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1
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,802
(Michael)
I'm an early bird,
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:11,970
and I'm a night owl.
3
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,597
So I'm wise
and I have worms.
4
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,474
Now.
[knocking on door]
5
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,268
Oh! Breakfast.
6
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,061
I got you your sausage,
egg, and cheese biscuit.
7
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:24,107
Yummy, yummy.
Thank you, Ryan.
8
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:28,486
What was the thing you
needed me to come in early for?
9
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,155
Um...
10
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,449
the sausage, egg,
and cheese biscuit.
11
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:36,578
But thank you,
and why don't you just...
12
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:37,829
Take a couple of hours.
13
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,997
Office is yours.
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,958
Home Alone,
Risky Business.
15
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,545
Take your pants off,
run around.
16
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,172
Whatever you wanna do.
17
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,507
I'm just gonna take a nap
in my car till work starts.
18
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,467
Okay.
19
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,596
See? Healthier.
20
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:57,140
Gotta watch those carbs.
21
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,769
Hey.
22
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:04,356
(Jim)
Oh, Pam, can I see you in here for a second?
23
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:07,192
It's important, so...
24
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,779
Okay.
25
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:17,160
What?
26
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,536
What is this?
27
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,039
I found Dwight's wallet
in the parking lot.
28
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,624
Oh, my God,
what are we gonna do?
29
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,000
I don't know, I don't know.
30
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,960
I don't know
what the best play is.
31
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,629
Do we tear everything up,
32
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,882
or do we buy a horse
on the internet?
33
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,258
I mean,
I don't know what to do.
34
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,551
What do you think?
35
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,719
I know.
I know what to do.
36
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,054
Okay, what?
37
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,807
Okay, put everything back
exactly how you found it.
38
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,017
Okay.
39
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:49,067
Hey, Dwight, Jim and I found
your wallet in the parking lot.
40
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,780
What did you do to it?
41
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,281
Nothing.
42
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:58,827
I'm serious.
What did you do to it?
43
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:02,414
Dwight, I swear,
we didn't do anything.
44
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,757
Nice try.
45
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,135
Cancel card.
46
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:21,808
Cancel... card.
47
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:30,775
Cancel card.
48
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,778
[piano rock]
49
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:40,869
โช โช
50
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:08,813
Today I, Michael Scott,
am becoming a homeowner.
51
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,106
Investing in real estate.
52
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,358
Diversifying.
Smart.
53
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:14,194
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
54
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,905
It is very important
to own property.
55
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,490
Back in olden days,
56
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,909
they would not even
let you vote
57
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,285
unless you owned property.
58
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,871
They'd throw you in the stocks
and humiliate you.
59
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:25,914
And it worked. Yes.
60
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:26,915
We should bring
the stocks back.
61
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:27,957
People will obey the law.
62
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,042
There'd be less troublemakers.
63
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:31,044
Maybe.
[laughs]
64
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,712
So what are the specs?
What?
65
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,757
What are the specs?
Oh, okay, I'll tell you.
66
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,300
Let's see here.
67
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,760
Three bedroom, two bath
contemporary townhouse...
68
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,220
Nice.
69
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,180
Two-car parking... Yes.
70
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,140
Wall-to-wall carpet...
God, what a steal!
71
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:45,392
All fixtures included.
72
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,770
Yes, this is looking good.
73
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,898
Does it have a deck?
74
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,066
I think it does.
75
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,819
Have you seen it?
Yes.
76
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,570
Does it have a deck?
77
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,698
I think it has a--yeah,
it has a deck.
78
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,741
They call it a porch,
but it is a deck.
79
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,244
When a man is laying
on his deathbed,
80
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,413
there are four things that go
through his mind.
81
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:10,333
Was I well-loved?
Check.
82
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,252
Did I express myself?
83
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,087
Did I let my light shine
through?
84
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,672
Check.
85
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,049
Will an attractive woman cry
at my funeral?
86
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,970
Check--probably more than one.
Check, check, check, check.
87
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:26,099
Lastly, did I achieve success
and own real estate?
88
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,726
And when I close on this condo,
89
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,688
I will be able
to check that one as well.
90
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,315
[sighs]
91
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,865
(Pam)
Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.
92
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,617
I think today it was
the expense reports
93
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,119
that did him in.
94
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,454
And, uh, our deal is
95
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,706
that it's up to me
to revive him.
96
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,833
You see Dwight's coffee mug?
Mm-hmm.
97
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,043
Sometimes when he's not here,
98
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,794
I try to throw stuff in it.
99
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,297
No way.
[laughs]
100
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,090
Let's do this.
101
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,509
[crumpling paper]
102
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,304
Oh!
103
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,891
Here.
Try paper clips.
104
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,809
Oh, wait.
This message.
105
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:10,810
For Dwight.
106
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,270
Perfect.
107
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,149
Uh!
Oh!
108
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:19,027
I love it, I love it.
What do you call it?
109
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,278
Schrute ball.
110
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,613
How about Skeet Schruting?
111
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,156
Did you just come up
with that?
112
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,492
Mm-hmm.
That is good.
113
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,868
That's it.
That's what it is.
114
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,037
Thank you.
115
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,957
Oh, somebody went in.
116
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,751
That was a team effort, Pam.
117
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,629
Oh!
118
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,507
I mean,
you've got stuff here.
119
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:44,636
You rented "Mermaids."
You can't--it's a movie.
120
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,304
You can't deduct that.
You know that.
121
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,889
(Angela)
It's not an office expense.
122
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,265
Yes, thank you.
123
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:53,478
Next year you should file
your stuff in a basket.
124
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,980
Remember, last year
he slipped by with "Stripes."
125
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,941
He put--he rented "Stripes,"
he had it for a week,
126
00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,567
and that got through,
so maybe he's thinking
127
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,778
he can do that from now on.
128
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,987
Please.
129
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,032
Maybe he can file his things
in a paper bag.
130
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:09,202
That's not helping, Angela.
That's not helping him.
131
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,579
Homeowner.
132
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,708
About to join
an exclusive club, Dwight.
133
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,876
Maybe someday these people
out here will know
134
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,545
what that feels like.
135
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:21,798
Maybe not, who knows?
Not my problem.
136
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:22,882
You should go.
137
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,134
Yes. Yes.
138
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,343
Final walkthrough.
Mm-hmm.
139
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,553
Sign the papers
at the condo.
140
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,971
You have your lawyer there?
141
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,556
Uh, I don't need one.
Can I be your representative?
142
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,391
I don't need a representative.
I think I should be there.
143
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,600
No, no.
No, I'm good.
144
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,643
I can make sure
things are up to code.
145
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:34,978
No, Dwight. I'm fine.
Please?
146
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,604
I'm always the guy
that you rely on at work.
147
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,605
Well, this isn't about work.
148
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,107
This is closing on a condo.
149
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,275
It's completely personal.
150
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,193
So you're taking
a personal day?
151
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,361
[clears throat]
152
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,446
Except that
153
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,031
this is about
my living arrangement,
154
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,449
and as boss,
155
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,409
I need to have
a living arrangement
156
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,744
in order to do work.
157
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,120
Please?
158
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,663
I'll make you proud.
159
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,457
Okay, fine.
Yes, you can come.
160
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,416
Yes!
As your representative?
161
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,500
As my associate.
162
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,753
Same thing.
No, it is not.
163
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:03,131
Why don't you bring some work
that we can do in the car
164
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,008
and some Lunchables as snacks.
165
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,176
Lunchables are a whole lunch.
166
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,344
Just bring it.
167
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,012
I have been
Michael's number two guy
168
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,930
for about five years.
169
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,557
And we make a great team.
170
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,934
We're like one of those
classic, famous teams.
171
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:15,852
He's like Mozart,
172
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:19,647
and I'm like... Mozart's friend.
173
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:20,523
No.
174
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,692
I'm like Butch Cassidy,
175
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,321
and Michael is like Mozart.
176
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,531
You try and hurt Mozart,
177
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,408
you're gonna get
a bullet in your head
178
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,452
courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
179
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:35,622
[in mocking Asian accent]
Oh, most honorable Pamera.
180
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,792
Not offensive because that's
the way they talk in movies.
181
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,251
You headed out?
Uh, we are.
182
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,711
Dwight and I are going
to the big thing.
183
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,172
So why don't you have everybody
184
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,548
work on their expense reports,
185
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,509
and I'd like them in
by the end of the day.
186
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,718
Okay.
Very good.
187
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,011
Have a great time.
We will.
188
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,054
Um, did you do the thing
189
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,430
I asked you to do
about the magazines?
190
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,890
Yeah, I changed them
to your new address.
191
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,266
Good. The...
192
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,352
Small Businessman?
Yep.
193
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,854
Maxim?
American Way?
194
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:00,814
Cracked?
195
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,190
Yes.
196
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:05,068
I changed your Cracked
magazine subscription.
197
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,821
How about m--uh,
198
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:12,992
Fine Arts...
Aficionado Monthly?
199
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,202
No? Okay.
200
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,495
Well, could you get on that?
201
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,205
'Cause I don't
just read Cracked.
202
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,498
[sighs]
Thank you.
203
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:22,585
Okay.
See you soon.
204
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,546
What is he so excited about?
205
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,172
Michael's closing
on his condo today.
206
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,966
Ah.
207
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,551
Yesterday he asked me
if I'd go with him
208
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,261
as his associate.
209
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,263
And you said no?
Yeah.
210
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:37,600
He also asked me if I would cry
at his funeral.
211
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,812
What kind of shocks
you got on this baby?
212
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,523
I don't know.
Regular, normal ones.
213
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,859
Nothin' fancy.
214
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,652
Not my style.
215
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,070
What are you doin'?
216
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,280
I wanna put the top down.
217
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,865
No, Dwight.
It's 50 degrees outside.
218
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:52,866
Don't--Please.
219
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,701
Yeah, but then
no one can see us.
220
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,037
I--Just, would you
put it up?
221
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,330
Okay. Fine.
222
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,790
Just leave it down.
223
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,084
Whiner.
224
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,878
Check it out.
225
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,629
Terminator.
226
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,841
I do not understand
what you spend your money on.
227
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,384
Ooh.
228
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,510
(Jim)
Hey, Oscar.
229
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,720
On these new expense reports,
230
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,680
do we really have to go back
to last quarter?
231
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:16,681
Yeah.
232
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,308
It's a terrible system,
I know.
233
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,726
What?
234
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,228
What does "2005 season" mean?
235
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,396
Tha--[laughs]
236
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,898
Wait a minute.
What is this?
237
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:25,857
It's a scoreboard.
238
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,442
What?
239
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,235
Kevin and I play
this paper football game
240
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,403
when Michael's out.
Really?
241
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,529
Yeah.
Or when we're bored.
242
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,365
Oh, my God!
243
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,283
Wait, this goes back
two years!
244
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,369
We're bored a lot.
245
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,245
Oh-ho.
Oh!
246
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,247
Sweet.
Yes!
247
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,749
So close.
248
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,250
I really love the, uh,
249
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,753
paper triangle flicking
and hitting things game.
250
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,380
Yeah.
We call it Hateball.
251
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,756
Why?
252
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,634
Because of how much
Angela hates it.
253
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,969
Hey, do you guys have
any other games?
254
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,137
Sometimes we play
255
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,556
Who Can Put the Most m&ms
in Their Mouth?
256
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,266
(Angela)
You play that.
257
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,559
You should ask Toby
258
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,521
to teach you Dunderball.
259
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,023
Home sweet home.
260
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,900
Which one's yours?
261
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,402
Right there.
262
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,945
My sanctuary.
263
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,447
My party pad.
264
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,907
Someday I can just see
265
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951
my grandkids
266
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,495
learning how to walk
out here.
267
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,623
Hang a swing
from this tree.
268
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,751
Push 'em back--
269
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,877
Wait.
270
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,296
No, it's this one
right here.
271
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,798
Home sweet home.
272
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,258
So it's like volleyball. Okay.
273
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,801
Okay, you're gonna want to take
a hold of the ball.
274
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,636
Mm-hmm.
And you bounce it off
275
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,638
the wall
on your side of the tape.
276
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,515
Oh, okay--oh, so that's
what the tape's for.
277
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,475
I didn't know.
278
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:43,977
Yeah,
Michael asked about it once,
279
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,271
and I just pretended
not to hear him.
280
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,314
He left.
281
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,108
All right, let's play.
282
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,568
Kelly, do you mind
if I use your desk?
283
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,570
Yeah, go ahead.
284
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,738
Extra points
if you break his monitor.
285
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,989
Is that true, Toby?
286
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,323
It's not true.
287
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,783
It's my monitor.
288
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,203
And I'll just take Kelly's.
289
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,455
(Kelly)
Nice.
290
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,831
This is all mine.
291
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,541
All the way down,
around the corner.
292
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,001
It's a shared space,
293
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,044
but I can use it
whenever I want to.
294
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,879
Okay, so I called in
a favor
295
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:11,963
to my buddy
at the police department...
296
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,798
Ah, the volunteer
sheriff's station.
297
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,425
Same thing. No.
298
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:16,968
Um, these are
the crime statistics
299
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,762
for the surrounding square mile
over the past four years.
300
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:19,929
Oh, anything bad?
301
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,806
Two charges of loitering.
Mm-hmm.
302
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,475
One noise complaint.
303
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,477
Several speeding tickets.
Mm-hmm.
304
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,270
Do you own a gun?
No.
305
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,897
I'd think about it.
Mm--I don't need a gun.
306
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,400
Hello?
Hello! How are you?
307
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,069
Okay.
I'm, uh, just about to close
308
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,987
on 126 over there.
309
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,697
And I guess
we're gonna be neighbors.
310
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,532
Very cool. Very cool.
311
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,534
So, uh--so what's the vibe?
312
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,036
What's the vibe
of this place?
313
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,038
Uh, I don't know.
It's pretty quiet.
314
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,998
Oh, rea--wow.
Ooh, that's gonna change.
315
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,625
[laughs]
316
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,709
Why?
317
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:53,338
Because... I loves to party.
318
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:57,217
And I'm gonna be partying my
butt off at this place.
319
00:11:57,258 --> 00:12:00,220
Okay, but there's
an 11:00 noise curfew.
320
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,554
Hi, I'm Dwight Schrute,
321
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:02,722
Mr. Scott's associate.
322
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,724
Who's Mr. Scott?
Him.
323
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,226
I have a question
about the property line.
324
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,436
These two trees are pretty
close together,
325
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,730
but it looks to me like
this one's more on your side,
326
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,650
this one might be more on his.
327
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,652
Yeah.
328
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,612
What are you doing home
in the middle of the day?
329
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,531
I just came back for lunch.
330
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,283
What are you having?
331
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,494
Like a Hot Pocket.
332
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:25,537
What line of business
are you in?
333
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,414
I'm a salesman.
334
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,665
(Dwight)
Really? So am I.
335
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:29,708
Yeah?
What?
336
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,168
I sell yarn.
337
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,837
You're a yarn salesman?
Yeah.
338
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,338
I have a couple questions
about the neighborhood.
339
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,215
Have you had any problems
with prostitution,
340
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,593
crack dealing,
gang violence, etcetera?
341
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,471
[groans]
No.
342
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,849
Here's a question for you.
I have a convertible.
343
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,435
Is it safe to park that
in my driveway?
344
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,186
All right, see you soon.
345
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,022
A good guy.
346
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,690
Um...
347
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,899
cool.
348
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,739
So that's what
this sound is all day.
349
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,073
[laughter]
350
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,742
I think I'm going
to make myself
351
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,785
some microwave popcorn.
352
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,455
[humming]
โช La, la, da-da โช
353
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:11,624
Press Popcorn.
Oh, that's gonna be delicious.
354
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,294
I just love having popcorn
in the middle of the afternoon.
355
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,503
You know what?
356
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,131
I could do with some
hot chocolate as well.
357
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:21,593
Oh, drat,
I can't make hot chocolate
358
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,512
and popcorn at the same time,
359
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,264
unless I can!
360
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:32,145
Boom, second microwave
for "le hot chocolate"!
361
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,980
Hello, hello, hi.
Oh, Carol, hi, how are you?
362
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,315
Hey, Michael.
Good to see you.
363
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:36,399
Uh, Michael, this is Bill.
364
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,859
He's the head
of the Condo Association.
365
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:38,902
Oh!
Hey, how are you?
366
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,236
Nice to meet you, Bill.
367
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,488
Bill. Mr. Bill.
368
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,782
(as Mr. Bill)
Oh, no!
369
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,785
Mr. Bill!
Whoa! Ho-Ho!
370
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,578
SNL?
371
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,164
When they pull him apart?
372
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,833
He would always get
rolled over by something.
373
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,835
N-Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
374
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,420
This is smaller
than your old place.
375
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,756
Yes, well, I'm buying it
and I'm not renting it.
376
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:03,343
So it's still an upgrade.
377
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:06,137
He doesn't know anything
about property ownership.
378
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,847
He's kind of an idiot. Um...
379
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,808
(Dwight)
Actually, I do own property.
380
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:10,892
My grandfather left me
381
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,019
a 60-acre working beet farm.
382
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,021
I run it with my cousin Mose.
383
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,440
We sell beets
to local stores
384
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,359
and restaurants.
385
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:22,278
It's a nice little farm.
386
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,532
Sometimes teenagers
use it for sex.
387
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,908
Are we ready
to sign some papers?
388
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,034
Actually, no.
389
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,703
We have a couple of questions,
390
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,287
uh, about the neighborhood.
391
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,206
I-It's very safe.
It's very clean.
392
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:35,542
Uh, also, it's very accepting
393
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,502
of all lifestyles.
394
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,798
It's a very gay-friendly
neighborhood.
395
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,301
Oh, good.
That's good.
396
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,471
It's good to be
accommodating of... that.
397
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,725
Let's go check out
the master bedroom.
398
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,643
Hey, Phyllis.
399
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:56,604
Do you have any games
that you play in the office?
400
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,064
What do you mean?
401
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,150
You know, like,
little time killer games,
402
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:04,612
like stapler tennis
or something like that.
403
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,656
No.
404
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,533
Okay.
405
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,035
Stanley.
406
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,619
I just played Dunderball
with Toby.
407
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,413
What about you?
You got any games?
408
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,831
Yeah, I got a game.
409
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:18,251
It's called Work Hard
So My Kids Can Go To College.
410
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,919
Fair enough.
411
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,589
This, my friends,
412
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,966
is the master bedroom.
413
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,634
Check out
the cathedral ceilings.
414
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,928
Those are, like,
17 feet high.
415
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,473
We have cable readiness
right there.
416
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,475
I am going to totally
pimp this place out.
417
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,935
I am going to put
a surround sound system.
418
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,562
I am going to put
a plasma screen
419
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,772
right against this wall.
420
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,357
Ooh, terrible idea.
421
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,566
'Cause I'm putting my bed
right over here.
422
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,109
No, no, no, no, no.
This is a shared wall.
423
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,527
Neighbor throws
his wife into the wall,
424
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,488
plasma screen hits the floor,
totally smashed.
425
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,323
Well, then I will get
a warranty.
426
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,241
Warranties don't cover it.
Plus, they're a rip-off.
427
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,534
Well, then I won't
get a warranty. Christina!
428
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,495
Shh!
So, that's the problem. It's solved.
429
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,455
What?
I don't hear you practicing.
430
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:56,623
Can you hear that?
431
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,291
[cello playing]
432
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,502
Oh, man!
433
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:04,214
These babies are thin!
434
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:09,344
[singing Olympic Anthem]
435
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,225
This scented candle
436
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,518
- [imitating echo]
- -andle,--andle...
437
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,104
Which I found in the men's
bathroom, room, room...
438
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:23,525
Represents the eternal...
439
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:27,821
burning of competition
or something.
440
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,656
It smells like cookies.
441
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:30,907
Yes, it does.
442
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,660
Yes, it does, my friend.
443
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:34,994
Okay, we will be competing
444
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,372
for gold, silver, and bronze
445
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,415
yogurt lids.
446
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,542
Now, the bronze
are really blue.
447
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,127
And they're also
the backside of the gold,
448
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,294
so no flipping.
449
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,171
Okay?
Honor system.
450
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,302
(Angela)
I do play games.
451
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,595
I sing.
452
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,848
And I dangle things
in front of my cats.
453
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,599
I play lots of games.
454
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,435
Just not at work.
455
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,020
Let the games begin.
456
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,813
[applause]
457
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:06,317
[all singing Olympic Anthem]
458
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,363
Second bedroom, whoop!
For the ladies!
459
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,782
I mean, the extra ladies
who aren't in my bed
460
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:16,161
or for friends and family,
whoever wants to pop on by
461
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,955
to casa de Scott,
and right in here,
462
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,707
what's in here?
463
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:25,420
Uh-oh, bedroom number three.
What are we gonna do in there?
464
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,088
Limitless possibilities.
(Dwight) Seal it off!
465
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,133
What?
What are you doing in there?
466
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,093
Fill it full of cotton
or soundproof insulation.
467
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,762
Oh, my God, Dwight!
468
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,597
Seal it off with drywall so you
don't hear Yo-Yo Ma over there.
469
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,724
Oh, you know what I might
do is I might make this
470
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,309
into a kid's room.
471
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,227
Kids, you don't even
have a girlfriend.
472
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,521
I will have a girlfriend
once she sees this place.
473
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,566
I'm gonna get married,
and I'm going to have kids.
474
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,777
(Dwight)
Well, that depends on how old she is.
475
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,320
What if your girlfriend is 55?
476
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,280
I'm not gonna date
a 55-year-old woman.
477
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,657
Just a possibility.
No, it's not, just shut up!
478
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:58,453
If you fall in love with her.
You're an ass, shut it!
479
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:01,247
I smell mold.
No, you don't. Stop.
480
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,958
Living on a farm, your sense
of smell gets very sharp.
481
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,088
For example,
there are beets in a condo
482
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:12,342
two doors down that way, and...
483
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:17,597
someone over there I believe
is a big fan of olives.
484
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,974
And then I just need you
to sign here at this arrow.
485
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,768
What kind of mortgage
did you get?
486
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,561
Uh, 10-year.
487
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,647
Well, 10 over 30,
488
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,023
so 30-year total.
489
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,942
What? Wha--
490
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,820
You said 10. S--
491
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,655
10-year fixed...
492
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,031
over 30.
493
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,658
30-year total.
494
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,118
Huh. 30 years.
495
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,452
Okay, okay, okay.
496
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:42,330
Wow, you'll be payin' this off
in your mid 70s.
497
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,581
All right.
[chuckles]
498
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,167
Forget about retiring
when you're 65.
499
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,293
[exhaling]
Hey, I've got an idea.
500
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,628
You know that extra bedroom?
501
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,213
If the whole girlfriend thing
never happens,
502
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,673
that's where the nurse
can live.
503
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,466
Okay, all right.
504
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:55,677
Oh, boy.
Well, this is it.
505
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:56,803
Whenever you're ready.
506
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,096
Yeah. Um...
507
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,349
that's news to me,
the whole 30 years thing.
508
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,185
I think I was pretty clear
about that, Michael.
509
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,021
Moment of reckoning.
It's pretty standard.
510
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,188
All right, it's not
the moment of reckoning.
511
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,606
Just stop it.
This is not it.
512
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,650
This is--this--
there's a lot more.
513
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,027
(Dwight)
What is this if this isn't it?
514
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,988
Ho. Ho-okay.
515
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,489
Is that supposed to come off?
516
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,074
Actually, yes.
Hey, look, cool. Carpenter ants.
517
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,994
Um... Gonna take
a little, uh, breather
518
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:21,995
for a second.
519
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:23,329
Excuse me.
520
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,581
It'll be here
waiting for you.
521
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,082
Oh, man.
522
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,208
(Dwight)
A 30-year mortgage
523
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,626
at Michael's age
524
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,712
essentially means that he's
buying a coffin.
525
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,339
If I were buying my coffin,
526
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,466
I would get one
with thicker walls
527
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,010
so you couldn't hear
the other dead people.
528
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,678
[cello playing]
529
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,096
[breathing heavily]
530
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,349
Oh!
Whenever you're ready, Michael.
531
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:43,892
Ugh!
532
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,269
No, this isn't it.
533
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:49,105
Not by a longshot.
534
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,363
You have what is
the national sport
535
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,406
of Icelandic paper companies.
536
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,492
And I'm blanking
on the name.
537
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,285
Could you help me out, Pam?
538
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,412
Jim, they refer to it as...
539
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,414
Flonkerton.
540
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:07,540
(Jim)
Hmm.
541
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,583
(Pam)
In English,
542
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,918
Box of Paper Snowshoe Racing.
543
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,419
Fair enough,
544
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,421
but I like Flonkerton.
545
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:16,132
The thing about Jim is,
546
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,592
when he's excited
about something,
547
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,302
like the office Olympics,
548
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:20,845
he gets really into it
549
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,348
and he does
a really great job.
550
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,308
But the problem with Jim
551
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,518
is that he works here,
552
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,396
so that hardly ever happens.
553
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,815
So who will be
challenging Kevin
554
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,108
in Flonkerton?
555
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,901
Anyone?
556
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:35,902
I'll do it.
557
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,445
Yes! Phyllis!
558
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:40,073
[applause]
559
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:43,076
Phyllis, if you'd just put
your foot right through here.
560
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:44,661
Right through the flonk.
561
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:47,455
I'm gonna back out of the deal.
562
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,917
Nothing personal,
but I feel like I have been
563
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,293
taken advantage of here.
564
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,753
How?
[sniffs]
565
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:57,507
This smells of fraud to me.
566
00:20:57,549 --> 00:21:00,468
This whole thing
just kind of stinks.
567
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:03,388
The ceilings are lower
than they were last week.
568
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,639
That--I don't--
569
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:06,266
What?
I don't know if you showed me
570
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:07,642
this same unit or not.
571
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,477
Where--
Michael, this is the unit you saw, and--
572
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:12,188
Where are all the hot people?
573
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:13,481
I was told that there would be
574
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,108
all these attractive singles.
575
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,235
Who told you that?
And as far as I can tell,
576
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,611
I'm the best-looking
person here.
577
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:20,363
(Michael)
There's a basic principle in real estate
578
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,656
that you should never be
579
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,491
the best-looking person
in the development.
580
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,160
It's just sorta common sense,
581
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,828
because if you are,
582
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:30,665
then you have no place
to go but down.
583
00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,167
Is this a financial thing?
584
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,585
If it's financial thing,
585
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,337
what some people do is, they
rent out the third bedroom.
586
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:36,755
No, no. No, no, no, no.
587
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,048
And that's some
extra income for you.
588
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,799
I am not going to rent
the third bedroom.
589
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:43,595
I want a price reduction
or I am a-walkin'.
590
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:48,850
You will lose $7,000
if you walk away right now.
591
00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:51,394
Muh...
592
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:56,691
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
593
00:21:56,733 --> 00:22:00,111
Cugino's,
what a great bread.
594
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,654
I made the right decision.
595
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,281
I'm glad I signed.
596
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:04,824
The--I'm a homeowner.
597
00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:06,117
Right?
598
00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,994
Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying.
599
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:09,662
This is good.
600
00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:11,539
This is fun.
We're havin' fun.
601
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:12,874
Totally havin' fun.
602
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,209
Can you imagine those poor saps
603
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,627
stuck at the office today?
604
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,796
[both laughing]
605
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,547
(Jim)
Here we go. Here we go.
606
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,091
[cheering]
607
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,217
Dig deep.
608
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,551
Dig deep!
609
00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:25,053
[screaming]
610
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,388
Oh!
611
00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:27,389
It's Phyllis!
It's Phyllis.
612
00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:28,515
(Jim)
Phyllis by a nose.
613
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,100
Gold medal in Flurnenton.
614
00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:31,476
Flonkerton!
615
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,728
(Jim)
Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
616
00:22:39,818 --> 00:22:41,569
(Jim)
Wow. Okay.
617
00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:43,446
No one else should even try.
618
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:44,739
Gold medals.
619
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,991
[cheering]
Give him medals.
620
00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:48,702
Wow!
621
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:50,787
[cheers and applause]
622
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:55,333
Ahh, so want to head back?
623
00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:58,169
Yes.
624
00:22:58,211 --> 00:23:01,923
Oh, and...
625
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:03,675
there's somethin' else, Dwight,
626
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,343
wanted to talk to you about.
627
00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:07,178
I have a surprise for you.
628
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,388
For helpin' me out today.
629
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,265
Oh, you didn't have to do--
No.
630
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,433
No.
I insist, I insist.
631
00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:12,892
Because you've really done
some great work.
632
00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:14,019
Great work!
633
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,354
And that is why
I am going to let you
634
00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,606
move into my third bedroom
635
00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:20,400
and pay me rent.
636
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,444
[gasps]
637
00:23:22,485 --> 00:23:24,029
Why did I do it?
638
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,781
Because I believe in rewarding
people for their efforts.
639
00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:30,285
Uh, I rewarded Dwight
640
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:31,911
with the room,
641
00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:34,622
and he is rewarding me back
642
00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:37,375
with, uh, $500
plus utilities.
643
00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:38,626
Let's just take a moment though
644
00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:40,503
and make sure that this is
the right fit for you.
645
00:23:40,545 --> 00:23:42,297
Why are you even saying that?
646
00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,883
You don't have enough money.
647
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,719
Here's how we'll remedy that.
I can give you a raise.
648
00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:50,388
And then we can have Dunder
Mifflin just pay for it.
649
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:55,101
That's not unethical because
Dwight does excellent work,
650
00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:58,146
and he's earned it.
651
00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,522
Thank you.
652
00:23:59,564 --> 00:24:01,649
I guess my philosophy about
Dwight would be this:
653
00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:07,280
If you can teach a man, Dwight,
to fish, room,
654
00:24:07,322 --> 00:24:11,451
then he will learn,
655
00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:16,206
pay $500 in rent,
656
00:24:16,247 --> 00:24:20,669
how to fish, plus utilities.
657
00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,796
I don't even know
what to say.
658
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:26,091
I'm thinkin', lock into
a four-year commitment.
659
00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:28,134
We'll go month-to-month
after that.
660
00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,053
Or until I start dating,
661
00:24:30,095 --> 00:24:31,513
have a girlfriend.
662
00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:32,806
And then you're, you know,
663
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:33,973
you're gone, so...
664
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:36,935
Question: Where can I put
my terrarium?
665
00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:40,647
What hell is a terrarium?
666
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:43,233
It's a fish tank
for snakes and lizards.
667
00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:44,943
Oh, so, an aquarium?
668
00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:48,029
Uh, that...
669
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:50,573
will not come into this place.
670
00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:52,200
Okay?
Question:
671
00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,243
Oh, my God.
672
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,411
My grandparents left me
673
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,871
a large number of armoires.
674
00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:59,916
Tell you what,
the deal will be off the table
675
00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:02,836
in ten minutes,
so take it or leave it.
676
00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:07,215
I've got a lot of work to do.
677
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:09,092
Oh, boy.
678
00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:17,350
This whole condo's shifting.
679
00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:20,562
It's like this place was built
680
00:25:20,603 --> 00:25:23,398
on an ancient Indian
burial ground.
681
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,733
(Pam)
Are you sure you don't wanna play?
682
00:25:24,774 --> 00:25:25,775
(Angela)
I'm sure.
683
00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:27,527
Come on, Angela.
Don't you have a game?
684
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:30,655
I have one, yes.
685
00:25:30,697 --> 00:25:32,449
Well, let's play.
What is it?
686
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:33,908
I call it Pam Pong.
687
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,202
I count how many times
Jim gets up from his desk
688
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,413
and goes to reception
to talk to you.
689
00:25:38,455 --> 00:25:40,081
We're friends.
690
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,916
Apparently.
691
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,543
(Jim)
Very nicely done.
692
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:46,421
Okay, so, think that's
H-O-R for Stanley
693
00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:47,797
and H-O for Phyllis.
694
00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:49,215
Are you calling me a ho?
695
00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:50,925
Oh, my God.
696
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,511
Phyllis coming alive.
I like it.
697
00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:55,221
Are you calling me a whore?
698
00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:57,932
Stanley!
That is inappropriate, okay?
699
00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,517
We just need to stop.
700
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:00,685
Everybody, let's get involved.
701
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,103
There are medals
to be won here.
702
00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:03,104
Here we go.
703
00:26:03,146 --> 00:26:05,398
Question:
What about carpooling?
704
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,608
Uh, who pays
for the gas?
705
00:26:06,649 --> 00:26:07,776
We take separate cars.
706
00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:09,194
Then question: Can sometimes
I drive your car
707
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:10,153
and you drive mine?
708
00:26:10,195 --> 00:26:11,279
(Michael)
Why would we do that?
709
00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:12,906
Just for fun?
No.
710
00:26:12,947 --> 00:26:14,491
Question: Who's the primary
on the fire insurance?
711
00:26:14,532 --> 00:26:17,827
[imitating hockey air horn]
Game over!
712
00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:20,163
Offer revoked, Dwight.
713
00:26:20,205 --> 00:26:21,373
I'm sorry,
714
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,708
but you reach out
and you try to be a nice guy
715
00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:24,876
and help out a friend,
716
00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:26,586
and this is what happens.
717
00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:28,213
This is what I get.
718
00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:30,465
I--God.
719
00:26:30,507 --> 00:26:32,634
I'm--Okay.
720
00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:33,885
Ooh.
721
00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:35,428
(Dwight)
Thank God.
722
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:37,138
It was nice of him to offer.
723
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:39,557
But I live in a nine-bedroom
farmhouse.
724
00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,726
I have my own
crossbow range.
725
00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:43,770
It's a perfect situation
for me.
726
00:26:43,812 --> 00:26:45,980
Although two bathrooms
would have been nice.
727
00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:48,900
We just have the one.
728
00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,735
And it's under the porch.
729
00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:51,903
[elevator dings]
730
00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:53,154
Ah!
Oh!
731
00:26:53,196 --> 00:26:54,906
Who had somebody
from Vance Refrigeration?
732
00:26:54,948 --> 00:26:56,574
Ryan Howard.
733
00:26:56,616 --> 00:26:58,576
[cheering]
Ryan.
734
00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:00,453
Gold medal.
735
00:27:00,495 --> 00:27:03,123
I made something
for our closing ceremonies.
736
00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:04,249
What?
737
00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:05,667
Oh, my God!
738
00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:07,460
Where'd you have time
to make that?
739
00:27:07,502 --> 00:27:08,962
Automatic voice mail.
740
00:27:09,004 --> 00:27:11,214
All right, Pam.
All right.
741
00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:12,632
[laughs]
742
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:14,217
Nice work.
743
00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:26,021
You know you can always
refinance your mortgage.
744
00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:27,939
We had a 15-year
on our beet farm.
745
00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:29,065
We paid it off early.
746
00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:30,191
Yeah, well,
you know what?
747
00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:32,277
Nobody cares
about your stupid beet farm.
748
00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,195
Beets are the worst.
749
00:27:34,237 --> 00:27:35,905
People love beets.
Nobody likes beets.
750
00:27:35,947 --> 00:27:36,948
Everyone loves beets.
751
00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:39,451
Nobody likes beets, Dwight!
752
00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:41,995
Why don't you grow something
that everybody does like?
753
00:27:42,037 --> 00:27:45,165
You should grow candy.
754
00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:48,293
I'd love a piece
of candy right now.
755
00:27:48,335 --> 00:27:50,712
Not a beet.
756
00:27:50,754 --> 00:27:52,005
Let's get this roof goin'.
757
00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:53,465
Stop it!
Ow!
758
00:27:53,506 --> 00:27:55,050
Final lap!
Final lap!
759
00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:56,176
(man)
Oscar!
760
00:27:56,217 --> 00:27:57,510
(Jim)
Time to beat is 1:15.
761
00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:59,679
Time to beat is one minute,
15 seconds.
762
00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:00,889
Here they come!
763
00:28:00,930 --> 00:28:04,059
[cheering and urging]
764
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:08,897
Guys?
765
00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,815
(Dwight)
What is going on?
766
00:28:10,857 --> 00:28:12,233
Nothing.
767
00:28:12,275 --> 00:28:14,861
Guys? Timer still goin'?
Or--
768
00:28:14,903 --> 00:28:16,446
That's my stopwatch.
769
00:28:32,587 --> 00:28:35,965
Hey.
That was fun today.
770
00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:39,552
Sorry we didn't get to
the closing ceremonies.
771
00:28:39,594 --> 00:28:42,472
Yeah.
772
00:28:42,514 --> 00:28:44,474
Thanks.
773
00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:48,561
What... the hell?
774
00:29:08,248 --> 00:29:10,333
There you go.
All done.
775
00:29:10,375 --> 00:29:12,002
Great.
776
00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:14,629
(Jim)
Yeah, I filled out the expense reports.
777
00:29:14,671 --> 00:29:16,131
That took about five minutes.
778
00:29:16,172 --> 00:29:19,134
And then I closed two sales
at lunchtime.
779
00:29:19,175 --> 00:29:23,346
So... about as productive
as any other day.
780
00:29:23,388 --> 00:29:25,974
If not more so.
781
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,899
(Ryan)
I figured I could throw it away now,
782
00:29:34,941 --> 00:29:37,485
or I could keep it
for a couple of months
783
00:29:37,527 --> 00:29:39,320
and then throw it away.
784
00:29:39,362 --> 00:29:41,406
I mean, it was really nice
of Pam to make them,
785
00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:44,451
but what am I gonna do
with a gold medal
786
00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:49,372
made of paper clips
and an old yogurt lid?
787
00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:57,505
Hey, Dwight.
Want to play a game?
788
00:29:57,547 --> 00:29:59,674
No.
789
00:29:59,716 --> 00:30:01,801
What kind of game?
790
00:30:01,843 --> 00:30:05,180
I don't know.
Let's make one up.
791
00:30:05,221 --> 00:30:08,892
Oh, and you can use your weird
rubber band ball if you want.
792
00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:11,019
To do what?
793
00:30:11,061 --> 00:30:13,563
I don't know, um...
794
00:30:13,605 --> 00:30:17,233
oh, you know what?
795
00:30:17,275 --> 00:30:20,779
Okay, I'll set up
these pencils,
796
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:23,198
and then you try
to knock them down.
797
00:30:23,239 --> 00:30:27,035
It'll be like desk bowling
or something like that.
798
00:30:29,579 --> 00:30:33,416
I'm really not in the mood
for games today, Jim.
799
00:30:50,183 --> 00:30:51,184
Hey.
800
00:30:51,226 --> 00:30:52,686
I have 59 voice mails.
801
00:30:52,727 --> 00:30:53,728
Mm.
802
00:30:53,770 --> 00:30:56,231
Hey, can you ignore those
803
00:30:56,272 --> 00:30:58,483
and do something
for me instead?
804
00:30:58,525 --> 00:31:00,235
Sure.
805
00:31:00,276 --> 00:31:01,361
Okay.
806
00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:03,905
Today, 5:00...
807
00:31:03,947 --> 00:31:05,448
closing ceremonies.
808
00:31:05,490 --> 00:31:06,741
Really?
809
00:31:06,783 --> 00:31:08,451
Notify the athletes.
810
00:31:08,493 --> 00:31:09,911
Cool.
811
00:31:09,953 --> 00:31:12,497
[knocking on door]
812
00:31:12,539 --> 00:31:13,748
Michael.
813
00:31:13,790 --> 00:31:16,209
Yeah?
Jim. Slim Jim.
814
00:31:16,251 --> 00:31:18,378
What's goin'--What's goin' on?
815
00:31:18,420 --> 00:31:21,464
Nothin'. I just wanted to
congratulate you on your condo.
816
00:31:21,506 --> 00:31:22,590
Oh, thanks.
817
00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:24,134
Thanks. It's very cool.
818
00:31:24,175 --> 00:31:26,177
It's, uh, three bedroom,
gay-friendly.
819
00:31:26,219 --> 00:31:27,887
Nice.
You know.
820
00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:30,056
Hey, would you mind
comin' out here for a second?
821
00:31:30,098 --> 00:31:30,974
I just have something for you.
822
00:31:31,016 --> 00:31:32,434
Really?
823
00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:36,604
What's this?
824
00:31:36,646 --> 00:31:38,606
There are
the closing ceremonies.
825
00:31:38,648 --> 00:31:39,899
Step up.
826
00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:42,569
W--Um...
827
00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:45,071
You're on the top one.
828
00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:46,948
Congratulations to Michael
829
00:31:46,990 --> 00:31:48,950
because he closed on his condo.
830
00:31:48,992 --> 00:31:50,535
So gold medal.
831
00:31:50,577 --> 00:31:52,996
[applause]
832
00:31:56,374 --> 00:31:59,878
I don't really know
what to say.
833
00:31:59,919 --> 00:32:01,755
Um...
834
00:32:03,256 --> 00:32:04,966
I'm not one
for making speeches,
835
00:32:05,008 --> 00:32:07,427
but, uh...
836
00:32:07,469 --> 00:32:10,138
my heart is very full
at this moment.
837
00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:13,641
[applause]
838
00:32:13,683 --> 00:32:17,729
And for Dwight Schrute,
the silver medal.
839
00:32:17,771 --> 00:32:19,773
(Michael)
Get on up here, Dwight.
840
00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:26,321
Silver medal.
841
00:32:26,363 --> 00:32:28,323
Yep.
Not as good as gold.
842
00:32:28,365 --> 00:32:31,159
[Star-Spangled Banner plays]
843
00:32:31,201 --> 00:32:34,621
โช โช
844
00:32:34,662 --> 00:32:37,582
Why are you playing
the national anthem?
845
00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:40,835
Um, 'cause your condo's
in America.
846
00:32:40,877 --> 00:32:42,379
Oh.
847
00:32:47,884 --> 00:32:49,219
What the hell is that?
848
00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:51,179
Those are the doves.
849
00:33:14,661 --> 00:33:18,623
[applause]
850
00:33:18,665 --> 00:33:20,083
[cheering]
851
00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:22,210
(man)
All right!
57483
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