All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S03E19 Safety Training Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Good morning, Pam.

Oh, welcome back, Andy.

Drew.
I'm Drew now.

Oh... Drew.

Sorry.

Apology not accepted.

Because it wasn't
even necessary

in the first place.

Several weeks ago,

Andy Bernard
had an incident.

[screams]

Oh!

But after five weeks
in anger management,

I'm back.

And I've got a new attitude.

And a new name.

And... a bunch
of new techniques

for dealing
with the grumpies.

Morning, Jim.

Hey, Andy.
How are you, man?

Good. Drew.

What's that?

You can call me Drew.

No, I'm not gonna
call you that.

Cool.

I can't control
what you do.

I can only control
what I do.

Andy.

Drew.

Dwight.

How's it going, man?

Yes, I have decided
to shun Andy Bernard

for the next three years.

Which I'm looking forward to.

It's an Amish technique.

It's like slapping someone
with silence.

I was shunned
from the age of four

until my sixth birthday

for not saving the excess oil
from a can of tuna.

Jim, could you please
inform Andy Bernard

that he is being shunned.

Andy, Dwight says
welcome back,

and he could use a hug.

Okay, tell him
that that's not true.

Dwight says that he actually
doesn't know

one single fact
about bear attacks.

- Okay, no, Jim...
- You guys.

Tell him bears can climb
faster than they can run.

Jim!

Tell him!

Andy...
Nah, that's too far.

Damn you.

[piano rock]

♪ ♪

Today is safety training day.

Toby is leading ours upstairs.

Yuck.

Safety training with Toby
is like paying taxes.

It is the worst, and you have
to do it every other year.

But I am giving everyone

a little bit of a treat.

We are going to listen in
on Darryl's presentation

to the warehouse.

And if I know Darryl,
it gonna be zoppity.

Okay, come one, everybody.
Go time.

Pam, let's go.

I thought I'd stay
and answer the phones.

Don't worry, Pam,
you will be answering phones

for the rest of your life.

Your long, lovely life.

[whispers]
Safety.

Here we go.
Field trip.

Come on, step lively.
Single-file, everybody.

Like we're going
to the science museum.

- Let's--single--
- Learn by touching.

Single--okay--

I've been told
that I'm a tactile learner.

Buddy system, everyone,
buddy up.

Find a buddy.

Now...

this is the forklift.

You need--you need

a license to operate
this machine.

That means the upstairs
office workers can't drive it.

Quiz. Mike.

Hmm?

Should you drive
the forklift?

I can, and I have.

No, no, no,
no, no, no!

I said, "Should you?"

You should not drive it.

You should not drive
the forklift, you understand?

You're now allowed
to drive the forklift.

It's not safe
if you don't have a license.

Guys, I'm not the only one
who's driven the forklift.

Pudge has driven
the forklift.

Madge.

I thought your name
was Pudge.

No, it's always
been Madge.

Okay.

Um, her.

Her, yes, "her" is qualified
to work a dangerous machine.

You are not.

Okay?

Ah... fine.

Do you understand that?

Yesh.

We do safety training
every year.

Or after an accident.

We've never made it
a full year.

This particular time,

I was reaching for a supply box
on the top shelf,

when one office worker
who shall remain nameless

kicked the ladder out
from under me and yelled...

"Hey, Darryl,
how's it hangin'?"

[laughing]

And I fell
and busted my ankle and...

I'm legitimately scared
for my workers.

The bailer can flatten
a car engine.

It can cut off your arm
and crush your entire body

without skipping a beat.

Yeah!

It's on.

How many people a year
do you think

get their arms cut off
in a bailer?

Bail 'er?
I hardly know her.

Damn it, Michael,
pay attention, man.

Anybody wanna
take a guess?

Five bucks
says it's over 50.

You really wanna bet?

Anybody?

Ever since
March Madness ended,

I am so bored.

- How many?
- Okay, you're on.

Ten people, Michael.

Ten people.

Would you like
to be one of them?

No, don't worry about it.

We'll just go
double or nothing.

On what?

I don't know.
We'll figure something out.

What are you guys
talking about?

You should work out, Ryan.
You look so hot.

Totally,
we should both work out.

Screw you.

Kelly, Ryan looks great.

- You should be thankful that--
- Sir, could you please,

please focus on Darryl?
Try.

These are very dangerous
machines down here.

And the upstairs workers--
Michael...

should not go
anywhere near them.

Yes, yes.

But it wouldn't be
the worst thing in the world--

It would be the worst thing
in the world, it would!

What the hell
is wrong with this man?

It's a big, red
trash compactor.

It's not a trash compactor!
It's a bailer.

All right, all right,
I got it! I got it!

Only on the rarest
of occasions--

No, do not touch it!

There is no occasion for you
to go near this stuff, okay?

Toby now has the floor.

And he is going to try
not to screw this up,

like everything else
in his life.

Let me rephrase that.

I believe that you can do
safety training

and make it sound
just as good as Darryl.

Here we go!

Okay, um... one thing
you're gonna wanna look out for

is carpal tunnel syndrome.

It's recommended
that you take

a ten-minute break
from typing every hour.

For your circulation, um,

you're gonna wanna get up
out of your chairs,

and, uh, and move around
about ten minutes every hour.

Yes, good, fine.

Like stretching and...

Um... yeah.

Your computer screen

can be a big strain
on your eyes.

So it's also recommended
that you step away

for about--about
ten minutes every hour.

Wow, that is--
that time really adds up.

That's like a half an hour
every hour.

Take them
at the same time.

Okay, you know what?

You're making it
sound kind of lame.

So skip ahead to the really
dangerous stuff.

Like sometimes,
computers can explode.

Can they not?

No, no.

Um, you always want
to keep a sweater or cardigan

of some sort
in case it gets drafty.

What about
a long-sleeved tee?

Well, that'll work.

Long johns? A shawl?

You know, anything
that warms you.

Okay, you know what?

I think that everybody
is going to vomit

due to boredom.

Sorry, he is very lame.

Um... let's see.

Seasonal affective disorder.

"A depression
that includes weight gain,

"fatigue, irritability,

brought on by the low light
of winter."

Thank God we only had
the bailer to deal with.

Yeah, that dim light
is a bitch, ain't it?

Okay, guys, you know what?

I didn't interrupt

when you were having
your presentation.

Actually, you did.

Yes.

Okay, let's do another one.

This is a good one.

"A particular concern
for office workers

"is a sedimentary lifestyle,

which can contribute--"

Sedentary.

Yes, "which can contribute
to heart disease."

Heart disease kills
more people than bailers.

That's called having
a fat butt, Michael.

Mm, no, no, it's--

Yeah, yeah.
That's fat butt disease.

That's what you're
suffering from?

- No.
- Fat butt disease, Michael?

- No, I--
- Excuse me, Sea Monster,

you weigh, like, 1,000 pounds.

Yeah, I bet
you'd like to swim

with this sea monster,
wouldn't you?

Ryan!

Dude, please,
tell your girl to shut up.

- What?
- Kelly,

you insulted
the gentleman.

Please, apologize.

Are you kidding me?

All right,
we out of here.

Darryl, I did not walk out
in the middle of yours, so I--

Yeah, but ours
was real, Michael.

Yes.

That's what we been
trying to tell you, Mike.

It's serious down there.

We do dangerous stuff, man.

This is shenanigans, foolishness.

Nerf ball.

You live a sweet little
Nerf-y life.

Sittin' on your biscuit.

Never havin' to risk it.

Okay...

What, Nerf
isn't cool anymore?

Darryl thinks
he's such a man

because he works
in a warehouse.

Well, big deal.

I worked in a warehouse--
Men's Wearhouse.

I was a greeter.

I'd like to see Darryl
greet people.

Probably make 'em
feel like wimps.

Not me. I...

Hello, I'm Michael.
Welcome to Men's Wearhouse.

We have a special
on khaki pants today.

That's just one example.

Ah, is that the last of it?

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

I can't always have what I want,
but I can always

want what I have.

Well, would you like a cup of
no coffee?

'Cause that's what we have.

Is it fresh?

Are you going to beat me up?

Um...
[gasps]

No.
[chuckles]

People don't need
to be afraid of me.

I can't achieve anger anymore.

And I have a new car,
Toyota Prius,

because Andy didn't care
about fuel efficiency,

but Drew has seen
"An Inconvenient Truth,"

nearly twice.

[loud scratching]

Ten.

Really, ten?
That's your guess?

You're a professional accountant.

There's, like,
ten green ones.

42.

I'm gonna say 50.

51.

- Oh, don't be that person.
- Come on, that is lame.

It's a strategy.

It's called being smart.

Thank you.

Oh, jeez.

I don't know how the whole
betting thing started,

but it's fun.

- Ten.
- Kev's out.

Damn it!

47, 48, 49!

Jim wins!

- Oh!
- That is not fair.

He has spent hours
up here

at reception with you.

Hours and hours.

Okay... okay.

No, constantly--
like, for years.

Okay.

Pam, depression is as scary
as a bailer, right?

I don't understand
the question.

"Working in an office
can lead to depression

"which can lead
to suicide."

I mean this
is really serious stuff.

- Yeah.
- I--I--

Nobody commits suicide

because they work
with a bailer.

And yet those guys
are making fun of me.

Calling me a Nerf.
That--

It's really hard
to demonstrate depression.

Their safety training
had visuals.

Yeah... you are...

ah, so right.

They have visual aids.

And all we had were the facts.

You don't go
to the science museum

and get handed a pamphlet
on electricity.

You go to the science museum

and you put your hand
on a metal ball.

Your hair sticks up straight.

And you know science.

So you're okay?

Indubitably.

We got beat today, Dwight,
but it was not a fair fight.

No, it was not.

Remind me again,
what was the fight, exactly?

Who was it between
and what was the outcome?

It was the warehouse guys, Dwight.

- Right.
- They embarrassed us.

- Ah.
- 'Cause they had a much scarier

- safety presentation.
- God!

They used props.

They used visual aids.

And they just made us
look like dopes.

Idiots!

God, what are we gonna do?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Because you know
what our killer is?

- Depression.
- Wolves.

Depression.

How do you make depression sexy?

How do you get people interested
in depression?

That is the conun--conumb--
conumbery.

We need a presentation
that is loud,

has a lot of impact.

Visual aids.

Yes.

A quilt--
depression quilt?

No time to sew a quilt.

I got it.

Give me the number

for the giant big box
toy store.

Those warehouse guys think
that we're all flabby,

middle-management Nerf balls.

Well, I'm going to show them
that we have nerfs of steel.

When people think of Andy,

they think of hate and anger.

When people think of Drew,

they think of baked goods.

Oh, my God, these cookies
have no flavor.

How is that possible?

They are the worst.

Who's this Drew chick?

Drew isn't a girl.

[whispers]
She's Andy.

Oh, no.
Nobody likes my cookies.

I'm so angry.
Ah, I'm gonna hit something.

[chuckles]

Totally kidding, guys.

Little device I learned
to diffuse tension:

Be the first to make fun
of yourself,

because if they make fun of you
before you do,

then you might lose your mind.

You may be asking yourself,

"What am I doing
on a trampoline?"

Well, I thought I'd bounce here
for a while,

relieve some stress,
and then move on with my day.

Not!

Here's the plan.

Dwight is going to gather

all of the office workers
and all of the warehouse guys

and we're going to have
another safety seminar.

Only this time,
where's Michael?

Oh, my God!

He is on the roof!

Now I've got their attention.

I tell them about...

the cold hard facts
of depression.

And then I say,

"Hey, you ever seen
a suicide?"

And I jump.

And they freak out.

And they get to see
the dangers of depression

with their own eyes.

Nice side note:
They might think,

"Hey, I should've been nicer
to Michael."

But that's not why
I'm doing this.

Then I land on the trampoline,

take a couple extra bounces
for fun.

I climb off,
walk around the corner.

Ta-freakin'-da!

Some applause, maybe some tears,

but they never doubt the dangers
of the office ever again.

Maybe later I find some money
on the street.

Not a bad day.
What do you think?

You know, guys, I recently
learned some pretty cool stuff

about the difference
between feeling something

and acting on that thing.

Can you tell Andy to focus
on the springs, please?

- Yeah, Drew?
- Yes, bosses.

You know, Drew,
why don't you go inside?

Dwight, come here.

[metal clangs]
Where should we put this?

Okay, uh, turn around

and do a broad jump for me
on "go."

Ready?

Go!
One Missis--

Okay, you went that far
on a "one Missis."

"Ippi" would take you to here.

This trajectory...

times the propulsion
from your quadriceps

would be about
three Mississippi,

maybe 3/4.

So one Missis, correct?

Ippi.
Two Mississippi.

Three Mississippi.

"I."
Right here.

Okay.
Good, thank you.

Gonna take our time.
Do this right.

[telephone rings]

Hello?
[giggles]

Hi, Bob Vance.
[giggles]

That's three times
in ten minutes.

Where's my $5?

You are my little teddy bear.
[indistinct muttering]

[sighs]

I always knew my coworkers
were annoying.

I never realized I could profit
from it.

Go ahead, Bob Vance,
call Phyllis all day.

So then the next movie
moves to the top of the queue.

So number five becomes
number four.

Number six becomes
number five.

Number three becomes
number two.

Etcetera, etcetera.
And let's just say

that I just sent back
Love Actually,

which was awesome.

And they sent me Uptown Girls,
which is also awesome.

But guess what?

Now I want to see
Love Actually again.

But it's at the bottom
of the queue.

Oh no!
What do I do?

What I do is this:

I go online,
I go "click, click, click,"

and I change the order
of the queue

so that I can see Love Actually
as soon as I want to.

It's so easy, Ryan.

Do you really not know
how Netflix works?

I guess I forgot.

You're such a ditz.

Ryan, well done.
2 minutes, 42 seconds.

Additionally, Pam,
you win 10

because she said "awesome"
12 times.

And Jim, you win five

because she mentioned
six romantic comedies.

One of them
was "Uptown Girls,"

which was neither romantic
nor comedic,

- so we should dispute that.
- You've seen that?

- Let's stay on point.
- Okay.

Okay, let's do this thing!

I'll go summon the troops.

Maybe we should test
this first,

Letterman-style.

Throw a TV over or...

We measured it once.

Go buy some watermelons.

Seedless?

Just...

Creed is eating an apple.

I found a potato.

Hey, Creed.

Hey!

- Hi.
- Hello.

[whispering]
Yes!

Here you go.

Nice.

I don't know this place
as well as I thought I did.

I'm getting cleaned out.

- Ready?
- Let's do it.

Drop that sucker.

Yeah, bingo!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, crap!

[car alarm wailing]

Deactivate the car alarm,
clean up the mess.

Okay.

Find out whose car
that is.

If it's Stanley's,

call the offices
of James P. Albini.

- See if he handles hate crimes.
- Got it.

Also, take apart
the trampoline,

stick it in the bailer.

We're not allowed
to use the bailer.

Have Patch do it...
or the sea monster.

I'm on it!

Eh...
[distressed chuckle]

I'm temporarily lifting
the shun.

Thank you.

It means nothing.

I need you to do something
for me.

Anything.

Okay, calm down.

I need you to acquire

an inflatable house
and/or castle.

You mean a moon bounce?

What do you think?
You've got an hour.

I'm gonna need petty cash.

Shunning resumed.

Do you--do you want
a drawbridge?

Un-shun.

Yeah, that sounds good.
Re-shun.

Oh, yeah,
this is much better.

Safer.

An excellent decision.

Yes.
Thank you for seeing that.

When you land,

try and land
like an eight-year-old.

These bouncy castles
are not designed for adults.

I don't know
if I want to do this.

Do you want to do
another test?

I got plenty of watermelons
in my trunk.

No.

No more.
The tests are going terrible.

If we keep doing them,
I'm not gonna want to jump.

This is about doing,
not thinking.

Right, doing!

Totally doing!
It's rock and roll!

- Rock and roll!
- Yeah!

That's right;
I'm not thinking.

[making electric guitar
sounds]

Yes, yeah!

* Michael is awesome ♪

- ♪ Jumpin' of the roof *
- Whoo!

* Bouncin'
on a bouncy bounce ♪

Whoo!

- * Show 'em who's boss *
- Whoo!

- * Rip a hole in the sun *
- Whoo!

I am ready to do this!

- [making guitar noises]
- I'm ready to make a point!

Hey, guys, listen up.

Michael is up on the roof

and acting strange.

Whoa, what's the situation?

Un-shun.

I think he's suffering
from depression.

Re-shun.

Okay, when's the shunning
thing gonna end?

Un-shun... Never!
Re-shun.

I think he wants you all

to come out to the parking lot

and watch him die.

Is it nice outside?

It's gorgeous.
Let's go!

Do I need my jacket?

No, really, it's very nice.

Come on!

Will I be too warm
in a long sleeve T?

Everyone's gonna be fine
in exactly what they're wearing!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Come on, hurry up, you guys!

My life!

Oh, my life...

Michael, what's wrong?

Everything's wrong.

The stress of my modern office

has caused me to go
into a depression.

Depression?

Isn't that just a fancy word
for feeling bummed out?

Dwight, you ignorant slut.

Depression is
a very serious illness.

Over 32,000 people
commit suicide every year,

according to a 2004 study.

Is that the last year to date
it was available?

Yes.

My head is in such pain
and turmoil!

Don't do anything rash.

Dwight, where are
the warehouse guys?

I didn't--

I didn't think you need them
for this part.

Okay... that's--

- You said to just--
- That's the whole point, dummy.

Okay, I'm on it.

Okay.

Michael, go ahead,
we're listening.

I'm going to wait.

I don't want to say this twice.

It's too painful,
and I'm too depressed.

Attention blue collar workers!

What are the odds
that this is in any way real?

I'd say, like, 10,000 to 1.

Okay, I'd like ten bucks
on those odds.

If someone gives you
10,000 to 1 on anything,

you take it.

If John Mellencamp
ever wins an Oscar,

I am going to be
a very rich dude.

Michael's up on the roof

and he's acting strange!

Oh, my life!

Michael, what's wrong?

Everything's wrong, Dwight!

The stress of my modern office

has made me depressed.

Depressed?

Isn't that just a fancy word

for feeling bummed out?

Dwight, you ignorant slut.

Well, you know,

the first performance
was a little off.

But I really think
they hit their stride

in the second show.

Um...

Might even bring my parents
tomorrow to the matinee.

And that is why...

Oh, excuse me.
It's my favorite part.

I am going to jump off
this roof.

This is just offensive.

At least we're outside.

Hey, check it out.

There's a castle over there.

Oh, my God.
There is a castle.

No, there's nothing to see
over there, people.

There's nothing to see.

They found the castle, Michael.

Damn it.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God!
He's gonna jump.

Oh.

He's going to kill himself

pretending to kill himself.

Yeah.

Hey, uh, Michael.

Don't jump on
the bouncy castle.

You can't do that

'cause you are going to get
horribly, horribly injured.

Michael, you cannot fly.
You cannot.

I've seen this too many times.

Give me that thing.
I wanna try.

Oh, you know what?
We should probably...

- preserve batteries.
- I was just gonna say

that you have a cute butt!

Oh, my God,
I did not just say that.

Did I just say that?
Oh, my God, I'm so adorable.

Dwight,
I know this is bad timing,

and I don't wanna be an itch,
but there's stuff

he has to sign that needs
to be mailed by 4:00.

Okay, if he's not down
by 4:00,

- I'll get the papers up to him.
- Okay. It's 3:48.

Hey, Ryan, you know what?
You can do this.

- Ah, no, I have no chance.
- Come on.

Don't play dumb, you know damn
well what we're talking about.

- Come on, Ryan.
- He'll listen to you.

Let's do it.

Michael, you have always taken

a great interest in my career.

I will miss you the most, Ryan.

Oh, what is your deal, man?
Seriously, I don't get it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let me borrow that, chief.

Michael, you don't have to
prove anything

to anyone but yourself,

so don't jump just to prove
anything to us, okay?

That said, if you need to prove
something to yourself,

- you should jump.
- Whoa. No, no, no.

If you do jump, I want you
to reach for the sky...

- Okay, careful.
- And grab a comet,

kiss the moon, kiss it!

Yeah, sure.

See, this is why you always
take 10,000 to 1.

You never know.

Hey, Michael.

I have a present
for you

but you have to come down
and get it.

What is it?

Come down and open it
and you'll see.

Dwight, find out
what the present is.

Okay, uh...
I don't see anything.

She might be bluffing.

Dwight.
What are you...

Oh.

It's, uh...

A Repliee Q1 Expo
female robot.

They're only available
in Japan.

Dwight, you are such
a liar.

Pam, really, what is it?

Mike, this is the opposite
of safety.

You jump, you're gonna
seriously hurt yourself.

You told me that I lead a...

a cushy, wimpy, Nerf life.

Yeah, but I never said
you had nothing to live for.

What do I have
to live for?

A lot... of things.

Uh, you, uh...

I--you know a convertible.

Come on, man.
That's--that's hot.

Women love that stuff, right?

It's only leased
and it's got rust damage.

He'll never get
his deposit back.

What about Jan?

Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man.

It's going good, right?

It's complicated with Jan.

And I don't know
where I stand

or what I want.

The sex isn't nearly as good
as it used to be.

Mike...

you're a very brave man.

I mean, it takes courage
just to be you.

To get out of bed
every single day

knowing full well
you gotta be you.

Do you really mean that?

I couldn't do it.
I--

I ain't that strong
and I ain't that brave.

I'm braver than you?

Way braver!

You Braveheart, man.

I Braveheart.

I am.

Come on down, okay?

Okay.

Pam, I'm coming down
to get my present.

An office is as safe
as the people in it.

And sometimes those people

can drive you to do
crazy things

to show the dangers
of the office.

That's the danger
I found myself in today.

I saved a life.

My own.

Am I a hero?

I really can't say.

But, yes.

Goodbye, Stanley.