All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S07E02 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

I asked you to marry me.
You said, "Yes."

It's now or never.

I gave him an ultimatum.
He said, "No."

I can't wait
To come see you.

You're not gonna be home
For christmas.

Christmas?

It's over.

You can't just decide
That it's over.

I'm in this, too.
I'm not gonna let it be over.

You said,
"Be ready now or never."

I'm ready now.

I slept with christopher.

[ truck door slams ]

[ tires screech ]

[ elevator bell dings ]

Ugh!

Ugh!

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

[ alarm buzzing ]

Morning, rory.

Tell me you haven't been
Standing there all night.

Creepy.

Ooh, waffles?

I got up early
This morning.

I thought,
"What better way to pass time

Than make some of my
Famous homemade waffles?"

I can't believe I forgot
About your homemade waffles,

Seeing how famous
They are.

Infamous, really.

So why'd you get up
So early?

Mm, well, couldn't sleep.

And, initially,
I was at a loss.

How would I pass the time
Until my one and only offspring,

The fruit of my loins --

Too early.

...Loin fruit that she is,

Straggled out of bed
To grace me with her presence?

But then I asked myself,
"W.W.T.B.F.C.D.?"

And it came to me
In a flash.

"I'm gonna make waffles."

"What would
The barefoot contessa do?"

Barefoot's one word.

Shut up, loin fruit.
So, what?

Are you just sleepy
Or has last night's

"My boyfriend gave me
A love rocket" elation worn off?

It may have worn off
A little bit.

Why? What happened?

The love rocket
Was making you swoon

For logan last night.

I'm still plenty swoony.

I just realized that
The rocket doesn't mean

I should be packing
My bags for london.

Why? What happened?

I just called logan,
And I was like, "Yeah, yeah.

"Oh, I love the love rocket,
You know?

And I can't wait
To come see you."

And he was like,
"Oh, yeah, me too.

Um, I'm gonna buy you
A ticket for december."

Oh, no.

Did you tell him
You want to visit him now?

There wasn't really a point
Because I get it.

He is starting
His first real job.

I mean, he needs time
To adjust and focus

And learn the lay
Of the land.

It's good that he's trying
To be a grown-up.

Now I'm trying
To be a grown-up.

Why am I gonna get all pouty
Because I don't get to do it?

Hmm.
[ toaster pops ]

Well, that sounds like
A real grown-up talking.

You know the one thing

That grown-ups
Don't call themselves?

What?

Grown-ups.

They say "Adults,"

And they pronounce it
"Ah-dults."

It stinks!

Oh, it really stinks.

Stupid london!

If he weren't in london
Right now,

We would be
On our asia trip.

I mean, I knew
That it might not happen,

But I hoped it would,

And I just kept planning
And planning and planning.

Wow. Were you planning
On visiting asia

Or invading it?

Look at all this
Wasted effort.

All this highlighter ink?
Wasted.

All of these sticky notes?
Wasted.

We were going to see the
Terra-cotta soldiers in xian.

We were going to go to peking
For the opera and the duck.

I want to see tibet.

I want to snorkel off
The an thoi islands in vietnam.

I want to see
The crazy teenage fashions

In the harajuku district
Of tokyo.

Oh, wow.

Stupid london!

So, no asia?

No asia.

Well, I guess I got to go
To stupid work.

Here's one good piece
Of news.

Lane called -- she's back
From her honeymoon.

Oh, yay!

She sounded kind of tired,
Which is good, I think.

Tired after a honeymoon
Bodes well.

My married friend lane
And her married husband zach.

Nutso.

Hmm. Spoken like
A true grown-up.

Say "Hey" to her for me.
It's nice to have you home.

Bye.

Morning, luke.
You need a hand with this?

Thanks.

Sure thing.

Just give me one second
To savor this coffee.

Ahh! So, how are you
This lovely morning?

Just fine.

Hey, I got a coffee
For you, too.

But then,
As it became clear

That you were most likely
Gonna be late,

I didn't want it to get cold,
So I drank it myself.

I wasn't late.

Who said you were late?

You did, one second ago.

Oh, no, I said you were
Mostly likely gonna be late,

But it turns out
You weren't.

Who knew?

Sounds like you need
A little caffeine.

What say you and I go over
To the diner across the street

And pick us up
A nice cup of coffee?

Forget it.
I'm fine.

What diner
Across the street?

This place -- kirk's.
Great place.

The owner's a real character.
The coffee's fantastic.

Come on,
Let me get you a cup,

Though maybe
You ought to pay,

Seeing as I did pick us up
The last round.

Eggs sunny side up
With a side of bacon.

And who's got the scrambled
With hashbrowns?

Here we go.

What the hell
Is going on here?

Welcome to kirk's.
I'll be right with you.

What is this?

It's a diner, luke.

A diner called kirk's?

It's the name
My mother gave me.

Top you off there, jake?

Why are you doing this?

I just saw a need,
And I filled it.

Stars hollow was in want
Of a real neighborhood joint,

A watering hole where
The townsfolk could mingle,

A place where a fella could come
And get a piece of pie,

A cup of arbuckles',

And a soupcon
Of small-town charm.

Yeah, well, stars hollow
Has already got that place.

It's right
Across the street.

It's called luke's.
Ring any bells?

Sounds a little
Like kirk's.

If you are suggesting

That you were
The very first person

To think of naming
A restaurant after yourself,

I think that denny, arby,
And tony roma

Might have something
To say about that,

Not to mention
Mr. Chuck e. Cheese.

Chuck e. Cheese
Is not a person.

Do you think a giant mouse

Opened a restaurant franchise
By himself?

Look at this -- french toast,
Pancakes, buttermilk pancakes.

You stole my menu.

You did not invent pancakes,
Luke.

Anyway, I heard luke's
Went out of business.

Luke's is closed
For repairs.

And you want to know why
It's closed?

Because some nincompoop
Yesterday

Drove his car
Through my diner!

Would you care to step outside
For a moment, luke?

Outside?
Outside what?

I think it would
Behoove you

Not to use slanderous language
Like nincompoop

In my place of business,
Luke,

Because,
Let me tell you,

It is only out
Of the kindness of my heart

That I am not suing
The pants off of you.

You're gonna sue me

After you crash a car
Into my diner

And bust a giant hole
In my wall?

I could have brain damage.

Oh, I'm pretty sure you do.

You know what, kirk?
Go ahead. Sue me.

Crash into my diner,

Make me lose
A week's business,

Make me pay for the repairs,
And then sue me for damages --

For brain damages!
That sounds fair!

Luke, calm down.

I get where
You're coming from.

I think we can
Work something out.

What is this?

A job application.

The way business
Is picking up,

I'm totally gonna need
A fry guy.

It sounded like your finances
Were kind of tight.

If you came expecting
A handout,

You came to the wrong guy.

I'm of the "Teach a man
To fish" school, luke.

You do not throw trash

On the floor
Of a restaurant.

Not cool.

Okay, this is easy.
Put in your snow crab.

Put in your avocado.
You put in your cucumber.

Okay, hokey-pokey to taste.

And then you
Just roll it up.

Slice it up like this,
And voilà.

Or whatever they say
In japan.

Arigato.

Karate.

It's those little
Coin shapes,

Just like
In a japanese restaurant.

Arigato karate, babe.

Yep. Okay.

I'm gonna make
One more california roll,

And then we can make
Your meat-loaf sushi.

Do you want to put
Suntan lotion in there?

Did you just say sun--

Oh!

Of course.

Because a california roll

Would have some
Suntan lotion in it.

You're such
A pity laugher.

Mmm! Good!
So good!

It's the best
Non-meat-loaf sushi

I've ever had.

Ooh! What about
Fried-chicken sushi?

With some slaw in it.
That would be so good.

Or chinese-food sushi.

Or p.B.-and-j. Sushi.

Or, hey, dessert sushi.

Oh, my god,
That's genius.

That is why
You are the chef.

That and because
You're the one who can cook.

So, um...

Hey, um...

So I-I told him.

Told who what?

Telling him that?

Yeah.

You told luke
About christopher?

Yes. What did you think
I was talking about?

I don't know.

I'm hoping there's something
That I forgot,

Like maybe you were debating
On whether or not to tell kirk

The difference between
Antiperspirant and deodorant.

You told luke
About christopher?

Yes.

I thought
You weren't going to.

I wasn't.

Oh, honey, why?

Because luke showed up
At my house this morning

With the truck fully packed,
Ready to elope.

Oh, god, he did?

And he wouldn't take no
For an answer,

So I had to tell him.

That's the only way
He was gonna believe me

Because it had to be no.

Did it have to be?

I mean, did the answer
Have to be no?

No.

I mean, I guess
I could be married right now

To someone who doesn't
Want to be married to me

And doesn't know
That I slept with someone

Two nights
Before we got married.

Well, when you put it
That way...

Must have been horrible.

It was one of the most
Horrible moments

Of my whole life.

Are you okay?

No.

[ chuckles ]

I mean, no, not at all.

I'm so very not fine,

But what am I gonna do,
You know?

I have to be fine.

Oh, honey.

Yeah.

Hey, zach.
So, the honeymoon's over.

Is the honeymoon over?

What?

How was mexico?

Full of parasites.

Oh, gee, that's no good.

The whole trip
Was a total fiasco.

It was the stones at altamont
Times a billion.

But you and lane
Were so excited about it.

From the way you talked,

I was worried you'd start
A mariachi band.

Mexico sucks.
And we were psyched.

That's part of why
It sucked so bad.

I thought I found
This amazing deal online.

Pedro's paradise.

It all sounded good.

The website said
It had ocean views,

Its own kitchen,
And a jacuzzi.

And nobody loves jacuzzis
More than me. Nobody.

And then we get there,
And it turns out

Pedro's paradise
Is just this room

In this dude pedro's
Crappy apartment.

No. His apartment?

23 miles from the ocean,

With a view of a billboard
For mexican nasal spray.

So the website lied.

The kitchen
We were promised --

It smelled like
Rice-a-roni

And was always full
Of pedro's jerky friends

Listening to the devil's music,
Playing cards,

And making snide remarks
About us in code.

Pedro's friends
Talked in code?

Well, spanish, technically.
Same difference.

They knew I couldn't
Understand them.

Pedro was evil, man.

Man.

On the second day,
I got some parasite,

And I've been barfing
Linda blair style ever since.

I'm getting better,

But now it looks like
Lane's got it.

I'm heading over to doose's

To get some ginger ale
And saltines,

Which was all we ate
In the way of mexican food.

Oh, I'm sorry your trip
Was so sucky.

Yeah, well,
Live and learn.

Like, now I know not to drink
The water in mexico,

Which, by the way,
Somebody should tell you.

I learned that I'm not
Morally against murder.

I just wish
I had the guts to do it.

Well, I'm glad
You didn't kill pedro.

I mean,
He's not worth it.

Yeah, whatever.

[ video game beeping ]

Hello.

Hola, rory.

Hola.

[ knock on door ]

Hey, sicko.

Oh, welcome home.

I heard pedro's paradise
Wasn't so paradisey.

Mexico sucked.

Oh. But guess
Who I heard it from --

Your husband.

Can we not squeal
About that?

I don't really want
To squeal.

If you feel like squealing,
Go ahead.

Of course you don't
Feel like squealing.

You're sick.

I actually feel okay
Right now.

My aversion to squealing

Is more emotional
Than physical.

I'm sorry your honeymoon
Was such a bummer.

On, like, the fourth day,
Zach got so paranoid

That pedro and his friends

Were talking lasciviously
About me in code

That he lunged at pedro --

Leapt at him
From behind the door.

Luckily, zach was so weak from
Parasites that he missed --

Just flopped
To the kitchen floor

Like he was a pancake
Someone threw across the room.

People throw pancakes?

I just stared at him
Lying on the floor

And thought,
"I just married that man."

And you didn't squeal
For joy.

Nope.

I went into the other room

And stared at pedro's poster
Of spuds mckenzie hanging 20

And ate my 20th saltine
Of the day.

The whole trip
Sounds kind of rough.

Oh, you have no idea.

What I just told you

Are the highlights
Compared to the real stuff.

No. What?

We can't talk here.
The walls have ears.

And giant sombreros.

And big mouths.
Let's go for a walk.

You should take care
Of yourself.

I'm feeling all right
Right now, actually.

I have a doctor's
Appointment tomorrow,

And if I start to barf
In public,

You could just pretend
We were partying too hard.

Which would do wonders
For my rep.

All right,
Mrs. Van gerbig,

Let's blow
This popsicle stand.

Okay. So tell me --

What are we
Thinking about here?

Well, the basic idea
Is to fix the giant hole.

Yeah, but how?
I've been thinking about it.

I got a couple ideas
About a log-cabin thing.

I think what might
Really be nice

Is a giant
Stained-glass window.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Don't rule it out
So quick.

I can picture
What you're picturing,

Like with all scary
Religious pictures.

It wouldn't have to be
A bloody crucifixion.

It could just be an image
Of a happy animal.

I don't know,
A smiling penguin or...

Or perhaps
A peaceful-looking giraffe.

You think I should put up
A stained-glass window

Of a peaceful-looking giraffe
On the side of my diner?

I'm just spitballing.
Nothing's written in stone.

Oh, well, that's good.

How about diamond shapes?

You know what, t.J.?
Why don't we get to work?

You're in a bit of a mood.

I'm not in a mood,
Damn it.

Okay!

I'm sorry I said anything.
I won't say anything else.

You know what, t.J.,
Forget it. I'm sorry.

I really appreciate
The help you're giving me.

I know it was last-minute.

Okay?

No problem, buddy.

What are brother-in-laws for?

Actually...

I'm glad for an excuse
To be out of the house.

Because being pregnant
Makes liz incredibly horny.

T.J.
Yeah, luke?

Can we not talk about
My sister's sexuality?

Oh, yeah.
Well, sure.

I guess it's something
About all those hormones

Racing around in there.

You should totally
Knock lorelai up, though.

T.J.

I'm not talking about
Your sister.

I'm talking about
Your fiancée.

I got a feeling pregnancy

Would make lorelai
Particularly randy.

T.J.!

Just think
How cool it would be

If we raised our families
Together.

You should get started now,
Though.

Right.

So how many kids
You guys want?

I think I'm gonna go get
The primer.

Now?

You know,
It is priming season.

I'm afraid the hardware store's
Gonna run out.

See you in a bit.

So, now I know.

Know what?

That it's bad.
It's terrible.

Sex.

Oh. No.
Sex was bad?

You can drop the act, rory.
It's okay.

I've known the real deal
About santa claus for years.

Now I know about sex.

Lane --

You know what's funny?

I really thought my mother
Was being an insane prude

When she said that sex
Was horrible for women.

But now I can see that,
In fact,

My mother was the only woman

Who wasn't willing to maintain
This ridiculous, pervasive,

Media-supported charade.

What ridiculous, pervasive,
Media-supported charade?

That sex is normal.

That sex is a wonderful part
Of life.

That sex is sexy.

I mean,
Can we just not admit it?

Sex is not sexy.
Sex is horrible.

Sex doesn't
Have to be horrible.

In a way, I'm impressed

With the depth
Of the conspiracy.

If you think about it,

It says something about
The potential power of women

That the entire gender
Could collude

In creating
The "Sex is sexy" myth.

So sex with zach was bad?

Unbelievably bad.

Every time?

[ chuckling ]
Yeah, right.

Every time.

You only did it once.

That's right,
And I'm out.

Well, the first time
Can be weird.

My first time definitely
Had its weird aspects,

But it gets better.

It gets good.

Um, sorry.
I just don't believe you.

Um...Okay.

You have to walk me through
What happened.

I mean, not graphically,
But help me out here.

Okay.

So we decided that,
For our first time,

Since it was such a big deal
And everything,

Since we've been waiting
And waiting and --

God, if I'd known
What it was going to be like,

I would have gladly
Kept waiting.

We decided to re-create
The scene

In "From here to eternity."

Wow. Ambitious.
Sex on the beach.

Anyway, the whole thing
Was a disaster.

Because you know what movies
Don't tell you?

That sand
Is basically dirt.

It was dirty.
It was cold.

My hands were shaking.

I'm trying to remember stuff
About condoms and bananas.

And then suddenly I realize,
We got crabs,

Live ones that are scuttling
All over us.

Zach starts freaking out

Because, apparently,
He's afraid of shellfish.

And it's getting colder
And dirtier.

And at some point,

This pervert
With a snorkel mask

Appears out of nowhere.

And I'm thinking,
"We took three buses

From pedro's apartment
For this."

Oh, lane.

Yeah, just talking about it
Makes me feel sick and queasy.

Well, you are sick and queasy.
You have a parasite.

But, okay.

Once you feel better,

You should try sex again
Indoors in a bed.

I'm open to the idea
Of a sexless marriage.

It happens for some people,
Eventually. Why wait?

Try a bed first.
Seriously.

You would not believe
What a comforter can do

In this kind of situation.

Hey, aren't you supposed
To be in asia right now?

How come you're not traipsing
Around thailand with logan?

Um, logan's job started.

He's far, far away
In london.

You're lucky.

Yeah.

[ sighs ] Sorry.

Oh. Don't worry about me.
I'm fine.

Are you fine, really?

Because, I mean,
You don't have to be fine.

Because this is really weird
And really hard and...

[ chuckles ]
I'm not exactly fine.

You're not?

Of course not.

Well, that's too bad
Because I am.

I'm fine.

Well...Okay.

Maybe you should punch
Christopher's lights out.

That seemed to do it
For me.

What?

Oh, so your boyfriend
Didn't tell you.

You punched christopher?

You two need to work
On your communication.

Oh, stop it.

Christopher is not
My boyfriend.

I don't care if he is.

I mean, you can date whoever
Or whatever you want.

I couldn't care less.
I'm fine.

Okay, fine.

Well, if you're so fine,

The next time you get
A hankering to punch someone,

Don't, okay?

If you need to take your
Anger out, take it out on me.

I'm the one you're mad at.
I'm the one who deserves it.

Look, you're the one
Who's still hung up here.

I'm telling you,
I'm over it.

I guess it's just not
As big a deal to me

As it is to you.

Oh, it's not as big
A deal?

We're not getting married.
It's okay by me.

You're the one who proposed
In the first place.

[ horn honks ]

It looks good.

If you say so.
It's no sistine chapel.

Well, that's true.

It's no taj mahal.

It is not the taj mahal.

So, look, the window guy's
Coming by tomorrow,

And he and I
Are gonna put it in, so...

After this coat,
You're free to go, okay?

And thanks for the help.
It really looks good.

You sure
You don't want any?

No, I'm sure.

You stop drinking beer?

No.

It makes you bloated,
But to me, it's worth it.

I'm psyched kirk's got
A liquor license.

Uh-huh.

How come you quit
Drinking beer?

Whoever said
I quit drinking beer?

You know what I like?
Drinking beer outside.

Maybe it's 'cause I grew up

Watching my dad drink
Out behind the tool shed,

And it's got this
Romantic image for me.

But that's my thing.

Your thing
Is drinking beer outside?

Beer outside
Is the greatest.

Oh, except for at ice-skating
Rinks, of course.

Yeah, there's something
About the way

The zamboni exhaust
Mixes with the beer

That's really
Just out of this world.

Speaking of which,
Guess what I just got --

Tickets to the hockettes.

You know the hockettes,
The ice-skating girls?

They're amazing.

They do everything
The rockettes do,

Only they do it
With ice skates on.

Oh, that's great, t.J.

Guess how many tickets
I got.

Four.

Who did I think might like
To go with me and liz?

President and mrs. Bush.
Just kidding.

You and lorelai.

Oh, gee.

I don't...
Think we can make that.

Come on!

When's the last time
We all had a wild night out?

Yeah, you know, I think
I'm doing something that week.

Man, that sucks.
Wait, which week?

Uh, the week
Of the rockettes.

Which is which week?

The week they're here.

They're in town
A whole month!

And I'm fully willing
To switch my tickets

For whichever night
Is best for you guys.

Yeah, I don't --
I don't think so.

Come on.
I...

Lorelai and I...

Broke up.

Oh.

Oh!

T.J., okay!

It's okay, buddy.

It's okay.
Let it out.

There is no shame
In experiencing pain.

I'm having trouble
Breathing.

You are coming over
To dinner tonight

With me and liz.

[ japanese rock music plays ]

Hello,
Honorable rory-san.

You've made asia
For me?

Mm-hmm. Here's your kimono,
Honorable rory-san.

Thank you.
You made crazy asia.

Well, actually,
Believe it or not,

But this is an exact replica

Of japan,
China, vietnam, cambodia,

Hong kong, korea,

And any other
Asian countries

That might have slipped
My mind.

This is what you would see
In the other asia.

The one that's not
In our living room.

Yeah, the old asia.

The first attempt,
I like to call it.

The prototype.

Asia's a lot smaller
Than I thought,

More intimate.

And more fragrant.

Well, miss patty donated
A bottle of her opium perfume,

And I spritzed it around
A little.

Well, little at first,

And then I tripped
On my flip-flop

And broke the bottle.

Asia's so pretty.

I love all the lanterns
And the poster of mao.

Very nice.
And one of sandra oh.

Oddly, you have a poster
Of sandra oh.

Well, she's a goddess.

And those aren't posters.
They're billboards.

You've lost perspective.

Ah. I see you feng shuied
The furniture.

Because it was so
Unfeng shuied before.

It was ridiculous.

Here -- to document
Our journey.

Xie xie.

Oh, god bless you.

That's "Thank you"
In mandarin.

I knew that.
Just testing you.

Perhaps I shall outline
Our itinerary.

Perhaps we shall.

All right, well,
First stop is japan,

Land of the rising sun,
Ruled by hello kitty,

Where we are gonna make
Our own sushi.

You, me, and raw fish?
Is that safe?

Well, I took a lesson,
And if you're really nervous,

Then we can skip
The fugu.

After we're stuffed
With sushi,

We will take
An invisible rikshaw

To the rice paddies,
I.E. Your room,

Where we will spend hours
Origamiing.

[ gasps ]
Paper cranes!

Yeah, and paper bulldozers
And paper dump trucks

And whatever else
Your little heart desires.

Then, we'll take a bullet train
Straight back to tokyo

Where we'll relax
With some tai chi

In preparation
For the kabuki play I wrote.

Tai chi's actually chinese.

Duh. I know that.

We're gonna teach it
To the japanese.

That's nice of us.

We're very nice.

So, finally,
We will conclude our journey

With some fortune cookies
And dessert sushi.

Dessert sushi --
I do love asia.

And that will be followed
By an educational video,

Which includes,
But is not limited to,

"Bridge on the river kwai,"
"The joy luck club,"

"Karate kid,"
"Shanghai surprise,"

The bruce lee classic
"Enter the dragon,"

The tom selleck classic
"Mr. Baseball,"

Or "Breakfast at tiffany's."

"Breakfast at tiffany's"?

Starring mickey rooney

In his tour-de-force
Racist performance

As holly golightly's
Japanese landlord.

Oh, yeah, he's so bad.

All right,
Let's make some sushi.

But I'm scared.

Oh, I'll let you in
On a secret.

The fish is really
Fried chicken.

You are honestly asserting

That you like the "Tootsie-roll
Marshmallow twizzler" roll

Better than the "Butterfinger
Junior mint

Chocolate-chip
Jujube" roll?

Call me crazy. I don't think
Butterfingers go with jujubes.

Crazy.

The limitations
Of your palate astound me.

Hey, I liked
The "Oreo red hot" sashimi.

Me too.

See, I'm not a hater.

Did you notice
How the red hots

Acted as
A dessert-sushi wasabi?

I did, which is something
We should remember

When we go
To mass-market these.

The invention
Of dessert sushi

Is gonna make us
Our first million.

And our second.

I'd like our third
To be go-go dancing.

Sounds like a plan.

I'm not following
This plot.

Okay, um...

In the last scene,
There was a sign that said,

"No shirt, no shoes,
No service."

And this guy, shirtless guy,
Is angry about that -- angry.

And he's like, "No,
I'm not gonna wear a shirt!

I hate shirts!"

That pissed
Those other guys off.

Hey, you know what would
Be amazing and really asian?

Fried ice cream.

Oh, cows must envy
Your stomach.

They do.

I'm so full, I can't move.

I feel like one of those cats
That's bred to have no legs.

Don't get me wrong --
My stomach's ready to explode.

This is not a physical hunger.
It's a spiritual hunger.

For fried ice cream.

It's an eastern-philosophy
Thing.

You wouldn't understand.

So, how do you think

One actually goes
About frying ice cream?

Probably in a frying pan.

Uh-oh.
Bit of a situation here.

What?

We are out of ice cream.

[ telephone rings ]

I'm a cat with no legs.

We can't answer it.
We're out of the country.

No ice cream.
Unbelievable.

One time
I feel like cooking...

[ answering machine beeps ]

Christopher:
Lor, hey, it's me.

Just still trying
To reach you.

Sorry I missed
Your call before.

I wasn't calling about that
Whole "Luke hitting me" thing.

I don't care about that.
I just want to talk to you.

I want to talk to you
About the other night.

You said it was
Just a one-night thing,

But I want to talk about it,

And about you and me, so...

Call me so we can talk.

Okay. Bye.

[ answering machine beeps ]

So...

You slept with dad.

Yeah. I did.

You slept with dad.

Um, that's just...

I can't believe
You slept with dad.

Is that why you
And luke broke up,

Because you slept with dad?

No, honey.
No, I...

Believe me, no.

Um, luke and I
Had broken up before.

For how long?

It couldn't have been long.

You and luke have only been
Broken up for three days.

Yeah, it was that night.

The night you and luke
Broke up. Wow.

So you just rushed
Right over there

The minute you were free,
Huh?

Rory.

Did you put a dummy
In the passenger seat

So you could use
The car-pool lane?

Rory.

You didn't think of it?
In too much of a rush.

I hope you buckled
Your seat belt.

You're supposed to buckle
Your seat belt

Even if you're in a rush.

Hey, rory --

No, don't "Rory" me.
You don't get to "Rory" me.

You slept with dad.

Yeah.

I-I-I...I know.

Are you and dad
An item now?

No, it was nothing.
I mean, it...

It had nothing to do
With me and luke.

What happened between me
And your dad was nothing.

It was nothing.

Mom, you slept with dad.

For the love of god,
Will you stop saying that?

I can't stop saying it
Because it happened.

You're trying to pretend
Like it didn't.

I'm not perfect, okay?
People make mistakes.

I mean, gwyneth paltrow
Dyed her hair that dark brown.

It was very unflattering.

If she's not perfect,
How do you expect me to be?

Yeah, because what you did is
Equivalent to dying your hair.

That's great.

Things were finally good
Between you two

And between me and dad.

Did you not care that things
Were good between me and dad?

Do you not want us
To be close?

Did you mean to ruin that?

No! God, no!

I love that dad's been good

And that things with you
And dad have been good.

I...I was hurting.
I was heartbroken.

And...It happened.

I slept with your dad.

It's over now,
And it was a mistake.

I can't believe
You didn't tell me this.

I mean, first of all, you say
You don't want to talk.

I figure you're going through
Some hard emotional time

And you need some space.

But what you didn't tell me
Is that you slept with dad.

No, instead
You're going around

Joking about, you know,
Origami and marshmallow sushi,

Like I'm some idiot
5-year-old.

Rory, I was gonna tell you.
I just wanted --

You know what, mom?

If you're heartbroken,

Rent "An affair to remember,"
Have a good cry,

And drown your sorrows
In a pint of ice cream.

You get a hideously
Unflattering breakup haircut.

You don't sleep with dad.

Honey, we're home.

Hi.

Keep your hands off me,
You sex maniac.

Oh, big brother,
I'm so, so sorry.

Aw, thanks.

Come in, come in.
Make yourself at home.

Dinner's still in the oven,

So we have time to have
A cocktail here and talk.

Cocktail hour.
Pretty swanky stuff, huh?

Sit, sit.

You should be the one
That's sitting.

I'm fine.

Plus, it's good for her
To move around.

Keeps all those hormones
Circulating

So they don't settle
In one place,

If you know what I mean.

White russian.
T.J.

She's trying to liquor me up.
I can see where this is going.

It better not.

We're really into
White russians recently.

It's our thing.

Of course,
Mine's a virgin.

Ironically.

Just cream.

So...

I'm ready to talk.

Oh, you know,
It's really okay.

I don't need to talk.
It's just nice to be here.

So was it anna?

What? No.
It wasn't anna.

You sure?

It wasn't anna, okay?

Lorelai and I broke up,

And I'd really rather not
Talk about it, so...

If you don't want to talk
About something else,

Let's sit here and drink
Our white russians.

Lane? Lane?

Lane: I'm in here.

Is zach or brian here?

No.

Sorry I didn't call first.

I don't know the protocol
For married friends.

I just had to get out
Of my house.

If I were there
For one more second,

I think I would have
Had to karate-chop my mom.

I swear,
Just chopped her in half.

I guess I...

Lane, are you okay?

Did the doctor say
You have a parasite?

In a manner of speaking.

[ sighs ] I'm pregnant.

Shut up.

I'm pregnant.

You're not.

I am.

I went to the doctor
And he told me.

I'm pregnant with a baby.

No.
Yes.

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

Oh, my god. Wow.

Wow.
How did zach take it?

He didn't.
I haven't told him yet.

I haven't told anyone.

I just came back here
And sat here.

You're not.
I am.

Really?

I guess the combination
Of salt water

And seaweed
And discount mexican condoms

And terrible, terrible sex
Leads to a baby.

A baby.

A baby.
Sex sucks so bad.

Sex sucks worse
Than I thought.

You only did it one time,
And -- wow, a baby.

That's what you get, folks,
For making whoopee.

You're going to be
A mother.

When the doctor told me,
I started throwing up.

You had morning sickness.

This was a different kind
Of throwing up.

This was the kind
Of throwing up that you do

When you have to do something
That you can't do.

You're going to be
A great mother.

Maybe someday,
But not now.

I have a picture in my head
Of me as a mother.

You know, I can imagine it,
And in that picture,

I'm wearing a skirt and heels,
And my hair is up in a bun.

I'm pushing one of those fancy
British baby carriages

That are called silver surfers
Or something.

Very madonna in her
British-mommy phase.

When I'm a mom,
I'll be calm and wise

And have my act together.

I am not calm and not wise,

And I really, really
Don't have my act together.

You don't have to
Wear heels

And push a pram
To be a mother.

A pram! See?

I didn't even remember
The word pram.

Mothers know the word pram.

Mothers don't have to know
The word pram.

Yes, they do!

They have to know
All sorts of things.

They have to know what to do
When your baby is crying

And how to change a diaper

And how to use your wrist

To test if the bottle
Is too hot.

Why the wrist?
I don't know.

I think because it's handy,
No pun intended,

And it's sensitive.

Wrists are sensitive.

It's just one false move,
One misstep,

And I'll ruin it.

I'm still making mistakes,
Rory.

Example "A" --
I'm pregnant.

I can't be making mistakes
When I'm a mother.

I'm not the person
I need to be

To be able to do this.

I'm not perfect yet.
I'm so not perfect.

You don't
Have to be perfect.

I mean, even gwyneth paltrow
Makes mistakes,

Like "Shallow hal"

And that other movie
That nobody saw

Where she played
A stewardess.

So who's perfect?
Nobody.

Not even mothers.

Yeah.

I'm scared.

I know you are,
But you can do this.

First of all,
You are great.

And second of all,
You have nine long months

To study about bottles
And wrists.

That's true.

And, already,

You are way ahead of a lot
Of people

As far
As parenting skills go.

Britney spears does not know
Which end of a baby goes up.

And courtney love?
She's no june cleaver.

I bet I could be a better
Mother than courtney love.

My sock drawer could be
A better mother.

But, yes,
Of course you would be.

And michael jackson --

You know not to name
A child "Blanket."

I do know that.

Do not name your baby
After an inanimate object.

See?
Way ahead of the pack.

Yeah. Hey...

I wonder if blanket ever met
Tom and katie's baby, pillow.

Yeah, that would be
A perfect playdate.

Yeah, when it's nap time,
They would be totally set.

And then they could invite
Gwyneth's apple over afterward

For a little snack.

Banjo, rachel griffiths' baby,
Could play for them.

And then they could all jump
In mia farrow's satchel

And make fun of, uh...
What's his face?

Oh, pilot inspektor lee.

Yeah.

Little more time,
Looks like.

Can I set you up with another
White russian there, luke?

One was plenty,
Thank you.

I can't believe
It's not ready.

I thought for sure
It'd be ready by now.

I'm so sorry, luke.
You must be starving.

Don't worry about it.

Maybe we should start
With a little first course.

Let me see
What I have in here.

What exactly are you making
That cooks for this long?

Tuna loaf.

Tuna loaf.

That sounds amazing.

Well, it's very thoughtful
Of you.

Jello cups!

Score.

Well, anyway, invention
Is the mother of necessity.

Eat your jello course.

So it's not surprising,
You know?

What's not?

You and lorelai breaking up.

I mean, that's not much
Of a surprise.

Yeah.
I don't know.

I mean, I love lorelai,
But the two of you were...

Were what?

You were never in sync.

I don't mean that
In a bad way.

What do you mean,
We were never in sync?

Okay, for one thing,

You never really
Moved in together.

You wanted to,
But you never did.

You were in two
Different places.

Well, there was
A logistical thing.

And then, when you found out
You had a daughter,

You never told her.

That's not normal, luke.

That's not how people
In a healthy relationship act.

It's like that
Space-time-continuum thing.

You're on a plane over here,

And she's on this plane
Over there,

And you were both never here
Nor there at the same time.

It's like string theory.

What do you know
About string theory?

Don't underestimate me, luke.
I read.

And I watch
"Battlestar galactica."

Look, lorelai and I
Just did not work out.

You were on different planes.

It could have worked out

If there was a wormhole
Between your plane

And her plane.

We didn't need
A wormhole.

It was like that movie
With, um,

Keanu reeves
And sandra bullock.

Exactly! Oh, yes!

Exactly, exactly!

You're living
In the same house, man,

But you are
A couple years apart

In the space-time continuum.

What house?
It was a bus.

Oh! I thought you were
Talking about "Speed."

"Speed" applies, too.

Lorelai and I
Didn't break up

Because we weren't
On the same place

In a space-time continuum

Or because there weren't
Any wormholes.

We broke up because
We weren't right

For each other.

Okay, it wasn't space.
It wasn't time.

It was us, okay?
We didn't belong together.

We never really...

Belonged together.

We wanted to, but...
We never did.

That's it.

[ timer dings ]

I am so excited.

It's cold.

The oven's cold.
The oven's broken.

Oh, man, still?

We forgot to fix the oven.

Oh, luke, I am so sorry.

I really wanted to make you
A home-cooked meal.

I'll go the store.
I'll get something to make.

Oh, luke.

That's okay, really.
I don't mind.

I'll get us some stuff

And make us
A home-cooked meal.

Your burners work?

Yeah, they work.
Okay, good. Great.

At least you'll have
A home-cooked meal.

Okay, I'll be back
In a bit.

Okay.

[ sighs ]

Hey.

Well, I guess both of us
Avoiding doose's

Didn't work out
That well, huh?

Well, I wasn't
Avoiding doose's.

Just the closest market
To liz and t.J.'s house.

Right. Because you're not
Affected by this.

You're not mad.
I forgot.

No, I...I was mad.

I was really mad.

Yeah, I kind of figured.

[ sighs ]

I know I was a jerk.

I was just...Mad.

I was the jerk.
I was such a jerk.

I'm not mad anymore.

Well... [ sighs ]

That's not true, but...

I won't be, you know,
Eventually.

Really.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.

It's just, we're not right
Together, you know?

You're you, I'm me.

I just want to stop pretending
We're something else.

You don't belong with me.

You belong with someone
Like christopher,

And I just...

Let's just stop fighting it,
Okay?

And you go back
To being lorelai gilmore.

I'll go back to being
The guy in the diner

Who pours your coffee.

My hand's getting cold.

Okay.

Okay.