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1
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MICHAEL: I actually prepared
a statement back then.
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,960
DAVID: Did you? Why?
3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:07,640
Well, I wanted
to get across our side.
4
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,960
Oh. Did it have a title?
5
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:11,960
Do statements usually have titles?
6
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,320
Yeah. I think
well-structured ones do, yeah.
7
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,480
"Antagonists".
Bit nebulous.
8
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,960
It was evocative.
Bit open to interpretation.
9
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,320
It wouldn't have been
if you'd read it.
10
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,960
I don't think a statement
should invite subjective responses.
11
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960
It didn't.
It's not a Robert Frost poem.
12
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:26,960
Did you write a statement?
No.
13
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,960
Well, then, shut the fuck up.
14
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,960
What does the title refer to?
15
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:33,960
Simon!
16
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,960
Oh. Oh, no, that would
never have occurred to me.
17
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It would if you'd read it.
18
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,000
Georgia says you're my antagonist.
19
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That would make you the hero.
20
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,960
Am I not?
Pfft! No.
21
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,320
Oh, I see.
You're the damsel in the tower.
22
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,320
Oh. Should never have cut my hair.
23
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,960
Or the damsel in the bungalow.
24
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,960
Georgia says we're like
an old married couple.
25
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,000
You are!
26
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,960
No, not me and Georgia, you and me.
Oh, right.
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00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,320
WOMAN:
28
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,960
BOTH: Me.
29
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,960
I should have left you
in the fucking tower.
30
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,640
Bungalow.
I'm going to read...
31
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,960
..the statement
that I prepared back then.
32
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Excellent. Be my guest.
33
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,960
Simon's left Series Three.
34
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I've got to go.
I've got to put the lunch on, Simon.
35
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,960
So if we haven't got it by now,
too bad.
36
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,960
I know he's a grumpy bastard, Simon,
but he does have a point.
37
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,960
LUCY: Why did he leave?
38
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,960
Erm... He'd had enough.
39
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:41,960
I think.
40
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,960
He'd written two in a rush.
41
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,960
It was high stress, high stakes,
42
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,960
and, look,
he's never been good at...
43
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,480
Simon is not
a confrontational person,
44
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,960
so when Michael stormed off,
then David followed...
45
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,960
..it's not good for his self-esteem.
46
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,960
He bruises like an avocado.
47
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,960
But we still owe Josh a series.
Erm...
48
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,640
We had Simon's notes from the,
erm...
49
00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:12,160
from the rest of the episode.
Nothing...
50
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,480
Nothing definitive,
just more like...
51
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,960
abstract poetry than a script.
52
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,960
Yeah.
53
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,960
He wasn't in a very happy place.
54
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,480
"Buy new jumper."
55
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,960
He killed off Michael
a couple of times.
56
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,960
It may or may not have
been a dream sequence.
57
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,800
And there's an animatic
at the bottom of his notes too.
58
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,960
Actually, if you flick through,
59
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,960
it shows a clown...
60
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,480
..digging a grave.
61
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,960
Georgia's idea was for David
and Michael to finish the scripts.
62
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,960
I had two options, deliver the show
or focus on the documentary.
63
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,960
Well, it wasn't up to me,
so I didn't... I didn't have to.
64
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,960
Erm, Josh wanted conflict
and tortured souls,
65
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,960
make-ups and break-ups,
food fights and explosions.
66
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,960
Either David and Michael
would write that into the script,
67
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,960
or they would barrel into it in
real life with the cameras rolling.
68
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,000
Ooh! Our writers' room.
Whoa!
69
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,960
No.
70
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:17,960
Can you feel the magic?
I can.
71
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,640
It's coming.
It's bubbling up, the magic.
72
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:22,320
Don't know
if it's quite arrived yet.
73
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,160
OK.
74
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,960
Phew. It's hot in here.
75
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:26,960
I did mess with the thermostat.
76
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,960
I don't do very well in the heat.
77
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,000
Got any coffee?
78
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,960
And keep David up all night
with a faulty smoke alarm.
79
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,960
OK, how many pages do we need?
80
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,960
About 30 or so?
About 30. By when?
81
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,160
Erm, Josh needs to see
something by six.
82
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,960
By six? Why so soon?
83
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,960
Because we're a million miles
behind schedule.
84
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960
That gives us about eight hours.
85
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,480
OK, 30 divided by eight. 3.75.
86
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,960
Well, let's call it four.
Four pages an hour?
87
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,960
Easy!
Easy!
88
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,960
But that was everything.
89
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,960
I think.
90
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:02,960
PHONE RINGS
91
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,160
Who's that now?
Georgia.
92
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,160
Hi, baby.
Can we just put phones away?
93
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,960
Would you mind if...
you just leave us to it now?
94
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,320
Michael's just
throwing out the crew.
95
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,640
Bye!
96
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,960
Focus down and do the work, sorry.
97
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,960
I've put you on speaker.
'OK.'
98
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,960
You're on with me and Michael,
Georgia.
99
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960
Hi, Georgia.
'Hi, Michael.
100
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,960
'It is all right with the room?'
Is there any coffee?
101
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,960
'Er, I'll send some.'
It's a bit warm.
102
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,960
Michael's a little bit warm.
'OK, is there a thermostat?'
103
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,960
Doesn't do well in the heat,
you know.
104
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,960
Yeah. Oh, it says it's out of order.
105
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,960
'Right, I'll see what I can do.'
106
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,960
I don't do well in the heat,
Georgia.
107
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,960
Things can get a little bit swampy.
108
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,960
I don't want to be
in the room with Michael
109
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,960
when things get a bit swampy.
110
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,960
'It might take a while, though.'
That's not really good enough...
111
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,320
Oh, hang on. Wait.
Oh.
112
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,960
I think the window opens.
Michael has located a window.
113
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,960
Michael has opened a window.
Is that better?
114
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,960
Oh, it's much better.
He says that's much better, yes.
115
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,800
'Great.'
Oh, my God.
116
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,960
I would have torn your husband
to shreds in seconds!
117
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:00,960
'Oh, ho! Don't do that.'
118
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960
All right, baby,
it's time to make the magic happen.
119
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,480
I'll speak to you later.
'All right.'
120
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,960
Love you, bye!
Love you, bye!
121
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,960
Right.
OK.
122
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,640
Here we go.
123
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,960
Phones down, camera crew out.
Yeah.
124
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,320
New note.
125
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,640
This is it.
This is it.
126
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,800
Where do we start?
127
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,960
I wanted them to succeed.
Honestly.
128
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,480
Everything else was just...
129
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:38,960
..a backup plan.
130
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,960
Oh, I've got Simon's notes!
Oh, great.
131
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,640
Yes. On an email. Hang on.
OK. Anything useful?
132
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,160
Erm... I mean,
there's words and phrases.
133
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,960
There's the odd back-and-forth.
134
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,960
Yeah? Well, what's the overall gist?
Er...
135
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,800
Constipated rage.
Right. When did he write them?
136
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,960
While we were filming.
Right.
137
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,960
Pfft.
138
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960
Do you think
Simon's an angry person?
139
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Er, no. I dunno.
140
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,960
Erm, maybe.
141
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,960
I mean,
he can bend a spoon with his mind.
142
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,960
I think that's just a party trick.
143
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,960
Yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah.
144
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,160
Do you think he's angry with us?
145
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,960
Difficult to tell.
146
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,960
Well, do we appear in the notes?
147
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,960
Right, well,
he uses quite a lot of pseudonyms.
148
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,960
OK. Like what?
149
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,960
Big Head and The Baby.
150
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,960
That could be anyone.
151
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,320
Beanpole and Beanbag.
152
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:35,960
It's still ambiguous.
153
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,480
Michael and David.
Right, OK.
154
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,960
Erm...
155
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,960
"Michael's kitchen. Dawn.
156
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,000
"Michael stares forlornly
out of the window.
157
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,960
"In one hand, a photo of David,
in the other, a knitting needle."
158
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,960
Do you knit?
159
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,800
Never have. Nor Anna.
160
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,960
"He sits at his table, lines up
the tip of the needle with his eye.
161
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,960
"He stares at the photo of David,
leans his head back,
162
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,640
"then, with force..."
163
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,160
"Then with force" what?
164
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
N-Nothing. It just ends there.
165
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,960
Erm, next thing is...
166
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,960
"Plain jumper or striped?"
167
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,960
Am I examining the knitting needle?
168
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,480
With force?
169
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,960
Why have I got a photo of you?
170
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,960
Maybe you're knitting me a jumper?
171
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:24,960
LOUD DRILLING
172
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,960
Oh, God.
Wow.
173
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,160
The drill was nothing to do with me.
Honestly.
174
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,960
DRILLING CONTINUES
175
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,960
It was just the heat,
the smoke alarm and the menus.
176
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,960
Did I mention the menus?
177
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,960
DRILLING CONTINUES
178
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,960
DRILLING STOPS,
DAVID SNORTS
179
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,480
Oh. What happened?
Well, the drilling stopped.
180
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,960
How long was I out?
Oh, a couple of hours.
181
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,160
Why didn't you awaken me?
182
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,000
Well, you looked very peaceful.
183
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,160
Oh, God, I'm hungry.
184
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,960
Yeah.
I stuck some menus to your jumper.
185
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Where did you find these?
In the drawer.
186
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,960
I dreamt I was
inside a food processor.
187
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,160
I envy your capacity to rest.
188
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,960
Well, I'm from the city.
189
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,960
Peace and tranquillity
is what disturbs me.
190
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,960
How you getting on?
I've made a start.
191
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,960
OK. That's good. Let's have a see.
192
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,960
"Enter Michael."
193
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960
Good start.
Give the people what they want.
194
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Yeah. "David is asleep."
195
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,960
And that was it? Yeah, well,
it was difficult to get started.
196
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,640
You've got to SAY something.
I know that.
197
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,160
That's what makes it into a scene,
you know.
198
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,960
But I wouldn't want to wake you up.
Why did you write me asleep?
199
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,960
It's all I could think of.
You looked so peaceful.
200
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,960
Come on. Let's go.
201
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
"David wakes.
202
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
"Morning!"
203
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960
Why don't you go back to sleep?
No!
204
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,160
I think I'm hungry.
205
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,960
We just need
the first couple of lines,
206
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,160
just to loosen the lid.
What time is it?
207
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,960
One o'clock. Five hours left.
208
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,960
OK, so, what? Six pages an hour...
Easy! Easy!
209
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,480
I'm gonna order lunch.
Yes!
210
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,960
Oh, hello.
Can I order some food, please?
211
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,960
'Yeah, what's the address?'
212
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,160
Erm... Ooh. ONSIGHT, Covent Garden?
213
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,960
'Mm-hm. What can I get you?'
214
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,960
Erm, some Kung Pao chicken.
215
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,960
Erm, duck rolls.
216
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,160
Er, egg fried rice
and prawn crackers?
217
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,960
Anything else?
No, I'm all right.
218
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,960
'Thanks. On its way.' And please
don't forget the prawn crackers.
219
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,960
Sounded like Georgia.
220
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,960
No, it's the woman in the Chinese.
221
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,960
Why the prawn cracker insistence?
Well, I like the way they fizz.
222
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,640
OK, how about this?
223
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,960
"The industry is like the Serengeti,
and I am a lion.
224
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,960
"Michael is a monkey,
a monkey with a stick."
225
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,960
No, I don't think that's right.
226
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:43,960
Too dramatic?
227
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,960
Simon usually has us starting
with something low-key and inane.
228
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,000
All right, what about
one of us has a hobby
229
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,960
that we've never mentioned before?
Like what?
230
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,960
I could dig something up.
We don't have that sort of time.
231
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,320
I could make something up.
Like what?
232
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,960
Knitting. A brass instrument.
233
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,960
OK, let's take a step back.
234
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,160
DAVID GRUNTS
235
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,960
Where are we? Let's just
stick with character, shall we?
236
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,960
Yeah, yeah, we know them.
237
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,960
We know them. We know ourselves.
Yes, we do.
238
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,960
OK. Hotseat. Hotseat!
What motivates you?
239
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,960
Er, panic. What inspires you?
240
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,160
The rising of bread.
What are you afraid of?
241
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,960
Er, magnets. What do you say
when you walk into the room?
242
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,640
"The industry is like the Serengeti
and I am a lion!"
243
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:23,960
No, no, no!
244
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,960
WHISPERS: Nearly.
245
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,960
Nearly.
246
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,960
Do you think
Simon WAS angry with us?
247
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,960
Well, more you than me.
248
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,960
I didn't want him to leave.
249
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,960
Well, you shouldn't have
stormed off, then.
250
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,960
Shouldn't have been mean
about his writing.
251
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,320
You've called him worse.
Not to his face.
252
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,960
Yes to his face.
Yes to his face.
253
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,960
MICHAEL SIGHS
Have you talked to him?
254
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:46,960
No.
255
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,960
Do you think we should call him?
256
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,960
What for?
257
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,800
I don't know.
258
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,960
You know he's left the industry?
Really?
259
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,960
Mm.
What's he doing?
260
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,320
Fuck knows.
261
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,960
DRILLING STARTS
Oh, for...
262
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,960
Dentistry. Lucy said
it's what their parents do.
263
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,960
It's what our parents do.
264
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,480
I think he just needed
to be with family.
265
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,000
He posted a picture
of himself in scrubs,
266
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,960
so he was cosplaying, at least.
267
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,960
SIMON:
268
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,960
Er, yes. Right.
269
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,480
Yes. Yes.
270
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:36,960
Oh, sorry, I thought...
271
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,960
Yeah. Er, no, I do,
I just thought...
272
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,160
I do, I just thought
you might set me up.
273
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,960
Series Three. And let me just start
by clearing the air, straight away.
274
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,960
Er, I am not angry at anyone.
275
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,960
I do not hold grudges. Never have.
276
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,000
Anger ignored is anger improved.
277
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:02,960
Look, nobody likes
conflict in the workplace.
278
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:03,960
No-one likes to be criticised,
279
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,960
especially when you feel
you tried really hard.
280
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,960
Er... Yeah.
281
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:18,960
Well, when you've written 250 pages
of those two at each other,
282
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,960
it can be hard to come up
with new... material.
283
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,960
I needed to.
284
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,480
Now I need
to do something different.
285
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:32,960
Yes.
286
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,480
Mm. There's a slight shortcut,
287
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,960
because my father and mother
are dentists, so...
288
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,480
Well, it says Dr Evans
on the door, doesn't it?
289
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,960
Is it?
290
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,480
Well, don't google anything medical,
would be the first thing.
291
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,960
DOOR OPENS
Oh, hi, hi.
292
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,960
MAN:
293
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,960
Mm-hm. Yes. Yes, I will.
294
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,960
Uh-huh, yeah.
295
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,960
How else do they take temperature?
296
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,640
GEORGIA: Of course,
I could have got Simon to come back,
297
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,960
but there didn't seem to be
much point, to be honest.
298
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,960
David and Michael seemed
to be getting somewhere.
299
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,960
You know, pressure
turns coal into diamonds.
300
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,800
DRILLING CONTINUES
301
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,960
DRILLING STOPS
302
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
What time is it?
303
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,960
It's nearly four.
304
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,480
Urgh. Pfft. 15 pages an hour?
305
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,960
Easy!
DRILLING STARTS
306
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,480
God!
307
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,960
DRILLING STOPS
308
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,480
Where's our lunch?
309
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,960
I don't know. Did you call?
310
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,960
You heard me call!
311
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:01,960
Oh, yeah.
312
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,480
The prawn cracker insistence.
Sounds like a Robert Ludlum novel.
313
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,960
DRILLING RESUMES,
MICHAEL GROANS
314
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,160
DRILLING STOPS
315
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,960
Have you seen The Trip?
316
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,960
The Rob Brydon
and Steve Coogan thing? Yeah.
317
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
Yeah, well,
we basically copied their formula.
318
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,960
I mean, we could just copy
and paste bits of their script
319
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,960
and change the lines a bit.
No-one would know.
320
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,800
Everybody would know.
Why are you so testy?
321
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,960
I'm too hot!
Well, go back to the window again!
322
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,640
I don't want to!
Why not?
323
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,960
Because I'm deafened by the drill!
324
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,960
DRILLING RESUMES
Argh!
325
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,960
DRILLING STOPS
326
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,480
Georgia says...
You know, you say that a lot.
327
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,960
Hm?
"Georgia says."
328
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
Well, she does,
she says that you criticise me
329
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,960
to cover up
your own insecurities.
330
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960
Oh, does she?
She says to me that you dress up
331
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,960
your thoughts as hers
in conversation
332
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,960
to cover YOUR insecurities.
333
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,960
Oh, does she?
Yes, she does.
334
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,960
Well, I'm not insecure.
Neither am I.
335
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,960
I am over six foot tall!
I am brimming with testosterone!
336
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,960
I'm starting to feel that you're
angry with me about something!
337
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,960
Why do you think that?!
I don't know!
338
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,320
DRILLING RESUMES
339
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,960
DRILLING STOPS,
MICHAEL SIGHS
340
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,960
Have I done something?
341
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,000
I'm just hungry.
Well, I'm tired.
342
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,960
And I don't like writing.
No, neither do I.
343
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,960
I thought it would be easier.
Yeah. If Simon can do it...
344
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,960
And I've read lots of other scripts.
345
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,160
I thought I would have
picked up the basics
346
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,640
kind of by osmosis, you know.
347
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,960
So why did you say
you wanted to write it?
348
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,960
I didn't say that, you did.
349
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:35,960
I did?
350
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,800
Didn't you?
I didn't.
351
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,960
The I before E rule
completely baffles me.
352
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,320
I get mixed up with
the A and the E in my own name.
353
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,960
You wanted to write it!
354
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,160
No, YOU wanted to write it!
Says who?!
355
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,960
Georgia!
DRILLING STARTS
356
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,960
DRILLING STOPS,
PHONE RINGS
357
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,960
Oh, lookie here.
358
00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,960
Hi.
Hi!
359
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,160
Just checking in.
Mm.
360
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,960
How's it all going?
361
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,320
Well, the drilling's very loud.
And we're hot.
362
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,800
I'm tired.
I'm very hungry.
363
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,960
That sounds stressful.
Oh, it is. Very stressful.
364
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,640
Well, I'm sorry
to add to your troubles,
365
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,960
but, erm, there's talk
of rolling blackouts too.
366
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,000
Georgia, did you tell both of us
367
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,320
that the other one
wanted to write this?
368
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,960
Did you?
369
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,000
Yeah.
Argh!
370
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,320
Wha...
371
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,960
Why?!
372
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,960
I just wanted you working together.
373
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,960
I just thought
it would make good television.
374
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,320
We're not writers!
375
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,960
I didn't need you to be writers.
Not necessarily.
376
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,960
People just like
to watch you tussle.
377
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,640
I'm sorry. What? Tussle?
Mm. Fight.
378
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,960
This was for the documentary.
What?
379
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:54,960
The Making Of thing.
380
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,000
Look, if you'd written a script,
then great.
381
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,640
And, you know, if not,
at least we had something.
382
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:00,800
We're not...!
383
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,960
We're not bullfighters.
384
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,960
Ha! I know you're not bullfighters.
385
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,960
We could be bullfighters.
We could.
386
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:06,960
You're like a modern-day cockfight.
387
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,960
You know, the scrawny birds
sort of squawking at each other.
388
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,960
Beanbag and Beanpole.
389
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,960
Beanbag and Beanpole were us!
390
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,960
Oh, it was you! It was you
at the Chinese on the phone!
391
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,960
What? And what about
the noise and the heat?
392
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:22,960
I don't understand.
393
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,960
She's been keeping us hungry!
And hot!
394
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,960
And tired, and deaf.
395
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,960
Why are you working
at a Chinese restaurant?
396
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,960
DRILLING RESUMES
397
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,960
OK, OK. I give up, I give up.
398
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,960
DRILLING STOPS
399
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,960
Get someone else to write it!
400
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,000
Simon?
401
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,960
He might be upstairs. Simon!
402
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,320
SIMON: Really, just... Erm...
403
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,960
Maybe put...
some rubber bands around it.
404
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,960
Or, erm, some Scotch tape.
405
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
Just hold it there
until the pain goes
406
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:42,960
and call me...
407
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,480
..back.
408
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,960
Root canal. You're speaking
into a television remote.
409
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,960
They need you back on the show.
Who does?
410
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,000
Georgia. She sent me to get you.
Why didn't she come herself?
411
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,160
Oh, erm, her and David
are having a heated conversation,
412
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,960
something about smoke alarms
and bullfighters.
413
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,960
I'm a dentist now.
414
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,960
I don't think you are.
415
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:08,960
No.
416
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,960
What's all this?
417
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,960
Well, I was trying
to find something to do.
418
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,960
You know, palmistry is an option,
419
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,800
or... or gardening.
420
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,960
I can write songs, or... or...
421
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,960
could be a university professor.
422
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,960
What do you want to do?
I want to write.
423
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,000
Well, then, come back and do that.
I can't, though, can I?
424
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,960
I tried. Really.
425
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,960
I tried to do something new,
something different.
426
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
I put David in Japan,
427
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,160
I put Michael and David in a...
in a farce.
428
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,960
I tried... No-one seemed to notice.
429
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,480
Then Michael left.
Michael wants you back.
430
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,960
What about David?
He wants you back too.
431
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,000
GEORGIA: Sorry it took me
so long to reach out.
432
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,960
Sorry I was stupid.
433
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,960
Oh. Ha! You're here now.
Just need to get it written.
434
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,960
So, erm, the guys are in here.
435
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,960
So, if you want to...
436
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,960
If you want to knock.
437
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,320
Oh, Simon!
438
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,960
There's a sight for sore eyes!
439
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,960
I brought balloons.
I mean, I fucking love balloons.
440
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:24,960
And food.
441
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,960
Simon...
442
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,480
..I know there's making up to do,
443
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,960
and a lot of apologies needed.
444
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,960
But you,
445
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,800
this...
446
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:42,960
food.
447
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,800
Here.
448
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,960
Now.
449
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,960
MICHAEL SOBS
450
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,960
OK. All right.
451
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,960
Listen, Simon's here all night,
452
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,960
the heating is fixed
and the drills have stopped.
453
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,960
And we have food!
And you have food.
454
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,960
And thanks to Simon.
Thanks to me.
455
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,960
OK, right, can you, erm...
456
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,960
get me something by morning, OK?
I'm off now.
457
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,960
It was the responsible choice,
getting Simon back.
458
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,960
Getting the script written.
459
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,960
The documentary
was always the backup.
460
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,640
Is this the whole order?
461
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,960
OK, this is a good...
a good start.
462
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,960
Simon?
463
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,960
Just needs a bit of,
er, er, polish, I suppose.
464
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,960
Where's the prawn crackers?
465
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,960
WHISPERS:
Where's the prawn crackers?
466
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,960
Argh!
467
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,960
SCREAMING ON PHONE
468
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,960
Conflict and tortured souls,
469
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,960
make-ups and break-ups,
470
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,960
food fights and explosions.
471
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,320
"Simon has left Series Three.
472
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,960
"David and I are devastated.
473
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960
"It's one thing to have to move on
474
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,960
"without a trusted colleague
and creative powerhouse.
475
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,960
"It's another
to continue without a friend.
476
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,960
"Simon is a precious person,
477
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,960
"and we wish him all the best
in his future career."
478
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,480
Lovely. That's lovely.
Thank you.
479
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,960
Did you ever release that?
God, no.
480
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,960
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