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1
00:00:06,769 --> 00:00:07,569
All right, all right,
2
00:00:07,649 --> 00:00:09,729
settle, settle down, please.
3
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,609
Now, here we have luminol.
4
00:00:13,569 --> 00:00:15,209
Let go, Pat.
5
00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:16,729
Pat, let go.
6
00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:20,729
And here, we have
hydrogen peroxide.
7
00:00:20,809 --> 00:00:25,649
Two very dangerous
liquids, but, combined,
8
00:00:25,729 --> 00:00:27,449
something rather
special happens.
9
00:00:27,529 --> 00:00:28,409
Ah!
10
00:00:28,489 --> 00:00:29,409
Mr Hubble!
11
00:00:29,489 --> 00:00:30,649
Just in time.
12
00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:33,689
If you could dim the
lights for us, please?
13
00:00:33,769 --> 00:00:35,009
Thank you.
14
00:00:35,089 --> 00:00:37,689
So, watch very carefully.
15
00:00:37,769 --> 00:00:39,889
I'm pouring now.
16
00:00:39,969 --> 00:00:41,889
[liquid trickling]
17
00:00:41,969 --> 00:00:42,849
There!
18
00:00:43,889 --> 00:00:46,729
And that's chemiluminescence.
19
00:00:46,809 --> 00:00:50,769
So, what is chemiluminescence?
20
00:00:50,849 --> 00:00:52,009
And how does it work?
21
00:00:52,089 --> 00:00:55,609
Well, when the two
liquids combined,
22
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,689
there was this luminous effect.
23
00:00:57,769 --> 00:00:58,769
How is it achieved?
24
00:00:58,849 --> 00:01:00,929
Well, if you look to your--
25
00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:03,209
[thudding]
26
00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:06,329
Mr Hubble?
27
00:01:07,089 --> 00:01:11,129
[quaint acoustic music]
28
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:12,209
Mr Hubble?
29
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,329
♪ When I think about the days ♪
30
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:21,609
♪ There is something
of a haze about it ♪
31
00:01:22,609 --> 00:01:24,009
♪ When we said
we'd never change ♪
32
00:01:24,089 --> 00:01:29,289
♪ Well, we never stopped
to think about it ♪
33
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:33,049
♪ No, we're not the same ♪
34
00:01:33,129 --> 00:01:36,889
♪ But let's not
break the chain ♪
35
00:01:36,969 --> 00:01:41,649
♪ We should play
this game together. ♪
36
00:01:43,849 --> 00:01:47,089
[melodic whistling]
37
00:01:50,129 --> 00:01:52,929
[excited yelling]
38
00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:55,129
[jeering]
39
00:02:00,849 --> 00:02:01,849
Should I?
40
00:02:01,929 --> 00:02:03,129
No, no, it's all right, let me.
41
00:02:03,209 --> 00:02:05,889
I'm used to handling
this sort of thing.
42
00:02:05,969 --> 00:02:06,729
Stop fighting!
43
00:02:06,809 --> 00:02:07,489
Oh, my God, stop fighting!
44
00:02:07,569 --> 00:02:10,209
That's really dangerous!
45
00:02:13,129 --> 00:02:14,729
They do still seem
to be fighting.
46
00:02:14,809 --> 00:02:17,609
I haven't finished yet.
47
00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:18,969
I said, stop fighting!
48
00:02:19,049 --> 00:02:23,129
I said, stop!
49
00:02:24,169 --> 00:02:25,449
Best if you don't help them.
50
00:02:25,529 --> 00:02:26,729
I don't think anyone saw.
51
00:02:26,809 --> 00:02:27,929
Can we just pop
to the staff room
52
00:02:28,009 --> 00:02:29,849
and have a coffee and a biscuit?
53
00:02:29,929 --> 00:02:30,929
[groaning] There's
no biscuits left!
54
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,009
Oh.
55
00:02:32,089 --> 00:02:34,929
A tenner says the
spotty one wins.
56
00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:36,289
[jeering]
57
00:02:36,369 --> 00:02:37,129
Shut it!
58
00:02:39,209 --> 00:02:41,689
You two, my office, now!
59
00:02:46,369 --> 00:02:47,889
What have you got to
say for yourselves?
60
00:02:47,969 --> 00:02:50,409
Tina started it, she
called me a slag.
61
00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:51,369
She is a slag, Miss.
62
00:02:51,449 --> 00:02:52,649
That may well be the case.
63
00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:54,329
Tina is a total slag.
64
00:02:54,409 --> 00:02:56,769
Let's just agree that
you're both slags.
65
00:02:56,849 --> 00:02:58,169
But put that aside,
66
00:02:58,249 --> 00:03:02,889
this type of barbarism
is utterly objectionable.
67
00:03:02,969 --> 00:03:06,329
Okay, I'll put this in
terms you understand.
68
00:03:06,409 --> 00:03:07,729
You startin' a ting?
69
00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:09,129
Are you startin' a ting?
70
00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:11,889
'Cause if you's startin'
a ting, I'mma bust you up.
71
00:03:11,969 --> 00:03:13,329
Dis ain't no joke.
72
00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:14,609
I'm a cold-ass biatch.
73
00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:17,009
A thugged up, gang
bangin' hustla.
74
00:03:17,089 --> 00:03:19,809
One more battle, yo
headin' for the dirt nap.
75
00:03:19,889 --> 00:03:21,569
Right back up your ass.
76
00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:22,849
You get me?
77
00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:26,209
Now, get out of me house!
78
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:29,569
[intercom beeping]
79
00:03:29,649 --> 00:03:31,529
Daphne, wagwan with Ofsted?
80
00:03:31,609 --> 00:03:35,409
Oh, sorry, what's
going on with Ofsted?
81
00:03:42,169 --> 00:03:43,489
There you go.
82
00:03:43,569 --> 00:03:45,129
Oh, thank you.
83
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,809
Is that beef and onion soup?
84
00:03:55,889 --> 00:03:57,009
Mm, no coffee left.
85
00:03:57,089 --> 00:03:59,849
But on the up side, I
did find some bourbons.
86
00:03:59,929 --> 00:04:01,849
Sorry you had to
witness that today.
87
00:04:01,929 --> 00:04:03,489
Must have been quite
a shock for you.
88
00:04:03,569 --> 00:04:04,489
Oh, what, that?
89
00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:05,969
No, that was nothing.
90
00:04:06,049 --> 00:04:08,089
Fights were a daily
occurrence at my last school.
91
00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:10,969
Well, sadly, here at Greybridge,
they can be twice-daily.
92
00:04:11,049 --> 00:04:12,209
That was a little disagreement,
93
00:04:12,289 --> 00:04:13,849
compared to what I'm used to.
94
00:04:13,929 --> 00:04:15,689
Yeah, well, normally, they
are a lot worse than that.
95
00:04:15,769 --> 00:04:17,089
Well, I'm ready for it.
96
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:19,089
Probably 'cause I
speak their language.
97
00:04:19,169 --> 00:04:21,289
It's no wonder these
children fight.
98
00:04:21,369 --> 00:04:22,969
I mean, what chance
do they have?
99
00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:25,489
Gang culture,
violent video games.
100
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:28,809
Plus, the internet is
awash with pornography,
101
00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:30,689
some of it utterly degrading.
102
00:04:30,769 --> 00:04:32,009
Oh, yeah.
103
00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:33,689
Yeah, normally, you have to
put your credit card details
104
00:04:33,769 --> 00:04:35,769
in for that particular
type of grot.
105
00:04:35,849 --> 00:04:36,969
Trevor, this is not a joke.
106
00:04:37,049 --> 00:04:39,249
Some of this pornography
can be very dangerous.
107
00:04:39,329 --> 00:04:40,929
No, tell me about it.
108
00:04:41,009 --> 00:04:42,769
The other night, my mum
came home early from bingo,
109
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,409
nearly dropped me
laptop in the bath.
110
00:04:45,489 --> 00:04:46,649
[groaning]
111
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:48,809
Don't worry, her Stairlift
bought me an extra 45 seconds.
112
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,569
Trust me, that was plenty.
113
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,049
I mean, how the man became
a teacher, I'll never know.
114
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,049
I mean, he claims he
went to a university,
115
00:04:58,129 --> 00:05:02,969
but it was still a polytechnic
when he went there.
116
00:05:04,209 --> 00:05:05,489
Why have you stopped?
117
00:05:05,569 --> 00:05:07,369
Thought you might like
to sponsor me [laughing].
118
00:05:07,449 --> 00:05:08,489
Oh!
119
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:11,449
An Ironman [laughing], wow!
120
00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:12,729
Very impressive.
121
00:05:12,809 --> 00:05:14,129
Well, maybe it is,
maybe it isn't,
122
00:05:14,209 --> 00:05:15,569
not really for me to say.
123
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,969
But one of my friends
said she was doing it,
124
00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:19,169
so I just thought,
well, yeah, why not?
125
00:05:19,249 --> 00:05:20,569
How hard can it be?
126
00:05:20,649 --> 00:05:21,849
Really quite hard.
127
00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:23,609
That's why they
call it an Ironman.
128
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,249
It's the toughest
of all the metals.
129
00:05:25,329 --> 00:05:27,689
Hm, no, it's just a good
opportunity to get fit.
130
00:05:27,769 --> 00:05:29,849
I think you need to
be quite fit to start.
131
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,929
It's only a bit of running!
132
00:05:32,009 --> 00:05:33,929
And cycling and swimming.
133
00:05:34,009 --> 00:05:37,729
And cycling and swimming
[laughing], is it?
134
00:05:37,809 --> 00:05:38,529
Is it?
135
00:05:38,609 --> 00:05:39,449
Yes.
136
00:05:39,529 --> 00:05:41,129
She didn't tell me that.
137
00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:43,689
Well, best of luck with it.
138
00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:47,289
Yeah, I start training today,
going running at lunchtime.
139
00:05:47,369 --> 00:05:48,129
When's the challenge?
140
00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:50,489
It's a week on Saturday.
141
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,129
Put me down for a pound.
142
00:06:02,689 --> 00:06:04,649
Trying to get rid
of the wobbly bits?
143
00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:05,889
Haven't got any wobbly bits.
144
00:06:05,969 --> 00:06:08,409
Couple of tips, learnt
from the Olympics.
145
00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:11,729
Number one, do
blade-hands when you run.
146
00:06:11,809 --> 00:06:14,249
Two, be Jamaican.
147
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:18,649
Sorry, can't help you
with the second one.
148
00:06:18,729 --> 00:06:19,889
What are you doing
the running for?
149
00:06:19,969 --> 00:06:22,729
I'm actually in training
for an Ironman event.
150
00:06:22,809 --> 00:06:25,569
Blimey, that's brave.
151
00:06:25,649 --> 00:06:26,969
I thought, why not?
152
00:06:27,049 --> 00:06:31,449
It's just a bit of running,
cycling and swimming.
153
00:06:31,529 --> 00:06:33,569
I could train you
up, if you like.
154
00:06:33,649 --> 00:06:35,489
I'm actually all
right, thank you.
155
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:36,649
Are you sure?
156
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,449
It's a tough event.
157
00:06:38,809 --> 00:06:41,369
It's getting on the bike in,
158
00:06:41,449 --> 00:06:43,729
in wet trunks that
I couldn't hack.
159
00:06:43,809 --> 00:06:45,449
I thought that was
a different day.
160
00:06:45,529 --> 00:06:48,129
No, no, all on the same day.
161
00:06:49,489 --> 00:06:54,809
Two and a half K swim, 110K
bike ride, and then a marathon.
162
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:58,129
What, all in my wet bikini?
163
00:06:58,449 --> 00:07:01,889
Well, you'll dry off
a bit during the run.
164
00:07:01,969 --> 00:07:05,129
I might need a
little bit of help.
165
00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:13,889
[chattering]
166
00:07:13,969 --> 00:07:17,129
Right, settle down, everyone!
167
00:07:18,129 --> 00:07:22,329
Now, following the incident
with Mr Hubble yesterday,
168
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:26,329
the new Acting Head of
Science is Mr Church.
169
00:07:26,409 --> 00:07:27,569
Sit down.
170
00:07:27,649 --> 00:07:30,769
This morning, I have spoken
to Mr Hubble's mother,
171
00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:33,089
and she has assured me Mr Hubble
172
00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:36,129
will be back teaching very soon.
173
00:07:36,409 --> 00:07:40,329
The main topic of this
morning's assembly is violence.
174
00:07:40,409 --> 00:07:42,849
But the message doesn't
seem to be getting across.
175
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,529
Tina, Beyonce!
176
00:07:44,609 --> 00:07:45,929
Push off!
177
00:07:46,009 --> 00:07:50,009
So Mrs Klebb has set
up a new action group.
178
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:55,849
Come along for free
squash and biscuits
179
00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:58,249
any afternoon this
week to the drama block
180
00:07:58,329 --> 00:08:02,649
for a meeting of my new
anti-violence group.
181
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:07,009
Stop Pupils Arguing
Fighting Forever!
182
00:08:07,329 --> 00:08:08,649
SPAFF for short.
183
00:08:08,729 --> 00:08:11,129
[laughing]
184
00:08:17,369 --> 00:08:20,129
[playful music]
185
00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:28,409
Why were they all laughing?
186
00:08:28,489 --> 00:08:30,209
Oh, I've no idea.
187
00:08:31,889 --> 00:08:33,249
Look, I know we
haven't always got on,
188
00:08:33,329 --> 00:08:36,689
but I really like what
you're doing with SPAFF.
189
00:08:36,769 --> 00:08:37,889
Thank you.
190
00:08:37,969 --> 00:08:41,089
And this could be big,
SPAFF could really fly.
191
00:08:41,169 --> 00:08:42,409
Yes!
192
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:47,529
I want SPAFF on t-shirts,
baseball caps, lunchboxes.
193
00:08:48,089 --> 00:08:49,769
This campaign's not just for
kids, it can be for everyone.
194
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:52,049
We've all got people
we'd like to thump,
195
00:08:52,129 --> 00:08:55,569
but it'd be a lot better if
we all just made friends.
196
00:08:55,649 --> 00:08:56,809
Yes.
197
00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:59,049
Anything I can do to
help spread SPAFF?
198
00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:00,409
Well, in the spirit of things,
199
00:09:00,489 --> 00:09:03,569
you could make
amends with Trevor.
200
00:09:03,649 --> 00:09:04,569
No.
201
00:09:05,609 --> 00:09:07,609
This is exactly what
SPAFF is all about.
202
00:09:07,689 --> 00:09:08,929
I don't like him.
203
00:09:09,009 --> 00:09:10,929
It doesn't matter.
204
00:09:11,489 --> 00:09:13,809
Why don't you be the
bigger person, hm?
205
00:09:13,889 --> 00:09:16,569
Just go and shake his hand.
206
00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:24,849
Trevor?
207
00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:30,409
What?
208
00:09:30,489 --> 00:09:32,569
I know we haven't
always seen eye to eye,
209
00:09:32,649 --> 00:09:38,209
but I wondered if we could just
shake hands and be friends?
210
00:09:44,369 --> 00:09:45,889
Well done, you two!
211
00:09:45,969 --> 00:09:46,689
On one condition.
212
00:09:46,769 --> 00:09:48,129
Oh, here we go.
213
00:09:48,209 --> 00:09:50,529
You desist from these
exercise sessions with Sarah.
214
00:09:50,609 --> 00:09:52,009
Yeah, all right,
no problem, mate.
215
00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:52,809
Thank you.
216
00:09:52,889 --> 00:09:55,489
Once I've done sex with her,
217
00:09:55,569 --> 00:09:57,449
balls deep.
218
00:09:57,529 --> 00:10:00,009
[groaning]
219
00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:06,009
And, for heaven's
sake, wash your hands!
220
00:10:06,369 --> 00:10:09,809
[background chattering]
221
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:16,649
Not sitting by your
girlfriend today?
222
00:10:16,729 --> 00:10:17,769
[laughing] It's early days.
223
00:10:17,849 --> 00:10:18,889
She's not quite my girlfriend.
224
00:10:18,969 --> 00:10:20,609
But, no, Sarah's
actually out training
225
00:10:20,689 --> 00:10:22,569
for her Ironman challenge.
226
00:10:22,649 --> 00:10:23,929
Word of advice, Church,
227
00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:26,689
whatever you do, don't
get close to a woman.
228
00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:28,369
They all let you
down in the end.
229
00:10:28,449 --> 00:10:30,769
And they sell all your
stuff in a car-boot sale.
230
00:10:30,849 --> 00:10:33,529
I hardly think that's
going to happen with Sarah.
231
00:10:33,609 --> 00:10:37,609
Then whatever you do,
don't turn around.
232
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:41,569
They're a proper tease.
233
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,009
Miss Postern is not a tease.
234
00:10:44,089 --> 00:10:44,849
Oh, yeah.
235
00:10:44,929 --> 00:10:46,529
She knows what she's doing.
236
00:10:46,609 --> 00:10:49,569
Cavorting there with a sex man.
237
00:10:49,889 --> 00:10:51,609
What's a sex man?
238
00:10:51,689 --> 00:10:54,289
A man who has sex regularly.
239
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:15,449
Blade-hands, remember.
240
00:11:15,529 --> 00:11:19,169
Oh, yeah.
241
00:11:19,249 --> 00:11:20,849
Hello, you two!
242
00:11:21,169 --> 00:11:22,089
Oh, no.
243
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,769
What are you doing here?
244
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:27,129
Just out for my
usual lunchtime jog.
245
00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:30,409
Oh, why are you in
your vest and pants?
246
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,409
Forgot my kit today.
247
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:36,049
Let's pick up the pace.
248
00:11:39,529 --> 00:11:41,529
Change direction!
249
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:48,729
Well done, Sarah.
250
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,609
That's today's
session almost over.
251
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:52,409
Wow, thank you.
252
00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:53,409
That was great!
253
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:55,369
What was that, about five miles?
254
00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:56,329
No, half a mile.
255
00:11:56,409 --> 00:11:57,329
Was it?
256
00:11:57,409 --> 00:11:58,649
Okay.
257
00:11:58,729 --> 00:12:00,209
Well, I suppose you just
build up to it, don't you?
258
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:04,329
Half a mile, one mile, 26 miles.
259
00:12:06,489 --> 00:12:10,609
Right, you go and get
yourself soaped off.
260
00:12:13,569 --> 00:12:16,769
I'll pop in to make sure you're
showering properly, yeah?
261
00:12:16,849 --> 00:12:17,769
I'm joking!
262
00:12:17,849 --> 00:12:20,849
He's not joking, he's a sex man!
263
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,289
[shower pattering]
264
00:12:38,809 --> 00:12:40,209
Why are you in your pants?
265
00:12:40,289 --> 00:12:42,209
Oh, I needed to
wash them as well.
266
00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:46,129
So easier if I keep
them on, saves time.
267
00:12:46,449 --> 00:12:47,369
My word!
268
00:12:50,089 --> 00:12:52,849
What's the matter, you never
seen a huge donger before?
269
00:12:52,929 --> 00:12:58,129
I wouldn't say it was huge,
but it's definitely ample.
270
00:12:58,729 --> 00:12:59,689
Do you want to take a photo?
271
00:12:59,769 --> 00:13:00,969
It'll last longer.
272
00:13:01,049 --> 00:13:02,569
I need to speak to
you about Sarah.
273
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:03,889
Too late, mate.
274
00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:05,809
I'll be third base
by Friday night.
275
00:13:05,889 --> 00:13:07,009
I think you're
very much mistaken,
276
00:13:07,089 --> 00:13:09,649
'cause me and her are
already at fourth base,
277
00:13:09,729 --> 00:13:11,489
and we're making
inroads into fifth.
278
00:13:11,569 --> 00:13:13,409
There is no fifth.
279
00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:15,129
What's fifth?
280
00:13:15,209 --> 00:13:16,889
We're both men of the world.
281
00:13:16,969 --> 00:13:19,089
I don't need to
spell it out to you.
282
00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:23,689
But I'd appreciate it
if you'd back off, mate!
283
00:13:33,009 --> 00:13:34,209
Fair play to you.
284
00:13:34,289 --> 00:13:35,129
Didn't know you had it in you.
285
00:13:35,209 --> 00:13:37,769
Yes, well, I do have it in me.
286
00:13:37,849 --> 00:13:39,369
Are you not going to
take those pants off?
287
00:13:39,449 --> 00:13:42,449
Oh, no, they'll dry quicker on.
288
00:13:44,409 --> 00:13:47,569
[hand-dryer blowing]
289
00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:56,129
[chattering]
290
00:14:00,049 --> 00:14:01,129
[whistling]
291
00:14:01,209 --> 00:14:03,529
Churchy shagged
Postern, pass it on.
292
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,889
Churchy shagged
Postern, pass it on.
293
00:14:05,969 --> 00:14:09,489
Churchy shagged
Postern, tweet it.
294
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:14,009
I want you to know I'm so
bloody proud of you lot.
295
00:14:14,089 --> 00:14:16,009
I really bloody am.
296
00:14:16,769 --> 00:14:19,369
I'm sorry I keep bloody
swearing, but that's the truth.
297
00:14:19,449 --> 00:14:23,609
You are star pupils,
every single one of you.
298
00:14:23,809 --> 00:14:25,369
Just promise me
one thing, right?
299
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,689
You never, ever let
anybody tell you
300
00:14:26,769 --> 00:14:29,249
that you are not winners.
301
00:14:29,329 --> 00:14:30,769
Not your teachers,
not your parents,
302
00:14:30,849 --> 00:14:33,969
not your bitch of a wife,
because you are all winners.
303
00:14:34,049 --> 00:14:37,129
Winner, winner, winner, winner.
304
00:14:38,249 --> 00:14:42,289
When I was a kid, my teachers
told me I was a loser.
305
00:14:42,369 --> 00:14:43,489
You know what they predicted
306
00:14:43,569 --> 00:14:46,289
I'd get for my
A-level Geography?
307
00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:47,769
An E.
308
00:14:47,849 --> 00:14:49,209
An E!
309
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,569
I thought, no, it's not up to
you what I get, it's up to me.
310
00:14:52,649 --> 00:14:54,049
I worked bloody hard.
311
00:14:54,129 --> 00:14:58,449
I stayed up all night
revising, revising, revising.
312
00:14:58,529 --> 00:15:01,569
And I worked and I
worked and I worked,
313
00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:04,049
and do you know what
grade I got in the end?
314
00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:05,089
Was it an A, sir?
315
00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:06,049
No.
316
00:15:06,129 --> 00:15:06,769
B?
317
00:15:06,849 --> 00:15:07,569
No.
318
00:15:07,649 --> 00:15:08,329
E?
319
00:15:08,409 --> 00:15:09,329
No!
320
00:15:10,289 --> 00:15:11,129
I got a C.
321
00:15:12,769 --> 00:15:13,849
Well, actually, it was a D,
322
00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:17,049
but my mom, asked them
to take into account
323
00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:18,889
I was going through some
personal problems at home
324
00:15:18,969 --> 00:15:20,569
and you know, they
they marked me up.
325
00:15:20,649 --> 00:15:24,449
But, anyway, these teachers,
326
00:15:24,529 --> 00:15:26,609
they said I didn't know
anything about Geography.
327
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:28,129
Well, look at me now.
328
00:15:28,209 --> 00:15:29,609
I'm bloody teaching it.
329
00:15:29,689 --> 00:15:31,729
Top of the world, eh?
330
00:15:32,249 --> 00:15:35,609
Now, you get there,
into that exam hall,
331
00:15:35,689 --> 00:15:38,049
and you believe in yourselves.
332
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:39,809
'Cause you are all winners,
333
00:15:39,889 --> 00:15:45,129
and I am looking at the
Geography teachers of tomorrow.
334
00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:48,569
Well, I ain't going to be
a Geography teacher, Sir.
335
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:50,129
Dare to dream!
336
00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:59,129
Now, let's get out there and
kick some Geography arse!
337
00:16:07,569 --> 00:16:11,129
Just remember to
read the questions.
338
00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:12,729
Good luck.
339
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:18,569
The time now is two o'clock.
340
00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:22,209
You have exactly two hours.
341
00:16:22,289 --> 00:16:23,849
Turn over your papers.
342
00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:25,769
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
343
00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:28,329
Now.
344
00:16:32,329 --> 00:16:33,249
[muttering]
345
00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:36,689
Ssh, ssh, ssh,
ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh!
346
00:16:44,449 --> 00:16:47,609
You haven't taught
us any of this.
347
00:16:48,369 --> 00:16:49,289
What?
348
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:58,369
Oh, no, I taught you
the GCSE syllabus.
349
00:16:59,489 --> 00:17:01,009
What the hell are
we going to do?
350
00:17:01,089 --> 00:17:02,889
[Keith] Ssh-ssh!
351
00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:04,729
It'll be fine, okay.
352
00:17:04,809 --> 00:17:07,489
[Keith] [whispering]
What's going on?
353
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:08,609
Nothing, it's, fine.
354
00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:11,769
It's all, it's all fine.
355
00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:14,569
There's a pencil
sharpener malfunction.
356
00:17:14,649 --> 00:17:16,129
It's, [clearing throat]
357
00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:17,609
it's all under control.
358
00:17:17,689 --> 00:17:19,289
Well, keep the
chatter to a minimum.
359
00:17:19,369 --> 00:17:20,249
Yes.
360
00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:22,449
[Keith] Ssh!
361
00:17:31,889 --> 00:17:32,809
Churchy.
362
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:35,929
You know, there's no need
for us both to be here.
363
00:17:36,009 --> 00:17:39,529
Why don't you nip off early
and pop to the shops, or?
364
00:17:39,609 --> 00:17:40,729
I won't tell anyone.
365
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:41,769
Well, I think the
examination board
366
00:17:41,849 --> 00:17:43,169
would take a dim view of that.
367
00:17:43,249 --> 00:17:46,289
Besides, I love invigilating.
368
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,369
The silence, the tension.
369
00:17:48,449 --> 00:17:51,809
The pacing up and down
the rows of worried faces.
370
00:17:51,889 --> 00:17:55,129
It's what teaching's all about.
371
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,849
Question one!
372
00:18:09,929 --> 00:18:12,769
[paper rustling]
373
00:18:36,129 --> 00:18:39,049
[speaking foreign language]
374
00:18:39,129 --> 00:18:41,209
Anyone like to take a guess?
375
00:18:41,289 --> 00:18:44,489
[speaking foreign language]
376
00:18:44,569 --> 00:18:46,289
It's the guitar.
377
00:18:46,369 --> 00:18:49,809
All right, let's
have another one.
378
00:18:50,769 --> 00:18:54,289
[speaking foreign language]
379
00:18:54,369 --> 00:18:58,129
[speaking foreign language]
380
00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:02,609
[speaking foreign language]
381
00:19:02,689 --> 00:19:05,649
Oh, come on, it's bongos!
382
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,849
All right, one more.
383
00:19:08,329 --> 00:19:10,729
[speaking foreign language]
384
00:19:10,809 --> 00:19:11,969
[speaking foreign language]
385
00:19:12,049 --> 00:19:14,089
You've actually seen me
play this one in assembly.
386
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:16,529
I thought you played
the church organ, Miss.
387
00:19:16,609 --> 00:19:17,409
[students laughing]
388
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,329
[speaking foreign language]
389
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:20,729
I don't know any French.
390
00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:22,489
Do you kneel down
at church, Miss?
391
00:19:22,569 --> 00:19:24,089
[students laughing]
392
00:19:24,169 --> 00:19:25,129
What does that mean?
393
00:19:25,209 --> 00:19:27,329
Miss, have you had a
tug on the church bell?
394
00:19:27,409 --> 00:19:29,369
[students laughing]
395
00:19:29,449 --> 00:19:30,369
Miss, Miss?
396
00:19:30,449 --> 00:19:31,689
Yes, Craig?
397
00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:33,449
Have you done sex
with Mr Church?
398
00:19:33,529 --> 00:19:34,289
[students groaning]
399
00:19:34,369 --> 00:19:35,609
What?
400
00:19:35,689 --> 00:19:38,409
Right, look, Keith and I,
401
00:19:38,489 --> 00:19:42,009
Mr Church and I are work
colleagues and friends.
402
00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:43,489
Where on Earth has
this come from?
403
00:19:43,569 --> 00:19:45,729
Churchy told Gunn
he's shagged you!
404
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:48,129
[laughing]
405
00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:53,369
[speaking foreign language]
406
00:19:53,449 --> 00:19:54,129
What?
407
00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:57,129
Just do some private reading.
408
00:20:06,769 --> 00:20:08,129
Question...
409
00:20:25,329 --> 00:20:26,289
Mr Church!
410
00:20:27,289 --> 00:20:28,129
Ssh!
411
00:20:31,329 --> 00:20:34,129
[whispering] Mr Church!
412
00:20:34,209 --> 00:20:35,489
That's better.
413
00:20:35,569 --> 00:20:38,089
How dare you make me look
like some kind of skank?
414
00:20:38,169 --> 00:20:38,889
A what?
415
00:20:38,969 --> 00:20:40,409
A skank!
416
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:41,209
A ho!
417
00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:43,049
What?
418
00:20:43,129 --> 00:20:44,329
A sex lady.
419
00:20:46,009 --> 00:20:47,329
I've absolutely no idea,
420
00:20:47,409 --> 00:20:50,169
and please keep your voice
down, it's exam conditions.
421
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,129
Oh, I think you
know perfectly well.
422
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:56,889
You told Trevor
that we had had sex.
423
00:20:56,969 --> 00:21:01,329
[voice raising] And
we have not had sex!
424
00:21:01,409 --> 00:21:03,849
[chattering]
425
00:21:34,969 --> 00:21:39,809
[Student] Can I have some
more paper, please, sir?
426
00:21:48,569 --> 00:21:51,329
[paper crumpling]
427
00:21:55,569 --> 00:21:57,129
Gunn's in the house!
428
00:21:57,209 --> 00:21:58,169
Sh!
429
00:21:58,249 --> 00:21:59,649
All right, Gareth,
you can piss off now.
430
00:21:59,729 --> 00:22:01,289
No, you're all right.
431
00:22:01,369 --> 00:22:02,609
I'll stay, if you don't mind.
432
00:22:02,689 --> 00:22:05,449
I absolutely love this.
433
00:22:05,529 --> 00:22:06,289
All right.
434
00:22:06,369 --> 00:22:07,329
I'll be in the computer room.
435
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,129
You're not going anywhere!
436
00:22:11,569 --> 00:22:14,489
Get off me, you big, fat gayer.
437
00:22:41,769 --> 00:22:44,009
[chuckling]
438
00:22:44,089 --> 00:22:45,689
What I told you about Sarah,
439
00:22:45,769 --> 00:22:47,769
in the shower, was
in strict confidence!
440
00:22:47,849 --> 00:22:49,409
I only told Year Nines.
441
00:22:49,489 --> 00:22:51,809
You're a great
big shitting shit!
442
00:22:51,889 --> 00:22:53,609
Don't poke me, you twat!
443
00:22:53,689 --> 00:22:54,609
I'll poke you as much as I like!
444
00:22:54,689 --> 00:22:56,769
And keep your voice down!
445
00:22:56,849 --> 00:22:59,009
[groaning]
446
00:22:59,089 --> 00:23:01,409
[grunting]
447
00:23:05,729 --> 00:23:07,969
[yelling]
448
00:23:12,329 --> 00:23:15,049
[door banging]
449
00:23:15,849 --> 00:23:19,449
Sorry, I don't know
the rest myself.
450
00:23:20,449 --> 00:23:23,329
Oh, God [sobbing].
451
00:23:27,929 --> 00:23:30,649
[door banging]
452
00:23:33,289 --> 00:23:36,129
[cheerful music]
453
00:23:46,769 --> 00:23:48,729
I think we've proved here today,
454
00:23:48,809 --> 00:23:50,929
through friendship and squash,
455
00:23:51,009 --> 00:23:55,129
that violence has no
place at Greybridge.
456
00:23:58,009 --> 00:24:00,329
[grunting]
457
00:24:05,489 --> 00:24:08,049
[clattering]
458
00:24:08,129 --> 00:24:11,289
Keep up the good
work, Mrs Klebb!
459
00:24:13,329 --> 00:24:14,289
All right?
460
00:24:16,089 --> 00:24:19,409
Please stop spreading silly
rumours about teachers.
461
00:24:19,489 --> 00:24:22,369
There really is no
drama to speak of.
462
00:24:22,449 --> 00:24:23,569
They're fighting!
463
00:24:23,649 --> 00:24:25,369
Keith and Trevor -
they're fighting!
464
00:24:25,449 --> 00:24:26,409
What?
465
00:24:26,489 --> 00:24:29,529
Sarah, they're
fighting over you.
466
00:24:29,609 --> 00:24:34,009
I'm sorry, but I've got
men fighting over me!
467
00:24:34,929 --> 00:24:38,129
And that's not a rumour,
it often happens,
468
00:24:38,209 --> 00:24:40,289
and you can spread that one.
469
00:24:40,369 --> 00:24:43,689
You carry on, I'll
alert the Head.
470
00:24:49,929 --> 00:24:53,129
[excited chattering]
471
00:24:54,969 --> 00:24:58,209
[students laughing]
472
00:24:58,289 --> 00:24:59,409
Stop fighting!
473
00:24:59,489 --> 00:25:00,849
Stop fighting!
474
00:25:00,929 --> 00:25:03,169
Stop fighting over me!
475
00:25:03,249 --> 00:25:05,689
[yelping]
476
00:25:05,769 --> 00:25:07,889
He's hit me, he's hit me!
477
00:25:07,969 --> 00:25:09,129
He's hit me!
478
00:25:10,809 --> 00:25:14,009
[excited chattering]
479
00:25:14,089 --> 00:25:16,929
[pained yelling]
480
00:25:18,609 --> 00:25:20,969
[jeering]
481
00:25:23,209 --> 00:25:23,969
Let me have it!
482
00:25:24,049 --> 00:25:24,809
[Postern] I'll do it!
483
00:25:24,889 --> 00:25:25,569
[Gunn] I'll do it!
484
00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:26,569
[Postern] I'll do it!
485
00:25:26,649 --> 00:25:27,489
[jeering]
486
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,129
[Gunn] You do it!
487
00:25:32,249 --> 00:25:34,729
This is a new low
for the school.
488
00:25:34,809 --> 00:25:38,849
And, believe you me, we have
had some quite startling lows.
489
00:25:38,929 --> 00:25:41,089
What an example to
set to the children!
490
00:25:41,169 --> 00:25:43,209
Fighting in an exam!
491
00:25:44,169 --> 00:25:44,969
He started it.
492
00:25:45,049 --> 00:25:46,369
Well, I think you'll find
493
00:25:46,449 --> 00:25:48,569
Mr Gunn started it when
he told the entire school
494
00:25:48,649 --> 00:25:51,329
that I'd slept
with Sarah Postern.
495
00:25:51,409 --> 00:25:53,529
Well, have you slept with her?
496
00:25:53,609 --> 00:25:55,649
I'd rather not say.
497
00:25:57,329 --> 00:25:58,049
[intercom beeping]
498
00:25:58,129 --> 00:26:00,209
Daphne, send her in.
499
00:26:00,489 --> 00:26:03,249
[door squeaking]
500
00:26:04,889 --> 00:26:07,889
Have you had sexual
relations with this man?
501
00:26:07,969 --> 00:26:08,889
No!
502
00:26:09,489 --> 00:26:11,129
That'll be all.
503
00:26:17,729 --> 00:26:20,209
Why did you tell me you had?
504
00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:22,049
Well?
505
00:26:23,329 --> 00:26:24,969
I don't know.
506
00:26:25,049 --> 00:26:26,449
[scoffing]
507
00:26:26,529 --> 00:26:29,489
You're no better, Mr Gunn,
spreading idle gossip.
508
00:26:29,569 --> 00:26:33,129
What have you got
to say for yourself?
509
00:26:36,689 --> 00:26:38,369
[mumbling]
510
00:26:38,449 --> 00:26:39,089
What?
511
00:26:39,169 --> 00:26:41,129
I didn't hear that.
512
00:26:43,489 --> 00:26:44,409
Sorry.
513
00:26:46,009 --> 00:26:47,409
And what about you, Mr Church?
514
00:26:47,489 --> 00:26:48,689
Are you sorry?
515
00:26:48,769 --> 00:26:49,609
Yes.
516
00:26:49,689 --> 00:26:51,089
Well, say it, then.
517
00:26:51,169 --> 00:26:52,809
[muttering]
518
00:26:52,889 --> 00:26:54,089
Properly.
519
00:26:54,169 --> 00:26:55,329
Sorry!
520
00:26:56,449 --> 00:26:58,289
Now say it to each other.
521
00:26:58,369 --> 00:27:00,809
[sighing]
522
00:27:07,649 --> 00:27:11,489
-[mumbling] Sorry.
-[mumbling] Sorry.
523
00:27:11,849 --> 00:27:14,969
Right, now get out of my sight.
524
00:27:24,369 --> 00:27:27,249
Hey, no hard feelings, eh, mate?
525
00:27:28,649 --> 00:27:30,729
[back patting]
526
00:27:30,809 --> 00:27:34,449
Oh, nice to have
you back, Mr Hubble.
527
00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:35,609
Bum bandit!
528
00:27:41,249 --> 00:27:44,049
[playful music]
529
00:27:59,449 --> 00:28:00,489
We're going to France!
530
00:28:00,569 --> 00:28:01,769
Why do you even want
to go to Dieppe?
531
00:28:01,849 --> 00:28:02,889
Shag Postern.
532
00:28:02,969 --> 00:28:04,209
You could always
sleep in my room.
533
00:28:04,289 --> 00:28:07,769
[Baron] No drinking, no
smoking, and no holiday romances
534
00:28:07,849 --> 00:28:08,969
with dirty Frenchmen.
535
00:28:09,049 --> 00:28:10,329
Well, the children
will, of course,
536
00:28:10,409 --> 00:28:11,809
be supervised at all times.
537
00:28:11,889 --> 00:28:13,529
I wasn't talking
about the children.
538
00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:14,489
Bonjour!
539
00:28:14,569 --> 00:28:17,729
[speaking foreign language]
540
00:28:17,809 --> 00:28:19,009
A little bit slower?
541
00:28:19,089 --> 00:28:22,609
Someone has helped
themselves to me, sexually.
542
00:28:22,689 --> 00:28:23,729
Oh, dear.
543
00:28:24,609 --> 00:28:25,369
[cheerful music]
544
00:28:25,449 --> 00:28:26,689
♪ When I think about the days ♪
545
00:28:26,769 --> 00:28:31,609
♪ There is something
of a haze about it ♪
546
00:28:32,609 --> 00:28:33,889
♪ When we said
we'd never change ♪
547
00:28:33,969 --> 00:28:39,169
♪ Well, we never stopped
to think about it ♪
548
00:28:39,969 --> 00:28:42,849
♪ No, we're not the same ♪
549
00:28:42,929 --> 00:28:46,929
♪ But let's not
break the chain ♪
550
00:28:47,009 --> 00:28:51,489
♪ We should play
this game together. ♪
551
00:28:55,529 --> 00:28:58,449
[echoed pulsing]
37131
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