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1
00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:11,819
Can everyone please be quiet?
Sssshhhhh.
2
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:15,219
Erm, can you listen to Mr Wickers,
please? Settle down. Hang on.
3
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:18,579
Hang on. If you want their
attention, start with a joke.
4
00:00:18,580 --> 00:00:22,859
What do you call a black milkman?
Right. OK. Hello, everyone.
5
00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:25,459
Welcome to the Abbey Grove
field trip.
6
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:29,619
Next stop, the Tring Ink Museum
and Petting Zoo.
7
00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:32,619
What do you want? To say a few
words. It's not a wedding.
8
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,419
Now, I only have one rule...
9
00:00:34,420 --> 00:00:39,219
There are no rules. Except,
annoyingly, all of the school rules.
10
00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:40,899
And one new rule.
11
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,899
Please don't do anything
Mitchell dares you to do.
12
00:00:43,900 --> 00:00:44,940
Joe.
13
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:48,379
Joe.
14
00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:50,379
Ah, cringe!
15
00:00:50,380 --> 00:00:53,459
Now, smoking is only permitted
at the front of the coach,
16
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,979
so I can suck up all your
second-hand stuff while I'm driving.
17
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,499
All right? Sit down.
18
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,019
Now, there's no lock on the toilet,
19
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:04,099
so put a sock on the door if you're
docking at Quimsby... Right.
20
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:07,219
If you know what I mean. Um.
Do you maybe want to just put on a video?
21
00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:10,219
Oh, yeah. I've got a couple here.
I've got Showgirls
22
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:11,378
and, er, Predator.
23
00:01:11,379 --> 00:01:12,660
Oh, sweet. Which Predator?
24
00:01:12,661 --> 00:01:14,019
Alfie!
25
00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:18,379
Twelve Angry Men.
Is that with Henry Fonda?
26
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:22,059
Oh, no. My ex-wife and the darts
team. Double top.
27
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:23,379
Maybe the radio?
28
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:24,820
You got it. You're the boss.
29
00:01:24,821 --> 00:01:29,620
So kids, what do you call
an Indian with thrush?
30
00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:02,019
Now, er, if you look to your left
you'll see the Cock and Goose.
31
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:05,579
The cubicles are
very well connected.
32
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:08,419
And if you look to your right,
you'll see a lay-by
33
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:12,220
that is in my opinion
a tad over lit.
34
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:20,259
Oi, what you... Why've you got
a bag of miniatures?
35
00:02:20,260 --> 00:02:23,019
This shit Irish airline, right,
fired my brother
36
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:24,859
cos he broke company policy.
37
00:02:24,860 --> 00:02:27,819
How? He helped a customer.
Anyways, when he left,
38
00:02:27,820 --> 00:02:30,180
he jacked a load of these
and a couple of life jackets.
39
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:33,979
Give me that. Look,
just cos we're not in school
40
00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:36,979
doesn't mean you can get drunk.
THESE are confiscated.
41
00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:47,699
It's just those and that hair makes you
look like a guard in a woman's prison.
42
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:50,179
These are my outdoors clothes.
43
00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:52,899
We're going to the countryside!
44
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:55,699
Bear Grylls says you have to be
prepared for anything
45
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,499
which is why I am also...
46
00:02:57,500 --> 00:03:00,180
rockin' one of these bad boys.
47
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:04,739
Multi-purpose utility harness.
48
00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:08,139
Is that a spork?!
Yep. For those tricky little jobs
49
00:03:08,140 --> 00:03:10,219
that a fork just can't handle.
50
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:14,059
Is it supposed to be that tight?!
Yup.
51
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,739
Can't feel a thing. Chap slap!
52
00:03:15,740 --> 00:03:18,020
Oh! You dick!
53
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,900
Sir, I need your help.
54
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:27,579
I want a DMC about relationships.
This boy, Finlay, he...
55
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,380
Sir, why can't we go paint balling?
56
00:03:29,381 --> 00:03:32,619
Because it doesn't benefit
an academic subject.
57
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:33,660
Art!
58
00:03:35,140 --> 00:03:38,419
Art! We're not going paint balling.
59
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:42,979
Why is it an ink museum AND a
petting zoo? I don't know, Alfie.
60
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:44,739
Maybe they've got a squid.
61
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,939
This trip is going to be so dull.
62
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:50,979
Look, I organised this. You told me
you liked animals as well.
63
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,939
Yeah, I do. Tigers and shit.
64
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:55,979
Anyway, it's a lot better than some
other trips. Yeah, Fraser's taking
65
00:03:55,980 --> 00:04:00,380
the English scholars
to see some boring poetry thing.
66
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,419
Hello.
67
00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:06,860
Where's the rap battle?
68
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,220
Tight to me, kids.
69
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:16,100
Ahhhh. Nature red in tooth and claw.
70
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:22,259
Hey! Maybe we could go camping
on the way BACK from the zoo.
71
00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:25,699
I really want to teach my kids how to
gut a reindeer with a piece of bark.
72
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,579
I can't. I've got to be back
by seven. Why?
73
00:04:28,580 --> 00:04:31,179
I'm going on a date with this guy.
74
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:34,339
Date?! We haven't discussed this.
75
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:38,299
Why are you going on a date with
a guy?
76
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,779
Who is this "guy"?
77
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:44,499
I don't know. It's a blind date.
A blind date? Oh.
78
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,219
Very risky.
79
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,539
Where did he find you?
80
00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:51,299
The internet? He's not a weirdo.
He's going to take me...
81
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,859
No, no. Don't tell me.
82
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,379
I'll watch the reconstruction
on Crimewatch. Oh, Alfie!
83
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,259
He's a normal guy. Yeah, sure.
84
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,499
Normal guy. Bit of a loner.
85
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,539
Obsessed with sex. Oh, let me guess.
86
00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:05,819
Probably still lives
with his parents.
87
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:09,339
Don't turn this round on me.
88
00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:12,779
Anyway, how old's Fred West?
89
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,940
My date? 23.
90
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,939
23?! But I'm 23!
91
00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:21,459
Yeah, but he's an old 23.
92
00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:23,539
It's like this many sleeps
till I'm 24.
93
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,659
Yeah, but he's a teacher.
I'm a teacher!
94
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,540
He teaches mentally challenged
children.
95
00:05:27,541 --> 00:05:29,659
Have you seen my class?!
96
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,499
Ow!
97
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,219
Ow! Ow! Stop!
98
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:34,739
Ow!
99
00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:37,459
Look, if you're going to be
like this all journey,
100
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:41,619
I'm going to sit next to Mollinson. Really?
What, and let her show you her holiday photos?
101
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,579
Yeah, fine by me.
102
00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:45,820
There's my husband with his snorkel.
103
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:49,900
And there he is laying out
the tarpaulin.
104
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,900
Have you ever been to Germany?
105
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,539
I just don't understand why Fraser
didn't let me organise my own trip.
106
00:05:57,540 --> 00:06:00,420
Er, maybe because
of your science trip?
107
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,579
Right. That was Mitchell's fault.
He said it was like Spiderman.
108
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:18,539
Look, all I'm saying is that
I think I should have taken everyone
109
00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:21,739
on like a proper
Bear Grylls expedition.
110
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:25,019
Teach them how to survive in the
wild. Why would they need that?
111
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:27,100
What if The Hunger Games came true?
112
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:32,860
We'll see who's laughing when Jing's killing
one of your kids with a bow and arrow.
113
00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:53,579
Welcome to Shrub Wood Farm.
114
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:57,780
Now, unfortunately, we have worms.
115
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:04,700
I spent all morning fishing this
out of a weasel.
116
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:08,899
It's an epidemic.
117
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:14,859
Everything's got them. So remember,
it's a look but don't touch policy.
118
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:20,260
Er, but a private dance
can be arranged later.
119
00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:24,699
I'm joking.
120
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:27,180
We had to stop doing that.
121
00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:31,579
So, cubs and, er, girls,
122
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:35,979
have you got any questions
about animals?
123
00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:40,299
Sir, I really need to talk to you. Not now,
Chantelle. The boring man is talking.
124
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:43,979
Any questions at all?
125
00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:45,380
Why do cows have so many tits?
126
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,099
Well...
127
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,339
the cows have udders.
128
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:51,100
How come you can call dogs bitches,
129
00:07:51,101 --> 00:07:54,259
but not bitches bitches?
Rem Dogg, behave.
130
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:58,699
Would you rather be a boy with a dog's
head or a dog with a boy's head?
131
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:01,739
Well, obviously a boy with...
132
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:04,019
Oi, worms! Is... Is...
Is he talking to me?
133
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:07,179
My mate Rasheed, yeah, said he found
a beak in one of his McNuggets.
134
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:09,299
See, I thought the chicken
lays the nugget.
135
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:11,940
Does it not lay the nugget then?
136
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:16,859
When the female chicken
is impregnated by the male...
137
00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:20,099
Old MacDonald, does the male chicken
lie to the female chicken
138
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:25,579
just to get into her pants
and then break her heart with a text?
139
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:30,860
Guys, please. Can we show a little
bit of respect to the farmer man?
140
00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:33,740
Ask some serious questions.
141
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:40,860
Do all meerkats come from Russia?
142
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:52,419
This is so depressing.
143
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:55,779
I know. It's like
they're on a spectrum
144
00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:58,979
that's actually beyond the spectrum.
No, the animals!
145
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,860
I can't bear to see them distressed.
146
00:09:00,861 --> 00:09:04,139
Look! Malnourished, all caged up.
147
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:06,299
I just hope they're not
upsetting the kids.
148
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:09,020
Oi, sir. Look at its dick.
It's got shit on it!
149
00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,339
I think they're coping.
150
00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:14,220
It's got shit on its dick!
151
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,019
Now, kids, prepare to be amazed
152
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:22,019
by Swinonus rhinonium
153
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,020
or the rhino...
154
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:26,500
pig!
155
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:34,900
Wow. Your wife got a name?
156
00:09:36,340 --> 00:09:37,779
That is disgusting.
157
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,659
I've a good mind to rip off the bars
to that cage
158
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,299
and set that animal free.
159
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:46,099
I've made a terrible mistake
bringing us all here.
160
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:49,099
Leaving you...
161
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,379
Where's my bitches at?
162
00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:52,979
Show me them titties.
163
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:55,019
What d'ya say?
164
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:58,340
Yeah!
165
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:03,940
Who here thought ink was boring?
166
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:10,539
OK.
167
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:14,180
Who here takes a newspaper?
168
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,420
Who's read a book?
169
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:26,539
So, what's your date
doing with you tonight...
170
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,659
apart from turning you into a dress?
171
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:30,499
Why are you so obsessed with it?
172
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,419
I'm not obsessed.
173
00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:36,659
Can anyone tell me
where ink comes from?
174
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,979
A pen. No.
175
00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:43,219
Well, it does come from a pen,
don't it? Yes, but...
176
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,819
originally?
177
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:45,899
Ryman's.
178
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:49,019
Oh, my God. He's talking to them
like they're seven.
179
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:51,220
This is so inappropriate.
180
00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:58,140
Who wishes to play God?
181
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:01,980
Anyone?
182
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:15,740
What would you do, pig, if you loved
someone that didn't love you?
183
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:20,579
Alfie, are you talking
to the rhino pig? No!
184
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,659
I'm just... drinking some Malibu.
185
00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:27,580
I'm depressed, all right? Get
off my back. Why are you depressed?
186
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:31,739
Miss Gulliver's going on a date
with a guy.
187
00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:35,059
Why can't she see
how much I like her?
188
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,060
Maybe you should let her know.
189
00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:41,739
What, by, like,
making a grand gesture?
190
00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:43,179
Or just tell her.
191
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,219
Yeah, you're right.
192
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:48,259
I need to let her know
how much I care
193
00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:50,819
by doing something massive,
really bold.
194
00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:54,499
Or just tell her. I've got it.
Just tell her. The pig!
195
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:58,579
Rosie wants this creature
to be happy,
196
00:11:58,580 --> 00:12:01,099
just like I want her to be happy.
197
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:05,019
Alfie, how much Malibu have you drunk?
It needs to run free. Alfie, don't touch it!
198
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,579
It's got worms. Alfie! Alfie!
Run, piggy!
199
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:10,059
Go, piggy. Go.
200
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,220
Run!
201
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:18,059
Miss Gulliver's going to be
pretty impressed.
202
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,180
Yeah!
203
00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:25,419
She's not, is she?
204
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:26,460
Nah.
205
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,499
Yo!
206
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:38,459
Um, so, I was thinking maybe
we should think about leaving.
207
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:39,899
What have you done?
208
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:41,699
Nothing.
209
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:46,020
I just don't want you
to be late for your date.
210
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,579
What are you wearing tonight?
211
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:52,899
Why?
212
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,059
Oh, nothing.
213
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:57,419
It's just I was talking
to Inky earlier
214
00:12:57,420 --> 00:13:00,939
and he says that in his gift shop
he sells real fur coats.
215
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,820
I was thinking maybe
you could buy one,
216
00:13:02,821 --> 00:13:05,379
team it up
with a little otter scarf.
217
00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:07,259
Right. Everyone back on the bus!
218
00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:10,780
Quickly. Wake him up. Take him out.
Off you go. On the bus. Come on.
219
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:26,700
We've got two routes back.
220
00:13:26,701 --> 00:13:29,379
Motorway at rush hour.
Or?
221
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:30,659
Scenic route.
222
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,979
Plenty of lay-bys
to dip into round Tring.
223
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:36,859
Why don't you just use your sat nav
to find the quickest route back?
224
00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:38,819
Never used one, never will.
225
00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:40,060
Why?
226
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:43,900
Won't be told what to do
by a woman.
227
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:54,820
We're lost.
228
00:13:56,380 --> 00:14:00,139
Bieber, take the wheel.
I'm not sure I can trust this fart.
229
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,580
I can't! I've been drinking.
230
00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:02,860
So have I.
231
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:11,340
Watch out!
232
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,939
Jesus! Was it... Was that a person?
233
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:20,260
Paul's fault! I need to dust the prints
off this wheel. I'm going to check.
234
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:28,739
Is everyone OK?
235
00:14:28,740 --> 00:14:31,460
If anybody asks, the pig hit US.
236
00:14:32,660 --> 00:14:34,859
How do you think it escaped?
237
00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:38,139
Oh, God. Do you think
someone let it out? Um...
238
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:40,339
Maybe it let itself out.
239
00:14:40,340 --> 00:14:42,020
Does anyone know anything about this?
240
00:14:42,021 --> 00:14:46,539
I won't be annoyed if you're honest
with me. They always say that.
241
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:49,780
Did you know about this? What?
242
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,459
Fine.
243
00:14:56,460 --> 00:15:00,939
I freed the pig, miss,
because it looked sad. Well,
244
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:04,580
that's stupid,
but I admire the gesture.
245
00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:10,339
You stole my gesture!
Where's my bra, eh?
246
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:13,339
You've got it, haven't you? You took
it off in the pool, didn't you?
247
00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:15,180
Oh, God. He's concussed.
Sit him down.
248
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:18,020
Give him some oxygen.
249
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,419
Oh, God. You're going to have to call
the AA. I haven't got any reception.
250
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:26,179
Neither have I.
251
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:29,899
Well, we can't go back to that farm.
252
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:33,419
I know! I could trek cross country,
253
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:35,779
find the nearest town, get help.
254
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:38,339
Oh, OK. But...
255
00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:41,499
Well, come straight back, yeah?
Yeah. Sure.
256
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,539
Right.
257
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:45,099
I'm going to need
to gather up a team.
258
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,460
Not you.
259
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,979
Lilt goes flat so quickly.
260
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,019
Oh, I love being outside, me.
261
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:02,499
Reminds me of being in the scouts.
262
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:06,579
Our scoutmaster, Mr Rogers, he was
my hero. Aw, why? What was he like?
263
00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:10,179
So brave. This one time, right,
he fought off a bear.
264
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:12,499
A bear? In England?! No.
265
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,059
In Wales.
266
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,819
We'd all gone skinny dipping
and we came back to the campsite
267
00:16:16,820 --> 00:16:18,700
and Mr Rogers had
fought off this bear
268
00:16:18,701 --> 00:16:21,619
that had broken into our tents
and eaten all of our clothes.
269
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:23,859
Did you ever see this bear?
270
00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:26,859
No, but it must have been
a very picky bear
271
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,619
cos it didn't touch anything else.
272
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,219
Not even the food.
273
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:33,579
Sir, wasn't there a sign on the road
that said Tring was that way?
274
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:37,339
Signs. We don't need signs.
We're in the wild.
275
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:39,420
This is the only sign I need...
276
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,500
wind sign.
277
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:48,219
Yup, that's north.
We get through these woods,
278
00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:49,260
we'll hit Tring.
279
00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:54,419
Lunch?
280
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:57,539
Bear says you never know when
you're going to be able to eat next.
281
00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:01,059
Did you kill this?!
Yep. Used my trowel. It looks like
282
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:03,699
it's been dead for weeks.
Anyone want a forest berry?
283
00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,539
Don't! No, that's a yew berry.
284
00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:07,539
It's the most poisonous berry
in Britain.
285
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:10,139
Uh-huh! They're cranberries.
I know that cos they're red.
286
00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:15,219
Yeah, well, I'm a biology teacher,
so just trust me. Anyone?
287
00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:17,699
Jing? Come on.
You guys eat anything.
288
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,380
Like those poo-ey
hundred-year-old eggs. Urgh.
289
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:26,139
Yeah, I'm sure they are delicious,
but so are these berries.
290
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,539
Alfie, we've actually...
Anyone? No? Fine.
291
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:30,219
More for me.
292
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:31,900
Mmmmm. Yum, yum, yum.
293
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:37,539
Fizzy berry.
294
00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:39,900
Oh, screw this. I'm eating my rolls.
295
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,539
What?!
296
00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:45,620
Packed lunch, bellend.
297
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:47,899
You...
298
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,099
I tried to tell you, but you
didn't listen. Have some of mine.
299
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:56,899
No. Fine. No. You eat your
sandwiches with all their E numbers.
300
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,499
I am feasting off Mother Nature.
301
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,420
Ooh! A mushroom!
302
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:09,979
Right. OK.
303
00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,260
How do you gut this?
304
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:17,779
Come on, guys.
305
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,139
We need to keep moving.
306
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,660
Alfie?
307
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,459
We're being followed.
308
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:29,819
Are you OK? His eyes look funny.
309
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:33,019
He looks like my brother
after he came back from Ibiza!
310
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:37,300
Alfie, do you know where we are?
311
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:42,579
Will somebody please tell that frog
312
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,980
I do not want to smoke his pipe.
313
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,019
People!
314
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:49,379
A bush.
315
00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:52,739
Everyone wave. Get their attention.
I know. I'll chuck a rock at them.
316
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,819
No, don't! Don't. We need their help.
317
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:57,139
Hello! Come on, guys. Help me.
318
00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:58,739
Hello!
319
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:01,139
Help us!
320
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,619
Help us.
321
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:04,979
Over here!
322
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:06,220
Where's Alfie?
323
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:09,940
Shitty harness.
324
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,459
Nobody drink from the stream.
325
00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:16,379
They were really bad berries.
326
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:19,820
Look at that! Look at that! Bloody
disgusting.
327
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,859
Disgusting. Bloody kids!
328
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:26,260
Oi! Oi!
329
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,220
Sir shitted in the river.
330
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:35,259
That was so sick. Why do YOU have
to ruin everything? Rosie...
331
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,779
No. No. I organised this day,
332
00:19:36,780 --> 00:19:39,499
but you decide it's rubbish,
so you make it rubbish.
333
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,139
You hated the farm too. I told you not to
eat those berries and what did you do?
334
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,499
OK. I admit that. You're stupid.
335
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,219
You're immature. You only ever
think about yourself.
336
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,059
I think about you all the time.
337
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:53,699
That's why I let the piggy free.
338
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,339
You let the pig free?
339
00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:56,818
You said you admired the gesture.
340
00:19:56,819 --> 00:19:58,700
Yeah, I admire it being made
by a child.
341
00:19:58,701 --> 00:20:02,419
But it's free-ee-ee. I can't believe you
think I'd ever be interested in you.
342
00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:05,460
You're such a pathetic,
selfish, little boy.
343
00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:12,699
I think I might need a dock leaf.
344
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,900
That bog roll was a little nettle-y.
345
00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:27,939
Go away.
346
00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:30,699
I want to be on my own for a bit.
What's that, sir?
347
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:32,340
I've dug myself a bucket.
348
00:20:34,340 --> 00:20:37,539
I'm sorry for being agro.
It's cos my man...
349
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:41,300
Finlay. He left her. He's my first
long-term relationship.
350
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:44,339
And by long-term...?
351
00:20:44,340 --> 00:20:47,819
He took me to Strada, like, twice.
OK.
352
00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:51,779
He said he loved me
just so he could sleep with me.
353
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:54,339
What happened? He slept with me.
354
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,379
No, I meant after that.
355
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,779
Oh. He told me I wasn't mature
enough. But I am mature.
356
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,099
I like Adele
357
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,820
and I've not been in Claire's
Accessories for, like, two years.
358
00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:08,460
Sir, why don't you come sit with us?
359
00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,819
I don't think Miss Gulliver
wants to talk to me much.
360
00:21:12,820 --> 00:21:14,740
But we do.
361
00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:19,539
OK.
362
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:20,580
I guess.
363
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:29,579
Hey, guys.
364
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:32,700
Sorry about the... stream and stuff.
365
00:21:37,780 --> 00:21:42,699
Look. Don't worry. I'll make a fire.
I got all the badges in scouts.
366
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:44,579
Fire-making, knot-tying,
367
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:45,698
secret-keeping.
368
00:21:45,699 --> 00:21:47,660
There isn't a badge
for keeping secrets.
369
00:21:47,661 --> 00:21:49,299
Er, shows how much you know.
370
00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:52,779
Mr Rogers said it was the most
important badge a scout could get.
371
00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:56,459
Look, if we're going to get this fire lit,
we're going to need to work as a team.
372
00:21:56,460 --> 00:21:58,779
Chantelle, Joe.
You go looking for kindling.
373
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:02,379
Mitchell, Stephen. We're going
to need flints. Ideally quartz.
374
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:06,299
Anything that's going to be able
to create a spark...
375
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,819
You ALL smoke?
376
00:22:08,820 --> 00:22:11,059
Jesus.
377
00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:13,339
I'm a terrible role model.
378
00:22:13,340 --> 00:22:15,899
They call me teach
Because I do.
379
00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,299
I'll bring you times tables
Three times two.
380
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:21,739
You'll think you're bad ass
But I tell you UCAS would disagree.
381
00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:25,019
No university going to give you
A degree so don't try for LSE
382
00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:28,339
Cos you'll need
A dual science award at GCSE.
383
00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:30,699
And the only way
You wouldn't need that
384
00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:33,620
Is if your school had been on
International Baccalaureate.
385
00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:37,979
So go figure, pull the trigger
386
00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:40,219
Shit's getting bigger, my...
387
00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:42,260
Man.
388
00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:44,460
Brap.
389
00:22:45,940 --> 00:22:48,620
Ah, finally. Look, cars!
390
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,380
Right. I'll go ask them for help.
391
00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:03,059
Hello! Um...
392
00:23:03,060 --> 00:23:05,859
Could you give me a hand?
393
00:23:05,860 --> 00:23:07,779
Oh, God. Jesus.
394
00:23:07,780 --> 00:23:09,099
He's a wriggler, Geoff.
395
00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:12,819
Get off. IT'S All RIGHT.
They're friendly.
396
00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:16,219
Could you just let go? Sorry.
I think it might alarm the children.
397
00:23:16,220 --> 00:23:19,459
You brought your kids?! Oh, leave
him, Geoff. He's probably Cornish.
398
00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:21,860
I'm terribly sorry.
I think there might have been
399
00:23:21,861 --> 00:23:23,860
a little bit
of a misunderstanding here.
400
00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:27,779
I'm not actually a dogger per se.
401
00:23:27,780 --> 00:23:29,939
We've got ourselves a puppy, Pam.
402
00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:31,659
We don't bite. Unless you ask.
403
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:35,379
Look I'm a teacher
at Abbey Grove School.
404
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:41,019
Oh! Do you know Olive Mollinson?
Yes. And of course you do too.
405
00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:44,259
Um, we've had a bit
of a traffic accident.
406
00:23:44,260 --> 00:23:47,939
Olive's currently stuck on a coach
with a load of children
407
00:23:47,940 --> 00:23:52,659
and we'd really appreciate
your help getting back.
408
00:23:52,660 --> 00:23:56,059
Oh, sorry, love. Of course we'll
help. Would you give us ten minutes?
409
00:23:56,060 --> 00:23:59,339
Oh, yes. Terribly sorry.
410
00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:02,299
Of course. You can stay if you want.
You can stay.
411
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:06,060
I... I think I'll pass.
Suit yourself.
412
00:24:09,020 --> 00:24:12,299
How many of you are there?!
Four. Four.
413
00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:15,860
Five. Didn't see you down there,
Robin. Sorry about that, mate.
414
00:24:27,060 --> 00:24:31,859
Everything OK? Yup. What the hell
are they doing, sir? Are they...?
415
00:24:31,860 --> 00:24:34,900
They're probably... Bird watching!
Yeah. Yup. They're bird watching.
416
00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:39,619
They're going to drive us home
in ten minutes. They're just, er...
417
00:24:39,620 --> 00:24:42,179
finishing off a Robin.
418
00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:44,540
At night? Yeah.
419
00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:55,820
Where...?!
420
00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:09,380
So, we made it.
421
00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:12,859
Alfie, I...
422
00:25:12,860 --> 00:25:15,539
I just want to... No.
423
00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:18,699
Before you say anything,
424
00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:21,339
you're right, I am an idiot.
425
00:25:21,340 --> 00:25:23,619
No, I over-reacted.
426
00:25:23,620 --> 00:25:26,259
Look, I do a lot of...
427
00:25:26,260 --> 00:25:28,779
stupid things,
428
00:25:28,780 --> 00:25:32,099
but I don't do it
429
00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:34,379
because I'm trying
to be selfish.
430
00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:38,020
I do it because I care about you...
431
00:25:40,100 --> 00:25:43,020
even if you don't like me.
432
00:25:44,380 --> 00:25:46,059
I do like you.
433
00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:48,019
You mean a lot to me
434
00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:52,139
and I'm sorry...
435
00:25:52,140 --> 00:25:55,219
Sorry for me.
436
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,579
Oh, come here.
437
00:25:57,580 --> 00:26:02,180
Ohhh. You've got such a good heart.
438
00:26:06,980 --> 00:26:09,299
Have you just been sick on my back?
439
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:11,940
Berries.
440
00:26:23,380 --> 00:26:26,340
Do you want me to scoop it up
with my trowel? Yeah.
441
00:26:43,860 --> 00:26:46,219
Look, sir. A long rubber branch.
442
00:26:46,220 --> 00:26:48,979
Is this for the birds to perch on?
443
00:26:48,980 --> 00:26:51,419
Do branches have veins?!
444
00:26:51,420 --> 00:26:53,500
Joe, put that down.
445
00:27:07,420 --> 00:27:09,859
So, we got back in time after all.
Yeah.
446
00:27:09,860 --> 00:27:12,539
I have to admit, you did sort of
save the day in the end.
447
00:27:12,540 --> 00:27:14,140
Don't worry it was nothing.
448
00:27:16,420 --> 00:27:19,859
You, er, looking for a lift home?
449
00:27:19,860 --> 00:27:22,699
There's two routes.
The B roads round Wendover
450
00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:24,419
or we can get the M25...
451
00:27:24,420 --> 00:27:27,339
Sshhh. You had me at Wendover.
452
00:27:27,340 --> 00:27:29,380
Not yet, luv. Not yet.
453
00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:34,859
Your carriage awaits.
454
00:27:34,860 --> 00:27:36,419
Where's he taking you?
455
00:27:36,420 --> 00:27:38,859
Strada.
456
00:27:38,860 --> 00:27:41,379
Hi, you must be Finlay.
457
00:27:41,380 --> 00:27:43,939
Rosie, it's so nice to meet...
Finlay?
458
00:27:43,940 --> 00:27:46,779
Finlay?! You bastard!
459
00:27:46,780 --> 00:27:48,500
He's not worth it, babes.
460
00:27:49,540 --> 00:27:51,660
Oh, God.
461
00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:55,940
Where's Fraser?
462
00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:02,419
Hi. Um, have you seen
seven children?
463
00:28:02,420 --> 00:28:06,779
All English scholars about yea high.
Smell of Wotsits.
34666
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