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1
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,385
Everybody?
2
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,887
Everybody, listen up,
I need your ideas now.
3
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,180
Ideas please, right now.
4
00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:15,807
Go, go, come on.
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,142
Michael, we don't know
what you're talking about.
6
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,644
Wet cement outside,
it's drying fast come on.
7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,146
This is a lifelong dream.
8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,939
What do I write? What do I
write?
9
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,649
Michael, you can put
your initials in it.
10
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,817
M-G-S, no.
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,696
Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik
12
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,281
will claim credit for it, don't
know...
13
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:32,407
That is true.
14
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,324
Once a lifetime opportunity people.
15
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,409
Come on here we go.
16
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:35,201
- [Phyllis] Well but-
- Here we go.
17
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,453
- Well-
- [Michael] Yes?
18
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:37,829
When I was a little girl.
19
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,205
[Michael] Okay.
20
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,081
(Phyllis giggles)
21
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:40,915
Okay, tell us.
22
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:41,958
Go on great, let's hear it.
23
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,335
We found some wet cement
24
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,003
- It's drying, it's drying,
- in the park
25
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,212
at our neighborhood and...
26
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:47,255
All right!
27
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,798
- Come on Phyll!
- What did we write?
28
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:49,632
(Michael shouting)
29
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:50,675
Come on!
30
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,718
Here it is, you draw a picture.
31
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,677
No.
32
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,762
- Cause that's says-
- No!
33
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:54,512
That says so much more than words.
34
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:55,555
- No!
- The picture.
35
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,306
Come on, give me something
good!
36
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:57,640
Okay, I was watching E!
37
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,267
and I saw Will Smith
outside the Chinese Theater
38
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,186
and oh my God, he looked so good.
39
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,270
Pam translate?
40
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,355
She's talking about the hand prints
41
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,647
that celebrities make in the cement.
42
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,024
I love it!
43
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,317
If you were a real star
you'd put your face in it.
44
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,360
I love it more!
45
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,861
Michael that doesn't seem safe.
46
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:11,988
I love it!
47
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,617
- Come on, lets go.
- [Dwight] Come on!
48
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,203
(Dwight laughing)
(running)
49
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,373
We are here today not
to immortalize a man
50
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:22,248
but an idea.
51
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,626
Maybe the idea of a man,
52
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,002
Hurry please.
53
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,254
Greatness is only skin
deep some people say-
54
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:29,547
- Can you breathe?
- Well that's not true.
55
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,674
Other people believe it's deeper outside.
56
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,549
Hold your breath.
57
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,509
- In this case-
- Ready?
58
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,220
- That's also not true.
- And,
59
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,096
Go.
60
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,931
Force in as deep as you can.
61
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,724
(mumbling) That's what she said.
62
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,143
Today's a very special day for me,
63
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,603
and it's really not about me
64
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:47,273
it's about my grandkids, it's
about my great grandkids.
65
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:50,068
I can come back here when I'm
100
66
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,780
and I can find that
piece of cement and say,
67
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,073
"That's me.
68
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,951
"Look kids, your daddy
left that face hole."
69
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,954
I don't know, it's a good feeling.
70
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,916
Whoa!
71
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,585
(trash can falling)
(Meredith sighs)
72
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:11,131
Upbeat theme song
73
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,400
Okay.
74
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,276
Adjective.
75
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,279
Tall.
76
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,238
No, no.
77
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,698
Nice.
78
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:37,782
Good one.
79
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,742
Okay.
80
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:39,617
You ready?
81
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:40,952
{\an8}Mm-hmm.
82
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,040
{\an8}The tall man entered the nice building
83
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:49,878
{\an8}to visit a very nice man.
84
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,088
{\an8}Sit down Mr. Smith,
85
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:56,301
{\an8}could I interest you in any good
cat food?
86
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,177
{\an8}(Angela laughs)
87
00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,138
{\an8}It's a man eating cat food.
88
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,307
{\an8}How about a cat eating man
food?
89
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,017
{\an8}(Andy meows)
90
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,103
{\an8}(Andy pretend-chewing)
91
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,689
{\an8}This hamburger's delicious.
92
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,982
{\an8}(Angela laughs)
93
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,651
{\an8}A cat eating a hamburger
sandwich?
94
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:14,611
That's impossible.
95
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,112
I know.
96
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,864
Where do you think of these
things?
97
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,199
Honestly, I don't know.
98
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,326
{\an8}Andy and Andrew seem very happy.
99
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,536
{\an8}I hope nothing horrible
ever happens to them.
100
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:35,799
{\an8}Yeah, I slept over
at a friend's house and
101
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,176
{\an8}I forgot my contact solution so,
102
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,053
{\an8}I had to wear my backup glasses.
103
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,807
{\an8}Shut up.
104
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,684
{\an8}Alright, everybody.
105
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,519
Oh my God, Pam.
106
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,063
Those make you look so ugly.
107
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:53,108
{\an8}Pam, in order to get hotter,
you take glasses off.
108
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,110
{\an8}You're moving in the wrong direction.
109
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,444
I don't have my contacts.
110
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,905
(babbling) I can't even hear you.
111
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:02,117
It's just noise coming
out of an ugly scientist.
112
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,285
Everybody, we're going to have a little,
113
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,746
a brainstorming session
in the conference room.
114
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,457
Energize.
115
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,251
You know what would energizes
me?
116
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,713
If you Pamela Morgan Beesly-
117
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,006
- Don't you dare.
- Would take-
118
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,632
If you propose to me
during the micro meeting,
119
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,883
I will say, no.
120
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,969
Well, it's too late
because I'm proposing
121
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,470
that you get me a cup of coffee,
122
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,222
which would energize me and greatly
123
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,765
and make me the happiest man in
the world.
124
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,143
Everybody, so how are we going to
125
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,478
energize our office?
126
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,189
I mean, I haven't done
anything since Christmas.
127
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,735
Pam clearly has just given up trying.
128
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:37,569
Pam stand up.
129
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:41,906
Hi everyone.
130
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,242
My name is Pam and I wear glasses.
131
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,035
Hi Pam.
132
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,036
Pretty disgusting.
133
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:46,995
So what we need to do (Jim
claps)
134
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,204
is we need to get things going.
135
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,581
We need to get percolating a
little bit.
136
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,584
Anybody have any ideas what we
could do?
137
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,835
Any suggestions?
138
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,920
Oscar start us off, what do we
got?
139
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:56,838
I don't know.
140
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,423
Every idea is a good idea.
141
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,091
A new color scheme
for the entire office.
142
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,052
Bad idea, I mean,
143
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,346
no, you know what?
144
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,306
That's a good idea but it
would be bad if we did it.
145
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,182
Yes, Andy.
146
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,183
We've changed our
147
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,977
outgoing answering machine message.
148
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,771
So it just had a little more
149
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,898
zing and a little more pep.
150
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,232
Zing and pep.
151
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,484
See those are the kinds of
words we're looking for.
152
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,902
Yes, Jim?
153
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,237
What about it we did an
even newer voicemail message
154
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,198
that had even more zing and pep.
155
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,491
Now we're cooking.
156
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,700
I like this.
157
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,827
Maybe a whole theme,
like a rap, a rap rhyme.
158
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,120
An urban thing.
159
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,831
Yeah Stanley, you wanna
help us out with that?
160
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,416
Stanley, earth to Stanley.
161
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,125
Not me.
162
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:34,959
Yes, you.
163
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,169
Come on, Stanley.
164
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,588
Put your little game
down and join the group.
165
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,464
No.
166
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,840
Stanley,
167
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,133
Leave me alone, damn it.
168
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,760
we're having a brainstorm session.
169
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,178
Did I stutter?
170
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,604
Good, this is good, I'm
going to grab a glass of water.
171
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,488
It looks like somebody's
got a case of man-apause.
172
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,700
It's like menopause, but for men.
173
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,285
What?
174
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,704
Then I could just say menopause.
175
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,123
Wait...
176
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,207
you know what I mean?
177
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,501
Michael versus Stanley.
178
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,794
Oh please.
179
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,671
The only battle worth
watching in this office
180
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,047
is me versus me.
181
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,091
Oh, that'd be a good one.
182
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,551
Evenly matched.
183
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,512
But I can take on anyone, even myself.
184
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,555
(sighs)
185
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,390
We would fight, it would be intense.
186
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,727
But in the end there'd only be
one winner,
187
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:34,561
Dwight Schrute.
188
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,563
The loser?
189
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:53,371
(Stanley coughs)
190
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,127
Can I talk to you a second?
191
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,588
(groans) What?
192
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,507
I really think that you need
to address
193
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,260
what happened with Stanley this morning.
194
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,511
What are you blabbering about?
195
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,846
Nothing happened.
196
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,891
Well, you know, Stanley
was openly insubordinate.
197
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,142
That in the conference room?
198
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,477
[Toby] Yeah.
199
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,146
We were Josh and around the
two of us
200
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,065
and he said, "Did I stutter?"
201
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,984
And I said, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what dog?
202
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,570
He was joking, Toby alright?
203
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,031
He didn't seem like he was joking.
204
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,784
Well, you don't get it
because Stanley is a beautiful,
205
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,119
sassy, powerful black man.
206
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,372
And you're you.
207
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,041
If you had any friends
you would understand
208
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,584
friends joke with one another.
209
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,836
"Hey, you're poor."
210
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,047
"Well, hey, your mama's dead."
211
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,174
That's what friends do.
212
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,092
It's...
213
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,927
you're so white.
214
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,804
By talking back to me,
215
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,264
Stanley was really saying
216
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,809
you're not paying attention to
me, dad.
217
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,227
I want to act out.
218
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,770
I understand this because
219
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,231
that's exactly what I
did when I was a kid.
220
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,608
Did it make my dad leave?
221
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,693
Maybe.
222
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,320
But Stanley can never make me leave
223
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,280
because I have a contract.
224
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,782
Alright.
225
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:15,704
Well, if you really believe
that Stanley was joking,
226
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,206
why don't we go ask him them?
227
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,499
Okay I will.
228
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,335
I'm not feeling very
well right now though.
229
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,380
My stomach hurts so I may be
going home early today, but...
230
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,757
You know Michael,
231
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,259
sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts
232
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,760
when there's a mean girl at school.
233
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,012
Well, sometimes
234
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,432
my stomach hurts when
you come into my office.
235
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,351
So it's probably psychological.
236
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:41,229
(phone ringing)
237
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,692
Stanley is one of my oldest
friends in this office.
238
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:49,404
He outweighs me by a hundred pounds.
239
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:53,324
He's the type of friend that
I could not see for 50 years
240
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,368
and the second I saw him,
241
00:08:55,410 --> 00:09:00,373
I could make an insult about
his mama and he would laugh
242
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,834
and I would laugh,
243
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,755
and I'd say, "You're one
of my oldest friends."
244
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,341
And I think he gets choked up inside
245
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,010
because he'd want to say,
246
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,012
"Hey, Michael, I love you, man.
247
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,889
"You're one of my oldest friends.
248
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:19,100
"And did you hear Jim died?"
249
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:19,976
And I'd be like, "What?
250
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,353
"How?"
251
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:25,690
"Of a broken heart because
did you hear Pam died?"
252
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,193
That's the kind of friends we are.
253
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:32,405
50 years from now, we'll still
be talking about this office.
254
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,157
We'll still be laughing.
255
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,575
We'll still be crying.
256
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,578
We'll still be enjoying
257
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:44,125
and not enjoying all of the
things that happened here
258
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,335
and all the deaths.
259
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:49,881
It's nice.
260
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,385
I like your frames.
261
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,804
Thanks Phyllis, yours too.
262
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,888
I'm already married.
263
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,850
Boys don't make passes at
girls who wear glasses.
264
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,730
Ignore her those glasses are
so cool.
265
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,191
Really?
266
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,651
Yeah, you look like Lisa
Loeb or Tina Fey or someone.
267
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,736
You should definitely
wear them all the time.
268
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,404
Oh.
269
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,571
Maybe I will.
270
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,451
Guess who just became the
cutest girl in the office?
271
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,707
You meet a lot of
ladies driving an Xterra
272
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,292
because you pull up to a
stoplight and look over
273
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,211
and there's an Xterra next to you,
274
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,255
they're always driven by chicks.
275
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,090
So there's your icebreaker.
276
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,633
(kicks)
277
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:34,926
Scratch.
278
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,928
That's a racing stripe.
279
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,388
Bumper sagging.
280
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,514
I doubt that very much.
281
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,890
(side windows flapping)
282
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,936
Very astute of you, the
mirrors are hinge jointed.
283
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,854
Yeah, I know.
284
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:46,938
I'm not an okie off the street.
285
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,815
I know how mirrors work.
286
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,233
Well, I'm just saying.
287
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,985
She's a very good in a crash.
288
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,237
I've been in four major
accidents, no injuries,
289
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,822
at least to my body.
290
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,658
Alright, start her up.
291
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,493
Let's see what you got under here.
292
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:05,749
Yeah well, 350 CCs of
screaming power.
293
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,460
Pos-attraction belt drive, turbo.
294
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,961
Four on the floor, three on the tree.
295
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,796
That doesn't make any sense.
296
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,631
I'm gonna be honest with you Dwight.
297
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,760
I don't know diddly about cars.
298
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,762
Well thank you for telling me that.
299
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:22,182
I will try and forget it
when I negotiate with you.
300
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,516
That's very decent of you.
301
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:24,809
This car is crap.
302
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,853
I will buy it for next to nothing.
303
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:27,729
How next to?
304
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,189
Well, here are your options.
305
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,232
You can sell it for parts,
306
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,068
drive it off a cliff.
307
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,527
You can donate it
308
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,321
to a person that you'd like
to see die in a car crash,
309
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,782
or you can sell it to me
310
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,159
and I'll use it as I would
have wagon on my farm.
311
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,660
It'll be towed by a donkey.
312
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,329
I have to pick one of those?
313
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,497
Yes.
314
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,414
Can you go over those options
again?
315
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:47,665
Yeah you know what?
316
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,418
You knock $1,500 off the price
right now
317
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,128
and I will take it off your hands.
318
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,004
It's gotta be now.
319
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:53,880
Well, I have-
320
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,006
Seal the deal.
321
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:55,674
- The Blue Book Value's
- Let's do it.
322
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,966
Let's do this thing.
323
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,968
Three, two, one.
324
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,930
- Can I think about it?
- Five, four, three two, now.
325
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:02,847
Now!
326
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:03,848
Now, say it,
327
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,891
do it now.
328
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,059
Do it now.
329
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:06,976
Do it.
330
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:07,769
Shake my hand.
331
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:08,520
You will sell me this car.
332
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,396
Shake my hand.
333
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,188
Yeah!
334
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,398
Alright.
335
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,656
I was just checking the weather.
336
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:25,370
What?
337
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,081
I see that you gave me that form
338
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:31,334
that I asked you to give
me Stanley the manly.
339
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,044
So thank you for that.
340
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,671
I guess we are back to normal.
341
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,381
What are you talking about?
342
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,549
Well,
343
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,384
you know the thing that you said earlier
344
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,761
that you didn't mean,
345
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,556
and that I forgive you for.
346
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,099
The whole thing is silly, isn't
it?
347
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,935
Friends don't need to apologize
to friends
348
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:49,936
as far as I'm concerned.
349
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:50,979
So we are cool.
350
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,565
I am not going to apologize to you.
351
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,859
It's like I used to tell my wife,
352
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,695
I do not apologize
unless I think I'm wrong.
353
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,613
And if you don't like it,
you're going to leave.
354
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,241
And I say at the same
thing to my current wife.
355
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,702
And I'll say it to my next one too.
356
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,495
By the way, you didn't
stutter.
357
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:08,621
So don't feel bad.
358
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,998
You sounded very powerful.
359
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,125
Go back to your office
and leave me alone.
360
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,628
Well, thanks for the form.
361
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,841
Man my stomach is killing me.
362
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,970
You know, I don't ask
very much of my employees.
363
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,555
I let 'em goof off.
364
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,515
I let 'em come in late.
365
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,517
I never put my foot down.
366
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,811
I let them walk all over me.
367
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,356
And what do I ask in return?
368
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,775
Nothing but their respect.
369
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,653
(Dwight scatting)
370
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,364
Oh, what's Dwight up to?
371
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,532
Oh, probably nothing.
372
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,242
(Dwight scatting)
373
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:49,037
(Dwight exclaims)
374
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,830
The hell is this all about?
375
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,709
You're flipping my car for profit.
376
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,628
It's my car now.
377
00:13:56,670 --> 00:14:01,174
I gave you a deal based
on what you said to me.
378
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:04,427
Yeah well, seller beware.
379
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,637
Now if you'll excuse me,
380
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,180
I've got a monitor a three-way
bidding war
381
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,723
for my car on eBay.
382
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,519
I've got a Mad Lib for you.
383
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:18,316
A stupid idiotic numbskull
named Andy Bernard
384
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:24,197
sold his Xterra to a smart
and capable man named Dwight.
385
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:29,577
This is shaping up to be
an awesome day for Dwight.
386
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,665
You know, I don't
care what he did to me.
387
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,709
He's mean to other people
that's what gets me it's just-
388
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,919
Who else does he mean to?
389
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:38,670
Everybody.
390
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,130
He's just, he's always,
391
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:43,341
he's always talking about
people behind their backs to me.
392
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,884
What kind of stuff does
Stanley say?
393
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,678
Like the people are stupid
394
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,181
and that they're idiots
and that they're sluts.
395
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,516
Why would he say that?
396
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,684
Because he's mean.
397
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,645
He's like a really mean spirited guy.
398
00:14:55,687 --> 00:15:00,150
He talks about how gay Oscar is
399
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:05,155
and that Angela's a midget
and that your chin is too big.
400
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,115
Hey-
401
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,199
I know, I know.
402
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,159
I think it's tiny.
403
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,661
I think it's too small of anything
404
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,080
and that your glasses make you
look ugly.
405
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,666
She's never worn these glasses before.
406
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:18,168
Well, he's just mean.
407
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,087
Michael, I think that what
Stanley did to you was rude.
408
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,672
Maybe you should just get them aside
409
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,258
and tell him that he was
behaving badly.
410
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,217
It's complicated, Pam.
411
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,386
I mean, world looks a lot easier
412
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,555
from behind your reception desk.
413
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,431
Well, actually I agree with her.
414
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,891
I think you should talk to him
415
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,601
and you also might want to
explain to Andy
416
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:35,852
that no one wants to help him decide
417
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,562
whether or not he has a rash.
418
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,855
Oh yeah.
419
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:39,856
And then yell at Creed
because you know what?
420
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,483
Looking can be as bad as touching.
421
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:46,446
Okay. (Michael sighs)
422
00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:51,368
What Stanley is doing right
now is called displacement.
423
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,829
Basically, Jan taught me this.
424
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,832
Displacement is when someone is
425
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,753
very, very angry about
something in their life,
426
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,922
but they take it out on me.
427
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,258
And so they're,
428
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,259
that's displacement.
429
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,262
Do you need me to go
over this org chart again?
430
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,097
No.
431
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,264
Yes.
432
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,057
So Stanley reports to Jim.
433
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,183
Yes.
434
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,477
The people in this office crave order,
435
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:21,356
otherwise nothing gets done
or worse yet, they'll revolt.
436
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:24,776
The last thing I need is
Michael's head on a spike.
437
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,946
The last thing I'd want is
to have to put it there.
438
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,323
And Jim is in charge
of disciplining Stanley.
439
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,908
No.
440
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,786
Jim is in charge of Stanley
only in sales related matters.
441
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:35,620
Hence the green line.
442
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,496
Green for money.
443
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:37,664
Sales, get it.
444
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,249
There is this yellow zigzag
445
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,960
that does give Ryan the
authority to discipline Stanley.
446
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,294
Great.
447
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,797
However, in so doing,
it zigs past your name,
448
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,425
hence zagging, you and
making you appear weak.
449
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,884
That's the yellow color.
450
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,511
Yellow for cowardly.
451
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:52,345
What's the pink?
452
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,681
Menstrual cycles.
453
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,224
Okay.
454
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,642
Is there anybody up here,
455
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,228
anybody at all that can deal
with this?
456
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,313
- You.
- Other than me.
457
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:06,276
Well, there is the
emergency disaster mode
458
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,819
for the org chart.
459
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,905
This gives me full authority
460
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,658
over every single person in the office.
461
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,659
I never said you could do that.
462
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,744
All you have to do is say it.
463
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:16,661
Just say it.
464
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,579
Okay I'll think about it.
465
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,330
Say it, just do it.
466
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,707
Don't think, say it.
467
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:21,666
Do it.
468
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,502
Five, four, three, two.
469
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,462
Do it.
470
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:28,214
It give me control, Michael.
471
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,345
I promise to give authority back
to you
472
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,471
when this crisis is over.
473
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:36,890
Do it, Michael.
474
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,809
Do it.
475
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,937
Hey, this office needs a strong man.
476
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,440
Say it.
477
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,234
No.
478
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,404
Alright well,
479
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,741
you're going to have to
deal with this yourself.
480
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,583
Hi Pam.
481
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,585
I really like your glasses.
482
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:07,170
Oh, thanks.
483
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,255
All the girlfriends that I've
ever had
484
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,840
have a worn glasses.
485
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,676
Oh, okay.
486
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,594
It's kind of a turn on for me
actually-
487
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:15,720
I should probably get back to-
488
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,888
Like librarians.
489
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,264
Entering the-
490
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,183
Could you just say,
491
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,851
"These are due back Thursday?"
492
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:22,686
No.
493
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:32,904
(phone rings)
494
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,615
(phone lifting)
495
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,325
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
496
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:39,661
Okay, go ahead.
497
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:44,666
A lot of jazz cats are blind,
498
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,502
but they can play the piano
like nobody's business.
499
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,714
I'd like to put the piano in
front of Pam
500
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,841
without her glasses and see what happens.
501
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,427
I'd also like to see her topless.
502
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,638
Stanley, when you said
that mean thing to me
503
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,141
about you not stuttering,
it hurt my feelings.
504
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,642
And then when you would not apologize,
505
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,060
it hurt my feelings as well.
506
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,479
So I am asking you as a buddy
507
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:08,606
to just say that you did not
mean it.
508
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,651
Did you hear me?
509
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,485
Yes.
510
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,239
This is a letter of reprimand.
511
00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,824
This is a terrible, terrible thing.
512
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:20,910
And it pains me to have even
written this
513
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:25,040
because I know how detrimental
this can be to a career,
514
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:27,042
to a person psychologically.
515
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,376
This can destroy a life.
516
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,546
This is your personal file.
517
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,298
What happens next is up to you.
518
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,215
Will you apologize?
519
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:35,717
I will not.
520
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:38,720
Then you leave me no other choice.
521
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,514
I've put Stanley on a
pedestal for a long time,
522
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:44,768
but sometimes he can
just be a big fat jerk.
523
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,481
Jerks don't deserve to be on pedestals.
524
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,776
Jerks should be placed up somewhere
525
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,486
where everybody can
see how jerky they are.
526
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,697
Big, big marble jerk stand.
527
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,243
When this goes into your file,
528
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,788
it is there for all of eternity.
529
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,956
There is no way that
I can get it back out.
530
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,292
Do you understand that I
am still holding onto it?
531
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:14,339
I can retrieve it much
like playing checkers.
532
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,802
So this is your last chance
Stanley, will you apologize?
533
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:19,636
Nope.
534
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,139
(envelope drops)
535
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,557
- It is done.
- Fine, I'm going back to work.
536
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,892
Wait, wait, wait Stanley.
537
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,186
Stanley, I have written a second letter.
538
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,729
Goodbye.
539
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,232
This letter claims that this
first letter is crazy talk.
540
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,483
I've decided
541
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,276
not to wear my glasses
for the rest of the day.
542
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:36,653
I'm not vain.
543
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,530
It's just, as soon as
I took my glasses off,
544
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,365
I felt instantly calmer.
545
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,659
I'll show you.
546
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:45,412
Unfocus your lens like a lot.
547
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,372
I have 20/400 vision.
548
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:52,419
Okay, so now I no longer
have to watch Dwight
549
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,379
pulling hairs out of his face.
550
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:59,592
And I can no longer see Creed
551
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:03,638
doing whatever it is Creed does.
552
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,811
I don't wanna know.
553
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,694
Mike, very busy here man.
554
00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:22,032
Darryl, have you ever been in
a gang?
555
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,199
Why?
556
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,868
It's an advice question,
557
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,786
and if you don't wanna talk
about it,
558
00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,747
I completely understand it's-
559
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,415
No, no, no.
560
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,374
I know it's very, very personal.
561
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:32,417
No.
562
00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:35,420
I have.
563
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,296
I knew it.
564
00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:37,130
Okay.
565
00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:39,924
What are we talking about here?
566
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:40,967
Crips, Bloods?
567
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:41,843
Both.
568
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:42,719
God.
569
00:21:42,761 --> 00:21:44,471
Yeah them and the Latin Kings.
570
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:46,306
The Warriors.
571
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:47,182
Okay.
572
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,099
Newsies.
573
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,018
Okay, so dig this.
574
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,564
You're on the street and
one of your gang disses you.
575
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:55,648
Oh my goodness.
576
00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:57,901
Right and you know that he
feels bad
577
00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,528
and that he wants to apologize
but he's embarrassed.
578
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:01,696
Well I mean he's in the gang.
579
00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:02,906
Right, so what do you do?
580
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:06,284
I mean, short of going medieval
on his ass
581
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:07,911
or formally writing him up,
582
00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:10,372
what do you do to get
him to make it right?
583
00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,999
Well see, in the gang world.
584
00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,044
We use something called fluffy fingers.
585
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:18,546
What is that?
586
00:22:18,588 --> 00:22:21,216
That's where somebody
really gets in your face.
587
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,802
You just start tickling 'em.
588
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,347
Really?
589
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,933
Yeah and he starts tickling you.
590
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:32,602
Pretty soon you laughing and hugging.
591
00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:34,562
Before you know it, you've
forgotten the whole thing,
592
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,648
Y'all could just go to church together
593
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,608
and get ice cream cones.
594
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:41,194
I would have never thought that
595
00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,364
gangs would be tickling each other.
596
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:46,241
Oh, it's effective.
597
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:50,578
It's funny because this
is not the image of gangs
598
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,497
that most white people have.
599
00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:53,873
This is telling you,
600
00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:56,710
think we could learn a lot
from listening to this.
601
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,545
I'm glad I could open your eyes.
602
00:23:01,464 --> 00:23:04,050
(weird noises)
603
00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:05,969
Fluffy fingers.
604
00:23:07,137 --> 00:23:10,515
(car approaching)
605
00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:13,226
(tires screeching)
606
00:23:13,268 --> 00:23:16,229
(rustling)
607
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,440
(door opening)
608
00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:19,274
Yo!
609
00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:21,484
Hi, can I help you?
610
00:23:21,526 --> 00:23:23,361
Ha-ha nice.
611
00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:24,946
I guess I have been a stranger lately.
612
00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:25,780
Ryan.
613
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:27,323
Hey Pam, you want a bagel?
614
00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,742
- Yeah.
- Think fast.
615
00:23:28,783 --> 00:23:30,744
Honestly Pam, the bagels in New York
616
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:33,163
are the only good bagels in
the world I swear to God.
617
00:23:33,204 --> 00:23:34,497
Okay.
618
00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:35,707
- The only good bagels anywhere.
- I've heard that.
619
00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:37,584
Same with coffee and women.
620
00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:39,627
Okay.
621
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:41,421
I'm gonna go find Toby.
622
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:42,630
Oh, here's what you do.
623
00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:46,176
Scoop out the middle like that.
624
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:46,885
And then you just eat the shell.
625
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:50,138
You know, fewer carbs.
626
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,557
(bag rustling)
627
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,476
Yeah, if I could have
seen what he just did
628
00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,061
I think I would've gotten angry.
629
00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,396
I think it's self-explanatory.
630
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:00,398
Hey Jim, come here for a second.
631
00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:03,943
Can you answer me something
as a true Eagles fan?
632
00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:05,570
Oh boy.
633
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,697
How do you live with
the franchise this bad?
634
00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,532
On a wing and a prayer, mostly.
635
00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:10,950
Alright, whatever you say.
636
00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,370
Listen, while I have you here
with Toby,
637
00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:14,371
I need to give you a formal warning
638
00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:15,747
about your job performance.
639
00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:17,624
A formal warning?
640
00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:18,708
(chuckles)
641
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,460
It's actually not a joke.
642
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:21,878
I know how you spend your time here.
643
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,381
And I know how little
you care about your job.
644
00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:25,590
And honestly,
645
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:27,092
if you spend as much
time selling as you do
646
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:29,552
goofing around with Dwight
and hanging out at reception,
647
00:24:29,594 --> 00:24:31,596
we wouldn't be having this conversation.
648
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,099
I'm sorry,
649
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:35,892
is this because I talked to
Wallace about your website
650
00:24:35,934 --> 00:24:38,061
because I really didn't
mean to go over your head.
651
00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:40,522
This has nothing to
do with that, alright?
652
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:41,856
I have always appreciate
653
00:24:41,898 --> 00:24:44,025
constructive criticism
about my job performance,
654
00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:44,943
I thrive on it.
655
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:47,487
I'm sorry, then do you mind
explaining it a little better
656
00:24:47,529 --> 00:24:48,738
cause I'm not sure what's
really.
657
00:24:48,780 --> 00:24:51,116
Whoa don't get all defensive, alright?
658
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:52,742
It's just a warning.
659
00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:54,577
If you want the details,
Toby can provide 'em.
660
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:55,870
You take it easy alright?
661
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,833
(fingers tapping)
662
00:25:03,795 --> 00:25:06,256
Jim filled my desk with marshmallows.
663
00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:07,674
Ryan's serious.
664
00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:10,552
I know because he called
me at five in the morning
665
00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:11,886
last night to tell me.
666
00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:14,222
Talked for an hour straight.
667
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:19,102
He also said that he thinks
the moon landing was faked
668
00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:21,354
and girls don't know
prize when they see one.
669
00:25:33,283 --> 00:25:34,284
It's not Darryl's fault.
670
00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:35,827
It was a great idea.
671
00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:38,997
I just couldn't figure out quite
how to do it, I don't know.
672
00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:42,834
I have tried everything, man.
673
00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:44,753
I'm just running out of options.
674
00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:48,882
A formal warning, seriously?
675
00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,175
Well, as you know,
676
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:52,302
Dwight has filed a lot
of complaints against you
677
00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:53,178
over the years.
678
00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:54,304
And no one cared.
679
00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,597
But now it's being looked at
680
00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:57,682
as more of a productivity issue.
681
00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:58,558
Productivity?
682
00:25:58,600 --> 00:25:59,976
My numbers are good.
683
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:04,773
I know but Ryan thinks
that they're not good enough.
684
00:26:06,191 --> 00:26:08,985
I'd say all the goofing
around at Pam's desk
685
00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:12,864
and hanging out with Pam has
finally caught up to him.
686
00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:15,283
Pick with Pam.
687
00:26:17,369 --> 00:26:18,661
Wallace likes Jim.
688
00:26:18,703 --> 00:26:19,871
So going after him,
689
00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:21,915
that's a risky move for me.
690
00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:24,834
But in business, you got to take risks.
691
00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:27,462
Sometimes you got to get
out on the open highway
692
00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:28,380
with the top down.
693
00:26:29,798 --> 00:26:33,093
(mechanism struggling)
694
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:38,223
(car top opening)
695
00:26:41,518 --> 00:26:44,270
(mechanism struggling)
696
00:26:44,312 --> 00:26:47,148
(tires screeching)
697
00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:50,860
Hey, what happened?
698
00:26:50,902 --> 00:26:52,362
What did Ryan want?
699
00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:53,780
Oh, we were just.
700
00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:56,449
Talking about bureaucratic stuff.
701
00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:58,451
Because you're very important?
702
00:26:58,493 --> 00:26:59,285
Yeah.
703
00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:11,798
Stupid eBay.
704
00:27:12,882 --> 00:27:14,217
Who buys a car on eBay?
705
00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:16,219
I've had a lot of success on eBay.
706
00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,804
Everything I'm wearing right now.
707
00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:19,097
I got on eBay.
708
00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:20,140
Everything.
709
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:24,185
Good for you.
710
00:27:24,227 --> 00:27:26,855
(ruler tapping)
711
00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:31,359
(cash register mimicking)
712
00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:42,203
(door opening)
713
00:27:43,455 --> 00:27:44,456
Okay, everybody, shh.
714
00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:48,918
So earlier today, Stanley sassed me.
715
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,879
And Toby gave me some suggestions
716
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,297
on how to discipline him.
717
00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:55,008
They did not work, obviously
because they were stupid.
718
00:27:55,050 --> 00:27:59,596
So I am now going to fake fire him.
719
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:00,722
What does that mean?
720
00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:02,807
It's like a mock execution.
721
00:28:02,849 --> 00:28:03,933
That's not a good idea.
722
00:28:03,975 --> 00:28:05,185
Yes, it is a good idea.
723
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,103
It's the only possible
solution I have left.
724
00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:08,605
Well, you can actually fire him.
725
00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:11,816
No okay, I've had enough of you.
726
00:28:11,858 --> 00:28:12,984
Why are you telling us this?
727
00:28:13,026 --> 00:28:14,361
Because I want you to behave
728
00:28:14,402 --> 00:28:16,946
as if I'm actually firing him
Oscar, okay?
729
00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:19,532
Michael, if you hadn't told us this,
730
00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:20,658
then we would have thought
731
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:21,618
that you were actually firing-
732
00:28:21,659 --> 00:28:23,078
I'm not firing him.
733
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,790
I'm not, I will need you to
act like I am firing him.
734
00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:28,124
Just what I'm going to do
735
00:28:28,166 --> 00:28:31,127
is I'm going to pretend
that I'm firing him
736
00:28:31,169 --> 00:28:33,672
and I need you to act
like I am firing him.
737
00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:34,589
Do you get that?
738
00:28:34,631 --> 00:28:35,465
Do you get it?
739
00:28:35,507 --> 00:28:36,549
I'm teaching him a lesson.
740
00:28:36,591 --> 00:28:38,134
He needs to learn humility.
741
00:28:38,176 --> 00:28:38,843
Alright?
742
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:39,719
That's all I'm...
743
00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:40,595
Okay, here he comes.
744
00:28:40,637 --> 00:28:42,389
Let's just play act.
745
00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:46,559
Stanley, may I talk to you for a
second?
746
00:28:55,527 --> 00:28:58,446
Stanley Hudson, you are fired.
747
00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,372
Are you serious?
748
00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:09,332
I am serious.
749
00:29:09,374 --> 00:29:10,792
We are all serious.
750
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,837
You are fired like a heart attack.
751
00:29:13,878 --> 00:29:16,256
But I've worked here 24 years.
752
00:29:16,297 --> 00:29:18,174
Ouch, that must hurt
753
00:29:18,216 --> 00:29:20,427
because you're just one
year away from your pension
754
00:29:20,468 --> 00:29:24,639
and insubordination on top
of that so no severance.
755
00:29:24,681 --> 00:29:26,099
And I'm still mad at you.
756
00:29:26,141 --> 00:29:28,727
So I'm not even going to shake
your hand when you leave,
757
00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:31,688
just go clean out your desk and get.
758
00:29:31,730 --> 00:29:34,899
You're firing me over three words.
759
00:29:34,941 --> 00:29:37,110
Have you lost your mind?
760
00:29:37,152 --> 00:29:40,405
Do you think I'm going
to let you do this to me?
761
00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:43,408
I've watched you screw up
this office for 10 years
762
00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:44,868
and I'm filing a lawsuit
763
00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:46,619
and I'm gonna tell them
about every stupid thing
764
00:29:46,661 --> 00:29:48,121
you've ever done up in this office.
765
00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:50,790
Alright, alright okay, you
know what?
766
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:52,667
Now you know how I feel.
767
00:29:52,709 --> 00:29:54,794
This was a fake firing.
768
00:29:55,962 --> 00:29:56,838
Lesson learned.
769
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,089
Good work, everybody.
770
00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,382
Very nice.
771
00:29:59,424 --> 00:30:01,217
So I'm not fired?
772
00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:02,135
That's it.
773
00:30:03,261 --> 00:30:06,348
And do you have anything to say
to me?
774
00:30:06,389 --> 00:30:09,017
Oh yes, I do.
775
00:30:10,018 --> 00:30:13,313
You are out of your little pea
sized mind.
776
00:30:13,355 --> 00:30:14,606
What is wrong with you?
777
00:30:14,647 --> 00:30:17,442
Do you have any sense at all?
778
00:30:17,484 --> 00:30:18,735
Okay.
779
00:30:18,777 --> 00:30:19,277
Do you have any idea
how to run an office?
780
00:30:19,319 --> 00:30:20,653
[Michael] Yes.
781
00:30:20,695 --> 00:30:22,906
Every day you do something
stupider than you did
782
00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,282
the day before and I think,
783
00:30:24,324 --> 00:30:27,577
there's no possible way he can
top that.
784
00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:28,578
But what do you do?
785
00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:30,705
You find a way dammit to top it.
786
00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:32,290
You are a professional idiot.
787
00:30:32,332 --> 00:30:33,208
Hey stop it!
788
00:30:35,335 --> 00:30:36,711
Okay, everybody out.
789
00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:37,629
Who?
790
00:30:37,671 --> 00:30:38,963
Yeah everybody, except Stanley.
791
00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:43,385
(office shuffling)
792
00:30:47,430 --> 00:30:48,181
Let's go.
793
00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:49,307
I can't find my glasses.
794
00:30:49,349 --> 00:30:50,475
you know what?
795
00:30:50,517 --> 00:30:52,727
Why don't you take my hand and
leave 'em.
796
00:30:52,769 --> 00:30:54,187
Let's get outta here.
797
00:30:54,229 --> 00:30:55,188
Okay, okay.
798
00:30:57,899 --> 00:30:59,275
And that means you guys,
799
00:30:59,317 --> 00:31:00,402
you out.
800
00:31:01,444 --> 00:31:02,237
Get out.
801
00:31:05,699 --> 00:31:08,618
Oh it's Michael versus Stanley.
802
00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:10,954
And it is the Clash of the Titans.
803
00:31:10,995 --> 00:31:11,996
In one corner,
804
00:31:12,038 --> 00:31:15,125
you have Michael and he is mad.
805
00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:19,004
And then in the other corner
you have Stanley and he's mad.
806
00:31:19,838 --> 00:31:21,840
So that's about it.
807
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,932
(doors opening)
808
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:33,643
I don't see how this ends.
809
00:31:33,685 --> 00:31:38,314
It's what my grandma would
call a Peruvian standoff.
810
00:31:38,356 --> 00:31:39,482
You know,
811
00:31:39,524 --> 00:31:41,109
it's what neither person wants
to give in
812
00:31:41,151 --> 00:31:43,903
because of their ignorance
or the backward culture
813
00:31:43,945 --> 00:31:45,238
in which they were raised.
814
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:50,577
My grandma was very racist
like most Bolivians.
815
00:31:56,207 --> 00:31:57,375
Goodbye, Xterramigo.
816
00:31:59,127 --> 00:32:02,255
you were one heck of a motor carriage.
817
00:32:02,297 --> 00:32:03,798
Andy...
818
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,216
I can't believe Dwight did that.
819
00:32:05,258 --> 00:32:07,177
He totally took advantage of my kindness.
820
00:32:07,218 --> 00:32:09,012
He did not take advantage of you.
821
00:32:09,054 --> 00:32:10,680
He bested you.
822
00:32:10,722 --> 00:32:11,639
You were bested.
823
00:32:14,601 --> 00:32:16,061
Come on, come on, come on.
824
00:32:22,025 --> 00:32:22,942
You know, my dad gave me that car.
825
00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:25,737
So I guess it's all profit.
826
00:32:25,779 --> 00:32:27,655
I wonder if we could get it
on Pay-Per-View or something.
827
00:32:27,697 --> 00:32:30,116
I mean, I really want to know
what's happening up there.
828
00:32:30,158 --> 00:32:31,451
I could go back for my glasses.
829
00:32:31,493 --> 00:32:33,161
No, that's like going
into a burning building
830
00:32:33,203 --> 00:32:34,621
for an ugly pair of shoes.
831
00:32:36,081 --> 00:32:37,665
Hey, what really happened
today?
832
00:32:37,707 --> 00:32:38,667
What do you mean?
833
00:32:38,708 --> 00:32:39,876
I mean, I don't need my glasses
834
00:32:39,918 --> 00:32:41,002
to know when somebody's
stressing you out.
835
00:32:41,044 --> 00:32:42,128
What happened today?
836
00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:46,216
Ryan is trying to get rid of me.
837
00:32:47,384 --> 00:32:49,678
He came in today to give
me an official warning
838
00:32:49,719 --> 00:32:51,221
about my job performance.
839
00:32:51,262 --> 00:32:52,013
What?
840
00:32:52,889 --> 00:32:54,474
God, he's such a creep.
841
00:32:55,308 --> 00:32:57,602
That really pisses me off.
842
00:32:57,644 --> 00:32:59,020
I'm going to bash his face in.
843
00:32:59,062 --> 00:33:01,022
Then I'm gonna bash his
face in with a stale bagel.
844
00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:03,316
Then I'm gonna throw rock at his car.
845
00:33:03,358 --> 00:33:04,734
Come on, we're going
to New York right now.
846
00:33:04,776 --> 00:33:05,652
I'm driving.
847
00:33:05,694 --> 00:33:06,486
If I hit him without my glasses,
848
00:33:06,528 --> 00:33:07,737
I don't think it's a crime.
849
00:33:07,779 --> 00:33:09,364
Great.
850
00:33:09,406 --> 00:33:12,075
God, I should have told
you all about this sooner.
851
00:33:12,117 --> 00:33:14,119
- What a jerk!
- What a jerk.
852
00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:17,956
(door opening)
853
00:33:19,124 --> 00:33:21,710
(door closing)
854
00:33:24,170 --> 00:33:25,964
I don't understand why
you keep picking on me.
855
00:33:26,006 --> 00:33:27,257
Oh for the love of God.
856
00:33:27,298 --> 00:33:30,135
You just do I don't know why,
857
00:33:30,176 --> 00:33:33,096
so please help me understand.
858
00:33:33,138 --> 00:33:35,765
Fine, here it is.
859
00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:38,935
You are a person, I do not respect.
860
00:33:38,977 --> 00:33:40,645
The things you say, your actions,
861
00:33:40,687 --> 00:33:43,273
your methods and style,
everything you would do
862
00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:45,358
I would do it the opposite way.
863
00:33:49,654 --> 00:33:50,447
Well, Stanley,
864
00:33:51,740 --> 00:33:54,117
maybe you are feeling
that you don't respect me
865
00:33:54,159 --> 00:33:56,369
because you don't know me very well.
866
00:33:56,411 --> 00:33:59,330
Michael, I've known you a very
long time
867
00:33:59,372 --> 00:34:01,291
and the more I've gotten to know you,
868
00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:03,460
the less I've come to respect to you.
869
00:34:04,794 --> 00:34:06,004
Any other theories?
870
00:34:12,385 --> 00:34:14,137
Alright, you don't respect me.
871
00:34:15,847 --> 00:34:16,639
I accept that.
872
00:34:18,892 --> 00:34:20,477
But listen to me,
873
00:34:20,518 --> 00:34:23,813
you can't talk to me
that way in this office.
874
00:34:23,855 --> 00:34:24,939
You just can't.
875
00:34:24,981 --> 00:34:26,149
I am your boss.
876
00:34:27,567 --> 00:34:28,360
Can't allow it.
877
00:34:29,944 --> 00:34:30,695
Fair enough.
878
00:34:35,825 --> 00:34:37,494
(hands shaking)
879
00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:40,497
I am a good person and sometimes
880
00:34:40,538 --> 00:34:43,500
good people don't get no respect.
881
00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:44,459
Rodney Dangerfield,
882
00:34:46,211 --> 00:34:48,797
"Hey, y'all don't get no respect,
883
00:34:48,838 --> 00:34:50,840
"no respect at all.
884
00:34:50,882 --> 00:34:52,175
"When I was in the sandbox as a kid.
885
00:34:52,217 --> 00:34:53,635
"I got no respect.
886
00:34:55,387 --> 00:34:57,931
"My wife likes to talk after sex.
887
00:34:57,972 --> 00:35:00,225
"So she called me from a hotel room,
888
00:35:00,266 --> 00:35:02,352
"said 'I don't respect you.'"
889
00:35:02,394 --> 00:35:03,436
(sighs)
890
00:35:03,478 --> 00:35:04,354
Thoughtless.
891
00:35:06,439 --> 00:35:09,192
Ah, you know what don't get no
respect?
892
00:35:09,234 --> 00:35:10,735
Airplane food.
893
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:14,239
Why don't they just make the
plane out of the airline food?
894
00:35:17,909 --> 00:35:20,203
My wife don't get no respect.
895
00:35:20,245 --> 00:35:22,789
So take her please for example,
896
00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:28,169
if you don't get no respect,
you might be redneck.
897
00:35:29,879 --> 00:35:33,049
Respect is nice.
898
00:35:33,091 --> 00:35:34,092
Borat.
899
00:35:37,053 --> 00:35:39,723
What's the deal with grape nuts?
900
00:35:39,764 --> 00:35:41,433
No grapes, no nuts.
901
00:35:42,934 --> 00:35:44,185
I don't got no respect.
902
00:35:47,147 --> 00:35:50,108
(door opening)
903
00:35:50,150 --> 00:35:51,067
Hey Michael how'd it go?
904
00:35:51,109 --> 00:35:52,610
Hey weirdo.
905
00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:53,945
What are you doing?
906
00:35:53,987 --> 00:35:56,448
Hanging out, flashing
people in the parking lot?
907
00:35:58,241 --> 00:36:00,076
No, I just stayed to see how
it went.
908
00:36:00,118 --> 00:36:01,327
Are you gonna to have to fire
Stanley?
909
00:36:01,369 --> 00:36:04,289
No, no enough blood has been
bled today.
910
00:36:06,583 --> 00:36:09,252
Well, I think it was really admirable.
911
00:36:09,294 --> 00:36:11,254
The way you stuck with a problem
912
00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:12,714
saw through to the end today.
913
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,009
And you were good and firm
with everybody upstairs
914
00:36:16,051 --> 00:36:18,094
when you told them to leave.
915
00:36:18,136 --> 00:36:20,055
Think you earned their respect.
916
00:36:20,096 --> 00:36:22,223
So, nice job.
917
00:36:24,184 --> 00:36:25,185
Thank you.
918
00:36:27,228 --> 00:36:28,396
But unfortunately, coming from you,
919
00:36:28,438 --> 00:36:29,898
that means absolutely nothing.
920
00:36:32,817 --> 00:36:34,152
Have a good night Michael.
921
00:36:37,113 --> 00:36:38,990
Guy's the worst.
922
00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:43,078
(Michael chuckles)
923
00:36:43,119 --> 00:36:47,374
So I'm thinking as a reward
for our loyal clients,
924
00:36:47,415 --> 00:36:49,751
that we contact their assistants
925
00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:51,670
and we find out where they live.
926
00:36:51,711 --> 00:36:55,507
And then we go to their houses
in the middle of the summer
927
00:36:55,548 --> 00:36:56,841
and go caroling.
928
00:36:56,883 --> 00:36:59,761
It is a summer Christmas
sale-abration
929
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:03,807
and we call it a summer
sales-a-lot.
930
00:37:05,141 --> 00:37:06,017
Feedback?
931
00:37:06,059 --> 00:37:07,143
Anybody, Stanley?
932
00:37:08,728 --> 00:37:10,855
Has potential to be your best
idea yet.
933
00:37:13,149 --> 00:37:15,944
That's the dumbest thing I
ever heard.
934
00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:18,655
Dammit Phyllis alright,
everybody out except Phyllis.
935
00:37:22,409 --> 00:37:25,912
(upbeat music)
63760
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