Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,469
STAN: Credit where credit's due.
2
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,805
This is the greatest
game of hide and seek
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,304
you've ever played, Roger.
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,009
"To: Francine"?
5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,346
"Can I see your boobies
in fourth period?
6
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,080
Circle Y or N?"
7
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,683
She circled N,
but I can see where she circled Y
8
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:19,751
and erased it!
9
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:24,222
These are all old love notes.
Why is Francine saving these?
10
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,357
Aha!
11
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,960
Hiding in plain sight
as one of your personas.
12
00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:30,228
I got you, Roger! Ow!
13
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,696
Focus, Stan.
14
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,099
You know the difference between
Roger and a real spider.
15
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,300
[SQUEAKING]
16
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,568
Roger?!
17
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,569
[SQUEAKING]
18
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,038
♪♪
19
00:00:40,075 --> 00:00:42,975
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
20
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,445
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
21
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,514
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
22
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:53,352
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
23
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:59,191
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
24
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,660
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
25
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,861
Aah!
26
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:07,532
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
27
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,934
♪♪
28
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:12,937
♪ It's the shaving song,
we're in the leg zone ♪
29
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,874
♪ Where the tibia
meets the talus bone ♪
30
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,811
♪ No need for cream,
that stuff's for chumps ♪
31
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:21,213
♪ Press the blade down hard and... ♪
32
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,548
Shaving your gams for Corey D?
33
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,616
Who's Corey D?
34
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,950
From third grade.
35
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,687
He thinks "you're Berry cool."
36
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,422
You went through my stuff?
37
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,490
I was looking for Roger.
38
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,891
You haven't found him yet?
39
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,292
- He's in the...
- Don't tell me where he is!
40
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:36,428
What I did find is this shoebox
41
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,763
filled with love letters to my wife!
42
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,298
Are you threatened by these?
43
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,635
They're just momentos I save
so our grandkids'll know
44
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,570
mee-maw was a smoke-show.
45
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,841
There is a world where
I could be overreacting.
46
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,843
Promise me you'll put those letters back
47
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,178
and stop worrying about them.
48
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,848
Of course, my love.
This is the end of it.
49
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:57,750
Your mother and I are getting a divorce.
50
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,651
- ALL: What?!
- Unless...
51
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,787
we determine none of these
old paramours are threats.
52
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,924
Your mother's been saving old
love letters behind my back.
53
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,992
I've assembled this
command center at we work
54
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:10,395
as a last-ditch effort
to save our marriage.
55
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:13,331
Maybe she just likes to
look back at memories.
56
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,466
That's what she told me,
57
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,668
but until we comb through every word,
58
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,070
I have to assume the worst.
59
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:20,205
I already have the
divorce papers written up.
60
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,141
I'm gonna pin them here to motivate you.
61
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,442
We're on it, Dad!
62
00:02:23,516 --> 00:02:25,944
If we suss out that any
of these losers are still
63
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,947
after our mom, they're freaking dead!
64
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,483
Yeah. Sorry, "Tony," but my mom
65
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,552
doesn't care that you think her hair is
66
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,287
"shinier than the sun."
67
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,021
You better back the freak off!
68
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,957
Yeah! And listen to this clown.
69
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,960
"Francine,
let me swim around in your mouth..."
70
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,963
Oh, this is from me when
I was obsessed with her.
71
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,232
And I can freaking shove off already!
72
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,233
[SNIFFLES]
73
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,968
- What is it, Jeff?
- It's...
74
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,703
It's over, Mr. S!
75
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,974
This man writes beautiful
poetry to Mrs. S.
76
00:02:55,976 --> 00:03:00,245
These words make my heart
freaking pitter-patter!
77
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:04,649
"Francine, your skin
as soft as oleander petals..."
78
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:05,717
"...weeping willows..."
79
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:06,985
[GASPS]
80
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,254
"...gentle breeze upon the Nile."
81
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,323
- Oh!
- It's so good.
82
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,991
And, look, there's more of them!
83
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,927
This guy's been writing these for years!
84
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,529
Who wrote this gorgeous crap?
85
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,397
It's anonymous.
86
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:23,936
C.I.A.? It's one of my coworkers?
87
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:26,238
You know what you have to do, Dad.
88
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:30,743
I have to go to the C.I.A.
89
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:33,011
and find out who's best at poems, right?
90
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,442
And then rip out their freaking throat!
91
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:42,087
The drug lord Eisenrich has been...
92
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:46,158
Dr. Weitzman, why are you
sleeping in our conference room?
93
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,293
I got dumped, and my girlfriend
94
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,761
got my apartment in the breakup.
95
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,297
I should have known that
contract she gave me
96
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:54,700
on our first date wasn't
just for "funsies"!
97
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,169
Don't get me started
on funsies contracts.
98
00:03:57,171 --> 00:04:01,306
That's how I got saddled with my
ex's alligator farm in Orlando.
99
00:04:02,005 --> 00:04:05,377
Ohh, I should go work on my lab stuff.
100
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,845
As I was saying,
101
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,247
we finally located
the drug lord, Eisenrich.
102
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,782
He's in the jungles of Brazil.
103
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,984
Shoot. I was hoping Orlando.
104
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,321
Sir, sounds like you'll need
an agent with poetic prowess.
105
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,990
Allow me to test the agents.
106
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,858
I don't see how poetry can...
107
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,127
Dick, perform a haiku about Brazil.
108
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,662
Brazil is a nut.
109
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,399
I have two brazils in my pants.
110
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:30,869
Terrible.
Jackson, describe this painting.
111
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,137
Orlando!
112
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,671
Let's try something different.
113
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,141
Would you describe my wife's breasts as,
114
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,344
A, large; B, medium;
115
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:43,014
or, C, a tonic which could heal
all that ails the human spirit?
116
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:46,084
I'm gonna say D, cool!
117
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,419
How about I print these
118
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,887
and let you all fill
them out individually?
119
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,089
The main office printer is busted.
120
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,157
You can use mine.
121
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,425
I've got a poem!
122
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,428
Orlando is great, Orlando is fair.
123
00:04:56,430 --> 00:05:00,432
Will you buy one of my "alligaytares"?
124
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,505
[GASPS] The logo!
125
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:08,706
It's Bullock!
126
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,376
I can't murder my boss.
He could fire me!
127
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,779
Wait, wait! The poems are anonymous.
128
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:15,447
Mom doesn't know they're from Bullock,
129
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,515
so he can't be a threat, right?
130
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,184
Of course he's a threat!
131
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,587
Those poems are insanely romantic,
132
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:25,791
and Francine is keeping them,
which means she's into it.
133
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:29,461
One second alone with Bullock,
he mentions Robert Frost,
134
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,796
and the "road not taken"
135
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,865
definitely won't be her "bajima."
136
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,201
Maybe you could try to be more romantic
137
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,737
- like the poems, Mr. S.
- Let me try.
138
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:43,008
Ahem. Francine, your hair is like...
139
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,276
the noodles.
140
00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:46,278
- A failure!
- We're done!
141
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,080
- Divorce!
- Which noodles?!
142
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,616
The only way to settle this
is to put Bullock and Francine
143
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,684
in a situation where they are alone,
144
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,687
and we see if Francine goes for it.
145
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,155
How do we get them alone?
146
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,756
- A car accident.
- Yes!
147
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,892
Tons of romances start when a hunky dude
148
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,894
accidentally bumps into a sexy lady.
149
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,496
There's a motel on the
side of the highway
150
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,231
that's super romantic.
151
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,700
- We can cause the accident there.
- Perfect.
152
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,037
I need to see them a mustache
hair's away from boning.
153
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,506
Yeah, we all do!
154
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:17,309
♪♪
155
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,776
Everyone in position?
156
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,513
Yep, we bribed
the front-desk workers $40
157
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,648
to let us have an empty room.
158
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,982
The rooms cost 40 a night,
159
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,917
so pretty sure you just rented a room.
160
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,854
There, I just lit over 200 candles.
161
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,922
Had to raid the Halloween decorations
for 'em though,
162
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,991
so they're all little smiling pumpkins.
163
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:36,462
But it's still sexy as hell in there!
164
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:39,264
I told Bullock there was
a dope owl he had to see,
165
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,266
and I told Francine the same thing.
166
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,600
They should be here soon.
167
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,270
Now for a little flat tire.
168
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,205
♪ This is the shaving song ♪
169
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,874
♪ We're in the leg zone ♪
170
00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:52,277
Shit, shit!
171
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,581
[SCREAMING]
172
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,350
♪ No need for cream ♪
173
00:06:58,352 --> 00:06:59,685
♪ That stuff's for chumps ♪
174
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,619
♪ Press the blade down hard and... ♪
175
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:05,090
Aaaaah!
176
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,959
[CAR CRASHES]
177
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:08,994
Plan B.
178
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,766
Rose petals?!
179
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,635
No way my insurance covers this place.
180
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,839
Are you trying to get me
and Bullock to hook up?
181
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,709
I was seeing if you would
hook up if given the chance.
182
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,044
He's the one who writes you those poems.
183
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,245
Bullock?
184
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,581
You're the author of
those amazing poems?
185
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,984
Oh, those transcendent
poems aren't from me.
186
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,386
They're from you.
187
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:38,990
I'll explain, but
can I please see this dope owl first?
188
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,192
Oh yeah, sure.
189
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:41,360
[HOOTING]
190
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,896
- Wow!
- It is dope.
191
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,401
♪♪
192
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:51,203
So this is me?
193
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:54,606
Sort of. There's a part of you in it.
194
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,943
You see, when an agent joins the C.I.A.,
195
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,345
we do a lot of effed-up things
196
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,815
to ensure you are
successful killing machines.
197
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,752
One of those is the
irreversible operation
198
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,421
of removing the romantic lobe.
199
00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:12,758
How does romance get in
the way of C.I.A. missions?
200
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:16,729
Romance always gets in the way.
201
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:19,565
[PRINTER WHIRS]
202
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,366
"Goddess Francine,
203
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:24,570
"I must have done something
beautiful in a past life
204
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,372
to be blessed with your presence!"
205
00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:28,006
Goddess?
206
00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:29,375
Okay!
207
00:08:29,377 --> 00:08:30,609
This is from me!
208
00:08:30,646 --> 00:08:33,045
It made Francine blush,
and it's from me!
209
00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:34,780
Exactamundo.
210
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:39,184
And this espresso machine
has Dick's romantic lobe.
211
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:42,454
Espresso truly made with love.
212
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,389
The mini fridge is Jackson.
213
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,458
Because he has a cold heart!
214
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:49,995
You keep them all in
your office appliances?
215
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:53,665
Yes. The lobes act as a power source.
216
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,335
No need for charging,
batteries, or unseemly plugs.
217
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,536
Oh, sick.
218
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,407
Even sicker, the printer adores you.
219
00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:03,141
When it began printing poems,
220
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,478
I couldn't bear the thought
of them not being read,
221
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,680
which is why I mailed them.
222
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,148
- I'm taking this.
- Why?
223
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,085
Because with the printer,
we are a perfect couple.
224
00:09:13,087 --> 00:09:15,220
I have my romantic side back!
225
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,755
That's crazy.
226
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,425
We aren't bringing a printer
into our relationship.
227
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:20,959
[WHIRRING]
228
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:24,429
"Francine,
allow me to take us to dinner."
229
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,031
A spontaneous date?
230
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,966
I guess that is kind of romantic.
231
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,269
See! Let's give it a spin, baby.
232
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:32,904
[MAN CRYING]
233
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:36,774
Dr. Weitzman,
are you still crying down there?
234
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,043
Yeah, sorry.
235
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:42,781
Your heart is broken,
and my printer was just stolen.
236
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,717
Grab your ATM card and
your tightest pants.
237
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,120
We're going on a three-day bender!
238
00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:50,856
All my pants are the tightest.
239
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:54,059
♪ La-la la-la ♪
240
00:09:54,950 --> 00:09:58,263
"Ode to Francine on the gondola of love.
241
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,599
"Though I cannot move myself,
you move me the way
242
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,601
the water moves beneath us."
243
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,004
Oh, I can't finish it.
244
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,741
Stan, this is beautiful.
245
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,077
It says it's for the gondolier.
246
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,612
Uh, these are-a song lyrics.
247
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,747
Sing them!
248
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,684
♪ Kiss her hand, rub her feet ♪
249
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:23,355
♪ I'll create chemistry ♪
250
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:26,224
♪ Because love can be a science ♪
251
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,295
♪ When you've got a
romantic appliance ♪
252
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,297
- Wait, what is this about?
- Just keep going!
253
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:37,169
♪ I'll say how to treat her right ♪
254
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:42,040
♪ Like a dance in the moonlight ♪
255
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,576
♪ No need for self doubting ♪
256
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:50,782
♪ When I'm printing how
to keep from drowning ♪
257
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,118
♪ With my ink and my toner ♪
258
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,523
♪ She'll fall straight
on your boner ♪
259
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:58,724
Ew!
260
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,926
♪ Romance you cannot give her ♪
261
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:07,032
♪ Without me, your romance printer ♪
262
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:13,405
♪ Gently take her in your arms ♪
263
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:18,810
♪ Squeeze her tight without harm ♪
264
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,146
♪ If I could do that to her ♪
265
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:28,086
♪ It would be me instead
of this dumb loser ♪
266
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,688
♪ I'm in no luck, I'm a cuck ♪
267
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,425
♪ Watching him give her ♪
268
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:39,965
♪ A lame [BLEEP] ♪
269
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:46,572
♪ Because love can be a science ♪
270
00:11:46,574 --> 00:11:56,815
♪ But she won't love
an office appliance ♪
271
00:12:00,242 --> 00:12:02,287
Roger?
272
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:05,257
Oh, this is beautiful.
273
00:12:05,259 --> 00:12:07,059
Starts with lots of descriptions.
274
00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:08,860
Here, Francine, I just thought of this.
275
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,791
Aww, thank you.
276
00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:14,399
Do me a favor and grab
that one yourself.
277
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:18,336
FRANCINE: "Francine,
this isn't from Stan.
278
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,538
"It's from me, printer.
279
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,007
"Run away with me.
280
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:26,078
A queen like you deserves
better than this beastly oaf."
281
00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:31,483
Uh, Stan,
I think the printer is turning on you.
282
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,084
Of course it's turning on me.
283
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,955
It is me. It wants you all to itself.
284
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,290
It's trying to hurt you.
285
00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:39,625
It's playing.
286
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:42,360
The printer has already made
our lives more romantic.
287
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,363
I don't need our lives
to be more romantic.
288
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,832
I just need you.
289
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,033
Give it one more chance.
290
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,435
We made reservations tomorrow night
291
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,103
at that very romantic restaurant.
292
00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:53,371
I'm gonna need all hands on deck.
293
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,842
They have waiters that wipe
crumbs from your table.
294
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,946
I'm gonna eat so messily.
295
00:13:00,038 --> 00:13:01,980
We can keep it around...
296
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,181
[MOTOR STARTS]
297
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,817
Roger!
298
00:13:06,313 --> 00:13:08,186
Just the lawnmower!
299
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,521
[STEVE VOCALIZING]
300
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:14,059
♪ Where the tibia
meets the talus bone ♪
301
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:17,096
Oh, printer,
I didn't know you were in here.
302
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:18,797
_
303
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,998
"Handsome"?
304
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,266
[CHUCKLES]
305
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,868
Keep that up, and you can have
306
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,903
the knife, the cheese, the...
307
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:27,006
- _
- Oh, okay.
308
00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:28,837
_
309
00:13:29,143 --> 00:13:31,377
Wait. What are you up to...
310
00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:33,283
_
311
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,348
[PRINTER WHIRS]
312
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:44,556
Okay, you're trying to murder Stan.
313
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,158
Time to go.
314
00:13:47,384 --> 00:13:48,460
Where is it?!
315
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,962
If you stole it, I swear on your hat...
316
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,297
Put Jeff down.
317
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,632
I dumped the printer on
the side of the road.
318
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:58,504
It's evil, Stan.
It was trying to murder you.
319
00:13:58,506 --> 00:14:00,105
- So!
- So?
320
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,707
I don't want you murdered.
321
00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,175
I'm canceling the date.
322
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:05,511
I can't do it without my romance crutch.
323
00:14:05,513 --> 00:14:07,312
You don't need it.
324
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,247
I know I don't. You do!
325
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,117
- You're the one who needs the romance.
- No, I don't!
326
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:15,387
You're not listening to me about
what I'm telling you you need!
327
00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:16,922
We're not canceling.
328
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,991
I'm getting tiny pieces
of bread in my cleavage
329
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,659
whether you're there or not!
330
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,130
Okay, well,
you saying cleavage got me back in.
331
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:28,400
He stretched out my shirt.
He owes me a new shirt.
332
00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:29,501
Shh!
333
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:35,473
Bye, Bullock!
334
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,377
A pleasure doing a bender with you!
335
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:43,081
Wait, this isn't the office.
336
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,550
[PRINTER WHIRS]
337
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,021
"Hello...
338
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,391
handsome"?!
339
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,430
Can we take a break?
340
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:00,899
We've been up writing poetry all night.
341
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,501
You call this poetry?
342
00:15:02,503 --> 00:15:06,438
"And that's why mom...
I mean, Francine... is so hot."
343
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,575
Is it 'cause I wrote "mom"?
I'm exhausted!
344
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,710
Oh, relax.
345
00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:13,311
You took a three-hour nap in the corner.
346
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:16,114
We know you were wearing fake eyes!
347
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,116
He's wearing them now!
348
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,451
[SNORES]
349
00:15:19,453 --> 00:15:20,453
Hayley, hit me.
350
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:22,054
I wrote an acrostic.
351
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:24,189
I spelled out mom's name
and added adjectives
352
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,058
for each letter describing her.
353
00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:27,392
"'F' is for fat"...
354
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,794
but in a good way, like with a "ph."
355
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,996
"'R' is for rack for days.
356
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,598
'A' is for ass for days"...
357
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,267
Stop. It's solid. Best we've got.
358
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,668
- Good job, Hayley.
- Really?
359
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:39,604
I can't believe you rejected
"roses are red,
360
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,006
"violets are blue,
like a gale force wind,
361
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,275
into my life you blew!"
362
00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:45,878
You can't rhyme "blue" with "blew."
363
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,280
They're different blues!
364
00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:50,282
It's time for your date, Mr. S!
365
00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:51,750
Wish me luck, team!
366
00:15:51,752 --> 00:15:53,686
You won't need it with that poem.
367
00:15:53,688 --> 00:15:55,153
Oh, look at Hayley.
368
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,222
One good poem,
and she thinks she's ready for
369
00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:58,957
"late night with Walt Whitman."
370
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,492
Right, Steve?
371
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:01,694
Steve?
372
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,303
I need to get some [BLEEP] sleep.
373
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:13,371
[DOWN-TEMPO PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
374
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,839
"...ass for days.
375
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,708
"'C'... cute face.
376
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,310
"'I'... is cool.
377
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,312
"'N'... not uncool.
378
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,581
And 'e'... eggs worked."
379
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:25,384
I guess that refers to
your successful fertility.
380
00:16:25,386 --> 00:16:28,853
You forgot the "n." Between "a" and "c."
381
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,323
- That spells "Fracine."
- Shit balls!
382
00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,725
[FRENCH ACCENT] Good evening.
383
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:36,861
May I start you off with
some very crumbly bread?
384
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,230
Yes, please.
385
00:16:38,287 --> 00:16:40,632
And two piña coladas.
386
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:50,475
Stan, you just got crumbed,
and you didn't even notice.
387
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,277
I'm bombing! Uh...
388
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:54,012
Your hair is noodles.
389
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,348
Your eyes are... noodles!
390
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,550
Your lips are... Ah, I'm blanking here.
391
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,720
You got them little macaroni toes,
I know that!
392
00:17:03,561 --> 00:17:06,258
Is that... the printer?
393
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,427
Oh, hi, Smiths.
394
00:17:08,429 --> 00:17:11,296
This is my new girlfriend, Printer.
395
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,698
I just gave her arms,
legs, and a voice box.
396
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,567
[ELECTRONIC VOICE] Francine,
I can finally speak.
397
00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:19,103
It feels like my tongue was in chains,
but I have broken free.
398
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,572
I should have said that!
399
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:24,909
Now that I am a complete man,
we can finally be together.
400
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:28,046
What?! I-I thought
you were a girl printer!
401
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,515
Sorry, no. I lied.
402
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:31,784
And then used you to gain leverage
403
00:17:31,786 --> 00:17:33,918
over this disgusting pig.
404
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,387
He's not a pig!
405
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,523
You could have a zillion
arms and a zillion voices,
406
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:41,126
and I still wouldn't
want to be with you.
407
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,527
Let's go, Stan.
408
00:17:42,543 --> 00:17:44,129
You should be with him.
409
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,331
He can give you the romance you deserve.
410
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,467
I don't want to be with a printer!
411
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:51,003
I did prepare for this.
412
00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:53,872
[SINGSONG VOICE] Oh, goo-oons!
413
00:17:54,008 --> 00:17:56,875
[PEOPLE MURMURING, SCREAMING]
414
00:17:56,877 --> 00:18:02,214
♪♪
415
00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:03,482
Goons?!
416
00:18:03,484 --> 00:18:05,818
You said I was making bridesmaids.
417
00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:08,153
Uh! All the lies!
418
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,155
Espresso machine, grab my love.
419
00:18:11,225 --> 00:18:13,358
Yowch! You're piping hot!
420
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,759
Sorry about that, tootsie.
421
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,562
Stan, why are you just sitting there?
422
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:20,299
You won her fair and square.
423
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:23,235
[BANGING ON DOOR]
424
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:28,640
Oh, Francine, is this all my fault?
425
00:18:28,642 --> 00:18:31,043
I know it can be hard,
but we have to trust
426
00:18:31,045 --> 00:18:34,112
our significant others when
they tell us how they feel.
427
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,447
I'm guilty too.
428
00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:37,449
Looking back at my last relationship,
429
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:41,986
the printer told me many,
many times that it was only using me.
430
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:43,788
You're right.
431
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,791
I've been insecure instead
of trusting Francine.
432
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,529
Wow. I've never given a
successful pep talk before!
433
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,398
Did you say something?
434
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,467
I-I was conferencing with my family.
435
00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:58,470
I'm sorry to force you
on this date, darling,
436
00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:01,740
but it's clear you are
still brainwashed by Stan.
437
00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:03,542
Why aren't you tasting the wine?
438
00:19:03,544 --> 00:19:08,213
Because you're a printer with no gullet?
439
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:11,149
Mmm. Notes of burning co-o-pper.
440
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,219
I heard this pairs well
with having unprotected sex
441
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,221
with your printer.
442
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,555
Do you even have a dick?
443
00:19:16,557 --> 00:19:18,356
How are we supposed to bang?
444
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,359
My extender tray is my dick.
445
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,761
I thought that was obvious?
446
00:19:24,298 --> 00:19:26,565
I'm not putting that thing in me!
447
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:29,501
It's like a long, flat rectangle.
448
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,904
I'll get a new one. Go get Dr. Weitzman.
449
00:19:31,906 --> 00:19:35,240
Francine needs me to have
a less rectangular dick
450
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,841
so she can realize she loves me.
451
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:41,246
For the last time,
I will never love you!
452
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:44,048
I suggest you listen to the lady.
453
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,517
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
454
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:47,786
Stan, haven't you heard?
455
00:19:47,788 --> 00:19:50,789
Never bring a knife to an ink fight!
456
00:19:50,791 --> 00:19:52,724
♪♪
457
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:56,060
This is stupid. Just give me the gun.
458
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,329
[GUNFIRE]
459
00:19:57,331 --> 00:20:04,202
♪♪
460
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,471
[GROANS]
461
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:12,277
Stan! You came to your senses!
462
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:15,880
I'll never be romantic again!
463
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,183
- [SOFT MOANING]
- _
464
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,421
[DEEP ELECTRONIC VOICE] Coffee bean?
465
00:20:22,423 --> 00:20:25,557
Wait, are you a girl espresso machine?
466
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,528
Uh... yeah. A real pretty one!
467
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,897
♪♪
468
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:37,636
I know you think I don't save
anything of yours, but I do.
469
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,305
- In the junk drawer?
- It's not a junk drawer.
470
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,841
It's momentos from our relationship.
471
00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:46,444
Like the superglue you used
to fix my Ed Hardy sandal
472
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,513
at the gathering of the juggalos.
473
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:51,316
And now I want to add this.
474
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,852
Why don't you do it?
475
00:20:53,854 --> 00:20:55,988
You found me, Stan! Your turn!
476
00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:58,923
199, 198...
477
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,793
Bye! Have a great time!
478
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,496
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34111
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
