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1
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,470
Oh, hey, Kevin.
Nice of you to join us.
2
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,805
Where were you?
3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,057
My tire blew out
on the way here, Michael.
4
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,475
Uh-huh.
I almost died.
5
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,685
I went into this skid--
6
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,562
Pop quiz.
What?
7
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,938
Why is today
a special day?
8
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,481
(Kevin)
I almost died.
9
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,816
Today is a special day
10
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,652
because I am being honored
11
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:31,906
as a visiting professor...
12
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,951
special lecturer emeritus...
13
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,578
How did you--
How did you put it?
14
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:37,912
You will be a guest speaker
15
00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:39,664
in my Emerging Enterprises class.
16
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,001
In business school, Kevin.
17
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,170
Business school. Wow.
18
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,629
If you bring your boss
to class,
19
00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:50,216
it automatically bumps you up
a full letter grade.
20
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,676
So...
21
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:55,847
I'd be stupid
not to do it, right?
22
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,224
A boss is like a teacher.
23
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,852
And I am like
the cool teacher.
24
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,687
Like Mr. Handell.
25
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,273
Mr. Handell would
hang out with us.
26
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,859
And he would tell us
awesome jokes.
27
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,403
And he actually hooked up
with one of the students.
28
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,907
Um, and then like 12 other
kids came forward.
29
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,826
It was in all the papers.
30
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,953
Really ruined eighth grade
for us.
31
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:23,750
{\an8}[cheerful music]
32
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:31,925
{\an8}โช โช
33
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,145
Okay, here we go.
"Digest of Business Terms,"
34
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,564
"CliffsNotes
on Business Economics,"
35
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,359
and a sales encyclopedia.
Wow. That's a lot of books.
36
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,529
Do you have, um, one book
that sums up all of these?
37
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:55,156
Those are the books
that sum up the other books.
38
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,491
So no?
39
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,867
What are you reading?
40
00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,662
Oh, um, ever since
I started here,
41
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,622
I've kept a diary
of all my sales.
42
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,082
Oh. That could be interesting.
43
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,126
Well, it's just mileage, mostly,
44
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:09,462
but there's one chapter
that I call Wisdoms.
45
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:13,008
I'm going to read you
a series of statements,
46
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:15,385
and I want you to tell me,
on a scale of one to ten,
47
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,303
how smart they are.
48
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,226
[ahem]
I am ready.
49
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:26,438
"Don't do what I say.
Say what I do."
50
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,440
Tch. Five.
51
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,567
[quietly]
Just getting warmed up.
52
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:34,362
"Mistakes are just successes
that you mess up."
53
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,073
Hmph. Five.
54
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,616
This--you know the scale
one to ten?
55
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:39,868
Yeah.
Okay.
56
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,202
Do you want me
to repeat that?
57
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,412
No. I got it.
58
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:43,538
Well, ultimately,
59
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,957
I went into business
to inspire people.
60
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,794
They say "those who can't do
teach."
61
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,629
I can do both.
62
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:56,051
I teach... doing.
63
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,679
She's on her honeymoon.
64
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,639
She won't be back
for six weeks.
65
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,266
[sighs]
66
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,185
I'll wait.
67
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,104
[exhales]
68
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:12,359
Phyllis is on her honeymoon
for six weeks.
69
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:17,405
Which means six weeks
of paradise for me too.
70
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:19,616
Here's a joke
for you.
71
00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,868
Why did Pam hook up with Roy
at Phyllis' wedding?
72
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,495
Don't, Meredith.
73
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,497
You ready?
You know I don't like to participate--
74
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,208
Why did Pam hook up with Roy
at Phyllis' wedding?
75
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,502
Really, it's just that
I don't like to participate--
76
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,587
Grow up!
77
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,465
It's just... I'm sorry.
78
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,385
It's gossip,
and I don't think it's healthy.
79
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,719
Get over yourself.
80
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,472
[mutters] I'll get over myself.
It's wrong.
81
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:45,934
Because Roy [bleep]
picked the right [bleep].
82
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,019
[laughing]
That's disgusting.
83
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,938
[claps once]
I know!
84
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:52,190
[laughing]
85
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,067
Here we go.
College road show.
86
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,152
Gotta bring our A game.
87
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,862
What is
the most inspiring thing
88
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,197
I ever said to you?
89
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,992
"Don't be an idiot."
Changed my life.
90
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,078
Whenever I'm about
to do something, I think,
91
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,663
"Would an idiot do that?"
92
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:10,083
And if they would,
I do not do that thing.
93
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,711
Will they throw
their hats, you think?
94
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,295
What?
95
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:18,216
A lot times at a school
or naval academy,
96
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,760
after a rousing speech,
the crowd will throw its hats
97
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,053
high into the air.
98
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,763
You understand
nobody's graduating.
99
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,223
Yeah, I know, I know.
100
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,307
I'm just saying,
if they did throw their hats,
101
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,561
I've got a great line
for that.
102
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:34,274
May your hats fly
as high as your dreams.
103
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,112
Thought it was
a pretty good line.
104
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,823
Just--it doesn't apply.
105
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,908
I understand. Wow.
106
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,660
Relax, spazzy boy.
107
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,412
Sometimes you're such
a little spazz!
108
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,788
God, I'm driving!
[blabbering]
109
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,874
Quit it!
We have fun.
110
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,918
I can't wait
for your art show tonight.
111
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,128
Okay, just so you know,
112
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,588
it's just the students
from my class
113
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,131
in a little studio.
114
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,299
I wouldn't miss it
for the world.
115
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,592
Thanks.
116
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,219
I'm really happy
to be back with Roy.
117
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:06,097
I think it shows maturity.
118
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,893
Maturity and dignity.
119
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,144
Is that braggy?
120
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,730
I don't mean it
to be braggy.
121
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:16,608
Love you.
You too.
122
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,070
(Jim)
Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen.
123
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:22,655
And Brangelina
is with Frangelina.
124
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,784
Moving on.
125
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,660
I can't believe you're
back together with Roy.
126
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,245
Oh, yeah.
127
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,456
We have such a solid
foundation, you know.
128
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,958
Oh, my God.
You're so in love now.
129
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,293
Yeah.
130
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,796
Oh, you should come
to my art show, by the way.
131
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,673
Oh, art show.
132
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,007
I mean, it's not a big deal.
133
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,425
But I think
a lot of people
134
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,968
from the office
are gonna be there.
135
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,096
Oh, yeah.
136
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,099
Definitely I'll be there,
for sure.
137
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,519
Campus.
138
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,813
Brings back
so many memories...
139
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,856
that I would've made.
140
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,109
Hey, Frisbee.
Check that out--oh!
141
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,985
What do you say we get
our Fris on
142
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,529
before class, huh?
143
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,659
Yeah! Woo!
144
00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,705
Dude.
145
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,297
Oh, my God.
146
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,222
Animal stool.
147
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,360
Dwight,
what are you doing?
148
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,529
Solving a mystery, if that's
quite all right with you.
149
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,371
Come to papa.
150
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,167
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
151
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,169
What we have here is a bird
152
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,129
that has been trapped
in a vent.
153
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,965
Fortunately,
I have found it before--
154
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,842
Bat! Bat!
155
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,011
[Meredith screams]
Bat! Bat!
156
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,888
Oh, my God.
157
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,848
(Dwight)
Bat!
158
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,225
No, everyone remain calm!
159
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,020
[Meredith screams]
160
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,063
There it goes!
161
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,606
Good-bye.
162
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:20,940
[Meredith screams]
163
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,818
[woman muttering to herself]
164
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,406
Okay, this is it.
165
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,700
Ryan is doing my intro
right now.
166
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,745
Dunder Mifflin can't compete
with the modern chains,
167
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,540
and management is unwilling
or unable to adapt.
168
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,917
Their customers
are dying off...
169
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,169
[silence]
170
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:42,420
I can't hear
what he's saying,
171
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,464
but he looks like
he's really into it.
172
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,598
Aah!
173
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,309
We have a bat
in the office.
174
00:07:56,351 --> 00:08:00,313
The simple solution would be
to open a window.
175
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,148
If we had windows
that could open.
176
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,984
Poop is raining
from the ceilings.
177
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,361
Poop!
178
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:11,533
And I will get paid
for a full day.
179
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,787
Okay, thanks.
180
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,666
Animal Control
will be here at 6:00.
181
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,334
At 6:00?
182
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,086
No, that is unacceptable.
183
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,046
Okay, Jim, you are
the number two in this office.
184
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,549
You need to step up
and show some leadership.
185
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,134
I'm sorry,
what did you say?
186
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,552
So weird.
187
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,595
What?
What's so weird?
188
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:33,513
The bat.
189
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:34,514
I mean, I know
I felt it bite me.
190
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,975
But look, there's no mark.
191
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,102
I feel so...
192
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,187
tingly.
193
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,857
So strangely powerful.
194
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,319
Oh, well.
195
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,617
And now,
without further ado,
196
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,829
I present the regional manager
of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton,
197
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,497
Michael Scott.
198
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,667
[classical music plays]
199
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:08,214
โช โช
200
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,884
[clears throat]
201
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,887
Hello, everyone.
I am Michael Scott.
202
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:14,971
[man on tape]
Hello, I'm Brandon Hidalgo,
203
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,973
CEO of
The Teaching Company--
204
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,811
And I'd like
to start today
205
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,230
by inspiring you.
206
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,566
Everybody please stand
207
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:29,611
and get up on your desks.
208
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:33,782
Just stand right up--
209
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,283
(Ryan) Michael, it's not--
it's not--
210
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,243
(Michael) That's--yep.
A little flimsy.
211
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,913
Um...[sighs]
212
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,332
Okay, uh...
213
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,917
all right.
214
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,586
No more desks.
215
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,254
Oh! Okay.
[clears throat]
216
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,673
[claps once]
217
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:53,677
May I borrow
someone's textbook, please?
218
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,095
Thank you.
219
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,763
What have we here?
220
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,556
Ooh, economics.
221
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,976
Very, very interesting.
222
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,358
You cannot learn...
223
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,485
from books.
224
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:14,864
Replace these pages...
225
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,324
with life lessons.
226
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,952
And then...
227
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:23,164
you will have a book...
228
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,459
that is worth
its weight in gold.
229
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,170
I know
these are expensive,
230
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:32,090
um, but the lesson
is priceless.
231
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,135
Good.
232
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:36,845
All right, I think
you're inspired.
233
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,680
Shall we proceed?
234
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,765
There are four kinds
of business.
235
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,059
Tourism.
236
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,061
Food service.
237
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,479
Railroads.
238
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,481
And sales.
239
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:52,444
And hospitals/manufacturing.
240
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,945
And air travel.
241
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,826
This is your job, Halpert.
242
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,244
What is a leader?
243
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,579
I asked Jim that,
and he said
244
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,664
he'd never heard
the word before.
245
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,083
He said he knew
the word "ladder."
246
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,501
What an ignoramus.
247
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:09,961
(Jim)
Ow!
248
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,629
What happened?
249
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,798
(Jim)
That bread on your desk? I just picked it up.
250
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,884
It's white-hot.
251
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,385
But, Jim,
252
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,887
this garlic bread is cold.
253
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,181
What?
254
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,099
No.
255
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:26,144
It burned me.
I--
256
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,605
Bizarre.
257
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,608
(Dwight)
No. No.
258
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,902
One crisis at a time.
259
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,862
If a vampire bat
was in the U.S.,
260
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:39,199
it would make sense for it
to come to a "sylvania."
261
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,867
Like Penn-sylvania.
262
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:45,497
Now, that doesn't mean that Jim
is gonna become a vampire.
263
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,500
Only that he carries
the vampiric germ.
264
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,461
So... you want to start
a business?
265
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:52,921
How do you start?
266
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,089
What do you need?
267
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,883
Well, first of all,
you need a building.
268
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,887
And secondly,
you need supply.
269
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,431
You need something
to sell.
270
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,059
Now, this could be anything.
271
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:09,354
It could be a thingamajig
272
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,731
or a whosi-whatsi.
273
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:15,110
Or... a "Whatchamacallit."
274
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:20,281
Now, you need to sell those
275
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:25,328
in order to have
a "PayDay."
276
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:29,416
And if you sell
enough of them,
277
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:34,212
you will make a "100 Grand."
278
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,425
Satisfied?
279
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,510
I have a lot of big ideas.
280
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,595
And the trick is to get it
out of my brain
281
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,390
and into theirs in a way
282
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,101
that is easy to swallow.
283
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:50,103
Simple.
284
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:52,147
Kids love candy bars.
285
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,858
[paper rustling]
286
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,613
Oh, this looks great.
287
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:01,614
I'd love to be there,
288
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:05,035
but my daughter's play
is tonight.
289
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,537
Damn it.
290
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:08,705
You know,
one of the other parents
291
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,331
will probably
videotape it.
292
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,834
Oh, no.
You should go.
293
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:17,380
Well, it's important to support
to local art, you know?
294
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,507
And what they do
is not art.
295
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:24,554
Let's try a little... a little
social experiment here.
296
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:29,309
Raise your hands
if you like to buy
297
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,811
things.
298
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:35,315
Okay, I see some people
who like to buy things.
299
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,442
You're it!
300
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,486
You are the reason
301
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,988
that this world rolls along.
302
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,199
Give yourselves
a round of applause.
303
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:49,871
Say... say you wanna
start a business, and...
304
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:53,249
business is all about
buying and selling, is it not?
305
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:56,586
So say you want to sell...
306
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,505
lemonade!
307
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,716
Or stickers.
308
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,177
Something you have to
keep in mind.
309
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:07,055
You must--and you might
wanna jot this down--
310
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,974
you must...
[keyboard keys clacking]
311
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,560
sell the stickers
for more than
312
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,771
you bought the stickers for.
313
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,189
[keyboard keys clacking]
314
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:19,025
Okay, I'm seeing some
confused faces out there.
315
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,444
Let me slow down a little bit.
Break this down.
316
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,821
Okay.
317
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,158
The more stickers you sell,
the more profit--
318
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,702
fancy word for money--
319
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:32,038
you have to buy PlayStations
and Beanie Babies.
320
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,164
Michael--
321
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,874
And products!
what we normally do here
322
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,209
is more of a question
and answer type thing.
323
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,127
Well, okay.
324
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,211
I was just kind of
getting going.
325
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,462
Yeah, I know.
326
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:40,588
Um, all right.
327
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,716
Okay, well,
we can do questions.
328
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,217
Very good.
First hand up.
329
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:47,053
Sir, as a company that
primarily distributes paper,
330
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,055
how have you adapted
your business model
331
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,933
to function in an increasingly
paperless world?
332
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,520
We can't overestimate
the value of computers.
333
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,897
Yes, they are great
for playing games
334
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,275
and forwarding
funny emails.
335
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:05,155
But real business
is done on paper, okay?
336
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,740
Write that down.
337
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:10,118
[keyboard keys clacking]
338
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:32,432
Business models are just that--
339
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,351
they are models.
340
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,102
They are not real life.
341
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,355
I used to make models
when I was a kid.
342
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:43,276
I'd glue 'em together.
I couldn't ride 'em around.
343
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:46,780
'Cause they were this big,
and they were made of plastic.
344
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,615
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
345
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,116
Uh, what percentage
of gross profits
346
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,701
does Dunder Mifflin
typically invest
347
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:53,119
in research
and development?
348
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,746
[babbling]
349
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,748
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
350
00:15:56,790 --> 00:16:00,335
See, in my line of work,
that is what we refer to
351
00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,670
as gobbledygook.
352
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,463
Okay?
Yeah.
353
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,465
What are some of the public
relations challenges
354
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,967
facing an industry
that pollutes the environment
355
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,511
while destroying trees?
356
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:14,224
Well, for one, our company
is a very green company.
357
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:17,435
We use all
recyclable toilet paper
358
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,855
which, if you've ever met
some of our employees,
359
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,899
is a huge, huge savings.
360
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:25,068
This woman named Phyllis,
361
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,195
and Kevin, in particular,
362
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:31,408
Kevin uses our recyclable
toilet paper all too often.
363
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:34,994
And, frankly,
we do cut down trees,
364
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:39,290
but trees
are a renewable resource,
365
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,002
which is something
you can't say about oil.
366
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,087
Oil just doesn't
grow on trees.
367
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,426
Hey, Jim, here's
the aspirin you wanted.
368
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:50,969
Oh, thank God.
369
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,096
I have such a headache
from that glare.
370
00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,639
What glare?
371
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,433
The glare off
Angela's crucifix.
372
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,436
It's blinding.
373
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,688
I don't have a lot
of experience with vampires,
374
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,356
but I have hunted werewolves.
375
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:05,275
I shot one once,
376
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,152
but by the time
I got to it
377
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,113
it had turned back
into my neighbor's dog.
378
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,157
Hey.
Hey.
379
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,117
If it becomes necessary
for me
380
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,828
to take control of events
by using sudden violence,
381
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,538
can I count on
your allegiance?
382
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,373
No, thank you.
383
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,630
[inhales]
384
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,049
[whispering]
Extraordinary events
385
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,259
call for extraordinary actions.
386
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,054
We form an allegiance... Sure.
387
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:36,973
to use sudden violence. Okay.
388
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,600
Do you have
the tools to turn
389
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,269
a wooden mop handle
into a stake?
390
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,814
What size?
391
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,149
What do you say
to a customer
392
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,068
who wants to leave you
for the convenience
393
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,736
and savings
of a nationwide chain?
394
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:52,280
I say, "You will miss
our service.
395
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,158
And I absolutely guarantee
you'll come back."
396
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,869
Has anyone ever come back?
397
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,996
We don't want them back.
They're stupid.
398
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:01,831
How far has your
Herfindahl Index declined
399
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,832
since the merger?
400
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,042
Nice try.
401
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,210
How's your
Polack-says-what index?
402
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,252
What?
403
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:07,587
Thanks, Kowalski.
404
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,381
Can we get back
on track here?
405
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,550
How do you sustain morale
in a business with no future?
406
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,552
I take issue with that premise.
407
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,262
That's the thing,
and that's something
408
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,931
that all of you should
remember--
409
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:20,100
when you're in
the business world,
410
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:25,105
you can't always
make people like you happy,
411
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,107
because there's always
gonna be one jerk
412
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:30,944
who's just getting
under your skin
413
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,196
and wanting something
for nothing.
414
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,614
Not to say
that you're a jerk,
415
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,866
but people who ask questions
like you just did are.
416
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:39,160
By your own employee's
calculation,
417
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,372
you'll be obsolete in the next
five to ten years.
418
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,375
Wait, Ryan said that?
419
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,302
What are you doing?
420
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,888
You better not hurt
that little bat.
421
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,724
Animals can't feel pain.
422
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,183
Don't hurt that bat,
Creed!
423
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,269
It's a living thing
with feelings and a family.
424
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,937
(Dwight)
Flush him towards the door.
425
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,273
On my go... now!
426
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,315
Bat!
427
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,483
Aah! Kill it!
428
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:13,028
Kill it! Kill it!
429
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:18,033
I...am a hero.
430
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,619
(Dwight)
Baaaaat!
431
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,329
(Meredith)
Aah!
432
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,458
Yeah, sure,
you know business.
433
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,044
Sitting up here
in your ivory tower.
434
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:32,047
And your ebony tower.
435
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,257
But you know what?
I'll tell you one thing.
436
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,343
Dunder Mifflin
is here to stay.
437
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,969
But how can you compete
against a company
438
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,971
with the resources
of a nationwide chain?
439
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,682
David will always
beat Goliath.
440
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,892
But there's five Goliaths.
441
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,643
There's Staples,
OfficeMax--
442
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,895
Yeah, yeah.
443
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,356
You know what else
is facing five Goliaths?
444
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,358
America.
445
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,859
Al-Qaeda.
446
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,694
Global warming.
447
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,864
Sex predators.
448
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,200
Mercury poisoning.
449
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,743
So do we just give up?
450
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,037
Is that what we're learning
in business school?
451
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,205
But in the big picture--
452
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,165
Dunder Mifflin
is the big picture.
453
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,583
Can't you understand that?
454
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,876
No, you can't.
455
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,920
You're too young.
456
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:17,258
Ryan has never
made a sale.
457
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,303
And he started a fire
458
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:23,014
trying to make
a cheesy pita.
459
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,558
And everybody thinks
he's a tease.
460
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,352
Well, you know what?
461
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,647
He doesn't know anything,
and neither do you.
462
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,696
So suck on that!
463
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,367
[ahem]
Um...
464
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:45,745
well, that's my boss,
Michael Scott
465
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:50,542
of Dunder Mifflin.
466
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,003
We'll talk about the extra
[murmurs].
467
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:03,596
[people chattering]
468
00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:20,697
It wasn't personal.
469
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,115
Business is always personal.
470
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,533
It's the most personal thing
in the world.
471
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:25,243
When we get back to
the office, pack your things.
472
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,828
Pack my--
You heard me.
473
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,705
Pack your things.
474
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,712
I really want to come out!
475
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:36,880
You brought that
on yourself.
476
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,007
Light a match.
477
00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:41,468
Good night, Mary Beth!
478
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:45,305
Hope she's okay.
479
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:47,515
Just goes to show
the power of prayer.
480
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:50,560
You prayed for this?
In a general sense.
481
00:21:57,817 --> 00:22:00,153
[water sloshes
in cooler]
482
00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:03,782
So... you're cool
to just wait here
483
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,575
for Animal Control?
484
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:07,118
Animal Control?
485
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,913
I've been controlling animals
since I was six.
486
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:12,540
Cool, okay.
487
00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:15,251
I'm gonna go home
and lie down.
488
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:17,212
Draw the shades.
489
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,256
There's just so much
sun in here.
490
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,097
Bye, Dwight.
491
00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:31,101
Good-bye, Jim.
492
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,438
And good luck.
493
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,442
Jim is on a path now.
494
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:43,154
An eternal journey.
495
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,115
And I wish him well.
496
00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:47,325
But I have a destiny
in this realm.
497
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:51,121
Specifically...
in the kitchen.
498
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:53,081
And it's all from
the same series.
499
00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:54,374
Oh.
500
00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:56,042
Called "Impressions."
501
00:22:56,084 --> 00:22:57,877
Oh.
502
00:22:57,919 --> 00:22:59,129
Not that I would
call myself
503
00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,047
an Impressionist,
per se.
504
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,550
But maybe one day.
505
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:04,843
I hope so.
506
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,094
Hmm.
507
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:07,721
I still need, you know,
508
00:23:07,762 --> 00:23:10,140
my breakthrough
or whatever.
509
00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,770
Hey, babe.
How are you?
510
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,188
Good.
511
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:18,940
Look who I brought.
My brother, huh?
512
00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:20,608
Hey, Kenny.
Hey, Pam.
513
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:22,944
It's so cool
you're back with Roy.
514
00:23:22,986 --> 00:23:25,947
Maybe we can rent that cabin
on the lake again this summer.
515
00:23:25,989 --> 00:23:27,407
Yeah, that'd be nice.
516
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,325
There'll be two of you
and only one of me this time,
517
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:31,286
since Denise left me.
518
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:33,705
So I think it's fair
if I only pay a third.
519
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:35,582
Yeah, that seems fair.
520
00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:37,250
Hey.
521
00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:39,502
How about this, huh?
522
00:23:39,544 --> 00:23:40,837
I show up with my brother,
523
00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:44,132
and no one from work
is here.
524
00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:45,633
That's pretty cool, huh?
525
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:51,973
[Dwight breathing
through mask]
526
00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:54,768
Magic time.
527
00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:57,145
[shouting]
528
00:23:57,187 --> 00:23:59,189
[screaming]
529
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:04,486
My hair!
Aah, get off!
530
00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:07,113
Get off me!
Get off me!
531
00:24:07,155 --> 00:24:08,239
Get off me!
532
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:09,824
Hold still, woman!
533
00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:11,701
Get it off!
Oh, my God, my God!
534
00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:13,161
Get it off!
535
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:16,664
[screaming]
536
00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:24,631
You're welcome.
537
00:24:29,386 --> 00:24:31,137
It's cool if I go, right?
538
00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:32,305
I mean, I looked
at all of them.
539
00:24:32,347 --> 00:24:35,558
Yeah, I'll just--
I'll drive myself home.
540
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,936
To my place?
541
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:40,730
Maybe.
I'm a little tired.
542
00:24:40,772 --> 00:24:43,316
Your art
was the prettiest art
543
00:24:43,358 --> 00:24:45,735
of all the art.
544
00:24:45,777 --> 00:24:48,530
Thank you.
545
00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:51,324
The prettiest artist.
546
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:55,662
I should get back inside.
All right.
547
00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:59,290
And, Pam, I love you.
548
00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:01,584
Love you too.
549
00:25:06,965 --> 00:25:09,801
Look...
550
00:25:09,843 --> 00:25:10,885
I'm sorry, okay?
551
00:25:10,927 --> 00:25:13,388
I was just trying
to do my presentation.
552
00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:16,349
And of course
I was wrong to suggest
553
00:25:16,391 --> 00:25:19,436
that Dunder Mifflin might
ever go out of business.
554
00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:21,229
But you don't
have to fire me.
555
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:25,567
Fire you?
No, no, no.
556
00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:27,861
You are moving
to the annex.
557
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,738
To the annex?
558
00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:31,364
Where Kelly is?
559
00:25:31,406 --> 00:25:32,699
A good manager
doesn't fire people.
560
00:25:32,741 --> 00:25:37,454
He hires people
and inspires people.
561
00:25:37,495 --> 00:25:39,456
People, Ryan.
562
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,960
And people will never
go out of business.
563
00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:49,466
You're the one who said
we needed more culture.
564
00:25:49,507 --> 00:25:50,508
This is culture to you?
565
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:51,885
It's her first try.
566
00:25:51,926 --> 00:25:54,846
Yeah, on Van Gogh's
first try,
567
00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:56,222
he drew the hands
of the peasants.
568
00:25:56,264 --> 00:25:57,891
Meaning what?
569
00:25:57,932 --> 00:26:01,227
Meaning real art
takes courage, okay?
570
00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:02,604
And--and honesty.
571
00:26:02,645 --> 00:26:03,897
Well, those aren't
Pam's strong points.
572
00:26:03,938 --> 00:26:05,607
Yeah, exactly.
573
00:26:05,648 --> 00:26:07,650
That's why this is
motel art.
574
00:26:12,989 --> 00:26:14,324
Thanks for coming.
575
00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:30,715
Pam-casso!
Sorry I'm late.
576
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,133
I had to race
across town.
577
00:26:32,175 --> 00:26:33,802
Oh, Michael.
578
00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:36,971
Wow!
579
00:26:37,013 --> 00:26:38,932
You did these freehand?
580
00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:40,600
Yep.
581
00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:43,144
My God,
these could be tracings.
582
00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:44,521
Oh!
583
00:26:44,562 --> 00:26:47,023
Look at this one.
584
00:26:47,065 --> 00:26:48,817
Wow!
585
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:50,652
You nailed it.
586
00:26:53,863 --> 00:26:56,408
How much?
587
00:26:56,449 --> 00:26:58,159
What do you mean?
588
00:26:58,201 --> 00:27:01,496
I don't see a price.
589
00:27:01,538 --> 00:27:05,041
Um, you want to buy it?
590
00:27:05,083 --> 00:27:06,334
Well, yeah.
591
00:27:06,376 --> 00:27:09,129
Yeah, we have to have it
for the office.
592
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:11,881
I mean, there's my window.
593
00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:13,466
And there's my car!
594
00:27:13,508 --> 00:27:15,135
Is that your car?
595
00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:17,137
Uh-huh.
596
00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:19,639
[exhales]
597
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:23,727
That is our building.
598
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:29,065
And we sell paper.
599
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,657
I am really proud of you.
600
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:49,461
Thank you.
601
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,129
What?
602
00:27:54,090 --> 00:27:58,053
Do you have something
in your pocket?
603
00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,014
A Chunky.
604
00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:06,978
Do you want half?
605
00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:08,688
No, thank you.
606
00:28:08,730 --> 00:28:10,273
Okay.
607
00:28:10,315 --> 00:28:13,568
(Michael)
It is a message.
608
00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:15,445
It is an inspiration.
609
00:28:15,487 --> 00:28:20,367
It is a source of beauty.
610
00:28:20,408 --> 00:28:22,577
And without paper,
611
00:28:22,619 --> 00:28:26,289
it could not have happened.
612
00:28:26,331 --> 00:28:28,750
Unless you had a camera.
613
00:28:32,003 --> 00:28:32,962
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
614
00:28:33,004 --> 00:28:33,963
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
615
00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:35,298
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
616
00:28:35,340 --> 00:28:36,466
Oh, my God,
Oh my God!
617
00:28:36,508 --> 00:28:37,801
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
618
00:28:37,842 --> 00:28:39,969
It's only temporary, okay?
Don't get excited.
619
00:28:40,011 --> 00:28:42,055
I won't, I won't,
I won't.
620
00:28:42,097 --> 00:28:44,015
I won't.
I won't.
621
00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:46,017
I won't, I won't, I won't,
I won't, I won't!
41533
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