All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S07E06 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Emily: hello?
Gilmore residence.

Hey, mom, it's me.

I just wanted
To leave you a message

Letting you know that I will
Not be able to come by tonight

To take a look
At your new curtains.

Lorelai, it's me.

So, sorry
I missed you, but --
You didn't miss me.

For heaven's sakes,
I'm right here.

Hello?
Hello? Lorelai?

Hello?
Hello?

Huh. That's weird.

I don't know
If your machine just cut me off.

Is something wrong
With this phone?

Anyway, uh,
Something came up,

And have to take a rain check
On the curtain check.

I'm sure
They're beautiful.

No one knows how to pick out
Curtains like you.

You're the curtain queen.

Hello?
Lorelai, can you hear me?

Anyway, have a good night,
Curtain queen.

Give my best to dad.

Bye.

Lorelai? Hello? Hello?

See? I told you
It would work.

Wow.
How did you even think to --

Well, it's natural instincts
Honed by years of experience.

Wow.

Yeah. Fight or flight,
You know.

And I just
Did my nails, so...
Flight.

Flight.

Wow.

[ telephone ringing ]

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

Man: ou est la station de métro
Le plus proche?

[ french accent ] "Where is
The nearest subway station?"

Ou est-ce que je peux acheter
Un billet?

"Where can I buy a ticket?"

The hunter and gatherer
Has returned.

Hey. Listen to how good
I've gotten.

Pouvez-vous me donner un plan
De métro, s'il vous plaît?

"Could I have a map
Of the subway, please?"

[ french accent ] Could I have
A map of the subway, please?

Impressive.

[ normal voice ] Right?
I'm practically fluent.

[ french accent ] Thank you
For the coffee and croissant.

De rien.

"You're welcome."

[ chuckles ]
[ normal voice ] Duh.

I thought our stomachs

Should start adjusting
To french cuisine,

So I got croissants
And café au lait.

I thought café au lait
Was spanish.

No, it's french
For "Coffee and milk."

"Lait" is "Milk."

I thought it was "Café olé,"
Like, "Coffee! All right!"

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.
You are. You're kidding.

I can't tell
Whether you're kidding.

I'm a woman of mystery.

You might want to try
Repeating those words in french.

We leave for paris
In two weeks.

But I don't have to
Actually speak french.

I just have to
Sound french.

If the parisians find me
Just another uncouth american,

I can tell them
My sad story.

[ french accent ]
"I was born in marseille,

"And my parents were killed
In a très tragique accident.

"And so I was sent
To the states

"And adopted
By the evil gilmores,

"Who refused
To let me speak french,

But I never forgot the accent
Of my mother country."

That's a complicated
Backstory.

[ normal voice ]
I've led a complicated life.

Somebody gets
A lot of mail.

Yeah, well,
I'm a popular gal.

Also, my system is, I only
Open my mail once a month.

Your system is to open your mail
Once a month?

12 times a year, you know,

Because if you open your mail
More than that,

You get a lot of mattress fliers
And bills and another bill.

This way,
I open it once a month,

And I get letters from people
Who still write letters

And shampoo samples
And fun stuff.

It's fun.

Hey, what's this?

Something from yale?

About the parents' weekend.
We should go.

Nah.
Why no?

I'm sure
It already happened.

No, it's this weekend.
Come on. Could be fun.

I got to wash my hair.

Why don't you want to go?

Because -- my hair.

Looks great when it's dirty.
The oil gives it a sheen.

Parents' weekend is for lame-o
Parents whose kids hate them,

So they need
A school-sanctioned event

So they all spend time
Together.

A professor of geology

Is giving a tour
Of the peabody museum.

My kid likes me.

I can go to yale
Any time I want.

51 weekends of the year
Is my parents' weekend.

"The gemstones of yale."
How cool does that sound?

On a scale of 1 to 2?

Listen, parents' weekend

Is not an accurate portrait
Of the school, anyway.

They make special food.
They gussy the place up.

They plant kids under trees
Reading tolstoy,

So it all looks
Very collegiate and idyllic.

There's a brunch at branford
With the provost.

I've always loved
The word "Provost."

Although I have no idea
What a provost is,

It just sounds so...
Idyllic and collegiate?

Or something
From a deli counter.

"Extra provost on that,
Please."

Do you really want to go?

It's parents' weekend,
We're rory's parents,

And we're together,
And why not?

Come on, I'll help you shampoo
Your hair the night before.

All right.

But I have to work on sunday,
So we'll have to go saturday,

And you'll have to give me
A nice head massage

When you wash my hair.

With shampoo samples.

And blow it out.
And braid it.
I'll french-braid it.

[ telephone rings ]
Ooh là l.

Hello?

Mom?
Bonjour, rory.

Well, if it isn't the orphan
From marseille.

C'est moi.
What are you doing?

Heading to class.
Class?

Yes, class, where they teach you
All the college learnin'.

You're a senior.

I thought no seniors
Went to class before noon.

Nerd alert! Nerd alert!

Says the woman
Saying "Nerd alert!"

Guess who's coming
To parents' weekend.

Bunch of lame parents
Whose kids hate 'em.

Yes, and your parents.

I got to keep you
On your toes.

When you think I'll zig,
I'll zag.

When you think I'm gonna zag,
I do zag, just to mess you up

For the next time,
When I might zig.

Dad's making you zag?

He's dying
To meet the provost.

Well, who isn't?

It's your mom
Who's all about the provost.

I just wanted to see you
And check it out.

And I wouldn't mind seeing
The gemstones of yale.

The huh?
The yale gemstones.

Oh, right.

Is it cool if we come?
It's only for saturday.

Saturday's pretty busy for me
'cause we have to put out

A parents' weekend edition
Of the paper,

But I could definitely
Do lunch.

She can do lunch.

We'll do lunch. I'll have
Extra provost with mine.

After lunch,
Can we walk hunky dan?

Handsome dan?

That's his official
Mascot name.

"Hunky dan" is what I call him
When we're alone.

Mom, I got to go.

You know who'd make
A great mascot? Paul anka.

I'm not sure he's
The ivy league type, though.

He might need more
Of a hacky-sacking,

Poetry-reading,
Tie-dyeing kind of place --

Like reed or oberlin,

Where the air is sweet
With the scent of patchouli.

I'm not missing
The beginning of this lecture.

Nerd alert!
Nerd alert! Nerd alert!

[ telephone beeps ]

What kind of sandwich
Is that, luke?
Ham and cheese.

Is it stinky cheese?
Cheddar.

You don't want to pack april
A lunch with stinky cheese.

By lunchtime,
The whole bag will smell,

And people won't believe
It's just the cheese.

They'll think it's her.
They'll think she's stinky.

Eat your breakfast, kirk.

Muffin?
Yes, muffin?

No, I'm offering.

Is it bran?
It's banana.

It could be banana-bran.

It's just banana.

Okay.
Butter?

Not too much.
1 1/2 pats.

Two pats is too much.
1 1/2.

April, your ride's here.

April: I'm coming!

Got everything?
Yeah.

Protractor?
I got it.

Biology homework?
Yep.

Extra sweater?
Green cardigan in my locker.

Good, good.
Bye, dad.

What about your swimsuit?
I got it.

You sure you don't need
A ride to swim practice?

Megan's mom is taking me.
I told you.

[ horn honks ]
She's coming!

All right, so, look --
I'll pick you up at 5:00,

And I'll be there
Right after work.

[ horn honks ]
All right, already!
She's standing right here!

Go.
All right. Bye.

Yeesh!

I should go, too.

Have a good day, baby.

You too.

Bye, luke.
Bye, lulu.

[ sighs ]

Could someone
Crack a window?

Because I am suffocating.

What?
Tell me
You didn't see that.

See what, kirk?

Lulu!
She's smothering me!

Smothering you?

Everywhere I go,
There she is.

I'm sitting at the movies.
Who's sitting next to me? Lulu.

I go out to dinner. Who's
Sitting across from me? Lulu.

I'm hanging out on the couch,
Watching tv.

Who's right there
Next to me?

Your mother.
And lulu.

And at least mother respects
My personal space.

Sometimes when you're watching
"Antiques roadshow,"

You just don't want somebody
Tickling your arm.

[ chuckles ]

Bye again.

You're pitiful.

I'm just telling you
How it is.

You don't tell me how it is.
I tell you how it is.

No, you don't.
Yes, I do.

You think you do. That's what
I'm trying to tell you.

You're telling me
That you tell me how it is?

That's what
I'm telling you.

We'll just see about that.
Lorelai?
Busy.

We have a question.
Busy, busy bee.

Sookie's under
The mistaken impression

That she will be in charge
Of the front desk

While you are in paris.

I informed her that
That job falls to me.

Could you please
Clear this up for her?

Did I not mention how busy I am?
Busy, like a bee. Bzzz!

Lorelai!
[ sighs ]

Michel, while I am away, you're
In charge of the front desk.

Ha!

However, sookie is a co-owner
Of the inn,

So she is in charge
In charge.

Ha ha!

That is preposterous.

She does not know
The first thing

About running
The front desk.

All I have to know is
How to tell your sorry behind

To stand at the front desk
And be courteous

And to check those nice people
In and out.

[ imitates whipcrack ]

Sorry.
Absurd.

That's right --
Back to your station!

Was that really necessary?

What?

To provoke him like that.
You know how sensitive he is.

Well, I'm sorry.
He's been driving me crazy.

He keeps referring to himself
As my supervisor

And insisting
That I call him "Captain."

Now I have to deal all day
With sulky, pouty michel.

He's a big baby. He should
Come to work wearing a diaper.

Maybe while I'm gone,
You can get him to do that.

[ imitates whipcrack ]

[ knock on door ]
Hello?

Hi.

Are you sookie st. James?
That's me.

I'm harvey tuttle. I just
Took over the tillman farm.

Oh, yeah. Congratulations.
Beautiful property.

Thank you. I still can't quite
Believe it's all mine.

Anyhow,
This is my first crop,

And I'm offering free samples
To all the local restaurants.

Got some eggplant, zucchini,
Some tomatoes here.

Oh, thank you, but I already
Have a vegetable supplier.

Well, you know, technically,
Tomatoes are a fruit.

Ah. Fair point.

Well, I have
A vegetable and fruit supplier.

How about legumes?
And legumes.

Why don't you go ahead
And take this batch anyway?

Oh, no, no, no.
On the house.

If you like it and feel like
Passing my name along,

I'd greatly appreciate it.

Okay. I will do that.

Thank you. It was nice
Meeting you, sookie.

Nice to meet you, too.

Ooh.

Come on! Everybody should be
In the locker room!

Allison, haley, no running.

My towel's all wet.

That's what happens when you
Throw it in the pool, laura.

It's a terrific lesson
In cause and effect.

Now, squeeze it out
And go get changed.

Thank you.

Hi, there.

Hi. I'm luke danes.

April's dad.
She talks a lot about you.

Yeah, you must be
Coach bennett.

Susan.
Nice to meet you.

Yeah. You too.

April's in the locker room.
She should be right out.

She's doing really great --

Definitely one of our
Most enthusiastic swimmers.

Yeah, she really seems
To love it.

Good natural technique.
Does she get that from you?

Oh, no, not me.
I don't really know how to swim.

Seriously?
Yeah.

I mean, I could doggy-paddle
To shore in a pinch,

But I never really
Learned formally.

Luke, that's not good.

I'm pretty good on land.

You need to be certified.

You take april to pools,
Lakes, the ocean.

I never really thought
About that.

I teach an adult swim class
Saturday mornings.

It's an 8-week course.

I started new classes last week,
So if you came this saturday,

You'll really not have
Missed much at all.

Oh, I-I don't know.

Luke, this is not something
I would wait on.

Well, I -- yeah, okay.
I guess I could do that.

Great.

Oh. Hey, dad.
Hey.

Oh, this is coach bennett.

Yeah,
We were just meeting.

Did she tell you I'm gonna swim
The 100-meter butterfly

And the 4x100-meter freestyle
At our meet next week?

No, but that's great!

I'm not anchor or anything,
But I'm still pretty fast.

And getting faster
All the time.

And your dad's gonna take
A swim class with me.

[ laughs ]
Really? You are?

Well, yeah.

Do you even own
A bathing suit?

Yeah, I do. It's not a speedo
Or anything.

[ laughter ]

That is the funniest thing
I have ever --

Can we call mom and tell her
From the car?

Yeah.

Lorelai: grass is just
Not this green --

Not outside of "Pleasantville,"
It isn't.

So, what exactly
Are you saying?

I'm suggesting
They brought in sod.

You suspect sod.
Yes, or spray paint.

Maybe they spray-painted
The grass

When they spray-painted
These trees

'cause
There's autumnal foliage

And then there's
Autumnal foliage.

It's over the top,
People.

You're onto them.

Hey, you think yale piped in
This crisp fall smell?

Uh, yeah, because yale
Is crafty, yale is smart.

Yale is yale, after all.

Have fun, you two!
Go, bulldogs!

Hello.

Let me ask you
Something.

Do you really go here,

Or are you an actress
Hired by yale?

What? I go here.
I go here.

You're good.
I almost believe you.

I'm sorry?

Hi. We're rory gilmore's
Parents.

Well, rory gilmore's parents,
Welcome to parents' weekend.

Here's a parents' packet.

Fabulous.

Inside, you should find a map
Of the campus. You are here.

So we are.

A schedule of the weekend's
Events and a nametag.

Thanks. Great.
Go, bulldogs.

I was just gonna say that.
Have fun, you two.

Okay.
Thank you.

Hey, let's be
Laverne and shirley.

What? No.

Antony and cleopatra?

F. Scott and zelda?
Zinf and del?

I think I'll stick
With my own name.

Pbht! Señor boring pants?
Mr. Stick-in-the-mud?

"A cappella," "A cappella."
Hmm-hmm.

There's a terrifying number
Of a-cappella jams this weekend.

What exactly
Is an a-cappella jam?

[ cell phone rings ]
I don't know,
But it sure sounds painful.

Hey. We're here.

See if you can get that
Editorial to fit on one page.

So, you're here.

With bells on, and nothing else,
Except leg warmers,

Roller skates,
And groucho marx glasses.

How classy.
Hi, rory!

Well, we're your parents.
We're supposed to embarrass you.

Are you at the paper?

Yes, I am, indeed.
Where are you guys?

We are near a big brick building
And a big tree.

Are you near there?

We have a lot of brick buildings
And old trees here at yale.

We're by
The l-shaped building

That from the top
Looks like a polaroid camera.

Believe it or not,
I don't know

What yale's buildings
Look like from the sky.

How ignorant of you,
Honey.

Rory says she doesn't give two
Figs about yale architecture.

Not two figs?

1 1/2 figs is all I'll give.

How are things
At the paper?

Busy but good.
I should be done by lunch.

We got this schedule of events.
Any recommendations?

Brunch with the provost!

I might like
To tour the peabody

Or maybe catch
One of the faculty lectures --

"Plagues and pleasures"
With professor summers.

Summers is good.

He's a bigwig in the world
Of molecular biophysics.

Sounds hard.
I doubt
There'll be an exam.

How about
"The extravagant universe"

With professor quincy?

Hey, what is with
All the a cappella?

There's a cappella, a cappella,
Morning, noon, and night.

I'm not sure I can take
That much a cappella.

Then you should avoid arches.

A-cappella groups
Tend to hang out under arches

And any other places
With good acoustics.

If you hear a pitch pipe,
Run.

I got to get back to work.

Okay, we're gonna have brunch
With the provost...

Or o the provost --
It's still unclear.

Bye, mom.
Bye.

Hey.

What is with
Your nametag?

What do you mean?

It's in the middle
Of your chest.

You're supposed to wear it
Off to the side.

Who wears a nametag
In the middle of their chest?

Superman.

That was not a nametag.
That was an emblem.

So, this is my emblem.

"Hello, I'm rory gilmore's dad,
Christopher" is your emblem?

Yes, it is.

I'm gonna have to ask you
To walk 15 feet in front of me.

And breathe in.
And blow.

And breathe in.
And blow.

Good, luke.

But try not to take
Such shallow breaths.

Try to take slower, deeper
Breaths from your diaphragm.

Feel that?
Yeah.

I'm having a little trouble
Getting deep breaths over here.

You're doing fine,
Ronald.

Now you stopped breathing
Altogether.

[ coughs ]
Just try and relax.

Okay.

It's okay.
You'll get the hang of it.

All right, everybody.
That's it. Good work.

You did good today.

Yeah? Thanks.

Yeah.
You caught right up.

I'll have you swimming
Like a fish in no time.

Oh, good. Thank you.

So...You eat?

Eat?

Food.

You could call me,
And we could get a bite to eat.

Uh, yeah, sure, sure.

Here. Here's the young dolphin''
Contact sheet.

My number's
Right at the top.

Okay. Great. Thanks.

See you soon.

Bye.

Look at this propaganda.

Belgian waffles,
Cloth napkins.

I've had breakfast here
Before,

And it was paper napkins
And american cereal all the way.

Yeah -- lox, capers,
Itty-bitty bagels?

Pack of lies.

Coffee?

Uh, coffee.

Coffee.

I'm lou,
Ethan morton's dad.
Cheers.

I'm christopher.
This is lorelai.

We're rory gilmore's
Parents.

Rory gilmore?
She's a senior, right?

Wow. Did you memorize
The student facebook?

The masthead
Of the yale daily news.

Ethan's
An aspiring journalist

And a big fan
Of your daughter's.

I love
That rory has fans.

Maybe we should set up a lunch
So rory could meet ethan.

Lou, honestly.

I apologize
On behalf of my husband,

Who can't seem to remember that
Ethan already got into yale.

The pressure's off. He doesn't
Need his booster club anymore.

Daisy.

Hi. Lorelai and christopher.
We're rory gilmore's parents.

Oh, rory gilmore's
Parents.

Oh! Where did you get
The darling little bagels?

Oh, they're right over here.
I'll show you.

Ethan really is
An incredible journalist.

He wrote this editorial
For his high-school paper

Arguing that it should be legal
To burn the american flag.

Insightful as hell.

I'd be glad to e-mail you
A copy, if you want.

Where is the provost?

Aren't you dying
To meet the provost?

Sorry if I was being
A bit pushy.

No. Please.
You're a proud dad.

And we should be proud, right?
Our kids done good.

It's just hard
To let go, you know,

After all those years
Of looking over their homework

And reading their papers,

Practicing lines with them
For the school play,

Taking them to karate lessons,
Violin lessons,

S.A.T.-prep courses.

What about
5:00 a.M. Hockey practice?

Science projects.

I helped owen build
A wave generator one year.

$3,200.

That's what it cost me
To replace the kitchen tiles

When the thing exploded
In the middle of the night.

It exploded?
I sell ladies' shoes.

What do I know
About wave generators?

Jake -- owen huber's dad.

I'm christopher. I'm...

Rory gilmore's dad.
I was just talking to your wife.

Um, actually,
I'm not his wife.

I was talking about his wife --
Mrs. Gilmore.

She's over there
By the mimosas.

[ laughter ]

Unbelievable.

I'm sorry.
Will you excuse me?

I'm gonna go talk
To mrs. Gilmore.

Which lectures
Are you guys gonna hit?

And I said to him, "They've
Tenured bill sunderland?

Who's next --
Carmen electra?"

[ laughter ]

Good one, mom.

Lorelai.

If you'll excuse us?

Lorelai.
Well. My goodness.

What on earth
Are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I think the question is,
What are you doing here?

It's yale parents' weekend.

Yes, but you are not
A parent.

I still can't believe
You're here.

Mother,
It's parents' weekend.

That's why I'm here.
I'm a parent.

And I'm a grandparent.

A grandparent,
Not a parent.

A grandparent
Is a type of parent.
No, it's not.

A grand piano is
A type of piano, is it not?

You got me there, riddler,
But I hope that logic works

When I crash
Grandparents' weekend.

Oh, please, lorelai.

Your father and I
Have been attending

Rory's parents' weekends at yale
Since her freshman year.

It's one of
Our little traditions.

Hello, rachel. I'll see you
At the field-hockey game?

It's one
Of your little traditions

To pretend
To be rory's parents?

Lorelai.
What a surprise.

It I a surprise.
You guys aren't parents.

Why are you here?

I'm an alumnus, lorelai.
Also a visiting faculty member.

And you'll remember,
Until recently,

Your father and I
Were the ones

Taking responsibility
For rory's tuition.

Yes, I remember.

We felt someone ought to attend,
For rory's sake.

It's obviously
Not yo kind of thing.

What is that
Supposed to mean?

Well,
I'm glad you're here.

Me too.
What's that supposed to mean?

You don't like
These kinds of things --

With schedules
And nametags.

You mock
These kinds of things.

I'm not mocking.
I'm brunching.

I think you'll find
Parents' weekend great fun.

It is. I am --
Finding it great fun.

We always tour the campus,
Check in here at branford,

Maybe take in
A faculty lecture or two,

And then take rory
Out to dinner.

You're taking rory
To dinner?

We're going to chez zinjustin
This year,

A fabulous
French restaurant.

They have a crème brûlée
That is to die for.

Well, that sounds like fun.

Too bad you're gonna miss the
Tour of the gemstones of yale.

The tour at peabody?
I thought that was much earlier.

Yes, well, it is --
For the general public.

We signed up
For a special evening one.

Chris and I signed up
Weeks ago.

Christopher's here?

He's a parent.
It's his weekend, too.

So, we'll go to the tour

And then probably hit
A few panels, go to the --

What is this you have
On your nametag -- "Zinf"?

What is "Zinf"?
Some kind of joke?

Oh, it's an old, traditional
Yale word...Thingy.

What is that word -- "Zinf"?
Is it hebrew?

Why is it
On your nametag?

You guys don't know? I thought
You were all into yale.

Hello, emily.
Richard.

Christopher.
Nice to see you.

Lor, professor quincy's talk
Is about to start,

And I know
You probably don't --

Don't want to miss a word.
Yes, that's true.

Well, we've got to go.
You enjoy your evening.

Astrophysics waits
For no man.

When supernovae explode,
They emit an energy

That is 4 billion times greater
Than the sun.

So powerful are these explosions
That even though

They're occurring halfway across
The observable universe,

Some 7 billion light-years
Away...

My parents have got
A lot of nerve, you know?

That's one thing they've got,
Is nerve.

They should put it
To good use --

Start a knife-throwing contest
Or something.

Lor...

[ sighs ]
I mean, lunch? Please.

They get dinner,
And we get lunch?

Lunch is
Such a booby prize.

...We would be able to see

That the expansion of
The universe was slowing down.

I can't believe rory didn't
Tell us that they were coming.

Berate her.

"Rory...
You...Little...Rat."

But we've learned that
The expansion of the universe

Is not slowing down --
It's speeding up.

She says that she assumed
That we knew they were coming.

"When you assume,
You make an --"

Shh!

Something else is happening
In the universe

That is counteracting
The powerful force of gravity,

And that's what we call
"Dark energy."

Hey, you know what?

We should have lunch
At chez zinjustin.

I hear they have a crème brûlée
To die for.

Sure. Sounds good.

Okay.

You can't make a phone call
In here.

I want to make sure
We get a reservation.

...Back in the 1930s.

So, it may be that einstein
Was right all along.

Turns out
The guy was pretty smart.

[ laughter ]

All right,
Are there any questions?

Yes?

Yeah, how can we tell
Whether dark energy

Is the same thing
As the cosmological constant?

Excellent question.

More thorough measurement from
Observatories on the ground,

From the hubble
Space telescope...

I was making ratatouille
Anyway.

Excuse me?

Perfectly good vegetables,

And I was making ratatouille
Anyway,

And no sense
In wasting them.

Did I miss something?

Not like there's anything
To feel guilty about.

Jackson sells his vegetables
All over town.

I'm not just gonna
Throw these away.

Just because lorelai is away
Does not mean that I'm obligated

To listen
To your incessant prattling.

I mean, it would be wrong
To waste vegetables.

Wasting vegetables
Is wrong.

I will listen to you
On one condition.

Call me "Captain."

No.

Fine.

Okay...Captain.

Yes?

The point is
That jackson's vegetables

Are top-of-the-line,
First-rate.

But they're his vegetables,
You know, and these aren't.

These have something different
To offer,

And I shouldn't feel guilty
About --

You know what?
It's not worth it.

It's just ratatouille,
Okay?

Nothing to get
All riled up about.

Caesar, I'm back.

Hey, luke, you want to grab
A cold one tonight,

Bird-dog some chicas?

What?

As of 0700 this evening,
I'm going to be a free man.

You are?
I am.

Giving lulu the old heave-ho,
Hitting the eject button.

Kirk?

I owe it all to you,
Buddy.

Me?

You inspired me.

I look at you, and I think,
"This guy's doing it right.

Slave to no master."

You come home at 3:00
In the morning -- no one cares.

You want to eat dessert
For dinner -- no one cares.

You walk around in tube socks
And tighty whities --

No one cares.

No one cares what you do
Or where you go.

So, what do you say,
Luke?

You want to be my wingman,
Goose to my maverick?

* you never close your eyes
Anymore *

* when I kiss your lips

* and there's
No tenderness -- *

Listen, you pinhead,

You should be kissing the ground
That lulu walks on.

Why that sweet girl lets you
Within a hundred miles of her

Is beyond me,
But she does.

You are the luckiest man
On the planet

To have a girl like that

Looking out for you
And caring about you.

And if you say so much
As one unkind word to her,

I will personally break
Every bone in your body.

You got me?

What did you end up
Putting on the front page?

Don't play dumb,
Paris.

My early-admission/
Early-actions piece.

It was a good article.

I'm hardly ever here
Anymore,

I'm putting in minimal effort
When I am here,

And yet my article is still
The front-page lead.

It's almost too easy.

It's not locked yet,
Paris.

A.K., you're gonna take care
Of that lacrosse caption?

A.K.: what was wrong
With what I had?

Save the metaphors and
Alliterations for poetry class

And give me something
Short and snappy.

And you might want
To mention lacrosse.
You got it.

I love how bossy she is.

Well, she is their boss.

Yeah, I love that.

She's like a dictator,
Only cute and nonviolent.

And instead of a country,
She has a newspaper.

"Yale lacrosse team sticks it
To ivy league rivals"?

Done. Okay, so,
A.K. Will take care of that.

And good job, everybody.
Layout is locked.

It's almost like
I'd have to work harder

Not to get
The front page.

Oh, hi, parents.

You are the cutest
Fascist ever.

So, how was the morning?

Brunch was lovely, except for
My parents skulking around,

Which no one
Warned me about.

I forgot --
I'm still mad at you.

Don't be mad at me.

Only 'cause you're
The cutest despot ever.

What else?

We had a few close brushes
With a cappella.

That was a narrow escape.

We were taking a shortcut
On the way to the lecture hall,

And we almost
Shortcutted our way

Into a group of guys
Singing "Zombie jamboree."

You guys went to a lecture?

Yes, where I learned
That the universe is expanding

And that your dad is
A big question-asking geek.

Hey, we have come to take you
To lunch at chez zinjustin.

Wow. Fancy.

Apparently,
The crème brûlée is to die for.

Since when do you say
"To die for"?

Since he got addicted
To "Project runway."
Make it work.

You guys should meet
Everybody.

Mom and dad, this is sheila,
Bill, a.K., raj, and joni.

This is christopher
And lorelai.

And you know paris,
Of course.

Lorelai.
It's been too long.

Hi. Oh. Wow. Okay.

And you know
Christopher.

I believe we've met in passing.
Good to see you, chris.

Good to see you.

We're just going
To chez zinjustin for lunch.

You mean
"Chez fancy pants."

My dad took me and my roommates
There for dinner

Freshman year --
Back when he still loved me.

It's supernice.

I hear they match your napkin
To what you're wearing.

I hear they fold your napkin
Into an origami swan

Every time
You leave the table.

I hear the crème brûlée
Is to die for.

You know what?
You should all come along.

Sure. Hey,
Let's bring the whole gang.

Oh, dad,
You don't have to --

It'll give me a chance
To get to know your friends.

People might have plans.
None.

There's a shocker.
I'm starving.

Well, all right, then.
Come on. Lunch on rory's dad.

Thank you.
All right.

Sweet. Cool.

[ slow music plays ]

[ french accent ] Ah, thank you.
The wine is wonderful.

[ british accent ]
I'm so glad you're enjoying it.

[ normal voice ] Hey,
This is a french restaurant.

Shouldn't all the servers
Be french?

Je ne suis pas français,

Mais je peux parler français,
Si vous préférez.

[ french accent ] Uh, where is
The nearest subway station?

[ chuckles ]

Another bottle, sir?
Absolutely.

Anyway, the chalet in killington
Had this open floor plan,

Sort of the way
Rory's apartment's laid out.

I've never exactly seen
Rory's apartment.

We mostly just hang
At the paper and --

Mostly at the paper.

Anyway, I really want
To rent a place

At a ski resort this winter,
Maybe killington or sugarloaf.

That sounds great.

Christopher:
You should come -- totally.

We'll get all of rory's friends
Together, ski, hang out.

A ski trip
Sounds awesome.

Sheila:
Who's going skiing?

You are -- this winter.
Everyone's invited.

You don't hang out
With any of these people

Outside the paper, do you?

Not so much.

Okay.
Who wants dessert?

I'd love a crème brûlée.
I've never had crème brûlée.

I could do
With a cognac.

I wouldn't say no
To a digestif.

Crème brûlée for me.
And a cognac.

I think we'd like
To get crème brûlée

And cognac all around.

Sorry.
Why sorry?

Sorry if this lunch
Is weird.
No.

Rory...
Okay, this lunch is weird.

I feel like we're
Those lame-o parents of yore.

Dad is trying
Kind of hard.

Any minute, he's gonna
Start juggling plates.

And hanging spoons
Off his nose.

Yeah, but it's sweet.

Whenever you guys get a 3-day
Weekend, you should come up.

Can we rent skis there?
Sure, or I can
Lend you a pair.

We'll have you jumping moguls
Down a black diamond, raj.

It's good that I experience a
Little bit of lame-o parenting.

It's part of the quintessential
College experience, isn't it?

I guess.

And it's great that
You got to meet the whole gang

Before our big ski vacation
Together.

[ pda rings ]

Uh-oh.
"Uh-oh" good
Or "Uh-oh" bad?

I guess there isn't really
An "Uh-oh" good, is there?

Listen up, guys.

A bunch of students
That were protesting the war

Took over
President stewart's office.

We're gonna have to rework
The whole edition.

Why can't the news stop
While we're eating?
It's so impolite.

I just got a text
With a photo.

Looks like they're wearing
George bush masks

And...Are those
Condoleezza rice masks?

They make
Condoleezza masks?

We've got to get on this.

You guys, I'm sorry.

Duty calls.

Okay, sheila,
Get keith on the phone

And see if you can get him
Down there.

Get samantha
Down there, too.

I want so many photos
Of this thing.

Bill and a.K.,
Get back to the office

So you can proof the stories.

Everyone else,
You're with me.

What about
The crème brûlée?
And our cognac?

I have yet to taste the sweet
Nectar of crème brûlée.

This is going to be
Our front page.

Front page? Really?

I think the front page
Is fine as it is.

We all know
These rabble-rousers

Are just looking
For attention.

Let's go.

I want to go.
I want to report this story.

I just want to do it
After I eat my crème brûlée.

I mean, what if tonight
I get hit by lightning

And die
A crème-brûlée virgin?

A crème-brûlée virgin?

Enough. This is
A major political protest.

It's a big story, and it's
Going to go on our front page.

Now get your drunk,
Crème-brûlée-craving asses

Out of these chairs,
And let's get to work, okay?

Besides the lead,
I'm going to need some color --

What's going on
Behind the masks.

Joni, you want to
Take a crack at that?

I'm a little tipsy.

Is there anyone
Who's not tipsy?

Thanks for lunch, dad.

Thank you.
Lunch was great.

Great meeting you.
See you later.

Well, I hope you're hungry
For some crème brûlée.

Are you sure you want to
Fianchetto that bishop so early?

It depends
On what "Fianchetto" means.

It means I'm gonna kick your
Butt if you make that move.

You're kicking my butt anyway,
So I don't see

How one fianchetto is gonna make
Much of a difference.

Besides, it sounds like
I know what I'm doing.

You're not very good.

Luke: april.

Sorry.
I can be blunt.

Tell it like it is, sister.

Besides, later tonight,
When we boggle,

Which is what I was told
We'd be playing tonight,

It is your butt
That is going to be kicked,

Because I've been studying
My 7-letter words

That sound made-up
But aren't.

"Palfrey" --
P-a-l-f-r-e-y.

It's a saddle horse
For a woman.

Impressive.

Okay, so, coach bennett and I
Are gonna go out

And have some dinner together
And talk, and then I'll be home.

Shouldn't be
More than a couple hours.

Just a dinner
And some talking.

It would be weird if it was
A dinner with no talking.

And you should probably
Call her "Susan" tonight,

Instead of "Coach bennett" --
I think she'd prefer that.

Good tip.

We'll hang out
Until you get back.

You got the number
Of the restaurant.

I'm gonna have my cell phone,
So if there are any problems --

Thank you, luke.
Bye.

Bye, dad.
See you later.

You okay?

I'm fine.

Okay, now,
It's your move, darlin',

Unless you'd rather discuss
Zymurgy -- z-y-m-u-r-g-y --

The branch
Of applied chemistry

Dealing with fermentation.

All right, all right.
We can play boggle.

Yes!

Hello. Two?

Okay, right this way.

There you go.

Your waitress
Will be right with you.

Thank you.

Oh, no.
Come sit with me.

There?
Yeah. It's cozier.

Oh. Okay.

I hate being
So far away.

[ chuckles ]

[ clears throat ]

Wow!

I know, right?
It's my favorite restaurant.

And you said you liked
To eat healthy, so --

Yeah. Huh.
I've never eaten this healthy.

So, "Vegan" doesn't
Just mean "Vegetarian."

No -- no animal products
Of any kind.

No eggs, no milk,
No cheese.

Just soy everything.

Soy steak is scrumptious.

I swear you totally
Can't tell the difference.

Oh, I bet I can.

So, luke, let me ask you
A question.

Okay.

Who would play you
In the luke danes movie?

Huh?

Alive or dead.

Uh...I never really
Thought about that.

Take your time.
Do you want to know mine?

Sure.

[ laughs ]

Marlene dietrich.

Oh.
I don't know who that is.

Sure you do.
No, I don't.

Yes, you do. Think.

I don't.

"Touch of evil,"
"The lady is willing,"

"Destry rides again."

"Your husband would rather
Be cheated by me

Than married to you."

Oh, yeah, sure.

My last boyfriend --
"The ex" --

He was always calling me
"Marlene!"

Oh, you know what?
I think you might know him.

Bob mccullough,
Laura's father?

No, I don't think I do.

We lived together
For four months,

And then he just
Went totally psycho.

Psycho!

I swore I wasn't gonna date
Any more single dads after that,

But here I am.

[ chuckles nervously ]

You hooked me.
Hmm.

Well, you know what they say --
Third time's a charm.

Can I get anybody
A drink?

Yes, please.

Lorelai: I heard a bone crack,
Several bones cracking.

Crack, crack, crack --
It was like fireworks.

Rugby is a violent sport.

I guess the fact
That an ambulance was parked

By the side of the field
Before the game even started

Should've been
My first clue.

They don't park ambulances
Next to tetherball matches.

[ cell phone rings ]
I can't believe we lost.
It was so violent.

I guess they were
Just violenter.

Uh, it's rory.

They're at the paper.
They're still working.

Man!

Half of them are drunk
Or hung over.

Joni passed out.

Oh, jeez.

Looks like she's gonna
Be there all night.

Oh, that's not good news.

Well, silver lining --

That means she won't get to have
Dinner with my parents.

We got the only meal.
We won parents' weekend,

And we didn't even
Break any bones.

Yeah. Some meal.

What's wrong?

Nothing.
I just -- I...I screwed up.

What do you mean,
You screwed up?

It's my fault that rory's
Got to work all night.

What do you mean?
You staged the student protest?

You wore a condi mask

And manacled yourself
To the president's door?

The big meal,
Ordering all that wine.

Her staff's a mess.
It's my fault.

Honey, if those kids
Are gonna be journalists,

They have to learn
To write drunk.

I'm trying to be superdad
Or something.

Why?
I don't know.

Does it have to do

With the nametag-in-the-middle-
Of-the-chest thing?

At the brunch,
All the other dads

Were talking about
How they took their kids

To hockey practice
And violin lessons

And helped them study
For the s.A.T.S,

And I just stood there
Like a jerk,

Nodding my head
Like I'd done all those things.

Oh, honey.
I didn't do
Any of those things.

First of all, rory didn't need
Someone to check her homework.

She was a self-starter.

Second of all, she wasn't
Interested in hockey.

And third of all, you don't
Have to try to be superdad.

I feel like I should be.

No. You can just relax,
You know?

Be yourself.
Be the dad that you are --

Clark kent dad,
Christopher hayden dad.

I guess.

Totally.

It's just --
It's too late.

I mean, I've got g.G.,
And that's great,

But rory --
Rory's grown up.

I missed it.

You didn't miss it.

She's a senior
In college, lor.

We have years
Of hard parenting ahead.

She is due
For a quarter-life crisis.

All those years of stability
Do not bode well.

We're gonna have plenty
To do.

Yeah?
Yeah.

And the best part is...

We get to deal with it
Together.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Quarter-life crisis, huh?

I'm pretty sure she's gonna
Spin wildly out of control.

We're gonna have to do
An intervention,

Put her through rehab,
Give her a place to stay

While she's divorcing
The hell's angel.

* it don't make a difference
If we make it or not *

* we've both got one another,
And that's a lot *

* for love,
Let's give it a shot *

* wh-o-o-o-oa

* we're halfway there

* ohhh, ohhh

* we're livin' on a prayer

Divine. The tomatoes
Are so fresh and meaty.

The eggplant is
What puts it over the top.

Your best ever.

Well,
I wouldn't say my best.

A whole new level of flavor,
Like a vegetable symphony.

What do you think,
Captain?
It's true.

It even surpasses
My mother's,

And that woman made ratatouille
For a living.

Well done, sookie.

Brava, maestra.

It's just ratatouille,
Okay?

Now,
Go get back to work.

Come on, come on,
Come on, come on, come on.

Hey.
Hey!

You ready to go?
Ready, freddy!

Just dropped the kids off
At the bostics'.

They made me
Take my shoes off again.

They make everybody
Take off their shoes.

I can't remember
The last time

I saw the bostics
In anything but socks.

Then they had the audacity
To complain that my feet smell.

They really complained?

They made sour faces
When I wasn't looking

And rolled their eyes.

Oh, jackson.

What do they expect?
Of course my feet smell.

I work in the fields
All day.

That's why I wear big boots --
To contain the smell.

I swear, the next time
They come over to the house,

I'm gonna ask them to take off
Their pants or something.

It's outrageous!

I'm sorry, honey.

Yeah, well...

I know the bostics
Are a little nutso.

Very nutso.
Who irons their couch?

But martha and davy
Love going over there

And playing
With kayla and ryan,

And when they come back,
They're so polite and cordial

For like an hour,
Which is nice.

That is a bonus,
But still.

I know.
I'll get my purse.

No!

What?

Ooh! Bad batch!

Saving it for the horses.

But you never mess up
Your ratatouille.

Everyone's allowed a mistake
Or two here and there.

You know what?
I'm just gonna -- just junk it.

Are you sure?
It smells fantastic.

I'm sure.
Trust me -- it's awful.

Hey, you know
What I was thinking?

What do you think about
A nice romantic dinner, huh?

How about cicero's?

Wow. Cicero's.

Yeah.

They have good ratatouille.
Mm-hmm.

Okay, so long as I can
Keep my shoes on.

Unless cicero's
Has suddenly gone japanese,

I think we're good.

[ engine shuts off ]

Tyra banks: the first name
That I'm going to call is...

A.J.

She was very well-behaved.

Glad to hear it.

Lane?

Oh. Hey, luke.

I'm home.

You zonked out
About 20 minutes ago.

Well, I should probably
Do the rest of my zonking

In my own apartment.

Thank you for hanging out
With me tonight, april.

My pleasure.

See you tomorrow,
Luke.

See you tomorrow,
Lane.

So, you guys had fun?

Totally.
Lane's awesome.

How about you?

It was nice, you know?

We had vegan food.

Ooh. You couldn't have
Liked that.

I did not, but coach bennett
Really seemed to enjoy it.

So, you're still calling her
"Coach bennett"?

I think she'll just remain
"Coach bennett" to me.

That's cool.

Mmm.

Hey, is that pizza
Still up for grabs?

Go crazy.

Oh. I'm starving.
Real cheese.

We also ordered
Sticky buns.

Bring it on.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Mmm!

[ chuckles ]

No quote
From president stewart yet?
Nothing.

Have we picked the photo?

Sheila's got
Some options.

Layout's coming along.

Good. Okay. Keep it moving.
We have a deadline here.

[ telephone rings ]
Ow! Who made this phone
So loud?

Yale daily news.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Will do.

We got ourselves a quote.
Steve's e-mailing it in now.

Great. Okay, would you mind
Inputting these corrections?

Anything to get away
From that phone.

Hey, gang.

Hey.

We come bearing doughnuts
And coffee.

Gather 'round. The chocolate
Eclairs are to die for.

Thanks, guys.

We figured you'd need
Some all-nighter supplies.

Hey. So, um, I'm sorry
About getting your staff drunk.

Oh, don't worry about it.

You seemed pretty upset
At the restaurant.

I was just stressed out.
It's no big deal.

So, you're not mad?

No.

But I would've liked it better
If on parents' weekend,

I could've just had lunch
With my parents.

Yeah, that would've
Been better.

Next year --
Grad-school parents' weekend.

Hey, if it's okay with you,

You mind if we hang out
And watch you in action?

I don't think you can,
'cause you're gonna be late --

For your dinner reservations
At chez zinjustin.

I told grandma and grandpa
That I couldn't make it,

But I accidentally told them
You guys were free.

You're evil.
You were mad.

Isn't that a coincidence that
They had a reservation, too?

Oh, don't eat
That doughnut,

'cause I hear they have
A crème brûlée that is --

Don't.

Get your lame-o-parent selves
Out the door.

You don't want to be late.
That'll tick them off.

Bye-bye.