All language subtitles for A Case of You (2013) HD online Free - FlixHQ

♪ I know it's moan ♪

♪ But I told my friend
to give up ♪

♪ On her dreams ♪

♪ She hated mo ♪

♪ But I know that dreams were ♪

♪ For the best of us ♪

♪ And for the rest of us ♪

♪ And I didn't want to share ♪

♪ With anyone ♪

♪ I need a way to see ♪

♪ My greatest dance ♪

♪ And make 'om laugh ♪

♪ If I could win the wars ♪

♪ Or lose the battles too ♪

♪ Whichever': True ♪

♪ In other people's lives ♪

♪ I can't stop putting on ♪

♪ Other people's clothes ♪

♪ I love them till I leave ♪

1'1'!

♪ I am a marathon runner ♪

♪ And my legs are sore ♪

♪ And I'm anxious to see ♪

♪ What I'm running for ♪

♪ I am a hot air balloon ♪

♪ On a sailboat ♪

♪ I would make this my home ♪

♪ If I'd loam to float ♪

1'1'!

I1'!

♪ I am a marathon runner ♪

♪ And my legs are sore ♪

♪ And I'm anxious to see ♪

♪ What I'm running for ♪

♪ I am a hot air balloon ♪

♪ On a sailboat ♪

♪ I would make this my home ♪

♪ If I'd loam to float ♪

♪ I am a marathon runner ♪

♪ And my legs are sore ♪

♪ And I'm anxious to see ♪

♪ What I'm running for ♪

♪ I am a hot air balloon ♪

♪ On a sailboat ♪

♪ I would make this my home ♪

♪ If I'd loam to float ♪

- Shit.

- Dude, you are never
gonna believe this.

Heart is in its head.

This is fucking tripping mo out.

- Really, Cheech?

10:00 mm?

- Yeah. Oh, sorry.

You getting a contact high?

You gonna be all seizuring out
on mo?

- I don't get seizures.

- Mm-hmm.

What do you call them again?

- They're
marijuana-induced fits.

It's a medical condition.

What are you doing tonight?

- I don't know. I got to go.
- Call mo tator.

- Okay-

I1'!

- Hello?

- So, uh,
what an you doing tonight?

I don't know.

That's why I said,
'Call mo later.'

- I know.

I am!

So Ash and I are going to this
Alvin Ailey modem-dance thing.

Looks kind of cool.
You want to join?

- Modern dance?

Not exactly what I had in mind
for tonight-or aver, really.

- All right.

Let's definitely grab a beer
before I go.

- Yeah, I don't know, man.

I think I'm just gonna heat up
some Chinese food.

- You mean play video games.
- All right.

Why change your routine
at this point, huh?

- I got to go. Bye.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

- Hey. What can I get for you?

- I'll just take
a medium coffee to go.

Thanks.

Such a-

Such a beautiful day out,

and it, uh, doesn't-

doesn't feel like November
at all.

Fools like-like maybe early s-
oarly summer.

Juno.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

Done and done.

La-te-'Lflapostropho-ticia?

Link?

Okay.

Thanks so much.

Thank you.

- Mr. Newman, hello.
- Hello.

- It's quite an honor.

My name is David Abbott.

I have read
all three of your books.

- Oh, thank you, David.

You can just call mo Sam.

Sam.

Can you make it out
to 'Sticky Fingers'?

That is my avatar name.

- Sticky Fingers?

- Yes, sir.

- ORGY-

- Question for you.

What inspired your decision

to kill off Tabitha at the and?

- Well-.

- Was it because she had broken
the sacred oath

of the Baldroozon nymphs?

I mean,

I guess she had it coming.

- Uh, actually, Sticky,

I was-I was sort of inspired
by the movie studio

that commissioned me
to write it, honestly.

You see,
the movie was already made,

so they just paid mo to

write exactly what happened

in the m-movie-.

You know, that-
that': What I do.

"80" '!-

- Surprise!

- Oh. My God!

Sarah!

- Hi.

- Jesus.

Sarah Anderson.

Holy shit.

- Oh, no, actually,
it's Sarah Schipper now.

- Wow.

Crazy.

What are you-

Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- That's a-that's a rock.

WQII-I don't-

What are you-
what are you doing here?

- Well, my husband works
around the corner.

I was walking by,
and I saw your name,

and I thought,

"I should just pop in.'

- Yeah. Well, I'm glad-

I'm sorry.

I'm glad you did.

- Hi.
- On.

- Wait.

What?

- Yep, that happened.

- You got a-

- A baby.

- You got a baby.

- Yeah.

- Wow. Wow.

- What about you?
- You got a wife or kids, family?

- Nope.
- No?

- None-none of the above.

- Not oven a girlfriend?

- Eh.

- Aw.

- Congratulations
on the whole writing thing.

It's great.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Not-not bad.

Not bad.

So where does your husband work?

You said ho works around tho-

Oh, he's at the Puma store.

- Oh, no, he's a-
ha': A columnist at the Times.

- The New York Times?

- Yeah.

- Whoa.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

- Well, I'd love to get
a copy of the book.

- On. Really?

- Yeah. Sure.

- Okay. Uh...

- Want to sign it for mo?
- Oh, sure.

It just seems so weird.

Let's see.

Uh, okay.

- All right.
- Yeah.

How are your parents?

- Oh, uh, yeah-huh.

Yeah, they got a-
they got a divorce.

- What?

- After I loft for college,
yeah.

My mom, uh-

- They always seemed
like they had

the most perfect relationship.

Well...

Hey, guess where Joel and I
are spending the summer.

- Y-y-yosemite.

- Espoo.

- Whore?

- Eapoo.

Whore my whole family's from.

Are you kidding?

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

No, I remember.
In, uh, N-Norway.

- Finland.
- Finland.

Near Norway.

- We talked about getting
married there,

but, well...

It's nice to see that you
haven't changed at all, Sam.

Take care, Sam.

- You too.

- Dude, she's pregnant!

- That sucks.

- Yeah, I'm sitting there
signing autographs

like a jackass,
this stupid book.

It was so humiliating-

- Sony, Mr. Newman.
- Yeah.

- My manager told me
I have to take the order now.

You want to have the special?

- Uh, no, just the usual.

Thanks, Howard.

Um...

So she looks at me

like I was the saddest,
most pathet-

Sony I don't work
for The New York Times.

The New York Times is not
really whet it used to be.

- I got to Q0-

- Oh, wait. Uh...

- I have a lot of customer
to take care of.

- Well, I'll talk to you s-
- Bye.

- ORGY-

Oh, my God,
I got to write something good.

I1'!

There you go.

- What's that for?

- Oh. I thought-

Aren't you-.

- Homeless?

- Sorry.
- I just thought that was a-

- That's a chai.

- I'm so sorry. Uh...

- Hey, what's up?

Yeah. No, I saw the Instagram.

- Hey, Alan.

- Hey. Howd the signing go, guy?

- Um, fine.

- Yeah, all right.
- Total domination, right?

Teen Vampire continues
to command the shelves.

. Well.

Quantity over quality.

That's what I say.

- All right, listen,
the studio would like you

to translate a couple more
of their films into books.

- Yeah, I don't know, man. I-I-.

- The first one here
actually smells pretty good.

Lot mo sot the table for you.

It's an action-adventure flick,

and it's called
"doomtombalionwomb"...

"It's one word-
'dot-net," I think.

Check it out.

It's sizzling,
and they got apps,

and they got
the whole thing happening.

- Okay, yeah.

Um...

- All right, lot mo move on.

I got a romantic comedy
for you too,

Called Sherpa.

- Sherpa?

- I think you could kill
this shit.

- Like tho-like the Nepal-

- Yeah, a woman
who climbs Everest.

- ORGY-

- But in the process,

she finds the biggest discovery
of her life:

Love with her Sherpa guide.

She falls in love with him.

They're from different
backgrounds.

They speak the language
of kindness

or something like that.

- Listen, Alan, I don't know.

- Lookit, I'm not saying
that this stuff

is actually hard-on-inducing,

but you pop off a couple more
of these bad boys-

- Alan, I think I'm gonna start
writing something else.

- Something original.
- Okay.

- Something personal.

- Yeah.
- Liston, I totally got it.

- So I'm gonna take
a little time off

and start working
on this thing, okay?

- All right.
- Here-here's the thing.

You're burned out.

You want to move
the blocks around.

You want to reset the table.

- I got to move them. Yes.

- You need to take a break.

You need to do something
a little bit different,

and I totally got that,

and I want-
that': What I want you to do,

'cause I want you
to stoke the fire.

'Cause if you take the coal
too far away from the fire,

then the coal burns out.

If you put the coal
back in the fire,

then the coal': Gonna burn.

And I don't want you
to over think

that anybody has ever called you
a hack writer.

- Hack writer? What?

- Okay, when you start writing
the pages,

you send 'em over to mo.

- Wait, Alan. Hack writer.

What are you talking about?

- I'm just telling you
they haven't said it.

- What?
- I'm gonna go.

Let me know
when you're doing stuff.

- Yeah. Okay. Bye.

I'?!

- Ooh, sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Ah!

Thanks. I'm really sorry.

- Just got in?

- I'm sorry. What? Sorry?

- Oh, I'm just saying I think
I saw you come in to work.

- Oh, yeah.

I am late as usual.

- Yeah, always late.

Can I got a refill for you?

- Oh, yeah.

Uh, thanks.

Oh, Shit!

- What? Are you okay?

- No. Fuck.

Um, I think someone
just stole my computer.

- Oh, God.

- Yeah, I had it here,
and I put it in a bag.

It was in a blue computer bag.

I was gonna go to the bathroom.

- Do you have another one?
- Do you s-hmm?

- Besides that one?

- No. That's it.

Just that one, actually.

- Thanks.

- No, it would have
been devastating

if you'd lost your masterpiece.

- Yeah.
- No reason to go on.

- I know.

Fortunately, it's just two pages

of bad haiku:
And dirty limoricks.

- But you're a doodlist as well,
I see.

- Oh, yes.

I just scribble.

- I dabble
in the doodles myself.

- Yeah? Really?

- Yeah, I do caricatures
in Prospect Park.

- Oh, cool.

Very cool.

- I'm sorry. Is this Gorbachev?

- No, no,
that's just a creepy guy.

- Oh. That's too bad.

I'm a huge Gorbachev fan.

- Oh. Well, this is...

Now it's Gorbachev.

- You can Gorbachev anything.
- That's really good.

- Thanks.

- It's Birdie.

- It's very birdy.

- Oh, my name is Birdie.

- Oh, okay. Sorry.

Um...

I'm Sam.

Uh, that's my name.

It's like Pam with an S.

- On. So-

So Spam.

- No, the P is silent.
- It's confusing.

- I would love to continue
this conversation, but-

- Yeah, of course. Sorry. Yeah.

"80" '!-

- Largo coffee, almond milk,

three SweefN Lows, two napkins.

The name's Emily.

- Nice to meet you.

- Emily, like "Jemily,"

but the J is silent.

Actually, “Gsmilf is spelled
with a G, usually.

.Is it?

Do you know any Gemilys?

- SOITY-

I1'!

Hey, El, where's the toothpaste?

Ell.

Hey, what'd you-Oh, shit!

- Shit.
- What the fuck?

- SOT“!-

- You can't do that
with the door wide open.

- Well, I thought
you were in the shower.

I always wait
till you're in the shower.

- You do? Oh, God.

Now every time I take a shower,

I'm gonna think about that.

Can I turn around?

- Yeah.

- Is that Princess Leia?

- N-yeah.

- Are you seriously jerking off

to current pictures
of Carrie Fisher?

- Remember when
we were kids, dude?

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but you were pretty obsessed
with her too.

- Yeah, I was obsessed with her

when she was in Star Wars.

- What am I, 12?

You really expect me to pleasure
myself to fucking Star Wars?

- What are you talking about?

You can get older,

and she can stay the same age

in picture form.

- Women, like men, grow up.

Everybody ages.

It's just-
it': A natural fact of life.

- You're not dating her.

You're just jerking off to her.

- Right.

- Ii.

Okay, yeah.

Just close your door next time.

- Can you close it?

- Are you going back
into the shower by any chance?

- Please don't.

Just please don't.

1'1'!

Excuse mo.

"80" '!-

Do you by any chance know
what time Birdie-

or it might be Bertie-

is working?

- It's Birdie,

like 'caw, cawl'

You're a friend of hers?

- Uh, yeah, sort of.

- She got canned.

- What? Why?

What-what happened?

- She was late.

- For work?

Ne.

For her fucking period.

- What-

I'm sorry.

I don't know what's g-

I f-feel like maybe we got off
on the wrong foot.

I'm Sam, by the way.

- ORGY-

- And your name is...

- It's Gerard.

- Gerard.

- Shard.

- Ste-Gerard.

- Shard.
- Stard.

- Shard.
- Chard.

- Leave it.

- Anyway.

What happened with Birdie?

- I already told you;
She was late.

- Oh-right.

But j-just-

- Anything also,
Inspector Watson?

- No, that's-that's great.

Thanks for-

Do you think maybe
she'll come back here?

- For what?

- I don't know.

- Mo, neither.

Why don't you
just find her onlino?

- I don't know her-.

- Birdie Hazel.

- Hazel.

Okay.

Thank-

Thanks, G-oir.

- Okay.
- I think I got everything.

- Where you guys goillfl?

- I told you a trillion times.

We're going
to Ashley's parents' place,

then we're going
to Sacred Spirit.

- Oh, right. Camp Brainwash.

- Eliot, don't forgot
your camera.

I think it's on the desk.

- Oh, yes.
- Byel.

- Bye!

Hey, El,
I found Birdie': Online profile.

- You did? Who?

- You know,
the coffee shop girl.

Pretty amazing, actually.

- Oh, yeah? Nice, man.
- Yeah. You got to eee this.

I don't know what to do.

What's the next move?

- Write her a message saying
you want to see her.

- Really?

Should I? That seems weird.

Just, like, a blind message?

I don't-
I don't know anything about her.

- Yeah. Sure, you do.

That's the beauty of getting
to see her Facebook profile.

There's so much information
on there, you know?

I mean, hell, you could become
the man of her dreams

if you wanted.

- That's true.

- You know?

- Baby?
- Yeah.

- Come on. I'm double-parked.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, shit.

See you next week, playa.

- See you.

- ♪ G, D, B minor, A ♪

33151'.

Play a G.

- Oh. Uh, okay.
- Play a G.

- I'm not sure I got that one.

Index finger goes on the-

is that a fret?

It's called a fret.

Sorry. I don't know-

- You got to bar it.

- Ow. Ow.

Okay. That's it?

It sounded different than yours.

- If you stop

with the 'tudo

and the condescending shit,

loan-

Music is about opening.

Your generation is so...

sexy, and they know it,

and they're texting-.

Just 'cause you got my number

off a telephone pole

doesn't moan I'm not ferocious
on the ax.

I played fucking Woodstock, man.

- Woodstock? Really?

That's kind of-

'Cauee you don't
really seem that-

- Woodstock '99, captain!

So you want to fuck with that?

I played backup with the fucking
Spin Doctors, bro-romotor.

- Wow.

- Yeah, wow.

- That's pretty cool.

- It's really cool.

Look it up.

- I will. I'll Google it.

- Yeah, do that.
- Okay.

- I didn't technically
play backup,

but I was backing them up
from a choice seat backstage.

I'm pretty tight
with Chris Barron's brother.

- Is ho-
is he in the Spin Doctors?

- Are you
eff in' fucking with mo?

don't-

- Is this Punk'd? Am I punléd?

Are you Ashley Kutcher?

- Ashton.

- Who doesn't know Chris Barron?

- I don't. I'm sorry.

- Ho's the original doc.

Ho hooked me up
with backstage passes,

and we did enough K
to date-rape a horse.

- What's K?

- And you want to be
a rock star.

Without K, the Spin Doctors
would be Spin Nurses.

It's a fucking
horse tranquilizer, champion.

- Gary, I totally respect
your musical background,

and that's why
I just really want you

to teach me how to play.

- Yeah? Why?

- I just want to-

. why?

- I just want to loam.

- Nobody just wants to loam.

You either want money, pussy,
or fame.

Which one is it?

- I just want to loam.

- Money, pussy, or fame?

- Iwantto-.

- Which one is it?

- Well, then, okay.

Well, there's-there's a girl.

- So it's pussy.

- Yeah, fine, I guess.

- Well, does she have a pussy?

- Can you just tell me
where the G is please?

- It's right above the clit,

inside the pussy.

- The G chord.

Can you-what are you doing?

- If you just listen...

And stop fucking around,

Dr. Gary Garron will teach you
a thing or three.

You know what I mean?

- I think so.

- ♪ Yeah, one, two ♪

♪ Princes kneel before you ♪

♪ That's what I said now ♪

♪ Princes ♪

♪ Princes who adore you ♪

♪ Go ahead now ♪

♪ One has ♪

♪ Diamonds in his pockets ♪

♪ And that's some broad now ♪

♪ This one ♪

♪ He wants to buy you lockets ♪

♪ Ain't in his head now ♪

THoyl'

♪ Bi-di-dip ♪

I1'!

- ♪ Yeah, one, two ♪

♪ Princes kneel before you ♪

♪ That's what I said now ♪

♪ Princes ♪

♪ Princes who adore you ♪

♪ Just go ahead now ♪

♪ One has ♪

♪ Diamonds in his pockets ♪

♪ And that's some broad now ♪

♪ This one ♪

♪ Said he wants
to buy you lockets ♪

♪ Ain't in his head now ♪

♪ >1' Yeah 1'

♪ Do do-do do ♪

♪ Do do do do-do ♪

♪ Ba-deedly de-ba da-ba da-ba ♪

♪ Da-ba da-ba da-ba
da-ba da-ba ♪

♪ This one ♪

♪ Got a princely racket ♪

♪ That's what I said now ♪

♪ Got some ♪

- Oh, shit!

- ♪ Ain't in his head now ♪

♪ You marry him ♪

♪ Your father will condone you ♪

♪ How 'bout that, now? ♪

♪ You marry mo ♪

♪ Your father will disown you ♪

♪ He'll oat his hat now ♪

♪ Marry him or marry mo ♪

♪ I'm the one that loves you ♪

♪ Baby, can't you see? ♪

♪ I ain't got no future
or family tree ♪

♪ But I know what a prince
and lover ought to be ♪

♪ I know what a prince and lover
ought to be ♪

♪ Said if you ♪

♪ Want to call mo, baby ♪

♪ Just go ahead now ♪

And if you'd a-

♪ Like to toll mo maybe ♪

♪ Just go ahead now ♪

♪ And if you ♪

♪ Want to buy mo flowers ♪

♪ Just go ahead now ♪

And if you'd a-

♪ Like to talk for hours ♪

♪ Just go ahead now ♪

- Tap out.

Tap out.

- I'm twinn-

- Tap out!

- I'm trying. I can't tap out.

- Tap out.

Oh, my God.

Holy Jesus.

1'1'!

- Hey, Gerard.
- Hey.

- I'm here to pick up
my last paycheck.

- Somebody stole it.

- What?

I'm joking. Jesus!

Don't got your boy shorts
in a panty bundle.

How could someone possibly
steal it and then cash it?

- I-I-I don't know.

- Exactly, genius.

I stole it and tried to cash it.

Didn't work.

- Great. Well...

I'm just glad it's still hsrs.

- Did he find you?

- Who?

- That Laotian boy.

Oh, you can run,
but you can't hide.

When you're done with him,

give him my digits.

- ORGY-

I don't-I don't know
what you're talking about,

so I'm just gonna take this.

Thank you.

And-. Yeah.

Bye.

- ♪ Ten years ago ♪

♪ I bought you some cufflinks ♪

- J'C ♪

RkndthentoGl'

♪ Head back to D ♪

♪ And back to ♪

Hey!

Welcome home!

- What the fuck is going on?

- Oh, man. You missed-

Oh, shit!

I got to flip the mahi.

Ah, fuck.

Damn it.

O, no,

Ah, I knew it.

Should have done the medallions.

Should have done the medallions.

- What is going on, man?

- Oh, I...

found some inspiration.

- Cocaine?

Let's just say

a little bird helped mo out.

- I'm not-not getting it.

- Birdie! Duh.

The coffee shop girl.

- Birdie. Right.

Can you turn that down a little?

Way down.

- Sorry, man. Sorry.

Liston, I got
to toll you something.

I haven't felt this way
in such a long time.

I feel this, like, uh...

Like a jolt, you know,
like a-like a thump.

- Don't say spark.
- A spark.

It's true.

I can't explain it
any other way.

It's this-this intangible
fooling that...

Feels pretty good.

- I love that, man.
- That's great.

Oh, shit. Is she coming over?

You want me to go to Ashley's?

- Oh, no, she's not coming hero.

- Oh, she's not?
- Yeah.

- That's great, though.
- You guys been hanging?

Ne.

- You been talking on the phone
with her?

- No.
- A little online chatting?

- Not quite.

- Sea, I'm getting
a little creeped out, man.

- I'm doing exactly
what you said.

- What I told you to do?
- Yeah.

I'm becoming the man
of her dreams.

- I don't think that that-

- I'm preparing
for the moment to arise.

I've been studying
her Facebook page all week.

I know it backwards
and forwards.

I'm visualizing the whole thing.

I got it.

- Okay. HOW 'bout this?

- Yeah?

- Visualize writing her
a message

but then literally do it
right now.

- Write her a message
r-right now?

- Yeah.

- Okay. You know what?

Screw it. You're right.

Lot's do this.

- All right.

- This is the moment.

Carpe diam.

Ummokay,
so what-what do I write?

Uh, uh, uh...

- Got it.
- Okay.

- "I love and invite my soul'...

- What's this? What is this?

- This is Leaves of Grass.
- Walt Whitman.

Birdie loves Whitman.

- No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Really? Why? Why? Why?

- Dude, look at this. Look.

'Hey, babe, I hope you're still
coming to my show on Tuesday.

LOL, Jackie.' Who's Jackie?

- It's Jackie Williams.

She's a-
she': An aspiring actress.

Their parents
are family friends.

She loves Kathy Griffin.
She's an Aquarius.

She does the show
on Tuesday night at UCB lmprov.

- Oh. My God.

It's really disturbing
you know that,

but that's your in.

- Well, it's all in-

What do you moan, that's my in?

I'm gonna go
to some shitty improv show,

sit through the whole thing,

just so I can stare at her
in the audience?

- You-No, you-

so you can talk to her.

- All right, flower, growl.

Grow! Growl Growl Faster!

Why don't you grow faster,
flower?

- New, run around.
- NM.

- Yeah, but you love
that flower.

Toll that flower
that you love her.

The chestnut
that turned into a flower,

to turn it into growing water,

then turn into something big.

It was chestnuts!

- That was pretty funny.

. I-IOY-

Can I get, uh, one of these?

Oh, my God. Wait, wait.

Oh.

Do you ever go
to the Second Stop Cafe?

- Well, whore is that...

- Oh, Gorbachev!

- Sam.

- That's it! Yeah. Yeah.

- Birdie.
- Birdie? Bird-yeah.

- What have you been up to?
- What have you been up to?

I-Jesus.

- Oh, no.

- Um, nothing.
- Just, uh, watching...

- Really bad improv.

- Glad you said that.

It was-yikes.

Though I commend them
for their courage.

I would never have the nerve
to get onstage like that

if I didn't have a guitar
in my hands.

- You play guitar?

- Yeah, yeah, a little bit.

Just-just to relax and stuff.

- Very nice.
- Mellow stuff, yeah.

Joan Baez kind of stuff.

- Oh, you like Joan Baez?

I love Joan Baefl.

- She's the beet! Yeah!

- No, she's my favorite.

- Oh, my God. Are you kidding?

I grow up with her.

- Not literally, but-
- Right.

- She's amazing.
- Diamonds and Rust.

- Dude, every time
I walk into Washington Square,

I think of that.

- Me too.

- "Now you're smiling,
looking out the window

'of that crummy hotel
over Washington Square.

'Our breath comes out
white clouds,

mingles, hangs in the air.'

Oh!

- I know. Oh, my God.
- It's so good.

- Every time I'm in the park,
I think that.

- Yeah.

- Well, um, listen,

next time
I'm in the 0l' Second Stop,

you got to give me
the Joan Baez fan discount

- I would love to.

It might be a little hard now

since I was fired.

- I knowmnow.

Now I know.

Uh, that sucks.

- I'm glad that
I ran into you hero, though.

- Yeah, me too.

- Hay, hey, hey, hewfl.

Oh, hey, girl.

- Oh, you were so good, so good.

- Thanks for coming. Thank you.

Literally, you couldn't have
picked a better night,

except for that ekank
who kept cutting me off.

- Uh, well.

J-Jackio, uh, Sam.

- Hey.
- Hey, Sam.

- Um, Sam was just saying
something about the show, right?

What is it that you were saying?

- Ah, well, we were laughing...

- Thank God.

- And saying that we will
never forgot this night.

- That was it.
- It was very memorable.

- Literally?

- Yep.
- Thanks.

So do you know someone
in the troupe, or...

- No. I just-

I enjoy the art form.

- Art form? Wow.

Thank you, Sam.

Dibs-

- So do you have to-

- No.
- Oh.

- Can I cook you dinner
sometime?

Hey!

Oh, sorry.

Okay, I need
some scented candles,

Incense-either Passion
or Don Juan brand-.

And, uh, there's something elee
that I didn't write down.

Oh, sage.

Do you sell sage?

Great.

- ♪ Hey, sister ♪

♪ Can you feel my soul
runs free? ♪

♪ Destruction breaks the core ♪

♪ Taking toll on mo ♪

♪ Life stings
with circumstances ♪

♪ Cheating death romances me ♪

1'1'!

♪ Hey, mister ♪

♪ Did you miss your chance
to see some truth? ♪

♪ Have you misplaced
your identity? ♪

♪ You've searched
for all the action ♪

♪ Whore the dead
can dance and sing ♪

♪ Whoa-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

- The Slim Maker
does all the exercises...

[cell phone ringiflfll.

- Hello?

- Sam, hey.

I am so sorry. I got caught up.

- Yeah, totally.

That's cool.

I wasn't sure if you remembered-

- I'm at the hospital, actually.

- Oh, my God.

- I'm fine.

Mm!

My ex is a carpenter, actually,

and he hurt his hand...

- And he didn't have anyone else
to drive him.

That's-that's actually
a really nice thing to do.

- Ho would do
the same thing for mo.

Well, I really want to make it
up to you.

I take a ballroom class
every Thursday,

if you're interested.

- Oh, I also do ballroom.

- You do?
- Yup.

Honestly, though,
I haven't done it

since I was really,
really young, but...

- Well, you better find
something snazzy to wear.

- ORGY-

- All right.
I'll talk to you then.

- Okay, good. Good.

- All right.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- ORGY-

I1'!

I like-I like your outfit.

Thanks.

- What do you-where are
your dancing clothes?

- Oh, I've got 'em on.

They're just under hero.

It's just like a wife beater
and a T-shirt.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- I think I'm gonna go homo
and change really quick.

- Oh, no, no. Come on.

- I misinterpreted
what you said.

- Just take your jacket off
a second.

I'm sure it's fine.

- Okay, I-I-I got to-

I just got to toll you,

when I was dancing,
they wore different things,

and you said, 'snazzy.'

- I know. I did say snazzy.

- Okay, really quick,
but you can't laugh,

or else I'm jumping out
of the cab.

- Okay.
- No, no! I don't...

I mean, that was a-
That was a laugh of excitement

because it's so snazzy.

- Can I go homo?
- I'm just gonna put a T-ohirt-

- I think it's great
I think it's great.

Some people dress up,
so it's okay.

- Oh, no.
- And we're here anyway, so...

It's gonna be fine. I got you.

I promise it's gonna bo-
it': Gonna be fino.

- Oh, please. Okay.

Oh, uh, sorry, sir.

How much-how much do I owe you?

What are you doing?

- Oh, it's right hero.

- On, okay.

. I-IOY-

- Hey!

- Birdie, what have we got here?

- Harriet, Henry,

this is my new recruit, Sam.

- Oh, Sam.

- Raymond's not
gonna be pleased.

- Ah, he'll be fine.

- Hey.
- Oh.

- Nice threads.

- Oh, thank you.

- You a pro?

- No. Are you?

- How do you define a pro?

- Well, it's someone who
gets paid for dancing, I guess.

- Oh, not with money.

We get rewards in other ways.

- Ah.

- Pride.

- Right.
- Roberto.

- Oh, hi. Sam.

- Mercedes.

- Oh, hello.

Hi.

- We've won this thing
for the last three years.

Don't get any ideas.

- ORGY-

Wow.

- It's not a competition.

- On.

Did someone toll them that?

So lot mo got this straight

you write novels for movies

that already exist.

- Yes. Yep.

Did you see, um, you know,

Teen Vampire?

- That-that was huge.

- The movie was, yeah.

The novelization was
not so much.

- I'm gonna road it anyway.

- You don't have to read it,
really.

Just rent the movie.

- What's your favorite book?

- The Teachings of Don Juan:
A Yaqui Way of Knowledge.

- Are you serious?

- What?
- That's my favorite book.

- What?
- Yeah!

Oh, when he turns into the-.

- The crow.

- Dude, I tripped out
in college.

- I tripped out so hard.

- First day on the job, rookie?

Ne.

- First day on the job, rookie?

- Okay, he just said that.

What's with those two?

- Ah, don't listen to 'om.

Oh!

Yeah, see?

You actually have
some pretty sweet moves.

- Oh, thanks.

Must be all the judo training.

Deep into judo.

- What?

- What's so funny?
- Nothing. No.

I just...

My parents' dog's name is Judo,

and you said, 'deep into judo.'

That just sounded funny.

I'm an infant.

- Yeah.

Your parents' dog is named Judo?

- Yeah.

That is funny,

- Invite her to the next
Sacred Spirit retreat.

This one': Only one night.

- You kidding?

No. I actually like this girl.

- You drinking whiskey?

- Bourbon.

- Bourbon?

- I hate it so much.

It's her favorite, though.

Got to build up my immunity.

- Are you okay?

- It's so smooth.

- 1' LON. {or you and me I'

♪ That's just the way
it's got to be ♪

1'1'!

♪ LON. For you and me I'

♪ That's just the way ♪

- Hey, Gerard, what's
another word for 'smitten'?

. -|-lomY-"

- ♪ Love is a feeling ♪

♪ Feel the words of love ♪

♪ Come on, now ♪

♪ Hold these words
as the sweetest embrace ♪

Ikndifll'

♪ Come on, try ♪

- I think you might be
the first guy I've ever met

that actually likes doing this.

- ♪ That you've given up
on love ♪

♪ I'm hoping that
you'll oomo around ♪

- This is so exciting, right?

I wish I could draw.

That is such a dope talent.

- You know, this one hero

is quite the talented artist
himself.

- Yeah, right.

I'm-no, I'm not.

I'm not as-

not as dope as she is.

Oh, my God. That's so funny.

- Those are so good.

- Do you have, like,
a time frame

to make it
doing drawing or whatever?

- Well, what do you moan,
'make it'?

Success is a myth.

Love's the only true currency.

After all this is done,

all that really matters
is how and who you loved.

- But there must be something

that you're working toward,
right?

- This.

- What do you moan, this?

- This brings mo happiness.

You know, and maybe, you know,

in a week or maybe a year
from now, it won't, but...

You know, then I'll just move on
to the next thing tht does.

All right.

- Looks good.

- I think-
I think we're done, yeah.

- It's about time.

- You two are such a rad couple.

You both draw or whatever.
It's so cool.

I remember when Kyle firet-

- Hey, let's go.
- Sorry.

Good luck.

- Good luck to you.

Yeah.

You must not be able
to always draw people

completely accurately

at the risk of offending them,
I imagine.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, every now and then,
you get someone that's, like,

slightly offended.

- I kind of miss Kyle
in a weird way.

- Yeah, well, we'll always have
the memory of Kyle

in our hearts.

- Yeah, that's true.
- That's true.

We can always look back
and smile.

I

- What?

- Nothing. I'm...

Just glad I mot you.

That's all.

I was-

- on.

- SOITY-
- SOITY-

- Um...

I'm sorry. That was-

I was supposed to kiss you
on the cheek.

- Right.

I'?!

I'm supposed to kiss you
on the cheek too.

- Are you free tonight?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Sure.

- ♪ The future's
still a mystery ♪

- So your ox-
your ex is singing tonight?

This is the one
from the hospital?

- Yes, Tony.
- Oh, okay.

- Oh, cool.

- Ho's really cool,
and he just got back from, like,

traveling all around the world.

- Wow.

- Yeah. I can't wait for you
to moot him, though.

He's gonna love you.

- Oh, I can't wait
to be loved by him.

So I thought you said, um-

I moan,
isn't he a carpenter or...

- Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know,
Tony is an interesting one,

because he kind of does, like,

a little bit of everything,

so he just got into carpentry,

and he's just been
doing it on the side

for friends and family.

- Oh, very cool.

- Yeah.

- Nice-
He's like a jack-of-all-trades.

- Exactly.
- I can't wait to meet him.

- Hey!
- Jesus Christ.

- Hey, man!
- Tonyl.

- Oh, Tony, hey.
- It's you, right?

- Hey. How's it going?

- I am so fucking glad
to meet you.

- Yeah. Fucking good
to moot you.

- Thanks for coming up.

Mm. Wow. Looking good.

Thanks.

- I love you, babe.

- Oh, you know
I wouldn't miss it.

Yeah?

Come on. Let's get
this musical debacle started.

- We're so excited.
- Yeah.

I can't wait to hear you play.

I've hoard so much about you.

- Oh, that's good of you
to say, man.

Thanks a lot.

I can't wait to play,

but I went and chopped up my paw
really good.

- On.

- Tony, you have to be
more careful next time.

- Yeah, okay. You hear that?

That is exactly the reason
why she gets along with my ma.

- Aw.

- Oh, my God!
- What?

- I can't believe
I didn't think of this.

Sam plays guitar.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

Ne.

Brother.

- Oh.
- You're up.

- Oh, n-oh, well-

- Ho playsl.

- No, no! No, no, Tony.

- Would you? Como on.
- Tony, honestly-

- I won't take "no"
for an answer.

- Please, Tony.
- Don't do this to mo.

- Tony...
- You guys readfi.

Brother, you ready?

- Yeah.
- All right, Three, two-go.

- I got to tune this up.

You know what? I should tune.

Sorry, QIIYQ-

It's how this is-yeah. Yeah.

Is this-this is-

- You take your time, bro.

You take your time, brother.

- I don't think-I'm not
really used to playing this.

It's a-I'm a righty.

- He's good, right?

I moan, he does this-yeah.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Can you do it with him?

- Oh! What? I'm sorry.

Popped-popped the old string.

- Sorry, guys.
- It's all right, brother.

- Oh, sorry.

- I owe you a guitar.
- You break things.

Things break.

They're objects. It's all right.

- All right. Thanks, brother.

- This one': Gonna go out
for you.

- What was that?

- I just-it': Too hard.
- Too much.

- Don't worry about it.

1'1'!

- Birdie Hazel,
ladies and gents!

Bring her on up!

Come on up.

Como on up, doll.

- Nol.

- Come on.

- ORGY-
- ORGY-

Bye.

- ♪ Oh, who will dross ♪

♪ Your pretty little foot? ♪

♪ Who will glove your hand? ♪

♪ And who will kiss
your rosy rod cheeks ♪

♪ When I'm in a far-off land? ♪

♪ The storms are on the ocean ♪

♪ The heavens may cease to be ♪

♪ This world may lose
its motion, love ♪

♪ If I prove false to thee ♪

1'1'!

- You're so, so amazing.

Like, I had no idea
you oould do that.

Oh, thanks.

- On. On, my God.

- Talented.

- Hi!

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

- This-hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- This is Birdie.

- I'm Ashley.
- We've heard so much about you.

- Hey. I'm Eliot.

- Nice to meet you.

- Birdie.
- Yeah.

- I fool like
I know you already.

Ho won't stop talking about you.

- Oh, uh-oh. Stalker alert.

- No, no. Nothing like that.

- Oh, did you tell her about
the Sacred Spirit retreat?

- No, Eliot.

You guys,
you don't have to come.

- Sacred spirit? What? What?

- It's this-go ahead.

- Well, the next one':
Only one night.

It's sort of a nightly camp
to kind of gather your thoughts.

It's a bunch of other people
out in nature,

to refresh your spirit.

- That sounds awesome.

That's, like, right up my alloy.
Yeah.

- Yeah, it's cool.

- It's pretty cool.
- I don't know, but-

- Do you-you want to go?

- Really?

- Yeah. I moan, really.

- Is that-would that be cool?

- Oh...
- Absolutely.

- Yeah. Oh, my God.
- Yeah. Please. Please.

- If that's okay,
that'd be great.

- Yeah.
- That's great.

- Yes!

- Oh, great. Oh, good.

'Cause I wanted to go too, so...

- Okay, good.
- Perfect Perfect.

- Awesome.

Well, it was nice
to meet you guys.

Where's the nearest subway stop?

- Oh, I'll walk you-

- No, no. Forget it.

Got in the car. It's too cold.

- Really?
- Yeah. Sure.

- Oh, my God. That's so nice.

Thank you. Okay.

- All right.
- Uh...

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Hey. Here.
- Oh, I-oh.

- I got it.

- Where am I going?
- You really got it.

- Just...

- She seems great!

- She knows not
to say anything, right?

Hey, 5l,

do you have a cool,
like, hippie-typo shirt

I could wear for the retreat?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yep. Just give me a minute.
- What are you doing?

- I'm just-
I'm looking at a magazine.

- Looking at a magazine?
- We got to gol.

What magazine you looking at?

- Martha Stewart Living.

. WHY'

Oh, God.

Martha Stewart?

Really?

- Yeah, duds, you got to see
this Thanksgiving issue cover.

It's insane.

- No, I'm good.

Buddy, we got to go.

- All right.

Thanks for killing the mood.

- SOITY-

- You pumped for the retreat?

- Pumped? No.

Um, do you-oh.

- Birdidll love it.

- Do you think?

Thanks.

- ♪ She lit a fire ♪

♪ And now
she's in my every thought ♪

1'1'!

♪ She lit fire ♪

♪ And now
she's in my every thought ♪

♪ Where ♪

♪ Could that girl have gone? ♪

♪ Whore? ♪

♪ I've wandered far ♪

♪ Where ♪

♪ Could that girl have gone? ♪

♪ She left no trace ♪

♪ But I know her face ♪

♪ I will find her ♪

- It's really cold.

- Ahh.

- Yeah, you know, I don't-

I don't really smoke that much,
but what the hall?

- Yeah, me too.

I'm not exactly the lead singer
of Phieh either,

but you know what the say-

when at retreats...

- You're gonna-you sure?

- I'll light
the old Christmas tree

whenever I get the urge.

What?

- Christmas tree?

- What?

- S'mores for mo.

- S'mores, Sam.

So, Birdie,

is that, like, a nickname,
or that's-

- God.

- No, my parents were hippies...
- Mm-hmm.

- And they felt like the world
was caging in on us,

so they wanted their little girl
to fly free,

hence Birdie.

- Birdie.
- That's so cool.

- Oh, no.

- Oh, no?

What's wrong?

Hey, it might be the ehroome
talking to the K,

but don't you teach mo guitar?

- No, that's the shrooms
talking to you.

- You teach mo the guitar.

- No, no.

Hey, is this the chick?

Ne.

- Is this the little pussy?
- Shut up. Shut up.

HQY. Guys. I'm gonna-

I'm gonna go get some dmores,
I think.

- ORGY-

- You good?

- Where you going?

- Hello. Hi. You want a dmore?

Hello?

- What the fuck?

- Sam.
- Huh?

- You okay?
- Oh, no, I'm chillin'.

- Guys, come on.

This mantra':
Not gonna chant itself.

- Okay!

Oh, Jesus.

Your boyfriend is killing mo
with this thing.

I was doing so well too.

It was happening.
It was flowing.

Now I'm so stoned.

I'm so fucked.

I'm gonna be completely exposed.

- What are you doing?

- Huh?

Oh, eating helps calm me down
when I'm stressed out.

I have a medical condition.

These are disgusting.

- No, what-.

What are you doing
with the girl?

What are you talking about?

Completely exposed?

Sam, it's a-
it's a little dramatic, I think.

- Ash, look at her.

Look at this place.
It's a perfect fit.

I can't do this shit.

It's not mo.

I don't know
what I'm doing here.

Such a mistake.

- It's called "compromise."

Look, wine tasting isn't exactly.

Eliot's, like, favorite thing
in the world.

But remember?

He took me
to the Finger Lakes last summer.

We had a really good time
'cause he knew it was something

that I had always wanted to do.

- Ho showed mo the pictures.
- I know!

And, look, I am not really into

all this spiritual
mambo-jumbo...

- Right?

- But I come on all these
retreats with him.

Look, you don'! Have to love it.

You just have to try it

for the sake of your partner.

- Right.

You're right.

- Eyes on the prize, soldier.

- ORGY-
- ORGY-

- Eyes on the prize.

- Hero. Take a napkin.

- Uh, no. I'm good.

Eyes on the prize.

Both: Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

- Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

- That's what I said now.

I'm the one that lovee you,
baby; Can't you see?

I'm the one that lovee you,
baby; Can't you see?

I just-

Just go ahead now.

If you want to buy mo flowers,

iuat...

go ahead now.

- I wish I could say
that was the craziest thing

that I've over done just now.

- I-I can say that, easily.

I-I can say that I've never
started a chant before.

- You had them going!

They loved it.

- Yeah, that got-

- It was fun.

- It got intense.

- ORGY-

If you could go anywhere
in tho world,

where would you go?

- Orlando, definitely.

I've always wanted
to go to Orlando

or maybe one of
the outlying suburbs of Orlando.

- You know, I don't know.

I haven't traveled
as much as I want to.

I really want to travel.

I've never even been
outside the States.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Oh, man.

- I'd love-I'd love to go

to the Galépagos islands,
though.

That's the-that's the place-.

One place I'd want to go.

- That's so crazy.

. Why?

- That's, like,
the one place on Earth

I don't want to go.

- Like, real-

Are you kidding?

- No-well, okay.

I love what it represents,

and I'm in love with place,
but...

- Yeah.

- I fool like by going there,

it would be, like, the end
of what makes it what it is.

You know?

It's like this untouched part
of the world,

and it's got
all these incredible animals

that you can't find
anywhere also,

and they're just roaming freely.

- Tortoises and...

- There's, like,
this natural perfection to it.

- Right, so that's-

What': Wrong with that?
That sounds-

That sounds great.

- Yeah, but I-I feel like
we'd find a way

to fuck it up, you know?

Selfishly, I'd love to go.

I'd love to experience it.

But if we got to go,

then so would
bloated, pasty tourists

who want an exotic honeymoon.

No thanks.

- You know, that's-

that's exactly
how I feel about Orlando.

I

- Oh, my God.

My parents would love this.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

- They must be, like,
super hippies.

- Lot mo just put it this way:

In college, they had a band

called Hemp Hemp Hooray.

What?

That's-that's amazing.

- Yeah.

- Whore do they live?

- They live in Oregon

growing God-knowa-what
on their farm.

- What about you?
- What about your parents?

- My dad's fine.

Ho's up in Vermont,

living the quiet life.

He': A retired-

retired columnist,

very heady.

- Yeah.

- What about your mom?
- Where's your mom?

- My mom and I

had sort of, um-

sort of an up-end-down
relationship.

Mostly down,

She loft my dad

for someone elee

who she thought was better

and kind of stopped
talking to me in the process.

Just sort of-

sort of cut us off.

- So you guys don't talk
at all anymore?

- Um, no.

I\

I got a card in the mail

about three years ago.

No, four, actually, now.

God.

Yeah, it was from
her new husband,

and it just said that she'd-

she'd passed away.

But, you know, we hadn't talked
in, like, five years,

so it was-

it was-it was actually-

it wasn't as bad
as it could have been.

I-I'm-I...

I kind of hate talking
about this stuff.

- Yeah, no. Um...

We don't have to talk about it.

I'm...

I'm so sorry.

- No, no. It's okay.

It': All right. I'm just-I'm-

I'm just stoned, and it's a lot.

- I love this stuff, though,
you know?

- I think we are who we are

when we're with the people

that make us feel
the meet alive.

I don't know.
I fool very alive right now.

I-I can't-

I can't decide which is better-

the fact that
it's minus 20 degrees out

or the millions of twigs

jabbing me in the ass right now.

I know.

I have, like, a root jabbing mo.

- I'll jab you with a root.

Sorry.

- That's-that's too bad,

'cause I really love
dirty nature double entendres.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- Try saying
that ten times fast.

Dirty nature double ontondros.

It can't be done.
It's impossible.

. Dirty»-

nature...

Entendres.

I think I can feel that root
you were talking about.

- Oh, dear. It's growing.

- Really?

. HOY-. HEY-

- I think-
I think we're good to go.

- Yeah. Good.

Hey, um...

I got to go help El
with the rest of the stuff.

Okay.

I told her about
my mother last night.

Such an idiot.

Guarantee she's putting
the pieces together.

- I don't know. She seems down.

- Yeah.

El, she's down with the fake mo.

It's fucking stupid.

I should never have done this.

- Well, I don't know.

I think you're pretty awesome.

You just seem-

I don't know. Mm.

You just need to-

to be totally honest with you
right now...

- Yeah?

What?

Are you driving?

- Not at the moment,

but I was about to.

- Give me the keys.

1'1'!

Hello?

- Hey, I love it, my man.

I love where this thing
is going.

- You do?
- Yeah.

- That's-that's great.

I'm-I'm-I'm really glad
you're into it.

- Pm more than into it.

You got my elegant wife

and this pack of whores
she runs with

cunt-bumping over this thing.

- Oh, that's awful.

- Yeah, trust me,
no one': Ever gonna call you

a hack writer again.

- Okay, wait. Alan, who keeps-

- Sorry.
I got another call coming in.

I have to jump, okay?

I love you.

- ORGY-

Love you too.

- Bobby.
- What have you got for mo, Al?

- Was that Birdie?

- What? Uh, no.

It was Alan.

- On.

- You got to help mo come up
with a date for Birdie.

I've gone through everything
on the page.

She hasn't updated it in weeks.

- So why don't you go somewhere

where you want to go
for a change,

you know,
something from your profile?

- Yeah, but it's got to be
up her alley.

- You're up her alloy, douche.

Well, how about the-.

That prop shop place you love?

- Go there on a date?

What would we do?

- Uh, shop, talk,

not be obsessed
with being someone else.

- I don't know.

I have no idea if she'd be
into that kind of stuff.

It seems incredibly risky.

Oh, man.

Nope. Got to stick to the plan.

- Ooh!
- Oh, boy.

- It's all coming back
to you, right?

- Oh, yeah.

It's like riding a bike...

A really stoop, difficult bike.

- Oh, Jesus.

- ♪ And there comes a time ♪

♪ When you, when you... ♪

- What is that?

I1'!

Fuck!

- No. No. No, no, no, no, no.

In third-century Japan...

- ♪ So quit ♪

♪ So quit all that runnin' ♪

1'1'!

♪ The birds on the street ♪

♪ Oh, the sweat in your pores ♪

1'1'!

♪ Oh, stay free ♪

- Switch seats.

. Why?

- All!

Initial”!

- Nosy parka.

- SONY-

I'm sorry it's mining.

Well, it's okay.

It's not entirely your fault.

- Heh. Yeah.

- I'm excited, though.

This seems really cool.

- Well, don't get too excited.

I mean, I like it,
but, you know,

to each his own.

So they-they're props from all-

these are all props from movies.

- They keep them here.
- This is so cool.

I love it.
I fool like a kid in hero.

I just want to play
with everything.

- Right?
- That's the point, and you can.

- Yes.

I'm gonna wear this
to the Kentucky Derby.

- It's-I don't know if you're
oven doing a joke,

'cause it's-it's actually nice
on you.

I'm gonna wear this
to something.

Oh, my God, look.

This is perfect - Oh, my God.

- Look. Yes.

- On.

That's so good.

- Ah, it brings mo back.

It's crazy.

- It brings you back?

To what?

Your tour of duty in lwo Jima?

Yeah.

- No, what does it
remind you of, though?

Seriously.

- Oh...

Nothing. I-nothing.

- Oh, come on. I want to know.
- No, no, I was just-

It's not oven like
I'm, like, holding out

with some great thing.

- Okay, so tell mo.
- It's not a big deal.

- I was-I was in the Boy Scouts.

I was a Boy Scout.

- Ah, that's so cute.

Oh, God, why wouldn't you want
to toll me that?

That's adorable!

- Ah.

- Did your parents
make you do it as a kid?

- Sort of.

You know, you can-

Pooplo don't know this,

but you can be in the Boy Scouts
till you're 18.

It': Not just, like, little-

- Were you in the Boy Scouts
till you were 18?

- Yeah. I wasn't as into-

I was really more into it-

I know.

Sea, it's not cute.

- No, it's so good.

Wait, please tell me
you still have the uniform.

- Well, yeah.

Sadly, I think
it probably fits mo.

- Okay, well, you're gonna
have to wear this

for me at some point,

because I actually find that
really sexy.

- You do?
- I do.

It's weird, but I'm-I'm serious.

- Really?

- Everyone'e allowed, like,

a nerdy skeleton in their closet.

- Oh, yeah? Well, just one?

- Actually, no.

You're allowed a whole cloeetful
of nerd skeletons.

- Well, I would-I would-

I would need an industrial-sized
walk-in closet, then...

- Oh, really?

- For all my nerdy skeletons.

- Give me another-
give me another example, then.

- No.
- A really nerdy one.

- I mean,

there are just so many.

- No, I'm serious, really.

Just one more.

- I feel like one nerdy skeleton
a day revealed is-

- No. No, I definitely-

The nerdier, the sexier.

You know that, right?

- ORGY-

Well, in that case, uh...

- That's not that nerdy.
- That's cool.

- Well...

- Unless you're, like,
a New Kid on the Block.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

I was tho-
I was the lost Wahlberg brother.

- I know itl

- I'm Wally Wahlborg.

- You look so much alike.

- Right?
- I got that all the time.

Mostly in the ab region.

- No, really, what did you do?

Did you play guitar
or something?

- Uh...

Oh, man.

- What'd you do?

- Ii

I did bass.

- You did bass?

- Mm-hmm.

- That's either an expression
I've never heard,

or something': Going on here.

- Well, I-yeah, I mean,

if you consider the voice
an instrument, I played.

- Were there any actual
instruments in this band?

'Io, am...

- This is an a cappslla group,
isn't it?

- NOPO.

- You were in
an a cappella group.

- In an a cappella band, yes.

I was in an a cappella band-

- I can't believe you were in
an a cappella group,

and you didn't toll mo.

- Well, why-

Why would I tell you that?

- Because it's awesome,
and we could have harmonized.

- This is-is not so awesome.

There were as many women
in this band

as there were instruments.

That's tho-

- This was an all-male
a cappolla group?

- It was an all-male
a cappolla group.

- Oh, my God.

- Yes, mdam.

It was a man band,

so get it-get it straight.

- Oh, there's nothing
straight about it.

- ♪ There is to find ♪

♪ For I don't know ♪

♪ It's my first time ♪

- I'm so disgusted right now.

I can't oven-

I'm out of hero.

Go fuck yourself, Eliot!

- What was that?

- She saw all of it, man.

Jamie Lee Curtis,
Kathleen Turner,

Christie Brinkley.

Fuck.

- Wait. Kathleen Tumor?

Really?

- I'm sorry.

Wait. Hold on. Hold on.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

- She gave mo an ultimatum.

Either the filo goes

or she goes, so she went.

- Wait a second.

You're talking about
a bunch of photos

of old celebrities
that you jerk off to

and your girlfriend,

and you picked the photos?

- Just because
I'm keeping the file

doesn't moan
that I love her any less.

- Why not just do whatever
makes her happy?

Or if you got to keep 'em,

just lie to her
and say you throw them out.

- It's not just about
the stupid fucking pictures!

I don't oven-I don't care.

It's just how much of myself,

of what makes me who I am,

can I just erase or-
or throw out?

Fuck it.
I'm sorry for waking you up.

- It's okay.

- So I have a surprise
for the recital next Friday.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yep.

- You're full of surprises.

- My parents are coming.
- Whoa.

- Yeah.
- That's crazy.

- They're really nice.

They're really mellow,

so it's no pressure at all.

- ORGY-

1'1'!

- Do you, um-

Do you want to come upstairs

for a nightcap?

- A nightcap?

What year is this?

- Shut up.

I assumed that you knew

that "nightcap"
is a euphemism for sexy time.

- Ah, no. No.

I never hoard that.

I'd love to come up

and nightcap you.

But I don't think the Indian
food and the dance moves

are really joining
in perfect harmony.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.

- On.

Well, a-yeah.

Just get some rest

and call me
if you need anything.

- You don't look good.

- I'll be okay.

- Well, tonight was really nice.

- Yeah.

"I have learned that to be
with those I like is enough.'"

It's-it's Walt Whitman.

- Yeah, I know.

- What?

Nothing.

- No, what?

- Uh...

I think, um...

I think I'm falling in love
with you.

- Birdie, you're-

you're amazing.

Good night.

- Good night.

- Holy shit.

She said she loved me.

Can you believe that?

How could she possibly say that
and moan it?

She loves mo?

And she wants me to meet
her parents on Friday.

El, she doesn't oven know mo,
this girl.

Oh, man.

I am-I am eating ice cream
in the middle of winter.

I'm quoting Whitman randomly.

If shs thinks this is who I am,

she's in for a rude awakening.

That's all I can say.

I, uh-
I got to write a little bit,

but if you need me,
I'll be in my room.

- Oh, how am I doing?

Oh, thanks so much for asking.

I1'!

[coll phone ringinfll

- on.

Hello?

- Alan, hey.

What time is it?

- Liston, it's early,
but I couldn't wait.

I got those page:
You emailed me last night.

- Oh, yeah?

You like?

- I likoy very much.

I likoy long time.

That's why I'm calling.

I'm calling to sss
if we can get a pitch session

set together
to come up with the ending

and go over some ideas for it.

Let's say next Friday at 6:00.

- Oh, uh, actually, you know, I...

I got this dance recital thing.

That's a good one.

But seriously,

how's Friday gonna be,
next Friday?

- Uh, yeah, sure.

Thai“ work.

- All right, it's on.
- I'm excited.

That's great
So what are you doing tonight?

I'd like to get my guy a beer.

- You know, Alan, I can't.

MY'.

This girl I've been seeing,

she's got this surprise
planned for us.

- All right.
- Listen, I got to go.

I got to get back to writing.

But I'll see you next Friday.

- Okay. I'm psyched up.
- I love you, pal.

- I love you too.

- Triple Xs, triple Os.

- You too.

I'm so excited.

- Me too.

- All right.
- I'm nervous.

- Now, you have to close
your eyes

till I toll you to open them.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Okay-

- Yeah. I'll load you.

Okay. SOITY-

- All richly-

- Here we go. Walk straight.

Okay.

. 'K81-

- All right. Open 'om.

. 'K81-

Wow.

- Isn't this awesome?
- Hal.

- My friend works hero.

Had to promise
my first-born child

to get the keys,

but what do you think?

- Those are Andrew Wyeths.

- I know.

Ho's my favorite artist.

- Yeah, I know.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You know who mine is?

Ne.

- I don't have one.

- Uh...

Do you want some bourbon?

- No, I'm good.

- Really? Just a toast?

- To what?

- I don't know. To us.

- Do you have anything
besides bourbon?

- No, no.

This is all I have.

- Ah.

Yeah, no. I'm good.

That's crazy.

My mom used to wear her hair
in braids just like this.

- They call these the, uh-
- The Helga paintings.

Andrew's wife walked
into his studio one day

and found, like, 240 paintings
of this other woman.

Turns out it was
their next-deer neighbor Helge.

- Well, life's a bitch.

God, I wish
I could paint like that.

- I bot you could.

You're so talented.

Oh, okay.

- Are you, uh-are you hungry?

You want some food?

- I just ate. It's okay.

- Sam, what's going on?

- What do you moan?

- Do you want to be here
right new?

- What are you talking about?

- Okay, I'm-
- I'm just starting to feel

like some annoying girl
you just met

that you're trying
to got rid of.

- I-I-I have a lot of shit
on my mind, is all.

But I'm making a lot of headway
with my writing.

Really good stuff.

- That Teen Vampire 2?

Is that what you think?

You think-you think
I'm a hack writer, don't you?

Ne.

No, no. God.

No, that's not what I meant.

- It's all right. I got it.

You know, I...

I kind of prefer this
to the Wyethe.

- Is this because
I-I told you that I-.

You know, about what I said
tho other night?

- Come on.

I see what's going on here.

It's a little weird,
don't you think?

I mean, you invite me
to this private viewing

of your favorite artist's
paintings

with your favorite liquor

and your favorite broad
and your favorite choose.

- If you're not into it,
we don't have to-

I get it. Okay?

I'm-I'm moat loaf,

and you want
fucking fillet mignon.

- What are you even
talking about?

- I'm exhausted!

The rock climbing, the guitar,
and the cooking-

- The cooking?

- I'm just trying to keep up
with you, Birdie,

and it's not easy.

- Okay, no.

I don't want you
to keep up with mo, okay?

That-none of that stuffs
important to mo.

- Can I toll you something?

Honestly, I think you're
better off with someone else.

Like Tony-
outgoing, talented, worldly.

He's-he's perfect for you.

- What? No.

Tony is my friend, okay?

Dating the guy was
a complete nightmare.

You're being ridiculous.

- Am I really?

Who's my favorite author?

- I don't-I don't know.

Carlos Castaneda?

- No.
- What's my favorite dessert?

I don't know.

Why don't you toll mo?

- Sea, don't you think
it's strange

that y-y-you don't know
thooo things?

- Uh, no.

Honestly, no.

There's a lot of stuff
you don't know about me, either.

- But what's the point?

We are so different.

Thore-thoro': Too much-

I've barely traveled,

and you're like
a fucking Peace Corps veteran.

- I don't oven know-

- What do you see in mo, huh?

And what's to say you won't
just take off and leave

whenever you want?

That is kind of
your philosophy, right?

When life gives you
something better,

you just-you take off.

Right?

- That's what you think?

You think
I'm just waiting around

till something better
comes along?

- Well, I don't know.
- You tell mo.

- That was the first time

I've ever told a guy
that I love him.

Do you know how shitty
it was for me

to get that response from you?

- So why are you here?

- Because, idiot...

I like you.

Whether you choose
to believe it or not.

So if you don't think
that I know you

because I don't know

what your fucking
favorite dessert is,

then please toll mo

so I can stop imagining

that this might
actually go somewhere.

- ♪ Ono more drink
'fore I split town ♪

♪ Pulled up
in a rose-pink Cadillac ♪

♪ Ho was singing with the top
down Girl flvom the North ♪

♪ Dylan and Johnny Cash ♪

♪ He won the car
in a card game ♪

♪ Listened to the bees ♪

♪ And keeps his clothes
in a gunnysack ♪

♪ She said,
'Tall you what, sailor ♪

♪ "If you take mo out of here,
I'll do anything that you ask ♪

♪ "Cause I don't want to die
like the people down here ♪

♪ But I feel
that I'm fading fast" ♪

I1'!

♪ And he looked over
to her chestnut hair ♪

♪ And said,
"I don't believe in love' ♪"

♪ But he knew good and well
she was the only girl there ♪

♪ So he figured
it was close enough ♪

- Hey! Hey! Hold iu.

Hold ill Fuck! Hey!

Thank you.

Hi. How are you? I have an-

- There he is.
- Alan.

- The writing machine.
- Hey.

- How you doing?
- Good.

- I'm surprised you got
any blood in those fingers

after all the writing
you've been doing.

- Yeah.

- Get yourself in here.
- Okay.

- You know my partner, Scott.

- Yes. We spoke on the phone-.

- How are you?
- So nice to meet you.

- Yeah. Welcome. Sit down.
- Thank you.

- I like the man bag.

- Oh, thanks, Alan.

- I like what it says about you.

- Yeah?

- Hope there's a couple
more gems in that one.

- Well, mo too.

- Help yourself to a pastry,
a little fruit.

- No, thank you.

- Why don't you knock out
a cantaloupe?

You've been writing, cooped up.

It's got some micronutrients
in it.

Knock a cantaloupe out.

- ORGY-

- Yeah.

Pop it in there.

Eat it.

- Okay, so as
an overall, general note,

the atraam-of-conaciouanaaa
narration': Working great.

- Great.

- It is very clear
that this guy is beyond lost

and has no clue

how to navigate
his own obtuse actions.

Okay, but what I like is,

he doesn't understand
how the real world works-

- Right.

- And he's too afraid to show
himself to the real world,

and these are the seeds
of his own undoing.

- Oh, I don't-

- He's a child.
- Yes.

- He's wandering alone
in the woods, right,

lost in the other
of his own neuroses.

- And this is powerful stuff.
- Yeah.

He's saying you wrote
the perfect pussy.

- The perfect pussy?
- Yeah, the perfect pussy.

- Now, around chapter 12-
And I'm sorry to interrupt-.

But it's at this point
in the story

that it's pretty obvious

that I completely side
with the girl.

- Sea, for mo,
it's more around 11 or 10.

- With the girl?
- Are you kidding?

- Well, I think what
you do is great,

'cause you have a protagonist,

and then you, like a relay race,

hand off the baton and say,

'Now we're gonna root
for this girl.'

And I think you do it
in a way that's elegant

but, at the same time,
not subtle.

- Yeah, and if I may, like,

how do you not love her?

And he is such
a spinehss, pathetic-

- Ho's a eunuch, is what he is.

- That's exactly-
- You know what I'm saying?

And I don'! Mean it literally,
'cause, clearly, they have-.

There's scenes between 'em

that we know
what we're talking about,

but he's a eunuch
in more ways than one.

- I, uh-.

- So the point is-

- Do you fool
what I'm saying, though?

- I do. So okay.

How would
this metaphorical 'eunuch'

be at all redeemable
in her eyes?

- Hold on, guys.

All due respect,

this was not my intention
when I wrote the story at all.

This was not
what I was going for.

- Come again?

- Wall, I mean,
she's so carried away

with this whole thing.

She's the one
that puts pressure on it.

She-she makes it heavy.

Ne.

- What-how can you say that?

There's no real connection
between them.

It's not his fault.

- No connection?
- They were in love.

He just wasn't cognint enough
to see it.

- Exactly,
and now all she can do

is accept the fact
that he's completely inept.

- That's right. Ho had it.

He lost it because he suffocated
her with hie own fear.

- In the end, I moan,
it's obvious

that it can only be one thing,

and that's
that he's destined to be alone.

And it's really honest,
and it's really simple.

- Uh-huh.

- He's cut everyone out.

Ho's gonna continue to do that.

It's not like he's gonna got
over his issues with his mom

and all that stuff.

He's giving up
on something great.

He's gonna spend
the rest of his life

crippled by the fact that
he wasn't able to show her love.

And if he did wake up,

it would be a lot of substances
and a lot of years later.

- Mm-hmm.

- And at that point, aha would
have banged half of Manhattan,

so he wouldn't want her anyway,

80 IOIIIGIIOO OI' IIO IOIIIGIIOO,

it's-it's over with.

- Yeah.

I1'!

- That was insane!

Mercedes nd Roberto!

A I.

- Hey! Taxi!

I'?!

- You better hang on
to your oxygen tanks,

ladies and gentlemen,

because up next,
we have Henry and Harriet.

I1'!

Cookie and Fritz, everybody!

Cookie and Fritz!

One more time!

We only have a few couples loft.

On dock, the lovely Birdie

and her companion,

the delectable Raymond.

But first,

Earl and Sally,

or, as they're known
collectively...

Wow Factor.

1'1'!

- What are you guys doing here?
- What are you doing here?

- We came to watch Birdie dance.

- Where is she?
- She's over there.

She's about to go on.

- ORGY-

- Give mo your stuff.
Give mo your stuff.

- ORGY-

- Get yourself together.

Oh, my God. You look crazy.

- Huh?

Oh, shoot.

Okay. Good?

- Got in there.

- How are you guys doing?

- We're-we're great.

- Yeah.
- We're-we're compromising.

- Compromising.

- That's great.

That's so good.

- Got in there.

- All right. Okay.

Birdie.

Hi.

- Hi.

- You look amazing.

Where-where are your parents?

- Um, I-I called them off.

I didn't think you were coming.

. Right. Sorry.

Can we go somewhere
for a second and just talk?

Can I-I need to-

- We can talk right hero.

- I love you.

- Oh, Sam, you-

you don't have to...

- I know. I know.

I am in love with you.

I love you so much.

It feels really good to say.

I'm sorry I didn't say it
the other day,

but I didn't know

if I know in the right way,

but now I know
that I-I-I knew in every way.

I knew it.

I know it, you know?

Does that make any sense?

- Not really.

- Okay, wait.

Tho guy
that you fell in love with-

- You.

- No, the guy who, like, plays
guitar and likes pedicures

and is thinking about
getting a tattoo-

that's not entirely who I am.

I based all of that

on your Facebook page

because I-I wanted
to be your ideal guy.

I know.

- What?

- I know.

You're not exactly the most
subtle guy in the world, Sam.

- You know the whole time?

- Yeah.

The Origin of Species? Come on.

- I'm sorry.

I didn't want
to put myself out there

and not have a connection.

I was so afraid.

But it's there.

It's been there the whole time.

Can we please start over,
Birdie?

- ♪ With every passing day ♪

811N161'.

Ne.

But we can pick up
whore we loft off.

I

Oh, thank you.

I can't believe

you knew
about the profile thing,

and you didn't toll mo.

- Yeah, I even-I even started
putting stuff on there

just to see if you would do it.

- Are you kidding?

- No. Like the rock climbing?

- What?
- Yeah.

- That was the worst!

You're the worst!

- Hey, can I toll you
something now?

I should come clean with this.

I was actually making up

the whole male
a cappella group thing.

Nice try.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I believe we have a change
in the roster this evening.

Scratch Raymond.

- This dance will be
Birdie and...

Whoever you are.

- May I have this dance?

- Yes.

- What the fuck?

- Oh, Raymond, I'm so sorry.

Let me explain.

My girlfriend didn't know
I was coming to this thing

'cause I'm kind of a jackass.

- You better watch out.

If you ever leave
her aide again,

I'm swooping in!

- Don't worry about that.

I1'!

So...

Did you finish your book?

- Almost.

But I think the ending':
About to change.

- ♪ You tried to taste me ♪

I1'!

♪ And I taped my tongue ♪

♪ To the southern tip
of your body ♪

♪ But bones are too heavy
to come up ♪

1'1'!

♪ Squishod into a single coll
of wood ♪

♪ Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ♪

1'1'!

♪ Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ♪

1'1'!

♪ And I made an excuse ♪

1'1'!

♪ And you found another way ♪

♪ To toll the truth ♪

1'1'!

♪ I put no one else above us ♪

1'1'!

♪ We'll still be best friends ♪

♪ When all turns to dust ♪

♪ Dust ♪

♪ Dust ♪

I1'!

J“ Eiunm, drum J“

♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ Da-da, dum ♪

♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ Da-da, dum ♪

♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ Da-da, dum ♪

♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ >1' Da-dum 1'
- 1' Da-da-da, da-da 1'

- ♪ Da-da, dum ♪

♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ >1' Da-dum 1'
- 1' Da-da-da, da-da 1'

- ♪ Da-da, dum ♪

- ♪ Da, da, da, da,
da-da-da, da ♪

- ♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ Da-da, dum ♪

- ♪ Da, da, da, da,
da-da-da, da ♪

I'?!

♪ We are so smooth now ♪

1'1'!

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da da, da ♪

- ♪ Our edges are beaten ♪

♪ Driftwood whittled down ♪

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da da, da ♪

- ♪ Old bodies slip ♪

♪ When they make love ♪

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

- ♪ We'll mine our sparks ♪

♪ To shoot us above ♪

♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

1'1'!

♪ Above ♪

1'1'!

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da, da ♪

-1'Above1'

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

-1'Above1'

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

-1'Above1'

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

-1'Above1'

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

- J'Dum ♪

♪ Da-dum ♪

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

- ♪ Da-dum ♪

♪ Da-dum ♪

- ♪ Da-da-da, da-da, da, da ♪

- ♪ Da-dum ♪

I1'!

- ♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop ♪

♪ Doo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop,
dun-dun-dun-dun-dun ♪

- ♪ New love is a-coming ♪

♪ Wine and roses all the way ♪

♪ Little girl, stop crying ♪

♪ I will take your blues away ♪

- ♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

Ifibatruetoyour

♪ Doo-vuop, duo-vamp
doo-doo-bop 1'

♪ Duo-vamp, doo-vuop 1'

♪ Um-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

- ♪ New love is a-coming ♪

♪ Kiss mo, honey, wear my ring ♪

♪ You know I've been smiling ♪

♪ Pleasantries are on the wing ♪

- ♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

Ifibatruetoyour

♪ Doo-vuop, duo-vamp
doo-doo-bop 1'

♪ Duo-vamp, doo-vuop 1'

♪ Um-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

- ♪ New love is a-coming ♪

♪ Kiss mo, honey, wear my ring ♪

♪ You know I've been smiling ♪

♪ Pleasantries are on the wing ♪

- ♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

Ifibatruetoyour

- 1' Doo-vuop, duo-vamp
doo-doo-bop 1'

♪ Duo-vamp, doo-vuop 1'

♪ Um-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

- ♪ New love is a-coming ♪

♪ Wine and roses all the way ♪

♪ Little girl, stop crying ♪

♪ I will take your blues away ♪

- ♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh ♪

Ifibatruetoyour

♪ Doc-dun, doc-dun,
doe-doe, doe, doe-dun 1'

♪ Doo-vuop, duo-vamp
doo-doomop A'

♪ Duo-vamp, doo-waop 1'

♪ Live it up ♪