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1
00:00:01,016 --> 00:00:03,371
We're not just any
electrical superstore.
2
00:00:03,396 --> 00:00:05,445
We're YOUR
electrical superstore.
3
00:00:05,446 --> 00:00:09,366
Feeling peckish? Breville
toaster. Only 24.99.
4
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:10,805
What an offer!
5
00:00:10,806 --> 00:00:14,915
What about a camcorder for
Dad? Only 499. Top deal!
6
00:00:14,916 --> 00:00:18,035
Why not treat the wife to the latest
state-of-the-art vacuum cleaner,
7
00:00:18,036 --> 00:00:21,346
for as little as
73 quid? No joke!
8
00:00:21,347 --> 00:00:23,985
Cheapest prices this
side of the Pennines.
9
00:00:23,986 --> 00:00:26,265
That's the power of Parker!
10
00:00:26,266 --> 00:00:28,706
FlRE ALARM RlNGS
11
00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,065
Martin?
12
00:00:40,066 --> 00:00:41,445
Aw...
13
00:00:41,446 --> 00:00:44,836
l don't like it when you're
stressed. Can I cheer you up?
14
00:00:46,036 --> 00:00:47,597
You always cheer me up.
15
00:00:50,626 --> 00:00:52,155
Mmm...
16
00:00:52,156 --> 00:00:54,445
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey. I need to get back
17
00:00:54,446 --> 00:00:56,835
before joan's perm solution
burns her scalp again.
18
00:00:56,836 --> 00:00:59,755
I thought you said you
wanted to cheer me up.
19
00:00:59,756 --> 00:01:04,835
Oh, come on, chicken. Five
more minutes? De-stress me.
20
00:01:04,836 --> 00:01:08,875
Oh, l got a surprise for you later.
What kind of surprise? Secret.
21
00:01:08,876 --> 00:01:11,875
Kath, you're shit at secrets.
You can't hold your own piss.
22
00:01:11,876 --> 00:01:14,836
Um, l am very discreet,
I 'll have you know.
23
00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:18,155
Shall l give you a hint? See?
24
00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:19,905
SHE LAUGHS
25
00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:22,035
SlLLY ACCENT: My
horse has a poorly hoof.
26
00:01:22,036 --> 00:01:25,795
However vill l make it to
ze market? Can you helps me?
27
00:01:25,796 --> 00:01:29,085
What the bloody hellfire was
that? It was sexy, that.
28
00:01:29,086 --> 00:01:31,476
Sexy? You sound more like
you've had a mild stroke.
29
00:01:31,477 --> 00:01:34,755
Sod off. l 'm working on it, all
right? You're going to love it!
30
00:01:34,756 --> 00:01:37,115
You're mad. You're mad.
31
00:01:37,116 --> 00:01:39,265
THEY LAUGH
32
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,755
There we go! Now
you're talking! Oh!
33
00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:45,346
Now you're cooking
on gas, our Kath!
34
00:01:45,347 --> 00:01:47,826
THEY SHRlEK AND LAUGH
35
00:01:54,126 --> 00:01:57,046
Oh, shit. Is that the
time? I 'd better go.
36
00:01:58,836 --> 00:02:00,525
Love you!
37
00:02:00,526 --> 00:02:04,045
d Here comes the mirror
man Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
38
00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:08,195
d Says he's a people
fan Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... d
39
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,965
Ta, Betty.
40
00:02:09,966 --> 00:02:13,086
I 'd stick it on a boil
wash if I was you. See ya!
41
00:02:19,326 --> 00:02:22,885
Don't even think about it.
I 've just mopped. Jesus!
42
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:25,245
Here. Eat it in the
garage. Oh, Tom,
43
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,765
please tell me you're going to
at least shower before tonight?
44
00:02:27,766 --> 00:02:29,726
I don't see what all
the fuss is about.
45
00:02:29,727 --> 00:02:31,995
Tom, I 'm on the
board of governors.
46
00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:36,476
And...? And we're entertaining your
sister's French exchange people.
47
00:02:36,477 --> 00:02:39,525
Me and your father, all of
us, are representing Britain.
48
00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:43,045
The school are counting on me.
Everything needs to be perfect.
49
00:02:43,046 --> 00:02:46,635
Any fit French
birds coming? Ohh...
50
00:02:46,636 --> 00:02:49,365
Oh... l dontt think
youtve got enough cheese.
51
00:02:49,366 --> 00:02:53,115
Do you think I should put more out?
How many are we expecting, again?
52
00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:55,555
SHE GASPS More chairs.
53
00:02:55,556 --> 00:02:59,275
Will they want to mingle? Do French
mingle? Can you mingle in chairs?
54
00:02:59,276 --> 00:03:03,115
Less chairs? Yes, less chairs.
Chuck us a yoghurt, will ya? Oh!
55
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:07,045
Desserts! I 've only done
a trifle. Mum! Chill out.
56
00:03:07,046 --> 00:03:08,526
Do French people like desserts?
57
00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:13,085
Let them eat cake.
Yes, I 'll get a cake!
58
00:03:13,086 --> 00:03:16,805
Who doesn't like a cake? H mm.
59
00:03:16,806 --> 00:03:18,325
Hiya, Pam. Are you all right?
60
00:03:18,326 --> 00:03:21,645
Got my pills, Bev? I told
ya. Give us a minute.
61
00:03:21,646 --> 00:03:24,165
Oh! Good night, was it, Bev?
62
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:26,555
We were double-dropping
some diazepam last night.
63
00:03:26,556 --> 00:03:29,006
Oh. Off me tits.
64
00:03:30,756 --> 00:03:34,275
Oh, don't look at me, Kath,
I 'm hanging out me arse.
65
00:03:34,276 --> 00:03:36,045
Not for me, that, Bev.
66
00:03:36,046 --> 00:03:39,396
All l need to unwind is an Archers
and lemonade and a good bop.
67
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:44,276
You all right,
Gladys? You decent?
68
00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:48,775
Oh, here she is.
69
00:03:48,776 --> 00:03:51,476
Hello, my love.
70
00:03:51,477 --> 00:03:54,525
Remember, Gladys, not
a word to the others.
71
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,085
Oh. Who have you
swiped that from?
72
00:03:57,086 --> 00:03:58,476
Never you mind. It's
a good 'un, that.
73
00:03:58,477 --> 00:04:02,115
It's unopened. Two
soaps and a talc. Mm!
74
00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:06,005
Any joy with them ciggies?
It's bad news, I 'm afraid.
75
00:04:06,006 --> 00:04:07,915
He's been stopped
at Calais again.
76
00:04:07,916 --> 00:04:10,285
500 packs of Silk Cut,
ten litres of ouzo
77
00:04:10,286 --> 00:04:12,645
and 40 pairs of knock-off Gucci
loafers all up the Suwannee.
78
00:04:12,646 --> 00:04:14,726
His mam's gone mad. She's
had to switch to rollies.
79
00:04:14,727 --> 00:04:18,325
Oh, no. Who has the
time? Well, I know.
80
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:21,965
This is nice. ls
it new? Fat Annie.
81
00:04:21,966 --> 00:04:24,925
Annie powell, 10B, died Tuesday.
82
00:04:24,926 --> 00:04:28,285
Oh. l nabbed this and
a couple of nighties.
83
00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:29,726
Nice.
84
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,395
KATH HUMS TO HERSELF
85
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,365
Oh, you're in a good mood.
86
00:04:33,366 --> 00:04:37,325
Silver anniversary today. I
'm doing us a fancy meal.
87
00:04:37,326 --> 00:04:39,975
Oh, right. What
are you making him?
88
00:04:39,976 --> 00:04:42,565
Rock hard. Well, if the
saucy costume I borrowed
89
00:04:42,566 --> 00:04:44,935
has anything to do
with it! SHE WHISTLES
90
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,045
Dirty bugger.
91
00:04:46,046 --> 00:04:49,375
Do you know, he
is proper sex mad.
92
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,405
Yeah. So l saw.
93
00:04:51,406 --> 00:04:55,455
You what? You and him rolling
around like silly buggers.
94
00:04:55,456 --> 00:04:58,685
We had to stop the bingo. Twice.
95
00:04:58,686 --> 00:05:03,655
Cliff Bibby was having chest
pains. Attention-seeking bastard.
96
00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:05,815
Oh, and l might have a
Teasmade for you next week.
97
00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:09,095
Winnie Owens is
0n her last legs.
98
00:05:09,096 --> 00:05:10,406
I know.
99
00:05:13,686 --> 00:05:16,685
What is going on, guys?
100
00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:19,206
You're supposed to
be my dream team.
101
00:05:20,936 --> 00:05:22,765
If you want all this...
102
00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:26,405
If you want all this,
I 've got news for you.
103
00:05:26,406 --> 00:05:28,175
You've got to start using this.
104
00:05:28,176 --> 00:05:32,205
Redditch branch sold
13 of these yesterday.
105
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,815
13!
106
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:37,295
13.1 -3.
107
00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,487
Are you hearing this?
108
00:05:40,846 --> 00:05:43,607
Oh, God. Look at
the state of you.
109
00:05:45,376 --> 00:05:47,175
Gary, flies.
110
00:05:47,176 --> 00:05:48,606
ZlPPlNG
111
00:05:48,607 --> 00:05:52,965
Do you know how many telly-videos
you sold between the lot of you?
112
00:05:52,966 --> 00:05:56,215
Zero. Zilch.
113
00:05:56,216 --> 00:05:59,375
Sweet FA, Alex.
114
00:05:59,376 --> 00:06:01,685
Actually, minus one.
115
00:06:01,686 --> 00:06:05,095
Gary had a return. I 've
been watching the lot of you
116
00:06:05,096 --> 00:06:07,295
and you're going after
the wrong customers.
117
00:06:07,296 --> 00:06:09,015
What would I do?
118
00:06:09,016 --> 00:06:12,125
Charm the ladies. Give
the kiddies a balloon.
119
00:06:12,126 --> 00:06:15,235
And if they want a
deal, we do deals.
120
00:06:15,236 --> 00:06:18,935
This telly-video comes with a free
sports holdall, for fuck's sake.
121
00:06:18,936 --> 00:06:22,045
What an offer. Come on!
122
00:06:22,046 --> 00:06:25,575
I 'm handing it to you on a
bastard plate here. Meet me hadway.
123
00:06:25,576 --> 00:06:27,015
HE SIGHS
124
00:06:27,016 --> 00:06:30,737
All right? What are you doing stood
standing around? Time's money.
125
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:35,765
I 'm sorry, Mr Parker. l 've
been over and over the numbers,
126
00:06:35,766 --> 00:06:39,295
but with so many anomalies, l just
can't seem to get things right.
127
00:06:39,296 --> 00:06:41,655
Well, you're my accountant.
Isn't that what I pay you for?
128
00:06:41,656 --> 00:06:45,486
Yeah, well, about that, actually...
How bad is it? Oh, it's bad.
129
00:06:45,487 --> 00:06:49,885
Really bad. lt's never been this
bad, actually. It's badder than bad.
130
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:54,045
The bank want their
money. The rent's overdue.
131
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,295
We really need to talk
about staff wages.
132
00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:59,405
Where is Julie with
them brews? Julie!
133
00:06:59,406 --> 00:07:01,315
Julie!
134
00:07:01,316 --> 00:07:04,785
This poor fella's gasping
'ere! Is that kettle on?
135
00:07:04,786 --> 00:07:07,245
We spoke about you
tightening your belt.
136
00:07:07,246 --> 00:07:11,295
Have you given any thought
to selling the car? No way.
137
00:07:11,296 --> 00:07:14,325
It's all about image in my game.
138
00:07:14,326 --> 00:07:18,165
Martin Parker can't be driving
round town in a Fiat Panda, can he?
139
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:21,296
For Christ's sake! It's
a hairdresser's car.
140
00:07:22,426 --> 00:07:24,985
Well, it's different for
you. No-one gives a shit.
141
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:29,575
What about the "storage space"
above the old butcher's shop?
142
00:07:29,576 --> 00:07:31,856
I 've told you,
it's complicated.
143
00:07:31,857 --> 00:07:36,445
We need to serve notice ASAP
before the lease rolls over again.
144
00:07:36,446 --> 00:07:39,805
Where is Julie with them brews?
145
00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:41,685
It's not my fault.
146
00:07:41,686 --> 00:07:45,045
Some shithouses from Rumbelows
driving people like me out of town.
147
00:07:45,046 --> 00:07:48,095
Is everything all right? Yes,
I 'm on it. Stop stressing.
148
00:07:48,096 --> 00:07:52,254
I 'm not stressed. It's
not me who'll go to jail.
149
00:07:52,255 --> 00:07:55,454
Nobody's going to jail.
150
00:07:55,455 --> 00:07:57,454
They'll probably kill me first.
151
00:07:57,455 --> 00:08:00,454
Who's going to kill you?
The Slater brothers.
152
00:08:00,455 --> 00:08:04,174
Sh-sh-sh! I don't believe
this. Alan, have you got dogs?
153
00:08:04,175 --> 00:08:07,724
Our Kylie's getting her tubes
tied today. I 'm on pins.
154
00:08:07,725 --> 00:08:09,895
That's the last of the teabags.
155
00:08:11,765 --> 00:08:15,815
Mr Parker! The Slater brothers.
156
00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:19,004
What possessed you to go to
them? I had no choice, had I?
157
00:08:19,005 --> 00:08:21,615
How much? Five grand.
158
00:08:22,765 --> 00:08:26,094
OK... But it's six now.
Look, I only went to them
159
00:08:26,095 --> 00:08:28,894
because you said the
bank wouldn't play dice.
160
00:08:28,895 --> 00:08:31,685
Technically, this is
your fault. My fault?
161
00:08:31,686 --> 00:08:34,285
Sorry, Alan, don't drink that
one. It's got three sugars in it.
162
00:08:36,455 --> 00:08:39,734
How is the diabetes?
It's not bad.
163
00:08:39,735 --> 00:08:43,535
And you still can't
have KitKats? No.
164
00:08:44,845 --> 00:08:47,125
Thank you, Julie. Thank you.
165
00:08:49,615 --> 00:08:52,844
You should have told me. I
didn't know it had sugar in it.
166
00:08:52,845 --> 00:08:57,044
About the Slaters! Oh. If
we are going to solve this,
167
00:08:57,045 --> 00:09:00,964
you are going to really need
to cut back on your outgoings.
168
00:09:00,965 --> 00:09:04,565
And the old butcher's
shop. I 'll sort it.
169
00:09:04,566 --> 00:09:07,175
And I 'll look into
selling the car.
170
00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,204
d This is the sign of the times
171
00:09:12,205 --> 00:09:14,004
d piece of more to come
172
00:09:14,005 --> 00:09:15,924
d This is the sign of the times
173
00:09:15,925 --> 00:09:17,734
d Time to be alone
174
00:09:17,735 --> 00:09:20,484
d This is the sign of the times
175
00:09:20,485 --> 00:09:22,374
d piece of more to come
176
00:09:22,375 --> 00:09:24,254
d This is the sign of the times
177
00:09:24,255 --> 00:09:26,045
d Time to be alone... d
178
00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:32,534
Oh... d Wetre strong in bed
179
00:09:32,535 --> 00:09:34,604
d Youtre weak in love
180
00:09:34,605 --> 00:09:36,604
d You give me nothing
181
00:09:36,605 --> 00:09:38,764
d More than a shove. d
182
00:09:38,765 --> 00:09:41,204
Merci.
183
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,965
Au revoir!
184
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,604
SOFTLY: Get in the car.
185
00:09:56,605 --> 00:09:58,924
All right, Diane, love?
What are you doing here?
186
00:09:58,925 --> 00:10:00,285
Cheesecake and whatnot.
187
00:10:01,686 --> 00:10:05,404
A cheesecake. For the French.
188
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,244
I 'm on the board of governors.
189
00:10:07,245 --> 00:10:09,764
Come on, get in before
someone sees us.
190
00:10:09,765 --> 00:10:12,884
And put that back. It's
filthy. What are you on about?
191
00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:16,455
It's in bloody good nick, is
that. It'll shine up really nice.
192
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:20,174
Come on. Haven't you
got enough junk at home?
193
00:10:20,175 --> 00:10:23,815
One man's shit is
another man's treasure.
194
00:10:23,816 --> 00:10:25,284
You take that.
195
00:10:25,285 --> 00:10:26,816
SHE SIGHS
196
00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:42,884
You don't mind if l take this, do
you, Martin? People are looking.
197
00:10:42,885 --> 00:10:44,884
Please put that
down. KNIFE WHIRS
198
00:10:44,885 --> 00:10:47,454
l thought this is how
you did business now.
199
00:10:47,455 --> 00:10:50,374
Taking things off
people, not paying them.
200
00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:51,885
Put them down, please.
201
00:10:54,885 --> 00:10:56,815
Excuse me... Sorry, my love.
202
00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:59,844
If you could just go over to
Gary there. He'll help you. Gary!
203
00:10:59,845 --> 00:11:01,484
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
204
00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:05,484
Which ones have got teletext? Huh?
Look, I 'm sorting your money out.
205
00:11:05,485 --> 00:11:08,244
Now, please leave
the shop. Nice one.
206
00:11:08,245 --> 00:11:10,845
Get someone to carry
this to my van, will you?
207
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,095
Six grand. Friday.
208
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:20,604
And if youtre late
again, it goes up again.
209
00:11:20,605 --> 00:11:22,244
Simple as.
210
00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:23,735
HE SNAPS HIS FlNGERS
211
00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,094
Mr Parker. Hmm?
212
00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:34,686
Lady wants a refund. Says this
iron broke her shell suit.
213
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:47,604
Oh, Dad. What are you going to
do with a dirty old mattress?
214
00:11:47,605 --> 00:11:50,294
It's nearly new, that.
Somebody was chucking it out.
215
00:11:50,295 --> 00:11:52,604
Couple of lads from the Legion
gave me a hand bringing it back.
216
00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:56,194
But What on earth are you
going to do with it? Oh!
217
00:11:56,195 --> 00:12:01,044
Mum would lose her mind.
Yeah, well... she can't,
218
00:12:01,045 --> 00:12:02,295
can she?
219
00:12:03,735 --> 00:12:05,524
BANG ON CAR Fuck off!
220
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,936
BOYS LAUGH Little shits.
221
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:14,884
Brew? No, you're all right. I
don't like to leave the car here.
222
00:12:14,885 --> 00:12:16,044
Besides, I need to get back.
223
00:12:16,045 --> 00:12:17,805
The French are very
prompt, by all accounts.
224
00:12:17,806 --> 00:12:20,044
They were bastard well
prompt when they surrendered.
225
00:12:20,045 --> 00:12:23,374
Well, what time do
you want me? Pardon?
226
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:27,654
Free night tonight. Got knocked out
of the darts on Wednesday. What?
227
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:30,084
I know! Bloody good
team at The Nelson.
228
00:12:30,085 --> 00:12:33,935
No, I meant the party. No,
it's all PTA people, Dad.
229
00:12:33,936 --> 00:12:36,834
It's professionals. Boring.
You know? You won't fit in.
230
00:12:36,835 --> 00:12:39,404
I love a buffet. Well, I
can't pick you up, Dad.
231
00:12:39,405 --> 00:12:41,324
I 've got a tray of chicken
drumsticks defrosting
232
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,574
and I 've not even touched
the skirting boards.
233
00:12:43,575 --> 00:12:46,164
I could get the bus,
bring me own cans.
234
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:48,085
No, Dad, you can't...
235
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,765
Not tonight!
236
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,764
TV: television is your subject
and your time starts now.
237
00:12:58,765 --> 00:13:01,164
Which cartoon character was
referred to by Yosemite Sam
238
00:13:01,165 --> 00:13:03,404
as that "darned
wabbit"? Bugs Bunny.
239
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:05,085
Bugs Bunny. DOOR CLOSES
240
00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:15,164
Bloody hell, Kath.
SILLY ACCENT: You like?
241
00:13:15,165 --> 00:13:18,025
Vould you like to
play vith me? Hmm?
242
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:25,164
Super sexy, ja? No,
no, not... Not sexy.
243
00:13:25,165 --> 00:13:26,686
Not sexy tonight, love.
244
00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:30,805
Happy anniversary!
245
00:13:30,806 --> 00:13:33,084
I 'm a sexy milkmaid, Martin.
246
00:13:33,085 --> 00:13:35,295
Yes. Yes, you are.
247
00:13:36,395 --> 00:13:38,114
Don't you like it?
248
00:13:38,115 --> 00:13:40,644
No, it's fine. It's just... I
have to say something, Kath.
249
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,245
OK. Go on. OK.
250
00:13:44,725 --> 00:13:48,084
Thick as shit, this one.
Even I knew that was Tenko.
251
00:13:48,085 --> 00:13:51,215
Oh, bloody hell. I
could murder a drink.
252
00:13:53,915 --> 00:13:56,524
MUSIC AND CHATTER
253
00:13:56,525 --> 00:14:00,685
Oh, hello, Nigel. Hey. Ashtrayts
just behind you. Thank you.
254
00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:04,524
Tell her I 've never been to France.
We're more Spain, aren't we, Alison?
255
00:14:04,525 --> 00:14:07,524
But it's such a
beautiful language.
256
00:14:07,525 --> 00:14:09,964
Oui! Sexy.
257
00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:11,444
For God's sake, Mum.
258
00:14:11,445 --> 00:14:14,594
Je suis desole, ma mere est
tellement embarrassante.
259
00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:16,184
What's that?
260
00:14:16,185 --> 00:14:19,244
Non, mais c'est pas grave parce que
ma mere c'est exactement pareille.
261
00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:20,364
SHE CHUCKLES
262
00:14:20,365 --> 00:14:23,284
Ask her if she's settled
in. En-suite guest room OK?
263
00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:25,284
Does she have everything she
needs? What about towels?
264
00:14:25,285 --> 00:14:28,284
Does she need more towels?
Everything is perfect, Mrs Parker.
265
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,964
See? Stop going
0n about it. God!
266
00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:33,574
Tom! Shirt!
267
00:14:33,575 --> 00:14:36,754
You're not on Top Of The Pops
now. Oh, good, a cheesecake.
268
00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,725
To go with the
cheese. HE SNIFFS
269
00:14:40,165 --> 00:14:43,024
This has got to stop.
270
00:14:43,025 --> 00:14:45,464
It's just an 0utfit.
271
00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:48,184
You can take it
0ff, if you like.
272
00:14:48,185 --> 00:14:51,024
It's a bit tight, really. It's
not about the outfit, love.
273
00:14:51,025 --> 00:14:53,154
Well, tell your face!
274
00:14:53,155 --> 00:14:56,264
I thought you'd be all
over this. You love milk.
275
00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:58,414
Things have changed,
Kath. It's just...
276
00:14:58,415 --> 00:15:02,224
It's just not right for me at
this time. It's not working.
277
00:15:02,225 --> 00:15:04,335
What's not working? Us!
278
00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:10,794
What? I 'm sorry. And you
can't stay here any more.
279
00:15:10,795 --> 00:15:12,695
You're going to have to move
out and find somewhere else.
280
00:15:12,696 --> 00:15:16,414
Are you taking the piss? No.
281
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,744
The lease is up and
they're raising the rent.
282
00:15:18,745 --> 00:15:22,584
And...? What's that got to do wi'
me? Look, I know it's not ideal.
283
00:15:22,585 --> 00:15:24,584
Oh, not ideal! oh,
bloody hell, Kath!
284
00:15:24,585 --> 00:15:27,584
Don't make this any harder
for me! Oh, harder for you?
285
00:15:27,585 --> 00:15:30,945
You're finishing wi' me and
chucking me out me own home.
286
00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:34,334
I 've just regrouted
that bathroom.
287
00:15:34,335 --> 00:15:36,264
Well, I 've always said
money can't buy taste.
288
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:39,464
Just take a drive down
Wellfield Avenue! Vino?
289
00:15:39,465 --> 00:15:42,974
Oh, no... No? Oh, come on,
everyone. Don't be shy. Tuck in.
290
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:46,255
There's plenty here. Help
yourself to le buffet.
291
00:15:50,975 --> 00:15:53,614
What? They're hardly eating.
292
00:15:53,615 --> 00:15:56,794
Surely they like French food?
It's fine, Mum. Leave it.
293
00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,504
I 'll have some
wine. No, you won't.
294
00:15:58,505 --> 00:16:01,054
You're s0 boring.
Zara's having a drink.
295
00:16:01,055 --> 00:16:03,104
Zara's 18. So...?
296
00:16:03,105 --> 00:16:05,504
Her mum let her drink in
the house when she was 12.
297
00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:07,904
And French women don't
shave their armpits, Alison.
298
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:10,894
Is that the road you want
to go down? Didn't think so.
299
00:16:10,895 --> 00:16:13,615
KNOCK ON WlNDOW Shit.
300
00:16:15,585 --> 00:16:19,695
Bonjour, love. What the hell are you
doing here? I told you not to come.
301
00:16:19,696 --> 00:16:22,584
No. You said you
couldn't pick me up.
302
00:16:22,585 --> 00:16:24,075
Can?
303
00:16:24,076 --> 00:16:25,544
SHE SIGHS
304
00:16:25,545 --> 00:16:27,464
Don't talk to anyone.
305
00:16:27,465 --> 00:16:30,894
Oh, I love that blouse
on you, Elaine. Marksies?
306
00:16:30,895 --> 00:16:33,664
Yeah. Colour really suits you.
Have you had your colour done?
307
00:16:33,665 --> 00:16:38,024
Oh, well, it changed my life and
my wardrobe. I 'm Hazy Summer.
308
00:16:38,025 --> 00:16:41,744
It's not you, it's me. ls this
my anniversary surprise? Is it?
309
00:16:41,745 --> 00:16:44,784
I give you access all areas to
this and a big bottle of Kouros,
310
00:16:44,785 --> 00:16:47,504
and what do l get?
Dumped! How romantic.
311
00:16:47,505 --> 00:16:51,104
Kath... l 'm not going
anywhere. No, you can't make me.
312
00:16:51,105 --> 00:16:52,664
I 'm staying here.
Squatter's rights.
313
00:16:52,665 --> 00:16:55,075
Look, I know you're
upset. I 'm upset, too,
314
00:16:55,076 --> 00:16:58,464
but now you're being unreasonable.
I 'll show you unreasonable, Martin.
315
00:16:58,465 --> 00:17:01,334
Listen, Kath, I 'm sorry,
I 'm honestly sorry,
316
00:17:01,335 --> 00:17:04,075
but that is it. It's over. No.
317
00:17:04,076 --> 00:17:08,864
No, no, it's not.
This is mental.
318
00:17:08,865 --> 00:17:12,144
I will not let the
last 25 years...
319
00:17:12,145 --> 00:17:16,825
25 years! l 'll not let that
go up the Suwannee, Martin.
320
00:17:16,826 --> 00:17:19,424
It's down the
Suwannee, not up. What?
321
00:17:19,425 --> 00:17:21,254
Down the Suwannee. You said up.
322
00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:25,105
I couldn't give a shiny shit
about swans, Martin! Look...
323
00:17:26,585 --> 00:17:28,864
I 'll see you right. I 'm
not a complete bastard.
324
00:17:28,865 --> 00:17:31,734
See me right? There is
no right without you.
325
00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:35,704
I want you. l 've
always wanted you.
326
00:17:35,705 --> 00:17:37,604
I 've ordered us
a Chinese banquet.
327
00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:40,935
Lucky Panda. Oh,
look, it's been fun,
328
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,245
but it's over.
329
00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:46,244
Fun? Fucking fun?
330
00:17:46,245 --> 00:17:48,324
If you leave now, that's it.
You're never coming back.
331
00:17:48,325 --> 00:17:52,374
Kath, it's just I
cannot... I ca...
332
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,245
I cannot be responsible
for you any more!
333
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:02,414
If you climb down those stairs,
don't you come back here begging!
334
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,135
Martin...
335
00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:09,335
lf you get in that car,
I mean it, Martin...
336
00:18:12,385 --> 00:18:14,384
lf you start that engine...
337
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,744
ENGlNE STARTS
338
00:18:16,745 --> 00:18:19,385
GlRL: What's she doing?
Martin, don't leave me.
339
00:18:20,946 --> 00:18:22,424
SHE GASPS
340
00:18:22,425 --> 00:18:24,816
ONLOOKERS LAUGH
341
00:18:27,385 --> 00:18:30,025
Lucky panda. Banquet for two?
342
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:41,225
CAR RADIO PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE
343
00:18:46,175 --> 00:18:48,835
Jesus wept!
344
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,345
MUSIC AND CHATTER
345
00:18:55,505 --> 00:18:58,174
Dad, am l all right to have a
bit of wine? Of course, kitten.
346
00:18:58,175 --> 00:18:59,535
Just don't go daft.
347
00:19:01,615 --> 00:19:03,025
Hey!
348
00:19:06,735 --> 00:19:09,816
Oh, here he is.
Hello, darling.
349
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:16,224
Sorry I 'm late. A bit of urgent
business to deal with. Sorted now.
350
00:19:16,225 --> 00:19:19,584
No rest for the wicked. Oh,
Christ. What's he doing here?
351
00:19:19,585 --> 00:19:21,624
It's fine. I 've told
people he's our handyman.
352
00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:23,704
What time do you call this?
353
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,945
All that money and you haven't
got a watch that works!
354
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:28,304
Don't. Surprised to
see you here, Dougie.
355
00:19:28,305 --> 00:19:30,304
Thought you couldn't
stand the French.
356
00:19:30,305 --> 00:19:33,174
Therets a lot of people
here I can't stand, Martin.
357
00:19:33,175 --> 00:19:37,734
Yeah, you and me both,
pal. No. I tm not your pal.
358
00:19:37,735 --> 00:19:39,784
Drink? Oh, I see you've
brought your own.
359
00:19:39,785 --> 00:19:43,224
Did you come straight from your
park bench? I like a Riesling.
360
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,224
Queen of the white wines.
361
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:47,174
DOUGlE LAUGHS
362
00:19:47,175 --> 00:19:50,014
The trouble with you, Martin, is
youtre just a bloody yuppie snob.
363
00:19:50,015 --> 00:19:54,014
Never satisfied. Always wanting
more. Just remember this.
364
00:19:54,015 --> 00:19:57,584
Your shit stinks
the same as mine.
365
00:19:57,585 --> 00:19:59,985
Ohh! Think about it.
366
00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:02,865
Please. For me.
367
00:20:04,535 --> 00:20:06,225
Think about it.
368
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:13,095
By the way, great job with
the guttering. Oh. Merci.
369
00:20:18,265 --> 00:20:23,014
I just can't get my head around
it. I thought we were happy.
370
00:20:23,015 --> 00:20:26,654
How did l not see it coming?
I could have sorted it.
371
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:28,816
Made me look stupid.
372
00:20:31,655 --> 00:20:33,935
Sorry to turn up like this.
373
00:20:33,936 --> 00:20:37,935
Oh, don't you worry, love. I
'm here for you. You know that.
374
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:41,835
Besides, nice to eat something
with a bit of a kick.
375
00:20:41,836 --> 00:20:46,624
What am l going to do now, Gladys?
I 've never been on my own. Sod him.
376
00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:48,815
He's an arsehole.
You don't need him.
377
00:20:48,816 --> 00:20:51,065
Yeah, but he's a
beautiful arsehole.
378
00:20:51,066 --> 00:20:53,864
You've seen him.
He's bloody gorgeous.
379
00:20:53,865 --> 00:20:56,065
He's my ideal man...
Well, he's my only man.
380
00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:59,014
I 've never, ever been
with anyone else. Christ.
381
00:20:59,015 --> 00:21:01,935
And now l 've got no-one.
382
00:21:01,936 --> 00:21:04,294
Youtve got me.
383
00:21:04,295 --> 00:21:05,574
Such a dick.
384
00:21:05,575 --> 00:21:08,174
Hey, lady. Now, you listen here.
385
00:21:08,175 --> 00:21:12,014
You are not the dick here,
and he does not deserve you.
386
00:21:12,015 --> 00:21:14,094
I told you.
387
00:21:14,095 --> 00:21:18,454
Didn't l tell you this would
end in tears? How dare he?!
388
00:21:18,455 --> 00:21:21,654
I could bloody swing for him.
389
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,424
I know people, you know.
390
00:21:24,425 --> 00:21:28,065
You just give me the
nod, and I tll sort it.
391
00:21:28,066 --> 00:21:30,544
Oh, l 'm fuming.
392
00:21:30,545 --> 00:21:33,704
You, my love, have
the kindest heart,
393
00:21:33,705 --> 00:21:37,574
and if he can't see
that, then bugger him.
394
00:21:37,575 --> 00:21:42,734
You are a strong, sexy woman.
Now, come on, say it with me.
395
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:46,345
I 'm a strong, sexy woman.
396
00:21:47,575 --> 00:21:49,144
I can't...
397
00:21:49,145 --> 00:21:51,625
Come on, say it.
398
00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:54,575
Oh...
399
00:21:58,015 --> 00:22:00,705
Oh, that nightie stinks, Gladys!
400
00:22:03,145 --> 00:22:06,704
Yeah, you're right.
l 'll be fine.
401
00:22:06,705 --> 00:22:09,374
I 'm a strong, sexy woman.
402
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:11,065
Can l borrow your cardi?
403
00:22:11,066 --> 00:22:14,544
Course you can. Now, then,
you get yourself off home...
404
00:22:14,545 --> 00:22:18,574
Yeah... have a good night's rest.
Youtll feel better in the morning.
405
00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:23,294
And if you leave now, Saleem
can run you back. Yeah.
406
00:22:23,295 --> 00:22:24,904
I 'm going to go home.
407
00:22:24,905 --> 00:22:26,854
I 'm not going to walk
away from love, Saleem.
408
00:22:26,855 --> 00:22:28,904
He should have
married me, not her.
409
00:22:28,905 --> 00:22:31,824
And l 'm going to tell
her. She needs to know.
410
00:22:31,825 --> 00:22:36,574
She needs to know a few home
truths. Her marriage, right? Fake!
411
00:22:36,575 --> 00:22:38,655
Just like them shit pillars.
412
00:22:40,215 --> 00:22:42,854
I mean, how would you feel?
413
00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:45,344
I 've been married a
long time. I don't know.
414
00:22:45,345 --> 00:22:48,624
Bet you've never shagged
around, have you, eh?
415
00:22:48,625 --> 00:22:50,294
Oh, Saleem...
416
00:22:50,295 --> 00:22:52,454
You got kids?
417
00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:54,774
How many? Three girls.
418
00:22:54,775 --> 00:23:00,185
All married now, and a teenage
boy. What would he do? About what?
419
00:23:00,186 --> 00:23:03,214
Your boy. lf he was
me, what would he do?
420
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:07,264
He's doing his GCSEs. I don't
know. Yeah, if he was in my shoes.
421
00:23:07,265 --> 00:23:11,344
I don't know. A mix tape.
A mix tape? I 'm not 12!
422
00:23:11,345 --> 00:23:15,055
Are you getting out, or what?
Betty, will you give me a minute?
423
00:23:15,056 --> 00:23:17,974
No! No, we haven't got a minute.
424
00:23:17,975 --> 00:23:20,614
Challenge Anneka is on tonight.
425
00:23:20,615 --> 00:23:23,614
She's rewiring a
Romanian orphanage.
426
00:23:23,615 --> 00:23:26,045
I couldn't give a shit, Betty.
427
00:23:26,046 --> 00:23:29,185
MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY
428
00:23:29,186 --> 00:23:32,294
It's all a bit OTT, innit?
I mean, bloody hell Di.
429
00:23:32,295 --> 00:23:35,374
You just can't help yourself, can
you? Please don't spoil my night.
430
00:23:35,375 --> 00:23:38,414
And how long is this French girl
staying? Who's paying for that?
431
00:23:38,415 --> 00:23:41,624
Her name's Zara. Oh.
432
00:23:41,625 --> 00:23:44,375
I hope she likes cheese,
whatever her name is.
433
00:23:50,186 --> 00:23:54,574
Right, wait here. I 'll
be five minutes, tops.
434
00:23:54,575 --> 00:23:57,415
All right, Betty!
Hold me crackers.
435
00:23:58,735 --> 00:24:00,056
SHE EXHALES
436
00:24:11,985 --> 00:24:13,545
Ca va?
437
00:24:14,825 --> 00:24:16,214
Thank you.
438
00:24:16,215 --> 00:24:18,214
d Relax, don't do it
439
00:24:18,215 --> 00:24:20,854
d When you wanna go do it... d
440
00:24:20,855 --> 00:24:24,464
Oh, yeah! You're a music fan.
441
00:24:24,465 --> 00:24:27,374
All them modern bands are
a bit depressing, though.
442
00:24:27,375 --> 00:24:32,134
We like a bit of Phil
Collins, don't we? Or ELO.
443
00:24:32,135 --> 00:24:34,105
Well, they must be
big over there.
444
00:24:35,545 --> 00:24:38,745
FRENCH ACCENT: Electric
Light Orchestra?
445
00:24:40,655 --> 00:24:43,134
d Relax, relax, don't do it... d
446
00:24:43,135 --> 00:24:46,295
Bez's mum once bought
a twin-tub off me.
447
00:24:47,545 --> 00:24:51,235
Happy Mondays? I even
threw in free delivery.
448
00:24:53,186 --> 00:24:55,334
His dad's in the police.
449
00:24:55,335 --> 00:24:59,056
Not the band. Leave her, Martin.
Are you enjoying the party, Zara?
450
00:25:02,825 --> 00:25:04,215
It's tacky.
451
00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:08,614
You're our guest.
My casa, you casa.
452
00:25:08,615 --> 00:25:10,974
Martin, can you do another
circuit with the wine?
453
00:25:10,975 --> 00:25:13,574
DOORBELL CHIMES d
Oh, who's that now?
454
00:25:13,575 --> 00:25:16,274
Jesus, Di! Who else
have you invited?
455
00:25:16,275 --> 00:25:17,764
Well, hurry up! They'll be gone.
456
00:25:17,765 --> 00:25:19,634
I 've only got one
pair of hands, Martin!
457
00:25:19,635 --> 00:25:23,024
I 'm a strong, sexy woman.
458
00:25:23,025 --> 00:25:25,414
Diane, l think your
toilet's blocked.
459
00:25:25,415 --> 00:25:28,134
It's either that or
your flush is frigged.
460
00:25:28,135 --> 00:25:30,855
DOORBELL CHIMES Therets
water going everywhere.
461
00:25:32,695 --> 00:25:34,824
Martin! Door!
462
00:25:34,825 --> 00:25:38,854
I 'm a strong, sexy woman.
I 'm a strong, sexy woman.
463
00:25:38,855 --> 00:25:41,125
I 'm a strong, sexy...
464
00:25:43,315 --> 00:25:44,405
Oh.
465
00:25:47,565 --> 00:25:49,334
Mrs Parker!
466
00:25:49,335 --> 00:25:51,775
There's a milking
maid at your door.
467
00:25:55,465 --> 00:25:58,825
Uh, you're all right,
thingy, I 've got this.
468
00:26:00,255 --> 00:26:02,104
What the hell are you
playing at, coming here?
469
00:26:02,105 --> 00:26:03,664
I told you never to come here.
470
00:26:03,665 --> 00:26:05,614
I needed to see you.
Keep your voice down.
471
00:26:05,615 --> 00:26:10,185
I know you don't mean anything
you said tonight. You can't.
472
00:26:10,186 --> 00:26:13,774
She needs to know. And then
we can be together forever.
473
00:26:13,775 --> 00:26:17,765
Look, will you get it into your
thick head, woman? We are finished.
474
00:26:19,235 --> 00:26:23,214
Stay away from me and
stay away from my family.
475
00:26:23,215 --> 00:26:25,105
You stay away from my family!
476
00:26:28,665 --> 00:26:30,056
You're mental.
477
00:26:45,415 --> 00:26:49,974
Who was it? Oh, just some
French lads pissing about.
478
00:26:49,975 --> 00:26:52,175
You think they'd never seen
a bloody doorbell before!
479
00:26:52,176 --> 00:26:54,464
Shall I do another circuit
with the wine, love?
480
00:26:54,465 --> 00:26:56,695
Oh. Yes, please, Martin.
481
00:26:58,665 --> 00:27:00,056
Hmm.
482
00:27:03,495 --> 00:27:04,815
SALEEM: You ready?
483
00:27:06,465 --> 00:27:07,894
N0.
484
00:27:07,895 --> 00:27:10,414
Oh, for goodness's
sake! Oh, bloody hell!
485
00:27:10,415 --> 00:27:12,565
He's not getting away with this.
486
00:27:15,306 --> 00:27:18,255
I 'll give him
mental! Two minutes.
487
00:27:23,745 --> 00:27:27,664
She's in no fit state
to be cutting hair.
488
00:27:27,665 --> 00:27:30,975
d Sometimes l feel l tve got to
489
00:27:32,205 --> 00:27:35,454
d Run away, l 've got to
490
00:27:35,455 --> 00:27:41,004
d Get away from the pain you
drive into the heart of me
491
00:27:41,005 --> 00:27:45,034
d The love we share
seems to go nowhere... d
492
00:27:45,035 --> 00:27:47,754
Show you mental!
493
00:27:47,755 --> 00:27:51,145
Your big, beautiful,
bouncy silver hair.
494
00:27:53,675 --> 00:27:55,744
Your sparkly eyes.
495
00:27:55,745 --> 00:27:57,785
DRUNKEN SlNGlNG
496
00:28:02,425 --> 00:28:06,594
I see the handyman's
had a skinful.
497
00:28:06,595 --> 00:28:09,594
Diane, on the back! Hey!
498
00:28:09,595 --> 00:28:12,704
Your gorgeous golden skin.
499
00:28:12,705 --> 00:28:15,825
Big strong thighs...
500
00:28:19,785 --> 00:28:21,265
Oh, yeah.
501
00:28:23,265 --> 00:28:24,745
We might get done for this.
502
00:28:26,105 --> 00:28:29,185
ALARM BLARES
503
00:28:29,186 --> 00:28:31,315
Little shit!
504
00:28:31,316 --> 00:28:33,745
Screw you! Oh,
she's coming back.
505
00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:40,234
I swear to God, if that's
the French boys again...
506
00:28:40,235 --> 00:28:41,625
d Tainted love
507
00:28:43,265 --> 00:28:45,235
d Tainted love
508
00:28:46,495 --> 00:28:49,674
d Tainted love... d
509
00:28:49,675 --> 00:28:51,424
Who's this now?
510
00:28:51,425 --> 00:28:55,854
I 'll tell you who she
is. She's me sister.
511
00:28:55,855 --> 00:28:57,105
Drive!
512
00:28:59,316 --> 00:29:04,364
d I 'm gonna to turn
this world inside out
513
00:29:04,365 --> 00:29:09,264
d l 'm gonna turn
suburbia upside down
514
00:29:09,265 --> 00:29:13,874
d l 'm gonna pull my
hair, scream and shout
515
00:29:13,875 --> 00:29:18,704
d Gonna crawl through the
alleyways, being very loud
516
00:29:18,705 --> 00:29:23,495
d l 'm gonna turn this
world inside out... d
517
00:29:26,495 --> 00:29:30,495
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