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1
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,760
(Jim) Hey.
(Pam) Hey.
2
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,975
Oh, what's this?
3
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,518
That is a demerit.
4
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,021
"Jim Halpert, tardiness."
5
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,689
Ugh.
6
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,482
I love it already.
You've gotta learn, Jim.
7
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:25,650
You are second in command,
8
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,277
but that does not put you
above the law.
9
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,403
Oh, I understand.
10
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,530
And I also have
lots of questions, like,
11
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,532
what does a demerit mean?
12
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,992
[scoffs]
Let's put it this way.
13
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,202
You do not want to receive
three of those.
14
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:37,370
Lay it on me.
15
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,955
Three demerits
and you'll receive a citation.
16
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,665
Now that sounds serious.
17
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,666
Oh, it is serious.
18
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,126
Five citations
19
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,419
and you're looking
at a violation.
20
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,670
Four of those
21
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,297
and you'll receive
a verbal warning.
22
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,299
Keep it up, and you're looking
at a written warning.
23
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,967
Two of those,
24
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,886
that'll land you
in a world of hurt...
25
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,305
in the form
of a disciplinary review
26
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,598
written up by me
27
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,641
and placed on the desk
of my immediate superior.
28
00:00:58,683 --> 00:00:59,851
Which would be me.
29
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,020
That is correct.
30
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,064
Okay, I want a copy
on my desk
31
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,441
by the end of the day
or you will receive
32
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,859
a full disadulation.
33
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,111
What's a dis...
34
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,154
what's that?
35
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,407
Oh, you don't want to know.
36
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,706
{\an8}[cheerful music]
37
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:30,256
{\an8}♪ ♪
38
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,278
[door opens]
39
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:57,575
{\an8}Hey, Phyllis.
40
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,785
{\an8}You all right?
41
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,996
{\an8}I think I just got flashed.
42
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,415
{\an8}(Pam)
What?
43
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,582
{\an8}Really?
44
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,584
{\an8}In the parking lot.
45
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,712
{\an8}(Pam)
Oh, my God.
46
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,214
{\an8}Move!
47
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,924
{\an8}Okay, I'll call
the real police.
48
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,092
{\an8}What happened?
49
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,343
{\an8}What can I do
to help?
50
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,928
{\an8}Okay.
51
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:20,223
{\an8}I'll check the web.
52
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,058
{\an8}(Jim)
Thank you.
53
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,310
{\an8}The police are on it.
54
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,312
{\an8}They say they've already had
three calls.
55
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,607
{\an8}Can you tell us
what happened?
56
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,109
{\an8}Um...
57
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,694
{\an8}I was walking
to the building
58
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,030
{\an8}and this man
asked me for directions.
59
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,782
{\an8}And he was holding a map.
60
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,118
{\an8}And when I walked over,
61
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,288
{\an8}he had it out...
62
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,998
{\an8}on the map.
63
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,292
{\an8}Phyllis.
You're a married woman.
64
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,543
{\an8}(Creed)
The guy was just
65
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,711
{\an8}hanging brain.
66
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,129
{\an8}I mean,
what's all the fuss?
67
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,382
If that's flashing,
then lock me up.
68
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:55,967
Do you want me
to get Bob Vance?
69
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:56,968
He's on the way.
70
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,303
Hey. What's going on?
71
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:01,222
Phyllis got flashed
in the parking lot.
72
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,474
[screams]
73
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,851
Okay, you need to stop that
right now.
74
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:07,520
(Pam) It's gonna be okay.
75
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,314
Phyllis!
(Phyllis) Hi.
76
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,857
[both murmuring indistinctly]
77
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,068
You sure?
78
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,405
[Bob murmuring indistinctly]
79
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,615
(Bob) ...or?
Okay.
80
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,453
[car engine groaning]
81
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,301
Hey, moon face.
82
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:42,681
You're gonna
burn your eyes out.
83
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,557
I know how to use lenses.
84
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,024
[whispering]
It's just, like, so creepy.
85
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,943
[Pam and Ryan whispering]
86
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,820
What's happening?
87
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,154
Oh, some guy
exposed himself
88
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,572
to Phyllis
in the parking lot.
89
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:01,449
Really?
90
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,450
Is she okay?
91
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,952
Yeah, Bob Vance
took her for a walk
92
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,286
to calm down.
93
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,122
Okay.
94
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,582
[deep breath]
95
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,667
Phyllis, you say?
96
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,711
[Michael snorts]
97
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,795
Hmm.
98
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,463
[suppressed laughter]
99
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,715
What is so funny?
100
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,718
Um... I mean,
did he even see Pam?
101
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,011
Or, uh...
102
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,554
Karen from behind?
103
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,556
I'm guessing not.
104
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:28,393
[laughing softly]
105
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,811
I'm sorry.
106
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:33,648
[laughing]
107
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,775
It's pretty funny
when you think about it.
108
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,235
Mm... not really, no.
109
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,987
It's disgusting
and demeaning.
110
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,405
Oh, okay.
111
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,199
Masters of comedy.
A guy dropped his pants.
112
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,951
Have you ever been
to the circus?
113
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,579
Okay.
114
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,627
He's back!
[employee groans]
115
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,130
[Michael laughs]
116
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,590
Okay. Hmm.
117
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,383
[babbling]
118
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,426
Waagh!
119
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,094
(Toby)
Hey, what's going on?
120
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,512
There's a police car
in the...
121
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,181
What? Oh.
122
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,640
[makes descending scale]
123
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,601
What's going on?
124
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,353
Oh, Phyllis got flashed.
125
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,479
It's, uh...
126
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,521
[laughter]
127
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,982
I don't think
laughing about it's
128
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,442
appropriate response.
129
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,110
Oh, come on--
we are laughing at Phyllis,
130
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,279
but she's not even here,
so no harm, no foul.
131
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,739
I don't think the women
in this office--
132
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,657
Incidentally, where were you
during all of this?
133
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:25,867
Maybe you're the flasher.
134
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,619
I was at
a parent-teacher conference.
135
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,995
Uh-huh.
136
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,456
Prove it.
Let's see your penis.
137
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,793
[exhales]
138
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,461
I...
139
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,837
you know,
140
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,674
as that was coming
out of my mouth,
141
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,301
I knew that it was wrong.
142
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,264
In all the excitement,
143
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,393
I forgot
that my primary goal
144
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,979
is to keep people safe.
145
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,941
Women can't have fun
146
00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,484
if they don't feel safe.
147
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:03,029
For example,
Jan and I have a safe word
148
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,573
in case things go too far.
149
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,033
"Foliage."
150
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,994
And if one of us
says that word,
151
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,038
the other one has to stop.
152
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:18,044
Although last time...
153
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,672
she pretended
she didn't hear me.
154
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,841
[Jan on speakerphone] So how are you liking
"The Wall Street Journal" subscription?
155
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,175
Love it.
156
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,218
Are you reading it every day,
157
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,636
like we decided you would?
158
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,555
Uh, yes, I am.
159
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:29,848
Good. Good.
160
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,683
It's the best business
reporting, isn't it?
161
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,228
[exhales noisily]
Uh, yeah. It's okay.
162
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:38,023
I just--I don't think
the cartoons are very funny.
163
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:41,067
Wait, wait. What cartoons?
164
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,778
The cartoon that goes
with each article.
165
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,240
This one says "Mel Karmazin."
I don't-- I don't know.
166
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,992
I guess I get it.
167
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,202
[Jan sighs on speakerphone]
You should really start recycling.
168
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,289
[Jan on speakerphone]
I--um, Michael, come over after work tonight, okay?
169
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,374
I miss your body.
170
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,002
I don't know.
I feel...
171
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,545
I drive a lot.
172
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,964
I'm spending a fortune
on gas and tolls--
173
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,007
I'll give you $200.
174
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,342
And if I get up before you,
175
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,634
I'll leave it on the dresser.
176
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,762
Um, that...
I don't know.
177
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,096
That makes me
kind of uncomfortable.
178
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,556
$300?
179
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,808
I...uh, well,
I don't know.
180
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,435
You know, whatever.
181
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,686
Just let my assistant know
if you're coming over
182
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,063
so he can get more vodka,
okay?
183
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,439
Hunter, are you on?
184
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,107
[Hunter on speakerphone]
You got it, Jan.
185
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,488
(Dwight)
Employees of this office are very small and delicate.
186
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,532
Deserve protection
from local pervs.
187
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,576
Better 1,000 innocent men
are locked up
188
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,745
than one guilty man
roam free.
189
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,913
[exhales]
190
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,539
I am sick over this thing.
191
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,750
Those people out there
are clearly afraid.
192
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,126
And that can't happen.
193
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:41,628
Not in my house. Agreed.
194
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,588
Let me show you
what I've been working on.
195
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,589
Okay.
196
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,591
There are
several penises there
197
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,926
I'd love Phyllis
to run her eyes over.
198
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,761
You know, see if we can catch
this pervert.
199
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,596
This is the last thing
200
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,723
that Phyllis needs
to see right now, Dwight.
201
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:54,683
Look at that one.
202
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,728
Dwight, are those
your pants?
203
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,689
That's a Polaroid.
204
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,401
Attention, everybody.
205
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,069
Dwight has something
he would like to say.
206
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,947
Due to a recent incident
involving Phyllis,
207
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,407
a man,
208
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,450
a map,
and his penis--
209
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,618
I think you know
what I'm referring to--
210
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,413
Michael has authorized me
to form
211
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:19,624
an emergency
anti-flashing task force.
212
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,418
Question.
213
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,878
Won't that interfere
with your other task forces?
214
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,798
Answer: no, because this
is being given priority one.
215
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,383
[exhales]
216
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,801
This is a petition
217
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,386
for the business park to
upgrade their security cameras
218
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,304
as well as install
two floodlights
219
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,681
in the parking lot.
220
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,474
And I know--
I know what you're thinking.
221
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,852
Won't that just
shed more light
222
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,311
on the penises?
223
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,605
But that is a risk
we have to take.
224
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,232
Pam.
You can draw, kind of.
225
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,734
Why don't you work
with Phallus
226
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:46,735
on drawing a picture
227
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,777
of the exposer
228
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:48,945
that I can post
around the community?
229
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,071
"Phallus"?
230
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,489
Phyllis. Sorry.
231
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,991
I've got penises
on the brain.
232
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,701
Back to work, everybody.
233
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,501
I don't often miss Roy.
234
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,670
But I can tell you one thing.
235
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,548
I wish someone had flashed me
when I was with Roy.
236
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,134
Because that would have been
the ass-kicking of the year.
237
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,510
[small laugh]
238
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,722
Especially
if it had been Jim.
239
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,433
He would not have wanted me
to have seen Jim's...
240
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,519
Whoo, I am...
241
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,854
I am saying a lot of things.
242
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,237
Hey, good looking.
What you got cooking?
243
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,822
I got nothing cooking.
244
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,366
It's cooked.
245
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,618
It's borscht,
and it's served cold.
246
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,411
Hey, listen, I am sure
everyone's already told you,
247
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:42,165
but your presentation out there
248
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,751
Was pretty inspiring stuff.
249
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,294
Must be nice being
a woman around here,
250
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,755
knowing they have
a protector in you.
251
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,048
If you're trying
to kiss my ass,
252
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,591
I would not suggest it.
253
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,761
Believe me, you do not
want to kiss this ass.
254
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:58,973
Borscht, according to Dwight,
is best served cold.
255
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,101
You know what else
is best served cold?
256
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,102
Yeah,
257
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,270
gazpacho.
258
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,897
You see what I'm doing?
259
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,150
I am establishing a mutual love
of cold soups.
260
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,568
This is the first step
261
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,197
in my plan to win
Dwight's trust.
262
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,450
I should make you
my vichyssoise.
263
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:21,579
I will never
be your vichyssoise.
264
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,959
I didn't really get
a good look.
265
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,460
That's okay.
266
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,629
I don't feel
like answering phones.
267
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,549
Hey, did you guys see this memo
that Dwight sent out?
268
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,467
"Women will be sent home
269
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,512
"if they wear makeup or heels
exceeding 1/4 inch.
270
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,597
"Females are not allowed
to speak to strangers
271
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,558
"unless given written authorization
272
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:42,851
by Dwight Schrute."
273
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,477
This is ridiculous. Attention.
274
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,855
I am removing all bananas
from the kitchen.
275
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,817
Dwight, this memo
that you distributed
276
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,777
is insulting.
277
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,654
Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
278
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:55,905
(Pam)
"Sleeves down to the wrists,
279
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:58,324
buttoned-up collars,
and muted colors."
280
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,909
Nobody dresses like that.
281
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,078
(Michael)
Okay, you know something, Dwight?
282
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,496
We are not the terrorists.
283
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,165
Why don't you just
take these women,
284
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,834
put 'em in a burlap sack,
and hit 'em with a stick?
285
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,377
Because that's
what you're doing.
286
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,171
I celebrate these women.
287
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:14,632
They deserve the right
to dress as they please.
288
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,176
If Pam wants
to show more cleavage,
289
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,427
she should be able to.
290
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:18,845
I encourage that.
291
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,180
(Karen)
Look, it's really simple.
292
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,891
We just want you guys
to treat us with respect.
293
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,642
See? That's what
we're talking about.
294
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,852
Did you hear that, Dwight?
295
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,228
Yes.
296
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,646
Did you hear that, Michael?
297
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,025
No, Dwight. Respect.
R-E-S-P--svee--T.
298
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,527
Find out what it means
to me.
299
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:37,655
All right, you know what?
That's it.
300
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,074
Conference room,
five minutes.
301
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,367
Women's appreciation.
302
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,327
Wait a second, how are you
qualified for that?
303
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,412
Oh, I don't know, James.
304
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,206
Did I come from a woman?
305
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,707
Have I slept
with a woman?
306
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,709
More than one?
Mm, less than three.
307
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,711
That is not current.
You know what?
308
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,463
Why doesn't Oscar
run the meeting?
309
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:54,881
He's a homosexual.
310
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,716
Why don't you run the meeting?
You play with dolls.
311
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:57,884
Those are collectable
action figures
312
00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,844
and they're worth more
than your car.
313
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,471
You know what?
I am the expert.
314
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,847
I will conduct it.
315
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,432
I know the crap out of women.
316
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:08,103
Sometimes I imagine
317
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:12,023
what it would be like
to be a woman.
318
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,734
I have a full-length mirror
in my bathroom,
319
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:19,739
and before I get dressed,
I'll tuck myself...
320
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:23,743
between my legs just to see.
321
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,079
And, um,
322
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:29,249
it's uncomfortable.
323
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,835
So maybe I do understand.
324
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,169
I, um...
325
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:36,006
would like to apologize
for all of the men
326
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,757
who thought
this was a laughing matter.
327
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,175
You were making jokes.
328
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,760
I was illustrating a point.
329
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:41,970
Are we still
discussing this?
330
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,556
I say again,
what is the big deal?
331
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,934
Nobody likes to be flashed.
332
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,645
When Meredith flashed me
at that Christmas party,
333
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:51,813
I nearly vomited.
334
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,356
I don't remember doing that.
335
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,025
What a surprise.
336
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,359
(Michael)
Okay, no catfights. Please. Let's--
337
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,445
my point is...
338
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,032
my point is...
339
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,450
a penis,
340
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,661
when seen
in the right context,
341
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,831
is the most wonderful sight
for a woman.
342
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,249
But in the wrong context,
343
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,417
it is like a monster movie.
344
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,002
Alien.
Blagh!
345
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,628
What are--shut it.
Shut. Up.
346
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,297
Okay, so what I want
347
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:21,468
to engage us in today
is a hardcore discussion
348
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:25,180
about women's problems
and issues
349
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,598
and situations.
350
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,433
Magazines and TV shows
351
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,353
and movies portray women
352
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,439
as skinny, tall goddesses.
353
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,733
Well, look around.
354
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,526
Are women like that?
355
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,445
No.
356
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:43,198
No, they are not.
357
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,657
Even the hot ones
358
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,619
aren't really
that skinny.
359
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,371
So what does that say?
360
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,498
That says that you women
361
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,458
are up against it.
362
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,626
And it is criminal.
363
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,336
Society doesn't care.
364
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,046
Society sucks.
365
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,840
I don't even consider myself
a part of society.
366
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,092
FYI.
367
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,387
Because I am so angry
over all of this.
368
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,138
If it were up to me,
369
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,642
you ladies
would be the fashion models.
370
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,018
Yes, Andy.
371
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,104
Then the fashion models
could come here
372
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:14,896
and work with me.
373
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,231
What you're saying
374
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,524
is extremely misogynistic.
375
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,276
Yes.
Thank you.
376
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,278
That was not necessary,
377
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,655
but I appreciated it.
378
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,073
And it proves my point--
379
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:29,202
that a woman as hot
and sexy as Karen
380
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:32,664
can know a word like
"misogynistic."
381
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,124
Women can do anything.
382
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:37,335
I'm saying
that you're being sexist.
383
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,754
No, I'm being misogynistic.
384
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,339
That is insane.
I am not being sexist.
385
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,716
That--
it's the same thing.
386
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,884
(Phyllis) Michael.
Yes.
387
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,094
When I got my hair
cut short,
388
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,138
you asked me
if I was a lesbian.
389
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,764
Because wha...
390
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,474
that was one
possible explanation
391
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,560
as to why
you got that haircut.
392
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,437
And when we get mad,
you always ask us
393
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,147
if we're on our periods.
394
00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:59,315
I have to know
whether you're serious or not.
395
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,860
I wish I could menstruate.
396
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,528
If I could menstruate,
I wouldn't have to deal
397
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,196
with idiotic calendars anymore.
398
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,241
I'd just be able to count down
from my previous cycle.
399
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:11,327
Plus, I'd be more in tune
with the moon and the tides.
400
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,580
Everything you think is wrong.
401
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,123
Can we just get back
to work?
402
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,499
Ye--okay, yes.
403
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,501
One more--one more, um...
404
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,836
orgasms.
405
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,379
Why can't women have them?
406
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,464
Yeah.
No.
407
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,798
I'm not a lawyer,
408
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,216
but I don't think
this is the place to do this.
409
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,093
This is not work talk.
You're right.
410
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,720
You're right, you're right.
And you know why?
411
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:29,679
It's because
412
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,805
of where we are.
413
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,099
This is
a masculine environment.
414
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:36,561
We need to find a place
where you feel comfortable.
415
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,522
You know
where we're gonna go?
416
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,690
The Steamtown Mall.
417
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:42,650
[Kelly gasps]
418
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,152
Frankly,
it's kind of insulting.
419
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:47,238
But I have a bunch of stuff
I need to return in my car.
420
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,158
So... I could do that.
421
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,702
Malls are just awful
and humiliating.
422
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,496
They're just store
after store
423
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,873
of these horrible salespeople
making a big fuss
424
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,125
out of an adult shopping
in a junior's section.
425
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:03,963
There are petite adults
who are sort of... smaller
426
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,674
who need to wear...
427
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,093
maybe a kids' size 10.
428
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,845
♪ We're going to the mall ♪
429
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:13,807
Bye, Ryan!
Bye!
430
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,975
Okay, let's go,
431
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,769
ladies of Dunder-Mifflin.
432
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,146
Hey, we should have
a calendar printed up.
433
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,524
Pam, put that
in my good idea folder.
434
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,275
Let's go!
435
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,027
(Dwight)
Have you finished with the sketch?
436
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:27,862
Yeah.
437
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,698
Hmm, doesn't seem
like the type.
438
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,241
Uh, Phyllis got
a good look.
439
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:32,867
Hmm.
440
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:39,124
I plan on plastering
this pervert's face everywhere.
441
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:42,335
You can run,
but you cannot hide.
442
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,173
Let's go.
Fall off.
443
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:50,385
Let's go.
Move, move, move, move.
444
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,142
I got shotgun.
445
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,102
Damn it.
446
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:07,861
[tires screeching]
Oh.
447
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,195
(Angela)
Meredith, slow down!
448
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,905
We're not gonna get there
any faster if we're dead.
449
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,907
Thanks.
I know how to drive.
450
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:19,456
(Pam)
Oh, yeah.
451
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:20,915
You really shouldn't litter.
452
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:24,085
My car, my rules.
453
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,342
Hey, Jim.
454
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,552
You wanna go
in the women's bathroom?
455
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:33,762
No.
456
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,763
Thank you, though.
457
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,598
You aren't curious?
458
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:37,766
Not really.
459
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,142
I've seen a bathroom before.
460
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,602
Yeah, but...
461
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:43,021
it's every guy's fantasy.
462
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,440
I think you mean
a girls' locker room.
463
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,776
And in the fantasy,
there's usually girls in it.
464
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,944
[quietly]
Yeah.
465
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,738
I'm going in.
466
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,531
Go crazy.
467
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,830
Oh... my...God.
468
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,999
(Andy)
I really appreciate your letting me work
469
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,167
alongside you
so closely today.
470
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,835
Of course you do,
moon face.
471
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,170
That's because
you're a preppy freak,
472
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,005
you're the office pariah,
and nobody likes you.
473
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,925
So start hanging these
all around the building.
474
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,099
This guy looks like
a real deviant.
475
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,059
No, duh.
That's why we gotta catch him.
476
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,268
Start hanging those.
477
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,770
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
478
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,814
More like,
"Aye, aye, General."
479
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:29,818
Hey, General, have you ever
thought how cool you would look
480
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,486
with a mustache?
481
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:35,490
Especially with
your Camaro.
482
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,200
Let me be clear:
483
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:38,827
there's only one thing that's
important to me,
484
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,829
and it's not friendship.
485
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,997
It's dominance.
486
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,001
And I think I know a thing
or two about dominating.
487
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,878
Okay, I lived with a dominatrix
488
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,965
for three years
in Stanford.
489
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:55,093
Mistress Lyla.
490
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:59,139
Taught me more
than any college professor
491
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,017
I ever had
while attending Cornell,
492
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:05,020
which is where
I went to school.
493
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,314
(Michael)
I don't think she's gonna make it.
494
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,983
Don't think
she's gonna make it--
495
00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:12,861
[metal scraping]
496
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,738
It's a little too tight.
497
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,490
I'm gonna find another spot.
498
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:20,160
Many women
are competent drivers.
499
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,370
[scraping]
(Michael) Okay.
500
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,621
Come on.
501
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,212
[exhales]
502
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,506
This is what we know.
503
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,178
(Jim)
Well, I stand corrected.
504
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,554
This is pretty cool.
505
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:40,722
Yes.
506
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:42,057
Hey, uh...
507
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,100
where'd you decide
to take Karen tonight?
508
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,435
Anna Maria's.
509
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:46,686
(Ryan)
What's the occasion?
510
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:47,937
Six-month anniversary.
511
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,983
What?
512
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,902
Nothing--I think, uh,
we all kinda thought
513
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,362
you guys were just,
like, hooking up.
514
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:59,032
No, we've been dating
for six months.
515
00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:03,745
Uh, she might mention
an email that I wrote
516
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,205
a while back, um--
517
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,539
Oh, right.
I remember that one.
518
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,334
She read it to me.
She said...
519
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,252
she's not really ready
to date somebody in the office,
520
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:14,005
but she really likes you
as a friend.
521
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,006
I figured.
522
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,257
It's cool.
523
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,425
I don't--
I wouldn't want to be
524
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,386
in an office relationship anyway.
525
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,682
All right.
526
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,850
Hope nobody's on a diet.
527
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,477
Thanks, Michael.
You're welcome.
528
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,479
You're welcome,
you're welcome.
529
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:32,607
Okay.
530
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,192
So, let's dish.
531
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,277
What do you want
to dish about?
532
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:38,697
Anything you guys want.
This is your time.
533
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,374
[Michael exhales]
534
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:55,213
Mm.
What is a Pap smear?
535
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,798
Or is it "shmear?"
536
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,133
Like the cream cheese.
537
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,968
Okay.
New topic.
538
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:02,429
Kelly, how are things
with Ryan?
539
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:03,596
Awesome.
540
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,265
Um, awful, I mean.
541
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,976
But, uh,
sometimes awesome.
542
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,436
(Michael)
What, um...
543
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,187
what do you think
of role-play?
544
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,647
Oh, it can be fun.
545
00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:13,982
Yeah?
546
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:17,360
Well, Jan has
this schoolgirl fantasy.
547
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,862
It's a pretty common one.
548
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,155
I just...
549
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,282
I feel uncomfortable
wearing the dress.
550
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,533
Okay.
551
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,286
I'm gonna be
at the doll store.
552
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:28,663
Sometimes, the clothes
at GapKids are just too flashy.
553
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:30,999
So I'm forced to go
to the American Girl store
554
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:35,086
and order clothes
for large colonial dolls.
555
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,838
Michael,
you shouldn't do anything
556
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,340
that you're
uncomfortable with.
557
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:40,050
Jan says anything
that doesn't scare us
558
00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:41,676
is not worth doing.
559
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:44,346
I don't know.
Maybe we're different people.
560
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,139
I like cuddling
and spooning
561
00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:47,849
and she likes
videotaping us during sex.
562
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:48,892
Oh, my God.
563
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,185
[Michael groans]
564
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,936
And then watching it back
right afterward
565
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,855
to improve my form.
566
00:21:53,897 --> 00:21:55,273
That is not
healthy behavior.
567
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:56,524
No, it's not
that bad.
568
00:21:56,566 --> 00:21:59,361
The worst part
is that she shows it
569
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,363
to her therapist
and they discuss it.
570
00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:03,531
Michael, you need
to get out of this.
571
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,033
No, she's...
572
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,659
she's fooling around.
573
00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:08,453
It's a woman thing.
574
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,830
No, normal women
don't do stuff like that.
575
00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:13,249
This is bad.
576
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:22,926
No...
577
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:24,052
No, it's all right.
I'm okay.
578
00:22:24,094 --> 00:22:25,095
I'm okay.
579
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,222
[sniffling]
580
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:30,058
You guys...
581
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,769
what am I gonna do
about Jan?
582
00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:34,354
[Michael sighs]
583
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:40,276
Done.
584
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:41,903
Read the pros first.
585
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:44,698
Okay.
Jan is smart.
586
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:46,783
Uh, successful.
587
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:48,952
Good clothes. Hot.
588
00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:51,121
Perfect skin.
589
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:52,455
Nice butt.
590
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:53,873
She does have
very nice clothes.
591
00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:56,668
Okay, okay.
Um, cons.
592
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:57,877
Cons.
593
00:22:57,919 --> 00:23:00,255
Wears too much makeup.
594
00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:02,841
Breasts: not anything
to write home about.
595
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,467
Insecure about body.
596
00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:05,844
I'm unhappy
when I'm with her.
597
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:06,886
Flat-chested.
598
00:23:06,928 --> 00:23:08,179
What was the last one?
599
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,265
She's totally flat.
Shrunken chesticles.
600
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:12,350
No, the one
before that.
601
00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:15,228
I'm unhappy
when I'm with her.
602
00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:16,813
Michael...
603
00:23:16,855 --> 00:23:19,149
you shouldn't be with someone
who doesn't make you happy.
604
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:20,650
I'm happy sometimes.
605
00:23:20,692 --> 00:23:23,862
Um...
606
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,530
when we scrapbook
607
00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:28,408
or right towards the end
of having sex.
608
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:29,909
Look, most relationships
609
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:31,161
have their rough patches.
610
00:23:31,202 --> 00:23:33,455
You just have
to push through it sometimes.
611
00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:34,914
Yeah, that's smart. Maybe.
612
00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:37,500
But it sounds like you're just
wrong for each other.
613
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:39,544
That sounds good too.
614
00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:43,631
I don't know who's right.
615
00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:45,342
I just don't--I don't know.
I don't know.
616
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,593
I bet you know.
617
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:47,677
Don't think,
just answer.
618
00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:49,471
What do you want to do
about Jan?
619
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,848
I wanna break up
with Jan.
620
00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:53,683
Wow.
621
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:55,727
I wanna break up
with Jan.
622
00:23:57,312 --> 00:23:58,980
My mom taught me that.
623
00:24:00,899 --> 00:24:04,652
Wow, I cannot believe
this yogurt has no calories.
624
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:07,447
No one said
it has no calories.
625
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,616
Oh, hey, guys.
626
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,951
I want to do something nice
for you,
627
00:24:11,993 --> 00:24:15,372
because you did something
so nice for me earlier.
628
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,582
I want you
to go in there.
629
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:20,460
I want you to buy one item
on me as a thank-you.
630
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:22,754
Come on.
Get in here.
631
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:24,130
Look at that.
632
00:24:24,172 --> 00:24:27,342
Come on!
Free underwear.
633
00:24:30,011 --> 00:24:32,597
It is totally inappropriate,
634
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:35,892
but, on the other hand...
635
00:24:35,934 --> 00:24:37,560
Free panties! Free panties!
Free panties! Free panties!
636
00:24:37,602 --> 00:24:39,354
Free panties! Free panties!
Free--
637
00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:40,980
Let's face it, most guys
are from the Dark Ages.
638
00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:42,440
They're cavemen.
639
00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:45,527
And they like a woman
to be showing her cleavage
640
00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:47,779
and to be wearing
8-inch heels,
641
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:52,951
and to be wearing, um,
see-through underpants.
642
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:54,828
But...
643
00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:58,039
for me,
a woman looks best
644
00:24:58,081 --> 00:24:59,457
when she is
645
00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,668
just absolutely naked.
646
00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:08,675
This is so great, huh?
647
00:25:11,136 --> 00:25:13,096
We should do this
much more often.
648
00:25:13,138 --> 00:25:15,849
I-I think we hang out
an appropriate amount of time.
649
00:25:19,352 --> 00:25:21,521
What are you doing in here?
This is the women's room.
650
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:23,106
You're in here.
651
00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:24,691
I pay for that privilege.
652
00:25:31,031 --> 00:25:32,365
Okay.
653
00:25:32,407 --> 00:25:34,075
[speaking loudly]
I'm a pretty normal guy.
654
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:35,535
I do one weird thing.
655
00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:37,120
I like to go
in the women's room
656
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:38,288
for number two.
657
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:40,081
I've been caught
several times
658
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:42,125
and I have paid dearly.
659
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:43,710
[deep breath]
660
00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,170
Mm.
661
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,880
You don't want anything?
662
00:25:46,921 --> 00:25:48,423
My treat.
663
00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:51,176
Some panties or...
664
00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:53,053
pick a thong or...
665
00:25:53,094 --> 00:25:54,721
G-string.
666
00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:56,056
T-back.
667
00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:57,390
Get a nice bra.
668
00:25:57,432 --> 00:25:58,975
Padded bra.
669
00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:01,686
See-through,
push-up, lace?
670
00:26:01,728 --> 00:26:02,937
Thigh-high?
Bustier?
671
00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:04,522
Any--it just--
672
00:26:04,564 --> 00:26:07,067
you know what,
I would love to buy you
673
00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:08,651
a fresh set of underwear.
674
00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:11,780
(Karen)
Phyllis.
675
00:26:11,821 --> 00:26:13,156
What do you think?
Too much?
676
00:26:13,198 --> 00:26:14,783
Jim's gonna love it.
677
00:26:14,824 --> 00:26:16,785
[giggles]
678
00:26:21,706 --> 00:26:23,667
I'm kind of in-between
boyfriends right now.
679
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:26,503
So I don't need
anything sexy.
680
00:26:26,544 --> 00:26:28,421
But I do need
some new hand towels.
681
00:26:28,463 --> 00:26:31,132
I figure
I can cut up this robe.
682
00:26:31,174 --> 00:26:33,343
(Angela)
Slower.
683
00:26:33,385 --> 00:26:35,303
Slower.
684
00:26:35,345 --> 00:26:36,721
Meredith.
685
00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:38,264
[Michael's cell phone
ringing My Humps]
686
00:26:38,306 --> 00:26:40,016
Slow it up. Oh.
687
00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:41,851
Oh, no.
688
00:26:41,893 --> 00:26:43,436
[inhales sharply]
689
00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:44,521
It's Jan.
690
00:26:44,562 --> 00:26:46,189
What do I do?
691
00:26:46,231 --> 00:26:47,357
Answer it.
Don't answer it.
692
00:26:47,399 --> 00:26:51,236
♪ ♪
693
00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:52,904
Okay, it stopped.
694
00:26:52,946 --> 00:26:54,197
[bang]
695
00:26:54,239 --> 00:26:55,448
[tires screeching]
Crap.
696
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:56,950
(Kelly)
Whoa.
697
00:27:07,252 --> 00:27:09,963
[snickers]
698
00:27:10,005 --> 00:27:11,423
That is pretty cool.
699
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:18,430
(Kelly)
Michael, you know how to, um--
700
00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:20,223
change a wheel, right?
701
00:27:20,265 --> 00:27:22,392
Uh, yeah.
702
00:27:22,434 --> 00:27:25,729
Yep. Um...
703
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,480
Could somebody
grab me the lever,
704
00:27:27,522 --> 00:27:28,982
and I will...
705
00:27:29,024 --> 00:27:30,734
Here, uh... Meredith?
706
00:27:30,775 --> 00:27:32,360
Why don't you
put your hazards on.
707
00:27:32,402 --> 00:27:36,448
Yeah, get your hazards on
for safety.
708
00:27:36,489 --> 00:27:39,868
Let's see.
709
00:27:39,909 --> 00:27:41,453
There we go!
710
00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:43,038
Good.
711
00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:44,456
Yes, we have the...
712
00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:47,917
all right.
713
00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:49,794
(Pam)
I think I've got it.
714
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:54,966
Do you have a--
a crescent?
715
00:27:55,008 --> 00:27:56,217
A crescent Allan?
716
00:27:56,259 --> 00:27:58,428
I don't think we really
need that, Michael.
717
00:27:58,470 --> 00:27:59,721
Uh... you know what?
718
00:27:59,763 --> 00:28:01,765
I'm going to...
you take care of that.
719
00:28:01,806 --> 00:28:04,017
I'm gonna do traffic...
720
00:28:04,059 --> 00:28:05,268
detail.
721
00:28:05,310 --> 00:28:08,438
(Pam)
You know, I changed a tire today.
722
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,607
All by myself.
723
00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:12,317
This bathrobe's already
coming in handy.
724
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:13,610
[Meredith honking]
725
00:28:13,651 --> 00:28:16,112
Coming!
726
00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:21,034
Think we'll find him?
727
00:28:21,076 --> 00:28:22,202
Yeah, I do.
728
00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:23,995
'Cause justice
never rests.
729
00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:25,705
Halvsies?
730
00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:28,083
No.
Wholesies.
731
00:28:30,001 --> 00:28:31,711
Listen, man,
I really appreciate
732
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:32,962
you letting me
shadow you today.
733
00:28:33,004 --> 00:28:34,839
I feel like
I learned a lot. Natch.
734
00:28:34,881 --> 00:28:36,633
Yep.
735
00:28:36,675 --> 00:28:38,009
If you don't mind,
736
00:28:38,051 --> 00:28:40,136
I think I'll hang up
some of these posters
737
00:28:40,178 --> 00:28:41,137
around my neighborhood.
738
00:28:41,179 --> 00:28:43,848
Schools, post office,
et cetera.
739
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:46,267
You know,
740
00:28:46,309 --> 00:28:48,144
I may have
underestimated you.
741
00:28:48,186 --> 00:28:50,313
You're not a total ass.
742
00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:52,065
[coughs]
743
00:28:55,777 --> 00:28:58,405
You can make people believe anything.
744
00:28:58,446 --> 00:29:01,282
Today, I made Dwight believe
I like cold soups.
745
00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:02,575
Why?
746
00:29:02,617 --> 00:29:04,160
I don't know.
747
00:29:04,202 --> 00:29:06,705
I don't have to know.
748
00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:09,874
That's what makes me
so dangerous.
749
00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:21,052
Idiot.
750
00:29:22,595 --> 00:29:25,682
Okay, I am
really going to do this.
751
00:29:25,724 --> 00:29:27,058
(Pam)
Good luck, Michael.
752
00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:29,352
You know what?
I need my girls with me.
753
00:29:29,394 --> 00:29:30,729
Pam, Karen,
even Phyllis.
754
00:29:30,770 --> 00:29:32,147
Come on.
Let's do this.
755
00:29:32,188 --> 00:29:34,190
Let's do it.
756
00:29:36,401 --> 00:29:37,694
[sighs]
757
00:29:37,736 --> 00:29:39,237
Okay, remember, be strong.
758
00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:42,240
[dialing phone]
759
00:29:46,202 --> 00:29:47,704
I love you guys.
760
00:29:48,913 --> 00:29:50,623
Now I'm getting
her voicemail.
761
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:51,875
Don't leave a--
762
00:29:51,916 --> 00:29:52,959
Hey, Jan.
It's me, Michael.
763
00:29:53,001 --> 00:29:55,337
I'm just calling to say
764
00:29:55,378 --> 00:29:58,048
that I think we need
a little break, permanently.
765
00:29:58,089 --> 00:30:02,052
And, uh, I know
everybody says this,
766
00:30:02,093 --> 00:30:04,804
but I-I wanna remain friends.
767
00:30:04,846 --> 00:30:07,682
Or at least
business associates
768
00:30:07,724 --> 00:30:10,352
who get along.
769
00:30:10,393 --> 00:30:12,604
Oh, just so you know,
it's not me, it's you.
770
00:30:16,441 --> 00:30:17,859
Okay, buddy.
771
00:30:17,901 --> 00:30:19,235
Somebody just walked in.
772
00:30:19,277 --> 00:30:20,236
I have to go.
773
00:30:20,278 --> 00:30:21,821
Um, so I'll
talk to you later.
774
00:30:21,863 --> 00:30:24,449
[door closes]
775
00:30:24,491 --> 00:30:26,076
Michael...
[clears throat]
776
00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:28,244
I was, um...
777
00:30:28,286 --> 00:30:30,580
I was really unhappy
with our conversation earlier.
778
00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:32,999
And I...
779
00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:35,919
I just--I couldn't stop
thinking about it.
780
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,213
So I decided that I would
drive down here
781
00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:40,590
and apologize to you
in person.
782
00:30:40,632 --> 00:30:42,676
So...
783
00:30:49,182 --> 00:30:52,268
I'm sorry.
784
00:30:52,310 --> 00:30:55,438
Thank you.
785
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,274
So...
we're good?
786
00:30:58,316 --> 00:31:00,485
Abso-fruit-ly.
787
00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,362
[Jan's phone vibrates]
Oh. Hold on, I'm sorry.
788
00:31:02,404 --> 00:31:03,697
No... no...
789
00:31:03,738 --> 00:31:04,864
One second.
790
00:31:07,367 --> 00:31:09,661
Oh! It's from you.
791
00:31:12,831 --> 00:31:14,290
Uh, you wanna
grab some dinner?
792
00:31:14,332 --> 00:31:15,458
[voice on phone]
It's me, Michael.
793
00:31:15,500 --> 00:31:16,751
Yeah.
Okay.
794
00:31:16,793 --> 00:31:18,128
I'm just calling to say
that I think
795
00:31:18,169 --> 00:31:20,672
we need a little break, permanently.
796
00:31:20,714 --> 00:31:22,799
And, uh, I know
everybody says this,
797
00:31:22,841 --> 00:31:24,676
but I want...
798
00:31:24,718 --> 00:31:27,262
Maybe some Italian.
799
00:31:27,303 --> 00:31:29,973
Or at least
business associates--
800
00:31:30,015 --> 00:31:31,975
Chinese?
801
00:31:32,017 --> 00:31:33,810
Oh, just so you know,
802
00:31:33,852 --> 00:31:36,312
it's not me, it's you.
803
00:31:36,354 --> 00:31:38,440
Okay, buddy.
804
00:31:38,481 --> 00:31:39,774
Oh.
805
00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:43,653
[door closes]
806
00:31:43,695 --> 00:31:45,155
[Michael sighs]
807
00:31:45,196 --> 00:31:47,824
Any man who says
he totally understands women
808
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:49,826
is a fool.
809
00:31:49,868 --> 00:31:52,162
Because they are
un-understandable.
810
00:31:52,203 --> 00:31:55,623
There's a wishing fountain
at the mall.
811
00:31:55,665 --> 00:31:59,210
And I threw a coin in
for every woman in the world
812
00:31:59,252 --> 00:32:00,628
and made a wish.
813
00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:03,757
I wished for Jan
to get over me.
814
00:32:03,798 --> 00:32:06,593
I wished for Phyllis,
a plasma TV.
815
00:32:06,634 --> 00:32:10,055
I wished for Pam
to gain courage.
816
00:32:10,096 --> 00:32:12,932
I wished for Angela,
a heart,
817
00:32:12,974 --> 00:32:15,435
and for Kelly, a brain.
818
00:32:15,477 --> 00:32:17,812
And I should wish
for Meredith
819
00:32:17,854 --> 00:32:21,941
a minivan that does not smell
like vomit and cigarettes.
820
00:32:21,983 --> 00:32:24,486
"Michael, how can you
appreciate women so much
821
00:32:24,527 --> 00:32:26,946
but also dump one of them?"
822
00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:31,117
You mean, how can I be
so illogical
823
00:32:31,159 --> 00:32:33,203
and flighty
and unpredictable
824
00:32:33,244 --> 00:32:35,330
and emotional?
825
00:32:37,707 --> 00:32:40,168
Well, maybe I learned something
from women after all.
826
00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,341
[phone rings]
827
00:32:46,383 --> 00:32:48,843
Dunder-Mifflin paper/
sex predator hotline,
828
00:32:48,885 --> 00:32:50,011
this is Dwight Schrute.
829
00:32:50,053 --> 00:32:51,054
Hey, Dwight.
It's Jim.
830
00:32:51,096 --> 00:32:52,972
Jim, what are you doing?
I'm busy.
831
00:32:53,014 --> 00:32:54,516
No, you're not.
832
00:32:54,557 --> 00:32:55,767
I'm looking right at you.
833
00:32:55,809 --> 00:32:57,185
Ugh. I'm hanging up.
834
00:32:57,227 --> 00:32:58,228
Don't.
835
00:32:58,269 --> 00:33:00,146
[quietly]
I have information
836
00:33:00,188 --> 00:33:01,398
about the sex predator.
837
00:33:01,439 --> 00:33:05,068
You have information
about the sex predator?
838
00:33:05,110 --> 00:33:07,821
I saw him
two minutes ago.
839
00:33:07,862 --> 00:33:09,239
Where?
840
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,908
In the women's bathroom,
above the sink.
841
00:33:18,998 --> 00:33:21,001
Anti-flashing task force!
842
00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:23,378
Above the sink.
843
00:33:23,420 --> 00:33:25,296
Above the sink.
844
00:33:25,338 --> 00:33:26,840
Hmm.
845
00:33:28,675 --> 00:33:32,846
Captioning by Courtney
at CaptionMax www.captionmax.com
846
00:33:34,556 --> 00:33:35,974
Pam!
56973
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