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1
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,478
They're creepy and they're kooky
2
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,480
Mysterious and spooky
3
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,482
They're altogether ooky
4
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,526
The Addams family
5
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:27,528
The house is a museum
6
00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,530
When people come to see 'em
7
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,490
They really are a scream
8
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,242
The Addams family
9
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:35,702
MAN: Neat.
10
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,371
Sweet.
11
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,416
Petite.
12
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,377
So get a witch 's shawl on
13
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,420
A broomstick you can crawl on
14
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,381
We're gonna pay a call on
15
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,592
The Addams family
16
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,364
Uncle Fester, I need more power.
17
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:16,159
Okay, Pugsley.
I'll give you another 1,000 watts.
18
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,792
HAPPY JOE ON RADIO: This is your
broadcaster. This Happy Joe in Tokyo.
19
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,087
- Fester, you've done it!
- Darling, introduce me to your friend.
20
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:31,091
Cemetery Kid to Happy Joe,
I want you to say hello to my mother.
21
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:35,220
- Hello, My Mother.
- Hello, Happy Joe.
22
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,765
- Tell me something about your country.
- Not now.
23
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,726
Big earthquake coming.
24
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,146
Happy Joe gotta go.
25
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,233
Isn't that a pity?
26
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:52,237
Something ought to be done about
those earthquakes. Infernal nuisance.
27
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,156
I've got an SOS!
28
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,785
MAN ON RADIO: Flight 714
from Calcutta-Rangoon
29
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,871
in trouble over the Bay of Bengal.
30
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,081
Any suggestions?
31
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,709
Tell him to dump the passengers.
Oh, no, he couldn't do that.
32
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,128
Of course not, darling, they'd get soaked.
33
00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:13,425
Hello, Flight 714, this is Morticia Addams,
and I have a helpful thought for you.
34
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,385
Oh, good girl. Let's have it.
35
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:19,806
When the plane hits the water, have each
passenger attend to his own luggage.
36
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:23,435
- It'll avoid panic.
- Thanks awfully. We're all right now.
37
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,979
Good. Is there anything else
I can do for you?
38
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,773
Yes, sign off.
39
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,443
Fine gratitude.
40
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:43,789
Recognize it?
41
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,042
No, I don't...
42
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:52,297
Oh, how could I have missed
that fine, sensitive, drooping chin?
43
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:55,050
- It's Uncle Flub.
- Right, my dear.
44
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:59,012
I caught him at that marvelous moment
just before he starts to shake.
45
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,975
Wonder why we never hear
from old Flubby anymore?
46
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,935
Simple, he can't write.
47
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,729
That reminds me,
shouldn't the mail be in by now?
48
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:08,897
It will be.
49
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,322
Briggs.
50
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,785
You're not losing your nerve,
are you, Briggs?
51
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,412
About going in there?
52
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,582
I always wanted to be an undercover man.
53
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,001
I'm glad, because you're the only one
who can get in there
54
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,627
without arousing suspicion.
55
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,671
Don't you worry
about a thing, Mr. Hollister.
56
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,965
I've seen all the James Bond movies.
57
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,258
Good.
58
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,011
Say, are you sure
you're on the right track?
59
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,637
The United States intelligence
60
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,307
makes a point of never being
too sure about anything.
61
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,267
All we know is that coded radio messages
62
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,186
have been coming out of
there like popcorn.
63
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:50,272
Coded radio messages? Gee. Like what?
64
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:55,819
Well, like dynamite toys,
man-eating plants and roaring cats.
65
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,281
See if you can lay your hands
on any writing.
66
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,824
Get a hold of some of
their correspondence.
67
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:04,369
If I crack this case,
maybe they'll make a movie about me.
68
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,914
They might even move you up
to Parcel Post.
69
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,166
No mail?
70
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,377
What is it, Thing? A joke?
71
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:55,838
Morticia, he's trying to tell us something.
72
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:59,091
Speak up, Thing. And stop stuttering.
What is it?
73
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:03,220
Darling, he's trying to tell us
there's someone at the front door.
74
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,058
You and Thing.
Such perfect understanding.
75
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:16,233
It's Mr. Briggs, our dear postman.
76
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:20,404
- I thought the postman always rings twice.
- You didn't even ring once.
77
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,116
Can I come in?
78
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,410
- Please do.
- Allow me.
79
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,165
Sorry our butler wasn't on hand
to greet you.
80
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,750
He's up in the attic feeding the vultures.
81
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,670
Vultures? They're here already?
82
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:41,758
- I better go.
- Mr. Briggs, you haven't even said hello.
83
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,010
Hello.
84
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,930
You've got to stay, Mr. Briggs.
85
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,808
- I do?
- Yes.
86
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,354
Well... But l... I do.
87
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,567
What I really came in for
was to look through your mail.
88
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,360
I mean just the envelopes.
89
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:04,823
I have a little grandson
who collects stamps from strange places,
90
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,618
and you people sure get mail
from the strangest...
91
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,829
- As a matter of fact, Hollister thinks...
- Hollister?
92
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:14,541
Yeah, Hollister. That's my little grandson.
93
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,960
Say no more.
94
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,464
What little Hollister wants,
little Hollister gets.
95
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:26,136
There you are. Any of the stamps you like,
just help yourself.
96
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,805
And if you wish,
feel free to read the letters.
97
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,557
There's an interesting one here from China
98
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:33,101
on the decline in
the fortune cookie industry.
99
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:37,231
There's a lovely card from General Peron.
He's still looking for work.
100
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,983
- PUGSLEY: Mother!
- Yes, darling, coming.
101
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,611
If you want anything,
we'll be in the code room.
102
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:46,073
- Code room?
- That's our new name for the playroom.
103
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,158
Darling?
104
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,662
Better watch that top letter, Briggs.
105
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:55,290
It's from my favorite witch doctor.
He's a tricky devil.
106
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,198
Code room.
107
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:57,913
I quit.
108
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:01,667
I don't wanna be an undercover man,
I don't even wanna be a postman.
109
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,918
Easy, Briggs, easy.
110
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,754
The United States Government
is a good thing to have on your side.
111
00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,340
Not if they want me to stay
at that spook house.
112
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,758
What happened?
113
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,094
You wouldn't believe it.
114
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:15,097
What about the correspondence?
The letters.
115
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,308
Look, I don't wanna see another letter
as long as I live.
116
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,604
- You deliver them!
- Now, easy, Briggs, easy.
117
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:25,232
I've got to get someone sensible
into that house.
118
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:29,611
Yeah, well, why don't you try
Conkey, the plumber?
119
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,574
- Plumber?
- Yeah, he's a sensible one all right.
120
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:36,118
The Addams have been trying to get him
for six months,
121
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,370
and he won't go near the place.
122
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,497
The plumber, eh?
123
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:49,631
Thank you, Thing.
124
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,136
Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. Addams.
125
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:59,808
Oh, well, thank you very much,
we'll be looking forward to seeing you.
126
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:00,976
Goodbye.
127
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,897
Darling, that was
Mr. Conkey, the plumber.
128
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:08,066
He's finally agreed to fix
Kitty cat's drinking fountain.
129
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,819
High time. He promised to do it
six months ago.
130
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,494
Oh, come on, Conkey, what can happen?
131
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,872
I could get killed deader than a herring.
132
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,416
In that case, you'd be buried
with full military honors.
133
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:27,085
Mr. Hollister, you make it sound
so appealing.
134
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,879
Oh, no, now just a minute.
135
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:33,509
Look, with these walky-talkies,
we'll be in constant contact.
136
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,803
Now if anything should happen,
all you have to do is holler.
137
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,097
Yeah, if it's not too late.
138
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,039
Nothing like the minuet
to strengthen the wrist.
139
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,251
Yes, it firms all those
little wibbly-wobbles.
140
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,795
I guess that's all for now.
141
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,590
"lf girl get too firm, she turn to boy."
142
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,759
- Kipling.
- Confucius.
143
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:19,346
- There you are, Lurch.
- Take them to the kitchen, Lurch.
144
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,557
- Kitchen?
- Yes, for the shish kebab.
145
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,521
- I'll get it, my dear.
- Thank you, darling.
146
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:32,818
Shish kebab. Lurch!
147
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,614
Lurch, don't forget the tenderizer.
148
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,075
Have it.
149
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:45,330
Morticia, he's here!
This is our plumber, Mr. Conkey.
150
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:48,292
Mr. Conkey, so good of you to come.
151
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:52,337
Without his drinking fountain,
Kitty cat just isn't his old playful self.
152
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,550
- What's that?
- Oh, that's Kitty cat.
153
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,427
Roaring like that?
154
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:01,180
If your drinking fountain was broken,
you'd roar, too.
155
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:04,558
- So long.
- Lurch, please take Mr. Conkey's hat.
156
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,898
Please, I don't think I got
what I need for a job like this.
157
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,316
What's that?
158
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,026
Courage.
159
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,070
Oh, come now, Mr. Conkey,
no silly excuses.
160
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,238
Come along.
161
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,074
It's the second tunnel
to your left, Mr. Conkey.
162
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:24,953
Kitty cat's drinking fountain
is just this side of the pit.
163
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,762
All right, Mr. Snoop.
164
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,474
Snoop? No, I'm Mr. Conkey.
I'm only the plumber.
165
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,976
A likely story. Get in that room. Move.
166
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,274
Look what I found
snooping around outside.
167
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,777
- He claims he's a plumber.
- But he is a plumber.
168
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,654
He's fixing Kitty cat's drinking fountain.
169
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:02,324
That's down in the basement.
What's he doing sneaking around up here?
170
00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:05,410
That is a rather interesting question,
Mr. Conkey.
171
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,287
What are you doing up here?
172
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,624
Well, I was just tracing the leak.
173
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:14,002
Conkey, there are no pipes
in the playroom.
174
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,297
Playroom? I thought I was in the attic.
175
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:20,384
Back to the basement, Mr. Conkey.
176
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,928
If that's your real name. Come on.
Move it out.
177
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:26,139
So, you're a plumber, huh?
Well, let's see you plumb.
178
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:30,644
Morticia, wouldn't you say
he's behaving rather strangely?
179
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,145
- Uncle Fester?
- Conkey.
180
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:35,983
Oh, yes, he is behaving very strangely.
181
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,944
Doesn't seem to know his attic
from his basement.
182
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,780
Okay, Conkey. Where are you now?
183
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,658
I'm back in the basement again.
184
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,326
Anything to report?
185
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,828
Just this.
186
00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:50,414
If I get out of here alive,
187
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:54,251
I'm never gonna complain
about my union dues again.
188
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,595
HOLLISTER: Conkey?
189
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,764
- Don't do that.
- Where are you now?
190
00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:11,018
How would I know?
I didn't build this spook house.
191
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,686
What are you gonna do next?
192
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,104
Sign off and pray.
193
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:16,398
- GOMEZ: Querida.
- Here comes Mr. and Mrs. Weirdo.
194
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,277
GOMEZ: Oh, yes. Their lunch.
195
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,531
Poor Cleopatra, she must be famished.
196
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,742
I had no idea it was so late.
197
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:30,287
Time certainly flies
when you're intellectually occupied.
198
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,080
Darling?
199
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,835
Gomez, what in the world could be
the matter with her?
200
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,712
She won't eat. She's in an absolute frenzy.
201
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,214
Perhaps you should call a vet.
202
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,465
For a plant?
203
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,885
No. She's trying to tell us something.
204
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:50,224
Mr. Conkey? What are you doing there?
205
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,558
What's that in your hand?
206
00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:53,310
What's what? What hand?
207
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,062
Is that a walky-talky?
208
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:59,566
Oh, this. Oh, yeah, yeah. This?
Yeah, yeah, this is a walky-talky.
209
00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:02,069
And whom were you walky-talkying to?
210
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:05,197
Well, I was talking to Plumbing Central.
211
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,699
Sometimes you get into trouble
and you need help.
212
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,493
And, boy, do I need help.
213
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,913
Plumbing Central?
Come in, Plumbing Central.
214
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:15,249
This is Conkey. I need help.
215
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:18,836
HOLLISTER: Plumbing Central? Conkey,
have you flipped your wig?
216
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,755
Very busy. Very busy down there.
217
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:23,757
Are they really?
218
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:27,344
Morticia, may I see you privately
for a moment, please?
219
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,513
I'll go. I'll go.
220
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:33,141
No, no, Mr. Conkey.
You stay right here and plumb.
221
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,109
He's behaving even more strangely
than the mailman.
222
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:43,318
Yes.
223
00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:45,320
He seems very flighty for a plumber.
224
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:47,155
If he is a plumber.
225
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:54,121
- Come in, Hollister, this is Conkey.
- HOLLISTER: Conkey, where are you now?
226
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:55,914
I'm bailing out.
227
00:15:58,584 --> 00:16:01,128
You can't leave now. You gotta stay.
228
00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:03,130
I'm staying. I'm staying.
229
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,554
I hate to bother you, old man,
230
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,222
but there's something
we have to check on.
231
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:13,473
Yes.
232
00:16:13,557 --> 00:16:17,311
We don't mean to be rude,
but could we see your union card?
233
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,984
I still think you should have
thrown him out.
234
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,778
How could we?
His union card was above reproach.
235
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:31,116
Morticia, I don't feel safe with a nut
like that running around the house.
236
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,284
Forget the plumber.
237
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,162
I've got to get through to Winthrop
in Sumbawanga.
238
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,664
- Darling, is it so urgent?
- Absolutely.
239
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:41,168
I must tell him not to mix the plutonium
with the uranium shipments.
240
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:42,628
Otherwise they'll never get here.
241
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:45,631
Boy, that'd really knock the coconuts
off the trees.
242
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,383
Fester, you've got to give me more power.
243
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,593
I'll try.
244
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,643
Addams calling Winthrop.
Addams calling Winthrop.
245
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:00,854
CONKEY: Conkey calling Hollister.
Conkey calling Hollister.
246
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:02,856
Darling, you're on a party line.
247
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:04,900
HOLLISTER ON RADIO:
This is Hollister. Come in.
248
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,736
Hollister, I need help. Lots of help!
249
00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:10,113
Isn't that nice?
250
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:13,909
Mr. Conkey's finally contacted
Plumbing Central.
251
00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:17,204
Conkey calling Hollister.
Come in, Hollister.
252
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:18,914
For God's sake, come in.
253
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,375
I read you, Conkey. I read you.
254
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,211
Don't read me. Just get me out of here.
255
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,678
There's a lion in here!
256
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,639
HOLLISTER: Now stop fooling around,
Conkey.
257
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,392
Your job is to find that
communication center.
258
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,395
CONKEY: My job is to find a way
out of here.
259
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,897
I got a secret door.
260
00:17:43,981 --> 00:17:45,941
Well, go in then. Go in.
261
00:17:52,406 --> 00:17:55,075
Say, Conkey. Maybe it's the radio room.
262
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,787
That's right. It is.
263
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,956
Conkey, just what are you doing?
264
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,085
I'm leaving.
265
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:15,429
Morticia, there's skullduggery
going on in this house.
266
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:18,515
That's right.
You're letting all kinds of kooks in here.
267
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:23,020
Darling, with your vast international
interests, we can't afford to be too careful.
268
00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,813
I think we should call the authorities.
269
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:27,900
Good thinking, my dear.
This is a job for Intelligence.
270
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,777
Well, don't look at me.
I got to go get recharged.
271
00:18:31,904 --> 00:18:34,281
I have it. I'll call the CIO.
272
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:38,118
Querida mia, not the CIO, CIA.
273
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,912
Whatever you say, dear.
274
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:41,079
I'll call Washington.
275
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,373
They'll put us in touch
with the proper authorities.
276
00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:45,167
Very good thinking, dear.
277
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:47,544
Intrigue.
278
00:18:48,587 --> 00:18:50,214
Very intriguing.
279
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,217
Well, you did your best, Conkey.
Thanks anyway.
280
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,385
Well, who pays the bill? 18 bucks?
281
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,930
18... For one hour's work?
282
00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:00,807
And one pair of lion-bit pants.
283
00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:05,062
What are they saying, Morticia?
284
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:07,397
I spoke to the headman in Washington,
285
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:09,983
who put me in touch
with the regional director,
286
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:12,819
who then put me in touch
with the local director,
287
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:16,490
who is now trying to connect me
to the special agent in the field.
288
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:18,951
You start at the top, you get action.
289
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:20,786
I wouldn't worry about your breeches,
Conkey.
290
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,120
The government's good for them.
291
00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:24,748
Excuse me.
292
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:30,963
Yes? Who? Mrs. Addams.
293
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,841
Some strange things
have been going on in this house.
294
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,552
And we feel you ought to know
about them.
295
00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:41,181
Dear Special Agent,
of course we're ready to talk.
296
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:45,435
Now just don't move a muscle,
Mrs. Addams, I'll be right in.
297
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:46,728
Over.
298
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:53,694
Conkey, I don't know what you did,
but they are ready to confess.
299
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:59,032
Well, in case you need anything,
Conkey Plumbing is out of business.
300
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,399
Follow me.
301
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,202
Badge Number 13.
302
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,164
What a lovely coincidence.
303
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:49,500
The same number as my perfume.
304
00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:52,211
- Perfume?
- Yes.
305
00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:54,171
Quagmire Number 13.
306
00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:59,551
Mrs. Addams, I don't think you quite
realize the serious situation that you're in.
307
00:20:59,635 --> 00:21:01,929
Oh, but I do. That's why we sent for you.
308
00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:05,516
Naturally. Of course, we don't like
to implicate other people.
309
00:21:06,517 --> 00:21:09,228
Then you do admit there are
other people involved?
310
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,562
Of course.
311
00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:12,814
Let's see. There is Briggs, the postman.
312
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:14,691
And Mr. Conkey, the plumber.
313
00:21:14,775 --> 00:21:18,946
Oh, please, Mrs. Addams,
I planted those people here myself.
314
00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:21,073
You did?
315
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,575
Then you must be involved in the ring.
316
00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:25,661
GOMEZ: I'd say he's the head of the ring.
317
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:28,747
- I'm gonna have to make a citizen's arrest.
- What do you mean, darling?
318
00:21:28,831 --> 00:21:29,957
What if he isn't a citizen?
319
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,251
Now, look here. Of course I'm a citizen.
320
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:33,919
Good. Then it's legal.
321
00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:39,383
You rang?
322
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:42,261
Lurch, disarm this traitor
and throw him in the lockup.
323
00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,805
Mrs. Addams, I appeal to you.
This is no time...
324
00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:48,141
Here! Just a minute.
I work for the government.
325
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:55,732
Hey, kid, get me out of here, will you?
326
00:21:55,941 --> 00:21:57,067
I can't.
327
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,611
My father said you're to stay right there.
328
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,113
Look,
329
00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:05,534
would you get me out if I gave you a pair
of genuine undercover man's handcuffs?
330
00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:10,122
No. I already got a pair from a regular cop
that was here once.
331
00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:15,127
Oh, it's time for me to send a message.
332
00:22:19,882 --> 00:22:22,384
Calling Anthony in Poland.
333
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:26,763
This is Cleopatra, the man-eating plant.
334
00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:28,724
The Thing is ready.
335
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:31,643
Repeat. The Thing is ready.
336
00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:34,897
Darn it. The set's gone dead.
337
00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:36,565
Do you mean to say that you're the one
338
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,109
who's been making
all these mystery calls?
339
00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:40,319
When we grow up
340
00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:44,656
we're all going to meet in Bulgaria
and fight the gypsies from outer space.
341
00:22:45,282 --> 00:22:48,202
Oh, my God.
The chief will never believe this.
342
00:22:53,165 --> 00:22:55,417
Well, old man. We owe you an apology.
343
00:22:55,584 --> 00:23:00,172
Yes, we called Washington and we found
out you really are an undercover man.
344
00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:02,424
- I am?
- Of course you are.
345
00:23:02,508 --> 00:23:05,177
Buck up, old man.
There's lots of work to be done.
346
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:06,887
MORTICIA: Of course there is.
347
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:10,849
If it weren't for people like you,
what would happen to people like us?
348
00:23:11,183 --> 00:23:12,351
I don't know.
349
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:15,354
But why didn't it happen before I got here?
350
00:23:17,523 --> 00:23:20,234
Do have Lurch give you back your pistol.
351
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,153
See, my dear.
These old heirlooms come in handy.
352
00:23:23,362 --> 00:23:25,155
They certainly do, darling.
353
00:23:25,239 --> 00:23:27,282
Why, do you know three years ago,
354
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:30,035
I almost gave this away
to the Salvation Army?
355
00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:43,882
Darn nice of Ahmed Ben Pasha
to send us this Turkish hookah.
356
00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:46,844
Does wonders for togetherness.
357
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,055
Mail's in.
358
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:53,976
Thank you, Thing.
359
00:23:54,852 --> 00:23:56,979
There's 20 cents postage due.
360
00:23:57,062 --> 00:23:59,690
I wonder why Mr. Briggs didn't come in
and get his money?
361
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,233
He never does anymore.
362
00:24:01,316 --> 00:24:03,569
We must owe that man a fortune.
363
00:24:03,861 --> 00:24:05,946
I notice it's from a rest home.
364
00:24:09,867 --> 00:24:13,662
It says, "Thank you. If it weren't
for you people, I wouldn't be here."
365
00:24:13,871 --> 00:24:16,081
It's signed P.J. Hollister.
366
00:24:16,415 --> 00:24:19,251
I like a man who isn't too proud
to be grateful.
367
00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:24,047
Yes. And it does make you thankful
that our government men are so clever.
368
00:24:24,256 --> 00:24:28,093
Dear Mr. Hollister.
We should send him something.
369
00:24:29,094 --> 00:24:30,179
I have it.
370
00:24:30,554 --> 00:24:32,931
Some of Mama's candied porcupine.
371
00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:35,934
The simple things are the best.
29022
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