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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,152 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,198 [PEOPLE CHATTERING] 3 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:29,333 NARRATOR: Long, long ago in merry old England, 4 00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:32,162 there lived a warm and friendly, 5 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,208 happy-go-lucky people 6 00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:36,949 who lived life to its fullest. 7 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,823 Unfortunately, this movie isn't about them. 8 00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:44,957 This movie is about another group of people. 9 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:49,092 A people so stern, so self-righteous, 10 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:52,139 so sanctimoniously dour 11 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:56,360 that they even called themselves "Puritans." 12 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,321 This is the day of their departure from England. 13 00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:05,413 A sad, sad day for one and all. 14 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,807 Anyway, the Puritans were setting out for the New World, 15 00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:11,419 where they could make the rules. 16 00:01:11,506 --> 00:01:14,161 They wanted to build towns with curfews, 17 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,250 schools with dress codes, 18 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:19,166 restrooms with pay toilets, 19 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:22,691 and they decided to do it in an obscure, 20 00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:25,781 far-off backwoods colony of England, 21 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,087 a place called 22 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,263 America. 23 00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:44,327 Sara! 24 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,243 Miles! 25 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,333 [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING] 26 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,954 [MUSIC STOPS] 27 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:07,307 Sara! 28 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,004 Miles! 29 00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,962 [ROMANTIC MUSIC CONTINUES] 30 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,403 [MUSIC STOPS] 31 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,102 Sara! Miles! 32 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,324 [ROMANTIC MUSIC CONTINUES] 33 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:25,368 [SARA EXCLAIMING] 34 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,805 Oh, Miles, 35 00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:30,765 I've waited four long years for this moment. 36 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,506 Oh, Sara. 37 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,725 Sara, you're even more beautiful than I remember. 38 00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:37,119 Oh, we mustn't. Someone might see us. 39 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,773 So what if they do? 40 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,557 They passed a city ordinance while you were gone 41 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:43,473 that strictly forbids public display of affection. 42 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,519 A law against kissing? You're kidding. 43 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,434 No, Miles, I'm not. 44 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,262 No kissing, no touching, 45 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,744 no looking directly into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex, 46 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,311 no bathing. 47 00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:57,531 You can't take a bath? 48 00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,054 Not if you're naked. 49 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,664 Well, that's ridiculous! 50 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,493 There's nothing wrong with the human body. 51 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,756 Especially the one God gave you. 52 00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,584 Miles! 53 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:10,544 Is that the sort of talk you learned in Divinity School? 54 00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,459 Well, no, not exactly at the school. 55 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:15,157 But in the locker room, all the guys talk like that. 56 00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,420 Oh, oh, you'd love them, Sara. 57 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:18,900 Real men of the world, 58 00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:20,815 from Jamestown and Williamsburg. 59 00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,512 All the big cities. 60 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,514 Sara, there's a whole new world just... 61 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:27,691 Just filled with new ideas and new ways of looking at things. 62 00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:30,651 Do you realize it's almost the year 1700? 63 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:34,002 It's time for Salem to catch up with the rest of the world. 64 00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,917 And I'm here to make sure it happens. 65 00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,615 What do you mean? 66 00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:41,749 You are looking at the new Assistant Minister at the Church of Salem. 67 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,446 I wanted to surprise you. 68 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,840 Oh, Miles, that's wonderful! 69 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:48,233 Oh, let's run tell Aunt Deliverance. 70 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,845 Oh, how about we celebrate a little first? 71 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,072 [URGING HORSES] 72 00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,390 Ooh! 73 00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:29,623 [WHIPPING][MAN SCREAMING] 74 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,189 WOMAN: How can he do this? No! 75 00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:35,977 [CONTINUES SCREAMING] 76 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,718 No! No! 77 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:41,896 You gotta have more snap in your wrist. 78 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,115 [MAN SCREAMING LOUDLY] 79 00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:48,772 How's that? 80 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,644 It's much better. 81 00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,124 [SCREAMS] 82 00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,868 UPTON: A fiver? When did it go up to five? 83 00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,480 Well, we did a little more today, didn't we? 84 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:03,570 Yeah. It hurt like hell, but it was worth it. 85 00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:06,877 Uh, well, I don't have the money on me. I... 86 00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:08,313 I'm good for it, though. 87 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,490 After all, I'm the mayor! 88 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,057 What say we put it on my bill? 89 00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:17,366 Let's say you pay up, or I collect from your wife. 90 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,281 My wife... [CHUCKLES] 91 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:21,588 My wife! 92 00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,459 Yes! I have the money! 93 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,678 It's in the safety deposit box! 94 00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,375 You wait here! I'll get it! 95 00:08:26,984 --> 00:08:28,986 Ow! What the... Oh! 96 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,516 One, two, three, and four, and five. 97 00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,915 [MAN CONTINUES SCREAMING] 98 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,622 Allow me to help you, Your Honor. 99 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,841 I don't need any help. Thank you. 100 00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,627 But, Your Honor, the recent weather... 101 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:03,455 My dear fellow, I can assure you 102 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,589 that despite my scholarly and aristocratic countenance, 103 00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:10,637 I am indeed quite capable, as you can see, 104 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,988 of extricating myself from a simple equestrian sedan. 105 00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:16,120 Now piss off! 106 00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,558 You fool... 107 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,561 Oh! Great God! 108 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,171 Pull me out! 109 00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,694 There's something biting me in here! 110 00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,435 Get a grip on yourself! 111 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,089 [GASPS] 112 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:31,005 UPTON: Oh, no! It's the judge! 113 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:36,140 Yes, and we can certainly discuss that re-zoning variance at the office. 114 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,403 JUDGE JOHN: Help me! 115 00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,580 You're back. 116 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,278 Isn't that woman an adulteress? 117 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:44,758 Yeah, and a damn good one, too. 118 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,457 Get inside, you spineless sensualist! 119 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,111 We're in deep trouble! 120 00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,901 I've just come from our bank in Boston. 121 00:09:57,988 --> 00:10:00,687 We are on the verge of losing everything. 122 00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,516 Why are you always so negative? 123 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:10,522 Now you listen to me, you certified twit! 124 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,395 Thousands of settlers are pouring into these colonies. 125 00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:16,833 Salem is becoming a real estate goldmine. 126 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,881 We could've already owned everything if it wasn't for you. 127 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,752 Me? What did I do? 128 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:28,018 When the bank gave us all that money, 129 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:30,238 it was to buy land, 130 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,371 not finance one of your stupid schemes! 131 00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,112 It was a good idea. 132 00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:38,028 Animal chastity belts? 133 00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,770 Well, you certainly ate your half of the profits. 134 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:44,469 You gimlet-eyed ferret! 135 00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:48,560 How could I have ever let you put all this in jeopardy? 136 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,738 Puritan Village! 137 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,261 Our American Dream! 138 00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,828 Luxurious condos. 139 00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:56,873 Filled with lusty housewives. 140 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,483 Executive-class office space. 141 00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,703 Bustling with large-breasted secretaries. 142 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,618 And our biggest moneymaker, 143 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:05,142 Ye Olde Heritage Mall. 144 00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,667 A hangout for oversexed teenagers! 145 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:11,801 Shut up, would you? Shut up, you hedonistic degenerate! 146 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,673 Now you get your mind out of the gutter, 147 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,500 and help me figure out a way to get the people in this town 148 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,328 to give up their land. 149 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,592 Oh, Daddy, Daddy! 150 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,985 [SPEAKING WITH IMPEDIMENT] I just had a fight with 151 00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:24,118 that horrible girl across the street! 152 00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,729 She pulled my hair right out of my head! 153 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,035 What girl? 154 00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,689 The witch girl across the street. 155 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,038 Witch girl? 156 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,822 Is the girl really a witch? 157 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,737 No, no, no, no. She means "rich girl." 158 00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,608 She has trouble with her "R's." 159 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,654 Witch, witch, dirty witch. 160 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:42,527 Oh, Belinda, be careful what you say, child. 161 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:46,618 After all, if the girl really were a witch, 162 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,708 well, we'd have to burn her at the stake 163 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:50,710 and confiscate her family's land. 164 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,103 Now, we wouldn't want... 165 00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,196 Wait a minute. 166 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:01,285 Wait a minute! 167 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:03,810 That's it! 168 00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:05,072 I've got it! 169 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,813 What? 170 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,902 If we were to harness the power of steam 171 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,948 into some kind of piston engine, 172 00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:15,778 why, we could then power huge vessels across the ocean 173 00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,824 without the use of sails! 174 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:19,608 What? 175 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,742 Oh! 176 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,744 Sorry, I was thinking of something else. 177 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,050 What I meant to say was this, 178 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:29,661 if we were to accuse the people in... 179 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,490 Belinda, sweetheart, 180 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,666 why don't you run along? 181 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,233 No, I don't wanna! 182 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,018 Belinda! 183 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,759 Uh, please. She's my daughter. I'll deal with this. 184 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,499 Belinda, hold this. 185 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,588 [GAGGING] 186 00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,677 Get out of here. Get out! 187 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,853 Now go! 188 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:47,941 [WHINING] 189 00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:52,032 Your wretched little toad of a daughter, 190 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:53,990 no offense...None taken. 191 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,384 ...has given me an inspiration. 192 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,042 My friend, 193 00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:07,525 we are going to stir up a witch frenzy. 194 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:11,094 Accuse innocent people of consorting with the devil, 195 00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:14,402 give them a quick mock trial, 196 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:17,971 mercilessly burn them at the stake, 197 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,843 and then... Then, 198 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,978 confiscate all their land. 199 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,112 Is that legal? 200 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:31,941 Yes. 201 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:38,818 [PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC] 202 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:49,959 ♪ A pussy's a man's best friend 203 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:56,096 ♪ You can never count on a man 204 00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:03,930 ♪ A pussy's a man's best friend, love 205 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:09,152 ♪ What a comfort to have one in hand 206 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:13,896 ♪ My sweet little pussy 207 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,640 ♪ My sweet little pussy 208 00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:27,040 ♪ Just give me my pussy to pat ♪ 209 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,522 Oh, thank you. 210 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:34,656 It was just something that came to me in bed this morning. 211 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:37,441 Aunt Deliverance, look who's here. 212 00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:40,009 It's Miles, back from Divinity School. 213 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,011 Oh, how do you do? 214 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:44,971 Are you new to Salem? 215 00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:48,104 Aunt Deliverance, you've known Miles since he was a child. 216 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,890 Oh, of course. 217 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,153 Go along with her. Act like we know each other. 218 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,156 MILES: But we do. 219 00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,901 Why don't I fix us a nice pot of tea? 220 00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:05,513 In the meantime, you and Miles can catch up on old times. 221 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,297 What old times? 222 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:12,259 So, Aunt Deliverance, how've you been? 223 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,043 Oh, I'm glad you asked. 224 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:16,959 I had the most wonderful enema this morning. 225 00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:19,614 At first I thought nothing was happening, 226 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,660 and then a low rumble started. 227 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,968 Anyway, I felt this whooshing, and then... 228 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,231 Uh, excuse me, Aunt Deliverance. 229 00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,755 I'm gonna see if Sara might need my help in the kitchen. 230 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:38,067 Sara, what are you doing? 231 00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,461 We were out of kindling. I didn't want to bother you. 232 00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:42,898 Oh, Sara, step aside. 233 00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,335 You could get hurt. 234 00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,946 Oh, Miles. 235 00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,213 [GRUNTING] 236 00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:57,347 [GROANS] 237 00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,010 [GROANING] 238 00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:14,625 Ow! 239 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,901 [HORSE SCREECHES TO A HALT] 240 00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,473 I beg your pardon. 241 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,779 Oh, yes. 242 00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:42,566 I wonder if you could help me. 243 00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,655 My horse seems to have thrown a shoe. 244 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:51,053 Oh, well, to tell you the truth, I don't know much about shoeing a horse. 245 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,055 Oh, neither do I. 246 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,493 I just love the feel of riding a large brute of an animal, 247 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,322 its power surging between my legs, 248 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:04,284 its rippling flesh straining to my every command. 249 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:05,720 [HORSE NEIGHING] 250 00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:09,376 Yeah. 251 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:12,205 By the way, I'm Miles Campbell. 252 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,294 And I, sir, am Faith Stewart. 253 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,036 Oh. Oops! 254 00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,212 How clumsy. 255 00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,387 Allow me. 256 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:28,090 Um, it seems to have gotten stuck under your, uh... 257 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,484 Oh, here, let me help. 258 00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:44,541 Uh, yeah, I have to get back to... 259 00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,195 I've got to get back to my wood. 260 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,719 I've still got a lot of chopping to do. 261 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,899 Looks like you've made quite a bit of progress to me. 262 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,215 I... 263 00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:11,351 [GROANING] 264 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,142 Sara, Sara, are you all right? 265 00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,753 Oh, I think so. 266 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,669 One minute I was awake, and the next minute I... 267 00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,802 Miles! 268 00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,934 Did you do all that? 269 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,022 No. 270 00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:32,589 [THUDS] 271 00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,506 And I don't know who did. 272 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:48,388 [CRYING] 273 00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,957 Was that really necessary, Mummy? 274 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:55,221 Child's play is the devil's workshop. 275 00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,353 [CHATTERING] 276 00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:00,922 The game begins. 277 00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:03,751 Just the man we need, Parson Babcock. 278 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,318 Oh, his mother is with him. 279 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:06,971 I'm getting out of here. Stay right here. 280 00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:08,538 Parson!BABCOCK: Gentlemen. 281 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,497 Good afternoon, Mother Babcock. 282 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,151 And how are we today? 283 00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:13,369 Half dead. 284 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,545 That's nice. 285 00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:19,593 Parson, I was praying that you could give us a few moments of your time. 286 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,423 We have a matter of weighty importance to discuss with you. 287 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,816 It concerns your congregation. 288 00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:29,472 Oh, yes. Well, l know attendance has been down of late. 289 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,214 Only three people last Sunday. 290 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,173 But I do plan to change all that. 291 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,263 As a matter of fact, I've invented a new game. 292 00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,613 Bingo. 293 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,267 Now, you have these little cards with numbers on them... 294 00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,399 Cut the crap. 295 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,967 If you've figured out a way to get more stiffs into that church, 296 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,316 we want to hear about it. 297 00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:49,797 Yes. Yes! 298 00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:51,277 We certainly have. 299 00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:53,453 Now, would you like to discuss it over tea? 300 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:55,585 Fine. Let's all go to our house. 301 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,196 Well, but...Push! 302 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,591 Are we almost there? 303 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:02,897 Yup, just a few more feet. 304 00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:04,420 Whoa! Careful. 305 00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:13,951 Go on, read it. 306 00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,171 MILES: "Madame Dong's House of Rubbers"? 307 00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:18,217 No, silly, that's upstairs. 308 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,696 Read the sign below it. 309 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,351 "Sara's Bakeshop!" 310 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:25,224 Oh, Sara! Sara, you did it! 311 00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:26,312 Your very own shop. 312 00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:28,096 Oh, just think, 313 00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:30,359 someday people all over the land may know Sara Lee 314 00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:33,232 as the one who makes those delicious cakes and pies. 315 00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,885 [GIGGLES] 316 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,236 Do you think I should've used my full name? 317 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,325 What, Sara Lee? 318 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:42,328 Nah, just Sara's fine. 319 00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:45,069 Oh, you know, Sara, this is what America's all about. 320 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:47,855 Having a dream, watching it grow. 321 00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:51,337 Oh, Sara, we're so lucky to be young and in love, 322 00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:52,555 and in Salem. 323 00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:57,038 Witchcraft is a most serious charge. 324 00:20:57,125 --> 00:21:02,478 Ah, but sadly there is much more proof, Parson. 325 00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:05,394 Isn't that right, Mr. Mayor? 326 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:07,744 What? 327 00:21:07,831 --> 00:21:10,660 Why don't you tell the Parson the eerie tale 328 00:21:10,747 --> 00:21:12,619 concerning your brother. 329 00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:20,714 The brother that had 330 00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:25,458 the strange and supernatural experience. 331 00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:32,421 I don't have a brother. 332 00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:38,035 [SLAPPING] 333 00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:43,737 My brother had a strange, supernatural experience. 334 00:21:44,651 --> 00:21:45,652 Uh, 335 00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:50,613 ever since we were little kids, my brother, 336 00:21:52,485 --> 00:21:55,314 well, he always hated lima beans. 337 00:21:57,577 --> 00:22:00,536 And this one night, it was a very scary night, 338 00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,887 there was thunder and lightning 339 00:22:03,974 --> 00:22:05,454 and a full moon! 340 00:22:06,237 --> 00:22:07,674 And my brother, 341 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:11,199 he ate 342 00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:13,897 three helpings of lima beans. 343 00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:19,555 I was so scared, I blacked out! 344 00:22:23,472 --> 00:22:25,953 Yes, well, that is a frightening story. 345 00:22:28,651 --> 00:22:30,523 But I still think, somehow, you'll have a difficult time 346 00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:33,003 convincing the good people of this town 347 00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:35,528 that such evil dwells among them. 348 00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:36,964 JUDGE JOHN: Really, Parson? 349 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,315 Oh, my, 350 00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:44,145 I didn't want to have to submit you to this horror, 351 00:22:44,232 --> 00:22:46,669 but I'm afraid you give me no choice. 352 00:22:47,627 --> 00:22:51,413 This is Mrs. Elizabeth Goodbody, 353 00:22:52,501 --> 00:22:54,242 an innocent young woman 354 00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:58,202 who was demonically transformed into a piece of granite! 355 00:22:58,289 --> 00:22:59,682 Dear God. 356 00:22:59,769 --> 00:23:01,467 I ask you, Parson, 357 00:23:01,554 --> 00:23:05,340 is this to be the fate of the people of our community? 358 00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,342 Do you want to go down in history 359 00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:10,476 as the man who let Salem turn into a quarry? 360 00:23:11,694 --> 00:23:13,000 Well, uh, 361 00:23:14,567 --> 00:23:15,481 no. 362 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,399 Time is running out, Parson. 363 00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:23,837 What are we going to do? 364 00:23:29,625 --> 00:23:30,539 So, 365 00:23:31,932 --> 00:23:34,282 you've finally come to your senses, 366 00:23:35,631 --> 00:23:38,634 come to realize what I've always known, 367 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:41,507 that the sons and daughters of Lucifer 368 00:23:41,594 --> 00:23:43,509 have been allowed to run free in this town 369 00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:45,336 for much too long! 370 00:23:46,773 --> 00:23:51,125 Now is the time for the decent, God-fearing people of this town 371 00:23:51,212 --> 00:23:54,433 to unite and spill the blood of the wicked! 372 00:23:55,999 --> 00:23:58,524 I say we cut out their slimy guts 373 00:23:58,611 --> 00:24:00,569 and burn 'em to a crisp! 374 00:24:05,835 --> 00:24:07,446 NATHANIEL: Faith. 375 00:24:08,621 --> 00:24:09,752 Faith. 376 00:24:11,928 --> 00:24:13,539 Faith! 377 00:24:13,626 --> 00:24:15,932 Your cousin is speaking to you! 378 00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:23,723 Oh, I'm sorry, Abigail. What did you say, darling? 379 00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:27,466 I said, I guess you must find our little town pretty dull 380 00:24:27,553 --> 00:24:29,468 after your life in London. 381 00:24:29,555 --> 00:24:31,339 Oh, not really. 382 00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:36,431 Why, just today I saw something that got me so excited. 383 00:24:39,782 --> 00:24:41,175 Really? 384 00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:44,961 You know, the way you've been shaking 385 00:24:45,048 --> 00:24:47,224 that fancy tail of yours all over town, 386 00:24:47,311 --> 00:24:49,662 it's a wonder you haven't ended up in the stocks! 387 00:24:49,749 --> 00:24:51,925 Nathaniel, Faith is our guest! 388 00:24:53,883 --> 00:24:56,407 NATHANIEL: That reminds me, missy, 389 00:24:56,495 --> 00:25:00,020 just how much longer can we expect the pleasure of your company? 390 00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:03,632 [GASPS] Nathaniel, may I remind you Faith is in mourning. 391 00:25:03,719 --> 00:25:04,590 Ha! 392 00:25:04,677 --> 00:25:05,982 I should hope so! 393 00:25:06,069 --> 00:25:07,984 Seven husbands in two years? 394 00:25:08,071 --> 00:25:10,900 She's jammed more pork than a Salem sausage stuffer! 395 00:25:11,988 --> 00:25:13,903 [NATHANIEL LAUGHING] 396 00:25:15,688 --> 00:25:17,603 Well, I do hope your new room pleases you, Miles. 397 00:25:17,690 --> 00:25:19,648 Oh, yes, yes, Parson. It's just perfect. 398 00:25:19,735 --> 00:25:21,824 Good. Mummy serves breakfast at 5:00 a.m. sharp. 399 00:25:21,911 --> 00:25:23,652 One egg, hardboiled, and a glass of water. 400 00:25:23,739 --> 00:25:25,959 You miss it, you don't eat again till suppertime. 401 00:25:26,046 --> 00:25:27,961 What about lunch? What's lunch? 402 00:25:28,048 --> 00:25:30,572 It's the meal you eat in the middle of the day. 403 00:25:30,659 --> 00:25:32,835 That's funny, Mummy's never mentioned it. 404 00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:45,544 Thank you, Sara. 405 00:25:45,631 --> 00:25:47,589 Well, well, well, what a happy day 406 00:25:47,676 --> 00:25:49,112 this has turned out to be. 407 00:25:49,199 --> 00:25:51,680 Miles has returned triumphant from university, 408 00:25:51,767 --> 00:25:53,987 and our two lovebirds are together again. 409 00:25:54,074 --> 00:25:55,379 I think a toast is in order. 410 00:25:55,466 --> 00:25:56,990 Please, allow me. 411 00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,601 To Sara, 412 00:25:59,688 --> 00:26:02,256 only the sweetest flower in all of Salem. 413 00:26:06,739 --> 00:26:08,349 [SPITS] What happened? 414 00:26:08,436 --> 00:26:10,656 I couldn't help myself! 415 00:26:10,743 --> 00:26:12,527 It was like something had me by the wrist. 416 00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:14,747 MILES: Exactly! 417 00:26:14,834 --> 00:26:17,793 Why, just this very day, the Mayor and Judge John were talking about... 418 00:26:19,795 --> 00:26:20,927 Look! 419 00:26:21,014 --> 00:26:22,929 By the window! A face! 420 00:26:23,756 --> 00:26:25,453 They're gone! 421 00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:26,889 Well, at least you got a good look at them, Parson. 422 00:26:26,976 --> 00:26:28,238 [THUNDER RUMBLING] 423 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:31,633 Dear God! 424 00:26:32,634 --> 00:26:34,505 I've been struck blind! 425 00:26:38,814 --> 00:26:41,948 NEWSBOY: Extra, extra! Get your papers here, sir! 426 00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:45,429 Parson Babcock bewitched, bothered, and bewildered! 427 00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:50,696 Extra, extra! Parson Babcock bewitched, bothered, and bewildered! 428 00:26:50,783 --> 00:26:52,611 [PLAYING HARPSICHORD] 429 00:26:59,792 --> 00:27:01,620 ♪ Salem 430 00:27:04,361 --> 00:27:06,189 ♪ Salem 431 00:27:08,757 --> 00:27:12,152 ♪ I'm so down on my luck 432 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:18,811 ♪ Well, I been blinded by a witch 433 00:27:19,768 --> 00:27:21,814 ♪ And my mama 434 00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:24,207 ♪ She's a mean ol' nasty... ♪ 435 00:27:24,294 --> 00:27:25,687 [KNOCKING ON WINDOW] 436 00:27:25,774 --> 00:27:26,906 MRS. BABCOCK: Hey! Yes? 437 00:27:26,993 --> 00:27:28,081 Come on, you idiot! 438 00:27:28,168 --> 00:27:29,865 Oh, just one moment, please. 439 00:27:29,952 --> 00:27:31,780 Get the lead out, lardass! 440 00:27:31,867 --> 00:27:34,087 I'm coming! The church is packed! 441 00:27:34,174 --> 00:27:35,915 We're gonna make a killing! 442 00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:37,525 [TOLLING] 443 00:27:41,616 --> 00:27:44,184 JUDGE JOHN: This is working out better than I dreamed. 444 00:27:44,271 --> 00:27:47,578 The parson going blind? It's a godsend! 445 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:50,233 [LAUGHING] He actually believes it was a witch! 446 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:51,974 Yes, but what if it was? 447 00:27:52,061 --> 00:27:54,455 Please, don't be a complete idiot. 448 00:27:54,542 --> 00:27:56,457 We made this whole thing up, remember? 449 00:27:56,544 --> 00:27:57,806 I'm not stupid, you know? 450 00:27:57,893 --> 00:28:00,591 There are no such things as witches. 451 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:03,377 Look at those fools, almost praying for us to take away their homes. 452 00:28:03,464 --> 00:28:05,292 Hello. [BOTH EXCLAIM] 453 00:28:06,162 --> 00:28:09,122 Oh! Hello. 454 00:28:09,209 --> 00:28:11,777 I do beg your pardon for my sudden brashness, 455 00:28:11,864 --> 00:28:15,519 but I didn't hear your gentle footsteps coming upon us. 456 00:28:15,606 --> 00:28:17,826 Yeah, you nearly scared the shit out of me. 457 00:28:17,913 --> 00:28:21,700 Please forgive my ill-mannered friend. 458 00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:23,702 He was reared by savages. 459 00:28:24,354 --> 00:28:25,834 How exciting. 460 00:28:26,792 --> 00:28:29,229 Well, listen, if you're not doing anything later, 461 00:28:29,316 --> 00:28:30,839 would you like to drop by my place? 462 00:28:30,926 --> 00:28:33,059 We could have some lovely, delicious, edible... 463 00:28:33,146 --> 00:28:34,887 Mr. Mayor. [EXCLAIMS] Chocolates! 464 00:28:34,974 --> 00:28:36,715 Would you care to accompany 465 00:28:36,802 --> 00:28:38,804 your family to church today? 466 00:28:38,891 --> 00:28:40,719 We've just been talking about chocolates. 467 00:28:41,589 --> 00:28:43,417 What a lovely couple. 468 00:28:43,504 --> 00:28:46,725 Exceeded only by the loveliness of all of you. 469 00:28:46,812 --> 00:28:48,117 Please. 470 00:28:48,204 --> 00:28:49,858 Mind the puddle. 471 00:28:49,945 --> 00:28:50,729 Thank you. 472 00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:01,522 I'm fine! I enjoy this! 473 00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:05,613 So good to be here. 474 00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:07,571 Oh, I'm delighted to see you again. 475 00:29:08,616 --> 00:29:10,270 Parson. 476 00:29:10,357 --> 00:29:11,924 Oh, is that you, Mrs. Fargate? 477 00:29:12,011 --> 00:29:13,186 [EXCLAIMING] 478 00:29:13,273 --> 00:29:15,841 Pay now, pray later! 479 00:29:15,928 --> 00:29:19,845 Mummy, shouldn't we wait till after the services to pass the plate? 480 00:29:19,932 --> 00:29:21,281 This is our best day ever! 481 00:29:21,368 --> 00:29:22,761 We can't afford to take any chances! 482 00:29:23,979 --> 00:29:25,807 Good morning, Parson. 483 00:29:25,894 --> 00:29:27,287 What on earth is this? 484 00:29:27,374 --> 00:29:28,941 It's my pussy. 485 00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:30,812 [EXCLAIMS] SARA: Come along, Aunt Deliverance. 486 00:29:30,899 --> 00:29:32,901 We're holding up the line. 487 00:29:32,988 --> 00:29:34,773 [ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING] 488 00:29:42,693 --> 00:29:43,825 Welcome. Take it, 489 00:29:44,391 --> 00:29:45,784 pass it down. 490 00:29:53,879 --> 00:29:55,402 Hi, Miles. 491 00:29:55,489 --> 00:29:56,795 Oh, I was just looking for you. 492 00:30:02,061 --> 00:30:05,455 What, is he next on your hit list? 493 00:30:05,542 --> 00:30:07,327 Nathaniel, lower your voice, please! 494 00:30:07,414 --> 00:30:08,632 Why? 495 00:30:08,719 --> 00:30:10,069 Why shouldn't the whole town know 496 00:30:10,156 --> 00:30:12,027 what kind of a woman she is? 497 00:30:12,985 --> 00:30:14,900 Nathaniel, you're embarrassing us. 498 00:30:15,509 --> 00:30:16,989 Me? 499 00:30:17,076 --> 00:30:19,905 I have nothing to be embarrassed about! 500 00:30:24,997 --> 00:30:26,433 [FARTING] 501 00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:30,916 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 502 00:30:33,614 --> 00:30:35,703 Nathaniel, please! 503 00:30:35,790 --> 00:30:38,488 [STAMMERS] l can't help myself. 504 00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:42,797 [CONTINUES FARTING] 505 00:30:44,930 --> 00:30:46,322 [RETCHING] 506 00:30:47,541 --> 00:30:49,195 [CONTINUES FARTING] 507 00:31:04,775 --> 00:31:06,038 [HORSES NEIGHING] 508 00:31:09,041 --> 00:31:10,869 [ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING] 509 00:31:16,265 --> 00:31:17,832 [PEOPLE EXCLAIMING] 510 00:31:36,024 --> 00:31:37,243 Good morning. 511 00:31:37,330 --> 00:31:38,897 CONGREGATION: Good Morning. 512 00:31:38,984 --> 00:31:42,204 And what a beautiful morning it is, I might add. 513 00:31:42,291 --> 00:31:45,991 First of all, I would like to thank our organist, Miss Porter, 514 00:31:46,861 --> 00:31:48,123 for the lovely music. 515 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,039 Ah, thank you. 516 00:31:51,126 --> 00:31:52,867 WOMAN: Drunk again. 517 00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:56,958 Today, I have prepared a most important sermon. 518 00:32:00,135 --> 00:32:01,658 Oh. 519 00:32:01,745 --> 00:32:03,747 Here, here. Give it to me. I'll prompt you. 520 00:32:06,141 --> 00:32:08,535 [WHISPERS] "Something evil has come over this town." 521 00:32:08,622 --> 00:32:11,755 Something evil has come over this town. 522 00:32:11,842 --> 00:32:13,061 "Something so unbelievable..." 523 00:32:13,148 --> 00:32:16,108 Something so unbelievable... 524 00:32:16,195 --> 00:32:18,501 "...that I hesitate to speak its name." 525 00:32:18,588 --> 00:32:19,981 ...that I hesitate... 526 00:32:21,504 --> 00:32:23,028 "To speak its name." 527 00:32:23,115 --> 00:32:24,507 To speak... 528 00:32:24,594 --> 00:32:26,074 "Its name." 529 00:32:26,161 --> 00:32:27,249 Its. Name. 530 00:32:27,336 --> 00:32:28,598 Name. 531 00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:30,122 Get on with it, you flaming asshole! 532 00:32:30,209 --> 00:32:32,254 Get on with it, you flaming asshole! 533 00:32:32,341 --> 00:32:34,126 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 534 00:32:40,567 --> 00:32:43,265 He means witchcraft! 535 00:32:44,092 --> 00:32:45,615 [ALL GASPING] 536 00:32:46,138 --> 00:32:48,923 Right now, as I speak, 537 00:32:49,576 --> 00:32:51,317 there are sitting among us 538 00:32:52,318 --> 00:32:54,798 demons from hell! 539 00:32:57,149 --> 00:32:59,934 Posing as your loved ones. 540 00:33:01,283 --> 00:33:02,589 Sisters, 541 00:33:03,155 --> 00:33:04,199 brothers, 542 00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:06,027 fathers, 543 00:33:07,159 --> 00:33:09,117 and mothers. 544 00:33:10,118 --> 00:33:13,034 Here to do Satan's bidding! 545 00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:18,605 We must root them out 546 00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:24,437 and drive them back to the fiery pit 547 00:33:24,524 --> 00:33:26,700 from which they came! 548 00:33:27,483 --> 00:33:29,007 You know what that means? 549 00:33:29,094 --> 00:33:30,443 CONGREGATION: Yes! 550 00:33:31,270 --> 00:33:32,793 Give me a B! 551 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:34,012 ALL: B! 552 00:33:34,099 --> 00:33:35,752 Give me a U! 553 00:33:35,839 --> 00:33:36,840 ALL: U! 554 00:33:36,927 --> 00:33:38,103 Give me an R! 555 00:33:38,190 --> 00:33:39,321 ALL: R! 556 00:33:39,408 --> 00:33:40,409 Give me an N! 557 00:33:40,496 --> 00:33:41,541 ALL: N! 558 00:33:41,628 --> 00:33:43,847 What's that spell? 559 00:33:43,934 --> 00:33:45,023 MAN: Could I buy a vowel? 560 00:33:46,894 --> 00:33:49,201 MRS. BABCOCK: What's that spell? 561 00:33:52,421 --> 00:33:54,641 Oh, come on, give it a shot! 562 00:33:54,728 --> 00:33:57,122 B-U-R-N! 563 00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:03,041 Is it "witch"? 564 00:34:03,128 --> 00:34:05,086 MAN: Yeah!WOMAN 1: Yeah. 565 00:34:07,219 --> 00:34:10,048 No, it's not "witch," you idiot! 566 00:34:10,787 --> 00:34:12,050 WOMAN 2: Nice try. 567 00:34:12,659 --> 00:34:16,141 It's "burn!" 568 00:34:16,228 --> 00:34:18,012 ALL: Oh! 569 00:34:18,099 --> 00:34:19,927 And what are we gonna do? 570 00:34:20,014 --> 00:34:21,233 ALL: Burn! 571 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:22,408 What are we gonna do? 572 00:34:22,495 --> 00:34:23,713 ALL: Burn 'em! 573 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,107 Well, what are you waiting for? 574 00:34:26,194 --> 00:34:31,243 Get out there and barbecue the bastards! 575 00:34:32,026 --> 00:34:33,201 [ALL SHOUTING] 576 00:34:51,567 --> 00:34:53,047 Right here! 577 00:34:54,179 --> 00:34:55,658 This is the place! 578 00:34:56,050 --> 00:34:57,095 Get her! 579 00:35:02,491 --> 00:35:05,146 WOMAN: I'm innocent. No, please! No, no! 580 00:35:07,322 --> 00:35:10,020 Elvira Hutchinson, 581 00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:14,460 you are hereby ordered to stand trial for witchcraft! 582 00:35:14,547 --> 00:35:17,202 I'm innocent! I'm innocent! 583 00:35:17,289 --> 00:35:19,204 Did you say Elvira Hutchinson? 584 00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:20,944 Yes! 585 00:35:21,031 --> 00:35:23,208 Oh, well, I'm Constance Van Buren. 586 00:35:23,686 --> 00:35:24,905 Ah. 587 00:35:24,992 --> 00:35:26,036 Oh... 588 00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:31,520 I know that I speak for everyone 589 00:35:31,607 --> 00:35:34,871 when I offer you our humblest apologies. 590 00:35:34,958 --> 00:35:37,483 Oh, that's all right. 591 00:35:37,570 --> 00:35:40,442 These things happen. 592 00:35:40,529 --> 00:35:44,533 And perhaps I can be of service to you. 593 00:35:44,620 --> 00:35:47,275 I know where the Hutchinson place is! 594 00:35:47,362 --> 00:35:49,016 Follow me! 595 00:35:49,712 --> 00:35:51,192 [CROWD CLAMORING] 596 00:35:54,282 --> 00:35:55,979 CONSTANCE: I swear she's a witch! 597 00:35:56,806 --> 00:35:58,243 What about the trial? 598 00:35:58,330 --> 00:36:00,114 I'm scared. What if they're found innocent? 599 00:36:00,201 --> 00:36:03,204 Oh, no, no, no, no. Not with you defending them. 600 00:36:03,465 --> 00:36:04,771 Stand up. 601 00:36:05,511 --> 00:36:07,165 Raise your right hand. 602 00:36:07,252 --> 00:36:10,429 By the power vested in me, Judge Samuel John, 603 00:36:10,516 --> 00:36:13,171 I hereby appoint you public defender. 604 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,304 Public defender? 605 00:36:16,391 --> 00:36:18,176 You can't do that! I don't know anything about the law! 606 00:36:19,002 --> 00:36:20,221 [LAUGHING] I know. 607 00:36:21,353 --> 00:36:25,313 You, a public defender. 608 00:36:26,619 --> 00:36:28,229 [BOTH LAUGHING] 609 00:36:33,234 --> 00:36:34,714 And you, a judge. 610 00:36:40,372 --> 00:36:41,590 [JUDGE JOHN SLAPPING] 611 00:36:55,996 --> 00:36:57,258 Ah, Mrs. Ogelthorpe. 612 00:36:57,345 --> 00:36:59,042 Come along, girl, it isn't every day 613 00:36:59,129 --> 00:37:02,307 my granddaughter has her 16th birthday. 614 00:37:02,394 --> 00:37:05,310 I really think you're gonna like what I did with this cake. 615 00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:17,104 I designed it especially with you in mind. 616 00:37:22,152 --> 00:37:24,111 Why, it's... 617 00:37:24,198 --> 00:37:25,591 [SCREAMING] 618 00:37:25,678 --> 00:37:26,940 [GASPS] 619 00:37:39,082 --> 00:37:42,651 SARA: And then she screamed, ran out of the shop, and got the mayor. 620 00:37:42,738 --> 00:37:44,305 MILES: What did he do? 621 00:37:44,392 --> 00:37:47,090 He asked me if I could make one for his daughter. 622 00:37:47,177 --> 00:37:48,744 I'm telling you, it happened, Miles. 623 00:37:48,831 --> 00:37:51,094 And then the whole shop changed back. 624 00:37:51,181 --> 00:37:52,487 Are you sure you didn't imagine it? 625 00:37:52,574 --> 00:37:54,359 No, I didn't imagine it! 626 00:37:54,446 --> 00:37:55,969 It really happened! 627 00:37:56,056 --> 00:37:57,927 Oh! It was just awful! 628 00:37:58,014 --> 00:37:59,277 [LAUGHING] 629 00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:01,583 What's so funny? 630 00:38:01,670 --> 00:38:04,325 I was just thinking, I'd sure like to have seen old Mrs. Ogelthorpe's face 631 00:38:04,412 --> 00:38:05,848 when she opened up that cake box 632 00:38:05,935 --> 00:38:08,024 and found that great, big... 633 00:38:08,111 --> 00:38:10,113 Miles, don't you dare! 634 00:38:10,636 --> 00:38:12,333 Okay, I'm sorry. 635 00:38:12,812 --> 00:38:15,075 Miles, I'm scared. 636 00:38:15,162 --> 00:38:17,295 They're gonna start putting people on trial tomorrow, 637 00:38:17,382 --> 00:38:19,122 and I'm afraid something terrible's gonna happen. 638 00:38:19,209 --> 00:38:20,907 Sara, don't worry. 639 00:38:20,994 --> 00:38:23,170 There are laws in this colony that protect people. 640 00:38:23,257 --> 00:38:26,608 Besides, Judge John is far too smart to be taken in by all this hysteria. 641 00:38:26,695 --> 00:38:28,741 You think so? Believe me, Sara, 642 00:38:28,828 --> 00:38:31,309 a few years from now, no one's gonna ever remember 643 00:38:31,396 --> 00:38:33,093 the Salem witch trials. 644 00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:36,488 I hope you're right. 645 00:38:38,098 --> 00:38:39,360 Hey, look. 646 00:38:39,447 --> 00:38:41,014 It's our tree! 647 00:38:41,101 --> 00:38:42,407 Oh, they're still here. 648 00:38:42,494 --> 00:38:44,496 I remember the day we carved them. 649 00:38:46,541 --> 00:38:49,065 I remember something else that day. 650 00:38:49,152 --> 00:38:51,503 It was the first time you ever kissed me. 651 00:38:51,590 --> 00:38:53,374 That's funny, I don't seem to remember that. 652 00:38:57,378 --> 00:38:58,945 Was it something like this? 653 00:39:02,470 --> 00:39:03,645 No. 654 00:39:03,732 --> 00:39:06,082 Well, then how about like this? 655 00:39:10,739 --> 00:39:12,088 Uh-huh. 656 00:39:12,567 --> 00:39:13,699 Sara. 657 00:39:13,786 --> 00:39:15,048 Yes? 658 00:39:15,135 --> 00:39:16,441 Will you have my baby? [GASPS] 659 00:39:16,528 --> 00:39:18,225 [GROANS] 660 00:39:18,312 --> 00:39:20,445 I told you I didn't like it when you talk like that. 661 00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,360 [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] No, Sara, wait! 662 00:39:23,491 --> 00:39:25,667 I meant after we were married. 663 00:39:28,409 --> 00:39:30,977 [PANTING] 664 00:39:31,064 --> 00:39:33,240 You will marry me, won't you, Sara? 665 00:39:35,111 --> 00:39:37,505 Oh, Miles, of course I'll marry you! 666 00:39:37,592 --> 00:39:38,941 [GROANS] 667 00:39:40,203 --> 00:39:42,336 I'm sorry, Miles, did I hurt you? 668 00:39:42,423 --> 00:39:45,078 Oh, I don't know if I'll make a very good husband after today, 669 00:39:45,165 --> 00:39:46,819 but I'll try. 670 00:39:46,906 --> 00:39:49,474 Nonsense, Miles, you'll make a wonderful husband. 671 00:39:49,561 --> 00:39:52,477 And we'll have a wonderful life here in America. 672 00:39:52,564 --> 00:39:55,654 And our children will know what it's like to taste freedom, 673 00:39:55,741 --> 00:40:00,006 to live in a land where everyone has the right to be who they are, 674 00:40:00,093 --> 00:40:03,052 where there is liberty and justice for all! 675 00:40:04,358 --> 00:40:05,620 Guilty! 676 00:40:05,707 --> 00:40:07,013 I second that. 677 00:40:07,100 --> 00:40:08,580 But you're my lawyer! 678 00:40:08,667 --> 00:40:10,277 What? Oh. 679 00:40:10,364 --> 00:40:11,800 [EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST] 680 00:40:11,887 --> 00:40:15,804 Your Honor, I'd like to move for an appeal. 681 00:40:15,891 --> 00:40:17,676 Appeal denied! 682 00:40:18,764 --> 00:40:20,418 Well, we gave it our best shot. 683 00:40:20,505 --> 00:40:22,637 Will the defendant please rise? 684 00:40:25,292 --> 00:40:29,557 Joshua Tupper, you have been found guilty of witchcraft! 685 00:40:30,993 --> 00:40:32,255 However, 686 00:40:33,605 --> 00:40:35,998 since this is your first offense, 687 00:40:36,085 --> 00:40:37,391 I'm going to be lenient. 688 00:40:37,478 --> 00:40:39,524 [CROWD EXCLAIMING IN DISAPPOINTMENT] 689 00:40:41,656 --> 00:40:45,094 I hereby order the accused to be burned at the stake! 690 00:40:45,660 --> 00:40:46,705 No fine. 691 00:40:46,792 --> 00:40:48,576 No! No! 692 00:40:50,230 --> 00:40:51,623 [SCREAMING] 693 00:40:52,624 --> 00:40:53,625 JUDGE JOHN: Everyone, sit down! 694 00:40:53,712 --> 00:40:55,453 Deputy! Where's my deputy? 695 00:40:56,932 --> 00:40:58,934 Deputy Fife reporting for duty, Your Honor. 696 00:40:59,021 --> 00:41:01,633 I'd like some order in this courtroom. 697 00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:02,895 Well, consider it done! 698 00:41:02,982 --> 00:41:04,636 Well, do it. Practically done. 699 00:41:04,723 --> 00:41:05,854 Do it! 700 00:41:05,941 --> 00:41:07,769 All right, calm down! Calm down! 701 00:41:07,856 --> 00:41:11,469 The show is over! O-V-E-R, over! 702 00:41:11,991 --> 00:41:13,296 Quiet! 703 00:41:13,383 --> 00:41:15,473 All right, you asked for it! 704 00:41:17,649 --> 00:41:18,563 [CAWING] 705 00:41:21,435 --> 00:41:23,611 Nip, nip, nip it in the bud! 706 00:41:26,048 --> 00:41:27,528 Good thing I had my bullet. 707 00:41:29,617 --> 00:41:30,705 [PEOPLE SHOUTING] 708 00:41:35,754 --> 00:41:37,407 [SCREAMING] 709 00:41:42,674 --> 00:41:44,023 [WAILING] 710 00:41:46,721 --> 00:41:48,593 Step right up! Test your strength! 711 00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,160 Come on, sir. Get out here and show us what you can do. 712 00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:54,686 [SCREAMING] 713 00:41:59,778 --> 00:42:01,170 Hey, that witch-dunking is great. 714 00:42:01,257 --> 00:42:03,042 Did you try it? 715 00:42:03,129 --> 00:42:06,132 You know, not only are we making a fortune, 716 00:42:06,219 --> 00:42:09,483 but the people are having such a good time. 717 00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:11,180 Hello, Mrs. Johnson! 718 00:42:11,267 --> 00:42:12,747 Hello. 719 00:42:12,834 --> 00:42:14,314 [MRS. JOHNSON SCREAMING] 720 00:42:15,271 --> 00:42:16,708 [GAGGING] 721 00:42:18,274 --> 00:42:20,581 How do they bend her like that? 722 00:42:21,713 --> 00:42:22,757 No idea. 723 00:42:23,932 --> 00:42:26,892 ALL: ♪ Someone's burning, my Lord 724 00:42:28,241 --> 00:42:30,548 ♪ Kumbaya 725 00:42:32,288 --> 00:42:35,727 ♪ Someone's burning, my Lord 726 00:42:36,771 --> 00:42:38,947 ♪ Kumbaya 727 00:42:39,905 --> 00:42:44,736 ♪ Oh, Lord, Kumbaya ♪ 728 00:42:47,913 --> 00:42:49,828 MRS. BABCOCK: Where the hell is everybody? 729 00:42:49,915 --> 00:42:52,308 BABCOCK: Oh, they're all on holiday. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 730 00:42:52,395 --> 00:42:54,310 So what? 731 00:42:54,397 --> 00:42:55,660 Well, I told you, we're having it with the Indians this year, 732 00:42:55,747 --> 00:42:57,879 don't you remember? Indians! 733 00:42:57,966 --> 00:42:59,620 What moron thought that up? 734 00:42:59,707 --> 00:43:02,101 Well, I did. I'm hoping to convert a few. 735 00:43:02,188 --> 00:43:04,103 Well, if you do, maybe we can 736 00:43:04,190 --> 00:43:06,192 throw 'em a few love beads and get 'em to fork over Rhode Island. 737 00:43:06,279 --> 00:43:07,672 [LAUGHING] 738 00:43:07,759 --> 00:43:10,109 Oh, pee-yew! 739 00:43:11,327 --> 00:43:13,329 Oh, you rode me through horse shit! 740 00:43:13,416 --> 00:43:14,635 Sorry, Mummy. 741 00:43:14,722 --> 00:43:16,071 Well, don't just stand there! 742 00:43:16,158 --> 00:43:18,334 Come on, get me to the water pump! 743 00:43:18,421 --> 00:43:20,859 Come on, mush! Mush! [EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST] 744 00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:28,518 The game, my friend, has finally ended. 745 00:43:29,258 --> 00:43:31,652 The last deed is ours, 746 00:43:31,739 --> 00:43:35,525 and the sweet fragrance of victory fills the air! 747 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:36,962 [BOTTLE POPS] [UPTON GROANS] 748 00:43:37,049 --> 00:43:38,616 By this time next week, 749 00:43:38,703 --> 00:43:41,096 our bank in Boston will have sent us the money 750 00:43:41,183 --> 00:43:42,663 to begin construction. 751 00:43:44,796 --> 00:43:47,668 God! I feel so good! 752 00:43:47,755 --> 00:43:51,585 I think I'll go out and have somebody whipped. 753 00:43:51,672 --> 00:43:54,588 No. No, on second thought, 754 00:43:54,675 --> 00:43:56,198 I'll whip them myself. 755 00:43:56,285 --> 00:43:58,026 I could use the exercise. 756 00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:01,726 I trust I can leave you alone. 757 00:44:01,813 --> 00:44:02,944 What? 758 00:44:03,031 --> 00:44:04,293 [THUDDING] 759 00:44:06,034 --> 00:44:07,340 Nothing. 760 00:44:10,909 --> 00:44:12,214 [GRUNTS] 761 00:44:13,825 --> 00:44:16,175 Oh. Oh... 762 00:44:16,871 --> 00:44:17,872 Ah... 763 00:44:19,482 --> 00:44:21,963 Sorry, I didn't hear you come in. 764 00:44:22,050 --> 00:44:23,661 I wanted to surprise you. 765 00:44:23,748 --> 00:44:26,272 Me? Yes, you are the mayor, aren't you? 766 00:44:26,359 --> 00:44:28,361 Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Hmm. 767 00:44:28,448 --> 00:44:30,537 I was just down there on official business. 768 00:44:30,624 --> 00:44:33,845 Ah, yes, well, I too am here on official business. 769 00:44:33,932 --> 00:44:35,673 Thank you. 770 00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,153 There is someone I would like to accuse of witchcraft. 771 00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:42,810 Her name is Sara Lee, the bakeshop girl. I believe she's a witch. 772 00:44:42,897 --> 00:44:45,683 [LAUGHS] Well, she doesn't have any land. 773 00:44:45,770 --> 00:44:49,338 [STAMMERS] I mean, she's just a poor, little orphan girl. 774 00:44:49,425 --> 00:44:51,471 You're not trying to protect her, are you? 775 00:44:51,558 --> 00:44:52,733 Why, people might get the wrong idea 776 00:44:52,820 --> 00:44:54,692 and think that you are a witch. 777 00:44:54,779 --> 00:44:55,954 What? 778 00:44:56,041 --> 00:44:58,826 And you're much too cute to burn. 779 00:44:58,913 --> 00:45:01,133 [LAUGHING] Yes, I am. Mmm-hmm. 780 00:45:01,220 --> 00:45:03,526 Burn? Wait a minute! 781 00:45:03,613 --> 00:45:06,442 They can't burn me! I'm the mayor! 782 00:45:06,529 --> 00:45:07,705 They won't burn me! 783 00:45:12,492 --> 00:45:14,624 I think you'd better read that. 784 00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:15,800 What? 785 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:21,588 It says, "Salem Brick Company." 786 00:45:21,675 --> 00:45:23,372 No, the other side. 787 00:45:25,897 --> 00:45:29,596 [GASPS] "You're next." Me? 788 00:45:29,683 --> 00:45:32,033 Oh, no, [HYPERVENTILATES] that's not possible! 789 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,689 You've gotta help me! Please! I'll do anything you say! 790 00:45:36,777 --> 00:45:37,996 Here, sign this. 791 00:45:38,083 --> 00:45:39,606 Sure. 792 00:45:42,261 --> 00:45:43,741 There. 793 00:45:43,828 --> 00:45:46,352 Oh, you are such a very brave man! 794 00:45:46,439 --> 00:45:49,094 I am? Oh, yes, you are. 795 00:45:49,181 --> 00:45:51,749 And now, I'd better get these papers over to the mob. 796 00:45:51,836 --> 00:45:53,838 Oh, I mean, the committee. [LAUGHS] 797 00:45:53,925 --> 00:45:55,230 Kiss, kiss. 798 00:45:55,970 --> 00:45:57,363 Wait. 799 00:45:58,886 --> 00:46:00,409 I'm not doing anything later. 800 00:46:00,496 --> 00:46:02,760 Mmm, that's right. 801 00:46:07,155 --> 00:46:11,420 [GROWLING] I think she likes me. 802 00:46:11,507 --> 00:46:13,422 [ALL SHOUTING] 803 00:46:16,034 --> 00:46:19,211 Sara! Sara, just get a few things together. 804 00:46:19,298 --> 00:46:21,169 We have got to get out of here! 805 00:46:21,256 --> 00:46:23,911 Miles, what are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere. 806 00:46:23,998 --> 00:46:27,219 They are coming to get you, don't you understand? 807 00:46:27,306 --> 00:46:29,047 You've been named a witch! 808 00:46:29,134 --> 00:46:30,831 Miles, don't be ridiculous. 809 00:46:30,918 --> 00:46:32,833 Everyone in this town knows me. 810 00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,792 [ALL CONTINUE SHOUTING] 811 00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:37,751 Hold it! Hold it! 812 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,843 I've never hurt a soul. These people are my friends. 813 00:46:42,930 --> 00:46:47,500 MAN: Sara Lee, you are hereby ordered to stand trial for witchcraft! 814 00:46:47,587 --> 00:46:49,284 [CROWD SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT] 815 00:46:52,331 --> 00:46:54,637 Oh, look, look, you stay here. 816 00:46:54,724 --> 00:46:57,902 I'll try to talk to them. 817 00:46:57,989 --> 00:47:01,949 People of Salem! People of Salem! Listen to me! Listen to me! 818 00:47:02,036 --> 00:47:05,779 I implore you! Think about what you're about to do! 819 00:47:05,866 --> 00:47:07,781 Now, has there ever been anything about Sara Lee 820 00:47:07,868 --> 00:47:09,827 that was the least bit suspicious? 821 00:47:10,610 --> 00:47:11,959 [CATS MEOWING] 822 00:47:12,046 --> 00:47:13,308 [ALL GASPING] 823 00:47:20,881 --> 00:47:23,623 Wait, wait, wait, wait! I know what you're all thinking. 824 00:47:23,710 --> 00:47:26,060 [STAMMERS] You're thinking you all saw a bunch of black cats 825 00:47:26,147 --> 00:47:27,583 just run out of that house. 826 00:47:27,670 --> 00:47:29,498 [CROWD AGREEING] 827 00:47:29,585 --> 00:47:31,239 Yeah! Yeah, well, that's Sara Lee. She's such a kidder. 828 00:47:32,153 --> 00:47:33,851 [CROWD SHOUTING] 829 00:47:33,938 --> 00:47:35,896 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 830 00:47:36,331 --> 00:47:38,725 I am a man of God, 831 00:47:38,812 --> 00:47:41,380 a graduate of Harvard Divinity School. 832 00:47:41,467 --> 00:47:43,686 Don't you think I'd know a witch if I saw one? 833 00:47:47,690 --> 00:47:49,388 [SCREAMING] 834 00:47:52,043 --> 00:47:55,437 If she's not a witch, then what do you call that? 835 00:47:55,524 --> 00:47:56,961 [CROWD PROTESTING] 836 00:47:57,048 --> 00:47:58,005 A miracle? 837 00:47:59,050 --> 00:48:00,616 Miles? 838 00:48:02,009 --> 00:48:03,576 [EXCLAIMS] 839 00:48:04,446 --> 00:48:05,970 Miles, help me. 840 00:48:07,885 --> 00:48:09,277 Let's get her! 841 00:48:09,364 --> 00:48:10,626 [CROWD AGREEING] 842 00:48:11,149 --> 00:48:13,368 [EXCLAIMING] 843 00:48:20,114 --> 00:48:21,333 No! 844 00:48:26,729 --> 00:48:29,210 MAN: There she is! Get her! 845 00:48:42,049 --> 00:48:43,181 Yeah, come on. 846 00:48:43,964 --> 00:48:45,705 Enjoy it while it lasts. 847 00:48:45,792 --> 00:48:47,315 Come Thanksgiving... [EXCLAIMS] 848 00:48:48,708 --> 00:48:50,144 [LAUGHS] 849 00:48:54,148 --> 00:48:55,976 [FARTING] 850 00:48:58,022 --> 00:48:59,632 Just a minute. 851 00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,895 I'd like to have a word with you. 852 00:49:03,244 --> 00:49:05,116 I'm sure Abigail needs my help with dinner. 853 00:49:05,203 --> 00:49:09,120 Uh, she's not home. It's just the two of us. 854 00:49:09,207 --> 00:49:11,426 I'm really not in the mood for this, Nathaniel. 855 00:49:11,513 --> 00:49:13,515 Oh, who are you kidding? 856 00:49:13,602 --> 00:49:16,736 You've been after me since the day you walked in this front door. 857 00:49:16,823 --> 00:49:18,390 Get out of my way. 858 00:49:18,477 --> 00:49:21,697 Oh, come on! I've seen the way you look at me. 859 00:49:21,784 --> 00:49:25,353 Now look, a real man like me is kind of hard to resist. 860 00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:29,662 Come on. Come on, I never met a bird yet I couldn't have. 861 00:49:41,891 --> 00:49:43,067 Oh, my God. 862 00:49:44,459 --> 00:49:45,983 You're beautiful! 863 00:49:49,203 --> 00:49:51,684 Are you alone or with someone? 864 00:49:51,771 --> 00:49:54,861 My name's Nathaniel. I'm an Aries. 865 00:49:56,689 --> 00:49:58,952 Oh, what a tail. Oh! 866 00:50:01,172 --> 00:50:04,044 I demand to see her! We're engaged! Have you no heart? 867 00:50:04,131 --> 00:50:07,178 No visitors. Judge's orders! 868 00:50:07,265 --> 00:50:09,615 That's the last time I'm telling you! 869 00:50:15,664 --> 00:50:17,579 [BELL RINGING] 870 00:50:18,667 --> 00:50:23,107 8:00 and all's well! 871 00:50:23,194 --> 00:50:25,152 [BOTH ARGUING] 872 00:50:28,547 --> 00:50:31,593 8:00 and all's... 873 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:33,682 [WOMAN SCREAMING] [GUN FIRES] 874 00:50:33,769 --> 00:50:34,901 ...well! 875 00:50:37,295 --> 00:50:41,125 8:00 and all's well! 876 00:50:41,212 --> 00:50:44,911 WOMAN: It's 8:05, you asshole! 877 00:50:44,998 --> 00:50:48,697 TOWN CRIER: 8:05 and all's well! 878 00:50:54,051 --> 00:50:56,096 [COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING] 879 00:50:59,186 --> 00:51:02,059 [PEOPLE CHATTERING] 880 00:51:15,333 --> 00:51:19,163 Come on, don't be gentle! Use force! 881 00:51:19,250 --> 00:51:20,773 Use the vegetables! 882 00:51:27,301 --> 00:51:30,565 Bruises, I want to see bruises! 883 00:51:30,652 --> 00:51:33,046 A bottle of champagne, and make it the best you got. 884 00:51:36,223 --> 00:51:37,833 [LAUGHS] 885 00:51:40,271 --> 00:51:42,186 Hello, lovey. 886 00:51:42,273 --> 00:51:45,580 Widow Chastity! I was just thinking about you. 887 00:51:45,667 --> 00:51:49,193 I'm sure you were. And I bet you was thinkin', 888 00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,934 "I wish Widow Chastity were here, 889 00:51:52,021 --> 00:51:55,112 "so I could pay back all my gambling debts 890 00:51:55,199 --> 00:51:57,592 "and have myself a little peace of mind." 891 00:51:57,679 --> 00:52:00,943 Uh, well, not exactly, but, uh... 892 00:52:01,030 --> 00:52:02,989 But you'll get your money back, I promise. 893 00:52:03,076 --> 00:52:05,818 [LAUGHS] You said that the last time. 894 00:52:05,905 --> 00:52:09,561 I did? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I was lying that time. 895 00:52:09,648 --> 00:52:11,476 [BOTH LAUGHING] 896 00:52:11,563 --> 00:52:13,913 It's not nice to lie to people. 897 00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:15,219 I know. 898 00:52:15,306 --> 00:52:17,221 Someone's feelings could get hurt. 899 00:52:17,308 --> 00:52:19,614 [GROANING] Okay. 900 00:52:19,701 --> 00:52:21,790 [STAMMERS] Listen, you'll get the money. 901 00:52:21,877 --> 00:52:23,575 The judge and I, we got a big scheme cooked up. 902 00:52:23,662 --> 00:52:25,359 We're gonna make a lot of money! Ah! 903 00:52:25,446 --> 00:52:30,234 Well, you tell the widow lady all about it, lovey. 904 00:52:30,321 --> 00:52:31,887 [BOTH ARGUING] 905 00:52:37,676 --> 00:52:39,808 [GROANS] I swear it's the truth. 906 00:52:39,895 --> 00:52:41,245 I got the deeds back at my house. 907 00:52:41,332 --> 00:52:43,290 If you like, we could cut you in. 908 00:52:43,377 --> 00:52:46,685 Oh, well, that's very nice of you, dear. 909 00:52:46,772 --> 00:52:47,903 [GROANS] 910 00:52:47,990 --> 00:52:49,557 I shall give that some thought. 911 00:52:49,644 --> 00:52:51,603 [GRUNTING] There go my piano lessons. 912 00:52:54,127 --> 00:52:55,998 This one's on the house, lovey. 913 00:52:56,085 --> 00:52:59,872 Oh, thanks.But you make sure they don't burn me. 914 00:52:59,959 --> 00:53:04,355 Don't worry about it. The burnings are over. Sara Lee's the last one. 915 00:53:04,442 --> 00:53:06,487 They're gonna burn Sara Lee? 916 00:53:06,574 --> 00:53:09,229 Yeah. What's your problem? What is she, your daughter or something? 917 00:53:09,316 --> 00:53:10,970 [LAUGHING] JUDGE JOHN: Put me down! 918 00:53:11,057 --> 00:53:12,319 Whoa, look out! 919 00:53:16,367 --> 00:53:19,326 JUDGE JOHN: Did you see that? Did you see that? She did it again! 920 00:53:24,462 --> 00:53:27,682 That little blonde is tough. 921 00:53:31,469 --> 00:53:33,819 Nathaniel, supper's ready! 922 00:53:33,906 --> 00:53:35,908 [TURKEYS GOBBLING] 923 00:53:35,995 --> 00:53:37,214 Nathaniel? 924 00:53:41,261 --> 00:53:44,177 NATHANIEL: I just want you to know this isn't a one-night stand. 925 00:53:49,661 --> 00:53:52,533 You know, I just can't take this sneaking around. 926 00:53:53,795 --> 00:53:55,797 We've just... We've just gotta tell her. 927 00:53:56,798 --> 00:53:59,018 We've just gotta tell her. 928 00:53:59,105 --> 00:54:00,672 [GOBBLES] 929 00:54:00,759 --> 00:54:02,195 We've gotta. 930 00:54:07,592 --> 00:54:10,334 [ALL CHATTERING] 931 00:54:20,648 --> 00:54:22,433 There. 932 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,870 Now everyone will know who you are. 933 00:54:24,957 --> 00:54:27,438 Ah, honored brothers, 934 00:54:27,525 --> 00:54:30,267 we want you to eat, drink, and be merry. 935 00:54:30,354 --> 00:54:33,922 And please remember, everyone here is your friend. 936 00:54:37,665 --> 00:54:41,278 [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] 937 00:54:52,985 --> 00:54:54,769 [CHANTING] 938 00:54:57,511 --> 00:54:59,557 BABCOCK: Everyone, please be seated. 939 00:54:59,644 --> 00:55:01,472 Let's begin our special meal. 940 00:55:04,213 --> 00:55:07,434 Before we begin, please... 941 00:55:08,609 --> 00:55:10,785 Let's give thanks to our Lord. 942 00:55:14,223 --> 00:55:15,529 In the beginning, 943 00:55:17,575 --> 00:55:19,490 God created the Earth. 944 00:55:20,447 --> 00:55:22,841 [CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE] 945 00:55:25,931 --> 00:55:27,411 What is he doing? 946 00:55:27,498 --> 00:55:30,892 He's holding up a pipe, and our damn dinner! 947 00:55:32,546 --> 00:55:35,984 Ah, I think what our red brother wants us to do 948 00:55:36,071 --> 00:55:38,247 is to smoke the pipe of peace with him. 949 00:55:44,123 --> 00:55:45,994 [COUGHS] 950 00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:49,476 [INHALES] 951 00:55:50,608 --> 00:55:52,305 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 952 00:55:52,392 --> 00:55:54,263 Oh, I get it. 953 00:55:54,351 --> 00:55:58,659 What he wants us to do is to take a puff, hold the smoke in. 954 00:55:58,746 --> 00:56:01,923 Obviously, it's a symbol of one's inner strength. 955 00:56:02,010 --> 00:56:06,058 Oh, here, give me that! I'll show you inner strength. 956 00:56:18,679 --> 00:56:20,507 [BOTH EXCLAIMING] 957 00:56:31,431 --> 00:56:32,389 Happy Thanksgiving. 958 00:56:34,478 --> 00:56:36,262 Pew! What is this? 959 00:56:36,349 --> 00:56:38,395 Same thing we served last Thanksgiving. 960 00:56:38,482 --> 00:56:40,440 The very same thing! [LAUGHING] 961 00:56:41,485 --> 00:56:42,877 Ugh! 962 00:56:45,053 --> 00:56:46,925 [CROWD WHOOPING] 963 00:56:48,013 --> 00:56:49,884 [LOUIE LOUIEPLAYING] 964 00:57:14,256 --> 00:57:16,868 I sure hope the Parson doesn't make it rain in here. 965 00:57:16,955 --> 00:57:19,479 [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] 966 00:57:33,624 --> 00:57:36,191 I think you're right. 967 00:57:36,278 --> 00:57:39,107 Oh, I gotta get this food over to Sara. She's probably starving. 968 00:57:39,194 --> 00:57:41,501 Uh, bye. 969 00:57:48,987 --> 00:57:50,467 So long, Chief. 970 00:57:50,554 --> 00:57:52,381 [SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE] 971 00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,515 You just say when, Chief. I know how! 972 00:57:55,602 --> 00:57:57,778 [EXCLAIMS] 973 00:57:59,127 --> 00:58:01,260 MILES: Psst! Sara. Sara, it's me. 974 00:58:01,347 --> 00:58:04,393 Oh, Miles, I'm so glad to see you. 975 00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:06,134 Oh, Sara, are you all right? 976 00:58:06,221 --> 00:58:08,397 No. What's the matter? 977 00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,138 I'm in jail. 978 00:58:10,225 --> 00:58:12,924 Oh. Well, besides that, are you all right? 979 00:58:13,011 --> 00:58:16,580 I guess so. Miles, what am I gonna do? 980 00:58:16,667 --> 00:58:18,582 I don't know. 981 00:58:18,669 --> 00:58:21,323 But there's gotta be a way here to prove that you're innocent. 982 00:58:21,410 --> 00:58:22,803 You are innocent, aren't you? 983 00:58:23,587 --> 00:58:25,676 Of course I am! 984 00:58:25,763 --> 00:58:29,549 I can't explain what happened at the house, but I didn't do it! 985 00:58:29,636 --> 00:58:32,552 Please believe me. Oh, Sara, I believe you. 986 00:58:32,639 --> 00:58:35,381 Things are just not what they seem to be. 987 00:58:35,468 --> 00:58:38,471 Maybe all the others were innocent, too. 988 00:58:38,558 --> 00:58:40,821 Well, I'm not gonna rest until I find out the truth. 989 00:58:40,908 --> 00:58:42,606 No matter how long it takes. 990 00:58:42,693 --> 00:58:44,651 You've only got 36 hours. 991 00:58:44,738 --> 00:58:46,653 Wow, I better get going. 992 00:58:46,740 --> 00:58:48,742 Oh, wait a minute. 993 00:58:48,829 --> 00:58:51,049 Here. It's turkey. 994 00:58:52,746 --> 00:58:53,965 Miles? Yes? 995 00:58:54,487 --> 00:58:55,836 I love you. 996 00:58:55,923 --> 00:58:57,577 Oh, I love you, too, Sara. 997 00:59:02,887 --> 00:59:04,758 Abigail. 998 00:59:04,845 --> 00:59:06,804 There's something [STAMMERING] I gotta tell you, 999 00:59:06,891 --> 00:59:09,676 and I can't keep it from you any longer. 1000 00:59:09,763 --> 00:59:12,636 Now, Nathaniel, you just sit right down here, 1001 00:59:12,723 --> 00:59:14,507 and you get ready to eat, 1002 00:59:14,594 --> 00:59:16,988 and we can discuss it over dinner. [LAUGHS] 1003 00:59:17,858 --> 00:59:19,730 Thank you, dear. 1004 00:59:19,817 --> 00:59:24,038 You know, there's a good luck story attached to this dinner. 1005 00:59:25,213 --> 00:59:26,737 You won't believe it, 1006 00:59:26,824 --> 00:59:29,174 but this bird was wearing a diamond ring 1007 00:59:29,261 --> 00:59:31,002 when I chopped its head off. 1008 00:59:31,785 --> 00:59:33,918 [SCREAMING] 1009 00:59:38,618 --> 00:59:39,837 Nathaniel? 1010 00:59:41,795 --> 00:59:44,015 Nathaniel, there's plenty for everyone. 1011 00:59:44,842 --> 00:59:46,757 [CRASHING] 1012 00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:53,633 [ABIGAIL CRYING] 1013 00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:55,722 BABCOCK: This was a good man. 1014 00:59:55,809 --> 00:59:59,508 He was kind and generous. 1015 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:02,729 He was loving and hard-working. 1016 01:00:02,816 --> 01:00:04,731 [SOBBING] 1017 01:00:04,818 --> 01:00:08,474 Miles, can you come by the house tonight? I must see you. 1018 01:00:08,561 --> 01:00:10,302 It could save Sara's life. 1019 01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,088 All right. If it's that important, I'll be there. 1020 01:00:14,393 --> 01:00:15,829 Shh! 1021 01:00:15,916 --> 01:00:20,965 He was our strength. He was our inspiration. 1022 01:00:21,052 --> 01:00:26,013 And we will all sorely miss our old dear friend, 1023 01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:27,667 Milton Crabtree. 1024 01:00:27,754 --> 01:00:29,756 What? 1025 01:00:29,843 --> 01:00:31,758 This is the Baxter funeral! 1026 01:00:31,845 --> 01:00:34,065 You know, the degenerate with the turkey! 1027 01:00:34,152 --> 01:00:36,502 [SOBBING] 1028 01:00:36,589 --> 01:00:41,768 Uh, may we please have a moment of silence now for Nathaniel? 1029 01:00:42,900 --> 01:00:44,684 [ABIGAIL BLOWING NOSE] 1030 01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:57,958 Thank you. 1031 01:01:01,832 --> 01:01:04,008 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1032 01:01:10,841 --> 01:01:11,842 Oh! 1033 01:01:12,712 --> 01:01:14,061 [BARKING] 1034 01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:18,065 Oh, my God! Help me! 1035 01:01:18,152 --> 01:01:21,721 My pussy! My pussy! Oh! Somebody grab my pussy! 1036 01:01:21,808 --> 01:01:23,592 Madam, please! 1037 01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:25,682 Don't just stand there! Somebody grab that woman's pussy! 1038 01:01:28,859 --> 01:01:30,382 Help! 1039 01:01:31,949 --> 01:01:33,385 [CAT SHRIEKING] 1040 01:01:34,125 --> 01:01:35,474 [EXCLAIMS] 1041 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:39,696 [SCREAMING] 1042 01:01:55,537 --> 01:01:57,452 [EXCLAIMS] Get off me! 1043 01:01:58,845 --> 01:02:02,240 Stop! Stop! You damn dog, I'm gonna break your legs! 1044 01:02:02,327 --> 01:02:03,415 Stop, I'll kill you! 1045 01:02:07,854 --> 01:02:09,813 Oh, no! 1046 01:02:11,989 --> 01:02:13,033 [SCREAMING] 1047 01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:21,868 Parson. Parson. Parson, are you hurt? 1048 01:02:21,955 --> 01:02:25,393 Miles, I believe I understand the true meaning of Easter. 1049 01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:27,613 Where is Mummy? Is she all right? 1050 01:02:27,700 --> 01:02:31,182 Well, it's hard to tell. No one will get close enough to examine her. 1051 01:02:31,269 --> 01:02:33,140 Miles Campbell? Yes. 1052 01:02:33,227 --> 01:02:35,316 I must speak to you. Alone. 1053 01:02:35,403 --> 01:02:37,405 [GASPS] Widow Chastity! 1054 01:02:37,492 --> 01:02:41,801 I have certain inside information concerning Sara Lee. 1055 01:02:41,888 --> 01:02:43,847 Oh, did you say Sara Lee? 1056 01:02:43,934 --> 01:02:45,718 WIDOW CHASTITY: I'm sorry, this is strictly confidential. 1057 01:02:45,805 --> 01:02:47,676 MILES: No, no, you may speak freely in front of the parson. 1058 01:02:47,764 --> 01:02:49,678 Why, he'd risk his very life to save Sara. 1059 01:02:49,766 --> 01:02:51,158 Yes. But did I say that? 1060 01:02:51,245 --> 01:02:52,943 I mean, certainly I'd pray for her, 1061 01:02:53,030 --> 01:02:54,771 and I wish her all the luck in the world... 1062 01:02:54,858 --> 01:02:57,686 Parson, please, we don't have time! 1063 01:02:57,774 --> 01:03:00,689 The information I have could cost us all our lives. 1064 01:03:00,777 --> 01:03:02,822 Now, let's start walking. 1065 01:03:02,909 --> 01:03:04,911 We don't want to draw attention to ourselves. 1066 01:03:05,564 --> 01:03:07,479 [WIDOW CHASTITY WHISPERING] 1067 01:03:12,919 --> 01:03:17,097 Miles? Oh. Mayor Upton. 1068 01:03:17,184 --> 01:03:18,620 Sara. 1069 01:03:18,707 --> 01:03:19,970 What are you doing here? 1070 01:03:20,057 --> 01:03:21,885 As public defender, it is my duty 1071 01:03:21,972 --> 01:03:24,017 to plead your case at tomorrow's trial. 1072 01:03:24,104 --> 01:03:27,978 Now, I'll do everything in my power to get you off, 1073 01:03:28,065 --> 01:03:30,894 but first I must ask you to sign this. 1074 01:03:34,027 --> 01:03:36,029 But this is a confession. 1075 01:03:36,116 --> 01:03:39,990 What? It's impossible! "I do hereby confess." 1076 01:03:40,947 --> 01:03:43,732 Yes, it is a confession. 1077 01:03:43,820 --> 01:03:46,910 These legal matters are beyond both of our understanding. 1078 01:03:46,997 --> 01:03:48,694 But sometimes a signed confession 1079 01:03:48,781 --> 01:03:51,088 could be instrumental in proving one's innocence. 1080 01:03:51,566 --> 01:03:53,307 Sign. 1081 01:03:53,394 --> 01:03:55,875 Mayor Upton, are you sure you know what you're doing? 1082 01:03:55,962 --> 01:03:59,096 My life depends on your defense. 1083 01:03:59,183 --> 01:04:01,750 Well, of course I know what I'm doing. 1084 01:04:01,838 --> 01:04:03,665 I've done dozens of these cases. 1085 01:04:04,797 --> 01:04:07,104 But you've lost every one of them. 1086 01:04:07,191 --> 01:04:10,324 That's true. That's true, I have. 1087 01:04:10,411 --> 01:04:12,892 But then, odds are, I have a win coming up! 1088 01:04:14,024 --> 01:04:15,982 [CROWD SHOUTING] 1089 01:04:17,157 --> 01:04:20,944 Mayor Upton, I really am innocent. 1090 01:04:21,031 --> 01:04:22,859 Oh, yes, yes, I know. 1091 01:04:22,946 --> 01:04:25,731 And there isn't a single person in town who doubts that. 1092 01:04:25,818 --> 01:04:27,864 MAN: Burn the witch! 1093 01:04:27,951 --> 01:04:29,996 ALL: Burn her! Burn her! 1094 01:04:35,045 --> 01:04:36,873 [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] 1095 01:04:42,791 --> 01:04:44,402 You said you found a way to save Sara. 1096 01:04:44,489 --> 01:04:46,708 FAITH: Oh, yes. Please come in. 1097 01:04:48,232 --> 01:04:51,626 [DOOR LOCKING] 1098 01:04:57,806 --> 01:05:00,897 [HAMMERING NAILS] 1099 01:05:02,420 --> 01:05:04,335 I've been waiting for you. 1100 01:05:04,422 --> 01:05:06,076 MILES: It's awfully hot in here. 1101 01:05:06,163 --> 01:05:07,773 You mind if I open a window? 1102 01:05:09,296 --> 01:05:11,081 [THUNDER CLAPPING] 1103 01:05:12,082 --> 01:05:13,083 [GASPS] 1104 01:05:17,217 --> 01:05:22,309 Sara! Sara! Always Sara! 1105 01:05:22,396 --> 01:05:25,225 Do you think Sara could ever look like this? 1106 01:05:26,835 --> 01:05:29,360 Well, maybe with a little makeup and the right clothes? 1107 01:05:29,447 --> 01:05:30,927 Enough! 1108 01:05:32,624 --> 01:05:36,933 Tonight, I'm going to make you forget Sara was ever born. 1109 01:05:39,326 --> 01:05:40,414 Come. 1110 01:05:44,462 --> 01:05:46,116 Come to me, Miles. 1111 01:05:47,334 --> 01:05:49,032 Holy shit! 1112 01:05:49,119 --> 01:05:51,556 Come give your love to me. 1113 01:05:51,643 --> 01:05:53,471 [PANTING] 1114 01:05:53,558 --> 01:05:54,733 Give it to me. 1115 01:05:56,169 --> 01:05:58,955 Give it to me. I demand it. 1116 01:05:59,042 --> 01:06:00,608 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 1117 01:06:00,695 --> 01:06:04,047 Faith? Is everything all right? 1118 01:06:04,134 --> 01:06:06,919 Oh, yes, Abigail. Everything is fine. 1119 01:06:07,006 --> 01:06:10,009 [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] I was just reading the Bible. 1120 01:06:10,096 --> 01:06:13,143 Oh. Well... 1121 01:06:13,230 --> 01:06:16,015 Nightie-night. Nightie-night. 1122 01:06:19,236 --> 01:06:21,629 FAITH: Come to me, Miles. Give it to me. 1123 01:06:21,716 --> 01:06:22,804 Give it to me.[SHOUTS] 1124 01:06:30,073 --> 01:06:32,118 [PANTING] 1125 01:06:32,205 --> 01:06:33,685 [WHISPERING] Oh, Parson. Parson. 1126 01:06:33,772 --> 01:06:35,774 [WHISPERING] Miles, is that you? 1127 01:06:35,861 --> 01:06:37,950 I'm so sorry I'm late, but you don't know what I've been through. 1128 01:06:38,037 --> 01:06:39,430 That's fine. You'll tell me later. 1129 01:06:39,517 --> 01:06:41,475 Miles, what are you wearing? 1130 01:06:41,562 --> 01:06:43,782 It's an apron. I stole it off a clothesline. 1131 01:06:43,869 --> 01:06:47,003 Good grief, man! Remind me to raise your salary. 1132 01:06:47,090 --> 01:06:48,613 Well, looks like everyone's asleep. 1133 01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:51,094 Now listen to me. Priscilla knows everything. 1134 01:06:51,181 --> 01:06:53,357 Priscilla! Shh. 1135 01:06:53,444 --> 01:06:57,013 We have her allegiance. She said she has left the window open. 1136 01:06:57,100 --> 01:06:59,319 Wait a minute. She knows we're doing this? 1137 01:06:59,406 --> 01:07:01,365 [STAMMERS] But Priscilla's the mayor's wife! 1138 01:07:01,452 --> 01:07:05,630 Yes, she is. But she's also the parson's girlfriend. 1139 01:07:05,717 --> 01:07:08,154 Now, please, help with the window. 1140 01:07:09,329 --> 01:07:10,896 Okay. 1141 01:07:14,117 --> 01:07:15,509 Miles, look out. [GRUNTS] 1142 01:07:15,596 --> 01:07:17,033 [CRASHING] 1143 01:07:19,122 --> 01:07:20,036 What was that? 1144 01:07:22,212 --> 01:07:23,126 Oh! Get up! 1145 01:07:24,214 --> 01:07:26,433 It's nothing! Go back to sleep! 1146 01:07:31,569 --> 01:07:33,962 Okay, where do you think the study is? 1147 01:07:34,050 --> 01:07:35,181 Oh, I think it's this way. 1148 01:07:36,704 --> 01:07:38,010 Parson! 1149 01:07:38,097 --> 01:07:39,055 [POTS CLANGING] 1150 01:07:39,142 --> 01:07:40,273 Perhaps it's this way. 1151 01:07:43,146 --> 01:07:44,756 Quiet! Quiet! 1152 01:07:46,192 --> 01:07:48,238 That was definitely something! 1153 01:07:48,325 --> 01:07:50,240 What was something? 1154 01:07:51,284 --> 01:07:52,459 It's on your foot! 1155 01:07:53,417 --> 01:07:54,635 That! 1156 01:07:57,247 --> 01:07:59,292 [BOTH GROANING] 1157 01:07:59,379 --> 01:08:01,860 Didn't you hear that? 1158 01:08:01,947 --> 01:08:04,950 There's someone in this house! I'm getting my guns! 1159 01:08:07,518 --> 01:08:11,043 [WHISPERING] Now be quiet. Follow me. 1160 01:08:21,184 --> 01:08:22,794 [CLATTERING] 1161 01:08:31,716 --> 01:08:32,978 Parson? Yes? [SCREAMS] 1162 01:08:35,459 --> 01:08:36,764 Shh. 1163 01:08:47,384 --> 01:08:48,646 This is it! 1164 01:08:48,733 --> 01:08:49,908 We're going to die! 1165 01:08:51,301 --> 01:08:53,259 No. This is it. 1166 01:08:53,346 --> 01:08:55,740 It's a scale model of that Puritan Village, 1167 01:08:55,827 --> 01:08:57,394 the one Widow Chastity told us about. 1168 01:08:57,481 --> 01:08:59,309 Oh, good, good. Now all we have to do 1169 01:08:59,396 --> 01:09:01,049 is find some proof to take with us. 1170 01:09:01,137 --> 01:09:04,444 Here, hold this. And stand over here. 1171 01:09:06,925 --> 01:09:08,622 I'm gonna look around. 1172 01:09:15,368 --> 01:09:16,891 Maybe I should go for help. 1173 01:09:16,978 --> 01:09:20,678 Not yet. I'm sure there's nobody in there! 1174 01:09:20,765 --> 01:09:23,246 Miles, hurry, somebody's coming! 1175 01:09:23,333 --> 01:09:25,204 Oh, I've looked everywhere! 1176 01:09:27,467 --> 01:09:29,904 Parson! You found it! 1177 01:09:29,991 --> 01:09:31,297 What? 1178 01:09:34,213 --> 01:09:35,867 BELINDA: What's going on? 1179 01:09:37,564 --> 01:09:39,740 Nyah, nyah, you missed me. 1180 01:09:39,827 --> 01:09:41,655 Have some respect for your elders. 1181 01:09:42,352 --> 01:09:44,267 [BELINDA SCREAMS] 1182 01:09:44,354 --> 01:09:46,443 That's what happens when cousins marry. 1183 01:09:56,627 --> 01:09:58,281 It seems to be stuck. 1184 01:09:58,368 --> 01:10:01,066 What? That's impossible! Here, let me try. 1185 01:10:10,467 --> 01:10:12,382 See, I told you it was nothing. 1186 01:10:12,469 --> 01:10:14,471 Now can we go back to bed? 1187 01:10:14,558 --> 01:10:17,082 [MOCKINGLY] "Now can we go back to bed? Now can we go back to bed?" 1188 01:10:18,475 --> 01:10:21,521 All rise for the Honorable Judge John. 1189 01:10:24,655 --> 01:10:25,960 Good morning, Your Honor. 1190 01:10:26,047 --> 01:10:27,223 Be seated. 1191 01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:29,094 There you go. 1192 01:10:29,181 --> 01:10:31,401 This court is now in session. 1193 01:10:34,142 --> 01:10:37,537 I have before me the charge of witchcraft 1194 01:10:37,624 --> 01:10:41,454 in the case of the Colony of Massachusetts Bay v. Sara Lee. 1195 01:10:41,541 --> 01:10:43,282 [CROWD CHATTERING] 1196 01:10:43,369 --> 01:10:45,110 JUDGE JOHN: Sara Lee, 1197 01:10:45,197 --> 01:10:47,330 under the laws of this colony, my dear, 1198 01:10:47,417 --> 01:10:50,028 you will be judged fairly by a jury of your peers. 1199 01:10:51,072 --> 01:10:52,596 Thank you, Your Honor. 1200 01:10:58,819 --> 01:11:00,952 [JUDGE JOHN BANGS GAVEL] 1201 01:11:01,039 --> 01:11:04,390 [BREATHES DEEPLY] Does the counsel for the defense have anything to say? 1202 01:11:04,477 --> 01:11:06,653 Yes, Your Honor. 1203 01:11:06,740 --> 01:11:11,310 Uh, the defense intends to prove that my client is innocent of all charges. 1204 01:11:11,397 --> 01:11:13,051 [AUDIENCE PROTESTING] 1205 01:11:15,706 --> 01:11:17,795 Does the prosecution have a statement? 1206 01:11:20,841 --> 01:11:22,365 Yes, Your Honor. 1207 01:11:22,452 --> 01:11:25,324 The prosecution intends to prove, 1208 01:11:25,411 --> 01:11:28,284 beyond a shadow of a doubt, 1209 01:11:28,371 --> 01:11:30,198 that Sara Lee is guilty of witchcraft! 1210 01:11:30,286 --> 01:11:32,026 [AUDIENCE CHEERS RAUCOUSLY] 1211 01:11:36,030 --> 01:11:37,510 [BANGING GAVEL] 1212 01:11:41,514 --> 01:11:45,997 Order. Order in the court. Ladies and gentlemen, please. 1213 01:11:46,084 --> 01:11:51,045 Now then, let's begin with the prosecution. Call your first witness. 1214 01:11:51,132 --> 01:11:53,396 Mother, you today are just too much for me. 1215 01:11:53,483 --> 01:11:55,528 [GRUNTING] God help us. 1216 01:11:55,615 --> 01:11:58,401 [GRUNTS] So heavy. Dear God, do you have the dog in there with you? 1217 01:11:58,488 --> 01:12:00,490 Oh, I can't let Miles down. 1218 01:12:00,577 --> 01:12:02,405 Oh, Mummy, how could you let me oversleep? 1219 01:12:02,492 --> 01:12:05,495 [NECK CRACKING]Oh, oh, oh. 1220 01:12:05,582 --> 01:12:07,714 Wait right here. Wait right here. [GROANING] 1221 01:12:07,801 --> 01:12:10,848 [PANTING] Oh, oh. I'm coming, Miles. 1222 01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:12,328 Don't you worry. I am coming. 1223 01:12:13,503 --> 01:12:16,723 Parson! Parson, over here! 1224 01:12:16,810 --> 01:12:18,508 Order in this court. Settle down. 1225 01:12:20,205 --> 01:12:21,467 Where is she? 1226 01:12:21,554 --> 01:12:22,468 Shh! 1227 01:12:24,252 --> 01:12:27,691 All right, Mrs. Johnson, will you continue, please? 1228 01:12:27,778 --> 01:12:29,345 Thank you, Your Honor. 1229 01:12:30,781 --> 01:12:32,478 [WHISPERS] She's a witch, all right.[PEOPLE GASPING] 1230 01:12:32,565 --> 01:12:36,917 I saw her, clear as day, call upon Satan! 1231 01:12:37,004 --> 01:12:38,963 [CROWD EXCLAIMING] 1232 01:12:39,050 --> 01:12:41,705 And is that woman in the courtroom now? 1233 01:12:41,792 --> 01:12:43,968 She most certainly is! 1234 01:12:44,055 --> 01:12:47,232 And would you point her out for the court, please? 1235 01:12:47,319 --> 01:12:50,627 That's the one! Burn her! Burn her! 1236 01:12:50,714 --> 01:12:53,412 Burn her before it's too late! 1237 01:12:53,499 --> 01:12:54,718 [EXCLAIMS] 1238 01:12:54,805 --> 01:12:56,981 [BANGING GAVEL] 1239 01:12:57,068 --> 01:12:58,983 Parson, hand me the map. This is our chance. 1240 01:13:03,596 --> 01:13:05,468 Please settle down. 1241 01:13:05,555 --> 01:13:08,427 This is a court of justice, a court of law. 1242 01:13:08,514 --> 01:13:12,170 Parson, this is wrapping paper! Where's the map? 1243 01:13:12,257 --> 01:13:16,653 Oh, dear. Oh, no! I have no idea! 1244 01:13:16,740 --> 01:13:19,873 If that wasn't it, then I don't know. 1245 01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:23,921 Ladies and gentlemen, order, please! Settle down! This is a court of justice! 1246 01:13:24,008 --> 01:13:26,880 Now, I think we've heard just about enough from the prosecution. 1247 01:13:26,967 --> 01:13:28,882 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do you have a verdict? 1248 01:13:29,492 --> 01:13:31,494 Yes, we have, Your Honor. 1249 01:13:31,581 --> 01:13:33,974 But, Your Honor, you haven't heard my defense yet. 1250 01:13:36,150 --> 01:13:37,543 Yes, and that's the law! 1251 01:13:37,630 --> 01:13:39,676 [CROWD GROANING] 1252 01:13:39,763 --> 01:13:44,115 [SCOFFS] Oh, all right, if you're gonna nit-pick. 1253 01:13:44,202 --> 01:13:47,597 All right. Does the counsel for the defense have any witnesses 1254 01:13:47,684 --> 01:13:49,599 he would like to call to the stand? 1255 01:13:49,686 --> 01:13:52,428 Uh, none that I can think of, Your Honor. 1256 01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:55,169 [WHISPERING] 1257 01:13:55,735 --> 01:13:57,258 Oh, uh... 1258 01:13:57,650 --> 01:14:00,044 Yes, uh, one. 1259 01:14:00,131 --> 01:14:04,004 [CLEARS THROAT] The defense calls Dr. Joyce Brothers to the stand. 1260 01:14:04,091 --> 01:14:06,006 [CROWD EXCLAIMING] 1261 01:14:21,282 --> 01:14:22,588 Raise your right hand. 1262 01:14:23,850 --> 01:14:25,417 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, 1263 01:14:25,504 --> 01:14:27,158 and nothing but the truth, so help you God? 1264 01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:28,768 I do. 1265 01:14:28,855 --> 01:14:30,466 I'm a big fan of yours. 1266 01:14:30,553 --> 01:14:31,510 Really? Really. 1267 01:14:31,597 --> 01:14:33,991 Thank you so much. 1268 01:14:34,078 --> 01:14:36,384 UPTON: So, Dr. Brothers, is it? 1269 01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:37,603 Yes. 1270 01:14:37,690 --> 01:14:39,736 And you are a doctor of what? 1271 01:14:39,823 --> 01:14:43,261 A doctor of psychology, and I know exactly what the problem is here. 1272 01:14:43,348 --> 01:14:46,743 Well, then maybe you'd like to share it with the entire court? 1273 01:14:46,830 --> 01:14:49,267 All right. What you have here in Salem 1274 01:14:49,354 --> 01:14:51,225 is a case of mass hysteria, 1275 01:14:51,312 --> 01:14:53,967 brought on by repressive religious doctrines, 1276 01:14:54,054 --> 01:14:57,623 which in turn stifle individual sexual expression. 1277 01:14:57,710 --> 01:15:02,149 This repressed sexuality, coupled with intense moral guilt, 1278 01:15:02,236 --> 01:15:05,457 produces a violent psychological backlash, 1279 01:15:05,544 --> 01:15:09,461 which often takes the form of homicidal paranoia, 1280 01:15:09,548 --> 01:15:13,944 in which innocent victims are imagined to be tormentors. 1281 01:15:14,031 --> 01:15:17,338 In this case, Sara Lee is the innocent victim 1282 01:15:17,425 --> 01:15:20,603 and her accusers are the real tormentors, 1283 01:15:20,690 --> 01:15:22,735 desperately in need of a good orgasm. 1284 01:15:22,822 --> 01:15:24,781 [CHOKES] [CROWD GASPS] 1285 01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:29,307 That's a load of shit! 1286 01:15:30,569 --> 01:15:32,615 I say we burn the bitch! 1287 01:15:32,702 --> 01:15:34,399 [CROWD CHEERING RAUCOUSLY] 1288 01:15:34,486 --> 01:15:36,401 [BANGING GAVEL] 1289 01:15:36,488 --> 01:15:39,665 Bailiff, take that heretic out of here! 1290 01:15:39,752 --> 01:15:41,624 We'll burn her later! ALL: Yeah! 1291 01:15:47,238 --> 01:15:49,675 Any more witnesses for the defense? 1292 01:15:52,678 --> 01:15:55,551 [CLEARS THROAT] The defense calls Annabelle Porter to the stand. 1293 01:15:56,856 --> 01:15:59,119 How can you eat at a time like this? 1294 01:15:59,206 --> 01:16:02,862 Oh, well, ever since you told me about lunch, I haven't missed a one. 1295 01:16:02,949 --> 01:16:05,604 In what way do you know the defendant? 1296 01:16:05,691 --> 01:16:09,434 Well, as most of you know, I run the local orphanage, 1297 01:16:09,521 --> 01:16:12,306 and I met Sara when she was left as a foundling 1298 01:16:12,393 --> 01:16:15,527 on my doorstep almost 20 years ago. 1299 01:16:15,614 --> 01:16:17,964 All this witch stuff is pure nonsense. 1300 01:16:18,051 --> 01:16:20,967 Why, she spent the last year giving her free time 1301 01:16:21,054 --> 01:16:23,840 to teaching my girls singing and dancing. 1302 01:16:23,927 --> 01:16:26,756 As a matter of fact, I've brought three of her pupils here 1303 01:16:26,843 --> 01:16:29,410 to show you what wonderful progress she has made. 1304 01:16:29,933 --> 01:16:31,282 Your Honor? 1305 01:16:31,891 --> 01:16:33,371 Oh, go ahead. 1306 01:16:33,893 --> 01:16:35,373 ANNABELLE: Girls. 1307 01:16:35,460 --> 01:16:36,635 [PLAYING NOTE] 1308 01:16:38,768 --> 01:16:40,813 [FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING] 1309 01:16:41,684 --> 01:16:42,815 [GASPS] 1310 01:16:44,469 --> 01:16:46,732 ♪ Now you might pray to God, y'all 1311 01:16:46,819 --> 01:16:48,865 ♪ But I like Lucifer best of all 1312 01:16:48,952 --> 01:16:50,997 ♪ Don't keep Satan waiting 1313 01:16:51,084 --> 01:16:52,999 ♪ Don't keep Satan waiting 1314 01:16:53,086 --> 01:16:55,045 ♪ Sunday school is a place for fools 1315 01:16:55,132 --> 01:16:57,221 ♪ It's hot in hell, but the Devil's cool 1316 01:16:57,308 --> 01:16:59,353 ♪ Don't keep Satan waiting 1317 01:16:59,440 --> 01:17:01,399 ♪ Don't keep Satan waiting 1318 01:17:01,486 --> 01:17:03,444 ♪ So don't just sit there, join the club 1319 01:17:03,531 --> 01:17:05,533 ♪ Sell your soul to Beelzebub! 1320 01:17:09,799 --> 01:17:12,715 ♪ No, no, no, no, don't keep him waiting 1321 01:17:12,802 --> 01:17:14,194 ♪ Don't keep him waiting 1322 01:17:14,281 --> 01:17:16,066 ♪ You know he's waiting 1323 01:17:16,153 --> 01:17:18,546 ♪ Anticipating the celebrating 1324 01:17:22,072 --> 01:17:24,814 ♪ Don't be afraid to come visit Hades 1325 01:17:24,901 --> 01:17:26,816 ♪ This way to Hell ♪ Get down, get down 1326 01:17:26,903 --> 01:17:28,731 ♪ This way to Hell ♪ Get way down 1327 01:17:28,818 --> 01:17:31,081 ♪ This way to Hell ♪ He's underground ♪ 1328 01:17:41,831 --> 01:17:44,616 Now does the jury have a verdict? 1329 01:17:45,182 --> 01:17:46,836 We have, Your Honor. 1330 01:17:46,923 --> 01:17:48,707 WIDOW CHASTITY: Wait a minute. 1331 01:17:48,794 --> 01:17:52,145 Wait a minute! It's my fault that she's the way she is. 1332 01:17:52,232 --> 01:17:53,799 Bum me in her place. 1333 01:17:54,278 --> 01:17:55,671 Why? 1334 01:17:55,758 --> 01:17:58,674 Because I'm... Because I'm... 1335 01:18:03,591 --> 01:18:04,897 I'm her mother. 1336 01:18:04,984 --> 01:18:06,769 [CROWD GASPING] 1337 01:18:12,644 --> 01:18:15,168 Excuse me. Excuse me! 1338 01:18:15,255 --> 01:18:18,694 This isn't family court. I don't give a damn who you two are. 1339 01:18:18,781 --> 01:18:19,999 Do you have a verdict? 1340 01:18:20,086 --> 01:18:21,653 JURY FOREMAN: We have, Your Honor. 1341 01:18:21,740 --> 01:18:23,699 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 1342 01:18:23,786 --> 01:18:25,483 No, no, not another relative! 1343 01:18:25,570 --> 01:18:28,616 I have in my hands the proof that Sara Lee is innocent, 1344 01:18:28,704 --> 01:18:32,533 and that you, Judge John, and you, Mayor Upton, are the guilty ones. 1345 01:18:32,620 --> 01:18:36,929 [BANGING GAVEL] You are incredibly out of order! 1346 01:18:37,016 --> 01:18:38,975 Listen to me! Listen to me! 1347 01:18:39,062 --> 01:18:41,107 They have been burning innocent people and taking their land. 1348 01:18:41,194 --> 01:18:43,719 It's all here in the map of Puritan Village. 1349 01:18:43,806 --> 01:18:45,808 Here, look for yourselves! [CROWD EXCLAIMING]] 1350 01:18:45,895 --> 01:18:47,635 [SCREAMING] 1351 01:18:47,723 --> 01:18:50,247 He's a witch! He's a witch! 1352 01:18:52,553 --> 01:18:53,554 [EXCLAIMS] 1353 01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:58,081 Burn them! 1354 01:19:00,083 --> 01:19:01,084 Burn them! 1355 01:19:05,044 --> 01:19:06,698 Burn them! 1356 01:19:06,785 --> 01:19:07,743 Burn them both! 1357 01:19:11,311 --> 01:19:12,748 [MOUTHING] 1358 01:19:15,533 --> 01:19:18,536 Sara Lee. Miles Campbell. 1359 01:19:18,623 --> 01:19:20,843 Prepare to meet your maker. 1360 01:19:20,930 --> 01:19:22,627 Sara, I want you to know. 1361 01:19:22,714 --> 01:19:25,195 I'll always love you, in this world and in the next. 1362 01:19:25,282 --> 01:19:28,807 Oh, Miles, I'll love you till the day I die. 1363 01:19:31,288 --> 01:19:32,942 Light it. 1364 01:19:33,899 --> 01:19:35,292 Light it!No! 1365 01:19:35,945 --> 01:19:38,034 You're fired! I quit! 1366 01:19:39,122 --> 01:19:42,865 Uh, all right. You, light it! 1367 01:19:42,952 --> 01:19:44,605 Me? Why me? 1368 01:19:44,692 --> 01:19:46,912 Because I'm bigger than you are! Now light it! 1369 01:19:47,521 --> 01:19:48,958 [WHIMPERING] 1370 01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:52,831 I can't.Light it, you fool! Light it! 1371 01:19:52,918 --> 01:19:54,224 Burn them! 1372 01:19:54,311 --> 01:19:56,008 BABCOCK: No! Listen to me! 1373 01:19:56,095 --> 01:19:58,445 Do not do this! These good people are innocent! 1374 01:19:58,532 --> 01:20:00,970 Get away. No! By God, I will not let you do it! 1375 01:20:01,057 --> 01:20:02,667 Stop it! Get back. 1376 01:20:04,147 --> 01:20:05,322 [GRUNTS] 1377 01:20:06,540 --> 01:20:08,194 [CROWD EXCLAIMING] 1378 01:20:10,022 --> 01:20:11,502 [EXCLAIMS] 1379 01:20:16,072 --> 01:20:17,160 There's your witch! 1380 01:20:18,030 --> 01:20:19,815 No shit, Sherlock! 1381 01:20:21,729 --> 01:20:25,255 That's right, I'm a witch! 1382 01:20:25,342 --> 01:20:27,823 Of course, if any of you had any brains, 1383 01:20:28,736 --> 01:20:30,956 you'd know who's behind all of this. 1384 01:20:33,002 --> 01:20:34,917 Uh, boys! 1385 01:20:35,004 --> 01:20:38,311 You're not going away without a farewell speech, are you? 1386 01:20:39,965 --> 01:20:42,054 It's time to tell the truth. 1387 01:20:45,014 --> 01:20:46,493 We made the whole thing about the witches up 1388 01:20:46,580 --> 01:20:48,060 so we could steal everybody's land! 1389 01:20:48,147 --> 01:20:49,801 Shut up! [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1390 01:20:49,888 --> 01:20:53,936 Shut up, you... We were going to sell you all 1391 01:20:54,023 --> 01:20:55,459 down the river for a profit! 1392 01:20:55,546 --> 01:20:56,764 [CROWD EXCLAIMS] 1393 01:20:56,852 --> 01:20:59,898 That's right, it was them all along! 1394 01:20:59,985 --> 01:21:04,250 You fools, you do nothing but burn innocent people. 1395 01:21:04,337 --> 01:21:06,774 What a bunch of hypocrites! 1396 01:21:07,993 --> 01:21:11,649 [CHUCKLING] And as for you, sweet lips, 1397 01:21:11,736 --> 01:21:14,130 it's too bad we never did get it on. 1398 01:21:14,957 --> 01:21:16,088 [FAITH LAUGHING] 1399 01:21:17,133 --> 01:21:20,614 I'm sure we would've had a real fun time. 1400 01:21:25,054 --> 01:21:27,883 And now, if you'll all excuse me, 1401 01:21:27,970 --> 01:21:31,887 I've had enough of this miserable little town. 1402 01:21:31,974 --> 01:21:33,889 Adios,pinheads! 1403 01:21:37,370 --> 01:21:41,070 I can see! It's a miracle! I can see! 1404 01:21:41,157 --> 01:21:43,028 [CROWD CHEERING] 1405 01:21:44,029 --> 01:21:46,902 Samuel, Caleb, Jeremiah, release them at once! 1406 01:21:55,388 --> 01:21:56,563 Parson? 1407 01:22:01,003 --> 01:22:02,395 Will you do us a favor? 1408 01:22:02,482 --> 01:22:03,570 Anything, Miles. Anything. 1409 01:22:03,657 --> 01:22:05,094 Marry us. Now. Here. 1410 01:22:05,181 --> 01:22:07,009 Oh, yes, please. 1411 01:22:07,096 --> 01:22:08,924 I would be honored. 1412 01:22:10,316 --> 01:22:13,929 In the beginning, God made Adam and Eve. 1413 01:22:14,016 --> 01:22:15,278 [CROWD PROTESTING] 1414 01:22:15,365 --> 01:22:17,019 Oh, all right, all right! 1415 01:22:17,106 --> 01:22:19,021 By the power vested in me 1416 01:22:19,108 --> 01:22:21,980 I do hereby pronounce you man and wife. Kiss the bride. 1417 01:22:22,067 --> 01:22:24,113 [CROWD CHEERING] 1418 01:22:26,376 --> 01:22:28,682 [RINGING] 1419 01:22:28,769 --> 01:22:34,166 Good townspeople, never forget the lesson you've learned here today. 1420 01:22:34,253 --> 01:22:38,388 Love, brotherly love, unconditional love for each other, 1421 01:22:38,475 --> 01:22:41,130 without any judgment whatsoever, 1422 01:22:41,217 --> 01:22:45,264 that's what Salem must stand for from this moment on. 1423 01:22:45,351 --> 01:22:48,964 I agree! Let's let bygones be bygones! 1424 01:22:49,051 --> 01:22:51,183 It wasn't me, really, it was the judge! 1425 01:22:51,662 --> 01:22:52,924 Kill them! 1426 01:22:53,011 --> 01:22:54,056 [CROWD AGREEING] 1427 01:22:59,626 --> 01:23:02,760 Well, Parson, it looks like these people still have a long way to go. 1428 01:23:02,847 --> 01:23:04,457 I'm afraid so, Miles. 1429 01:23:04,544 --> 01:23:06,024 Although I was hoping that somebody 1430 01:23:06,111 --> 01:23:08,157 would have learned a lesson from all of this. 1431 01:23:08,244 --> 01:23:11,073 Ah, well, I've got to go and find Mummy. 1432 01:23:11,160 --> 01:23:12,770 PRISCILLA: Oh, Parson. 1433 01:23:12,857 --> 01:23:16,034 Oh, yes. 1434 01:23:16,121 --> 01:23:18,515 On second thought, maybe it's time the old goat learns to help herself. 1435 01:23:18,602 --> 01:23:20,430 [LAUGHS] 1436 01:23:20,517 --> 01:23:22,084 Good-bye, children. Good-bye now. 1437 01:23:22,171 --> 01:23:23,999 Good-bye, Parson. 1438 01:23:25,957 --> 01:23:29,830 Well, now what are we gonna do? 1439 01:23:29,917 --> 01:23:32,920 Miles! We just got married. 1440 01:23:33,921 --> 01:23:35,445 Oh, yeah! [LAUGHS] 1441 01:23:35,532 --> 01:23:37,664 Come along, Mrs. Campbell. 1442 01:23:37,751 --> 01:23:39,579 [BURNIN' LOVEPLAYING] 1443 01:23:41,233 --> 01:23:43,018 [METALLIC CLANK] 102152

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