Original subtitles

CLYDE: 13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives

and it's home to things way beyond your imagination.

There's an extra-terrestrial, super computer in the wall,

a genetically engineered boy genius in the attic,

a school girl investigator across the road

and a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.

-Ready? -Always.

See you later, then.

Yeah, see you, Mum, have a good evening.

You too! Bye, K9.

K9: Enjoy your evening, Mistress.

Yeah.

Mr Smith, I need you quickly and quietly.

MR SMITH: Quickly and quietly.

She's off again!

-Right, we're coming over. -What is she up to?

MR SMITH: How can I help you, Luke?

Activate tracking device, Mr Smith. Aerial satellite scan.

(BEEPING)

So, what was her story this time?

She says she's going to a meeting at the town hall about a motorway extension.

K9: Mistress' exact words, "You'll never know, Luke, there could be a story in it."

Her excuses are getting lamer and lamer.

Affirmative. Veracity level 12%.

Why is she lying to us?

She's heading into town.

MR SMITH: Query. Am I to understand

you are using my tracking system to spy on Sarah Jane?

It's the fifth time she's done this in a month, Mr Smith.

We've gotta find out what she's really doing.

She goes off on her own, all mysterious, what if she gets in trouble?

This is highly irregular behaviour.

K9: Do not exceed your function, Mr Smith.

Your opinion has not been asked for.

That told you! Good dog!

-Affirmative, Master Clyde. -She's stopped.

-Nowhere near the town hall. -There, she was lying, knew it.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Whoa! Must stop doing that.

Right.

Scan for alien activity in that area, K9.

K9: Negative for alien activity, Master Clyde.

MR SMITH: I am perfectly able to complete that function, Clyde.

There's no need to consult the dog.

K9: Sticks and stones.

So what now, then? We follow her down there?

Come on. Two minutes to the next bus.

And you two, play nicely.

K9: "Play nicely," instruction to human children,

conduct recreation in socially compatible mode.

MR SMITH: Oh, be quiet.

-There's the car. -But where's Mum?

No sign of any aliens either.

No!

I did not just see that.

Careful!

RANI: Oh, my God.

Oh, no, they're not gonna...

Oh, people are eating!

(MECHANICAL THRUMMING)

Wow. Just wow!

Nobody over 22 should be doing that in public. Actually at all!

Shut up, Clyde. Oh, that's brilliant, she's got herself a man.

-What are we gonna say? -We're not gonna say anything!

She wants it kept a secret, so we never saw that and we don't know, yeah?

Luke?

Yeah.

And we thought she was hunting aliens.

He looked really posh, I bet he's called Henry or...

-She's coming! -(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

What are you all doing up here?

Well, the exams are coming up, so we've gotta work.

Luke's helping us revise.

Did you have a good evening?

Yeah, how was the, er, meeting?

Nothing special.

Why is Mr Smith still out?

MR SMITH: Information.

Sarah Jane's car is now parked outside the house.

What? Mr Smith!

Oh, hello, Sarah Jane.

I have been tracking your position, as instructed by Luke.

Big mouth! You did that on purpose!

K9, what have they been doing?

K9: I have been instructed to withhold information.

What was your exact instruction?

Mistress Rani instructed me not to relay the information

that you were followed to your assignation.

The gob on you!

-You've been spying on me? -We were worried.

When you've kept something secret before, it's always been a disaster.

Does that give you the right to poke into my private business?

Oh, I was about to tell you anyway.

So who's the lucky fella, then?

His name is Peter Dalton

and, yes, he's very lucky and rather marvellous.

Ooh! Where did you meet him?

Oh, no, that's all, end of discussion.

You two, home. Luke, bed, I'll be in to say good night.

Go on! Off, off!

CLYDE: Sweet dreams.

I should be angry. Why am I not angry?

K9: Mistress, I detect you are experiencing a heightened emotional state.

Alpha waves high, heartbeat fast, increased serotonin.

Oh, K9, always the romantic.

Affirmative.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Honestly, I was about to tell you... I think.

I'm not exactly an expert in matters of the heart.

Neither am I.

I thought something was bound to go wrong, with my track record.

And it keeps getting better.

I didn't know you had those sort of feelings.

Men were interested before,

but then I'd think,

"How can a relationship go anywhere with my bizarre life?"

-Where did you meet him? -In a shoe shop.

We just got talking and he gave me his phone number.

-I didn't know people of your age did that kind of thing. -Cheek!

Oh no, I wasn't going to call him, but then

I bumped into him again and it got me thinking.

I cut myself off from people for all those years.

How could anyone like me, with what I know, what I do, ever have proper friends?

But then I got you, and Maria and Clyde and Rani,

and things changed, and perhaps they're changing on this front.

You look really happy.

But there's still the big problem, isn't there?

I can't suddenly spring it all on Peter.

"Oh, by the way, I used to go travelling through space and time

"in a phone box with a Time Lord."

"My son was created as part of an experiment by the Bane."

"I've got a talking computer and a robot dog."

"Oh, by the way, my lipstick, it's deadly."

(LAUGHS)

But I do want you to meet him.

Can we just keep all the madness quiet for a bit longer? Hmm?

See how things go.

And whatever happens, we're okay, you and me?

Good night.

(MECHANICAL THRUMMING)

I hope I look okay.

K9: Okay, adequate but unremarkable quality.

I don't know how I'm supposed to react.

What am I supposed to call him?

"Peter? Mr Dalton?"

(CHUCKLES)

"Dad?"

What if I don't even like him?

K9: Regret. I do not have the answer to these questions, Master Luke.

Suggest consult another human being.

Come on, Luke, he'll be here any moment. Chop-chop!

Right.

-Stay quiet, K9. He mustn't find out about you, got it? -Understood.

Oi! Clyde! What are you doing here?

I think I left my phone charger in the attic.

-Oh, yeah? -All right, I want a good old look at the mystery man.

Hold on, so do I!

Thanks.

Oh, hi, Sarah Jane!

-Is that your new man? -What are you doing here?

-RANI: Em...well... -(MUFFLED YELPING)

Hello, there! These are for you.

-Oh, thank you. -Everything all right?

Oh, thanks for looking after that for me.

Come on, Clyde.

But... Hello.

Peter, they're lovely. Thank you!

-Are you sure everything's all right? -Yes.

Oh, they're beautiful.

Is that Sarah's man arriving?

-Mum, have you got no shame? -At least we were subtle.

-And what is that? -How should I know?

Okay. Very good.

Now, this must be Luke.

Nice to meet you, Mr Dalton.

It's Peter, please. Now, I've heard all about you.

You're the apple of your mother's eye, I can tell you.

So this is where you live? Amazing place.

(GROWLING)

Blimey, he's quite dishy.

She's done all right for herself.

Cool car.

Mum, come back!

Clyde!

Oh! Hello! Just popping to the shops. Do you want anything?

No, thanks. Um, Peter, this is Gita from over the road.

Oh, Peter and Gita, that's funny!

Gita, nice to meet you.

Pretty flowers.

I run a flower shop, my darling. Bloomin' Lovely on the parade.

You should pop in, I'll give you a discount.

I do lovely displays for weddings!

Oh, that's quite enough of that. Thank you.

Well, I'll be off.

-The shop's that way, Mrs Chandra. -Yes!

Let me just pop these in some water.

-So... -Yes.

Okay, he looks all right.

Did that just move again?

RANI: What is it?

(YELPING)

K9: Alien activity detected! Alert!

Activating stair-negotiation, hover mode.

RANI: It's alive.

Let's hope it's harmless!

Stop! Stay calm! We're going to help you!

Mistress, emergency! Alien activity detected!

K9, shut up! Get back inside. He mustn't see you!

It's all meant to be normal!

-Alert, Mistress! Previous... -K9!

...instructions overridden, danger!

-Hey, what's that? -Oh, it's mine, it's a toy.

-It comes from Japan. Um, robot dog. K9, get it? -But it talks.

LUKE: Yeah, it's got this programme with a few phrases.

Do not look at me, everything is normal.

It's a prototype. It always finds its way home.

You know, I would like one of those.

Let's go.

The toys kids have nowadays, computers and everything, it's incredible!

Remember that thing with the horse...

(YELPING)

Alert! Alert!

Buckaroo!

-What's it doing? -(ALIEN YELPING)

-K9: Alert! Alert! -Oi!

-Let's go. -Yeah, I'm starving.

PETER: Thought we'd try the new Italian on High Street.

-SARAH: Great! -(ALIEN YELPING)

Come back here!

I'd really like to go to university,

but I think I'd also like to work on my own projects.

(MOBILE RINGS)

Better get this, sorry.

Rani?

There you go, my son!

We've got it! But what is it? Travist Polong. Not evil, just trouble.

I saw him on eBay, the seller had no idea what he was.

It turns out he was in his dormant cycle.

Oh! And he would choose today to wake up!

Get Mr Smith to open up a link up to Polongus and they'll transmit him home.

Already on it!

MR SMITH: Polongus receiving now.

Earth transmitting now.

Problem solved. You have fun, right?

LUKE: But Mum always has a way of getting things out of you.

It must be being a journalist, she has to know everything.

Yes, that is so true!

Watch this. (CLEARS THROAT)

You boys okay?

Oh, yes, yes, Luke and I were just discussing, um...

Oh, never mind, it's not important.

Oh, no, go on, what?

Oh, don't worry about it, Mum, it was nothing.

No, no, go on, what were you talking about? Tell me. Come on.

(GIGGLING)

What's so funny?

-What? -Nothing!

-What are you doing? -Just being nosy.

Looking up Peter's gaffe.

120 Christchurch Walk, W4.

Nice place!

That's weird. There's a for sale sign.

And newspapers in the windows, it looks empty.

That picture could have been taken months back.

No, no, look, it says three weeks ago.

I'll ask Sarah Jane.

But Luke told me that she'd never been to his place.

-Let's go round there. -Are you joking?

We'll just have a look.

Oh, Clyde, Peter is not an alien!

I know!

K9 scanned him, but Sarah Jane's loaded, right?

All this money from her aunt, the house. What if he wants get his hands on it?

He's a partner in a law firm, he earns thousands.

I know why you're doing this. You don't want things to change.

Neither do I.

But Sarah Jane's happy, isn't that important?

Yeah.

And I want her to stay happy.

Come on.

I don't quite know how to say this.

What's the matter?

Well, nothing's the matter, that's it.

Sarah Jane, I love you.

Good, because the funny thing is,

I love you too.

CLYDE: Come on.

What? This place is creepy.

-It's freezing. -We got the right address, didn't we?

Of course we did.

Look at this place. I knew it.

Lair of the living dead!

There could be a million reasons for this. I dunno,

he's got everything in storage.

Oh, yeah?

Will you marry me?

Oh, it's beautiful.

Peter, I love you!

Which means?

Yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes!

(ALL APPLAUDING)

SARAH JANE: A perfect fit.

Here they come.

Hey, I've just been telling Luke.

I've got some big news.

Wonderful news!

Peter and I, we're getting married.

What?

Well, you don't have to look so pleased.

I know it's a bit of a shock, but Peter's got it all planned.

-I bet he has. -What do you mean?

Sarah Jane, we went round to Peter's house.

-You did what? -There's nothing there. It's empty.

What? What do you mean?

Mum?

I know it's empty. He doesn't really live there.

His firm got him a flat in London, nearer the office.

And you've been there?

Plenty of times.

Oh, I should be angry with you, breaking in there.

Oh well, it's what I do, isn't it?

Oh, look at you, I've made you all so suspicious.

But this is a happy thing, and I want you all to be part of it.

It isn't the end of the world.

So thanks, but there's no need to sneak around

or worry about anything.

So when's the wedding?

End of next week.

-CLYDE: Next week? -Well, at my age, why wait?

You what? That's mad!

Peter had it all on standby, a nice hotel in the country.

You're all invited. And you, Luke, you can give me away.

Do I have to do a speech?

K9: I will help, Master Luke.

It'll be full of robot jokes, will it?

Don't you think it's a bit fast?

Oh, you're telling me, I've got so much to arrange, a lot of changes.

MR SMITH: Sarah Jane, anomaly detected.

That reminds me. First big change.

Mr Smith, commence deactivation program.

But, Sarah Jane, I have detected an impulse registering...

Initiate total deactivation, Mr Smith. Protocol five!

Complying. Goodbye, Sarah Jane.

No, Sarah Jane! He was trying to tell us something!

The world can look after itself.

I'm busy with something normal for a change,

and I don't want anything, any of this getting in the way.

You haven't told Peter about our thing, what we do?

Why should I? Perhaps I never will. Perhaps that's the solution.

I don't like this.

I know what'll stop you worrying, Clyde.

You can dog-sit for me, you can look after K9.

What? Really?

What do I say to my mum?

Oh, come on Clyde Langer, when have you ever been short of excuses?

Oh, and Rani, keep Saturday free, dress shopping!

Oh, you're going to make a lovely bridesmaid!

You're on! And there's that wedding fair.

I know! And your mum can do the flowers, before she asks.

Right, come on, everybody out.

Things to do!

Come on.

CLYDE: K9, walkies!

And goodbye to all of that.

(EVIL LAUGHTER ECHOING)

What have you got there?

A message from our friend Maria.

She couldn't make it, she's got exams and her dad's tied up at work.

My mum's at another wedding,

'cause this was too short notice, it's all been so fast.

And the Brigadier's her oldest friend, of course,

but he's back in Peru.

Have you got any family coming, Peter?

-I'm afraid I'm the only one left, end of the line. -WOMAN: Mr Dalton...

Be back in a sec.

WOMAN: Could I have a word?

CLYDE: There's something so weird about all this.

You didn't have to come, Clyde.

I wouldn't miss this. What if something happens?

Just because your dad turned out bad doesn't mean mine will.

He's not your dad.

He's going to be.

Don't spoil my mum's day.

GITA: Is this it?

That's Emma, does her hair.

Clarissa, used to be her editor.

Oh, that's her accountant, I can't remember his name.

-You must be slipping. -Bit of a sorry turnout.

Well, I suppose that's what happens when you rush to get married.

It is rather peculiar.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure, they say.

Trust you to be the voice of doom, Haresh.

Smile!

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

Hello, everybody. Welcome!

It's time, so if you'd like to go in.

So, Peter,

where are you heading after the reception, somewhere exotic?

Afterwards is a surprise.

It can't be any worse than our honeymoon. Total disaster.

Em, I enjoyed it.

Brussels. There's nothing there!

Mum.

Rani. You look...good.

I look "good"?

You look amazing. Both of you.

Thought you might have gone for the Doctor to give you away.

I need somebody reliable, and I'm so very, very glad it's you.

Besides, where would I send the invite?

Metebelis III? (CHUCKLES)

(MECHANICAL THRUMMING)

Look at our Rani!

It only seems like yesterday she was in pigtails.

Sarah looks so happy.

-It's just like a fairy tale. -Pull yourself together.

K9, scan.

K9: All normal, Master Clyde.

Yeah, so far.

You brought the dog?

Well, what did you think was under there, the wedding cake?

There's something wrong about this.

Good afternoon, everyone. I'm the superintendent registrar.

We are here today to witness the marriage of

Sarah Jane Smith and Peter Anthony Dalton.

In each other's company they have found happiness, fulfilment and love,

and they wish to affirm their relationship with this marriage.

Now, I have to ask this question.

If any person can show just cause or impediment

why they may not be joined together,

let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

(MECHANICAL THRUMMING)

-Stop this wedding now! -What?

-What's going on? -CHANDRA: Who the hell is that?

-I don't believe it. -Who's he?

-Master! -I said stop this wedding!

-Alert! Alert! Danger, Mistress! -Sarah, get away from him!

-No! Peter... -Don't be afraid, Sarah Jane.

It's The Angel.

The Trickster!

Mum! Mum!

DOCTOR: Sarah!

Trickster, let her go!

Too late, Time Lord!

You are mine, Sarah Jane Smith.

Mine forever.

Sarah!

Doctor!

-Time's stopped. -Time trap.

The Trickster doesn't want us helping Sarah, so he's separated us,

trapped us in two different seconds.

All you have to say is "I do".

And if you don't, you'll remain here forever.

-Trickster! -Without Sarah, without you lot

saving the world from your attic in Ealing,

there'll be chaos and destruction.

Meat and drink to the Trickster.

-(SHOUTING) -Clyde, no!

Come on now!