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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,003 --> 00:00:29,038 Hello, hello. Testing, testing. 2 00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:32,542 So, I always-- 3 00:00:32,542 --> 00:00:35,378 So, I always have white dudes coming up to me, like, 4 00:00:35,378 --> 00:00:37,847 "Oh, dude, you still living at home? At your big age? 5 00:00:37,847 --> 00:00:39,348 Oh, that's so weird." 6 00:00:39,348 --> 00:00:41,350 Can we move past this dinosaur of a notion 7 00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:42,819 that we're doing less well in life 8 00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:44,554 just because we're with our folks? 9 00:00:44,554 --> 00:00:47,623 Free food, no rent, laundry, done. 10 00:00:47,623 --> 00:00:50,693 So, enjoy your downtown condo with your empty fridges 11 00:00:50,693 --> 00:00:52,195 and your loneliness. 12 00:00:52,195 --> 00:00:54,197 I'll be over here, emotionally fulfilled 13 00:00:54,197 --> 00:00:56,199 with my loving family, right here at-- 14 00:00:56,199 --> 00:00:57,800 Right here at home. Right here at home. 15 00:01:14,050 --> 00:01:16,152 {\an8}Not hungry. I'll eat later. 16 00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:22,191 {\an8}Family eats together. 17 00:01:22,191 --> 00:01:24,393 He says, as mom slaves in the kitchen. 18 00:01:24,393 --> 00:01:25,661 Why don't you cook for once? 19 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:28,197 What the hell you say to me? 20 00:01:36,038 --> 00:01:38,407 {\an8}Hey. At least I'm getting married. 21 00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:40,009 {\an8}Not that lazy bastard. 22 00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:45,882 {\an8}Maanvi: I can't wait to leave this house. 23 00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:54,023 {\an8}Why would you say that to me? 24 00:01:54,023 --> 00:01:55,458 {\an8}- You want me to leave? - Yeah. 25 00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:56,759 {\an8}You realize I'm your fucking daughter, right? 26 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:09,405 {\an8}♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪ 27 00:02:09,405 --> 00:02:13,109 {\an8}♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪ 28 00:02:13,109 --> 00:02:15,478 {\an8}♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪ 29 00:02:15,478 --> 00:02:16,746 I don't want to interrupt your work. 30 00:02:16,746 --> 00:02:17,980 I know you got your fans waiting on you. 31 00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:20,550 Nah, nah. You're good. 32 00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:22,985 I'm pretty much done, anyway. Plus, I mean, 33 00:02:22,985 --> 00:02:25,555 it's kind of nice to get to know you a little better. 34 00:02:25,555 --> 00:02:27,990 Well, how about we get to know each other more intimately? 35 00:02:27,990 --> 00:02:30,927 I've got some pictures I could send you. 36 00:02:30,927 --> 00:02:33,229 Okay. 37 00:02:33,229 --> 00:02:35,097 But I want to see what you're working with first. 38 00:02:36,966 --> 00:02:38,901 Ah. 39 00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:40,937 Maya: Whatever. I should let you focus. 40 00:02:40,937 --> 00:02:43,906 No. It's-- I've just never sent anything like that. 41 00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:45,908 Please. You've never sent a dick pic? 42 00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,343 No. What if someone were to see it? 43 00:02:47,343 --> 00:02:48,611 That's kind of the point. 44 00:02:48,611 --> 00:02:50,513 I'll see it. 45 00:02:50,513 --> 00:02:53,816 And, like, trust me. As a Brown woman, 46 00:02:53,816 --> 00:02:55,818 I'm more scared of my pictures leaking than you. 47 00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:57,086 'Cause honestly, I thought from your videos 48 00:02:57,086 --> 00:02:59,155 you were more of a feminist, 49 00:02:59,155 --> 00:03:00,823 but I guess I was wrong. 50 00:03:00,823 --> 00:03:02,758 Oof. Now, you're hitting me right in the feminism. 51 00:03:05,127 --> 00:03:09,198 Okay. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'll do it. 52 00:03:09,198 --> 00:03:10,833 And be creative. 53 00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:14,437 Don't just, like, thump it out there. Bye. 54 00:03:15,671 --> 00:03:16,973 Creative? 55 00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:20,476 Okay. 56 00:04:10,259 --> 00:04:11,694 Supinder: Jasmeet! Open the door now. 57 00:04:11,694 --> 00:04:12,928 Shit. 58 00:04:12,928 --> 00:04:14,196 Damn. I don't know why 59 00:04:14,196 --> 00:04:15,431 the door is always locked. 60 00:04:15,431 --> 00:04:16,932 Hold on. 61 00:04:16,932 --> 00:04:18,434 Open the door. I want to see what's going on. 62 00:04:18,434 --> 00:04:19,935 Yeah. Just, uh, give me a sec. I'm just-- 63 00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:25,741 Sorry. 64 00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:27,743 I was, uh, cleaning. 65 00:04:37,053 --> 00:04:38,688 {\an8}What? Why? It's the weekend. There's no tiffins. 66 00:04:40,056 --> 00:04:41,624 {\an8}Oh, my God. 67 00:04:41,624 --> 00:04:44,093 I swear, there's a new Gurpurab every week. 68 00:04:54,136 --> 00:04:55,638 All right. I'll go. 69 00:05:03,646 --> 00:05:06,916 Jasmeet : A white dude coming up to me, and, like-- 70 00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:10,152 I don't even know what clothes I own at this point. 71 00:05:10,152 --> 00:05:11,554 They just magically appear. 72 00:05:17,626 --> 00:05:18,994 Yo, Chippy. What's up? 73 00:05:18,994 --> 00:05:20,296 Why aren't you answering my texts? 74 00:05:20,296 --> 00:05:21,731 Sorry. One sec. 75 00:05:21,731 --> 00:05:24,934 Hey, hey. Excuse me. Hey. 76 00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:26,168 Can you watch my laptop real quick? 77 00:05:26,168 --> 00:05:28,070 - Yeah. Whatever. - Thanks. 78 00:05:30,506 --> 00:05:32,241 Hello? Hey, yeah. 79 00:05:32,241 --> 00:05:34,443 - Why are you whispering? - 'Cause I'm in the university. 80 00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:36,912 What? Why? I thought you dropped out. 81 00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:38,647 No. It's the only place I can get work done 82 00:05:38,647 --> 00:05:40,683 without anyone barging in on me while I'm naked or whatever. 83 00:05:40,683 --> 00:05:42,418 You're naked in the university? 84 00:05:42,418 --> 00:05:44,420 No. I was naked, but now, I'm here at the university. 85 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,155 Male student: Shut the fuck up, man! 86 00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:49,692 Uh, anyways, you know what I mean. 87 00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:51,694 Yeah. I really don't. What time are you coming tonight? 88 00:05:51,694 --> 00:05:53,162 Where? 89 00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:55,297 To my cousin Bhavita's sweet sixteen. 90 00:05:55,297 --> 00:05:57,032 Oh, shit. 91 00:05:57,032 --> 00:05:58,367 Uh, yeah. About that-- 92 00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,202 Jasmeet, no. You promised. 93 00:06:00,202 --> 00:06:03,539 I got so much work to do, man. Come on. You know these streets. 94 00:06:03,539 --> 00:06:04,874 They're waiting on new content. 95 00:06:04,874 --> 00:06:06,142 Never say that again. 96 00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:07,877 You're Brown-Twitter-famous already. 97 00:06:07,877 --> 00:06:10,146 Why are you always seeking the validation of the white man? 98 00:06:10,146 --> 00:06:12,214 I'm seeking white money, dude. You of all people should know 99 00:06:12,214 --> 00:06:14,049 we're not getting paid enough for what we do. 100 00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:15,351 You still got to be there for your day ones, 101 00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:18,521 like Bhavita and me. 102 00:06:18,521 --> 00:06:20,356 Also, I didn't have time to get her a gift. 103 00:06:20,356 --> 00:06:22,458 So, you're my gift. 104 00:06:22,458 --> 00:06:24,627 All right, all right. 105 00:06:24,627 --> 00:06:26,896 Shit. Hold on a second again. 106 00:06:35,204 --> 00:06:36,505 Hey. What happened? 107 00:06:36,505 --> 00:06:38,073 What do you mean? 108 00:06:38,073 --> 00:06:39,475 My laptop is gone. 109 00:06:39,475 --> 00:06:41,210 Oh, yeah. Your friend grabbed it for you. 110 00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:42,645 What friend? 111 00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:43,879 I don't know. He was sitting over there. 112 00:06:43,879 --> 00:06:45,147 There's no one there. 113 00:06:45,147 --> 00:06:46,849 There was. 114 00:06:46,849 --> 00:06:48,250 Who? 115 00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,552 I don't know, dude. He was a Brown guy. 116 00:06:49,552 --> 00:06:51,353 He had a beard, black jacket. 117 00:06:51,353 --> 00:06:53,989 Okay. So, you gave my shit to a complete, random stranger 118 00:06:53,989 --> 00:06:55,491 who was sitting at a different table than me? 119 00:06:55,491 --> 00:06:58,160 You're getting mad at me? He's your friend. 120 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,329 He's not my friend! Which is why I asked you to-- 121 00:07:00,329 --> 00:07:02,698 You know what? Never mind. Which way did he go? 122 00:07:02,698 --> 00:07:04,533 - Uh, he moved that way. - Oh, my God. 123 00:07:06,402 --> 00:07:08,771 Chippy: Well, what's going on? 124 00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:14,743 Fuck me, man! 125 00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:16,679 Chippy: That might be weird. What happened? 126 00:07:16,679 --> 00:07:19,348 - My laptop just got stolen. - No way. 127 00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:20,783 Yeah. There goes that video I was working on. 128 00:07:20,783 --> 00:07:22,051 Can't you just re-record it? 129 00:07:22,051 --> 00:07:23,786 No. I can't re-record magic. 130 00:07:23,786 --> 00:07:26,121 What kind of dick steals a laptop? 131 00:07:27,456 --> 00:07:29,024 Dick? 132 00:07:29,024 --> 00:07:30,759 Oh, my God. 133 00:07:30,759 --> 00:07:32,094 My dick! 134 00:07:32,094 --> 00:07:33,863 Male student: I said shut the fuck up! 135 00:07:33,863 --> 00:07:36,232 Neal: Wait. You took nudes? 136 00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:39,268 Hey. How about not announcing it to the entire gurdwara? 137 00:07:39,268 --> 00:07:41,804 Just please tell me your face isn't in them. 138 00:07:41,804 --> 00:07:45,975 Oh, my God. Not the face, bro. Never the face! 139 00:07:45,975 --> 00:07:47,943 What if they leak? You're going to be in so much trouble. 140 00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:50,246 Okay. Well, I was horny and in a rush. 141 00:07:50,246 --> 00:07:52,648 That's a bad combo. That's how I got kicked out of high school. 142 00:07:52,648 --> 00:07:54,250 All right. Look. Can we not talk about this here? 143 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,118 It just feels kind of weird. 144 00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:58,220 Plus I should be out there looking for my laptop, 145 00:07:58,220 --> 00:07:59,955 but instead, I'm, like, stuck here 146 00:07:59,955 --> 00:08:01,991 at another Gurpurab. 147 00:08:01,991 --> 00:08:03,759 There's way too many Gurpurabs. 148 00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:05,327 Right? Think about it. We have 10 gurus. 149 00:08:05,327 --> 00:08:07,463 So, what, 10 Gurpurabs every year? 150 00:08:07,463 --> 00:08:08,931 And death-Gurpurabs. 151 00:08:08,931 --> 00:08:11,267 Yeah. Diwali. Vaisakhi. 152 00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:13,435 - Oh, New Year's. - New Year's. Exactly. 153 00:08:13,435 --> 00:08:15,638 That's, like, 23 mandatory holidays a year. 154 00:08:15,638 --> 00:08:17,773 23! Isn't that insane? 155 00:08:17,773 --> 00:08:19,141 - Excuse me. - Hey. 156 00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:20,509 - Can I get a picture? - Sure. 157 00:08:22,144 --> 00:08:25,247 Other religions only have, like, one main dude, you know? 158 00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:29,418 Jesus. Mohammad. Beyoncé. We got 10 guys, man. 10. 159 00:08:29,418 --> 00:08:31,287 It's kind of beautiful, though, in a way, right? 160 00:08:31,287 --> 00:08:33,322 Like, it just gives us more chances 161 00:08:33,322 --> 00:08:35,357 to celebrate our divinity, you know, 162 00:08:35,357 --> 00:08:37,092 and our devotion to the almighty-- 163 00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:38,761 Mother-- ! It's hot. 164 00:08:38,761 --> 00:08:41,463 Hey! You said a bad word in the gurdwara! 165 00:08:41,463 --> 00:08:43,365 {\an8}It's okay... 166 00:08:43,365 --> 00:08:44,867 {\an8}...I get a pass. 167 00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:46,368 Aren't you guys cousins? 168 00:08:46,368 --> 00:08:47,636 Look. 169 00:08:47,636 --> 00:08:49,538 {\an8}Instead of racially dissecting me, 170 00:08:49,538 --> 00:08:50,873 {\an8}why don't you go upstairs and... 171 00:08:50,873 --> 00:08:52,708 {\an8}You damn heathen. Go. 172 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,844 Oh, let's sit here. Prime real estate. 173 00:08:59,882 --> 00:09:02,618 And the gurus were humble beings, you know? 174 00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:04,453 I'm pretty sure that they don't want us celebrating 175 00:09:04,453 --> 00:09:06,789 meaningless rituals like their birthdays. 176 00:09:06,789 --> 00:09:08,223 Wasting time. 177 00:09:08,223 --> 00:09:10,359 Wait. Your time or their time? 178 00:09:10,359 --> 00:09:12,027 'Cause I don't think they experience time. 179 00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:13,729 {\an8}Like, they're, like-- They're timeless. 180 00:09:13,729 --> 00:09:15,864 {\an8}What is time? 181 00:09:15,864 --> 00:09:17,299 {\an8}Neal: You know what I mean? 182 00:09:50,699 --> 00:09:53,335 - Shit. It's Avtar. Hide me. - What? Hide you? 183 00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:55,437 - From who? - Was in that guy's gatka class 184 00:09:55,437 --> 00:09:56,739 when I was young, and kind of stopped going. 185 00:09:56,739 --> 00:09:58,240 Singh! 186 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,276 Sorry. 187 00:10:01,276 --> 00:10:02,711 Hey, man. 188 00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:08,183 I've been seeing you 189 00:10:08,183 --> 00:10:09,752 posting more of those little internet videos. 190 00:10:09,752 --> 00:10:11,353 Getting quite popular, huh? 191 00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:13,756 Yeah. I mean, things are picking up. 192 00:10:13,756 --> 00:10:16,058 Just remember not to go too Hollywood, now. 193 00:10:16,058 --> 00:10:18,460 That dastar, that's our crown. 194 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,295 You carry a lot of responsibility. 195 00:10:20,295 --> 00:10:22,364 So, don't do anything stupid, yeah? 196 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:24,633 . Boys, let's go. 197 00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:29,405 So, don't do anything stupid. 198 00:10:29,405 --> 00:10:31,607 Do anything stupid. Do anything stupid. 199 00:10:34,076 --> 00:10:36,645 Oh, look. Our little OnlyFans star is home. 200 00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,252 What did I do? 201 00:10:43,252 --> 00:10:44,787 Look! 202 00:10:44,787 --> 00:10:46,422 Our top headline. 203 00:10:46,422 --> 00:10:49,925 Jasmeet Dutta, YouTuber turned accidental porn star? 204 00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:51,226 {\an8}Yikes. 205 00:11:27,296 --> 00:11:28,630 {\an8}It's not that hard. 206 00:11:49,985 --> 00:11:51,687 {\an8}My life is ruined! 207 00:11:59,194 --> 00:12:00,796 Yo. 208 00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:07,369 Get to work, boys. 209 00:12:16,745 --> 00:12:18,514 No, no, no! It's my laptop! 210 00:12:18,514 --> 00:12:21,316 Oh! That thing was so expensive! 211 00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,551 Oh, no, no, no! 212 00:12:22,551 --> 00:12:24,720 All my million-dollar ideas. 213 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,388 No, dude! No. 214 00:12:26,388 --> 00:12:28,056 What are you doing? 215 00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:30,993 What am I doing? You did this. 216 00:12:30,993 --> 00:12:32,561 I warned you not to do anything stupid, 217 00:12:32,561 --> 00:12:34,997 and you let your nudes leak? 218 00:12:34,997 --> 00:12:36,999 Look how upset you've made them. 219 00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,270 They look pretty normal to me. 220 00:12:45,741 --> 00:12:48,343 Dude, I got to get my laptop back. 221 00:12:50,245 --> 00:12:51,914 Excuse me. 222 00:12:51,914 --> 00:12:53,582 I been listening to both of y'all spewing nonsense 223 00:12:53,582 --> 00:12:55,184 for the last 10 minutes. 224 00:12:55,184 --> 00:12:56,752 I just got to say a couple of things real quick. 225 00:12:56,752 --> 00:12:59,588 First of all, never the face. 226 00:12:59,588 --> 00:13:01,890 - What's wrong with you, bro? - That's what I said. 227 00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:03,625 My little sister watches your videos, man. 228 00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:06,461 What if those pics leaked? I would have to hurt you. 229 00:13:06,461 --> 00:13:09,731 Second, where was your laptop stolen from? 230 00:13:09,731 --> 00:13:12,701 Um, the university centre. 231 00:13:12,701 --> 00:13:15,437 Ah, say less. I know who has it. 232 00:13:15,437 --> 00:13:18,073 Really? 233 00:13:18,073 --> 00:13:20,609 Yo, bro. What you saying? 234 00:13:20,609 --> 00:13:23,579 Yeah. Ahlie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 235 00:13:23,579 --> 00:13:26,081 Nah. Yeah. Nah. 236 00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:28,083 I didn't watch the game yesterday, man. 237 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:31,954 Nah, nah, nah. Nah. 238 00:13:31,954 --> 00:13:33,889 Okay. That's a bless. 239 00:13:33,889 --> 00:13:35,157 Easy. 240 00:13:36,792 --> 00:13:38,060 Good news. 241 00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,728 I found your laptop, 242 00:13:39,728 --> 00:13:41,496 but we got to leave now. 243 00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:50,239 I think I trust him. 244 00:13:50,239 --> 00:13:51,640 Yeah. Let's go. 245 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,308 - Let's go. - All right. 246 00:13:58,146 --> 00:14:00,449 So, where are we going again? 247 00:14:00,449 --> 00:14:02,351 And who are you, and what's happening? 248 00:14:02,351 --> 00:14:04,820 And when do you plan on killing us tonight? 249 00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:06,521 We're going to meet those scammer guys 250 00:14:06,521 --> 00:14:08,690 from Scarborough, man. The ones that stole your shit. 251 00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:11,260 I mean, they go into libraries, malls, clubs, 252 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:13,161 jacking laptops and cellphones, B. 253 00:14:13,161 --> 00:14:15,831 Anytime anyone leaves anything on their table, 254 00:14:15,831 --> 00:14:17,499 their booths, their back pocket, 255 00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:20,636 even their hand, man. Boom! Swiped. 256 00:14:20,636 --> 00:14:21,870 How do you know all of this? 257 00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:23,305 Ha. Busted a bunch of them 258 00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:24,806 at a club I bounce at, man. 259 00:14:24,806 --> 00:14:26,942 They've been doing it for weeks. 260 00:14:26,942 --> 00:14:29,211 Targeting drunk guys, girls especially. 261 00:14:29,211 --> 00:14:30,846 I mean, then, to top it off, 262 00:14:30,846 --> 00:14:33,015 they act like they're helping you, bro. 263 00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:34,783 They link you their phone to log into your account 264 00:14:34,783 --> 00:14:36,551 to find your phone. 265 00:14:36,551 --> 00:14:39,888 Bam! Now, they got access to your e-mails, passwords, cloud. 266 00:14:39,888 --> 00:14:41,223 Everything, bro. 267 00:14:41,223 --> 00:14:43,625 Wow. That's actually kind of genius. 268 00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,527 I let a couple of them off the hook, man, 269 00:14:45,527 --> 00:14:47,229 as long as they swung me the new 16C. 270 00:14:47,229 --> 00:14:48,563 Neal: Oh, shit. 271 00:14:48,563 --> 00:14:50,532 I think I got my phone from them, too. 272 00:14:50,532 --> 00:14:52,301 {\an8}Oh, damn! That's what's up. 273 00:14:52,301 --> 00:14:53,902 {\an8}Oh, shit. 274 00:14:53,902 --> 00:14:55,837 {\an8}Um, yo. Can we just pull over at the next light there? 275 00:14:55,837 --> 00:14:57,406 I just got to pick somebody up. 276 00:15:01,043 --> 00:15:03,879 You're so late. Let's go. Hurry up and park. 277 00:15:03,879 --> 00:15:05,647 - Just get in real quick. - What? Why? 278 00:15:05,647 --> 00:15:07,316 Look. Can you not ask a thousand questions for once 279 00:15:07,316 --> 00:15:08,550 and Just get in? 280 00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:11,386 - Okay. - Thank you. 281 00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:13,221 - What's up, Neal? - Hey, girl. 282 00:15:14,856 --> 00:15:17,993 What the hell's going on? Who the hell is this? 283 00:15:17,993 --> 00:15:20,862 My guy, picking up some bitches. Okay. I see you. 284 00:15:20,862 --> 00:15:22,397 Who you calling "bitch," bitch? 285 00:15:22,397 --> 00:15:23,999 Damn. She's feisty, ahlie? 286 00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:25,767 Chippy, this is Sunny. Sunny, Chippy. 287 00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:27,602 Sunny's found a lead on my stolen laptop. 288 00:15:27,602 --> 00:15:29,905 That's why you're not coming in to wish Bhavita happy birthday? 289 00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:32,240 So you can run around with this fool? 290 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,875 Jasmeet: Oh, my God. Okay. One sec. 291 00:15:36,445 --> 00:15:40,115 There. Happy? Pretty sure she prefers this, anyway. 292 00:15:40,115 --> 00:15:41,850 Oh, shit. Thank you. 293 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:45,454 Yeah. I just shot right back up to favourite cousin. 294 00:15:45,454 --> 00:15:47,456 Yo. So, why is this laptop thing so urgent, anyways? 295 00:15:47,456 --> 00:15:48,957 You got nudes on it or some shit? 296 00:15:53,929 --> 00:15:56,064 Please tell me that you left your face out of them. 297 00:15:57,766 --> 00:16:00,068 Oh, my God, Jasmeet. No! Not the face. 298 00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:01,737 Never the face. 299 00:16:01,737 --> 00:16:03,438 Neal: I don't see what the big deal is. 300 00:16:03,438 --> 00:16:06,475 I mean, nudes are great for publicity. 301 00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:11,246 Think about Kim Kardashian, Chris Evans, Shrek. 302 00:16:11,246 --> 00:16:12,981 Yeah. Well, they had the privilege of not being shunned 303 00:16:12,981 --> 00:16:14,883 by the entire Brown community. 304 00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:16,585 Plus, I'm trying to, like, lift our people up, 305 00:16:16,585 --> 00:16:18,387 not set us back. 306 00:16:18,387 --> 00:16:20,389 Well, I mean, maybe being the guy to unshackle the bonds 307 00:16:20,389 --> 00:16:21,890 of sexual repression that have plagued 308 00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:23,458 the Indian community for generations 309 00:16:23,458 --> 00:16:27,496 is the ultimate form of lifting our people up. 310 00:16:27,496 --> 00:16:29,264 I mean, we did invent the Kama Sutra, right? 311 00:16:30,766 --> 00:16:31,967 Sunny: We? 312 00:16:31,967 --> 00:16:33,835 Bro, aren't you white? 313 00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:36,671 Sunny: Oh, shit. Hold that thought. 314 00:16:36,671 --> 00:16:39,641 Yo. What's up, Mr. B.? 315 00:16:39,641 --> 00:16:42,811 Sunny, what does your friend's laptop look like? 316 00:16:42,811 --> 00:16:44,312 Jasmeet: 15-inches. Bunch of stickers on the back. 317 00:16:44,312 --> 00:16:45,781 Keys get stuck sometimes, 318 00:16:45,781 --> 00:16:47,115 but not for the reasons you think or whatever. 319 00:16:47,115 --> 00:16:49,251 And where was it stolen from? 320 00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:51,920 The university centre. 321 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,022 Oh, that's a bad spot. Many of my guys there. 322 00:16:54,022 --> 00:16:56,091 You got to be more careful, my friend. 323 00:16:56,091 --> 00:16:58,860 Sunny: He desperately needs it back. 324 00:16:58,860 --> 00:17:02,030 The man's got some sensitive information on there. 325 00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:04,933 - Feel me? - Was your face on them? 326 00:17:06,301 --> 00:17:08,203 Oh, no. Not the face. 327 00:17:08,203 --> 00:17:11,039 - Never-- - Don't. Don't say it. 328 00:17:11,039 --> 00:17:12,841 Just looking through today's inventory. 329 00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:14,443 Oh, no. 330 00:17:14,443 --> 00:17:17,879 We just sold a laptop fitting that description, 331 00:17:17,879 --> 00:17:19,147 not even an hour ago. 332 00:17:19,147 --> 00:17:21,683 Is there any way to get it back? Please? 333 00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,552 We don't do returns. 334 00:17:23,552 --> 00:17:27,722 Our employees trust us in protecting their privacy. 335 00:17:27,722 --> 00:17:31,059 - It's all about trust. - I like this guy. Respect. 336 00:17:31,059 --> 00:17:32,794 Please. It's like a life-or-death situation. 337 00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:36,498 Sunny, uh, you vouch for this guy? 338 00:17:36,498 --> 00:17:39,134 100%, Mr. B. This is my boy. 339 00:17:39,134 --> 00:17:43,004 Oh, good. Discount DJ Khaled is vouching for you. 340 00:17:43,004 --> 00:17:44,506 {\an8}Oh, one minute. 341 00:17:54,716 --> 00:17:57,519 Mr. B.: Good news! We just located the buyer, 342 00:17:57,519 --> 00:18:01,656 and he's willing to give it back at the same price he paid. 343 00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:05,160 Dollar 600, cash. Meet him at the sweet shop 344 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,728 in 30. 345 00:18:06,728 --> 00:18:07,996 Got it. Thanks, G. 346 00:18:07,996 --> 00:18:09,531 Thank you. 347 00:18:09,531 --> 00:18:11,933 Jasmeet: Okay. So, they steal my laptop 348 00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:13,268 and I have to pay to get it back? 349 00:18:13,268 --> 00:18:14,903 Sunny: Well, the buyer paid for it. 350 00:18:14,903 --> 00:18:16,438 Yeah, with the money that those scammers now have. 351 00:18:16,438 --> 00:18:17,839 Okay. So? 352 00:18:17,839 --> 00:18:19,074 So, shouldn't they be paying the money 353 00:18:19,074 --> 00:18:20,942 to get it back? 354 00:18:20,942 --> 00:18:23,011 Wait. Why would they do that? You're buying the laptop. 355 00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:24,513 Yeah, which was stolen from me by them. 356 00:18:24,513 --> 00:18:26,448 Which means it belongs to someone else now. 357 00:18:26,448 --> 00:18:27,716 Am I making sense here? 358 00:18:27,716 --> 00:18:29,551 1000%. 359 00:18:29,551 --> 00:18:31,119 Oh, my God. Of course none of this makes sense. 360 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:32,621 They're scammers. 361 00:18:32,621 --> 00:18:33,889 Look. You still have to go through with it 362 00:18:33,889 --> 00:18:35,223 to get it back. 363 00:18:35,223 --> 00:18:36,525 Whoa! 364 00:18:38,293 --> 00:18:41,463 Tighten your mouth. We're here. 365 00:18:41,463 --> 00:18:43,732 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you think you're going? 366 00:18:43,732 --> 00:18:45,934 To get my laptop? 367 00:18:45,934 --> 00:18:48,036 Chill. Shit could go sideways. 368 00:18:48,036 --> 00:18:50,238 Too much heat in these streets, man. 369 00:18:55,610 --> 00:18:59,281 Um, okay. No offence, but I just met you, 370 00:18:59,281 --> 00:19:01,983 so I'd rather go get it myself. 371 00:19:01,983 --> 00:19:04,119 Listen, bro. What if he knows who you are, 372 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,223 gets smart, and starts asking for more money? 373 00:19:09,424 --> 00:19:10,659 I'm just-- 374 00:19:11,993 --> 00:19:14,062 Give me that. 375 00:19:14,062 --> 00:19:15,463 All right. 376 00:19:15,463 --> 00:19:16,932 Ooh. We should hot-box a car. 377 00:19:16,932 --> 00:19:19,267 No, dude. You know I don't smoke. 378 00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:21,636 Plus, I don't want to be horny and paranoid. 379 00:19:21,636 --> 00:19:23,171 Neal: Why? That's, like, the perfect combo. 380 00:19:23,171 --> 00:19:24,439 Chippy: I don't want my sari to smell. 381 00:19:24,439 --> 00:19:26,608 See, this is why I vape. 382 00:19:26,608 --> 00:19:29,277 Neal: I don't trust computers. 383 00:19:29,277 --> 00:19:31,112 You don't think your vape is recording everything you say? 384 00:19:31,112 --> 00:19:32,581 Uh, what's happening? 385 00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:37,986 What the fuck? 386 00:19:39,487 --> 00:19:41,756 Hello? 387 00:19:41,756 --> 00:19:43,091 Sunny: Yo. This dude figured out who you are. 388 00:19:43,091 --> 00:19:44,526 He's asking for more money. 389 00:19:44,526 --> 00:19:46,094 Dude, how? 390 00:19:46,094 --> 00:19:47,462 I told him. 391 00:19:47,462 --> 00:19:49,497 Okay, and why would you do that? 392 00:19:49,497 --> 00:19:50,932 Bro, my bad. I was just telling him 393 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,968 how excited you were to get the laptop back, 394 00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:54,436 'cause you're working on a video and shit. 395 00:19:54,436 --> 00:19:56,304 And he's all, like, "Oh, he's a filmmaker?" 396 00:19:56,304 --> 00:19:58,106 And I'm, like, "Nah. He makes online videos. 397 00:19:58,106 --> 00:20:01,376 Yo, like, People love him. Like, gets billions of views." 398 00:20:01,376 --> 00:20:03,278 Okay. First of all, I don't get anywhere near that. 399 00:20:03,278 --> 00:20:05,380 And then he's all, like, "Oh, yeah? Is that big money?" 400 00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,048 And I'm, like, "I think so. 401 00:20:07,048 --> 00:20:08,950 "Like, a dollar a view or some shit. 402 00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,719 He's probably raking in mad cash." 403 00:20:10,719 --> 00:20:13,121 None of that is remotely true. 404 00:20:13,121 --> 00:20:14,689 And then, this motherfucker started asking for more money, 405 00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:17,025 talking 'bout, "Yo. If he wants his laptop back, 406 00:20:17,025 --> 00:20:18,994 "he could give more than 500 bucks. 407 00:20:18,994 --> 00:20:20,462 "Like, what's 50 grand to a dude like that?" 408 00:20:20,462 --> 00:20:21,696 and all this other shit. 409 00:20:21,696 --> 00:20:23,331 50 grand? 410 00:20:23,331 --> 00:20:25,300 Nah, bro. Don't be ridiculous. I talked him down to 15. 411 00:20:26,368 --> 00:20:29,671 Oh, my God. Okay. You know-- 412 00:20:31,373 --> 00:20:33,041 Yo. That's the guy that was in the library. 413 00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:35,377 No, I'm not. 414 00:20:35,377 --> 00:20:36,978 Yeah. That's the guy that stole my laptop! 415 00:20:36,978 --> 00:20:38,480 No, I didn't. 416 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,982 Wait. If that's the guy that stole your laptop, 417 00:20:40,982 --> 00:20:42,484 and he works for Mr. B-- 418 00:20:42,484 --> 00:20:45,053 This is part of the scam, dumb ass. 419 00:20:45,053 --> 00:20:47,322 Oh, damn. This is some inception-level shit. 420 00:20:47,322 --> 00:20:49,557 All right. You know what? I'm coming in. 421 00:20:49,557 --> 00:20:51,993 What are you doing? Should we go after him? 422 00:20:51,993 --> 00:20:55,163 Yeah. This place has really good jalebis. 423 00:20:56,865 --> 00:20:59,067 What the fuck, dude? 424 00:20:59,067 --> 00:21:00,435 Oh, shit. Right behind you. 425 00:21:04,939 --> 00:21:07,242 - In here! - Bro, chill. Relax. 426 00:21:07,242 --> 00:21:10,111 Dude, I don't bullshit, man. Just give me my laptop back. 427 00:21:14,349 --> 00:21:15,583 Chippy: What's happening? 428 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:17,218 Yo, back up. 429 00:21:17,218 --> 00:21:18,887 I want all the money you got, or else I'll drop-- 430 00:21:18,887 --> 00:21:20,555 Oh, fuck! 431 00:21:20,555 --> 00:21:22,123 Chippy: Oh, my God! 432 00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:24,125 Dude, what the fuck, man? 433 00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:26,061 Dude, now the jalebis are going to taste like laptop. 434 00:21:26,061 --> 00:21:28,930 Hey. Fuck you! I burned myself. 435 00:21:28,930 --> 00:21:30,598 You did that, and you've destroyed 436 00:21:30,598 --> 00:21:32,033 my friggin' laptop, man. 437 00:21:32,033 --> 00:21:33,735 All you had to do was pay me. 438 00:21:33,735 --> 00:21:36,037 Now, we both take an L. 439 00:21:36,037 --> 00:21:37,572 Ow. 440 00:21:53,455 --> 00:21:55,724 Well-- 441 00:21:55,724 --> 00:21:58,059 Well, at least now, no one's going to see your nudes. 442 00:21:58,059 --> 00:22:00,295 And we know where to get another laptop from. 443 00:22:00,295 --> 00:22:01,563 Neal: Guys? 444 00:22:01,563 --> 00:22:03,798 We're saved. 445 00:22:05,266 --> 00:22:08,336 {\an8}The last of the non-laptop jalebis. 446 00:22:10,305 --> 00:22:12,240 {\an8}Dig in. 447 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:16,411 {\an8}Mmm. No laptop taste. 448 00:22:23,318 --> 00:22:25,153 {\an8}I had to get a new laptop. 449 00:22:25,153 --> 00:22:28,123 {\an8}My old one is... fried. 450 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:33,962 {\an8}Yeah, yeah. 451 00:22:40,368 --> 00:22:42,771 {\an8}Thanks. 452 00:22:58,953 --> 00:23:00,722 Nope. 453 00:23:18,573 --> 00:23:20,642 So, I always have people coming up to me, being, like, 454 00:23:20,642 --> 00:23:22,911 "Oh, you still living at home? At your big age? 455 00:23:22,911 --> 00:23:24,746 Oh, that's so weird." 456 00:23:24,746 --> 00:23:27,682 Like, can we collectively move past this dinosaur of a notion 457 00:23:27,682 --> 00:23:29,551 that we're being held back in life 458 00:23:29,551 --> 00:23:32,320 because we're living at home? 459 00:23:42,430 --> 00:23:46,034 ♪ Ooh ♪ 460 00:23:46,034 --> 00:23:49,437 ♪ Ah ♪ 461 00:23:49,437 --> 00:23:53,074 ♪ Ooh ♪ 462 00:23:53,074 --> 00:23:56,744 ♪ Ah ♪ 463 00:23:56,744 --> 00:23:59,881 ♪ Ooh ♪ 464 00:23:59,881 --> 00:24:03,518 ♪ Ah ♪ 465 00:24:03,518 --> 00:24:07,188 ♪ Ooh ♪ 466 00:24:07,188 --> 00:24:10,291 ♪ Ah ♪ 467 00:24:10,291 --> 00:24:14,395 ♪ Ooh ♪ 468 00:24:14,395 --> 00:24:16,431 ♪ Ah ♪ 469 00:24:17,432 --> 00:24:19,434 ♪ Ah ♪ 470 00:24:21,236 --> 00:24:23,471 ♪ Ah ♪ 34052

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