All language subtitles for Top.Coppers.S01E06.The.Passion.of.the.Chris.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-MADSKY_track4_[eng]

(intense music)

(keyboard clicking)

(machine beeping)

(button tapping)

(machine beeping)

- (button tapping)
- (machine beeping)

(Christine) Oh, for God's sake.

- (machine beeping)
- (intense music)

(Man) What the hell's going on?

(Man 2) Where did all the lights go?
You're not my wife.

(upbeat music)

- (gun cocking)
- (gun firing)

(sirens wailing in distance)

This must be my day, we've literally
not had one red light this whole way.

Or green.

- (tyres screeching)
- (cars honking)

- (car honking)
- Hey, hey!

I saw a beautiful woman.

You're supposed to honk
when you see one.

- Man, that's sexist.
- That's the law.

That's shallow.

It's not what a women looks like
that's important,

it's their personality.

You know what my favourite
part of a woman is?

- Shins?
- Her mind.

Mine's shins, and head,
shoulders, knees and toes.

Knees and toes?

Then tits.

There's another one.

- No!
- Oh come on!

You know, you're really
boring sometimes.

You remind me of my accountant.

- Why, what does he say?
- Well you know "Blah blah blah

you haven't paid your
tax for five years,

blah blah blah, you
could go to prison."

Have you not paid
your tax in 5 years?

No, but there's
a good reason for that.

- I don't want to.
- (cars honking in distance)

Seriously, what's going on here?

Something's not right.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I specifically said no gherkins.

It's like there's some kind
of electrical power surge

or something.

They'll be looting
in the streets next.

No, I've got
a little bit more faith

in the good folk
of Justice City.

- There goes Dixons.
- (glass shatters)

Oh, for God's sake.

I'm on it mate.

- (cars honking)
- (thudding sound)

- (glass shatters)
- (upbeat music)

I thought you said you were
gonna stop the looting.

Can't steal what's
already stolen.

You! Get me a hotline
to the power station.

You! Get me a
double plug adaptor.

You! Where the hell
is my milkshake?

(upbeat music)

Things have gone crazy

and I'm guessing you
have some questions.

Yeah. What milkshake is that?

Also, what caused the
freak electrical event

which brought the entire
city to a standstill?

Someone hacked
into the Power Grid

and generated an electromagnetic
dampening field.

We've lost control of the city.

And my milkshake
is whipped cherry.

As if that wasn't enough,

the hacker wiped
all of the tax records.

I see, so that must be why
there is a tax inspector here.

Yes.

(suspenseful music)

You two! Come with me.

This is serious, boys.

The city is under attack from
something called a "computer hacker".

(Rust) Maybe we should
call the tax inspection off

until it blows over.

Goddamn technology.

I tell you, there's nothing
I hate more than computers.

(suspenseful music)

Kowalski!

I thought it was about
time you upgraded.

It's all right though, I've
transferred all of your documents.

Now you'll never need
a paper file ever again.

Tax-free as well.

What? Computers are tax-free?

Yes, Mitch.

Interesting.

(suspenseful music)

- I gotta go.
- You off to catch the hacker?

Put an end to this?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Chief, Zach, we're on it.

(computer beeps)

What the hell?

Just press "Enter."

E-N

No, don't type
"Enter" press "Enter."

(upbeat electronic music)

Hey Chief, Captain Woods here.

Just giving you a quick
video call from Ace Town PD.

(Woods laughs)

How's that new computer
working out for ya?

- I'm busy, Woods.
- I can't hear you.

You've turned the sound off.

Oh, hold on there.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

(Computer Voice) You have ordered
30 boxes of Wheaty Biscuits.

- God damn it!
- Just kidding, I could hear you fine.

(Woods laughs)

Maybe you'd be better
off with a typewriter.

Leave the high-tech crime
to us here at Ace Town.

(Woods laughs)

Hey Kaminsky,
get a load of this guy.

(Woods laughs)

How'd you cut this thing off?

Control + Alt + Delete.

That'll shut anything down.
Like this.

(Woods laughing)

Is this on?
(Woods laughing)

- (machine beeps)
- Man, I hate that guy.

(upbeat music)

OK, Kowalski,

bring me up to speed
on this "computer hacker."

(electricity powers off)

(suspenseful music)

What the hell?

(computer beeping)

What's going on?

The technology box
is making many beeps.

(computer beeping)

(Christine) Hello Justice City PD.

I hope my little display
got your attention.

My reign of terror
has only just begun.

This morning was merely
an hors d'oeuvres

before the main course.

Keep her talking.

Wouldn't an hors d'oeuvres
come before the starter?

(Christine) Technically an hors
d'oeuvres is a small starter.

I thought it was a kinda little bite
sized thing you get with a drink.

(Christine) That would really
be more of an aperitif.

Tell me more.

(Christine) Well, aperitifs
are served before the meal

whereas hors d'oeuvres are
part of the meal itself.

What about antipasta?
What is that?

(Christine) More
of a serving platter really,

but... forget it.

I'm not here to talk
about starters. No.

Once again, I have total control
of all your systems.

If I so choose,
I can press a button

and open every prison cell
or wipe every bank account.

But most important of all,
I can push a big red button

and launch one of these.

(machine beeps)

- (group sighs)
- (suspenseful music)

A 5 tonne nuclear missile,

aimed right at the
heart of Justice City.

And I will launch it unless
you give me what I want.

What do you want?

(Christine) I want...

John Mahogany.

(suspense music)

(Man) Printer's back on.

So, all Mahogany has to do
is go and meet with this woman,

at a chosen location,
alone, without any backup,

see what she wants.

What?

You can't seriously be suggesting
sending me in there, Chief. She's crazy!

She might not be crazy.

You wrote it on the board,
and it's underlined.

(mechanical whirring)

(melodic suspenseful music)

What in God's name is that?

(melodic suspenseful music)

Zzzt Zzzt Zzzt Zzzt.

I am Robot-Cop.

(suspense music)

- Robot Cop?
- Yeah.

OK, and why are you
pretending to be a robot?

I am not pretending.

(phone rings)

This is because
of the tax, isn't it?

Robot Cop is tax-free.

Oh, for God's sake Mitch,
just pay your tax.

Do you really expect
anyone to fall for this?

- Welcome aboard Robot Cop.
- What the...

You're just the weapon we need
to clean up these streets.

- You've gotta be kidding me.
- Cheers, Chief.

Now get out there
and give this city

the shakedown it needs.

Maybe in a bit.

Zzzzt. (beep)

You're just doing those
noises with your mouth.

(Rust) Do one, mate.

Chief, I think I've got a lead
on why the hacker wants John.

I tested her voice waves
against our audio record files

and we've got a match.

Our hacker's a woman,
aged 28, called Christine Peacock.

And get this, she went to
school with one John Mahogany.

(dramatic music)

Juan John Mahogany, who's that?

- Is he Spanish?
- I think he means me.

Sorry, I don't
remember her at a...

Oh wait.

Will you go out with me?

No!

(footsteps thudding)

(Chief) See, no big deal.

Just a jilted woman who's been
brooding on it for 20 years.

Letting it gnaw away at her,

like a mouse eating
cheese real slow.

She's probably
forgotten all about it.

OK, she's definitely
not forgotten all about it.

Hi, John.

(Christine chuckles)

It's so great to see you.

Oh my God. Christine?

Please, call me Chris.

Wow, you look, I mean, I er...

I'm so glad you could make it.

You didn't give me much choice.

Aha, nope. Suppose I didn't.

Sorry about all that.
Drama queen or what?

(both laughs)

(John thinking) Oh my god,
she's so beautiful.

She's not how I
remember her at all.

How are you? It must be what?

20 years, 2 months and 3
days since you rejected me?

But who's counting?

(both laughs)

What a beautiful laugh.

Look, I'm sorry about that.

I was just a kid.

Hey listen, why don't we
just stop all this hacking

and threatening to
blow up the city?

That depends, silly.

On what, silly?

I think she's flirting with me.

Focus John.

Remember what
you're here to do, you're a cop

and you have to save the city.

- Will you go out with me?
- Yes.

- On a date?
- Yes.

- Tonight?
- Yes.

Or I destroy the city.

Yeah. Absolutely, no problem.

- (both cheers)
- (dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

I can't let you go
on that date, John.

She's crazy. There's no telling
what could happen.

I'm really happy to put myself
on the line for this one, Chief.

Don't be a damn hero.

Stop thinking with your badge.

I don't think it's his badge
he's thinking with, Chief.

Yes, I believe Zach is
correct in his innuendo

that suggests John is
attracted to the suspect.

Judging by his dilated pupils,

increased heart rate,
trouser swelling...

It's a Twix!
And anyway, she's not crazy.

She's just free-spirited.

You've got to let me
go on that date, Chief.

(suspenseful music)

Oh my God, it's Robot Cop.

Is it really him?

- all right.
- Good of you to join us, Robot Cop.

- We need you now more than ever.
- No worries, Chief.

He's not a robot.

It sounds like John is feeling envy
towards the Robotic Policeman.

Yeah quit giving
him a hard time,

machines have feelings too,
you know.

He's faking it. Look at him!

Robots don't eat fried chicken.

It's robot fuel.

He's got you there, John.

Chief, we're wasting time.

You've gotta let
me go on that date.

It's not worth the risk.

Listen, we don't have a choice.

We need to locate her hideout
and shut it down from within.

So to do that, we need
Mahogany to stay close to her.

Sounds like a good plan.

We need him on the inside.

- Brilliant.
- In her hidden lair.

- Great.
- Her underground base.

- OK.
- Her dark cave.

That's probably
enough there, Zach.

To have a chance of
saving Justice City,

Mahogany doesn't just
have to go on that date,

he has to get back to her place.

(suspenseful music)

But Mahogany is poorly
skilled at the dating.

OK people. I want us all on this.

We're gonna have to get Mahogany
into dating shape by tonight.

I don't need help with my dating.

The future of Justice City depends
on one thing and one thing only.

John getting back to her place.

(suspenseful music)

Not a chance mate.

# When a man is useless #

# He never gets past first base #

# Now a city depends on him #

# To get back to the psycho's place
#

# When you're think you're a ten #

# But you're more like a three #

# You gotta up your game #

# Stop being lame #

# You've got a date with destiny #

# You've got a date,
a date with destiny #

# So lose the B.O. cause Romeo #

# You gonna need some chemistry #

# You've got a date,
a date with destiny #

# Be prepared cause
she's not all there #

# She's pretty
messed up mentally #

# You've got a date,
a date with destiny #

# Show good will
and foot the bill #

# Or she'll launch
her nuclear weaponry #

# She got a missile, huh #

# Get her on the date #

ESC, what
the goddamn hell is ESC?

(keyboard tapping)

(Computer Voice) You have
ordered 10 packets of nachos.

- Shut up!
- (thudding sound)

(Computer Voice) And guacamole.

(upbeat music)

Caught you at a bad time, Chief?

What the hell do
you want, Woods?

The Ace Town Natural History
Museum's closed down.

This is the only way
I can see a dinosaur now.

(Woods laughs)

What button do I have to
press to kick your ass?

Oh, that'll be
the ass kicking button.

It's on the top row.

No, no no, down.

OK.

Across.

I can't believe
you actually looked for it.

(Woods laughs)

Hey, Omara.

(Woods laughing)

Later, old man.

Man, I hate Captain Woods.

(Zach) Mahogany's
in place, Chief.

Operation, no chances go.

Let's do it.

(suspenseful music)

Anything goes wrong, you've
got undercover back-up there.

Your tracking device
is voice activated,

so don't forget to switch it on
when you leave.

(Chief) Remember John
this is all on you,

mess this up, and
she'll blow us all to hell.

- OK, I got it.
- (Zach) And say her hair looks nice.

Guys I've been on dates before.

OK, we've got movement.

Positions everyone.

- (Christine) Hello you.
- OK people, here goes nothing.

(suspenseful music)

Her coat John, get her coat!

Ooh, allow me.

Thank you. What a gent.

(team sighs)

Sorry, I hope you don't mind me
asking but you did come alone?

Just because I obviously don't
want to have to, you know...

(rocket launching sound)

(screams)

We're all gonna die,
we're all gonna die.

Oh my God, I'm melting!

You know what I mean?

Of course.

You've literally got
all of me to yourself.

There's not another
cop for miles.

Zzzzt. Zzzzt.

You all right?

What can I get you?

Hi, can we get a Chateauneuf
du Pape please, Monsieur?

I've got beer.

Oh, oh, oh.

(footsteps thudding)

I love a glass of wine,
beer's fine also.

- Oh look.
- (suspenseful music)

(team gasps)

There's a launch button which can
fire some nuclear missiles, OK.

Sorry, is that not OK?

I've haven't been
on a date for a while,

I don't really know
what's acceptable.

No, no of course, whatever
you're comfortable with, really.

To rekindling old flames

and ideally,
not blowing up the city.

(both laughs)

(romantic blues music)

# This is a passage in time #

# Will he get
to her passage in time #

I thought I'd try cyber terrorism.

But look at me, yakking on.
I guess it's time to go.

(suspenseful music)

Code red. Come on Mahogany,
it's now or never.

You have to get back to hers.

Come on John. Come on.

Wait, do you...

do you wanna come back
for some coffee...

at my house... or your house?

It doesn't need to be
my house specifically,

it can be at your house,
do you have coffee?

If you don't have coffee
we could stop off on the way.

Keep it together, Mahogany!

I don't really like coffee

so you'd just have to buy
a coffee for yourself.

But, if you don't like coffee,
we can just go to your house

and talk about coffee houses.

It's really up to you.

I don't usually have guys
back on a first date.

(dramatic music)

- Oh OK.
- But...

What the hell, come on then.

- Really?
- Yeah!

- (team cheers)
- (triumphant music)

Wait! Where's Mahogany?

I can't see him on any feed

and he's not activated
the tracking device.

Damn it! Robot Cop,
where the hell are you?

Are you with Mahogany?

(Robot) Nah.

Well, get out there and
find him goddamn it!

OK people, we've got
ourselves a situation.

We need to find John,
and the city's depending on it.

Let's go, go, go!

May God have mercy on us all.

(sirens wailing in distance)

(melodic suspenseful music)

I need your clothes, your boots,
and your motorcycle.

Just give me your scooter.

(triumphant music)

Thank you!

So, here we are.

Nice place.

Don't, I'm so embarrassed.

Please, just give me
a moment to tidy up.

This is interesting
what you've done here.

Oh yeah, what do you think?

Yeah, it's...

It's very me.

- (thudding sound)
- (suspenseful music)

(Christine laughs)

Kowalski, status report.

Still waiting for Mahogany
to initiate the tracking device

and transfer
his coordinates, Chief.

Come on John,
where are you, goddamn it?

(ominous music)

Activate. Turn on.

Mahogany is rubbish.
Zach's the best.

(tracking device beeping)

Mahogany's activated
the tracking device.

(Chief) Good work Kowalski!

So, is that coffee
still on offer?

(robotic whirring)

(robotic voice)
Battery cells recharging.

Now entering Christine mode.

Not another robot...

(Christine) Yes, John. A robot.

But not just any robot,

the Chris-a-tron 5000.

You see, I knew
if I dangled some eye candy,

then I could lure you here.

I'm the girl
you rejected 20 years ago.

You're mine, John Mahogany,

but first I'm going to show you
the monster you've created.

(suspenseful music)

Holy crap.

I know. I'm a monster.

No, you're really not,

you basically look exactly
the same as your robot.

I don't know why you bothered.

(upbeat music)

Come in Robot Cop,
we need you, Robot Cop.

(triumphant music)

I'm on it, mate.

I've spent twenty years

trying to find
a way to punish you.

You won't run away this time.

It's time to die, John.

Back-up guys, back up! Back up!

Right after
we have loads of sex.

Cancel back-up, cancel back-up,
cancel back-up!

- (suspense music)
- (thudding sound)

Come with me if you want a lift.

Listen, could you give me
five minutes, just five minutes.

Move, move, move.

Everybody freeze.

No, no, guys I've got this.

So just leave and come back
in a bit. I'll be fine!

If I can't have him,
then nobody will.

(alarm blaring)

(Computer 2) Missile launched.

- Detonation in 2 minutes.
- Bollocks.

Right, I'll try and
shut it down then.

No, get away from there.

Chris-a-tron 5000, attack.

(robotic whirring)

Oh my gosh, it's a robot
and it's about to attack us.

(McGockey) Yes, what we need
is someone that can fight it,

but who is best equipped
to fight a robot?

Oh bloody hell.

- (Peterson) What about Robot Cop?
- What about Zach?

Yeah, robot on robot.
That's a great idea.

Let's see what you
can do Robot Cop.

This is a good plan.

What?

- (thudding sound)
- Ow, ow, stop!

Really?

Right that's it.

Agh! Not there!

(Computer 2) Detonation in one
minute.

Oh fudge it!

She's locked me out, so
I've re-routed the missile controls

to a random computer
in the city.

Let's hope it falls
in to the right hands.

(Chief chuckles)

(Computer Voice) Warning,
missile approaching.

Impact in 40 seconds.

- Hey, loser!
- Woods get the hell off my screen!

How's the weather over there?

Your forecast said something
about mushroom clouds

and temperatures of up
to 5 million degrees.

(Computer Voice)
Impact in 30 seconds.

- God damn it.
- (Woods laughing)

Call me a cab.

Think, Chief. Think.

Control + Alt + Delete.
That'll shut anything down.

Control + Alt + Delete.

Which one of you goddamn keys
is Control + Alt + Delete?

(Computer Voice)
Impact in 20 seconds.

(Woods laughing )

- Control...
- (Woods) What's my next appointment?

Alt...

Delete.

(Computer Voice)
Missile diverted to Ace Town.

Impact in two seconds.

What?

Yeah!

(missile explodes)

Well, that was a weird day.
How you feeling?

I think I've punctured a lung.

Well, there's no time
to rest, Robot Cop,

we just got news that
there's a prison riot

in the especially violent wing

at Justice City Penitentiary.

Sod it.

(Chief gasps)

It's me, I'm not really a robot.

Yeah, I know.

What about the tax inspector?

It's fine, he doesn't work Tuesdays.

Yeah, but it's Friday.

- (suspenseful music)
- Mitch Rust,

you owe a tremendous
amount of income tax.

- We'll be in touch.
- (soft music)

(Chief) You know,
we've all learned something today.

I'm gonna stop living in the
past and embrace technology.

I'm gonna put
personality before looks.

Because although
we like to think we're not,

deep down,
we're all a little bit shallow.

I'm going to Mexico.

I'm gonna build myself
a Chris-a-tron-5000.

I'm going to learn to take
things more seriously.

I'm just happy to be here.

Yes, as am I.

And we've all learned that
next time we go to Ace Town,

we won't have any trouble
finding a parking space.

(team laughs)

Every thing there
is literally dust.

(team laughs)

They're all fucking dead.

(team laughs)

Yeah!

(upbeat music)

- (Director) Action!
- (upbeat music)

(Zach laughs)

(Mitch humming)

Watch out, watch out.

(team laughs)

(Mitch) What is wrong with you two?

The way you move and talk,
it's not natural.

(crew laughs)

Get your ass out of my face, boy!

What the hell are you doing?

(crew laughs)

(upbeat music)

(Director) Standby.

- Let's go save the day.
- (crew laughs)

(upbeat music)

(thudding sound)

(crew laughs)

He's topheavy.
I did it for him.

Take it from a lover
of another brother's brother.

What the hell
are you laughing at?

- There's a lot of brothers.
- (crew laughs)

(upbeat music)

- I hate actors.
- What's wrong with actors?

Well you know, they're
all just like... Frenchy.

(Mitch shrieks)

Can't wait for the wrap party
where I can...

Let's all go fuck each other.

(upbeat music)