All language subtitles for B S S01E04 1080p ROKU WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264_track3_[eng]

Now we're going to start
today's lesson with Mr. Church's

fun experiment time,

now, who would like to
see the power of methane?

Pat, if you could have the
fire extinguisher ready?

So the methane.

[kids laugh]

Yes, yes, all right, all right,

that wasn't the experiment.

This is the experiment.

Hey, sir, did you do
that fart one again?

[kids laugh]

[soft guitar music]

♪ When I think about the days ♪

♪ There is something
of a haze about it ♪

♪ When we said
we'd never change ♪

♪ Well, we never stopped
to think about it ♪

♪ No, we're not the same ♪

♪ But let's not
break the chain ♪

♪ We should play this
game, together. ♪

Things have been
difficult for Josh at home

because his mum left.

-Hmm, where did she go?
-Kenya.

We went for a safari holiday,

Josh had always wanted
to see a hippopotamus,

ain't you, mate?

It was on that holiday.

And my wife fell in love
with the Maasai tribesmen.

Oh, really?

I have some photographic
books at home,

superb muscle definition.

As you know, Josh is
usually so outgoing,

but he's been quite subdued--

I imagine the Maasai
lovemaking is very animalistic.

So if you could just
let his teachers know.

What?

About Josh's situation.

Yeah, oh yes, yes, of course.

Thank you, Ms.
Baron, come on, mate.

Does the tribe indulge
in sexual sharing?

[upbeat playful music]

Seven across
revered Philipsburg.

Clarkson.

Can I just have everyone's
attention for a moment?

Can we have silence please?

Sarah has an announcement.

Thank you, over to you, Sarah.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

There is a boy in my tutor
group called Josh Hardy,

who is having some
problems at home.

Join the club.

What happened?

It's just a private
family matter.

His mom's on sex safari.

No, no.

Let's just all pretend
that we didn't hear that.

We don't need to know
exactly what has happened.

We just need to know that
something has happened

and it has happened.

So just please bear in
mind that Josh is having a,

I'm going to say challenging,
challenging time.

Good.

Yeah.

Thank you very much,
everybody, thank you.

That was a very sensitively put.

Oh well, thank you.

I've always been one of those
people that others come to

with a problem.

It's a blessing and a curse.

It's mainly a blessing,
but it can also be a curse.

I think you're right not to
let the other teachers know

the specific details, but
what are the specific details?

I can trust you to
keep this to yourself?

No one to tell.

Well, Josh's mother has
started a relationship

with a non-white,
black gentleman

from the continent of Africa,
he's a Maasai tribesman.

Coloured chap, I take it?

You can't say coloured
anymore, no no, but yes.

Yes, he's a Maasai tribesmen,
they do tend to be coloured.

I mean, black, you know?

No, I mean Afro Caribbean.

Well, no, not Caribbean, he's
from Africa, so Afro-can.

Is that the phrase we use now?

Yeah, Afro-can.

Hey, Sairs.

She's called Sarah and please
respect personal boundaries.

Josh is in my first lesson
and I was just wondering,

should I say something
to the class?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He wouldn't want
everyone to know.

Got it, got it, keep it stored.

Of course, drama can be the
most therapeutic therapy.

I was thinking of offering
Josh a part in my school play.

Oh yes, oh yes, that
would be lovely.

Just checking, you're
not doing the Lion King?

No.

Great, no, I think that will
really help Josh get over

the thing that I know about,
but can't tell you about.

I look forward to reviewing
it in the school mag.

No, no, no.

I am not letting you anywhere

near any more of my productions.

Janine, I have been
the theatre reviewer

for The Almanack for
the last 15 years.

And in all that time, you
have never once said anything

remotely pleasant about my work.

That is a mendacious
smear, mendacious.

Mrs Klebb's production was
a thought provoking piece.

And the thought it provoked was

why doesn't someone
strangle Mrs. Klebb?

Annie, get your gun,

and put the audience
out of its misery.

Tommy, oh to be truly
deaf, dumb, and blind.

I'm not sure this is
a fair cross section.

Would you please read the review

of my Kabuki performance
of The Crucible.

In Salem, they burned
witches at the stake.

If only we could bring
back that fine tradition

for Mrs. Klebb.

That is not a review,
that is a personal attack.

It's both.

From now on, I think
it's best if someone else

reviews the school plays.

-What?
-I've made my decision.

Thank you for your clear
judgement in this matter,

headmistress.

I hereby tend to my resignation

as the theatre reviewer
for The Almanack.

You've being fired.

Well, I resigned as well.

It's too late.

Well, just so you know,
I thought about resigning

a few seconds before
you sacked me.

That's it, I'm putting
you on crosswords.

Crosswords?

That's disgracious!

Utterly disgracious!

Everything okay?

She's put me on crosswords.

That's awful, in what?

The Almanack.

-What's that?
-The school magazine.

Right, didn't know we had one.

Does anyone read it?

No, of course not, that's
the principle of a couch.

♪ America ♪

♪ Keep your bombs ♪

♪ American ♪

♪ Keep your guns tonight ♪

♪ There's blood on the
stars and stripes ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ I need somebody
to know the light ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't sleep tonight ♪

♪ With the light ♪

♪ The night ♪

Who do you think
wrote that song?

A bell end.

It was actually me, but
I'm loving the banter.

Keep it coming.

What do you think the songwriter

was trying to say
about America, Beyonce?

Well, duh, that
they don't like it.

Excellent, you've
heard of the subtext.

'Cause when you first listen
to it, you're just like,

that's a really cool
song, an anthem even.

But if you really
listen carefully,

there's a hidden message.

So homework,

boring!

No guys, this isn't your
average boring homework

because what I want you to do,
guys, is write some lyrics.

[kids groan]

-What about?
-Write about your life.

That's what people like
me and Eddie Sheeran do.

Maybe you've split
up with your bitch.

Maybe you're in a
funk with your folks

'cause they won't let
you watch Hollyoaks late.

Maybe your mum's run off
with a Maasai warrior

or any kind of
African tribal feller.

Not that that's happened
to anyone in this class.

Ooh,

come on bell.

-[clock ticks]
-[bell rings]

There it is.

So, important match tomorrow.

Summers Town,

-what about Bummer's Town?
-[kids laugh]

Just improv'd that.

We've got to play dirty, kick
the ball at him, like this.

Or in the nets.

Thank you for
volunteering, good sport.

Time to go, Mr. Gunn, out.

[Mr. Gunn] You what?

We have the sports hall booked

from four o'clock
for rehearsals.

I'm not having your drama
going up my sports hall.

We need to rehearse
Juliet and Romeo.

Sort the names round, well done.

Juliet has taken second
billing for 400 years.

This is my gender reimagining
of Shakespeare's text.

Didn't understand
a word of that.

I need you out of
our rehearsal space.

Look, this is very
important therapy for Josh.

Who's Josh?

Oh right, the one
whose mum is banging--

Yes, yes.

Well, I don't care and
I'm banging Dino's mum,

but you don't see him crying
about it though, do you?

We bought the room.

Don't care, not budging.

All right, then, we're not
budging, are we, actors?

[Actors] No.

Right, you give us 20 quid
and we're gone in a puff.

Boozer!

[Kids] Yes!

Thank the Lord for that!

Right, so company gather.

Now I have set Juliet and
Romeo in modern day Ibiza, so.

Please don't touch my
sports equipment, Mrs Klebb,

thank you!

[Sarah] Mr. Church,
there's a seat here.

Thanks, got two
desserts, gonna get fat.

[laughs] Josh.

Oh, hello Josh.

Oh no, he's binge-eating now.

What?

Look, Josh, he's got a
big bucket of chicken.

I got it for him for a
treat, cheer him up a bit.

That's the kind of guy I am

and what do you get
with a bargain bucket?

I don't know, what do you
get with a bargain bucket?

Three walls, Vienetta.

I didn't know that.

Well, I thought you were clever.

Well, do you really
think it's wise

to be giving a big
bucket of fried food

and what is essentially
a giant choc ice

to a boy of Josh's proportion?

Yes, so he can eat
your way the pain.

That's what fatties do, init?

I'll just go over
and speak to him.

Oh, I really don't think--

Oh, don't worry, I'm
good with little ones.

I'll just go and cheer him up.

Oi, oi, check out Hubble,
he's drinking gravy again.

That man should not be
allowed near a Bunsen burner.

Hey, Josh, high five?

How you doing, all right?

Bleak news about your mother.

You're on the popcorn chicken.

Yeah well, as women do.

They all let you
down in the end.

For me, it was my wife who left.

No, no, sit down, sit down.

I just wanna put a
smile on your face, ey?

Anyways, she split
the family apart.

Now, I live in a
caravan, I love silver.

No woman will ever love me.

Some days, I think I
just lie in a ditch,

wait for the world to end.

We should start on that Vienetta
before it starts to melt.

It's Nescafe, isn't it?

Yes, it is, well remembered.

So, I hear you've been
removed as the theatre critic.

I resigned.

Oh really, the head
said you'd been sacked.

It was simultaneous.

I wonder who Barron's
got to replace me.

Probably some
philistine who knows

absolutely nothing
about the theatre.

Yeah, it's me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

So am I, I didn't wanna do it.

But she said it was either
that or the crossword

and I thought, no thanks,
that's the lowest of the low.

I'm now doing the crossword.

Brilliant, that was
my second choice.

Got some big plans for it,
gonna be a total reboot.

So, do you have any
experience reviewing?

Yeah, yeah, I've written loads
of reviews over the years.

Oh, where could I read them?

Amazon, mainly cookware.

In fact, last night I was
reviewing a set of sporks.

What's a spork?

It's a spoon and a fork.

Oh, well, you learn
something new everyday.

Will you be coming to
see the play at all?

Oh no, no, no.

I mean, I had to go
when I was reviewer,

but I think that they're
awful, none of those staff go.

No, I'd rather poke
my eyes out with a...

-A spork.
-A spork.

[both laugh]

To us.

[upbeat music]

Excuse me, Miss Postern.

Yes?

I'm Josh's dad.

Oh, oh yes, hello.

Well, I just wanted to pop by

and say thanks for
being so kind to my son.

He's a pleasure to teach,
he's quite a character.

He's the life and
soul of the class.

Sometimes it's a bit
difficult to get a word in.

Isn't that right, Josh?

Well, I think he is gonna wow
everyone in the school play.

What part are you playing, Josh?

Well, just make sure you
don't steal the show.

I think it's gonna be wonderful.

It's a version of
Romeo and Juliet.

You all right?

That was my wife's
favourite film.

Oh, oh dear I'm sorry.

You all right?

That's all fine.

This man bothering you?

Oh, this is Josh's dad.

Oh, sorry to hear about
your wife running off

with the Maasai tribesman.

I thought it was only you and
the head mistress who knew?

Well, I'm the deputy
head of science,

so I'm pretty high
up the food chain.

Nobody else knows.

Well, the PE teacher did make
a comment in the staff room

about a sex safari, but he
doesn't know the details.

Well, I didn't wanna make
things worse for Josh.

Oh, he's dealing
with it really well.

I mean, he's such a roistered
dicer, aren't you ey?

Well, thanks for your time.

I just popped in to buy
a ticket for the show.

Rather you than me, poor Miss
Postern has to sit through

the whole thing 'cause
she's reviewing it.

I've actually got a spare ticket

so you could come with me.

What?

Really?

That was very
kind, are you sure?

Yes, yes, of course, why not?

No, it is crossing a line,
fraternising with a parent.

What if it's any
kind of trouble?

No, no, no, no, just ignore
him, you can come with me.

-Thank you.
-That's quite all right,

I will see you Friday
night then. Mr. Hardy.

Please, Simon.

No, we call him Mr Hardy.

Goodbye Simon, bye Josh.

-Bye, Mr. Church.
-Yes, goodbye.

Oh, I hope this doesn't
drag the school's good name

through the mud.

I know, it's a risk
I'm willing to take.

You jealous?

-Me?
-Yes, you.

-Jealous?
-Yes.

-Me?
-Yes.

-No.
-You're a little bit jealous.

-No.
-Little bit.

-No.
-Little bit.

-Jealous?
-Yes.

Jealous of a man whose
wife has left him

to live in a mud hut?

We were just discussing
another pupil at school.

Heard you got sacked
as a play reviewer.

I resigned.

Everyone says you've got sacked.

It was a dead heat.

Good job I'm not
doing it now then.

Sarah is doing it.

No way, I might go see
this thing with her.

Make a bit of a night of it.

No, she's not going
to go with you.

On my suggestion, she's
actually taking Josh's father.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

What, what?

Well, you know what
happens when you go

and see something
with a bird, don't ya?

Enlightened me.

Well, he'll have
his coat on his lap

and then underneath
she'll tug him off.

This is Sarah Postern
we're talking about.

I hardly think that's likely.

No, no, no, that happen
to me last week, mate.

Took some munter to
see Andy Parsons live,

I was laughing and
spaffing at the same time,

best night of my life, chief.

[upbeat music]

Hello, Miss Postern.

Oh please, Sarah.

You excited about tonight?

Not really, I'm
missing The One Show.

Thanks again for the tickets.

I picked up a couple
of programmes.

Oh, let's see where's Josh.

Oh, there he is.

Josh Hardy, unnamed servant.

Yeah, proud of him, I'm
sure he's gonna be great.

Well, let's see how he does.

Oh good, you found your seats,
I saved you the best ones.

Oh, thank you.

Yes, this is Janine,
the director.

Director, producer, re-writer,

as I put in the
programme of drama touch.

Now, Sarah, I know that
we are very good friends.

But please, please, please,

do not let that
influence your review.

Here are some tokens
for complimentary tea

or squash at the interval.

No, I don't think you
can buy a good review

with a few free soft drinks.

You'll also find a box of
Celebrations under your seat.

Understood.

[upbeat music]

Good evening.

-Oh, so you are here.
-Yes.

So you are a little bit jealous,

-a little bit jealous.
-No.

-A tiny bit.
-No.

-Sure?
-Yeah.

-Positive?
-Yeah.

Not convinced.

Hello everyone, and
welcome to Greybridge.

Now recently the school has
come under fire for not putting

enough resources into
extracurricular activities.

And that is why
I'm here tonight.

For what I hope will
be an unforgettable
evening of theatre.

Thank you.

[crowd clapping]

Thank you so much, headmistress.

Right, now, just a few
items of housekeeping.

We have fire exits
located here, here and.

So all that remains
is for me to say that

I hope you enjoy this
bold reimagining of a play

by William Shakespeare,
which is how his name

would have been pronounced
in Elizabethan times.

[Person] Wrong.

I give you the tragedy
of Juliet and Romeo.

-Romeo and Juliet.
-[crowd clapping]

Two house music
nights, both for like,

no digging,

in fair Ibiza,

where we lay our sea.

[upbeat house music]

You lookin' at me?

I wasn't looking at you.

Serious bruv, you lookin' at me!

Have they re-written
any of these lines?

Of course, she's re-written
it, she's ruined it.

All right, keep it down, shh.

Shh, I don't know if you've
been to theatre before,

but there's actually no
talking, so shh, shh.

Oh, you've just missed your son.

Where was he?

Not great.

[Actor] The captain always
wears the best clothes.

Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore
art thou Romeo, send.

[phone dings]

Getting Nando's send.

Are you enjoying it?

I like Malteasers.

They are the best ones.

-Why don't you shut up?
-Shush!

[Juliet] I'm not
that kind of girl.

You have to put a ring
on it first, send.

[phone dings]

[Romeo] How about some
wings instead, send.

[Girl] For a misstep
ones to the world.

Three silvers better than them.

By the capital, I want spices.

Whatever, this girl might
steal, you're alive.

Now pay the fourth of the peace.

What are you doing now?

I dug your game,

to get it tugged off
under the coat trick.

Get off.

Can we move please?

[Boy] Old cabinet,
down the patio.

He gives the servants

and gives them to all
the people to invite.

Unfortunately the servant
can't read and [indistinct].

Good plan, much better view.

[Girl] Listen to me please.

I tell thee what?

I forbade you from
copping off with anybody.

Copping off.

Badminton?

It's not the time tonight.

Best performance of the evening.

-He's not even in it.
-[both laugh]

You just lost your respect.

Shh.

And we are back in Ibiza.

Thus, I take this
rave pill [coughs]

and overdose.

Where's my Juliet?

Oh god, she had ODed!

This has all gone Pete Tong.

Quick, get them
to Ibiza hospital.

I think they're gonna be okay.

What?

[crowd clapping]

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
that is the interval.

Well, it's 10:30.

I have taken the
liberty of writing

a whole new second half,
see you in 15 minutes.

-[crowd clapping]
-[upbeat music]

Are you enjoying the production?

Yeah.

Well, you'd be glad to hear

there's plenty more to come.

Shakespeare must be
rolling in his grave.

Why are you such a tough sport?

Oh, come on, don't be like
that, be the bigger man.

Not bigger like that,
the other bigger.

Squash?

Not for me, thanks.

It's quite a racket,
Klebb's got going on there.

15p for a squash,
it's a rip off.

Well, I've got free tokens.

-It's bribery.
-Is it?

On top of the Celebrations, yes.

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I
thought it was an incentive.

Pretty big incentive bumper box.

Mr. Church.

I've received complaints
from members of the audience

that you're ruining the play.

You are ruining
the play, anyway,

how many complaints
have you had?

There's only about
12 people in here.

Why don't you just shove off?

Oh no, I wouldn't miss
this for the world.

This is going down as one
of the worst productions

in school history.

Do yourself a
favour and piss off.

How dare you assault the
deputy head of science?

My boy is up there and
he's showing real talent

and you're ruining it for him.

Your son is beyond talent,
he's wooden as a wooden tree.

How dare you?

I do dare you, he
only got the part

because his mom's having
sex with an Afro-can.

That's it.

Oh!

[soft sombre music]

Renaming the play Juliet and
Romeo was an intriguing idea,

Mrs Klebb's direction
throughout was solid

and her rewriting of
Shakespeare's lines

made for an interesting evening.

Unfortunately, I did
not see the second half,

as I was punched quite
hard in the face.

It was a fine effort,
three out of five, yes!

I'm glad that you're
happy with it.

But it's not about me, is it?

It's about the kids,

the kids who worked so
hard on the production.

Yes, and thank you
for the book tokens.

Don't forget to check
out my crossword.

Oh!

One across dramatic failure.

Travesty,

easy.

Boys, I hope you're
not bullying Josh.

We aint bullying
him, man's a legend.

Really?

His stepdad's a warrior,
kills zebras and shit.

Yes, well, I think you'll
find that poaching,

but it's good that
you're making friends

and congratulations
on the school play.

You really worked
perfectly, adequate.

Dire event.

Calamity, calamitous.

Well, can't sit
around watching you

do the crossword all
day, if you'll excuse me.

Have a lovely day.

Juliet,

Romeo,

intellectual poverty,

dung,

witch?

Bastard!

[soft upbeat music]

Let's get on with
some private reading.

[soft upbeat music]

Where is he?

[soft upbeat music]

Open this door!

[soft upbeat music]

Oh, hello Pat.

Mr. Church, come out here.

[soft upbeat music]

Church!

Two and half K swim,
I did a 10K bike ride

and then a marathon.

What, all in my wet bikini?

This is new low for the school.

What's the matter, you never
seen a huge donner before?

What's a sex fan?

Fan of a sex, really.

They're fighting,

I'm sorry, but I've got
men fighting over me.

♪ When I think about the days ♪

♪ There is something
of a haze about it ♪

♪ When we said
we'd never change ♪

♪ Well, we never stopped
to think about it ♪

♪ No, we're not the same ♪

♪ But let's not
break the chain ♪

♪ We should play
this game, together ♪