All language subtitles for Southern Charm S09E13 Choppy Waters 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

Previously on "Southern Charm"...

Ooh.

Oh my god.

As we split up for some
Jamaican adventures--

Whoo!

Uh-oh.

a "Page Six: article put a
stop to our fun in the sun--

♪ He's in magazines

not to mention Olivia
and Austen's rekindling.

I'm sick and tired
of feeling like I did

things wrong at every turn.

Although for JT,
things were looking up.

For once, I think you
have a chance with Taylor.

You know?

♪ Times have changed

♪ Don't you know

But by the time we all
came together for dinner--

Cheers to my friends.

Cheers.

the good vibes
gave way to bad juju.

Just throw your hands
up and say,

"I----ed up."

I'm watching you
toy with her emotions.

I'm not trying to.

You're a lying
piece of sh--.

You are an insecure--

Stop.

little boy in a man suit.

As new accusations emerged
and old wounds reopened.

He gets off Scot-free
with his relationship.

Because I don't cheat
on my girlfriend, buddy.

Hey, maybe it's the other
way the [BLEEP] around.

♪ It's easy

♪ As the birds and the bees
and the one, two, threes ♪

♪ Mm-hmm

[percussive music]

♪

It's a relationship.

Ho, ho, ho.

You know, like, I'm sorry.

It's bullsh--.

It's absolute bullsh--.

Maybe we go to the bar.

He gets a pass because he has
a long-distance relationship,

and I'm the one
that gets----ing

torn to pieces with Taylor.

Why are you so
gassed up right now?

I'll have
a Red Stripe, please.

I don't like this.
I don't enjoy this.

I don't enjoy the
headlines and stuff.

If you had just been honest
with me from the start, like,

none of this would
be happening.

I know that.
Like, trust me.

I know that.

But the thing is,
is that I made a mistake,

and I lied about it.

I have put everything
out on the table,

and I can't do anything more.

[dramatic music]

People have wronged
me many a-time.

I had somebody who I
thought that I was going

to spend the rest of
my life with cheat on me,

but I've forgiven Shep.

I'm a big forgiver.

I want a forgiving
friend in my life.

And if that friend
can't be forgiving, then--

I mean, what are we doing?

I'm not trying to go on the
carousel, as Austen said.

Like, oh, why is it
still being talked about?

But, like, the level
of betrayal in the

friendship is--

is-- is bizarre.

Like, and your inability
to recognize this

is baffling to me.

And it just keeps going.

I'm hearing that you used
Austen to make Shep jealous.

I did a dig.

Of all the [BLEEP] boys
in Charleston--

I did a dig.

And you really thought
Austen would do that?

I did a dig.

And I'm owning up to that.

I don't understand, like, where

your head is at sometimes.

♪

This dinner turned
to----ing mayhem.

That matters to me.

She's actually the only one
that can make me feel bad,

you know?

So like, JT calls me
a piece of sh--.

I'm like, cool.
- Walk away from it.

Walk away from it.

If Olivia does,
then that could actually hurt.

- Will you shut up--
- That matters to me.

and pay attention?

If there was a rumor about
me and Shep going around,

and then all of a sudden
headlines broke that he and I

were a thing, I would
find you and be like, "Hey,

I know this is going on," but
no, let's go to the----ing

pool with Austen.

It was actually
with Madison, so...

I hate you and Austen,
but I hate even more that,

like, our friendship
is----ing broken.

♪

Like, I don't know how to
be your friend anymore.

♪

So I hate you for that.

And I hope he was
- ing worth it.

♪

[somber music]

Well, I'm ready to go home.

Let's go.

I'm sorry,
and thank you, everybody.

♪

I didn't know you were
in here by yourself.

Go, scoot.

Ugh.

Oh, no.
- Sit. Sit.

You're already crying.
What's wrong?

Sit. Sit.

Which one?

You don't want to be
on Shep's bus, do you?

Hold on.

I don't actually
give a [BLEEP].

This is JT, Rod, and Taylor.

She's crying.

I don't think it's--

I don't really want
to be on that one.

It's probably not best.

Oh, wait,
who's on the other one?

What the hell just happened?

I said--
she wants to forgive you,

and she wants to-- all you have
to do is just say I'm----ing

so sorry and let's--

Why would she apologize
to Taylor, though?

No, I----ing told
Taylor to apologize to her.

- Oh, OK.
- Are you out of your mind?

OK.
I'm not out of my mind.

Don't talk to me like that.

You can talk to everybody
else, but not me.

- Did she say something wrong?
- What happened?

I want--

Olivia clearly feels
a type of way, like--

I have a certain
perspective on it--

Let her deal with
that in her own pace.

I know, but I--

You-- OK, listen--

I promised Taylor
up and down that, like,

she wants to end this.

- Get the [BLEEP] off the bus.
- No, stop.

Stop.
Not--

I'm trying to,
like, get y'all both

out of the muck and the mire.

She don't want
to talk to you.

Get out.

Oh my god.

And he's out.

I don't want to
be on your bad spot.

We're-- it's happened.

We're good.

We're also checks
and balances, buddy.

I know.

Sometimes you
have to check me,

and sometimes
I have to check you.

Yeah.

I forgive Shep, because
I know he's not mad at me.

He just doesn't know how
to deal with his anger.

And, look, like, the
islands aren't for fighting.

The real issue is,
is that the conversation

you had with Taylor
did not get anywhere.

It just isn't
resonating with people.

It just looks like
I'm the crazy girl

that, like, can't drop it.

The only thing
you would be wrong

for is if you were
to just-- just

be chill about the situation.

I mean, look at these guys.
They're out there hugging.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Ying and yang, buddy.

Ying and yang.
- Totally.

- Hey.
- You are nothing--

Crazy person.

I love you guys.

- Sorry.
- OK?

Thanks.

I love you, man.

Come on in here,
home-wrecker.

We're talking sh--.

Yeah.

Craig-y.
- Hi.

[quirky music]

If this spills,
I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Conniption.

Is that what it's called?

Yeah, something like that.

Ooh, my God.

Oh my God.

My implants
are going to drop out.

A titty damn dropped, y'all.

[laughs]

Liv, how did your talk go?

We're just
on different pages.

Like, the things I'm upset
about, she doesn't see that.

This is the third time
that I've apologized,

and she's decided to say,
"Take your apology,

"shove it up your ass.
You're a liar.

You're the devil."
- All right.

- "I hate you."
- Hey, hey.

"Hope it was----ing worth
it," and then walked off.

Taylor,
that's why I went over there.

That's why I went over there.
- So I'm not--

I'm not having this
conversation again.

OK, then don't.
Then don't.

I-- I--
- If I'm going--

Because, hey--

If I'm going to
get called a liar--

- I asked you to, and you did.
- and like--

Just stop.

that you hate me,
like, I don't want to be

verbally abused like that.

Stop.
We're gonna fine.

I could tell that there was
obviously conversations today

implying, like, I'm the
one beating a dead horse

or I'm on some carousel.

And it's like, just because
I'm reacting to, like--

Oh, Austen's on
the sh-- carousel.

Yeah.

Craig, how do you
shut the [BLEEP] up?

Like, I'm allowed to be
pissed, so, like, referring

to it as a carousel--

Are allowed to--

- don't ever
- ing do that again.

I feel really bad
about saying that to you.

And I'm sorry.
- It's fine.

- Olivia--
- I don't care.

I just want to say--

I'm just saying,
don't ever say it again.

It didn't have
to do with you.

Mm.

She said don't
ever say it again.

I heard what she said.

I thought that I was in
a good spot with Olivia.

I do love you.

I am going to continue to
text you things like movie

quotes and things like that.

[laughs]

So just to have the blow
up and Olivia be so upset

is definitely disappointing.

And if I'm being real, like,

I've watched her and Austen
become closer again,

and I think part of it's
because you have been

a little less in her life.

Yeah.

She doesn't want to look at me.

She hates me.

But yet,
Austen gets off the hook.

She's over at his house
hanging out,

cuddling without her bra on.

Yeah.

She was able to get past
everything with Austen,

but I was still under--

I understand that.

That's actually true.

From the outside in,
Austen and Olivia-- like,

they definitely trauma bonded
after the loss of her brother.

But at the same time,
do I think Austen

leveraged that situation?

Absolutely.

I think what
nobody's talking about

is the fact that, like,
what is the timing?

The timing is, like--
- Oh, yeah--

The day that this
sh-- leaked, and now--

A post-mortem.
A post-mortem is--

like, the wounds
are ripped back open.

not gonna help
one single person.

- I know, but that's where the
- ing energy is coming from.

Forget it.

Uh-huh.

Put these on and shut up.

Give me the whole outfit,
and then I'm coming up front.

Here's the hat
and the glasses.

Uh, hat here.

All right, mother----er.

Stand over here with Austen.
[laughter]

Cheese.

Come on, JT.

When I'm talking
to you, you stop.

You're the oldest
guy in the room.

Grow up.

You need to, like,
be a gentleman.

You need to--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're doing it again.

What would you have me do?

Make him----ing
apologize, bro.

He did.

To the table tonight?

Because you're not all
the objectified women.

No.

I respect women.

Stand up and
be a----ing man.

Be a gentleman.

You want to do an
impersonation of Shep

on there?
- Hey, guys.

You know what?

It has been so fun to be
on vacation with you guys.

Like, yeah, I think
you had a great talk.

I think it was awesome, right?
We're all good.

We're all good.
We're all good.

OK.
We're all good.

We're all good. OK.

[laughs]

I'm OK.

You're OK.

No one's OK, Shep,
so stop saying it's OK.

I'm OK.

Oh, man.

We're all good.

[quirky music]

They made a mistake.

We're all good.

[laughter]

♪ Ba-ba doo

I can't.

Coming up...

I'm totally OK.

So am I.

Are you OK?

Because your "Page Six"
not looking so OK, bub.

[upbeat music]

♪

I need a shirt.

♪

OK.

♪

Ooh.
[chuckles]

♪

♪

[line trilling]

What's up, baby?

Uh, I'm--
I'm trying to get there.

I'm checking out
this gorgeous view.

But, uh, dude, I want to
download you on last night.

I haven't been
to the beach yet.

I've literally--

All right.

Bye.

[knock at door]

Housekeeping.

Let me in, bitch.

[laughter]

- Hey.
- Hi.

Good morning.
- I got you a coffee.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I got us ice,
because I got us champagne.

The fact that I'm not
hungover is amazing.

I know.

I'm two for two...
- Dude.

Of not being hungover.

I had so much fun last night.

I was ready to fight Shep.

He was probably
my favorite part of it.

- [laughs] I was like--
- OK.

I will say this.

I think that Austen's therapy
is working, because he--

I mean--

He didn't get
up and walk away.

Well, good for him, I guess.

I'm watching you
toy with her emotions.

Stand up and be a----ing man.
- Dude, you need to--

Because I can't watch--

- chill out right now.
- this bullsh-- anymore.

You're a lying
piece of sh--.

[sighs]

I mean, obviously,
the first person I think about

is Olivia.

I wonder how
she's doing, though.

I think we should
get dressed and go

to the beach or something
and see if she wants to go.

[line trilling]

Hey, chicken.

Hey, baby.

Ugh.

So we all met at
a restaurant last night,

and Olivia started to like,
you know, bitch at Austen.

Like, "Dude,
you're a piece of sh--."

I mean, I don't know how
they're not exhausted.

I was part of some
yelling last night.

Well, Shep was, like,
"Where the [BLEEP] is Paige?

"You avoid being
under the microscope

by not bringing
your girlfriend."

[laughs]
I know, baby.

But he said sorry later.

He was like,
"I obviously don't know how

to express what I'm feeling."

He gets off Scot-free
with his relationship.

'Cause I don't cheat
on my girlfriend, buddy.

Well, hey, maybe it's the
other way the [BLEEP] around.

I didn't cheat
on you, all right?

My friend did.

What about your girl
cheating on you?

You know, the rumor--

Taylor and Shep
know it's not true.

It's just easier for them to
yell at me instead of actually

dealing with their sh--.

- My friends are crazy.
- Yeah.

I found this, like, big
boat, like a booze cruise.

Fun.

Yeah.

All right.

I love you too.

Kiss.

[upbeat music]

♪

Yeah.

[quirky music]

[laughs]

Hey, what's up, tall,
good-looking?

[laughs]
Oh, what's up, tall king?

Yeah, put on the SPF
1,000, which I suggest

you put on your----ing face.
- I probably should.

[sighs] So this is
what you did yesterday?

Yeah, this is my office.

Got some work done,
swam a bit, went to the spa.

[BLEEP] yeah, bro.

Yes.

Well, what are you
going to do today?

I think Craig or someone
mentioned a booze cruise.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

This?

I'm doing this,
doing some work.

Yeah.

So at dinner, Rod takes
it upon himself to tell me

that he has a problem with me.

Is this like a cheap
gambit because he's trying

to get Olivia's--
- Of cou--

affections.

What do you think?

Him and JT.

JT-- once again, he thinks
he's on, like, a holy crusade

to defend Taylor's honor.

It's kind of horse sh--.

How these guys are playing
this, like, lame, lame game,

right, where Shep and I are,
like, we're the terrible ones.

But guess what.

Shep and I are the ones
that landed the girls.

[laughs]

And it's like, maybe
you should take a page out

of my book, pal, and be a man.

[laughs]

Oh, there's JT
and Taylor right now.

[laughs]

- Where are we going?
- What do you mean?

I'm following you.

I follow you everywhere.

I'm like your shadow.

Well, you have to follow me,
because I have your

insulin, so...

And my heart and your hands.

[laughs]

- Get some water?
- Yes.

Water?

Um, yeah,
and I'll do a sparkling water.

- I'll do the sparkling.
- Here you guys go.

- Thank you so much.
- No problem.

Thank you so much.
Appreciate it, brother.

- No problem.
- Shall we go--

All right.

dip our little
tootsies in the pool?

Yeah.

After you, my leader.

We should have gone
over to do that workout

class in the pool.

How'd you sleep?
- I slept well.

How about you?

Not long enough.

Last night, I know that you
didn't say much,

because you were just, like,
going through emotional trauma

at the end of the table.

I don't want
to be verbally abused.

And I was verbally
abused last night.

I think I'm just, like,
really sad and hurt.

I just feel terrible for you,

because I really do care
about you.

I'm just going
to keep defending you.

[laughs]

[chuckles]

There's a part of me
that really wishes

that I had feelings for JT.

Unfortunately,
the saying is true.

Girls want bad boys.

Girls want guys
who aren't into them,

and girls want guys
who treat them like sh--.

We could go on and on and on.

Today's a new day.

We're going on a boat later.

We can do that "Titanic" thing.

[romantic music]

Not actually sink.

I'm talking about
on the front of the boat.

[laughs]
Yeah.

[laughs]

So I have Rod, JT--

I mean, and then Olivia
was chiming in as much

as she could just calling
me a piece of sh--.

- Olivia?
- Yeah.

And I was--
- Wow.

just shocked by that.

Even though I'm not
pursuing any sort

of romantic relationship
with Olivia, like,

I care about her a lot.

I went to therapy
because of Olivia,

because I should have
ended up with her.

So Olivia calling me a
piece of sh--, like,

actually makes me sad.

[laid-back music]

Oh, this is so cute.

I feel like I've seen this
swing set on every person's

Instagram some point
in my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People got to see
it to believe it.

- Yeah.
- Exactly.

This is cute.

And act.

Oh, wow. Wow.

Let's break the internet.

[laughs] Let me take one
of you,

because your butt looks good.

[laughs]

- Damn.
- Yeah.

OK, my butt looks good.

Anyways.

So last night I was trying
to eavesdrop, but like,

I saw you definitely
heated and a few

[BLEEP] yous and whatever, but...

Last night,
I can't even say,

like, I took out my frustration
with Taylor on Austen.

Because yeah, at first--
- That frustration--

I missed that.

was for Austen.

Right.

It was, like, why are
you so mad at me right now?

Like, I've been nothing
but there for you.

She's like, you know,
saying that like I'm

kind of toying with, like,
her head or whatever.

I'm like, I am just
trying to be your friend.

We're friends.

Everything's good.

And then he, like,
threw "I love you" in there.

And I was like, don't say
things you don't mean.

I don't know.

What'd I call him, a piece
of sh-- or something?

Oh!

[laughs]

One day she's like, oh my
God, man, look at this meme.

And I'm going to
call you crying.

And then the next day,
in front of people,

you know,
putting on like a show

and telling me that
I'm a piece of sh--.

I mean, this whole thing
between Austen and Olivia

is really exhausting.

But then, you know,
you reap what you sow.

You can't be so
hot and cold with me.

It's too much.

It's the same thing
I'm saying to Taylor.

It's just like,
things are inconsistent.

That was the first time we'd
talked since the text message.

"Can't get your dick
hard, then I'm going

to sleep with Austen" text?

So-- yeah.

I'm hearing you used
Austen to make Shep jealous.

Why is a text that I sent
to Shep being talked about?

Because Shep
told me about it.

And then to dig--
what am I--

"Hey, Olivia, sorry I used
Austen as a dig last night."

Just don't do it at all.

And it's like,
I just wouldn't--

- Ugh.
- Wait, wait wait.

send that.

Pause. Pause.

Nothing with
her is consistent.

Like, forget friendship.

I'm questioning her character
as a person at this point.

Who is this girl?

You know, we all go
through a ho phase.

And I've done a lot
of----ed up sh--

but never with
my friends' person.

Yeah.

You'll probably
never trust her.

I won't.

[dramatic music]

Coming up...

Whoo!

[upbeat music]

- Hey.
- Hello.

Hi.

- I love this.
- Thank you.

- You going my way?
- Huh?

You going my way?

[laughs]

To the danger zone?

Have fun on the boat.

- I will.
- Hey.

Hey, guys.
Be--

Have--

Oh, you got some
beers for the road, cool.

And have fun
with that massage.

Yeah, I will.
I'll let you know--

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'll FaceTime you from it.
- How's it going?

- How are you?
- Good.

You get your 12 hours
of beauty sleep again?

- I did.
- Yeah?

- [laughs] I did. I did.
- Looks like it.

Aw, thank you.
Wow. Touché.

All right, guys.

We're going to head
to the yacht club.

I think we should go party.
- I'm in.

Whoo!

I think Shep looks nice today.
- I think he does, too.

I like his outfit.

- A little Panama Jack.
- Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

Well, then,
sit on down, darling.

Do we know how
far exactly this is?

It's in Montego Bay.

OK.

Close your eyes.

Oh, hell yeah
on the champagne.

I bought this for myself, JT.

[bottle pops]
- Oh, my--

Whoo!

- Let's go.
- Whoo!

- Here, honey.
- Oh, thank you so much.

We're going to be
sticking our ass on a yacht.

Wow.

I know, I got glass
in my foot last night

when I was jumping around.
- Taylor, no.

Yeah,
that's not going to work.

If they continue
to hang, what

I think is going
to happen is,

when he brings
someone else around,

then it's going to crush her.
- Yeah.

What about
the other way around?

He won't get mad at the
new guy that she's dating.

He's going to blow up at
Austen and be like,

"This is all your fault,
you piece of sh--."

I can't believe
you didn't tell me

I have a pimple on my nose.

It's a cute little pimple.

Can you imagine
if that guy was JT

how much worse
that blow up would be?

[laughs]

Taylor has an
imperfection now, everyone.

Thought you should know.
- [laughs]

Hey, so you're going to
come clean today or what?

Austen I are in a solid point
where it's like, OK, phew,

you know?

We survived through all
that toxic infinity.

So now let's just support
each other from afar.

And obviously, he could
come to me for advice.

I don't.

God knows he needs it.

[laughs]

The Yacht Club of Jamaica.

Hell yeah.

Here's our booze cruise.

Nice!

Ooh.

- Yachties.
- Yachties.

All aboard.

Stop.

This is your
vessel right here.

It's a nice boat.

We're just going to
ask everybody to remove

your shoes and hop aboard.

Thank you.
Thank you.

- Thank you.
- How are you?

- Good to see you.
- How are you?

Thanks for having us.
Appreciate it.

Hey, man.

You're welcome to
the "Aristocrat" tour.

I'm going to introduce
Captain Sardine.

- [laughs]
- Whoo!

- Captain--
- Yes, my--

Yeah, man.

Oh, captain, my captain.

- Captain Sardine.
- Yes, man.

Good evening.

OK, for our safety briefing, we
have life rings for you guys.

We have life jackets, OK?

I don't think I
need that, but--

In case of--

[laughter]

In case of emergency--

That boat's all yours while
you're here, so hope you

guys have a pleasant
trip with us today.

- Thank you, Captain.
- Yes.

[applause]

1, 2, 3.

That's your cheers, man?
1, 2, 3!

[laughter]

Whoo!

This is cute.

Ah!

- You going to have fun today?
- Yeah.

'Cause you're like,
[BLEEP] it.

I'm just going to--

All your worries kind of go
away when you're on a boat.

Wow.

It's so pretty out here.

I really want to jump off.

If you see someone having
a bad time on a boat,

they probably suck.

I love that you just
see all these colors

that you never see otherwise.
Like, they don't exist--

- I snorkeled here--
- on land.

in 2001.

Shep, that was literally
over 20 years ago.

What were you doing in 2001?

I was in first grade.

[laughs]

That's insane.

I was crushing Red Stripes
when you were in first grade.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm starving.

I wonder if they have those
little sea fritters out yet.

I came for snacks.

Come get some fruit
and, um, big fritters.

Yum.

Hey, Venita, last night
was a misunderstanding

that escalated stupidly.

What the hell just happened?

I said she wants
to forgive you,

and all you have to do is
just say I'm----ing so sorry,

and let's--

Why would she apologize
to Taylor, though?

- No, I--
- It's--

I----ing told Taylor
apologize to her.

- Oh, OK.
- Are you out of your mind?

OK.
I'm not out of my mind.

Don't talk to me like that.

You can talk to everybody
else, but not me.

She thought I said the
exact opposite of what I said.

- And I was hollering on him.
- But I apologized.

- to you.
- Because I'm sorry.

I would never--
- Screaming at you.

- Yeah.
- Like, I was mad.

[laughs]

Oh, we're slowing down.

A can?

[laughs]

[laughter]

And OK this is
our snorkel stop.

So we ask that once
you're in the water,

please do not touch
or pick anything up, OK?

Only if you see
gold or silver, OK?

I'm going to snorkel.

Do you have spears?

- Like to spear the fish?
- Yeah.

No, we do not.

[laughs]

Well, then, I'm going to
sit on the boat and drink.

[upbeat music]

Whoo!

Uh.

Whoo!

Oh my god.

What's up?

[laughs]

Damn.

That was literally perfect.

Whoo!

I want to.

I know the water feels good.

I know, but we let
them do it first.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

♪

I don't.
I love Jamaica.

Well, you know what I mean.

I just meant, like,
home like Paige.

I mean, Paige and I see each
other, like, every four days.

Like, this time we just
happened to be down here.

She's like, "Go get tan
and come home and [BLEEP]."

[laughter]

No you didn't, Craig.

No, she--

Are my nipples
hard right now? Sh--.

[laughs] Have a little
bit of a girl crush on Paige?

Yeah, for sure.

She has a girl crush on you.

Heh.

Well, maybe you need to get
her to move to Charleston.

Oh my god.

I used to say
I'll come to New York

for a couple of years,
but sewing down South

is kind of blowing up.

It's getting so big that I
can't work remotely anymore.

The company
is tied to Charleston.

This is where our warehouse is.

It's where our store is.

It's where our
design studio is.

So if Paige does not
want to move to Charleston,

what are you going to do?

I mean, if she wasn't able
to move to Charleston one day,

we would probably break up.

[gasps]

[dramatic music]

So if Paige does not
want to move to Charleston,

what are you going to do?

We would probably break up.

[gasps]

But-- or, I mean, but I
would fight for it, man.

I would do whatever it takes
to try to figure that out.

Aw.

[upbeat music]

What time is it?
Am I getting a tan or not?

- I think it's 5:00.
- You're getting something.

Right?

I'm getting
something, all right.

I love it when all
them are in the water.

It looks like I own this yacht.

I was like, hey.

All my friends
in the water over there.

- Hell yeah.
- OK.

Hold your glass.
- Keep going.

I need a country club pour.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome, madam.

Austen.

Hey.

You're not a bartender.

♪

Does the DJ know how
to make bitches dance?

[horns blaring]

Ready for a dance party?

I'm going. I'm going.
I'm going.

I'm coming. I'm coming. Yeah.

Oh!

Hey, get over here.

Girls gone wild.

Whoo!

Oh!

Oh, damn.

Whoo!

Oh!

Damn, girl.

Look at them.

Hey!

Does she know this dance?

Wait, what am I doing?

I love dancing.

I remember watching
YouTube videos

trying to learn how to dance
like Justin Bieber and-- and--

I probably started with
like 'NSYNC and then

Usher and then Justin Bieber.

Whoo!

That's----ing fun.

Hey there's still
some sunshine left.

Captain Sardine,
I'm going to miss you.

- Yes, man.
- Oh.

I love that.

Thank you all so much.

Thank you.

Whoo!

Hey, guys.

[laughs]

What kind of room do I have?

Oceanfront.

Is it, like,
a presidential suite, or--

Whitney, shut up.

[laughs]

I wish in life I could
have a hot blonde in a Fedora

put a baby bonnet on my head.

Eh.

Shep, what would you
say to the next girl

that hooks up to JT?

What would you say to her?

- I'm sorry.
- Don't wear heels.

I'm sorry.

[laughter]

Yes!

Taylor, what would your
advice be to the next person

that hooks up with Shep?

Uh...

[laughs]

Oh!

Yeah, because I don't care.

Really went for that.

Here we go,
ladies and gentlemen.

- I'll finish, and you'll
- ing still be hanging out.

- Selfish.
- That's why she--

[laughs]

You know,
Shep and I-- we are polar

opposite people on everything.

And apparently,
that includes the bedroom.

Look.

[clears throat]
I am not a selfish lover.

I want everyone involved
to have fun,

whether it's
one person or three people.

I don't----ing care.

As long as I get off,
I don't care.

I'm not going to go through
a whole----ing production.

I'm just not.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I can probably count on
less than three fingers how

many times that it was like--

[knock at door]

Ah, there he is.

You're a----ing genius, man.

So with that,
we got the other--

we got the good sh-- there.

We got more for you.

It's not for me.

That's for the hoi polloi.

[upbeat music]

♪ Rum shot this

All right, guys.

In an hour and a half, dinner.

Hey, we're going to
go say hi to Whitney.

Y'all get ready.

Olivia's like, get me the
[BLEEP] off this bus now.

Whoo!

- Go, bitch.
- Jesus Christ.

Whoo.

That was fun.

Hey, Whitney
has been waiting for us.

We're going
straight to Whitney.

You're not the boss of me.

Let's go right now.

Happiest couple
to ever be divorced.

I really don't feel
the need to go to Whitney's.

I'd rather take a hot bath.

Yeah, I'm good.

Well, I'm going to
go take a cold bath.

- Oh my God.
- [laughs]

Look at the door.

Oh my god.

This is fancy as [BLEEP].

Let's just burst through it.

Watch out!

As soon as he opens it, run--

Oh.

Oh, sh-- that hurt.

The [BLEEP]
is wrong with you?

- Shep.
- What is up?

Holy sh--.

Elvis Presley.
- President.

- We're on "Gilligan's Island."
- President.

Good to see you.
- Jesus Christ.

Thank you.
Thank you for coming.

- Oh, Whitney.
- Oh my god.

You have a bunch of champagne.

I got all-- tons.

What the [BLEEP]
is this place?

I want to see how
the president lives.

Ooh.
- Look.

Isn't that nice?

Ooh.

Is this the----ing
Shangri-La, bitch?

Whit, this is where
it doesn't happen.

No doubt.
[laughs]

All right.

What do you guys want to drink?

Tequila, champagne--

I mean, I'm great.

Whit, what did you do today?

A little work,
a little beach action.

Guys, we got to
get ready for dinner.

Shut up.

I'm gonna stay here.

[laughs]

- Dude.
- All right.

You stay here.

You enjoy yourself.

You chose to come up here.

So what happened on the boat?

[laughs]

Good lord.

Cheers, guys.

Hey, thank you so
much for coming by.

I'm sorry.
I can't--

- It's really been a pleasure.
- All right.

I'm going to go
downstairs and shower.

So are you.
- No.

You guys have to change.

I showered this morning.

I'm not showering.

No, y'all gotta change.

Are you changing?

You should change.

I wish you changed.

Listen--

I do change.

No, I think
it's hard for you.

I do change.

It's hard for you to change.

You can't change.

That's the problem here, Shep.

Oh my god.

[laughs]

I can't change?

You can't change.

Is that a problem for whom?

Everyone you've
ever met in your life.

What?

♪

You should change.

I wish you changed.

You can't change.

That's the problem here, Shep.

I can't change?

You can't change.

And is that
a problem for whom?

Everyone you've
ever met in your life.

- What?
- Well.

I have a lot of good friends.

I don't need you.

I care about people, and I
would never say that to you,

but you--

you care about people?

That's-- that is rich.

Why don't you actually tell
him what you really think,

that you're mad--
- Of course.

that he hooked up
with your girlfriend?

But you won't tell
him because you

think it makes you a pussy.

No, but he makes it about me.

It's deflection.
It's deflection.

- No, but you won't
- ing tell him.

Shep, you are deflection, dude.

I'm totally OK.

So am I.

Are you OK?

Because you're--
you're on "Page Six"

not looking so OK, bub.

No, no, actually,
you don't look so OK.

Why?

Because I'm nice?

Because-- oh, you're nice?

Yeah.

When you tell Taylor that
it's fun to cheat on her

that means that you're nice?

Do you like poking the bear?

Do you like, uh,
cheating on me?

I mean,
sometimes when it's fun.

[dramatic music]

You've been
an absolute [BLEEP].

I?

I've been a [BLEEP]?
- Not ideal.

What have you been?

Honest with you
when you asked me?

A bad friend.

Yeah.

Everyone knows so, Austen.

Shep has been
in denial for so long,

but finally, I think he's
realizing that his best friend

hooked up with his girlfriend.

And I think he
cannot handle it.

But you're the victim.
I get it.

You're the victim.

Well,
you certainly painted out

Taylor Ann to be the victim.
- Me?

Yes.

You hold this soft spot
and this flame for her.

And you're like,
"Taylor, you're OK,"

just because she cries to you--
- No, it's--

She----ing grabbed me,
my friend.

She came on to me,
mother----er,

not the other way around.

See, I've never heard
that, because you've

never been honest like that.

Yes, I have.

Oh, have you?

And she was honest
with you, too.

Was it like a subtle,
or was it like--

- No, it was like this.
- It was like--

Wait, so I'm like you.
I'm like--

- No, no, no--
- I'm a--

- You're me.
- Phish-- I'm a Phish concert.

Yeah.

And she's like--

[smooching sounds]

- That was weird.
- God damn.

- But Austen--
- Damn.

Damn.

Austen, [BLEEP] off.

♪

You know what?

This group can't let the fact
that Taylor and I----ing

made out and moved on.

You almost said----ed.

- He did.
- He did.

Bingo.

He just admitted it.

Taylor and I----ing
made out and moved on.

Shep, that's the first thing
you and I ever agreed on.

Madison,
hush your----ing mouth.

You're not even
involved in sh--.

You're a bored housewife.

[laughter]

Dude, it doesn't
- ing matter.

Buh-bye.

Yeah, I'll see you there.

♪

I'm the first one.

♪

Hi.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

Oh, I like that top.

Thank you.

It's, like,
very Britney Spears.

♪

I would never betray you.

- Oh, OK.
- Shep.

Admit it.

I think you both have
feelings about each other,

and you hooking up
with Taylor kind of

ed up your position.

There is some suppression
of the anger towards Austen

that continues to surface.

What I'm trying to
say is overwhelmingly

I've been gracious and kind--

But you don't have to.

to a guy who hooked up
with my----ing girlfriend

a month after we broke up.

I'm just taking your lead.

You are saying
that it's all good.

And so I'm like--
- You know what?

OK.
It's all good.

Let's be boys again.

And then sometimes
you get angry at me.

- Are you nuts?
- No.

I have been so nice.

I mean, good lord.

About this situation, but--

I wish I----ed
somebody's----ing girlfriend

and was treated this well.

Dude, but don't be mad
at me because of the way

that you deal with things.
- I would not--

♪

Today was fun.

- I had a good time.
- Yeah.

♪

Yeah.

♪

You don't give
a [BLEEP] about anyone

except for yourself.

Do you really believe that?

Because that's really--
- When it comes to women, yeah.

That's really sad.

I want you to look
in the mirror too.

I really----ing--
- I do.

implore you.

- And that's why I'm so kind.
- No, you don't.

Because I used to be--

You don't, man.

I used to be 34, and I
was a----ing scoundrel.

Look in the mirror.

But you are
a total scoundrel.

It's just, it's an accumulation
of things with Austen.

I mean, right after the Austen
and Taylor thing,

Austen and I spent three weeks
in Australia together.

He didn't say a word.

Like, do you have any--

any concept
of friendship, loyalty?

You got-- does that enter
into your brain at any moment?

If that's how you feel,
then I don't know what to say.

- All right.
- All right.

- I'm going down to change.
- Yeah.

OK.

Well, guys,
thank you so much.

Really, really nice time.

[laughter]

Yeah.

Ugh.

You even drove off Madison.

How could you do that?
I--

- Well, thank God.
- It's amazing.

Someone had to.

See you at dinner.

[tense music]

♪

Thank you.

♪

- Hello.
- Hello.

Ooh, quite the table.

Thank you.

No, sir.
Could I please have

a glass of bubbles?

Yes, sir.

Thank you.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- What's going on?

Wow, we look like
a little rainbow colors.

That is a beautiful outfit.

Yeah.
Well--

Oof.

Oh, God.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

Talk about awkward as [BLEEP].

Like, what the hell
am I doing here?

[laughs]

OK.

Thank you.

Yum.

Luckily, dinner's
family style because ain't

nobody else down here.

- Hi.
- Hi, Rod.

How's it going?

You look so cute.

This seat taken?

- No.
- Perfect.

What's up?
Good to see you.

- Hi.
- Good to see you.

Sorry I'm late, guys.

Oh, you clean up nice.

I had work calls
back on the States.

I'm sorry.

Hey, JT.

- Is that the tomahawk steak?
- Yes.

Oh, wow.

Thank you so much, sir.

What's up, baby?

You're only 45 minutes late.

Come on in.
- Are we really?

- We're late?
- Yeah.

You're late.

Holy sh--, Rico Suave.

Did you unbutton
your shirt, Craig, or--

- You're full of sh--.
- Craig is a stripper.

[laughs]

Craig, we need to--

What, Tinkerbell?

We need to go one button up.

Look, I was dealing
with some----ing...

Well, I'm going to
tell you why we are late.

You were with Whitney.
That's why you were late.

Dude, we were all hammered.

[laughs]

I think that me and Whitney
just made out a little bit.

- You and Whitney made out?
- Well, I didn't mean to.

- Like, in the mouth?
- Like, in the mouth.

Did you like it?

I thought we were
talking about the fact

that Austen and Shep
finally fought it out.

No.

So Austen
and Shep fought it out,

and then Austen
and Whitney made out?

What the hell
is going on right now?

This is the biggest
plot twist of a trip

I've ever heard of in my life.

- Elvis.
- Hi, Elvis.

- Welcome, welcome.
- Hey, everybody.

Oh my god.

Whitney, how nice
of you to join us for once.

It's my pleasure.

- We're glad that you're here.
- Thank you.

I'm glad to be here.

They very nicely
upgraded me, and they

gave me the presidential suite,

which does have
an outdoor Jacuzzi.

Austen and I took
a Jacuzzi together.

[laughs]

You made out.
Did you make out?

- It was really sultry.
- You made out.

- Yeah, we----ing made out.
- You made out.

It was really hot.

[laughter]

And he looks at y'all
with a straight face.

So which kiss
was better, Austen--

- Oh, boy.
- Whitney's--

You don't bounce back
as fast as he does.

or Taylor?

♪

What did you say?

I said, what kiss was
better, Whitney or Taylor?

Madison,
you are nothing more than

a----ing bored housewife.

Oh, there it is.

Just--

God, Austen, if that's your
dig at me, like, goodbye.

Lights out.

Don't talk to me.

Well, then, talk amongst
yourselves down there.

You don't gotta talk to me.

- OK.
- I'm glad.

You don't have to talk to me,
either, if you don't want to.

- Don't--
- Stop.

bup.

- [laughs]
- Just don't.

- I already said don't.
- Don't do it.

Don't do it.

I'm not doing anything;
I already did it last night.

- And I got it, so I'm good.
- I'm content--

OK.

with the conversation
we had last night.

Good.

I don't need to have
a second one with you.

Good.

Hey, y'all,
I had a lot of fun today.

Like, today was the day.

Today was great.

I just--
I just wanted you to know.

It was a moment.

- Thanks, Craig.
- Yes.

Thank you for putting this
whole thing together.

Agreed.
Thanks, Craig. Cheers.

- Thank you, Craig.
- Craig taking the W.

I love it.

I've never loved anybody
harder than Captain Sardine.

Hey, cheers to
Captain Sardine,

and I'm going to cheers
to you too.

- Captain Sardine and--
- I am in for that.

- and his squadron of--
- Get in, get in, get in.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- To Captain Sardine.
- To Captain Sardine.

- Captain Sardine.
- Captain Sardine.

I feel everybody's,
like, giggly, and it's--

I don't get it.

Does anyone else have
champagne, or is it just me?

Baby?
- He don't care.

Oh!
- [laughs]

Captain Craig.

[laughter]

Um, hey, y'all.

[glass dinging]

Oh, no.
Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Um, I know that I was
pretty quiet last night.

Uh-oh.

And the conversation
that has been happening

for 2 1/2 months now,

for the sake of myself
and my own well-being,

I want to put this to rest.

♪