subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Red Dwarf S02E01 Kryten 1080p BluRay HEVC x265 BONE1

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,152 (DRAMATIC "2001"-TYPE MUSIC) 2 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,839 Three million years from Earth, the mining ship Red Dwarf, 3 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,276 Its crew; Dave Lister, the last human being alive; 4 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,352 Arnold Rimmer, a hologram of his dead bunkmate; 5 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,671 and a creature who evolved from the ship's cat, Message ends, 6 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,512 Additional, As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability 7 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,717 that we are alone in a godless, uninhabited, 8 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,950 hostile and meaningless universe, 9 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,793 Still, you've got to laugh, haven 't you? 10 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,872 (AUSTRALIAN WOMAN) Sit down, Brook, There's something I must tell you, 11 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,235 (AUSTRALIAN MAN) What is it, Kelly? 12 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:04,110 I wasn 't with Simone, Brook, I spent the night with Gary, 13 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,954 You're ex-husband? My business rival? What are you saying?! 14 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,713 I'm saying, Brook Junior,,, 15 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,109 What about Brook Junior? 16 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,589 He isn 't your android, 17 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,074 # Androids 18 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,869 # Everybody needs good androids 19 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:32,193 # Androids have feelings, too # 20 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,557 (SPEAKS ESPERANTO) 21 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:53,474 Wait a mi nute! I know this one. Don't tell me! 22 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,791 "I hope the weather will be clement. " 23 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,838 I hope the weather will be clement, 24 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,195 Lister, don't tell me! I could have got that! 25 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,077 (SPEAKS ESPERANTO) 26 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,991 Ah! I remember this one. 27 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,038 "Please direct me to a five-star hotel." 28 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,352 Wrong, actually. Totally, utterly and completely wrong. 29 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:21,115 Please direct me to a five-star hotel, 30 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,676 Lister, will you shut up? 31 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,228 - I'm only helping. - I don't need help. 32 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,117 (SPEAKS ESPERANTO) 33 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,392 "I would like to purchase that orange beach ball 34 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,550 "and that bucket and spade." 35 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,835 The meal was splendid, 36 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,639 Congratulations to the chef, 37 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,472 What? Pause. 38 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,869 You've done Esperanto for eight years. 39 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,315 How come you're so utterly useless? 40 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,393 And how many books have you read in your life? 41 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,517 The same as Champion the Wonder Horse - zero! 42 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,672 - I've read books. - I don't mean books 43 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,320 about a dog called Ben. 44 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:07,713 - I went to art college! - How did YOU get into art college? 45 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:13,830 The usual, boring way you get in. I failed me exams and applied. 46 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,959 - They snapped me up. - You didn't get a degree...did you? 47 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,713 - No. I wasn't there long. - How long? 48 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,634 Ninety-seven minutes. I thought it'd be a good skive. 49 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,429 I took one look at the timetable and checked out. 50 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,911 It was ridiculous. They had lectures, like, first thing in the afternoon! 51 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,355 We're talking 12.30 every day! 52 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,830 Who's together then? You can still taste the toothpaste. 53 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,639 Well, unlike you, Lister, I have ambitions! 54 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,030 I'm not prepared to sit around polishing my spacebike, 55 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,238 so I can go joy-riding, because I'm not a gimp! 56 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:53,711 One of my ambitions is to learn another language. Play. 57 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,597 (SPEAKS ESPERANTO) 58 00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,831 Ah, this I do know... 59 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,356 "The menu looks interesting, I'll try the chicken, " 60 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,951 Holly, as the Esperantinos would say... 61 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,837 (SPEAKS ESPERANTO) 62 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,953 And I think we know what that means. 63 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:21,591 Yeah, it means, "Get the hall porter, There's a frog in my bidet, " 64 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,956 Well, what's "Your father was a baboon's rump, 65 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,828 "and your mother was always at it with sailors"? 66 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,515 - I'm not telling you, - It's because you're bored, isn't it? 67 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,513 - That's why you're both annoying me. - I'm not bored, 68 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,353 I've devised a system to revolutionise music, 69 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,318 - Get outta town! - Yeah, I've decimalised it, 70 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,278 Instead of the octave, it's the decadive, 71 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,272 I've invented two new notes, H and J, 72 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,954 You can't just i nvent new notes. 73 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,837 Well, I have, 74 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:58,040 Now it goes,,, # Doh, ray, me, fah, soh, lah, woh, boh, tee, doh 75 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:03,399 # Doh, tee, boh, woh, lah, soh, fah, me, ray, doh # 76 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:08,429 - What are you drivelli ng about? - "Hol Rock, " It'll be whole new sound, 77 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:13,833 All the instruments will be bigger, Triangles will have four sides, 78 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,913 Piano keyboards the length of zebra crossings, 79 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,515 Women will have to be banned from playing the cello, 80 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:26,628 - Holly...shut up! - Oh, I haven 't told you the news, 81 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,757 - What news? - A signal, We're getting a signal, 82 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,831 I just thought I'd mention it, 83 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,678 - Aliens. - Oh, God. "Aliens"! 84 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,752 Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens. 85 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,070 You lose your keys - it's aliens. 86 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,549 A picture falls down - it's aliens. 87 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:47,872 That day we used up a whole bog roll - aliens. 88 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,316 We didn't use it all, Lister. Who did? 89 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,631 Rimmer, aliens used our bog roll?! 90 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:01,234 Being aliens doesn't mean they don't have to visit the little boys' room. 91 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,754 Although they probably do something weird, 92 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,912 Iike it comes out of their heads. 93 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:11,676 Well, I wouldn't like to be stuck behind one in a cinema! 94 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,150 Here, mousey, mousey! 95 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,231 I got some cheese! 96 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,595 I only wanna be your friend! 97 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,511 - Yo, Cat! - Huh? 98 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,239 We're getting a signal. Come on. 99 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,117 Aliens! 100 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,275 It's a distress call from a ship called the Nova 5, They've crash landed, 101 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,318 - I'm trying to establish contact, - Another ship? Brilliant! 102 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,994 - It's not aliens? - No, they're from Earth, 103 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:45,153 I hope they've got some spare stuff, We're short on a few supplies, 104 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,515 - Like what? - Cow's milk, 105 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,354 Ran out of that yonks ago, Fresh and dehydrated, 106 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:56,116 - What ki nd are we usi ng now? - Emergency supply, Dog's milk, 107 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,274 - Dog's milk?! - Nothing wrong with dog's milk, 108 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,194 Full of goodness, full of vitamins,,, full of marrowbone jelly, 109 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,148 Lasts longer than any other type of milk, 110 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,038 - Why? - No bugger'll drink it, 111 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:23,078 Plus, when it goes off, it tastes the same as when it's fresh, 112 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,960 Why didn't you tell me, Holly? 113 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,190 What? And spoil your tea? 114 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,909 - Hang about, We've got contact, - Punch it up. 115 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,796 Thank goodness! My name's Kryten, 116 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,555 I'm the Nova 5 service mechanoid, We've had a accident, 117 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,835 The male officers died on impact, 118 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,196 The female officers are injured, but stable, Please help, 119 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,999 Is that female as i n soft and squidgy? 120 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,951 - How many? - Three, 121 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:56,716 Miss Jane, Miss Tracy and Miss Anne, I'm transmitting medical details, 122 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,752 Tell them we're coming aboard! We'll rescue these fair blooms, 123 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,674 or my name's not Captain A J Rimmer, Space Adventurer! 124 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,797 - Thank you, Captain, - "Space Adventurer"?! 125 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:18,079 What do I say? "Fear not, I'm the guy who cleans the chicken soup machine! 126 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,833 "We know sod all about space travel, 127 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,469 "but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're your lads!" 128 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,552 - That'll fill them with confidence. - How far away? 129 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,757 - About 24 hours, - What? Only 24 hours? 130 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,956 I'd better start gettin' ready! 131 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:37,511 # Twenty four hours... # Aow! First in the shower room! 132 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,916 I'm so excited, all six of my nipples are tinglin'! 133 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,874 What's wrong with him? We're on a mission of mercy! 134 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,636 We're taking them urgent medical supplies. We're not on the pull. 135 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,077 Yo! 136 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:10,673 No, not on the pull, are we, Lister? Look at you. Absolutely pathetic! 137 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,752 You're wearing all your least smeggy things. 138 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,195 I don't know what you mean. 139 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,590 That T-shirt with only two curry stains, 140 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,035 you only wear on special occasions. 141 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,430 You're toffed up to the nines, laddie! 142 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:29,229 What about you? You look like Clive of India, 143 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,710 or the one whose mum uses new biological Biz! 144 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,394 Oh, it's started! I knew it would! 145 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,471 - What has? - The put-downs. 146 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:41,758 It's always the same. Put me down, so you look good. 147 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,115 - Like when? - Those brunettes from Supplies. 148 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:48,830 I said I worked in Stores, and they asked what I did. 149 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,992 - And I said you were a shelf! - Exactly. 150 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,719 I suggested a trip to Titan Zoo, 151 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,952 and you said, "He's taking you to meet his mum already!" 152 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,112 - So? They laughed. - At me. At my expense. 153 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:07,399 - Just don't put me down. - OK. What do you want me to say? 154 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:12,110 - For a start, don't call me Rimmer. - Why not? 155 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:17,115 You always put the emphasis on "Rim". Makes me sound like a disinfectant. 156 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,794 What should I call you? Rimere? 157 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:23,589 I don't know... "Arnie", "Arn". 158 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:28,310 Something with a bit more... I don't know... How about "Big Man"? 159 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,551 "Big Man"? 160 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,473 - Or my nickname at school? - "Bonehead"? 161 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,868 - How did you know that? - I was only guessing. 162 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,633 - I meant the other one. - What other one? 163 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,113 "Ace". 164 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:51,832 Get outta town! Your nickname was never "Ace". Maybe "Acehole". 165 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,432 It WAS my nickname at school, actually. 166 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,796 It's just no one ever called me it. 167 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,110 What are you saying, Rimmer? 168 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,318 I'm saying build me up, don't put me down. 169 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,552 Like...if the opportunity occurs, and it crops up in conversation, 170 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,757 you could perhaps mention that I'm very brave. 171 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,070 - Do what?! - Don't go ape. 172 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,436 Just sort of mention, perhaps, that...I died, 173 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,956 and that I was pretty incredibly brave about it. 174 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:27,113 Perhaps you could mention that I've had tons of girlfriends? 175 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:33,716 Oh, forget it! It was just an idea. You're not wearing those boots? 176 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,110 - What's wrong with them? - Oh, they just don't go. 177 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,510 You should wear your Day-Glo orange moon boots. 178 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,592 - You said they were disgusting. - No, very chic. 179 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:48,638 You said they smelled like an orang-utan's posing pouch. 180 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:54,158 They set off one of the chemical alarms. You put them in the airlock. 181 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,038 No, they look terrific. I'd wear them. 182 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,350 - Honest? - Definitely. 183 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,628 Come along, everybody! 184 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,910 They're here. They're in orbit! 185 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,754 (GASPS) Miss Jane! 186 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,111 What about your hair? 187 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,350 What a mess you look. 188 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,511 Now, smart but casual. 189 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,555 Miss Anne, why, you haven't touched your soup. 190 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,155 No wonder you're beginning to look so pasty. 191 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,231 Oh, no! 192 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,914 Do eat nicely, Miss Anne! 193 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,949 What will the visitors think if they see you eating like that? 194 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,432 Miss Tracey... 195 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,869 No... You look absolutely perfect. 196 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,749 - What's that smell? - I can't smell anything. 197 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,035 Your eyes are watering. 198 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:19,113 It's the excitement. We can't wait for Cat. Let's just go. 199 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,317 Come on. He's been preparing for a day. 200 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:29,155 Aow! Wait for me! 201 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,948 Hi, monkeys! It's me, the plastic surgeon's nightmare! 202 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,591 - A spacesuit with cufflinks?! - Where'd you get the helmet? 203 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,592 I made it. I didn't want to mess up my hair. 204 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:54,752 Hey, listen - don't pass any mirrors, 'cause if we do, I'm there for the day! 205 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,274 (SNIFFS) Phew! What's that smell? 206 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,954 All right? Everybody ready? Let's go, 207 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:04,192 - What are you doing? - What? What's wrong? 208 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,068 - Why are you wearing a toupee? - What toupee? 209 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,954 - The one on your head. - Whose head? 210 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,113 - You look like a game show host. - What's wrong with everyone? 211 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:19,159 Three million years without women and you're like 14-year-olds! 212 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,437 - What about you and the socks? - What socks? 213 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,751 - Come on! - He's wearing two pairs of socks, 214 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,274 - Why? - One pair on his feet, 215 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,476 the other down his trousers, 216 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,195 Come in, come in. How lovely to meet you. 217 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,396 Charmita! And what a delightful craft you have. 218 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:01,189 - Reminds me of my first command. - This way, please. 219 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,632 (WHISPERS) Ace. 220 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,474 - Hey, you're a work of art, baby! - (LISTER) Psst! 221 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,479 You're gonna have to help me, man! 222 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,752 Thank you! 223 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,629 I'm so excited! We all are. 224 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,156 The girls could hardly stop jumping up and down! 225 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,798 Ah! Charmita, charmita! 226 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,633 Ah! Vi parolas Esperanto, Kapitano Rimmer? 227 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,395 - Come again? - You speak Esperanto? 228 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,438 Oh! Si, si, si! Jahwohl! Oui! 229 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,509 Well, here they are. 230 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,231 Charmita! 231 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,030 Well... It's difficult to know what to say... 232 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,111 isn't it, Ace? 233 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,795 Isn't anybody going to say hello? 234 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,911 I think the blonde one's giving you the eye. 235 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,231 Well, I'll leave you to get acquainted. 236 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,630 I'll just go and fix some tea. 237 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,355 - Hi, baby! - I don't believe this. 238 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,431 Be strong, Big Man. 239 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,990 Our first contact in three million and two years, 240 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,230 and it's the android Norman Bates. 241 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,949 Come on! So, they're a little skinny! 242 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:39,192 Listen, girls. I don't know whether this is the time, 243 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,919 but my mate Ace is incredibly brave. 244 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,871 Smeg off, dogfood face. 245 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,910 - And he's got tons of girlfriends! - I'm warning you, Lister. 246 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,431 Is anything the matter? 247 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,513 Anything the matter? They're dead! 248 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,955 Who's dead? 249 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,793 THEY are dead! They're all dead! 250 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,112 My God! 251 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,078 I was only away two minutes! 252 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,080 They've been dead for centuries! 253 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,399 - No. - Yes! 254 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,911 Are you a doctor? 255 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:39,630 Look at them! They've got less meat on them than a Chicken Nuggett! 256 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:47,358 What am I going to do? I'm programmed to serve them. 257 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:53,072 - I think we should bury them. - You're that sure they're dead? 258 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,550 - Yes! - What about this one? 259 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,949 Er, there's a simple test. 260 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:03,477 All right, girls, hands up those of you who are alive. 261 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,079 What am I going to do? 262 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:21,795 I can't leave them! Mr David, please, please, take me back! 263 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,440 You've got to start a new life. 264 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,956 I haven't got the software to cope with this. 265 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,635 I was created to serve. I serve, therefore I am. 266 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,951 It's my purpose to serve without regard for myself. 267 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:39,113 - You sound like my mum. - It's all I know. 268 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,317 You've got to change. Do what you want. 269 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,391 Stop being everyone's smeggin' doormat. 270 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,552 That's easy for you to say, you're human. 271 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,631 Only just. 272 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,357 Ah, Kryten! Nothing to do, eh? Follow me. 273 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,835 What the smeggin' hell is going on? 274 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,992 - Good afternoon, Mr David, sir. - What are these? 275 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:57,677 - Your boxer shorts, Mr David, sir. - No way are these mine. These bend! 276 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,999 - What have you done? - I've done a spot of tidying up. 277 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:09,837 Where is everything? Where's me coffee cup with the mould in it? 278 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,674 - I threw it away, sir. - I was breeding that mould! 279 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:18,834 His name was Albert! I was trying to get him two foot high! 280 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,310 - Why, sir? - Because it drives Rimmer nuts. 281 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,392 Driving Rimmer nuts is what keeps me going. 282 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,916 - I'm sorry, Mr David, sir. - Look at you. 283 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,879 - Why are you doing this? - Serving makes me happy, sir. 284 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,032 But don't you want to do anything for yourself? 285 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:41,990 Myself? That's a barmy notion, if you don't mind my saying so, sir! 286 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,913 There must be something you look forward to. 287 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,957 Androids. 288 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,357 # Androids 289 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,597 # Everybody needs good androids... # 290 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:03,233 - That stupid soap opera? Why? - Because I can forget I'm me. 291 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,118 Androids. What else? 292 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,590 - Being asleep. - Androids and being asleep? 293 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:14,993 Sounds like a crazy, fun-packed life you lead there, Kryten, me old son! 294 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,913 I have strange thoughts when I'm asleep. 295 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:22,915 - Yeah, they're called dreams. - My favourite is about a garden. 296 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,874 I've never even seen a garden, except in books. 297 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,635 And I've planted everything and made it grow. 298 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:35,599 It's my garden, and there's no one there but me, 299 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,513 just me and all the things I made live. 300 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,397 Silly. 301 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,314 No, it isn't. Find a planet and do it. 302 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,753 I can't. I'm programmed to serve. 303 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,957 But there's no one to serve now, Kryten. 304 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:56,750 What about Mr Arnold? I've got to complete Mr Arnold's tasks. 305 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:01,231 You what?! Rimmer gave you all this? 306 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,039 Well, Mr Arnold is my master now. 307 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,351 "Mr Arnold" isn't his name. His name's "Rimmer"... 308 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,431 or "Smeghead"... 309 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,717 or "Dinosaur Breath", or "Molecule Mind". 310 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:19,399 And on a very rare occasion, when you wanna be really mega-polite to him, 311 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,199 you can call him "Arsehole". 312 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,116 (CAT) Yeah, yeah, yeah! 313 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:55,229 I think it'll be best on that wall, sort of dominating the room. 314 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,437 - Yes, Mr Arnold, sir. - "Yes Mr Arnold, sir!" 315 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,717 - You're a total gwenlin, Kryten. - Yes, Mr David, sir. 316 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,076 - "Yes Mr David, sir!" - Leave it alone, Lister. 317 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,233 - It enjoys the tasks I give it. - Drop dead, Rimmer. 318 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,436 - Already have done. - Encore. 319 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:16,799 A cat would never be a servant. Ever see a cat return a stick? 320 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:22,079 "Hey, man, you threw the stick, you go get it yourself. I'm busy! 321 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,358 "If you wanted the stick, why'd you throw it away?" 322 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,238 Kryten, you got nothing from those movies. 323 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:33,552 - What movies? - Mr David showed me the Wild Ones, 324 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,677 Easy Rider and Rebel Without A Cause. 325 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,275 I thought it might do him good. Fat chance. 326 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,351 During Marlon Brando's rebel speech, 327 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:46,353 he gets a brush-a-matic and does my lapels! 328 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:50,877 Well, now maybe you'll learn, Lister. There's a natural order to things. 329 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,951 Some give orders, others obey. 330 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:57,397 That's how it's always been, that's how it'll always be. Eh, Kryten? 331 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:01,075 - Oh, yes, Mr Arnold, sir. - Oh, what's the point? 332 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:06,393 - Well, I've finished, Mr Arnold, sir. - Excellent, Kryten! 333 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,153 I think it's rather good. Don't you? 334 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:22,429 - WHAT are you doing? - I, erm... I think I'm, er... 335 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,590 I'm rebelling. 336 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,393 - Rebelling? - I, er...sort of... 337 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,870 I think that's what I'm doing. 338 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,511 You...are rebelling? 339 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,199 Yes. 340 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,076 What are you rebelling against? 341 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,356 (AS MARLON BRANDO) Whaddya got? 342 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,191 Dinosaur breath! 343 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,915 Molecule mind! 344 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,716 Smeg-for-brains! 345 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,596 - I need your bike! - You got it! 346 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,991 Swivel on it, punk! 347 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,997 # It's cold outside 348 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,877 # There's no kind of atmosphere 349 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,316 # I'm all alone, more or less 350 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,517 # Let me fly far away from here 351 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,353 # Fun, fun, fun 352 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,955 # In the sun, sun, sun 353 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,396 # I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose 354 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,756 # Drinking fresh mango juice 355 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,116 # Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes 356 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,873 # Fun, fun, fun 357 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,635 # In the sun, sun, sun 358 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,393 # Fun, fun, fun 359 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:06,553 # In the sun, sun, sun # 27321