All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S06E17 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...
When'd you find out?

Two months ago.
Two months?!

How's luke?
He has a kid.

She's 12.

12, huh?

That's anna nardini,
Isn't it?

Hello, stranger.
Hi.

The wedding
Has been postponed.

I guess you two decided that
You're not gonna see the kid.

I guess we did.

I have to get back in a band.
I'm going crazy.

This thing with us,
I want to fix it.
It's too late.

What?! What do you have to
Talk to me about, zach?

Will you marry me?
What?

We were only apart
For like two seconds,

And you managed to sleep

With every one
Of your sister's friends.

It meant nothing.
Don't be at the apartment
Tomorrow so I can get my stuff.

Paris threw me out.

Is that why
You came over here,

'cause you heard
That we broke up?

Logan and I broke up,
Too.

You can stay here
If you want.

Really?

Hey, you!
How was the wedding?

Sucko. I got
A new address for you.

I say we repaint.
Did you ever paint?

No, doyle doesn't believe

In improving
Someone else's property.

Men!
Yeah, men.

Well, we will repaint.

A new color scheme
For a new era.

I'll eat to that.

This is gonna be great.

You and me
And a freshly painted apartment,

No men -- just lots and lots
Of chinese food.

We are going to get huge.

That's okay.
We'll get a treadmill.

Yeah, you always wanted
A treadmill.
I did.

Doyle thought,
"Why get a treadmill

When you can walk outside?"

With all the murderers
And rapists.

Exactly what I would say.

I'm glad you're back.

Me too.

You know, paris,
I'm really sorry

About the whole
Editorship thing.

It's okay.

I didn't lobby for the job.

I mean,
I swear I had no idea.

Forget it.

I mean,
Who are we kidding?

I am not cut out
To deal with people.

I was made to be in a lab

Or an operating room
Or a bunker somewhere

With a well-behaved monkey
By my side.

I'm sorry, too --

You know,
For throwing you out.

Consider it even.

[ knock on door ]

Did we actually
Order that pizza?

I thought
It was just discussed.

Who is it?
Logan: it's logan.

I don't want
To talk to him.

I got it.

Well, well,

If it isn't new haven's
Favorite whore hound.

Is rory here?
Yes.

Can I talk to her?
No.

You can talk to me.

What do you want to talk
About -- life, love,

Common symptoms of
Sexually transmitted diseases?

Rory.

Rashes, sores, insanity.

Five minutes, please!

You know,
There's a few things

I've always wanted
To say to you,

But out of respect for my friend
Rory here, I've refrained.

However, the circumstances
Seem to have changed.

You don't know what
You're talking about.

You cheated on rory.

I did not cheat on rory.

Are you going to deny it?
Are you serious?

We were apart.
Oh, please!

We were!
We weren't together!

And why the hell
Am I arguing with you?

I don't want you back.

You, logan huntzberger,

Are nothing but a two-bit,
Spoiled waste of a trust fund.

You offer nothing to women
Or the world in general.

If you were to disappear from
The face of the earth tomorrow,

The only person that would miss
You is your porsche dealer.

Want to chime in here?

No, I think
Paris has got it covered.

Okay, that's it.
Wait!

Rory, I just need
60 seconds.

Go away, logan.

No one invited you in.

Get out right now before I go
Bonaduce on your ass.

I'm not going anywhere.
We're gonna talk.

What the hell is this door doing
Unlocked?

What are you doing here?

I want to talk to you.

I told you to go.

You did, and I did.

I left, and I got drunk,

And I thought about
Why I left and got drunk,

And I realized
That you are wrong.

I am not!
And what are you wearing?
Don't change the subject!

Can we go
In the other room?

We're supposed
To be together, paris.

You know it, I know it,
Your life coach knows it.

Terrence has been wrong
Before.

When I wanted to get
The pageboy haircut, remember?

Paris, listen to me.

I'm the best thing
That ever happened to you.

Well, if that's true,
Then it's all uphill from here.

I didn't have to come back here
Begging you to talk to me.

I have options.
I do!

In fact, I almost hooked up
With a really hot chick tonight.

I don't see how that's gonna
Help your case, doyle, at all.

Fine. Let's take this
Out into the hall.

You could have hooked up
With a hot chick?

In rhinestone buttons?

Who was it -- sheila e.?

Two minutes.
Go.

Look, I understand
That you're upset,

And I really wish
You hadn't found out like that,

But I love you.
You know that I love you.

When I said
That I was your boyfriend,

I agreed to be faithful to you,
Which was a first for me.

And I thought it was gonna
Be hard, but it wasn't.

Then I asked you
To move in with me,

And I thought that was gonna
Be hard, but it wasn't.

I have been completely faithful
To you, rory.

I have not been
With another girl.

I've not even thought
About another girl.

Except for walker,
Alexandra...

We were broken up, rory.
No, y were.

I thought
We were broken up.

I thought that's what
The fight was.

I thought that's what
The separation was.

Do you believe
That I honestly thought

We weren't together?

I guess.

So then,
If you believe that,

That I thought
We weren't together,

Then do you believe that,

In my mind,
I was not cheating on you?

I guess.

So then if you believe

That, in my mind,
I was not cheating on you,

Do you think you can forget
What those vipers said today,

Put it behind you,
And just come home with me?

Come on, rory.
Just come home with me.

Let's forget this crappy day
Ever happened -- just go home.

You want to make
A pro/con list?

Do not mock
My pro/con list.

I am not mocking
Your pro/con list.

I actually think the list
Will come out in my favor.

[ sighs ]

Well, I'd have to tell paris
I'm going.

Absolutely,
Tell paris you're going.

Whoa! Oh!

What?

They made up.

Either that or krav maga
Is way kinkier

Than I thought it was.

Well, you can tell her tomorrow.
After all, it is tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, I can just
Call her from home.

Hey.

We okay?

Yeah.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

Yeah, sure, we'll see.

Hey.

Okay.
Call you later.

Did you not
Hear me screaming?

You were screaming?
Like janet leigh
In "Psycho."

Why were you screaming?

There was a spider
In the shower.

I trapped him
Under a soap dish.

I need you
To take him outside.

Scoop him up gently.

You do not want
To break his legs.

Spiders are
All about their legs.

I was shampooing.
Everything was fine.

I looked up,
And there he was!

Holy mackerel.
Yeah, he's a big boy.

Don't hurt him.
I won't.

I was talking
To the spider.

[ sighs ]

[ crashing ]

What happened?
Are you okay?

Luke:
Yeah, he's got a posse.

You're kidding.
I am not kidding.

What are you gonna do?

There isn't a soap dish in town
Big enough for these guys.

Be careful.

I just got to trap them,
Move them out of the shower,

And then sell the building.

So, that was april
On the phone.

What?
April called.

Seems their math team made it
Into some national contest.

Oh, well, good for her.

Yeah, it's pretty big.

They're all going
To philadelphia next week.

Bunch of the parents
Are supposed to chaperone.

Anna was gonna go,
But now she can't,

So april called me.
Oh.

Yeah, it's weird,
'cause usually it's me

Calling her to do things.

This is the first time
That she's called me.

Well, good.
That's progress, right?

I think so, but I can't take
A week off from the diner.

Plus, you and I probably
Have plans next week.

Oh, wait --
Was next week the week

We were gonna start
Our lives as outlaws?

Well, I just assumed
We had stuff to do next week.

No.
Oh.

You should go.

You think?
Yeah, she asked you.

And I know that traveling
Across country

In a bus
Full of little man tates

Has been a lifelong dream
Of yours.

Well, okay.
I think I will go.

I looked up
The route last night.

Sounds like a great trip.

They'll be visiting
Constitution hall

And stopping in gettysburg.

Do you know I have never
Seen the liberty bell?

Communist.

I'm gonna
Take these guys outside.

Any particular place
You want them?

Yeah, someplace shady, and,
Ideally, near a talking pig.

I asked. I have no one to blame
But myself.

There's still a glare,
Right?

Huge glare --
I can't make out

All the details
Of castle siege.

And those trolls -- you've got
To squint to see them.

The tv's fine, guys.

It's in exactly the same place
It used to be.

Dude, wait till you hear how
I soundproofed lane's old room.

Pier 1 cushions wall to wall --
Perfect acoustics.

Band practice officially
Starts back up tomorrow.

Dude, you want
This bottom drawer, too?

Sure -- a sock drawer.

Nothing is gayer
Than a sock drawer.

There's got to be something
Gayer than a sock drawer.

Okay, before you guys get
Too deeply entrenched

In the "What's gayer than a sock
Drawer" conversation,

I'm gonna say goodbye.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Bye, brian.
Bye, lane.

Thanks for the help.

Hey, make sure you behave
Yourself out there.

You're almost a married woman.

Hey, what happens
When you guys get married?

Well, we finally
Get to have sex.

No, I mean,
I just moved in here.

But when you guys get married,
Do I move out again?

We haven't really
Discussed that yet.

Yeah, well, we can move the band
Equipment back out here,

And me and lane
Will take the room.

You can have the bunk beds
All to yourself.

Cool!

Zach, don't you think
We should get our own apartment

When we get married?

But this is
A great apartment.
I know.

I thought you liked brian.

I do. I just think maybe
We'd want our own place.

Our own place?
Okay. Wow.

I tell you,
This marriage thing -- major.

Every day,
Something huge to think about.

Speaking of huge,
You need to talk to my mom.

You haven't
Told mrs. Kim yet?

I'm heading over there
Today.

You are?
Are you ready?

You have a clean shirt?
You sewed up your pants?

Everything's under control --

Hunter and gatherer
And all that crap.

Go to work.

Okay. Call me
The minute you talk to her.

[ door closes ]

You got yourself
A good woman there.

Yep, I do.

You are officially
Moved back in.

Cool.

Hey, wasn't the tv
Facing the other way?

Yes, that's it!

It's good
To have you home, man.

It's good to have you home.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, when you come over
Later tonight,

I have a cricket cornered

Under a paper cup
In the living room.

I poked holes in the top,

And then I taped it to the floor
'cause he kept jumping out.

And I put books
On top of the tape,

So don't move the books

Until you're ready
For transport.

What are you doing?
I'm sewing my duffel bag.

That's crazy.
That's crazy?

That thing's 100 years old.
Just throw it away.

The bag is fine.
That is not a bag.

That is a collection
Of molecules

Tethered together by dirt.

I'll get you your coffee
In a minute.

Luke, come on. You're going
On a major trip next week.

Spring for some real luggage.

I don't need any luggage.

I'll go shopping with you.
We can hit the mall later.

I don't want to go shopping.
I don't want to hit the mall.

I will fix this bag,
And it will be fine.

I can pick something out
For you.

I appreciate the offer,
But I'm fine.

Ooh, that's the third time he's
Stabbed himself this morning.

Maybe we should put him
On suicide watch.

Couldn't hurt.

Hey, there's customers
To talk to if you're lonely. Ow!

I can't believe
You think shopping

Is more painful than this!

Oh, I'll be right back.

Rory, I can't believe
You're here!

Oh, I just thought I'd --
Whoa!

Wow, these small towns
Are mighty friendly.

I have some really,
Really big news.

What?

You've become a shriner.

Bleeding stop yet?
It's fine.

You sure you don't want me
To call an ambulance --

Or a tumi store?

[ shrieking ]

Rory's here!
She is?

Yeah, she's outside
Bouncing around with lane.

How come she came home?
Bouncing lessons?

Did you hear?
Did I hear what?

Show her,
Show her, show her!

You won the super bowl?

I'm engaged.

No!
Yes!

Let me see the ring again.

It's all zach could afford,
But I think it's rock 'n' roll.

It's the rocking
And the rolling-est.

I'm so excited for you, lane.
That's awesome!

I would have told you earlier,
But I thought you knew.

Why would I know?

Luke was standing right there
When it happened.

You knew?
Um, yeah.

Did you forget to tell me?

No, I just thought

That lane would want
To tell you herself.

You forgot to tell me.

Fine, sure.
I forgot to tell you. So what?

I remember being engaged to you.
Isn't that enough?

Can I get some more coffee?

I'll be right back.

Oh, I am so hungry.

Do you think luke
Would be willing

To make us s'mores today?

Hey, for you, anything.

So, nice surprise.

What -- lane?
No, you showing up.

I didn't expect it,

You being such a modern,
Busy woman and all.

Well, I can bring home the bacon
And fry it up in a pan.

So, any special occasion
I should know about?

No, I just thought I could use
A good stars hollow fix

For a couple days.

How crazy are things
At the inn?

Absolutely insane.

However, for you,
I can play a little hooky.

What a role model.
Well, I try.

So, what's new?
You okay?

Yeah, why?

Well, logan
And moving out.

Oh, right.
About that.

Remember the new address?
Yeah.

Cross it out.
I'm back to the old one.

What?
Back at logan's?
Yeah.

How did this happen?

He came over to paris'
Last night, and we talked.

He explained everything.

So there's an explanation?
Yeah, and we're fine now.

You're fine.
But what about the bridesmaids?

Misunderstanding.
Everything's good.

Here, start on these.
I'm making you some s'mores.

He's the most beautiful man
In the world.

Yeah, you should see him
Carry a spider outside.

A.K., it's a lacrosse piece.
It's fine.

I'm sorry I can't
Give you more feedback,

But until five minutes ago,

I didn't even know
Yale had a lacrosse team.

So when I criticize a piece,
You think I hate it.

When I don't criticize a piece,
You think I hate it.

So you want me
To hate you, a.K.?

Because it's becoming
A possibility.

Wonderful -- in that case,

I will continue to be a fan
Of you and your work.

Goodbye.

You're quite the busy bee.

Oh, yeah, well,
Writers can be temperamental.

I'm sure.

You like neon?

Sorry?

I see you're making
Liberal use

Of my pink neon
Post-it notes.

I'm sorry. Would you like me
To reimburse you

For the seven pink neon
Post-it notes that I have used?

'cause I'd be happy to
If you can break a penny.

No, little lorelai, it's not
The cost that is the problem.

It's the disruption.
Disruption?

Of the system.
I see.

Do you?
No.

The pink neon post-it notes

Are used for guests
Who are checking in.

The green neon post-it notes
Are for guests checking out.

And the watermelon post-it notes
Are for guests

Who have altered
Or cancelled their reservations.

As you can see,
The pink neon stack

Is now woefully out of balance
With the green neon stack,

Creating the illusion

That more guests have been
Checking in than checking out,

Which, of course,
Is a physical impossibility

Unless we have begun
Murdering them.

Are you guys having
A staring contest?

'cause I think for it to be
Official, you have to be seated.

I was just
Filling your daughter in

On the inner workings
Of the dragonfly.

Oh, what did she do?

I took some post-its.

But the system!

It will never happen again.

Michel, you have my deep
And sincere apology.

She was raised
Better than that.

Oh, actually, I did it
With the other hand.

I'm going on my break.

He seems good.
Yeah, it's the yoga.

[ cellphone rings ]
So, you ready
For the movie?

Yeah. Let me get my stuff.

Hello.

Lorelai, it's your mother!
I'm calling you from the car!

You're not calling to me
From a car, so stop yelling.

But you're on speakerphone!

I stand by
My earlier position.

Fine. How far is it
From preston to new london?

[ woman speaking german ]

What's going on?
Where are you?

In preston, apparently --

Though we're supposed to be
At an estate sale in new london.

This bag of bolts.

And this gps contraption
Your father insisted on buying

Is speaking german.

Well, new london's
Right near stars hollow,

And preston's not.

I knew it!
Still yelling.

Richard, what are you doing?
Why are you stopping?

Because this contraption,
As you call it,

Can only be used
When the car is stopped.

So every time we want to ask
The machine for directions,

We have to pull over
To the side of the road?

It would appear so.

I thought the point
Of the machine

Was to avoid pulling over
To ask directions.

If I told people,
They wouldn't believe it.

What's going on?

Apparently,
There's a fight to the death

Between richard and emily and
An evil german supercomputer.

I want to hear.
Oh.

I thought we paid $4,000 for a
Computer to give us directions,

Not to babysit us
And make decisions for us

About how to live our lives.

What's next --
The radio won't turn on

If it doesn't like the song?

The engine won't start

If the cup of coffee I'm holding
Is too hot?

The car won't go in reverse
If it doesn't like my perfume?

Emily, I would be happy if
I could just get the damn thing

To stop barking at me
In german.

Hi! Hi! Remember me?

Yeah, you called me
Like 45 minutes ago.

Yes, lorelai,
I'm still here.

Right, in preston,
About 20 miles off course.

20 miles!
I told you, richard!

What you said, emily,
Was to turn south

When I wanted
To turn north.

Next time, you guys should call
Before you head out.

You could have stopped by.

At the next light,
Turn right.

Ha! There we are --
English at last.

Well, we still could.

We were only staying at the
Estate sale for a little while.

What? No, no.

You guys have already gone
Way past stars hollow.

We don't mind going a little
Out of our way, do we, richard?

Certainly not.

When should she expect us?

Oh, about 4:30.

Wait, wait!

I don't want you guys
To have to make a special trip.

That really, really
Wouldn't make any sense.

That's crazy!
That's like asylum crazy.

Besides, rory and I

Were just about to head out
For a movie.

Rory's there?
Damn!

Excuse me?
Damn straight.

Wonderful!
We'll see you both around 4:30.

Damn it.

What are you doing here?
Oh, uh...

Lane is not here right now.

There are laws against stalking.
You could go to jail.

No, I'm not stalking.

I'm just looking
For a...Doorknob.

$75.

Wow.
Could you throw in a door?

Cash or credit?

Actually,
Could I talk to you first?

About what?
I want to marry lane.

I see.

I know lane's
Your only daughter,

And I know how important
She is to you,

But I really love her --
I mean, really love her.

She's smart and hot --

Well, not hot.

I don't mean hot,
Like, in a slutty way.

She's beautiful and cool
And an awesome drummer.

I know you may have questions,
And I totally get that,

So I brought some stuff
To answer them.

First thing --
I'm a good worker.

That's a letter
Of recommendation

From my manager
At quest copying.

Notice the part where he wrote,
"Zach's a good worker."

I didn't tell him
To say that.

He doesn't dig me personally,
So you know he means it.

I'm also in line
For a promotion --

Assistant manager, which comes
With medical benefits,

So I can buy cheap medicine

And get my teeth cleaned
And stuff.

That's my latest bank statement.
It's not a lot, I know,

But it grows a little
Every month --

Well, except for
Maybe this month.

The doorknob's gonna
Set me back a bit.

I thought
You were a musician.

Well, yeah, I am.

And that is
Your true calling?

Yes, but that doesn't mean
I'm into drugs

Or looking to do
The whole baby shambles thing.

You have a demo?
Sure.

But, I swear, the music never
Interferes with my day job.

Bring it to me.
What?

I need to know whether
You can provide for lane.

But I can.
I showed you. I can.

As a musician!

This is what you want to do
With your life, yes?
Yeah.

Then you will bring me
Your demo.

But what are you gonna do --
Review it?

Because rock --
It's very subjective.

I will evaluate it.
Evaluate it?

And you haven't
Mentioned anything

About marriage
To lane yet, right?

Oh...No.

I came to you first.

Good.
Don't tell her.

No need to get her hopes up
In case this doesn't work out.

You don't think
It's gonna work out?
We take one step at a time.

[ sighs ]

You still want the doorknob?

Not really.

Are you sure this whole thing
Isn't just an elaborate scheme

To get me to help you
Clean your house?

Just throw away or hide anything
That might be incriminating.

Anything that can, could,

Or might lead to a conversation
About anything.

How about this?
Are you kidding me?

A freckled,
Half-naked lindsay lohan

On the cover of vanity fair?

Uh, skin cancer,
Drug abuse, anorexia,

Bra shopping --
Just dump it.

You're hiding your flowers?

Yes, 'cause
When people see flowers,

They feel happy and welcome.

It's important
That my parents have

As few positive associations
About being here as possible.

We could hit them
Over the head with mallets

When they walk in the door.

No, but I do have this
Incredibly bad-smelling perfume

That luke gave me
For christmas last year

That I could spray
Around the house.

It's like a cross
Between love's baby soft

And curious by britney spears,

With just a hint of lysol
Thrown in.

Delightful.
Well, god bless him.
He tries.

[ doorbell rings ]

Food!
No, I'm lorelai.

Heavy.
That's just mean.

Falling.
Right.
Follow me.

You are a lifesaver,
Sookie.

I try.

Okay, we've got mac and cheese.
We've got taquitos.

Wait, sookie,
What is all this stuff?

What?
I made your favorites.

But my parents aren't
Gonna eat any of this.

Your parents?
I thought this was for you.

You thought
I wanted to sit by myself

And eat an entire buffet of
The world's most fattening food?

I figured it was just
One of your cravings

Or maybe just a fun way to
Announce that you're pregnant.

What?

Well, you were saying something
About being a sudden parent

Or expecting
Or being due soon.

It's impossible to hear anything
Over that damn cuisinart

And all
Those gossiping busboys.

So you're not pregnant?

No, I'm just expecting
My parents over any minute.

Well, yeah,
That makes sense, too.

That's okay.
We'll make do.

I'm not pregnant!

Okay! Okay!

Now, the food...
Right.

Okay, the mini hot dogs
Can be bratwurst.

The mac and cheese can be
Pasta à la sookie.

And, presto,
The taquitos are blinis.

And the chili fries?

Are chili fries.
Right.

Hey, sookie.

Hi, rory.
Blini?

Yes, please.

So, I cleared out
All the magazines, newspapers,

And most of the books

And I hid away all
The throw pillows and blankets

And I lowered the heat to 55

To ensure minimal
Post-meal lingering.

Yale-educated.

I'll go do
One final walk-through.

Last chance
Before I stash them.

I'm not!
Okay, okay.

Grandma and grandpa's jag
Is here.

What?
I didn't hear them drive up.

Did you?
No.

Well, where the hell
Are they?
I don't know!

Maybe they've been taken.

Don't tease me.

Go!
I'll finish setting up.

The engine's cold.

[ gasps ]
Maybe they have been taken!

Hello, lorelai,
Rory.
Hi, grandma.

When did you get here?
Oh, just
A few minutes ago.

You didn't tell me
You were painting.

I know.
It's part of the remodel.

And is that
The final color?
Yep.

Must be so nice
Not having to worry

About a homeowner's
Association.

There's a boat here.

Dad!

Lorelai, rory.

When did you get
A boat, lorelai?

Richard, I've seen that boat.
It's luke's.

Well, it doesn't look
Very seaworthy.

It's a work in progress.
It was his father's.

Luke keeps his dead father's
Boat locked away in your garage?

Mother.
What?

I'm just saying,
Isn't that kind of morbid?

It's not like he's using it
To hold his bones.

You guys must be hungry.
Let's head inside.

Well, well.

I had no idea
You'd had so much work done.

Oh, it's nothing extensive --
A nip here, a tuck there.

This room's
Been completely redone.

A nip, nip, nip,
Tuck, tuck, tuck.

Apparently you haven't installed
The heat yet.

What's this?
Rory:
That's paul anka.

You have a dog?
I just got him.

When?
Yesterday.

Oh, well, fast learner,
That one.

You should open an obedience
School. You'd make a fortune.

Oh, mom, dad,
You remember sookie.

Hello, sookie.
Will you be joining us
For dinner?

No, I'm just helping.

The wainscoting here
Is substandard.

I could have recommended
A real professional.

Since mine
Was a fake professional,

I got to pay him
In monopoly money.

Is that veneer?
Tell me that's not veneer.

So, sookie,
Tapas in the kitchen?

Right this way.

You're still eating
In the kitchen?

We always eat in the kitchen.
That's where the food is.

Grandpa, could I offer you
Something to drink?

I suppose it's not too early
For a scotch.

And what about you, grandma?
Grandma?

Emily: up here.
Richard, come have a look.

Where are you?

In the bedroom.

Three minutes gone,
They're already in my bedroom.

Impressive, by the way,

With all the throw pillows,
Blankets, magazines, and books.

Piled up on the bed?
Bathtub.

That's gonna take
Some explaining.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, mrs. Kim.

Still on the first song,
Huh?

No, I've listened to
The whole thing many times.

Yeah? And?
Nothing catchy.

Nothing out of
All those songs?

There are good bits
Here and there,

And lane can really pound
The skins,

But you need a hit.

But tons of great bands
Don't have hits.

I don't care
About other bands.

I care about your band --
Lane's band.

Don't you care
About your band?
I care a buttload.

Then write a hit.
Okay, not a problem.

Mccartney hasn't written a hit
In 20 years,

But I'll just sit down
And crank one out.

You will if you want
To marry lane.

That's just not how it works.

I'll tell you how it works.

You write a hit.
You get a record contract.

You write a hit.
You get representation.

You write a hit.
You become husband.

Can you do it?
Can you write a hit?

I don't know -- maybe.
I can try.

Don't try -- do.

3 1/2 minutes, tops,
And radio-friendly.

This pasta à la sookie
Is very good, lorelai.

It's a big hit
Around the inn.

There's something
Very familiar about it.

I can't quite place it.

It's similar to the pasta
À la fromage at de l'étoile's.

Ah, yes, de l'étoile
Sounds like my kind of guy.

[ cellphone ringing ]
What's that noise
That keeps happening?

That's my cellphone, grandma.
I'll turn it off.

Or you can just take it
In the other room, if you want.

Nope, it's off.

Pass the blinis.

So, lorelai, a new dog,
A new bedroom, a new bathroom.

It's like a whole new house.

Except that it's
The same house.

It doesn't look the same.
It's lucky we had your address.

We would have
Driven right by.

Well, I was waiting till
It was all done to show you.

All done?
There's more that you're doing?

Oh, yeah, the mailbox
Is crooked,

And I was gonna plant a bush
In the yard.

Forgive me.

I had no idea such a stunning
Makeover was ahead of me.

I feel terribly involved.

[ knock on door ]
Mom, come on.

You were gonna be
Invited over.

I just wanted to make sure
Everything was done and ready

And that
I could have you over

When I could spend
The maximum amount of time

Showing you around.

My parents are here.

I was hoping to have
A nice, little catered affair,

You know, with guys
In black coats carrying trays,

'cause I know
How much you love

Guys in black coats
Carrying trays.

Who was at the door?

Oh, it was ed mcmahon.

He's always showing up with
These big cardboard checks.

They are impossible to endorse,
By the way.

I am never not sorry
That I ask these questions.

I'm guessing all this means that
You and luke will be staying?

Staying?
In stars hollow.

Mom, I've lived in stars hollow
For 21 years.

You can live somewhere
Your entire life

And never truly feel at home,
Lorelai.

Well, I do.

I feel at home here --

Mostly 'cause it is my home
And has been for 21 years.

Yes, well...

This house does have charm.
It feels very homey.

I can see you and luke here.

Wow. Thank you, mom.

How about
I make some coffee?

Thank you, rory, but we'll
Have to take a rain check.

Oh, goodness!
I had no idea it was so late.

Yes, who knew that 3 hours and
14 minutes could go by so fast?

Well, I certainly didn't.

Drive safe.

Bye-bye, now.

Your parents are exhausting.

Not as exhausting
As your grandparents.

[ sighs ]

That was luke at the door,
Wasn't it?
Yeah.

Okay, second wind.

Now, the early-bird dinner

Made immediate eating
Unnecessary,

So I say we go
Straight to the movie

And pick up a pizza
On the way home.

Perfect.

Or perhaps we could get pizza
On the way there

And sneak it in,
Just in case.

You in the market
For some luggage?

What? Oh.
That's for luke.

He's going on a trip, and his
Stupid duffel bag is in shreds.

What trip?

He is going to chaperone april's
Field trip to philadelphia.

Really?
Yeah, he's really excited
About it.

But that excitement might end
When he gets there

And discovers
That his underwear fell out

Somewhere around
Amish country.

The amish would be psyched,
Though.

All right, what do we want --
A comedy, a tragedy,

Or a tragedy
That makes us laugh?

Have you met her yet?
Met who?

April.
Not officially.

Her mom -- what do you know
About her?

Not much.

Apparently,
She's incredibly beautiful,

She grew up here,
She owns a store in woodbridge,

And miss patty thinks she was
Mata hari in a former life.

What kind of store?
I don't know.

Hey, I have an idea --
A really good idea.

Ew, you have evil face.

No, we should go to woodbridge
And go to her store.

What?
Yeah.

She won't know who we are.

We could just go in there
And see what she looks like.

No.
Why not?

Because I'm not spying
On luke's old girlfriend.

You mean the mother
Of your fiancé's daughter.

Whatever --
It's weird and creepy.

You're not at all curious
About the other woman?

She's not the other woman.
She's another woman.

Come on.
Where's your adventurous spirit?

Hey, this is luke's thing.

He wants me
To keep out of it for now,

So I'm staying out of it --
For now.

Come on, troublemaker, put that
Evil mind to better use here.

Fine.

Last half of "Nanny mcphee,"

First half
Of "Final destination 3."
Brilliant.

Now, that is what a mind
Is for, my friend.

I am sorry, but after
You almost get killed

On a plane
And on the freeway,

Why would you choose

To go on a crazy,
Terrifying roller coaster?

I mean, at that point,
Just stay home, right?

It's a horror movie.
It doesn't make any sense.

It's not supposed to.
It's supposed to make you sick.

I'm heading to the inn.
Do you want to come over?

No, I got to run some errands.
I'll meet you there later.

All right, but watch out

That a streetlight doesn't
Accidentally break off,

Swing down,
And decapitate you.

Will do.

I mean, why even bother calling
It "Final destination 3"?

At that point, just call it

"Now you're really,
Really, really dead."

Hello, hollywood? Boy,
Have I got a picture for you.

[ guitar strumming loudly ]

Woman:
T-shirt or top?

Anna:
What do you need most?
Both.

Then go for broke --
Not literally, of course.

We like our customers solvent.
Keeps them coming back.

"Your boyfriend wants me"?

What can I say?
It's our biggest seller.

Okay, I guess
I'll try these on.

Dressing room's right
Through there, sweetie.

Call if you need sizes.

1960s pan am
Stewardess bag.

Oh. Really?
A stewardess bag? Huh.

Yeah, I have the stewardess
That goes with it, too,

But it'll cost you.

All of your stuff
Is really cute.
Thank you.

I try to stock mostly
One-of-a-kind things.

I'm really into the whole

"This is mine,
You can't have it" scene.

Must be only-child syndrome.

Ah, yes, I know it well.

Okay, well, take your time.

Everything in that corner of
The store smells like vanilla --

Freaky and unplanned.

No.
What?

No.
But --

Trust me -- at this moment,
I am your best friend.

Should I just --
No.

Okay, well --
Not that, either.

Look, mrs. Kingston,

Kirk will not rest
Until you are satisfied.

Your demands are kirk's demands.

Your needs are kirk's needs.

Kirk is here for you.

Um, kirk?

Kirk appreciates that,
Mrs. Kingston.

We'll talk soon.

What are you doing here?
Trying to bag a whale.

Kirk's in the real-estate
Game now.

Stop doing that.
What?

Referring to yourself
As "Kirk."

That's kirk's thing.

Every realtor needs a thing.
This is kirk's thing.

You're a realtor?

Trainee, technically.

Well, take your training
Somewhere else, okay?

Your scaring away all
My customers and my staff.

Unfortunately,
There is nowhere else.

Trainees don't get offices

Or salaries
Or jackets, actually.

I'm supposed to be
Having this dry-cleaned

For one
Of the senior brokers.

It smells a little funky
But fits like a dream.

You've got kirk.

Yes, mrs. Zelnor.

Right, the dragonfly inn.

See you this afternoon.

Wait,
You're meeting clients here?

Only a few.
No.

I promise
I'll be out of your hair

As soon as I make my bones.

I just need a temporary place
To conduct my business

And potentially have sex
With prospective clients.

What?
That's kirk's other thing --

The young,
Virile eye candy angle

For lonely widows
And aging divorcées.

Works like a charm.

I plan on running it by lulu,
Of course.

Kirk, get out of here.

Take your jacket and your dippy
"Star trek" device

And your creepy new career
And scram.

Fine,
But I would have expected

A little more cooperation
From you,

Considering what I'm doing
For your parents.

What are you doing
For my parents?

Shoot, I should
Not have said that.

Said what?
Nothing.

I can neither confirm
Nor deny

That your parents are looking
For a place in stars hollow.

My parents are looking
For a place in stars hollow?!

I can't say.

The realtor-trainee/client
Privilege is sacrosanct.

The manual's very clear
On that.

How long
Have they been looking?

I've already said too much.
It isn't even my account.

How long, kirk?

All I know is they're looking,
They're pricing,

They've seen three gracious
Single-family tudors this week,

And they have a 2:00 p.M.
Showing tomorrow

At 546 oak ridge lane.

But I cannot and will not
Violate their confidence.

This cannot be happening.

Kirk here.

Well, hello, miss wyatt.

Lovely to hear your voice.

Have I got a duplex
For you.

I am getting three hot dogs
Tonight, and I'll tell you why.

I have "Bugsy malone"
Running through my head,

Especially the scene

Where scott baio
Buys florrie dugger a hot dog

And he offers her mustard
With onions or ketchup without.

So I started thinking,
"What would I like --

Mustard with onions
Or ketchup without?"

And then, suddenly, they both
Started to sound really good.

But I usually get my hot dogs
With ketchup and relish.

And you don't just walk out
On something

That has served you so well
For so long.

So three hot dogs it is.

So what do you think happened
To florrie dugger, anyway?

Oh, she moved to stars hollow,

And her mother harped
On her hairstyle so much,

She jumped off a bridge.
What?

The gilmores
Are moving in.

What are you talking about?
Kirk was in here today.

Nothing good starts with,
"Kirk was in here today."

And he told me that he's been
Taking my parents around

To look at houses.

Around here?
Yes.

But why?
Why?!

Because luke and I
Are getting married,

And I guess they figure
We'll be having kids,

And they want to be near me
When that happens --

Really near, like in the room
Wearing bill blass scrubs.

Oh, boy.
I don't know what to do.

I moved 30 miles away
From my parents for a reason.

Those 30 miles act as buffer

So that when my mother
Says something

That makes me want
To kill her,

I have to drive 30 miles
To do it.

10 miles in,
I usually calm down

Or I get hungry
Or I pass a mall --

Something prevents me
From actually killing her.

That buffer is my mother's
Best friend.

Take the buffer away
And you got nancy grace

Camping out on miss patty's lawn
For a month.

Okay, you need to get a grip.
Maybe kirk is wrong.

Maybe.
Well, don't think about it.

Here, let me distract you
With a present.

For me?
For you.

Well, the world stops
For a present.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's so cute.
I love it!

Good. You want to know
Where I got it?

Where did you get it?

At anna nardini's store.

What?
It was great.

I just strolled right in,
Looked very casual.

I didn't have to pretend
Like I needed help or anything.

She just came
Right up to me.

I told you I didn't want
To go there.

Well, you didn't.
I did.

I didn't want you
To go there, either.

What's the big deal?
She didn't know who I was.

Luke asked me
To stay out of this.

He told me
That he would deal with it.

But you're his fiancée.
You should be able
To trust your fiancée.

Oh, right,
The way he trusted you

When he found out
About april?

Hey!
Okay, I'm sorry.

I just think it's crazy

That you don't want to know
Anything about this woman.

Rory, this conversation
Is over.

So you're not at all curious
About her?
No.

So you don't want to know
What she looks like?
No.

You seriously don't care
Whether she's pretty or not?
No!

So you have no interest in
The fact that she has good taste

In clothes or music or --
Rory, stop! Drop it!
I mean it!

Fine.

I guess you don't
Want the purse then.

* what's the big
Commotion? *

* what's the big
Commotion? *

* got ahead
Of distortion *

* tell me
Before the kettle blows *

* you know we got
Another commotion *

So?

Close.

Last part needs work.

Well, I don't know
What else to do.

Try again.

I've been working on this song
For 20 hours.

My fingers are cramping.
I'm totally fried.

Run in place for a minute.
Gets the blood moving.

Forget it.
This is hopeless.

What?
I can't write a hit,
Okay?

Not with that attitude.
Now, pick up your guitar.

Let me hear the last line
Of the chorus again.

* tell me
Before the kettle blows *

* you know we got
Another commotion *

Stinks.
Great.

Try going out
On a minor chord.

A minor chord --
Like this one.

Different minor chord.

Not quite.
How's this one?

Better.
Yeah.

That is better.
Very ray davies.

I was thinking
Dave clark five.

Now try it again --
The whole chorus.

* what's the big
Commotion? *

* what's the big
Commotion? *

* got ahead
Of distortion *

* tell me
Before the kettle blows *

* you know we got
Another commotion *

Whoa.

Now, that is a hit song.

It is.
We wrote a hit song.

Mrs. Kim,
We wrote a hit song!

Excellent.
Now we go inside.

You know, I try to write
With brian all the time,

But it doesn't work out

'cause he gives in
Way too easy, you know?

He just doesn't push me.

I got a couple more songs
I'd love for you to listen to.

Maybe I can
Bring them by later?

Lane, come down here now.

Lane: yes, mama?

Zach has something important
To say to you.

Yes, zach?

Your mom and I just wrote
A hit song.
What?

It was incredible.
We were in the garage.

It was awesome.
It goes out on a minor chord.

Zach!
Yeah?

Don't you have something else
To say to lane?

Maybe something to ask her?

Oh, right. Sorry, uh...

Lane?

Lane, will you marry me?

Yes, zach, I will.

Hold on.

This ring
Belonged to my grandmother.

Now it belongs to you.

Thanks, mama.

That one you keep in drawer so
It doesn't scare the children.

All right, you two are now
Officially engaged.

There is much
For you to discuss,

So I will
Leave you two alone.

You have 15 minutes.

I can't believe it.
We did it.

I know.
We're getting married.

[ chuckles ]

Now tell me
About this song.

Lane, you're not
Gonna believe it.

Think early kinks meets the jam
Meets the futureheads.

Here, I'll play it.

* what's the big
Commotion? *

Okay, but, see, I'm sorry.

They did not even come up
With a villain.

No freddy, no jason.
The villain is death?

How lame is that?
Who is seeing this movie?

Apparently we are --
Many, many times.

But how can they make money
Off of that?

I mean, where's
The halloween mask?

Where's the costume?

How can they keep making
The same stupid movie

Over and over and over?

Ah, caesar, thank god.

We desperately need something
To put in her mouth.

Two cheeseburgers and a copy
Of sid fields' book, please.

We ar missing the boat.

Where's luke?
He just ran upstairs.

He's got this new policy

Of not yelling at the vendors
In front of customers.

[ cellphone rings ]

So, what should we do
After dinner?

Do you want to rent
"Final destination" 1 and 2?

So many things wrong
With you.

Here, freshly made.
Excellent.

Hey, what kind of donuts
Do you have left over?

I think we have chocolate,
One jelly, and a crumb.

Mmm, jelly, please.
Okay.

Hey, fancy new bag
You got there.
Huh?

Oh, that's luke's.

Some kid delivered it here
A few minutes ago.

I'll go check
On your burgers.

So, I finally
Wore him down, huh?

What?

Well, I don't know
If you want to know this,

But I saw that bag earlier
At anna's store.

That bag?
Yeah.

How do you know it was
The same exact bag?

There must be millions of places
Who sell it.

I guess.

Anna did say that she likes
To stock one-of-a-kind things.

It's possible.

Hmm.

Excuse me.

I ordered swiss, monty.
Swiss has holes.

It's a terrific way
To identify it.

Okay, thursday's good, but
Tomorrow would be even better.

Okay, let me put it to you
Like this.

If it comes on thursday,
It's half price, right?

I will see you tomorrow.

Hey.
Am I interrupting?

No, I was
Straightening something out.

How was the movie?
Ugh, do not get me started.

Rory's downstairs.
Great.
I'll be right down.

Cool.
That's cool.

You okay?

Sure. Great.

So, I see papa's got
A brand-new bag.

Huh?
I saw your snazzy,
New luggage downstairs.

Oh, right.
Anna sent that over.

Oh, wow, coinkidink, huh?

Well, we were talking
About april's trip itinerary,

And I guess I mentioned that
My duffel bag's falling apart.

And next thing I know,
She sent the thing over.

Oh, that's nice.
Sure, it's fine.

You know, I was serious
When I said

I would go out
And buy you new luggage.

I'm nothing if not
A gifted shopper.

Oh, I know that.
But it's here, so...

Yeah, it's here.

So this doesn't bother you,
Does it?

What?
That anna sent me the bag?
Because I can send it back.

Oh, no, no.
It's cool.

You sure?
Yeah, I'm fine.

So, I should get back down.

Okay, I'll be by in a minute.

Cool.

Well?
"Well" what?

Is the bag from anna?
Yes, it is.

It is?
It is.

He mentioned
His duffel bag was shot,

And she sent a bag over.

He didn't ask for it.

He explained the whole thing
To me.

We discussed it,
And we're fine.

You're fine.
Yep, I'm fine.

Where the hell you been?

Oh, I went to stars hollow

To visit my mom
For a couple days.

You went to stars hollow?
Yep.

Well, you could have
Told me, ace.

Left a note, called --
Something.

Yeah, I know, I should have.

I mean, I wake up,
And you're gone.

I didn't mean
To freak you out.

I kept calling your cell.

I must have called it
A hundred times.

Oh, yeah, well,
My cell died,

And my charger was here,
Of course.

I have to buy an extra one.
You keep telling me that.

Finally, I checked in
With the paper.

They told me you've been
E-mailing stuff.

So at least I knew
You were alive.

I'm so sorry.
It just became this whole thing.

My grandparents
Stopped by unexpectedly,

Which took forever.

And, anyhow,
It's a long story.

But I promise
It'll never happen again.

I have to take a shower.

Rory.
Yeah?

You sure everything's okay?

Yeah, it's fine.