,040 because I know how detrimental this can be to a career, 514 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:27,042 to a person psychologically. 515 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,376 This can destroy a life. 516 00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,546 This is your personal file. 517 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,298 What happens next is up to you. 518 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,215 Will you apologize? 519 00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:35,717 I will not. 520 00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:38,720 Then you leave me no other choice. 521 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,514 I've put Stanley on a pedestal for a long time, 522 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:44,768 but sometimes he can just be a big fat jerk. 523 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,481 Jerks don't deserve to be on pedestals. 524 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,776 Jerks should be placed up somewhere 525 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,486 where everybody can see how jerky they are. 526 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,697 Big, big marble jerk stand. 527 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,243 When this goes into your file, 528 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,788 it is there for all of eternity. 529 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,956 There is no way that I can get it back out. 530 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,292 Do you understand that I am still holding onto it? 531 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:14,339 I can retrieve it much like playing checkers. 532 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,802 So this is your last chance Stanley, will you apologize? 533 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:19,636 Nope. 534 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,139 (envelope drops) 535 00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,557 - It is done. - Fine, I'm going back to work. 536 00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,892 Wait, wait, wait Stanley. 537 00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,186 Stanley, I have written a second letter. 538 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,729 Goodbye. 539 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,232 This letter claims that this first letter is crazy talk. 540 00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,483 I've decided 541 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,276 not to wear my glasses for the rest of the day. 542 00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:36,653 I'm not vain. 543 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,530 It's just, as soon as I took my glasses off, 544 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,365 I felt instantly calmer. 545 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,659 I'll show you. 546 00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:45,412 Unfocus your lens like a lot. 547 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,372 I have 20/400 vision. 548 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:52,419 Okay, so now I no longer have to watch Dwight 549 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,379 pulling hairs out of his face. 550 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:59,592 And I can no longer see Creed 551 00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:03,638 doing whatever it is Creed does. 552 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,811 I don't wanna know. 553 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,694 Mike, very busy here man. 554 00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:22,032 Darryl, have you ever been in a gang? 555 00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,199 Why? 556 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,868 It's an advice question, 557 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,786 and if you don't wanna talk about it, 558 00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,747 I completely understand it's- 559 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,415 No, no, no. 560 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,374 I know it's very, very personal. 561 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:32,417 No. 562 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:35,420 I have. 563 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,296 I knew it. 564 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:37,130 Okay. 565 00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:39,924 What are we talking about here? 566 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:40,967 Crips, Bloods? 567 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:41,843 Both. 568 00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:42,719 God. 569 00:21:42,761 --> 00:21:44,471 Yeah them and the Latin Kings. 570 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:46,306 The Warriors. 571 00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:47,182 Okay. 572 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,099 Newsies. 573 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,018 Okay, so dig this. 574 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,564 You're on the street and one of your gang disses you. 575 00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:55,648 Oh my goodness. 576 00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:57,901 Right and you know that he feels bad 577 00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,528 and that he wants to apologize but he's embarrassed. 578 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:01,696 Well I mean he's in the gang. 579 00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:02,906 Right, so what do you do? 580 00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:06,284 I mean, short of going medieval on his ass 581 00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:07,911 or formally writing him up, 582 00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:10,372 what do you do to get him to make it right? 583 00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,999 Well see, in the gang world. 584 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,044 We use something called fluffy fingers. 585 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:18,546 What is that? 586 00:22:18,588 --> 00:22:21,216 That's where somebody really gets in your face. 587 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,802 You just start tickling 'em. 588 00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,347 Really? 589 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,933 Yeah and he starts tickling you. 590 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:32,602 Pretty soon you laughing and hugging. 591 00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:34,562 Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing, 592 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,648 Y'all could just go to church together 593 00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,608 and get ice cream cones. 594 00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:41,194 I would have never thought that 595 00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,364 gangs would be tickling each other. 596 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:46,241 Oh, it's effective. 597 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:50,578 It's funny because this is not the image of gangs 598 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,497 that most white people have. 599 00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:53,873 This is telling you, 600 00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:56,710 think we could learn a lot from listening to this. 601 00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,545 I'm glad I could open your eyes. 602 00:23:01,464 --> 00:23:04,050 (weird noises) 603 00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:05,969 Fluffy fingers. 604 00:23:07,137 --> 00:23:10,515 (car approaching) 605 00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:13,226 (tires screeching) 606 00:23:13,268 --> 00:23:16,229 (rustling) 607 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,440 (door opening) 608 00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:19,274 Yo! 609 00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:21,484 Hi, can I help you? 610 00:23:21,526 --> 00:23:23,361 Ha-ha nice. 611 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:24,946 I guess I have been a stranger lately. 612 00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:25,780 Ryan. 613 00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:27,323 Hey Pam, you want a bagel? 614 00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,742 - Yeah. - Think fast. 615 00:23:28,783 --> 00:23:30,744 Honestly Pam, the bagels in New York 616 00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:33,163 are the only good bagels in the world I swear to God. 617 00:23:33,204 --> 00:23:34,497 Okay. 618 00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:35,707 - The only good bagels anywhere. - I've heard that. 619 00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:37,584 Same with coffee and women. 620 00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:39,627 Okay. 621 00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:41,421 I'm gonna go find Toby. 622 00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:42,630 Oh, here's what you do. 623 00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:46,176 Scoop out the middle like that. 624 00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:46,885 And then you just eat the shell. 625 00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:50,138 You know, fewer carbs. 626 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,557 (bag rustling) 627 00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,476 Yeah, if I could have seen what he just did 628 00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,061 I think I would've gotten angry. 629 00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,396 I think it's self-explanatory. 630 00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:00,398 Hey Jim, come here for a second. 631 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:03,943 Can you answer me something as a true Eagles fan? 632 00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:05,570 Oh boy. 633 00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,697 How do you live with the franchise this bad? 634 00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,532 On a wing and a prayer, mostly. 635 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:10,950 Alright, whatever you say. 636 00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,370 Listen, while I have you here with Toby, 637 00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:14,371 I need to give you a formal warning 638 00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:15,747 about your job performance. 639 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:17,624 A formal warning? 640 00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:18,708 (chuckles) 641 00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,460 It's actually not a joke. 642 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:21,878 I know how you spend your time here. 643 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,381 And I know how little you care about your job. 644 00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:25,590 And honestly, 645 00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:27,092 if you spend as much time selling as you do 646 00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:29,552 goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, 647 00:24:29,594 --> 00:24:31,596 we wouldn't be having this conversation. 648 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,099 I'm sorry, 649 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:35,892 is this because I talked to Wallace about your website 650 00:24:35,934 --> 00:24:38,061 because I really didn't mean to go over your head. 651 00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:40,522 This has nothing to do with that, alright? 652 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:41,856 I have always appreciate 653 00:24:41,898 --> 00:24:44,025 constructive criticism about my job performance, 654 00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:44,943 I thrive on it. 655 00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:47,487 I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining it a little better 656 00:24:47,529 --> 00:24:48,738 cause I'm not sure what's really. 657 00:24:48,780 --> 00:24:51,116 Whoa don't get all defensive, alright? 658 00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:52,742 It's just a warning. 659 00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:54,577 If you want the details, Toby can provide 'em. 660 00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:55,870 You take it easy alright? 661 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,833 (fingers tapping) 662 00:25:03,795 --> 00:25:06,256 Jim filled my desk with marshmallows. 663 00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:07,674 Ryan's serious. 664 00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:10,552 I know because he called me at five in the morning 665 00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:11,886 last night to tell me. 666 00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:14,222 Talked for an hour straight. 667 00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:19,102 He also said that he thinks the moon landing was faked 668 00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:21,354 and girls don't know prize when they see one. 669 00:25:33,283 --> 00:25:34,284 It's not Darryl's fault. 670 00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:35,827 It was a great idea. 671 00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:38,997 I just couldn't figure out quite how to do it, I don't know. 672 00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:42,834 I have tried everything, man. 673 00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:44,753 I'm just running out of options. 674 00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:48,882 A formal warning, seriously? 675 00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,175 Well, as you know, 676 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:52,302 Dwight has filed a lot of complaints against you 677 00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:53,178 over the years. 678 00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:54,304 And no one cared. 679 00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,597 But now it's being looked at 680 00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:57,682 as more of a productivity issue. 681 00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:58,558 Productivity? 682 00:25:58,600 --> 00:25:59,976 My numbers are good. 683 00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:04,773 I know but Ryan thinks that they're not good enough. 684 00:26:06,191 --> 00:26:08,985 I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk 685 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:12,864 and hanging out with Pam has finally caught up to him. 686 00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:15,283 Pick with Pam. 687 00:26:17,369 --> 00:26:18,661 Wallace likes Jim. 688 00:26:18,703 --> 00:26:19,871 So going after him, 689 00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:21,915 that's a risky move for me. 690 00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:24,834 But in business, you got to take risks. 691 00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:27,462 Sometimes you got to get out on the open highway 692 00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:28,380 with the top down. 693 00:26:29,798 --> 00:26:33,093 (mechanism struggling) 694 00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:38,223 (car top opening) 695 00:26:41,518 --> 00:26:44,270 (mechanism struggling) 696 00:26:44,312 --> 00:26:47,148 (tires screeching) 697 00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:50,860 Hey, what happened? 698 00:26:50,902 --> 00:26:52,362 What did Ryan want? 699 00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:53,780 Oh, we were just. 700 00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:56,449 Talking about bureaucratic stuff. 701 00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:58,451 Because you're very important? 702 00:26:58,493 --> 00:26:59,285 Yeah. 703 00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:11,798 Stupid eBay. 704 00:27:12,882 --> 00:27:14,217 Who buys a car on eBay? 705 00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:16,219 I've had a lot of success on eBay. 706 00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,804 Everything I'm wearing right now. 707 00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:19,097 I got on eBay. 708 00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:20,140 Everything. 709 00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:24,185 Good for you. 710 00:27:24,227 --> 00:27:26,855 (ruler tapping) 711 00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:31,359 (cash register mimicking) 712 00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:42,203 (door opening) 713 00:27:43,455 --> 00:27:44,456 Okay, everybody, shh. 714 00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:48,918 So earlier today, Stanley sassed me. 715 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,879 And Toby gave me some suggestions 716 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,297 on how to discipline him. 717 00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:55,008 They did not work, obviously because they were stupid. 718 00:27:55,050 --> 00:27:59,596 So I am now going to fake fire him. 719 00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:00,722 What does that mean? 720 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:02,807 It's like a mock execution. 721 00:28:02,849 --> 00:28:03,933 That's not a good idea. 722 00:28:03,975 --> 00:28:05,185 Yes, it is a good idea. 723 00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,103 It's the only possible solution I have left. 724 00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:08,605 Well, you can actually fire him. 725 00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:11,816 No okay, I've had enough of you. 726 00:28:11,858 --> 00:28:12,984 Why are you telling us this? 727 00:28:13,026 --> 00:28:14,361 Because I want you to behave 728 00:28:14,402 --> 00:28:16,946 as if I'm actually firing him Oscar, okay? 729 00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:19,532 Michael, if you hadn't told us this, 730 00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:20,658 then we would have thought 731 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:21,618 that you were actually firing- 732 00:28:21,659 --> 00:28:23,078 I'm not firing him. 733 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,790 I'm not, I will need you to act like I am firing him. 734 00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:28,124 Just what I'm going to do 735 00:28:28,166 --> 00:28:31,127 is I'm going to pretend that I'm firing him 736 00:28:31,169 --> 00:28:33,672 and I need you to act like I am firing him. 737 00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:34,589 Do you get that? 738 00:28:34,631 --> 00:28:35,465 Do you get it? 739 00:28:35,507 --> 00:28:36,549 I'm teaching him a lesson. 740 00:28:36,591 --> 00:28:38,134 He needs to learn humility. 741 00:28:38,176 --> 00:28:38,843 Alright? 742 00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:39,719 That's all I'm... 743 00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:40,595 Okay, here he comes. 744 00:28:40,637 --> 00:28:42,389 Let's just play act. 745 00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:46,559 Stanley, may I talk to you for a second? 746 00:28:55,527 --> 00:28:58,446 Stanley Hudson, you are fired. 747 00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,372 Are you serious? 748 00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:09,332 I am serious. 749 00:29:09,374 --> 00:29:10,792 We are all serious. 750 00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,837 You are fired like a heart attack. 751 00:29:13,878 --> 00:29:16,256 But I've worked here 24 years. 752 00:29:16,297 --> 00:29:18,174 Ouch, that must hurt 753 00:29:18,216 --> 00:29:20,427 because you're just one year away from your pension 754 00:29:20,468 --> 00:29:24,639 and insubordination on top of that so no severance. 755 00:29:24,681 --> 00:29:26,099 And I'm still mad at you. 756 00:29:26,141 --> 00:29:28,727 So I'm not even going to shake your hand when you leave, 757 00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:31,688 just go clean out your desk and get. 758 00:29:31,730 --> 00:29:34,899 You're firing me over three words. 759 00:29:34,941 --> 00:29:37,110 Have you lost your mind? 760 00:29:37,152 --> 00:29:40,405 Do you think I'm going to let you do this to me? 761 00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:43,408 I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years 762 00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:44,868 and I'm filing a lawsuit 763 00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:46,619 and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing 764 00:29:46,661 --> 00:29:48,121 you've ever done up in this office. 765 00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:50,790 Alright, alright okay, you know what? 766 00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:52,667 Now you know how I feel. 767 00:29:52,709 --> 00:29:54,794 This was a fake firing. 768 00:29:55,962 --> 00:29:56,838 Lesson learned. 769 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,089 Good work, everybody. 770 00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,382 Very nice. 771 00:29:59,424 --> 00:30:01,217 So I'm not fired? 772 00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:02,135 That's it. 773 00:30:03,261 --> 00:30:06,348 And do you have anything to say to me? 774 00:30:06,389 --> 00:30:09,017 Oh yes, I do. 775 00:30:10,018 --> 00:30:13,313 You are out of your little pea sized mind. 776 00:30:13,355 --> 00:30:14,606 What is wrong with you? 777 00:30:14,647 --> 00:30:17,442 Do you have any sense at all? 778 00:30:17,484 --> 00:30:18,735 Okay. 779 00:30:18,777 --> 00:30:19,277 Do you have any idea how to run an office? 780 00:30:19,319 --> 00:30:20,653 [Michael] Yes. 781 00:30:20,695 --> 00:30:22,906 Every day you do something stupider than you did 782 00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,282 the day before and I think, 783 00:30:24,324 --> 00:30:27,577 there's no possible way he can top that. 784 00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:28,578 But what do you do? 785 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:30,705 You find a way dammit to top it. 786 00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:32,290 You are a professional idiot. 787 00:30:32,332 --> 00:30:33,208 Hey stop it! 788 00:30:35,335 --> 00:30:36,711 Okay, everybody out. 789 00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:37,629 Who? 790 00:30:37,671 --> 00:30:38,963 Yeah everybody, except Stanley. 791 00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:43,385 (office shuffling) 792 00:30:47,430 --> 00:30:48,181 Let's go. 793 00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:49,307 I can't find my glasses. 794 00:30:49,349 --> 00:30:50,475 you know what? 795 00:30:50,517 --> 00:30:52,727 Why don't you take my hand and leave 'em. 796 00:30:52,769 --> 00:30:54,187 Let's get outta here. 797 00:30:54,229 --> 00:30:55,188 Okay, okay. 798 00:30:57,899 --> 00:30:59,275 And that means you guys, 799 00:30:59,317 --> 00:31:00,402 you out. 800 00:31:01,444 --> 00:31:02,237 Get out. 801 00:31:05,699 --> 00:31:08,618 Oh it's Michael versus Stanley. 802 00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:10,954 And it is the Clash of the Titans. 803 00:31:10,995 --> 00:31:11,996 In one corner, 804 00:31:12,038 --> 00:31:15,125 you have Michael and he is mad. 805 00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:19,004 And then in the other corner you have Stanley and he's mad. 806 00:31:19,838 --> 00:31:21,840 So that's about it. 807 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,932 (doors opening) 808 00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:33,643 I don't see how this ends. 809 00:31:33,685 --> 00:31:38,314 It's what my grandma would call a Peruvian standoff. 810 00:31:38,356 --> 00:31:39,482 You know, 811 00:31:39,524 --> 00:31:41,109 it's what neither person wants to give in 812 00:31:41,151 --> 00:31:43,903 because of their ignorance or the backward culture 813 00:31:43,945 --> 00:31:45,238 in which they were raised. 814 00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:50,577 My grandma was very racist like most Bolivians. 815 00:31:56,207 --> 00:31:57,375 Goodbye, Xterramigo. 816 00:31:59,127 --> 00:32:02,255 you were one heck of a motor carriage. 817 00:32:02,297 --> 00:32:03,798 Andy... 818 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,216 I can't believe Dwight did that. 819 00:32:05,258 --> 00:32:07,177 He totally took advantage of my kindness. 820 00:32:07,218 --> 00:32:09,012 He did not take advantage of you. 821 00:32:09,054 --> 00:32:10,680 He bested you. 822 00:32:10,722 --> 00:32:11,639 You were bested. 823 00:32:14,601 --> 00:32:16,061 Come on, come on, come on. 824 00:32:22,025 --> 00:32:22,942 You know, my dad gave me that car. 825 00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:25,737 So I guess it's all profit. 826 00:32:25,779 --> 00:32:27,655 I wonder if we could get it on Pay-Per-View or something. 827 00:32:27,697 --> 00:32:30,116 I mean, I really want to know what's happening up there. 828 00:32:30,158 --> 00:32:31,451 I could go back for my glasses. 829 00:32:31,493 --> 00:32:33,161 No, that's like going into a burning building 830 00:32:33,203 --> 00:32:34,621 for an ugly pair of shoes. 831 00:32:36,081 --> 00:32:37,665 Hey, what really happened today? 832 00:32:37,707 --> 00:32:38,667 What do you mean? 833 00:32:38,708 --> 00:32:39,876 I mean, I don't need my glasses 834 00:32:39,918 --> 00:32:41,002 to know when somebody's stressing you out. 835 00:32:41,044 --> 00:32:42,128 What happened today? 836 00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:46,216 Ryan is trying to get rid of me. 837 00:32:47,384 --> 00:32:49,678 He came in today to give me an official warning 838 00:32:49,719 --> 00:32:51,221 about my job performance. 839 00:32:51,262 --> 00:32:52,013 What? 840 00:32:52,889 --> 00:32:54,474 God, he's such a creep. 841 00:32:55,308 --> 00:32:57,602 That really pisses me off. 842 00:32:57,644 --> 00:32:59,020 I'm going to bash his face in. 843 00:32:59,062 --> 00:33:01,022 Then I'm gonna bash his face in with a stale bagel. 844 00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:03,316 Then I'm gonna throw rock at his car. 845 00:33:03,358 --> 00:33:04,734 Come on, we're going to New York right now. 846 00:33:04,776 --> 00:33:05,652 I'm driving. 847 00:33:05,694 --> 00:33:06,486 If I hit him without my glasses, 848 00:33:06,528 --> 00:33:07,737 I don't think it's a crime. 849 00:33:07,779 --> 00:33:09,364 Great. 850 00:33:09,406 --> 00:33:12,075 God, I should have told you all about this sooner. 851 00:33:12,117 --> 00:33:14,119 - What a jerk! - What a jerk. 852 00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:17,956 (door opening) 853 00:33:19,124 --> 00:33:21,710 (door closing) 854 00:33:24,170 --> 00:33:25,964 I don't understand why you keep picking on me. 855 00:33:26,006 --> 00:33:27,257 Oh for the love of God. 856 00:33:27,298 --> 00:33:30,135 You just do I don't know why, 857 00:33:30,176 --> 00:33:33,096 so please help me understand. 858 00:33:33,138 --> 00:33:35,765 Fine, here it is. 859 00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:38,935 You are a person, I do not respect. 860 00:33:38,977 --> 00:33:40,645 The things you say, your actions, 861 00:33:40,687 --> 00:33:43,273 your methods and style, everything you would do 862 00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:45,358 I would do it the opposite way. 863 00:33:49,654 --> 00:33:50,447 Well, Stanley, 864 00:33:51,740 --> 00:33:54,117 maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me 865 00:33:54,159 --> 00:33:56,369 because you don't know me very well. 866 00:33:56,411 --> 00:33:59,330 Michael, I've known you a very long time 867 00:33:59,372 --> 00:34:01,291 and the more I've gotten to know you, 868 00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:03,460 the less I've come to respect to you. 869 00:34:04,794 --> 00:34:06,004 Any other theories? 870 00:34:12,385 --> 00:34:14,137 Alright, you don't respect me. 871 00:34:15,847 --> 00:34:16,639 I accept that. 872 00:34:18,892 --> 00:34:20,477 But listen to me, 873 00:34:20,518 --> 00:34:23,813 you can't talk to me that way in this office. 874 00:34:23,855 --> 00:34:24,939 You just can't. 875 00:34:24,981 --> 00:34:26,149 I am your boss. 876 00:34:27,567 --> 00:34:28,360 Can't allow it. 877 00:34:29,944 --> 00:34:30,695 Fair enough. 878 00:34:35,825 --> 00:34:37,494 (hands shaking) 879 00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:40,497 I am a good person and sometimes 880 00:34:40,538 --> 00:34:43,500 good people don't get no respect. 881 00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:44,459 Rodney Dangerfield, 882 00:34:46,211 --> 00:34:48,797 "Hey, y'all don't get no respect, 883 00:34:48,838 --> 00:34:50,840 "no respect at all. 884 00:34:50,882 --> 00:34:52,175 "When I was in the sandbox as a kid. 885 00:34:52,217 --> 00:34:53,635 "I got no respect. 886 00:34:55,387 --> 00:34:57,931 "My wife likes to talk after sex. 887 00:34:57,972 --> 00:35:00,225 "So she called me from a hotel room, 888 00:35:00,266 --> 00:35:02,352 "said 'I don't respect you.'" 889 00:35:02,394 --> 00:35:03,436 (sighs) 890 00:35:03,478 --> 00:35:04,354 Thoughtless. 891 00:35:06,439 --> 00:35:09,192 Ah, you know what don't get no respect? 892 00:35:09,234 --> 00:35:10,735 Airplane food. 893 00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:14,239 Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? 894 00:35:17,909 --> 00:35:20,203 My wife don't get no respect. 895 00:35:20,245 --> 00:35:22,789 So take her please for example, 896 00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:28,169 if you don't get no respect, you might be redneck. 897 00:35:29,879 --> 00:35:33,049 Respect is nice. 898 00:35:33,091 --> 00:35:34,092 Borat. 899 00:35:37,053 --> 00:35:39,723 What's the deal with grape nuts? 900 00:35:39,764 --> 00:35:41,433 No grapes, no nuts. 901 00:35:42,934 --> 00:35:44,185 I don't got no respect. 902 00:35:47,147 --> 00:35:50,108 (door opening) 903 00:35:50,150 --> 00:35:51,067 Hey Michael how'd it go? 904 00:35:51,109 --> 00:35:52,610 Hey weirdo. 905 00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:53,945 What are you doing? 906 00:35:53,987 --> 00:35:56,448 Hanging out, flashing people in the parking lot? 907 00:35:58,241 --> 00:36:00,076 No, I just stayed to see how it went. 908 00:36:00,118 --> 00:36:01,327 Are you gonna to have to fire Stanley? 909 00:36:01,369 --> 00:36:04,289 No, no enough blood has been bled today. 910 00:36:06,583 --> 00:36:09,252 Well, I think it was really admirable. 911 00:36:09,294 --> 00:36:11,254 The way you stuck with a problem 912 00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:12,714 saw through to the end today. 913 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,009 And you were good and firm with everybody upstairs 914 00:36:16,051 --> 00:36:18,094 when you told them to leave. 915 00:36:18,136 --> 00:36:20,055 Think you earned their respect. 916 00:36:20,096 --> 00:36:22,223 So, nice job. 917 00:36:24,184 --> 00:36:25,185 Thank you. 918 00:36:27,228 --> 00:36:28,396 But unfortunately, coming from you, 919 00:36:28,438 --> 00:36:29,898 that means absolutely nothing. 920 00:36:32,817 --> 00:36:34,152 Have a good night Michael. 921 00:36:37,113 --> 00:36:38,990 Guy's the worst. 922 00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:43,078 (Michael chuckles) 923 00:36:43,119 --> 00:36:47,374 So I'm thinking as a reward for our loyal clients, 924 00:36:47,415 --> 00:36:49,751 that we contact their assistants 925 00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:51,670 and we find out where they live. 926 00:36:51,711 --> 00:36:55,507 And then we go to their houses in the middle of the summer 927 00:36:55,548 --> 00:36:56,841 and go caroling. 928 00:36:56,883 --> 00:36:59,761 It is a summer Christmas sale-abration 929 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:03,807 and we call it a summer sales-a-lot. 930 00:37:05,141 --> 00:37:06,017 Feedback? 931 00:37:06,059 --> 00:37:07,143 Anybody, Stanley? 932 00:37:08,728 --> 00:37:10,855 Has potential to be your best idea yet. 933 00:37:13,149 --> 00:37:15,944 That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 934 00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:18,655 Dammit Phyllis alright, everybody out except Phyllis. 935 00:37:22,409 --> 00:37:25,912 (upbeat music) 63760

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